Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Magic Pumps

Episode Date: April 15, 2024

Now that the ladies are officially back together, they've got loads to catch up on. Sophiena shares more about her experience in the hospital and NICU, and it's safe to say you'll need your tissues ready. Emma tells us all about how Joseff is getting along with his baby sister, and we have two incredible secrets involving a missing willy and sensual breast pumps. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do. And as we know, sharing is caring. And you all have secrets, don't we? We do. And as we know, sharing is caring. And you don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself.

You can be anonymous. And those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the Secret Muggler. That was the second take because I actually bummed the microphone and switched myself to mute you mean renly did yeah really did well me and renly together as a joy trying to get involved blessing already actually we've been so just like it's mama um we are we're doing tremendous i feel like it's not going to be any um surprise that we've gone from one episode to another episode and we've actually recorded two episodes in one day so we're carrying on our

conversation but i feel like there wasn't enough in the thursday's episode that we're giving you the rest yeah today we've got too much to say that episode was meant to be 20 minutes long i'm pretty sure it's going to be about three hours about an hour and 20 yeah we've at least got another three four hours here so buckle up buckle up bitches what are you now you week four of friendly we are week four yes we are the ninth of march aren't we i think we did talk about that just back there but yeah nine for you might be listening to two episodes in one day so technically what a treat for you this is because if you're just rolling from one to the next it's not going to be it's not going to be what also sorry if we're repeating ourselves but not what's going on in our lives we've just had babies we're both losing our minds we don't know

what day of the week it is um but we yeah he was due on the 8th of April, which was yesterday. It's now the 9th of April today. Yes. And he was born on the 9th of March. He's one month old. Do you know nine, the number nine is strong because Jojo is 9th of February as well. Stop it. And Emma also had some really exciting news that her friend, her best friend had her baby. On Renly's due date.

Another little girl for the crew was that no no she was like she was over she was 41 weeks wow she did good first second third second yeah so it's really cute because the they've got a boy too as well who's Joseph's little friend and then we'll now have their little girl and Sadie the same age as well. Oh my God, that is frigging too, that is cuteness overload, isn't it? I know. And then coming in hot later this month, my sister, we're waiting for her to drop now. We are waiting for your sister to have her bambinos. We also don't know what she's having.

No, but I did guess. So obviously I was very off with my own baby. I thought I was having a boy, had a girl. Excuse me. She doesn't want you to be off. She wants you to know. She's like, hey a boy had a girl excuse me um she doesn't want you to be off she wants you to know she's like hey i'm a girl god damn it um guessed a girl for my um friend she had a girl and i'm guessing a girl for my sister so we will see how my gender radar is doing but shit for yourself shit for myself i was very convinced i was having a boy and uh

i was gonna say what did you guess for me well i knew I was having a boy. And I was going to say, what did you guess for me? Well, I knew you were having a boy. So I thought boy. No, I think even before your gender reveal, though, I did think you were having a boy. Did you? I thought it was a boy, but I had a sneaky suspicion that it may be a girl. Obviously, 50-50. But yes, I went in there. Maybe I went in the hopes that it would be a girl obviously 50 50 but I yes I went in the maybe I went in the hopes

that it would be a boy but I had a feeling it may be a girl obviously 50 50 but when we went in before the sonogram that even said do you want to know what it is or do you want to know what you're having I already seen a wellie oh do you know whenever they say like oh look away now i'm like don't worry about it mate because i can't tell a fucking thing anyway i can never ever see anything like even when they're like here's the heart here's the kidneys i'm like cool that could you could literally be showing me anything but you know i told that story about the private scan that we had where they were like oh look away now because it's really obvious I was like obviously that means penis obviously not because clearly not no and I said and Chris was like oh what made Emma think that it was a boy and I was like because of that scan that you told me about

yeah Chris even Chris went oh when they say that it's definitely a willy and I was like I know but it's not she's got a foo foo maybe her foo foo was just swollen it was pretty swollen when it came out as well, to be fair. When they dropped the drapes in the cesarean, they were like, oh, we're all going to find out together. And they dropped the drapes and I was like, so? Please tell me. They were like, it's a girl.

We were like, oh, fantastic. I can't see. I can't tell. I wonder if anybody else has had that. I want to say that dot c's wasn't swollen i think i think it's quite common but you'll be i'm pleased to report the labia are now a normal size before their swelling has gone down she's definitely a girl but then the little boys balls come out swollen don't they yeah don't they have a little willy don't they and then the

balls are huge joseph's really were yeah my mum was obsessed with that like when she saw pictures of him first born she was like what's wrong with this ball sack it's nothing but your mum's not seen a ball sack has she no so now she's just got grandsons because emma's got sisters yeah and there's been no boys yet the two girls have gone on to have two boys yeah yeah so for you for your mum it was probably like what the fuck yeah she was like what is that again pleased to report the balls are now a very normal size it's all very normal to be fair they come out it's such a whether you push them out or they they get taken out they come out with such force yeah and it's so traumatic there's no wonder plus you take them out of water as well

