Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Lunch Break

Episode Date: June 10, 2024

There's not a lot that surprises the ladies, but this week's messages have left them with their jaws on the floor! There's a lunchtime mishap, a funeral faux pas, and of course, a little bit of poo sprinkled in for good measure. Plus Emma fills us in on the latest with Sadie, and Soph's secret is anything but a walk in the park. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Acast.com Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, haven't we? And as we know, sharing is caring.

You don't even have to say who you are. You can be totally anonymous. That's actually my line. Is it? Fucking hell. We tried to do it without looking. We tried to do it without the script. We can't.

Fucked it. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself. You can be anonymous. And no secrets can be serious or silly all secrets are welcome in their secret mom club we were trying to do it off script without looking at it because we say the same thing every single week every single week twice a week and we still can't remember it we're still just as in love as we were from the day we met more so i would say i would say more so i'd say this love has grown we're growers not showers i'm a shower you're not a

i'm a grower you're a grower you're a grower i'm a shower um but how's your week been my week yeah tell me do me first are we yeah I'll do you if you do me. I'll show you mine if you show me yours. Gotta let me in. Hey, hey, hey. Let the fun... They still follow me. We're still following each other on TikTok.

Oh, because I forgot we recreated Rollercoaster, didn't we? Rollercoaster. It's a bit hard with the baby's now. Don't want to wait. Damn, I look like Snape. We're basically... Snape? Severus. Severus Snape. I made a Harry Potter thingy today. I don't want to wait. Damn, I look like Snape. We're basically Snape. Severus.

Severus Snape. I made a Harry Potter thingy today. Made a what? Harry Potter. Saw Harry Potter's car. Hermione's car. I parked today to come on the train. Yeah.

And I saw a car in the car park. Yeah. And it's a Harry Potter car. What do you mean? In red. The car they fucking drive in Harry Potter. So Fina, I don't know how many times I can tell you I've never seen any films. Well, you've not even watched fucking harry i thought you were

boring enough to watch that thank you very much i have seen that one because boring clever because i don't watch no i'm not i'm not a potter head you're not a potter me neither no maybe that's why we get on so yeah because everyone else seems to be that's all right they love it don't they weirdo mad for it um they all do this Slytherin and Huff and Puff. Gryffindor. Yeah. Stefan's a Potterhead, obviously. You'd expect it, wouldn't you?

Yeah, of course. It's Stefan. It's Chris. No. No, he's cool like us. You'd expect it. No. You'd expect Chris not to be.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do we look like the Potter types? No. The Harrys? No. I've never read any of the books.

No. I can't fucking read. I've got it on audio. No, I fucking haven't. I've never read any books. Full stop. No. I've never read any of the books. No. I can't fucking read. I've got it on audio. No, I fucking haven't. I've never read any books. Full stop. No. I've read two.

I've seen two books. Fun fact. Only books I've ever read are Fifty Shades of Grey. Of course. Yeah. All of them. Three.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But I've seen the films because obviously they're on ITV2 non-stop. So I have seen. What? Fifty Shades of Grey?

No. Harry Potter. So why are you asking me then when you've seen the fucking car i haven't even watched one of them i don't know the blue car that flies through the sky no i couldn't and he's in there and he's like come on harry you're a wizard you're a wizard who's the other one who's the ginger one ron ron weasley god for a non-potter head i know quite a lot about it don't i yeah yeah i do too for somebody literally never watched one episode i think i've absorbed it through stefan like over the years the knowledge yeah yeah i get that um so our week yeah i mentioned the tongue tie you did we've been going to see a chiropractor how has that been for you do you know what i'm a bit disappointed

because i don't want her to have to have the procedure. And when she said, the chiropractor said, they think she's got a mild tongue tie. I was a bit like, oh no, she's going to have to have that thing done. But apparently they cut the bit underneath their tongue, which sounds savage, doesn't it? It sounds really brutal, but apparently the babies are all right with it.

It's just like a momentary like snip. I think it bleeds a bit. And then I think they just get over it it's like the jabs i'm gonna fully say they're full of shit it's like the fucking we've had the jabs you've had the jabs this week but like how do you know with a baby they can't tell you how much pain they're in can they no but they fucking cry they can't have to tell you that they're in pain renly was completely unaware and a lovely day he went on a walk had a lovely time took his brother and sister to school took

him to the doctor's jab jab and then i got i did because i've still not really been on my socials much because i'm still very much in my i'll probably be back by the time you listen to this episode if i'm honest with you but i um so i took him you take him in don't you take him into the surgery and then they jab into the leg they don't know what's coming yeah horrible we've got those coming up in a couple of weeks. And you just feel like they do it in one side and they look at you like, mum, what have you done to me?

You've really betrayed me. And then in the other side as well. Yeah, and they snuggle in, don't they? And they're like, oh, how could you do that to me? And then they come for the other leg. Such a betrayal. And then as you're walking out, we'll see you in four weeks.

Yeah. The other one in his mouth as well. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Rotavirus. Rotavirus in the mouth. Yeah. so the middle one's the okay one it's the first one and the third one that's bad yeah and they just cowpolled him up we've just been cowpolling yeah yeah every four hours just cowpoll on the um we

just had a temperature the only thing is though he was the worst one to take the jabs out of all three children really yeah literally broke his heart all day worst one to take the jabs out of all three children really yeah literally broke his heart all day the day we had the jabs broke his heart all day sadie's not happy about the jab situation she's fuming that she's got hers coming up in a couple of weeks um but this is part of the problem going back to the tongue tie is that she i think she's taken on a lot of wind when she's feeding because she's not getting like a proper latch because of the tongue tie yeah so i think if we can get it done hopefully it will just solve a lot of problems because she's getting really uncomfortable with her wind especially in the evenings there's literally like there's

nothing you can do to soothe them really apart from get her back on the boo which is a vicious cycle because then she's taking more air in yeah because as well you do it just desperation of being exhausted don't you yeah just want her to like yeah calm down how has she been with the bottle she's good she's taken a bottle really well um and she likes the formula we're on the kendamil yeah and she does seem to like that at the moment because i thought it might the wind might have come from when we started introducing the formula yeah and the bottle you want a man bottle on man yeah which we had for joseph as well but um but actually there seems to be no correlation because there was actually a few days where she wasn't on she wasn't on the bottle she was just

