Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Old School Summer Holidays

Episode Date: June 9, 2026

From all-day Sports Days and water fights in the street to ice cream vans and six-week holidays, Soph and Emma take a trip down memory lane and wonder whether childhood summers were really as magical as they remember. Plus, an emotional reunion with a neonatal nurse, advice for a listener ready to start a family, and a secret that's guaranteed to make every parent laugh.Emma Spring Bank Holiday Sale is live! Get up to 25% off plus extra 5% using the code SECRETSLEEP at Emma Sleep.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? And as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself. You can be anonymous. And all those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the secret mum club. Why was that so in time? Oh, stepping time, Matt. Bit time. It comes up a lot, doesn't he, Dick? We love Dick.

Van Dyke. We love the dick. We love the dick, Van Dyke. I normally leave a gap, but I didn't leave a gap that time because I thought maybe I'm the one that's on a delay. And I think actually by not leaving a gap, I was more in time. But now when they edit, are we going to be out of sync? Because we've stayed in time in real time. If you're not watching this on the visuals, I'm at home again this week.

Emma's again stuck in a screen. She's... Because the trains are still up the swan. But I've been putting a lot of... I've been put a lot of Spanors in the works recently because the reason why we're not here next week is because Joseph's got his first sports day. It's a wild one sports day.

You've already had yours? I've had both of hours. I've had both Sports Day. I've had Dotsies and I've had Colby. Let me tell you, right? There was a point in my life when Sports Day was that you lived for it. As soon as you come back off of like half term, normally it was after the half term.

So we would be having it now when you come back off of your May holiday and you'd come back and you'd have this massive like countdown to Sports Day. And when I tell you, it was a whole day event, you were bringing grandma, granddad's, aunties, uncles, distance, cousins, cousins from cousins that you haven't seen for 40, 40 years. Everyone would come together on Sports Day. There'd be barbecues. There'd be food packs.

They'd be vowsy costs. There would be everything. Like when I tell you, it would be an Olympic sport in itself. Now, you're lucky if you get 45 minutes. On a gravel playground, don't cheer on the children. Clap for everybody. We've all got to be supportive. You can't be, you can't just cheer your own child.

Which, I'm about that. I'm all for cheering everybody else on. But it's a quick 45 minutes, get it done. Is that it? That is so sad. I mean, yours could be different, but watching children, I tell you what, the fear in my ass crack, when they are running on fucking concrete and they've got their bare.

Why are not doing it on the grass? We don't have no grass. You don't have a field? So Colby and Dotty are in the school that I used to go to and they used to be a massive field that the school could use but that's been renovated. Like this land got sold and it's got flats and stuff on it now.

So you can't use it. So now all they have is gravel. Gosh, that's so sad. Yep. So it's sports day is not like it used to be. It's not what it used to be. Back in my day. I always remember it.

being sunny as well, which is probably rose-tinted glasses. Like I remember most of my six weeks summer holidays being sunny, probably because I just don't remember the rainy days because they weren't as good. Yeah. But it looks like we've got Joseph's next week and it looks like it's going to rain. I mean, how different, like we were sitting here last week saying, oh my God, it's so hot, it's so hot, it's 35 degrees. No, normal service has resumed in Wales.

It's absolutely pissing down. It's back at three degrees. And the kids have gone to school with their coats on. Yeah. So I think next Wednesday we might be like taking shelter from the rest of. And it's at 9.30 in the morning. Yeah, I know. So I think it's going to be a quick in and out.

They got to get on with their day. Get it done. They've got to go back to school after. I remember it being like, especially at secondary school, it was a big deal. Like you would sit on the field all day. And it would be, it seemed to be more towards like the end of term because you'd basically checked out of doing all your work. Yeah.

And it'd become the fun day. You didn't have to go back to classes. And it was just like a fun day. Yeah. It was maybe even the last day of term. Yes. So you didn't really have to do any work. You could just go home in your PE kit.

There'd be a water fight afterwards. No chance. No, no chance of that now. No, but it's quick 45 minutes. May you push to an hour if they're running over and that's it, done. I mean, I know. Joseph's is probably going to be really crap because they're three and four years old and he's been telling us what they've been practicing.

They've been practicing an egg and spoon race, a three-legged race. He told me and Stephanie was cheating on the egg and spoon. And I said, that's not fair. You know, you've got to do it. A level playing field with everybody else because if you win, it'll be a hollow victory. And Stefan was like, you cheetah. If you can, if you can get it past him, you hold on to that egg. You will be arrested.

That was scare him off. But yeah, obviously, I can't miss it because it's his first one. I think it's going to be really, really cute. I think it's going to be really, really cute. Yeah, I hope so. I hope it's going to be sweet. But yeah, they're not what they used to be, are they? And it's actually quite sad.

