Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Lipstick Crime Scene

Episode Date: June 29, 2026

Nap time takes a dramatic turn when one toddler gets hold of a bright red lipstick and leaves the house looking like a full-blown crime scene. Sophiena and Emma also share their latest potty training wins and setbacks, help one listener navigate baby number two versus a big family holiday, and ask the Secret Mum Club for advice after one exhausted mum reveals her three-year-old refuses to sleep before 11pm. Emma Spring Bank Holiday Sale is live! Get up to 25% off plus extra 5% using the code SECRETSLEEP at Emma Sleep.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Safina and Emmett will be here in just a moment. And if you love a good laugh at those times parenting doesn't quite go to plan, then we've got the perfect next listen for you, the Teen Commandments. Sarah Cox and Claire Hamilton look back at their own brilliantly chaotic teenagers while trying to make sense of parenting teenagers today. Along the way, they cover everything from the jazzles and floor drobes to famous snogs, fanny farts, and all the wonderfully awkward stuff in between. Search for the Teen Commandments and get the show lined up to play next.

Hello, this is a secret mom club. I'm Safina and I'm Emma and this is a podcast. This is a podcast for your entertainment or your sanity. Either one. This podcast is a safe space for moms everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do and as we know sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself, you can be anonymous. And all those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the secret mom club. Bam-b-b-b-b-h-h-bang. Shut me down. I hit the ground.

Bang-bang-bang. That awful sound. Bang-bang. My baby shot me. Don-bond-da-down. Don-down. Don-down. God, what a banger.

What an absolute tune. Big up your bad self. You forgot about that. Thank you. There was one summer. Me and Stefan went on holiday to, I want to say, Bangkok. No.

Sorry. I don't know where I meant Benadorn. I think it was because I had bang on the brain. Banging and. cocks on the brain. Sorry. Benidorme I meant to say. Anyway, that song was everywhere.

And also everyone was doing, there was like a dance routine that everyone was doing to something. I make myself sound very old now. But that song really reminds me of that holiday. Good times. Good times. Like me and my Lenica. Yeah, you and Wayne Linneker.

Yeah. We weren't together. Sovina it was six. I went to the Lenica's bars. I can't believe you went to Linneka's bars when you were like, in the 90s? There was one in Fort Ventura too. Was there? Yeah.

It was a Lenikas in Fortinca's in four. Toventura. Who'd know? Spent a lot of time in Forteventura growing up. Did you? It's meant to be lovely there. It's absolutely beautiful, yeah. Beautiful, yeah.

I haven't been since I discovered a phobia for flying. About 35 years ago. So how would you get there now? Walk. I would walk 500 miles. Fun fact, that's my dad's favorite song in the whole entire world. Is it? And when my brother rings him, that's his ring chain.

Is he Scottish? My dad? Yeah. No. Southampton born and Bread? Yes. Do you know what I was going to get Stefan for Father's Day? This is a while, this is a bit...

Something Scottish. Scatterbrain these thoughts. A kilt. No, an ancestry DNA kit. Have you ever done that? I really want to do the thing where you do the swab and it tells you like what countries your ancestors came from or like what makes up your DNA. But I think I'm more into it than him. So I was a bit like, I went to buy it last night and I thought...

I thought it was going to be something really exciting. An ancestry... Do you know why I want to do it? It's because my mum and dad have done it and my dad is Welsh and Stefan is Welsh. I think if Stefan does it. Oh my God, hold on a minute. You're not going to say they're related. No, but if my dad turns out to be more Welsh than Stefan,

who claims to be the Welshist man on the planet, he'd be absolutely human. And I think that would be quite funny. D-I-V-O-R-C-E? No, I'm not going to divorce him if he's left as well. He might divorce you. Fuck you, own your dad. He thinks he's more Welsh than me.

Your dad doesn't sound Welsh as, does he? No, he sounds like Courtney Geese. He does sound all right, Cochney Geese. I don't think there could be anybody more Welsh than, Stefan, to be honest. Well, that's what you think, but you never know. It really makes me laugh because obviously where we've had you at home for the last couple of weeks. Yes. We've obviously had Stefan, got to pay him 10%.

Being my engineer. Yes. And it's just so funny when I hear him. Yeah. Not funny that is like ha ha funny, but it's so nice to hear because we never get to speak to Stefan, do we? He was popping up, making an appearance, setting up doing all my tech, wasn't it? He was. Because I'm useless.

He's such a sweetheart, Stefan. Yeah. But I just love hearing his little accent. I just think it'd be really funny if his DNA report is like, you're actually Spanish. But I always worry, though, that they'll come back with some really random things in there. Yeah. And that's, I'm worried it will change my life. Aren't you interested to know, though?

No, never been interested. No. Don't really, where did you come from? When are you going to go? Yours would be like 100% Southampton. It tells you where your relatives. Never left. Never stayed.

Never leaving. Just, yeah, never leaving. Never left. Born and bred Southampton birds. And it tells you where all your family. are as well. I think if they choose to share their details, you can be like, oh my God, I've got a cousin in like... I know we've got Irish in our family. Yeah, I mean, who hasn't? And we've got family

in like Bristol and Somerset. Where are your family from? Do you know? So distant. Yeah. Just Irish. Just got Irish. Just got Irish in us. Yeah. Maybe you could get an Irish passport. Maybe you should go to Ireland first. Have you never been? No, I want to go to Dublin. Yeah, I want to go to Dublin. Should you know, I really want to go to split the G. You know I had a... What? What? Split the G. I'll spit the jig. You can do that here if you want.

