Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The New Look Flasher

Episode Date: September 15, 2026

Dottie's officially eight, and it's safe to say Soph pulled out all the stops for her big day! Secondary school stress sets in as Colby has his sights on one school. And there's an update on Renley's preschool settling-in and Joseff's bus era! Plus, one mum shares her woes after her little one's big reveal means she can no longer be seen at New Look. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

This is a secret mom club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. This podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do. And as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can give that to yourself. You can be anonymous. And all those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the secret. Secret Mum Club. That didn't sound too bad. the blade throat. Oh, I love it, though.

I love having a husse. I feel like I'm on a sexy hard. Sexy hatline. I want to sex you up. What's happened to you? I think I've just been partying. Party hard. Yeah.

I've been partying like a baddie. And we party hard. Yeah. How was it? I just think I've been talking too much. If that is even a thing that can come out of my mouth. No, not Safina. No way.

Me talk too much. I don't believe it. I don't believe it either. But no, it's we partied for Dottie's birthday. How the fuck is she eight? Eight years old. Eight. So she was, I was trying to work out when she was born, 2018, right?

She's 2018, yeah. September 2018. That feels like a long time ago. Like I was working it out the other day. Because 2018 was the year I got married and all my friends got married. So like every week I'm like. someone. Happy anniversary. Oh, I remember that was such a good day. I can't believe it was eight years ago. And one of them was on Dotty's birthday. And I was like that wedding to me feels like a

lifetime ago. And it must feel like, like that was pre-COVID that you had two babies. So that not just feels so long ago. Yeah. Because COVID feels like yesterday. Yeah. But it was six years ago. Six years ago. I started doing social media when Dotty was 18 months old. So the fact that she's eight and we've gone on like this whole journey of this crazy whirlwind, which just again feels like I did it, started it yesterday. But like so much has gone and happened in her life. Obviously it's actually a very, very sad day and it's an anniversary we should, you know, remember, is the queen died on Dottie's birthday last year.

She did. So every, well, I say every birthday. Obviously, this is the first one because it's. the one year anniversary. Wait, no, it would have been, it would have been, I remember that happening. I think it was 2022. Was it okay? Because we were on holiday with Joseph when he was a baby and we were like, because me

and Stefan, obviously, are journalists and we were like, that is the story that like everyone prepared for. Like a massive story was the queen dying and we were in Greece and we got the news alerts and we were like, oh, the queen's died and we're all the way out here. We're here on holiday. four years ago. Oh, okay. So it does make sense then in my head

when I feel like every birthday she says, oh, the queen can't come to my party. Oh, no, not today. No, unfortunately she's not coming. But on that birthday that the queen died, she was only for Dottie then. Does that feel like it was only last year?

Yeah, which is why I'm saying it only feels like a year ago because on the day that she passed away, Dotty, obviously, we're talking to her about it and stuff. And I remember my brother saying to her, oh you know the queen's died today it's a really sad day because my brother is my brother loves like talking about history and stuff like this so he was like oh you know it's something we'll be able to remember and celebrate her on your birthday and duster was like yeah real shame she can't come to my party

she can't be here now she's passed away and you know she says that every year now every year so yesterday she woke up when she was the site before we open my presents I'd like to take a moment for the queen and I was like that's and I it's it's a lot it's it's a obviously not funny and it's incredibly sad but to make I really like to make light heart of things that are incredibly sad and it was just the fact that she was like can we all just take a moment and remember the queen and I was like we're going to do this every year I feel this to know it's a tradition every year that she's going to be like to take a moment for the queen let's all pray you know it was it was very very wonderful she is she's just the sweetest little thing she's

says the most funniest things and I always think oh is this the year when she's going to get a little or even with Colby like a little bit more serious is this but they're all so funny like in their own little way and like she was like this is the best birthday I had the best present I've had the best party and we were laying in bed last night because the boys were at the Saints game because it was a midweek home game so she was like it's fine you can go watch the football so she went the boys went down to watch the football and we were just led in bed and she was just like so So funny, isn't it? Because last year I wanted makeup and I wanted a beauty desk and I wanted all these big girl things. And this year, I've just gone back to toys. Just really love Barbie.

And you know, when you're like there thinking, I have no idea where this is going to go. I have no idea. Is she going to say, I actually really hate all my presents. But she didn't. She's just so appreciative and like, it's even like the smallest things. Like the smallest gifts. My sister got her a little bunny-shaped lip balm key ring. And she's just, every present she opens, she's just, you know, when you give someone a gift, you want to be that person. It's like, oh my God, wow. But bless my sister, my sister can't open a gift if she doesn't like it. My sister really struggles to, I want to say fake it, but not, you know, she's like, oh, right? And it takes her some time to think, like, how did they get here to think this was good for me?

I would like this. Yeah. But every gift she opened yesterday, she was like really inspecting it and reading it. And I thought like that's to the age now, the older that they get. You know, when they're younger, they open it, don't they? And just chuck it to one side. Yeah. On to the next thing.

Yeah. Next one. Yeah. She was like going through it and she was opening it and looking inside the box. And like every gift, she was so appreciative. And it just is, it just made me so happy. And she had a lovely day at school. I felt terribly guilty.

because obviously Colby had his in the school holidays, hadn't he? So to send her in to school on her birthday felt, I felt the worst person in the whole entire world. Because there's been, I think she had, her first day at school was on her birthday. And then when she went into year one, she went to school the day after her birthday. And then year two, again, I think it was either a couple of days after. and obviously year three, she'd already been back for two days. Yeah. And then it was her birthday.

So it changes every year, I guess, when the term breaks up and stuff. So I felt terrible sending her in. But I put her in a little headband. She had a headband that said, it's my birthday. And I put a little badge on her. She did want to take sweets in because in her old school, they used to hand out sweets as they left. But I went into the office.

