Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Muff Scissors

Episode Date: July 22, 2024

We're celebrating Sophiena and Emma's birthdays this week so there are plenty of bubbles, and outrageous secrets! Including one from a mum with a new way of using a bag for life, and another mum whose muff scissors took a trip to school. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

We get it. Life gets busy. Luckily, with Peloton Tread, you can still get the challenging workouts you crave. Only have 10 minutes? Take a quick Peloton workout. Want to go all out? Chase down your goals with 20 to 45-minute Tread workouts. No matter your goals or time, Peloton has everything you need to become everything you want. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit One onepeloton.ca. Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space

for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do. And as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself. You can be anonymous. And all the secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in there. I think I read your line and then read mine. Oh, it was like a mash-up.

A blend. A fusion, if you will. All secrets are welcome in the... Secret Vogue Club! It's a special week, isn't it, Soph? It's so fucking special. Because? It's our birthdays!

And like any special occasion on the Secret Mom Club, we've got ourselves some bevels, darling. Do you want to pop them? Bevels, darling. Popping bottles in your ass? I'm finally not holding my baby, so I'm free to pop some bubbles. I've put her down in the pram, but it's like a ticking time bomb how long she'll stay asleep in the pram.

Redley's not here today. Redley's not here. He's having a tough time. He's at home with daddy. He's at home with daddy. I wish I could leave my baby with daddy. But one thing is she's breastfed. And the second thing is he's an absent father.

So he's actually never there. Whoa, Jesus Christ! Did that come out fast? That was... Jesus! We should have had a chat first. Absolutely no warning. Absolutely no warning.

She just rocketed out. Let me do you first. I'll do you, boo-boo. No, not at all. It's both our birthdays. Here we go. God, it doesn't feel like long ago we were celebrating our birthdays this time last year.

Look at us now. 37-year-olds. And we were both drinking last year and we didn't realize last year we were drinking and we didn't know that we were both pregnant i know they turned out all right they didn't like those babies they're great do you know what's funny funny thing is though is actually it's exactly a year since we found out we were pregnant. Chin chin, motherfuckers. Chin chin, motherfucker. Cheers.

It's to us. 36, babes. 36. 36. Since our last birthday, we've grown humans, birthed them. And kept them alive for four months. And stayed strong, independent women.

Working. Single mums who's got two jobs. Go us. We're not single. Not single and ready to mingle no cheers cheers up yours what'd you say up yours down the hatch down the hatch up yours right we've also got cakes in front of us and i that colin face is winking at me and i really want to eat it sadie just leave me alone mom just wants to be drinking on the job trying to have a drink in peace here

so tell me have you got any birthday plans have I got any birthday plans I might shave my legs treat yourself I feel like that's a real treat don't go too crazy

I am it's always a hard time July because it's busy we one enter into the school holidays yeah we two my niece and nephew's birthdays

are two days apart so where are they we're already partying they're near us because we're my niece and nephew's birthdays are two days apart so where are they we're already part near us because we're 20 23 and 26 they are the 17th and 19th oh so close she's first he's second right two days between them siblings one is also turning 13 my nephew's turning 13 big one it's a wild year this year and i feel like i get really excited for everybody else yeah like i'm that person that gets really excited. Like I can't keep a secret. If I've got you a gift, I'm fucking telling you what it is. And I also, if I buy the gift too soon, guaranteed I'll give it to you before your birthday.

Then forget I've given it to you. Give you another one. Yeah. That's me. I'm that auntie. So I get really excited actually for their birthday. Yeah. July is a big month.

And it's the end of school. Breaking up for school holidays, which obviously you love. And I've got to share my birthday. With? 36 years and still share my birthday. With? 36 years and I'm still sharing my birthday. With? Richie.

Oh yeah, I think you're a 20. I know, yeah. So will you do something together or not? We tend to do

something as a family. Always tends to be a barbecue because we are summer babies. Yeah. But the Great British weather this, the Great British

weather this evening, this evening, this week, this year year any fucking time this whole year what the fuck the last time we were here we were moaning about it being too hot because we had about three days of a heat wave yeah then it went back to shit so now it's fully I don't think we're gonna have one I'm actually contemplating put my Christmas tree up maybe I'll do that for my birthday yeah just put a birthday Christmas tree up put the heating on

yeah I've had the heat I've had my heating on the other day. What the hell is going on? I don't know. It's actually quite scary. Do you not think with global warming? It's not right. Because July,

I swear, this might be rose-tinted glasses, but when I was younger, I swear my birthday was always sunny and dry and hot. I always had a bouncy castle

in the garden. Did you? Always had garden parties. Always growing up. Yeah. Not anymore. No bouncy castles in the garden for me.

We do sound like mood hoovers though. We're here like, happy birthday to us. But we wouldn't be British if we didn't moan about the weather, would we? Exactly. So just lots of family time. Yeah. I feel like it's a real celebration.

It's a celebration of the school holidays. Yeah. Birthdays and where it is busy, busy. Yeah. It's nice to just, everyone just mucks in and it's just a free for all. Your birthday's on a Friday, so. Birthday. It's pretty wild, isn't it?

Mine's on a tuesday which is the worst day of the week i might even get like a date night i don't even know if chrissy's got any plans to take me out free maybe i don't know i feel like i i don't think i'm ready like i know renna's is at home not with me today he's at home but he's with chris yeah i don't know if i'm ready to do the whole someone obviously you'll be with my mom and my sister yeah and he loves them so much but we haven't done that yet not for like a night have you not with the little baby i don't think i could do the night that might be a bit much yeah but like for an evening yeah for a dinner no do you think you have a dinner out what are you gonna do stefan got any plans stefan has promised me a lunch oh

shit with sadie a lunch with sadie but it'll be a day when joseph's at nursery so it's like half the stress it's a Tuesday you Tuesday yeah and you're a Friday well I can't be because there's only three days between us three days between us

yeah Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday yeah okay okay thank you

he's promised me a lunch because then he fucks off for the whole week my birthday week for work so I've got and actually a horrible birthday week planned. Happy birthday to me.

We'll go out for lunch on the Tuesday. Then Wednesday, we've got jabs for Sadie. Oh shit. Last ones. Last ones. And then I've got five nights of solo parenting that week. So woohoo. Wowzers.

