Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The No-Go Names

Episode Date: March 19, 2026

There are baby name lists… and then there are no-go name lists, especially for one listener whose surname causes quite a stir! Soph and Emma also hear from a mum whose little mispronunciation story has them completely shook. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wait, hold on. I need your attention because we have some huge news. It's big. Bigger than my bucket crutch. And that's big. Even bigger than Jojo's love for teenage mutant ninja turtles. Well, you've been asking for it, so we're going to be heading back on the stage for another secret mom club lunch show. There's going to be plenty of secrets. Perhaps a couple of party games.

And maybe a few surprise guests. So mark your calendar. because on the 20th of May, we'll be live at Bush Hall in London for one girly night only, so you better buckle up, bitches. Tickets are on sale right now, so head to our socials for more info and the link to buy tickets. We can't wait to see you there. Now, back to the episode. Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club.

I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And welcome to your Thursday's episode, where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week. Squeeze your bits. I feel like we haven't said that in a really long time. No, I feel like we haven't either. Also, I've got a bra on today, so good luck. Have you?

Little one. Oh, she's such a flasher, aren't you? You love a flash. Can't flash your mind. I've always got a thermal on, so it's not like a sexy flash. You have always got a thermal on. Wait until the summer. She's got me naked, honies!

All of your comments, thoughts, questions and fun stories. To keep you going through the weekend. Shall we jump ony? It's time for another. Corresponders corner! So Emma. Rown! That's Renny's new one at the.

the moment. He does the eagle. He goes, caca. And they just, we say, do tiger. He goes, row, meow. I'm like, give him more pussy. Pussy. Right, let's have number one. Okay. This one's from Leanne. Hello, Leanne. Says, hello ladies. Emma, you had me in bits talking about Jojo turning four. Oh, that was a fucking sad one. I couldn't stomach listening to it. It really was. It broke my arm. I know. I had a few messages, really nice messages actually from people saying that they related. This says it was so relatable. My oldest is five and my youngest is two. With Grace, my first, the birth didn't go to plan. After 24 hours in labour and a tacky-cardic heartbeat, I was induced, but she still wasn't coming. I ended up having a spinal and a four-seps delivery. She was

six pounds, six ounces, and I remember it like it was yesterday. My youngest, Emily's birth, was completely different. It all happened so quickly, but bizarrely, I don't remember the exact time she was born, or even her weight without checking my photos. I don't know if that's the Bethadine or just brain fog. I think I remember Grace's birth so clearly because she's the one who made me a mum. It wasn't the water birth I'd planned, but finally, holding her her after such a stressful delivery is a core memory I'll never forget. She's now a thriving five-year-old with the most infectious smile and Emily is the most mischievous little monster but so loving. Keep being amazing.

Leanne. Yeah, hard relate. I think that's it. It's like the one that made you a mum. The one that made your mum but I also believe the one that brought you the most, that was most traumatic. I think sometimes we have a way of our brains withholding. I always relate back to like TripAdvisor. When you go on TripAdvisor, you look for the negative. You don't remember the bad ones. Yeah, you only remember the bad ones.

You don't remember the good ones because that's like how our brains are functioned to work. And I think sometimes when it's trauma, we tend to hold on to that a lot more. Like, again, I could tell you minute by minute of what happened with Colby and Renleys. But Dotties was just a breeze. Yeah. It was just an absolute breeze. And I think the reason is, which we've talked about so much before, is because it's so, often people's first birth that maybe doesn't go the way they wanted it.

Or anecdotally, people's second and third births tend to be a little bit easier. But yeah, the ones that are longer ago, you remember more, which is weird, isn't it? But yeah, I totally, I totally relate. I love that she can't even remember the second one's birth weight or anything. I can never remember Sadie's date of birth. I was so high on gas and air with, with Dot. At one point, I remember her, this is all I remember. Obviously, I had my mum in there and I had Chris in there.

Chris was watching the women's Olympics or I don't know what the fuck was going on but I was having so much gas and air to the point where she was like we're ready to push Safina and she was like take one big belt on that gas and air and I remember taking it and just be like

right it's coming and she was like push I was like oh yes come and then she was like right okay go again the contraction's showing on the screen take a big bout the gas an hour did it again

I was like yeah contraction's gone and she was like I think I'm going to take that gas an hour away from you now. You're enjoying that a little bit too much. Then she came out on the next one. But that's the only bit I really remember. She came out so big. I was like, where is her willy? And they were like, she doesn't have a willy. She is a girl. And I was like, oh, I just was still in dismal. Because even up to the day, because there's only boys in Chris's side of the family,

never expected the girl. Even though they'd said in many scans that she was a girl, I had a whole girl wardrobe at home. I was still preparing for a willie. I was like, but why's her bit so swollen She was just so big and so swollen. That's all I remember. How much did she weigh? She was 8.4. Oh, yeah. Good chunk.

But not the biggest in the family. My sister's fourth was her biggest. Evely was 8, 4 and a half. Oh, by half a pound, she beat you. Yeah. Yeah, she beat me. But yeah, it's funny. But it's funny now, because now, obviously, I try and remember everyone's birthdays.

