Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Pineapple Palaver

Episode Date: February 18, 2025

The ladies get a shocking surprise when they uncover the meaning behind a certain upside-down fruit. Soph's been outed by Dottie in her secret of the week, and in a similar vein, one mum's been called out by her son for using a certain herb. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Hello, this is the secret mum club. I forgot my name. I'm Safina And I'm Emma and this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere safe space to share share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? And as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself, you can be anonymous. And those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the... Secret Mum Club!

Last week we read it free, this week we were both like this. We needed... I forgot my own fucking name. I know we've both had a sleepless night. Couldn't even read my own name. I know. Just to address as well, nobody messages me anymore obviously because I never get back to anybody so people message you.

People message me to get to you. For the concern of why I'm wearing a hat. Let's address it. I am a dirty bitch. Yeah. I can't be fucking bothered to wash my hair. It's not that deep. It's Baltic, it's not that deep. It's Baltic.

It's not that deep. It's Baltic. One, it's cold in here as well. Two, it's Baltic outside. It's February. And three, I'm just not prepared to wash my hair. It's good to bathe in its own natural oils. I'll just sit like this.

Then we'll see what the issue is with my hair, shall we? Look at that. That is one grease pot, isn't it? Who was the guy from Little Britain that had the like slicked down hair? I don't know, it's giving a cuppage. Andy. Was it Andy? It's giving an Andy vibe.

There's nothing wrong with my head. And anyway, who? No one needs to be concerned as to why I'm wearing a hat. Sometimes those things should maybe be left unsaid, you know? Yeah, if you're thinking that. No negative energy here or bad vibes, just, I'm okay. I love that people are interested in the answer. It is literally just that you've got greasy hair. Some people are polite, but some would just road.

Why does she keep wearing a hat? Cause I just don't want, a hat's just, you're allowed to have things that make you quirky, you know? Very quirky. Not that a hat's making me quirky, but you know, I just love, I love it. It hides a multitude of sins. It does.

And in my case, there's a fucking hell of a lot under here. But anywho, how the fuck have you we been? Have we been me first? We, everybody collectively, how are we together? We're not great. How are we doing frazzled? We are on team, no sleep. Yeah. You've had a particularly rough night. I feel delusional. Yeah. I feel delusional. No sleep whatsoever. No.

Do you know what though? What was more of a slap in the face is that Renly went down like an absolute babe, like a dream. Literally went to put him into his cot because we've been climbing in to settle him in his bed so that we can then transition to this side of the bed and then further out the door, you know, because I'm not a cry it out, let them cry kind of thing. What is it called? and settle him in his bed so that we can then transition to this side of the bed and then further out the door, because I'm not a cry it out, let them cry kind of thing. What is it called?

Cry it out? Is it cry it out? People call it self soothing. Yes, I don't like that. I just would rather settle him. Sorry, got this mic up all in my face. Muff in my face. Muff in your face, that's how you like it.

So lying in his bed, literally I put my leg in his bed and went to put him in, led him down, he fell to sleep. So I sort of stood there with my leg in the cot, just staring at him while he slept for a good couple of minutes. And then I left. Because you were too scared to move? Yeah, in case he was just, he was pretending, you know, he's got no idea how to pretend play at the moment. But you know, there's a first for everything. You just, you don't like when they've done that you don't upset anything. No. Sometimes I spend ages just

bent double over the clock bars because my arms stuck underneath Sadie but I think let's not breathe. Let's not breathe. For an hour. Let's just lie here yeah and then you fall to sleep don't you wake up like oh god I've been asleep on the floor. So yeah went down like a dream Chris and Colby went to football. He was snoring away. On the other end of the spectrum was absolute chaos. Dottie Violet vomited everywhere. Trigger warning, we're talking about vomit. It was, it never ever gets easier. Like it's just like a scene from the exorcist, how it just projectiles so far out of their mouth. Like how does it-

When did that start? Because I've never had a child be sick, yet. Mine have always been. Always. Yeah, maybe from, to call me went to preschool at three, dot C started at about two and a half. I think I don't know, I don't know. Is it when they start picking up bugs more? Maybe school? Maybe I've got it to come.

Because Joseph's never been sick, but I hate sick. Maybe she's got a really strong stomach. We were talking about this this morning, Mia Maisie, is that when you, when, if I was to go out, you and me and you started vomiting, I'm out. You're on your own. See you later. You're not one of those girls holding my hair back in the toilet. No, no, no, darling. I'm running for my life. See you later. Yeah, I can't do, I can't do. Fuck this. I'm running for my life. See you later.

I'm going home. I can't do the chunder. I'm happy for a practical chunder on myself. I can't do a good chunder if I'm getting the whirlies. I would happily just make myself sick. Although I do hate being sick myself, don't you? It doesn't bother me. I'm not bothered by other people.

I think it's the smell accumulated with the force of the... But when it's you as well. And Chris is a really aggressive vomit. A sicker is he. I just had like a... I'm always like, can you just dull it down? The children are really scared. It's such an extreme experience though.

Like it takes over your whole body. It's a horrible feeling, isn't it? Very horrible. So I'm a run away. But the children, something takes over you. You just don't think about it. That's me personally anyway. When I, because I hate other people being poorly.

I just think something comes over you and you just don't. You're blinded. It's like poo, isn't it? You wouldn't choose to deal with as much poo as you do when you're a parent, but you just gotta do it. You do.

And you wipe them boutes. Yeah. You do. And then that was great. I had to strip everything down to the foam. But literally the cover that comes on the mattress had to strip that off. But it stink. It was horrendous. Straight in the wash.

So bad. And I wash all of that. And then just as I got everybody settled, Chris came home, I got Colby sorted, bathed him, put him to bed. Everybody was drenched in Dettol because I Dettoled the bath. Dettoled. I had a Dettol bath, gave Dottie a Dettol bath. Like we were all- Disinfected.

Yes, we were. Quarter to 12, Renly woke up. He didn't go back to sleep. Cause it's- Is she having a room? He didn't go back to sleep. I don't know if it was her that woke him up

or he's really badly teething. We're on now, we've got four, six, seven, eight teeth. He's got two more coming now. He's got a big one at the back that's not come through, but it just keeps filling and going and filling and going. And he goes, just go to say pussy. We've only got four teeth. You've got double the amount of teeth. I don't know, girl. The boys basically, he's on crypto.

Is that a problem for them generally sharing a room? Because we're having a real issue with Joseph and Sadie waking each other up and they're not even in the same room but they're next door. No, Renly's a really, really... The thing with Reners is he's a really solid, solid sleeper. So once he's in his bed, so during the day he's a bit of a light sleeper, but at night time when he's in his bed, you can go in and out, you can put the hoover around the room and the boy doesn't wake up, but the moment you wake him up, he then is so fucking angry at you and he can't get himself back to sleep. So he just cried from quarter to 12 all the way through till 10 past five.