I know. Are you ready? Stock up on the Prosecco. It's really hard. It's not not coming down to see you. No, I'm going to go to my family the weekend before. that'll be nice well yeah we'll have a celebration so you're not seeing them when you're solo parenting and the week of your birthday i asked them to come up and help me my mom was like i've got plans all week my mom and dad are so funny they're retired

but they're like i don't really like feel like we do much and i'm like you literally have plans all the time the week they're so social god love that for them i know um so no they might come down the following weekend then to help me but yeah it's always a hard one when like stefan will book working and i get really resentful when he's like oh i'm gonna be away and i'm like oh okay i've got like another night of solo parenting which is really hard and stressful at the moment because sadie's not really in a routine and i just find that is the worst time when you're like, I just don't know what's gonna happen. I'm like, I'll get Joseph in the bath.

I don't know if Sadie's gonna be like asleep or really overtired or crying or hungry. Like she's not in enough of a routine for me to handle that. So those nights are always quite chaotic and stressful. And even Joseph, who used to go down to bed so well, has started negotiating with me at bedtime a little bit now. So he used to go down to bed so well has started negotiating with me at bedtime a little bit now so i used to just put him into bed turn the light out walk out

wouldn't hear from him until the morning now he keeps being like mommy and he just asked me questions to keep me in there yeah and so i feel bad that's like obviously a tie because i feel but i feel like i should be in there giving you're already feeling massively already feeling massively torn between the two of them. I feel so torn and so guilty and then like she needs me and whatever. So anyway, I find those nights really stressful so whenever Stefan's like, I'm not going to be there I'm like, oh well great, here I am on my own again and he's like, well I am basically like earning

money for the whole household at the moment. So are you. I am. You haven't even taken any mat leave. I am, I know, I'm a working mum. You're a single mum who's got two jobs. Literally. But he is the breadwinner at the moment. making a new mat leave i am i know i'm a working mom single mom who's got two jobs literally uh but he is the breadwinner at the moment so it's hard it's a hard balance because he definitely feels like he should be earning money for us yeah but also i do i hate it when he's away yeah it is hard so that's my birthday week summed up in a nutshell wow that is very that's giving very

36 vibes yeah isn't it it's very adult so boring actually so boring yeah i know but why are we not just going to like play shack let's just run around a soft play i'm like whoa this is great soft place my everyday life i don't want to go on my birthday maybe we should come to um yours should we come for a play come to my house yeah should i come should i come spend the birthday with you or i'll tell you what i'll come to yours you've got more space have i you've got more outside space definitely oh outside space not inside. I feel like yours is bigger inside. I don't know. Have you got bigger inside?

Bigger inside. Mine's pretty tight. Yours is pretty tight. I would say mine isn't. Mine is gaping. How many bedrooms? I'm taking everybody inside. Technically two.

Oh. Because upstairs is converted. Yeah. So it's safer, a fire hazard. But it's three okay needs to be four really yeah so we're going to divvy up the rooms you're going to divvy up the rooms i'm going to move yeah you are yeah we're not ready to talk about that though no no we've got a safe that's under embargo she's moving to spain oh imagine that would be oh that would be nice wouldn't it

it's not spain um so yeah so that's our birthday weeks that sounds absolutely bloody stunning doesn't it sounds all right doesn't it so aside from birthdays what you've been up to the garden oh yeah how's that going i feel like there's a whole lot of everything going on do you know what on the way in this one i was like right think about things you need to update emma on and i always take notes on my phone do you know there's actually so much going on that i can't actually ching ching i'm just i'm a little bit a little bit tipsy i'm just clinking my glass she's chinging the prosecco sorry i've actually got so much to tell you that i have i don't even know

where to start okay but there's a whole lot of everything going on like we're renovating the garden yeah yeah we're prepping ready for the school holiday breakup yeah yeah i'm absolutely inundated washing because i can't put nothing out fucking side don't even talk to me about my laundry also it's too fucking muggy inside that i can't put the heating on i had to put the heating on the other day to open the window so i could dry my pants do you know what i'm just because there's no way to dry washing i'm just not doing it and it is mounting up oh god i can't fucking handle it it's too much and then renly we've got like eight teeth bulging through i can't believe he's basically four months going on 40 honestly he is a new man he's a young independent he we've seen a pediatrician and

seen a pediatrician within like the matter of four days the sick was just not stopping we are fully on food yeah what the hell i know your baby and i don't want anyone to come for me because it's a really hard topic to put yourself out into the world i find social media i don't find it hard to put myself out there because i'm not bothered but i find it hard when people don't give me advice they just tell me their opinion yeah and i will only ever put things on the internet that i have been one advised by a medical professional or two is my own experience yeah i won't speak on things that i have no experience in hence depression mental health i don't talk about those things because i haven't

firsthand experienced them so i will start by saying we have we're under medical advice okay for anyone comes to me it's like she's been there for a month, oh baby, and they're not meant to eat any food. We've been advised of that. We just couldn't stop the sick. So the straw that broke the camel's back was, he couldn't stop throwing up and he wasn't pooing. The constipation is too much.

So basically we were using a milk thickener to thicken his milk. The milk thickener is making him insanely constipated. So they were like, okay, let's go down the route of looking at medication which you can look at a moprazole yeah um gaviscon things like that and i just said why are we adding more in yeah to get more out yeah um and from past experience with colby colby was weaned and fully weaned at four to five months old. And again, under pediatrician, he was put onto food really early, took to it really well, and instinctively dropped his own milk. That's just what, because the milk that he had didn't taste very nice.

So once he got the taste of food, he was like, yeah, sod that milk. And then we just moved on to cow's milk and introduced it that way and so forth. And with Renly, we're going down the same road. So you've weaned him onto food and he's having no milk at all he has two bottles of two three depending yeah depending sometimes he'll have one at lunchtime but he's as much as he loves his milk he's not fast he'd much rather have the food like he's taken to it like a duck to water that's why obviously they give you a lot of things as to say like you need to make sure that they're ready in the sense of is he holding his head he's holding his head insanely well like he's doing really well with holding his head he doesn't sit independently but he does hold his head um he opens his mouth as

soon as we were practicing like with the spoon so the pediatrician says like try going in with the spoon and see if they automatically open them out yeah so yeah um and yeah so we've we've gone off of all the cues and everything like that and what's he having so he has like porridge for breakfast like a baby porridge he has that for breakfast he loves loves loves a mashed like proper pureed sweet potato that's his you know that's his go-to he loves that we've tried him on a little bit of avocado but we're not introducing too much yeah so we've got porridge avocado sweet potato prunes oh yeah are they getting him going is he pooing? Yeah. Yeah.

We're back. We're having two poos a day. Good. Which is great. Yes. One at nighttime, one at bedtime. Perfect. Nice.

