Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Phonetic Fail

Episode Date: September 19, 2024

The ladies start with a quick correction about the Fife Coastal Path before Emma shares her top tip for keeping skin silky smooth. Plus, this week’s outrageous secret comes from a listener facing a hilarious struggle with their little one’s phonetic spelling activities! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And welcome to your Thursday's episode. Where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week. I'll squeeze you. All your comments, thoughts, questions and fun stories. Keep you going through the weekend. Shall we jump on in? I've got really greasy hair today.

It's actually stressing me out. When did you last wash it? Two days ago. Ah. I know. I think it's the heat though. And as well, where I'm doing this running,

I don't want to keep washing it because then it goes dry. Yeah. Got to leave it a little bit sweaty. Yeah, got to leave it a little bit sweaty, haven't I? Mine's so dry. You are going to agree that mine's sweaty.

Greasy. No, I washed mine this morning actually. Yours is getting long. It's getting long. And it's gone really light. Has it? Yeah, it's really light on the ends. Like you've got an ombre.

An ombre. But the last thing I did have was a balayage. It was a balayage. About ages ago. But it's gone dry as fuck. It's like, hey, I'm thinking of going back to black. You go back to her and I'll go back to, I'll go back. Obviously my hair's falling out.

I've got hardly any left. So don't judge me. No one's judging you. Although since you said about my hair looking so luscious and thick, fuckers have all fallen out. No, I cursed you. It's really, really bothering. I'd get killed for being a witch if that was the old days maybe you are a witch i'm a witch harry um right sorry we digressed every

single thursday are we we started like we start an hour tuesday yes it's not it's thursday we've always got a lot to catch up on we have so so much to say all the time. But it's time for another. Correspondence Corner! So Emma, let's have the first one. All right, we've had a correction actually. Have we? Someone's got back in touch. Stop.

About the nudist in Fife. Fuck yes. I got a message from another Emma on Instagram. Let me see if I can find it. Pick up the Emmas. She says, there is a nudist beach on the Fife coastal path. Did you Google this? No, she says, if you search on Google Maps for a naturist nudist beach of Lower Largo, it's there.

So there you go. Right, is Google Maps going to show some penis? If so, let's get on it somebody wrote in and said they were basically accosted on the five no coastal path by a guy with no clothes on right if you don't know what we're talking about you're gonna have to go back a couple of episodes because their our friend was on a walk and she saw a man fully nuders yep just out in broad daylight yeah even tried to have a conversation with her. Yeah.

Didn't know where to look. That is when I dragged her. She thought it was very aggressive. She thought it. Behavior. Turns out he was well within his rights. To be nude. To be rocking out with his cock out.

He was really rocking out with his cock out in Scotland. Yeah. So yes. Well within his rights. To be nude. To have the aubergine. In his. On full show. Yeah. Hang To have the aubergine. In his, on full show.

Yeah. Hang out with his aubergine now. Oh my good Lord. Well, thank you so much. Yes, thank you. For the amount of people that messaged in. Thank you for that. We'll be on Google Maps later

seeing if there was anybody in the action. Yeah, we'll let you know. I just still don't, we haven't had much information as to, what if people get aroused at the nudist beach well i think what if you see a woman's boobies and they're like yeah i don't know you can't stop your willy like i feel like it's so much easier for a girl to yeah yeah yeah i don't know embarrassing that would be i don't know if it'd be embarrassing i don't think they'd be bothered but how would you stop it would you just walk around with your big johnson i asked stefan about that it'll be like a metal detector yeah i just pretend

i'd be like i was asking stefan about what happens to like boys in general though like even when they've got clothes on and like something happens in public can you can everyone else see it like through like jeans and stuff adam that's a step too far. The only male in the room. That's a step too far. I don't know if you, I don't know. Let us know. Yeah, it's so much easier

if you're a girl to, well, I don't think I've ever been out and ever been like, oh, I'm aroused. But even if you were, you wouldn't be able to see anything.

Whereas like for men, they might be at work or and just get a raging boner. Then what happens? Anyway. Fun fact. Okay. Let us know. Yeah. Then what happens? Anyway. Fun fact. Okay. Let us know.

For all our daddies. If there's any men listening, let us know. Okay, we've got a message here. It says, hey, ladies. I absolutely love your podcast. It really helps me get through my day. And I'm listening to it from the beginning for the second time. Wow. You've gone all the way back around.