I was like, oh, I just want to check if Dottie's allowed to hand out sweets. And they were like, no, absolutely not. because of like dietary and stuff like that. And I was like, oh gosh, thank God I checked. Can you imagine? Just loaded up her school bag with shitloads. Contraband. And she'd come out and she was like, I told you you weren't allowed to do sweets.

So I was like, you were egging me on to put them in your rucks out. Lucky I check. I did. So you're fucking hegging me on to put them in the bag. You said, oh, don't worry. I dare you. She goes, oh, if I'm not allowed, I'll just bring them out. I said, no, doc.

You'll be handing them out on the playground. I'm not doing that. You'll be handing them out. So no, it was a really lovely day. Did you have a little party in the evening? We did. Yeah, we did. So we were going to have everybody in yesterday.

Our neighbours were going to come around. It rained all day yesterday. And I thought we're all going to be confined, like combined. Confined? Confined into one space in the kitchen. I just thought, oh, this is going to be a lot. So we're going to divide it up and do two little parties for us. The last night it was with all my family, which was so lovely.

And they just go off now into their little pockets of, like, it's always, always, always, always, Eden and Renly, always. And then Everly and Dottie will always go upstairs and play. But Everly flicks between Colby and Dottie. And then Colby's like diehard as Ember because they love roadblocks and they've got games that they play together. So they all just go off into their little segments. Team Man's quite a, I don't.

I'd say T-Ban is the one that likes to stay with the grown-ups. Like he likes being with Chris. He loves being with my brother and James, and they talk about football, and they do all like the manly things. And then the girls seem to congregate together. So it's always so lovely that they all have their own little thing that they do. So, yeah, we partied, partied wild.

I think the pinnacle of the evening was obviously Renly loves. It was a non-explicit version when he was a baby. it was big, dirty, stinking. Baby. That's what he's sung to him. But now he really loves the unedited, raw, explicit version. It's actually really, really bad when you listen to the lyrics. But I think what's worse now is Renly sings it.

So it says big, dirty stinking and Renly will go bass, big dirty stinking bass. And then it says, don't touch it. Who told you to touch it? I will fucking, you know, there's a lot of explicitly in there. But Renly says, now don't touch it. Oh, touch it. Oh, don't touch it. And then he just stood in the middle of the room singing every lyric.

Obviously, it says about drugs, it offers drugs. And he says, no thanks. No thanks. And he waits to the next song. It's very funny that he sings along and he just had the whole family in absolute stitches. So now, just a typical family, wholesome party. and it was just really wonderful. I feel like my cup is so full.

I said the last of this morning on my socials is that it's the last two weeks have been wild, which I think is like why my voice is going because it's just been since going back to school, the holidays going back to school, trying to settle really into preschool, getting ready for Dottie's birthday. I feel like I've not taken my foot off of the pedal and it's just go, go, go. And it's just been so lovely. Like I feel like it's been jam-packed. but I think my little heart needs a break.

I feel like I need to. And it can't. I can't even do that because this week we're also preparing for secondary school places. Yes. You're getting on that already because are you not really organised? Because I thought the deadline was November. No, it's actually the 31st of October. Now, this is a funny one with school because Colbierrez's heart set on one school.

And I would like to know. people's thought process on secondary school. Obviously, I'm very new to the game. And here we are just doing it all before Emma has to do it, which is the gift that just keeps giving. I'm like the try before you buy, you know? My sister is mine. I'm in now yours. But Kobe has his heart set on one school. There's no other schools that he's taken into consideration. And I'm actually in the thought process that I'm not really bothered about the school that he goes to. Obviously, I'm bothered in like how the school runs and silly things like, you know, the tolerance on bullying and how the offstead performs and, you know, how the school in a whole performs. I'm

obviously, I obviously want to make sure that we're getting all that correct. But I'm also in the mindset that if a child wants to learn, they are going to learn. So regardless of what school I put him in, if he wants to learn and apply himself, he's going to do it, regardless of what school he's in. And I don't know whether that's like a good mindset to have or a bad mindset because me and, and I always go back to me and Richie, me and Richie were both placed in the same school with the same parents, the same upbringing, everything exactly the same. Yet I didn't give a fuck. I didn't give a shit. I didn't want to learn. I didn't want to take it in.

I didn't, I just didn't have the mental capacity. for school, whereas my brother absolutely thrived in school. So I just think, you know what, as long as he's, the school's wonderful, they've got great procedures in place, there's things that they can support if he's struggling. All of his friends are there. He's happy, which is the biggest one on the list. I feel like I've got nothing to lose. So we do only have, which we booked in yesterday, is one school show round. So we're booked in to go and look round. Colby's secondary school. Oh my God. There's only one going on the list. Also, we're in a feeder school as well. So even though we're outside of catchment, it's a feeder school from his school,

which means... So you're pretty much guaranteed to get a place? Which is how I think it works, which is how I think it works. That's basically how the school have explained it. And all the secondary school information that Colby's junior school gave us is that secondary school, which I think in my head tells me that we're pretty much guaranteed a place. But you never, I guess you never know. We shouldn't assume that. You never know. And does that mean that a lot of his friends are going to go, most of his friends are going there as well? All of them. All of them are going. There isn't one that's not going to a different school, which again, it indicates to me that being a feeder school, it's like the next stop. It's like you go from infant school to junior school and then that's the

secondary school that the school are providing us the information for and being the feeder. they tend to all go from this one now over to the secondary. So yeah, all of his friends are going to the secondary school. Oh, so that'll be nice. I mean, at least like, I know it's such a major milestone and it's like massive and emotional and stressful, but at least that part of stress is taken out of it. Like, he'll probably get a place and everyone he knows is going there. So at least there's that.

Yeah, that does give me a lot of hope. that he's going to be really, really happy. Because it's what he wants, and that's where he wants to go, and that's where all his friends are going. I just don't know. How am I having a secondary school child? Also, can we not just take off feet off the pedal? Like, they've only two days into the new school term,

time to apply for secondary. Like, fuck me. I know. I just let me. Fuck. I just. Let me live. You're always on to the next thing, aren't you?

