Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Holiday Horrors

Episode Date: April 15, 2025

The ladies join Chelsea and James from the podcast, Passports Please! Soph shares the nerve-wracking moment she thought her Disneyland dream was over before it even began, while Emma recounts the chaos of arriving in the States with no luggage! Follow Passports Please in Instagram and TikTok, just search for @passportspleasepod. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hi everyone, it's Emma here just popping in to say we've got something a little different for you today. We're taking a one-episode break for the Easter holidays, but don't worry, we've still got a little Secret Mum Club fix for you. Soph and I had the pleasure of joining Chelsea and James on the Passports Please podcast to chat all things travel. We each shared our own holiday nightmares. Soph's involved a heart-wrenching Eurostar disaster, and mine was a full-on lost luggage palaver. Plus, Chelsea, the cheap holiday expert, also shared her top tips for travelling with us. Here's the full episode. Hope you enjoy it as much as we did.

Hello and welcome to Passports, Please. This is the podcast that helps you hack your holidays whether you are the packer or the slacker. I'm Chelsea and every week I'll be joined by my travel companion, James. Hello. Chelsea is a holiday expert, whereas I just love a holiday. Yeah, you do. And whether you already know and follow what I do online as cheap holiday experts or you've just stumbled across this for the very first time, welcome on in because we're going to be chatting

about holiday hacks for everything from overnight buses to first class flights. Yes, so if you need advice, travel tips, or even have some of your own, then we'd love to hear from you. Please send them in by sliding into our DMs on socials at PassportsPleasePod or at HelloPassportPleasePod.com. And we'll help you up your holiday game by doing all the hard work for you.

Hello James. Hello. And actually you're not the only one here sat with me this week. It's very exciting. We've got some very special guests in for today's podcast episode. It's Soph and Emma from the Secret Mum Club podcast. Welcome. That was a mouthful wasn't it?

It is. How do you get by on that? I guess you got it down to a T these days. Well, you'd like to think but we don't. We read it every week. It's confusing because some things are called Secret Mum Club but then the socials are Secret Mum Pod. The email is Secret Mum Pod. It's a whole thing. As long as you get Secret Mum in, I feel like it's going to come up, isn't it? So your podcast is basically like the ultimate space for all moms to share their secrets. Is that right? Yeah, yeah. Mums, dads, grandparents, uncles, siblings, people with babies, no babies, friends.

Are we talking silly or serious? We cover everything. Okay. Yes. Yeah, just an open space for people to feel very normal, whether it be something that is a positive, something that's scary, something that's funny, you know, anything. It's just a safe space because it can be really lonely motherhood, fatherhood, you know, it's a really scary place. So it's just having a place where you can just be yourself of no judgment. And how often do holidays come up in the chit chat? Actually, I know this, I've been listening

to Centre Park Parks chat. Oh, both of them are Seni Peas, haven't we? Seni Peas, we've both been recently. We tagged team Seni Peas. I went and then you went. Yeah. Yeah. Next year we're going together. You should do. That's how you save money, right? You're getting one house. How old are your kids? They are eight, six, one. Eight, six, 1? Yes. And how old are yours Emma? 3 and 1. 3 and 1. Well we do not have children.

No. But we do love a holiday and I do get asked about family holidays a lot. I bet you do. A lot. So I really, really want to ask you quite a few questions. I've got so many questions for you as well. Emma's got a lot. Okay, it's a question off.

Yeah, we're just going to swap so much info. And for anyone who's listening who perhaps haven't heard our voices before, we are Passport Please. And we are all about traveling tips and holiday hacks with a good dose of holiday nightmares in there for good measure. And while myself and James have plenty of experience with this, traveling with kids is not something we do very often. Yes. So you say very often. Never. Whose children are you taking abroad? She was implying that she's travelling with James. It is a bit like having a child, he just turns up, he doesn't know where he's going. That is true. But we've never ever been asked to babysit. I thought about that today. So you're Auntie and Uncle? No.

None of your family? Three brothers and sisters. Yeah. No kids. Wow. Yeah, I've got one brother, no kids. Got a calf. Wow. Yeah, but that's it. So it could all come at once. Honestly. Or it could just be...

Not trusted. Just do that. Yeah. It could be adults only cruises for the rest of our lives. Which sounds amazing. Adults only forever. I can't wait for my kids to leave home so I can go on an adults only cruise. Right, okay.

You'll get used to this. Emma does love them. There's somewhat of a split in the team. Safina likes doing everything with her kids. I'm always looking to get away from mine. Okay. Yeah, but she loves them. We both love them equally the same. The love is the same. Just Emma would like to not parent hers. At times. Absolutely. Everyone needs a break. I just want a bit of breathing space, you know. Do you like to send them to the grandparents and send them off that way? Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

So when it comes to holidays, then how many are you doing a year? What's the what's the general split? Have you got a target, a goal? So you should probably say something about you right now. Should I? I think we should get it out of the way. What, that I'm just terrified of traveling? Just like feeling I can't fly.

I can't fly. Oh, okay. That's alright though, that doesn't mean you can't travel. But the baffling thing is, is I've been all around the world and ay, ay, ay. It just, one thing happened. With the one thing. Yeah, one specific, very big, I think we all know. And that was it.

Never again. Oh really? Yeah. Do we all know? Yeah. Do you know? 9-11. Oh, I was gonna, that's what. Never again. Oh really? Yeah. Do we all know? Yeah. Do you know? 9-11. Oh, I was going to. That's what I thought.

I literally sent me into absolute frenzy. Yeah. I think I've traveled once, went to Portugal once after that. That was with no children though. And yeah, never done it. No. I just can't. So you need train, international train travel and cruises.

Yeah, cruises. Yes. Yes. Or driving holidays. But then I feel like I'm a real, I'm now causing this to the children because when they see an aeroplane in the sky, they're like, we're never getting on one of them. And I'm like, okay.