So much more comfortable. But then comes the teething. Yeah. What the hell? He's so, considering he was a preemie baby as well. Well, nearly five weeks early. He's so advanced. Wild.

Yeah. He's truly, truly so wild. The quickest baby out of all three of them. Crazy. So I'm a them crazy so i'm a little bit i'm a little bit bamboozled look what frazzed yeah i think frazzed is the best word because i think sadie's like something's coming through with her teeth like she's very she's constantly got her hands in her mouth she's chewing and muscling all the time which is like the normal thing hand in the mouth like yeah fist in the mouth but nothing's cutting through

i think until like joseph was maybe seven months something like that seven eight months but so ren is really early well dotsy see colby i would have said was about seven eight months dotsy had hers early dotsy had her first two teeth at like five six months yeah but she took forever to get the rest so she got two really quickly and ironically now they're the two that's fallen out but none of the other ones are moving it's because they've been there for the longest time they've been there for the longest time makes sense um so yeah rinley is he's a bit like dots in the sense he's going a little bit wild he is what was battling for me is how much of a blend of both babies he is obviously i think he looks like both babies i know but he also is taking colby's reflux but but Dotsy's advancedness. Yeah. So I feel like I've had both babies, Colby and Dottie, combined to one baby.

Yeah, literally. You did that poll on your Instagram story the other day, didn't you? What was, I think, the most common outcome? The most common, which wasn't on there, is he looks like Chris. Oh, really? Yeah, it's the most common. Or he looks like my sister. The most common one on there was that he looks like both of them, wasn't it?

Both of them. The mix of both, yeah. Because he's like, from the nose up, I feel like he looks like Dottie. But them the mix of both yeah because he's like from the nose up i feel like he looks like dotty but from the mouth down he's colby yeah like he's got colby's colby's lips and yeah colby's like funny little mouth like when he's laughing like their laugh is exactly the same but i feel like he's got those similar eyes to them but he's got yeah dots he's little but he's such a blend it's funny because i think like all three of them really look like each other but none of them really look like you or chris nothing they look just like my sister if you could see a picture or i have to try and find one a baby picture of my sister yeah

they are literally identical i find it so fascinating like what comes through it's mad yeah and he's got blonde hair ren's his new hair's come through and it's white blonde so funny this happens with every baby i know they're born dark and then go blonde they go fair yeah yeah i'm just praying for the curls yeah i'm hoping the curls come through was colby colby had curly hair as well and again i'll show you a picture colby's hair was absolutely insane like the amount of people thought he was a girl but he had like ring-lipped blonde i forgot he had long hair didn't he yeah oh my gosh oh i'm just hoping he gets that because i'll be i'll be keeping that we're keeping it long yeah i think so yeah i like it when it's just like a little shaggy curly yeah curly bob it's cute

on them when they're little isn't it yeah colby's just got so long and so thick and so heavy must be easier for washing he loves it now he loves it short yeah he's like he's very handsome he's really grown into himself. Yeah. He has. Confident little boy. So yeah, I feel like there's a lot going on. Yeah, busy month. Yeah, so Renly wants to also be awake but be asleep.

So he's sleeping like all night. We have got all night to a tea. My bedtime routine is down to an absolute tea, just daytime. He's found his lungs. He's very loud. Hence why he's not invited to the podcast anymore because he is loud saying also he needs food now yeah so i was like do i bring you know what that is a bit annoying for you isn't it it's harder to like be out of the house because you've got i remember

that weaning stage like i was taking little pureed bowls of sweet potato everywhere with me did you make it yourself yeah i did at the beginning i probably won't do it again i've just got loads of pouches in yeah yeah but it's harder than just going around with milk isn't it do you know what actually i just had an epiphany i did this food shop yesterday tesco's food shop she's just dropping collins balls everywhere and i was in there and this excuse me just choked on my own saliva um i was in the queue not Not in the queue. I was in the aisle at Tesco's. And there was the click and collect. May I just add, it was the worst experience I've ever experienced at Tesco's in my whole entire life.

Do you do that scan as you shop thing? I scan as I shop. But there's a lot of click and collectors there. And I've never been to the shop when there is so many people that are so insanely rude. Not one person thanked me. The amount of times I was hit with the their cars i had a really bad experience and then i went down this aisle and this lady went oh i've gone from 75 items down to 16 because she'd scanned the baby food pouches and i thought oh that's really

sweet like she's getting a little load done quick and the man went yeah i'm the same clearly these parents can't bother to cook who do people think they are i was in utter disbelief and i just looked at him and i was like that's a really really rude comment to say yeah and he just went bright red and kind of was trying to sort of brush it off and i was actually in so much shock i didn't say anything i just said that's that's really rude like you don't know someone's circumstance that's really rude and i think i was so taken's that's really rude like you don't know someone's circumstance that's really rude and i think i was so taken aback i was just like and he sort of just like went bright red and sort of like poodled off like it never happened he probably didn't expect someone to

call him out on it and i got in the car on the way home and i was like i cannot believe how rude to say that i mean i wonder how many sweet potatoes he's peeled and pureed i'd love fucking i've done it for about a week and i was like fuck this shit and then all carby did was to spat it out i know it's that's what's so demoralizing is when you've taken so much time and they just they hate it and i think what's it's harder as well is renly i've tried him with mangoes he doesn't like mango doesn't it. Doesn't want it in his mouth. And he just does, like his face screws up, just doesn't like it.

And I thought, imagine I bought a mango, cut it, because it's really hard to cut a mango, pureed, boiled it, pureed it, blended it,

put it in the freezer, got it out, defrosted it, all for him to hate it. Get it out, yeah. All we've got is a, I've got a cough coming up. We literally opened a pouch of mango, put a little bit into a bowl tried to give it to him the next day tried it again and i thought no

he doesn't like this he doesn't like it so colby ate it literally 90p well spent that yeah i fed two children with that pouch perfect he didn't even need any dinner after that no i'm kidding again i end up eating and we spoke about this on the podcast before, I end up eating all the dregs and the leftovers because I can't stand the waste. So I would end up, you know, sucking the dregs out of a mango pouch. That's literally Culp's now. Culp's just literally...