When he nodded off on Chris on the sofa, we decided to call it quits, get up and have a cup of tea at 10 to five. He nodded off. 10 to 5, 10 past 5, I don't even know. You've had no sleep? No, not since. And I also am so balls deep into a series on Netflix that I stayed up to watch it and really fucked myself. You can never do that. I feel like I never learned. I took for granted. It gets to like 8pm and I think, oh, I can do an hour of a series. Next thing you know- Only one left might as well do another cheeky fort. It's only 45. Yes, hour of a series. Next thing you know. Only one left might as well do another cheeky 45. Next thing you know, you got a shower,

take your makeup off, do your teeth, do your nighttime routine, go to bed, it's 10 o'clock. It's too late. We'll only go deep in to another one if we're ready for bed. Ready for bed. If we're showered, washed, done, the kitchen's clean, that's when we're getting.

Rolled straight into bed. We're rolling to the extra 45. Last night, we did two. What are you watching? The Capture on Netflix. Very good. Gripping. Honestly, so gripping.

So watch that and we were like, oh, do you know what? We're right near the end. Let's just finish it. It's always those nights that are bad, isn't it? Yeah, because I just took it for granted. Or I just push it a little bit further. Everyone's sleeping great. Everyone's waking up great.

We're jolly little ranchers. No, shit's fucked up. No, I've got to be asleep by nine because I know someone's gonna wake me up at like 11 p.m. It's just savage, isn't it? Yeah, we're on one wake up a night now and it'll either be like that side of the night, like 11 or 12, or it'll be like three or four.

I even tried giving them a bottle. Oh yeah, we still do a bottle in the night. Shuts Adie up. But sometimes she's awake, like last night, she said, Steph I was up there for an hour and a half. I'm like, why are you awake for so long? She didn't even have that much sleep in the day. Why are you awake for so long at night? This isn't awake time. I'll tell you now, the better Renly sleeps in the day, the more sleep he has, the better

he sleeps at night. There's no pattern with us. He was snoring as well last night. That's what fucked me off the most. So much so that the monitor, you know when the monitor goes into sleep because it didn't go into sleep at all because he was snoring that loud. Making a noise the whole time. Yeah. There's just no pattern with us. She'll have a lot of day sleep, but won't sleep at night.

She won't have much day sleep. And then it's just like... There's no consistency. And I think when I get a good night, I think, oh, I'll repeat that. And then... No, it doesn't work. It goes to shit. So I just think there's something quite free in just being like, it's going to be shit.

Yeah. It's going to be shit. You just got to expect the worst and hope for the best. Yeah, just take it. Take it as you will. And don't count your chickens before they've pooped. Vomited. Pooped out an egg before they've hatched.

So yeah, that's where we're at. Oh God, anything else apart from last night? I feel like I'm delulu. I can't remember anything. I don't feel like I'm fully here. We've been ice skating again. We have been footballing again. Yeah.

The youge. The youge. Oh the youge. Party planning. Oh yes. Also I was trying to arrange to use a lovely lady to do the event who did the Disney ad event in our house. The inside Out.

I wanted to use her again. She tried her best to jiggery, pokery stuff, so I've actually taken it upon myself to do, to do it all myself. She couldn't make it. She can't do it. So you're planning the whole party? Like even to backdrops, props, signs.

I'm doing the lot. Do you know what? I'm not really doing anything major. And how long have we got left? And you've got two and a half weeks, I've got four and a half weeks. I'm not doing anything major and even that is a stress. Like I can't imagine how much you're... I basically don't have much. I've got a cake. I've got balls for the paddling pool because we've already got the paddling pool, ball pit. Yeah. So I've got changed balls so they look like

bubbles for the theme of the party. I've ordered a pillar. Well, in fact, I didn't order a pillar for the cake stand. I ordered a pillar cover. So now I need to order the pillar. I've been designing backboards, acrylic signs. Oh my God. I ordered some fires for the table, pretend fires, that I thought, oh, these are great. They're a good hand size.

No, no, they're not even the size for an LOL doll. They're about this. Sorry, like a centimeter. I'm going to have to show you a picture. I've sent you a picture tonight. I was like, oh, these are going to be great. Do a few here, a few there. You won't be able to fucking see them, let alone a few here and a few there. I hate shopping online. I was caught out the other day by Joseph's party bags. I thought they were like a normal size party bag. They came. And they're tiny. They're tiny. That was me. I'm not going to fit anything in them. Not unless they're party bags for borrowers.

Don't worry. I've got some little fires. Yeah. Let's put your little fires in my little party bags and give them to the little kids. Yes. How about that? Let's do that. Also, I'm going to make a balloon arch for somebody that's petrified of balloons. Renly? Me. No, I am generally petrified of balloons. Have you ever made your own balloon arch?

No. It's all good, it's gonna go tits up isn't it? You gotta stay tuned for what's gonna look like at the end. I respect the effort you're making cause I'm not doing anything. I'm going ham on this. I always go ham on the big one, the first one. The first one.

It has to be, it has to be the first one. I can't be arsed. Poor Sadie. I'm not really gonna do anything. We've had Joseph's birthday. Do you know what I am gonna do though? I'm gonna take a leaf out of your Christmas book and I'm not gonna buy any presents.

No, honestly. No, I'm not. The only thing I am gonna get him is I've seen a little bike, trike bike that I think I really love because he really loves his little trike that he's got indoors, but I want one with rubber wheels because the one we've got is wooden.

Oh yeah. So it's great indoors, but when the weather gets a bit warmer, like the other day he was out in the garden poodling around because the sun was out. So I need one with rubber wheels. So I think that's all I'm gonna get him. One present honestly is enough. Because also I feel like with these birthdays

towards the start of the year, they've just had Christmas. So people are asking me now, like what can I get Joseph and Sadie for their birthdays? I'm like, please, they do not need anything. Do not let any more stuff cross the threshold into my house because we're bursting at the seams. I'd rather just the gift of time.

You know, like if you've got people that are just really busy, like my brother-in-law and his wife are very, very busy, although we do see them a lot. But to me, the gift of time. Yeah. Is so much more. Spend time with them. Precious.

Yeah. And then, you know, I know they get to see them all the time and they see them all the time, but to do like an activity together, sometimes you get to see everybody for an hour or two hours, but like to have the whole day where you do an activity, have dinner, go home, cozy up, watch a film, bit of popcorn, like that is a gift in itself. And that's what I-

That's the whole vibe I'm going with. I'm just gonna do a tea party with our families. With Haseidi, we're doing it in Wales with Stefan's family and for Joseph, this has been recorded before, but we will have just had his birthday with my family back in Essex. So I've just done like, he's suddenly really into cake

for the boy that like didn't have cake and chocolate for ages now. He's like a total sugar head. So I've got him like a big rainbow cake. Was it me? Yeah, I think it was. This one time in the studio, I gave him. He keeps talking about that.

Yeah, he's like, and he keeps talking about you. So maybe that is it. Cause he really remembers his time here. He keeps saying like, when I came into the studio with you and he says, Safina, I didn't even know he knew your name. Didn't even know you could say it. I know. What?

You're very clever. What a ledge. Yeah. He did warm to me at the end. He did. But to be fair, I wasn't the only one. No, I mean. He was a bit, he was a bit, he's quite's quite reserved, isn't he, Joseph? So sweet though. He's quite shy.

