Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Poo Willy 😳

Episode Date: May 19, 2026

Just when we thought ‘pizza dick’ was wild, one mum comes in with a whole new name for… down there. Emma’s parents are in town, armed with tools and ready to tackle jobs nobody asked them to do, while Soph shares a huge update about Dottie’s school situation. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for mum's everywhere. Safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do, and as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You keep that to yourself.

You can be anonymous. And all those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the Secret Mum Club. If you listened to last week's episode, I didn't really say Come Club. Because I feel like that's a new name. Listen to Thursday's episode. Thursday's Ep is the Come Club. Yeah.

And if you don't know what that is, then you need to listen. to find out. How are you doing, honey? I'm okay. Do you know what I've just realized? It's my wedding anniversary tomorrow. I'm not doing anything. Are you prepared? Do you have anything? No. Do you do gifts. Should I? Should I get a card? I'm not a cardy person. I'm the gift. You're the card to this. Sorry, just choked on my... Yeah, I'm a cardy person. So I'm a cardy B. I'm not a card. I'm a gift. I love to give a gift you love to... Do you do it on your anniversary? You and Chris? No. Oh, okay. Shit, when's mine? Yours is May, isn't it? Fuck, May 15th?

Mine's in nine days? Yeah. My mom's down on May 14th. May 14th is a really popular one. I know three people that got married on the 14th May. Wow. Ours is the 7th. But I won't be seeing Stefan because he's working.

Oh, will you see him in the morning off? Surprise, surprise. No, I won't because I'm staying in London tonight. I'm working in the morning. Well, that could be your excuse to delay it. To delay it. I'm getting back and then he's going to be at work because there's an election. Maybe get a question.

Maybe get a cookie or something for him. He loves a massive election. Does he? Yeah, well, he hasn't got a sweet tooth. Oh. Wing stop. Yeah, bring him some chicken. Bring him some chicken. My mum and dad sometimes gets an anniversary card.

And then I'm like, that's embarrassing that you've remembered it. And we haven't even got a car for each other. We're not married, though. Do you only do anniversary cards when you're married? Well, the one we mark now is the wedding anniversary. Because I feel like that takes over from your... My sister got married on her day that they got together. That's such a good idea because then you only have one.

So then James never forgot. But we've basically forgotten the old one now of when we met and now we just do the wedding anniversary. But even that's confusing because we did an official wedding and then like a ceremonial wedding. I think I'd like to get married on the 15th of May. I feel like it's a good month to get married. And plus there's nothing going on in our family in May. Yes, it's quiet. It's a quiet month for us. Yeah.

Because when you were planning the wedding, you were going to do a winter wedding, weren't you? Yes. Like a December. Then you've got Chris's birthday in December. You got Christmas. Christmas. Yes, a lot. You know. Sister's birthday is November.

Yeah. It's a lot. May is the only month. really that's free. And we had stunning weather. Stunning. You'll probably get nice weather. It's not at the moment, is it?

No, it's freezing today. Do you know what? We had like three weeks of beautiful weather, didn't we? Beautiful. And then me and seven had a 40th birthday party last Saturday. Honestly, it was meant to be a garden party and it was the first day in like three weeks we hadn't had beautiful weather. Absolutely.

Territial down cold. Well, we were at Wembley this Saturday and it was meant to be cold and wet, got there blazing hot sunshine. Oh, was it. We went for an M&S event at Wembley. Oh, it was an absolute dream. Full tour of the stadium. M&S food. Yeah, we had some MNS food there.

Full tour of the stadium. It was absolutely, absolutely wonderful. But was it one of those days where you, like we had a day out the other day, it was like all the seasons under the sun. We were like coats on, coats off. Are we hot? Are we cold? Is it sunny? Is it raining?

Yes. What's going on? It was the day of the rugby, so the trains were rammoed. What rugby? There was just rugby. I don't know if it was the rugby sevens or if it was just. Oh, that's the one that everyone gets fucked up for, isn't it? Fucked up.