We're always on this like hamster wheel of like... But there's no room to slow down. Like, we want to slow down and enjoy life. And it's like, but it's fully to the bottom of the fucking car. We are full steam ahead. Yeah, all the time. I just can't seem to catch a breath unlike my emotional, my emotional side. I'm crying about Renley turning two, crying about Dottie turning A,

crying that Rens is not settling in preschool. I'm crying because Colby's, I've got applied for secondary school. I'm a wreck. It's too much. No one prepares you for this. No one prepares you for, you just feel like you just can't catch a breath. Like I've gone from these teeny tiny little toddlers that was enrolled. And like you just said then with Dottie's birthday, it feels like it was yesterday.

Like I just feel like I've blinked. And we are fast forward into a really big stage of life. Yeah, and there's a lot of change. It all comes at once. Like, because you've got kids in every age group as well. So you'll have one going up to secondary. Dotty's going up to juniors. Renly's in preschool.

Then you're going to be doing his reception application. It's just like, and then like Renley will be in primary school and Colby, we like doing his GCSEs. And it's just too much. Is Renly okay? Is he in preschool today? Because last time we caught up with you, he was. not doing well. So we did have a fight.

So a lot of people were really kind and suggested talking more. Because I was like, am I talking about it too much? Is that way he's getting upset? So I was like, maybe I shouldn't talk about it, which I didn't do over the weekend. We talked about it a bit on Monday morning. But I thought maybe if I don't mention it, he'll go in great. Obviously Monday went horribly wrong. we had an update every hour from the preschool which I was so insanely grateful for so I was and then I put it on my socials and a lot of people suggested maybe talk about it make up a song and we did the let's all go to preschool where Renley's friends are real cool you know we were just kind of making a song about it and he was like jamming over the weekend to it and then today I was like oh sorry jamming over the week to it and then this morning I was like oh what we wear into preschool today shorts or trousers he was like

I'm not going. I was like, oh, okay. Well, we are. So shorts or trousers. I'm not going. Okay. I'm going to take from this. You said shorts.

Because the sun is that. And it was like, I'm hearing shorts. Mine? I think you said shorts. I'm going with. So he, we got him dressed and then that was it. I couldn't even get his socks on.

He was like, no socks. I watch TV. I'm watching Hot Wheels. I'm watching cars. I not do it. I eat my breakfast. And I was like, okay, let's just slow down a bit. and ease him in gently.

So I was like, oh, socks slide, because he loves to socks slide up the hallway with Colby. And he was like, yeah, socks slides. I was like, this is great. Sox are on. And I was like, should we put your trainers on? He was like, trainers, preschool? No, thanks.

Oh, okay. Because I can't send him to his preschool in Crocs. So he has to go to his trainers. But he knows it when he wears his trainers now, he's going to preschool. Oh, yeah. So I did carry him the whole way to school, the whole way around school. And then I got him to preschool. he's but the moment we walk through the gates like the gate to the car park he burst into tears

it was gripping my neck he was holding on for dear life i was trying to distract him with aeroplanes because there was this sounds really really bad but there was another baby crying i thought yes yes it's not just me that sounds really mean and i don't mean it like that but i just felt so normal um and i thought i'm going to let the teacher settle her first and then she she came over and she's like Come on, Colbes. Come on, Wrenz. And then we had a little bit of a fight. I did stand in the bush today. I did stand in the bush. Because I walked the other day, I walked around the back of the preschool. And I could still hear him at the back of the preschool. And it killed me. It hurt me so much. I was like, I'm not doing that again. So I kind of lingered through the bush. And Chris was like, you look fucking mad. Also, you're wearing a leper print hat. He's going to see you through the bush. You're not exactly blending in. So I was kind of like peering through this tiny little bit of the bush. And he did stand at the gate. And then she did manage to get him away.

She took him inside. I didn't even get home from the school run. And I had a call. When I tell you, my ass fell out of my stomach. I thought he's not doing it. Something's happened. It's really bad. And I literally was like, hi-ya.

And funny, I said, hi-ya, it's Colby's mum. She was like, uh, you mean, you mean Renley? Yes, yes, it's Renny's mom. Sorry. And she obviously, because they're aware of his information. She knew that's his brother. And she was like, he's absolutely fine. I was like, what?

So Monday, he took about an hour, an hour and a half to settle. And today it was like 11 minutes. And she said he's playing. He's fine. And I could hear him talking in the background. He was like, we play with the water. I play on the bike. And I did in my head think, he thought, fuck this.

Monday. I cried for a fucking hour and wasted all my day. I'm not doing that fucking shit again. If she's leaving me here, I'm going to fucking enjoy this shit. I'm going to make the most of it. Yeah. Yeah. I did cry all the way back and then I forgot to put my phone on loud.

So I got through the door and I was like, oh, Chris, they've called me. And then instantly, I was, yeah, so relieved. So we did cry. The whole morning was a little bit stressful. You did cry going in. But we settled within 11 minutes. Oh, that's so much better. And it will only, hopefully only get easier now.

I'm crossing all fingers. But I'm excited. There's me waffling about me for the last 20 fucking minutes. We need an update on the bus. Have you missed any bus runs? No. I'm happy to say I have made it to every bus collection after my fuck up on the first day.

Because I'm paranoid now. I'm like, I'm out there. I'm actually standing outside in the rain for like 15 minutes. Because I'm like, if I miss this bus again, he's going to disown me as his mother. He will. So I'm out in the rain. Me and Sadie, I'm like, Sadie, come on.

Come put your wellies on. This will be fun. She's like, no, mummy. I was trying to get to come out the other morning. I was going, come out and say bye to Joseph because I don't want to leave her in the house on her own. She was going, no, I'm in my pyjamas. I was like, fair enough. I wouldn't be out of my pajamas either.