And like, where we're in the playground for both babies, you just have to, like, stand around the outside. So normally it would be a time where you talk to parents of like the other children and everyone would come together and it just used to be, I just remember growing up it being one of the best days. And I think you're right. I think it was the end of term because you always got to finish a little bit early and everyone would have a water fight and you'd walk back.

They'd be in the ice cream man on the way home, but it was always hot. Yeah. Just those were the days I will remember. Is that the song? I don't know. I was going to say, yeah. It was a new song. They were the best days of my life.

I thought it was fine before I met you. Anyway, how's your week been? Well, we've gone back to school, haven't we? It's possibly the only return to school that I'm actually really excited to go back. I know, I saw you dancing on a kitchen table. Yes, I did, honey, because the countdown is on. The countdown is on. The term is nearly over and I am fucking here for it.

Most parents are panicking that their kids are going to be off for six weeks, but not so. Well, yeah, that's a really fine. line to tread because I know people do dread the school holidays and I know people have it a lot harder. I'm not saying the school holidays are going to be easy. And also I think people, it's hard, isn't it? Because where I post social media videos, people only see like a snippet into my life and it's everyone always like, oh, do Colby and Dotty argue? Yeah, like cat and dog. They can love hard, but they could also fight hard as well. But that's a bit we, obviously not that we don't, I don't choose to show. It's the bit of them, they're in their,

vulnerable staying is never something I'm going to put on the internet as they'm arguing. But as much as I look forward to it, I do get slightly scared because I think, are they going to really hurt themselves in the holiday? Are they going to eat each other alive? Yes, they will. They'll be so sick of each other. But as long as we're all together under one roof, we can just be angry together. All of us. I'm kind of terrified. This is my first time having a child like off. Because before, nursery just carried on

throughout the school holidays. So it's my first time of being like, how are we going to cover this? Like, it's such a long time. Even the Easter holidays, which is two weeks, felt like a long time,

but six fucking weeks. We just got to pray for the wonderful weather, spend our life in the garden, food dinner, breakfast, lunch dinner in the garden, hopefully the sun is shining. The only thing that you'll find now is when you try and do something

in the school holidays with the children, ramowed. I know, because that's the thing, Like because they're only in like nursery a couple of days and then Joseph's in preschool, which is only the morning. So when we want to do something like an attraction or whatever, we can go when it's still quiet because most children are still at school. So I will now avoid going out at like three or half three because I know it's going to be chaos. Bedlam.

Or doing something on a Saturday because we don't need to. We can still do that on like a Thursday afternoon. Yes. But in the school holidays, it was the same in the half term as well because we had nice weather. Oh my God. It was Ramo everywhere. I just don't what I can't get on board with is when obviously it's the school holidays, I really like to just slow down because it can be so much with them getting up early,

going to school, having the pressure of school coming home, they've got after school clubs and you're trying to squeeze everything in, then you've got football tournaments, dance, competitions and it's all go, go, go. So in the school holidays, because football, I say stops, you go into like tournament season, but it's more of a whole day. Like what I would say, my sports day, you go to like, tournament football days and there's bouncy castles, burger vans, loads of people are there.

It's like a real, yeah, I know, it's like a real fun day to go out. So we look forward to them in the school holidays, but it's just hard to, I really struggle on the holidays to find some get up and go because I just want them to slow down, them to relax, take it all in. But also I do get a little bit scared to go out because I just think, am I going to enjoy going out, i.e. Pepper Pig World,

queuing in blistering sunshine for hours on end or do I just want to sit in the garden just us paddling pool cocktail in hand burger sizzling away I just can't I can't get past that and I know I should probably be like let's get up and go we go out for walks and bike rides and go to the park on the scooters and stuff but to go to like the farm the zoo a theme park any sort of attraction trying to come to London and six weeks holiday, are you mad? No, I can't do it.

I mean, if your kids are happy with that, that's fine. Yes. There's no pressure to do anything. That's what I mean. I love that people can do it. But as a mom of little ones, I think A, that depends on the weather and B, when you've got little ones,

I don't know if everyone else feels like this, but I just feel better when I get out. I have to get out of the house. Like if I'm still at home with them by 10 a.m., I'm like, it's driving me mad. Yeah. my mind, I'm pulling my hair out, they're getting really antsy with each other, because they might have been up for four hours already. Like, they're bored in the house, so now they just

start fighting each other and sometimes I'd feel like I just need to get out. But even a small day out, like we went to a National Trust the other day for a walk, so the activity was free. But we ended up getting lunch there, ice lollies. Parking. The kids had like a little toy, yeah, parking. Kids had a little toy from the shop. That was like 60, 70 quits. Yeah. Done. Like, you can't do that every day. No. No. It's really. It's hard and it is hard. It's trying to find things in the holidays to do. I've actually bought some. I've had them before but I just picked up some new ones. I bought some of them, you know the little trays that go on the on the legs. They look like a cement mixing tray from

like being cute. Yeah, tough tray. I bought some of them for the garden because obviously I'm very lucky at the moment that Colby and Dottie are obsessed with Renley and he is obsessed with them. So I'm going to do like, I'm just going to set up loads of activities for the holidays. I'm getting prepared so that we can have like messy play, some bubbles, some crafting and all of that. Because I just feel like I'm right on the cusp with Colby in the sense of like he's now going into year six. He's soon going to go to secondary school. Is he going to want art and craft with me next year? Probably not.