He does. He says those ladies were looking after me. That was your mum and your sister. Yeah. God, he's very funny. Those weirdos kept putting coconut melon on my iPad. It was when my mum, when Joseph handed my mum the tablet and my mum went, I don't know what to do with this. Safina, anybody know how to turn this thing on? Joseph's looking at it like, turn it on. I know, he talks about it a lot. He's funny, like he, some things he forgets straight away, but some things he's like an elephant.

Stores that. He never forgets. That's a bit like Culp's though. Yeah, they're funny, aren't they? I think they have selective, selective memory. But yeah, he's just been, he would have been three and had his third birthday off by the time, in the time that we've recorded this. In the time that we come back to this.

So I've been using, he's been really cracking me up. He's been telling everybody that he's three, like strangers and stuff. Like when we go, think about him being shy. Like in soft play recently, he's been approaching people and like having conversations. And his new thing is he wants to find out everyone's name. So he always says to me, but like within earshot of the other parents and kids,

what's their name? And I'm like, I don't know. Why don't you ask them? So it just goes up to people and he's like, what's your name? So we know everyone's name. Like we went to soft play the other day. What a lad. Record for the longest time I've ever spent in soft play. I don't know if anyone can beat this. Two and a half hours we were in soft play on Monday afternoon. We knew everyone's name in there.

All three of you? Just me and Joseph. Just you and Joseph. Yep. So if I'm at home with Sadie. Oh, okay. Because I three of you? Just me and Joseph. Just you and Joseph. Yep, so if I was at home with Sadie. Oh, okay. Yep, because I thought it's nice for me and him to do something

because he doesn't really get any me time. So yeah, so we went for two and a half hours. Wow. Two sessions, we knew all the children in session one, we knew all the children in session two. I really maxed out my small talk with all the dads. All the dads were there on Monday. Monday must be dad's day.

Monday must be dad's day. And he was going around telling everybody, I'm three in February. Oh. And everyone was like, it's February already, Wednesday and he was like. Don't push it. Yeah, he was like, all right, I already know the month.

All right, don't stalk her. Yeah. Don't fucking. We're gonna do, couldn't have me. I would just love him to come out with something like that. Don't be weird. Stop trying to steal my identity. I'd literally love it if he's like,

my birthday, I'm gonna be three in February, but it's February, what date? None of your fucking business. You're fucking weird. Ha ha ha ha ha. Do Do you know what I need to be careful with the ID stuff because he also keeps we just taught him his surname and he keeps telling people I'm Joseph Powell Jones he keeps going around saying his full name. Does he? Yeah. Oh I know I know that's really adorable though. That's cute isn't it? It is really cute. And he'll be like that's Sadie Powell Jones. I didn't think like Colby knew his surname and it just one day he just come out with it and he was like, oh,

this is my name. They must, I mean, obviously they obviously like pick up on it or whatever. And also I was like, we've given him a double barrel name. So it's quite like, it's two names for him to learn. But you know, he's picked up on it and he's a fan. Took it like a champ. Yeah. What to do? He's also, I don't know what's come over him, but being really sweet to Sadie. I put a picture on my Instagram. That was really adorable. Of him saying I love you. He says it all the time. Oh no. Wasn't there a story of him like rubbing her back as well? What were they doing the other day? Oh, he was just like had his arm around her again at soft play. It's where I spend my life now. Yeah, he started saying, he said, I love you all the time Sadie. And I went, oh, that's so cute. I need to get it on camera. And Stefan said to me, because I go to work in the mornings and Stefan's there in the mornings. He went, oh yeah, he's been saying that every morning. I went, oh, don't think to fucking film it and send it to me.

Don't fucking tell me. Or send me a cute video while I'm at work then. Yeah, fucking hell, Stefan. Seriously, dads. Jesus Christ. I was like, that's really cute. Why haven't you ever told me that before? He went, oh yeah, he's been saying that for ages.

Oh. But how cute though. That is adorable. And he really says it in his London accent. He goes, love you all the time, Sades. Sades. He has got a really London accent, hasn't he? Love you all the time, Sadie.

Just love you all the time. Yeah, my mom was like, quick, get him out of London. Sounds like a cockney. I love it though. I do love it. I do really love it, I'm not gonna lie. What a combination in your house though. I know. Because Stefan still got his Welsh accent. So strong. I know but there's no hope for Joseph. I think they sound like wherever they go to school or nursery because

that's what the other kids and the teachers sound like. Yeah but also when you move to Wales then. He might have a weird like myth mash up accent. Of Welsh and Cockney. Yeah. I don't know. I love it though. Who's called this up the stairs? Where are you from? Oh, what's occurring Sadie? What's the current Sadie mate? Alright, Sadie girl. Yeah. Alright girl. Yeah. Oh, he's been a little sweet. I don't know who's more to Lula, you or me. Yeah. So no one's sleeping. No one's sleeping. Oh, in general, I'd say we're on good vibes in our house at the moment. Everyone's on a great vibe in the house, just that one day.

Tired. Well, to be fair, it's not one day, is it? It just accumulates. But apart from that, is Renly sleeping through the night? Yeah, he's great. He's doing well. Yeah, he's doing... Can he have a word with Sadie? Yeah, of course. Yeah, send him my way. She's still waking up for like one ounce of milk. It's pissing me off. One ounce of milk, that's so not, I even teased him with it, well not teased him, I actually gave him the whole bottle at like 10 past 12, because he just wouldn't stop screaming. I thought, oh, this is gonna be great. Learned be old, 12.30, elemental goes on,

we're all watching it. And he's still awake? Still awake, wide awake. What the hell? Wide awake, just punching me in my face. Honestly. Straight up punching me in my face. He started, do I tell you, he started freestanding now.

And he stands for like a good five minutes now. Just stands in front of the telly. Just stands there. And every time I go to film, he sits down. I got it on the, he was doing it at the dishwasher this morning and I got it for like a split. So annoying. They know, don't they?

Yeah, yeah. They're a pain in the ass. But yeah, Dossie's been really, well, not that she's not, but she was doing a bit of a Joseph the other day and she was like, I'll always be your best friend. Best friends forever. And then she was like, you break my Lego, I'll break our friendship in the same clip. So that was good. That was really great.

Don't upset our Ducks. Don't fuck with that girl. Woe betide. She's not one to be fucked with. But yeah, that's my, oh, and to top it all off, I went to the fucking tip because I had loads of stuff to go to the tip this week and to top off my really bad week, there was a man there who was really fucking rude to me. Do you know what, right?

What is with people approaching you? Listen, what is with the tip? Anyway, I need to know. My sister and me are exactly the same, but I find the dump tip, whatever you call it, the place where you go and take your communal rubbish and they put it to them big massive things do you find it intimidating? I find it therapeutic. When somebody approaches me and I just panic as to what if I have a bag are they going to question what's in the bag what am I taking or where does it all go? I know it's this household but what are we

classing as fucking household waste? Where are we doing putting this? Do you know what? I've had two great trip drives, drives, trips. What? Trips, drives, tips. Going to there in the last, maybe three. One at Christmas, two just before because we had our Christmas clear out. This is because you're checking, binning, chucking, fucking.