I didn't get on an aeroplane until I was 19. Okay. I did it until I was 16. So they're just like living 90s childhoods really. Yes. Yeah, and look at us, we're completely stable and normal individuals. I'm fine. Were you like fine Emma?

Yeah, absolutely fine. And I would like to do, I mean pre-kids we were probably on like maybe five trips a year. Five? Yeah, well there was one year where like everyone got married and turned 30. So I had like a million weddings, hen doos and 30th birthday party. I think I went on about 12 trips. Wow. But with kids, I'd like to do two a year, you know, a main abroad summer holiday and then maybe like a little, a little one, like a sunny peas or something like that. Now here's a question. How, like, would you do a city break with kids? Yes. Oh, that was a quick split straight away.

Would go back to Paris in a heartbeat. That's the city, is it? Yes. Sorry, I'm not well educated. You'll learn this. You did that, but tied it in with Disney? That was wonderful. And we did Paris.

Yeah, Disneyland Paris. That's nice to do it as a bit of a dual stage. It was wonderful. I love the city break, but mine love to explore. Right. On a big explorers. They love walking. They love history. They love all of that. So I feel like I'm really lucky because you could take him to any city and just give him any but if you have any when he did that, no, I wasn't eight months pregnant. So with a little one, I'm not sure I would do. I'm thinking like buggies on a common street.

I would do that. It's not going to. I walk around London and I went down that place the other day. Where's that one I went to the other day? Camden. Yeah, that's bumpy. Yeah. I mean, that's not, you know, that was a day trip. My first holiday when I was little was my mum and dad obsessed with Scandinavia, love it.

But also didn't have loads of money. Weird combo actually. Yeah. They should have rethought that. that. But our first holiday was, I think I must have been like two, my sister four, maybe even my mom was pregnant or had my little baby brother. I can't remember now. I was too, but we stayed in a hostel, but that was very much a city break in where? Yeah. In Stockholm. Wow. So I feel like it's like deeply ingrained in my soul. I feel like it was back then wasn't it though? Would you do that now?

I don't know if I take my children to stay in a hostel. Private room. I do. Do you? Private room. Got you. No, I love a dog. No. No, no, no. You can make friends so easily. Are you talking shared bathroom? Yeah. Get out. I'm not doing that with children. Stop it. Okay, No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not staying in a tent, a hostel, camping.

No. Yeah. Can I ask then, because I hear this all the time, especially from families, they are obsessed with an all-inclusive because everything is sorted. No, no, no. And I get it, you know, the opposite for me. Opposite for you. It's just a waste of money. Would you rather do self catering? Yeah. They got to get up and get out, they like going to the shop. They like picking their food. We're up at the crack of dawn as well. We're early risers. So they got to eat instantly. It's too much stress.

If I've got to wait, dress everybody, get everybody downstairs. I'd rather just eat, get everybody and we're out for the day. Yeah. Pack lunches. Pack lunches. Yeah, always. Yeah. Love it.

I feel like that really slots into like, are you doing mostly UK holidays? Yeah, only around the UK. It does work in the UK. I mean, that's it. Do you know there is an all-inclusive in the UK somewhere. But my mum would never do me an all-inclusive on holiday. No. We've never when we were children growing up.

No, I wouldn't have growing up. We would never, ever. But I've totally changed my mind on it now. My mum, I don't know if I can. I find the whole dinner hall very overwhelming for children. Plus it's busy. You've got to try and get everyone in. They're tired out from the day of swimming

and whatever you're doing, whether you've been out at a water park, it's very overwhelming. So to get back to the room and just have a sandwich to just chill and wind down. So what holiday is about is to relax him. I love it. I love the fact that I don't have to do anything. Cause Airbnb abroad when you're a parent,

it's just like mumming in a different country. Yeah, you're so right. I've got to cook, I've got to wash everything up. You've got to tidy it up before you leave. Otherwise you get hit with that cleaning fee and everything, right? Exactly. Now, how much would you have to save

for you to book a self-catering stay over and all-inclusive stay? Good question. Because I think you'd probably do normally pay a bit more for the all-inclusive. 1500 pound difference. Maybe a thousand. Yeah. You'd spend a thousand pounds to someone fed you for the all inclusive. £1500 difference. Maybe a thousand. Yeah. Yeah.

You'd spend a thousand pounds for someone fed you for a whole week. Yeah, because it just takes the hassle out of it. And also what I love about it with small children is they're fussy, right? So the fact that you can try something, they can try something else, they can leave that. They didn't like it.

But then I'm on the other spectrum that just gives them toast in the room. If they're fussy, we've got toast and you've got all their comforts back in the room. No, I don't know. I do. And also who doesn't love like what parent doesn't love an 11 o'clock beer by the pool? Oh my god. I'm glad you still do that.

I'm not denying that. I think you do it more when you're a parent. You need to get through the day. I'm not denying myself for drinks. Is there a good all inclusive drink? All inclusive that you've been to that you thought, God, I love that. I went to a really great one in Rhodes, the Green Island. I mean, obviously like the best ones were pre-kids. But if I'm talking about traveling with kids,

we took my little boy when he was eight months old. And that's like the perfect time to travel. Like one kid, he wasn't like mobile, so he couldn't like run away from us. He was just like real cute and chubby and had a little pair of budgie smugglers. It was just, it was the best holiday I think I've ever been on. You don't have to pay for them, right? Exactly.

Oh yeah. Sit on your lap on the plane. Yeah. Free. Yeah. You've got to honestly get as many holidays in before. Well, it's like when you go to a theme park and they're under a meter, they're free. Yeah. Basically walked out a meter. They're all so tall it doesn't ever last.

You're like crouch. Walk on your knees. There is one question, because I get asked about this a lot, and because I'm not a parent, I feel like I say, I cannot advise you, you have to come up with this answer yourself. Taking the kids out of school for holidays. Is it a big no-no?

