Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Nappy Technique

Episode Date: December 7, 2023

It wouldn't be a Secret Mum Episode without a good poo story now would it? Well in today's episode, we have TWO! The ladies are perplexed by one listener's giant poo removal technique, and we get caught in another mum's web of lies! We also have an extra secret of the week about when to have a baby. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello this is the secret mom club i'm safina and i'm emma and i'm hungry we are hungry together we are hungry and welcome to your thursday episode where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week what you're gonna say squeeze my bits i was gonna say i'm that all of your comments thoughts questions and fun stories to keep you going through the weekend shall we jump in let's let's jump right in this is correspondence corner and it says hi safina and emma hello i'm currently listening to safina telling her secret about the poo and the glow sticks oh it's really come back to haunt you

i just i don't want to look. I just want to be... I feel like I triggered the nation. We've had a lot of feedback about this story. Well, I once did a poo... I once did a poo so big at my friend's house, it wouldn't flush. I tried everything.

So I fished it out and wrapped it in a nappy. Why did you have a nappy with you? Whose was the nappy? Maybe she's got a baby and had the changing bag with her why not grab a poo bag don't know but that's actually genius i wrapped it in a nappy yes yes i know that is as bad as it sounds and i thought i'd long forgotten this one but listening to you just brought this right back love listening to you ladies you're so much fun from anonymous god bless you oh anonymous you didn't show your name that i guess you could pick the poo in the nappy and then wrap it in then into the poo do you know what that's

really clever and that's the first one that we've had where i've thought i would do that i would do that i think that's really clever but then she's got to put the nappy in the toilet to get the poo out in the first instance so the nappy's now soggy no i would go in with a knife with my poo knife which i always carry no i would go in with like tissues or hand because at least you can wash it fuck off and then i would plop it into the nappy, wrap that bad boy up. You need a nappy bag really, but if you don't have one, it's not the end of the world.

I would have got a nappy sack on my hand into the toilet. You don't always, I don't always have a nappy sack though, but I always have a nappy. Because I don't always use, I don't use a nappy sack every time. I think that's,

I think that's genius. Now we're all just imagining her handling her poo. A big turd in her hand. Because it's so big she can't even flush it then you can wash your hands that's as bad as that man holding the dildo the dad we've both don't worry put it under your pillow that's your friend don't worry i've put it in a nappy that dildo was clean it was freshly washed that poo was hot straight out the bog steaming straight out the u-bend you've we've both held our child's poo in our hands so yeah but holding a child's poo is different to holding your own joint on my shit that you can't flush i would do both no mine's too big don't like it because your pool's too big this wouldn't work for you wouldn't even fit i just can't i

just can't comprehend it in my head i'm glad mine flushed to be honest i didn't have to touch cloth with mine oh yeah but if you had to and you're around someone's house well you wouldn't be because you only put at home but i do only put at home but imagine i didn't two days while i was away crazy yeah i just can't i just can't poo wow i think people fall into two camps they either only put at home or they put everywhere yeah yeah i just can't i just can't poo wow i think people fall into two camps they either only poo at home or they poo everywhere yeah yeah i agree we've got we're one of each that was a lot to um digest that poo wasn't it yeah yeah i think that's that's great though and then just take the nappy and throw it yeah i just need to know as to what you did how did you get it out did you did

you go bare on the hand bareback we need more details we need if you could just hit us back hit me back just your biggest fans so this is anonymous right okay let's roll into another poo i mean number two it is another poo one oh christ hi soph and emma i know how much you enjoy a fart and a poo story, and so I wanted to share mine. Oh. When I was small, every time I farted multiple times in a short period of time,

my mum would tell me I needed a poo, so I would go to the loo, and coincidentally, it turned out she was correct. Wow. Yeah, one does normally lead to the other, doesn't it? Yeah, because you normally get the farts out. It's when you take a poo, and then you get a fart in between the pebbles you know when you get a nugget out and

then you're like oh and there's some more coming and you're like wow fuck me i was gassy i was backed up i was backed up i was polishing that's why you don't poo in public because people would be able to hear you i went to for a wee here earlier and i sat down and fart just came out i thought fucking hell i hope no one's next door I just sat down oh crumbs silent violent um this has fast forward quite a few years my boyfriend at the time now my husband would fart multiple times in a row and I would obviously tell him he needed a poo he always argued about it but didn't understand why I would say it every time I was au pairing two boys one day day, the older one kept farting. So what did I do? You need to go for a poo. I told him to go to the toilet. He argued it and

we had a bit of a back and forth. I then told him, if you fart multiple times in a short period of time, it means you have to go. He made me Google it. Turns out it's a lie. I'm a liar. I had to super quickly show him my phone screen and said, look, it says you need to do it. He then went and sat on the toilet for 30 minutes for nothing to happen. On my way home that evening, I phoned my mum and shat her out for lying to me all my life. Shat her out? Shat her out.