don't you so they must just balloon up like a puffer fish like that's the thing they've had a lot of i think that's why my bump was so big i think i had a quite a lot of fluid in there because she wasn't a particularly big baby but just a lot of amniotic fluid i think so she'd taken a lot of that on and was quite swollen when she first came out and then when she shrunk back down to size i was suddenly like oh there's my seven pound six baby she's teeny tiny she's diddy that's mad isn't it yeah she literally was teeny tiny it's weird i went out the other day in town and the lady was like oh is that your baby is that your daughter's dolly no this is a real baby she's like no i was like that's the real baby she's like oh i'm so sorry i thought it was a

reborn that's because that's because he's so picture perfect looking no he just was literally compact he is so tiny we still haven't lost the newborn scrunch yet like he loves the scrunch yeah I love that he loves he's not really a straight straight baby at the moment but things are going great like we are we are oh. So we haven't really, me and Emma haven't spoken because I was in hospital a lot with the lead up to the baby coming, Renly. He's basically just the baby. I would like to alliterate on this. I know I call my children the babies,

but Renly is like the baby, like the Mac daddy of all babies. And my whole family just call him the baby. He is the baby. Like Neil's the baby from Gavin and Stacey. He's just Neil, the baby. He is the baby. Like Neil, baby from Gavin and Stacey. He's just Neil, the baby. Well, Joseph only says baby for Sadie because she didn't have a name for like a week.

And so now he just thinks her name is baby. So I don't know how we're going to get that through to him. Oh, please just let him call her baby. I know, it's quite cute. No one puts baby in the corner. So yeah, he's just become the baby. baby in the corner yeah so yeah he's just become he's just become the baby um but I did I did try the boob yeah I saw that so I saw that you were expressing but did you try you tried breastfeeding as well okay I tried the boob when I was in the neonatal unit with all of these

doctors and midwives and nurses all around me and we tried it he latched on first time great um and then I found it to be not stressful but I just found in myself that I was he had a lot of wires connected to him lots of tubes everywhere and I just was like you know what I can't do it I physically can't there's a whole lot of him and everything going on and I'm just not prepared to do it. So I was like, do you know what? Let's try expressing so we can give him all the best of the booby milk.

So expressing, got a little bit obsessed with expressing. Express with specimen? I got a little bit obsessed with expressing. That's hard to say. The milk. That's really hard to say. And I think in hospital as well I had like a little routine going where I was expressing my milk and I was able to put it in the fridge and

date it and feed him and express some more and it was lovely and then came home and I was just like yeah I was I was it's a lot of upkeep expressing because it's like two jobs isn't it rather than like just giving them the boob or just giving them the bottle yeah it's like you've got to express everything and then feed them as well it's like doubly as long and then because people were saying don't over express so express on demand so express like 20 minutes before his feed so I was having to wake up to put my pumps on to express for 20 minutes to then feed and he was feeding for about 40 minutes and I was just like this is just too much because then I didn't want to over have an oversupply where I was just expressing for the sake of expressing and putting it in the fridge yeah

because then I was like right okay then I'm over so then I was expressing and I'd have like a couple of feeds already in the fridge so all I was doing is taking one out and replacing it with another one so I'd always have his bottle on demand kind of thing and it was just too much it was too much my boobs were fucking killing I was doing the school run with the other two and my boobs were literally burning yeah well because they were so full yeah because they were so full and I just said to Chris I can't do it I can't get myself into a good routine I'm uncomfortable I can't wear the pumps while I was out because all I went out for a walk and took Rendy around the road in the pram and I was like people are looking at me on the street and I was like sorry I'm just expressing my boobs and I tried I really tried and gave it everything of every bit of me and I take my hat off to

honestly and I said this on my Instagram I take my hat off to anybody that exclusively breast feeds whether you do both whether you exclusively express however you do with your boobies I'm in utter awe of you because I don't know how you do it i have to say i'm very jealous of the gaps you'll get in between feeds now like four four five six hours like you can just be so much more on that when you've got a bottle fed baby yeah week seven and we are currently midnight till 7 30 oh shut the front door what i would say everyone's like oh you're looking so well you're doing so great and i'm like yeah because it's it's horrible, isn't it? And I don't want to say it is the formula baby when the baby's on the formula milk.

Not every baby's the same. But again, Colby wasn't. Colby was, I was every two hours with Colby because he was little and often. Dottie, she slept really early on, Dots. She really loved her sleep. Renly, we've had only, there's been the last sort of three nights. He's done midnight till seven.

That's amazing. And what was it like? Was it all right getting your milk to dry up or was that really painful? I think I was, I think by day three of strapping him up, I was back to normal. But I'm still massively in recovery, you know.

I was going to talk to you about this. this is because me and you both had a different pregnancy journey as well as a different labor journey um you were an elected cesarean to be honest that's where I was was at was I was going for an elected cesarean it didn't happen that way and that was purely because as I did say in the other episode Thursday's episode that was purely because I'd had two natural births um I do suffer with PTSD if you're new here you may or may not know I do I had I had an accident when I was younger and I just suffer with with some trauma from that so I was kind of like you know what I'm not going to put myself mentally through that again inserting Dottie you're wearing a summer outfit she just went don't worry I was never here I was never here she was very subtle to be fair she was subtle um but my waters broke, which changed the game slightly.