I feel like we'd get cancelled if we do this? Oh my goodness. Okay, no. They will come for us. How strict are the schools? So strict. Really? And it's getting worse and worse.

Does it depend on the school? Do you know what? I saw somebody do a TikTok the other day and they said, just have to get my daughter's nose pierced so that I don't have to, she can get expelled so I don't have to pay holiday fines to take her on holiday. I don't know. I went to the charge, she was about six. Obviously I was howling. It is hard work. It is hard work.

Obviously if the child's attendance is great, it may not affect but they do it based on all your attendance levels and everything like that. Because there's charges, people can be taken to court. And it's different. It's different based on what age they're at in school as well. Obviously you've got GCSEs later in bigger school and then in middle school, they got mocks and things going on in there. And then baby school, is it relaxed? No, I just think they've all got to stick to the same guidelines. Yeah, like, and I always say this, it's not the teacher's fault. They've just got to do their job. I would I want you to do the fine. Not that I'm condoning it. It's per parent as well.

Yeah. They recently just changed it per parent and per child. Per week. Per day. You can get up to a £2,000 fine. But if you add that up for like a week's holiday and you're paying thousands more to go in the summer holidays, then might work out. I would take the fine. I would do it. If it worked out better. Yeah, I know. In theory. In theory.

I'm not obviously going to. Yeah, my kids are all just sick at the same time. Sorry. My ones had always took us out. I was always taken out. You could do it then. I was going to jail. You just grass of the school. You could do it then.

No, but it has got a lot stricter. It feels like it's been more and more of a hot topic. Traveling is the school of life, you know? I agree. It's so educational and plus for their little brains to just let go and have a break. I think it's so important. So the fact that the school doesn't support it, I think that's what bothers me. I guess some people might abuse it though. Just take their kids out all the time. Of course, no, I appreciate that. It's a tough one.

There's so many more experiences than Henry VIII's wife. Yes. Like that experience and stuff out and about is so good. You say that I went and saw six and actually I did keep up with the storyline quite well. So thank you. Yes, divorce the head, divorce the headed died to my education. I didn't understand it. Did you go?

No. Now, you guys, do you have any holiday nightmares? Yeah. Especially with the kids. Yeah. Do you want to do yours? Do you want me to do mine? You go first. Mine is the Euro star.

Oh, we've had really, We've got a really unhealthy relationship with the Eurostar. We're in a really toxic relationship. I've tried to walk away but just keep pulling my hair. There's no other option. No, apart from fly but I can't do that. Two times it cancelled. Two times we told the children we're going to Disneyland Paris. We got ready, we packed, we come to London, stayed the night before, got to the got to the Eurostar the first time and we waited and we waited and we waited. The hours passed. The children were stressed and I literally spoke to my manager because the first time we went to be going was meant to be a branded trip. And I spoke to him. I was like, we've been here

like six hours. Like I can't wait anymore. Like I need to get the children out. This just isn't fair. So I had to turn around and tell the children that we couldn't go to Disneyland Paris. No, because it was a contracted brand deal. And I literally broke my heart and I cried and I sort of pulled myself together. And I was like, come on, let's go and have a really fun weekend in London. So we sort of spun around.

Were the kids crying or just you? No, we all cried. OK. Chris cried. It was a whole, it was a whole affair. And then the second time, there was a second time. So we decided to go back after the failed first time of the brand trip to go back and we'll pay it this time. We'll do all this on our, you know, our terms and blah, blah, blah. So got to the Eurostar, come to London, stayed the night before, did our bags, parked our car in exactly the same place, got to the Eurostar, no trains.

What happened? There was something wrong with it. That's really bad luck. Something wrong with the tunnel. So we said to the children, and do you know what, it felt so much heavier the second time and I just turned around and I looked at Chris and he was like, you are fucking joking me. I was like, do you think you've made up Disneyland? At this point, they were like, we're just never going to go. No, no, we're never going to go. And he was like, you are fucking joking me.

And I was like, I'm not joking you. And I just remember like looking at the children and I was like, we've got the day wrong. We're not going today. It's actually tomorrow. And I was like, we've got the day wrong, we're not going today, it's actually tomorrow. And they were like, what? And I was like, they were all in their Disney outfits. And I was just like, I'm so sorry, Bubba's, we've got to spend enough. But we stayed in London and went the next day on the first train out the next day. They have been. I was going to say, was it free for three?

Yeah, we survived it. And then we did Paris for three days, then we went to Disneyland for two, and then come back for Paris for another two days and then come home. So we made the most of it. It was definitely worth the trip, but two fucking times, on the bounce. That is bad luck.

Yeah. Yeah, it's bad luck. I don't want to rub it in, but I think every time we've been on it, it's been absolutely wonderful. Smashing. I'm really, I'm so happy for you happy for you. Early one day. Nice. We did get an upgrade on the lounge though. Oh, did you go in that lounge? Yeah, we went

in the lounge. It was fancy as hell. Although there was a disaster that happened is there was a prong. Do you remember the prong and the plug socket? Dottie got an electric shock. Yeah. And I was like, this is just, this is someone trying to tell me we shouldn't be going. Did you get upgraded to business? No, the woman just come over and she went, oh, she shouldn't have touched it. What? Don't worry, there was a strong complaint. Tell a kid that.

Yeah, tell a strongly worded letter. But yeah, there we go. Disaster. That is disastrous. Massive, isn't it? Especially because... It's so amplified as well. You've got kids and stuff depending on like, if they tell us that a train's cancelled,

we just go, okay. It's just when they look around, yeah, they don't depending on like if they tell us that a train's cancelled we just go okay. They don't get it and they look at you like what? I can't look at you. Yeah. Yeah. It's horrible isn't it? Yeah. Is it so much more, so much higher stakes? I feel shit when I've got to tell them that there's no panne-chocolat left on the breakfast. Not. We're not going to Disneyland. Yeah, sorry. Panos. Oh, the world comes to an end. Because I'm thinking how else could you have got there? I once got a Flix bus overnight to Paris. I looked at ferries. I looked at Dover to Calais to yeah. Tried to look at that ferry. That was about 17 hours.

