Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Playground Wardrobe Malfunction

Episode Date: August 25, 2026

One listener's playground swing experience goes horrifyingly wrong - leaving her fully exposed! Plus, the ladies get real about mum guilt, prepping for another pregnancy, and Soph comes to terms with Colby turning double digits. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Big up, Stefan. He's a ledge. Yeah. He looked great on the telly. I said to him, he came in like, well, should you talk about it on the podcast? It's going to be collecting in anyway, Mouselk will keep it in. When he came in last night, he went, I thought it looked quite good on telly. I said, you looked better on there than you do in real life, actually.

He was like, thank you. Thank you. I was like, honestly, in real life you look really tired, but on telly you look pretty good. Yes, they felt with that show. Mine's the opposite. I feel like our videos that come from the podcast make me look like a fucking ball bag face. No, that is what you really look like. No, it's not.

I take a picture of myself and say to Chris, do I, do I look? Do I look like this? Do I look like this? Yeah, you know people say the camera never like it? He says, he says that it's okay because when people see the clips of the podcast and then they see you in real life, they'll be like fucking out. You're way better in real life. Yeah, you're way better looking. Yeah.

You actually look great. You're too fucking kind. Anywho, hello, this is the secret mum club. I'm Safina. I remember and we've actually done the whole episode already. Yeah, so that's it. Have a lovely weekend. God bless you all. This is a podcast.

No. Oh, this is a place for you and me. This podcast. To sit in harmony. This podcast is a place. What? This podcast is a safe space for you and me. A safe space to share our secrets.

Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do. And as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can give that to yourself. You can be anonymous. And all those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the Secret Mom Club.

That was two minutes of utter shun. Hope you enjoyed that. I hope Masley. Keep it all in. Yeah, keep it all in. I remember half week. We love the unfiltered, unedited version, not unless it's really bad and we'll get cancelled.

That's what going to compliance. Which you'll be actually really happy to know that there's not that much that's said it to doubt. Except from when me and Emma go neck to neck. Are you guys saying that you're selling all? And Maz knows what's to put in compliance. She's got us. She's down. It was Emma out in herself this.

morning saying she listens to the podcast in the gym. She watches herself in the gym on a Tuesday morning to make the edits. And Emma said, Emma said, is it weird? And Maz says, no, because it's compliance. You have to do it. And I was like, Maz is my compliance because I don't actually watch any of them or listen to them because I hate my own voice. I hate the sound of my own voice. I hate the size of me. And Maz is my compliance. So she will just take out what she sees fit. So if anything slips through. And then if anything slips through, it's all on Maz. Not me! If it's like a career ending comment and you get cancelled, actually.

Fuck sake, Maz. Fuck, Maz edited that to make me look really bad. It was nothing to do with me. It was a lot of pressure. I know. Are you watching yourself in the gym? And I'm like, yeah. I am. Do you think people think that's weird?

But also, I think people don't know. It's me because I look like utter shite in the gym. And here I think I look reasonably okay. So I think they don't even think it's the same. They're thinking, gosh, she's watching that one man. She could take a few tips. From herself. It's actually me, don't you know?

Yeah, get the edit on a Monday. Listen on a Tuesday in the gym. Wow. That's what I do. That's what gets me through my boring treadmill session. I gotta get through this. I'm going to get through this. Is that Dane Bowers?

No. Daniel Beddingfield. Do you know Dane Bowers popped up on my TikTok the other day. Don't know what for. Isn't he aging great? Is he? I think he looks tremendous. Google him.

He's looking like a. Silver Fox. Is he? Yeah. I've been watching the Katie Price documentary. Have you been watching that? Do you know what? There's something about Katie Price. It has a little bit of a, a little bit of a hold on me. I'm not going to lie. I really hate how much stick she gets. Yeah. I also try not to, this is the weird thing about me, right? Is that I do, I really hate saying it. I hate, I do content creation. But obviously, having your life on social media, you're open to people having endless amounts of opinions on you. And do you know what? You can't please everybody. You're never going to please everybody. You're never going to please. everybody and over the five, six years that I've done it, I've kind of got a thick skin to it, which is, I think, in a way, actually quite sad when you look back at it and you just think, I'm so numb to it now that I, if that was somebody, if, you know, that's my 17 year old niece who's just literally had a video go viral on social media. And she's like, do I respond to everybody? And I'm like, sweetheart, you can't change anybody's opinion on anything that you do in life.

And it's really scary because she's a, she's a beautiful young. young lady with the heart of gold who's very naive, not naive, because that makes it sound like, I don't know what the word is, I want to explain, but she's, she's precious that one. So the fact that she, you know, she's putting herself on social media to do her dancing, because that's her, she wants to, basically like Haley, I said she needs to talk to Haley, really. Yeah. Because she wants to do that all over the world. Yeah. She wants to do it all over the world. So she's going all down that avenue and looking at universities and stuff. And I think there's just so much hate on Katie Price. Yeah. And I don't want to, I don't want to, I don't want to,

damage my my representation of her. I think she's, I think she's an incredible mother. I think she's an incredible woman. I think she's done the best that she can. Do I think everything she's done is right? No. Do I think she deserves what the media,

what people give her, the hate they give her? No, just let the fucking woman be in peace. I know. She's just doing our best. We all make fucking mistakes, don't we? So in respect to watching the documentary in a roundabout way,

because that took about seven minutes. No, I haven't. watched it because I think it would just break my heart. It is quite sad in parts. She has her children, junior and princess speaking on there. And they're actually, I was watching it in my family and I was like, they are so articulate and eloquent. Beautiful children.

