Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Library Log

Episode Date: November 19, 2024

This week, it’s all about sore nips and surprising discoveries. Emma shares her struggle with mastitis, while Soph finds an unexpectedly satisfying spot. Plus, they dive into a listener’s chaotic trip to the library and a hilarious mishap involving zombie makeup. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Right, let's just get it off our chest because I don't know how long we've been in this room. We've been in this room for a long time. We've been in this room for a long time. We've been in this room for a long time. We've been in this room for a long time. We've been in this room for a long time. We've been in this room for a long time. We've been in this room for a long time. We've been in this room for a long time. We've been in this room for a long time. In the Secret Mum Club! Right, let's just get off our chest because I don't know how long it is now but I'm shitting my pants. The closer we get in the nerves are too much.

I know. I'm going to poo myself fully. I know, I know. Live show. You know when you just think of, you know, have you ever seen them videos when people just take a shit in the lift and they just drop it out their trouser leg? That's for you on stage. That's going to be me out at the bottom of my dress. Yeah. Although I have ordered dresses. Side of stage have you? Yeah I have. What are you wearing? I don't know I've gone for three options white pink and black. Okay. I thought pink is very on

brand. Yeah. For us. I'll probably wear black because I'm the dead to the soul Queen of Darkness. Unless you want to match me, do you want to be matching like the twin emoji? Well, I was thinking because I've got the award ceremony the night before. We've got to have two outfits in a row. Yeah, we've got double options. Or I was thinking though, I could just recycle, recycle, recycle and wear it two nights in a row. Who's going to know? Well, all of us.

You'll have to catch me first. I'm like a fucking whippet. Well, none of you are going to say are you? Oh, look at this dirty bitch wearing her dress two nights in a row. She had that on last night, don't you know? I slept in it. Yeah. Like a dirty whip it. Well, none of you are going to say are you? Oh, look at this dirty bitch wearing her dress two nights in a row. She had that on last night, don't you know? I slept in it. Yeah. Like a dirty step out. Yeah, so I've been, I've done dresses. So I might wear black the night before. Yeah.

Are you wearing black the night before as well? I will always be wearing black, no colour. Ever? Oh, really? My whole wardrobe is like grey, black or khaki. Is it? Maybe red. I like a navy. I feel like it's a sister from another mister because I feel like you literally,

you're my sister just two- Pees in a pod. Literally two peas in a pod. She's black, white, khaki. Sometimes she'll throw in a bit of gray. Yes. Yeah. And comfort, like I don't really ever wear like- Yeah, she's a dungaree.

Yeah. But then I bought some awesome dungarees the other day. Leopard print, full leper print, although they're coming from the US. I'm very excited about them. Don't know how long they're gonna take, but I feel like you're gonna love them. I love them overall.

I put these on this morning for the first time since I was heavily pregnant. What brand is that? Lucy and Yak. That's very popular, isn't it? These dungarees, yeah. But they were absolutely massive. Like the thing was like out here.

Oh, because you wore them with saving. I remember it was a bit sad. And I had to like really tighten up the straps because I was heavily pregnant last time I wore them but yeah I love a dunga. That's actually so incredibly sad. I know and it will never happen again. That's what she keeps telling us. Watch this, watch this pace. We all know she's having itchy legs guys over the roast dinner. Why not? Oh fuck that would be a rank condiment for the roast dinner. That's ridiculous I never make a roast dinner. Why not? Oh, fuck, that would be a rank condiment. That's ridiculous. I never make a roast dinner. How's your week been? My week's actually been tremendous. And Elijah, I've had a fabulous week because we had the

shits and diarrhea, didn't we? It's been on the up since then, is it? It has been on the up. It has been an absolute dreamboat. The weather's been a little bit, I don't know why I turn into the weather channel every time, but the weather's been a little bit great, hasn't it? I love these like, it's so warm, cold, but no, like but cold, but crispy and sunny, cold, but crisp. It's been, it's been very warm at home. I've not even had to wear a coat here in the day. No. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think it's been that mild. Maybe it's just me sweating my tits off the time. I'm weak though when it comes to cold. You're diddy though, aren't you? You're very tiny.

Well, I've been wrapping the kids up in their- Do you feel the cold? Yeah, and I've been wrapping the kids up in their big winter coats. Have you? Snow suits. Not snow suits, just coats. Oh, we still bad on a snow suit. I know.

When they sit in the pram, they're like a starfish. They can't move their arms. No, they've just got coats, but Sadie still can't get her arms out the end, bless her. So she is just like, yeah. Like that lady who had her hands sewed up in her bed she's like the sewn sleeves yeah that will forever be my favorite bless the poor lady she messaged in again didn't she she was like you idiots you got it wrong

dumb bitches you didn't even get it fucking right but But no, we've had a great week. We got the lead up to some birthdays coming. My sister's birthday's coming, Chrissy's birthday's coming. Lots of Scorpios, is it? Scorpios? No, Sagis. Sagis. Sagittarius.

Roxanne and Chris are both Sagis. I thought Sag was December. No, yeah, Chris is December 9th. Oh, right. And then Roxanne's December 27th. So they're both Sagittarius's. So theirs is coming up. We've been doing our ice skating lessons.

We're coming to the end of stage one. How's that going? I'm ecstatic about moving to stage two. Yeah. Yeah. Well done. I believe I met a wonderful woman, Fiona. She's a coach at another ice rink. She was at the one we're at.

And she actually told me when they get to stage three, they can start participating in the show. What are the show? I don't want to say that they might be ready for the Easter show, but I'm here for this. What is it like frozen on ice? This is Aladdin down at the ice rink. I know. Wow. That sounds fab. I know. So get me to stage three. It's not even me. It's the children. Yeah. But Tiger mom. I feel like I'm living my dream through them. Yeah. One million percent so get me to stage three. It's not even me, it's the children. Yeah, but Tiger mom. I feel like I'm living my dream through them. Yeah.

One million percent. Yeah, pushy mom. And then this week. Get in the show kids. Smile. I want to have an Aladdin and a Jasmine by stage three. And we also, as a treat, an early Christmas present to my mom and for my sister

and just a love gift to Chrissy because I love him. We had some permanent jewelry. What do you mean permanent jewelry? It's literally welded on to my skin. What? Well not, my mum was like, is this going to hurt? I was like, it's not actually in the skin. Oh right. It's just well, you don't have a clasp.

You can't, you can't, oh. Can't take it off. You can't take it off. So I got the baby's birthstones and then I got a little necklace with their initials and us girls got matching anklets. And then even cuter, Chrissy got exactly the same. That did make it sound like you were getting it burnt into your skin.

Yeah, I know, I'm sorry, I'm sure we'll explain the things. Oh, that's cute. What are their birthstones? We've got an aquamarine, which is Renly. Peridot is Colby and Dottie is a Sapphire. Oh, Sapphire's nice. What's Peridot? Green. Green.

It's like a light, don't know if you'll be able to see it. It's like a light green. It's a good job for you that all of theirs go really well together. They're all like bluey greens, aren't they? Although I said to my sister, she's got two Julys. We're Ruby.

Shame. Are they my mum? She's Diamond. Oh, that's a good one. Diamond are a girl's best friend. Diamonds are forever. Yeah, Ruby's a shit one. Back the fuck up. That's us. Isn't it? I actually really like Ruby and then the Ruby that she has is actually quite a pinky Ruby. Okay. So I have a deep red. No, I might just have my own, you know?