Renner's, I've got no, no hope. Honestly, it's the last one. He was born someone in 2024. My dad doesn't know any of that, mine and my sisters. And I used to slag him off and be like, how can you not remember like this is the most important day of your life? It's even trying to remember the years. Yeah.

Like Eden was 2009, Tobias 2011, Ember 213, Everly 2, 15, Colby 2, 15. There's too many. There's too many kids. Colby was 216, Evely was 215. Colby was 216. Dotsie 218, renters 2024. Yeah. Yeah.

I can do say this year because I just know it's two years after Joseph's. Yeah. And I can real Joseph's date of birth off like that. But the month and the date just escapes me. The two I get confused is because Colby's 7-8, Dotties 8-9. Yeah, so easy. But they're 7-8-9, mine. 7th of August, 8th of September, 9th of March.

Yeah, but just 7-8-9. As long as I get the date, right, I'll happily do the month, you know. If I've been celebrating on February, yeah, fuck it's a month, belly. We'll do it twice. The ninth of any month, I'll take it. Oh, thank you, Leanne. I really love that, Leanne. There was lots of lovely...

It was so nice to hear that I wasn't alone. You aren't alone. We're never alone in all of this. Someone is always going to have experienced it or going through it. Yeah. Thanks, Leanne. All right, I've got another one here. It says, Hey, Gals. Hey, honies.

I remember listening to the very first episode, the day it came out, and I've been here ever since. This is my first time writing in. Oh, my gosh. We've got lots of these. We had one in our main as well, didn't we? The OGs. It says my story isn't about motherhood, but I thought it might give you a giggle.

My maiden name is Cox. Yep. Not C-O-X, C-O-C-S. Oh, God bless you. I've never seen that before. Actual like a cock. I had a teacher called Mr. Cox, which is obviously Loles, but it was C-O-X. C-O-X.

Yes. The more common one. Mine was Cook C-O-O-K-S. Well, it was E-S. Oh, was it? Yeah. So this is C-O-C-S, like the penis. Or the bird.

Yes. Is a bird a cock? Yeah, cock-c-Rool. And that's, is that C-O-C-K? Yeah. Okay. Sorry. When you were going through your baby name list, it reminded me of the running list my family

created of names that absolutely cannot be paired with our surname. Oh my God, this is going to be iconic. Iconic. She says, here's a little taster. Aphelia Cox. Oh, nice. Mini Cox. Seymour Cox.

This is like in the Simpsons when they phone. Can I speak to Seymour Cox, please? Can I speak to Amanalovicus? I need Amanda Loverin'clock Sawyer cox Sawyer cox Sawyer cox Mike Cox

Sandy Cox Fanny Cox Ryder Cox Ryder Cox Anita Cox Anita Cox Anita Cox In an American accent

Hairy Cox Harry Harry Hey Harry Hey Harry! And Pat Cox I must have said mine because ours is rider

so I had Parker Rider and I was like well I love Parker but can't have Parker Parker Miles Rider Harley Rider it just wasn't working

My sister's kids are Potter and she was like Harry is a no guy She also like loads of Cox is on this my favourite P names but she was like

Can't have like Percy Potter or like Penny Potter because she was like they just sound like Polly pockets Yeah Cox I please don't ever

change your surname though. It says my maiden names. I think she's changed. I think she's changed it. To be honest, I'm not, I would get rid of that at the soonest possible opportunity. Would you? She must have spent a whole life of people being like, cox. Yes, C-O-C-S, cox.

It is what you think it is. Yeah. Oh, tell me all the jokes. You know, like dick, penis, knob. Honestly, the list just keeps growing. Love you girls. And thanks for the laughs every week. Annabelle from Queensland, Australia.

Australia. Australia. Australia. Australia. Australia, they love the Cox. Annabelle Cox. See, that sounds delicious, doesn't it? Annabel Cox.

I wonder what her last name is now. You could have just gone by an ex, couldn't you? Yeah. You could have just, well, no, actually, it's legal, isn't it? Oh, that is, that is brilliant. My name was like Cox, Dick, Pratt. Yeah. I'm not offence, but I'd probably change it.

Dick and Fanny. I actually knew a Dick and Fanny. Yeah. Francesca and Richard. And they were Dick and Fanny. Yeah. And it was the highlight of my child. We're going to dick in Fanny's house.

And my mom and dad used to be like, yes, we are going to Richard and Francescas. Fanny used to be like a legit name. Yeah. Like Fanny Craddock. Is she actually Fanny Craddock? Yeah. Oh, I thought that was a stage name. No, it's a real, well, I think it's a real name.

Oh, Crumbs. Oh, Annabel, I love that. Thank you, Annabelle. Thank you. Okay, we've got a message from Harriet in Surrey. Oh, hello, Harriet. It says, hi, you two wonderful ladies. Thank you.