Well, honestly, I thought I thought I've absolutely nailed this. I was going to see the Paralympics. It was my coach must have been 15 quid. And I was like, what a bloody bargain. I have nailed this. I mean, a lot. Well, it was an overnight coach. So I was like, not only, I was thinking it's a two in one, I'll sleep on the coach, saved on my hotel, get to Paris, happy days. Didn't realize that they get you off the coach and onto a ferry. So at like 2.30 AM in the morning, you are woke up and you have to spend two and a half hours on a ferry. Why don't they just drive onto the ferry?

So we, the coach did go on the ferry, but we couldn't stay on the ferry. You're not allowed to stay on the coach while you're on the ferry. Same as if you go on Red Funnel. You're not allowed to stay in the car underneath in case the cars move or anything happens. You have to get up deck. Yeah. So honestly, it was probably the most bleak trip of my entire life. Wow. Yeah. And I was supposed to get the Flixbus high round, I might have dropped 200 quid on a

Eurostar. What is that? I'm in the process of booking a Disneyland Paris trip and I want to know the cheapest way of getting there because I looked at the Eurostar and it was going to be £1500 to get there. £1500? £1500. When are you looking at going?

The whole family in May. Okay, so with your start. Don't go and do it. I recommend Flixbus. Don't do Flixbus please. 1500 pounds. When are you looking at going? The whole family in May. Okay, so with Eurostar. Don't go and do Flixbus. Don't do Flixbus please. For the Eurostar, you're better booking as far in advance as possible. So that would be the thing. But so you can absolutely do it for cheap, but probably for next year. Planning and planning for next year on the Eurostar. Do you know what you could do? Mm, this is gonna be rogue. See, the flex.

Well, there's something called Eurostar Snap. That's what I meant. Have you heard of that? No. No. We're really close though, James. He's learning, he's learning. Snap. Eurostar Snap, you can book a day

and then you say either if you wanna travel in the morning or the evening, but then you do not know what train you're gonna be on until 24 hours before. Absolutely not. No. Again, if it was just me and my husband, yes. I think they're on the fence.

Gee, what do you pack? Well, you get yourself to London, have a nice day. What are the timeframes? So it's like your train could be like six till midday or 12 till five. Okay. Yeah. And they tell you the day before. Oh, you want five past five. So they're not where you're going. No, no, no. You know where you're going. Oh, fuck. I was about to say fuck me. I don't want to be bloody. I want to Paris, but fuck I'm in Brussels. Yay. Actually, that was a cheaper one. Oh, I wouldn't mind the time.

Yeah. You pick morning or night. But you know, you're going to Paris. No matter what. Actually, that if that was a cheaper one, I would get that. Oh, I wouldn't mind the time. You pick morning or night. You know you're going to Paris, no matter what. How much cheaper is that? You can get it for like 30 quid, which when you're booking, it's normally in like two weeks time. Which is really cheap compared to. So for a last minute, that's quite good to do. I'm going to get home and have a look at that.

It's fun. Maybe one for like the adults holiday. Yeah. I'll play with time. I just won't play with destination. Yeah, absolutely. So that's one way of doing it. The other way obviously is flying to Paris, but we've spoken about this before. Don't fly to that cheap Ryanair airport. The Beauvais. Oh, there's another one. We've spoken about it on the podcast before. What do we call it? I can't remember. No way. Beauvais. No way. Yes, there we go. We need you head of Brandon. Head of Thomas. How do we catch cases? But yeah, that's the thing. There's so many different options for Paris that what can be really difficult is you fly into one of those airports and they're so far away.

What you're saying is the best one Charles de Gaulle? Yeah, because then you can get... Charlie G place to be. That's what it was. No, it was Charlie G TGV because TGV is the train that takes you direct there. It's pretty, you know, it's affordable. It's easy. It gets you there. But ultimately I feel like loads of people, especially if they're not living in, you know, the south of the country, forget the ferries there. Yeah. So you can even get a ferry from like Port's Hole.

You've got Newcastle as well. And then you've got all the ones down there as well. And then you've got the car. You can pack it up. I want to go to Spain in the car. I'm honestly on time. I know. I'm so excited. You can get to Portugal

in the car on the boat and the car train. Go anywhere really. It just depends how long it's going to take. So I think this one took about three days, but I'm going. By the time we get there, we've got come back. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. We only went for seven days. We spent six of them in the car. What a hoot. We actually looked at driving to Spain last summer. We did a month in Spain with our kids. And I like, do you know what? No, someone's always like, I need a poo. We're going to get pulled over on a toll road. Like loads of shit. Yeah, but that's meant to be the fun.

Can't take him anywhere. That's meant to be the fun bit though. No, we ended up flying obviously. Yes, obviously. Obviously. Obviously. My mum didn't like flying. My dad can't do boats. So growing up, we very much had car centric holidays. Yeah. Do you know, we rarely got a train. I'm from North Wales. There wasn't much next-generation. She just drove everywhere. So yeah, we always tried, to be fair. Did you? Yeah. I'm from Cumbria, right at the top. And then we would drive to Cornwall, Norfolk.

Oh, it's so far. Two days. What are your memories of being in the car? Is it like sick? Car sick? Car sick? Yeah, I got by a car sick. But I remember like holding up signs to the traffic. Yes, it was really fun. It was fun, but I don't think they do that anymore.

