Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Nursery Drop-Off Tears

Episode Date: October 13, 2026

Soph and Emma are in the thick of the parenting chaos this week, from poorly children and never-ending weekend activities to the emotional rollercoaster of nursery drop-offs. Soph opens up about how difficult things have been with Renley, and one listener shares a story that proves the school-gate tears aren't always just coming from the little ones. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is a secret mum club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do, and as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are.

Keep that to yourself, you can be anonymous. And those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the... Secret Mum Club! That was our outro. I did it again, two weeks on the bounce. What the fuck are you going to do? Neither one of us looked at the...

What are you going to do? What are you going to do? What are you going to do? I mean, it's taking us for you. I don't know why. People must be like, why are you bragging about yourselves? Like, you can doing it so long. I don't know how long I've had to look down or keep blinking down at it to look at it. I know. I think it's just a comfort blanket. I think it's actually, it's in there. It's in there. How do we not just say it in our sleep? I know. It's going to be one of those things soon that you can just like, I don't know, what can you reel off? Phone number. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, no, no, I was supposed to say. Oh, seven. Can you imagine how'd I blame?

Take that out. Imagine I put it in and then they forgot to take it out and people were, that would be so much. Blowing up my phone. Blowing up my... I don't know if anyone would want to call me. My phone's literally never blowing up. Sometimes I leave it in the other room for like hours and I come back to I think, God, I must have so many messages.

Nothing. Nothing. No messages, no miss calls. No one's trying to contact me. Do you know what? Because me and my sister FaceTime a lot in the daytime. Like when I tell you it's a lot, it's a lot. We might as well just stay on the phone all day. But when I look up to get a text message, my sister goes, Maddie text you.

And I was like, yeah, other people do text me, Roxanne. She's like, well, Chris is in your house. You're on the phone to me. The only other person is Maddie. Yeah. And it is. Who else texts you? No one.

No one. No one. No one. No one. No one. No one. It's just Mads. Mads Chris or Roxanne.

They're my girls. Yeah. They're my girl. Girls. Chris is a girl. Sometimes Mays will throw you in there. Yeah. I get Maze and Mads.

Yeah. But that's in a group chat. So it'll be the group chat that comes up. There's not many like individual, like, text these days. No, no. About the group chat. Or sometimes my niece. But again, she's normally in the house of my sister, so they're on FaceTime together to me.

Yeah. Yeah. What are you chatting about on FaceTime all day? You'd be surprised. Our FaceTime this morning was about a new film that I'm watching series, Apple TV called Last Scene. I'm hookline and sink up. I've now got Sissy on the bandwagon. Okay.

Gave her my account, said, log in, bitch, watch this. I need to talk. We need to talk serious business. I'm a TV whore. I'm a slut for it. I can't help it. Yeah, you watch so much. I put the children to bed at 4pm every night.

No. Go back! No. That's why I really go to bed so early so you can watch a series. I just really love it. I really, really love. And a Wednesday for me is a tight schedule because slow horses is back. I've got Slow Horseson-Lassau last scene.

But I did actually cheat on Chris. I'm cheating on him. I'm watching Larsine. without him. Oh, I do that's Stefan all the time. I can't fucking keep up. I feel really naughty. I'm not going to lie. I watched it on the train and I thought, oh, I'm feeling spicy and saucy. I'm cheating on my guy. Stefan's still fuming at me for watching Breaking Bad without him and I think that was out about 15 years ago. Yeah, Stefan, let it go. Get over it. Get a grip. I know I left him and watched it with my dad. If Chris watched Ted Lassoe without me today, though, I would be pissed.

Pissed off. I'd make him feel fully aware that he's pissed me off. Yeah. But yeah, you mean on the linear TV as well? Because we're watching Strictly come dancing. I don't do terrestrial. Don't do terrestrial. I mean, if Bake off want me on, hello, I'll come. But I'm on, I'm rotation. I rotation Paramount Plus Prime. Netflix, Apple TV.

I back to back, finger the shit out of them with the telebox, obviously. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you know. I just love it. Yeah, I really love it. I've got one on every one at the moment. Apple has actually got a lot on it at the moment, but I do also have Paramount. I've got the crow girl. If nobody's seen the Crow Girl, it's a British thriller.

It's fucking wonderful. Oh, you love scary things. It's not really scary. It's just crying. It's brutal British cry. It's not brutal. But I just love it. Yeah.

So we've had a lot of sickness. We've had a lot of Colby out. Also, we have, our bless his heart, have had to go to the doctor about Colby. Do you remember when we found the lump in his groin? I don't know if you spoke about it. Did I not? I'm pretty sure I did. We had a lump in Colby's sensitivity.

area and we had to go to the doctor and he had to have an ultrasound on it. All come back fine and clear was hormonal. Absolutely fine. But bless him, he's quite lymphnody, which I am as well. I've got one here on my face. And I don't know whether it's from me or from Chris, but Colby is quite lymphnody. So when he's poorly, you can really see all of his tonsils. But you had a little one in his face and Chris has got one in his face, but his doesn't get any bigger. He's had it all his life and had it checked when he was a little boy. But bless him, it's caused him a little bit of pain. And it's actually so protruding now that you can see it when you look at him whereas before you could only feel it that's the only way we knew it was there but it's quite protruding out so we went to the doctors

and he's actually got quite a few in his neck and in his groin so the doctor is so wonderful and put us forward to have some blood tests done and some checks done on him to make sure everything's okay but it's just been a wild one he's had this cold he's got these lumps and then blesses our at the doctor's surgery the doctor was like oh we're going to take some bloods from you we need to do some blood test, guess who passed out. Oh no. Wasn't me, nor the doctor. That would have been awkward if the doctor just collapsed on me. No, Colby. And it's the first time ever. Obviously, he's ever had blood. First, no, see, he's had blood test so he knows what to expect. And the doctor mentioned it. But obviously, when he's passed out, it's been at school.