Yeah, check it, bin it, chuck it, fucking. So I did a little spruce of the house and I got some new frying pans. So I got rid of some old frying pans, so forth. So I basically went and I'm walking down the house and I got some new frying pans so I got rid of some old frying pans so forth. So I basically went and I'm walking down the path and I get there and this man's really smiling and I was like, hello, I have frying pans, where do they go? And he's like, oh, if you just want to go all the way to the end there, there's a table, just pop them on that table, that's absolutely fine. I said, in the bag? He said, yeah, leave them in the bag on the table. Absolutely fine. Sun was shining. I'm walking down, pops onto the table,

turn around. This man literally, we are from here to Zofia. I know you can't see Zofia, but she's there, but you get a gist of how far we are away. It's about, say, 200 yards. No, yards. Old school. I was going to say it's about six meters away. Six meters, right? So he just goes, Oi! Oi! take him out the bag I went sorry are you talking to me yeah you you take him out of the bag so I took him out of the bag and I kind of was like dubious put them down on the table and he goes why are you putting frying pans on the table that's clearly electrical appliances and I went somebody just told me there's literally nothing on the table, that's clearly electrical appliances. And I went, somebody just told me there's

literally nothing on the, there's nothing here to indicate that these would be electrical appliances. And he went, you take the pan and you put it in the bin. And I was like, okay, would you like me to do that with all of them? And he was like, well, yeah, what you gonna do? Leave them on the table. I just told you that's not where they go. Did he work there? Yeah. And I was just like, sorry, can I just say that somebody did actually tell me to leave them in the bag and put them on the table. Literally didn't talk to me. Didn't say nothing. I was like, sorry, I just want to double check. I just want you to know that somebody did, just to reiterate that, somebody did tell me to leave

them here. Yeah, don't punish me for somebody else's bad advice. Ignored me again. So I walked down to the car, real sheepish, only to find there was another fucking frying pan in the boot of the car, so I had to do the walk of shame back to the frying pan, to which he just stood with his hands on his hips staring through me, not at me, through me. Do you know what I would do in that situation? I'd leave the frying pans on the table. I was scared he was just going to pick it up and just whack me around the head with the pans.

I was going to say, what's the worst that can happen? You just get smacked in the head with the frying pan. It's not illegal, there's nothing you can do to enforce it. Do you know what? I leave my frying pans here and you can fucking deal with them, you work here. Do you know what? In that instance maybe I'm never really that person though because one, I don't really like confrontation and two you never know what's going on in somebody's life and I'm a true believer in that you can

change someone's whole day whether you're being nice or you're being nasty you can change someone's whole day so I'm a firm believer in that I speak about that to the children all the time so I was like give him his due so you know he's having a bad day that's the difference so I walked back up to the other man who told me and I was like, oh, the chap down there, I don't think he's very happy with me because I put them on the table in the bag and he said that's not what I should have done. And he's quite cross at me for doing that. So I just thought I'd let you know that they go in the wheelie bin. And he just went, yeah, don't worry about him. He lost at the fucking darts last night. He's in a right pissy mood. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Shut up your ass, that's it. I'm gonna fly tip, I'm not, I'm not fly tipping. Just throw it out your front door

like everyone does where I live. There's always a mattress on the street, no one cares. So bad, isn't there? Yeah, it's really bad around my house. You can dump your mattress at our dump, but you have to pay for the disposal of it at the dump. That's why people just chuck it on the street. Oh, okay, that makes sense.

They don't wanna pay for it. I thought they didn't have a dump space that they could drive it to. No, or like people haven't got a car, so they literally just lob it out their window, you know? Okay, I nearly did that with Dottie's mattress last night, there was that much wobbiness. Fuck this.

Fuck me. Sleep on them slats. No, I'm joking. I'm joking. So Emma and I really want to hear from you. We want you to join us in the Secret Mom Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about or just say,

hello. I talked over you then, so I wanted you to have your moment. Thank you. Sorry. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search Secret MomPod or email us. Hello at secretmompod.com. Sonic the Hedgehog 3 is now streaming on Paramount+. He is much more impressive than the hedgehog I fought previously. Dude, I'm standing right here. Sonic the Hedgehog 3 is now streaming on Paramount+.

Hi, I'm Evie. Some days I wake up feeling a little bit worried. Do you? Some days I just feel really wriggly. If you feel the same, then why not join me in my podcast as I ask, how are you? We find ways to figure out just how we're feeling. Also we're ready to face whatever the day throws at us. Join me in escaping the chaos and taking a moment for calm. So how are you? Come and join in wherever you get your podcasts.

Right, are you ready? Yeah. It's time for another Correspondence Corner! Can you do this? No, what's that? I don't know, pig isn't it? Yeah, but you're doing it with your... It actually makes my eyes wobble when I do this.

I don't think you should do it. It's like an internal oink that you're doing. That's quite amazing. I can't do that. It's really good though, when you sit places and go... Yeah, cause no one can tell you're doing it. Everyone's like, is there a little piggy in it? Sorry, Chris is driving down the road and goes, you fucking wankers.

Get out the fucking way. So you should beankers. Who you at the fucking way? So you should be a ventriloquist. Yeah, you should. He's really good at it. Why, because he doesn't want the kids to see him swear him? No, he doesn't want the people in the car to see him. To know, they'd be aggressive. Because that's how fucking polite he is.

Yeah. I'm like, fuck him, he's like a fucking wanker. And Chris is like this, you bunch of fucking c****s. That was sorry, the c word was definitely, it was definitely about, sorry if the c word offends you, I find it divine, I love the c-bomb. I'm not bothered at all, but a lot of people don't like it. They don't. No one can really hear what I'm saying, but I'm sorry if I offended you, it's just a wonderful

word. We'll beep it. We'll beep. All right, ready? Yes. This one says, hey friends. Hello. When I heard the story about the pizza delivery during labor, I knew I had to share my own pizza delivery experience.

Nearly thought she said pizza deck. Pizza deck experience. There's another one. My husband and I had just gotten married and moved into a loft. A loft? I think she means like a penthouse apartment. Stunners. Not a loft like. I was going to say, someone wanted to move into my loft. Cheryl Colby. It was above a coffee shop which made mornings fantastic.

One Sunday we decided to have a lazy day in bed. We ordered a pizza and figured we had time for some itchy legs before it arrived. Okay, this is definitely pre-kids because that sounds like a very leisurely morning. That is a very leisurely. Leisurely. Leisurely.

Just as things were reaching their peak, there was a knock at the door. Our loft was an open plan space and the front door was right next to the bedroom. The knock came again and my husband completely froze. In a panic, he jumped off me, grabbed the blanket, wrapped himself up and hid in the closet in our fit of passion. We hadn't locked the front door. So there I was, completely exposed as the delivery man walked into our loft.