I had a lot of time in the car when I was a child. It was a riot. I used to love getting in the car, snuggling down my big blanket and my pillow. We had a Toyota Space Cruiser. I remember that, because you had so many children. Yeah, it was a lot of kids. Yeah, four of us, mum and dad. It was a huge thing if you've never seen one before. The engine was in the middle of the car. So if you were in the middle seats, you could put your feet up on the warm engine. The burn. But when you've been in

there for a long time, that was a hat So you should have been over sitting in the middle, in the middle seat. Yeah, that was the best. Like you literally had a foot rest. Yeah. I think my mum's had bought that car for 800 quid. Wow. Which back then was 20,000. Gosh. We didn't know your nightmare. So mine isn't kid related, but we had a total man, me and my husband, when we weren't husband and wife, we were going on holiday to America and he was planning on proposing. But he didn't get me a ring because he knew I wanted to choose my own ring. So he bought me a necklace. So he had this really nice necklace, but for some reason he put it in the hold luggage

and we were on like budget flights to San Francisco that were stopping in Reykjavik, obviously. And then when we got to Reykjavik, our onward flight got canceled. So we had to jump on a flight to LAX, but our luggage was stuck in Reykjavik. So we're now flying to LA where we weren't intending on going. And our luggage with the necklace to propose is in Reykjavik. So we just turn up and we're like,

I said to my husband, like, obviously after like, how were you so chilled about that? I was going to say, because he couldn't tell you why. I would have been like the fucking necklace. And also like why he didn't put it on his person. I think he thought it maybe would like beat the scanneranners and you'd have to like reveal it to the airport security. You're like, will you marry me here at the Gatwick terminal? Sorry, I'm having a pat down. So I get why you didn't do it, but I'll just in retrospect, I was like the stress. And then we had to fly to San Francisco and go back and get our luggage the next day. And he got it.

But we just didn't know whether we were going to see our luggage again that holiday, let alone like ever. And how long ago was this? This is 2016. Oh, did you put in an air tag in the suitcase? Was that a thing then? Yeah. No, no.

No, 2016. Do you think 2016? Nine years ago. No, you're right. You're right. We didn't have that technology back then. We didn't. No.

You know? It was the old days. But mind you, the thing is the air tag trick is it's all well and good if you get it back. But if you don't, you just get to watch. You look good. Black bag, bloody guys. Oh great. Someone else has got my neck. Brilliant. Have you enjoyed that? Someone's wearing my pants.

With my initials on it, by the way. So jokes on you. Hey, air tags are only 2021. Oh, no way. I was going to say air tags are only really recent. Yeah. But in my head, 2016 was two years ago. I know. You know what it is. Yeah. It's like the year 2000 was like a few years ago. 100% not 25 years ago. 100%. Well, thank you so much for sharing your holiday nightmares. You share nightmares of your own on your podcast a little bit too, don't you? A bit too much probably. TMI. TMI. Right. Well,

if we ever, if we get any that are mum dad's you know family related, we'll send them over. Have we got any travels we'll send them back. Perfect. Look at this union. It's time for, bizarrely the most popular part of the podcast is what Jack tells me what the stats are. It's called the bad reviews feature. Here's the jingle. The bad reviews feature. Wow. You should have gone down, down, down. That was off the cuff guys. That was shit.

Can I just say? Shit. Don't keep that in. Clip that. We'll use that every week. This is where I put your travel skills to the test, all of you. Okay, so you're gonna be- I'll read you a bad review.

Wonderful. And you've gotta use your brains to work out what it's from, could be a country, could be attraction, could be anything. Okay. Okay, and then we'll reveal the answer in part two. Are you ready? Yes.

This is the review. Not what it used to be. Blank would hate it. Everything is now for a fee. Remember when you used to hurt yourself, you could just go to the first aid facility and ask for a complimentary bandaid. Well beware now as it'll cost you. Regardless of whether your child has hurt themselves, you could actually sue them for it. Oh. Is this a review of a first aid tent? Maybe. It sounds like it's a review of a first aid tent at a tourist attraction.

I love that you said, is it a school? Sounds like a bloody school. Do they charge you classes in schools? Don't think so medical. Do you have another clue for us please? It's going to go along the fee element of it. Concentrate on that side of it. Okay.

Additional line. Remember when the shuttle from the airport was included. Be ready to pay for that too. I used to be an annual pass holder. You won't see me back anytime soon. No, well, it's given theme park. It's given theme park. Disney?

I'm thinking Disneyland Paris. Right, shuttle from the airport used to be free. Yeah, that sounds like it's given theme park. It's given theme park. Disney? I'm thinking Disneyland Paris. Right. Shuttle from the airport used to be free. Yeah, that sounds like it could be a thing. Was it free though? I don't know. Well, I think. Oh, sorry.

We're just guessing already. Join us in part two for some more holiday hacks. Welcome back. Now we are in the middle of bad reviews. The game. James, can you please thank you. Can you please refresh our memories? Yeah. Trying to work out. Not what it used to be. Everything's now got a fee. If you hurt yourself, you get charged for a bandaid regardless of whether the child's hurt themselves. You could sue them for it. Also, the shuttle used to be free. Now you've got to pay for that. I used to be an annual pass holder. You will not see me back anytime soon. It's got to be something like a theme parky holiday, isn't it? 100%. Whether it's got

to be like Paris. Are there others apart from Disneyland Paris that you can think of? Well, the only thing for me is they say band-aid, which is American. Don't think about Bob Geldof. I'm just thinking about the language. Don't think band-aid, we'd say plaster. Plaster. There could be an American visiting France.

You're right. You're absolutely right. But would they visit France that often? Would they be that aggressive? Yeah, annual pass. That's a good point. So we think in flow rider, maybe, but was actually there could have been a shuttle because it doesn't say a train does it? Shuttle is a bus to Orlando from the airport to it's only the band-aid language. That's me. And the annual pass thing. I think that's a good, because we wouldn't say, would we say an annual pass? We say season ticket. I would say annual pass. Would you say band-aid? You can get an Alton Towers annual season ticket. Interesting. I do know that the Americans are

very like they have their annual passes. They're really on it. Yes. And you've got to live near a theme park to have your money's worth out of that. 100%. So what we think, Disney, is it world? Disney world is the one in Orlando. Yeah. I don't think it's America. I think it's UK. You think it's UK? You can split your decision. I'm going to say Paris. There are no rules in this game. I think America. Okay. we've got two going for Orlando. Interesting. One going for Paris. Because it is Disneyland. Paris!