They speak really, really well. And they're only like, they're only young. They're in the 20s or something. But they speak so well about her. And they're still, like what they went through with her when they were younger, some of it sounds like it would have been really traumatic. Like she was absent for periods and she had like some issues with drugs

and she was out partying and like going with all the wrong men and like just not really having a good time. Because that was her lifestyle wasn't it? That was her whole claim to fame. Was that was her, what would you say? Would that bit have been her brand? Well I think she's always had like

and she says it herself like she's always had this like toxic pictures gone. I'm going to take it down Robbery. Don't worry honey. We're going to take this picture today. It doesn't want to be a... We're going to pop it on the middle of the table because she keeps on her up and down.

She says it herself. She's got like a toxic approach to her relationships with men. So she kept like getting into relationships where like men were using her or hurting her or leaving her or whatever. And I think it stems from like she says she had this awful. Like she was... It always stems back to some. She was a victim of a sexual assault when she was a child. So like she doesn't have a healthy attitude to her relationships with men.

And I think then when she was using drugs and stuff like her... It was like a... It kind of impaired her judgment and she kept, you know, she kept doing all these things, which she says herself in the documentary, but her kids speak like so understandingly on it. I think they're very like, like, serapised. I think they've like, you know, understandably. They've been through a lot and they've had therapy to get through it. But I just thought they spoke so well about her.

And obviously at the end of it, they're still like, she's our mum and we think she's done a brilliant job and we love her. And they're like, they get, it's quite like upsetting in the end really. But even the way her family speaks. speak about her, like her brothers and her sisters and her mom. They're kind of just like, they just approach it all with a big eye roll. They're like, Katie, why do you have to be like like this? Why do you have to keep making these mad decisions? Why? And they're like, oh, what the fuck is she doing now? She's married someone again after six weeks. Because it all just stems down

to one thing. All she wants is someone to love her. Yeah. But she just doesn't know. And that's a really hard position to be in, you know? And I can't for a second imagine being, being in a position where you just don't know how to control your mind or your actions or what you're doing because you get into a rut and a cycle don't you as to what am I how do I escape this? How do I get out of that? How do I

stop doing that? And I can't imagine for a second anybody going through that and it must be the hardest thing in the world but I think as a society we just want to go well you're a really bad person because you do drugs rather than what's led you to that? What's led you to that? Let's break it right down and go right back and let's see what help we can actually give you because it's it always stems from something doesn't it yeah and doing

all of it in the public eye must have been so hard all of it in the public all of it in the public eye and her kids as well i just think it's a good documentary i would recommend i really i really like her and think she comes across really well i just feel really sad for her because she's had it really hard and what she's gone through with harvey i know not many people would go through go through that and it's hard as well. And again, the media, unfortunately, is portrayed her being that Princess and Junior are obviously in the limelight as well, portraying their relationship. And we've seen quite awful clips. We haven't, you know, we've watched the whole thing. We watched everything because they had a, they had a show, didn't they back in the day? But to have like clips broken down now

that are being resurfaced that not only is Kate reliving, the children are now watching, Pete's having to relive. Do I think that a situation for them was, healthy? No. Do I think that them little bits of relationships that happen are just more weight on top of her shoulders than it just beats her down every single time? And all the woman wants is love, but everyone's intentions with her just seems so wrong. I know. And the most recent thing as well, I'm just like... Oh, so sad. It's just another, anyway. I know. That was done from Dane Bowers being fit, Silver Fox. While we're in TV Corner, I started off campus. I don't know I'm like two months behind everyone else.

That's very on brand for me. I'm always behind the trend. You are behind. I think I hate it. Right. And that is the end of the secret mom pod. We will not be returning ever again. We all shutting down as of the 12th of August.

So it's not speaking. You absolute wrongen. Okay, look, I'm willing to come back. It's just cheesy. It's so cheesy. But everyone that's recommended it to me and people have loved it and gone, oh my God, you have to watch off campus. Did no one start it off thinking, I think this is shit?

Yes. Oh, you did. Through the whole thing I got to the end, Emma, and thought the whole lot was a load of shit. Oh, okay. Well, it's just good sexes. Is that why people like it? It's just steamy? No, I didn't watch it.

People just want it for their like smut. I didn't watch for any smut. Actually, can't even recall any sexy. There's loads of sex in it. Oh, loads. I just, it was just a really easy, light-hearted watch. Okay, but I feel like people have come off the back of it and gone, oh my God, this program's a,

It was brilliant. So I went into it thinking it's going to be amazing. Yeah. Yeah. It's trash. Right. Okay. I don't think you can actually, unless you've read all five books like me. I haven't. I've only read one. But I, it was just a really easy watch. It is easy. When you get into it, you're a bit like, oh God, what I've got into? But then by the time you get to the end, you're so hook-line and sinker on the trash. That's the thing. I am getting invested in the characters. And I think I'm willing to come back with my tail between my legs and say, oh my God, I'm obsessed and I love it. Because this is exactly how I started off, the summer I turned pretty. I hated it. It was exactly the same. I was like, how can you have a main character called Belly? I hate her. But actually, yeah. I got well into it.

Yeah. So I think I'm on episode three now. And I think I'm, I think I'll get there. I think you're going to come around. I think I might get there. But I just, it's because I come to things so late,

they've already been so overhyped that I go into it of like a really unrealistic expectation. Yeah. That's a really good way to look at it. Yeah. Yeah. I needed to go in like start from zero. Yes.