So I'd never actually witnessed Colby Pass now. He went all the colors of the rainbow. He was gray, he was green. And the doctor was like, the doctor goes to me, do you want to pick him up? Was he on the floor? He collapsed, fell off the chair, collapsed on the floor. Yeah, yeah. So I had to like scoop up this five stone child. I was like, oh yeah. Doctor was like, has this ever happened to him before?

I was like, yes, but not with me. And he was like, oh, you his mum. Sorry, it happens a couple of times at school, but I've never been present when it's actually happened. So he's getting himself a little bit worked up about it. Obviously, his lumps are causing him a little bit discomfort and where you can see them. It's making him feel a little bit embarrassing and secure about them.

and where we've got to go for blood tests at the hospital. They've put us down for routine, so we've got a bit of a wait until we can get to have the blood test done. So that's been hot topic in the house. It's been quite a stressful time, which, given it is, you know, it's so warranted. Yeah.

So he's had bloods done before and he's all right. He's feeling all right about it. We had to have emergency bloods about it. And because he wasn't prepared or didn't know, nor could we have any numbing cream, he's just muscle memory the person. and how scared he was and them taking it. So he's just gone into hyperdrive.

And where they've done it is routine and not urgent, we've got a little bit of weight. So Colby is a little bit of a warrior just like me. So we keep having to talk about it. But bless his heart, he has had a bit of an upset tummy. So we've had a couple of days off of school this week. And just don't feel like I'm getting a break in September.

And now Paul Renner's is really unwell. So we've done two weeks at preschool. He's really poorly. Dottie is made of cast iron. So she's got a cold But she's just trundling Trundling through Again we're waiting for Chris to get it

And dreading Yeah I was going to say Dredden if Chrissy gets it I've been a bit unwell I've been yeah Full of cold really really run down Which is not like me either But I think mine is

I always know if I'm overdoing it Mentally When I get ill Yeah I'm mentally I'm exhausted Does that make sense Yeah So I always feel like

When I'm poorly I'm overdoing myself And I need to slow down because when I'm really feeling that and I don't feel well, I know I'm pushing myself. And I just think with everything that's going on, the combination of just illness, Colby's lumps, secondary school,

Reni's pre-school, then Renly's ill. Dotty, bless the heart, it's just powering through. Just seems like I'm living a very, I feel like it's Groundhog Day. Yeah. Is that the best way to describe it? Groundhog Day? Same shit, different day.

But I did, however, order myself a soup maker. Oh, which again is now become my new person. Personality, tell me your 38, virgin on 40, without telling me. I didn't know that was a thing. Fuck me. You could just make soup in a sauce bin. Emma, it's changed my life. You can put raw chicken into a ninja blender soup maker and it cooks the fucking chicken.

Not only that, makes it smooth. How many ninja items have you got on your countertop? A lot. Also, not sponsored by Ninja. Would love to be. But we're open to it. Ninja. Shut out.

And next on my list, though, is the Ninja Jewel zone. I still don't have an air friar. And people who have got an air fryer telling me it's going to change my life. I've changed it. Is it? Ninja Krispy for me. I'm a slup for the Ninja Krispy. There's too many products.

What does that do? So the Ninja Krispy is basically a glass. I really like the glass ones and Ninja do glass. Whereas a lot of the air fryer are metal and there's something about that that freaks me out. Don't know why. Not saying they're right or wrong. But I really love the glass dish because you can then put them into the dishwasher as well. And I feel like glass is better than plastic.

You can't have a plastic air. And you can see what you're cooking. You can see it all. It's phenomenal. It comes in wonderful, beautiful colours. But now they do, not only do they do they do like a crispy, but they do a big ninja that's pink as well. And it's a double load. I've never heard of something more perfect year.

Can you please Google it on the train when you go home? A pink double. It's called the Jewelzo. Airfare. Jewelzo. That sounds like a gladiator around. So I've been having a little declutter of my kitchen. It sounds like you're having a re-clutter of your kitchen of all these fucking appliances.

I know, I know. The soup maker, life change, and I'm eating soup every day. It's great. Not for my stomach though. I'm shitting. I don't get up a needle. I was constipated. Now I need to plug it.

Well, that'll happen if you only eat liquids. I know. I know. So I also got so fucked off of my fridge that I bought an American fridge. Oh. But what came with that is I had to rejig the whole kitchen. Like what? Like rebuild cabinets?

I didn't rebuild cabinets, but I have changed what was the integrated fridge into a coffee station. I love that. I do. I love, I see a lot of that on my Instagram and I do love that with the little doors and you can open it. Hide all the shit behind the doors. Open it. Mugs, tea coffee. Stop. Extra is on the top. Oh, yeah. A little station to make a coffee. Oh, God. Yeah. But what comes with that is that I now have got accessible extra storage unit. So now I've taken everything off of the worktop. So I now have a completely empty worktop. And everything's gone in the cupboard. A big American fridge and everything is behind a door. That sounds stunning. Yeah, that's what... Ice maker?

