Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Pelvic POWER!

Episode Date: July 21, 2026

From morning routines to mum groups and potty training chaos, the ladies are sharing the reality behind the “perfect” parenting life (spoiler: nobody has it figured out!). Plus, one listener shares a pregnancy appointment story involving a very impressive (and unexpected) display of pelvic power...Emma Spring Bank Holiday Sale is live! Get up to 25% off plus extra 5% using the code SECRETSLEEP at Emma Sleep.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Secret Mum Club starts in just a moment. But first, I've got a recommendation for your next listen, Made by Mummers. Zoe Hardman and Georgia Dayton are joined by couples therapist and relationship coach Karen Doherty. Because sometimes we all need a little help navigating the ups, downs and the Are We Actually OK moments of a relationship. Search for Made by Mummers now and get the episode lined up to play next. Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina.

And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a special. safe space for mums everywhere. Safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do, and as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. And keep that to yourself, you can be anonymous.

And all those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the secret mom club. Y! I feel like, because that was the second one the day, we were in the zone. We were in the zone. We nailed it. We just recorded a mini as well, so I was really expecting to be off. No, we're on fire.

We're on fire. We're expecting to be off. We're warmed up. We're locked and loaded. and we're ready to hit a heat wave. Oh my God. Fucking hell. It's coming in thick and strong, isn't it?

You said it was 40, going to be 42. Yes, my car was reading 38. I honestly thought my skin was going to burn off of my bones. It was too, I was like this. Hoo ha, ha, ho! Ha! The aircon can come on quick enough. Yeah, and then the steering while I was like, ha, ha, ha, ho, trying to turn it like a hot potato.

Ha, ha, ha. And I had to go and pick Colby up from school because he's had a couple of episodes at school where he is, his asthma's not doing, his asthma's not doing great. It's hard for him in the heat. And he's really, And he's really struggling with his chest feeling so tight.

And then the problem is, is once he panics, it then also stems it all to be bad. So we've had to pick him up twice Monday and Tuesday this week from school. So I'm waiting because it's Wednesday now if he's going to be picked up. But yesterday, my car was 38 and I had to rush out and pick him up. And I was trying to, I couldn't get the car cooled down quick enough. And I was like, a hot potato in the steering wheel. There was two cool bits at the bottom of the steering wheel.

So I was like this, driving the car with my back. Like, oh yeah, I'm having a great time. I got to the school and I said to call me, I'm sorry, dude, I can't call this fucking thing down. I can't get it cool enough. It hasn't been as mental. You were like, has it even been hot in Wales? Because I came in today in a jacket. Because when I left the house, it was like 14.

It wasn't that. I've come naked. Well, London's fucking boiling. I've come to naked London. It's boiling. I've come to naked London. Everyone in London is naked, including me. They do a naked cycling, London.

Have you seen that? No, it won't be participating. Loads of fannies and willies on bikes. I don't know how I feel about it. seeing balls and testicles on a seat, just barebacked, you know, just, I think a foo-foo would look fine because it's the fooos all. It's the Willie hanging down, isn't it? Is it going to hang over one side?

You put it in the balls over one side? Yeah, what if Willie and balls are two different sides? Yeah. Or what if it's one ball, either side of the seat? You know, my friends move to San Francisco? Let me know if you're a naked cyclist. Our friends that have moved to San Francisco, Joseph's best friend, Desi. Are they naked bicyclists?

No, but they went to a pride parade a couple of weekends ago. So she messaged us saying like, we went down to this pride parade. But I don't know if I can say this, but she said, this is what they call it. They do an event called Dykes on Bikes. Oh. And she started down there with her two kids. And she said a police officer actually advised him. He was like, you better off up the hill.

It's going to get a bit too naked down here. A bit too naked. I was like, that'd make me want to stay more. Yeah, I'd want to see it. Show me all the willies. Willys and foofos. Boobies everywhere. Yeah, yeah.

Or imagine on a bike with just your bare boobies going up and down. And if you've got quite big boobies, like bouncing up and down. Yeah. We'd be all right, wouldn't we? Yeah, fucking hell. They'll be like, bloody hell, that man hasn't got a penis. That's a lost his penis on the bike. Yeah, it fell off.

I cut the circulation off of the seat. Lost me dick back on Roe. Run too. You willy fell off. Fucking hell. Oh, bloody out, that man's got big nipples. That would be. That'd be you.

Ha ha ha. No, I could never. I don't fancy having a bike saddle. I definitely would rather watch naked women on bikes than I think naked men. I'd rather watch naked women in general. Nothing against naked men. It just, willies are, I've said it before, are aggressive. Yeah, which is ironic for us as like a father of five children.

Mothers of five children between us. But, no. We don't, yeah, we don't. This took a turn. This is too much. This is took a turn for a Tuesday morning. How'd you? How'd you?

Ever thought of a naked willy on a sea? Then let us know there really is nothing. Too outrageous. How's my week been? I'm in the midst of... I'm painting my utility room. Oh, don't tell me. You've started the hand-painted leper print.