You know. Okay. Nice. While we're in TV Corner, have you watched the Idaho murders on Netflix. You all like that. I really love this debrief that we're having this week. Sorry that it's just that's Kelly,

but it's a summer holidays and nothing's happening in our lives. Nothing really is happening in the summer holidays apart from parks, picnics, water. Pooh. Lots of poo, actually. In fact, I had a poo launched at me the other day. Just before we got into that, we all kind of come back to that.

I had a water balloon, a thrower. It's like a little scoop. You put a water balloon in it. Like a thing that you have for like a dog's tennis ball? Yeah, yeah. Renly decided to put his lump of poo in it. Not at me, it was it? It wasn't actually throwing at me.

It was throwing at Colby. To which he then peed himself, Colby, because he was laughing so hot that he'd been launched with a piece of shit. And then it just turned into an absolute fecese fest in my garden. There was poo flying everywhere. There was piss. Everyone was practically had no clothes on. And that split second thought,

if anyone can see in my garden, they're going to report me. They are going to report me for poo and we, naked children. I just had a vest top on in my shorts because it was really hot. in the garden and I just thought shit is really going down

in it. It's a biohazard. But the... Idaho. If you watched it. I absolutely sobbed my heart. So that is the second documentary that we've actually had on Netflix.

I'm pretty sure. Maz I was going to look for clarification. Maz has actually just confirmed before we go any further. There's actually four documentaries on the Idaho. There's been four made already. Four.

And it only happened four years ago. Four years ago. That's good though. I, you know, give it all the publicity. Yeah. Do you know what? I mean, in the nicest way. Like, you know, the awareness. Oh, just, I just don't, I just don't want to forget these people. I know. I just don't want to forget them. It's so, so fucking sad. It's incredibly sad. But yeah, four documentaries. That's crazy. That is crazy. Just God, all my love to them families is just absolutely, it's absolutely tragic, isn't it? Awful. Yeah. So that was our week. So that was our weeks. We're loving the school holidays. If I'm honest with you, I don't want it to end. Yeah. But by the time you hear this, I'll probably be over. It probably is over.

We may have... We've only got three weeks left. Three weeks left as we record, but it'll probably be like a week left. Maybe a week, yeah, to go. But I'm done. School uniform's done. We're now on the prep for Dottie's birthday. Oh, yes.

Which we're going to celebrate the week before we go back to school. So we're going to have our little party the weekend before we go back to school and celebrate her. And then she'll be back at school by the time it's her birthday. and her birthday is a Tuesday. Yeah. So we are going to celebrate, I have a big family party celebration the week before we go back

and then when it's the weekend after her birthday, follow him. Yes. We'll have a little family, little family get together. And Colby's turn 10. Colby did turn 10. Yeah.

Yeah. It's weird, isn't it? Like I, you're living in the moment. I gosh, I don't want anyone to think that I just cried the whole day. But I did cry, but a lot of happy tears that. And I think there's a lot of satisfaction in not only do I feel insanely privileged that I have been his mum for 10 years and we'll continue to be as best mum as I possibly can be for him. But the fact that we've got here, we've got here, we've got 10 years in our belt.

He's a 10 year old boy who is crazy, loving, sweet, kind, patient, nuts, you know, has the most incredible personality. But I think there's a lot of enjoyment you can get out of a birthday to be like, this is really, really hard work. But I feel like you get to that next year that they get older and you just think, fucking hell,

we're doing it. We're really, really doing this. And there's a lot of satisfaction in that and knowing that we're raising a really, really wonderful, God, I will go,

so just raising a really wonderful, wonderful young boy. I can't believe you. A decade of being a parent. I put a parent for a day. When you put it like that, that sounds mad. Decades.

Yeah. And I said to my sister, she was like, how does it feel being a mum to a child who's a decade? And I went, could be worse. I could be you that's nearly got a child who's two decades. So just no, sissy girl, you're always going to be worse off than me. And I got the try before you buy. So no, it was phenomenal. We had lots of family time, went go-karting. I saw. Yeah. Did some bowling. We did some shopping. We ate lots of yummy food. So it was all, all everything that he wanted to do. And I just think it's lovely that he, got to pick everything he wanted to do. But yeah. I've got a 10 year old. Now this year is sad. Like this year is a really hard year. For last. Because we've only got three months

until we apply for secondary school. And then that's it. We'll be saying, and I've just walked on through everybody's farewell for junior school and everybody's last day and getting them ready. I'm fucking ball of my eyes out of other people and their children. Yeah. And I'm going to have to fucking live it next year.

It's going to be you in July. Yeah. So brace yourselves for impact. It's going to be a lot. All the last of everything, like the last year six, like the levers assembly, it fucking gets me already and I've only got a child to die in reception. Yeah, it's hard. Jesus.

Really fucking hard. But no, we've been really lucky to have such a lovely holidays. Yeah. So yeah. I have to say, I'm not hating it. Breaking news. I'm not hating it. It does.

There's, you know, there's phases. I think the age is very permitting on how good the holidays are. There's been the odd couple of holidays. where it's been a real tough one. And ours did start because I think we went away right at the very start. And I think because we'd had so much close proximity, even though you are even at home, I was worried that we'd gone to Dorset come home. And we went a little, we had a little bit of a tough patch, a couple of days where everyone was arguing.