No, it's not the same. No. You've got to go to a proper Irish bar. I've been obsessed since P.S. I love you. I know that's really stereotypical of me. And old. Isn't it?

What? P.S. I love you. It was out ages ago. Yeah, of course. But I've just been obsessed since then. With Guinness? No, Ireland.

Oh. Oh, yeah, because who's doing, someone's doing a dodgy Irish accent in it. Is it, um... Excuse me. That's Gerard Butler. Yes. That's not a dodgy Irish accent. In my eyes, that is absolutely fluent, lovely.

No, wasn't it like notoriously bad? Yes, it was notarously bad. Because where's he from? America, isn't he? Scotland. Oh my gosh, sorry. Just completely take it away from our Scottish fan. Yeah, it was a bad one. Oh, yeah.

He really tried. A beautiful film though. Yeah, sad. Also, that's where I learned about Cups as the name of the game. The name of the game is Cups. What's that? It's a game called Cups. I don't know how to play it, but the girl. I'm to get far the long way around.

Too bad a whiskey for the way. I was obsessed with that in pitch-per is it pitch perfect? Yeah. Cups is the name of the game. Name gamers Cups. But I loved that film and ever since then I've really wanted to go to Ireland. I've had babies. I've had babies.

I've had babies. Yeah, I want to go to a proper Irish bar. Yeah. Split the G on a Guinness. Yeah. Yeah. Isn't just some guitar music. Yeah.

God, it's so lovely. I get really jealous of people that live in like beautiful places. Like I imagine. Why was I not born in Ireland? Very expensive though, Dublin. Why was I not born in America? I feel like I should have been American. I wouldn't want to be born in America.

What? No offense to the whole nation. You can't say that we can't just, we can't categorize America all being bad. Although have you watched the program about the American woman? No. Maternal instinct. No, but I heard about it this morning on podcast.

What is, someone said, the person on the podcast said. Trigger warning, trigger warning because this is a very, very, very, very, very sensitive show. and if you don't like hearing about things if you haven't seen or have advertised it talks about very bad things and a lady does something really, really bad so I don't want anyone to be triggered by this because it's very sensitive.

We don't need to talk about it in detail but someone on the podcast said, some documentary subjects are so horrific they shouldn't be made into documentaries. This should never been made into a documentary is absolutely. But everyone's still watching it? Barba. Of course I watched it.

It took me two nights to watch it because I had to turn it off. I was by far more disturbed by this documentary than Jeffrey Dahmer and it took me a long time to get through Jeffrey Dahmer's one and Ed Gein actually it's worse than Ed Gein because Ed Gein I could only watch half an episode a night I couldn't actually watch the whole thing because it was just barbaric but it's basically a lady who meets a man she fakes her whole pregnancy she gets 10 months pregnant people are questioner as to why 10 months pregnant 10 months pregnant she's questioning so basically

she's had a hysterectomy she meets a man she can't have a baby he she gets his feeling that he love her. So she then goes on to fake a pregnancy. Now, through the whole time of the pregnancy, people are telling him she's had a hysterectomy. It's not real. All of this bad stuff about her, right? And she gets to 10 months pregnant and everybody, sorry, I just hold my saliva. Sorry. Gets 10 months pregnant and people are like, where is the baby? Why have you not had the baby? She basically sets fire to his house. She sends him off with pigs for four hours. And then Marraxley, she's had a baby on the side of the highway and she's trying to get to the hospital. But while she is pregnant, her friend is pregnant.

And her only way of thinking of how she can get this baby is to take her pregnant's friend's baby. That's as much as I will say, I feel like that gives a clear enough picture without going into detail. I just can't fathom it in my head, you know. I just, I don't know. So I watched that this week. So it's, I know. Have you seen it? No. And I don't know if I will after that description. But I finished tiptoe. I was talking about tiptoe a couple of weeks ago.

Oh, someone did tell me to watch that. That's really good. But that's traumatised me as well. And that really played on my mind for like, I went to bed straight after. And I was like, I just can't stop thinking about the ending. Obviously, I won't give it away. But it's only like five episodes. So it's worth like, stick with it. I really loved it. Yeah. My sister was like not into it by the first episode. I was like stick with it. I think it gets really good. But I was into it by like the. end of the first episode. I really loved it. And I think it's so cleverly written. But yeah, that, like, traumatised me for days. I couldn't stop thinking about it. And me and

Stefan didn't watch it together. But he wants to watch it. So he's like, don't spoil it for me. But also, I can't comfort you because I don't know what you're talking about. And I'm like, please just tell me what you're talking about. Watch it. Yeah, don't tell me. So we'll spoil it. I was like, please just watch it so we can talk about it together. Because that really had like such a impact on me. I thought it was very powerful. And I think that's my point was, is that I think America is so massive and everything that happens over there because it's how bigger than England is it?

Oh my God. I don't think there's even a state as small as us. Yeah, I'm sure the UK can fit into Texas. So I think because America is so huge, we only ever hear bad things. We only hear the bad news. We only hear the really bad stuff. And like I even said the other day,

Chris was like, should we just move to America? So I asked me Instagram, I was like, where should we live? What do people say? I've done a lot of research over the years. You know, I'm a right, I'm a right move whore. I do right move in America.

I would like to live in Southampton, Hampshire, in America because it's a lovely, to me anyway, it is lovely. But yeah, I got a lot of advice on that. Imagine you move to the other Southampton. Imagine. I live in Southampton now, America. USA. Get more house for your money over there.