Ice maker still in the utility room. Oh, so there's not an ice maker in the American fridge? No, I thought that was playing with fire, really, because the children are just going to just hold it. Yeah. And there's just going to be pouring ice or pouring water. Yeah. Also, with the water ones you could really do with,

you can fill up the tank that goes inside. But again, I always worry about mould and stuff in there. Bacteria grows, and there's just something about a plastic ice. Like, I really love my Britta, because my Britta's now glass. But back in the day, The Britta found filter. Yeah. The Britter jug was plastic.

Do you know what's the best thing about living in Wales? You don't need a Britter filter. It's honestly transformed my life. Not having to have a fucking jug that goes green and mouldy and having to buy filters all the time. But my glass one doesn't. No, it's just another thing to have hours. My glass one goes through the dishwasher and I really love my Britter. Honestly, being able to fill up my kettle from the tap has been life changing.

Although I do just fill my kettle up from the tap. Do you? I never used to do that in London because the water was so scaly. Your kettle wouldn't survive six months. My kettle doesn't survive because Chris boils it about 50,000 times a day. Is he like Stefan? The fucking thing burns out. Yeah.

I definitely prefer. I am going to get a hob kettle again because I definitely preferred the hob kettle. Like an American? You just, yeah, like a camping kettle. You put it on the hob. That one, you get a really great temperature and Chris likes a burning hot tea. And if I have to hear a moan about a non-burning hot tea. And also it doesn't burn out the electrical element in it.

like Chris does just go through kettles. How many teas is he ever day? I'm going to say 25 to 30. My God. I'm still drinking my first tea before Chris is already finished and gone to the kettle to put it on again. Wow. He can have anywhere from 5 to 10 in the morning that I've had one.

Jesus Christ. I'm not joking you. I thought Stefan was bad. Chris is horrific. Do you want piss me off about Stefan? He uses a fresh teaspoon every time. No, Chris is constantly running out of teaspoons. Chris really loves the buildup on a mug.

He says the buildup of. The tea on the side of the mug makes the tea. So then they all get stained? Oh God. To me that's disgusted. Yeah. Discussed dad. Is that because he's like worked on sites over the years and he's used to just

having like a scary old mug? Yeah. He used to, and he just leave it in the van and just keep using it. Also he used to drink a flask of tea. And will he have anyone make him tea? Like if he goes to someone's house, will he accept like any old tea or does he like to make it a certain way? Hmm.

It's very connoisseurie, would you say about a tea? Well, Stefan says he just likes his wet and warm. No, that's my dad is. wet and warm. Chris, no. No. He doesn't mind. It just has to be really, really hot and not weak. He doesn't want his tea bag stewed, but he also doesn't want it flashed at the mug. Yeah. I know what you mean. Yeah. Yeah. So that's pretty much where I'm at. Good to know about him, actually. I feel like I know better now. Do you? Yeah. I see I'm, I'm not fussy on my tea. No, I am. If someone offers to make me one, I'll be like, no, thank you.

Oh, are you? Yeah. If I was a tradesperson in people's houses, I wouldn't be able to accept a tea all day. But would we in their toilet? Interesting. So you're on the opposite way around I don't want to wee in your toilet But I'll take your tea however it comes Stefan's the same as well I can't sit on someone else's bog No

Stefan would hold it Yeah I will Give myself a water infection Yeah I just can't do it Yeah I don't know what it is Not that I've got any quams on anyone's house

I just don't want to wee in your house I'll hold it I also don't need a wee Until I get busting When I'm two seconds from my house And I'm literally going to wheel over the place Yeah Yeah

It's the worst that is But that's where I'm at. I've rejigged my kitchen. Also, I haven't really aired it yet. I do need to finish painting my hallway. Oh, I haven't spoken to you since that. No, I haven't finished it. You haven't?

But I think because I've had so much going on with my mind, Chris always knows when I'm stressed or too much is a playing on my mind because I declutter everywhere. Yeah. So that's where I'm at. And you decorate. And you've declutter. No, not so much decorate.

Definitely declutter. When my brain is overloaded and there's too much for me to process. You need some of recondover. in too many plates, I've got to declutter the house. Because a cluttered house for me is a cluttered mind. I agree. So if I declutter the house, I then feel that I can close some tabs in my head. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I've been painting my wardrobes this week. Yes. All my comments are like, oh, you're being more like Sof. She's rubbing off on you. She's an inspiration. Yeah. I'm like, yes, she is.

It's only taken me nearly a year since I moved in to get it done. Hey, doesn't matter when it's done. You're doing it now. We're getting there. We're getting there. Listen, Stefan's been really rough this week. And he's like, I really. He's like, I can't tell you how ill I am, but I don't feel like I can ask for sympathy because he's been on a golf weekend.

So I'm like, sorry. Sorry about that. Sucks to be you. Sucks to be you, Stefan. Man up, bitch. But I picked up the baton for three days last week, so suck it up. Yes. It's hard now.