on the boob and she was still really windy so we think she's just a windy bubs don't we joseph was a windy baby but i feel like it's really common for them to be all windy but you know what makes me think i think i'd have to shit some gas if i drink him i know day well imagine how much gut rot you'd be going i know but the frustrating thing is you'll never know what the cause is because we might get the tongue tie done and it might not make any difference no but or you might not get it done and she might still be fine you know it's hard to know what to do really you know what i also find fascinating is who decided that milk was going to be the thing that's going to make them grow why not apple juice or orange

yeah i think it's probably just to do with what comes out your tats yeah but imagine we milked apple juice out of our boobs yeah funny yeah that makes more sense because that's what comes out of your boobs yeah yeah and then the formula just replicates the breast milk yeah you know but yeah so we'll let you know how we get on with that but it's mad at the moment like going to see the chiropractor because she's trying to stretch her tongue by just using exercises so basically just take her twice a week to have someone just grab her tongue and pull it out of her mouth no just basically sticks her finger in her mouth and wriggles it around it's a weird experience don't know how i'd feel about that very invasive on her mouth it is invasive and also she gets pissed off

every time because she thinks she's getting a nipple and obviously she sucks this lady's finger and there's no milk coming out to be honest if you rammed your fingers down my throat you'd be around my mouth stretching out my tongue yeah i think i would be slightly pissed i know yeah yeah so we have to give these babies some credit you know they go through some hella hella journey don't i know but i'm trying to explain like she's trying to help trying to explain it to her but she's trying to explain she's not she's not listening to me linda linda honey honey so we're hoping she can sort her out god bless her heart i know so we'll see how we go on a lovely lady actually messaged me on instagram saying because i was talking about the trouble i'd had with breastfeeding and my sore nips and everything and that can also be the sign of a

tongue-tied baby as is not taking the dummy and we know that she's not taking a dummy at the moment she hasn't taken the dummy and a lady messaged me on instagram saying she had the same problem with her baby got the tongue tie snipped and she said it was a whole world different after that so but then you'll get the mummies that do the tongue ties split and then nothing nothing changes so i know i'd be really intrigued to hear from you actually if you've had a tongue tietie baby, either whether you got the snip or you didn't. Yes.

And your outcome of the snip, whether it be good or bad. Let us know how it went. There might be a lot of content coming in for that. Yeah. You might get inundated. Because I feel like it's really common, don't you, people having tongue-tie babies? I hear about it a lot.

I think it's hard for me because I always compare it to, obviously, Roxanne, my sister has four. Hers never had it. No. And my three haven't had it. But my dad's tongue died. Is he? He can't poke his tongue.

Literally his tongue's like really short. Yeah, really short. It literally doesn't come out of his mouth. Hers is like that. It just bunches up in his mouth. I'm surprised she's my child because I've got an extremely long tongue. Have you? I can touch my nose with my tongue.

Fuck. And can you do that? Yeah, we can both curl our tongue. That's genetic, isn's genetic isn't it is it yeah you'll pass that on to your kids yeah you're lying no it's true you can only be able to do that like your mom and dad must be able to do it i used to be able to do that thing where you could fold your tongue in half oh yeah oh yeah yeah i don't think i can do it you can yeah i don't think i could do it anymore but yes um i'm not tongue-tied no you're very loosey-goosey so yeah i'd love to hear your experiences and i don't know i don't i've never experienced it but

then i also think it goes undiagnosed a lot so actually even if a baby did have it you might only baby that was been checked for it who checked because no one checked hers until i went private oh i got checked in um hospital yeah the neonatal checked the nico checked and then when i went up before i got discharged she checked the doctor yeah we didn't have anything i've got an itchy ear none of that i feel like we missed a lot of checks though because remember my experience in hospital they were a little bit short-staffed weren't they yeah you didn't have the best so we missed we missed out on a bit you do it private going private yeah it's the only i feel like it's the only way because none of the health visitors basically because she's putting on weight no one else is concerned about her feeding or anything no because yeah she's gaining weight but i feel like it would answer a lot of questions like why did i have trouble with the

breastfeeding again this time why is she so windy joseph wasn't tongue-tied though he wasn't but i think that was just the first baby thing because i didn't know what i was doing and also i feel like the problems with his feeding were resolved a lot quicker than hers have you lifted her tongue up i'm just trying to look in her mouth to see how tight it is and she can't she can move it up but not like the full it's meant to be able to go up to the roof of their mouth but she can't move it up not like the full it's meant to be able to go up to the roof of their mouth but she can't move it up to like the full extent also what was interesting which you mentioned last week was that they said that she's got a high palate which all your children all mine yeah they say hers is high yeah it's high as well which is why i think she struggles with the dummy

which is what we i gave you the the other one the other way didn't i yeah because it's her palates she's got a really high palate like yeah yeah but renly is well the only one that was questioned on a tongue tie he might still have it but he just i i keep thinking oh maybe he's tongue tied that's why he doesn't like dummy he just doesn't like it doesn't like it no no because we've got no trouble with him sucking the bottle and he takes the bottle same i feel like when i try and put a dummy in her mouth she's just like piss off trying to put this thing in my mouth i don't want it yeah i don't want something plastic rubber shoved in my mouth no no thanks not today not ever i loved my dodo's though did you have a dummy yeah i did did you i was the only one and my mom cut the dummies cut them get you off them yeah so i put them in my mouth sucked them and

nothing nothing happened we're getting to the point with joseph where we're gonna have to try and get it off him and i don't know what we're gonna do because he loves it mine colby gave up his when dotty came same as nappies it was nappy and dodos went straight at the same time dotty was a little bit long had hers a little bit longer and all her teeth went with this shape of the dodos yeah so i was like oh we've got to get rid of the dummy but i think she gave hers up pretty pretty easy really friendly he's never gonna have a dummy well this is the thing i think sat here with a dummy on my chest at least it's just there for decoration at least if they don't have one we'll never have to get it off them you know very true there's that but then i always find

the dummy so good for teething it's just good for everything to soothe in them yeah like it when she won't take it and she's screaming, I just think, oh, if you took the dummy, you'd be all right. Because I just don't know what comes in... Place of it. Place of it, yeah, because... Well, for me at the moment, it's the boob. You either get thumb suckers.