Yeah. Just make it up. Just fuck it. That's what my mom said. I'm just going to make it up. Yeah. The colors I want. So yeah, I've had a fun week. Nice. Honestly, it's been an absolute. Joy. Has been a joy. Kids back at school. They are back at school. We're fully back into school.

How's that been? We're loving it. Do you know what, right? I actually feel like I'm in my school era because they are both so happy and so content. Are they? Good. Colby literally runs in with so much joy, dots, she's been solid from day one. That

girl don't give a fuck. She's already at the door by the time you've got into the playground. She runs on ahead with her little friends. But no, we're definitely in our school era. Also don't want to speak too soon. You know, we got put on a lunch dinner ban. Did I tell you about that? No. We got put on a school dinner ban just before the school holidays because Dotty wasn't eating the school dinners. What? So they banned her? They were like she can't have them anymore because it's a waste. Rather than being like let's help her work through her eating issues. It's just that it's been brought to our attention that she's not eating the food so we need to. So then what? Which obviously I don't want that for her to not eat and I equally don't

want to be food waste for the school so I totally took it on board and I was like, I get it. Fine, but there might be this obviously an underlying reason. Because she was coming home with no pack, a full pack lunch. Do you send her with a packed lunch? So I used to send her with a packed lunch, but then she stopped eating them.

Right. So then I was like, cool, we'll go to hot dinners then. So she was eating them and then it just whittled down and down to the point. Because she doesn't like them or? I don't really know what it was. I don't really know. We just went for a really funny phase of,

this was all the lead on from the anxiety. Yeah, the scary dreams, the not having friends at school. And it was a whole midst of everything. And it was all in the midst of that. She wasn't eating. She was worried that she was going to choke, but there was a lot of things that was going through her little mind.

So over the holidays, we took a step back and we cook together. We've been cooking together. We've been prepping food, making lunch, making cupcakes. And it's definitely, definitely helped. So we're a week back into school and she's eating all the school dinners. And she's trying beef pie, chili con carne with nachos, quorn nugget fajita wrap. Things that she would never have eaten before. Never in a million years.

Maybe it's helped her to see what's going in it. And I think because she's making it at home, it's making her more intrigued to try it. So yeah, we're having a great time. Life at the moment is on the up. On the opposite side, I'm very overwhelmed. I've been struggling, I'm not gonna lie. I'm finding it a fucking lot.

It's been a lot. I don't know whether it's because of the school holidays was so busy, the house was literally turned upside down. I've had a week of just trying to regroup my brain. Yeah, I saw your Instagram story saying like, you just constantly feel like you're changing a tail. Honestly, I just feel like I'm drowning.

And I'm not like sad with it. I just frustrated that I just can't. Can't get on top of stuff. Of anything. I feel like that all the time. I can't get on top of the baby's reading logs. I can't get on top of the homework. I can't get at top of the housework.

I can't get on top of like Christmas. I wanted to have Christmas done by now. And I know that's a really unrealistic expectation. I get that, but I just wanted to be November to just be time to just chill. Yeah. We're banging on the door of December. I know.

And I'm nowhere near done. November's busy. And I'm overwhelmed. Yeah. And now December, we're packed out for all these light midnight walks. This is the thing. Then the December starts filling up. You've got your nativities, your carol concerts.

Pantomime. Before you know it. Walks in the dark. Before you know it, it's 2025. That sounds spooky. I didn't mean that. I meant like Christmas, like Christmas, like, yeah, yeah, like trails. Yeah, that's what I meant.

So yeah, I just feel like I'm not, I don't know how you do it. Like I feel like I'm not overwhelmed all the time. And you've got kids at school to add into that, which is like a lot more admin, isn't it? Like you've got to do like all these logs and homework. And you've got to, at the moment, like last week, I missed the consent form for the flu as to whether Colby wanted it up the nose or injected. I missed the consent form to even approve

that he's having the flu vaccine. I didn't collect Dottie's cauliflower mug. She didn't make a cauliflower mug. The brand is cauliflower, but she made a Christmas mug. I didn't collect that. She also had to go in wearing something. I forgot that. And you know, when you're just like,

I feel like the shittest, like this is my responsibility to have this shit together. What about Chris? Does he remember to do these things? He puts stuff in the calendar, but like there's only so much that he can remember as well. And because I'm putting so much onto him as to like, this is a list of jobs I need you to do while I'm working. Because some days when I'm working and

the days are busy, I have to shut myself in the bedroom and edit videos because Renly is really clingy at the moment. He's very, very mummy's boy. And bless Chris, he takes him out of the house, takes him for a drive. But some days I'm editing for two to five hours. So I sit in the bedroom away. Then I feel guilty that I've not had any time with Renly like it just everything is just spiraling on me it sounds like real neggy neggy but no I get it and then you feel like a shit mum when you're like oh they're the only one not in a Christmas jumper or they're the only one that didn't bring in a snack to nursery. That's my job oh Harvest I think I forgot something for one of their Harvest I was meant

to take in food for the Harvest so I had to drive home, get the food for the harvest, take it back. Then I was like, can you give it to, I don't know if it was Colby or Dottie now, I can't remember, but I was like, Oh, can you make sure? Cause they want to hand it in themselves. So don't just take it and put it on the side because they want to do it. So you need to give it to, I think it was Colby. You have to give it to Colby cause he wants to put it on the table. Because I've already let him down by not having the fucking stuff here. So if you can just give it to him in the classroom,

he can take it to the hallway, the hallway and put it on the table, you know? It's a stress. It's a lot. How are mums and dads up and down the land doing this and holding down jobs and doing all this shit? I'm in awe of them, I'm in awe of them. But this is, if this is any sign to anybody

and if it looks like I've got my shit together. I haven't. Don't have my shit together. Don't have my shit together. And somebody said to me on Instagram and you know, I'm not one to focus on the negative, but somebody was like, oh gosh, all you do is come on here and be negative. One, the whole, you even watch the stories, it wasn't a negative approach. It was just honesty because no one ever shows that it is. Life is overwhelming. Also, isn't it better to be honest and be like, everything's fine.

I've got all my shit together. Because then I'm bloody... Then you're lying. Yeah, then I'm lying because I haven't got my shit together. Wearing two day old pants. No, no, I'm kidding. At least I wash my pants. Yeah.

But I'm just not on top of everything. No. And I broke the iron, ironing board. Not the iron, I broke the ironing board so I couldn't get on top of the iron. So that backed up. Oh, God. And you miss one day and then you're fucked, aren't you? One day you're fucked, truly fucked. Honestly.

Then onto seven days, you might as well move out and just fucking leave it there. I feel like that with the laundry bin, it's never ending. I'll get to the bottom of it, I'll lift the lid up again and it's full. It's like a magic trick. It's like Houdini. Yeah, where's where it's come from? Do you know what piss me off because Stefan's always away, I'll empty it. And I'll be like, yes, I finally completed it, mate.

Laundry completed it. He'll unpack his suitcase from a weekend away. Fuck. Be fucking full again. Somebody said to me, you said your last load, but there is never a last load. And it dawned on me there will never be a last load. There'll never not be a sock

in the bottom of the washing basket. We're never gonna be naked, are we? There's always, it's always coming. Every day. I'm actually to the point where I'm like, can we just not wear any clothes? Yeah. Can everyone just live somewhere hot and not wear any clothes? Winter's annoying for that as well because kids are wearing layers and they only get washing every bloody day. And muddy. Wet and muddy. They get paint on them at nursery. They get wee on them. Football's muddy, ice skating's damp and wet. So yes, as much as I've had a great week, I've also had a wild week. Well, I want to moan even more because I've had a week from hell.

