Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Mum Bruh

Episode Date: April 2, 2026

Soph discovers she’s not the only “mum bruh” after one listener reveals her son has upgraded her from “mum” to full teenage slang. A listener also shares a genius bit of reverse psychology that finally helped ditch the dummy. Plus, one mum needs advice as her baby and toddler prepare to share a room for the first time. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wait, hold on. I need your attention because we have some huge news. It's big. Bigger than my bucket crutch. And that's big. Even bigger than Jojo's love for teenage mutant ninja turtles. Well, you've been asking for it, so we're going to be heading back on the stage for another Secret Mom Club live show. There's going to be plenty of secrets.

Perhaps a couple of party games. And maybe a few surprise guests. So mark your calendars because on the 20th of May, we'll be live at Bush Hall in London for one girly night only. So you better buckle up, bitches. Tickets are on sale right now. So head to our socials for more info and the link to buy tickets. We can't wait to see you there. Now, back to the episode.

Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And welcome to your Thursday's episode. Where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week. Squeeze your bits. All of your comments. thoughts, questions and fun stories.

Keep you going through the weekend. Showy Jomboni! Feels like it's been a long time. It feels like it's been a really long time. I know. I've like forgotten how to read. I've forgotten how to talk. I've forgotten how to function as a normal.

Because in between the weeks when we do this, I do nothing else apart from... That's a lie. Well, no, I do. In the weekly catcher, but Emma will be telling you exactly what she's been doing. Yeah, no, there is a lot. Because we know. I mean, in terms of like reading and, you know. Well, I have to read books to my children.

Nat! No, I'm joking. All we do is watch back-to-back frozen. No books, no learning. No homeschooling for me. No. Especially not in the holidays anyway. God no.

We're a two weeks off. It's my two weeks off. It's freedom. It's a party over here. It's time for another. Correspondence Corner. Right, Emma, take it away, Hannah. Okay, this one says, hi Emma and Safina.

Hello, Hanaro. I've just been listening to the Dummy Bitch episode. Oh, you need to, you've got to join in for the main to see how it's going. I've been dying to know. Because obviously we're not allowed to correspond outside of this. We actually don't talk. It makes me laugh because people generally still think to this day, like three years deep, season four, that we talk every day. We don't.

We don't because we'd have fuck all to talk about. Although I'd just say this and I do have, I find a way to talk to my sister about nine, ten times a day on FaceTime as well. And you still have stuff to say. We still have shit loads to talk about. So I feel like that would just be you and me. I feel like we'd always have something. Maybe introduce me into the FaceTime rotation. Okay.

Yes. Maybe you'd be like swimming, can you fuck off? Please. I'm sick. Please stop calling me. Okay. I was listening to the dummy ditch episode and I wanted to give you a little tip on how I got rid of the dummy. Relentacy, about 20 times a day at completely random times, I'd say to him, you're a big boy now.

You don't need a dummy. Why don't you put it in the bin? After about two weeks, he did. Then when he asked for it, I'd say, well, you're a big boy. Where did you put it? And he'd reply, in the bin. It's yucky. He only asked for it for about a week after that and then completely forgot about it.

So without him realizing, I sort of turned the blame onto him for getting rid of the dummy, and it worked wonders. He believed he was a big boy and didn't need it anymore. Obviously, he was a little dot back then compared to his 10-year-old self now, who was almost taller than me, gives me attitude and calls me bruh, more than mum. Oh, God, that's wild. It's a really wild state. No, it's going to be doing that. All the time. No way, bra.

Bra. Bra. Oh, my God. Don't say that bra. Bra. Bras. What my God. It's when he comes down in the morning now, he goes morning, brough.

Oh my bra Oh my god Man dem Big up the homies Yes fam Yes fam Yes fam Fam

Fam lemm Oh god I'm devastated When it goes from mummy to mum But the next stage is brough Yeah Well it might be different for you When Jojo's big

Like what the kids are using Yeah it might be like Bitch Ho What's up bitch What's up How Carla the Wienerbigs

Ho You know You know You're not I'm not prepared. I want to be really cool and just go with him. Like, you're br-bra. Br-ha.

And he's like, it's mummy to you. Okay, but she says I wouldn't change him for the world. Gem in Gloucestershire. Gem, we're definitely, we're living the same lives. That's Colby. Oh my God. Although Colby's nine, isn't he?

But yeah, it's br-ha. It happens to them all. Or sometimes it is mate. Oh, yes, I'm his mate. Are you always made? That's a big one though. That's quite cool. That's cool.