And now it's kind of settled down. But it goes through stages. Like it goes through. Yeah. Some school holidays are just from front to back, stress, stress city. But this one's been great. It's been really great. And I think of the older that they're getting,

the kind of easier it gets. The weather does help. The weather does help. I know it's like terrible for the climate. But honestly, knowing that it's going to be nice every day really makes it easier to like plan and get out of the house. I was scorched everywhere. It's terrible. Everything's so dry and awful and there's like farmers have got no crops.

God, it's seen the fire down at the new forest. Yeah. It's closed with the motorway and everything. Yeah. Taking James to get to work today three hours. Crazy. Norley is about an hour. Obviously there are consequences.

to having such prolonged dry, hot weather. However, it makes it easier to plan your days with children. When you can get out of the house, know it's going to be nice. Yeah. Pack minimal things. And just go, go, go. It does help. Run in a field.

But we hope you're enjoying the holidays. Let us know how they're going. And if you're having a tremendous time, Emma and I would love to hear from you. Yes, we want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us. Sorry, I've got an itchy nose. respond to what we've been talking about or just say

Hello, you can find us on TikTok and Instagram Just search SecretMumpod or you can email us Hello at secretmanpod.com Right, are you ready for my secret of the week, Emma Jones on your phone? I'm ready, sorry, I just had a message from nursery so just making sure it wasn't an emergency. Okay, don't make me feel bad now, get up your phone. It was just a message from them saying, fun in the sun.

Oh, God. With some pictures of it. Couldn't be any more on cue if we tried. I know. My secret of the week is a little bit of a sad one. Oh, I know. So you're going to have to brace for impact for this. Not so much. Well, it's sad for everybody. Sad for everybody involved. Obviously, we're in the school holidays. And my sister rung me out of the blue yesterday. Obviously, this will be out for a couple of weeks before you hear it. But my sister went out yesterday before she went out. She rang me and was just like, James is off today. Do you, could we have the children for the day? Yes, absolutely. Yes. I automatically always assume it's Colby and Dotty because obviously she has four children. if you don't know my sister. She's got four children. So to add another three into the mix is a lot.

And a two-year-old. So that's what I mean. To add Colby and Dotty and Renley in. So sometimes she takes Colbes and dots because to have a baby, along with a 17-year-old, who may I add is basically his second mum because he just absolutely dotes on her and adores Eden. So sometimes when it is all seven children, it's actually easier because they all go into like pairs, if that makes any sense.

So Eden will always gravitate towards Renly and Renly towards her. So my sister was like, I would really love to take Renly. Bear in mind, it's the first time Renly has gone out without me and Chris being there as well. So he's gone out with Roxanne and James. All Roxanne's four and all my three went out and they took them out for the day. She did offer me to go with them. But I sometimes feel like when you go out, and I don't know if you'll feel the same with your sister, but sometimes you can't be auntie when mum's around.

So you want to be the cool fun at home auntie, don't you? But sometimes when mum, There's there. You're a little bit muted. You're a little bit like, oh, mum's here. And also, your children would act differently if you were there. Do you know what I mean? Then they would if you weren't there. 100%. And I also really love my sister having that time because where hers are grown up, and I talk about this a lot, where hers are so big, she really misses like the baby stage of my little ones. Yeah. So she was like, would we be able to take Renly? Because James had a day off. And it's very rare that James has a day off. And I was like, do you know what? I've got lots to do.

I had a hospital appointment really early in the morning, and I wanted to just go with a clear head for that. And then I had some other bits to do. I had some work bits to do. So I thought, do you know what? You go and have your day. I'm going to have a focus day. I'm cleaning the house, getting it up together, doing my hospital bits and so forth. So I was getting a little picture updates.

She picked them all up. They went off. I was getting little picture updates. And then she texted me and she was like, oh, I just want to let you know, had a little bit of a bump on the chin. Renly's full, well, we basically had gone through the whole chat. And then she was like, oh, something I need to tell you before we come home. Renli has fallen and bumped his chin. I was like, oh, don't worry about it.

I immediately want to put my sister at ease or James or anybody because James gets very, very stressed when the children get hurt and he does panic. And he is a really emotional guy, James. So he does take a lot to heart. So I immediately want to shut it down. And so I was like, don't worry about it. And my sister, I could tell was very upset. But more so, Eden was hysterical because he was walking with her when he fell over. the others were in the park and it was her and him together.

So she'd scooped him up because he'd fallen and ran over to my sister and was like, help. So I could obviously visibly see that Eden was, you know, very, very upset. And I was like, it could have happened any time. If he was going to fall and I was there, it would have still been the same outcome. But don't panic about it. It's absolutely fine. There's literally nothing you could do. So she was like, okay, thank you.

This made me feel a lot better. So they comes home around 6 o'clock and they want to do bath time. They're just every minute they can have soaking up their time. They love to em bath with Rennies because he's a funny little dude. So we were all just chilling out and Roxanne had put a plaster on his chin. So I was like, oh, okay, we're going to have to get it off in the bath just to clean it up. So he was having a little bit of a faff in the bath with Eden and she couldn't get it off. And I could see that she again was getting herself really, really upset.

And she was like, oh, I've broken the baby. I was like, he's fine. Don't panic. So I got him out of the bath and I had to just do the dreaded rip it off. I'd soaked it with water and then just ripped it off. and then just ripped it off and I was there to hug him and then he was crying

Eden was crying Colby was crying Ember was virginly on the edge of crying auntie was trying to hold it together for everybody and I was like everyone just just chill leant back and unfortunately Renli's chin was not good

so I tried to keep the situation as calm as possible we cleaned him up got him in his jammies he sat downstairs for a bit and then everybody went home and I could tell Roxanne was stressed So I wanted to just defuse the situation as much as possible. I was like, look, it's going to be fine.