Stop it. There's me blabbering on about mine. No, I mean, I don't want to make a thing out of it, but if you could all get your violins out for me because I've been. No, because I did it last week though, didn't I? Yeah I've been so ill. Fuck off. You were ill last week I've been ill this week. Did I make you sick? No you didn't make me sick I had mastitis. Oh okay is that in your boob? Yeah the worst I've always dreaded getting it but I think it well it's more common when you've got a newborn because it's when you get like a blocked duct so when you're getting used to like your supply and feeding and stuff that's when you more commonly get it. Okay. So when I was, when Sadie was a newborn, I was like more scared

of getting it. But obviously now I've been feeding her for eight months. Like it's fine. But what I think happened was because we're winding down the feeding on the boobies, on the boobs, getting a bit congested, they were getting a bit congested. And I thought like, Oh, my boobs will adapt fine. Like whatever they were getting like a little bit hard and uncomfortable overnight. But as long as I fed her like once it was fine. Like whatever, they were getting like a little bit hard and uncomfortable overnight. But as long as I fed her like once, it was fine. So I like squeezed them out in the shower a couple of times, but they were getting a bit lumpy.

And then they started getting really sore. And I was like, oh, I think that's just a bit of like congestion. Like I don't think that's anything to worry about. But they got like so, so sore. And then I started to feel really fluey and sick as well. Stefan was working away and I was on my own and I was like, I don't actually know how I'm going to look after the babies.

Plus, because it was still, even though you had flu symptoms, it was still sore. My boobs are really tender, but it was like all the flu symptoms on top of that. So you know when you feel like really shivery and cold, your body feels achy, you're like sweaty, cold, you don't know whether you're hot or cold. I literally had to like be on the radiator at one point. I was like, I can't play with the kids because I'm just like, I'm so cold, I can't function. Then I was like, my body was aching, I had a headache,

like, and I just thought, oh, I've got winter flu, it's fine. Then my mom was like, you might have mastitis, have you got any redness on your boob? And I was like, dunno, like it's hard to see, like maybe. Is it like a hot patch? It's a hot patch because it's where when you get a blocked duct, it's where the breast tissue becomes infected. Okay. So I messaged a couple of my, it was all happening in my left. But I was like,

the redness is kind of hard to see. I didn't, I couldn't really tell whether I had it or not, but she was like, anyway, I had this, my mom had this with me and she was like, I was so ill. And I messaged a few of my friends and they were like, I've had it, makes you really sick. You need to get to the doctor quick and get antibiotics. So luckily I was able to get an appointment the next day. And when I looked at when he, the doctor examined me in the light of the doctor's surgery, I was like, Oh yeah, it's really clear in this glaring light that my baby's like bright red. And he was like, yeah, you've got mastitis, but he gave me antibiotics and thank God.

Like as soon as I started taking them, I felt better like the same day. Oh, incredible. But honestly, the day before, when I was on my own, Stefan wasn't there, I had to pick Joseph up from nursery and like solo bedtimes, always a bit of a nightmare anyway, let alone when you feel like absolute shit, you've got no energy, picking them up,

felt like I was bruising my body. I was like, I just, I could have cried. I phoned Stephanie, was on the train home from Wales. And I was like, I could cry. I don't think I've ever felt so sick with kids as well. Like, cause you just can't go and lay in bed for like three hours and feel better. I was so tired.

My eyes were literally shutting down. I was like, oh God, what am I gonna do but antibiotics thank God sorted me right out I'm still on them now but um what is it two weeks ten days oh wow it's four a day for ten days which seems like quite a lot I know I can't ever remember to actually even take them all because it's so every couple of hours I'm like oh need to take another pill yeah it's been it's been really savage so sorry to moan and bring the mood down again, but I just, anyone who's had that,

I feel for you because it is savage. Sounds savage. Do you know what I actually found the other day? I had a little lump on the end of my, like right by my, what's the pointy bit on your nipple? The areola? Yeah, no, the areola is the big bit. I think the pointy bit is just the nipple.

Oh, so right by my nipple I had a little lump and I thought that's so weird. So I watched it for a little bit. Bear in mind I've got lumps, not lumps but I've got like little pink. You have little bits on the areola anyway don't you? Yeah. So there was one and it kept getting bigger and I thought that's really strange. Then one day I got in the shower and it was yellow. Was it a spot? I had the biggest whitehead right on my nipple. On the end of your nip? That I've ever seen in my whole entire life.

Did you squeeze it and was it really satisfying? So much came out of it. It was absolutely divine. Love that. And it just kept going. Wow. Was it painful to squeeze it on your nipple? No, no. Just kept squeezing out. Honestly, it was absolutely incredible. Now, I'm actually quite sad that it's over. I keep getting in the bath and I'm like,

oh, is there any more in there? I totally know what you mean. Sometimes I'm like, I've had such a good spot squeezing. I just don't want it to end. I'm like, I want that to come back so I can get the satisfaction again. Can it fill back up again? Yeah.

Because I used to have my belly button pierced. When the scar tissue, I still squeeze mine. I still squeeze mine. Do you know what's the best thing? Because I couldn't squeeze it when I was pregnant when my belly button pierced, when the scar tissue, I still squeeze mine. I still squeeze mine. Do you know what's the best thing? Because I couldn't squeeze it when I was pregnant when you squeeze it after you've had the baby. The amount of shit that comes out of it. Because when you're using like moisturizers and stuff, it all goes in there, doesn't it?

And then when you get a squeeze it out, it stinks as well, doesn't it? Love that shit. We are fucking gross. I did smell my nipples. Cheesy? No, no. And then I was like, I said, Chris, do you think it's a spot or do you think it's like Cheesy? No, no. And then I was like, I said, Chris, do you think it's a spot or do you think it's like

just milk? Well, it could have been. What if it was a little blocked duct there? Could have been, but it's more like pus you were saying, is it? No, it was rock. Because it went yellow. Well, the outside was yellow. When I squeezed it out, it was bright white and it was rock hard.

Should have tasted it, like my mum. Get that in your mouth. Oh yeah, should have called your mum. Do you want to taste my milk? No, it was truly divine, honestly. Yeah, I love that for you. Thank you. I was elated about it. To cherry on top of my week as well. At my nipple. We moved babies into their new cots. What are you going to say babies? Oh, I'm in baby bed too. Oh. So how long have you done? Three nights. How long have you done? We're eight. How's he doing? Good?

He literally loves his bed so much. How's Sadie? Hitting this. Yeah. She's woken up. One night was terrible every two hours. And then the other nights she's only done one wake, which is really good for her. Incredible. But for a longer period of time. So I've been up for like an hour. Oh, that's not too bad though. No, I think we are, we've gone, we had two nights where he went till midnight and woke up. So we just brought him into our bed because I was like, I'm not going to stress him out.

And then he's going till like four o'clock and then four o'clock he gets into our bed till six. Amazing. Honestly, I'm so proud. Isn't there no better fit? You're so proud of them, aren't you? And I was saying this on my Instagram is that I think people are so judgmental as you let them cry out. They must.