No, I haven't started it, but I've bought the pain. Oh, my God. I've got the sample pots. How's this going to work? Is it a stencil? No, I'm going to free-ball it. What do you mean? Just look at the wall and draw it on.

Oh, God. I don't know about this. Oh, I feel like it's going to be great. Are you going to document it? Yes, of you am. Yes. I document fucking everything. Yeah, so I can see whether it's, whether it turns out.

Yeah. Well, yeah. I'm really excited about it. How was that going to take you? I don't know, but I'm here for the ride. Although someone did say to me, you shouldn't really paint in these extreme temperatures because the paint would dry too quickly and crack. But Dottie's room's doing great.

Oh, is that true? And I painted it in the last heat wave. Yeah. Basically having a heat wave a month, aren't we? I also was waiting for the stickers to peel off. I can confirm. The stickers are still on the wall. Yeah.

I was expecting to come in the next day and then just all be on the floor. They're not floppy Or just hanging off Oh, lollum Yeah Like a Willie on the seat You're possessed Willies on the brain

Can't get out of my head now Can't get that thought out of my head No But we are back in the heat wave The pool is up Yeah It's like mid I think it's gonna be like high 20s

with us which is like a bit more bearable But once you get into the 30s Mid to high 30s I've been reading books in the garden Yes I finished a book I saw you with a book on your Instagram

and I thought What the hell? What kind of AI is this? Who is that? Who is that? She's been hacked. I read a whole book and I'm utterly obsessed with it. Is this, what was that TV show?

Off campus. I've tried to go into the second book, but everyone was saying I need to at least give it one day for the old book to settle in before you start the new one because I tried to start the new one. I've read 16 pages, I think about 48 times because I can't get it to sink into my brain. And I don't know whether it's because I really love the first book so much

or because the story of the film on Netflix is based on, it's not Netflix as it's prime. I don't know where the provider is, but off campus. I don't know whether I love that so much that the book reflected that. So the series is only based on the first book. Yes. Oh, okay. So now I'm struggling.

Yeah, because you've actually got to imagine it now. Yeah, I do actually have to imagine it. Like I've got no, well, I have got faces because it's based on characters still in season one. You've got no settings to base it on. You can envision the faces, but yeah. How you feel about reading that? You're enjoying it? I'm actually finding a lot of peace in it.

Oh, yeah. It's really, it's really channeling my mind. Rather than sitting on my phone just scrolling, I'm reading. Yeah. And the babies have been like, Mom, I'm so proud of you. And they're reading with me, so we're all just sitting down having a little reading in the evening. That's one of my goals for, like, to be a family that reads together. Because I think sitting around and like scrolling on our phones is not really an image that I really want to like a train.

Well, I want to try and do better, don't I? Yeah. We want to try and do better since, not because it's, because it's, because. because of Toy Story, but I don't want them having that much access to iPads, TVs and all the electronics. And I thought if they see me reading, they may be, but they both read anyway, they might be inclined. And we just sat down the other night, the three of us, so the sun was going down in the garden. And it was very, I was having a little bit of an imposter syndrome like this. Is this my life? I never ever thought I was going to be at this point in my life. Yeah.

But Chris, he won't sit down. He's, no. No, not a reader. No. He's basically just running around after Renli who's pissing all over the garden. Well, you need someone to do that. So that's great that Chris steps up into that role. Yeah. We do it so great. Yeah. But I was very much in the calm corner.

Yeah. And Chris is trying to. Renly is very much out of nappies, but not on the potty. We're very much just pissing all over the garden. Well, look, at least the weather's nice. The weather is divine. We've also gone in on the potty training. Have you?

Yes. Are you pissing in the middle of the lawn? Not you personally. No, I still am. Yeah. She hasn't. been outside yet, Sadie. She's only been on the potty. She's had like two accidents. Stunners. And it's only been, I think we're day four, three or four. Nice. But the last two days

have been at nursery. So I basically, I did two days at home. And then I handed her over to nursery and I said, In pants. Yeah. And I said, off you go with that. Good luck. And no accidents. She did great. She had one accident on the first day. Bless her. Today is day two. But I was just like periodically sitting her on the potty and they said at nursery yesterday she was telling them when she wanted to go. So I think, and she's, we're doing her younger than we did Joseph. He was two and a half. She's like two and four months. Or actually even only just two and three months. But I don't really know why I started it. I kind of just, I started coming down in the morning and like taking off her overnight nappy and kind of just letting her just like just mill around for a bit. And then I would like, she would have

her milk and then I'd sit around the potty and she was doing a wee. So I was thinking maybe she's getting this. She's not just like Follow her leave She's not just weeing willy-nilly No So I was like maybe she's ready So I kind of just like Carried on doing it that day

Oh actually no the first day So we had a big day out So I did have to put a nappy back on her And I was like oh I think this is really going to confuse her But the next day I was like right No we're doing it properly now And she's only been in knickers since Apart from overnight

I am still putting a nappy on her Yes But her daytime naps She's been totally Totally dry I just put a towel over her mattress And I make her make her have a wee before and after, but she's been totally dry during her naps.