And that was so early. You were only like 36 weeks, weren't you? I was exactly 35. Well, Monday, it was a new week for us every Monday, wasn't it? So Monday,

I turned 35 weeks on the Monday. Waters went Tuesday at 1.20 in the morning. Shit. I know. Not going to lie to you, it was a very weird harrowing experience so i woke up absolutely drenched through like no word you could wring it out i was drenched through and i was like what the fuck like i was peeing like a gnat like i was filling myself up with all this

water and when i did actually need to go for a wee only the smallest amount would come out because there was so much pressure with him on my bladder that nothing ever came out so I was like surely I've not pissed myself because I can't pass this much urine so I sort of was in my own little world I went to the bathroom changed my pajamas put them in the bath and then was like I'll do the sniff test so I sniffed them they didn't smell like wee smells like wee doesn't it so I was like they don't smell like wee so I wake Chris up and I was like I don't know whether I've pissed myself or my waters have broken Chris was like what and I was like can you sniff my pajamas and he was like yeah sure so I got the pajamas and got him to sniff them and he was like it doesn't smell like wee

but then I don't know like what is your wee smelling like at the moment is it different because you're pregnant I was like I think wee is just wee. So we had a little bit of a urine debate for about eight minutes as to whether or not my wee still smells the same, which we were Googling. Does your wee still smell the same pregnant? But the Google searches, I screenshotted them to keep them all for ever looking back and thinking I'd lost my mind. So we left it a couple of hours and then it got to about half three. So about two hours and I phoned my dad and I was like, dad, I'm having some contractions

and I think my waters might have broken. My dad was like, what the fuck, I'll be there. I'll be there. Oh, you're a good old dad. I know. So we sat here, had a chat with my dad, had a cup of tea with my dad. And then it got to about half past five and the children wake up because I didn't want the children to wake up and panic

and be like where's mum gone granddad why are you here so I was like oh well let's see if the children wake up because I'm okay so it got to about half past five I rung the hospital they said to come in the children had woken up so I was like right mummy's going into hospital because I just need to have a few things checked so I got into hospital I think it was about in the children had woken up so i was like right mommy's going into hospital because i just need to have a few things checked so i got into hospital i think it was about but in the end it was about six o'clock twenty past six in the morning went into the day unit had all my checks done and they were like right okay we think your waters have gone but we're not too sure she's happy about the story but because they had concerns with the waters going obviously there was concern for infection yeah so they were like we'll admit you up to the ward and then we'll assess you

again tomorrow so I was like right okay then that's absolutely fine so we did that um but my contractions in this time were full force so some days they were full on some days they were nothing I'd have an hour of full contractions and five hours of nothing then I'd have five hours of contractions and 20 minutes of nothing and it was all very up and down um for like the five days and nobody knew really what was going on or what to do and we got to the Friday and they were like do you know what enough's enough we're just gonna we're gonna take you down and I was like oh great I get to have a cesarean they were like no he's 35 plus five and we need to let his lungs work harder and they work harder by having a natural I that's why they didn't want you to have a cesarean because he was so because he's too early and he's so little they basically want

him to work for it so they want them to work based on your body pushing them out. So all this time I'd been checked and I was having contractions, but my body just wasn't naturally dilating. My body wasn't doing what it should do to dilate naturally in the sense of like moving my cervix down, opening that up fully, dilating, softening, whatever it needed to do. My body just wasn't doing it naturally. So we went, Sneezes are so dangerous in this current situation So I had to be induced again like I was with the other two which it's a little bit was a little bit sad I was a little bit like I didn't want to do this again I kind of wanted to let my body just either one do it naturally or two just going for our cesarean kind of thing what was that was that a drip or pessary or other two were drips the hormone

drips went straight in with the hormone drip with the other two but this one we went in with the gel oh yeah the gel was wild the doctor was basically we're going to try the gel even though we don't think it's going to work we need to at least try it because he is still classed as a preemie we need to at least try it and do the steps whereas the other two even though Colby and Dottie came a week early they were over 37 weeks so they were kind of like well they weren't preemies whereas Renly was a preemie so they were like we'll try the gel and we'll assess you in six hours. So it got to about 9.30, had the gel and my sister was like, right, let's go for a walk around the hospital. So we were walking around the hospital in the dead of night, very, very eerie

experience. It was weird, but basically walked around and it got to, got to midnight. And I said, I think I need to have a check because I had severe diarrhea and I thought I'm either gonna have continue to have diarrhea and shut out all my organs or we're gonna have a baby Stephanie was like bless you let's give you a check so she was like we'll check you now you're two hours in we'll see how you're doing bear in mind this was two of the six hours so I was like please body have done something she was like you'll be pleased to know we're six centimeters dilated two hours in I was like this is tremendous and I was actually all right I was doing okay didn't feel like I needed any drugs and I said so I don't want to peak too soon with the drugs Stephanie so I think we're just going to see how far we can get and

then when it gets too much then I'm in with the drugs and I was still I was playing games with my sister I was walking around the hospital still So I felt like I wasn't really in need of the drugs. That makes sense. Cause I was fully coherent. Like I was fully walking around and I was doing, I was doing shit, you know? And it felt great that I had the gel and I wasn't because with the other two,

