Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Poo Catcher

Episode Date: November 13, 2025

Sissy Roxanne is back in the studio! With Emma off moving to Wales, she’s stepping in to help Soph tackle this week’s correspondence featuring more Christmas babies and some gorgeous Irish names. Plus, there’s a BIG surprise for the girls, as this week’s secret comes from a very familiar voice... Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Roxanne. Yay! Whoop, whoop. How you feeling? Good. We just had to do a...

Brr-br-br-r-br-r-and-bap. Ready. To try and relax, Roxanne. Yeah. Because she's feeling a little bit robotic. Not that you can see us, but she's sad. It bless her heart. It takes your water.

She's like, do I need to take my glasses off. No, don't do mum. Don't do mum. I won't be able to read anything. You'll be stuck there like, squint and... What does this... So Emma is off this week for the big move to Wales

so Sissy has stepped in and do you think you can do the intro with me? Do you feel like you can do it? I reckon I can. I feel like you need to just... In through the nose, out for the mouth. Do you feel nervous? A scale to 10.

You've done this so many times now. I know, but... Just chill, honey. It's not as natural as you are. Listen, you've got the looks, I got the person... No, I'm kidding. Right, you ready? Yep.

Where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week. Is it weird if I say squeeze your bits? I mean, you are my sister. Yeah, that's my... I offer to squeeze Emmett bits, but I'll squeeze yours. Okay. I mean, we're cissies.

We're probably up before. I was going to say, I probably squeezed your bits earlier on the train. All of your comments, thoughts, questions and fun stories to keep you going through the weekend. Shall we jump bonnie? Yeah, I reckon so. Yeah, I reckon so. So how does it feel to be back?

It's nice. It's good. I feel like you could get really comfortable with this. I love it. I'd like, just sitting at the table with the microphones. I mean, you just love the train drive in. I do. What?

It's like exciting to go to work with your sister day. I know, but you ought, and you've been in London this week. I have been. So there's obviously talks on the podcast because people know, but you don't know, the prep for the 40. Yes. Roxanne's 10 and 40. I know. She doesn't look a day over 29.

Do I need to be honest and tell you that I did ask Dotty the other day when I was doing her hair if she knew any of me. Why, but you do that? If I'm going to tell Dottie. If anyone's going to tell me, it's going to be Dots. If I'm going to tell anybody, I'm not telling Dots. I'm not telling Darts. Did she say anything? No.

I feel like she didn't have a clue. She was like, you're going to London. I was like, yeah. But do you mean like I'm going to London today or the weekend? And she was like, and Mum's got you a big present. But I think she's just getting you a big present anyway. I haven't even told her. I bought you a present.

Maybe she just assumed it is your birthday. You're cheeky for asking. Well. You shouldn't ask. So everybody knows. So this is like the Roxanne's been up to London this week because your mum friends brought you up, didn't they? They did.

So the pre, the November is like the first of November. Big hit straight in for the month. We're going in. Yes. I'm also bringing her up next week because we're off to some work events. And I've thought double bubble work events celebrate Roxanne's 40. It's like a whole month's shenanigan, isn't it? Yeah. I mean, it's an every day.

I'm excited for just to be up here and not be at home doing mom stuff. Very blessed that I get to take you along with me. It's very lucky because sometimes you don't know if the, you know, brands will be happy to have another. Yeah. So I was like, oh, do you mind if I bring my sister along for the ride? I'm in. So buckle the fuck up, sissy. I'm ready.

We're going ham. We are. Go hard as a motherfucker. Right. It's time for though. You need to say this with me. Okay. Look on your pad.

The letters are read and... Oh, no, it goes. I do listen occasionally. Shut up. I'm your number one. You listen to me in the car. James says, Brock, Anne's husband. if you don't know, but I'm assuming you do.

James, Roxanne's husband, says all the time, I don't even need to, I don't even need to see you, because I can hear you. If you're not in Eden's room, you're in Ember's room, or you're on the radio downstairs. I can hear the sound of you somewhere. Just echoing. I mean, that's for treasure, really.

Right. Okay. Are you ready? Yeah. For the correspondence corner. You went in very subtle. Is that okay? Yeah.