It's fun though. It's fancy dress, isn't it? Yeah, there was, we had the whole cast of Mario on our train, on our carriage. We were Princess Peach. They were all men. We had Princess Peach. We had the mushroom. We have Mario Luigi, the whole lot.

Toad. Joseph loves, we're at our Mario era. Yeah, Joseph loves that. Mario's great. Yeah, I'm all about. Can't go wrong. It's just a classic, isn't it? Yeah.

Love it. We're doing a lot of Mario roleplay at the moment. Are you? That sounds weird. Are you going to be Princess Peach? Dolly has a Princess Peach dress? No. Has she?

Yeah. Maybe I should pass all a dress and up down to you. Sadie. Sadie is, she loves me in Princess Peach. When we play Mario, she says, I'm Princess Peach. Oh, they've got the dress up on Amazon. Have you seen it? No.

And it's tiny and it comes with the little crown. Oh, no. Maybe I'll send it to her. And I've just realised she's got a sister called Rosalina. Yeah, she has got a sister called Rosalina. Didn't know that? Didn't you? No.

Peach's sister's Rosalina and Rosalina wears blue. Yes, I'm learning a lot from watching unboxings on YouTube. That's Joseph's new thing. Is it? Is it? Is it? Is it? Nice.

Yeah, so I'm learning a lot from that. But every day we have to play Bowser's a baddie in the castle. That's basically the standards. The Nintendo game's really good, Mario. The film's good. The film's great. Apparently the second one's not. I always find it hard.

I'm in two minds at the moment about Devil Wears Prada. Because I really... Love the first one. When I tell you, if I see Anne Hathaway in the street, instantly I will collapse. I just think she is just somebody that's been sent from heaven. She's a god to this world. I don't know why. I just really...

Do you love her? From the moment, it's... was in Princess Diaries. That was my whole, everything. She's my whole life. Do you like her in way, miss? I just love her and everything. There's nothing she can do wrong in my eyes.

Devil wears Pradas up there will be in one of my favourite films in the whole entire world. But the second one hasn't been well reviewed, is it? I'm scared. I'm really, really frightened. Oh, God. I do really want the handbag, popcorn bag, though, from the cinema. So I don't know whether to just go and retrieve that and not watch the film. Yeah.

But everyone's really into Michael Jackson at the moment, aren't they? Because that's going around. There's a lot going on at the moment. Devil We're Prada. We've got the Michael Jackson in the cinema. You've got Mario in this cinema. I've been obsessed with at home with The Furies. I know you've watched it all already.

And I'm very late to the party. But my Instagram is now full of people doing impressions of tutti. Tutti. Tutti. Tutti. I love it. I love it. I just love him so much that I.

I love them. They're just so lovely to watch. They come across so well. And I just think, I know everything's been said before and I'll say it again. Paris is an absolute same. I don't know how she puts up. It's actually really sad. because obviously I don't know if people are watching it

but they went for a really, really sad time in one of his fights and I just don't know how she found the strength to do that with all their mother babies at home and she was going through what she was going through he was going through what he was going through and it was honestly wild to watch I know there's a lot of people that aren't very happy with how the children swear and stuff like that

but I just find a lot of comfort in it it really feels like a home from home. It makes she feel like a normal parent. I just watched one way she was like, I'm not going to get Bad Mother of the Year award but I am not sad about my daughter starting school. She was like, I'm just like, yes, another one. Another one out of the house all day.

I was like, you're kind of getting where you're coming from. Yes. And it's nice. It's nice to watch and feel, you know, a little bit more. A little bit more normal. Yeah. I love that they've just like let the cameras into their chaos. And I just love that he just picks up and takes the boys to his dad's caravan,

doesn't he? Just picks him up. And she's like, where are you? And he's like, oh, driven down to John. She just lets him do whatever he wants. He's like, I'm thinking of just driving from, Land's End to John O'Crow. She's like, yeah, right.

Just indulges all his passion projects. It just loves it. And he's like a multi-millionaire and they're like sleeping in their cars. Or when he runs along the beach with the pram and he's like, born and everything. Everyone knows him though.

What a nightmare. I would hate that. Would you? I know he's like a world heavyweight championship. I think he's got such a lovely community though where he lives. Oh, but he was thinking about moving away from it all because it's too much.

Yeah. I mean, this must be like you in Southampton. I mean, not quite. Quite, but it's getting... Can't even go to ASDA. He does shopper and ASDA as well, don't know? I just love it.

What a nightmate. You're trying to get your shop done and everyone's like, hi-ah. Can I have a photo with you? Yeah, honestly, I'd find it hard. I would find it hard. But no, there's a lot of good stuff on the telly at the moment and the cinema. Yeah. How have you been anyway?

I'm good. My mum and dad have finally made it down. Are they feeling better? Well, yeah. I mean, they got over there like big, bad virus. It was my mum, really, not my dad. But then we... I've seen them two consecutive weekends now, which is like unheard of these days.

Because you went down to them and then they've come up to you. I went down to them for Luke's birthday and then they come down to me, which was already planned because they postponed their visit from April. But we did make them a little bit ill. Again. When we went home and now they're in the house and we're all kind of a little bit ill again. I think my mum's just like, I've just got over something. Please don't give it back to me. But I'm like, look, you promised to come up.

So, yeah, we should get her a mask. Yeah, she should get her a mask. You promised to come up. So here we are. So it's nice to have like an extra pair of hands because me and Stefan are real like past. I know we're always passing ships, but we're really like passing ships this week. I'm in London tonight working. He's been in London the last two days.

Then I go back. Then he's working on the election. And then he goes to Manchester for his usual job. So it's just nice to have like people there. And in the evening as well. Like we can split me and my mom have got like a bath time routine down where not for me and her. That'd be weird. Me and my mom share a bath water.

So that's nice. You know, it's like I'm seven again. Yeah. No, for the kids. Yes, she puts Sadie down, I put Joseph down. So it's all working out pretty well. But I told them, I haven't really got a list of jobs for you this time. They can't fucking help themselves.

They can't help themselves. I was to say they are going to be fucking scratching at the walls. Do you know what? They are. They're chomping at the bit. I'm like, honestly, just sit down and relax today. I haven't really got anything for you to do. And my dad's like, bought a chainsaw with him.

He's like, I could take some of that tree down. I'm like. Take the tree down then, dad. If that's going to make you feel better. You do you. They're like, what will Stefan say if we trim all these bushes? I'm like, he literally won't notice you've done it. He will be insanely grateful.

It will not care. It would be grateful to have it done. I'm going to say, I don't think he's going to notice that the bush has trimmed. No. Unless Steve's taken a lot out of the bush. Well, they're just like, he just comes in and starts like hacking away. And he's like, oh, don't you want to consult Stefan first? I'm like, I'm literally so grateful for you even doing anything.

Yeah. I would never trim my bush if it was just me left to my own devices. I need you to come and trim my book. And then it's done for another until your next visit. It's an offer he can't refuse to trim your bush. What a guy. And then I came home from the gym yesterday. My mom was outside, cleaning all the windows.

Of course she was. God bless her. They just can't sit still, can they? They love it. They love it. And they say, we don't love it. No, we just do the jobs that needs to be done. And I'm like, you would never find them sitting down, just watching Netflix all

afternoon. They could crack free that a good series. They could. They could bash out a series. They could finish up all the Easter eggs. I'm like, sit down, watch a film eat some chocolate. They like, they can't. No.

That would be like a crime to them. They have to be productive all day. And then they sit down and they go, I'm really, I'm so tired. I'm going to bed. I'm knackered. My back's killing me. I'm like. Because you never sat still today.