So I just think, and I'm hoping, she's going to be so much easier than Joseph. They say girls are a little bit easier. The only thing is we're having the opposite problem where he was okay pooing, but didn't really get the hang of the wheeze, where most people normally say they get the hang of the whee's, but they don't want to poo on the potty, and that's exactly what we're getting with Sadie. She is withholding her poo. She didn't go for like a few days.

And then last night, she inevitably, she pooed in the bath. bless her heart I was waiting for it because she kept saying to me poo poo and I was saying my mommy take you on the toilet or the potty

and I really tried to get her to do it and she was trumping away and I thought it's too stressful she needs a poo but I think it's she wants to be standing up

yes because in the bath she did it standing up okay but how do you because I didn't have this with Joseph how do you eventually

get them to do a poo sitting down yeah because they stand in their nappies and take a poo exactly up and gravity helps it more yeah

just try and get them maybe just have stand over the potty Yeah. Maybe the fear of it falling out of her butt They might scare her. Splat. Into her,

or if it's a bit of a runny one, that could be dirty. But I mean, you've got to start somewhere and then she might realise. Yeah, I think if we do one, she'll realise, oh, it's not as scary as I thought.

Remember with Joseph, he just sat down and did a massive poo in the potty straight away and I was like, wow, this is easy. Well done. Well done. Well done. But he was literally pissing everywhere

all over the floor. It just wasn't getting it. But Sadie, she's like, yeah. I think she seems to be getting it. And is it a myth that they say girls pick it up quicker than boys? Again, Dodsey was my second, wasn't she? So she picked it up really, really quick.

But Colby was good as well, wasn't it? Yeah, Colby was good. But then he said, I don't want to wear nappies like the baby. And didn't want to wear nappies like Dotty. So he kind of just did it himself. And then Dotty was watching everyone go to the toilet. But then Wren, he picks and chooses, really, when he feels like it. Yeah.

He just stands in the garden. And what he does do now is he tries to catch as much wee in his hand as possible. Nice. So that's good. And then he just flings it. So if you're walking past and think that's a water balloon, no, that's cup of piss over your... Why does he want to put it in his hand?

I don't know. He likes a feel of it. And he says, oh, water. It's warm. Warm water. And I'm like, no, that's not water. That's wee-wee's. And he just...

It'll clap. And then it just... Nice. Don't stand too close to him. It's a fairer little one, that one. But, you know, I say, you do you, boo-boo. Is he wearing a happy at night? He does wear an happy at night.

But yeah, but yeah, he's pants during the day. some tips about how to get out of dressing without a nappies we have been in pull-ups at night pants yeah that's that one is a tough one but again I said to you the cup theory so one cup of juice

but that stops at dinner nothing after that until they go to bed and you keep doing the wee-weees but then you've got to once you start doing just the cup you can't just go straight in with the pants you then need to assess if the whee's getting less than his nappy in the morning

yeah he's pull-ups and still he's always like don't call her nappy because he thinks that's a baby thing oh sorry joe Joe if you're listening call it a pull-up. It's a pull-up. The pull-up is still a night pant. A heavy in the morning. Is it?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. He's not like... Boys are, it's harder to get boys dry through the night as well. And also, specialists won't really see boys if they're still having accidents during the night. So if they're wet in the bed through the night, they won't, a specialist won't see them. I think it's around 10. Is it?

Wow. Because it's really, really common for boys not to have accidents through the night. Because the health visitors have said to me, don't worry about having him in pull-ups over. an eye until he's like five. But when she said that, he was just four. And now I'm like, time's rapidly running out. I think if you, if somebody does know or has experienced it with their child, I'm pretty sure specialists aren't concerned until they are 10. I mean, I was a bedwetter at like 25. So I'd wet the bed last night on the frequent bedwatter. Oh yeah. It's those pelvis. I should have done them pelvic floors. It's all the babies out of the vagina.

I don't know. It's when I, honestly, when I get out of the bath and I just have to hover over the bath and allow all the water to just exit. Chris walked in the other day and what was you doing. I was like, I've just absorbed all of the water in my vagina. The bath was empty because I drained the bath and he was like, what are you doing? I was like, letting this. I've got to pull the plug out. I just got to let it drain out of me. Yeah. I still sit on the bed and get up and there's a puddle on the bed because it's still running out of me. To be fair, you've had three kids. Yeah, I know. I've just got a wide set vagina. What can I say? Can help it. I've got a heavy flow and a wide set vagina. Yes, I have. I love my big vagina.

would be without her today. Wouldn't be without her. She's great. I mean, you can't actually take it off. Couldn't be without her. Literally couldn't be without my vagina. People have designer vaginas, don't that? I don't know how I feel about a design of vagina.

Yeah. Little nip tuck. Nipping tuck on the old, God, they wouldn't be able to fucking, I don't think they'd be able to find the hole. Just be like, what is this? Amongst all the haemorrhoids and piles and gosh, no. Scar tissue up on that.

Well, belly button. I was saying to Stefan the other day, I really want to get a little nip tuck on my belly button. You do, yeah. I went, oh, that'd probably be a really easy procedure. And I looked at him and he was like, says the man that knows nothing about surgery. Says the man who knows nothing, I will shut up. Nothing about surgery or women's bodies.