Nice that you've got another child to do that for you. I've never had that first time around. Honestly, it's iconic. Zero waste. Zero. That's how I live my life. And Dottie, she won't give no food up for no one. That girl drenched everything. She was like, give me that pouch. i'll even drink it if i don't like it she loved it but no it's um

yeah wild you got a lot going on like i do some days i truly don't know my ass from my elbow and when people are like oh how is life look life's great don't get me wrong but it goes from nine o'clock to three o'clock in the matter of about three minutes that's it it's gone finish i know off you go back up that school run to get your ass off that cat you think you're having a cup of tea it's quarter to quarter that's how i used to feel when i had to pick joseph up from nursery at 1 p.m i didn't have any time to myself that's why i'm keeping in there until six now well until he's six 6 p.m oh it's nice on those days yeah no well until he's six six p.m oh

it's nice on those days yeah no not until the age of six he'll be going to school obviously but yeah until six p.m so i get a nice long i felt that eye roll stretch by myself obviously i can't wait for him to go to school i've got a real tickle in my throat every day i don't have to see him she doesn't mean that annoying though the school hours because he qualifies for some free thing when he's three which is in february but it's um only nine till three that's not gonna work for me why at the moment he does half seven till six half seven yes 7 30 till six because normally stefan drops him off before work that's a long day it's a long day but he only does it three days a week whereas this will be he'll be in going, a single mum who's got two children.

A single kid who's got no parents. No, we do. We do nothing. Oh. Yeah, but the problem is it's what you've got to do when you've got to work. Exactly.

Working parents. I'm a working mum. Yeah. We had his toddler checkup this week. Did you have that with Colby and Dottie? Colby, not Dottie, because she was COVID baby. She was a lockdown baby, so we didn't have it it's some random age like it's like 27 to 30 months or something like that where they like check their the health checker like checks their

development and i don't know it's all very random i don't really like it i don't think it was very weird i take it all of a pinch of salt to be honest because you haven't got to fill out the questionnaire are they rolling are they yeah exactly you have to fill out this huge questionnaire the last one we did was when he was one so i suppose that's like a year and a half ago so um i think this is like the last thing that they see the health visitor for but yeah you've got to do a massive questionnaire and it there's some of the things are so specific like can he thread pasta onto a string like can he make a pasta necklace i'm like I don't fucking know obviously I'm not

I don't do that at home can he touch his nose can he walk up the stairs on one leg yeah that was it

can he do one one like foot at a time on the stair no there were so many that were no and at the top

of the thing it says like this is not a test please don't worry if your child can't do them all and then you don't you get

to the appointment and then they're like well yeah we would have ideally liked him walking up the stairs on one leg on his head with three arms and while juggling yeah holding a hot cup of tea yeah exactly they're like don't feel bad about it and then you get into the appointment and they're like oh really he's not doing that yet oh he's really gonna fall behind sebastian he's doing everything yeah he can speak french and spanish and to 100. He's multilingual.

And then you look over at my child, he's just eating their burgers. That's my boy. Do you know what? And in true Joseph style as well, he didn't do anything that he was meant to do in the appointment. They wanted to take his weight. He didn't want to sit on the scale. They wanted to take his height.

He didn't want to stand against the measuring thing. It's just like nothing is easy with that boy. Like I said, he does things on his own terms i love him he knows his own mind such a strong individual isn't he he's like he's so like me when i was little like if a doctor told me to do something in an appointment i'd be like no i'm not doing that what wasn't it who are you yeah who are you to tell me to stand on a scale i don't think so hon um so yeah we it wasn't very successful. But yeah, hilarious nonetheless. I love that.

One of the things she said was, does he climb on like, if he needs to reach something, will he climb on like a chair to get to it? And I was like, oh no, I haven't really seen him do that at home. And she was like, really? As in like, that's an area for concern.

Literally, since I had the appointment, he's been doing it every day. It's almost like he heard me and went, I can fucking do that I'll show you oh I used to do it when you weren't looking but now you want to

fucking see it I'll show you I've been able to do that for ages you absolute mug I do this in the middle of the fucking night I do this in my sleep

so yeah no he's he's just cracking me up at the moment oh what a dude God love him God love him God love him

God love him so Emma and I really want to hear from you we want you to join us in the secret mom club you're all welcome you can share your secrets with us respond to what we've been talking about or just say hello you can find us on tiktok and instagram just search secret mom pod or you can email us hello at secret mom pod.com it's time it's time for another Correspondence Corner Correspondence Corner Did we do that pitch perfect?

Yeah, we did that thing where you're like We close the note Is it? And stop Like an occupeed Like a Occupe Occupe

Occupella No, I was thinking of a... Occupator? What's that? Conductor. Like a conductor would do to a band. Oh, what was I thinking of? And close.

What was I thinking of? Acapella. I can pitch perfect. I can sing acapella. Did you do the 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8? 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8? 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8? 4, 5, 6, 7, 8?

5, 6, 7, 8? 6, 7, 8? Is this a TikTok trend? 7, 8? five six seven eight three four five six seven eight four five six seven eight five six seven eight six seven eight is this a tiktok trend seven eight eight it's how you it's like a singing thingy no what you have to take as you take the number out do you want to try it it's like scales um it's basically a tiktok trend where you sing one two three four five six seven eight you take the first number away but you have to leave enough distance okay have you seen it maz yeah so you go one two three four five six seven eight yeah two three four five six seven eight three four five okay yeah you ready yeah one two three four five six seven eight two three four five six seven eight three four five six seven eight four five six 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. 4, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.

5, 6, 7, 8. 6, 7, 8. 7, 8. 8. And then you've got to go back. So then you go 8. 7, 8. Oh.

6, 7, 8. 5, 6, 7, 8. 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. 2, 345678, 2345678, 1, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8. For a TikTok-y, non-TikTok-y person, for a virgin, like a virgin. Woo! Well, I am very musical.

I've actually got perfect pitch. Adam just gets that. Woo! That was really good. Proud of you for that. Thank you. Go on, my girl. We'll get you on the trend soon.

I should be on TikTok. You're not even on my account. For fuck's sake. I could be an influencer, you know. I think you could. All right. Bit too opinionated. I'm kidding.

Bit too boring. The Prosecco's gone to my head. Stop it. Honestly, showering me with compliments compliments i don't know what to do with them i've always showered you with compliments all right ready yes i'm ready sorry this one says hi ladies i wanted to chip in on the getting pregnant whilst breastfeeding chat i did worry about this after i said it because i actually think i was chatting absolute scientific bollocks. Were you? Let's see. Well, you're not really because your mum got pregnant breastfeeding.

Well, this says the short answer is yes, you can get pregnant. Oh, okay. Well, there we go. That's it in a nutshell. Don't take advice from me. I had my son in February 2018 and I breastfed him exclusively

and went onto the pill just in case. Fast forward eight weeks. Fuck off. And I found out we were pregnant again hold on a fucking minute hang on you're having sex yeah first of all you've got to have sex to get pregnant this is wild okay she's had sex just after having a baby so she not only has had a baby within eight weeks she's breastfeeding him she She's on the pill. She's had sex. Whoa.