Oh, I would actually, but I feel like it's unacceptable. So I'm always in my dressing gown in the morning and we're always running so late. And I'm like, it's always such a rush. I'm like, Joseph, bus is going to be outside in five minutes. We've got to go. We've got to go. I would just step out in my dressing gown, but I'm like, no one else is doing that. No one in the street's doing it.

Maybe once I'm a bit more established, I will go out in my dressing gown. But at the moment, it's like another thing to build into the routine because I'm like, I've got to put some clothes on as well. So I just go upstairs and like throw on some joggers and a hoodie. But we have made it to every pick up so far. And he's been very happy to see us coming off the bus. So that's been lovely. Emma Jones.

It's a bit over the top because most kids just jump off and we're there with the full fucking cavalry, me say a banner. Welcome home. He's only been at school for six hours. Get over it. But we're like, we're all out there normally. If Stefan's home, we're all out there, me, Sadie and Stefan to greet him off the bus, which I feel like when he's like 11 might be a bit embarrassing. Maybe, but we'll worry about that when we get to it. Yeah, it's only day five. It's day five today. Sorry, it's day six of getting on the bus today. And I think he's getting, I think it's getting better. He's only said to me once,

can you take me, can you pick me up? But I feel like that's a bit of a natural, I feel like he's kind of just saying it now because actually when we get him on the bus and he sees his friends, he's totally happy. And he sat next to his little friend this morning

and I could see they were chatting and laughing away before the bus driver even closed the door. So yes. The bus is going great. Well done, Mama. Yeah. And I've got a little friend that gets on

at the later stop and his mom will often message me and be like, I saw Joseph on the bus, he looked really happy. So that's a really kind thing to do. I know. I'm like, because obviously I've got no clue. I just send him off and I'm like, that's it.

But she, you could do with a mum at every stop. I could always just. Yeah. Have a group chat. Joseph's fine. Yeah. Simon's fine.

So and so is fine. I saw him this morning. He was great. Yeah. Now, it's, it's really nice. So yeah, I think he's doing fine.

I mean, He's still not telling us anything about school. He came, he's coming out with some mad, mad stuff. Like, if I ask him about school, he'll tell these, like, I don't remember if I told you this last week on the first day. Like, an elaborate story. Yeah, just like these little fibs. And he was like, oh, we met some baby dinosaurs today.

And I was like, oh, did you? And he said this to me before. He said, yeah, my teacher said, they're coming back from extinction. I was like, oh, wow. Wow. So obviously I was like, he. He's just, you know, fabricating something using his imagination. And then when we went to this birthday party at the weekend, I said, oh, I didn't get much

out of Joseph about school, apart from he told me that they met some baby dinosaurs and they're coming back from extinction. And a lot of the other parents were like, oh, we had stories about dinosaurs as well. So I'm like, okay, maybe there's an element of truth in it. Maybe they are learning about dinosaurs. Obviously, they're not coming back from extinction. But there's like truth in it, but then he'll like throw in a little, you know, a little side thing that I'm like, okay.

And then he woke up with a nightmare the night before last and he came to sleep in my bed at like 2 o'clock in the morning. And he was like, is there a bird called an orca that can eat humans? And I was like, okay, there's a lot in this. I was like, there's an animal called an orca, but it's not a bird, it's a whale. I was like, there's a bird called a hawk, which sounds similar. I was like, have you been learning about that? He was like, well, my teacher said it can eat humans.

And I was like, that's not true. Although in my head I was like, an orca whale could eat a human. actually. I'm not going to tell him that at 2 o'clock in the morning when he's terrified. But yeah, he's coming out with these little bits and pieces that I'm like, I don't know how much of this is true. Like, I don't know anything. I'm completely in the dark. So I'm like, maybe the dinosaur thing is kind of true, but then his imagination is taking it a bit further. She's taking it all in, isn't he? It's so funny. He's just coming out with some absolute, absolute crackers. Yeah, yeah, it'll be like, oh, we, um, he said to the other day,

oh, he goes to a gymnastics class and this other little boy in his class goes. So I said, oh, so and so will be there. That'll be fun. And he was like, oh, great. He was really excited to see him when we got there. And he was like, oh, this is really good because I've been lining up next to so and so. I said, oh, is that where the teacher's been lining you up? Or have you just lining up, you know, of your own accord? And he went, oh, no, just because I choose to. And I was like, I don't know what that means. Like, is the teacher lining you up alphabetically? Because this boy is close to him alphabetically? Or is it just a boy that he sits next to? Or have they been standing next to each other in the lunch line? I don't know. I'm trying to like piece together parts

of his day from what he's telling me, but I don't know what's true and what he's making up, but I don't know. He seems to be fine. He's telling you stuff, which is so good. Yeah. What's true? I don't know. But he is talking to us, so.

There's just so much information at school and so much that you have to take in. But I think by the time they actually see you, it's really hard for them to then go, oh, I played with Simon and I ate lunch with Bob and Jim was that, you know, it's. It's really hard for them to piece there. Even now, if I say to Colby and he'll go, oh, I don't know what lesson I had first, mum. But then at 10 o'clock at night, it was maths. Maths. Yeah.

Fucking maths, you know. And I just think it's, I can't some days. When Chris is to me, like, how's your day been? Dude, I don't know what the fuck I've done. Truly. I don't know wherever I'm coming or going. Unless I've recorded a day in my life. I've got no fucking idea.

Is that why you do them so you remember what you've done? Yeah. So I know I've bleached. box, you know. But it's, um, it's really good. No, it is. He seems, he seems to be getting on great. And I'm like, you know, we've had a full, first four week of our routine of like all the after school clubs and say this new drop off and pick up times and Joseph coming home on the bus. And I really feel like we're in the swing of our new, you know, normal. Yeah, our new normal term time era. And I'm quite enjoying it. Slush, isn't it? Yeah. No, it is. It is. Emma and I really want

to hear from you. Yes, we want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about or just say, hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search Secret MumPod or you can email us. Hello at SecretMumpod.com. Right, are you ready? I think we're going to get this one in time. Oh, God. Okay. Step in time. Step in time. Step in time. It's time for the correspondence. I don't know what was worse, that we were out of single

that my voice is fucked. Facked. I'm in such a bad way. I'm going to have to get myself some lemps I don't think I'm going to make it through. Get yourself some vocal zone. They're the hardcore ones. La la la la la la la la la la la la la.