Like, don't panic. When my sister did left, I have told my sister this now, who is also told Eden because we didn't want to tell Eden to stress her out. But obviously, when they left, I said to Chris, he's got to go to A&E because he has a very large gash in his chin. So bless his little heart. He was really happy. Wasn't phased by it in the slightest.

But unfortunately, it was just too far open and was bleeding quite a bit, but nothing. too dramatic. So we'd given him a little bit of toast. Your dad had his jammies on. So Chris, bless his heart, took him in the car because I don't do too well with those things. And I think I find it harder when, do you remember when Colby bust his chin open and had to have stitches in his chin? No, how old was he then? I want to say he was four. I thought I was doing the podcast when he bust his open. But he bust his open. But he was like four, five. I think he was about five actually. He might have even been older than five. No, it must have been only three years ago. So maybe like six. We've only been here.

he was like six or seven. Yeah. So I want to say it was about that time. But he busted his chin open. But he was old enough to understand. Yeah. And then obviously he did in the end have, he had paper stitches, but they got infected. They kept opening.

I've had that done. Have you? I must have told you. I must have told you. I must have told you because he was at his junior school. And I said it. But he got really badly infected. And then we had to go and have stitches in it in the end.

But we're really so little and he doesn't really understand. I was like, I don't think I can take him down. I'm going to find it too emotional. So Chris went, I shit you not. Chris got him in the car. He fell to sleep. He got him out of the car into the pram, into the hospital, saw triage, then went in to see the doctor.

She cleaned it, glued it. He come out, got back in the car. He was in the hospital for nine minutes. That's amazing. Got back in the car, 90 p on parking, home, back into bed. Renli was unbeknownst to him, absolutely unaware. that he just had his face. That's like the best possible scenario.

Had his face glued. He doesn't even know he's been to A&E. I had no clue. It's gone for a whole full baby's day out. Completely unaware. And then slept through the night and woke up this morning. Woke up at 7am this morning. I didn't,

doesn't even know that he's got the mark on his chin. So he's, I mean, that's the best you can ask for, isn't it? He's had his first injury. First gash. So we've just got to monitor it now

as to whether or not the glue holds. Or if not, we do you need stitches? If not, he's got to go back and have some stitch. But obviously I had to tell my sister because my sister was asking me for updates and I was at home. I'm not going to lie to you,

I was stressed out in my eyeballs. I've come in this morning and I haven't slept. I've cried a lot because it's hard, isn't it? You don't know what to do, what to expect or how to handle it. I was trying to stay calm for the other two because Colby was Dotty was far and she was like, get over it, Cole. But I think because Colby's busted his chin open. He got it. Yeah, he got it. So he was really, really, really upset.

I thought it was young for it to happen though. Really young. And I showed you the picture, didn't I? It's quite a big old... Quite a gaping wound. Quite a big one. It's not so much long. It's just quite big.

Quite wide. But yeah, but he's happy. You wouldn't even know he's done it. And I said, you know, he looks hard now with his blue air, his blue eyes, his curly blonde hair. Now he's got a nice big... Do you tell him chicks dig scars? That's what they say, don't they? Chicks dig scars.

So I said to my sister, just let Eden know this morning. He's okay. Yeah. He's happy. Oh, bless. It's so stressful for the other person when it has... happens on their what? Even worse when it's someone else's child than it's when it's your own child. And Roxham's like, the first time you let me out and I break the baby, you're never going to let me

have him again. I'll, yeah, I will. I will. We'll let you have him again. Well, my dad's got a bit of track record for overseeing like head injuries. And that's like a bit of a running joke in our family because I'm like, no, kids are with you. Someone's going to get a concussion. I don't whether it's because he's like, it's just bad luck, whether he's a bit more like lasse fair with the parenting. but it'd be like, oh, had so and so today and they fell off a stall. But then it's like, when it's been four or five incidents, I'm like, Dad, I think you need to.

Well, Chris, when he was a young lad, within four days, got two chin injuries. Fell off his bike, busted his chin open, had to have stitches. Then he fell out of a trio or did something else. Four days later, cut it again in a different place. I had to have more stitches in his chin. So he's got two massive scars.

Within four days. That is bad, love. That's stressful, isn't it? I had your chin stitched. No. I feel like any child who is a child. It's just because the skin is so thin. It's so thin.

I think everyone in my family has got the chin stitches. We've all got matching chin stitches. I said Chris, Colby and Renner's now. I've all got matching scars. Some of ours were just falling on a curb like Renley. Couple of the handlebars on the bike. A lot of handel bars. But we've all smashed our chins up.

It's a common thing. But it's so horrible when it happens. Because he's so little and he does this little crazy run. I feel like his little arms don't move quick enough. So he's just fallen. Straight on face. And annoyingly, if he was over, Roxanne said,

even if he was over two centimetres, he would have fallen on the grass and maybe it's just bad luck, isn't it? But I just felt a lot of guilt for my sister and James and Eden, of course, all of them to go through it because it was just incredibly, incredibly stressful. Because when it's not your child, the guilt will just eat you, just eat you alive, won't it? It's the worst. But I've reassured her and told her a million times. Yeah, it could have happened to anyone.