You've been busy. My children are classed as Irish twins, she says, because they're the same age for 12 days. So they would be in the same year at school. No. School, would they? Yeah, they'd be in the same. No. A year apart.

Don't know. Anyway. Yeah, because of the February birthday, it would be the year below. Oh, my God. I love listening to you amazing ladies lots of love from d thanks d oh d loves the d oh that's truly what i need to ask you because i've been dying to have you had sex but your food is different isn't it yeah yours. Yours is different. Mine's actually... She's four months old. I haven't done it. Still not? No.

Where did you do it? Where? In the kitchen again. No, you're obsessing about having sex in the kitchen. Well, where else do you have sex? Very boring and vanilla. In your bedroom?

In bed. Every now and then I'll invite Stefan into my bedroom and then for sleeping I'm like, get out. Right, you're done. Clean yourself up

and get the fuck... Get out of here. I haven't done it yet. And are you planning to? No. No. Never again. Right, you're done. Clean yourself up and get the fuck, get out of here. I haven't done it yet. And are you planning to? No. No. Never again. Never again.

Never again. Maybe if we get married. I don't know. I'm trying to convince Stefan to get a vasectomy. Are you? Because. I don't really have any enjoyment. Like, I don't want to just go.

Like, I'm looking at him like, oh, he's being a really cute dad. That doesn't make me want to go. Yeah. It is funny. In all seriousness, I think the hormones are so different for a woman. Like I think for a man, it goes back to like pretty much normal straight away.

And they're like, I want to have sex with you. And I'm like, that is not the first thing on my mind right now. I'm like keeping alive two humans. I'm breastfeeding. It's truly the last thing on my mind. I do not feel sexy.

Like, no, no, no, no, no. I don't feel sexy. I definitely not after eight weeks. I haven't done it. I'm sexy. I'm cute. I do not feel sexy. Like, no. I don't feel sexy. I definitely not. After eight weeks. I haven't done it. I'm sexy. I'm cute. I'm popular to boot. I'm pretty. Great hair. My hair's fucking falling out. I look like shit. I'm wanted. I'm tired. I'm everything.

You're not. No, no, no. I'd rather sleep. I'd rather not. I'd rather just not. I just want to talk to him. Yeah. Yeah. I don't even want to talk to him sometimes. To be honest, I go to bed at like, I've got to bed so early. So early. Do you know what?

It is tragic. Like sometimes we get to the end of the night. Oi, don't call my relationship tragic. No, I mean. I lose it. I meant us. Like we get to the end of the night and we literally sit next to each other on the sofa in silence on our phones.

And I see things about that on Instagram being like, oh, this is not what you should be doing with your partner. But in that moment, I'm like, I couldn't be happier. I'm decompressing. I'm sitting next to you, but we're not talking to each other. And I'm just looking at shit on my phone. Can't believe you've had sex. That's what I want to do in the evening.

Can't believe you've done it. Not that much. Where was Sadie? That, again, freaks me out. The opportunity with two children is very small because the chances of them both sleeping at the same time are really slim but also the opportunity with three children when it's even less run in yeah yeah yeah that's the hard thing for you is that you've got two older children who are just running wild but you do have a younger baby who sleeps all night in our bed in

your bed between us yes a literal barrier yeah yeah you can't but we both are obsessed we both sleep holding one of one each of his hands do you know what i just think as well like in the scheme of things this is a short period of time it's just not it's not everything i will say i think there's a lot of societal pressure to get back to it and it's like it's been four months girls everyone chill out if i can get a whole year out of this yeah drag it out drag it out for a year i'm gonna drag out a whole year happy birthday to our baby maybe another six months or yeah chicken yeah going out for your birthday maybe like with chris child free last time that happened you got pregnant so you better be careful i think he's gonna have a woolly chop it's really chopped off

yeah it's gonna get rid of it really we don't need it anymore we don't need that piece of dick no more that old piece of dick um no so we haven't done it and don't feel any pressure to to do it no i love that d loves the d d loves the d go on girl that's got to be the closest i've ever heard irish 20s eight weeks love that should we go in with another one we've had an update from charlie actually who made the birthing playlist yes remember yes she says hey ladies i have some wonderful news shit is the baby arrived yeah baby penelope has arrived i love that name oh that's such a stunning name i was induced on monday night she was here on tuesday morning stop it the little lady had bloodshot eyes but she weighed seven pound 13 and i was amazed we're doing great despite being straight back to the normal school

run wednesday morning yeah bloody hell get back to it girl superwoman my partner was very interested in the birth and was checking everything out to the point where he put gloves on wow and was looking at the afterbirth with one of the nurses thank you for keeping me company through labor he fling fingered the placenta maybe Maybe he had the old fanny up the... Hand up the fanny. Fist up the fanny? Hand up the fanny. That was wild last week, wasn't it?

Like previous episodes. If you didn't listen to that episode... Go back and listen to The Fanny Hand, I believe it's called. Fucking hell, it was wild. To retrieve a blood clot. I don't think it was so much the story was shocking, it was just the fanny. Yeah.

And how blunt... It's just how you just came out. How blunt she was about it. You were blunt, weren't you? Yeah. You were like, you didn't even look at me and just be like, oh, it And how blunt. It's just how you just came out. How blunt she was about it. You were blunt, saying it. You were like, you didn't even look at me and just be like,

oh, it's a heads up. I just read it. I just read it and she wrote it. Oh God. Trigger warning. Trigger. I love that

because Stefan was really squeamish. He was like, I don't want to see or do anything in the birth. And I said, at least cut the umbilical cord. He said, no, I don't want to.

And then I had an amazing female surgeon who said to Stefan, come and cut this umbilical cord. And made you fanny and you come over here fanny and he did it and i'm glad she made him good yeah did he cut joseph's no no just sadie yeah that was an emergency situation yeah that's why i don't know whether you're trying to make a really serene moment yeah no they were like let's just get this baby out oh oh congratulations charlie congratulations on your beautiful arrival of penelope oh oh what i love that though i do i'm obsessed i love that name penelope i feel like we're old news now penny like now baby's being born ask it bigger and

bigger yeah that moment just lasts so short. I know. Makes you want to go again, doesn't it? No. I can't even have sex. At least you're having sex. You can't even get married.