Yeah. Blanket suckers. Yeah. And you see children with the whole blanket in their mouth, don't you? And you think, crumbs. Yeah. Is there any room for anything else in there? Yeah.

Don't they? But I don't know what what would soothe them yeah tell me actually if you don't have a dummy baby or your baby hasn't taken a dummy what do they have instead yeah apparently sucking the two middle fingers is quite common this is a really common one because it of the it makes you have the rock on hands the emoji like that and i feel like this is so much harder, Matt. Like dummy thumb and fingers. Well, you can't wean them off them, can you?

They're stuck. They're on there. For life. Take their hands off. Don't need that no more. Start sucking their toes. I'm kidding. I wouldn't do that.

I wouldn't do that. So that's my week. How's yours been? Again, I've been a little bit... I want to say I'm up my ass i'm not i'm just very much in my bubble yeah like i'm i am fiercely scared of how fast it's going trying to live in the moment i really am because it's going really really quick and i feel like this is the quickest it's ever gone yeah and if i'm honest i am a little bit emotional every night he's a really easy he's a really easy, he's a really easy baby. Sleeping for nine hours.

So happy for you. I did put on my Instagram the other day, I was like, that thing where you question how long should your baby sleep for? Because we talked about it, didn't we? The amount of messages I got. No, I Googled how, why my baby doesn't sleep. And it tickled me, it tickled me. What, you Google, don't you? We Google these crazy things.

Did I tell you I got told off by the midwife in hospital for letting her sleep for seven hours when she was like a day old. Oh, because you didn't wake her up to feed. No. It's the worst advice anybody can give you is wake a sleeping baby. Never, ever, ever, ever wake a sleeping baby just to feed them. When they're hungry, they'll wake up. They'll let you know. They will let you know.

I promise you they'll let you know they will let you know i promise you they'll let you know but no i've um i i'm very emotional in the sense of it's going really really fast um i feel very fortunate and very lucky at the moment that i'm the babies are the babies are doing great they're just in their own little bubble of colby's doing his footbully bits and he's doing really well with that dotsy is like mini mum and then when i go to my sisters they all just soaking him up so it's just it's very hard i feel like it's a lot for me as i feel sad like because i feel like i know it's my last baby like with dotty i was always unsure if it no it definitely is yeah it definitely is our last baby with dotty i was in the i always thought oh what

if you know what will be will be kind of thing it was never ever a no but i feel like i look at him and i know it's our last baby so everything seems so much more emotional yeah like it's our our last baby and i'm trying my best to just soak it up and it's a lot like it's my sister had all four babies really close together so it's it's special for her and it's a lot like it's my sister had all four babies really close together so it's it's special for her and it's special for her children like my eldest niece is 15 and we don't get a look in you know when it's it's literally at the moment she's having a really tough time with like school and everything and trying to get her exams and stuff like that so the minute my sister's like can you just bring the baby around i need she's struggling she's having a really bad day i can't i can't parent this hormonal teenager just bring

the baby he's like a therapy dog and we do we just bring him around me and my sister it's great for me and my sister because they all just take the baby yeah me and roxanne we're just having a cup of tea yeah having the time of our lives great and then throwing my brother-in-law into the mix that's it you're fucked then you're not seeing the baby for a good five hours. He'll do the feeds. He'll push the pram. So we actually went to town. All of us went to town.

We had this crazy idea that we'd just all go to town. We had lunch together. All of us. My brother-in-law, my sister, all four children. Well, we did lose my nephew halfway through. Not lost him. He went to a sleepover. Oh, right.

So we had to drive him back home. And then my brother-in-law came back for the fun. But we had a whole a whole fun day and we went to build a bear and it's just everything just is a bit surreal at the moment yeah everything is just like i feel like we're fully the um what family is it von trap are they like a fun family that just does like that's the family from sound of music that's got loads of yeah that's us yeah we're literally living our von trap life yeah we're doing everything together more so than ever really like we were close before but like yeah now we're just doing everything together just don't toilet or bath together well like that well they the sometimes my niece bathed renly oh yeah and then i took pictures and i had to tell her i'm gonna send you a picture of him he's in the bath and i

felt bad like i don't want to just send her cousin to her completely nuders send her a nude because the pictures were cute you know I was like don't want to shock you but here's his willy out even though she bathed him but no yeah I just it just seems all a little bit it's really hard and I think I'm struggling in the sense of I'm trying to soak every minute of it up but to share it to the world I'm really struggling with that yeah oh I'm gonna get sad and I don't even know why I'm trying to soak every minute of it up, but to share it to the world, I'm really struggling with that. Yeah. Oh,

I'm going to get sad. And I don't even know why I'm sad. Like, it just feels something so special. I never had it with the other two. And I'm just really, because you went on social media. Yeah.

I just feel really fiercely protective of, of this, something that's so special to us. Yeah. And I feel like I, I'm selfishly not sharing it with everybody else because i want to soak it up do people ask you like when you're not on instagram a lot or yeah and i think sometimes when i get a lot of messages as much as it's really lovely i then get overwhelmed

because i'm just a bit like i want to be there but i also feel really torn because i want to have all of this yeah yeah and i just think I always I always just go back to the fact that I was just never meant to have this life and I feel so insanely privileged to have this to have this life and just to have him and he's just he's honestly such a wonderful little baby and like with Colby it was such a struggle with Colby it was a real struggle with colby and i just feel and i feel like i'm because i took colby for grant like i took the whole pregnancy for granted and i took i lost so much of his first bit of his life because i just wished it all away because it was hard it's really really hard and i wished

i wished it away every day so this time you you're like determined to soak it all up. When I say to you I'm soaking it up, I just couldn't. I can't tell you how much I'm just relishing in it. Yeah. Because I just wished it all away with Colby. And even with Dottie, I think I wished it away because I was like, oh, you know, I need to get out and I need to do things and I need to have them walking and I need to have them playing together

and, you know, I need to get her in her own room yeah and now I'm like no you wear that fucking baby grow you'll wear it till you're 80 yeah you stay in those one month baby grows Renly yeah so I don't mean to be sad it's just hard isn't it I'm just I feel very very fortunate and very lucky and I just feel maybe I am being a little bit selfish that I'm just. No, it's your baby. But yeah, that's my week. But we, yeah, we're doing great. So Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yeah, we want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club.