When you're solo parenting, children of the age that I have, and we've decided to, like, put them into all these, like, extracurricular clubs, you can't just have a chill weekend parenting now because you've got all these commitments that you've got to get to. So I said to him, I'm going to get to him, I'm going to get to. back and go away for a weekend just so you can see how, how hectic that was. Don't even have to go anywhere fast. Let me not just check out for the weekend. Just stay in the house, but mentally I'm no, actually do leave. Even if you're around the block. I need to escape. Otherwise they'll get to me. They will come for you, find you and they will. But they come for me. Yeah. Even when I'm

upstairs, like trying to have a poo or a shower, Sadie'll be like, Mommy, where are you? She comes to find me. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, it was, it was chaos. I had to take Joseph to his swimming lesson with Sadie. So she was like really trying to get involved and like, you know, getting in the... You changed the swimming class, did you? I did. I put him in the like the first beginners one and she was like, he's much better in this class.

But to be honest, still like not at everyone else's level. And I was surprised by that. Oh, I thought you were going to say he was going to be a bit of an in-betweener. No. I think he's literally starting from complete zero, which is such a shame because he had an amazing swimming teacher in London and he'd come so far, but he's literally forgotten all of it. And like even these children can put like their face in the water.

He's not even doing that yet. So she was saying like practice at home in the bath with him just getting comfortable with like having his mouth and his nose under the water and like holding his nose or breathing out. But he's not even doing that. And then I've got Sadie on the side. Like a fish. She's like jumping in. Yeah. Let me out.

Let me out. Let me add him. But she's too young. Hold me back. But she's like, you know, she's being crazy on the side. And then I'm like, sorry, do you mind if I borrow some of your floats and arm batten as a teacher's like, yeah, go for it. So Sadie's basically involved in the lesson, like wearing all the teachers stuff, jumping in, like, just getting in everyone's way.

I'm like, sorry about this. I can't. Are you in the pool too? I'm saying, well, mamas got to jobs. Yeah, I'm in the pool too because I've got to watch Sadie. Joseph's in his lesson. We're just milling about on the side. But I had to take her, I couldn't just take her to the side of the pool.

There's no way she wasn't going to get in. Oh, okay. So I just took her for like a swim. Right. But she's like trying to be with Joseph, trying to get in on the lesson. I'm like, sorry about her. Couldn't get her out at the end. She was screaming at me dragging her out of the pool.

next day I've got to take Joseph to Rugby Tots so take Sadie to Rugby Tots with me I'm like this isn't your lesson we haven't paid for you she's running up and down carrying the ball doing all the drills Joseph didn't do anything he was like I'm only going to do this because it's been in his and Stefan's thing

he's been like I'm only going to do this if daddy takes me so I was like brilliant I'm glad that I dragged you here in the rain this morning and made sure we were all out of the house on time that's been really fucking worthwhile thanks so much the coach was really good he was really trying to get him involved but I was like he's just having one of those days where like you can't.

Was he like this on the sideline? He couldn't get him to do anything. You know, but they're just in one of those moods where like I was like, do you know, I was like, thank you for trying, but you're not going to get him to do anything today. We're going home. Yeah. It's been 10 minutes and I'm fucked off. Yeah.

So that was really fucking annoying. So yeah, it's hard to do a solo weekend now because it's just so many things. You've got a cram in. You've got to cram in. And then we had like a thing, your school are always doing like an extra curricular thing. So we had a thing on Saturday with his school I had to get to as well. So it was, yeah. it was full on. That's us, isn't it? Saturday morning, Colby's got a football game. Then it's

Saturday afternoon if they're home or away. Then Sunday we've got a game. This, Sunday just gone. We had two games on Sunday. So not only did he have to go to one game, we then had to drive to another game. And then while we're at the football, I need to check what the grounds are, because if there's something for Dottie to do. So at one of the games, I was able to take the scooters and they went on the skate ramp because Renly is a daredevil on his scooter. So I had to watch Colby while watching them on the skate ramp. And then if there's a park, take him to the park to make sure the other two are happy while we're watching the football and it's just wild. Honestly, with three, I don't know how they do it. And then I get home on a Sunday and I sit down and I think,

what the fuck just happened? Start it all again tomorrow. Monday morning. Isn't it weird that I'm relaxing between Monday to Friday because I can't relax Saturday, Sunday. It's wild out there. Yeah. The weekends are no longer time off. No, they're not. And it's hard when it all revolves around like the one child, like usually the older child. It's annoying. I wouldn't even change it. No, I know. And then I say to Dotty, she's like, oh, I've got nothing to do now. And I said, keep saying to her, we're still trying to find an activity for her to do. She can't decide what she wants to do. And I'm like, honey, I'll take you anywhere. She's like, oh, don't make me go to the football. Colby doesn't come and support me with anything. I'm like, well, when we find something,

we'll go and do it for you. Shall we find something? Nah, I just want to go to Colby's football. Right. Okay. It's hard to be the youngest. If I do gym, does that mean when I go to Colby's football training, I can't go on the escape ramp? Okay, well, I'm not doing gym then. Right. Okay. Okay. You just, I sometimes, I can't win for losing. I just have to sit there and go, okay. Yeah, okay. Okay.

Yeah. You're literally saying two opposite things right now. Yeah. Yeah. You want to join a gymnastics club. I've told you it's Tuesdays, but Tuesday's Colby's football training. Yes, I know. I did say that.