But my mom and dad would have been like, I'm not your mate. I'm your mother. Yeah. I am your mother. You listen to me. Yeah. Oh, there's a new trend at the moment that it says,

I don't know if anyone's going to see it. You're probably not going to. Is it on TikTok? I think it is. It's like, shut up, mom, silence from you. You cut off from talking. That's all they keep saying to me. So at the table, I'll be like, oh, do you on this?

They go, shut up, mom, silence from you. You cut off from talking. And I'm literally like, what am I meant to? to do? Yeah. What am I actually meant to do? Yeah. But now I say it back.

And they're like, oh, she knows it. It's when they hear a trend or something and then I say it and they're like, yeah, stop. The thing is you can play them at their own game because you're a cool social media mom. I'm not even social media. I'm just a cool mom. You're just a cool mom. I'm going to be like, what are the kids, I'm going to be on the mean girls, mom.

What's the 4-1-1? What are the kids talking about these days? What is the heart gossip? They're going to be like, mom, shut up. Shut up, mom. Silence from you. Okay. It's about the dots as it as well.

Oh my God, Renly will be doing it soon. Reni just goes like this. When they're doing it to me, Reni just goes, and they start saying it and he just goes, stop. He puts his arms down and closes his eyes. Shut up, mom!

He's got it already. Oh, gosh. I love that so much. And I also really love this in reverse psychology. Well, you put it in the bin. You're all the problem. Don't you remember? Yeah.

It's your fault. Genius. Yes, Jim. Thank you. Thanks, Jim. So much. All right, we've got another one here. It says, hello beautiful ladies. Hello. I currently have two children aged nine and four. My husband has been completely against having any more children since our youngest was born, even though I've tried to persuade him for years. Well, he's finally changed his mind. Oh shit. We're going to try for another baby.

I thought we were going to say we're Piers and Johnny's. No. It's the opposite. It's the opposite. Wow. I want to shout it from the rooftops. But at the same time, I don't want to tell anyone yet. I always get told you've got one of each. Why would you want more? Oh, they said that to me. People say that all the time. As soon as I had a girl, people were like, well, that's it. You can quit now. No, don't listen to that. But I'm just, oh, sorry. And three is hard work. You'll regret it. Did you get that? Yeah, all the time. They all people go, ooh, you got your hands, fool? Yeah. Oh, yeah. Still got enough hands to swing a punch. No, I'm joking. I wouldn't have a swing a punch. I would. I was if someone was rude. It says, but I'm just so excited and hopeful that we might have a baby soon. I just thought I could share my excitement with you ladies from Anonymous. Oh, my God. I got a lot of that though when I was pregnant with Renly why would you have? There's such a big age gap now, aren't you worried about the age gap?

Well, like was it planned people think. Oh, you planned. Wow. So rude. Kind of happens when you have sex, you know. I did know what I was doing. Not using any protection. Yeah.

Kind of, you know. Yeah. Yeah. Although people that have had three, like my mum has kind of dropped hints now because she obviously I was her third, unplanned. But they do insist they did. They did still love me. Yeah.

But she'll be like, oh, three. Three is a lot. Like, she'll start saying stuff like that and I'm like, I'm getting the hint that you don't want me to have another baby. She's like, don't do it to yourself. It's not worth it. And then my friend who's got three kids came around the other day and she was like, obviously I keep her anonymous.

I thought she was going to be like, oh, it's so wonderful. She was like, as a mother of three children, she was like, let me tell you two is enough. Oh, I don't. I've really loved three. But I don't know whether it's because mine are so much bigger. I don't parent him. The other two parent him. And then if Roxanne's four come round, he's got six adults.

Yeah. I don't parent him. He's basically dragging himself up, poor lad, at this point. He's doing it all on his own. He's a strong independent little man. But I, the third was the one you didn't know you needed. Yeah. In my eyes, anyway, that's just me personally.

Yeah. I didn't know how much we needed him. He is funny as fuck as well. Like, I thought the other two were funny, but he is hilarious. When I tell you, we went out for dinner yesterday as a family, well, there was 12 of us there because not everybody could make it. So we had all of our family there, and Eden had. a friend there because it was her birthday.

He had the whole table at two years old completely hanging on every word, every move. They all had their phones out, they were recording it, and he was just lapping up. Oh my God, he's going to be on the stage. Honestly. They do say the youngest. Comedians are normally the youngest child.

Because they've just had to be. It's just so funny. He just kept drinking a drink yesterday and like tilting his eyes to the side and he'd be like giving an eye roll. And then every time the man bought a dinner to the plate, he went, yay! And they were just like, can you? you bring one out individually every time?

So we can get the applause. And then the man that was serving us at the table, he clocked onto it. So he was like, I'm going to bring one at a time. Every time Renis just clapped him and was like, yes, he was walking away. But no, I, you know, and again, there's a lot of judgment when you have one of each and people say, oh, you don't need anymore.