You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about or just say hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search for or just say hello you can find us on tiktok and instagram just search for secret mum pod or you can email us hello at secret mum pod.com so it's time for the correspondence did we catch another trump on mike get down with the trumpets yeah let's get down with it you know one of the reasons why I have her on the boob so much is because I feel like it gets her bowels going. Farting. Yeah.

And it's also her dummy, isn't it, really? Yeah, it's basically just a soother, isn't it? It's basically a soother. I'll suck your tit for nothing. My poor nipples. Are they still sore? No, no, no. They're fine.

They're fine now. They're fine. Yeah. That's good. Yeah, no, we're all good. Do you balm them up? I do. Yeah, I use um shout out the

lanolin nipple cream it's the best one in the little leader oh yeah have you seen the one in the purple tube yeah lancino i use that one i feel like there is you're not on tiktok so you wouldn't know and always i refer back to because there's tiktoker kelly enos she is she had a baby just before us is this one that pumped she yeah did the yeah i've spoken about before yeah she does phenomenal uh like it's really nice to watch her because she does all of that but they're weaning her off of the off of the bb but she talks with her microphone clip to i think it's the purple and blue tube of nipple cream oh yeah yeah yeah it's amazing sorry shout out to kelly not an ad, not a spawn.

No. Just bloody love it. Just bloody love it. I like the Weleda. That was good for me. That's a good brand, yeah. I just love the Weleda cream as well. Yeah, the face cream.

Yeah, yeah. Stunning. It's good, isn't it? We love all brands. Everyone's welcome here. Everyone is welcome in the secret mom club. All right. Ready for the first one? Yes.

It says, hey, ladies, I've just listened to the episode where you had a message from Lisa, whose daughter calls every man in the military town they live in dad. Remember that? It reminded me of a story of my brother. Sadly, my grandma died when we were young. We were in the funeral car with a driver when my two year old brother pipes up from total silence and goes, mommy, there's daddy. Hi daddy daddy he was pointing at the driver while saying this the driver didn't turn around so my brother carried on daddy daddy daddy fucking answer me the poor driver was trying so hard not to smile or laugh from billy lou wood in the funeral car in the funeral car oh i mean takes a damper you know takes a bit of load off of the day yeah

that's the word i was looking for hopefully it lightened the mood yeah it didn't didn't ruin the day if you're a funeral driver you must have to be very like you can't show any emotion i'm not gonna lie to you i have um i have met a few dads like on the school in my time of doing school runs and stuff that actually do the funeral drive in. Oh, really? I cannot tell you. Clearly take my hat off to them because it takes a very, very special person to be able to do that. But nicest people I've ever met. Really?

So, so incredibly nice and I think I think that's just um it takes a certain person but I just think that's so wonderful of them to just be yeah what a job wonderful people is that an undertaker are they called an undertaker undertaker to me is always someone in wwe because I feel like it's a wrestler called an undertaker and that's all I think of is him they're people that work in funeral homes but i don't know whether the driving is like a specific job or whether they all do everything let us know yeah let us know if you're a funeral driver but that is um funeral undertaker yeah not a wwe wrestler no but also if you are a fantastic job and again it's one of those jobs nobody ever wants to do it um and we should be give more

praise to them yeah and the people that paint you not paint you um oh who like get the bodies ready yeah what's that called taxidermist that's stuffed animals completely different completely different job there's some people that so they sort out, don't they? Sew all your bits. Do they sew you up? I don't know. I feel like your eyes are sewn shut, are they? Are they? I don't know.

I'm being cremated. Are you? Yeah. I don't know what it is, but that's one of those jobs, isn't it? That people... Yeah. And respect for really trying hard not to laugh at that two-year-old. Yeah.

Daddy, can fucking answer me can you imagine him turn around i'm not your fucking dad yeah put the fuck down it's a funeral car drive this car yeah yeah trying to concentrate here oh thank you billy lou her name was billy what a lovely name billy would got another email here it says hello soph and emma i'm a mama to two beautiful children when giving birth to my youngest he was transverse in my tummy that means laying sideways doesn't it i have no idea i think it's like a cross but i was contracting so if born naturally there was a risk of brain damage or worse so they took us down to have a c-section i was prepped and ready to go

then in came the surgeon after asking me a couple of questions the surgeon looked at the clock and said he said oh i'm off for lunch and walked out of theater what the fuck i had to wait for another surgeon what thank you thankfully my little boy was born six pound two ounces and safe from leah in wiltshire what the hell what a prick i hope he's retired i hope he's been sacked yeah what a knob god i would have made a complaint about that what the fuck don't prick i hope he's retired i hope he's been sacked yeah what a knob god i would have made a complaint about that what the fuck don't worry i'm just gonna go through massive surgery i'm off for my lunch i mean obviously surgeons gotta have lunch too but like i appreciate they've gotta have lunch but maybe don't time a c-section for lunchtime yeah and don't prep yourself and get yourself into surgery why what was the point of being even being in the surgery why did they even

get her down to theater what the the fuck? So many questions. Yeah. I can't fathom that. Yeah. And also, like, it's quite a... Surely I thought you had to be, like, scrubbed up and washed clean. Yeah. Into surgery. Yeah.

So he'd done all of that and gone, oh, do you know what? I've got a tuna crunch. Yeah. I'm off. Thanks anyway for your time. Can't be fucked with this one. Maybe he just didn't want fucked with this one maybe you just didn't want to do her one because it's was a was a scary one had to wait for another surgeon oh yeah

she did have a different surgeon yeah she had to have a wait for a whole new surgeon yeah so she was in there prepped ready to go yeah my friend was actually telling me that their c-section um was like towards the end of the day so the consultant they'd been seeing throughout the whole time is meant to do the surgery stop it was meant to be leaving of the day. So the consultant they'd been seeing throughout the whole time who was meant to do the surgery was meant to be leaving for the day. And they were like, well, we kind of thought we were going to get you and we don't really want anyone else. So before the guy left for the day, they asked him if he would stay and do it and he did.