My shop is permanently closed. We're sold out. We're in administration. We're chopping off pizza decks. So you can get in touch with us on anything at all. Yeah, it can be serious or silly and it can be totally anonymous.

Because between us, we've probably heard it all before. And remember, we're all in this together. And we know that we are. We're all stars and we see that. This is The Secret Mum Club, the safe space for you to share your secrets with us so you're ready for my secret this week i'm ready it's actually really sad oh so it's oh you looked really oh not sad oh my god cry sad sad as in you might be a little bit sad okay colby came out of school the other day are you ready and he was like mum I smell really funny and I was like what and he's like yeah don't smell me now though because I don't want you

to smell me while I'm in the car park but he's like I don't know if my top smells a bit musty oh Chris is a sucker for leaving tops in the washing machine so if it was musty I would have blamed us yeah definitely um so I was like right okay don't worry so we got in the car and he's like I don't want to do it we'll do it when I get home we'll go to the we'll go to the bathroom I was like okay then that's no problem I worry. So we got in the car and he was like, I don't want to do it. We'll do it when I get home. We'll go to the bathroom. I was like, okay, then that's no problem. I didn't think nothing of it. Generally thought it was a musty top that had made him smell a bit funny. Went in to the bathroom.

He's like, smell my armpit. I smell his armpit. What was it? B.I. Bo Selector. Bo Selector. No. Already?

He had a little bit of sweat. He's nearly eight. Isn't that the most savage thing in the whole entire world and i truly truly i waited till he went to bed i did have a little bit i did cry it's a do you expect anything less no cry everything um so i went into the bathroom and i was like don't worry about it we'll get you a little deodorant so we popped out to the shop like there and then i was like let's just go out now so we bought my wet one and a dry one dry one being a and a roll on and a roll on oh i've never seen anything so funny in all my life i put the roll on drogeron on him right and he went like this i don't think i can handle the wet armpits

mom the wet armpits i remember feeling like that the first time do you oh it was like how do people get used to this i was like okay like put your arms down you used to like flap like a bird so he's like in the front room and then it that was my phone it went really sticky and we had a little bit of didn't like it no we didn't didn't like it so we had to baby wipe the armpits this was the next day and then we got a little um sprayer yeah and every morning now he comes down he's like don't worry mom i put on my do for my bi oh my boy um so yeah i've had a little bit of a um i had a little bit of a moment because i feel like he's quite young for that isn't really young and somebody the other day even though they told me

that he's fucking massive my child he is still only little he's what do you mean because i was talking about his football he had a little bit of a moment at football at the weekend it rained horrendously bad obviously we had to take him off three quarters in and take him home because he just wouldn't move he just stood in the middle of the football pitch freezing cold and he was sobbed through to the bone but i know colby's tall but he has no meat on him no he's very very slim just like his daddy he's very very slim so he doesn't even have like any puppy fat you know when they have like their little podgy podgy baby fat you know um he doesn't have any of that so i just was like and i put it on my instagram story and people were messaging me like he's flaking massive what

people saying he's fat no as i think like like he's big he's seven he's not like renly he's you know um so yeah we had a little bit of a moment about um about that but he is to me i think he's big in the sense that he's tall big obviously having a baby makes him look even bigger um but he yeah he's going through he's going through a lot so i would have thought like that would be well i started my period at nine you were young i was young because i would have thought boys hormones like that would be happening at like 12 13 maybe they have like a little bit of a hormone change. Oh, do they? Between seven and nine.

Okay. And I think because he plays so much sport and he's constantly running. He's quite a hot person. Like Chris is quite a, like Chris has always got sort of clammy hands. He gets really, really hot Chris. Yeah. And he takes after Chris. And I think because of that, he's just a bit sweaty.

It wasn't like really bad. But you know when you're like i wonder if he smelt that all day and then i kind of felt really sad for him like or if other people think oh it smells a bit yeah do you know what's really good about that though is that he noticed it yeah because a lot of the time like i remember being like if they were like smelly kids in the class at school they often weren't aware of they smell yeah yes no i agree and actually i can empathize with this because stefan the other day came into the did you smell no me oh came into the living room and he went one of us stinks and i went well obviously me then because he doesn't think it's him and i had i don't know if you had this but i had bo after yeah the baby yeah because

it's like a hormonal thing where your body odor becomes stronger to help your baby identify you yeah had that for a bit in the newborn stages i was insanely sweaty at night my sheets were like dripping wet i had to wash them all the time thought that had worn off but literally in the last like week or so it's come back and he said something in here smells a bit musty and i was like oh no you're referring to me i think you're referring to me just tell me tell me straight yeah i fucking stink um he does that he beats around the bush he's a little bit like passag i'm like just tell me i stink i smelt my pit on my t-shirt and i was like yeah i do i do smell but it broke my heart that i hadn't been aware of it and i was like

who don't who have i seen who have i been around who's been thinking emma fucking sticks no one because i don't go out or do anything yeah it's fine you're just sat in your own you're festering in your own body yeah but what's happened what keeps happening now is like i'll be up feeding sadie in the night and i'll walk i don't wear i'll sleep naked so i'll smell get a little waft on my armpit and i'm like holy cow the baby's awake i smell a bo she can hear me saying that i stink think of bo so yeah it was it was a little bit of a sad time i felt i felt a whole different emotions like i felt like between the two boys i've got one really little and i feel like i've got one really big i felt really sad in the sense of i don't know how

uncomfortable he was in his day-to-day routine with smelling if other people smell him i just i just felt really sad for him but i felt good that he just come home straight away and was just like mom i smell and he told you yeah rather than like being too embarrassed to not tell me yeah so that's my secret this week i think that's a really good thing that you've like fostered an environment where they feel like they can come to you with anything yeah which is doesn't matter how big or how small no always feel i want it to be a place where they just feel safe yeah so now it's just a it's just a running theme dotsy just runs around the house going you got bo again and

try spraying him with the droger and you know so is he on the do every day we yeah most yeah he likes to put it on in the morning and i think it's giving him a little bit of um what's the word it's not independence like because chris wakes up and sprays his armpits yeah he like stands next to chris in the mirror and he'll be like it's like in home alone where yeah and he just feels like it's his little thing you know like him and daddy have got it they're a little thing you know links to make the girls wink and then i just picked my baby up and just hugged him really really tight like never grow up oh gosh it just hurt my happy renly soon he's already eating avocado no he's basically just gonna be going to the gym before we get going to the gym

get the mortgage gosh yeah that was my secret this week so i don't know if anybody can relate to it i can if i can stink apart from emma i think too though i don't want you thinking you're just thinking alone i think it'd be really bad all the time yeah since the baby since the baby like i've never had an issue with it but since having the baby i just stink okay good yeah i'm very very normal any other stinky moms out there let us know do you want to be in our gang with our bo yeah join the but yeah if anyone can relate to either smelling like us or little people yeah i feel like it's a lot harder for girls though i'm not gonna lie i'm really scared for dot do you yeah i'm really scared do you think boys smell like sweaty more though with their hormones than girls because i feel

like at school do you remember do you remember the first time you had your period do you remember the first time you bled i do yeah and how scary was that i know i was quite old though were you 15 16 i wouldn't say that's old. But like dealing with that when you're nine is a lot. Yeah, I just didn't understand. No. And I just think it's hard. Growing up is hard.