So I feel like I'm right on the last bit of him being like, no, mum, that's not cool. I'm not doing that. Or I'm going to go out with my friends and play or can I have friends over? So I'm really going to live at this wonderful. right up and have lots of arts and crafts. My Pinterest boards are brimming with ideas of things that we can do. So I'm just going to fill it up, just fill it up with just fun activities. Well, do you know what? Did you see my Instagram the other day? I went to like a stay and play with Joseph and Sadie because it was half 10. He wouldn't normally be with me. And they spent so

long pouring water water from a bucket to a cup to a jug and back again. And I was like, oh my God, this is so simple. So I put it on my Instagram. I, I put it on my Instagram. I, immediately ordered like an urn and a few plastic jugs from Amazon. I was like, oh my God, they can just do that in the garden. And then someone commented saying, yeah, they won't want those plastic jugs though. Those ones won't be the same. No. I was like, yeah, that's probably what they'll say.

They want the saucepins out of your cupboards. Yeah. I want the ones that were at the stay and plate. I can't get those exact ones. But what about this? It's not the same. It's just, and it's the smallest things. It's the smallest things they love, isn't it?

And sometimes I think as well, there's so much pressure from the world and maybe social media to have the best summer holidays, you know, big lavish holidays or big lavish days out. And I just think sometimes it's, I truly believe that it's, as long as we're together, whatever we do is going to be a fun day, you know. And I just tried to make the best out of the smaller things. Yeah, they're the things I remember from when I was younger. Yeah, me too. Being in the street and having a water fire.

Yes. Playing out on my bike, you know, like, God, we sound really old in this episode. I know, really fucking. We're really testing our age before July hits in and we turn 38. What's the fuck? Also, Dawn to me the other day. Chris is 40 next year. Yeah, Stefan's 40 next year.

In fact, it's Stefan's birthday this Sunday. So I'm making preparations for that. He's asked for a barbecue. He's 39 though this year, isn't he? He's 39 and he's having a barbecue for his birthday. I was like, that is really grown up. What's he going to want when he's 40? He's actually asked me, he asked.

He's been asked me every year, I think, since he was like 30. Can I have a surprise party? Oh, God bless his heart. And I'm like, well, it won't be a surprise. If you know. Yeah, if you're asking me for it, it won't be a surprise. But I haven't done it any year throughout his 30s. And I thought, do you know what?

On his 40th, I think he deserves the surprise, not a surprise party. The surprise not surprise party. Can you have a banner that says that? Yeah. So I think I'm going to do it for him. Do it. Not surprise. I'll get everyone to say, not a surprise. I feel like it's so funny, isn't it?

The boys are 39 this year with 38 and next year they're both, they're both 40. We'll have to maybe do a special app for them. Yeah. Celebrate them being 40 and naughty. I mean 40 sounds mad. Like a lot of my friends have already started turning 40 and we've been to some 40th parties. And I'm like, what the hellie? Like I remember.

Looking at 40 year old people thinking, oh, you're well old. Thinking 40 was so old. Like I remember being and helping to organise my mum's 40th birthday party. I was 16. I was there with my boyfriend, George. George. George. George, not his real name. George.

I remember, I even remember my mum's 30th, being there as like a little girl that was in the house. But I remember like organizing and being at my mum's 40th birthday. She had a 16 year old, a 17 year old and like a 19 year old. It's wild. Isn't that mental? And now I'm like, my friends are turning 40. Like, what the hell?

No, we're 20. We're 21. Fun, fun. When did this happen? My mum turned in 40. My dad hired her a limo to go to her party, her 40th birthday party. But we were at home because it was for grownups. So we had a babysitter.

So when the limo arrived to collect my mum, my dad was like, oh, do you want to just jump in the car? We'll drive you round the block and drop you back off with the babysitter. You know, because it's a limousine. That was, that was, I vomited in my crutch. No, in the limo. Just went in my crutch of the limo. My mum was dressed in her party, get up.