Park's out too. I would have given that a steady full. Four? Yeah, you've got to get right into that gullet, getting that gut. And, what, he reminds me of, what's his name from Ace Ventura? Oh, Ace Ventura. Pet detector. When he's like, ah, ah, with the door.

Yeah. So, Roxanne, what have you got for us this week? We've heard back from Ifa in Ireland, who wrote in about her beautiful baby girl, Fia. Hello, lovely ladies. I'm pleased to say that baby Fia arrive safely at 40 plus five weeks on Colby's birthday, the 7th of August and her name suits her perfectly. Thankfully, everyone loves it too. Fia was actually the fifth most popular name in Ireland last year. It means little deer and also wild, which she's definitely living up to. She's an absolute dream. Oh, and she sent us in a picture. Oh, look her little hair. Look how blonde her little hair is. She's born on Colb's birthday.

What are the chances of that? Obviously being your favourite podcast in the whole entire world. And then to listen to your favourite human and your baby's born on my eldest baby's birthday. That's a solid birthday. It's a really good birthday. Oh, it is good. She is absolutely a little peach. She is so beautiful.

She's got her little blonde eyebrows. She's got big eyes too. And look at them tiny fingers and her little cheek. tongue oh what a beautiful name for a beautiful little girl hopefully it all went smoothly and i hope you're all doing well hope you're looking after yourself and she'll enjoy her summer holiday birthday every year yes every year she'll never have a birthday at school well it might be different in ireland yeah it might be different we're school holidays because august is our school holiday but might be yeah it might be yeah but i hope you're enjoying motherhood and she is doing well and welcome to

the world little one yes well thank you right Right, let's roll in to the next one. You ready? Yep. Let's go. This one's from Keeley, who has gotten in touch after your chat about Christmas babies. Yes. Hi ladies, I have three children, Ezra 6, Aria 5 and Reva 3, with just three years and three months between the eldest and the youngest. Wow. So that's not three years between each baby. No, that's from like start to fit. Yeah, that's.

But I also find so much in that. Like, I don't really have any issues with the gaps of babies. That's a lot on your body, though, that toll of like... Oh, of course, no, I know that. There's not much recovery time, isn't it? The joy of having them that little together. Oh, yeah, all together. You loved them yours all little together. All the excitement.

They're all living that and growing that up together, aren't they? The Christmas baby, Epps, were the ones that were, just to recap on everybody, is people planning to have Christmas babies. Yeah. Or if anybody hasn't planned, or if they have like a Christmas Day baby. They want to have a Christmas baby. Some people planned to have, yeah, yeah. So we were talking, me and Emma were talking about.

this because we were talking about whether or not we had planned yeah really planned so emma has tried to plan for sadie and joseph whereas i didn't i haven't i didn't plan i had to plan for everleigh being the fourth yeah because we really wanted to avoid a july again yes having two days between tobias and ember and obviously there was a certain time of year that you were busy if you had two two days apart yes your anniversary yes no your birthday no it's october time october time october time october November yeah which is your birthday so she had it she did plan for purposely trying to go later in the year so eden was early in the year they're in the middle and then ever says at the end yeah she does hate that she's the only the others are all two years school years but she's three years

but that's because i was like we couldn't we couldn't risk another end of the year july baby bear in mind we've already me and ritchie or july exactly and then tobias and ember now july all within a week of each other yeah yeah so sorry we way late then uh my eldest esra is a Christmas Day baby and we'll be seven this year. My middle was born in June and my youngest in March. See, she did well there. She's spreading. Christmas Day, baby. She spread that out. I need to know if Ezra has his birthday in the middle of the year. To make up for present-wise. Yeah, or if they just do it all on one day, that's magical that. Because you're not having your birthday party really on Christmas Day, are you?

Oh, do you do? You can have a family one. You're not going to like bowling or something. No, this is true. I wonder what you do with Ezra? You had to let us know, Keely. Yeah. Yeah, sorry. All three were late and Ezra's due date was the 15th of December. So there you go. She was 10 days late. Yeah. But I was induced on Christmas morning. Wow.

I was going to say, you think they'd say, do you want to wait till boxing day? Day after day before? I mean, if you're in, your whole hog, you're in the hospital, let's just go for. Also, you'll get into the point, are you? You're so. I don't care what day of the week it is. Yeah.