But you don't have to go to Colby's football training. Yeah, but I do want to go because it's a skate ramp. Okay. So what do you want me to do? I can't make magic happen. You can't do gym on the scooter on the skate ramp on a Tuesday. Well, Carby plays foot. I just.

I don't know. You just got to do what you've got to do. You've got to make shit happen. I know. She's like, find me a gym class on a Wednesday. Okay. Yeah, it doesn't exist. It doesn't.

And all the groups that she wants to do or trial out for are on the same day of Colby's football training, which is fine because Ren just comes with me. Like dance, Ren would come with me. But she wants to go to football training. Yeah. So I said, you can't be in two places at once. You can't do both. No. So there has to be a, you know, you've got, you can't have a, you can't moan about going to

football training and then want to go to football training. Yeah. You know? Yeah. I'm only one woman. I'm one woman you're herself. Both those things can't be true. No.

So there we go. That's our weeks. Wild up in this week, isn't it? Hectic. And I'm sure we're not the only ones. We're not the only ones. Just trying to survive. Surviving, not thriving.

Getting through. So Emma and I really want to hear from you. We want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us. Respond to what we've been talking about or just say, Hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram to search for Secret Mum Pod

or you can email us. Hello at secret mumpod.com. It's time. Do you want to know something mental? Did I tell you the other week? Did I speak to you? I lost my voice. Yes, we spoke to you when you lost a voice.

Had no voice. And you were asking. But I fully lost it though. It fully went. I had to write notes to the children. Send texts to Chris in the house. Leave me alone. I had to respond to the children like this.

It was mental. I meant my voice is going again. Yeah, I can hear it. I feel like I haven't got it fully back because I've been talking loads. Yeah. Yeah. I am. Well, you know what to do.

Shut the fuck up. Anywho, I'm not going to do that. Where were we at? It's time for the Correspondence Corner! There's me like I lost my voice. That will help. I just snotted on you as well then. Jesus Christ, am I okay?

It's not coming out of you today. A lot of shit. Sir Emma and I want to hear from you in this correspondence. Take it away. Okay, this one says, hello ladies. After the listener asked if they could have a V back after a C-section, I thought I would write in. Yes.

I'm really intrigued about this. I hope this one is a positive. Yes. Well, we'll see. My first baby was an emergency C-section after I was induced. When I was pregnant with my second baby, I had a discussion with my doctor about having a V-back because my experience with the C-section hadn't been ideal.

He advised against it because my hips were narrow, which was why my first birth had ended in an emergency C-section. And he thought it could potentially turn into another emergency. We scheduled my C-section, but my little firecracker Ellie decided she was coming two days before my scheduled section. She was still born by C-section, but again, it was rushed because I was progressing so quickly.

Yes. While I was in the operating room, my doctor told me that I had so much scar tissue from my previous C-section that a V-back would have been impossible because she wouldn't have been able to get past it. Oh, wow. Wow, I've never heard of that before. I've never heard of that. So for me, medically, either way, I would have ended up having a C-section.

I'm in New York and it depends on your doctor and hospital whether they will allow you to try for a V-back after two C-sections. I would revisit why your previous births were emergencies and whether it's safe for you and the baby to try for a V-back. Either way, a safe birth is the best birth. Thanks for this amazing podcast. I work from home and you start my day every Tuesday and Thursday. Thanks, Jen from Long Island, New York.

Oh, Jen! It's Jen with two ends again. Jen with two ends. We love a gem with... Well, we love Jen with one end, but two ends is just so wonderful. Don't tell your bosses that you're listening to us on a Tuesday and Thursday when he meant to be working. She's like, I'm just signing in.

I actually really love that. Yeah. That's really, really, really fantastic advice. So informative. So go back and ask the doctor as to why the emergency C-section in your advice thing happened. Because they'll be on your notes, won't they? Yeah, I wonder why if there was a reason. Yes.

Because some people just like. And then based on scar tissue, she physically wouldn't have been able to have a V-back. Yeah. Wow. So imagine she had tried. She would have gone for an emergency C-section regardless. Yeah. But isn't that funny?

We don't know that. Do you know what I mean? Like I don't know how deep my scar tissue is. And is that just Jen or is that all C-sections? Yeah. You know? Yeah. Obviously not all C-sections because people do have feedbacks.

Also, I was never to know that having three children how wide my hips are. And if like my sister has a, is it a tilted cervix? Yeah. So the U-bend of my sister is so, I don't know whether it's high or shallow. So Roxanne could never get them. Did she have four natural births? All four natural. I don't like saying natural, but vaginal.

She had four vaginal. Eden was foreseps. Tobias went to theatre and she had to have a vontose? Yeah. Sucker. Yeah, sucker. And she was in theatre with Tobias because Tobias had got, again, this was trigger on. I don't really like talking about these things if I haven't given myself a warning.

So we'll put one at the start. But this one, Tobias was stuck. So because of the way her cervix is, Tobias was stuck. And then Ember, obviously because I'm an angel and she's an angel and I was her birthing partner, I got Ember out. Right. Just like, you know when the, what Kardashian was it? Courtney? Was it Courtney?

In the pool. Pulled the baby out of her vagina. No, she was on the bed. She pulled the baby out of her vagina. I basically did that, but I pulled the baby out. Wow. And then Everly was also forceps because Roxanne's, I don't know which way it is now, but got stuck.