Oh, but other than that, you've had a great week. I've had a great week. All the reschedules meant that we could finally make it to sports day. Oh, my God, how was it? I was so glad we could make it. It was just the sweetest thing. They mixed reception and preschool. Oh, God.

So it was like all that, they were all like three to five. Oh, my God. it was just so cute. Double cuteness. It was so cute. And Joseph, but at that age, you can really tell the difference between like a five-year-old, who's nearly going to be turning six. And someone who's like two just turned three.

Oh, they look like babies. Joseph's like somewhere in the middle. But he did so well. So cute, isn't it? It's just too much. I was like, it doesn't really matter if I'm going to miss it because it's probably going to be quite shit. But actually, I'm really glad I could make it.

It was very cute and holes. Well, I think I was making myself feel better because I wasn't going to be able to go but then we had like three reschedules because rain rain, heat wave. So then when I could make it, I was like, this is actually. And he, Stefan said to him, what was your best part about sports day? Do you know what he said? Please don't say it was that you were there. I nearly cried.

He said that you and mummy were there. And you were fucking happy to sit at out. No, I wasn't happy to not guy. You just said you were happy to fucking miss it because it's going to be a pile of shit. When I was going to miss it, I was really gutted because it was his first ever one. And I did want to be there because it was quite a moment. moment, but when I knew I couldn't go, I was trying to make myself feel better by being like, oh, probably rubbish anyway. But honestly, it was just, oh, did you cry there and then?

I didn't cry, but I was just, I was just, I was just, like, some children didn't want to do it, or they had to have, you know, their hands held. No, I meant when Stefan told you that his favourite bit. I did have a little wet eye, yeah. Oh, God. When he told me that. But yeah, he did it all properly, like, didn't, you know, he actually did it and raced and he had a little trip, but then he fell up and, you know, carried on going. I have no doubt that he was going to smash it. Yeah.

He's very, very driven, is Joseph. When he sets his mind on something, he'll do it. He'll do it. And do you know what I've realised? He is a rule follower. So if the teachers say line up, he lines up. And the teachers say sit on the map. He's a good boy.

Oh, God. Oh, he came out holding hands with his best friend. Stop it now. What are you doing to me? I know. Honestly, he's like a different child. Did his best friend hug him? No.

Got off of my hug. Yeah. I don't think he'll be getting any more hugs after that. He didn't reciprocate the hugs. I'd just be like, you know when people just put their hand in your face? Yeah. Get off for me. Stop.

Stop. Don't talk to me, loser, lame old wannabe. Oh, sounds tremendous. What a week. So Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yes, we want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us.

Respond to what we've been talking about or just say hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search for Secret Mum Pod. Or you can email us hello at Secret Mum. Pod.com.com. Dot com. Don't get it confused. Dot co.com.

It is to the com. Yeah. C-O-M. Yeah. Thank you. It's time for another Correspondence Corner. Wow.

That's professional. We'll be proud of that. Yeah, that's like a choir. Even Jojo maybe. Yeah. Stefan's sister? No, that's too far. No.

Don't take it too far. No. Not approval from the music teacher. So Emma, what have you got for us to say? Okay. Since we had our romance episode, So romance. We've had so many more love stories coming in.

And this is what I was hoping for because I, did you listen? When I listened back to that episode, I had goosebumps. Goosepumps. Even though I'd heard all the stories before. All of them. We'd read them.

We've recorded them. It gave me. Goose bumps down my spine. It was so delicious, wasn't it? And I hope everyone else loved it as much as we did. Oh, I've really hoped so too. This one says, Hi, Lovelace.

After listening to your recent episode of love stories, I thought I'd share mine. Oh, please do. In secondary school, we would often be sat in alphabetical order according to your surname. This meant I was pretty much always next to the same boy. We had a real love-hate friendship. He was the class clown who never took school seriously and I was the complete opposite,

quiet, introverted and always trying to stay out of trouble. We were friends but never especially close. To be honest, he annoyed me most of the time. When we were 16, we went to prom, had a photo together, said goodbye and thought nothing more of it. Fast forward two years. We were both 18 and in our clubbing era when I bumped into him on a night out. He'd moved up north for work but was back home for the weekend. He told me he'd grown up and asked to...

Did she avert her comments? Yeah, in quote marks. He told me he'd grown up and asked to take me out to dinner. I said no, because in my head, he'd always be that annoying boy from school. Then just two weeks later, I bumped into him again. Oh my gosh. He asked me out again, and this time I thought, what the hell? Why not?

What have you got to lose? We spent the rest of the night chatting and catching up, and the following week, we went on our first day at TGI Friday. The moment I met him there, I felt completely at ease. no nerves, no awkwardness, and to my surprise, he really had grown up. From then on, we were inseparable, messaging, face-timing and travelling to see each other whenever we could. Then something unbelievable happened. Oh my God. One evening, I dropped him back to his family home after dinner. As I pulled up outside, I realized it was next door to my nan's old house where I'd spent loads of my childhood. After speaking to my nan and his mum, we discovered that

when we were two years old, they used to walk us to preschool together every single morning. We then went to different primary schools, forgot all about each other, met again at secondary school without recognizing one another. We've now been together for nine years. Oh my gosh. And have a beautiful three-year-old son called Archie. Oh. Like every couple we've had our ups and downs, including my endometriosis diagnosis, but we're stronger than ever. I never really believed in the invisible string theory until now.