Again. That's dedication. that is dedication i was listening to your venetian plaster or poo episode and a lady wrote in saying she felt lost in motherhood i can completely relate i have an 18 month old and a six month old and i've been a single parent since my youngest was just under a month old oh god love you that's a lot that is as well so she had a baby when the first one was one yeah they did yeah that's full on i've totally lost myself i don't have any friends to chat with and the father isn't involved by his own choice it's really tough and i feel so lost i used to be a footballer and i'm a huge football fan but now with my beautiful babies

everything has changed i love them more than anything and i'm so proud to be their mom but life has become even more challenging since I've been on my own. Love, Hayley. Oh my gosh, Hayley. God bless you. I feel like it's really hard for, like, I feel like I'd be wrong to give my opinion. Do you know what I mean? Well, because it's hard to relate to a single parent when you're not a single parent.

Yeah, I haven't been there. Because we both aren't. And I don't want to be that person that's like, don't worry, things are going to get better. Because I just feel like that's not going to make the situation, that's not going to make Hayley feel any better. But I hope and I'm really grateful that Hayley's messaged in because I know there is a lot of people in this situation that do feel really alone. So I really love and I'm really grateful, Hayley. So thank you so much for for messaging in, because I think that's going to fall so lovely with other people that are also struggling. Yeah, because Hayley heard it in another episode as well.

So clearly it's something that a lot of people are going through. lot of people are going through the only thing i can say is that like the the appreciation for single parents who do it single-handedly when the dad doesn't want to be involved out of his choice yeah day in and day out like i spend i joke about having a bit of time on my own when stefan works away with the babies it is nothing compared to full-time single parents I just think it's just the hardest job in the world and people who are doing it are incredible honestly superheroes to me I just can't I just can't for a second even imagine the amount of strength and patience and even if there is no patience even if you you do have your down days, I just can't, I've got absolute full admiration. I just don't know how you do it.

Especially with two so little. Six months and 18 months is really, really full on. Like our babies are pretty much six months old at the moment. Throw an 18 month old into the mix. Well, you've got Jojo's, well, Jojo's two. But I would say even since 18 months old like his he's got a little bit easier like the age that he is now at two and a half even between two and two and a half like he can communicate with us so much better the tantrums

are less because he can tell us how he feels we can give him instructions and he can understand us just the communication opens up so much more and just makes things so much easier i feel like at 18 months to two they're still at that level where like they can't fully express themselves they can't necessarily understand what you're saying to them they get frustrated they have tantrums for me anyway that was a harder yeah spot um and to have the two so close together is really really hard so i can i hope Hayley has some I hope you've got family did she say whether she's got some family she didn't but hopefully you've got some support nearby yeah I hope you've got some support honestly you need to take some time for yourself

yeah would you agree like I feel like you need to maybe get back into does she I used to be yeah even just doing it once a week to just you honestly I feel like you need to take some time just for yourself because you're doing everything above and beyond and to me seems like you're doing the most incredible job for your little people and you've sacrificed what seems to me like everything for your little people um but i do feel like you need to take one you know one day a week if you have family nearby that yeah if you do have family nearby and if you don't, because she was saying she doesn't have friends to chat to or whatever. And I think if your friends are at different stages in their lives,

like maybe they've got older kids that are at school or they haven't had children yet. Yeah. It's really hard because you're like, no one understands what I'm going through. I can't speak to anyone about this. I would really suggest going to some classes. Parent, yeah, the parenting. We did music bugs, I think, with Colby. And that was

really good you can get free ones there's loads of really good free stuff run by the council you don't have to spend loads of money and i promise you i know it will seem daunting to go with them for your first one and we've all been there and it is even now i get scared to go places with the babies but everybody is in the same boat and it might just be a really wonderful place for you to let yourself shine a little bit to just meet other mums in the same same boat as you and to interact because I think sometimes we get so consumed in this world yeah of being a mum that there is no light is there at the end of the tunnel there's no way out of it and you just get further and further in so yeah I definitely think if you have family to help you definitely look at doing doing some football um or just doing anything that

you love to enjoy whether that's going for a walk or whatever it might be and definitely look at some groups definitely i would recommend groups like i have one at the church the church yeah churches always do really good ones they do like crafty days and stuff at our church loads of stuff you can do music Music classes. And even if you go first and you don't speak to anyone because you're feeling a bit shy, just go and have a cup of tea, get yourself out of the house. Yes. And I know leaving the house with two little ones is really hard as well.

But I promise you it'll be worth it once you get there. And speaking to other people that are going through the same thing, I think, will hopefully make you feel so much better. Yes. Yes. Because you're not alone. But you're honestly incredible, Hayley. And I don't want you to take

anything from you know anything that we're saying is a negative because i don't want it to become across as a negative you know i don't want us to be like oh because we're not in that boat i feel like sometimes when you talk about things that you're not going through it's really hard for you to come across as um like a genuine would you you say that's the right way to explain it? It's hard to come across as being empathetic. Yeah, genuine. But I just, I hope you know how incredible you are doing. Because this takes a very, very strong, strong woman to be doing this all alone.

