Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Hickedy-Hups

Episode Date: October 21, 2025

Soph’s deep in her coffee era and has come up with a new way to say hiccups. Meanwhile, Emma’s right in the middle of moving house, with Sadie and Joseff trying out their new nursery. Plus, the listeners share secrets about public bum-tapping and ask for advice on handling a pair of bitey twins. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for moms everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do. And as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself. You can be anonymous. And those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the Secret Mum Club. I've got a really gurgly throat, a really gurgly throat. I got really gurgly thold and I've also got new retainers. Yes.

Bear with, honies. I've also had too much coffee and I've got banging eyebrow. What? Twitchy. Eyebrow headache. Oh, no, I hate that. I think I'm on my fifth cup of coffee. I've had, why have you having so much coffee?

Why have I so much coffee? I've got, well, having so much. Why have her? Because I bought a coffee machine, didn't I? And Chris has now found his inner barista. and he just wants to make coffee for me all the time. So I had four cups before I left. What are you doing at home?

What coffee is? You're doing like frothy milk and everything? We are doing the whole shabang. Our beans are from Dev Roast. Yeah. Pete DeVroast. Pete DeVroast. Yeah.

So we got our beans from there. I did try different bean today. It's absolutely delicious. Oh. We get the house and garage blend. That's wonderful. Yeah. We're on the rewind at the moment.

We love Pete. Big up Pete. This is a local Southampton business. This is run by, yeah, Pete. Pete is a wonderful man. Yeah. Clue might be in the title of us to. Used to be a musician, which is why all the things are like puns on.

Puns on music, yes, but wonderful. So we are utterly obsessed with, I don't think I could have another bean. I just love my bean, okay? My bean is my bean and I'm sticking with my bean. I don't know what bean I like. And Pete has got my bean. Yeah. It's a great bean.

Do you want me to bring you some? Do you want to try it? Do you grind your own beans? It goes into my coffee machine. So I pop them into my coffee machine and then it grinds it into. I don't have anything to grind them with. Oh, shit. Do you want a coffee machine as well?

Should I send you one? Should I just bring your assage? Maybe when I have a bit more worktop space. Yes, for the new house. I'll get a coffee machine. Because at the moment I've got no worktop space. I'm going to get a air fryer as well. I could get you a grinder.

Yeah. Got a couple of them kicking up. From your teenage years. Do you know what I mean? I don't think he grinds the bean though. So I don't think you can buy the bean grind. Ground. Right. Thank you. You got to buy them whole.

Yeah, it is a whole bean. So you need it. Also, did you know that beans were green? They look like merry fat peas. No, they're not brown. No. And then you put them in the machine. The machine roasting them turns and brown, but they're green. Oh, so they get brown through roasting. So when you buy like beans in the supermarket, they are brown sometimes, aren't there? Yeah. Yeah. But when you, when they come out of the ground, they're green. I didn't know that. Never. Never in my life. I want to tell you, I'm very much in my coffee era. I'm looking to run a coffee bus. Yeah. Or a coffee. I feel like if I start with the coffee van, then I can move on to a shop. Yeah. Because I feel like overheads would be more. Yeah. So I feel like I'm, you know, if I get a coffee van, will you come and see it? In Southampton?

Well, I mean, I'll drive it. Bring it up. Yeah, bring it up to London. Yeah. I'll get one. I'll buy one off you. Any holes a goal. Yeah. Your hole is my goal.

Obviously filled with coffee. Nothing else. Or I might get a shop. Who knows? Yeah. Start with a van and see how you go. I feel like Chris is very much in his coffee era. Is he?

I would really love, really love a sandwich shop. but I'm not going to give away the name of my dream sandwich shop. I could go sandwich slash coffee. Yeah. But it's a really great name. Is it a pun? Yes, massive pun. Okay, don't say it because someone will steal it.

Someone will steal it. Tell me off of fair. I will. I'll tell you off of fair. Yeah. We've gone from Netflix movie series reviews to talking about my bean. Yeah. Yeah.

Stunning. So I'm definitely in a new stage. I feel like I've peaked in life. That's quite. Is it showing my age? That's quite grown up. Yeah. I think that's quite mature.

Yeah. But like in a good way. Thank you. Yeah. I'm feeling very much. As you get into your 40s, you have to start drinking coffee. Like, people that drink black coffee, I'm scared of them. I do fear the ones that drink straight black coffee.

Yeah. If you do that, what a wonderful human being you are. Respect. Respect to you. I will not be crossing you in a dark alley. Stefan's sister, she's a teacher and she drinks, she mainlines like black coffee free the day. Hard as far. And I'm like, you are hard as nails, made.

You are really hard. Don't mess. Yeah, don't mess with the teachers. Honestly, you're up there on my top. of my Christmas card list if you're drinking black coffee because I'm not messing with you but no that's where my week's been

Wow just doing that Yeah Retraining as a barista I'm taking I'm taking night courses You should get a name badge Like a little uniform To wear it at home

Get my own merch Yeah I mean it would be great I can't wait to hear the name of it Oh you'll instantly love it Yeah Instant Safina's Bean

Sabina Oh actually now that actually That's better That's better Sabina Sabina, come in store and see my bean Fleshing all day No

But other than that The week's great Yeah I'm hyped off coffee Permanently You seem like I just ate my muff then Did you see that

All the talk of been And I ate my Today I hate my muff It's been a quiet week But we have a busy day Today We've got Dottie's parents evening

First parents evening Of year two I won't lie cheapoo in my pants Oh you why So we're going for a little bit of a phase with Dotty at the moment. I feel like it does come in peaks and troughs as to she goes through phases where she's doing great. And I wonder if it's like the dynamic between boy testosterone and girl hormones. Because when Colby's having a little bit of a surge, he's very emotional.