As I lay sprawled out on the bed, I managed to casual, hello, and a little wave. The poor guy was in complete shock. He could have turned around and left, but instead, stop it, he jumped into bed with that. No, I'm joking. I was going to say what? He panicked, bumping into the walls like a human pinball, unable to find his way out. Finally, my husband emerged from the closet, paid for the pizza and the guy practically sprinted away. It turns out he thought he was delivering to a business. From that day on, we always added a note to our order.

This is a home. As if you would try the door. Business or no business, as if you would walk in. It was above a coffee shop. So like if no one's answering, you'd be like, oh, I'll just pop this pizza in here. No, because they still have a front door. Yeah, but it wasn't locked.

Why do you know that? You shouldn't have tried the handle. He said, I'm pretty sure he got the biggest tip of his life that day. Thanks for all you do. Hannah from Tullahoma, Tennessee. I was gonna say, it's definitely got to be in America. I mean, that just sounds like something out of Friends,

doesn't it? A locked apartment above a coffee shop and you're ordering pizza and having sex in the morning. It's like a sitcom. Late morning, what? It's like a Friends episode. That doesn't happen in real life. This doesn't happen in real life.

No, it's never happened to me. It's never happened to me, yeah. Well, America is still real life, but you know. Seems quite, me and Stefan have been reminiscing a lot. Salsa. I was gonna, this is not about sex, but me and Stefan have been reminiscing a lot. Saucy. There's not about sex, but me and Stefan have been reminiscing a lot recently

about mornings before kids. Okay. And how you could just do what you wanted and like get up in your own time and just like have a cup of tea in bed in peace. And just the other day he went, what did we do with our mornings? Like what did we do with our time?

And I was like, I don't know. Cause now it's such an assault. It's like someone wakes you up at six. It's like, go, go, go, make the milk balls, get your boobs out, feed the baby, get dressed, bam, bam, bam, bam, bam, get Joseph on the potty. Like I'm like, God, remember when we could just have a cup of tea and like relax. I just don't know what, what, what did I do with my time back then? Honestly, I never had enough time. There was still never enough hours in the day when I didn't have children. So now I don't know where, time gone. Or like on a Saturday when you just be like,

you know what, I'm not doing anything today. What would you do? I'm just going to sit in my pants all day. Maybe go to a farmer's market, coffee shop. Nothing. Nothing. Did absolutely nothing. We were lazy bitches. I don't think we were lazy. I think that's just normal life. It was lovely, wasn't it? It was really nice. No, it's very lonely. Do you prefer it now? Yeah, I prefer it now. I don't know. I'd like one of those mornings back, I think. I prefer it. Definitely. Yeah, no, I prefer it now. Yeah. Getting woken up really early. Rudely awakened out of my bed.

Getting her tits out at everybody in the household. Literally. Not dissimilar to this story, actually. Yes. I don't know how comfortable I am with him, Hannah, just walking in. That actually happened to my friend. He wasn't having sex, but he was having. And also, hold on a minute, he was survival of the fittest. He was straight in the closet, took the blanket, left it high and dry, boobies out. Yeah, oh yeah. What an absolute wimp. Just be like, see you later, I'm out of here.

Flats getting raided. What if it weren't a pizza man? Yeah. And he's just, all right, all right, Jack, pull up the drawbridge, probably locks himself in the closet. Can't come in here, I'm in here. I think that says a lot Hannah about the man that you're with and if you're still together, you should question that relationship because he left you high and dry. He left you literally full tatters out. Exposed. On the bed. Yeah. Very vulnerable. Very vulnerable. I love that I can just switch picture her naked on this. Hello. Hello. Hello, just leave that. Just pop that down there. You can put it on the mat. You can put it on the bed. My partner's in the cupboard shit himself. I'm just... I would grass Stefan right up. I'd be like, get out of here right now. No,

with the pizza delivery, my friend did that. He was just having a lazy day in bed, ordered a pizza for lunch, left the front door open, and he said on the intercom to the guy, couldn't be bothered to get out of bed and get it, so he said, just come in, drop off in my room. And the guy came in. Yeah, but somebody responded to the opening of the door.

He did give him permission, he gave him permission. Gave him permission. Weird for a pizza guy to just walk into your bedroom. Right, so when someone tries your house next week and just strolls on in and just go, sorry, I had an Amazon delivery for you. Couldn't do with the loo. Just pop in. No.

No matter the door, you do not do the door. You don't try the door. Yeah. Leave it on the doorstep. No, I know. Is it different in America though? Do you have to pay for it once it's been delivered or do you have to pay for it?

Because ours all changed, didn't it? It depends, you can't do cash. Can't do cash anymore. No. No. Cashless society. So we have to pay before anything's delivered. Yeah.

Is that still the same in America? Probably. I don't know. Wild. Sorry Hannah, that got us going. Get the people going. Get the people going. Get people going. It's a home.

This is a home. They're probably like, okay, chill out. Cause some man saw my boobs. Got more than what he bargained for when he dropped off me pepperoni. Mid itchy legs. Pepperoni nipples, he'd be in for a right treat if he'd come into mine.

God. So you can get in touch with us on anything at all. Yeah, it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we've probably heard it all before. And remember, we're all in this together and we know that we are, we're all stars and we see that. I was really off of the beat then. I was going, but I forgot to click.

Joseph's started getting into that song now because it's on a Disney playlist we listen to in the car and it's like my two worlds are like colliding, like he loves the theme. He loves me. And he loves you. I don't blame him. Who wouldn't? Right, are you ready? Yeah.

For my secret of the week. Yeah. Right, don't cancel me, okay? You need to brace yourself. I need no judgment, this is a judge free zone. It's an open platform for us all to just be really, really honest. What have you done?

Don't judge me, don't cancel me, don't hate me, okay? There was this one time in our bungalow, right? When we moved house, okay, you're gonna have to stay because as we know, Safina loves a short story long. We, when we moved into the bungalow, we basically both took our two worlds and just popped them into a bungalow. Found out we were eight weeks pregnant.

Yeah, me and Chrissy, found out we were eight weeks pregnant when we moved into the house. So we just threw everything into the loft, right? We then had Colby, went on to have the babies, which we lost by miscarriage. And then we went on to have Dottie. So it was a very quick process. I was, we were only, what were we, 11 months pregnant, sorry Colby

was 11 months old when we fell pregnant. So it's a big, there wasn't much time so we never had any time to sort the house out right. So we then had Dottie convert to the loft, brought everything down from the loft, some of it went up, some of it just went in every crevice of our tiny, I'm the woman that lives in a shoe bungalow. Right? So the other day we were sorting some stuff out, right? And we sorted out Chris's wardrobe, because when I tell you the man is a hoarder,

the man hoards, like his life depends on it. Like I dread to think if he was ever on his own, what his home would look like if he was on his own. I know- You're like opposites, because you love chucking stuff out. I on it. Like I dread to think if he was ever on his own, what his home would look like if he was on his own. I know. You're like opposites, because you love chucking stuff out. I love it. I love it.

