Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Milk Bar

Episode Date: August 19, 2024

Sophiena and Emma attempt to up their podcast game by not looking at their notes and discuss that big thing everyone suddenly talks about in their thirties (clue: it’s the gym). Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And this is the safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. You learned, you learned. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do, and as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are.

You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself, you can be anonymous. And all the secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the Secret Mum Club. How do I not get it in my brain? I've done it so many times yet I still can't fathom it in my brain. Hundreds of times. Hundreds. We almost did that without looking though. Almost. I'm going to plan. Got it. Plan. Prepare for the next. Smashed it.

Prepare for the next record. Right. How are you? Well, we did me first last week, I think. Do you want to do me first? Do you want to do you first? Tell me about your week. It's just another week in the summer holidays.

It is another week. I feel like they are a little bit mundane. I don't want to be like a broken record, but we are just in the midst of the school holidays. Yeah. Enjoying the weather, even though it is a little bit erratic, isn't it? It's a bit like a broken record but we are we are just in the midst of the school holidays enjoying the weather even though it is a little bit erratic isn't it it's a bit up and down um and enjoying the just the simple things of life i'm not gonna lie to you we're still very much on the garden project garden yeah we are still on project garden it's taking its time i'm not gonna lie is the house a shithole yes it is do i care no i don't yes i do it stresses me out every day we're trying to see what weirdly trying to still keep as much as a routine as possible

i think last school holidays i wasn't really bothered about it because you've got baby now yeah like renly has such a strict routine like he wakes up between five and six he has his bottle he has his breakfast he has his bottle he He has his breakfast. He has his bottle. He has lunch. He has his dinner at a certain time, bedtime. He is seven o'clock on the dot, out for the night. Don't fuck with that routine. Don't tell me when he wakes up after seven o'clock.

Is it like six o'clock in the morning? Seven to five or six the next day. He's all the way through. Do you know what? I have had a few people ask me about how we are doing this. And the only advice I can give anybody is one, don't wake your baby up to feed them. Dream feed, yeah. Literally the worst thing in the world.

And yeah, don't dream feed them. Because the moment you give them a bottle where they're docile and they're sleepy, they're then going to get hungry for that bottle. Yeah, they're going to start to expect it. Start to expect it. Yeah. So if you can, as quickly as as you can give them a nighttime bottle again do and i just stuck with the routine we have we have obviously it would be bottle bath

bottle bed but we do dinner we have a bath we have a bottle we story we settle down and he goes into bed and the quicker you can get into that obviously i'm not saying that every child is going to do that or every child is going to jump on board with that but the sooner you do that the better yeah but it also is different if you're boobying it's different if you're breastfeeding and also because you've weaned renly already i would say he's probably he's more full he did sleep from uh he did he was doing it anyway yeah yeah maybe it's just bottles but i think i'm gonna say i think it is the boobie and i think because they take little and often don't they sometimes they're cluster feeding well sadie is a snacker a champion snacker yeah she has been the little

pest waking me up doing like a double wake up so she'll do like she'll always do her early one at like anywhere between midnight and 2 a.m. Sometimes she'll go through till the morning and that should be enough food to see her through. Sometimes after like a two, she'll do a cheeky four. No. And I think, oh, that'll be it for the night. She's back at me at six. I'm like.

What a girl. Girl. You've had enough food. She doesn't. Back the fuck up. Back the fuck up after these tennis yeah i definitely do think it's easier with a with a bottle yeah baby yeah 100 i would agree that that is easier but i don't know i don't know how um we get him through just the quickie get into the routine so i am definitely

very aware that i'm very much in it still in a routine like colby still does his after school clubs dotsy's had a few um days with a dance school club that she's done with her cousins we're having family days out but we still are ensuring that even if we are out of the house we're at home at a certain time yeah and try not to go past that you know we're trying to be home by six to make sure we're still getting bath time in yeah because you were probably out of that a bit with, like when Colby and Dottie were like five and seven or four and six. We'd go out and we'd happily go out for a family meal at sort of five through till nine, ten o'clock sometimes.

Yeah, whereas my life's been dictated by Joseph's bath time. We're never really out past half five, six. So we are very much back in that. I quite like it though, do you? I'm not going to lie lie i am a bit of a sucker for the routine i do like i do like the routine and it's also a good excuse to leave places when you don't want to be there you're like sorry fam appreciate you guys yeah i'm having a great time but it's just actually bath time honestly it's the worst thing we had one we have

had one occasion where it wasn't the worst but we went to my mum held a barbecue for me and my brother for our birthday and the weather was stunning. So we kind of just went with the day. I took enough food for Renly. I took his bottles and I thought, you know what? We'll try it.

We'll try it. We're in the comfort of our own family and stuff like that. And it just didn't, it didn't go down. Went to shit, did it? Yeah.

It was the fact that it all went great until we got him in the car. He fell asleep. I tried to do the transfer from the car seat into the bed at about 8.30. He was having none of that for shizzle. What the fuck are you doing to me, sister?

Get me another fucking bottle. I'm in for the night. I've normally been in bed for an hour and a half. What the hell is this? What the hell are you doing while you touch me? And then Dotsie was asleep in the car. She came out. She woke up when I put her in her bed.