Wow. Well, shat her out. Shat in my world is a poo. I don't know. Like a shart. Shat out my mum. Shat in my world is a poo. I don't know. Like a shart. Shat out my mum. Shat out me mum. I think this is

an American phrase maybe because mum is spelled M-O-M. Oh. Yeah. No, because people up north say M-O-M. No.

Yeah. No. Yeah. I phoned my mum and shat her out for lying to me. I've never heard that but I'm going to

start using it. She couldn't stop laughing so when I got home I had to explain to my boyfriend what had happened that day. He couldn't stop laughing so when i got home i had to explain to my boyfriend what had happened that day he couldn't stop laughing either because he finally understood why i did it thanks to neil oh to neil a beautiful name that is stunning man well i can't believe one you shout on your mom yeah shout her out what i mean you

shout your mom is that is that a phrase up north no you know i do i think it is american oh wow let us know what does that mean like shouted at her do you reckon i like shut her out like called her out i think for being saying you lied to me my whole life love that i think that's like that makes sense doesn't it yeah normally if you do it like if joseph's doing smelly trumps he normally needs yeah i normally say when the children do a really stinky fart yeah and i'm like whoa that's toxic you need to pay yeah yeah yeah because something's crawled Joseph's doing smelly trumps. He normally needs a poo. Yeah, I normally say, when the children do a really stinky fart. Yeah. And I'm like, whoa, that's toxic. You need a poo.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because something's crawled up there and it's not come out for a very long time. Sometimes Jojo's farts stink so much, I think he has pooed. And I look in his nappy and I'm like, wow, Christ, there's nothing in there. So that was some potent gas.

That was some potent farts. Mine have been stinky for a bit. Have they? Yeah, and I've been trying to do them on the sly, but I'm literally, I could play a good tune in the mornings and Chris, he's half, he's asleep, fully asleep.

And I'm having to fart mid, middle of the night, like 2am. Chris laughs. All I hear is, in his sleep. Or he says, go on girl.

And he's fast asleep. He loves it. Did you hear me farting last night he's like no as i were you were cheering me on oh my god you go on the girl pregnancy is really doing all sorts to you for me it's wild yeah i'm not gonna lie it's it's been it's been wild and i'm gaining weight like no man's business are you you're not though are you do you weigh yourself yeah yeah i do weigh myself i haven't weighed myself i'm a porker i'm not gonna lie i need to weigh myself to see how much i don't know why but just to see out of interest how much baby weight i put on i mean that's what i'm doing mine for but mine's not all baby whereas yours is mine's um the big fatty gal yours is sausage rolls mine is sausage and mash

in my ass yeah thank you for your messages good to know we all have poo problems if you have any comments thoughts or funny stories why not get in touch you can email us hello at secret mom pod.com or with secret mom pod on tiktok and instagram next is time for one of your secrets mine yeah yours specifically did you touch a poo this week not this week not this week welcome back we love a secret on the secret. Yeah, you're all so good at sharing. So Emma, what have we got? This comes from Jess. Oh, hello, Jess.