I had to stick to the, to the drip. I had to stay chained to the bed. Yeah. Got to about, it must've been about 2 30 and things got wild in the aisles and I just said you know what this is getting a lot and they they were elevating and dropping but they weren't stopping to give me a break they were just they were going high dropping

down just when I thought it was going to stop oh we're going back up again and then down and I was like oh it's going to stop so I basically got to the point where I was just having no breaks from them and that was for about half an hour and got to three o'clock and I said to Stephanie I was like Stephanie I'm gonna need some gas and air I need some gas and air I need to do something and we need to check. So she gave me the gas and air, did the internal. And then, um, she was like, we're fully, fully dilated. The cervix is soft. It's down. Like we're, we're ready. Like we can start preparing. So I was like, cool, get me the drugs. Cause I don't want to feel shit. Um, she was setting up all the instruments,

getting all our paper out and so forth and i said call pass free stephanie this baby is coming she was like no no it's not and i was like i'm either gonna take a poo or this baby's coming she's like no no the baby's not coming and that was it 15 minutes later from start to finish top to bottom baby was out on the bed stephanie turned around she was like right we need to stop stop pushing so she was holding his head in because his head had obviously come out she was holding his head in because he had his hands like this across his eyes and then as he come out he did this with one arm oh um so this arm gave me a two degree tear oh um and this way he had his fists on here and he hit my pelvic bone

so hard because he went so fast we basically you know as you're in labor and you can do the contracty bits which basically makes the head come down so that you get to the bottom and then you push we just went straight through we we had no pushing, contracting down. He just full on straight through. And yeah, hands across his face. And he was out and he was on the bed. Got the photo the first moment he was on the bed. Then came the most traumatic experience of my whole entire life is that he just never cried. never cried but he was there and there was lots

of people there there was the the response team came really really quickly they brought the bed in um and it all happened so so fast and everybody was so all I just remember is so many people were talking to me like loads of people were talking to me. And every person I looked at was basically like, he is OK. Like, we're going to be OK. Like, he is OK. But it was like the loudest silence I've ever heard in my whole entire life. It's like the moment you put them into school and you sit in the house for the first time and everything's deadly quiet. And you're like, this is so fucking loud.

Like, I need to get out of here. What did they do? Did they take him away or like, did they so he did like the rub and then they put him onto a heat bed straight away gave him a mask and then they basically do 45 minutes of giving him oxygen to allow him to cry himself to basically work work all the mucus and stuff out out of him um he did 45 minutes on the bed we had then had another bed come in because that one had we'd been on it so long so then they did another 20 minutes on the bed and they still couldn't get anything from him like he was awake he was alert he was making noises but they just couldn't get that big cry out of him um he was very very Like, I feel like this, this episode needs to come with a trigger warning, like so badly. But he was, yeah, really, really blue. But I could see, like, he had his eyes open and stuff like that. And then after an hour, they were like, look, this is an hour, we need to take him to neonatal.

so then in came what can only be described as like a rocket ship like this huge bed with these huge tanks came into the room uh and they'd wrapped him up he had a tube up his nose he had wires around his head he had a mask on his eyes and they kind of just handed him to me and I think I'd been not that I'd been okay I was crying the whole time like I wasn't okay I looked at my sister my sister was like Sophie like he's okay that's all she kept saying to me was Sophie's okay and then Chris was like he's doing great like he's beautiful like he's wonderful and then it wasn't until that moment when they put the bed come in and they handed him to me so fast Chris then started crying my sister then burst into tears and they were like we need to take him like we've got to take him now and I was just like right okay so I handed my baby over to which at this point they then put my bed to the top of the room Stephanie was sewing me back up and doing all that she needed to do and I just

watched him go out of the room Chris go out of the room Roxanne go out of the room all of these doctors went out of the room just all in single file following this massive huge bed and then it was just me and Stephanie in this room and I just remember like literally I've just given birth to my baby and everything has just been taken from me like everything there was nothing in the room my baby wasn't in the room Chris wasn't in the room like there was nothing in the room like it it was the most scariest, surreal feeling. Like what the fuck has just happened to me? And I just was sat on this bed like, this can't, like, and I was like, this is a dream. Like I was literally sat on the ward this morning.

Like I just couldn't, I just couldn't fathom. Even now I just can't fathom it in my head. And then that was it. She was like, right, let's get you some tea and toast. The best tea and toast you'll ever eat in your life is the cold stale white bread toast that you'll have after giving birth um so I had my toe I had a shower I had my tea and toast and she was like are you ready to go and see him again it wasn't my sister would come back to shower me and help me and then she was sat there and she was like right are you ready to go and I was like sort of took the toast out of my mouth and I was like yeah I'm ready to go and I felt like I was

walking really fast and I felt like everybody was like slow down you need to slow down walking and Roxanne's got footage of me and I'm literally like shuffling like a man on the moon it was the slowest walk ever um and I walked into neonatal and instantly I feel like you just have your whole life just humbled before you because it is possibly one of the hardest things I will ever ever like ever in my whole entire life I don't think I'll ever take that feeling away for the moment you walk through them doors. And there's just doctors everywhere. There's machines everywhere. There's wires everywhere. It's really it's really quiet, but it's busy.

And it's just so insanely hot because you've got all the machines and everything going and they're trying to keep all the babies warm. And I just remember walking over and everyone was talking to me and I just didn't really listen and I just walked over to the incubator you just don't know in that moment if everything's gonna be okay you just don't know I kind of just looked at him and I was just like that's just not my baby like he was so swollen and so purple and he had wires everywhere and he had this big thing on his face and I was just like and I couldn't just grasp it in my head and I was just like that's just not my baby like I've seen my baby and that's not what my baby looks like because obviously I'd seen him come out

and I was like oh I know what my baby looks like and that's not my baby and I just remember standing there and I felt like I'd been there hours, hours and hours. And I just said to Chris, I'm going to pass out. Like, I'm so hot. So I just remember coming out of the room. And Chris was like, are you okay? And everything was just like, it was just not like real. Like nothing was real.