I'm not a cry out. Oh no, me neither. I can't do it. I'm not putting them through that stress. Not only they're in our bellies, naked, they come out to this world. We shove a bottle in their face, shove clothes on them, then put them into these little spaces where they get comfortable. Then we move them to these big ginormous beds on their own. Like it's all about taking time

with these little people. So when they do it and they finally come around to it, because it is a process, it's so fucking rewarding. When they crack it, like I've put Sadie down a couple of times awake, because we used to always cuddle her off to sleep. And I put her down a couple of times awake and I just like hang about in the room to see how she gets on. And when she gets herself off to sleep. And I put her down a couple of times and wake and I just like hang about in the room to see how she gets on. And when she gets herself off to sleep, I'm like, my girl, go on. Go ahead, go ahead.

You do like a silent, you're like, don't make any noise. Just tip her out. And I keep saying to Chris, why are you breathing so fucking loud? Stop breathing. In the bedroom next to him, like fuck off and get out. Yeah, the only downside of this is,

cause they're Sadie and Joseph are in their own rooms, me and Stefan are back in the same bed. Cause it's the only way we can do the configuration. You're both in this together. And I'm fucking fuming, I want my bed back. Are you not enjoying being back with your husband in a bed? Anyone who says they enjoy sharing a bed is a fucking liar. I actually really enjoy sharing with Chris.

No, it's obviously better to have more space to yourself. No, I sleep in a ball in the corner at the top of the bed. What size have you got, king? Yeah. Yeah, well, we've only got double, so we're far too close to each other. Okay, maybe invest in a bigger bed.

Yeah, we'll need a bigger house. Go for a queen. We need a bigger house, then a bigger bed, okay? Okay, yeah, maybe invest in a bigger bed. Yeah, we need a bigger house. Go for a queen. We need a bigger house then a bigger bed. Okay. Yeah. Maybe ours is a double king. I do like the comfort of Chris though. I do like the comfort. It's a lot of getting used to it because we haven't slept in the same bed for a long time. A very, very long time. This is huge for you. Has been since Joseph. I can't believe you've just dropped this. I know because I wanted to moan about the mastitis and then I was like, by the way, we're all back in our own beds now. Fuck. You're like a proper functioning family. Well, I I wanted to moan about the mastitis. And then I was like, by the way, we're all back in our own beds now. Fuck, you're like a proper functioning family.

Well, I was going to say that, but it's technically actually not the political thing, is it? Well, everyone do what you want. You know, do what works for your family. There is no proper functioning room. What worked for me was having a double bed to myself. But you're all in a room each. Wow.

Back to normal. Fuming. I'm proud of you. Thank you. Proud of you. Proud of you. You've got your babies though in their little beds. But if she does cry, don't worry about it. And if your baby is still in your bed, who gives a shit? She still can't do it. Do you know what? Right. Somebody said to me, oh, if you're so concerned about why putting him in his own bed and so worried, why are you doing it? Because Chris snores like a fucking Hoover. Feels like he's sucking in the walls and it's waking the baby up.

Also, Renly now sleeps on his tummy, so I can't have him in the bed with us and him rolling onto his tummy when we've got all of our pillows and stuff in there. Like I'm too fucking scared. Also, he's crawling, with forward crawl. Yeah, he's out of it, like a bat out of hell. And I put him on the bed the other day,

just crawled to the end of the bed. Yeah, Sadie's doing a kickback like that. So if you leave her long enough, she'll go head first off the back of the bed. He rolls, missionary rolls, all the way up the hallway. He's crawling. He's realized that his rolling is faster than his crawl. So he just rolls.

So he just rolls. Literally, I put him up by the breakfast and he'll go all the way down the hallway. It's mental. It's just not safe for me to have him in the bed with us. And to be fair, I need to get my nights back before I go back to get ready for work. Yeah. So, oh, God bless you. What a week. New era for us all.

Bloody wild, isn't it? Big one. Emma and I really want to hear from you. We want you to join us in the secret mum club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about or just say, Hello. You can find your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about or just say, Hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search for Secret Mum Pod or you can email us hello at secretmumpod.com.

This episode is sponsored by It Ends With Us. Based on the bestselling phenomenon by Colleen Hoover, this captivating and faithful adaptation of the book is the perfect pick for your next movie night in. I'm going to tell you to watch it, but I think because you are the book worm between us, you need to read the book. I'll try the book. You've seen the film? I have seen the film and I don't, it's hard isn't it? Because every time I see a film, I want to talk to you about it, but I also want you to watch it. So I can't say no too

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Let the gratitude flow. Visit betterhelp.com today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.ELP.com. Calling all music buffs. Hey, hey, turn the volume up, yeah? Make Me A Mix Tape is back. I'm Jordan Stevens. I'm Clara Amfo, and this is our weekly music show.

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It's time for the Correspondence Corner. I was waiting for the the. So Emma, let's have this one. Alright. It says, Hi ladies, my name is Katie. Hello Katie. And I'm a 24 year old mum to a wonderful 8 and a half month old boy named Dougie. Oh my god, Dougie is an adorable name, isn isn't it? Yeah it is. And he's similar age to Sadie and Renna's. Yes. Half months. Listening to your podcast has been such a comfort. That

means we had sex at the same time. Yuck. Sorry sorry give that. Listening to your podcast has been such a comfort especially since our little ones are so close in age. Oh sorry Katie I'm sorry. I should have let you finish your sentence. Yeah, apologies. I wanted to shout out to Safina for sharing Renly's reflux journey. As a fellow reflux mom, I completely relate. It's one of the most isolating experiences. I've had days covered in sick with my baby so uncomfortable and it felt like the spit-ups, outfit changes and sadness were endless.

Like you, I started weaning at four months and seeing another mom do the same gave me so much comfort. Weaning hasn't cured the reflux, but it has helped. We still get spit ups and the milk doesn't always stay down, but it's not as tough as those early days. Lots of love to you both and to all the mums in the reflux trenches. It won't last forever. Love, Katie from Kent. Oh, good Lordy. Lordy. You made her cry again, Katie.

Oh gosh. Oh gosh. That warms my heart. Yeah. And there's a reason, you know, you talk about and I share my life is for that whole, it only has to be one person. Yeah. If I can make someone else feel less alone in this crazy fucking world.

And do you know what's really sad actually, is you know, Megan McKenna's just had her little boy land. Do you know what I was just gonna say? She's having real issues with him, isn't she? He's been put on a mop resolve and God bless her. You know, when you just, I just wanted to reach in the phone and just give her the biggest hug because I've been there twice round.

And obviously the second time round was a lot. And I say actually a lot easier to deal with. It wasn't even easier. It was just that he was completely different. They both had reflux, but both refluxes were completely different. And you were different parents. You already had eight years experience. Yeah.

So it is it is a wild journey and definitely. And some may think it's just a reflux, like, what's the issue? And until you live it, it's the most isolating, scary, unpredictable position to be in when you're, especially a first time mum as well. But it doesn't matter how many babies, it doesn't matter how many babies you have that go through it. It's the hardest thing in the whole entire world.

Like I always felt like with, I did it with Colby, but more so with Renly because it's so new. I just excuse that he stinks. And I felt really sad every time I gave my baby. Or when somebody be like, can I hold him? And you'd be like, yeah, but he's probably going to throw up on you and then he'd be sick and I'd be out or a friend would give him a quick cuddle and he'd throw up on him. And I'm like, I'm so sorry, you got to go back to work and you got to wear that outfit

all day. Like I'm... You're like apologetic. Yeah, and I felt really bad. Like I felt bad that he vomited on my mom and vomited on my dad, vomited on everybody, vomited everywhere on himself. He stank so bad. And I just, it's really, really hard.