Oh. Yeah. Well, he is incredible. But also these people do need to clock off at some point. Do you know what I mean? Oh, of course. I understand. I just felt like you'd have to be washed, cleaned and ready to go because he couldn't be in the same scrubs could

he or maybe the same scrubs but different overlay so he would have to change all that he would have just been able to like oh i've just done one just will the next one in she yeah and then just go oh do you know what i'm not gonna clean up i'm gonna get fucking dirty with this one leave all the blood on that no you would have had to clean yourself maybe he was feeling weak just needed a sandwich yeah maybe it's quite a quite like an experience going down and getting ready for c-section though like it's quite an ordeal it's not really fair to get someone in there and then be like oh i'm off and you have to do that every single time because you have to be clean yeah and sterile to go into the next operation. Yeah. Just a waste of resources, really.

NHS products. That's nuts. Time. That is nuts, Leah. That is nuts. Glad you're baby boy. Yeah, I'm glad he's safe. Bless his heart.

£6.20. £6.20. Tiny. When he was 6'3"? 13. 6'13". Bit bigger. So you can get in touch with us on anything at all.

Yeah, it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous because between us we've probably heard it before heard it before heard it all before heard it all before

ah sing the rest of it but my lies ain't working now look who's hurting now see I had to shut you down I had to

shut you down played the fool before anyway anyway um and remember we're all in this together and we know that we are we're all stars and we see that Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Celine Dion. My dream? To be an international star. Could it happen again? Could Celine Dion happen again? I'm Thomas Leblanc, and Celine Understood is a four-part series from CBC Podcasts and CBC News,

where I piece together the surprising circumstances that helped manufacture Celine Dion, the pop icon. Celine Understood. Available wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts. Everywhere. Acast.com This is the Secret Mum Club. The safe space for you to share your secrets here is my secret this week you want to put your phone down for this one it's serious jelly she's just taking a picture of sadie sorry i'm just getting a picture of sadie hard at work on the podcast she is and emma sat

here with her nipple out because sadie just comes straight off the boob she just keeps popping on and emma's pad is just floating around the studio. These breast pads. Please let me know, breastfeeding mums, what the hell do you do with your breast pads? Or if you even wear them because I feel like not everyone that's breasted wears a pad. No, my sister's not. She's just letting it all hang loose. Go on, girl. Go on. Go on, girl. Anyway.

Secret of the week. It's a serious one. Okay. Serious face. Serious one. So you know I've been walking. We're very much in our walking era. Yes, we are. We're enjoying our walks. It's good serious one. Okay. Serious face. Serious one. So you know I've been walking. We're very much in our walking era. Yes, we are. We're enjoying our walks. It's good for the baby. It's good for me.

It's good for Chrissy. Good for the other two babies. I did the walk the other day on my own for some reason. Don't really know why I did it. Chris, I think, took Colby to some football thing. So I did the school run. And no, because Colby was with me. Don't know where Chrissie was.

How funny. Because we're together pretty much. 24-7. Yeah. Yeah. Don't know where he was. But anywho,

I went on the school run. Afternoon was lovely. It was sunny. Everyone was out. Everyone was in great spirits on the school run. It makes such a difference when the sun's out,

doesn't it? Such a difference. Such a wonderful feeling. Just can't, I just can't, we'll never get over the Britishness of just men having their boobs out all the time. But anywho, difference such a wonderful feeling just can't i just can't um we'll never get over the britishness of just men having their boobs out all the time but anywho um so yes we walked back

and we had to walk up this really big hill and you know when you can hear children up ahead or anywhere that aren't really you you can hear the tone that they're being silly maybe naughty naughty silly and you think mums are having a chat somewhere kids are playing up okay so i could hear this up ahead right and a car you had a because the car had slammed on their brakes up the top of the hill so they were obviously throwing things at the car or into the road but you could also hear the cackle of the mum so i thought the sun's out who am i to judge we all need a little chin wag at the end of the day they've been at school all day they're in the silly moods it's friday no sure so yeah that friday feeling i'm burning my butt off walking

up this hill because one i have no summer clothes that fit me yet because i'm still not back to my pre pre uh baby weight mum bod yeah so fully track suited up pushing the pram to the top of this heel while dragging dotty on a scooter colby scootering up ahead literally could feel the sweat running down my back to which i see these children up ahead one of them goes go on do it to her to which i eyeballed the child don't do anything to me and i thought oh god i don't want to i'm not in the i'm in a fragile state of mind we all know that i'm very fragile the children don't know but i know in my mind that i'm fragile so walking up the hill getting close and he's like go on go on go and do it to her do it to her the the child that he was egging on, I was just staring out.

It's literally like this. Go on. And at the point, I was getting to the point where I was like, go on, go on, I want you to do it. I want you to do it. So didn't do it as we were walking on the approach. Walking past and still, I still eyeballed the child as I was walking past. Still eyeballed. Got past, the children are behind me.

They fucking barked at me literally went and i literally turned around and went are you are you are you barking are you barking at me to which they both laughed what does that mean and they're trying to call you a dog i literally have no idea but me bright red sweating my tits off went even more red like a tomato to which i walked up to the mums and i was like do not allow your fucking children to bark at people it was so rude and to the point it made colby and dotty really and i'm not somebody that will ever ever say anything it made colby and dotty really uncomfortable to which colby literally turned around andby literally don't matter was like don't bark at us because he was really embarrassed really really embarrassed and

they kept going and going but i the fact was not only did they bark once they must have barked for a good maybe a minute just under a minute how old are these kids colby's age so like boys yeah yeah to which I walked and I kept walking and they kept barking and barking and barking and the mums were stood there. Where were the parents?