But that's the only thing that he seems to struggle to process is being very, very emotional. Whereas Dotty's, the behaviour is, which is why I think I'm up my coffee. Renly also we've had two nights Renly's cut two big teeth down the bottom and he's shitting his pants bless his out he's shitting through the eye of a needle so we've had a little bit of a whirlwind week Dotty is

and it's really hard like I'm crying every night not not unusual for me but everything is a it's not an argument but everything is a real negative at the moment so like when she wakes up in the morning if she can't watch her program

she'll kick off. Yeah, kick off about it. And then if I've got the wrong cereals, World War II is happening in the house. If the milk is too cold, if I didn't make her hot chocolate quick enough, if I ask her to get dressed and she's not finished, doing her hair, like everything getting out of the door is really, really difficult. And then do you know what? I actually sit there and I dread the day because I think, do you know what? I'm in this awful cycle of then she comes home from school and she hasn't had enough time out. out to play. She hasn't, I haven't cooked the right dinner. And I just feel like I'm in a bit of a thing where I'm not doing anything right for anybody. And I feel like I go through these phases, like I go through phases where everything is wonderful. Yeah. And then we go through really difficult phases of like nothing I can do is right for anybody. I think that's just parenting. Reddy's sad at me. Colby's sad at me. Dotty sad at me. And it's been a little bit one of those, one of those weeks. But I think that's just parenting. I feel like I'm surviving it.

I think. Yeah. I feel like I'm in a positive head. You get weeks or even days where you're like, I'm smashing this. This is all going so great when things are going well. And then sometimes you're like, why do I even bother doing anything? But I've really beat myself up about it. Do you? Like when you're in the midst and then I feel like sometimes it's really hard to break the cycle. It's like people always say to me, you always stay so calm with the children. It doesn't matter if I shout at the children or if I'm calm with the children. I get the same response from all three of mine and that's just my children. Maybe not so much, well, yeah, I was going to say not so much rendy, but definitely now he's at an age where,

it doesn't matter if I scream at him really loudly that would probably make him cry and terrify him but I get the same response so I sometimes feel like I'm I struggle to break the cycle if I don't say that and then I'm like oh why did you do that and then they go to bed and I'm like oh

I promised myself last night I wasn't going to do that and I've just gone and done it again it's really hard when like everything seems like a battle everything is challenging every little thing is so trying and testing and you can do so much of that But you get to a point where you're like, I'm at the end of my tether. I feel like all three of them. It's not even just one though this week.

And I think I'm so not over it, but I'm so over it that I am just like there's no one can literally say anything to me this week. Yeah, yeah. That isn't going to make me feel worse than I already. Because you just get used to it being shit. Yeah. Yeah. But I've never, I think it's the first time with all three of them. Yeah.

Colby's having a massive, massive development in his hormones at the moment. He's very, very emotional. And then, yeah, Dots is. angry at me and Renner's he too is angry at me. I mean the only one that isn't angry with me for the first time in a long time is Chris. Well at least you two are you guys is. I don't even know if I'm making him happy to be fair we're not really talking we either are awake dealing with the children or asleep. Yeah that's welcome to mine and Stefan's life. I think it works quite nicely when you've been together for a long time. It's nice to just have like space from each other.

Yes. But yeah it's it is hard and like Renli and Sadie are at an age now where they can be I find Sadie either, like, so wonderful and, like, entertaining and funny and hilarious and sweet and cute. And then she can, like, in the same moment, be so infuriating, naughty. She's started drawing on all the furniture. Oh, no. She walks around with a crayon or a pencil in both hands at all times, orange and yellow specifically, are her favourite. And she'll just be like, unless I'm watching her all the time, drawing all over the furniture, drawing all over the walls. I'm like, hon, we're about to sell our house.

Stop drawing on everything She draws on the wooden floors Oh no She's drawn all over the table Have you thought about taking the crown and pencils away If you take them away she screams So I'm like okay you can have them in your hands If that's what makes you happy

But you need to colour Yeah She takes the leads out The pencils actually weirdly But I'm like you can have a book To colour on and she does like colouring She will sit and like colour which I love That's wonderful

Yeah it's such a nice calm activity But some of the time she's absolutely nuts And I'm just like What is going on with you today And they've got a lot going on Like they've got those teeth coming through She's not sleeping We are definitely

I feel like there's Not that I'm somebody That believes in the regressions Or milestones that children have to reach But obviously being three babies deep now Yeah I'm very aware of stages and developments For them

And we are definitely massively hitting one with Renley Because he is He's just changed so much this week Like in within Like my sister saw him Last weekend And I keep having to phone my sister Because I'm like

Oh look what he's like doing now and or I'll be on the phone to her and she's like it's really like doing that and I'm yeah I know and even she says like I can go like three or four days without seeing him and he's changed so much. Yes I was exactly the same I FaceTime my mum with Sadie and she only saw her about 10 days ago she's chatting so much more now like the last time we saw my mum and dad she learnt the words nanny and granddad a couple of weeks ago and I had a face time yesterday she comes straight on she's like hi nanny where's granddad like full like they're learning so much all the time aren't they So it's a lot for their little brains, but it's a lot for us as well.

Yeah, it'll be hard. I feel like we don't give ourselves. We don't give ourselves enough credit, do we? We just march on. You just got to crack on with it. Yeah, you do, you do. Crack on with the day. What's good about, like, when things sometimes seem like nothing's going right and everything's

a little bit shit, then when things are good or you do have a nice moment, don't you? You appreciate it because you're like, this is so nice. And when things get a little bit lighter and a little bit easier, you really appreciate it because of the contrast, do you know what I mean? Well, that was my Friday, was we had Inset Day and went to the zoo. I'd literally tell you when I'd tell you, I think Reni was meant to be at the zoo. I think he was meant to be. He tried climbing in with the, at one point, I was in the enclosure.

The enclosure at Marwell Zoo has obviously been altered, but there was like a viewing section that has now been like caged up. I was on the phone to my sister because my sister had called me and we were trying to deal with something for her. that was quite important, and Renly'd run up to me, climbed in this derelict part of the enclosure. And I was like, I had my sister on the phone. And I was like, I'm going to have to go. He's in. I had a hold of his ankle. I was like, this is like, baby's day out, you know, when he climbs in with the gorilla. I was like, he's going to be in it with the snow leopards in a minute. But I was, but we had a wonderful day, wonderful day at the zoo. He's in the lion's den. We're in our walking phase. So he walked around Marwell Zoo for five hours.

They want to walk everywhere, don't they? Felt asleep. First time with no dummy. two rice cakes in his hand, literally like this. Just so tired. Just in his car seat. Because five hours he walked around the whole of Marwell Zoo. But that was our definitely wonderful day. Yeah. So that's where we've been out.