It is really hard. And I think there is just not enough talk. No. There's not enough talk on it, but the reef, like with Colby, the weaning actually really helped Colby and completely stopped his reflux, but with Renly, it didn't. And now we're eight months in and it's very, very minimal, the sick, but we have no next to nothing now.

And it is a long process. It is a long journey, but he threw up his dinner last night and it hasn't happened for like two weeks. And then it'll just happen suddenly. And then it just happened suddenly. There's no explanation for it, but so bloody proud of you. Yeah.

That is, it's a lot to go through. And those things are really hard because it's like, I find yourself being like, you don't want to wish the stages away. But all you do is wish it away. But all you do is like, when they're a bit older, this will be a bit easier. Or when we get to this stage, they'll stop doing that.

Like Joseph had a really bad tummy when he was little. And I was like, I just can't wait for him to sit up so he can burp himself. I can't wait to be able to lay him straight back down and not wind him for hours at night. Like you're just thinking like, I just want this next bit to be over and over and over. And then you feel guilty because before you know it,

they're a year old and then you're an emotional wreck. I'm still winding him. I've got to wind him. Even after wind him after food. Do you? Yeah, cause he just can't get it out. And then if he does get it out, he'll just vomit. So we even have to sit like after dinner,

he has to sit in the high chair for a good 20 minutes, half an hour. So we do playtime and stuff like that. And we've started doing like silly things like crafty bits where we just put in, not crafty, but you know, like if you were to make a dinner and you have the saucy bit of it, I just tend to put like a little bit of the sauce on the tray so you splat in the sauce

and feeling the textures of it. Just to keep them occupied. Yeah, keep them in there, give them more cutlery and stuff like that. But it is hard, like I wouldn't say now I'm through the other side eight months in. And it sounds like, you know, Katie isn't as well. But it is a hard journey.

Journey. It's a very hard journey. It's a very hard journey. It's a very hard journey. But this has filled my heart with so much love. Yeah. And that's why I talk about it. Thank you. And God bless you.

You do an incredible job. Yeah. And I love the name Dougie so much. So cute. So cute. All right, I've got another one here. It says, hello, lovely ladies. I was listening to Emma's story about her holiday

and the struggle with dummies after nailing potty training. It reminded me of what we did with our kids. Oh, good. Oh, gosh, hope you didn't sew their arms together. So I couldn't get them. With my son now eight, we collected all his dummies into a basket for the elf, telling him the elf would take them back to Santa

and he might get a present in return. Wow. Good time of year for this. That is a great one. He hid them behind the bins and a few hours later, his dummies turned into chocolate and a monster truck. It didn't solve everything, but it helped. We did the same with my daughter using the Easter bunny.

Love, Belle. Wonder how old, she says her son now eight. I wonder how old he was when they did it. Was when he did that. Yeah. Cause does Jojo understand about Santa? He does now and he's asking Father Christmas for things. Oh, nice.

But he doesn't understand, he's got no concept of time. So like I've started dangling the Father Christmas carrot and saying, we can ask Father Christmas for that toy, but he'll be like, is it now? Is it today? And I'm like, no, it's in like six weeks. And then it's even Doc's does it. How long six weeks? Yeah. Well, it's not five and it's not seven. Yeah. But how long is a week? Seven days. Well, how long seven days? Well, it's like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday. Cool, okay, so what's today?

And I'm like, I can't, I can't. I can't go through this. Yeah, so many questions. I just don't ever know how to explain it. No, I'm trying to teach him the days of the week at the moment, because he's always like, is it a nursery day? So I'm like, these are the days you go to nursery.

So I'll be like, it's Monday today. Is it a nursery day? And he's like, what's Monday? We did color coded pants for Colby. So he understood. And you can get the ones with when they start reading. Yeah. So she knows the days of the week. I had days of the week pants when I was about like, I don't know, eight or nine, about 36. And my mom said it was a nightmare because I was, this is the kind of child and adult that I still am. I had to have the right days and the week, obviously. If my mom didn't have them clean,

I'd be like, where's Saturday? And she'd be like, it's in the wash. I'd be like, I can't wear any other pants apart from Saturday. On Saturday? On Tuesday? Ridiculous, come on Nicola, keep up. Yeah, no, I love that.

We'll maybe try it at Christmas. It's a good time to do it. Or we had like, yeah, nursery pants. We had preschool pants and home pants. Yeah, that's a good way to. And then I used to put the clothes out when he, because Colby used to really love as well, because he, when we had Dottie,

there was a little bit where he did struggle and used to get upset. So he used to help me get his clothes out the night before. Yeah. So we used to set them by the side of his bed. And then he obviously picked his preschool pants. So then when he woke up, he could see his clothes already out on his little pants.

He's like, it's a nursery day today. Yeah, that's cute. Yeah, I'm torn on the dummy because it's such a big help to us, honestly. It gets him into bed. It gets him, it's such a good bribery thing. And it makes bedtime as much easier. And it makes things like journeys easier.

Like if he's a bit upset, we'll be like, come in the car. You can have your dummy. It just gets us through the day. But he's still only did he? We could have that up our sleeves still, but I do think Christmas is a good time to maybe get rid of it. He'll be three in February.

So, you know. He's still very little though isn't he? He is little and he just loves it so much. Although the other day he chewed, you know, he bit through all the tes of them before Spain. And I was like, yeah, cause that's how he naturally kind of gave it up. And I was like, well, all your dummies are broken now

cause you bit through the teeths, they don't work. That's how he kind of naturally ended up giving it up himself. But then because we needed help with the potty training, we were like, have a brand new dummy back. It's brand new in the packaging. But now he has bitten through one of them. So now he knows there is only one dummy left. Oh, okay.

And we won't be buying anymore. So we'll see what happens because if he bites through that one, he knows it's the end. Wow, that's savage, biting through those. I know. He grinds his teeth. I think he finds it satisfying. So it's more like maybe the dummies more like a more of a shield. Yeah, a gum shield, if you will. Yeah, a gum shield, if you will. Well, we'll see what happens. But thank you, Belle, for the tip.

Thank you, Belle. Love that. So you can get in touch with us on anything at all. Yeah it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous. Because between us we've probably heard it all before and remember we're all in this together and we know that we are we're all stars and we see that. Right here's my secret for the week. We're wasting no time. We're going straight in. Yeah, do you want to know? I do. I'm dying. I don't want you to judge me and I don't want anyone listening to judge me. And I actually said that I would never ever have it done. I was going to grow old gracefully, but I can't handle that my face looks like an old wrinkly ball bag. I'm scared I'm going to just grow a massive set of kahunas on my fucking

forehead. I went for Botox. Did you? First time? I did. I had to try and mask. Actually, do you know what? I feel divine. Apart from I got a bruise. The bruise. Yeah. Can you see it? Yeah. Bruise one side.

Bruise in the crow's feet. I did get a bruise in the crow's feet, but I bit the bullet and went for it. I know it's not for everybody and I'm not having filler or any fucking stuff like that. I just want to try and smooth out my wiffy, you know? Obviously you can see that it's not started working. Yeah. I feel like I'm tuning into everyone's fucking wifi. You know, every time I raise my eyebrows, it's going to do that dialing tone from fucking 2010. No, I won't judge you at all. I can't bloody wait until I can get my Botox again. I'm a big fan. Is this your first one? My sister came with me. Yeah.