Just on the corner of the road. The three of them just stood on the corner of the road barking. The children were barking at me, pointing at me. The mums could see

this was all happening. There was no one else they could bark at and they were barking at me and then the children were jolting at me. Like, roo, roo,

at me. And we carried on barking. So what did I i said to the mom do not let your fucking children bark at people very threatening and aggressive so aggressive and the moms literally just looked at me and was just like oh well oh well to which i was just mortified i walked past and i was walking up the hill and you know i'm not somebody that would that calls out but don't ever put me or my children utmost in a position if Colby had barked at a child or barked at a woman walking past I would be mortified yeah absolutely mortified I just think it's a really awful thing to do at somebody anyway yeah and I didn't know and I felt angry at myself and then as I carried on walking I was like maybe i shouldn't have sworn maybe i shouldn't have said anything maybe i just sucked it up and just you should have said something the barbers just stood there

fully laughing fully laughing about the whole situation fully let the children bark at a mother her children did you have friendly with you that i really was in the pram i had the cam and i was pulling dotty on the scooter because the hill was the hill was really really steep so i was trying to pull her up push him colby was up ahead talking to me about his day i'm trying to concentrate

on them talking to me about their day i could feel the sweat running down my back i was bright red my glasses were to the end of my nose because of the sweat

had made my sunglasses run oh man i hate when that happens i had trainers on so my feet were sweating my head was sweating because i had a hat on it was a whole lot of everything going on and they laughed at me they love what i found even more embarrassing is on the monday one of the mums tried to talk to me no never spoken to me in the whole time that we've been going to school they must have felt bad about

it i literally just look those things like like her child looked to me i just looked at her she'd barked there. Oh. I was really, I don't know whether it was the stress of the heat, the tiredness. I don't know what it was. The hormones. I don't know if I was wrong for what I said. No.

But it was the fact that I even said, do not let your children fucking bark at people. It's really rude. They just said nothing. Didn't care. I wonder if it's one of those where like in the moment you defend it because you're embarrassed that they're your children behaving like that and then after she had a few days to reflect on it she probably thought i do feel bad about that she didn't apologize though no but she's still trying to like make it up to you by

talking to you you know and it wasn't even like she was making a conversation with me she just was like oh morning lovely day yeah exactly and i was just like trying to cover up that your kids been asked no i didn't i was really mad i just thought in in the circumstances of everything why are you allowing your children to bark yes because if a man had barked at you how would you have felt and how are those children gonna grow up and a woman barking at a man how uncomfortable would a man feel if there was women barking at him i was really mad i'm so sorry i can feel the tension in my back yeah it's it really it really knocked me rightly so i don't know why parents would defend behavior like that you couldn't even mean and i can't even explain

it to be in the in the in the state that we could have excused it yeah there was no way of excusing that they weren't barking at me they were fucking throwing stuff they were throwing twigs they threw twigs at a car oh little billy don't do that that's what the mum was no tell him to stop yeah what are you doing and i understand us mums have got to have a chat at the end of the day but allowing the children to be one safe but two not doing anything they shouldn't be doing also admit when your children are the objectively the older that the older my children are getting and the newer categories that they're falling into e.g football mums yeah no offense if you're a football mum but bitches are crazy up in this football

football life i'm not gonna cry football football parents but we're now even dads are fucking wild football dads football dads underage underage eight football that's not meant to be competitive survival of the fucking fittest out there it's every man for themselves so i just think no the older that i'm getting that the more i'm finding that it's there's no fucks given oh no we've spoken about this before it's like the soft play mums the soft play mums who can't admit when their children are being the little shit yeah i feel like there's that it's the early the early babies the early parents um i feel like and especially when it's your first child you're more apologetic but i think the more children that you get the less apologetic i think you are

i i just think i'm maybe i'm just over apologetic like someone literally will hit me with their trolley and i'll apologize to them for hitting me that's a very like polite such a british thing to do yeah i just i'm always apologizing yeah um But I just, I can't fathom it. And I just, I don't think I'll ever get my head around it. No. And I just think there's just no, there's no excuse for it. I understand that you're trying to have a wind down at the end of the week. Everyone was in high spirits.

Everyone was happy. It just wasn't, there was just no excuse for it. And you knew what he did. The two, you knew what the two children had done. They fully knew what they had done. I could see them doing it. I just, I can't even believe that it happened. It was the fact that Colby turned around and went,

he didn't fucking bark. I don't even, I can't in the moment even know if he swore. I don't think he swore. I swore. But he just went, don't bark at my mum. And he even said it, to which the mums even heard Colby say, don't bark at my mum. I do love how Colby and Dottie have always got your back.

Colby's always got my back. I think Dots would have barked with them, had Colby have not said anything. Oh, sorry, mum. Yeah, but she's normally sticking up for you. She does. She is. They're very, very protective.

They're very loyal. They're very protective of each other, very protective of me and Chris. Yeah. Especially now, like Renly, I think Colby's very, very protective now. And he was like was like don't bark at my mom to which the boys just laughed at him and i was like oh colbs don't worry about it mate you know it's just not worth it you just can't tell some children and you're saying all this stuff loud enough just for the parents to just be

like i barked at you some children eh well at least they weren't your kids i know i just it does trouble me though that i ever think if my children are bad and they weren't your kids i know i just it it does trouble me though that i ever think if my children are bad and they do do that god i want someone to pull them up on it so don't don't you do that also does it make you think about like how they are when you're not with them yeah like if they yeah like really really frightened if they were dealing with that like and you weren't there or if kids were behaving like that at school to which i and i feel bad like i you know i walked up the road and i just said to colby like would you do that to somebody and he was like mum i'd never do that it was really really rude and in your heart you're like oh thank god like i'm not saying my child's

an absolute saint because i'm not i'm the first to fucking say god what have they been doing and i'm first to say i'm really sorry about him or their behavior when they're being naughty i'm always i'm on it i don't ever excuse bad behavior but i just or you know praise great behavior and say my child's an angel because he's they're not neither of them are they have their days but i just said to him dude don't you can't ever do that to anybody and they both would said no they wouldn't you know they can tell me one thing they might do something completely different but i can hold it in my heart that i would never do anything to make someone feel uncomfortable it's not cool behavior okay glad i got that off my chest it's been bothering me i'm glad too and i didn't know if it was something i really wanted to talk about if i

not wanted to talk about because i don't ever want people to take what i'm saying you know take one and one and make it fucking 103 because that's what people like to do with shit from the internet you know don't they they like to just make a big sandwich out of a molehill what mountain mountain i prefer sandwich i prefer sandwich i love a sandwich i've got sandwich on the brain yeah i'm hungry oh maybe we should just quit this podcast like the surgeon yeah we're done I'm just off out for some lunch actually gonna hit up the sandwich joint yeah so that was my secret this week I'm glad you listened I'm sorry I don't mean to offend anybody um I hope you took it as what I was meaning I think a lot of people will agree with you um so now uh there's enough of my shit let's get on to your secret we've got three i think we have

three every week i say like it's a shock like we're gonna have one or four this week it's always three we've got three ways so would you like to hit us with number one i would just like to address how you try to rhyme shit with secret and i appreciated it oh thank you i appreciate that you appreciate that i noticed it um any whowho. Anywho. Get your arm back. Should I put my bra back on? Yeah, do you want your pad? It's behind your back. Yeah, honestly.