For sure. Yeah. You're incredible. And we're proud of you. Thank you, Hayley. Thank you so much. All right, we've got a last message here from Anonymous who wrote in about giving her baby laxatives and then having an explosion on a walk in the park i think that was the one in the baby carrier yeah where it went down her legs and

went up her yes up to her tits up to her teddies she says hello ladies i've got a follow-up hit us i think we probably had a lot of questions oh she's here answering the questions i didn't have any wet wipes or anything with me there was a bush nearby that I had to hide him in. Luckily, my partner was home. So I called him to bring nappy bags, wipes and spare clothes because my little one was kicking off about having to go home too. I'd forgotten that I'd given him the laxative a few days earlier since there hadn't been any sign of poo yet. When it finally happened, I felt so guilty, but I couldn't help laughing my head off anyway. Hope this tickled your pickles.

Oh my goodness me. God bless her heart. Never, I've been stung too many times, never go out without changing clothes,

wipes, nappy. I think I've been stung maybe once and I've had to go home with like a naked baby. What if you're not near home? You know?

I'll brace the piss. It'd be like a water fountain in the back of the car. Dotsies, we would sink down, whereas Renly's would just, or Colby's would just shoot across the room. It's the breast milk poos for me. They are so, so milky. We're on the teething poos now because we've cut the two bottom teeth now. And the solids.

We're on the, yeah. But the solids haven't done, no, because he's been on them for well over four or five, maybe six weeks now. Has it made the poos a bit firmer? No. Yeah, the poos have been brown, normal. We're back on green, runny, acid poo, which is. From the teeth. The teeth and poos.

Oh, wow. They're savage. Yeah, I'm waiting for those. It's the sore bum. But we've got the two bottom ones have cut through now. savage yeah i'm waiting for those it's the sore bum but we've got the two bottom ones have cut through now oh i'm waiting i'm waiting for the day oh she's desperate she's desperate for them she's putting everything in her mouth she's so dribbly yeah she didn't poo for four days the other day and i thought maybe that would be taken on jojo's trait honestly my mom said she's gonna have the same stomach issues as joseph it might be genetic

maybe i don't know she's pretty pretty regular so same stomach issues as Joseph? It might be genetic. Maybe. I don't know. She's been pretty regular so far, but four days is very unusual. She's regular when she's here, isn't she? Oh, yeah. Little miss poo bag. This room gets her going. If she's constipated again, I'll bring her in.

Yeah, get her in. Get the people going. She'll be shitting her pants. When she did go, after the four days, it went through. Was it as bad as this one? Not as bad as this one. It went through to the car seat. Oh, after the four days. Was it a poon army? It went through. Was it as bad as this one? Not as bad as this one. It went through to the car seat. Oh my Christ.

Yeah. I had to wash the car seat. But I was so relieved for her, honestly. I was pleased. Yeah, I bet. I was really pleased. And they're so happy, aren't they, after they've had a massive clear out? Oh yeah, because she was writhing around. Do you know what I really love?

I really love at bedtime when they have, well, Renly has his dinner. Then he has a bath. Then he has a bottle. But I love it when he has his dinner, takes a shit, has a bathly has his dinner then he has a bath then he has a bottle but i love it when he has his dinner takes a shit yeah has a bath has his bottle i feel like that is prime yeah feed shit yeah shower yeah when they get it all out before sleep when they get it all out before the bath and you think oh i'm gonna get you nice and clean. Yeah, you're going to scrub you up. You've got a smell of lavender. Worst is.

When you bath them, lather them up, put the nappy on, put the grow on, go to do the bottle and they go. You're like, fuck you now. For God's sake. This lavender shit is killing me off. We latheringly up in so much lavender. The Aveeno, is it Aveeno? Joseph's on that one. It's a good one.