I relish in it. But then my, I'd say my mom and dad are the same. My dad's and mom are both a bit of hoarders, but I think that's with their age. So everything's sentimental to my mom and dad. But I think before, my mom would have been like,

check it, bill it, check it, fuck it, where my dad would just hold on to everything. So I don't know if it's a man thing. I don't know. But Chris holds on to every small receipt. When I tell you every receipt in our 10 year relationship, Chris has kept. This shoe box is in our loft with every receipt in it, right? So going through this stuff, he found a camera, which is like a hiplask. He found like Vegas chips from when he went to Vegas, like before we got together. We were just going through this box and he found a phone.

And I said, what's, why have you got this phone? Because it wasn't a phone that was old enough from when we were little to have them, like when we were 13. Yeah. It was like a recent phone, but not a recent phone. What, like a smartphone? Not a smartphone. It was a Nokia phone, but you could buy it now.

It wasn't like a 5310. It was like a new version. I was like, what is this? And he was just like, oh, I bought it to. It wasn't like a 5310. It was like a new version. I was like, what is this? And he was just like, oh, I bought it to take on holiday. So don't lose my phone. Like when I went away with the boys to Vegas and stuff. Again, that was 12 years ago from now.

But obviously this is, I'm telling you this because this happened a couple of years ago. We sorted this out. But the reason I'm telling you the story now is because what happened in the story reoccurred its ugly head. So when we had the sort out, Dottie was maybe three, four, when we sorted this out, she's approaching seven. So we found this phone and I was like, this is weird. What was this for? Explain it. And I was like, yeah, yeah, all right.

You're a drug dealer. Like as you do in the comfort of your own home. Yeah. So we always, I always say to the, to Chris or the children, I'm like, got your burner? They got no idea what I'm talking about. It's like an inside joke, you know? Probably wrong for doing it. Anyhoozy fast forward three years, I got a phone to try out, didn't we? We got the Google Pixel 9 from doing the ads. They were like, take it away, give it a try, see what you think about it.

I was trying out the camera, thought I'll take it to ice skating this weekend. Try out the, you can add to face in. So when you take two pictures and merge the heads, do a little filming on it, thought I'd just give it a try, see if I wanna transition from my Apple to an Android, cause I am a bit of an Android whore. Are you? Yeah, I was. I was way, I was, I had a Samsung for years

before I went to Apple. Did you? Yeah, yeah. And I only went to Apple. Did you? Yeah. Yeah. And I only went to Apple because having to fucking clue. Anywho, I was there. So at ice skating, I was taking some videos. So Doxy was skating around and she's skating around and she was like posing for the camera and then she come over and she was like, whose phone is that?

And I went, oh, that's mommy's other phone. It's just mommy's other phone that I've got that I'm giving a try to see what the camera looks like, see if the recording's nice. And she went, you're a drug dealer. In the middle of ice skating. Instant mouth dry, instant mouth dry. Everybody just turned around. I was like...

I'm not actually a drug dealer. Don't listen to my daughter. I didn't say anything. I just went, what's a drug dealer. Don't listen to my daughter. I didn't say anything. I just went, what's a drug dealer? And she went, you know, where you go to buy your paracetamols or cow pole, the pharmacy, right. Yeah, that is exactly who is a drug dealer. The pharmacy.

But you know when you're like, I never thought, like Jojo, that they take these things in. I know, she obviously heard, like she listened to that. So another one of those ugly things that have just reoccurred. You've got to be so careful. Out of nowhere. Years later, she's remembered that and those ugly things that have just reoccurred so careful of nowhere years later She's remembered that and it's come back to bite you in the ass. Yeah, you gotta be careful when I tell you I've got heart palpitations even saying it out loud. I was stood there and our little friend safety looked at me like

And I just don't repeat that to your mom so for you More suspicious if you start then like trying to explain it. Yeah, yeah. It looks dodgy. I didn't know what to do in the moment. I was pooping on pants. And again, Chris wasn't there. Colby was skating around as fast as lightning.

He couldn't even bloody, couldn't even wave him down or catch him down. Chris was wandering around with the pram and keeping the baby asleep. She's just outright calling me a drug dealer. I'm sure everyone knows you don't work in a pharmacy as well. I don't work in a pharmacy. I am not in pharmaceuticals. Nor am I a drug dealer. The job actually really terrifies me. I don't think I could do it. You need to get worried when the other parents are coming up and asking you for an ape next week. I'll be like, of cake? What? What do you mean? I wouldn't even know how to weigh it. Also I'm such a guilty conscience. If I had to walk out the premises of somewhere where

we were growing weed, can you imagine walking out and I'd be like, nothing to see here. There's no weed. Who knows what goes on in your loft. Who knows? Well I should hope nothing with poor babies up there. Bless us out. Just water them plants up there for me cubs. I'm joking. And don't turn them lights off. Yeah, leave them on all night and all day. That of course was all a joke. Yeah, we are only joking. So there you go. That is my secret of this week.

I didn't really know if I was going to share it. Didn't really know how I felt about sharing that. It's out there now. You know, these things happen, don't they? Anyone else? Surely, please. Someone tell me if this has happened to you. Let's move on to the secrets of the week.

Cause I'm feeling uncomfortable. Always believing I am uncomfortable. So we'll be back after this short break. Sonic the Hedgehog 3. Welcome home, my boy. He's now streaming on Paramount Plus. He is much more impressive than the hedgehog I fought previously. Dude, I'm standing right here. Sonic the Hedgehog 3, now streaming on Paramount+.

Hi, I'm Evie. Some days I wake up feeling a little bit worried. Do you? Some days I just feel really wriggly. If you feel the same, then why not join me in my podcast as I ask how are you? We find ways to figure out just how we're feeling also we're ready to face whatever the day throws at us. Join me in escaping the chaos and taking a moment for calm. So how are you? Come and join in

wherever you get your podcasts. Right, we've got three secrets we're going to be discussing this week. So Emma, take it away with number one. Hi ladies. Hello. A few years ago, my husband and I went on a much needed adults only holiday without our four kids. Lovely. Just before we left, our youngest was in her sticker obsession phase and she stuck them everywhere including on my suitcase.

At the airport and all throughout our five-day trip, we noticed that other couples kept striking up very friendly conversations with us. We assumed it was just the vibe of a child-free resort since normally we're too busy running after our kids to notice. It wasn't until we got home that my best friend burst out laughing and asked, are you aware of the giant upside down pineapple sticker on your suitcase? I told her, yeah, our little one stuck stickers on everything, even the dog. That's when she explained the real meaning of an upside down pineapple.

Swingers. I don't know this. Do you know this? Only because I fell into the trap of buying an upside down pineapple cardigan. Or the cardigan had pineapples over trap of buying an upside down pineapple cardigan or the cardigan had pineapples over it and they were upside down. I did not know this. I feel so sheltered. I never ever wore it ever again.