It could have literally happened to anybody. So Chris said to me today, I'm going to take him out on his scooter. I was like, I think the... Don't you dare. Because otherwise if it does pop open and the glue doesn't hold, then we've obviously got to go back and get the stitches. Keep him wrapped up at home. Bubble up.

I know there's a heat wave, but don't let him out. Don't let him out. Don't let him out. It's hard as well because even if you fall on the grass, the grass everywhere now is so dry. There's no moist in the, moistness in the floor, is there? No, it's like falling on a rock.

So there you go. Oh, Renny's at his first trip to the hospital. Actually, it's not his first. First is the second because we had the car crash, didn't we? Oh, yeah. We obviously were in the hospital when he was born if you want to include that one. That's his first A&E trip. First A&E trip.

Wow. Yeah. You've done well to get to two and a half. Do you think? My sister, I's only had one child ever go to A&E. Out of four? Now Ember's bigger. So Ember and Tobias.

So Tobias, when he was a little boy, Ember's been recently, obviously, because of all of problems with their period. But Eden's never been to A&A. Everly's never been to A&A. Touch some wood. I don't want anyone We've been loads I've been loads

I've been loads to A&E I'm always up the fucking hospital When I was in London I was always down St George's Yeah Love a bit of A&E Shout out to our NHS Because honestly To have him in yesterday within nine minutes

Cleaned, glued and out Nine minutes That's incredible That's phenomenal service isn't it Amazing Shout out the Royal South Ants Minor Injuries Unit What a dream.

Big up your bad selves. Anywho, we're going to get into your secrets after this short break. We've got three secrets from you this week. We're going to be discussing to Emma taking away. Oh, no. Okay, this is from Saffron in Cornwall. Hello, Saffron. Lovely name.

It's beautiful. I love Saffy for sure as well. Saffy, yeah, that's cute. Is that from absolutely fabulous? I don't know, but there's a lady. I follow a lady on TikTok called Saffy and she spells her as S-A-P-H-I. Oh. Because it's Saffy, Saffy.

Yeah. She's Saffy. Like sapphire. Yeah. Anyway, she says, hey sisters. Hey sisters. My partner and I would like to start trying for our first baby in the new year. What advice would you give us in the lead up to conception?

Are there any lifestyle or diet changes we should be making? You should write a book together called A Guide to Parenthood. Love you lots and never change. You're both amazing. Love saffron. Well, thank you for the business idea. Thank you, honey. The first thing I would like to say with all of this is always go to the NHS, the NHS website.

Yes. All the guidelines are on there with regards to dietary, what you can eat, what you can't eat, things you can do, everything. It is like a, you know then books that are like the Dummies Guide to. Yeah, an Idiot's Guide to. Yeah. It says everything on there. And I wish somebody had told me this when I fell pregnant with Colby because I took a lot of advice from a lot of people that most of it was pointless.

Some of it was actually dangerous. So the best advice we can give you is go to the NHS website. Yeah. Is the primary factor here. Yes. But putting that aside. Yeah. Just have fucking fun, I say.

Just have loads of sex. You want to fall pregnant without thinking about falling pregnant. It's like the last thing you want to do. Just when you take that pregnancy decision, you go, oh my God. I'm pregnant. I'm so surprised. Haven't had protected sex for six months to a year. I can't believe I'm pregnant.

Can't believe it. You're just in me. No, sorry, that was too far. Too far. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just lots of wine, lots of fun. Have fun with it.

and just try and put it to the back of your mind. Yeah. That's the only advice that I can personally give because sometimes tracking your, and I haven't personally done it myself, but tracking like your temperature. Ovulation can be a lot. And I mean, when it gets to it and if you are struggling to conceive and you do go down like IVF route or go down a route of having to do those things,

I take my heart off to you because that is a military operation. Yeah. But I think in the first thing, instance of giving it a go. Just have fun. Just have fun. My mum was always like, just have loads of sex. Yeah, just loads of sex, loads of wine. Let your inhibitions. Maybe not loads of wine. Get a bit freaky.

I can't give good advice because literally the day after I got pregnant with Sadie, which obviously I didn't know at the time, went to France, drank loads of rosé, came back, had an early scan. She was like, you're pregnant. I was like, shit, I've just spent a week downing all the wine in France. Yeah, maybe we would like to out myself. Don't do that. I think with every pregnancy,

I've been drinking. Because you didn't know. No, because I don't know. But with Colby, I got told I never have children. Yeah. So the fact that we'd fallen pregnant bought our first time, I was prececoing at us. Not understanding why one glass was making me pissed as fuck and I was vomiting like the exorcist everywhere. Because my body just wasn't agreeing with it.

But yeah, it wasn't to know. And then that guilt. So if anybody has done this, recently found out they're pregnant or been in the same boat as us, just know we're all living with the same boat. When I went for my scan, she was so lovely because she was like, look, how many people I have coming here and telling me that. She was like, do not worry about it. Don't feel guilty. Baby's fine. But on a serious note, obviously,

try to have a healthy balanced diet. Yes. No smoking, no alcohol, no drugs. Taking your vitamins. Take your vitam. Take your folic acid. There was a story out this week saying that... I've always take folic acid with all of mine.

But there's been a story out this week saying hardly any mums are taking folic acid now, which is recommended in the lead up to getting pregnant and for the first 12 weeks. I actually, fun fact, still take folic acid. Do you? Yeah. So it's all good with... Because I've got really bad B12 and stuff like that. I continue to take my multivitamin that also one has an element of folic acid in there.