Let's just get this show on the road. Yeah. When they told me, my induction was on Christmas day, I really didn't want a Christmas baby and was convinced he'd come early, but of course he waited until the very last minute. Still, he was the most perfect gift we could have ever received and we were in absolute awe of him. I always throw his party around his due date instead of on Christmas Day so his birthday doesn't get lost in the festivities. If I ever tried for a fourth, crumbed. I just said about this, I'd aim for a September baby, then I'd have three

months between each of their birthdays. I mean, that would be super planning. That's really super planning. She's not taking number four off the table. She hasn't taken off of the table. No. Well, just like Emma the other day, when she said, did you hear her the other day? When she was like, oh, when we have number three, not if. So you don't ever talk like that? You don't ever talk like that. And if you're definitely, she's itchy leg in. She's probably at it before the move.

It's about a good time as well. They're getting, what is really about 18 months. She said if they wanted to try, they wanted to wait until I have the baby. She did tell me, said that there's two and a half years between Jojo and Sadie and then two and a half years between Sadie and baby. Well, 302 months I think she needs to try It's about now No, she should try August for a November baby

Okay Yeah Yeah But that was a lovely one That's filled my heart With so much love What a wonderful What a wonderful

Celebration and memory I love that as well And I like that she spreads the birthday She puts it a half Yeah When his due date So he can be with his friend I love it

It's seven What a lovely name That's a beautiful name And Riva I mean all of them And they're all four letters as well Oh, beautiful Beautiful names.

Beautiful family. And thank you so much, Keely. And let us know on number four. When are we starting to try if she wants to aim for a September baby? We've got to go back. You've got to go Christmas time. Well, Chris, you're talking like... Keeley, you best be on the itchy legs, honey.

Now, the penny took a while to drop there. We better be going now. You haven't got much time. Hurry up. Because you've got a now, December, January. Ready for a September. Get relaxed. Get merry.

Yes. Wow. Well, good luck. If you do start trying. I hope you have a lot of fun. Rocking around. Christmas tree. That's really good for you.

Thanks. So thank you so much for your messages. If you have any comments, thoughts or funny stories, why not get in touch? Email at hello at secret mumpod.com or we're Secret Mumpod on TikTok and Instagram. Next is time for one of your secrets. Welcome back. We love a secret on the secret mum club. You are all so good at sharing.

So what have you got today, Roxanne? We've got a voice note this week. What? I know. What, from someone's secret? Well, let's bloody hear it. Hey, so from Roxanne, I want to share with you a little story about my gorgeous, beautiful princess daughter.

When she was very young and she wasn't quite potty trained, I was watching with her children's TV in the front room. she was coasting around the place very happy and I thought it might be a great time to give her a break from having a napi on. She was pottering around for two or three minutes just coasting around, made her way up to the TV and was having a great time bobbing up and down.

All was good. She then turned to me and looked me dead in the eyes and pulled the face. As quick as I could, I managed to dive off the sofa knowing what was coming. Unfortunately, I couldn't find a nappy. I couldn't find anything. so I just had to hold my hand out

while she eyeballed me and pooed directly into my hand. Is this okay? Will I ever recover? Who knows? But it's a memory that will stay with me forever. Oh, that's Uncle Jammies! It's Uncle Jammies.

I recognise that voice as soon as I heard it. I love that you dress me first and I don't want to say I'm his favourite. That's my brother. I thought he's called you the princess. I was like, where's you going with this? because that's my nickname. Yeah, exactly.

Oh my gosh, I even remember it. Oh. So obviously, before I became mummy, auntie was my title. And let me tell you, I played that fucking hand. Hugely. Hugely. I was never letting that moment pass me without a shadow of a doubt.

Like, I put my... To be fair, I would say now, most people still call you that. You came to Evely's party the other day. And the girls at the McDonald's table were like, well, what should we call you all night? And you were like, well, auntie. And they were like, oh, okay.

Literally, we're at the party, at the Go 8 party, just going, Auntie, auntie, auntie, I'll just take it all. Literally, the neighbours come over and they were like, your name is so long. What does everybody call you for short? Well, I said, well, I'm always Auntie Fina or now I'm just Auntie. And they were like, but what do like the children's friends say? Auntie. I'm just auntie to, maybe not so much my two. I would say, well, Rennie obviously doesn't talk.

but when it's like Eden's friends. Like I'm surprised Eden's friends don't, Olivia doesn't go, Auntie? Well, I think she does. She probably would. Auntie? What's her name? I don't know.