And then that's it. You just go up to the ward. And you just sit on the ward and that's all by yourself yeah you can't hold them you can't touch them like they they were incredible like they tell you they have a whatsapp service they send you pictures they send you updates they text you everything before anything gets done to him um if everything's an emergency obviously they do things as an emergency to make sure that baby is safe. But they're like 24 hours a day. Come down, see him. It doesn't matter how much you come down, come down whenever you want.

So I literally went up to the ward and kind of was, I just like was taking pictures and I was talking away to my phone, like recording myself so that I would remember it because I feel like I was like, I can't, I can't even contemplate what's happening in my head like I can't I just couldn't I couldn't fathom it and like Chris had gone home my sister had gone home and you're just sat there on your bed and you're just like where's my baby I've just given birth my belly feels like jelly you can't feel the heartbeat you can't feel them moving. And you're just led on this bed. And I truly take my hat off to people that have been through the most scariest of experiences. Or had their baby pre-term.

And have gone through this. Honestly, I had so much respect for you before. But the respect I have for mums now who have gone through this been through this are going through this I have the utmost respect for you because I just it's the most loneliest experience yet you're not alone like there's so many people around you there's so many people with you there's so many people talking to you there's so many people checking on you but you just feel the loneliest you've ever felt in your whole entire life and I was just like I don't and I went up to the ward and you feel bad that first moment that

you need you want to go down there like I walked up to the ward I said goodbye to Chris I said goodbye to my sister and it was like 7 30 in the morning and I'd had a shower I got myself ready and I was like oh can I go down it's like I felt like I was asking permission I was like oh can I do you think I'd be okay to go down and see him now? And they were like, you don't need to ask. You come and go as you please. Like this is, it's your place to just do whatever is right for you. And then I went down and like the moment I went down, it was a better, better experience. Like the next time I went down there and the nurse nurse was there the doctors sorry the doctors were there

and I the first doctor that I saw um she was because obviously they have a changeover of staff so it wasn't the same one when they went down and I had one two ladies Alyssa and Rebecca doctors that were looking after Renly and truly if if I didn't have them I truly don't think I would have mentally myself had been able to get through it like they just instantly just became my friend um instantly just talked to me like I'd known them my whole entire life and I needed that like I needed that as a in my mental state and I just sat down and they talked me through everything that he'd done and I could touch him and I could hold his hand and they let me change his nappy um and you just you go in there and it's like a parallel experience you go in and you're like it's like a time warp you go in and

you think I've only been in there 20 minutes like I could have spent more time with him and then you go up to the wall check your phone and you've been gone like nine hours and you're like oh shit I've been in there like I've been in there like all day um I was really lucky that I was in there at Mother's Day because on Mother's Day they gave us all these little hampers with like body shop products in them gave us a voucher they done like a footprint for him we'd had family photos like they had a photographer in there who took our first ever like family photo oh and it was honestly I just I couldn't have had the a better a better experience of of being in there um he moved through neonatal in three days so we went in on the had him on the Saturday and by the Wednesday we were back up on the ward

um and then I had him up on the ward we couldn't come out because he was so severely bruised and had so much trauma to his face that we had to stay in because he had to have he was having blood tests and checks and making sure that he was doing okay um but we did have bilirubin I keep saying it wrong I keep saying billy rubin it's not it's like billy rubin yeah so it's basically like basically like a type of jaundice so we had to wait and where there was so much trauma to his head there were so many red blood cells for his body to break down he just couldn't pass the little tests the little hill prick tests that he had to go through um he just couldn't he couldn't pass them so we were in there for a few days um but now being home looking back it went so fast but when you're in it and you're living in that moment it was so incredibly slow the days were

long the nights were lonely like when I had to go upstairs and I had to express and I needed to sleep I had to sleep there was nothing I could do I could sit there I sat there for hours and hours and hours and they'd be like you need to go and sleep you need to go and have something to eat because if you don't eat you can't express and you won't get your milk and if you're exhausted and you're tired um but yeah so not the not the experience that I expected to have gone through but then I'm quite the person that I don't I didn't put any expectations on what was going to happen that's just a far far stretch from anything that I ever imagined and I always think as a person I'm the type of person that always thinks it's not going to happen to me

yeah it's not going to happen to me why would it happen to me like what makes me different to anybody else absolutely fucking nothing um so it was a little bit of a shock the whole experience but i'm just so incredibly grateful for our nhs oh just the best and look at him now he's doing so well he is doing he's doing apart from he's so severely constipated well to plated constipated he he is doing he is doing great gosh I'm so sorry I got sad I haven't spoken about it I think I the only person I spoke about it with is the photographer when she came the other day and I was just like just blurted it all out and I haven't actually even like Chris I don't think I've sat down and spoke to Chris about it I didn't even speak to my mum about it do you know what as well when you have a birth that doesn't go according

to plan like my first one with Joseph ended up in an emergency cesarean which was obviously not what we planned and I remember the health visitor saying to me afterwards and saying to Stefan when she came to visit the house, like it's very normal to want to talk about the experience a lot and try and like go over all the details and everything and try and process it. And I remember I was asking Stefan loads of questions last time with Joseph. I was like, and then what time did we do that? And then when did we go down to the ward?