I never wore it. I never left the house. Did you get approached? From cider. No, it was online. She says, thanks to our child, we had unknowingly announced our membership to a swingers club. That definitely explained all the attention. Safe to say that suitcase has never been used again and stickers are now banned in our house

Love the show anonymous to save my husband from further embarrassment to be fair She's probably just got a little pineapple hasn't she and just randomly stuck on the suitcase Oh, she doesn't know that it means you're a swinger. No. Oh my god. I can't believe that Part of swingers club at the universal sign for swingers. I think so the upside believe that. Yeah, part of the swingers club. Is that the universal sign for swingers? I think so, the upside down pineapple, yeah. What, I didn't know that. Cause I've bought this cardigan and I had a massive matching little knitted cami top that went underneath.

So I had a little top and a little cardigan at the top and it was from Sida. And I was like, look at my side hole, like I got myself a little cardigan. And everybody was like, you just walked into the swingers club. Yeah. Nice. I'm the king of the swingo

the jungle VIP I'm sucking dick now I'm joking I'm swapping partners and that's the life for me hey you'll be new you want to swing like you don't that's one of Joseph's favorites and it'll be ruined for me now we've just fucked up we've ruined it forever so there you go well because you've got to be careful I'm honestly relishing in the fact that I know something before you do. You knew that. Yes, I did. But it was about swingers, so.

Swingers. I'm not a swinger. You make it sound like I'm a swinger. Pampas grass as well. Yes. You've got to be careful about. Pampas grass outside your house. Keys in a bowl.

Swingers. Pampas grass is swingers. Yeah. Yeah. So there's actually quite a lot of folks. My mom and dad had a bush of that in the garden. And then as I got older, I was like. You know what that means? They is swingers. Yeah. So there's actually quite a lot of folks. My mom and dad had a bush of that in the garden. And then as I got older, I was like, You know what that means? They're swingers.

They're swinging. I don't think they are swinging. Swinging from the truth. Swing while you're winning. I think you've got to be careful. Cause there's actually quite a lot of things that indicate that you could be a swinger. Everyone has Pampas grass in their house now, don't they?

Do they? Well, it's quite fashionable. That's what I mean, it's fashionable. I don't think these young Gen Z, TikTokers know what it means. They need to be careful. Well, I've got some in my house, but I tell you what, I'm not swinging with no one. I'm not swinging. Would that be your worst nightmare? Swinging? Hold on. Would you consider it? Well, guys, there's something I need to tell you about me and Stefan. No, can you imagine?

Oh my God, I haven't got time. Don't get me wrong, I don't think it's a bad thing. I salute you if you have that relationship. I think- And the confidence. People that do it. Honestly- Great for you. Great for you. I saw a documentary about it on Channel 4.

I saw the documentary on Channel 4. Do you know what, I was actually obsessed. I just thought power to them. If they can do it and you're comfortable in your body and open in that mindset and you're- And in your relationship. You trust each other, yes, I think you fair play. Do you know what I always think is quite awkward about it

is like who in the partnership approaches it first. If I said to Stefan, look, I really think we could spice things up by inviting another couple into our relationship, because they might just go, no. And you can fucking get out. No way, and now we have to break up because I don't agree with you. Oh, sorry, that was a really risky thing to bring up. Yeah. It was really sorry. So I

didn't mean it actually. I was just, I was just joking. Just a trend on Tik Tok. Look into that camera. You're being filmed. Ashton Kutcher's here. You've been poked. I just want to see what you would say. Don't actually. Anyway, well when couples get into porn, like who initiates that? That's what I mean. There there's so many couples that do yeah but they do porn don't they and it's all over the internet yeah yeah yeah like how does who approaches that? Yeah should we should we set up the webcam this time? No yeah no I didn't want to either just just what we could keep it in the archive yeah just wanted to just so we can look back in memories yeah not for anyone else just the home videos you know anyway i mean i'd be interested to know that's what's approaching me up sorry sweetheart you

picked the wrong person yeah off you go yeah off you pop off your journal see you later anyway moving swiftly on this episode is gonna become this episode is coming with a trigger warning that we are talking about topics that aren't for the faint-hearted. This episode is unhinged. X-rated. All right. Are you ready for number two? I think so. I don't know who that I am to be honest, but yeah, it's very much keeping me alert. A live alert, awake, enthusiastic. Yes.

This one says, hey, Soph and Emma, I have an almost one year old son and I'm currently 16 weeks pregnant with baby number two. Yay! While I'm over the moon to be expecting again, I hate being pregnant. I feel physically and mentally awful. I'm so exhausted and sick

that my house has taken a serious hit. I haven't hoovered in weeks. My bathroom is disgusting and I feel so embarrassed. I don't want to be a lazy bitch who doesn't clean, but I just can't find the energy. Whenever my son naps, I just want to lie on the sofa instead of tidying. It's tough because I always imagine myself with three kids, but I can't picture being pregnant a third time. I dread the idea of going through this again.

Do you ladies have any tips on how to feel better or distract myself? Thanks so much, Katherine in Essex. Do so my question well, my thing to that is you're right in the midst of it now. So even if you do want three children again, we're only on number two right now. So and every pregnancy is different. Yeah, obviously, we don't know your pregnancy with your son. And obviously this is very raw because you're in the midst of it right now. If it was me personally, and I would want to someone to give me some advice.

So my pregnancy with Colby was great, apart from the gestational diabetes. With Dottie, I was actually really, really, really sick, like awfully sick. I was gaining weight. I wasn't really eating very much. I had no energy. It was sleeping all the time.

I had Colby at home who was like 18 months old. It was full on. It was really, really full on. But I just designated myself a section every day. So I made sure if I cleaned the kitchen, I wouldn't clean the whole kitchen. I just clean one worktop so that if I was to make food on that worktop, because it was empty, I just clean one worktop so that if I was to make food on that worktop,

because it was empty, I used to just wipe it down. The next day I'd clean the other side of the worktop, the next day I'd then wipe the doors, the next day I'd then wipe the floor. It took me easily a week to clean the whole kitchen, but it meant that each the section that I cleaned, I then made sure that I kept that area clean. Yeah, that's really clever. So if I prepared food in there, then I would keep that section clean. I wouldn't put anything in it. So you can still use it and then it's not like overwhelming. Overwhelming, yeah. And when you do like, I used to wipe down the cupboard doors, I

used to sit on the floor, put my music on and have a little boogie on the floor with a hot bowl of water, make myself a cup of tea. And I just used to shuffle my bum around the kitchen. Colby used to help me. We used to have a really jolly time of wiping down the kitchen cupboards. And then if you make it fun to do with your little one, if he's home with you as well, if you make the job fun for the pair of you, I know you'll feel shit, but you can take a bit more of a back seat and maybe just pick up the little bits that maybe he leaves behind. But he's doing all the fun bit of cleaning all of it. And then when you sit down to watch a film,

yes, you will feel tired. Great, you might be able to take a little nap together, have yourself a little sandwich, prepare yourself. Always reward, I used to reward myself. Sounds mental, like I'd be like, I still do that. Getting up and cleaning, then I treat myself to a nice sandwich.

Or I'll order myself a little mackeys, or we'll go for a drive-thru. Yeah. So I am, they were the things that I done when I had, because Colby was little and I was home so much and I was really poorly with Dot, I'd get Colby involved, but I'd also take a section at a time.