Did she have it done as well? No, no. Just for some moral support. She came with me for, you know, she's big sissy. She just comes for the moral support. And what did you get done? I went for a few bits in the forehead to try and smooth this out a little bit and some in my laughter lines, but I don't want to lose them completely. So I went for a few, just a few in there and then to get rid of my dick, I've got a big dick.

But this is the wrinkly ball back. Yeah, this sticky bit here. That's my problem area. My frown line is so strong. Chris says it's because I'm so angry. I was like, fuck, I'm not an angry person. It is, it's because we're frowning. I'm just surprised.

I'm constantly surprised. I won't be able to do this in a couple of weeks. You've got a very expressive face. I have got an expressive face. You have. And I don't want to lose that. No. So I haven't gone for a lot.

I just wanted to smooth it a little. Well, when I- Because they're very indented now, the wrinkly- Engrained. When I go there, I'm like whacking it all in. I think it's because I'm literally like this all the time. Yeah.

You're either surprised, frowning or lolling. Lo! No, I love it. And I can't wait to see the results, actually. I'm a big fan of it. I don't know how long it takes to freeze. Couple of weeks. Are they going to give you a top up? Yes. In a few weeks time. Yeah. I've got, well, I'm going for my nails next week for

ready for the party. Yeah. Um, and she's going to book me and then for my, my top up. Oh, lovely. Yep. That's nice. I am. I wasn't going to do it. You know, how'd you feel about it? I feel okay. It wasn't painful. Was it? No. Do you know what? Actually, I was really, really surprised. So I thought it was going to be quite painful and it wasn't at all. No. It was a little bit stingy but no some of them I didn't even feel and I was like fuck I've got elephant skin. No you're just hard I mean you've had three babies. And they didn't bleed. They didn't. She was literally like I've never ever done this and never had someone not bleed. I didn't bleed. All right, hard. I was like, even that I'm dead in the side.

I'm excited for you. I can't wait till we can be Botox twins and I'll get my forehead frozen again. Can't do it at the moment cause I'm still No, you can't be breastfeeding. You're not allowed that with breastfeeding. But I can't wait. Yeah, I love it.

I just had to hide the bruise. Yeah, only one side bruise. Should you be able to, should it be tender? I don't know. Does it feel tender? No, none of it's tender. But I wouldn't even say this one's tender anymore. It's just a bit purple. Did she say to you like, you can't lay down for a bit and you can't like do exercise.

You can't put makeup on. Should we let the cat out of the bag? I had to put a little bit of time. She's so safe she can't put makeup on. Well I just sprayed the brush and safe she can't put makeup on. It's a little bit of- Put your fake tan on instead. Well I just sprayed the brush and I didn't spray it directly on. Needed a bit of something something. Yeah I needed a little something too

because I was white as a ghost this morning and then with a purple eye. Yeah. Thought people were gonna judge me on the train. Yeah for sure. For sure. I got a huge bruise across the bridge of my nose. What did you do?

Have you seen that? No. I am- Fuck it's huge. I know. What did you do? It looks like I've been punched in the face. I actually forgot about it because it happened in my sleep. And I kept thinking, oh, I'll make sure you're back in bed with Stefan. No, this is actually punch her in the face. Shut the fuck up. Stop reading

so loud. No, this is I don't know what my excuse was, because this is when I was on my own. But he saw me yesterday and he went, what? Because I think I wear glasses. Normally, it's quite hidden and I have my glasses off and he went, what's that bruise across your nose? I looked in the mirror and I went, Jesus Christ, I've got this massive black. It literally looks like a nasal strip. All across the, I look like a boxer don't I? Yeah. I was actually kind of hoping I'd break my nose and then it would be straighter than it was before, you know, like it can actually sort your nose out when you break it a bit. So I wasn't mad about it, but what happened was in the middle of the night,

I went to shift position, like change sides onto the other side of the pillow. And I was way closer to the edge of the bed than I thought. And I just nosed to the bedside table. Just absolutely plowed it in the face. And in the shock of the middle of the night, I was like, fuck. When you're half asleep, you're like, why the fuck?

I know, but Sadie was still in my room. So I was like, fuck, get out, get out. And then I just went back to sleep and I kind of forgot about it until it's time to bruise. So there we go, but yeah, matching now. Oh, I didn't know I wasn't allowed to exercise. Yeah, you're not supposed to sweat for a bit, I don't think. And you're not supposed to lay down

for like a few hours afterwards because it needs to like not get stuck in like one bit of your head. Oh, you're having me on, aren't't you? I mean beauticians get in touch. I stood in the field for an hour afterwards. With Colby's football? Yeah. Throws your face off.

And I had to wear it, I wore a hat over it, go I hope that was okay. Yeah no it'll be fine. I think it looks great. Yeah. I think it looks, I mean nothing's fucking happened yet. I'm excited to see the results though. It was only yesterday that I had it done. Oh right yeah.

Well good for you. Thank you. Yeah. I treated myself. Yeah. And I did it me. No fucker else. Yeah. Yeah. Chris. Not for Chris. He's got a look at me as an ableist as I don't even have to look at myself. Yeah. Or in the mirror or in the area. Exactly. Love that for you. Thank you. It's self care. But it's self care. Yeah. Yeah. A bit of self care. Make me feel a little bit more confident in myself.

Yeah. God, I'm going to look like absolute bullsack next year at the live show. Well, hopefully it starts working in a week. I better get on it. That's my secret. So we're now going to roll into some of yours after this short break. Looking for a screen free way to keep your kids entertained and learning? Welcome to the Earth Rangers Podcast.

It's the perfect blend of animal adventures and eco-action that will capture their imagination and spark their love for the planet. Join thousands of other families and let your kids go wild with the Earth Rangers Podcast. Find it on your favorite podcasting app, and let the adventure begin. Oh! Can trees help us grow more resilient to climate change? At the University of British Columbia,

we believe that they can. Dr. Suzanne Simard and her team are connecting our future to nature. Their Mother Tree project could transform how we manage forests, capturing more carbon and safeguarding biodiversity for generations to come. At UBC, our researchers are answering today's most pressing questions. To learn how we're moving the world forward, visit ubc.ca slash forward happens here. This is an ad by BetterHelp. What comes to mind when you hear the word gratitude?

Maybe it's a daily practice, or maybe it feels hard to be grateful right now. Don't forget to give yourself some thanks by investing in your well-being. BetterHelp is the largest online therapy provider in the world, connecting you to qualified professionals via phone, video, or message chat. Let the gratitude flow. Visit BetterHelp.com today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com. This is the Secret Mom Club, the safe space for us to share our secrets. And we've got three we're going to be discussing this week. I say it every week, but it's always three.

There might be a week where there isn't. So keep your ears in tune. Emma, take it away with number one. Hello, Sophie and Emma. I was so sleep deprived a couple of weeks ago that I joined a work meeting with a full face. Oh God. With a full face of zombie makeup left over from my eight-year-old's Halloween practice run. The video turned on and I thought I had a filter on until I saw the horrified faces of my coworkers. That's when I realized, no, just me in all my undead glory meeting with my boss. Let's just say I spent the rest of the call keeping my camera off for connection issues. Love, Lily. Oh, that is incredible. I love that so much. That's the kind of thing you would do. I would have left it on. Yeah. I would have been like, look guys. Yeah, look it's Halloween. Look, fucking hell, let me just live a bit.