Yeah. But anyway, should we lighten the mood? Yes. We had two wheeze on the potty this week. Oh, yay. Oh, yay. Not from me. Stefan.

Good boy. Good boy, Stephen. Yes, I do. I wasn't even really trying to do it. But I kind of had to because I needed to get a urine sample from her because she was like just not very well, not really herself. So I went to the doctors and she was like, one of the things she said was going to get urine sample. I was like, not really. She's in nappies.

How am I'll do that? And she was like, well, you can either just let her walk around until she wheeze or she was like, oh, try and squeeze something out of a na. Do you know what, actually? Have you had to do this? Yes. So when we had the car crash and Renley was in his nappy, I filled like a, I want to say it's like surgical, but it's not. It's basically like a cotton ball pad.

And I basically just asked the nurse for it. And I put just layers of cotton wall into Renley's nappy. And then all I did was take the, rather than trying to squeeze it out of the crystals, I took the cotton wall out and I just squeezed it. That's, yeah, I think that's what she meant and I misinterpreted it. So I was like, surely the nappies are so absorbent. You're not going to be able to squeeze anything out of it. Anyway, I was really confused about how to do it.

But one morning I was like, I'll just let her walk around without her nappy on. And I was like, I think it's the morning. So she will need to go. So I sat her down. And normally she sits down and gets up and goes, all done, but there's nothing there. Yes. Because she doesn't know that she's actually supposed to wee on it. So I was going to her squeeze a bit and then I could hear it go into the potty.

And I was like, yay, good girl. And I managed to collect enough to put into the urine sample. And then she got up and let the rest of the wee go on the floor. Of course she did. What a girl. Three different like spots of wheat had to clean up that morning. And I was like, did you get the memo about the potty? No, not yet.

But since then, also I said Stefan, it's so funny. The doctor, who was very lovely, but when she was asking me to get the urine sample, she went, do you want me to give you a pair of gloves to do that? And I was like, I'm going to do carpet. Gloves for my own daughter's urine. I was like, I'm good, thanks. Do you me to catch it? Do you know that I've had?

I've had poo under my nail for day. I've had poo in my mouth. Like, you think I can't get my daughter's urine on my hand and then just wash it. I was like, no, thank you. Well, maybe she needed the glove for another reason. What did she think I was going to do? I don't know. Maybe hold the glove under to fill the glove? I was like, yeah, no, I'm good. But a few days later, I was like, well, she's done it once. In the morning, I've just been taking her nappy off and kind of leaving the potty out. Yes. Sometimes I get her to sit on it and she does go. but one morning I just left the room to go to the toilet and it was only her and Joseph there

and when I came back she was like showing me look she'd just sat down and done it by herself and I said to Stefan I think she's going to get it because Joseph was a little bit tricky but he was a child who didn't respond to positive reinforcement like doesn't love the fast doesn't love the feedback so he was hard to like incentivise whereas Sadie we like congratulated her for doing it once

next morning she wants the same reaction loves the attention. So she's sitting down now and she did like the tiniest we on it the second day but she was still like look and we were like wow! Well done! So I'm hoping that my mum was like

you just have to go with it now that she's like getting it. I'm back in nappies. Oh yeah you've gone back. Because where we've had so much rain because he was so used to going outside in the pee-pee pool and the poo-poo house we then went backwards

and he was getting himself really really distressed. So inside he wouldn't do it on a toilet but he would sit on the potty outside but because we'd be in the potty outside. Okay. But because we've had so much rain, and then he was holding it in and not going and making themselves really, really uncomfortable. So we're back to a nappy because I just thought, do you know what? It's going to be hot on Monday.

We'll go again. I don't want to stress him out. But it's hard. You have to follow their lead. And it's what people say to me all the time. It's like, oh, what do you do? Sometimes you've got to go back a little bit. You've got to go back to go back to go ten steps forward or whatever the, what's saying?

Or is it one step back? One step forward? Two step back? Two steps back? In our house, anyway, it's two back, ten forward. We're flying, you know? So no, we're back in the nappies. But it's hard, isn't it?

I wonder whether he'll, like, get it again or whether he'll be confused. Like sometimes, because Joseph wears nappies at pull-ups at night, sometimes he'll be like, am I wearing a nappy? Like often in the car, if I do a night journey, I put a nappy on him. Because he doesn't normally have a nappy in the car.

I can tell when he needs a wee. He goes, am I wearing a nappy? And I go, yeah, he goes, oh, I know. And he knows he can, like, let it go. Because normally he wouldn't be able to. No. But, yeah, I think, I think, I hope she'll get it a little bit easier because it like, it was not my favourite with Joseph.

It was, I found it quite hard. You did find it really hard. And he did also didn't like pill on the potty. No, but it just, I think because I read that book and it really set me up for a fail, it basically was like, they should get it by day four. And when he didn't start getting it by day four, I was like getting really frustrated with him and us. I was like, why aren't we getting this? But why is it in a book? I don't know why.

And everyone was like, this book's so good. I really recommend it. You know, the one that everyone reads when they do potty training. So anyway, so I'm hoping now that we're going into. summer, the weather's going to be nice. I'm hoping. Get that potty in the garden. I'm hoping that she's going to get it.

In our case, don't. And she would just pee in the, you need to just use the garden as a litter tray. I said, oh, okay. He just kept standing at the door and he's going, we were going. And I was like, okay. And then he kept having accidents. And I thought, you know what? I don't want to create a bad, bad memory around this.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have you had your 27 month health check? We had ours the other day. Oh, do you know what? I missvent most of it going. How do I get my four year old out of pull-ups at night? She was like, it's not about it. Stop.