And then how much time was it between that and that? And then like when we went in for the c-section like who was this person because when you're in it you just can't process everything that's happening and then you want to talk about it for ages afterwards and like try and understand what's happened and i think that's kind of similar to where you're at kind of now you just want to like just keep going over it and understand it no I think I've gone the opposite way I think I've gone I think I don't want to talk about it like I don't want to talk about it because I just don't want to not that I don't want to remember it I kind of don't is it too too upsetting I just don't want to relive it yeah I just don't I just don't want to relive it like

it's really hard to talk about because my case is really rare yeah it's not a normal it's not a normal a normal case to go through and it's it is hard and I found like talking about it to Chris and saying that you know potentially we'll have we'll talk about it on here and I'll talk about it with you is also I don't want to scaremonger anybody yeah like my experience is completely different to your experience. We've had a baby now two and a half weeks apart. And your experience to my experience is two very different things. And it's really hard when you're talking about labour and childbirth and things like that, that no two childbirths are the same. Well, I couldn't believe it.

Like when you had announced that you'd had the baby and I was like she was meant to be two weeks after me and your baby was like two weeks old by the time my baby came it was nuts it's nuts what you've been through and it was just so weird like to sit and I said to Chris like it's weird to sit here now and be like we're going back to the podcast but I technically should have like you technically should have the newest the oldest baby not I should have the newest baby you know so like it's weird things like Easter he obviously wasn't meant to be here and we had to change plans for him to be here and my niece's birthday he wasn't meant to be here but he was here and my mum's birthday now he wasn't meant to be here and

he's been I've been I feel like I've been constantly chasing my arse. Yeah, I mean, like you were saying, as of now, you could have still been pregnant. But he's been here for a month. It's crazy. Could still literally be here now because I could have been overdue. Yeah. Yeah.

It's wild what you've been through. It's been a bit of a scary one, but we are doing okay. He's doing incredible. And he's so cute. I think we all say that though about no he really is he really is cute i'm not just saying that because if he was if he was ugly i would tell you he's lovely we've spoken about that before they haven't we did because somebody wrote into the podcast about it no honestly should i feel bad that i felt my baby was ugly but the thing is is i also do think the

three children looking at the baby pictures of them i thought they were so cute and then in a year's time when it was their first year birthday you're like what the fuck they were so ugly i know i know i did i did think that about joseph i've had a few messages people saying like i'm not just saying it but sadie is cute and And I'm like. She's beautiful. Is she or am I going to look back and be like, nah. No. Although I don't see Joseph in her. I don't know.

They look like some of the faces she pulls. I'm like, oh, yeah, I recognize. I recognize that face from him. But I don't think they look like, none of our children look like me or Stefan. I don't know whose children they are. Yeah, Joseph, I would say he's more you than Stefan. He is now, he's come into his own face a little bit more. He's grown into his face.

The newborns, who knows? Who knows? Who knows? No, and so many people say that they see so much of Dottie and Renly. Like everyone's like, you have literally birthed Dottie's twin. But then I also, there'll be another picture of him that people are like, oh my God, he's a spit of coal weed. I'm like, I don't feel like, I feel there'll be another picture of him that people are like oh my god he's a spit of Colby and I'm like I don't feel like I feel like he's a mix of the two yeah I

don't know in your 4D scan picture I was like oh my god they all look so alike but actually now that he's born I don't see it as much no no he's when he smiles he's definitely Colby's smile um with Dottie's dimples but yeah no I just he's got Dottie's little hairline she's got like a little cowlick and he's got her he's got her little cowlick I wonder if he's gonna have like blonde curly hair like they have I said imagine we were literally talking about this yesterday imagine it's straight dark hair because he looks like he's got dark hair at the moment Colby his hair is exactly the same as Colby's the exact same color as Colby's was when Colby, his hair is exactly the same as Colby's. The exact same colour as Colby's was when Colby was born. Dottie was born bald.

She had no hair. But Colby was born with this black, just this little black tuft at the back. And then it really faint on the top. It's so interesting to see how they turn out, isn't it? Like Sadie and Joseph, both born with quite dark hair. And then Joseph went really blonde. I think she's probably going to grow quite fair as well. Yeah, you just, you never know.

It's exciting though, because I'm excited that we'll be watching our babies grow now. I know, together. I know. But my question to you, because enough of me and my... We get it. Life gets busy.

Luckily with Peloton Tread, you can still get the challenging workouts you crave. Only have 10 minutes? Take a quick Peloton workout. Want to go all out? Chase down your goals with 20 to 45-minute Tread workouts. No matter your goals or time, Peloton has everything you need to become everything you want. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit onepeloton.ca. Trauma. The question I'm dying to ask you.