Love Lou from Hertfordshire. Oh, Lou. How, isn't that so strange? I always say it's really weird. because Chris lived opposite my childhood friend. So my godparents had children and I grew up, I didn't know a day of my life without them

because obviously my parents were friends with them first and then they had children. So we grew up together. Chris lived opposite her. So you were in the house loads? Loads. When I used to go out to play with her over at her house and she'd be like, oh, let's go out of my friends.

Chris was there. Chris was there. All the nightclubs that we grew up and went to, New Year's Eve parties, Chris was there. nightclubs when we're all in the nightclub Chris would have been there not once did I see him Our past must have crossed

So many times So many times So when you eventually got together Did you realise you had loads Of friends in common Loads Oh my God And there's even a girl that is

Went to school with Chris and me So when we got together She knew us both And was just like What the fuck Like two worlds have like Collided But you and Chris didn't go to the same school

No no Completely different areas That's mad isn't it That is mental So it just things happen for a reason. Yeah. And the fact that it is well,

they found out that they used to walk to preschool together. When they were two. That's just too much adorableness for me. Lou, too much.

Oh my God. Protect them at all costs because that is cute. That's amazing. That is amazing, isn't it? Oh, I love that. God bless you, Lou. All of our love to you

and your gorgeous little family and hope little Archie's doing wonderful. All right, we've got another one here. Oh, have we? I'm spoiling you. Oh my gosh. It says, hi,

Hi, Sofen M. Hello. I love listening to everyone's love stories on the podcast. I haven't found the one yet myself, but I think you'll have my nan and granddad's story. Oh no, stop it. We're going to cry. I will cry.

They're both Italian and are now 83 years old. My nan moved to England when she was 14 after her dad got a job on a local farm to give the family a better life. Five years later, my granddad moved over with his brothers to work on the exact same farm. By then, my nan was working as a maid in the farmhouse. They got to know each other, fell in love and went on to have three boys and later me and my sister as grandchildren. But here's the best bit. They'd actually lived just one village. A village apart in Italy their whole lives.

And had never met until they both moved to England. I just love their stories so much. Love Alyssa. Oh, Alyssa. All that time, they were so close to each other yet met in England. They ended up in the same part of England and they lived a village apart in Italy. That's insane. The hellie.

That is wild. What are the chances? It's just meant to be. It's meant to be. You can't fuck with what's meant to be, can you? So they were the same age. They lived in the same place and they moved to the same place. To the same area in England.

On the same farm. Two parallel lives. The lives were just ticking away together, just ticking away until bam. Apart from the five years he was in Italy without a love struck. Wow. I know. That's crazy, isn't it? That's amazing.

I really love that, Alyssa. Thanks, Alyssa. Thank you so much. So you can get in touch with us on anything at all. Yes, it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we've probably heard it all before. And remember, we're all in this together. And we know that we are.

We're all stars and we see that. We're getting so good at this. We are. We need to sing the next chorus. While cats everywhere, wave your hands up in the air. That's not the same song. Everybody knows. Yes.

It's not the next bit though. No. We've got three secrets from you this week. We're going to be discussing. So Emma, take it away, hon' I. All right. It says, hi, ladies. Hello, honey.

Is anyone else's mum group completely intimidating? Yes. I don't really have a mom group. I am. That's why. I am. Yeah, maybe I am the mum group. Yeah. Whenever we meet, everyone seems to have homemade snacks, matching water bottles, beautiful outfits and exciting weekend plans. Meanwhile, I've turned up wearing yesterday's leggings, holding a Greg's sausage roll and apologising

because my child has yoghurt and his eyebrows. It's me. I leave every coffee morning convinced everyone has their life together except me. Is everyone secretly winging it or have I joined the wrong mum group? Love Terry Lee. Terry Lee. Everyone is faking it. Fake it. Do you make it? Everyone is faking it, okay.

It's hard, isn't it? I'm the Greg's mom. I would say, I'm also the Greg's mom. Yeah. I don't really, it's really, really hard. And I think once you have your friends and have your circle, that's really, really great. But not every circle is going to be for everybody. And some people don't even have their circle.

Me personally, I wouldn't say I have my circle, only because I'm not a somebody that does very well with one judgment from others, but two, comparing myself to others. And that was something that I learned really on early on when having Colby is I used to go to play groups and I used to look at all these moms and think, how have they got their shit together? And I used to beat myself up about it. And in fact, when I cut all of that out, cut friends out that weren't, you know, being what I deemed as a very good friend or cut out all of the outside noise and just focused on myself, life was a lot calmer for me. And as much as I know there is a lot of moms that say they need the interaction and that is great. It just wasn't for me. And there is, there is two types of parents, maybe three, where there's the organic, which both one is perfect. Yeah.