Leaving breast pads everywhere is becoming a real problem. Did I tell you the other day it got stuck to my midwife's lanyard? She was helping me to feed and she got my breast pad stuck on her lanyard. Love that. Did you ask for it back? Then she went to the door to talk to like a contractor. And she came back in. I was like, oh, yoink.

Sorry, my breast pad's stuck to you. She went, I've just been to speak to a man at the door. She said, don't worry, I don't think he probably knew what it was. Can I just take that back? Sorry, can I have that back? Thank you. Anywho, ready for secret number one? Yes, I am. Now we've got that. That was pretty much a secret of the week. can I have that back? Thank you. Anywho, see. Ready for secret number one? Yes, I am.

Now we've got that. That was pretty much a secret of the week. Don't got that out of the way. Wow, we've got yours out. This says, Hi, Soph and Emma. I'm a first-time surrogate and had a transfer last month,

which me and the parents have just found out was successful. Shut the fuck up. Wow! I'm now five weeks pregnant and exhausted, but I'm so excited to see these two lovely people become parents. But I can't help but get frustrated at people who make comments about me giving away my baby or asking, how much does that pay then?

I know it's probably just because they're uneducated, but how can I tell people to think before they speak without sounding like a rude cow? Love from Anonymous. That is really rude. That is rude. But I'm not surprised you get those questions because I actually think there's a lot people don't know about. Uneducated. Yeah. They don't know about... Uneducated. Yeah. They don't know about surrogacy.

And I think people have a lot of questions about it because they're not really sure how it works. People do have a lot of questions, but there's asking a question that's just being outright rude. Yeah. You don't ask someone how much it costs. How much it pays. I would have never ever...

Well, I would have paid my sister any money in the world to carry my baby if I wasn't able to carry it. But you just don't know the circumstance in which. And as well, again, I'm very uneducated. So I speak on something I don't know about. When it's surrogacy, it's obviously would have been my egg. But Chris's sperm inside my sister. So technically, it's not my sister's baby because I wouldn't have wanted her to not be a part of it.

But it's technically not because it's not her egg. So if it's surrogacy, it's somebody else's egg. So when somebody says, oh, giving up your baby, how uneducated. If it's saying surrogacy, I would automatically assume it's not her egg. Yeah, like genetically, that's not your baby. It's somebody else's baby.

You're just carrying it. Yeah, you're the... I think it's such a selfless thing to do so it's amazing isn't it like literally when roxanne was like i'd carry a baby off the cuff like no there was no question i was just thinking about whether i would for my sister oh i would now if roxanne said i would do yeah 100 i put my body through it for my sister yeah yeah i think or now if i was in a position to now carry if if my brother and his wife decided to have a baby yeah and they couldn't yeah but they wanted one it wouldn't

absolutely no question yeah to give that that's such an insane gift yeah what an insane gift to give to somebody i do think that people that do it are amazing take my hat off to the phenomenal people yeah i always thought as well surrogacy you had to have a cesarean i didn't think you were allowed to have them naturally but i believe you can correct me if i'm wrong i believe yeah i believe you can have a vagina i'd be really so many oh my god so many questions also i'd like to know if she has had her own babies yeah that would be really interesting to know yeah if you've had your own babies um i would just outright say don't be so fucking rude yeah that's what i'd say that's my advice if people had to be rude to you yeah i would i would come

across like that you are literally doing the most selfless thing in the whole entire world yeah so come across like a cow i would yeah i would having all those symptoms as well five weeks and you're carrying this for somebody else so i think you have every entitlement to be as rude as you want yeah be a rude cow yeah i say be rude and people that are that rude to even say that that's to me that's rude yeah that's on them that's on them because me personally i just have lots of questions i've loads of questions i'd like you to keep us please keep us updated i I'd love to know the whole journey

and I hope you feel okay because I remember finding out at five weeks and feeling yes exhausted and also really sick yeah so I hope those symptoms

don't last forever forever well not forever well not the whole pregnancy the duration of the pregnancy but thank you for sharing that that's really beautiful

and thank you for doing something so incredibly generous amazing insane incredible what a woman wow i don't think anything's going to top that no offense to number two and three but number one was a big one let's just quit right here yeah all right you ready for number two it says hello both i am sure i'm being silly however i'm currently feeling disheartened because it feels like my little boy only plays up for me and doesn't particularly like me he's 20 months old and i'm sure we've hit the terrible twos early i work shifts so when i'm on day shifts he's at nursery the staff always say he's been brilliant all day but when we get home and that's it he

refuses to eat his dinner throws himself on the floor if i say no then he refuses to go to sleep i feel like he's fine with my parents and in-laws as they babysit quite regularly i'm sure it's just Right Zoe, listen to me right now, talking woman to woman. Real talk. Real talk right here this never ever stops yeah this we're now seven years deep and they do it mine do it yeah it does it and they always do it for the people that are closest to them the ones they love the most yeah uh well that's what i tell myself yeah that's what my my sister tells me um no i it doesn't ever stop no and i generally I, generally, hand on my heart,

Dottie will be so insanely naughty for me. But for my sister, she's incredible. Oh, yeah. For other people, they're different children. She actually questions sometimes my sister. She's like, you even talking any sense? Like, are you just making this up? And I'm like, no, she's been horrible to me today.

And she just doesn't believe me. No. It doesn't ever it doesn't ever stop it's like when they go to nursery they're completely different children and i think you get to the point where i think i did the same i used to worry that colby was um i used to worry and say oh you know he hates me because he cries all the time obviously he was in a lot of pain and he was very he was a very poorly baby but i um used to get really upset that it was me but i think the older that they get the

more you appreciate that you'd rather them be bad for you but good for everybody else yeah yeah when they're good for other people it makes you proud doesn't it yeah it does make you yeah it makes you feel good but it doesn't it doesn't get any better and it is completely normal completely normal i think we had some of this with jose Joseph and definitely before had the terrible twos, like a bit before he was two. I could say from around the 20 month age, they start pushing boundaries and they do it to the person that's closest to them.