But just a lot of movement, keeping your diet really healthy, lots of vitamins, lots of fluid. Stay active. Stay active. Yeah, keep moving. But it's probably just stuff you're doing. A lot of it's stuff you're doing already anyway. And it's common sense. Like, try not to overthink it. Yeah. And good luck. And put too much pressure on yourself. Have a lot of fun with it. Yeah. But we're sending you all the luck in the world. Keep us posted. Yes, good luck. And the book will be out next year.

Yeah. Stay tuned. Okay, let's have secret number two. All right, hello, Safina and Emma. Hello. My name is Emma. Iconic. Hello, name twin. She still put me first, though, over you, even though that's her name.

Hello, Sophia and Emma, yeah. Yeah, thanks, girlie. Thanks, Emma. My name is Emma, and I'm writing from Australand in Western Australia. Wow. About two hours from Perth. Australand. Wow.

I thought that was a typo. About two hours from Perth. My husband and I have two beautiful children, Elsie, who's almost three. Oh. And Archie, who is five months old. I'm writing because I'm feeling a lot of mum gills. about my eldest. Since Archie came along,

I haven't been able to be as present with Elsie as I was before. We're noticing sibling jealousy coming through in her behaviour and some days it's being really hard. I wish I could split myself in half and be there for both of them at the same time.

How do you ladies manage it? Do you have any advice for dealing with the mum girl and being as present as possible for both children? Thanks, Emma. It's hard. Really hard at the start.

It's a really, really tough one. How old is it? Archie's five months and Elsie's three. So there's like a two and a half year age. Cool. So he's not really, the element yet of playing. No, you can't really do anything.

So I would say go kind. Yeah, be gentle on yourself. Things with this. So when it was, it would have been really similar to obviously Colby and Dottie. There was two years a month and a day between them. So I would involve Colby a lot with getting the nappy and we'd make it like a fun challenge to change babies, change Dottie's bum. And I would make him, not make him, sorry, I would offer him if you'd want to do the feed. So I basically made Colby like my little buddy.

Yeah, a little helper. And it's a lot of, the days are a lot longer in the sense that it takes you a decade to get anything done. Yeah. But I found that including him as much as physically possible made him feel great. Yeah. Also, I found things like having his time, I would make sure that we were going out on his bike when Dottie needed a nap. So I'd strap her in the sling or I'd have her in the pram. But I'd make sure to have, right, it's Monday, it's your bike day today.

So we're going to go and have a really cool fun time. And I used to make sure that the time in makes your baby's fed, everything's up together. You can go out for an hour and just really give that one all of your undivided attention. Yeah. But yeah, I would just do as much including as possible. But I think when Archie does get bigger, the fact that you'll be able to play together. Yeah. Does take the edge off.

Yes. Would you agree? I agree. I think up until... Because you did struggle with... First year. Yeah. So up until Sadie being one, I found it really hard because Joseph just needed me loads and I felt so bad.

And as much as people say, like, focus on the older one because they're more aware. Like the baby won't remember being ignored. That's easier said than done because a baby still needs loads. A three, four, five month old baby still needs a lot of attention. A lot of naps. You're on a schedule. A lot of feeds, a lot of changing. They do just demand a lot of your time and attention.

and you feel so bad. I was constantly like, I'll be there in a minute, I'll be there and I'll do that with you later. I'll sit down with you later. But just having like even 20 minutes, I think people say, where you like sit down with them and they have your undivided attention. Is enough to feel their cup? It can make a massive difference. And it never feels like enough because obviously they always want more.

They'll be like, mommy, keep playing with me. Or mommy, can we do that? You know, they're always going to ask you. But I think if you are dedicating just that little bit of time to them, I think that goes a really long way. And obviously it's the last thing you feel like doing maybe when your little baby goes down. to sleep and you're exhausted. All you want to do is sit on the sofa and do fuck all. Shut your eyes, maybe have a cup of tea and you're like, oh wow, now I've got to play

dinosaurs instead. Yes. But I even used to do silly things like I would have a plan for, because obviously Colby didn't really start preschool until Dotty, like Colby, sorry, went to preschool. So the days he wasn't at preschool, I would make sure that we have an activity and I'd like write today is movie day. So we'd go to the shop, maybe walk to the shop. That would kill a bit of time.

Let him pick his snacks. He'd carry his bag, bag, bag, bag. we'd come back and I'd like right we need to just wait now for the baby to go to sleep so you can play if you want mommy's got some bits to do then I'm going to put her down for a nap yeah then it's our movie time yeah and then you can as long as I always found and I know it probably sounds really silly and people probably think I'm crazy but for me something that's so massive in life is communication I will tell rennly I will talk to him he may understand he may not understand but I feel like the more you talk to them and the more you communicate the more they feel like

oh actually she's not ignoring me. Or I'm going to go upstairs and do baby brother's nappy. Do you want to come and give me a hand? Maybe you can get the wipes out. Best job for you is a poo bag. Do you want to do the poo bag? Right now we need to go and take that down to the bin. Do you think you can manage?

Because mommy's got her hands for and I know you're a really big girl. Yeah. So it's always just, for me personally, it was just a lot of communication, a lot of involvement, include them. Colby really love doing Dotty's bath as well. Really silly things. Obviously, I was in the bathroom with them. Yeah.