Smells lovely, doesn't it we do sadie in coconut oil so she smells like a little coconut oh my gosh but she i'd feel like i need pina colada i know sometimes i sniff her head and i just want to bite it that's what i said to you they're intrusive thoughts they're just they're so yummy they're too scrummy i just want to eat them i know what brand is your coconut oil vita coco is it baby uh no it's just coconut oil like actual cooking yep get her on the barbie it's actually you cook you can cook with it yeah and you can put it on your skin you know you can just put like pure olive oil on a baby as well doesn't have to be like a skin absorber then yeah it doesn't have to be like a baby brand why do you not love yourself

and coconut oil i don't use it personally my sister uses it on her skin though because it's like a natural product it's actually obviously got less stuff in it than like moisturizers because it's just pure is it got a blue label blue label black lid clear tub no silver yeah glass tub yeah how do you melt it down because it's roccato it's like candle wax well if it's a cold day and it's still solid you just put it between your fingers and it melts but at the moment because it's warm it's a cold day and it's still solid you just put it between your fingers and it melts but at the moment because it's warm it's actually liquidy in the tin so you can kind of just dip in and you do this every night after the bath yeah little massage gets them all relaxed is she not as slippery as a battered sausage yeah yeah yes i'd be like wow when the soap goes yeah

it's like a slippery fish and you don't put it on? No, I stopped using it on him when he was a baby and got him on the Aveeno. I don't really know why. I think it's because he had some more stubborn patches of dry skin. So we used something a bit more hardcore. But yeah, there you go. Well, you've blown my mind. Top tip. I'll be lathering up him cooking oil later.

Yeah. So thank you for all of your messages. If you have any comments, thoughts or fun stories, why not get in touch? Email us hello at secretmumpod.com or with secretmumpod on TikTok and Instagram. So thank you for all of your messages. If you have any comments, thoughts or fun stories, why not get in touch? Email us hello at secretmumpod.com or with secretmumpod on TikTok and Instagram. Next is one of your, your secrets. Welcome back. We love a secret on the secret mum club we do and you're all so good at sharing so emma hit us away with this week's secret okay this comes from harriet hello harriet she says hey ladies i have a five-year-old and a 22 month old and i've got a story from last year when my

daughter was in reception hit us she had been learning her phonics phonics is a fucking fun time you know all about this and one sunday afternoon she set up her table and pens and was playing schools i was in the kitchen washing up when i heard her sounding out letters the house went quiet and then i heard her spell out phonetically i don't know if i'm gonna do this right because i don't i don't really know about phonics. Go on. Ka-uh-nut-uh. Is that right? Yeah. I ran into the dining room and asked her, what did you say? She proudly repeated, ka-uh-nut-uh.

I was absolutely blown away. I didn't know what to do. Should I tell her off or praise her for spelling one of her first words by herself? Her first word! didn't know what to do should i tell her off or praise her for spelling one of her first words by herself i ended up explaining that it was a really bad word and that i didn't ever want her to say it again but i couldn't help being impressed with her spelling skills did she read it from somewhere or did she just come up with it was it on the television what was she watching was it in a book what the i'm just glad she did it at home and not at school. She was only four at the time. Oh, here we go.

And had learned the word from daddy at work. What? She learned the word from daddy at work. So had daddy written it down? Why was daddy saying that at work? Yeah, daddy. What does daddy do for a living? Clearly with cut and tuss.

Works with cut and tuss. Cut and tuss. Was he slagging off his colleagues? Probably. What a bunch of cut and t. Works with cut and t. Cut and t. Was he slagging off his colleagues? Probably. What a bunch of cut and t. Cut and t. Am I saying it right? Cut and t.

Cut and t. Yeah. Cut and t. Well, I want to call someone that, but I don't really want to offend him. Cut and t. I'm going to go, you absolute can't. Can't. Sounds like beatboxing.

Can't. Can't. Sorry if you're offended by that word. Yeah, and if you don't understand what we're saying, we're saying. Bloody Nora. She just went in straight dry then. Can't. Are we allowed to say that?

It might have to be beep, beep beep beep that's how my instagram stories go do you know what it's funny it beeps you out does it it beeps my instagram story but it beeps before i've sworn so it goes beep fucking hell every time because they know what you're gonna say here she comes with foul mouth so i need to know was the was the word written down we need to you should get back in. Or is it because she's heard Daddy say it at work? Maybe Daddy said it on the phone to his pals. Yeah. And she's decided to spell.

Yeah. We've got questions. Why is Daddy saying that at work? Yeah, Daddy, what do you do? Get back in touch and let us know because we've got a lot of questions. Yeah, lots of questions. If she did spell that by herself, though. Well, I don't think Harriet would tell us piggies, would she?

It's really impressive. Piggy porkies. Have your children been spelling naughty words? Let us know. Email us hello at secretmumpod.com or with secretmumpod on TikTok and Instagram. And we'll be back first thing on Tuesday. And we'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode.

And we'll see you next Tuesday. On the Secret Mum Club. And we'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode. And we'll see you next Tuesday. On the Secret Mum Club.