You had a good week? We went to see the schools, didn't we? The schools and the nurseries. I love that I forget stuff. I know because then I can surprise you with it every week. I'll go, guess what? We looked at a school. People must listen and be like,

Safina not actually fucking listen. I've just got so much. She told you that last week. It's good because I get to surprise you. all over again. Wow. It went well. Stunning.

Loved the preschool, which is good because that's the one that's already decided on. Oh, nice. So he liked it. He was a little bit shy when we first got in there,

but for... I feel like that's Jojo though. Yeah. And for how we know he is, like he did so well because previously he might have just cried and me like not going in.

But he now like when I can tell when situations like unsettle him a little bit and I could tell he was nervous going over there because we talked about it a lot. Yes. We were like, I'll go and see the school now.

Are you ready? And he was like, a bit like not himself like he was a bit quiet in the car and then we went in and the it's a Welsh speaking school so the deputy head teacher spoke to us and she was really lovely but she spoke fully in Welsh okay and Joseph's like in up her like uh and obviously like Stefan was talking to her and I was understanding her but responding in English so I think Joseph was like okay I can like he's getting half the combo yeah he's like okay I can understand some of this and then we went into the actual class and obviously it was like 24 three year olds absolutely

chaos and we went there on a Friday and I was like this seems very like unstructured and like relaxed like it's cool like they're all just running around doing whatever they want and like playing with everything and the teacher was like oh it's because it's Friday they have like free play time um but yeah just all these tiny little three year olds in school uniforms just like running around it was so cute and Joseph stood with his with his hand over his eyes like that for like about 30 seconds and then he was like fully in there like playing with the toys playing with the kids he made a Christmas card they had a box already with his name on it like ready for all his stuff it was it was really cute um so that was like a really positive experience

Sadie was in there they were like you know she's too young to start she was in there like chatting to the other kids and like playing with all this stuff oh bless her I was like she's two years off yet but she's well keen like she's I've got no concerns about Sadie like she is not shy at all I did she might change but like at this age she's like shit like she was like straight in there yeah so like you guys free I'm one so what? Like, I'll play with all your toys. I'll show you this boss around. Yeah, I'll show you. She started playing with the teacher's laptop. I was like, oh, Christ. Let's get you out of here. So then me and Sadie went to look at some nurseries. We saw two, which we really liked. So now

it's, it's good that we like them both, but now it's a bit of a tricky decision. So we've got to decide which one we want to send her to. Okay. So far from Jojo's drop off? No, like a five minute walk to the nursery. Well, actually, one was like five minutes. One's probably ten. I go to the closer one. Yeah. To be honest, the convenience. I'm probably going to pick the closest one. And also Joseph met us at that one and went in and again they were playing with everything and they loved it. So I think sending him to somewhere where he already is familiar would be better than sending

him to the other one which we went to see in the morning which he didn't come to. So I think starting him at a new school and then sending him to a nursery for wraparound which he isn't familiar with. So when he finishes preschool then he'll go to nursery with Sadie. Yeah. And I think it'll be nice for them to like still. Did they pick him up from the. Yeah.

Okay. They do like the wraparound care. And it'll be nice for him and Sadie, I think, to still be in the same space with the nursery because obviously they're used to going together now. Yes. So I think that will be nice for them. But yeah, so that's like... That's huge. That's massive.

That feels like two huge jobs ticked off. Massive. And then I guess when Sadie's ready to move up, she'll go to the preschool as well. Yeah. Annoyingly, they're moving their location. So it's not going to be as convenient. It's going to be a little bit further away. But that's not until 2027.

Oh, okay. So we've got a couple of years in the current location. And then they're getting an... nice new school. And then you're nice and close to school infants. That's, so it's all in one. Oh, is it all in one? Oh, wonderful. Yeah, it's all in one until year six and then the secondary school. So from preschool all the way up to

year six? Yeah, all in one place. Wow. And then the secondary school they're going to is a little bit further away. But obviously by then they'll be able to like it on the bus and stuff like that. So, yeah, so it's really exciting. I can, like, now that I can visualize where he's going to be and like buy his little uniform and stuff, I just think it's going to be so cute. It makes it. Yeah, it's making it real. Yeah, making it all real. And also to make you feel a little bit more settled because everything is so, you're literally just waiting now, aren't you?

Well, that's the other thing, like we're just waiting for the date. So everything is still a little bit up in the air. Like, I need to give their current nursery notice, but I don't want to give notice too soon because I don't know when we're going in. Can you not give notice to say that it will be at some point? They know we're going at some point. But it is meant to be a month's notice period and I'm like, I can't really tell you when it's going to be. But then I guess if you're paying, if you... We would just pay.

Yeah, if you paid for the month, but then only used a way. We'll end up just paying for the whole month, but it's fine because, you know, they're great. Like, I think they're going to really miss him. And we're going to miss them so much. Like they've both been there since they were nine months. Yeah. They've seen us through like everything, like every stage. You're going to buy gifts?

Oh, of course. Yeah, yeah. I need to make a list of people we need to buy gifts for because we have so many like, Do I get a bye gift? Because you're leaving. I'm still going to be seeing you. So, new. I thought I was going to be in a round.

But there we go. was that any is that everything yeah it's quite a lot we had a lot to unpack that I always apologise yeah but you're great thanks thank you thank you thank you thank you thank you for you're great no you're better I was looking deep you're the best say it back love you say it back I love you I love it someone goes I love you and you go I know so when I say to Dottie you really are my best friend she says I know am I yours and she said well yeah but I have got a lot of best friends okay

okay you never been so humble than with my seven-year-old daughter. So Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yeah, we want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about, or just say, Hello! You can find us on TikTok and Instagram.

Just search Secret MumPod, or you can email us hello at secretummpod.com. It's time for the Correspondence Corner. Oh, God. Did you just bounce? Sorry, that came out in the middle of corner. Wow. You burped? Sorry, but...

Straight from the gullet. Go ahead. Oh, I just hickety-dupped. What? Hickety-hub. What the hellie? The hick-d-d-upped. What?

Hick-E-B-Hik-E-Hik-E-E-Hik-E. I'm going to start going to that. Have you got the hickety-hups? Have you got the hickety-pups? That's cute. What is going on? Hickety-Ups. What are they fucking called?