Both whatever category, even though there shouldn't be a category, but whatever mum you are, everybody is perfect. Nobody is doing anything any better. But there is the ones that want to do organic, maybe vegetarian, vegan, whatever your choice may be. But it's hard when the line gets very, very close to be crossed when we're judging. touching each other. Yeah. You know, when, oh gosh, you've got a homemade sausage roll. Well, I've just got one from Sainsbury's.

I could never with a homemade up. Or I'd never give my child crisps or I'd never give my child a juice. I think it's fine. I obviously see a lot of it because of my lunchbox videos when everyone's like, yeah. Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap. Yeah, I mean, you must get loads of it. But I think like, it's fine for us to all be different. Like, as in normal life or pre-kid's life, there are different types of people in mum life as well.

And yes, I've been intimidated by the mum that turns up with the fully homemade pack lunch or who is on the school run with a blow dry or who looks really well turned out or who's got a nice outfit on and makeup. Because I'm the, I'm the scruffy mum. Like, I'm always lay. I'm literally basically barely wearing anything that's not pyjamas. And I'm, I look a mess. I haven't done my hair. I'm definitely not wearing makeup. But I think the real kind of deal breaker is, I don't care.

No. I don't care. And if you don't care. And if you get on with these mums, continue to be friends with them. But don't torment yourself though. No. Because that's what I assume. I think you can be different as long as there's no judgment.

And own it. And own it. You have to own it. People might not be judging you. People might just be like, yeah, I choose to live my life like this and feed my child this and be turned out like this. And you choose to be like that. And as long as you're both happy in those camps, I think that's fine.

It's where the judgment comes in that there's a problem. Because there's, you know, I know not all food is great. But one, Dottie is very, very fussy with their food. So the fact that I've even got her to where she is today to eat any form of food is phenomenal. We've done so much with dots to get her to eat. So the fact that she's where she is today and she is so fucking comfortable with food

because we've never made food a problem. We've never made any deal about food. If you don't want to eat that dinner, I'll make you a sandwich. I'm not going to starve her and let her go hungry because she won't eat the dinner that I made. If I'm making five different dinners in an evening, you best believe I'm making five different dinners

because I just don't want them to have a bad relationship around food. If they want to eat a sausage or a dinner or a sandwich or a pasta, whatever they want to eat. Also, their lunchboxes, everything is in moderation. They go to school and they

eat stuff that is quick that they can get down their mouth so they can get out and play. But breakfast. Breakfast is, we try and do porridge, we try and do fruit, we try and do Greek yogurt, natural yogurt, whatever.

We keep breakfast and dinner really, really healthy. But I'll be damned if I'm going to send them into school with crackers, humus, a live Greek yogurt with a drizzle of a guiseal of of a honey, you know? I just, they want to, less mess, that's nice and clean that they don't get,

the amount of times, Kobe's gone, my yogurt explode and I to walk around with this yogurt patch on my top all done. I just want it, for them, ease quick, get it done, get it out, off you go.

Yes. But we shouldn't be judging each other. We just shouldn't be judging. Look, everyone's going to do it differently. Yeah. You've got to do what you've got to do. And as long as you're... We're here supporting everybody.

Yeah, Terry Lee, as long as you're happy in your mum, I mean, obviously, if they are being mean and judge you, then no, get a different group. Yeah. But don't let anyone make you feel less of a parent. Just because you're different. If you get on with that, really, that's fine.

But she feels that she's different. She's different because everyone else is doing it. Sorry. You're doing it differently to your group of friends. I think sometimes you think people are judging you and actually most people don't give a shit. They're just trying to get through their own day. I used to have when Colby, I used to go on a play date with my friend and her little girl would just eat sandwich and what's it. I used to go to play dates and Colby would have olives. He'd have smoked salmon.

He'd have blueberries. he'd have strawberries, he'd have crab sticks, he'd have rotissory chicken, because he wouldn't eat a sandwich. So I used to take gherkins, pickled onions. He had like an antipast. He'd literally had a full-blown antipasty. Prawns.

The amount of times I used to go food chopping and Colby would just sit and eat a punnet of prawns. And my friend used to be like, will he not just have a banana? No, I can't get him to eat a banana. But dots, she'll think. That girl's eating a whole fucking French stick and the rapper before we've got to that check.

She is all the bread Give her all the bread All the sandwiches I think it just depends on the child I am definitely envious Of those parents That go oh my child just eats anything Like I don't love the amount of processed food

Or beige food or bland food That Joseph eats But that's just where he's at In his life now And I'm gonna feed him what he's gonna eat Because I don't want to be hungry And I don't think it's gonna be for forever It's not gonna be

My sister sat with me last night And ate sushi for the first time And I've 40 years of life Just sat and ate sushi It was on the table I'd put it out for everybody to graze on She ate and she was like This is actually wonderful

I would buy this for myself for my lunch. I just think there comes a point in life when they'll get there, when they're ready, if they want to, if they don't, who gives a shit? Because they're going to monitor what they're eating when they're old enough. Like, why do we need to put so much pressure and demonise food at such a young age?