We're not here for him. Do you know what? We said, didn't we? You were meant to book it? I forgot. To be fair. Is it really bad if they don't go? They don't have to go.

She literally was like, can she run? I was like, yes. Can she jump? Yes. Can she throw a ball over her arm? Yes. Is she trying to walk up and down the stairs? Yes.

Yes. Can she do like role play with figures and like little stories and stuff? Yes, she started doing that. Does she like string two words together? I was like, mate, she speaks full sentences. Yeah. So I think, to be honest. I think he's passed the test.

Oh, okay. Yeah. I think he's doing all right. Yeah. They just like, they try to weigh and measure her, which she wouldn't do, she wouldn't have a height measured, but she did get weighed. But yeah, it's just, and they're like, are they up to date on their vaccinations? He's a right little chunk at the moment, bless his arm.

It would be, do you know, I'm really always intrigued to know where they plot on the graph. So it would be interesting to see where he is. I think Sayde is between like 75th and 90th. I did weigh him the other day and he's actually two stone five. Is he? I thought that was quite a lot. What in, I want to know what that is in killer.

Because say she was like, she was 13 something kilograms. Two point five stone in KG. It was at the end of the day. I should have done it in the morning. Yeah, post poo. In kilos. Yeah. 15.

Oh, wow, yeah. She's like 13. He's a big boy. Yeah. He loves his food. He's a chunky monkey. He's a shaky boy. To be fair, we went McDonald's for about a week straight.

That's right. Trying to get all the World Cup cups. Packing in those nuggets. Yeah. But no, other than that, how have you been? Yeah, all right. Did you see I went on a hendoo? Yes, I did see.

I don't know how I feel about hendos. I've done one. That was my sisters. That was enough. Yeah. Oh God, I've done quite a few. I know you have. I can't be dealing with walking around with a massive inflatable penis.

Do you know what? The penis was a chick magnet. People loved the penis. Yeah. Penest. It really invited a lot of attention from women. Nice. Some men, but mostly women.

Mostly women. Oh, hey, look at this the size of mine. Hey! Sorry, that was really stupid. stereotypical of men out. It was meant to be, well, that's what I was going to say. It's meant to be in Dublin. And I was like, oh, I'll never make it if it's a weekend in Dublin. But then they were like, oh, actually, because she's from Wales, they were like, we're just going to do it in Cardiff. It was organised quite last minute. It was just a day thing. I was like, oh, my God, perfect.

It's down the road. I don't have to go anywhere overnight. I could just go for the day. And Stefan was actually on like a lad. We never, never do anything. But he was on a lad's weekend. And I had this hen do like overlapping. So he was on his way back. We had a babysit to like cover a four-hour window. and then I went out. And it was like my favourite thing, day drinking in the sunshine. Home, bedtime. It was pride in Cardiff. It was, honestly, it was a riot.

Or a day. Aprol spritzes. Have you tried a Hugo Spritz? No, but I have heard of a Hugo Spritz. I really hate an Alparole Spritz, but everyone's saying the Hugo Spritz is the one. Have you tried it? No, but I want to. Oh, yeah.

Go on, Hugo. I bloody love an opera. Big up your bad self. I love an Afrox. Maybe that's going to be our summer tipple. Yeah. I love it. gin as well. Do you? That sounded...

I love gin. I really love gin. I'm a partial to a little gin tin in the evening. I love a gin and tonic. Only in the summer though. My drinking is very weather specific. I have one every night. Do you? Yeah, some nights. I have a little gin tin just to wind down. Yeah, I do not. I have a glass of wine. Chris loves a chocolate bar. I just have myself a little gin tin. I can't drink wine though. Can't drink it. I'd love to sit down with a glass wine. My fucking head. Yeah. In the morning is raging. Do you like Prosecco though? I do like Proseco, but the bubbles, forgive me. me terrible gas. Once you pop, you've got to drink the whole lot. The whole bottle of Prosecco and I'm not, as much as I love Prosecco, I'm not doing a whole bottle of

night, you know what I mean? So no, little gin tin's perfect for me. Yeah. I'm partial to a rosy tin. Yeah. Get a little rosy tin. Yeah. But I'm a little, I don't want, I don't want, I don't want to open a big crack a bottle of gin. I also don't want a massive bottle of ginger just lying around. Also, my measure. Yeah, but you have one every night. So, Emma, my measurements are wank. I can't measure. I'm like half half. Get a shorthis. I'm three quarters to one. Get a shot glass. I don't want to get technical with it. Just easy, crack it.

Yeah, no, it is. It is easy. Yeah, no, it is. But no, it was fun. It was nice to like, let me hood do. See the girlies. Yeah, see the girls. I don't actually know them that well.

It's kind of like two groups of friends and I'm on the periphery of it again. Why do you go to these hendos and you don't know? I know. It's a whole year since I went to Nice with the girls I don't know. No, I do know them. I just haven't like, hadn't seen them for a long time, but I did go to uni with them. But this group, I'm like mainly friends with the hen. and then her other friends were like her friends from home and her uni housemates.

I've met them and hung out with them both before but I'm like just the one kind of on my Was it as wild as niece? Because there was one wild occasion at Nice wasn't there. No, no, no, no, it wasn't as wild. And it was a smaller group as well. It was definitely more like contained. Oh, okay. It was good.

You were going to come out with some. No, no. No, no. Oh God, nothing like that. Nothing like that. No, no, no. No, I was home by nine o'clock. What a girl.