Yeah. I don't get the narrative of that. It's not up to anyone else, is it? If you want another baby. If you want one baby, you want 10, 20 babies. That's up to you. I just, I find it really hard. when people have, I got a lot of negativity

when he felt a lot to say. Yeah. That I didn't deserve him, that I should have been grateful for the two that I already had. And then obviously, because I was quite poorly through his pregnancy, everyone was like, see, shouldn't have done it.

Now you're stuck in hospital and you're sick with the baby when the other two now haven't got their mum at home. You just think, God, could I go not lick? Fucking hell. Let me just do whatever. It's my vagina. My bank balance.

I'm not asking you to fund my life. Yes, that's up to you. Who heads? Gosh, it's so rude, isn't it? No, it's such an exciting time. So exciting. It is. I do, I miss that.

Honestly, I thought she was going to ask us in ways to how to fall pregnant without him knowing. I was going to say, listen, I don't think that's. I'll get it down. Not advised. No, no, it's not advised. Make sure you're talking. Consensual.

Yes. Make sure everyone's on the same page. Yes. On board. But how exciting. And good luck. Please keep us posted. Yes.

Obviously not on every sex activity. No, really. We would, we'd love to know how. happens. We're all friends in. When it happens. Sorry. Yeah.

When you're going to do it. When, how, the time, day. You know. How long did it go on for? Was it longer than five minutes? Thank you, anonymous. Thank you so much. All right.

And then finally, this one is from Nia. It says, hi, both. I've recently discovered your podcast and I'm currently going through the archives, trying to catch up. Sometimes I listen at home while doing random bits around the house, and my two and a half year old can hear it. In your live show advert, Safina says,

Oh, God. Oh, God. Is it me? If I said something bad. Bigger than my bucket crutch. And every time my little one has a little giggle without fail, even though he's completely oblivious to what she means, he somehow times the giggle perfectly. Lots of love, Nia in Wales. Oh, no. I'm so sorry. Get yourself in trouble again. Sorry, honey. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. It's funny because obviously he's two and, she's a little one, he's two and a half. We're obviously where we're at with renners and obviously the talking is coming along.

And you know what? Obviously everyone sends us off funny, they're funny stories, don't they? And I love it like the clock and cock. Yes. But Renly can't say sock. So he says, cock for sock.

Like play is gay. Yeah. So when we go out, he's like, oh, gay, gay. And he'll run up Tesco's in the middle of Tesco. And he's like, gay, gay, gay, because he wants to play. Yeah. But now he says, oh, big cocks to people's socks.

And I'm like, oh, no, no, just telling people in the shop, oh, big cocks, or nice cars. And I'm like, oh, no, just socks. Now to the point where we were on the train yesterday coming home and this man had to, he had a print or something on his socks. He just kept going to this man. Nice car. And the man was like, sat on the train. The whole carriage of the train was at this. When I tell you this kid, he has honestly got us all hanging on a thread that.

Yeah, I'm living for the mispronouncingation. Oh, it's so good. Or when they laugh, it's something that is really not appropriate for them to laugh at. They don't know why it's funny. Yeah, we've got the same thing with clock and cock, but for big and small, she does daddy and baby. So we've got a book that we read at the moment where it's daddy cock and baby cock. And I just hope she never gets it right. I know.

I don't want it to stop. I know. The reason why you were talking about your bucket crutch was obviously because we were advertising the fact that we're going to be live at Bushaw in London on the 20th of May. We were saying it's going to be big and you said. As big as my bucket crutch. Yeah, which is big. Which is huge. It's massive.

It's giving big cocks. BCE. Big crutch energy. Big crutch energy. Yeah, it is. It's not long now. No. We're now in April, which means it's next month.

It's next month. Holy shippers. That makes me feel physically sick. Who's coming? You come in? I'll be there. You're quite a crucial part of it. Yeah.

I don't want to do it alone. Yeah, I've signed a contract. So I will be there. Was there a contract? Oh, I was going to say, fuck, I am finding. I might be out of this. You might be dropped. You're on your own, honey!

We'll be there. We hope to see as many of you there as possible as well. Tickets are available still. Yes. In the bios of our socials, TikTok, Instagram. If not just message, Maz personally, she'll reply. Yeah, or message so. Yeah.

Famously doesn't read her DMs. I don't. I don't. Just to clarify, though, that even if you WhatsApp me, I wouldn't read it. I don't read anything on my phone. Yeah, no. It's too much. No.