Go on. Is how the fuck is Joseph with the baby? I mean, it's been a journey. You know, like he didn't really acknowledge that I was pregnant. Yeah, he didn't understand. I don't think he got it. It's quite a hard concept for a two-year-old to be like that bump in your tummy is going to come out and be a baby yes so we were quite apprehensive about bringing her home um and he we got the cutest little video he was amazing like we came through

the door with her in the car seat and he was like oh I thought he would just be like not interested just run off yeah just run off normally he doesn't want something he says I and he was like oh I thought he would just be like not interested just run off yeah just run off normally he doesn't want something he says I thought he was gonna say I don't want it baby but he didn't say that he went up to her and was like holding her hand and he was saying like oh baby and you know he's obsessed with her he'll be like tiny fingers or he just points out her like pokes her in the eye and he's like little eyes which is so cute so he little nostril yeah little nostril oh mouth yeah we have to be like lots of gentle hands gentle gentle um but no he's been really really sweet with her he is taken out on me and Stefan slightly um that he's pissed off that things have changed and

he's not the only child around here anymore so we fucked with the flow yeah we've really fucked with his flow massively messed things up so i don't think so now itchy legs will never be the same ever again then i don't think she ruined joseph's life i don't think there'll be any more babies crossing this threshold she'll still be having itchy legs in the kitchen just saying no more babies honestly with two

it is it's only been like two weeks but it is carnage it's hard with two it's hard managing a toddler's emotions

because he's not like being directly pissed off about the baby but it's like manifesting itself in other ways yeah like he's definitely more

tantrums he's having some big emotions he's kicking off in other ways to let me and stefan know i'm all right with this baby but i'm not really not really happy about it okay i'm okay with the baby but you too yeah you're gonna fucking pay for this especially me because when i can't do stuff with him oh god bitch he is not happy with me let me tell you and because of the cesarean there was a lot i couldn't do with him for a while and he was just pissed about that like he didn't understand like mummy can't really play with you anymore mummy can't pick you up anymore he fucked with him fucked with the system and he was not not happy about that not pleased no he's not he's not pleased but we just keep saying look he's two years old he's probably

not going to remember this bit where it was difficult and then he's going to hopefully love us for giving him the best gift you can give which is a sibling it is it is honestly it's hard isn't it because you um you it you know, you can't be prepared for it. I feel like you're never prepared. And I talked about this on my Instagram. Like there is never a time, doesn't matter all the preparation in all the world, you're never prepared for a newborn baby. Whether it's your first, your 10th, your 50th child,

you're never prepared for that newborn baby. You're never prepared. You think you've got your shit together and you just there's just no preparation for it and i think we can try and try and try and i think there'll be something that just throws the spanner in the works yeah and you just don't know and that was the game that you were playing with with joseph is truly you could have been prepared for it and giving him all the stuff and all the world spoken to him about it but still you just got to wait for the moment yeah we did all the stuff we spoke about it we gave him presents from the baby we've had visitors make a big fuss of him

you just you can't you don't know how his emotions are going to be day to day the moment I'm left Stefan's still off work at the moment, but the moment I'm left on my own with the two of them, I'm bloody terrified. Don't be so silly. You're going to smash it. You'll be absolutely great. I feel like it's just a band-aid.

You just whip it off really quickly. You won't even know it's happening. And do you know what I tell myself? Like after having Joseph as well, I know that all these moments and these phases pass so quickly. And before you know it, they'll be on to the next thing. It's just a small moment in time and then everything's going to be fine. It's just a snippet.

Yeah, that's what I keep telling myself. Everything's going to be perfect. And you just got to find your new normal and that's all. And that's a daunting thing is like the new normal. Like at the moment we had one the other day where I was really, really nervous. No, that was it. We took Renly for a walk. So I took the children

to the park, but they wanted to take the roller skates. So we took a walk to the park, took the roller skates. And I was really stressed because not only had I walked half an hour from the house with the children, the two other children to then get to the park, put their roller skates on, let them skate round they wanted an ice cream then they wanted to play at the park but still I had another 30 minutes still to walk back home and I was like what if I miss his feed what if he screams the whole way back and I was just panicking I said to Chris I'm so fucking anxious and he was like why he literally sleeps all day and I'm like I't know. Because it's like the new, it's like the next thing. It's like the new thing that you have to face.

And because we did it so much with Colby, I just automatically revert back to that. And I'm like, he's going to scream the whole way home. And then I'm going to cry and I'm going to have a meltdown and there's going to be a screaming baby and people are going to look at me. And in fact, everything was just okay. Yeah, we've done so much with her i'm like

oh your newborns are actually really easy like we can go out and have lunch and she'll sleep in her pram for two hours i forget you know i'm used to sitting in a pub with a toddler who's like chaos and you've got to run around after them round after them yeah no she's easy peasy it's just the two of them together that's a nightmare do you have you found the transition from one to none to one or one to two harder could you could you say yeah one to two is hard it is like it's pretty chaotic at the moment but the in myself I found zero to one harder because that's the total life change going from having no kids to having a kid one um whereas like now I feel like she has slotted in so much easier like I didn't struggle as much with the adjustment like

coming home from hospital and getting used to life with a newborn because I just I just know it more and I think like I said me and Stefan are more relaxed and she's just slotting into life you know I feel like yeah this has been so far with her quite easy but time will tell time will tell and we're taking you on the journey with our tiny humans buckle up so i feel like there's been a lot from us today hasn't there yeah so this episode is not going to quite be the same as our regular episodes because we just have so much to talk about, don't we? Yeah, and we're not done yet. We're not done.