Hick-up. Hick-ups. Hick-p-p-ups. I think I'm having a stroke. Hickety-ups. Hickety-ups. Fuck it. Yeah. Them things that burp in your throat. Yeah. And you, one of them. Oh, I felt like Dumbo then, you know. Hick-a-dy-ups. Right. Any two. Emma, let's hear today's correspondence corner, please. Okay, this says, hello lovelies. I've just listened to the episode where Dottie had her hair cup. I, too, had blonde, curly hair, and absolutely. hated it when I was younger. My two best friends had long, brown, straight hair, and always the fairies, the angels,

the pretty ones in Nativity plays, etc. And I was always the clown. Oh, stop it now. That's horrendous. Boys would make fun of my hair because I didn't look like everyone else, but adults always used to tell me what gorgeous hair I had and that people would pay mega money for hair like mine. I never believed them.

It's not until I turned into a grown-up, technically, 20 years ago now that I learned to love my hair. I still have blonde curly hair and love that I can wake up in the morning and don't have to do a thing to it. I understand how Dot feels to be different and love that you're letting her shine and do what makes her feel great right now, not what she might feel like in 10 or 15 years time. Love you guys. Rebecca. Oh my Christ, Rebecca. What the fuck are you trying to do to me? I'm fucking emotional. Oh. It's so true, isn't it? Like when adults tell you things when you're little, you're like whatever. Shut up. Like rubbish. I just want to have straight brown hair

like my friends. And then when you're an adult, you're like, oh my God, your hair. Amazing. Isn't it funny? When I was growing up, that's funny, you should say that because when I was growing up everyone had this beautiful brown straight hair exactly like rebecca and i had like a wavy dirty blonde um and always i used to say to my mom can i dye my hair and she'd be like no can i straighten you know you go through all that emotions but isn't it funny dotty's that most of the girls have blonde hair but all the girls have i don't think there's anybody that's got curly hair in her classroom so all the time i'm like oh we've got to really look after your hair and we talk about knits so much

and your dotty said the other day mum my friends want to know why you talk about knits so much because I don't think they want to be put in a knit comb through your hair honeyby yes but we have it has definitely lost its curl a little but it is

wonderful that we're able to brush it she's really enjoying brushing it and I think do you know what if it makes you happy honey you brush that hair so every day I find her in a little mirror just brushing her art I feel like I'm in such new era of my life with her little hair

and like she's learning to put a bubble in it is she? Yeah. She does say mum can you get the bumps out she'll have lots of bumps because where it's still curly at the root and thick she'll be she'll have a few bumps in it. But she like the other day she was like oh how does how does it look from the back because she'd obviously tried to do herself a little piggy cat. Oh a little party she was like how does it look from the back and I was like it looks so good And like she could see I put another little comb through it, but I'm definitely, I just really

love that she can do her hair right now and it's making her really, really happy. And I think, you know what? If it makes you happy, girlie, you do you, boo-boo. And she has it, she did have it strong. She did ask me to straighten it, but I'm just straightening it so lightly that I'm not really getting the curl out. But to her, it's so straight. Yeah, compared to what she's been used to. Yeah. It's like, I don't go all the way to the ends because I don't want to damage the ends and I've got the heap right down on the, I bought straightness just to do Dotty's hair. can turn the heat down on it and go through it. And she's honestly, bless her heart, it's a little bit, how do you explain?

Like a little bit Lego heady. Right, a little bit poofy. Yeah, because it's so thick. And she's so like, oh, but she must love it because it's so different for her. But isn't it so interesting that like all you want to be like when you're little, you just want to be like everyone else? You just want to fit in. You don't want to be different at all.

And then like when you're an adult, people would be like, oh, my God, your blonde curly hair looks amazing. Yeah. We have to say to her just so you know that if you do go outside and it's raining, it is going to go back curly. and like she had it a little bit straight and didn't she for her school photo which was still waiting yet I haven't got her school photo but she come out of school

and she asked me to do her ponytail the other day so I was doing her ponytail and she came out of school and she was like it didn't last long mum and obviously it's gone all curly again but no it is it is funny and I love that she's

it makes me so happy when people are able to say like I've been there and been through it and just letting her be herself is the most important thing because I don't want to take it from her you know I don't want to take away

from the fact that she can't have hair like everybody else like you can have straight hair if you want it it just might not last I'm sorry yeah but no thanks Rebecca that has filled my heart with so much so much joy just so that you're doing it right you know yeah just sometimes you need someone to say you're doing okay you're doing the best you can do so you can get in touch with us on anything at all yeah it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous because between us we've probably heard it all before and remember we're all in this together and we know that we're We are, we're all stars and we see that.

Right, are you ready? We've got some big jelly this week we're going to be sharing. I don't think you're ready for this jelly. I don't think you're ready for this jelly. I don't think you ready for this jelly. Because my bad is too booleishol. Oh, you bet. Also, how is she not fucking aged?

B. Aguilera. That was Destiny Child. That's all. But yeah. I thought I was Christine Aguil. That's embarrassing. Oh, you met Queen B.

Also, how, as Christine Aguilera, not aged, why we're on the topic. The point still stands. Yeah, I want to get roundy. That's it. Yeah. Are you ready? Yes. For the secret this week.

So there has been talks in the office this morning before you arrived. Yeah. And obviously, everything has to be put past me first. You know so much shit that I'm not privy to. So we had a little chat this morning. Okay. And thoughts on bringing. full episodes to YouTube.

To the YT. To the T. The YT. No. What? People have been asking for this. Yes. For a while.

So they asked this morning how I felt about it. Yeah. And I said, I think it would be phenomenal. Yeah. I think it would be great. Epic. You can watch the whole episode on YouTube. Yes.

This whole. I said before we, they're going to be long. There will be some edits, ain't there? Yeah. Wait, we don't mean the actual, like, the un... Walking free, the...

Unsensored. No, no. Because if that gets out there, we're cancelled. We might as well just fucking quit now. See you later, guys. But no, how do you feel about it? I'm thrilled about that. Do you want to do it?