Yeah. And also, I'm not, I'm not let my children go hungry. Yeah. If they want fish fingers five nights in a row, I'm doing fish fingers five nights in a row. I've seen Renly on those rich tea fingers. Oh, God. We can clear a packet of biscuits guys in 24.

house. Let me tell you, that boy loves the biscuit. It's when he cries and he hurts his leg and he goes, oh no, biscuit. He'll pee in the garden. He goes, yeah, I'm wee-wee in the potty. I said, that's not a wee-win in the potty. He goes, oh, no, biscuit. I'm like, no, we come in and he'll cry. Oh, no, pepper finished. Biscuit? No. That's Sadie bit with her dummy. We're trying to get off the dummy. If anything remotely doesn't go her way, she goes, oh, dummy. Brindley too. Biscuit. Oh, right, okay, just have a biscuit. Oh, but bless you, Terry Lee.

No, we're all here with you. We're all here with you, honey. We're all just doing our best. No one's doing it right or wrong. We're thriving and surviving. Okay, let's have secret number two. Hi, Sophie and Emma. Hello.

I wanted to ask for some advice because I feel like I'm constantly failing at creating healthy routines. Every Sunday night, I tell myself that this is the week. I'll get up early, drink more water, prep healthy meals, exercise, keep on top of the washing, spend quality time with my little one, clean the house and somehow still have time for myself. By Tuesday, it's all fallen apart. Someone gets ill, nobody sleeps, nursery sends home another bug, or I'm just too exhausted to even think about cooking, so we're ordering a takeaway again. Social media makes it look like everyone else has these perfectly organised mornings with colour-coded lunchboxes and 5am gym sessions while I'm celebrating if everyone leaves the house wearing matching shoes. How have you both managed to build healthy routines with children, or is everyone just winging it like I feel I am? Please tell me I'm not the only one who feels like they're constantly starting again every Monday.

Lots of love, Anonymous. I wake up at 5 a.m. every day for the pure fact of I need to wake myself up to be fucking alert for the rivalry that's going to run down the stairs. I have not got my shit together. I'm not waking up at 5 a.m. to go for a walk, run the treadmill. Cook handmade flapjacks. Homemade flapjacks made by my hands. No. It's hard.

And it's really hard as well because I try to share as much as I can on social media. with regards to my life, but the morning routines, I think the more pressure you put on yourself, the more in adverted commas, you're failing yourself. I think the best thing in the morning to get up is as long as you can get up, everybody's happy, everyone's got socks on, everyone's got a lunchbox, and you're out of that door relatively on time for school. That's a full fucking whim for me. And I try and document as much in my mornings, but obviously it's hard in the morning for me to show too much because the babies are in their school uniform. Also, Dottie has a lot of upset in the morning with regards to her socks and things like that are vulnerable moments that I'm

just not prepared to share on the internet, which I think is fair as out of respect for the children. But I just think if you can get up in the morning, just a tad earlier, get yourself a cup of tea, make yourself feel refreshed, dive on into the morning. Yeah. And just let all that stuff will come again one day. Yeah. But right now, there's just no point in putting the pressure on yourself. We are eating frozen dinners or sandwiches at the moment. We're eating sandwiches, fish fingers or fish finger sandwiches. We're eating in the garden.

It's just picky bits. Every single night. Doxy is living off French dick butter and cucumber. And that's what they're asking for. Yeah. I just throws food on a plate, puts it on the table, eat what you want. If you don't eat, this is this. Yeah.

This is what it is. If you don't want this, Dots will say, can have a bowl of cereal? Yeah, have a bowl of cereal. Yeah. But it's just, you just got to do what you can do. Yeah. To one be happy in yourself, be enjoying living in the moment. Yeah.

Be in the moment. Just have a carefree life. Yeah. You've got to let go of all the expectations. It's impossible. No one's fitting all that stuff in. No one's, I mean, you see like on Instagram people get people getting up really early and fitting in a gym routine and stuff.

But I just, it's not, it's not realistic. Like, I personally don't think it is. But I'm not going to, I'm not going to shame anybody that is doing that. Oh, if you're doing it. Like, amazing. I say, who goes to you. I literally wait. for the children to wake me up, sleep till the last possible moment, we get up, it's like

fucking whirlwind, everyone's in a rush. I actually do like the mornings where like, I don't get up above my own accord, but Sadie might wake me up a bit earlier than everyone else. Yeah. And those mornings, I do feel a little bit more together because I'll have time to come down, sit down, have a cup of tea. It's all calm. It's all quiet. Joseph's not awake yet. And he'll just pad down the stairs, you know, half an hour later. And I'm like, I feel a little bit more like on top of it this morning. So it is nice to not be like so rushed all the time, which is how I live my life. but all the other stuff will come with time. I'm running out of the door every day.

I've always fucking forgot something. Then I've got to run back and get it. Yeah. But I, people say do the lunchboxes the night before. That would be organised. I'm not. No. I can't make them the night before.