But I think the best way to roll on the rest of the episode is to roll in with some secrets. Yeah, some of your secrets. Yeah, because you've heard enough of... Enough about us. Enough about us. We want to hear a bit of you. Yeah. We're going to roll into them after this ad break we get it life gets busy luckily with peloton tread you can still get the challenging workouts

you crave only have 10 minutes take a quick peloton workout. Want to go all out? Chase down your goals with 20 to 45 minute tread workouts. No matter your goals or time, Peloton has everything you need to become everything you want. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit onepeloton.ca. this is the secret mom club the safe space for you to share your secrets and we've got two from you that we're going to be discussing this week so emma hit us with number one i'm excited all right this one says i'm excited hello ladies when my son was about three years old we were on holiday in spain we've been at the beach all day and we're getting ready to have a shower together we were both stark naked and all of a sudden my son lets out a very concerned gasp and says to me oh no mummy what happened I'm standing there looking around thinking to myself I don't know what has happened I couldn't conclude by myself what he was concerned about so I

responded to him I don't know darling what, what has happened? He then keeps repeating, are you okay, mummy? Do you need the doctor? I'm now very confused as I feel perfectly fine. So I tell him, yes, darling, I'm fine. Why do you think I need a doctor? He then says to me, because your willy's gone. He then proceeds to crouch down and look up to my area to try to investigate where my willy had gone he did a full a full 360 around me and even tried to spread my arse cheeks to find the missing willy i swiftly stopped this investigation explained to him i was okay got us in the shower where I then had to have the conversation about girls and boys whilst containing my laughter he's now 11

and I'm sure he'd be mortified to know I'm sharing this little secret much love M that is so oh my god oh bless us to be fair how do they know is supposed to be anything different I don't I don't know I feel like the first conversation is is a difficult one isn't it yeah like how did you explain that to Colby and Dottie or did you even have to I don't think I ever I don't I don't think I ever explained it. I think maybe Colby's asked me once, where is my willy? And I've said to him, mummies don't have willies. Only daddies have willies. But yeah, I don't know.

It's such a hard one. And I think maybe Sadie does not like the willy chat. She's got a lot to say about it. You all thought I had a willy, but I don't. I'm a girl. Surprise, I'm a girl, bitches. Yeah, Joseph has started pointing out Stefan's willy. Willy.

If he goes to the toilet in front of him. But with me, he's not confused why I don't have one. He just doesn't say anything. What does he say to Stefan? He just goes, willy. And Stefan's like yep does Stefan do sit down weas or stand up weas on this particular occasion he was doing a sit down we I don't know why we were all in the bathroom together but everyone was there I love it at the moment that we all have to be together like if I'm in the bath everybody comes in the bathroom with me now Chris will stand at the door holding Renly Colby tends to be taking

a poo and Doxy just sort of lingers around splashing the water on herself and i'm like i come into the bar for 10 minutes on my own but yet everyone is now here so we do that on every occasion whether kitchen our bedroom the bathroom we're all congregated together but oh my god god bless his heart that is gold the spreading of the arse cheeks are just the icing on the cake look where is your willy mine i'd have a fucking nightmare now if i spread my bum Oh my God, God bless his heart. That is gold. The spreading of the arse cheeks are just the icing on the cake. Look, where is your Willie? Mine, I'd have a fucking nightmare now if they spread my bum cheeks. Imagine you found one up there.

That'd be a shock. You might think I've got a Willie and wonder why it's so small. No, no, that's just my baggy skin in my bum hole. That's just my piles. Don't be concerned. I've had three babies.

How's your bum hole? Nobody needs to know about my bum hole alright let's go on to number two which is a difficult one for Emma at the moment hey

I'm absolutely fine I've been on the lactolose I'm flubbing freely my friend. She's shitting great. All right, this one says, Hello, my loves. I have a six-month-old daughter.

However, my secret has to do with the time she was still in my tummy. My fiance works long hours and itchy legs was not fun when my belly was the size of Mount Everest. So safe to say we weren't getting it on. When I was 37 weeks pregnant, I got my wearable breast pumps in the mail when my fiance was at work. I was so excited to try them just to see how they worked.

Well, I fitted them in my bra and to my surprise, the suction sensation on my nipples. Oh God, was rather pleasant. Given this, given this wild new sensation, I reached into my side table drawer and got out my vibrating dildo and went to town. I've never spoken about this story to another soul, but I'm happy to share it with y'all. So much love, Jen from Canada. Jen, get it. Get it, girl. The funny thing was, I was in the hospital with these electric

fuck i thought my nipples were gonna be ripped off and i just sat in this room by myself and i had to call the midwife in and i was like can you tell me is this normal and she was like she pulled my top up and kind of just stuck it on there and was like moving it around. It's like a really good experience for me. Like I've just had a really traumatic birth and I don't know what's going on. It was like 20 past four in the morning. You were like, where's my dildo?

It wasn't a pleasant experience. But honestly, I thought my boobs were going to be fucking sucked into the machine fucking hell you need to get the one that jen from canada's got it sounds like it does the business yeah you just want to drop the brand drop the brand name jan not for the dildo we don't well maybe i don't know sharon's care spill the tea jen because we all need to know so thank you for sharing your secrets this week everyone is welcome in the secret mum club yeah if you want to share your secrets with us you can the email is hello at secretmumpod.com or with secretmumpod on tiktok and instagram has your willy gone missing or are you enjoying breast pumps a little too much let us know there really is nothing too outrageous and we'll see you next time on the secret