We were having a party at like 11.30 at night. I was like, fuck. Me. Those danger naps. Are the worst. Are not the one. I'm loving with Joseph now. We've got a little bit more flexibility

because he's like at that point where he still needs a nap in the day. But if he doesn't have one, it's not the end of the world. So if we are at like a family barbecue or something, I'm not like, oh shit, he's missed his nap. He's going to be a nightmare.

I'm just like, he'll be fine for the rest of the the day and he'll just go to bed a little bit earlier and then actually goes down to bed lovely because he's so tired yes so i'm i'm loving the extra bit of flexibility we've got with him now but then we've got got said somewhere yeah she needs to be down to bed at a certain time really although i don't know why i fucking bother because she's up three times a night anyway we were we were talking about this and i am very much an advocate for it whereas emma is the complete opposite is our sleep i say sleep promotes sleep whereas emma says don't give them too much sleep during the day well it's only because that's based off my experience like when she she naps during the day like a champ so i'm like right what's happened the problem here is you're having too much day

sleep and not enough. Nighttime sleep. There's not enough sleep pressure at night. So I'm trying to really keep her sleep, not minimal during the day, give her as much as she needs. It's roughly like three and a half, four hours. And she's on a three nap schedule. But if you, if you like happily left her, she would go for,

she'd go all day. And I'm like, you've got this the wrong way around, hun. You're doing this completely wrong, darling. You need to sleep at night. You need to sleep at night. So that's what I'm, day. And I'm like, you've got this the wrong way around, hon. You're doing this completely wrong, You need to sleep at night. You need to sleep at night. So that's what I'm, that's what I'm trying.

I think we are, see, Renly, all of his nap times are a bit all over the place because we are here, there and everywhere with the driving.

I don't know how you fit it in with other children. Driving the children around. So we have, he tends to have sort of, yeah, three,

four hours, but he tends to cross it over three naps. so we have a morning nap an afternoon nap and then uh late afternoon nap and then he goes down at seven so we tend to he tends to go down between i want to say probably about half past nine through to probably about 10 half 10 yeah so it's a short one yeah and then we go down just after just before lunch so half 10 so you tend to go around down about 12 o'clock again to one o'clock then one o'clock he wakes up and

has his lunch then we may squeeze in a little half hour an hour nap at around two three ish and then from three o'clock we are all up we're playing you managed to get him from three to seven wow sadie can't stay late yeah he stays three till three to seven so when he wakes up at three o'clock it's sometimes three o'clock at the moment it's three o'clock because normally we would be on the school run which his nap would continue so we're trying to keep it very similar so normally it'll go through sometimes he can go through after lunch if he has lunch at one he tends to go through till three and then he'll nap from three to four and then he'll go four. But then by the time he's woken up at four, we have a little bit of playtime. Dinner starts at five.

Yeah. And then we do dinner. Then he's in the bath and he has a good, he has about a 40 minute bath. He loves a massage when he comes out. We have a little bit of story time. We have playtime. And then he has his bottle and he's straight in bed. A 40 minute bath?

Yeah, he loves it. Wow. Absolutely loves it. To be fair, the doctor does sometimes jump in with him. Do you know what? I think keeping him awake for longer,

keeping the wake windows longer is probably easier when you've got other children to kind of keep him entertained. Occupy them. That's what I'm finding the hardest at the moment is like when I know

she's going to be awake for two hours here, sometimes I'm like, what the hell am I going to do with her? What the fuck are we going to do? How is she?

She's doing good with her sitting though, isn't she? And she was rolling. I've been obsessed telling everybody she's rolling you know what since she did it here the other day she's never done it again i keep saying to people oh look she can roll now no she's mugging me right off they see me roll she hasn't done it again she did it here didn't she the other week forward and back she went forward to she went back to forward front to back never again maybe it was the mat never to be repeated maybe she got a little bit of a kick on the mat

I think she got a bit of momentum off the changing mat because it was kind of like a downhill run what a girl I was obsessed with telling everybody that I saw it on your stories

thanks for the shout out but no she hasn't done it again which I don't know whether I'm happy about actually because I don't know if I want her to be rolling in bed yet it's going to start

waking her up do you know what as well is something I've also been thinking about this week so I've had to move the changing table out of our bedroom into the conservatory again

because I'm a serial furniture mover because I need to get a cot because I am so stressed at the fact that Renly, he is literally growing so fucking fast. Like I blink and something else has happened. Like he's even growing masses of hair. His teeth are growing fast his hair's growing he does look massive he is massive he is so massive and his blessing heart is grabbing

everything he's grabbing my hair we are rolling and he's like he can't get his leg motion to just get him over but he's like fully chinned to the floor but he's left his legs behind sadist problem is that arm gets stuck underneath yeah so arm gets stuck. Yeah. So I just said to Chris, we need to get a cot because I need to start trying to put him in for a nap in the cot. Yeah. To try and transition him from out because I can't, I can't have him in the bed and he's rolling. Yeah. No, you need to get him in his own space. That's what I find really hard is getting them down to sleep in their own space.

Like she loves a nap on the go, but if we're not in the car or the buggy. Yeah. She likes the motion. It's really hard to keep her down for a long time. Yeah, that's annoying. That's the toughest bit. I tend to do a contact nap. Yeah.

Yeah, I tend to just find my opportunity to have a nice hot cup of tea. You like being nap-trapped, don't you? I do like being nap-trapped. Yeah, you're like, oh. And then I say, oh, Chris, can you just get that washing? Put it on the line. On the line. Yeah, well, luckily for you, your husband's actually around.