Go on voice rest like they do on the X factor. Do you remember that and they had like write everything down? Maybe you get me a cup of tea. Just do all my content. in silence. People might really like that. They'll probably get on board to that. But like, actually... Like an old-fashioned movie, like a silent movie. Just you doing like mime. In black and white. Right. Take it away. This one says, hello beautiful ladies. I'm writing in about the wonderful mum of the 13 year old whose dad was a yo-yo dad. I'm a parent now, but I wanted to

reach out because I had a very similar childhood. As a child, I knew my mom felt guilty. I could see it. There were periods where she'd tried to take me to do different things. or there would be a random present, but honestly, none of that mattered. What I needed was somewhere I could talk if I wanted to. An auntie, uncle, family friend, anyone I could spend a little time with away from my mum so that if I felt like talking, I could. I'd never have said anything to my mum directly because I knew she was already doing laps in her own head. Just having someone external to chat to would have really helped Amanda in Australia.

That is incredibly sad. Isn't it? So incredibly sad. Do you know what? I actually spoke to my sister about this yesterday. Me and my sister have quite deep conversations, only because we grew up with just our mom and dad. We didn't have grand, well, I say we didn't have grandparents. We had grandparents, but they passed away really early.

Like my grandma passed away when I was nine and my granddad passed away when my mom was five. And then my dad had a very estranged relationship with his mom and dad. His dad had left him at a very young age. and then my grandma wasn't, you know, wasn't kind of the best with my dad throughout his life. So all we knew growing up was my mum and my dad, plus my mum, being that she was born into life a lot later than her siblings, everyone was so much older than us.

So we didn't grow up with cousins or aunties and uncles or anything like that. It was kind of just all we knew was our mom and dad. My mom and dad had friends that became family because of, you know, that's that's what happens in life not all family is blood you know and they became our family and we could rely on them but to have somebody directly to talk to we never had anybody and like my sister was saying yesterday and my niece is so sweet she's 17 and she said yesterday auntie it's you've set the bar so high in like realms of auntie no oh don't because I bald my eyes about it yesterday. I was a mess. And she said, you've set the bar so high now that nobody

comes close to like how you make me feel and like how you treat me and you look after me. And she said, you treat me exactly the same as if I was your own child. And I said to her, you know, I had no one to base my love off. Like all I knew is that I loved them the moment that I met them. And I, I hold this now forever and we'll do and I tell her all the time, even changed my heart. life. Like Eden took me from a very dark place in my life and changed my whole life and my perspective of life. But I didn't have a role model to look up to you. I didn't know how to be a good auntie or what was the right thing to do. How much should you see them? How much, you know, there was no handbook, the same as being a mum. I just knew that I wanted to be the best version

of myself for them, but equally show them love. And I wanted them to not just show them love them to feel love. But we never, and like I said to my sister, we never had that growing up. We never had an auntie to say, oh, well, that's what our auntie did for us. So obviously, I'm going to take that trend, sorry, take that tradition on. And, well, my auntie did this for me. So I'm going to do it for my nieces and nephews. I kind of just have paved the way, hopefully for them, you know, when they have nieces and nephews. And I hope one day they go, I hope one day that they go, oh, that's what Auntie did with me. So I'm going to carry that tradition on, you know.

That's such a lovely thing for her to say. Honestly, she's just like the sweet. I know I'm biased. I am very lucky that they're the sweetest people in the whole entire world. And they are people that, you know, they're young adults and they're still their own person. And I'm just so incredibly grateful to have them. But it just, I hope one day that they sit back and they go. oh well my auntie did this for me so I'm going to carry that tradition on and yeah you know I get to

be great auntie you know what fucking how I thought if you thought I was a good auntie you wait till I'm great auntie because that fucking shit's going to level up but yeah it is hard when there is nobody around growing up and I don't feel like I knew it or felt it growing up because there was people around but not anybody that I spoke to about like periods I never ever spoke to my mum and dad about boys or no boys are period our family dynamic just wasn't like that growing up up which again think i talk about it so openly like i talk to my nephew obviously talk to colby about my period but i happily talk about periods anything anything in front of the children because i want them to know that it's an open house like no topic is off topic every topic is open the floor

is open nothing is scary i don't want them to ever feel like they are lost in something so badly that they can't talk about it. I'll talk about everything. I'll talk about my hemorrhoids and my ass that I'm bleeding. Oh, don't we know it? You know, I want that. And hence why I love the podcast is that that's that I'm an open book and I hope that they never, they talk to me a lot and they open up about a lot of things. And we have really great conversations and I hope that continues throughout their life. But I think I maybe only ever think about it now at this point in my life because it's one of those things I think you only realise in hindsight like at the time you don't realize you're missing it and then you look back and

you're like oh yeah never really never really had that and it's hard if you don't have i don't know Amanda doesn't say but like if she didn't have siblings as well yeah if you're an only child and it's just you and your mum who do you go to for that kind of thing friends maybe but it's kind not the same yeah and if it is just her and a mom it makes total sense that she doesn't want to put another burden or, you know, more stress or worry onto her mum. So that's, that's incredibly hard. Obviously, you know, Amanda's is so much harder in the fact that it was just her and her mum, if she didn't have siblings, you know. I was really lucky that I grew up with Roxanne and bless her, I always say she's my try before her by. She's doing it all before me. So I can't fuck it up

because she fucked up and I'm going to get it, you know, that's that kind of mentality. But it is hard and I hope that within your life and your growth Amanda that it paves your way and that now you you do talk and you find people to talk to because a lot of people then struggle to find talking later in life a lot harder don't they yeah but there's always her mom as well because her mum clearly like even if she was being the best mom and doing the most and you know it's sweet that Amanda could see that, like, oh, I don't want to add another stress to her. And she's, like, trying her best. And you hope that your kids will come to you with anything and talk to you about anything. And actually, they might say, oh, mum's really stressed at the moment, actually.