My dad was dressed up. And I just vomited in the limousine. So yet they rushed me back and I think it was a great 40th birthday for her once you'll never forget. I mean, you've got to have an iconic moment. You don't want to forget that time, you know? It's like the time everyone was getting ready to go to my auntie's 30th and I decided, I was like so bored of everyone taking ages to get ready that I decided to see if I could make my way down the stairs with my eyes closed. And I fell down the stairs.

Stunning. And I got knocked unconscious and instead of going to Auntie Jane's 30th, everyone had to go to A&E with me. Emma Jones. What the fuck? I've been telling it to Joseph recently as like a cautionary tale because he keeps playing on the stairs and I'm like, don't play on the stairs. Remember what happened to Mummy?

And he's like, oh yeah. Terrified. Maybe I just throw myself down there today. I say to him, don't try and make your way down the stairs all around the house with your eyes closed because I tried that and it didn't end well. It didn't end well for me. It was just not the one. That's just the kind of shit I was doing when I was little.

Can imagine how annoyed everyone would have been. Me meant to be going to a party and you've got to go to A&E with your 8 year old instead. Because she threw herself down the stairs. She threw herself down the stairs. We had a door at the bottom of the stairs, which I smacked away. She thought she could fly. You can't fly. I mean, what an idiot.

What an agent. What a plunker. Anyway, so Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yes, we want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about, or just say, hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search for Secret Mumpod or you can email us.

Hello at Secret Mumpod.com. Welcome back. It's my favourite time of the week It's the secret of the week I bet they get to a point I wonder if people get to the point Like how many more secrets can this girl come with You know

There are everyday occurrences But we like to call them secrets Because they're the stuff that happens That you don't really ever want to talk about Or this is stuff that you want to talk about You know Mine this week is something that is about me actually Oh

It's not about the kids No, it's not about my piles either. Because they are bulging out of my butt crack. They are really bad at the moment. I'm severely constipated and my hemorrhoids are paying. But anyhow, we obviously, there's me talking about the school holidays. We don't do big things. We did actually go to Poulton's Park right at the very end.

We went on the Sunday. No, sorry, this Saturday before we returned back to school, just gone. And I thought, let's go down there. The weather had cooled down. I thought, oh, we'll go out because the babies had been home. week. So he thought, I would just pop down. It might not be too busy. It was busy. There was a new ride open and we wanted to try the new ride. So he popped down to Pultons Park. And do you know what? It was a wonderful day. It wasn't too hot. It was brilliant. And I always feel like I picked the best

days to go. I don't want to say like I'm a Pultons Park guru, but I really might be. We went, me and my sister went into the toilet, right? And my sister was banging on my door. And she was like, Safina, are you nearly done? I was like, oh God, what's happened? Like, do you need bog roll? Do you need something? And she was like, quickly, quickly. So I was like, shewing up my jeans, come out of the toilet. And she was like, this lady, do you know this lady? Do you remember this lady? And I was trying to look, the woman was washing her hands at the sink. And I was trying to like, look round. And Roxham was going, listen, listen to her voice. Or she didn't fucking say anything. So then

she walked out of the toilet and Roxanne was going, do you remember who that is? And I was like, no, I can't see her face. I don't know who it is. And she was like, it's Elizabeth. And I was like, what, Elizabeth, Elizabeth? She was like, yeah, Elizabeth. So I ran out of the toilet. Everyone's looking at me like, what the fuck? I ran out of the toilet, watched where she was going. She was measuring her grandson's, her grandson to see if he was big enough to get on the ride. And obviously he wasn't, obviously, he wasn't big enough.

So they started walking back. So I literally legged it over to her. And I was like, Elizabeth. And she was like, hello? And I was like, I don't think you're going to remember me. But I can't not say hello because it's been two years. it was my neonatal nurse from, and I just burst into tears. And she was like, oh my God, Safina.

And it instantly knew my name and recognised me. And I haven't seen her in two years. And I was like, oh, I just had to stop you. Because obviously I haven't seen you since I left the hospital. This is Renley now. And she was just, oh, I was just in floods of tears in the middle of Poulton's Park, just reuniting with my neonatal midwife. Oh, it was just an absolutely glorious moment.

and she was like, oh, my daughter follows you. And she said that you went to the BAFTAs and she showed me and you look so beautiful. And I was literally just bowling my eyes out in the middle of Poitans Park. And you know what? I asked her for a picture. I got a picture of me. Like she was a celebrity.