Growing up is hard. It is hard. So that's my secret this week. So let's listen to some of yours. We've got three secrets from you. We're going to be discussing this week. So Emma, take it away with number one. All right, this says, hey, lovely ladies and babies.

I was listening to the episode where the lady has a pink poo in the car park. That was a while back. That was a while. And I shared it on the David Potts show as well. Did you? Yeah. This was the beetroot poo, wasn't it? Yeah.

And it made me want to confess my secret poo. I was on a long journey back from Wales with my two kids. Oh, that sounds familiar. And my four-month-old screamed the whole way back. I had to keep stopping to change him because he was so sweaty from crying too much. The two-hour journey turned into five hours. The final hour was just country lanes and pitch black dark. And that's when I felt the rumbling.

I needed a dump. Oh my. I tried to hold it in, but it was getting too much. I was too scared to get out of the car because I couldn't see a dump. Oh my. I tried to hold it in, but it was getting too much. I was too scared to get out of the car because I couldn't see a thing. So shamefully, I stopped the car, grabbed a bag,

took a shit in the baby bag, pressed my tits up on the steering wheel and took a huge poo in the driver's seat. Yep, safe to say, I'll always keep a Sainsbury's bag in the car now for emergencies. Love you girls. Beck.

Beck? Beck took a shit in the car with everybody in the car also can i just say i thought at the beginning of the story that she wasn't driving but clearly she was driving two kids in the back screaming pitch dark country lanes and she just pushed her tits on the steering wheel shit in a bag. She just laid one out in front of her children. She shit in front of the children. As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors, like high blood pressure developed during pregnancy, which can put us two times more at risk of heart disease or stroke. Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca. Beck, that's absolutely iconic.

Respect. I literally love that you emphasise on the breasts on the steering wheel. Can you imagine if anybody drove past? Think, oh God, she's at it. No, no, just taking a shit.

At least it was dark. I think that's the saving grace of this story. I guess there was wavy wipes. Wavy wipes. You've always got wipes with you.avy wipes you've always got wipes with you yeah you've always got wipes

especially with a four month old yeah wow yeah wow this reminds me of a time when I

that's like a portable poo poo on the go do we need to know was it was it left what do you do with it yeah what do you do

with it do you get it out I imagine I don't know why I'm spinning like the lady who chucked the bag of vomit

in the wheelie bins I'm still furious about that I'm not over that I'm not like the lady who chucked the bag of vomit in the wheelie bins. I'm still furious about that. I'm not over that. I'm not over that. I reckon she just threw it out the car, left it on the country lane. No. You're going to leave a steaming bag of turds in the car. Well, do you leave a plastic, what if there's horses?

Plastic's bad for the environment and obviously don't litter, but I'm not going to leave a shit in the bloody footwell. Would you not this brings to mind a lot in it when i did piss on the motorway uh in a costa coffee cup did you i was driving wow is that not skills that is skills i pissed on a potty on the side of the motorway once did you when you as an adult yeah as. Yeah. Yeah, I don't just freely carry potties before I have children. I just, I had a wee in the potty and Colby's potty. Yeah. Oh, wow.

Just on the side of the motorway. I used to go on the side of the road all the time, yeah. You open both doors. But I just sat down. A bit of privacy. Just sat. Just sat on it. Yeah, just sat, crouched down on a potty.

I'm actually looking forward to toilet training, because it means I can go to the toilet wherever I want as well, which I often need to because obviously I've got the nap bladder. What, you're going to just go for a pee in the bush with Sadie?

Or Jason? Yeah. Go on, girl. Yeah. You love a pee in the bush though. I love a nature wee, yeah. She does love a nature wee. Yeah.

She loves a nature poo. I'm not against a poo. It's only happened once though. Hyde Park, if you come across any poo, Emma's your gal. It's mine. Well, thank you for that

yeah thank you we need to know more Bec I feel like there's more to the story did you launch the poo did you keep the poo how far into the journey were you

when you had this poo I feel like I'm an investigator do let us know do let us know on the poo situation let's have number two alright

let's have a number two hi girls i have a seven year old from a previous relationship and unfortunately the baby's daddy passed away when the baby was four months old oh my god oh my gosh that's absolutely so sad it was a very hard time fast forward to now and i'm 17 weeks pregnant with my current partner and we're over the moon the problem is i'm finding it so hard to tell my previous partner's family oh god yeah i'm very close to them and i see them every week but i just cannot come out with it as i'm afraid of their reaction even though i know most of them will be happy for me i'm at the stage now where i can't hide it for much longer any advice thanks from anonymous do you know what i actually we have friends in this situation do you yeah and you know i can't speak for everybody's but i our friend

she had a baby with her partner and they he passed away very very early on um she stayed in contact with his family and the baby's grown up and sees all the family and she actually had the same situation she met somebody else had another baby and now they still see her with the new baby with the new baby because he doesn't have any he doesn't have her new partner doesn't have any family so they took on her as well and they see her as well oh that's lovely so they she's grown up with grandparents but they're of her previous partner and that that's lovely that the current partner is like cool with that as well so that's like the

best case scenario because at the end of the day i just think is like i always truly believe that i it takes a lot to be a mother it takes a lot to be a father i mean you can donate an egg you can donate sperm you know there's people that get people pregnant and i don't want to be around and there's people that take on other people's children when shit hits the fan and somebody needs to step up and i feel like it's that person that steps up to just step in and be the best version knowing full well that they're not by blood but they made the right choice yeah and i just think is i think you have to trust yourself i think you have to trust your gut and know that you've had one baby with somebody that's unfortunately not here anymore but you've chosen somebody