And also you see them more of the time. So you're seeing all the good, all the bad, like the good, the bad and the ugly, everything. And yeah, it's completely normal. And I feel like it's the same old thing. You'll always go on TripAdvisor and look for the bad review yeah you'll always remember the bad days yeah bad days the bad moments the bad things yeah you're the the good bits that happen you don't remember those and they're so few and far between yeah um and i think we just sometimes focus on the

negatives yeah and i just think we put a lot of pressure on ourselves and i that for one second doesn't mean i diminish how you're feeling because this is all valid we've all been there um but this is all very normal to me personally i i i read it as it's all very normal things and i don't think you've got anything to worry about um you just gotta you just gotta stay strong and know that we're all of this together. It doesn't make it any easier when your child's throwing themselves on the floor and refusing to eat dinner. Yeah, and I don't want you to go, oh, Safina says this is normal. What a bitch!

You know, I just want you to know that you're not alone. Yeah. There is another, there is other mummies, all mummies out there. Yeah. Who have been through it, going through it. I think every parent of a toddler knows what you're talking about all i can say is from this is you're doing a fucking great job yeah because it's all very normal yeah you're just fucking smashing it it's hard though there's toddler tantrums oh man it is hard but it's a phase

it won't last forever and just try and not to be annoying deep try and deep breathe wine yeah deep breathe through it all and pour yourself a glass of wine but thank you so much zoe for messaging in yeah yeah we hope you're doing okay look after you it's even worse when you try and do something nice for them and you feel like they're throwing it back in your face like dinner is the one that really gets me i get annoyed at my i used to get annoyed because i used to have an argument with them not an argument i was like you i've done this for you today and he used to get annoyed because I used to have an argument with them. Not an argument. I used to be like, you, I've done this for you today. And he used to stare at me in the back of the car like, yeah. Oh, you can't reason with them.

You can't argue with them. I used to be having this full on like I would be telling my brother or Chris, I've done this for you today. You're so ungrateful. You don't know how easy you've got life. You don't know how grateful you are. And you just used to be like, yeah, zero fucks given's yeah dada poop it that's worse when they ask for dad like the parental preference thing like oh it's when they tell you i don't want you i want daddy

yeah i've done so much for you yeah do you Do you know how much I do for you? Yeah. You're literally having this full-blown conversation with a 20-month-old baby who's not even two, can't even talk. And they just look at you like, I don't give a shit. Shut up. Yeah. Just wipe my ass. Give me another bottle. I don't care about your problems, Mum.

Honestly. 99 problems, but you ain't mine. Yeah. Bitch. Just take some deep breaths and get through it. Okay. Ready for the last secret? Yeah. Hi, ladies. the last secret? Yeah.

Hi, ladies. Many moons ago, I was looking after my friend's little boy, along with my daughter, both around three years old, and my newborn son. God. Crumbs. That's a handful. That's a handful, isn't it?

Yeah. I took them to a pub with a play area for lunch. A couple of our friends with children were there too, so the kids could run wild together. Not long after we got settled at our table for the afternoon, my daughter came up to me to say my friend's son had done a big poo in his pants. I turned around to see him sat right in the middle of the ball pit, surrounded by poo.

It took me bloody ages to coax him out, and I could see the poo literally defying gravity, rising up his white T-shirt. I was completely horrified and had no choice but to tell the manager of the pub. He was so cross and told me it cost him about £500 to have all the balls and pit cleaned out. I also had the horrific job of cleaning the poo off my friend's child, which as we all know when it's someone else's child is gag central. He went home that day wearing my daughter's pink flowery leggings and pepper pig knickers on. I don't go back there joe brooke

from potten in bedfordshire i appreciate the full details after that joe brooke potten in bedfordshire there might be a lot of joe brooks not important in bedfordshire but there's only one joe brooke there's only one joe brooke in bedfordshire i that must have been a wet poo then oh and someone else's child was she trying to hoop the poo out i don't know i don't know it was rising up his top so was it wet i think it was rising up his top and down into the ball pit wow down into the ball pit i don't know the there are someone else's poo it's the whole fart thing i said when somebody else far yeah you know when your child can tell you can tell the smell of your child when someone else farts you're like that's not someone i know someone else is that person no i don't live with that that's another brand that's another brand

brand another brand of fart yeah not ours yeah someone else it's like washing detergent you can tell when it's from a different household we say this all the time don't we yeah my sister always says my washing smells good i love it when you can smell people's gold gold i am gold i'm gold orchard gold gold orchard bold gold bold gold bold gold there's other brands available aerial person flurry flurry all brands are welcome i just love the bold gold i love all the gold the gold incense boosters the gold fabric softener the gold detergent bougie bougie bougie withie. With a bit of Dettol. Oh. Dettol and some colour catchers.

Oh. That's my go-to. Good to know. Thank you. I like making a little cocktail for the washer and dryer. Yeah. I like a bit of everything in there. This also makes me think twice about ball pits.

Baby, think twice. Before you get in that ball pit because it's covered in shit. Or someone else's piss. Think how germy they must be. What a song. Love Sinead O'Connor. Celine Dion. Oh.

Awkward. So thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. If you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secretm pod.com or with secret mum pod on tiktok and instagram have you witnessed a ball pit poo explosion or has your doctor left you on the operating table to go to lunch let us know there really is nothing too outrageous and keep an eye out for our thursday episode and we'll see you next time on the secret mum club she fighted again in the middle of that did she yeah what a girl Secret Mom Club!

She farted again in the middle of that. Did she? Yeah. What a girl. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Céline Dion. My dream? To be an international star. Could it happen again? Could Celine Dion happen again?

I'm Thomas Leblanc, and Celine Understood is a four-part series from CBC Podcasts and CBC News, where I piece together the surprising circumstances that helped manufacture Celine Dion, the pop icon. Celine Understood. Available wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts. Everywhere.