I have to use nap time to get shit done because my husband's never there. Do you strap her to you? Do you know what? We were big slingers in the beginning, but we haven't used the sling for a couple of months, I would say. She's getting a bit hefty now. They are big, aren't they? Both babies are big. They are big.

Someone looked in my pram yesterday and went, God, isn't he big? both babies are big. Someone looked in my pram yesterday and went, God, isn't he big? And I let it, the, I let it go on for ages

because I thought, do you know what? It was just a woman in Asda and I thought, you're never going to ask. You're never going to find out it's a girl. So I just went,

oh yeah, yeah, yeah. She went, oh, isn't he lovely? Isn't he beautiful? And I just thought,

yeah, whatever. I let it slide. And then she said, what's his name? Sadie. Should I have just gone like, Steve? I would have just gone like, Steve?

I would have just gone Joseph. Yeah. I actually was like, oh, now she's going to be like, why didn't you correct me ages ago when I kept saying he, he, he. So I just went along with the charade and then I thought, oh, she's fucking found me out. So I was like, it's actually a girl named Sadie. She went, oh, I'm so sorry. Don't worry.

It was when it was really hot, right, so she only had a nappy on. Oh. I said, to be honest, unless she's wearing a pink baby girl, they all look the same, You're never going to know. Yeah, or a bow in her hair.

Yeah. You're never ever going to know. They all look the same. I said, don't worry about it. Don't worry about it. Don't worry. Don't stress yourself. Joseph used to get mistaken

for a girl all the time. And it really made me laugh because to me, I was like, he's such a boy. Like, he was so big. No, he's got such a feminine little face. He's got a pretty face. And it really made me laugh because to me, I was like, he's such a boy. Like he was so big. No, he's got such a feminine little face. He's got a pretty face.

He's really pretty. He is really, really pretty. But he was a big brute. Like he was stacked and people used to go, oh, she's lovely. She? Is she? Colby's was always because of his long curly hair. He must have got that all the time.

All the time. Yeah. Everywhere we go. And now obviously, Dotsie, she gets a little bit embarrassed at the time. Yeah. Everywhere we go. And now, obviously, Dotsie, she gets a little bit embarrassed at the moment. She's in a phase of that she's letting me do her hair,

which I'm absolutely relishing. I know. She's had some lovely hairstyles. Oh, I can't. She's letting me do her hair. I bought her a new hairbrush

and it's totally enticing to have her hair done. I'm living for it. But obviously, people have been complimenting on her hair and she's just like... She doesn't like it?

No. She's like, oh, will they stop going doesn't like it? No, she's like, oh, will they stop going on about my hair? I bet she loves it, really. Soke it up, girl. Because there's going to be one day you might be... might not have curly hair no more. Yeah.

Might be having blonde highlights. It's costing you a fortune with the hairdressers. £400 a week if you go where Emma went. Yeah, don't go... Do not recommend. Don't go to life. One out of ten don't recommend. So, no, it's...

Colby was always mistaken for a girl and did you correct people or not no no no sometimes some of the occasions i did when they say yeah what's it what's her name yeah colby then some people have a colby as a girl so yeah could be unisex couldn't it many people have asked me if i'm safina and i just say oh no no no i get that all the time. I look just like her. It's not her. It's not her. But when people first start doing it, I'll be like,

oh, God, I get this all the time. I don't even know who she is. Girl, I don't even know if I can claim it. What do you say now? Yes, it's me. I go, oh, sorry. It's Safina official, your girl. Your girl.

Your girl, Safina official. I'm like a Kardashian. Oh, no. Stop. Stop it. You're flattering me. Too much.. Oh, no. Stop. Stop it. You're flattering me. Too much. But yeah, no, a little bit mundane.

Yeah. A little bit mundane. Trying to stay in a routine. Trying to just live a very normal, normal, realistic life. Soak it up before it's over. Oh, don't. I know. Sorry, I don't want to start you off.

I can't. I can't. I've just, I'm so sad. I'm so sad. I know. I just don't want to go back. I feel like. I can't. I've just, I'm so sad. I'm so sad. I know. I just don't want to go back. I feel like you're really making the most of it, though. We are.

Yeah, you are. Truly. You're relishing it. Truly. I think this is the first one. Apart from being in lockdown, I feel like the other ones, we didn't bask in them as enough. Yeah.

We all bask in them. Yeah. Killed the husband. Whacked him. We are really relishing them. That was a lockdown throwback. I know. Me and Steph were actually talking about that the other day.

And we were trying to remember the name of, what's the name of the guy? The man from Tiger King. Who went? Joe, wasn't it? Joe Exotic. Joe Exotic. Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.

Carole Baskin in Joe Exotic. And Carole Baskin. Killed her husband. Whacked him. Put that in compliance. Put that in compliance. Put that in compliance. Allegedly. We brought Colby to work today. We brought Colbus. We haven't got none of the babies, but we

brought Colbus today because Dottie's at a dance. She's at a dance thing. Colby's been here hours though, hasn't he? Bless his heart. I did warn him it would be boring and it is boring, isn't it? He's to Lulu today, bless him. Yeah, my mum's gone to the beach today with my sister and my niece and nephew. While the girls are all at dancing and Colby was wishing he was there.