But just including them, I think, gives them a real sense. that. And Elsie's three. So I feel like she is old enough to get that and understand it and to follow your instructions. Because when Joseph was two, I didn't have that. It wasn't interested in getting than happy. Wasn't interested in helping out. But I feel like three is a nice, a nice age for that. And it's a girl as well. So girls tend to be a little bit more interested in the baby. Yeah. Yeah. Like I was thinking, if I had a baby now, I think Sadie would be so into it. Oh, she's two and a half. Whereas like Joseph was like, could not be less bothered. The final thing I would say would be, don't beat yourself up and don't feel too guilty. Because yesterday I was looking at baby. pictures of both of my babies with them. They're four and a half and two and a half now.

And all the stuff that I got really upset about and beat myself up over, they were like, we don't remember that, mummy. I was going, oh, here's Joseph, here's you meeting in stadium when she came home from hospital for the first time. Do you remember that? No, I don't, I don't remember that at all. So things that you think, oh my God, I feel so bad, I'm not giving them enough attention, not giving enough time. They won't remember it. The hard thing is, is you look back at a photo and you think, God, I was so stressed then. Yeah. And then you feel sad about that moment that you didn't give them enough time. But I promise you it does get easier.

It's just right now. Yeah. It feels like super tough. But you're doing an incredibly, incredibly fantastic job and you aren't alone. We're all here. We're all behind you. And again, as always, we'd love any advice. If anybody has any advice that we can pass on to our sister in Australia, we would appreciate that.

Yes. Thanks, Emma. Right, let's have our last secret. Okay, this comes from Amy in New Zealand. We're international today. We're really international today. She read Hey Emma and Safina. Oh, here we go.

Right. That is alphabetical. Amy. No, it should be legendary though. Hey Emma and Safina official. It doesn't sound the same. You wouldn't say hey Deccanant. The legendary Safina official.

I've always wanted to become a mum, but I struggled to find the right person to make that happen with. So two years ago, I joined the sperm donor wait list as a single mum by choice. After a rather bumpy journey, I'm now 26 weeks pregnant And June in November 2026 with a little girl I can't wait Although this secret perhaps proves

I shouldn't be trusted around children's playground equipment Oh There's a secret I thought that was it Oh! That's a big... That was a whopping... We're going for more! That's huge news! Jesus Christ Amy! She's just brushing over that She's like, anyway, I'm pregnant.

Anyway, I'm pregnant doing it all my own because I'm a strong independent woman Yeah, never mind that. Here we go, there's a secret coming. A few years ago I took my two nieces to a very busy playground After I'd been pushing them on the swings for a while one of them announced that it was my term.

The only available swing was the toddler swing they'd been using. Despite being very obviously far too big for it, I somehow convinced myself I could make it work. This is me. I climbed in, squeezed my legs through the enclosed holes and started swinging. After a while, I decided I'd had enough and tried to get out, only to realise I was completely stuck. Did the Faribate have to get her out?

I tried pulling myself up using the chains, but the entire swing just came up with me. After struggling for far too long, I decided my only option was to... Oh God. What? It was to flop backwards on top. And slide myself out.

Technically, the plan worked. Unfortunately, as I fell backwards. My underwear and trousers caught on the swing. No. I landed flat on my back with my feet still. And your whole minge out. Sorry, this is painting such a... Your whole foo-foo out in the middle of a child's part.

And you saw this. I would have asked. I don't know if I'd want to hold her pants or just get her out as quickly as possible. I see. As I landed flat on my back with my feet still stuck through the leg holes while all the clothing from my lower half was hanging from the swing by me. Oh my God. This is like the stuff of night.

She's like a nightmare. She's like a nightmare. Fully naked with her trousers and her pants still on the swing. Okay. All the clothing from my lower half was hanging from the swing above me. I was completely exposed in the middle. of a packed public playground, as if that wasn't humiliating enough. A small child on the swing opposite pointed directly at me and shouted at the top of his lungs.

Ew, a bum. Ew, a bum. Why do I wish this was my secret? I wish this was me, but I also wish it wasn't. Oh my God, everybody stopped to stare. I eventually... I'm going to wear myself. I eventually freed myself, pulled my clothes back on.

The shame. Gathered up my nieces, threw them into the car and never returned to that playground again. I would have left the country. I would have left the country. Now that my nieces are older, they still regularly remind me about the time I showed my bum to an entire playground. I'm sure they'll eventually share the story with my daughter too, just in case I ever hoped to forget it. Love Amy. Amy.

Amy, that dessert. Oh wow That's one of the best we've ever had Imagine One came to her aid What the fuck? Well the fuck! Well there are knickers

And her trousers Still stuck to the swing Where she's bare on the floor Maybe there was nothing anyone could do What was her niece is doing Just watching the whole charade They didn't want to hold her trousers up If that was Joseph and Sadie

They wouldn't be able to help me They just left and got Someone out my mum No they'd be like I don't know that Oh God She's that crazy bitch She's not my There's a naked woman in the park

Jesus Christ. Oh my God. And just think, Amy, all these experiences that you can live again with your daughter. Amazing. Hopefully not taking your knickers down in a park of children. That might get you in a little bit of trouble. But that was a double whammy. That was huge.

Also, congratulations on being 26 weeks pregnant with your baby girl, doing it all on your own. I'm so incredibly. And being a legendary auntie. And being a fucking, I was just about to say being a fucking legend of an auntie because that is absolutely iconic. So iconic. Oh my God, that's gold. Oh, thank you for sharing your secrets this week.

Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. If you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secret mumpod.com or with Secret MumPod on TikTok and Instagram. Have you ever bared your bottom in a public park? Or do you have any tips for dealing with Mum guilt? Let us know there really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum!