Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Poo Chopper
Episode Date: January 11, 2024Not only is it our first Thursday episode of series 2, but it's also the 50th episode of the Secret Mum Club! To celebrate the ladies have more of your correspondence about going on trips without the ...kids, and there's an extra special surprise after hearing about an unusual use for a poo knife! And as usual, we have an extra secret of the week involving dental hygiene. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
She's got jaw lock.
Now I haven't sucked a dick since I fell pregnant with Colby.
Really? Eight years?
What, do you just regularly suck a dick?
No, but eight years is a long time.
I don't want to suck his willy. I'm a mother.
Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina.
And I'm Emma.
And welcome to your Thursday's episode.
Where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week.
Definitely thought of us, had boobs.
All your comments, thoughts, questions and fun stories.
To keep you going through the weekend.
Shall we jump on in?
Shall we?
Shall we?
It's time for another Correspondence Corner.
Hit us.
The first one is from Amy
She says hi Soph and Emma I was just listening to the episode
Where Soph said she and Chris have never been on vacation alone
Thought she meant sucking dick
I was going to say
Fucking hell
Didn't know that conversation we had before
This report started and actually got out
Like when the little boy announced the baby
Before the mum even told him.
I thought she was going to ask me about the sucking dick.
She knew what we'd just been talking about.
She knew.
When she wrote this email in.
I don't suck his dick.
Sorry, Chrissy.
No, this is about going on holiday.
Lovely.
Much more innocent.
Better than that.
She says, I completely get this.
My husband and I have been married for seven years.
However, we've known each other a lot longer.
Last year, before opening our business,
we decided to take our first vacation alone.
We have three young children.
Wow.
A boy, seven, and twin girls, five.
Fuck, that's the same age as Colby and Dot.
But you imagine Dotty was a twin.
Yeah.
Sorry, I had a belch then coming up.
Sorry.
Before having kids,
we always went on vacation with other family.
I didn't know just how badly we needed this trip
I miss my children terribly
And have my moments of mum guilt
But the memories we made and the reconnection with my husband
Made it all worth it
Have either of you considered doing a baby moon
For just the two of you before your new baby arrives
That's actually made me quite emotional
I would love to do that but
I've got another baby that he's looking after
What Stefan?
No Joseph
Oh yeah but you could find a
sitter for joseph yeah i don't know for a week who was having for i think i feel like a week
i feel like we'd have a fucking riot you can have him then because i don't think would you
trust me with him yeah you've got nearly three kids i'm pretty much i'm pretty much a pro yeah or would you be scared for his return
i do i do get that thing like when i go away that he's gonna hate me when i come back because he
does hold a grudge no i meant like my influence on him oh yeah or that as well yeah to be worried
about you know yeah i think our parenting skills are maybe slightly he'd be pulling his teeth out
yeah it'd be trumping left right and center pooing in the showroom yeah we mastered the art of pooing he's pooing in the showroom in ikea
yeah no he'd be fine oh would you like to go over stefan i would i would but i think the um
but you had a lot of time just you and stefan that's it i don't feel like i'm like desperately
needing it i mean it would be really nice to just have some time away just us two before the next baby comes but
I feel like you know what you're missing because you know exactly what it feels like to just be
the two of you we've had a lot of holidays just us and also what we did actually try and do this
January was go away the three of us and me Stefan and Joseph and do something nice as a family of
three before the next baby comes just to do something nice for Joseph but work and holiday dates and everything didn't work out so we
haven't ended up being able to go but I feel like that would also be a nice thing to do just to give
him a little bit of one-on-one attention before this other baby comes which is what I did which
is why we did the Paris before the baby that's yeah because one I thought Dottie's getting a bit
not big for disney but i
wanted that because we lost we were meant to go when she was 18 months old but we went into covid
we then lost two years of covid we then tried to start and go at the start of 2023 and that trip
got cancelled so i was like we kind of need to do it that's i'm lucky before it goes crazy busy with
a brand new baby yeah um but for me it was perfect yeah and as much as i would love to have
a trip just me and chris we just wouldn't it just wouldn't be the same no because we've only ever
known each other to have be with the babies but does that make you want to do a solo holiday more
because you don't know never experienced just going away together like do you think like we're such a squad yeah we're such a team and the the thing is is where chris is at home with me
every day we have so much time together anyway yeah and i think the time away spent together
is so special it's really hard when you go anywhere without your kids as well because
you guilt it's the guilt it's like the imposition of someone else having to look after them especially for like a week's quite a long time even to leave
him with like my parents i feel like that's quite a lot of time and i would just think like oh he's
missing me i mean he probably doesn't he probably doesn't give a shit once he's away from me yes
he doesn't have a second thought but i just the thought of leaving him is almost worse than
actually actually doing it yeah yeah because i'm sure
he'd be absolutely fine i'll be fine he'd be rare he would be fine i'm a little bit scarred for him
we had a couple of days away i think it's the only time we've both been away actually without him
we went to helsinki last january wow when he was one and i tagged along on one of stefan's work
trips and that was for like two days and my mum and dad had him and he it was when he just started
nursery and it was like he had a string of illnesses he was constantly ill last winter
and we came home and my mum was like didn't want to tell you but he's got conjunctivitis
and when i first saw him i just burst out crying because he looks so ill his eyes were so when
they go pale and their eyes are just so red and bloodshot and gunky and it was just such a shock
when i first saw him again i was like oh my god my baby so i'm a little bit scarred by that to be honest traumatized because it's always
when you go away that something happens to him isn't it yeah always yeah but yeah it's a hard
one isn't it it's catch 22 it is hard but i'm glad you managed to get away and have a lovely
a lovely trip but it's also very full-on with twins as well yeah and they're the same as my
two they're close together
so i am not that i struggled with the two of them close together but if it was three it's three
holy moly i was scared of that when i went for my scan busy because they've been opening a business
as well yeah so it's been very full-on deserve to break yeah you definitely deserve it's nice
if you have someone that like someone trusted that you can leave them with yeah who they like
being with which i do but i would also like leaving them with my sisters a lot.
Because then she's got six kids.
Yeah.
To look after.
And then my mum is disabled and she does struggle.
It's a lot to leave them with my mum for a week.
So yeah, it is hard.
But I'm sure if I put it to them, they would.
They would do it.
Without any questions.
Yeah.
It wouldn't even cross their mind. But you're fine because you're not crying out for a holiday with just chris
anyway you don't want to go away with him no i don't know oh i didn't see him enough
all right i've got another message here it says hi ladies your podcast inspired me to buy my
colleagues poo knives for their christmas presents they opened them at our christmas meal and used them as cheese knives wow used it to cut
their chocolate fudge cake to try it out from kaz that's genius wow i don't think you could
have got any more of a closer resemblance to poo it's a chocolate wow i'm glad they used them when
they were clean i hope you bought our branded poo knives. Yeah. Secret Mum pod poo knives.
We've got merch coming out, guys.
It's just poo knives and tops that tell us to...
Oh my God, it's arrived.
Oh, so this was meant
to be your Christmas present,
but it didn't arrive on time.
And now...
Talking of poo knives.
Oh my God, it's like a spasher.
Shit, it's a poo chopper.
Oh my God. That's not whatasher shit it's a poo chopper oh my god
that's not what I was expecting
the super poo chopper
from the propsbrothers.com
holy smokes
and it's even got a hook so you can hang it in your bathroom
it got my poo chopper
can you imagine
I'm after the chopper to chop my shed that's not what i thought that
was arnold if nobody gasped my um my interpretation that's not what i thought it was going to be like
no it's a lot more i thought it was going to be more cheese knifey that is proper like
that's imagine you could just no No. You're miming putting that up your bum. I was.
No.
I was like a white back.
Whoa.
Like it's a loafer.
Yeah.
Whoa.
Back scratcher.
Can you imagine?
Like what if you can't get it out?
Just.
Oh.
I'm going to just be down the toilet.
Like what?
Whoa.
Fuck.
We need the visuals on this because you're miming,
scooping out your poo
and then flicking it across the room.
Yeah.
Whoa.
Wow.
Out the window.
IKEA.
She would have had no trouble in IKEA.
Just shovel it out.
Yeah, shovel it out.
It's a lot more spatula-like
than I was thinking.
It's so spatula-like.
Happy with that present?
Absolutely the best present
I could have ever received.
And that's generally serious. Thank you so much much can't wait for you to um use it jam that down
the toilet geez that is the best present in the whole entire world also i feel like and if i was
at your party chocolate fudge cake yeah it's like a massive spoon isn't it i just actually put that
in my mouth well hasn't had shit on it yet. Well we don't know, they might have tested it.
I hope they're not using it for their chocolate fudge cake
post poo.
That is phenomenal.
And you get to hang it.
I'm gonna hang that on my, hang that next to my toilet.
Yeah.
Yeah, make sure you wash it properly.
Well it's not a bog brush.
Do you have a bog brush?
Yeah, I remember you saying before
that you don't like them.
No, not all the poo particles on them.
That, you could just baby wipe that off.
Yeah.
Bit of hand sanitizer.
Good to go.
Pop it back in your handbag.
Bob's your uncle.
Will it fit in your handbag?
If you're walking around with that, no one's going to have any clue what that is.
I know, it doesn't look like a poo knife.
Looks like a spanker, doesn't it?
It looks like a spank paddle.
Multi use. Multi use. doesn't it it looks like a spank paddle multi um multi multi use multi use multi use multi
roll up roll up come and get your poo chopped enough we're cutting the poos here today
um i'm so sorry we got completely um sidetracked sorry kaz by a late christmas well there we go
kaz i hope this has brought you some joy yeah um and i hope they loved theirs i feel like kaz's
work colleagues are like they're really they've she's really met a match with her
you buy a poo knife for someone and they're the kind of people you're on your they're on your
level and they're willing to use that straight away in a restaurant. Fucking hell. What phenomenal friends.
That's your crew.
They're keepers.
They're my kind of people.
Yeah.
I'm in the wrong job.
Yeah.
Hook me up, Kaz.
I want to work with them.
We love hearing from you.
If you have any comments, thoughts, or funny stories, why not get in touch?
You can email us hello at secretmumpod.com or we're secretmumpod on TikTok and Instagram.
Next is time for one of your secrets.
We love a secret on the Secret Mum Club.
We do. You're all so good at sharing.
What have you got for us today, Emma?
This comes from Charlotte.
She says, hi, mums.
I absolutely love you both.
Hi, mum.
Hi, mums.
Oh, I thought she said hi, mum.
Hi, mum.
Hello, darling.
No, we're not her mum.
Hi, mums.
I absolutely love you both.
Thank you, Charlotte.
I have a genuine question that has been stumping me.
I'm teaching my 19-month month old how to brush her teeth
but for the life of me I can't stop her
from swallowing toothpaste. It's literally impossible.
I don't think it's bad for them but surely it can't
be good either. I hope I'm not the only one
struggling with this. No, you're
not. I used to eat toothpaste when I
was little. Yeah. I was going to say I'm
fine. Others would say otherwise.
It explains a lot.
I don't think there's any harsh chemicals
though in children because they have the milk teeth one yeah which is quite mild but um i think
it's a winner even if you're getting to do their teeth i agree i spoke in the last episode about
how much of a nightmare i'm having getting joseph to clean his teeth he will just he likes holding
the toothbrush himself but then he literally it doesn't really move it around and brush his teeth.
He kind of just chews it and eats the toothpaste off.
But I think as long as he's getting something in there,
it's better than nothing.
Nothing.
I don't think you've got anything to worry about.
That's what I think.
I think once it gets too minty,
like now, because Dot's used to eat hers,
the toothpaste,
I think they both ate the toothpaste,
but once they go up to the bigger teeth
and have the minty toothpaste,
it burns a little.
Yeah.
Because are they on,
what, are they on like normal?
No, not like,
they're on like kids' one,
which is like five to seven.
Yeah.
Because they're five and seven.
Yeah.
The clues and the age.
And they instantly spit it out
because they're like, and every time instantly spit it out because they're like
yeah and every time they spit out they're like this but it's easy when they are old enough for
you to say you need to spit it out now whereas like she's too diddy obviously joseph doesn't
understand you're 19 months old she's not gonna understand you've got a brush and spit spit it
out it's weird we tried the hey doggie toothbrush song there is a song hey doggie hey doggie i don't remember how it goes um oh it goes brush them like this chiki chiki chiki cha
round and round chiki chiki chiki cha every single tooth anyway so that's there if you want to try
that then had him doing it for like a week maybe and then he got over it and was just like more
doggie in the bath and then we just
ended up watching telly in the bath so that kind of backfired yes so now he doesn't yeah he doesn't
really do it properly but i i try yeah singing the song i just i brush make sure i just get in
there and brush his teeth for him mine used to love just chewing the bristle brush yeah
when they would teeth yeah yeah so i just just put a bit on and i just used to i think only just put
a little bit on as well i need to yeah a tiny bit and i just think if it's um it's in there and it's doing its biz
don't worry about it again it's a lot of pressure that we put on ourselves i know if they're eating
the toothpaste it's not gonna work also i don't feel like there would be a product made that was
really harmful if they weren't allowed to swallow if they weren't allowed to swallow it because that's what's going to happen isn't it and it's
the minuscule of amounts yeah it's a tiny amount i went for a phase of giving the mouthwash did you
to when i used to say to them you're spitting the mouthwash out and they both looked at me like
no well where's it going they were just drinking it i swallowed it dots used to just shot it no
she's like i was like no you meant to rinse it
around your mouth she is so hardcore she bless her heart she's she didn't get all of the um she
didn't get all this stuff up top when they said to her do you want some brains she went trains
not for me um you saw that on colby didn't you
but yeah she um she they went for a face of it was for a fair amount of time just
shot in mouthwash well there you go they were in the club don't worry about it charlotte you're
absolutely fine i'm well and i've i ate toothpaste yeah and my children are better
and yeah swallowed mouthwash and like i say look these milk teeth are gonna fall out so
don't worry about it too much i will say they weren't shot shut in this drain, though. Yeah, I was going to say.
It's like a children's mouthwash.
Shit, that's fresh.
Yeah, don't you worry.
You're doing great.
The fact that you're even getting her to put a toothbrush in her mouth at 19 months old is phenomenal.
It's pretty good.
You're smashing it.
But do let us know if you have any tips for Charlotte.
And for me.
For the toothpaste saga.
And for me, because I'm struggling as well.
There you go.
So let us know. You can email us hello at secretmumpod. me, because I'm struggling as well. There you go.
So let us know.
You can email us hello at secretmumpod.com
or with secretmumpod
on TikTok and Instagram.
And we'll be back on
first thing.
What day is that?
We'll be back on
first thing
Monday
morning.
We'll be back
Monday morning
first thing.
And we'll have more
of your messages
on our next Thursday episode.
And we'll see you next time
on the
Secret Mum Club.