I don't want to bother her with this. Yeah. That's quite, that's quite sad, isn't it? It is quite sad. But I think it, hopefully, it teaches us to do things a little bit differently. Yeah. Does Amanda, did she say she's got children? She doesn't say, I don't think. She didn't say, no, I didn't want, sorry, I didn't want to think. Oh, she did say, sorry, I'm a parent now, yeah. Yes. So I hope now that it's taught her to still be vulnerable, just like her mom, because I don't think her mom done anything wrong with showing that vulnerability.

But I hope that it helps you to do things a little bit differently for you and your children. Yeah. Because it definitely taught me to, and that's not saying my parents did anything wrong. I had a wonderful childhood. I had a wonderful upbringing. in and I'm so grateful for my life and so grateful for everything that I experienced. But there's just things that I would do differently, maybe things that I would think I would have liked when I was, which I've told, I've openly spoke to my parents about. And obviously my mum was at home with all

three of us while my dad was away and worked away a lot. So it was just my mum. So the stress and pressure on her was massive. Yeah. There's just things that I think I would like to do a little bit differently. Yeah, I think parenting's changed a lot since we as well, hasn't it? I think so. But Amanda, we love you. We see you. You're very much heard. And I hope if you can talk to us about anything, but there is people in your life to still talk to. And yeah, keep smashing it, honey. So you can get in touch with us on anything at all. Yes, it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we've probably heard it all before. And remember. Oh, here we go.

We're all in this together. And we know that we are. We're all stars. And we see that. So, it's so delayed for me. Should we go again? No, it's going to be funny. Okay.

When I think we're singing in time, step in time. When I'm singing in time with you, you then stop and delay it. No, it's because I'm on a delay. So I can't hear you. I'm hearing you a bit late. So when you think we're in time, I think we're delayed. So I stop and then I wait and join in. To me, that sounds right.

But obviously, on the other end, I mean, Maz just popped up and said that was an absolute horror show. So we'll see how it turns out. There's absolutely no fucking edits. You're getting that raw, raw dog straight to you as to how awfully that was performed. Okay. You're welcome. We've got three secrets from you this week.

We're going to be discussing. We're going to be discussing. So when I take it away. All right, this one says, Hi, girly pops. Oh, hello. I'm not a mum just yet, but my best friend has just told me

she's pregnant with her first baby, a little girl. And I'm so excited for a new little bestie. Do you have any advice I could pass on to a first-time mum? And are there any products you feel like you couldn't have lived without during those newborn trenches? Hopefully, sometime next year I'll be writing in with my own happy and expecting news. Love to you both.

Amber from Washington, Washington State, USA. Washington State, USA, honey. We have talked about this a lot on the podcast, which episode it's in. I haven't a clue. And you're going to have to go for a lot of episodes to try and hear it. Listen to them all to find out.

Come back when you've listened to them all. No. It's really hard when your friend is, I'm going to say really hard. But to give advice as a first time, mum, would you say? Yeah, because I think you just, obviously, you're going completely into the unknown, aren't you? You don't know what you expect. And everyone's opinion is so different. But actually, I think no advice is the best advice is for everyone to keep their opinions to themselves, good or bad. You know, I just think sit in for the ride, buckle up, enjoy every second. Take loads of photos. That's the best advice I could possibly ever give. document that bump, document growth, sleep when you need to sleep, eat when you need to sleep, oh sorry, eat when you need to eat. The heat when you need to sleep, eat when you need to eat, just eat, eat.

You've fully growing a human and I just think it goes by as much as it feels really slow, it goes by so fast. Yeah, I think just like just try and relish those. I mean, look, it's also much easier with hindsight, isn't it? because I know some people that are pregnant are feeling incredibly sick or they're in pain or they're tired and they just can't wait to get the baby out. And I just, I think it's so, it's such a hashtag blessing to be pregnant that I think you just got to make the most of it. You know, just soak it up. Yeah, enjoy the bump. Document the birth. I love now looking back at like, I've got a video of both of my cesarians, which sounds really like maybe too much for some people.

Yeah. But I love looking back at all of that because it's all such a blur that I think it's really nice to have that documented to look back on when you're in a bit more of a clearer head space and you've got time to look back and be like, wow, look at this amazing thing that I did. And then with the little baby, you know, just we say it all the time, but take it easy. Try not to have too many expectations. And in terms of being the best friend, all you can do is just be there for them. Yeah, be there. Yeah. You know, come around if she wants you to hold the baby.

make the tea, make the dinners, look after mum. You don't need any. It's like you have to be there, but not be there. Like just, what I needed was someone to just sit in the room. I just needed a person to sit, which I did. Obviously, I had my mum and my sister and Chris was there when he, you know, wasn't at work. But sometimes it's just someone to sit there. So I don't feel on my own, even though you could be filled in a room of hundreds of people and still feel lonely.

but it just, again, it's hormones are all over the place. And I think as well, being the best friend is hard to understand what the new mum is going through. But equally, the new mum, his head is going to be completely all over the place. So if you can find your, you find your mutual ground, as long as you're both checking, again, you're going to have to check on her more than her texting you because she's going to be feeding, cleaning, sleeping, sleeping. eating and doing her best to get through. So as long as you can both be patient with each other, make sure you're offering each other time and being there when she needs you, there's not really much else you can do or do wrong, really, I think.