And sometimes, even now to this day, like if I've got washing in the house, I can't physically clean any other room in my house until my clean washing is away. Like it really fucks with my brain. Like I can't physically clean any other room in my house until my clean washing is away. Like it really fucks with my brain. Like I can't bleach the toilet until I've got the massive pile of washing away. Once that's away, I'm unstoppable.

But as long as that washing's sat there, I won't clean anywhere else. You need to like compartmentalize things. I'd be like, that's done. Everything has a step. Move on to the next thing. I still do this with cleaning to be honest, because A, I never really feel like doing it. And also I don be like, that's done. Everything has a step. Move on to the next thing. I still do this with cleaning, to be honest, because A, I never really feel like doing it.

And also I don't actually have that much time. So in like the small window that I might have, I might be like, oh, cleaning the bathroom seems overwhelming. Because if I get into a deep clean, that's gonna take me 30, 40 minutes. But while I'm in there, I'll just, after I've been to the toilet,

I'll just like spray a bit of bleach around and do the toilet. Or like, I'll just do the sink. Just do one thing at a time. And then you feel a little bit better. And actually, once you get going, you kind of like catch the bug and you're like, oh, I'm getting into this a bit now.

I'll quickly just give the bath a wipe around or just, you know, do the glass or the mirror or. And then once you're on top of it, is, and this probably sounds like I'm teaching you to suck eggs and I'm not, and I don't want to be, come at that person or be that person. But once that room's done,

you can shut the door and then every day, if the your little one wakes up, you can literally what I do once I finally got on top of the house, which sometimes can take me a good three, four weeks to finally get on top of the house. If I've been busy with work and I've let everything get on top of me, I can take a good four weeks. But when I wake up in the morning, I take his school uniform or clothes for the day, put them on the sofa and I literally make the bed and I run the hoover around and I just shut the door. And then it's so much more manageable once you're on top of it. But to get to that stage, I definitely would say a section a day. Yeah. Section at a time, because then in your brain, you then don't want to make that one clean section. Yeah.

The bathroom, just wash the shower screen. Because if there's a shower screen and it's got watermarks on it, as long as you don't see that, you then physically don't feel, like if I go in and my shower screen's dirty, I'm like, fuck this kitchen, no one fucking cleans it, it's a shed a hole in here.

But if you clean that, do the shower screen, then do the bath tomorrow, then wipe the toilet down, chuck a bit of bleach in it, then maybe the next day do the sink. Yeah. Take every bit. Some days you may just want to declutter. You may just want to just empty the windowsill and run a rag over it.

Whatever you do in that day. And once you've done it, write a list of when you've done the job. Don't make a list of the jobs you need to do. See, this is what everyone always tells me as well. Make a list and work your way through the list. Absolutely fucking not. When you're at balls deep in the situation and you can't see an end to it, write the list as you go of what you have done. So today, I cleaned the kitchen work. Do it after you've done it. After you've done it. Because once you, if you are very on top

of life, you're very organized, writing the list works great. You can tick your way through and go, oh yeah, great, I've done my day. But when you've gone past that and you are overwhelmed and you are stressed out and you've got so much going on, to then write a list, you're just gonna go, fuck that. Yeah, it's too much. It's too much, I'm not fucking doing that. Write the list as you are going,

because then when you sit down at the end of the day, the satisfaction that when you go, oh bloody hell. I actually did loads today. I did loads today. And I think you're doing more than you realize. Like some days when you're at home with your kids, you think, oh bloody hell, I actually did loads today. I did loads today. And I think you're doing more than you realize. Like some days when you're at home with your kids, you think, oh, I've done bugger all today. But actually you're like, I've cooked three meals for three people.

You can say bath the baby, wipe down the worktop, empty the dishwasher, got them dressed, we had lunch, watched a film, played, made dinner. And then when you sit back down at the end of the day and you go, where's my list? You go, fuck, I've actually done loads. And it's that sense of relief in that knowing

that you've done something. You're not lazy. No, and I just think sometimes it's just switching things around the other way and putting a positive spin on it. I really think that writing the list backwards to start with the first job you do, first thing of the day, write the list when you've done the job. That's a good idea. And it's definitely, when you sit down, first thing of the day, write the list when you've done the job. And it's definitely, when you sit down at the end of the day,

it's way more satisfying. Yeah, yeah. I tell you what though, I've never known exhaustion, like being pregnant and looking after a baby. It is hard. It's hard. So I feel you. We definitely feel you.

And there'll be a lot of people listening that have been there. Yeah, yeah. And you're not alone. And we are very, very excited for you. Yeah, I'm excited. Because we do love a new baby. So a massive congratulations to you.

I hope that helps. I don't know if that was very good advice. No, I think that was really good. Yeah. Oh, I like that. There you go. I like that. But let us know, Catherine, do keep us updated

on how you get on, if there is anything. If it does help, you know, let us know. If our advice, it would be really satisfying if it does help. Yeah. You know, but if it doesn't, you can still tell us. Yeah. To be fair, it was only me that really gave all that advice. So tell us if it was shy. Look after yourself, Catherine. Yeah. Be kind to yourself. Be really kind to yourself. Yes. You're doing incredible. All right. Right. Ready for the last one? Yeah. Go for it. It says, Hi ladies. My seven year old son got really into a show called Rookie Cops

so we started watching it together in the evenings. One episode featured a cannabis farm, which led him to ask him, Mummy, what is cannabis? Mummy, what are drugs? Trying to be honest without going into too much detail, I explained it as simply as I could. Fast forward a few weeks and we're in Tesco. I was unloading our shopping and onto the till when my son spotted a packet of thyme and said in the

loudest voice possible, said, mommy, is that the drugs? The entire queue turned to look at me. For a moment I was speechless. Now half of Tesco probably thought I was running some sort of mafia operation. Trying to keep my cool while desperately wishing the ground would swallow me up, I finally replied, no darling, that's for soup. Safe to say I'm grateful I'll probably never bump into any of those people again. Anonymous. How fitting is that for this week? You just don't know what to do. You really don't know what to do because you're talking, but I think you're just so like... It's such a natural reaction to say it.

Because it's just your life isn't it? And obviously they just pick up on it. Yeah, yeah. But it is funny. If I heard that I would have definitely bellowed laughing. Yeah, I would. I would have never thought you're a part of the mafia. No. Although I would have maybe got into the car and gone,

she looks good if she's in the mafia. Yeah, she's a good undercover. You'd never suspect her. Never suspect her but here she is, dealing time. Yeah. I'll have some. Yeah, I'd love a bit more time. Maybe you could sort me in Sofie. I could do with some extra time.

Oh, God bless you. It was just for the soup. I can't believe this, that someone, well, there's a drug story, drug secret. I know. The same week that I've got a drug secret. Drug central today. So thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club.

And if you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secretmumpod.com or with Secret Mum Pod on TikTok and Instagram. Have your herbs been mistaken for illicit substances? Or have you been caught out mid itchy legs? By the pizza man of all people! Then please do let us know, there really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode.

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