But that's my perfect thing. That's wonderful. Go out and drink during the day and then get home. Got to sleep. Yeah. Everyone's already in bed. Bed by 10. Even Stefan.

Shattered, poor guy. He's asleep. I said, leave a key out for me. I might be late. And then I knocked at the door at 9 o'clock and he was like, you know, I haven't really had me dinner yet. Yeah. Get in the kitchen.

I'm joking. Hey! We're hey! So Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yes, we want you to join us in the secret mum club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us. Respond to what we've been talking about or just say,

Hello! We can find us on TikTok. and Instagram, just search for SecretMumPod, or you can email us hello at secretmumpod.com. It's time for the Correspondence Corner. Uh, uh, uh, uh, uh. Oh, you're saying. Do you know that Fleetwood Mac song that does that at the end? It just goes, uh, uh, uh, for ages at the end. We used to play it on Absolute Radiant. It used to make you feel incredibly uncomfortable. Right. Sing the lyrics. Um, looking out for love.

And at the end it's just like, ugh, ugh, ugh, ugh, uh, it's very weird. That is very weird. Anyway, anyhow, into the correspondence corner with no sexual noises at all. Come in your way. Okay, ready? This one says, hello ladies. Hello, honies.

After listening to Sof's story about seeing her midwife, it reminded me of something that happened when I was pregnant with my first child. I was selling some baby shower decorations online. And when the lady came to collect them, we got chatting on the doorstep. She mentioned that she worked as a nurse at nearby hospital, and I jokingly said, oh, you couldn't end up being my nurse. Well, after an emergency C-section that resulted in me being put to sleep, I was taken on to the ward and unbelievably, she was the nurse looking after me.

It was during COVID in 2020, so I was alone, scared and only 21 years old. But she remembered me straight away and made such a difference during those first few days with my son. She helped feed him, changed him when I was struggling and even helped me put on my giant adult nappy without ever making me feel embarrassed or useless. She made me feel so at ease and I've never forgotten her. kindness love Chloe in Nottingham oh my god Chloe will my period's coming oh I'm not ready for that I'm not you're not ready for this sometimes the world just sends you an angel do you know what I I'm a true believer in all of that and I know we say this all the time do you believe in love at first sight or

you don't believe in all of that stuff do you no you don't think there's a person you don't think there's a true one person for everybody no you believe that we fall in love with that person and learn to love yeah well just because you find them but I just feel like there's just something has to align. And there's at some point in your life, there's got to be something that just says, do you know what? You need a fucking break.

This is your angel right now. You're going to have her and you're going to be just perfect. Yeah. There has to be something. I'm not just like it's such a coincidence or it's lucky. Or it's lucky.

Just put it down to luck. Yeah. But that is fucking lucky. That is wonderful, isn't it? Oh, how nice does she had someone? Because all the women that gave births, in COVID. I just think they were...

And you know what? I also think that if there is our solo mummers who are one baby and that's, that's perfect for them, can you imagine it was through COVID? And they wanted to do pregnancy one time and have birth one time. Yeah. And your one time was in COVID. And you were like robbed of such an experience. Robbed.

It's so fucking... It sometimes does. I sit and think about it and I just think, fuck. Can you imagine that one time? Even we were like outside of it. really like I was pregnant with Joseph in 2021 but Stefan missed my 20 week scan with Joseph because he didn't have a test and that's what I mean all their scans people that were having scans and people that were because I was I worked in a a private scanning unit through COVID as well as

so all the women were on their own all the women were on their own they weren't allowed to come in with anybody so if it was bad news oh my gosh Emma I couldn't do it I had to quit the job I couldn't do it it was absolutely breaking my heart the fact that we one couldn't let their partners in and if it was tragic news, I couldn't, you can't hug people, you can't touch anybody. It honestly gives me goosebumps thinking about it because it was absolutely horrendous. So if that one time, also people that have spent so long trying to get pregnant, the one time be through COVID where you never got to have your partner in there, it truly, truly breaks my heart.

And I think about, I think about those women. I know. Because it's sad. It is. It's really sad. And having to be put out during a C-section is hardcore as well. Yeah. really hard.

So how lovely that she had someone looking after her. I know. That's really lovely, Chloe. Thank you for sharing that. I really, that's really warmed my heart. That makes me feel a little bit of hope in that I hope people through that period had... Somebody.

Someone, yeah. God, she breaks me out. So you can get in touch with us on anything at all. Yes, it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we've probably heard it all before. And remember... Here we go.

We're all in this. is together and we know that we are we're all stars and we see that I really miss that that was better on it I had to sing it on my Instagram

the other day because I was having withdrawals sing it sing it uh na na na na right Emma we've got three secrets from you this week

we're going to be discussing yes yes I wasn't looking at the camera I was looking at you deep into your soul yeah look into my eyes into my eyes

not around my eyes but in my eyes you're under tell us some good shit take it away okay hi Safina and Emma Firstly, I just wanted to say thank you. I've been listening since the beginning

and my pregnancy overlapped with both of yours. I had my little girl in June 2024. So having the podcast as a first-time mum with no mum friends has helped me more than you'll ever know. Oh my gosh. Okay, now for my dilemma. Okay, hit me. My fiancé and I are really keen to start trying for baby number two.

Yes. If it were up to him, we'd already be trying, but I wanted to avoid the whole two under two situation and if possible, I'd rather not have a winter baby. We agreed we'd start trying this July. The problem is that my fianc's mum has already booked and paid for a huge family holiday next March for his dad's 60th birthday. Okay. We were very lucky and conceived our daughter in the first month of trying.