It's just it is a very hard time in trying to navigate through one being the best friend, but also being a new mum in the newborn world. It's a wild one to explain. And unless you've experienced it, it's a hard one to explain. isn't it? Yeah, it is. Yeah, I was going to say in terms of actual stuff, you don't, we've said this loads of times, but you don't really need anything. And I think as the best friend, like it sounds like they're very close. So I think it's going to be, you know, you'll work out your dynamic and it'll be totally fine. But I think you have to be

quite forgiving and give the new mum a bit of grace because, you know, you don't know what she's going to be feeling. She might want you around one day. The next day, she might be like, I'm not good, I had a terrible night. I don't want to see anyone today. She may cancel. She might cancel at last minute, yeah, and be like, Like, yeah, we've woken up ill or, you know, just you have to be quite forgiving as a friend. And it's nothing on you. It's not personal. Don't take it to heart.

It's just the first like three months are a whirlwind. And just be ready for that. Items, what would you, what would you recommend? Top two items must have. Top two items? Someone to put the baby. So like Moses Basket or Sleepy Head. and a carrier.

I used the sling wrap carrier loads to be able to just get the baby sleeping, get shit done. What are yours? Mine would be, those are two great ones. I had the Chico next to me bed. But obviously we did safeco sleeping

with friendly, but the others, they all had the best thing, the next to me bed. I would say the prep machine if you're not breastfeeding, if you're not breastfeeding. I really, really love the prep machine.

I love that a lot. that was a must have. And do you know what? Probably up the top of my list is the Duna Pram. Yes, that was so good. That was up there being absolutely one of the best purchases in the whole entire world. And with regards to things like I wouldn't suggest or things that I thought we needed, loads of swings, loads of bouncy chairs, even I'd go down to a travel system. I didn't really enjoy a travel system, didn't really use it, got it with Colby, never had one with dots. and REM. Actually, I did have one. That's a lie. It came with, because I bought one for Dottie, but it came with it, but I never used it. And then Ren, I didn't have one. I just had the Duna. I think a travel system is overrated. Again, clothes, a bulk bought clothes. They grow so quickly, you never wear them. So just buy as you go. And a nursery, I think a nursery is overrated.

I know it's really cute and great for the gram, great for social media, great for photos and baby albums but they're not in it and it becomes a dumping ground of all the stuff that people buy you. So yeah, I just think a whole lot of love is pretty much the get-go, the small things. Yeah. Food for food for the parents is what I really appreciate it. People stocked our freezer I would much rather home-cooked food than items for the baby, you know, like a sleep suit or something like that, I much would have rather like that. That sounds really ungrateful. I don't mean that I was insanely grateful. But it's not about you, baby. It's about me. Okay. Yeah. Yes. But sending you all the love and all the world, Amber. Yeah. We adore you. And please pass on

your love, our love and your love to your best friend. And we're sending out all the love and luck in the world and hope her pregnancy goes wonderful. And the birth is beautiful. Right. Right. Let's take number two. Okay. This says, hello, lovely ladies. I've been a list. since the very start of the podcast. I've always wanted to be a mum. It's been my dream for as long as I can remember. When I was 20, my partner and I started trying to conceive. After a few months, we fell pregnant, but sadly, our baby girl was still born in 2025. Fast forward to now, and we're both 21. I'm currently 33 weeks pregnant with our rainbow baby boy. Our hearts are so full, and I cannot wait to meet our little man next month. But I'm writing in because I'm looking for some

advice. It still doesn't feel real that we're going to have a baby. And the closer I get to my due date, the more anxious I feel. What if I'm not a good mum? How did you cope with the anxiety and uncertainty during those last few weeks of pregnancy? I can't wait to meet our little boy, but a part of me also wants to keep him safe in my tummy forever. Any advice on how to feel less anxious about his arrival

would be so appreciated. Love the pod and keep up the good work from Anonymous. Oh, this one's a really, really tough one, isn't it? And I feel like your feelings are so valid. And even not experiencing miscarriage or a stillborn baby, I think the feelings are still there for, you know, every expecting first-time mum to go through that and have those feelings right at the very end.

It does, your hormones are just doing crazy things with your mind and it is the unknown you're stepping into. So I think all your feelings are valid. But the fact that you've also gone through all of that as well is so much. And I can, I can't even for a second imagine how tough it must be for you right now. but I don't want to invalidate, sorry, your feelings because they are so warranted and so granted. And I think the only advice I can give is to just be kind on yourself,

be gentle to yourself. I can't promise you that you're going to have that instant reaction and love with your baby at the moment you meet him. And I also can't promise that you're going to absolutely adore him and love him to pieces the moment he's put into your arms because everybody's experiences are so different. And I think that's what makes your journey so beautiful is how you feel in that moment.

And I think if I could give advice or tell somebody is to just fall in love with the moment. So the moment that you're going in to stay as calm as you can, stay as I was going to say prepared, but to keep yourself calm, make sure you've got music, make sure you're both ready. Make sure you're having some new time,

you and your partner. So that's dinners and stuff. like that, even a date night at home, getting all the bits in for you two as two people. And I think if you prepare for the birth to be as calm as possible, everything will fall into place. You can't say how long it will take. But I think your journey is what's the most beautiful thing is the fact that one day you sit back and you go, oh gosh, I didn't have that instinct at the first get-go of, oh my gosh,

I love my baby, but also there is that moment where you can go literally the moment they're put in my arms. I instantly fell in love. I think it's your journey and it's beautiful for you. And I think taking tiny little steps into this new world and welcoming your baby into the world, I think is the most important thing right now. And I think everything else naturally, when it's ready, falls into place. Yeah. I mean, I can't even imagine how it. must feel having gone through a loss before, your pregnancy and your birth is going to be tinged with so, it's so bitter sweet, isn't it? Because you're doing it again. But you must not be able to stop thinking obviously about the experience that you had before. Yeah. And I can't even

imagine how anxiety inducing that must be because you're probably constantly thinking the worst, the worst, and about what's going to happen. I wonder if you are eligible for some kind of like support through your midwife team or, you know, through your hospital and some kind of like, yeah, some kind of anti-natal support because of what happened to you before. Yeah. You mentioned it to your midwife maybe because they might be able to help you with some talking therapy or something. I'd really like to think that was something that's put in place naturally.