She'll answer. Just call her that. She'll answer to that. But that is just my name. But I played that card hard. So there was a lot of things that I was there to see and witness. One being the first time that Eden crawled. Yes.

Was two, your Dona meat and chip kebab. It really was. And she crawled so fast across the room to get that kebab and I was there to witness but this is the one I also witnessed Eden vomiting into James's mouth James sucking snot out of Eden nose when I tell you I was there for everything but the hand poo missed it I missed it I did miss the well to be fair no one knew that was coming because if I did know I would have been a bit more prepared but that is a funny one yeah there is so many it's just them like first ones as well you're not forgetting that no you're not

forgetting that evacuation process and... Of the first catch of the poo. Yeah. Panic. So, me, with Renner's poo. What am I grabbing? You're not grabbing anything. You're just grabbing. Hand out. Grab it. Get it. So, like the other day, I said Renner's pooed in the bath.

First one to poo in the bath. Yes, we were out. Where were we? And the poo was so big. It was literally like... Down the bath. But no, we were out. We got the photo, didn't we? Yeah.

Everyone, look at this. Renner's is shit in the bath. Was it Halloween? No. Was it Halloween? It might have been Halloween night. Maybe it was Evely's birthday. It might have been, Emily's birthday. But now we're avid pooing in the bath.

We've had it about three or four times. Yeah, we broke the seal. It's obviously a very relaxing state. Yeah, it is relaxing. I said I'd poo in the bath. When I was, after giving birth, I've pooed in the bath to get it all out. Nice. Yeah.

Roxanne would never, even if she did put her in the bath, would never admit that she's had a shit in the bath. I don't think she did, though. I feel like we've talked about this a lot. When you gave birth to Ember, got in the bath. And I was really excited to the fact that I've just. see my niece come out of my sister's vagina, not in a weird way, but I'm just so fascinated by this phenomenal experience. Put Roxanne in the bath. May I add, she was just like a fucking angel. And at that moment in my life, I thought, listen, if this woman can give birth, when she

is an absolute, per se, because you admit, you are. And I thought, God, if she can do it, she was like an angel. I just had this, like, glowing light around, and she was like, ah, birth is this baby. I thought, I can fucking do this. Let me tell you, that moment, in time was the worst fucking example of birth, because that is certainly definitely not how it went for me. With Colby anyway. In my defence, it was just a, no, it was a fast one, wasn't it? I don't know, you looked like a bloody angel.

I called you at like 11 o'clock and she was born by 1.30, wasn't she? But I put Roxanne in the bath after giving birth, and there was little blood fishes in the bath. There was blood, there was bits of blood that looked like fish. So only her sister is when you're all right. You're in there with me, not in the buff, obviously, but you were... I would have got in there if I could. You were sponging me down.

And I was like, oh, look at this. Your blood looks like fish. And she was like, shut up. Shut up. But you were a gazelle in that moment, honestly, aren't you? You're too kind. But then, unfortunately, the first two weren't the best. And then the fourth.

So I'm going to put it down to me. Yeah, but it was you. You bought good luck. Definitely. It was just my calming state. Yeah. I think I was quite calm. You definitely were.

Richie and James, were definitely going to vomit. They didn't do anything. They just stood there like lemons. We did. We had that lovely lady, Debbie. We did. Do you remember Debbie? And she wheeled the placenta out and she gave me and Richie a breakdown of your placenta.

Yeah, cool, well, I'm there with me legs in there. And you two are like, oh, I've never seen. Could you give it? She was like, I'll give you a demonstration, shall I? This is where the blood goes. This is her? God, love, Debbie. What a woman.

She was. Well, there you go. Secret from your family this week. Yeah, it was. And Uncle Jams. It was. Yeah. Have you ever had to catch a poo in your hand, midflow.

Across the room. Ever caught it, missed it through it? I don't know. Then do let us know. Email hello at secret mumpod.com or we're Secret MumPod on TikTok and Instagram. And we'll be back first thing on Tuesday. And we'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club.