Paris! Paris! Well done. Paris. Yeah, the band-aid was a bit of a curveball. I don't think the Americans would be that aggressive about it and moan about everything. We're a Brit, we love a moan. We like to complain.

Yeah, we do. We really like to complain. Who's going to get band-aid though? I don't know, my children say band-aid. Can I get this out of the refrigerator? I didn't know the shuttle used to be free though. The shuttle used to be free and the is now included in your price. If you book a package. If you book a package. I see. But I tend to stay in park now because I found out that it's cheaper to just stay in park. Well, in planning my holiday the other day, they said to me, get a bolt. Get a bolt off there. Really? What?

Get a taxi all the way there? Rather than a shuttle. It's only half an hour. Where did we stay last time we went? We didn't. We just did it as a day trip. That's it. That's why. That's why you didn't stay anywhere. You just dipped your toe in and off you went.

That's exactly why. Was this you complaining about the shuttle? Yeah. That's why you only stayed today? You won't see me there anymore. I got a boo boo on my knee and I complained about that. Can I ask this though? Have you come across this being charged for like first aid facilities?

I always take mine with me. That feels wild though, right? I don't think it is. I just think it's an over exaggeration for somebody that's clearly peeved off at the price of a sandwich, you know. You can't trust a bad review always, James. Are you checking that these are legit? Are you calling them? Yes!

I'm not ringing them. I'm not ringing them. Can you give us proof? Show us your ass. Is someone messaged in this in here? No. Where have you got this review from? It's from a TripAdvisor style site.

Wow, nice. Yeah, TripAdvisor. Got you. But it is TripAdvisor. Got you. It is TripAdvisor. It's done. Yeah. Anyway. Have we got another one?

No. Oh. We've got postcards. Oh, exciting. Okay. From who? It's now time for some listener postcards. This is the chance where our listeners can send in either, you know, a digital postcard

or sometimes a physical one. Stop it. We've had some physical ones. Stop. Where are they? The big one. They threw them in the bin. Budapest? North Korea sent one. Yeah. Yeah. We're not sure how legit it is.

I said that I wanted one from North Korea and the first one that was sent in was from North Korea. Well, there's a photo of Pyongyang on the front. Where was the stamp? Yeah, the red stamp. Reading. Oh yeah, if you want to send one in, Passports, please, pod.com. Scroll down, find the address, it's there,

pop it in a post box and then you know how the rest of it works. Yeah. And if you want to just send us something by email or you can slide into our DMs on socials at Passports Please Pod or send us an email at hello at PassportsPleasePod.com. Wow, that was a Passport Please Pod. Honestly. Wow. I know. Gotta get your mouth around that. PPPPs. Passport Please Pod Pals. Do we happen to have any physical postcards this week? We do! Yes!

Amazing! I love it when people send stuff in. Yeah, so how are they from? So it's from Zermatt. Oh wow. Hold on, what's they say down there? What's this? Oh, these are the different areas.

That's what Florida was going to say. No, it's not. Holy moly. It's a load of Swiss places that I cannot pronounce. And I'm not going to attempt to. Yeah, right. It says, Hi, James and Chelsea. I'm enjoying passports, please. You asked for a postcard. Having a weekend in Switzerland now in Zimatt. Going on the Glacier Express tomorrow. Wow. Do you know what the train is? So it's this incredible train where the windows are completely clear and you sit in it and you just get to see these like snowscapes

coming past you. You go to the mountains. Yeah it's incredible. It looks absolutely amazing. And you get food on there? Yeah. Oh, it's like you're on an express. It's like a train with a sunroof. Wow. It's not particularly cheap, but the hack... It's the experience. It is the experience. The hack is you can just get a standard Swiss train, like basically on the same route,

which still has quite big windows, you know. Okay, which is just like Southern Railway. Yes, exactly. Go on the Swiss Southern Railway instead. That comes from Tetley who has sent us a postcard before. He's better traveled than us. That's what I'm saying. But thank you so much Tetley for that.

Right, shall we crack on with our first question? Yes, let's do it. Let's do it. This is from Elizabeth. Hi, Elizabeth. Hi guys, would love your thoughts on airport transit times. Oh, okay. Okay.

Buckle up. When booking long haul flights, there's often a layover and a change of flights midway. The amount of time given to transit can vary hugely even for the same trip. Yeah, it really can. For example, my partner and I are booking a trip to South Korea. Yes, we've been there in a few months. Yeah, it really can. Okay. For example, my partner and I are booking a trip to South Korea. Yes, we've been there in a few months. We're looking at an Air China flight stopping off in Beijing airport.

On the way there, it's a three hour 25 layover. On the way back, it's two hours and five minutes. Okay. My question is, how are we supposed to know if the time given to transit is long enough? Yeah. That is from Elizabeth. So we, me and James have done... Chelsea, you have to answer this one. Okay. Me and James, please chip in by the way, if you've got any experiences of having to dance.

You might know more. Yeah. Me? No. Chelsea, yeah. Take it away. You don't fly, take it away. Basically cancel the whole trip and just stay home. Don't fly anywhere. Yeah, watch on the telly. South Korea is great though. Yeah, me and James literally did a very similar journey because you can get absolute bargainous flights. I think our flights were like £430 return, but yet to stop off in China. And we stopped in Beijing. Yeah, they didn't know where gin tonic was. They didn't. They gave us a glass, a wine glass and filled it was. They didn't. They gave us a glass, a wine glass and filled it to the top with gin and then gave us a bottle separately of tonic.