So in hindsight, Roxanne was never really going to ever have like a really straightforward vaginal birth because of the way that sits. Did she know that before she had kids? No. And didn't know that until she had Everly. No, no, sorry, no, that's wrong.

Sorry, Tobias. It was after going into theatre with Tobias and having the Von Toots. She only knew it after having two. So that was her second one. But then obviously, Amber came, Ember came really, Embe came a little bit early.

And she had a really great one. And then when Everly came, obviously she'd said about her surveys. But you just don't know these things. It's hard. You don't know if your body's like made for doing it. Because I think the reason why Joseph's head didn't come out of my vagina is because my hips are narrow. And you didn't really go out when you were. Because sometimes our hips go out, don't we?

I think mine have expanded since having pregnancies because my body shape is different now. But I think that's why it was a combination of like my narrow hips. his he was massive baby 9-1 and his head was 98 centile so that head my hips I just think it was never going to happen see my sister has really really narrow hips as well whereas I'm more my hips go out but then I think if I'd had Sadie first small baby small head seven pounds I think maybe she would have come out they just well she didn't know Tobias was only six three and Roxanne in he had twice was the smallest baby Eden was 6.5, Tobias was 6.3. Then Ember was 7.7.4, I want to say. And then Evely was her biggest baby.

That's quite common as they get bigger as they go along. But yeah, it's interesting, isn't it? You never know. But that's really great advice, Jen, with two ends from a Long Island. Yeah. New York City. New York. New York. New York. Concrete. I hate that song. Why? Sorry to be a hater. Where dreams are made of? I'm basically scarred from like a period of music. working in commercial radio. Loads of stuff I can't listen to anymore, traumatized.

Oh, it's a shame. That's one of my favorites. That whole era, basically. Don't listen to anything from, say, from the years of like 2008, 2012. Oh. Yeah. Because you hated your job? No, I love my job.

I just hate to listen to the same shit 24-7. Oh, no, but that's really lovely advice. I really love that. And I hope it reaches and helps a lot of people because that's really fantastic. And keep listening to us, Jen, on a Tuesday. Before you start work, with two ends. Jen's just two ends. So you can get in touch with us on anything at all.

Yes, it can be serious or silly, and you can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we've probably heard it all before. And remember, I forgot about this. Sing along if you know the words. We're all in this together and we know that we are. We're all stars and we see that. I was clicking and then clapping and then doing what. Clicking and then clapping and then fingering.

Your butt home. I'm fingering you. You're fingering me. And you. That was your teacher. I'm fingering you and you and you. No, thank you, Colin. No, thank you, Colin.

Keep your fingers to yourself. So we've got three, I've nearly said three fingers. I nearly said we've got three fingers. We've got three fingers we're inserting into you this week. It does make me laugh, though, when you do have to have a cervix checks to see how far dilator you are. And they go, oh, three fingers in there. Is it three fingers?

They don't put three fingers Yeah, because it's based on this. No, but they're measuring it with their two fingers, aren't they? They're not putting their three fingers in. They put two fingers in and measure the gap with their two fingers. I think they just go into me with a whole hand. Whoa! After three kids, you can't even feel it.

There's a three-piece sofa in it. I don't know why my vagina's up there. I haven't got a fucking clue. I was pretending to be on the bed. Book me. Oh, fuck, just drop me iPad. Anywho, we've got three secrets from you this week. We're going to be discussing.

If you want a finger in, let me... Okay. Take it away, honey. No, I need to stop thinking about fingering now, so I can read this. Seriously. Okay. Hi, Safina and Emma. Hello.

I'm just about to turn 28, and I'm not a mum yet, although my husband and I absolutely can't wait to become parents. Our dreams are currently paused as I'm trying to complete my last five exams out of 16 in total... Fuck me! ...to become a chartered. accountant. My friends have done that. What a ridiculous amount of exams. I thought you were going to say, what a ridiculous job. Really sorry about her. We don't, she doesn't get that out often. Bless her out.

God. No, it's a great job. It's just a lot of exams. It's a great job. It's just a lot of exams. But it's going to be so worth it in the end. She says so that we're in a better financial position before starting a family. God bless you. I'm finding it more and more difficult to wait. Sometimes wanting to become a mum is all I can think about. I know everyone has their own timeline, but I feel sad and a bit jealous every time I see yet another pregnancy announcement. However, I feel guilty and not justified in feeling this way as we're the ones choosing to wait. I'm also nervous that we might face fertility challenges when we do start trying, which will make the way even longer. I'm doing my best to enjoy my current phase of life and not wish it away, but it's hard when so much of my

free time outside of work is devoted to studying, which can be soul-destroying at times. My husband wants a baby as much as I do, but seems to have a much easier time putting the thoughts to one side. I think he's getting a bit fed up with me talking about babies all the time when we aren't at that point in our lives yet. Do you have any advice on how to stop wanting a baby from consuming my thoughts so much for now? I'll continue listening to, laughing at and learning from the podcast

and hopefully one day I can become a fully fledged member of the Secret Mum Club. Lots of love, Emily, you're already a member, honey. Yes. You don't have to have a baby to be in the club. You're in the club. I feel like this could have been me and I think it's really common to have those feelings

even when you know you don't want to have a baby yet. Right now or ever, you know. Or ever, but like I knew I did want to have a baby eventually, but I still thought about it and spoke about it, like quite a lot. Consumes your life. Maybe that's just like a woman thing. I was going to say, I literally have no advice as to how you stop it consuming your every thought. Yeah. Because even though I got told I couldn't have children, I still pined and still wondered and still let it consume my life as to why I couldn't have a baby or, you know, it might change now.