The middle of Powens Park. Well, I'm literally bowling my eyes out, holding Renly. She was just the most calmest, sweetest. And instantly, the moment I saw her face, it just flooded back to me. And isn't it weird? Like, even all like the same feeling in my tummy when I was sat in the hospital. Like, it's two whole years ago of like when she used to walk into my room and how happy and

smiley and how much she just put me at ease. I instantly felt like so at ease in her presence. And I was just like, I've got all them feelings back of like when I was in the hospital and like every morning that I'd see her come in. And it was just, it was just so joyous. And I don't know. There wasn't part of me when, like, we'd said, goodbyes and I was like bawling my eyes out that I said to Roxanne was that too much in that

moment I didn't I didn't think I fucking beeline this poor lady down with her two grandchildren and I did apologize and I was like I'm so sorry I know you're really busy and you're with your grandchildren but I just have to say this I literally made a bit I didn't give her I didn't give her any option I be lined her she probably loved that because how often like you you obviously really remember her, but like she's seen loads of women. So she's been in there. So initially she probably thought, oh, who are you? And obviously she did remember eventually. But how nice for her to have that like recognition? Because

she probably doesn't see or speak to that many women after she sees them in hospital. So to see you and to see the baby that she looked after. Yeah. I bet she thought that was amazing. It made me laugh though because I said to her, I was like, you're probably not going to remember me. But I said you were one of the midwives that looked after. my baby in the hospital. And I said, I'm so sorry. As soon as I saw your face, I had to run over. And she was like, oh, it's okay. And I was said, you know, I didn't want to panic and call you by your name. And she was like, you remember my name. And she was like, can't believe you remember my name. I was like, as if I'm ever going to forget your name. It's actually, I even remember her telling me about her

grandchildren. So I remember, obviously, won't say their names, but I remember the baby's names. And I was like, oh, is this so and so and so? And she was, like, this is so sweet. And I just, it's just that moment. And I know there's, there's, oh, we've got midwives that listen and, you know, mummies, new mummies to be, mummies that have been in neonatal, mummies that have had babies, everybody in the, in the process, there's always like the one person or multiple people that just stick with you in that journey. And I just, I just had to tell her, because I just don't think there's ever enough gratitude given, like, we came out, we came out of it. and she was even like she was holding Renley's little face and she was just like all these bruises

has gone and I was actually like honestly every time she said something else I was even crying about it now just was in floods of tears that she'd remembered him and everything and I just I'm so incredibly grateful for all of them women and I just I just had to tell her I just had to tell her so why it's amazing that you remember because obviously you had a bit more of an intense experience where you probably saw them a bit more and and for a bit longer whereas I don't remember any anyone I saw, any of my midwife's names, I only remember my anisitist before I had my C-section with Sadie because I saw her a few times. So we kind of like built up a bit of a relationship. Shout out, Christine. Shout out, Christine. My friends ended up having the same one because

I'd explained to her. She was really eccentric and like really enthusiastic and kind of like, just really, really memorable. And then my friend went to the same hospital. She went to like, Christine, you had. And I was like, yeah, she's fun, isn't she? And she was like, yeah. nuts, but she was great. But I don't remember any of my midwives, but like a month ago, I think, it was like National Day of the Midwife. And there was a lot of stuff on my social media of people calling out their midwives by names and thanking them and saying, I'll always remember Emily or I'll never forget Laura or, you know, Nicole really helped me. And I thought, God, how amazing that they, for the midwives, that they remember them. They must have done such a good job. You know, they see

thousands of women, but the women that had the babies, some of them, they remember them forever. Yeah. And I just thought that's so lovely, isn't it? I remember quite, well, obviously we've got our trace. We're never going to forget our trace and Lisa. I still see trace now. But obviously, Elizabeth, there was a few people, but Colby's was a lady called Sue and she was just so, so divine this lady Sue.

And then my midwife who delivered Colby was Sophie. Dotsies, I don't really remember too much of. I don't really remember because it was so quick because I wasn't really prepared. I just got colostasis right at the very end. And then it just was like, well, we're going to induce you now. Off we go. But she was wonderful. I just don't remember her name.

And I wish I could remember her name. And then I even remember Debbie. Debbie was a midwife for Ember. I remember her face. I see her all the time as well. And I just want to be like, all right, Deb. I was at the birth of my niece. You were great.

Thank you for showing me the placenta. I really appreciate it. And there's never a day that I don't ever think of you, Debbie. So, yeah, isn't it funny? I think like you say, I think if the experience is more intense or you have a longer journey, it's so easy to remember those. And I just think the time was just so incredibly special for Renli. And I just don't know that sometimes they ever get enough gratitude as to how impactful she was to me in the hospital, like how important she was to me in the hospital. That even if it was just a morning hello, it meant the world to me because it's a fucking tough one out there.

But anywho, I don't want to fucking cry again because I did to Elizabeth in the middle of Poulton's Park. People were looking at me like, it was like a family reunion in the middle of... She's just my midwife. It's just my midwife. Oh, so there you go. That's my secret this week.