He's like, why did I come to work with you, mum? It's so boring. Oh, bless his heart. Chatting to this other woman about loads of boring shit. Fucking Emma talks to me like a baby. But no, there we go. How's yours been? Same old, same old.

Do you know what? We've just been, because I don't know if I've mentioned it, but I've joined the gym. I've joined the gym where the swimming pool is. Oh, okay.

Joined a David Lloyd. You've heard of David Lloyd? Yeah, there is one. There's one, I've seen near us, it's not, it's quite far away from us. They're everywhere.

They're all over the country. They're actually abroad as well. Yes, there's one in Barcelona. I'm joining the one in Barcelona. I know. Well, when we joined, they were like, you can use any of the David Lloyds, even the one in Barcelona.

I'm going to Barcelona. I'm going on holiday to Barcelona, darling, just so I can use the David Lloyds. What are you going to Barcelona for? The gym. The gym, obviously. No, Stefan's been on at me to join David Lloyd for ages because his friends had joined it and they didn't stop banging on about it.

Because I think once you have kids, my friend the other day was like, something happens in your 30s. She was like, in my 20s, I'd never heard the words David Lloyd. She was like, now we're in our 30s, all anyone ever goes on about is David Lloyd gyms because there's a lot to do there for kids. Okay. So once you have kids, everyone's like, join the David Lloyd. You can go to the gym and they can do, there's like a crash there,

there's soft plate, there's obviously the pools that we've been using. So are you joining the gym to work out? I mean, that wasn't my main reason, but I feel like while I'm there, I might as well do some exercise. Because I haven't done anything for like a year. I haven't done anything. Basically since I found out I was pregnant. You've been running. Not that it shows. No, I haven't. I haven't done anything for like a year i haven't done anything basically since i found out i was pregnant you've been running not that it shows no i haven't i haven't run for ages no but like since you had the baby you'd have done a little bit but i've gone off of the wagon i know

you have fallen off but i never i never went back i do want to join a gym but i'm just considering whether or not i don't know where i'm going to pick the hours out of my arsehole i know so i'm wondering if i just get a walking pad oh at home. Because I did have the treadmill but the treadmill was too bulky. I had nowhere to put it. Yeah. So it's gone to our friend's gym. But then I was like,

oh, I don't know if I should go to the gym and get out. But then I, in the nicest way possible, I don't know if I'm fit to socialise in the evenings, you know?

Because I go to bed so early as well. I go to bed at eight o'clock at the moment. You could go when the kids are at school and put Renly in the crèche. Yeah, I did think that but I, I don't know if I want to go

I was a bit nervous about putting Sadie in the crash because she's never been away from me she's only four months old I don't know if I'm comfortable with the crash search I have to say it's only for an hour and it just gives you a chance to like because before I was running whereas like it's really hard to go for a run when the kids are at home because it's hard to escape yes whereas now i go there and i'm like okay i know she's taking care of for an hour yeah she's been in there a couple of times they're lovely she loves it she's very chilled i actually think it's easier leaving her there than joseph because obviously she's not really aware my crash chris is your crash that's the thing again i don't have a husband well you do he's just i have an absent husband she's a single mom who's got two chefs. Just trying to work out at the gym.

So I've been... I don't know if you can tell. I can tell massively. Look at your buns. I've actually been pumping iron. Have you? Normally I only run. What's your PB?

I've been doing... Oh, I don't know. You've actually been pumping iron? I've actually been doing some weights, which I never normally do. Have you got a personal trainer? So they give you some personal training sessions in the gym. So I've been using them

and they've had me doing all sorts, like tires and all sorts fuck off yeah doing the thing with the ropes you know is the gym busy no because i go in the middle of the day i need to know i've got i've got a phobia of going to the gym but there's there's a new gym that's opened in south hampton um and i have sneakily driven past sometimes. So I thought, I'll go see it, see what it's all about. It's rammoed. It's rammoed in the main room. It's absolutely stacked.

No, that's not what you want. No, that isn't what I want. And then I was like, why don't I join a little leisure centre that's also not too far drive from us, that I thought I'll pop in there. I went past. I was like, it's all older people. Everyone's over the age of 60 and I was like this is my jam I would say the main clientele is like older men playing tennis that's what I need that's basically the whole thing it's like people

yeah grey-haired men with let's have a. If you can just let me know the votage of the age demographic of the David Lloyd gym, that would be tremendous. So Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yeah, we want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about, or just say, hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram.

Just search Secret Mum Pod, or you can email email us hello at secretmumpod.com Right. It's time for the Correspondence Corner! That was so much better than the last one.

That was very flat. You're flat. You were flat. I was on point. Flat ass. Right. Let's go. Shall we do it? This one says, Hi ladies. You were flat. I was on point. Flat ass. All right. Right, let's go. Shall we do it?

This one says, hi, ladies. I'm the preschool worker who fell out with my sister-in-law. Shut the fuck up. Yeah, I do. She didn't say her name, though, did she? No. No. It was over the Facebook status about her review of the school.

I need an update. Do we need a recap? So the sister-in-law wasn't happy with the care at the preschool. Yes. Where she sent her daughter. Yeah, but she was working in, the sister-in-law was working

in the preschool with the little girl and then she went on Facebook and slagged it off and the sister didn't know whether she should say anything to her. All right.

Ready? Juicy. Yes. I took your advice and spoke to my husband, her brother, about it. Yes.