I might be able to try and have a baby, you know. I don't, I wouldn't know the right way to say, just shut it off. Yeah, I don't know if you can. No. You can't do the studying and the qualifications alongside trying for a baby. I mean, because I guess like, I guess it's a lot, isn't it? I don't know how long it's going to take her to qualify, but doing it with a baby, obviously, would be really hard.

And probably doing it in pregnancy would be really hard as well. But yeah, could you can, could you start trying sooner than you thought? You need to speak to her. And I think as well, like the end goal, as much as it's so hard right now, just imagine the moment you're qualified or even if you start trying just right towards the end of you qualifying and then you fall into being able to be, you know, based at homeworking, you're pregnant and have it is like an end goal as to you're going to try when your last exam, like three months into your last exam, you know, it's however it would work out. but I think the drive for me would be the satisfaction of the end goal. I've walked away with all of these qualifications for not only a better life for me, you know, her and her husband, but also for your babies as well.

And just know that that's where you're going to be at at the end of all of this to then it's your next step of life. Yeah. Like it's just your next step. And I think for me that is an exciting way to look at it. And I think it's really natural to pine for something that you want so bad. And you worry that like I want this thing so much, but what if I can't? And would I be better off starting that sooner?

Because what if I get two years down the line? And then it takes us two years to get pregnant. You're just waiting and waiting and waiting. But I do think... There's just no time you can put on fertility. You don't know whether you're going to have problems like now or five years down the line. And you might try and think, oh, well, it took my friends a year, two years, five years, ten years to fall pregnant. That could be ours.

And you might fall pregnant on the first go. Yeah, you never know. You just, you can't, it's like, it's like pissing in the wind, isn't it? You just can't, you just can't, can't say. You just got to think and hope that it would all be okay. Okay. Yeah. But like, like, I knew I wasn't at the stage of my life that I wanted to have a baby yet.

Like, I was living in like a flat that wasn't big enough, living in a one bed flat, had wanted to do jobs that I hadn't got yet. So I was like, even though I know I really want a baby and I worried about not being able to have them when I wanted them and all that stuff. So, and it did feel like every pregnancy announcement, I would get that. little thing of like, I think it's a natural thing to be like, that person's got what I really want and what if I can't have that. That's a natural human thing to be like a little bit jealous. Even when I see people, pregnancy announcements now, I'm like, oh, I know, I just saw loads of

pregnant people this morning. I literally said to Chris on the phone, I was like, there's so many pregnant ladies in London at the moment. And Chris was like, oh, is there? I was like, do you know what I think, I don't know why I've told you that? It's easier for men as well because I think they're not seeing it everywhere all the time. Like I say the same to Stefan. I'm like, I'm seeing so many pregnant women around at the moment. He's like, are you? Either he doesn't notice it or he's just not seeing them, but their algorithms aren't serving them pregnancy announcements and pregnant women and babies and children all the time. We're getting that fed into our eyeballs all day every day. Give it all to me. And so it's all you can think about. And then who did you speak to

about it? Your closest person at home, your husband, I always spoke to Stefan hypothetically about having kids, baby nameless, things that I think a lot of men don't even give a second thought to. And he's like, why are you going on about this hypothetical situation? We're not even having a baby yet. But it'd be like the only thing I could talk to him about. And I'm like, God, I'm just like a broken record. I'm getting really boring. But I think, I think that's really normal. I do. I do think it's really normal. And I think it's really hard to block it out. Yeah. When it's something that you, you really, really want. But if anybody does have any advice to pass on, mine would be go for it. But then obviously I've not, I've not trained to be a

chartered accountant. And also, you've not, you basically spontaneously had a baby when you didn't think, do you don't mean you've never had that like waiting period? Yeah. Because you just got pregnant unexpectedly. Yes. So, you know. It's a toughy one. But we want you to know, Emily, that how you're feeling is warranted.

It's so valid. And it's okay to feel how you feel. Yeah. Feel the emotions, I say. But communication is key. Keep talking to your partner. Again, don't know how long your exams take or anything like that. But maybe said it is your end goal.

Yeah. Yeah. Take each exam at a time and just. get through them. But just know that it's completely, I look at baby announcements. Now, I watch baby name videos. I watch endless baby gender reveals.

Oh, yeah. I love them. I know I don't want any more kids and I still watch it all. Yeah. It's like crack cocaine for me. What's wrong with that? I just love watching it.

And when somebody announces a baby as well, oh, yeah. It's just muff in my face. It's just too delicious. We love you, Emily. God bless you, honey. Okay, let's have secret number two. Okay, hello ladies.