And then I wake up the next day and I think, fuck, if you only just made these last night. And then I have to get them dressed. Dotsie's having a mare with her socks. We've got to put, we've got to find different socks. And if those socks don't work, we're going through good 30 pairs of socks. There is not a day where we peacefully just walk out of the house.

No. It is chaos. No. And as much as you say to yourself, I'm always like, oh, I'm going to go to bed earlier tonight so that I'm not so tired in the morning. And at 10.30, I'm still up. Do you know why? Because I need to decompress in the evenings. I can't just put the children down and go straight to bed. Like, you just, you're doing what you got to do. To get by. Get through. Get through the day. Get through the week. Yes. Start your week with good intentions. If it makes you feel better to work out, try and get a workout in. Like I know, I always feel better after I've been to the gym. I don't get, I don't have any expectations. And then if you get a round. Yeah. Then you, when you're doing it in the reverse, actually, it really starts to look fucking great. Yeah. On my list is get to school.

So when every fucking day. Tick it off every day. Because it doesn't matter what time I get there, you best believe they're there. Yes. Tick it off. Yeah. Have yourself a cup of tea. Yeah.

Every day. Eat. Who cares if you're getting a takeaway? Who gives a shit? What a lovely treat. It's 45 fucking degrees out there. No one's cooking. Well, if you are cooking, I take my out of you.

But I'm not fucking cooking. No. I'm just buying French stick. and cold meats. Yeah. That's what we're surviving off. Yeah. It's too up.

Yeah. But I say take the, take everything off the list and only write on the list when you've done it. You've done it and then check it off. Have a poo. Done. Well, I can't tick that every day. So it's actually quite a big fail for me.

I'm backed up. But yes, we're, it's really hard not to get sucked into social media. Yeah. But just try and lower your expectations. Yeah. And you do you, boo-boo. No one is judging you.

Yeah. We're proud of you. And we're all exactly the same. All in this together. God bless you. Right, should we have our last one? Yeah, it says, hello, Sophie and Emma. Firstly, I just wanted to thank you both.

I have two boys, Grayson, who's seven, and Reggie, who's nine months old. And your podcast has genuinely been a beacon of light in my life. That's really lovely. Oh, nice. Thank you. I suffered badly with post-natal depression after Grayson was born, and I honestly think your podcast has played a huge part in making my second experience so much more positive. My fiancé is an incredible man with a brilliant sense of humor,

and I wanted to share two of the funniest moments, from my pregnancy with Reggie. The first happened when I had some bleeding during pregnancy, and I had to attend the pregnancy assessment clinic. Thankfully, everything was fine, but I had to have an internal examination. The midwife asked me to take off my leggings and pants, lie on the bed and cover myself with that tiny sheet of paper that's practically see through anyway.

Yeah. It always makes me laugh. Like, when you go for a bikini wax as well, I'm like, I'm about to be so undignified and you've given me a tissue. You're about to wax my clitoris. You're literally about to look inside my bum hole. Yeah. And you cover me with this little bit of paper.

Tiny piece of paper. Then in Walked the Doctor I can only describe him as some sort of Greek god He was hot He picked up the speculum Asked me to open my legs And I made the classic joke

You could have brought me a drink first Well nice I like that one to smooth He laughed and carried on A moment later he said You seem quite tense Well no shit You're ridiculously attractive And looking at my untamed pregnancy bush

He then warned me He was going to open the speculum a little And that I might feel some pressure The room went completely silent And then there was a cracking noise And snap I shouted shit He immediately put his hand on my tummy

and asked Oh my goodness are you all right I'd been so tense I'd actually snapped the speculum Inside your vagina My fiancé was behind the curtain Absolutely crying with laughter Before quietly saying

Perhaps you should have taken her for that drink mate She's just crushing Speculums up in her vagina Jesus Wow The power of those vagina muscles Of that foo-foo wow She says the second moment happened during my glucose test.

The midwife said, just a little prick, then give your finger a squeeze. My fiancé immediately snorted and said, Christ, that's how we got ourselves into this mess. Love the podcast, Rosie from Bath. Those couples, they must just light up the staff day. It just must light up the room, mustn't it? Just must be so much joy. What a wonderful couple. Yeah. I did the one winner, oh, just a little prick.

And I was like, oh, I left him in the waiting breath. The matter of times it, it's like, oh. I meant my partner. Yeah, no, I got with you. Yeah, we know. Do you want to just take my blood? Take my blood. Stefan's that guy.

He'll always be making the... I think life's too shot. But Chris would do it and the other, you know, if the shoe was on the other foot, you would make a joke. Yeah. It's nice to, you know. Just try... Life's too serious. These sometimes boring and embarrassing and sometimes painful situations, I think you've just got to try and lighten them up.

He's got to light on them out, you know. Roll with them. Yeah. Oh, well, thank you, Rosie. And thank you to everyone today. They will be lovely, haven't they? Lovely secret. What a lovely.

episode. So thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. And if you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secret mumpod.com or with Secret MumPod on TikTok and Instagram. Have you ever snapped of speculum in your vagina? I bet there's no one else. Full up in there. There's no one out. Wow. I'd love to hear. Or do you have a love story for us? Then let us know there really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club