else to share your life with and i think his relationship with your seven-year-old that's their family you know yeah you know what i'm trying to say that's their family so if he's looking after her and he's stepping up and looking after i don't know if it's did she say is it girl boy i don't know her seven year old if he's stepping up the mark to to be in that position to to bring her up and give her the best life and the father figure that she's unfortunately not got i think you have to trust your gut to know that you've let somebody incredible into your life yeah had a bit having a baby with them now yeah that i think that i think they're gonna surprise you i think they'll be happy yeah i think because the fact that they you still see them every week yeah which is huge yeah they're gonna they might love to see your child interact with

your baby yeah you know if they don't have other grandchildren you know to see the new baby grow up with the siblings yeah and if you're if you're then because my mum always craves the baby like as soon as we have had another baby my mum loves the baby stage like my mum loves a cuddle and stefan's mum's like she loves a little baby she loves a coach every time my mum just takes him take even now takes readily in and she just gives him a gives him a big cuddle i think if you're around her and you're so they're so so i keep saying her if they're around your seven-year-old and they're a lot in her life you'd literally melt at a brand new baby wouldn't you and to see them become a sibling as well yeah i love it so i think you're gonna be i

think you're gonna be shocked i think you should just trust who you are because you've obviously made wonderful i think i feel like she's made wonderful choices yeah i mean though they seem like lovely in-laws i'm sure they'll be so incredible yeah yeah i think you're i think you've got nothing to worry about yeah and 17 weeks that's that is hard to she's nearly halfway you're nearly half you can't hide it for much longer i was showing for about five weeks oh she could also find out the gender right now soon no it's 16 isn't it 16 weeks well 20 weeks scan on the nhs you can find out sorry, can't you? With a private.

Yeah, private scan. Scan or a blood test. But yeah. Congratulations. I'm sure everyone will be very happy for you. I think so. Yeah. I think it's going to be, I think she's going to be shocked.

How nice for a seven. Well, you've got that. A seven year old to become a sibling. Like they're at an age where they're going to be so involved. So involved. And do you know what? I was really shocked with Colby and Renly as to how he was going to take it and he absolutely do you know what he come home with a piece of i don't want to make this about the safina show but he came home with a piece of

schoolwork the other day and it said what is your most loveliest memory today he said the birth of his baby brother oh don't but then i felt even more sad because dots went what about me no but you know what and i was like i think he was too little to remember he was too little to remember because that's the thing that i've got like a small age gap is lovely but joseph won't remember saving being born whereas like colby and dotty will have these memories now remember it yeah just the fact that we were sat there we're like oh colby oh look at this and me and chris were oh i had a little tear in my my eye then dotty went what about me what about when i was born bitches i was like oh don't worry dots and then she got british she'd get really up do

you know what that's classic middle child they just get forgotten about uh no no no there's no way you can forget dot no my sister always says that she's like middle child syndrome no one cares about me everyone loves the eldest and the youngest no one cares about the little child she gets forgotten about just squeezed in the middle because it's like the oldest one gets all the attention and blah blah blah and they're the first and the favorite and then the youngest one gets babied and the middle one just gets forgotten about no she can't she will not let you forget that she's you can't ignore her my brother's the middle yeah but it's different with you because you were twins you came along at the same time it's not the loudest thing yeah you're quite a youngest child vibe but it's different with you because you were twins. You came along at the same time. I was the loudest though. Yeah.

You're quite a youngish child vibe, but it's not a true middle child when you're twins, I don't think. No, I don't think it is. No. No. Well, good luck, Anonymous. And let us know how it goes. Please let us know how you get on. If you do, if you do say or talk about it or how you do it.

Right. Should we have the last one? Yeah. This one says, hi, girls. The old lady garden was looking a tad out of control. Okay, straight in there. So I thought I'd better... Her bush or her garden bush?

Her bush, I think. Oh, her bush. I thought I'd better give her a little tidy up. Nice. Rummaging through the drawer for the old scissors to neaten up the beaver, I found some yellow handled ones and thought, they'll do. Fast forward a few months later when the kids had gone back to school

after the school holidays. I was tidying my daughter's bedroom and came across her pencil case. Inside the pencil case were the yellow... Oh, God, fuck. Fuck, please tell me there was no pubes in them. Were the yellow-handled muff scissors. Turns out she had taken them to school to use for art class. What made it worse was she told me her teacher had used them too.

I'm mortified thinking the poor old teacher had to use a pair of pube-trimming scissors from Gemma. Can you imagine? Wow. You know when you get the razor and the razor's still got all the pube in it? I imagine it still had some hairs in it. What have you been using these? I have no idea why these scissors are so hairy, Miss.

I'm having fun with them. Please use them. Mum, Miss said your scissors are well hairy. Oh, God. Oh, my gosh. I love it so much. Oh, Gemma, your pubes have really been on a mum. Miss said your scissors are well, Harry. Oh, God. Oh, my gosh. I love it so much. Oh, Gemma, your pubes have really been on a journey. They've been to school, yeah.

Been to school and back. Having a day out, you pubes. They want some artwork on the wall somewhere. A piece of art. Funny story is that Dotsie doesn't know what pubes are. They don't know what pubes are they don't know what pubes are neither of the children know what they ask you no no they just don't think any of it but the other day we were just sat there and we were eating our froobs you know the the yogurt species of yogurt

and it was just out of nowhere dotsie was just like we'd rather have freaks in our mouth than pubes. I was like, I said, well, she's like, nobody wants pubes in their mouth. I said, where's she heard that from? What is a pube? And she went, I don't know, but I'd rather eat freaks than pubes. Right. Okay. Let's swiftly move on.

She's not wrong. I don't know where she got it from. I don't know whether she was getting pubes mixed oh girls want two secrets this week i'm out of myself so thank you for sharing your secrets this week everyone is welcome in the secret mom club and if you want to share your secrets with us you can the. The email is hello at secretmumpod.com or with Secret Mum Pod on TikTok and Instagram.

Have your muff scissors gone missing? Or have you found yourself defecating in the driver's seat? Let us know. There really is nothing too outrageous. And we'll have a special

announcement on Thursday, so make sure to tune in. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club. As women, our life stages come with unique risk factors. Like when our estrogen levels drop during menopause, causing the risk of heart disease to go up.

Know your risks. Visit heartandstroke.ca. We get it. Life gets busy. Luckily, with Peloton Tread, you can still get the challenging workouts you crave. Only have 10 minutes? Take a quick Peloton workout. Want to go all out? Chase down your goals with 20 to 45-minute Tread workouts. No matter your goals or time, Peloton has everything you need to become everything you want. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit onepeloton.ca.