Oh, Sophie. I'm bawling, my eyes out watching you talk about Renly and how difficult it's been. It brings back one memory in particular from when I was settling my little boy into nursery. It was all horrendous. We did six weeks of two hours settling in sessions because he just wasn't settling at all and he never even made it to the hour mark before the nursery would call me to pick him up because he was so hysterical. Anyway, fast forward to his first full day. Drop off was equally horrendous. The girls had to peel him off me because he was hysterical. I walked out holding it together until I got to the

main door and then I was full on snot-sobbing all the way back to the car. Another month mom, who was parked next to me, got out and said, oh, love, are you all right? It gets easier. And I'm cringing thinking about this now. I just started sobbing onto her shoulder. This poor woman was clearly a city girl or office worker, very nicely dressed, and there I was. Full on, snot sobbing on her shoulder and uninvitedly hugging her. F-Y, the hug was not being returned. And I can only imagine how horrified this woman was. To this day, a year later, I've never seen her again.

The girls still have to peel my son off me at every drop off. He still goes in crying, but they tell me it's all for show as he's fine and stops crying. as soon as I'm gone. No advice here, Sof, just another mum who's sobbing with you. Love to you both, Lauren, from Essex. Oh, Lauren. Thank you so much. Aw.

It's just so hard. And like I said, in our other last week's app, is that it just, for me, it's just, it's not even about the money. That's a weird thing to say, I know that. But I just feel like I'm paying for him to do this and put him through this. And I'm not saying that come April, he's going to be perfect. but that's like his, if you want for a better word, government enrollment,

where the government are going to give me funding to put him in. So I know that, you know, people are using nurseries and childminders from a very young age to go back to work. And I feel very privileged. I feel very privileged that I can sit in this position and say, I'm going to keep him home for another six months because a lot of people don't have the choice. You know, I don't know Lauren's situation if she has no option but to put him in. And I get that I'm really.

privileged and I don't want to take it for granted and I just want to soak him up. But I just, I just don't know if I ever go over it. I also don't think he's going to be okay ever going in. Yeah. But my little heart, it's always going to be hard. Thanks, Lauren. It's made me feel way less stupid. Yeah, it's not stupid.

It's not stupid, but you do feel silly. You feel so silly. Like I feel so silly that I just. But look, you're not. alone. No. Lauren cried on a stranger's shoulder. I would have cried on yours, Lauren, to be honest.

We probably would have set each other off and just cried together. But I appreciate you so much. And hopefully there is other mammas out there that don't feel alone and that is, that's all I want is no one to ever feel alone in this. Yeah. Right, let's have our last secret. Okay. Hi, girls.

I just wanted to share a heartwarming moment. My daughter who's 13 started her period last week. All good. We looked after her in every way we could. She said to me at one point, do you know what? what dad said to me when it was just us to in the car earlier. Oh, I just don't know if I could do this. Oh, God.

And I said, what? And she told me that he said, I know I don't know what you're feeling. Oh my God, you're crying. I can't cope. I can't cry. I mean, I never cries. Oh, God. I don't know if I can do it.

It's because you said it's going to be heartwarming. That's the shit that gets me. I just straighten myself up. Right, prepare myself. Go from the top. He said, I know I don't know what you're feeling or going through, but you can talk to me, you know, if you need anything. Well, I cried my eyes out, knowing I heard.

had married and had kids with the exact man I was meant to. She then cried too just because, you know, periods. Keep doing what you're doing, ladies, love from Paula in Wexford, Ireland. Oh, God. So cute. It's like the heartwarming parent stuff that gets me. I watched a Instagram real on my way in of a woman announcing to her parents that she'd got a job that she really wanted. And the reaction, hand me in tears. But then I read the comments and I'm like, oh, I know that I'm not alone and my reaction is normal because everyone in the comments is like, oh my God, this got me. This is so fucking heartwarming. I can't take it. It's those things that really get to me. It's such a weird like a weird state. Like my niece is 17. She's going to be 18 in March and

she says, oh, you know, I might not get a boyfriend one day or I might not find anybody to love, you know, whether it be girl or boy. You know, we always talk about it. She's like, you know, my friends have had boyfriends and they've had boyfriends and I haven't had a boyfriend and she's so strong and so like into her career and so like she's all about making her life great for someone to accommodate to fit into her life not for someone she has to change for them to fit into her life but she she did a post the other day on her on her TikTok and she just posted up And she was just like, it was just her and my brother-in-law. And she was just like, Dad, you set the bar so high.

I just didn't know that not every man wasn't like you. And I just, and she just said, my dad is so great that I'm scared I'll never find another man. And the other day I was literally sat with Chris. And I was just like, what if Dotty never finds a man as wonderful as her dad's? Like, because Chris is so great. Is that wonderful, though, that they've got such a great role model? Yeah. And you just think, I just hope one.

day that they find that but I just feel really lucky that like Dotty really really loves and my brother my brother is such a fantastic man they're just surrounded by the most incredible men which I just said to Eden and I just think they've set the bar so high for you to

find anybody that's ever going to like top them because all of them whether that be our dad or her uncles and vice versa Dotty absolutely dotts on my brother and James like thinks the absolute world of them and I just I just I don't It just feels really great when you've got great people.

How lovely that they've got those role models in their life. I really felt that. Yeah. Thank you so much, Paula. Oh, God. That was very cute. I don't want to make you cry, Rosie, over there, but fuck me. Oh, God.

It's the dads. The dads get me. The dads get me. Yeah. It's too much, isn't it? I don't know what it is. God, we love the dads. So thank you for sharing your secrets this week.

Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mom Club. If you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secretmummpod.com or with SecretMumPod on TikTok and Instagram. Have you got a great partner sharing your load? Or an unsuspecting mum whose shoulder you've cried on? Then let us know, there really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club!