And he acted as a middleman and he totally backed me up. Yes! Hallelujah. We managed to squash things and agree to just move on. Thank you so much for your help. Love you, ladies. Anonymous. Oh, this is absolutely delightful.

Great news. I'm so incredibly grateful that you've messaged back in and let us know. I love that. And go the brother. Yeah. Go the brother. The. Go the brother. The brother, the husband. The brother, the husband.

The in-betweener. The middleman. The middleman. The guy. What a guy. The mediator. Yeah. What a man.

What a man. What a man. What a man. What a money good man. What a money good man. Good to know. That's incredible. Some of our advice has been useful.

We're not a fucking waste of space. We are actually okay. We do chat a lot of shit, but some of our advice has been useful we're not a fucking waste of waste of space we are actually okay we do chat a lot of shit but some of it very very essential sage advice sage i'm glad it worked out for you i'm so glad honestly it's absolutely made me the happiest yes because this was the one where we were so concerned as to whether she was going to hinder the relationship of seeing her niece because wasn't it her little niece that she was looking after as well yeah yeah so sad yeah and she went home and read all the sister-in-law had said by slagging them all off yeah yeah and as well we were worried that it was her job and that they'd written all that she'd written all the post about her and her colleagues like what if i feel awkward going in now to work and all that yeah oh it really riled us up that one.

It did rile us up. So I'm glad we've got a resolution. Me too. Me too. Cause that one was, that one touched a nerve. Yeah, it did.

Yeah. You went off. I did. It pissed me off, but I'm, I'm honestly over the moon. All right, should we go with number two?

It's another follow up. Are you ready? Yes. We also had a response from Bex, the lady who had a poo in the front seat of her car in a Sainsbury's bag. Remember when we were like... Oh, this one also riled us up. Didn't she lob it out the window?

Well, no. She just told us she went for a poo with her tits on the steering wheel. So we were like, what does she do with it? What does she do with the Sainsbury's bag? Yes. Blah, blah, blah. Did she just leave it in the footwell?

Yes. You ready? Yes. Hey, girls. I got rid of that bag as soon as I could, but I'm not a litter bug. I tied it up and it was in the footwell for a further hour until I could find a bin.

My oldest talks about it to this day. Oh, Bex. Very responsible. You disposed of the bodily poops, organs. Responsibly. Responsibly. Unlike the vomit thrower. We need a response in from the vomit thrower.

I don't know if she'll ever listen to the podcast ever again. She might be on next. Oh, no, hang on. She's not got back inside. I think we scared her off. God bless Bex. God bless you, Bex. Bex took a poo in the car in a Sainsbury's bag

with her boobies on the horn. Wow, and it was in the footwell for an hour. I bet that stank. Open up the window. My eldest still talks about it. I think he's traumatised. God bless his heart. Never forget that.

I thought it was a, wasn't it a girl? I thought it was a girl. Oh, was it a girl? I don't remember. Oh, well, I bet they're traumatised. Bet they're traumatised, yes. Thank you, Bex. Thank you so much.

I love that. I'm glad we've known the outcome. I love that people have written in, listened, and then responded. Written in again. Yeah, yeah. It's my favourite when we get a response. It is my favourite. I love it. I love it. I love that people have written in listened and then responded again yeah yeah it's my favorite when we get it is my favorite I love it I love it so you can get in touch with us on anything at all yeah it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous because

between us we've probably heard it all before and remember we're all in this together and we know that we are we're all stars and we see that. I've got bingo wings. Get me down to David Lloyd. Have I got sweaty bits? No, I think mine are hairy. Look at this. My arms don't look too bad like this, but like this.

Oh, God. Fly me to the moon. Look at this. My arms don't look too bad like this, but like this. Oh, God. Fly me to the moon. Let me play. Yours aren't fucking moving. That's what I told my trainer when I attacked my bingo wings. Yeah, I need to get these gone. They're disgusting. Anywho, moving off of the bingo wings, this is the secret mum club.

The safe space for you to share your secrets and me to share mine. Andma sometimes when she wants to check a secret secret secret i can't bloody talk today a sneaky a sneaky sneaky a long day secret into the mix at my secret of the week i riled up the fucking nation didn't i on social media i pissed off a few people because of i did a what my baby i did a what my baby eats in a day who'd have thought that would send people off so much fuck my life what did you say to me you were like oh me and my sister were watching your video yeah because my sister's got a baby as well she went i'm just watching so um what my four month old eats in a day and then she was like oh it's gone it you get to take it down i deleted it what did you even say the comments oh i was reading so i looked at it and i was like what a great video very insightful i'm fascinated started scrolling scrolling through the comments i thought

bloody hell anybody would think i'd put a rocket up his ass and shot him to the fucking moon. People were not happy. What in the Lord of Jesus, Mary? What have I done wrong? Oh, it was late at night. I'd had a wonderful day. I'd done loads of videos on TikTok. I'd really got into the midst of like, let's get some videos on social media.

Like back in the old days when I was really enjoying doing it. And do you know what? I get asked all the time what I feed Renly, what times I i feed him because the first time mum finds this situation so insanely overwhelming so i thought you know what i'm going to do a little video i'm not saying that's what everybody has to do but that's what i do all right and fuck me lord sideways it was it was savage so i basically put some posts up i was like look guys i'm okay i've just deleted it down because i can't be on it honestly it was the fact that these women were commenting there was one woman honestly she she really rubbed me up the wrong way and she'd commented i don't think this is what babies should be eating at this age they can't digest things giving them pasta and all this

variety is really bad she just kept harping on about it. She's still following me on Instagram, which I don't really see the point because the whole reason, her unwanted opinion was another reason to piss me off to delete the post. But she then basically went on to comment back to other people and she was just like, I'm not sure.