Like there's, if you've gone through loss, I really hope there's a step in place that the midwife is aware of that, that there is something, you know, I'd love to, for people to share their experiences and as hard as it is to talk about or share it. I'd love to know if there is something that is in place to help cope with that and go through that, because this is a lot, you know, it's not just a first time mum going into having her first baby. Like, you know, you've gone through all of that to start with. And it just must play so heavy. not only on your heart because you've you've already had a baby, you know, you've already gone through all of this and you've got to go through it again.

And I can't imagine for a second how you must be feeling. Yeah. Yeah, it's a lot, isn't it? It's a lot to deal with that trauma. But I hear so much about like people who have had miscarriages or whatever and they get pregnant again. And their history is just not considered when they go for their first appointment with their midwife or, you know, they might not even know about what's happened to them before.

I'm not slagging off the NHS and slagging off midwives because I think they do a great job. But I think that sometimes those systems and those procedures just aren't in place where they should be. And I think people have to like shout from the rooftops to be heard about it. I think I was offered when I fell pregnant with the twins in between Colby and Dotty, when I fell pregnant with Dotty, I was offered really early at the start. Were you? So did they know about what had happened to you before? You have to give that information over.

So when I saw my midwife for the first time, they do ask, have you had any miscarriages? And you have to give all your medical over, don't you? So I did say that. And obviously, I had to go through what had happened. And I'd had a blood transfusion and so forth. And I had to give all of that information over. So I was offered at the start if I was doing okay. I don't know if it was brought up at every midwife appointment.

But I think because I was letting them know I was having private scans for my own reassurance. I think they were very aware of that anyway. And then when I was getting towards the end, I remember them asking me how I was doing. I did talk about the option of a cesarean when I was pregnant with Dottie just in case because I was very, very anxious. They were wondering if that would ease my anxiety a little bit better, which we, you know, unfortunately she came early.

She had to be induced. So that wasn't an option. the very end, obviously would have been if it was an emergency, but we'd gone too far with Dotty and I got induced. So I know there was things in place, but again, I don't know if it's different, not that it should be, but with a miscarriage and a stillborn baby. I don't know if that's different. Yeah. I know they do ask you, don't they? The midwife appointments, like they always check in on how your mental health is and how you're doing. So I wonder what would be in place if you said actually, no, I'm really struggling with anxiety this pregnancy.

I hope that there would be something in place to help you. Me too. But yes, we're sending you all of our love in the world. I do feel in my heart that you're doing incredible. From what I engage from this, I know you sound very, very worried, which is completely warranted. And I understand that. But I feel like your head and your heart's in the right place.

And I am a firm believer that if it's something that's playing on your mind and something you're worried about, means that you're going to be the best at being a mama. Because if you weren't worried, your head wouldn't be in the right place. I always do believe there is a positive from a negative. If you're worried and you're concerned, I feel like it's a very good feeling to have because it means you're thinking about and it's on your mind.

But just take each day as it comes, look after yourself and keep us posted. We would love to hear about the beautiful, safe arrival of your little man. and we hope you're doing great. Yeah, thank you. Right, let's have our last secret. All right, this one says, Hi, Girls, I thought I'd tell you about a shopping trip, I will never forget. Ronnie, my two and a half-year-old little boy and I had been shopping for quite a while.

We were in the last shop of the trip, New Look, and I was having a quick look through the denim section. As I was rifling through some jeans, Ronnie tugged at my trouser leg and said, Look, Mummy, it's my Willie. I turned around and looked down at my sweet little boy. boy, the apple of my eye, to discover he'd pulled his Willie out the side of his shorts and was waving it around. I got some very funny looks as I scooped him up and darted out of the shop. Needless to say, I haven't been back to New Look since. Love the Pod Girls. Thank you for all the advice and laughs along the way from Kate. Why did that make me feel like this was so British.

Obviously, she'd mention New Look, which is a British. It was just such... What a lad, Ronnie. What a lad. Ronnie's getting his Willie out in the New Look, denim section. she doesn't tell us where she is but watch out everyone oh little boys and their willies listen they love their willies so much it's just so much it's the same age as rennie and sadie and we we have a lot of william vagina chat right now it's just so funny willies to little boys are so funny and the talk of willies the feel of their willies willies is their whole life and do you know what there's so much innocence in it because if i was to say to ren don't get your willie

out because there's strange people, he'd be like, what? Yeah. He doesn't understand. You know, right now, everybody in the world to him is really, really safe, you know? Yeah. And if he's getting his Willie out, he'll just be like, yeah, everyone wants to see my Willie. He's got no clue in the world. There's just something so innocent in it.

And you just got a laugh. You've got a laugh off, haven't you? Yeah, yeah. You got a laugh. You have got a laugh off. But what a guy. Go on, Ronnie. You want to get that, well, obviously, if you want to get that Willie out,

but mum may be a little bit stressed about it, Ron. I'm not going to lie to you, but you know, mum's to organise. She's not going back to me. What is it with kids and shopping? Like we, my mum used to spend hours in M&S and we used to be in the rails, hiding in amongst the clothes,

making people jump. Like kids, can kids just not sit and fucking shop? No, because they're children and they're not designed to shop like you and me. They can't. It's physically impossible.

I try multiple times and I think, fuck this. I'm not doing this. They can't. although Colby actually now is at an age where he quite enjoys shopping. Dottie, I feel like she's a girl. She loves to shop, but she gets bored. Rends, I've tried it multiple times.

He fucking hates it. He's like, no, fuck this shit. Get me home. I want to watch Paul Patrol or Lightning McQueen, you know. Yeah. Go shopping on your own next time, Kate. Yeah. Oh, do I really love shopping at my Ronnie.

Ronnie's have the best time. Bless us half. Ronnie. Thank you for sharing your secrets this week. is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. Yeah, if you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at SecretMumPod.com or with SecretMumPod on TikTok and Instagram. Anyone else's children flashing in new look?

Or do you have any must-have items to recommend for new mums? Then let us know there really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club.