Message me. I'm just buffering. I read all my message. Yeah. Message Emma. I'll get you tickets. So thank you so much for your messages. If you have any comments, thoughts or funny stories, why not get in touch? You can email us hello at secret mumpod.com or with Secret MumPod on TikTok and Instagram. Next is time for one of your secrets. Roll up, roll up. Drop all your secrets here. Welcome back. We love a secret on the Secret Mum Club.

And you're all so good at sharing. So Emma, what have you got for us? today. All right, this one comes from Hannah. Hello Hannah. It says, hi ladies. I wrote a while back about my daughter throwing her food at meal times. I took your advice and I'm happy to say she's finally stopped doing it. So thank you. I thought I'd write in again for some advice on a different matter. My oldest daughter, Otty, who's almost two, has always been an amazing sleeper. My youngest, Elsie, who's now seven months, isn't quite as good. The issue now is that they'll need to share a room soon. Elsie is quickly growing out of the next to me crib in our bedroom

so she'll need to move into Otty's room in the next month or so. Do you have any advice for toddlers and babies sharing a room? Do you know what? This might be an absolute rogue wild card and people may call me fucking crazy. And there's people that always say, no, it didn't work for me,

but people that I know will vouch for me. When you put them in the room together, it's like some kinetic magnet from the universe that makes them both. I think it's because of the breathing of the other sibling is very tranquil.

And I just think, the more we overthink the more pressure we put on the situation when in fact it's actually okay Renly slept better in a room with Dotty than he slept in a room with us because Chris used to snore really, really loud which was too much for him

and I think because there was two people breathing in the room and it wasn't harmonious it used to really disturb him so actually when we moved him out of the next to me bed in with Dotty her light breathing and only one person in the room actually made him sleep better So I think, don't try not to overthink it.

And definitely, they also do understand that when the lights are dark and someone's already in there, they know to be quiet in a weird way. I'm just, you know, it's always worked for me. I'd be really interested to try it because I think sometimes Joseph says like, oh, can Sadie sleep in my room? Can she nap in my room today? And there have been points. I've never done it at night, but with the lunchtime nap, it's just been so cute. I can't like refuse him. So he'll be like, let's say she lay in my bed with all teddy.

So when it's her lunchtime nap, I'll sometimes lay down with them both in his like double floor bed together. It's never fucking worked. He always goes back on his word. I'm like, you need to be nice and calm and quiet now because it's time for her to go to sleep. He's so excited to have her in there. He's like throwing teddies at her and jumping around. And then she gets really excited. But I do think at night it would be a different thing.

And I actually think like the first couple of nights, but they'd probably be like excited by the novelty of it. But they get into new routines so quickly. And I think if you just did it consistently for a few nights, they'd be like, oh, she just sleeps in my room now and they'd just get used to it. And I think they would have, because mine both still wake up at night. I think Joseph, like, has some nightmares. And Sadie sometimes is like looking for her dummy or whatever. I think they would actually find comfort in knowing that the other one was there.

I think it would work. And even Dotty and Colby, if they like having a, they like to have like in the holidays now, they like to have like little games nights and they play on the PlayStation and stuff. And they'll both fall to sleep. in the, like in Colby's bedroom, in the double bed, because they've been playing the game console, they'll sleep better. They'll sleep to like eight, nine o'clock in the morning,

whereas normally they'll get up at sort of six, seven o'clock. But they can go for a good, because it's the comfort of knowing that somebody's there. Yeah. But I think, bite the bullet. You'll find a way as to whether or not you put the older one in first or the little one in first, or sometimes putting them,

I used to just put them both in the room together, and they chat away to each other, and then they just... They eventually fall asleep. Yeah, just nod off. I would be worried about one waking the other up. And I always think that like even when Sadie cries out in the night and they're in different rooms, I think, oh gosh, she's going to wake him. But actually they sleep so heavily.

Once they're asleep, there's nothing's waking them. I think, I think, try not to panic too much. There's nothing to say either. Just give it a whirl. Yeah. Just give it. Yeah, give it a while. See what, see how it goes down.

But other than that, I don't know if I have any other advice. Yeah, I've never done it. But love it if people could let. us know. Let us know. They've done two siblings in one room. Yeah. Obviously I did it, but then I was, they did have their own parts, didn't they?

Yeah. It was kind of separated, wasn't it? Yeah. Underneath each other, weren't they? How old and how old were they when you did that? About the same, right? Renly was a year out. Well, just under a year.

Yeah. He was like 11 months and Dotty was like six. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, good luck. Good luck. Hannah.

Keep us posted. That's the one I was looking for. Yeah. Yeah. Keep us posted. And please share your advice if we can. pass it on. Help another mum are out. Yeah. Are you known as bra at home? Let us know.

Email us hello at secret mumpod.com or with Secret Mumpod on TikTok and Instagram. And we'll be back first thing on Tuesday. We'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club.