The clue is in that title, hun, is I'm not sure. You as a person are not sure because it's not your baby. Also, you can't speak on something that you know fuck all about. Sorry, as you can tell, the situation really did piss me off. But she'd written, I'm not sure. Exactly.

Therefore, do not give me your unwanted opinion about my child. I'm feeding him the way I'm feeding him and I'm doing what works for him. No, I'm not saying everybody else has to do it wasn't a lesson on how to feed you even put a disclaimer on there like this is that please don't judge me this is what i do for my child i'm not saying it's right for your child i'm just answering a lot of questions that i've had does renly deal with lumpy food yes he does is he four and a half months yes he is does he deal with thick porridge yes he does i give him tiny pasta shapes does he eat them yes does he chew does he open his mouth to the spoon yes he does everything a baby

should be doing when they are ready to be weaned on doctor's advice on regardless take that elimination take that whole section out of it it is none of your concern as to how i'm feeding my child all you know is that my baby is one absolutely thriving in his life you can see from videos that he is not the smallest of babies he is a boy that is very happy very thriving very smiling very healthy doing everything that he should yet you made an assumption because i feed him pasta yeah Yeah. Back the fuck up. Worry about more important things in the world. And it's always the ones that have a child. And do you know what pissed me off more is it was a first time mum.

No offence to any first time mums. But they were going on like I'd never raised children before. Like it's not like I have an eight year old and a five year old. And it's always the ones that come through like, oh'm i wouldn't be doing this with my first my first child like i'm i'm a mum of one and i just wouldn't be doing these things cool but i'm here okay this isn't my first rodeo not here gloating or saying anything about anybody else's journey yeah i'm just here merely sharing mine because i've done it three times over now yeah and even if i didn't have medical advice and i felt personally it was best for Renly's reflux, I would weaned him.

Yeah. All I had was just a second iota to just give me a kick up the arse to just do it. I'm also choosing to wean my baby rather than medicate my child. Can we not see the importance of the message that we're putting across that we are using no form of medication? No mop resolve gaviscon gaviscon absolutely nothing i use a milk thickener to

thicken his milk which is a a natural milk thickener there's no no harm in that i'm not using any form of medication that's that's the most important thing here um and no and i the comments on instagram were wild how long did you say the video was thing here um and no and i the the comments on instagram were wild how long did you say the video was up for 11 minutes crazy then i got it the fuck out of there i did post it the next day though and i had to write a really long caption to explain the ins and outs of my vagina um so that people were fully fully aware of everything and it's the only bit that comes to social media is that you can't have i understand everyone is entitled to an opinion when your opinion is so negative narrow-minded and damaging

to a person that's when your opinion isn't it isn't wanted if you want to make an opinion and say oh i wouldn't probably feed my baby that i don't know if their tummy would be ready for it but go you girl or i don't think i'd do that for my baby but you know if that's what works for your baby great for you yeah it's just you shouldn't do this you're killing your child you're selfish you don't deserve children you cheeky bitch like the comments were absolutely they were honestly it made me really cross because i was just like the when your opinion is that negative nobody needs your opinion yeah if you want to be, give constructive, I don't even say constructive criticism.

If you want to give an opinion which is maybe different to the one that's displayed in the video, cool. Or just don't comment. Yeah. If you don't like what I do, just unfollow me. Even better than that. I merely do no harm to anybody in my life. I use my social media platforms to just document our journey. That's all I use it for. I'm not doing any harm to anybody in my life. I use my social media platforms to just document our journey.

That's all I use it for. I'm not doing any harm to anybody. And yeah, people came for me. I deleted it off Instagram. I didn't even read the comments on TikTok. I had to just get it straight. Dent. I dent.

I dent. It's a shame because some people will find that really insightful and really useful. In fact, my sister was halfway through it. She was like, what's Renly having for dinner? It's gone. The video's gone. I couldn't even get through it before it got removed. The video is back on both social media platforms.

I got inundated with messages. I was very, very grateful in the fact that so many people loved the video. I would say there was a lot on there as well of people being like, God, I wish my three-year-old had this appetite. I wish my two-year-old ate as well as this. Because he is hoovering up those meals. Let's be brutally honest as well we are now in the midst of he is going to eat great until probably about nine ten months then as you can absolutely categorically the boy will refuse all food yeah

yeah and then we'll just be like yeah this is this is great so why not he's also four bottles at a push at four ounces he's only having 16 ounces of milk. Everybody was going on like I'm overfeeding him. He has enough food to fill up his tummy. Some days he only has three bottles. Some days he just has

breakfast and dinner. And he's not going to eat it if he's not, if he's full. Do you know what I mean? If he's full, he will let you know. He'll let you know.

And the ways they do that is by turning their head, not opening their mouth. When he does it, when he's had enough, he'll push the tongue. He'll push his tongue out. So it's just reading the signs.

And again, it's just a really great way to learn to get to know your baby. Yeah. Like what they love, what they don't love. He's tanking it though, isn't he? He is tanking it. Big boy. Big boy. He's still in 0-3 month clothes though.