So if you saw me, which you probably didn't, because I was hiding behind the back of a ride. That's my secret this week. And we're going to get into some of yours after this short break. We've got three secrets from you this week. We're going to be discussing. So Emma, take it away, honi. Okay, this says, hi ladies. I really need some advice. My three-year-old has recently started absolutely refusing nursery drop-offs.

She goes from being totally fine at home to clinging to my leg, crying and begging me not to leave the second we arrive. The staff are lovely and say she's fine within minutes, but the handover is getting harder every day. And I end up leaving, feeling really guilty and shaken. We've tried earlier nights, talking about nursery in advance, even a sticker reward chart, but nothing seems to be helpful. at the moment. Is this just a phase and how do I stop feeling like I'm traumatising her every morning? Love Amy. We've actually had someone messaging this before, haven't we, that the nursery drop-off is a hard one. Yeah, I think it can, it can, they can go through phases where it's easier and phases where it's harder. And I think this is a really, yeah, because we think we maybe had something

similar. So I think this is a really common situation. Yes. And I get it with mine, like they don't always want to go in. They'd probably rather be at home with us. And we spend a bit of time at home playing in the morning. And they think, actually, I'd rather be doing that today. So when you drop them off, they want to stay with you. They don't want to go in. But like you say, they're fine within minutes.

You could ask them, like on days where Sadie is like particularly unhappy going in, they, and I feel okay about handing her over because actually I do know that she is fine once she gets in there. And they're really good at sending an update. So if she goes in a bit upset, they'll, send me a picture on the app and be like, look, she's totally fine. She's playing happily now. So maybe you could ask them for an update like that. But it doesn't make the drop off any easier. And to be honest, mine, it's more just like a bit of clinginess, a bit of reluctance.

Like I've never really had them be traumatized, screaming for me, you know, clinging on to me, not letting me go. And I can only imagine how stressful that must be. Yeah. Yeah. That must be really hard. I don't know what to suggest. Maybe the nursery staff could let you go in with her, but I don't know whether that would make it worse because she would think you're staying with her. Yeah, it definitely is a phase. I would say Dotty never,

doty loved preschool, you know, nursery preschool and she used to run in. Colby went through a little bit of a phase of preschool where he didn't want to go in and he used to get quite upset. But he was never, he would cry, but he was never like dragged off of me. we did have to, not have to watch, sorry, but there was parents there where children were really,

really kicking off and they were having to, you know, pull the children away from the parents, because the parents got to go to work and so forth. And you can just see the stress, like, in both of their faces, not only the child, but the parent as well dropping them off. And there's nothing worse, is there when you're just having an absolute horrific drop off? You're so frantic, so stressed, you go worried in the car thinking about them. It just ruins, it just ruins the day. So I say it is a phase. I feel like she will get through her. I would have suggested asking the preschool she could go in. But again, with Emma, I don't think that one is going to work because then she'll think you're staying. You could always do it and then sneak out. Do you talk about

preschool in the morning or nursery in the morning? Do you say, oh, we're going to go to nursery today? It says she has tried talking about it in advance. What about when she comes home? Like my kids quite like to see, I'm assuming there's like an app, it's usually like a nursery app where they share pictures and stuff from the day. My kids quite like to see when they come home, I go on the app and we look at the pictures of them, of what they've been doing at nursery that day. And I say, oh, who's that you're playing with there? Or what activity did you do today? I think often when they come out and they get in the car and I go, did you have a good day today? What do you? They're always like, nothing. Don't remember. I don't want to talk about it.

But the pictures on the app sometimes prompt them to have a bit more of a conversation with you about it. And then you might get a bit more of an insight into, oh, who's she playing with and what does she do today? And then when she goes in the next day, you could say, oh, they might have the colouring out again today or they might have the water play out again today. You really liked that yesterday, didn't you?

And she can get excited to go in. Also, if you can identify some of her little friends that she plays with, you can maybe set up some play dates with the parents for outside of nursery so that she gets excited to go in and see that one particular friend. That's what I was going to say. That could help. Yes.

Or is there anybody else that can do the drop off? So is there maybe a grandparent that could take her to do the drop off? Or, you know, I know that's a big ask, but I wonder if she would be the same. Just maybe as a, like, what's the word I'm looking for as like a test to see if she does it the same with a grandparent or dad or an auntie or somebody, somebody. that she loves and is around all the time. If there is somebody that would take her to be to nursery that morning and how she is when they drop her off, that would be interesting to know.

Yeah, because sometimes they're, I don't know, my kids are like this as well, they can be like super clingy for me. And then when they're with their grandparents or something, they'll be like, she was totally fine. She's totally fine when you're not here, but sometimes I think I make it worse. Renly doesn't ever leave my side.