I know that doesn't mean it will happen as quickly again, but if we did fall pregnant in July or August, my due date could be as early as April. Okay. July, August, September, October, November, January, February. January, February, March, April, yeah. Yeah. But the holiday's in March. That would likely mean missing the holiday all together. She wouldn't be out to go because she'd be in the third trimester.

Or could have had the baby. Or could have had the baby. That would mean likely missing the holiday altogether or at the very least being heavily pregnant and not comfortable travelling. Part of me feels like I don't want to put off such a big life decision for the sake of a holiday. On the other hand, my future in-laws have spent a lot of money on this trip and I know it would be awkward if we had to tell them we couldn't go. What would you do?

Start trying and see what happens or wait until after the holiday. I'd love to hear your thoughts, lots of love, Jade. I think go for it, do you? What, go for the holiday, I'll go for the baby. baby. There's nothing you can do about it clashing with big life events and you can't, just because someone goes, oh, it's my 60th birthday. It's really hard. That's a really tough one because obviously she's very close to her in-laws, special occasion. Also, it might be that only one holiday they have in the pipeline. You know, holidays are fair and far between

and they're expensive and there's a lot of thought that's got into them. I'm not saying you wouldn't want to go. No, I know, but that's a tough, tough call. But what if you wait until it falls like after the holiday or whatever and then it takes you longer. Could you wait a couple of months so that when the holiday is you're being your second trimester? Yeah. But then that means going on holiday when you're pregnant. How comfortable is she going to be with flying pregnant?

If you were like six months pregnant, I feel like it would be. A lot of people are uncomfortable flying pregnant, are they? Well, if she is, I feel like that would be a good compromise. You don't have to wait until after the holiday's done. No. But if you delay your, the thing is then, well, no, then they are going into summer baby as well. She doesn't want a winter baby. She doesn't want to winter baby.

So I think if you could delay it by like a couple of months, then you could be like six months traveling. And then March, April, May, June, you could have another June baby. Yeah. June 2026. June 2026. 27, sorry. There'll be three years between them.

Yes. Yes. I think that's a good compromise maybe. Because I would want to go on the holiday as well. But I just think you can't, you can't really put things like that on. Also, we don't know how quickly you're going to fall pregnant, do we? No, exactly. So it could take you six months to conceive.

It could. or they could get pregnant straight away. This really is a dilemma, isn't it? You know? I personally would go for it. Go for the giant. But that's only because I'm shit scared of flying. I'd be like, I wouldn't even be on the list of going.

No, you'd be invited on holiday anyway. I'll be the one staying at home home and the fort, getting everyone's bread and milk for their return. Yeah. No, I think that seems like a good compromise. Again, communication here. I feel like that's my only answer for everything right now is communication. Yeah.

It's definitely down to the two of you. but you ultimately, if you're asking for my advice, I would say go for it. The thing is, one, you don't know how long it's going to take, but two, I wouldn't fly. So I'm literally out of this. Yeah, I mean, your opinion means nothing. My opinion is very one-sided.

My opinion means fuck all. Wait a couple of months, then you're still getting a summer baby. Yes. You know. And you'll be able to go away. Imagine the pregnancy photos on holiday. Sheik. Oh, sheik.

No drinking, though. Giving, um, yeah, no drinking. She might not drink anyway. She might not drink. But for me, I'm always like, oh, I've got to go to that thing pregnant and everyone's going to be drunk. And, you know, like when you have to go to a wedding and you're pregnant. Also, I do really love a bikini, a baby bump in a bikini. Yeah.

Is that, am I allowed to say that? Is that weird? No. It's nothing more beautiful than a lady, a woman like in her bikini. Yeah. I just love a naked bump. I got so much attention when I went on holiday when I was pregnant. Me and Stefan went to somewhere, Greece.

And I was only like five months pregnant with Joseph, but I was quite big. I really loved love. Everyone was obsessed with me. I love a naked bump. It's just something so, so magical about CNA, a mummy and a bump. I even looking at pregnant women fully dressed, I just think, oh. And even Dotty does it now and I didn't realize that I must do it because now she goes, oh, look how beautiful bump.

Oh, girl. So lovely. So yeah, I wait a couple of months. Yeah. Because then you're not going to have your two under two when you're not going to have that. No, not have that anyway. No, not have that anyway. But there will be a nice gap between.

Her first one will be two like now. Might be three. You might have them on three years between them. Three years. That's a nice gap. Yeah. I'd say start trying September, October. See what happens.

October, November, December, January, for every March. You could be five months going away. I think that's fine. I think that's last. That's like way off, you know, having the baby. Yeah. But people can't be annoyed when having a baby clashes with life events. Like we had Joseph on Stefan's grandmother's funeral and she was like 103.

This was Sadie, the original Sadie. She was like, legend of the family. They were very close. But obviously we were in London. The funeral was in West Wales. We couldn't go. And Stefan couldn't go. Even though it was his grandmother who was really close to it.

And obviously his family were like quite devastated. But we were like, but we're about to have a baby. Like he has to be in London. Yeah. So I think obviously a death isn't planned and a 60th birthday party is. So it's not the same thing. But I just think people can't be annoyed with babies and pregnancies interfering with life events. That's just what happens.

Yeah. You can't delay your plans. You can't delay your plans. No. most definitely. Jade, I hope that was some help and we didn't actually just confuse you anymore.