Get a sense of humor guys. Yeah. Go on, live a little. I'm a mom, this is how I live my life. That's phenomenal, isn't it? Also, commitment to the cause, doing a practice run for your eight-year-old daughter's makeup. Well done, Lily. Holy moly. Yeah. I wouldn't have had a practice run. I would have just gone straight there and then I'm not doing any of that shit. I'm going to be like, what never ever face paint. No celebrations. No nothing. No dress up. Just like that. The fun was gone. Oh, well, thank you, Lily. So much. Yeah. Thank you. Brighten their day though. It would have if I was on your meeting. I would love that. It would have truly made my day. Yeah, we've been phenomenal. Yeah. Okay, let's roll into number two. Right, this one says, Hi ladies, I've always wanted to be a mum and on November the 8th, 2023,

I gave birth to my beautiful baby boy. One year in, I feel lost. I'm constantly exhausted and we co-sleep and breastfeed and he doesn't take a pacifier. I haven't slept properly in ages. He wakes up 30 times a night. Oh I feel bad now for moaning about Sadie. We've tried putting him in his own bed but he just screams. His father works all day and while he tries to help our son only wants me. I've even tried a solo grocery trip but it just ends in him screaming. I feel like a roommate to my partner and I'm so tired and frustrated. We're keeping him home until he's two but I'm not sure I can cope much longer. Any advice you have would be so appreciated

because right now I hate being a mom and I hate myself for that. Thank you, B. Oh, B. B, I feel for you. And I'm sure you're not alone. Do you know what though, that you're really, really not alone.

I, you know, as much as we talk about that I've got the small things like with regards to the reef and stuff like that and being that I'm working from home, I find that itself isolating. But obviously Colby was really, really poorly for a really long time. He never slept. He never couldn't go in the car.

He used to scream for hours. I used to be on my own. I used to try and give him to my mom and my sister. He'd scream with them. I'd take him back. He'd settle on me, but he'd be more settled with me. So, and I think because they never let, I never let them take him out of the house.

I felt like I never gave up. I tortured myself. I truly, truly tortured myself. And I'm not, you know, B, I'm not saying that's what you're doing. I just think sometimes we are so, we want it and we struggle so much to let it go that in fact we are just hurting ourselves.

My advice would be to maybe have some, I don't know if there's friends or family around that can help. Even if it's just 10 minutes where they're sat in your house with him and you just go walk. Have a shower or something. Have a shower, go for a walk. If they can just take him around the block in the pram

or do something, even if it's just for 10 minutes, I don't know how much help or support you have. Um, but I would definitely, I feel like small, small bits of steps. Yes. Small, small steps of just trying to take yourself away. Step away a bit. Yeah, step away from him. It's really hard when they won't take a dummy. Yep. Because I think about my friends

whose children don't have dummies, like how do you actually soothe them? Like when I'm not soothing Sadie with the boo, which is obviously her first choice, she'll take a dummy and that keeps her kind of quiet. I know some children have like a muzzy, don't they? Or they chew fingers or chew a muzzy don't they? Or they chew fingers or chew a muzzy or have a teddy.

Yeah but if they're not taking it, like if he's not sucking his thumb or he's not taking a pacifier or a dummy, the only thing that will soothe him is the boob and you're the only person that can do that. That is such a drain on you. Which I don't, obviously I can't relate to that so it would be wrong for me to. But I can't relate to that, so it would be wrong for me to. But I can imagine how. Yeah, it's such a responsibility and it's so tiring, but you feel guilty because you're like, this is something I love doing, they love it. I wonder if Bea has tried putting Emma on a bottle.

That was my next thing I was going to say was, I don't know whether you've tried or whether he won't take a bottle, but if somebody else could feed him and just every other feed, you could get a break. That would be amazing. Maybe try and see whether your partner can do that or another family member. I think he's at work, so it would have to be evening. Or at night maybe. Even if it's nighttime, but was given to him by his dad, if his dad gets home in time, I don't know. But it's so hard to just be the one that's in charge of all of that. It's such a lot of responsibility.

Yeah. So I don't know as well. I know as well, obviously I don't know how comfortable you are with moving him off of the boob as well, but definitely I would maybe try introducing a bottle, even if it wasn't for somebody else to feed him, but to take that exhaustion off of your body. And maybe you start giving the bottle and then eventually over time, you start taking it from other people.

Yeah, from then somebody else. But it's obviously, I do feel like it is a little bit of a process and you're gonna have to go very slow and be very kind to yourself because it is a process. But I would say things like if there is anybody else around to help. Also walking, I found with Colby, I used to have to prop the pram up

and I found walking was really great. I know that again is tiring when you're tired to then try and go for a walk. But do it in small, small bounce rather than going for a big long hour walk. I used to walk really close to the house that at any time- Just walk around the block.

I could just quickly go indoors. But if I went 10 minutes and he was good, I'd go another 10 minutes. I'd go around again. And it does help to get some space as well. Just to get the fresh air. Maybe put a podcast on, just try and switch off from your baby for a bit,

even though you're still with them. And even if he screams, to be honest, Something else I did with Colby as well, which I don't really think I've ever spoken about, I used to bath with Colby a lot. I used to not only get myself in the bath, but I used to put him in the bath with me. And I just used to lie him on my chest,

or I used to just, we just used to play toys in the bath because I found the warm water calming for me as well. It used to really calm Colby down when he used to be really, really stressed. And it's a distraction for them as well, isn't it? But if Sadie's a bit ratty now at the end of the day and she's tired, I'm like, oh, walk string her out for another 20 minutes,

which she loves, kick her out in the bath. Yeah. And again, I used to, when Colby got to sort of one, you know, one, cause I, we didn't have any other children, bathroom was definitely something we take a bath at 11 o'clock. Yeah. Anytime a day, anytime a day. She used to put them in the bath and have a little bit of playtime and have definitely used to do things to try and tire him out. Yeah. Um, with regards to the co-sleeping as well, have you got any advice on the? I mean, I wouldn't stress about co-sleeping. If you don't have to go back to work

or the baby's not going to nursery, unless you obviously want to move on from co-sleeping, I think whatever you need to do to get a good night's sleep. But to be honest, if I wasn't going back to my other job, I would still co-sleep with Sadie. If Renly wasn't on the move and jiggering around so much. Because it's the way that you get the most sleep. But if you want to do it,

I think that is probably the most stressful part I've found of parenting. It's like transitioning them into their own cot. With Sadie, it's been all right, because I feel like I've had a bit more experience, but I remember it being a really hard time with Joseph, and I would be like in tears trying to get him into. I was asleep in the cot with Colby.

The amount of hours I stood outside Joseph's door and cause he did have a dummy, I'd be in and out 50 times, putting the dummy in, walk out, put the dummy in, walk out. But all you can really do in my experience from the method that I followed was to just do that. Keep going in, soothe them, come out.

Keep going in, soothe them, come out. I just used to sleep to get going. Sleep on the floor. No, I slept in the cot. Did you? Yeah, I slept in the cot with Colby to try and help him. And then I moved to the floor. I actually moved myself further away.