Honestly, if anyone else slips into my DM, say, where are the full episodes of the podcast? Now I can just say on YouTube. This is a huge secret. And you also want to know what I asked producer Ben and producer Maz as well this morning. Go on. If we, me, I'll happily take the flag. because you're moving house

can redecorate the studio and make it more homely I feel like it's been three years and I said I'll happily do it myself I'll order some stuff in I'll bring it in on the train It does need to be more cosy I feel like Because we went through various

I said I did want a leper print wall How'd you feel about that? I love leper print And do you know what? So it's wearing leper print Hate it It's on my top and my shoes But I hate it

I'm thinking we get like a feature wall in here Maybe a pink wall leper print A bit of some soft furnishing. A rug. I'm thinking blue, blue clay chairs. A couple of arm chairs. I want a big, funky arm chair. Coffee table. Someone we can slip our shoes off. Maybe have some slippers up here. Yeah. No, I'd love that. Make it really home from home. Yeah. I'm thinking it. We're going to start. We can make, do you want me to share my Pinterest mood board with you when I start it? Please do. Because Stefan's already spamming me with house ideas. But I think what I'm too scared to do in the house, I can unleash here. Unleash the beast. Because I don't have to live here. No. So we can be going to be going to be. crazy. We can go Craig Cray. Yeah. We go hand. So I think if we're going to go full Eps on the YouTube, we should make this more homely. But we've had various like variations of the studio because of the babies, haven't we? We did. So when we were like heavily pregnant, then we had the, we're bringing the newborns in. Bless Mads. I did give her a heart attack this morning when she was like, do you want me to bring

back the blue armchairs? Not fucking having their muddly things. Those armchairs, poor Sadie spent the first six months of her life with a broken neck. Yeah, whack in the head on the armchets, trying to breastfeed her in that. Yeah, let's not bring those back. I'm trying hold them where they're oh Christ can you hear that

on the camera can you hear that on the microphone that was actually Renley's head on the arm off the chair swack

but yeah we've been through like variations haven't we so it'd be nice to have now we're in our mom era no more babies

yeah we can well you might be still on the never say never still on the table so that's my secret this week

that I'm sharing with all of you I'm thrilled about that but we would love your thoughts if this is something you'd love to see would you love to see

us on YouTube Yeah. I feel like I don't know why I'm asking. Let us know. We're doing it anyway. So even if they're like, no, please, no more. No more. Honestly, it's enough.

To be fair, though, it's optional to listen. No one's forcing you. Yeah. But if you don't. But if you can carry on listening. If you don't watch the full episodes, you can get out of the secret of mumcloth. I'm joking. So that's it.

Fab. Big secret this week. And if you have any ideas about decor? Decor. If you're a designer, let us know. I'm quite good at it. Yeah, you're pretty good. You're pretty good.

yeah, if you want some inputs, or if you'd like to have anything that you have that you would like to feature, feature in the studio. Send it in. If you would direct me to a website. Yes. But I can buy. Or just give us the vision. Yeah.

Send us stuff. But if you do have a small business and it is something you think fitting, I massively love to support a small business. So we would love to purchase some bits. For sure. Yes. I'm excited. I know.

So you might see us all now, still edited slightly. over on YTK Are we YouTubers now Does that make us YouTubers Can we say we're YouTubers I think we have to wait We actually do have

Fun fact We do actually have a YouTube No we do But it's just the 10 minutes Yeah short clips You're gonna get a whole hour of us God That's a lovely

Lovely tree isn't it Too much Too much Not enough I don't say I don't say Am I right today You know what I'm gonna do You say I love listening to myself

I'm gonna sit here for the In a nice way That sounded like I was rude Well I'm gonna sit here for the record for an hour. I'm going to listen to it in my ears for an hour. Ready for the edit. And then I'm going to go and sit and watch the YouTube episode for an hour. I can't go enough. I want to be

tagged in it. I'm hoping that we become like Molly May, you know, when people watch Molly May on the telly. I mean, I'm not that fucking interesting, but I'll give it a go. I wonder if I show the kids then I might think I'm famous. Maybe. They'll probably just be like, no, put Spidey back on. Yeah. Where's Duggy? Yeah. Big Knob. Yeah. So do we like, more pepper? Mobepepa. That's what she says.

More pepper? Oh, we're not. We're not. Pepper, we're all Disney. Oh, yeah. Disney. We're Pepper. Renly now says, bye Judy. Who's Judy?

Judy's on Zootropolis and she goes on the train and he goes, bye, bye, bye Judy. Oh, yeah. So when I say to him in the morning now, he shouts, bye, by, by Judy. In the car. And he's got a little American accent on it. Judy. Bye. The babies are like, bye, Mom, I love you and they do their little love hearts as they're leaving in

the car in the morning. Rennie's just in the front going, bye Judy, with his dodoes. And he's, bye, Judy. No, I'm not. Yeah, I'll fucking take Judy. I'll take it. I'll take it. Yeah. Use the neighbours don't know who I am if they just shout.

Judy. Keeps you anonymous, isn't it? Golly. All right, Jude. All right, Jude. So that is our secret this week. I would say mine, but it is a joint entity here. We'll get into some of yours after this short break.

We've got three secrets from you. We're going to be discussing this week. So Emma, do you want to take it away with number one? one plays. All right, this one says, gree ladies. Australia, am I? Yeah. I've messaged in a few times and I'm so grateful you've read my stories out on your pod. I'm a mum of identical twin boys, Douglas and Finley, who will be two in January. Adorable. I need help with biting. They play so nicely together, but as soon as Finley picks up a toy and walks away or he takes the toy Douglas is playing with, Douglas will

chase him and try to bite him or bite him. I had two phone calls from daycare in one day because Douglas had bitten Finley twice. My mum's telling me to bite him so he can see how it feels. But I'd rather try something else before resorting to that. They're also hitting and scratching me when they're angry at me. I know it's all learning and development, but I have bruises up and down my legs from them hurting me. We go through no hitting and sitting them down, trying to talk to them when they've calmed down, but they'll do it again. I'm at my wits end and I need some advice. They aren't saying many words, but communicate with each other in their own language, so I don't know what they want or what's wrong.

Please help. The Terrible Toes have started from an exhausted studying mum of twins, Kelsey from Melbourne, Australia. Oh, Kelsey, God bless your sweet. Gosh, you've got a lot on. My first reaction was to bite. Literally, Colby bit once. I bit him back. But I didn't bite him to leave.

How hard do you bite them? Not that hard, enough that his little face wet, but I didn't leave any mark on his arm. So I didn't bite him hard enough to mark his arm. And I said, you know, how, and he was the same age as the now, same age as Renley and the twins. Never, literally never, ever did it again. Dottie wasn't really a biter. And Renly, is he bite it? He'll bite, but this is a problem.

Colby's like, readily bit me! And he'll come in, screaming. And I'm like, where has he bit you? He's like, my finger. What did you do? Well, I put my finger in his mouth. I can't tell him off or tell him no or teach him.

Yeah. If you're putting your finger in his mouth, and he's like, oh, it's because he put his in mine, so I put mine in his. Yeah, but there's, if he doesn't understand, Colbs. Yeah. So that would be my first reaction. And that sounds cruel.

And I know there's people listening and saying that's the wrong thing to do. I'm only saying what I did once and I didn't mark his skin or anything like that and I didn't bite him hard but sometimes to show I also would show that I'm upset but it's hard because he's biting his baby brother

so sometimes they might find it funny you know so it's hard when it's the it's twin boys isn't it so I don't know if it would work the same because then if Douglas is biting Finley and you bite Douglas it's a really hard circle to break it's quite complicated yeah

at me. Therefore, I bit Colby back and he stopped. So it's a hard one. That one, I would say, is difficult because you're wanting Douglas to stop by in Finley. So yeah, we, Sadie was a biter, is a biter, I would say, although it's getting better. But she has gone through it much more than Joseph ever did. And we have just told her, like, every time, just repetitively, like, no, don't do that. You don't bite. Take her away. We're moving from the situation. She bites me. She bites Stefan. She bites Joseph. Joseph will obviously like scream and cry. and like she's marked Joseph's skin like she's a she's a she can be a nightmare but we just have told her like no no no no no they tell her at nursery as well they enforce it just enforce the

message over and over again sometimes like time out doesn't really work for her because she doesn't really understand it but we'll I will like take her and sit her somewhere else and be like no she does understand like no don't do that and we've just told her like this has probably been I don't know like the last like few months and she's starting to do it less now because I think she is getting the message but it's just one of those things it just takes It's hard to know, yeah. And I think because I'm not in it or I've never experienced it, I had literally that one time that I, I think in that you're being a first time mom and I was pregnant with Dottie, I think when he bit me, I was so tired and exhausted and I was just like,

ah, and he cried. And I was like, that's how it makes mummy feel. Like, that's hurt. It's painful. We don't buy. And then that was it. But I think because it was like an immediate reaction in that moment, but I guess I don't know what I would do. if he was biting, is it silly for me to have offered him a snack? Like if it was Renli now, would I offer him and sack and say, you know, to remind him that... By that instead. But then it would be like, oh, I'm getting rewarded from doing that. Yeah, that's literally what I was going to say.

It's a hard one. But right now, I don't know if they're in that mindset. I don't know now that Renley would know what, if he's being rewarded. Yeah. Because I don't know if he knows... He gets that. Yeah. I don't know.

Yeah, it's complicated, isn't it? It's hard. But if anyone can share any advice, if you're a twin. mumma yourself as well and you have gone through this it would be really lovely to be able to pass that on to Kelsey as well because I'm not I can't I don't really know on that one what I would

do yeah in the moment I think if you don't want to do if you don't want to buy him back then it's a difficult one because you are in the triangle if you don't want to do that I think you've just got to be consistent with the messaging and just keep telling him and hopefully he'll get it I think when they like when people get over the reaction they probably just get bored of

of doing it like they do it like they do it to get a reaction don't they yes but if there is twin mummas out there Yeah, because that must be a night there keeping on top of that. Oh my God, and you're studying as well, Kelsey. She's studying. And then she has also mentioned about the hitting and sitting. I feel like with the, I don't know if it's the only babies that you have is Douglas and Philly. I know you've got twins and that is a lot.

But I obviously similar age now to the boys are a little bit older than Sadie and Renway. And I feel like it's just a repetitive game. Yeah. And I found that when I had Colby and I used to think, gosh, do I have to honestly tell him this much? And then when I had Dottie and I was like It is just a thing of telling them every single time But also you do have a different scale on your hands With having the two boys exactly the same age

But it is a case of separating them And that same now with when Colby and Dottie were little Not that they really ever thought But it would just be a case that I personally would just separate them Try and divert their energy to something else Whether that's colour and reading, yes or do I do also now still I do walk away from Renley

so now if Renley's doing something or he's hitting me or he's kicking me or he's very much in his paddy area but he literally throws himself on the floor now and he goes ah ha oh yeah and then he'll set up check I'm watching and just roll back down yeah yeah yeah so he does that and she'll be like no and I say to him right

mumma's going to leave the room because you're having your time you have your time I'm going to go out to the kitchen so after a few minutes after having his paddy he will come out to me and they'd be like do you want to do it and I just spend my day just doing that walking into the lounge we play he gets out of hand starts having a paddy so I leave the room a couple of minutes later repeat the whole thing repeat the whole thing again but I think it is heightened at the moment because you are studying plus they are terrible twos and when they're hurting you

as well like sometimes you just don't have the resilience for it like you're too tired it's it's a lot like I always remember when Joseph like smacked me in the face with a wooden toy when Sadie was newborn I was trying to get him in his buggy for nursery and like just cried because I was like, I actually can't cope with you. It hurts as well. And also I'm like, I can't cope with you, like, smack me in the face right now. Like, it is shit when they do it. But you just have to keep telling them, no, just be consistent.

Let them know that it hurts you. And then hopefully they just stop doing it. But we hear you and we feel you. But yeah, it's... You're doing a fantastic job. It is hard. This stage is really hard. I would say two is definitely a hard stage to go through.

And we're... And it does start before two as well, I think. It does start before two. It definitely, by the time they... turn to is pretty much you're on the opposite end of it where they're understanding a little bit more, you know? Yeah. And it is a hard age at the moment because I don't know, you know, Sadie's talking way more than Renner's. Renner says, everybody's name, but he, not clear, you know, we know what he's saying, but it's hard to communicate because they don't really understand.

They don't say much. But I think they do, like your boys would be old enough to understand, I would say, like, right and wrong. I don't think they know. Definitely yes and no. Like if you're upset and you say, no, don't do that. A two year old does understand that. Yeah. They might not listen, but I think they do understand it.

Like, Slady, she knows absolutely what she's doing when she bites me, when she draws on the furniture. She knows it's wrong because she looks at me like cheekily. She'll be like, I'm going to do it anyway. Yeah, I wouldn't say, I don't know if it's, I don't know if there's a different terminology. I wouldn't say, I say Renly knows right from wrong. or yes and no I wouldn't say he knows to come back

Yeah Do you think? Yeah no Because I say to him Don't put your dinner on the floor And he'll just still keep putting his dinner on the floor And then I would say to him Can't put this or I take his spoon

As soon as he's going to do it And he sort of looks me like Put my dinner on the floor But he doesn't look at me like in a mischievous way It's I have to scoop up his dinner And say no we don't put it on the floor And then I'll feed him To show him that that's how we do it with the spoon

And then I'll give it back and then he does a couple, and then he'll drop it. I think something they do, yeah. Because I don't know that they retain that information so little, so quickly. They might not remember, that's why you've got to keep telling them. Yeah, that's what I mean. You will know that I've said to her, like, don't throw your food on the floor, but I wouldn't say you makes up in the morning and go, oh, she told me I've done it. No, no, no, but it's naughty if I do that.

Yeah. I don't think they're at that age just yet. No. I would say from three, me personally from three is when they really start knowing the road is dangerous. Oh, yeah, yeah. No, they won't remember all the rules. Some things they'll just do instinctive. But I'm saying like if you tell them in the moment, no, don't do that thing.

They know what that means. I think. Sadie would know. Yeah, Brennan's then got a fucking place. Because she'll turn around and draw on the fucking wall anyway. And I'm like, but that would, to me indicate that she doesn't understand. Because she looks at me while she's doing it, though. She'll be like, oh, I'm doing this thing.

But is that because she's getting your attention while she's doing it? Because you're talking to her in that active moment. Rather than you would normally be outside of the room. So she knows that if I draw on this wall, mommy will talk to me. Do you know what I mean? that's what I think is when I pay attention to do it, he then does it more. Because he thinks, oh, I'm being, maybe being cheeky, but doesn't know that actually this is wrong and she's telling me no to stop doing that. I physically have to take it out of his hand and be like, no,

but not give it back. I don't give it back. That's it. The crayons are all up now. He did it once. You draw it on my wall. I took them away. You never see a crown again. As soon as Dots gets them out. He goes them, no, that's it. No, that's it. We do that when Renle's asleep. Do you know what I mean? Yeah, yeah. So I don't know. I wonder if it's just. a, she knows that you're going to talk to her while she's drawn on the wall. Yeah, maybe. I mean, I think she knows, but yeah, maybe she's just doing it for, it does fascinate me. It fascinates me like the process of them learning.

Yeah. Right, let's have secret number two. Okay, this one says, hello lovely ladies, long time listener. Thank you for making me laugh each week while I'm at my desk working. My four-year-old daughter has learned some habits from her father that mean I'm never able to shower or change in peace. My husband has taught my daughter that when I get naked I get a Oh, woo-woo, mummy, with a fist bump

Oh my gosh, that's like you, isn't it? Jojo, isn't it? When you're naked? Woo, mommy. What do you get when you're naked from Jojo? Show me your vagina? I don't know that. I've heard him say that one.

No, what's the one he says when you're naked? He did ask me, I did talk about it on here how he asked to see my vagina because he wanted to know how vaginas and willies were different. I was a bit like, oh, I don't know. I thought there was something he was saying to you when you got naked that Stefan says, no? No, I don't think so.

Why I just made that arm? Yeah, he should do, he should do though. Hey, sexy lady. I thought he said, like, sexy lady. Oh, um, he said once I went into his room naked and he was like cheeky. Yes, something like, cheeky girl? Cheeky girl. Stefan doesn't say that though.

I'm sorry. Hey, cheeky girl. Not only that, he's also shown her how to tap my ass whenever she can And pock my nipples and yell boobies Oh, crumbs! Well, this was funny at home, she's now moved to doing it in public while shopping. She now runs up, taps me on the ass and runs away laughing. She now also does it to her grandparents.

My husband has a lot to answer for. Lots of love and appreciation. Jess from Brisbane, Australia. Wow! Another Australian one. That's hilarious. Imagine her cut up to her grandpa. tweak the nip

boobies or tapping her granddad on the ass woooo granddad cheeky girl oh my gosh that's so funny that's so adorable

Joseph's taken to tap in Sadie on the bum because I do it all the time I'll like tap her nappy I'll be like boom boom bum so he does it all the time but like when she's naked in the bath he'll just be like playing the bongos on it on her bum and I'm like

is this okay and this is okay for another couple of years Chris will obviously cheek, pique, pique my bum, pinch my bum. Colby did it the other day in the kitchen and I was like, oh, that's like, and then he was sorry, mum, that was a bit much. You know, and you're like, yeah, it was, mate, but I, you know, I, I, it's so cute when they've just seen it as like.

But when they're really little, like, you'd so expect, like, wrenly to like pinch my bum. Obviously, Chris come in and pinch my bum, so Colby come behind him and pinch my bum and then he was like, pretty sorry, really sorry about that, mum, that was a bit much. No, but like, if it's a behaviour that they see, they're like, this is a normal thing to do. You're like, they don't think anything of it. And then when it gets to the point where, like, your teenage son is pinching your bum, you're like, oh, I think we need to, I think we need to sort this out. It did really tickle me. I went up to bed that evening.

I was like, God, we just pinch my. You have a Christmas in the kitchen. I was like, do you think we should stop? Do you think you should be pinching my bum? Is it bad? Should I be worried that he's pinched my bum? Christmas, I'll shut up safe. God, give you a fucking mind arrest.

But it's nice. for like the husband to have such an appreciation. Like an affection, yes. He just sinks old, like when Chris hugs me or pinches my bum. Cogby was like, oh, well, dad does it. Way. Everyone has to know. But he just went with the way as well.

Way. Oh, crumbs. Brigh. Woo, Mom. Nice ass. I'm thinking like, when do I need to stop Sadie putting her hands down my top? Because she, I don't know if it is a breastfeeding thing or whether she would just do it anyway. But I don't obviously breastfeed her anymore.

But she puts her hands down my top all the time. it's like a comfort thing. Okay. But she wants to go as far as she can. Don't even know. My mum was like, why don't you wear a bra? And I was like, oh, I do. She can get past the bra.

Oh. Like she'll put her hand right down. She needs to give a ment, meant a few legs. If she can only get into the top, that's fine. But ideally, she wants to go all the way in, all the way down inside my bra. Ideally be having her hands like pinching my nipples. Oh. And I'm like.

So it's not like she wants to go through your top. No, she wants to have to have her hands like, oh, my, On my boobs. Yes. If I'm wearing like a nighty or pyjamas, it's a nightmare. Because it's such easy access. And I feel like so touched out sometimes. I'm like, oh my God, just get your hands off my boobs.

Like stop, pinch my nipples. But it's like. She'll like, squeeze them. Normally I only let her put her hand like not as far as my bra because it's uncomfortable. But it's like a comfort thing for her. Mom's like, yeah, but when she's older and she's doing that, it's going to be. Oh, she's not going to go out 18. It's going to be so weird.

Oh, mom. I'm just going to just grab your boop. Mom, I'm really tired. I need a nap. Can I put my mom. my hand down your top. She'll have her own booms. She'll maybe just hold cup her own boobs.

She's going to develop a weird habit, but I'm just like, when do I... Yeah, but that might be not quite comforting, right in it. Nice and warm. I love that so much though, Jess. Thank you. It's honestly giving me a right little tickle, although slightly out in my nine-year-old. Blessers heart of a pinch of my bottom. Right.

Let's roll in to the last secret this week. Okay, this says, hi, Sophie and Emma. I was listening to the Kresh Clock episode. And it reminded me, yeah, the cock. And it reminded me of my three-year-old's new favorite swear word. My son is the youngest of four. We're a blended family and his siblings range from 18 to seven. My fiancé and I both have pretty bad potty mouths, if I'm honest.

Recently, my fiancé was away on his bachelor trip, so I took my son and my 15-year-old stepdaughter out for dinner at a local restaurant. While we were there, my son dropped his crayon off the table. And for the very first time, shouted at full volume, Fuck, man. I was absolutely mortified, but tried to play it cool. Since then, he's used it a few more times whenever he makes a mistake or something doesn't go his way. I do laugh about it at home, but I know how inappropriate it is.

He still thinks it's hilarious and I keep telling myself that old saying is true. People who swear are more honest and have more integrity. Is that right? Is that true fact? That's us. Hey. Wow, I want to say it maybe didn't work with me. Well, she says at least that's what I'm going with. Maybe it'll serve him well one day.

Love the pod. Thanks for always making motherhood feel a little less lonely. Christy from Ontario Canada Oh gosh we love it We're international today We are, we're all over the globe Oh I love it when they choose it in context It's the best isn't it?

So funny but it's so funny as well Like a Canadian accent Fuck man Fuck man Fuck man Fuck man I just love it so much With my whole entire

Is Colby a still dick If I say like in the mornings Now Renli comes down and it's really excited He goes to the gate And I'm like oh is it's sissy or Bubba And he's like And he waits for ages. Sissy takes it forever. Dottie takes forever to come down the stairs. So he's like

this and he looks over and he knows it's her and they all go, it's sissy, sissy. And then she comes down and he's like, Sissy because he knows it's her because she takes forever whereas Colby comes down. The other morning he was looking and he was like, Dick. Dick. I was like, oh, is it Colby and he is I? Dick. I don't know why calls him Dick. And he comes down And I called me just went, Dick's arrived. I just said to Colby. Mate, if you can't beat him, join him. Yeah, just embrace it.

And he literally says, oh, I told them all my friends at school today, Mum. And I was like, we told him what, he's like, oh, my brother calls me Dick. Maybe, yeah, don't probably get yourself in trouble at school about it. But we go to pick him up in the school run and he shouts Dick. People are going to think you've called your kids, Dick, Sissy and Renley. Yeah, Dick, Sissy and, well, is Dick, Bubba. He's meant that we say Bubba. Why Bubba?

Because I just thought it would be easier for him to say Because they learn Bubba, don't they, quite quickly And Colby's always been Bubba when he was little Oh, right, you called him that anyway Dotty called him Bubba And then now Renly says, Dick And obviously, Sissy his sister Got you, got you, got you, got you

But he does dot dot dot, so Colby does, Colby calls Dotty dot dot dot So Renly does do dot dot dot and dotty Dootty and then Colby, he can say Colby He says Colba So he goes, instead of Colbs, he says Colba It's like Colby and Bubba together but mostly it's dick

dick all the time where's that come from? And then he's done so my brother's Ritchie obviously so the other day at football my brother came to watch Colby and he was running after my brother going Wichy Wichy and now he goes

Willie Willie! But he puts a real emphasis and he goes Willie and I'm like well who are you trying to call when I was said to Ritchie you're either Ritchie or Willie so I'm really sorry I think Rennley's trolling you all

He knows what he's doing it Yeah. If he calls me bitch, then I know he's on too. Wait until he like drops the C-bomb on Chris. You don't know why he calls him dick. I've got no. Yeah. I don't know why he calls him dick.

But I love it so much. You can't be a child swearing. It's just because it's so innocent, isn't it? Like, they don't know that it's bad. They don't know that it's naughty. No. And I think if you're using it in a safe environment at home in a comfortable setting, rather than using it in a really, which is why at home, when I do something,

I'm like, oh, fuck. so to me I'm creating a word not creating a word sorry I'm creating a safe like safe what's boundary around the word so when they hear that word out of the house someone says it aggressively

they're literally all like what that's not how mum says it all like oh shit but I want them to be comfortable around the word but it used in a different dialect in the right way yeah different dialect they know the difference

but we appreciate you Christy thank you so much that has honestly made me smile to Zay Fuck man Fuck man So thank you for sharing your secrets this week Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club And if you'd like to share your secrets with us

You can, the email is hello at secret mumpod.com Or with Secret MumPod on TikTok and Instagram Are you watching us on YouTube? Hello! Hello! Or is your little one pinching your nips? Oh, Sadie. Let us know there really is nothing too outrageous

Keep an eye out for our Thursday episodes And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club.