Thanks very much. I've written in before about my little dude Rory, who I can't believe is turning one just two days after Renly's second birthday. This year has flown by and I can honestly say I've listened to you every single day since leaving hospital after having him. You're such a comfort. You make me cry, laugh, smile and feel genuinely supported on my mummy journey. I've managed to grab two tickets for your live show at Bush Hall. Oh, Harry! And I can't wait to see you smash it. Thank you for your amazing podcast. It really does put a smile on my face every single day. Thanks for always keeping it real. Sofa and Emma. See you on the 20th of May from a very grateful mom.

gosh harriet now i feel even more nervous i wasn't nervous before now i feel the pressure no you know harriet's going to be there two tickets as well so who you bring him with you yes harriet is rory come in oh imagine she did bring rory no i reckon she's having like a girlfriend's night out it's a late one or mum and dad's night or a partner you never know everyone is welcome yeah to the secret mum cup live show on the 20th of may that was a perfect plug thank harriet yeah thank you harriet i'm so excited to see you honestly link to tickets in the bio it's going to be phenomenal what do they say Link to tickets in bio. Link to ticks in buy.

Oh. In the bio. I don't know how the kids are saying it nowadays. Tickets are in the biography. Yeah. What? And that basically means go on the Secret Mum Club, Instagram and click on the link there. It took me ages to know what it meant when people were like in bio.

I was like, what do you mean? Thank you, Harriet. Thank you, Harriet. Thank you ladies so much. Yeah. And thank you so much for all your messages. If you have any comments, thoughts or funny stories, why not get in touch? You can email us.

Hello at Secret Mumpod.com.com. or with Secret Mum Pod on TikTok and Instagram. Next is time for one of your secrets in the Secret Mom Club. Because we're here for sharing. Not just our secrets, yours too. Yeah. Welcome back. We love a secret in the Secret Mum Club.

Your Secret. And Emma's missed her line. So it's been three years. We'd be shut on the stage. But we're going to be there 20th of May, Bershul. We haven't even been told to plug it today We're all over it Fuck me

Sorry, I was reading head And you're all so good at sharing So what, have you got Emma Seen as you pre-read? Pre-read? Pre-read? Pre-read? Proof-red? I'm ready.

Okay, this comes from Melissa. Hello, Alyssa. This is hi, hi, Sophen Emma. I have a mispronunciation secret for you. These are my favourite at the moment. I know, we've had so many, haven't we? I love them. When I was around 10 or 11 years old,

I was terrible at pronouncing words, I can't remember how I came across the word itself, but I didn't know what it was. So I asked my mum, Oh, what's a P-DOM meter? Safe to say, I now know what a pedometer is, but I think a P-Dometer would be a great gadget for the future. Podometer?

Yes, it counts your steps. Oh, I thought it does the web. Am I right? Yeah. It's a step counter. Why do they have to say pedometer? Why do you say step counter? I know.

People always think. I'm rage baiting because I can't say things, drojum, vanilla, squivel. Gazzob. Geroff. There's things I can't say. People think I'm generally ragebaiting and I'm not. That's just the way I say.

And it's the same with mispronunciation. And also it's very much in the fact that I read things as their spelt. Yeah. You know? Yeah. So English is a hard language because loads of things are spelled as they are set. No.

Dyslexia. Who made the hardest word in the world to be, spelt by someone that struggles with spelling. Fuck me. You best believe that shit's in predictive text. How ironic. You should have learned Welsh, it's phonetic. Looks really hard, but actually all the letters are sounded like...

There's no vowels, is there? And I always feel like there's lots of... There are vows, but there's a lot of like... ...wis in place. So they all look at a word and be like, it's got no vows in it. But when you know what the letters sound like, they sound like vowels. So it looks mental written down. But actually, once you know what it sounds like...

I think it looks really beautiful. Do you? Yeah, it does look really beautiful. Some words are really funny, like, where they just haven't really got a translation. Yeah. And they kind of just like, like, Stefan just puts O on the lot, on, like, the end of a lot of words and just makes it like. Is it like. No, just to like welshify it.

Okay. Like, I'm trying to, not like, I'm trying to think of an example, but all this is in my head. It doesn't chuck an oil in the mind. That one is meant to be. That is meant to have an O on the end. Safino. Yeah. But it'll be like, relaxer.

Oh. And I'm like, that's not. You're just trying to make it sound Welsh. It's just an English word, but then I want the end. Will it, Stefan. It makes him happy. Makes him happy, doesn't it? Oh, Alicia, thank you so much.

Alyssa says, now I'm 21 years old and I no longer mispronounce words. Oh, that's for you. I wish, yeah, I'm 37 and I still mispronounce. So either one is hilarious, to be honest with you. I love it so much. Do you have a no, no, no name list? A no, no, no. Oh, a no, no, no.

No, no, like an absolute no-no, nameless. That was, for my dyslexic brain, was... It's all going to mispronouncing words. I laugh at myself. You've got to laugh at yourself. You've got to. Who the fuck else is laughing at you? Probably no one.

But, you know, let us know. You can email us, hello at secret mumpod.com, or with Secret Mumpod on TikTok and Instagram. I just kept thinking of Stefan, then, and his eyes. Hello! Email us at hello, no, no. Too many eyes. That's not actually the email. The email is hello at secretmompod.com.com.

Don't get it wrong. There's no-no. There's no-no in the no-no. Anywho, we'll be back first thing on Tuesday. We'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mom Club.