Is he? Yeah, he still did do. Stop it. I think the camera makes him look a lot bigger than what he is. The camera adds, what do they say, 10 pounds? 10 pounds. He's actually still, he's adds, what do they say, 10 pounds? He's actually still tiny, isn't he, Renly? He's still really dinky.

He's got his little chubby arms, but he's still 0 to 3. He's still really dinky, bless his heart. But he's just a little, I'd say he's like a little boulder. He's all round. Yeah, a little pudding. But then you've got to think as well, again, people worry when people oh my god the size of your baby don't worry about it again as long as they're happy healthy who gives a shit if they're loving their food because the moment they move they are going to need so much energy and all of this is all just packing them up ready for when

they move yeah because once they're on the move all that all their little weight will all just drop off. You've got to make the most of the chub. You have. Because it just, Joseph was an absolute unit. Dotsie was my unit. Colby was the slim one. Colby was really, really slim.

Because he was walking so young, wasn't he? Yeah. He was burning cows. He was burning cows. Dotsie was our little Frank the Tank. Yeah, and then they get on the move and then bam. That's it. It just drops off them.

Yeah. Yeah. So that was my secret but not so much of a secret because it is aired out to the public but i don't think just a rant really it is a bit of a rant yeah and it's also just to do what you feels good in your heart like social media is so much of just ramming shit down your your throat and if there is something you want to do for your child and that goes for strangers strangers on the internet friends in real life even your family if they have something negative to say about the way you raise your child they're not worth having around yeah they're not

worth having that energy in your home because only you you know best amen sister amen to that i had to get it off my chest because it was pissing me off. But we, up to, yeah, that is my secret. I don't even know if I, did I end that or was I still ranting? I think I was still ranting. But we're going to roll in to some of your secrets this week that we're going to be discussing. So Emma, hit us with number one.

All right, this one says, Hello, ladies. Not long after the birth of my little girl, I found a lump in my breast. But don't worry, it's not a sad ending here only a wet one i was breastfeeding at the time and whilst in the waiting room i could feel them filling up getting harder and harder porn star boobs were a go that's you today that's me today without sadie here i got called for the scan and tentatively removed my breast pad praying to the booby gods that the jet stream wasn't about to Oh, no. Oh, shit.

He's stimulating the breast. Honestly, I didn't breathe during the examination. I only prayed that he wouldn't press too hard. Alas, he put a bit of pressure on my boob and the milk bar officially opened. I'm going to start using some of these phrases. Please. The milk bar officially opened. The super soakers squirted the consultant in the face.

Happy hour had begun. And all over his shirt. I decided to go with it and make a joke, you know, to lighten the mood a bit. But he looked me in the eyes with a deadpan face and said, Oh, I don't come to work to get wet i best go and find a new shirt oh for god's sake welcome to the mood hoover thankfully all was well with my lump and my boobies went on to feed my gorgeous girl for a lovely 10 months keep being you guys you're amazing do you know what i hope the milk fucked his shirt i hope he couldn't get

it out yeah and i hope he got some in his mouth hope he couldn't get it out. Yeah. And I hope he got some in his mouth. I hope he couldn't get it out. And was sick on the way home. Prick. Oh, come on. What a thing to say. Lighten up. It's only a bit of breast milk.

God. Gosh, she's only doing her best as well. And also, do you think if that's his line of work, he'd be a little bit more understanding to that situation potentially happening empathetic to the fact that she's coming in to check a lump but she might be about to find out some really bad news oh god jesus god bless you emily i'm honestly utterly received relieved and i also am relieved you relieved your breast on him yes i don't come to work to get wet. I am too. Well, what if it rained outside? Norris?

Someone else's breast milk is a bit different. Yes. Well, I say similar. Similar, you know. Oh, thank you, Emily, so much. Thanks, Emily. I love that for you.

Let's go into number two. All right, this one says, hello, ladies. Hello. I was listening to your episode, The School Bell, and you talking about how not everyone has the snapback. I appreciated this episode so much.

My youngest is one and a half, and I haven't managed to lose the baby weight since having her. I have two stepchildren I look after full time. I'm also currently 10 weeks pregnant. But I'm super worried about this. Bingo wings. Flap them. But I'm also super worried about this pregnancy and how much weight I'm going to put on. I'm worried it's going to take even longer to lose it when I have the bubba. I wish I didn't feel like this, but it puts me down. Love you both from Lauren. Let it go. Let it go. Please,

please, please, if I can give you any, any, any advice is don't give a shit i know it can be the the way i looked at it was mine was i was more uncomfortable i wasn't necessarily worried about what i looked like in the mirror also do please try on lots of clothes that make you feel stunning and if you find a dress that is like a bodycon, you feel amazing, buy it in 10 colors and live in those dresses. And don't worry about once you've had the baby. I feel like, again, there's so much pressure put on us to get that snap back. I haven't gone back. I've far from gone back.