But if anybody has had this happen, again, we'll take anything. We'll pass it all on. We love it. So thank you, Jade, and keep us posted. We want to know. We want to know what you both decide.

Yeah, I'm invested now. I love all the gory details. We've got more of your secrets after this short break. Welcome back. Okay, it's secret number two. All right, this one says, Hi, Safina, and Emma,

I wanted to ask for some advice about my three-year-old daughter and bedtime. Oh my gosh. For the last couple of years, I have tried absolutely everything to get her onto a reasonable sleep schedule. I've reduced screen time, increased screen time, cut sugar, filled her up before bed, done calming routines, taken her to the park to burn energy, laid with her, cut naps, kept naps, and even followed her lead completely. Nothing seems to work. The thing I get judged most for is that she still uses a dummy to fall asleep, but honestly, I'm at the point where I'll try anything. No matter what I do, she's regularly awake until 10.30 or even 11pm. Oh, God. And then I have to wake her up at 6.45 so I can get her to daycare before work. My husband works long hours and our families live 45 minutes away. So most evenings, it feels like I'm doing it all on my own. By the time she finally falls asleep, I'm exhausted too. My husband and I get no time together. I can't get anything done around the house. And mornings are always a battle because she's tired. She's starting school in September and I genuinely don't know how we're going to fit homework clubs and everything else into our evenings when we're already struggling.

Has anyone else had a child who was a complete night owl? I'd love any advice because right now I feel completely out of ideas. Thank you, Selena from Canada. That one's a really, really tough one. Oh God, how stressful. The only, my mind wants to go to, to fall to sleep with her. She says she tries that though, and she still won't sleep until like 10, 30, 11. Do you think some kids, like some adults, are just more wired into being night owls and not early birds?

Yes, early birds. Mine are all early birds. and tend to go Colby and Dotty Moore because they're older now. But Renli now literally takes himself to bed. At what times do you go to sleep now? He's still half, anywhere between half five, half six. Half five and half six and then wakes up at... We wake him up at seven when the other two wake up.

At the moment though, because he's not at his little fan on, I think the room's getting hot. He wakes up anywhere from five to six, but he's going down at five to six. But he takes himself to bed now. He'll sit on the bottom step and he says, oh, no, night, mummy, Rennie bed. And he does say, I want to go to bed. been good though, hasn't he? He does this really funny thing when he goes into bed now. He goes, no, don't go.

And then I come back and he's like, no, get out. And then he goes, no, don't go. And then I come back, he's, no, get out. How many times you have to do that? Get out. And then he says, no, no, mommy, loyal. But he takes himself to bed. That's amazing.

We're getting more difficult bedtimes now with Sadie. As she becomes more and more aware, she used to lay down, roll over and say good night. And now it takes a good, it took Stefan, I think half an hour to get her down. It's a tough one because if she's cutting naps out as well. She's tried it all. The best thing was September is that she's going to be pooped. She's going to be knackered, but then I feel like that doesn't help either because sometimes when they're overtired, they still won't go to sleep.

And you're like, there's nothing more frustrating is when you see your evening slipping away and you're like, I know you're so tired. Like, please just go to sleep. It sounds like she's tried everything. Like, just cut the naps, kept the naps. So I do white noise in the room. And do you also know something I don't think I've ever told you that I do with all three children? Might be my trick.

I've done with all three children and they still do it now. Colby's 10, Dottie is seven when he's two. They have a banana every night before bed. Right. So Joseph asked me for a banana before bed and I think it gives him an extra burst of energy. He gets like a spike from it. Mine sleep. And they have a banana every single night.

They're full. And a glass of milk. Yeah. Every night before bed and I've done it ever since they were little. Apparently bananas make you dream weird. Do they dream weird? No, they dream. They all sleep quite great.

I do think sending them to bed on a full tummy is good. Like Joseph's appetite is mad now because he's growing so much and he has four wheater bicks a day. Two in the morning and two before bed. We're getting through wheat of bics like nobody's business and that shit is expensive. The only thing was giving them fibre before bed, they're shit. No, he does. I think he's old enough to like not hold on to his poo. But yeah, he has a nighttime cereal, sometimes two bowls of cereal.

Sometimes he does have a banana. He has a little cup of milk and he's sleeping great. through the night. So mine's a nighttime banana. Trying to fill her up before bed. Fill her up. White noise. Yeah.

Having a fan on in the room. And I think like the calm and like hyper thing. Like sometimes we get really silly after between like dinner and bed and they're like going crazy and getting hyper and I'm just like oh my God they're never going to calm down. But actually I do think that can help sometimes. People say like get the sillies out, don't they? Rather than having like a wind down. But then I think it depends on the kid's personality.

It really does. It depends on the child. But I feel like we don't. don't have the answers. I mean, we've, we've tried pretty much everything. And my kids are sleeping good at the moment, but I know how it feels to like, be in the trenches. Just to have no evening and just to know that they're tired. And then everyone's miserable because she's tired when she gets up in the morning.

It's just like not a fun place to be in. It's nothing worse than running on empty. No. And it's every day. It's tiring. It's mentally, not only you physically tired, you're mentally fucking exhausted. And you dread bedtime because you think this is going to take five hours. But the hardest thing is as well is I don't want to be that knobhead.

But they feed that, don't they? Yeah, they feed off the stress. Yes, the more stressed you are. So as much as I sound so fucking condescending is staying as calm as you possibly can. Yeah. But because they feel that. Just like animals feel your fear, don't they? Yeah.