You guys had a great time. But we did have a five-hour layover. So we had plenty of time. Now the general, I'm going to say a general rule of thumb because it actually depends on a few things. But I would say if it's domestic, you need at least like an hour, an hour to 90 minutes. And if it's international, two to three hours feels comfy. Why would you need so long? Just in case your flight before is delayed. I was going to say then you've got to get everything off. Yeah. It's just, that's just for like general peace of mind. But you're lucky. You'll go through automatically, right? Well, this is what we're coming onto. It all depends.

So it depends on a few things, including your route, your airline, the airport you're transferring in and how you book the flights. So to start off with the route, are you flying into the same airport that you're flying out of, off your layover? This can really catch you out.

It's like if you fly to Istanbul, they've got two airports, international airports. They're at complete opposite ends of the city, so far away. And sometimes you don't realize that you're not even flying from the city. Exactly. So make sure first of all, and the same for Beijing, they've got multiple airports. So you have to double check that you're actually going out. The connecting flight is still at the same airport. Yeah. So that's one thing to check first of all. Then the airline in general, is your airline known for good customer service?

That helps. That means that you can probably have a bit of a shorter time. Is there any good airlines to name for? Well, there are definitely some better than others. Yeah, I would say. Let's not name who I flew to San Francisco with via record. And then you've also got the airport. How big is it? Yes. Some airports have got such huge terminals.

You've got to get a train between them. Do you know what terminal you're flying into and flying out of? All that information is super handy. I would not be traveling. You already got off. I'm already like, fuck this. Thank God I don't fly. Just check down.

Just gross. Can you not just get a direct flight? You can, but often it's so expensive. Like for Korea, you're looking at a grand. Would you not just save that up and go when... I wouldn't, I love it. You, she's cheap. I love an adventure.

Yeah. I do like getting off and stretching my legs though. Yeah, I do like that on a long flight too. I'd rather break it up. And some places genuinely take too far to do in one go, like Australia. Or can you go there directly? You can, you can fly direct. I think there's one to birthright.

I don't even like a change on the train. I always go to the direct train. Direct route, yeah. I don't want to be getting off. No, look, I totally get it. And if you can get it train route. I don't want to be getting off. I totally get it. And if you can get it for a similar price, I would always opt for that. I'm not doing it for funsies. I'm doing it because I'm saving money. But one thing you can do, which is worth doing, look at your flight because often the same flights go every

day or every few days and you can go on like flight radar and James loves this. You can track where they're at. You see what flight it goes in. That's just come from Korea. Wow. Yeah. That is really cool. So you could do that with this Korean flight and just almost like play it out a few times and just see how is it arriving on time? You start to build up a bit of a routine around, oh right, yeah, that's coming in time. And then you can even find like floor plans of airports and things like that and be like, what's the gate that I've got to get to and from?

So you can play it out like that. It's not going to be exactly the same on the day that you fly and travel, but it starts to, the more knowledge you have, the better it is. It's like a puzzle, isn't it? You're just trying to build the picture, aren't you? Yeah, that is really clever. I like that. But the final thing is how did you book it? So if you booked it with one airline and they're the ones who said there's a layover, it's up to them to get your baggage from one plane

to the other. And then you just like, you normally, for most places, you will just stay airside in the airport. You don't have to come out. You can go to duty free, have a drink. Exactly. That's where you get half the time. However, if you've done it yourself or it's two airlines that aren't linked, that's really when you're going to fuck shit up, right? You might have to completely come out of the airport, get your bag and then recheck back in. I'm tired. I know. I haven't even planned this. So that's the big flag. Wow. That's the, and sometimes you have to go through immigration and all those stuff. So if that's the case, then you need hours. Get me to Buckingham.

Like please don't think you're going to do that in two hours. So as always, I always feel like this is the case. I'm so sorry. Like no answer is super straightforward, but you know, that's really good. That was really informative though. You've got to break it down. That was wonderful. Go you.

Oh my God. There's so much more support than you then James. If you two just want to come in every week. Yes, we'll be here every week. Don't you worry. Okay, finally, we always end on a bit of a holiday nightmare. And this one is actually a digital postcard from Wolverhampton. Oh, a bit close to North Korea.

This is where you're neck of the woods. Look, we've even got... Wolverhampton? Yeah, holidaying in the UK. Oh, sorry, I thought you meant where I lived. I was going to say. So, when we were off... So, here's our postcard that I think they must have created.

It says, I want you... Is that what they say? I want you. I want you. What, in Wolverhampton? Love from Wolverhampton. Wish you... Wish you was here, bab.

Oh, wish you was here, bab. I wish I was here Bob. I wish I was here Bob. There you go. That's beautiful. That is beautiful. And Jack, this is the moment. So producer Jack always, he covers up these nightmares. He just doesn't want us to have a sneak peek.

So this is where we are. I just put my tablet down when I have to read them. We should start doing that. I can't read them anyway. And the speed that she reads them at is mental. So Jack, are you ready? We can't with the cat trays that we didn't steal from anywhere. Take it off.

Take it off. Take it off. Take it off. We have not seen this. We have no idea. We don't know what this is going to say. So please feel free to chip in and react. I wanted to share with you something my husband would very much see as a hack.

And I see very much more as a disaster. Hopefully you can help us decide once and for all. In 2012, as boyfriend and girlfriend, we'd booked a holiday to Calador in Majorca. Absolutely gorgeous. Couldn't wait to sit on the beautiful beach and watch the world go by. One evening we're sat on the rocks on the most beautiful spot on the farthest point at Cala Esmeralda. My then boyfriend started to look really unwell, sweaty and a bit stressy. Well, if it feels like he was having a moment like, yeah, exactly. Or he's taken a, or he's got the shits. He's either proposing or he's either got the shits.