Yeah, and then I used to sleep by the door. And I, you know, there's lots of things out there, but that was the one that I chose to take. And I just used to sleep further and further. And then there was a time when I slept for like three nights outside, like in the hallway of the house, just outside the door. Outside the door. So there was one night he came slept for like three nights outside, like in the hallway of the house, just outside the door outside the door. So there was one night he came out and I was just laid on the floor because he transitioned

into a floor bed really, really quickly. Um, but yeah, I wish there was more advice I could give you. You're doing everything possible. Yeah. And don't feel guilty. Honestly. It's so natural to like, he obviously has to present your partner to feel exhausted. All that stuff is completely, completely normal.

Being at home is the hardest thing, especially when you're going through as much as I don't want to say it, but I am going to say because we're not doing the opposites of what each other's doing because I wasn't going out to work. I didn't know how exhausted Chris was and vice versa. He he now says to me, fuck, it must've been really hard for you at home with Colby and then having both of them at home

when I was going out to work. Because obviously now he's home and he's- And he realizes. And he realizes how hard it is. But I don't think, I'd never ever wanted to undermine Chris as to how hard his day was, but you can't- You're so much more generous than me.

I'm like, Stefan, your day is a fucking piece of piss compared to mine. I'd love to spend four hours on a train to Wales on my own in peace, watching a TV show, listening to a podcast. It is hard. It is hard to resent each other. And I think, you know, if there's things you can do

with regards to even if you lie in bed with him until he goes to sleep, even if you and your partner just have 20 minutes in the lounge together, just to debrief on your day. I don't know as well. Taking little small bits here and there. Take your wins when you can take them. So the moment you can have time to talk or,

even if you're having a bath and he sits in the bathroom with you, take your wins when you can take them and just say, can we just sit in the bathroom? I just really want to bath. Can you just sit, even if he's holding the baby. That's what I was going to say. I don't know how much your husband can help you

when he is home from work and whether you've voiced your feelings to him. But I think talking about it will definitely help. Yeah. And as well, I don't know what your childcare thing is. I know you said you want to keep him at home until he's two but if you really, really, really feel like you need a break and it's something that you're open to. And no one's going to judge you. You could look at childcare home until he's two? But if you really, really, really feel like you need a break and it's something that you're open to.

And no one's gonna judge you. You could look at childcare options before he's two. Yeah. If you can. I was gonna say that's, you know, I didn't know how I was gonna feel talking about that, but I was gonna say not that I'm telling you that's what you should do, but if that is your really, really last resort, you know,

I do feel like interaction with other children when you are a first time parent is so massive. And even if you can get like a couple of hours just away to yourself, I know you're still breastfeeding. They do mornings, ones near us do sort of mornings or afternoons, or even if you can put them in for maybe two hours. You just have to, you should have to not breastfeed

in for a couple of hours. But I don't know, if that's something that's possible. It's a slow process, if you have him on the bottle and you're expressing and he takes a bottle then maybe look at it is going to be a very very slow process but there is nothing that you are doing wrong. No. You aren't doing anything wrong all your feelings are valid how you're feeling in your relationship is very valid. Yeah. Like even now some days there'll be days where I'm so busy that I say to Chris bloody hell we're like just two roomies. Oh me and Stefan like passing ships.

Yeah, yes, but that is still, you know, we're eight years into this and it's still a very normal thing. And like, I feel like until the children are big and grown up, that's when we're gonna have to rekindle a relationship. Yeah, yeah. So don't, please don't compare yourself to anybody.

This is all very, very valid. And how you're feeling is very valid. And we appreciate you. If anybody has any more advice for Bea, please do let us know. But you're doing incredible. Yeah. Thank you, Bea. Thank you, Bea. Right. Let's have our last secret. All right. This one says, Hello ladies. I took my kids to the library to return some books. My son was potty training and since we lived next door, I didn't think to prepare. Big mistake. While chatting with the librarian, my daughter whispered, Mummy, David's done a poo. I quickly thanked the librarian and turned to leave,

but my son had already started pulling down his shorts. So much so that he dislodged said poo from his pants and it started to slide down his leg. David, this is going to be me on the stage at the bloody live show. David! He hadn't just left a few nuggets in his training pants. No, this was the Godzilla of all shits.

A literal log. Before I could reach the door, the shit popped its head from his trouser leg. Luckily, I had a dog poo bag on me, so I scooped it up, tied the bag and hurried us out. That was 20 years ago! I thought she was going to say it was the other day! That was 20 years ago and while I no longer live there I've since had five more kids. Wow. Wow I didn't put her off then. So she always had two and then three more. Five more. Five more. So seven. She's got seven children. Jesus. Thankfully David no longer poos in libraries. Thanks for all the laughs love Dee. Dee I'm more impressed. I'm

not impressed with David's poos. Forget the poo. You've had seven pints. Am I reading that right? She might have even had more because at the time she had David and her daughter, we don't know if there were any more, then five more. So I assume at least seven. Seven. Dee. Wow. What a trooper. Wow, that's phenomenal. And David's Godzilla shit in the library of all places. David's done a poo. David's done a poo. And out it pops of his trouser leg. That is a big poo, David.

Wow. Wow. And she had to live next door for years. How embarrassing. That was 20 years ago. That's the lady whose daughter David did a massive shit in the library. Yeah, every time I drove past,

I'd be like, that's where David took a shit. Every time she looked out the window. Go on David. How does David feel now that it's 20 years old? Yeah. And it's on a podcast now. Yeah. Now David, we're sharing your poo story from the library. He's got to be easily what, 22?

20, yeah, at least. At least, yeah. 21, 22. I mean, he might've been 10 taking a shit in the library. Yeah, we should even say. We don't actually know. No, we shouldn. At least, yeah. 21, 22. I mean, he might have been 10 taking a shit in the library. We don't actually know. She didn't specify David's age. She might have been 22 at the time. So we're talking like two to four. I think it wasn't like 16. No. No. Oh, God bless. It's always the way though, isn't it? Or just pop out and then they bloody get you. I know. The other day I popped out and Chris goes, God, you're brave not bringing the rocks. Like I just said, why the fuck would you say that?

You took a shit. Chris? No, fucking luckily, not on that day. Not this time. I drove all the way home, I said, that's you. You put a damper on it. Renly? Yeah, yeah, he took a shit.

He's been quite regular with his shit. So I pretty much timed the shit. Oh, that's good though. So we had a stealthy shit mid day and I was like, fucking hell. Yeah, Chris jinxed it. Chris jinx a stealthy shit mid-day and I was like fucking hell. Yeah, Chris Jinkster. Chris Jinkster. But thank you Dee.

Thank you Dee. We appreciate you and God bless you for at least seven bambinos. She must have been pregnant for years. What a woman. I know. I'd love seven children though. Would you?

Yeah, I would. Imagine a big join almost family. Yeah, when they're grown up maybe. I bet they have a right life now. Not when they're kids. Got it with seven kids. Can you imagine Dee's Christmas? Christmas, I know.

What are your plans actually? I'm so jealous. So thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. If you'd like to share your secrets with us you can. The email is hello at secretmumpod.com or with Secret Mum Pod on TikTok and Instagram. Have you witnessed a slider in the library?

Or have you accidentally left your Halloween makeup on? Let us know, there really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club. This episode is sponsored by It Ends With Us. Based on the bestselling phenomenon by Colleen Hoover, this captivating and faithful adaptation of the book is the perfect pick for your next movie night in.

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