He is my little Valkrow boy. my best little bud, doesn't leave me. If Chris tries to take him, he'll scream. Doesn't want Daddy to make his sandwich. Doesn't want Daddy to open his crisp. Don't want Daddy to get his drink. Like nothing.

Chris can't do anything. Chris isn't even allowed to push the trolley or the pram that he's in. He's that, Mommy, push me. I know. And Chris is like, what is fucking wrong with me? Like, what have I done? But it's the moment my sister comes around and all the children, sorry, love your, who the fuck are you?

Yeah, Mommy, he gets, Eden will get his snacks. and then dots will get his biscuit onto your wipe his bottom, you know? It's finding just what works best. If there is maybe somebody else that can try and do the drop off, just as a test for one day just to see how she goes off. But it is a tough one. But we would love to hear from anybody that has experienced this. How did you get through it?

Anybody going through it is having a positive response from maybe tips or tricks that you are doing to help Amy that would be wonderful because honestly it's you dread it you go to bed and you just think I've got to fucking go through this all again tomorrow oh god it just it must just ruin your whole yeah yeah so draining i remember i saw a really awful one once that i'm like still traumatized we used to live around the corner from a primary school and i was just walking past one day and there was a little boy didn't want to go into school and his dad he was literally clink ripping onto the railing screaming about it he was like no daddy i hate you daddy i don't want to go in cry and it And it made me cry.

It made me cry seeing someone else's child doing it. Because I was like, one awful morning for that dad. He must just feel so terrible. And the little boy. Oh, it's just like, yeah, think about that a lot. So, Amy, I'm, yeah, I'm so sorry. It must be so stressful. We hear you.

I'm sure you're not alone. And like you say, if anyone's got any experience of it, it'd be good. That would be wonderful. And we'd love to share it on to help Amy. And also help any other parents that are going through this because it is a very, very tough one. So we appreciate you, we see you, and fingers crossed, fingers crossed, things get better for you both. Okay, let's have secret number two.

Okay, hey girlies, I'm 26, nearly 27, and not a mum yet, but I really hope to be. I've been with my partner for almost four years. From early on in our relationship, I've said I'd like to have a baby before 30. I think in his head he's heard 30, whereas I've always meant closer to 27 to give us time if it doesn't happen. straight away. He's really optimistic and says it'll all be fine and happen when the time is right. But I have this deep fear of never becoming a mum and I feel like I want to get going sooner rather than later. I think deep down he might be a bit scared of the reality of it happening now. We bought our first home last year and I feel really settled and ready for the next step.

Though I'd still quite like a ring first, still waiting. I love our life together and I know it will change everything but I keep thinking how amazing it would be with a little one. I think he wants more time just the two of us, whereas I see a baby as adding to what we already have. I'm worried he might never feel ready, whether mentally or financially. I'd love to hear other people's perspectives. How do you get your partner to understand that there's never really a perfect time? He says he wants children, I'm just not sure when. Thank you and all the best. Keep being you. Lots of love, anonymous. This is a hard one because I feel like you're not really on the same page. And I feel like

you may be just saying 30 to appease your partner when really you do mean 27. You feel like you're ready for a baby now and he's not ready. ready for a baby now, maybe because you've always said 30. So he's got in his head, we're waiting another three years. So I feel like that's where the miscommunication has come. Maybe if you just say to him, actually, I know I've always said 30, but I kind of feel like ready for it now. Yeah. Yeah, I think it's more, it's more that the conversation, isn't it?

I think it's, there's a lot to take into it, isn't there? There's a new house. They've been together four years. They've just bought their first house. Like everything is so new in their relationship. It can all feel very daunting. But even, I still do believe you both need to be on the same page. Like even though Chris was scared, I was scared.

We didn't know if it was the right time or is it the wrong time. Obviously, we were very new into our relationship and it happened very quickly for us. And we had to make a very quick decision like, are we doing this together or, you know, we had to make that decision pretty quick. but I think you both need to be on the same page. So I would definitely have that conversation saying, look, I know we're aiming at 30, but I do feel like I'm ready now. And he might say, you know what, let's just give it six months to settle in the house

or give it a year. Maybe explained to him as well if you haven't already that it just doesn't happen the first time for everybody. I know there is people that it does happen in the first month of trying. But there is also the ones that try for a really, really long time. So that bit is really hard to try and explain to, I think, a man that it just doesn't, well, I don't want to say it doesn't happen first time because it could happen first time. But sometimes there is a process in it. And I think sometimes that's a little bit harder to explain to men.