Or he's taken something. Or he's had a bad shrimp. Shrimp. Bad gambas. I'm going shrimp. Seafood linguine. He then reached behind him to reveal a bottle of fizz and proceeded to get down on one knee and propose. Yes, yes. I excitedly accepted the question and marveled at the beauty of a ring

he'd chosen. Then things got weird. What could happen? Why would he know? He shit himself. Yeah. Has that what happened? I do. Maybe we were all right. Maybe we were. And he put himself. Sliding it onto my finger, he started talking about how he was relieved that the ring was now my responsibility, like some sort of contraband package.

It seems to have been a real weight off his shoulders. He proceeded to explain that he'd been so desperate not to A. Lose the ring, B. Get his bag searched and we find out about the ring and C. Get in trouble with cousins for having a tiny diamond. This fit, why is he so worried? I don't know. Stolen? What's he done? Where's this ring come from? Being the slacker and leaving me to pack, he knew I'd see it in his case. So he decided there was only one option. He smuggled it about his

person. Oh God, where is this going? Oh my God. Is it going there? He revealed to me that the diamond ring had actually taken the entire trip to Majorca, including a very sweaty delayed flight and an hour and a half long transfer on his cheesy middle toe. Oh thank god I'm so relieved. Fuck Lee I thought you were going somewhere else. I thought you were going to go bumhole. I thought it was bumhole. Yeah guys I don't think we needed to say it. I'm so relieved it was just his middle toe. Wow do you know that's how to really make a cheesy middle toe seem like a good thing. Yes. Yes.

Wow. Wow. So my delightful new piece of jewelry quickly became a reminder of why over 10 years of marriage later I'm most definitely still the packer and he's most definitely still the slacker. Needless to say, I wore the ring home like a normal human on my finger where it remains. Nothing since has been deemed important enough to smuggle in his socks. So is storing valuable things in your toe a packing hack or officially one to sack? Love you guys. Back to you in

the studio from Anna the Packer and Lee the Slacker. What I want to know is when they got there, unless he proposed straight away, what did he do with the ring? Because he would have had to wear his shoes and socks everywhere. Yeah, and then did he take it off? Did he just say, oh bear with me, I just need to take my shoe and sock off. And then took it off his toe. Yeah. He didn't wear flip flops on holiday, he was just on the beach in his socks. I'm going to say no. Want to sack off. Yeah, slacker that. Slacker. I just sack him. I don't know how to say, no. Want to sack off? Yeah, sack her that. Slack her. Slack her.

Sack him. Sack him off. It would rattle around. I can think of better places to store things. I just think that would be really, really un-painful. Cleaning the bum might be better. I think the bum would have been less painful. It must have been rattling around in there because a toe is not the same size as a finger.

Also, with a stone on it would have cut. Sometimes you're very uncomfortable. Use your brain. So what's our hack back to them is Lee, no to the toe. Yes to the bumhole. And why don't you just leave it in the box? Yes to the bumhole is what we've decided. Okay. Leave it in the box. Leave it in the box.

Yeah why don't you just leave it in the box. Sounded like when he was a burglar at one point, he'd stolen someone's jewellery and then he went on to imply that it had been smuggled up his bum. It is a tough one if you're going to propose and I bet loads of people have had this problem because lots of people do it on holiday, don't they? But my, well I say my mum and dad, when he did it, put it like a chain on his neck and just wore the chain in his t-shirt. Yeah, so that when he got to the destination, because it doesn't go off,

your jewelry doesn't go off, does it? But the scanners. Yeah. Yeah, well, I mean, it sounds like Stefan had a- He had a mare as well. He had a mare. I think this is a reoccurring nightmare. Yes.

I think it will always be though. It will always be an issue. I feel like there will always be an issue with proposals. Yeah. Don't you? Yeah. Yeah. Someone needs to invent something. Yeah. Someone get on it. So in there hides a ring. Yes. You don't have to put in your bum. Yes. Yes. Are we ending on bum? We are. That's exactly where we're ending. And also Anna asks if she can be a digital member of the PPPP, the Passports Please podcast buzz.

You can Anna, it's official. I want to be one too. Can I be a PPPP? Absolutely. I don't like PP. Honorary members, if anything. Do you like pee? Pee? I'm a pee family, are you?

As in to eat or to wee? Yeah, green. Oh sorry. Green peas. I like both actually. I like going for a wee and eating pee. I'm partial to a pee. I like a pea. Pea or bean?

Garden pea or petty pea? All petty pea. Pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea pea, you really love peas. We're pea fritters, yeah. Yeah, I just love food really. I think you were a pea pea pea pea. Matchropeas. Yeah, I love all peas.

Marry fat? Is that what you said? No, matchropea from Nando's. Oh, yeah, yeah. I like a marry fat pea though. No, they're the ones from the jar, early in the tin. No, thank you. Emma, should we leave that? Yeah, do you guys want to take this elsewhere? This is about eggs all morning and now peas. This is the breakout podcast. Peas or beans though, that's the tin. No thank you. Yeah do you guys want to take this elsewhere? This is about eggs all morning and now peas.

This is the breakout podcast. Peas or beans though that's the question. That's the thing. Beans. Oh the peas? Savage. So what have we learned today? We've learned P's are good. Yes, very good. U.S. Star Snap. Yes, could be a good option for cheap trains when you are flexible with your timings. Don't tell your kids if you're going to go to Disneyland on the train. No, until you're on the train. That's true. Yeah. And don't smuggle rings on your toes. There we go. Well, thank you so much for listening. You can get in touch either at Passports Please Pod or email us at hello at PassportsPleasePod.com. Or if you want to send a postcard, go to PassportsPleasePod.com for all of the information

of where to send them to. And so far, thank you so much. Make for having us. Thank you so much for having us. It's been a blast. It's been a blast. Yeah, make sure you go listen to their podcast and we will speak to you next time. Bye! Loved that. You can listen to more episodes of Passports, please, wherever you get your podcasts. We'll be back with our usual episode on Thursday. See you then.