She'll be feeling that. And it's kind of breaking the cycle, isn't it? It's kind of breaking that cycle and it's not allowing her to know that you're getting stressed or you're tired or you want her to go to bed. Yeah. But anybody, any advice, any tips. Let us know. Oh, we've had a, Mas just put a thing in here. Kiwi is known to be a natural source of melatonin,

melatonin, which can help you feel sleeping. Does she like a Kiwi? Does she like a Kiwi? Does she like a Kiwi? Maybe I thought that one then, thought it was a banana. But mine always have a banana. People, that is a thing. I think people sometimes have a banana before bed. I think you've said that before. When I was pregnant was, I ate a banana every single night before bed.

Yeah. No, that is a good idea. But yeah. But any advice, any advice, tips, tricks, we will always ask. You honeies. I do think with a three-year-old, they... Test the boundaries. They do.

It's very much... But with naps. I don't think they need one at that age. She's tried none and she's tried some. That's what I'm saying. But if you... So I wouldn't say she needs a nap during the day. So if you just stick with no nap during the day,

lay with her at night, do a consistent bedtime routine. She may be tired enough to fall asleep with you there. But I don't know. It just sounds like she just hate sleep. Yeah. She just might not be a bedtime girlie. But we're sending you all of our love. All of our thoughts.

We're all with you. Yeah. Bless your heart. And again, just let us know and we'll pass it. Pass it on. Right, let's have our last secret, Emma. Hi, Safina and Emma. A few years ago, I put my daughter down for her nap

and was feeling quite pleased with myself for finally having a bit of peace and quiet. That feeling didn't last long. When I went to get her up, I walked into what can only be described as a crime scene. Oh, shit. She had somehow found my bright red lipstick and managed to cover absolutely everything in it.

Herself, from head to toe, the walls. The carpet, the cot. The bedding. Honestly, there wasn't a surface left untouched. My heart nearly stopped because my first thought was that it was blood. There was red everywhere. Once I'd realized nobody was actually injured, the panic turned into a frantic attempt to scrub lipstick off a toddler, rescued the carpet and explained to my husband why our house suddenly looked like the set of a murder mystery. We repainted the walls multiple times. It's because it's waxy lipstick. It's a nightmare for getting off. What a nightmare? She says, we repainted the walls multiple times because the stain kept bleeding things.

through like it was determined to haunt us forever. Thankfully, we can laugh about it now. Every time the photos pop up in my Google memories, I can't help but giggle. Although I still hide my lipstick very, very carefully. Lots of love anonymous. Hines out of the way. Their little, it's like when you try and cover crayon. Yeah.

What the fuck. And Vaseline. Vaseline. Someone told me the other day, again, to put Vaseline in my eyeballs. Had these, I don't even want to sniff Vaseline. I don't even want the tub. They don't even want the tub closed near me without fucking rabbit in my eyes. No, I'm not taking petroleum jelly in the ice.

I can't. It's too greasy. Nothing cuts through that. Nothing is cutting through that shit. Or pseudacrem. Oh, so thick. So thick. Oh, God.

Oh gosh. The worst. I feel you, honey. That is a wild one. I would find it funny now, but at the time I would have shit my pants at the bright red? I would have just... I would have been so stressed.

I can't even imagine. Oh gosh. Wow. Sadie recently has got a hold of some felt hips, which are normally banned in our house. But Stefan's mum, shout out. She's got it going on. Yeah, she brought some magic pens. I was like, what's the magic that they don't come out? Oh, I actually saw that on your stories.

Literally, she draws herself from... I've had to... Sorry, but I've had to bin them. She draws herself from head to toe All her hands Arms, tummy I was like Oh they're normally washable aren't they That will come off in the bath

No no Didn't come off in the bath Were they especially branded as washable pens They're meant no they're not branded washable They're branded magic Because when you do like the white pen Over the colour it turns a different colour Right oh

The magic is that they're not fucking washable So she's she's obsessed I know if I let her out of my side You need to buy them washable creolas They're white I didn't buy them for her Stefan's mum Feltips are banned in our hands

house, pencils only, don't even have crayons. Because I'm not cleaning that shit. And she was sat there really quietly while I was doing the washing up and I thought, are they being good? I've got Wicker bar stalls at the Garden, at the kitchen island. And when I went over there, the whole fucking thing was green. Funny you say that, actually. I can't clean it off.

Renly has, Dottie has special colouring. I have my own colouring pens to do my colouring book. Again, it's given pinini colours, sticker books. But Renley loves colouring his knees. With your pens. Every single day he does his knees in two different colours. Only his knees. But the other day, he'd gone down his whole calves, my floor, he'd gone on the cupboard door, the table, my new Judy mops.

I didn't come off. It did come off. It did come off. and my scrub stuff. I do. I'm loving my scrub daddy and mummies. I really am. And they just fucking work everywhere. Get it all off. I know if it doesn't come off with Jiff, you're fucked. You are fact. All the pink stuff. I should say Siff. It is Siff. It's not Jiff. It used to be Jep. Did it used to be lemon too. Back in the day. I think that was, I thought SIF was the stuff you put on your pancake. Jiff. Jiff was...

Jiffy lemon. Jiffy lemon. Siff is like the cream cleaner. Yeah. Don't put that on your package. Don't put that on your pancakes. Bit grisily. So thank you for sharing your secrets this week.

Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. If you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secret mumpod.com or with Secret Mumpod on TikTok and Instagram. Have you seen your midwife nurses or doctors in the wild? Or do you have any sleep tips for Selena? Then let us know there really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club!