She says, hi, ladies. I'm emailing as I would love for you to discuss your experiences moving into the home you knew was going to be your family home. I'm not a mum, but hope to be soon. Myself and my boyfriend have just bought our first home together and we love it. Spending time in our own bubble together is just delightful. But now i'm concerned about the right time to have a baby we always knew we wanted to start trying in the new year but should we enjoy the house just for us a bit more first we have a nine year gap between us so although i'm fairly okay on time my partner is concerned that with his 33rd birthday approaching he doesn't want to be an old dad if we have multiple children in the future. What are your experiences with feeling a rush to have a baby

or enjoying time, just the two of you? First of all, I don't think that's an old dad at all. We're 35. Chris is going to be 36 this December. Stefan is 36. And there we go. So, wow, we really are. Same, same. We really are the same girl

you've got loads of time you have loads of time when you said an older dad i thought you were gonna say like 48 yeah yeah 33 is young and with a nine-year gap that means you're 24 being really really brutally honest it's not really ever the man's age that's the problem that's the problem let's look at Mick Jagger let's but not speaking of met but let's look at Gordon Ramsay yeah he just had a baby he's just had a baby and he what is he 60 well I wouldn't like to comment on his age but I know he's of my parents kind of 50s yeah yeah he's got a 20 plus his eldest is 20 plus so i and i really am such an advocate for age is just a number yeah and i feel like whatever time is right in your life yeah is whatever's right for you don't put any limits on at any time any restrictions because

things like this will only cause to put more pressure on you when trying to conceive and you can't conceive yeah so i think just roll with the punches you both know where you want to be yeah you both know that you would like a baby you both know you're in your home you're settling in so i just say let it be what it is yeah you know that it's something that you want and you don't have to instinctively try for it but if it comes earlier than what's expected then it's meant to be yeah so i do think it's nice to have that time yeah it's hard for me because i am you went into young loves whereas me and chris were only together three months when we fell pregnant four months when we bought our first house yeah

you went into it pretty quickly we were balls me and you are basically the opposite complete opposite so you met chris met chris got pregnant three months later bought our first house four months later and then we moved in yeah and we've only ever known each other yeah as parents yeah not as two people well we obviously had the we had the whole time together before having colby of the two of us only three months and our house well i was pregnant so i'd have had nine months right yeah yeah yeah yeah so we were like we were just over a year yeah yeah it was like nearly a year yeah might have been just over a year that we'd been together but that we knew each other but yeah he

didn't know me other than being pregnant you know so it was a very limited time that we knew so it's hard it's hard because sometimes to give our perspective but i think it's nice i think the diversity is nice because you and stefan have been together yeah years i think it was such a luxury to have that time because our friends that have got together older have done things pretty quickly because of yeah time's limited time limits and things like that so they'll often like me get married have a baby yeah my house like what seems to us really quickly because we had the luxury of time i met him when i was 19 yeah obviously we had like years that we lived together we rented houses together we bought houses together holidays we went on holidays we got married me and chris

never had a holiday it was so leisurely yeah before we had we're not married we are I will only just got engaged the baby is the result the fun time yeah um but we never been on a holiday abroad just you two yeah never never just us two never done never got married so ours is completely the the absolute pinnacle of the opposite I mean i think it's nice that we had like the time together like child free just yeah living in our house together and just having a nice child free time but then like you say like if we didn't know any different we were both 20 well i was 26 when we met we got together i just turned 27 so chris was 27 and that had colby at 28 yeah you never know any different i think whatever happens is like your perfect thing for you and our the the babies are our everything yeah and

they definitely they definitely make us a stronger couple they make us they make us a unit like we we don't know anything other than each other and i love that yeah um and i just believe everybody's story is so different so i think if you know in your mindset where you want to be, just don't put the pressure on yourself. Just go with the flow. Just go with the flow. But if you're feeling

like you want to enjoy it, then yes, you should. If you're just like on your own just as a couple for a little bit, then you should

and you have no time pressures at all. You're 24 and 33. You've got loads of time. Yes. Yes. Loads of time. So just go with the flow.

And if you want that time, just have a year to yourself. But don't ever and if you want that time just have a have a year to yourself but don't ever think that he's too old to have a baby chris will chris and stefan will tell you otherwise yeah they'll be like we can still run we can still play football no stefan's like i'm shattered chris is an athlete honestly it's like a spring chicken that one but no thank you so much that's the lovely things yeah and all lovely things to look forward to yeah new house potential new baby such lovely so much to look forward to so yeah don't try not to rush it and enjoy it as much as you can and do do what's best for you fuck the

rest of the world you do you you do you boo-boos so have you faced a similar dilemma to jess let us know you can email us it's hello at secretmumpod.com or with secretmumpod on tiktok and instagram and we'll be back first thing on monday and we'll have more of your messages on our next thursday episode so we'll see you next time on the secret mom club