Yes, I agree. Because I think as a woman, you always feel like your biological clock is ticking. And that's maybe something that he hasn't even considered. Yes. But having said that, if you say, look, it could take us three years to get pregnant. And by the time we have the baby, I will be 30. And then you get pregnant next month, he might suddenly be like, well, shit, you told me it was going to take three years and now I'm not ready for this. So, you know, I mean, that's one of the things you're never going to know. That's like, that's an uncontrollable. But I feel like maybe if you explain that to him, if you explain that that's why you're anxious and you want to get going sooner rather than later, then maybe he'll understand. But ultimately, like, you've got to agree. Both have to be ready. You both have got to agree. Would we be okay if it happened next month?

Would we be okay if it happened in six months in a year? Yeah. Three years time. And maybe if he's got more of a three year kind of time span in his head and you want to do it right away, maybe you can compromise on in the next year or the next 18 months or something, just to give yourself a bit longer to settle in your home and for it to just be the two of you. And I'd say there's no rush. There is no rush.

Don't worry about fertility things before they've even happened. Don't manifest it. Like you might be absolutely fine. Yeah. But you've got plenty of time. You're only 27. Yeah. And I think it's hard, isn't it?

I think when you are, you know, when you are 27 and you haven't even thought about trying for a baby, let alone actually try for a baby. I think it all sits in the back of our head. Like, what if I'm never going to be able to carry a baby? And I think sometimes we don't think about it. And then we get there and we can't have babies. And we're like, well, what if we've done something before now? And I could have changed something in the lead up to this. I guess it's all the unknown.

It's all the what if. And I think, like Emma said, I think it's just best to focus on you to focus on your new house. There is no rush. Would I, it's hard for me because obviously I fell pregnant when I wasn't meant to fall pregnant. I had lots of odds stacked against me. And we weren't planning on having Colby four months into our relate, falling pregnant

with Colby four months into our relationship. But I don't feel like you can put an age on having a baby. Like, maybe it's because I. I've had children before or maybe it might be my age. But having a baby at that I was way more relaxed having Renley than I was having Colby at 28, which it might have been because I was a first time mum and didn't know what I was doing. But I don't, it's really hard to tell someone not to put the pressure on your age because it doesn't make any difference.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, exactly. You might feel like you're totally ready at 27 and you might be. Like, look, so if you did it and it all worked out all right, I planned mine and took us like a while to get pregnant the first time and I was 33, I think, which is kind of where I'd pictured it in my head. So like me and Stefan were both ready. We were both like hoping for that to happen. But I think forget about the age. The age is just a number. As long as you and your partner are both on the same page. Same page. That's the most important thing. Yes. Same page. Happy, settled in your little house, in your bubble. That's the most important thing. But if anybody, does have any advice that we could share on or you've been in this situation or you're in it, we always love your feedback and your advice to give to the other girlies. So let us know.

Right, let's have our last secret, Emma. Okay, this says, hi ladies, I'm a mum of two, Dolly, who's five and Taylor, who's three. Oh, beautiful names. The other day Taylor asked me how babies get into mummy's tum-tum and I completely panicked. Without even thinking, I told her, Daddy gives mummy a special cuddle. Big mistake. husband hugs me. She yells, no, not another baby. But it gets worse. Apparently, she also told her teacher at kindergarten. My daddy keeps trying to put babies in my mummy's tum tum. Yikes.

Love you guys so much, Carrie from Texas. Oh, no, Carrie. I absolutely adore. He's going to get reported. Oh, God. Can you imagine she, she goes to, Taylor goes to hug daddy. Don't make me pregnant. When you like sanitise it too much, they're like, Oh no. Yeah, maybe Daddy can make me pregnant. Oh, no. Oh, bless her heart. It's a hard thing to say though. Like Joseph's asking me all these questions now and I'm just like, I don't really know what to say. I don't want to be explicit because he's four, but I also don't want to like mislead him. It's very difficult. I don't know that I've ever had the conversation. Well, I think I have had it now. Well, not not the full conversation. But I don't think any of mine asked how the baby got in my tummy. They asked how the baby gets out and I was like, out of the foo or some mummies have them, the babies have to have surgery to get the babies out.

So I've always explained that to them. But I don't know if I've ever said like, this is how the baby gets. No, I have never said that. I literally just got a really dry mouth because I don't know how I would explain how that got in there. A little seed planted in there. Yeah.

Just get daddy's little seed and plant it in your tummy. I've just said to Joseph, I just got pregnant. He's like, what happened with Sadie? I'm like, you just get pregnant. It's just what happened. You just catch it like a disease. Just get pregnant. Oh, Carrie.

Oh, Carrie. That is absolutely adorable. Taylor, don't ever stop, honey. I'm just waiting for Carrie to come back and say, well, she asked her dad not to make her pregnant by giving him a hug. Oh, gosh. Bless her heart. So thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club.

And if you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secretmummpod.com or with SecretMummpod on TikTok and Instagram. How do you explain the miracle of life to babies? And what fun activities do you remember from your childhood? Then let us know there really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club!