After Colby and Dottie, I went back a lot quicker. The older I've got, I'm struggling to get back. Like I've got cellulite on my legs. I've got my bingo wings. at those bad boys you know emma's emma i would say personally and i'm don't mean it in any rude way you went straight back yeah but i'm i think people might look at that and be like oh well i can't like emma i can't comment on this because i'm a naturally slim person i've done it without and my diet is absolutely shocking at the moment you didn't have um you didn't gain much I didn't I had huge bumps with those but I didn't gain much

elsewhere but again like that's why you can't compare yourself to other people because I've this sounds braggy but like it's not like I've tried to lose weight or get back in the gym this is literally just my body and everybody's body is different and actually i've got major issues now with my very extremely saggy belly button that's all she goes on about i'm telling you i'm waiting for someone to get in touch with i'm gonna do surgery but i just i just wouldn't put the pressure on yourself at the end of the day is these babies will never ever look at you and go oh gosh mommy's mummy's a bit fat. Oh my gosh, mummy's got a little bit of weight around here. Mummy's boobies are big. Mummy's hair, she's got some roots.

The babies will just love you for being the person that you are. Nothing other than that. Like they can't make an assumption on you because they don't have that in them to give that. So just be the best version of yourself and enjoy it. And I sometimes think the more pressure you put on yourself to lose the weight, the more it doesn't come off yeah if that makes sense like the time you're waiting for your period to start it never starts yeah because we're thinking about it too much i sometimes think if we put too much pressure on ourselves just get out and get out and push in the pram get out with the

little ones taking a walk enjoying in the fresh air yeah out in the garden honestly don't worry about it yeah because just like anything in life everyone always says oh don't give the babies chocolate right now they're so diddy to me they're diddy but they're gonna have all this adulthood to worry about diet or whether they want to go to the gym as long as we eat in moderation now and they enjoy their childhood i don't care yeah right now i'm enjoying my babies i live for my babies they're my everything do i feel like i'm at my peak no will i get there one day yes am i in any rush to get there because it's such a short amount of time as well that they're babies

you know you'll look back and be like all i did was worry about my way and it was a couple of years window and then 10 years down the line you'll be like why did i spend so much time worrying about it also not to sound flipp, but you're pregnant again now anyway. Yes. And also, in the nicest way possible, and I mean, no detriment to this, is just no one's looking. Yeah. No one bothers.

No one's thinking about you. No one's worried about how much. No offense, but no one's thinking about you. No one's walking down the street and thinking, bloody hell, isn't she put a lot of weight on? No one. Everyone will just look at your beautiful bump. And your children and your babies.

It's really hard as well to like eat really healthy and drink enough water and exercise and do all the things that you feel like you should be doing when you've got, in your case, three children to look after and you're pregnant. Pregnant, yes. So just try and cut yourself a bit slack. Do cut yourself a little bit slack.

I definitely feel like you're being being hard hard on yourself this you'll be only get one shot at this yeah and enjoy it as much as you as much as you physically can i'm still repping the bingos yep i'll be repping them for a while i don't they look mental on camera i don't even know make a social video of that i'm did i did that did you know Joseph gave me a hernia he like pushed my pushed my abs apart so much

that I had after I was pregnant with him I had a hernia kept popping through and I went to the doctors about it and she went

if you're planning on having any more children she went don't bother getting this sorted yet because it's probably going to happen again and I kind of feel like

it's the same with Lauren do you know what I mean there's no point trying to get back in shape really now because you're in the middle of another pregnancy and if you want to feel more comfortable i definitely just to just getting out for a walk something small yeah do something small like walking and it's also good for your mind i found walking when i was pregnant really really great for my mind yeah so just do the the bare minimals and just look after you and that beautiful baby in your bellies and your other

beautiful children. You're doing fantastic, Lauren. Obviously, we're jealous that you're pregnant. But congratulations and good luck. Please let us know how you do get on, please.

Right, let's have the last secret. All right. Hiya, girls. Since you talk about shit... Wow, straight in there. Straight in there. No holding back.

Since you talk about shit, piss and sick so much, I need to tell you my secret that I've kept to myself. I hope you piss, shit and there. Straight in there. No holding back. Since you talk about shit, piss and sick so much, I need to tell you my secret that I've kept to myself. I hope you piss, shit and sick yourself at one time. For years. Yeah, all three. When my firstborn was four, she was obsessed with KFC and liked to eat sitting on the floor.

One day she must have overeaten and told me she felt sick. She then cupped her hands, spewed into them and then proceeded to get up and run to our wet room. She spilt the sick everywhere. And just as she got to the toilet, she slipped on the sick. And like a cartoon, she fell back with her legs up in the air, dropping the rest of the sick all over herself. I was hysterically laughing. I couldn't help her clean up until I calmed down.

But by that time, my pug, oh God, my pug had started licking up the sick. And I'm not ashamed to say I let him eat it all. I let him eat it all because I just couldn't deal with all that spew. From Lauren from Bridgend, South Wales. Lauren! That is savage. That is disgusting. Lauren, that's disgusting.

Disgusting! Disgusting! Dogs are rank. That is savage. I always thought I wanted a dog, and now I don't. You know what? As much as I miss the dogs terribly all the time, they definitely are with their most perfect forever homes now,

and it was definitely, I think, the best decision. Yeah. Because I just don't know how I would have mentally coped with... Renly and the doggies. Renly and the doggies. Three babies and two dogs. Yeah, too much. Lauren, I actually think I'm going to go for a fucking lie down after that.

Go and be sick and get a dog to eat. It's actually made me feel a little bit sick. Well, thank you all so much for your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. Yeah, if you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secretmumpod.com or with Secret Mum Pod on TikTok and Instagram. Have you had a milk explosion at the doctor's?

Me? Yeah. No, not yet. But it's possible. Or have you let your dog clean up a mess for you? Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club. Bye.