Yeah. But I'm grateful for it all because they do, they basically, they come every couple of months, help me maintain the house and then it's jobs I never have to do. Yeah. You know? It's nice. But I'd love to know if anyone else's parents are still coming and cleaning their windows at 37, because that does feel quite pathetic.

I don't think my mom's ever cleaned my windows. No. My dad may have weeded my drive in the. old house. Yeah, they love to weed a drive. Didn't pull the weeds out, just sprayed the weeds. Oh, right. But no, nothing.

They, I don't think my mom's ever cleaned a window. No, I think we're all still very kind of. Trim de Bush. Dependent on. No. Them. I'm out here doing it all on my own. I'm changing doors.

But you know what? You don't need anyone. Because you're, you're a bad bitch. I'm a bad bitch. I'm a bad bitch. You can do it all yourself. But I quite, I'm a bit like your mom and dad. I'd quite like it.

I really enjoy doing it myself. Yeah. Like I get a lot of satisfaction. out of doing that. Oh, I meant to tell you, I've been working on the garden. I bought some slabs from IKEA, again, bit like the front, done a few back and forth trips in me, in me mini. And I've laid a patio.

Have you? So Chris and our neighbours helped move the shed from the front of the house to the end of the house. And I have just, I've slabbed a wooden slabbed area outside my back door and got a dining table on it from outside. Now it's fucking raining. I feel like I'd just tempted fate. You jinxed it.

Yep. but it's looking wonderful in my garden See that's the kind of shit That I would just never do on my own I'd be like And the neighbour come around and went Bloody hell Chris I love what you've done with this floor

You tried to do it again Fucking cheek And I said actually And Chris went actually it was Saphina She'd done the whole thing Yes I'd It looks like a fucking dream Does it?

Oh it looks insane The only thing is I bought some fake trees And I potted them In pots But they keep blowing over So I've bought some sand yesterday from B and Q

and I need to fill up my pots with sand then put me nice stone on top and hopefully they don't blow off because they keep blowing over otherwise all the sand My mum and dad will come around and go there's a weed growing in amongst that tree so you really need to pull that out

otherwise it will strangle everything else that's in there and I'm like how the fuck do you know about that I'd look in there and go that's a nice tree that's a weed ever that's a thorn it will kill everything you have to get it out right how do you suddenly know about gardens

how do you know about that it's just something that happens, isn't it? When you're like, when does that happen when you're 50? 60? I don't know. I actually really fucking hate gardening. Hence why I've ripped all my weeds up and bought two fake trees. Yeah, it's a blue job for me. Is it? But Stefan's interested, but he's not knowledgeable. And I know we all do have to learn somewhere. But he's like, oh, we've got this. My mom and dad were like, that tree in a garden is actually dead. He should probably take it out. Phone Stefan. I said, they want to take this dead tree out. He went, oh, that one down the bottom. Yeah, he goes, no, that looks cool. I want to keep it in. And mom and dad were like, that will start to have an effect on your garden.

He should probably take it down. He's like, no, it just looks cool. So I'm like, he's a gardener, but he's not basing any of his decisions on actual knowledge. He's just going, that looks wicked. I'll leave that dead tree in. Love that twiggy tree. Yeah. He went to me the other day.

I wonder why everything else has flowered and that one has it. My mom and dad came straight in and went, that tree's dead. It's like, we've just been like, looks a bit funny compared to the other ones. That tree. Everybody, everything else has blossomed by that one tree. Yeah. Oh, must be dead. God.

We're so fucking stupid. But anyway. I feel like it's something like we had to teach ourselves to cook. Like I don't ever remember my mum, like my mum never taught me to cook. No, no. I just got on and just love yourself. But you have to eat to live. You don't have to weed your garden to live.

So I'm just like, that's not. You want to enjoy it outside eating your tea. That's not high on my priority list. You know what I mean? I'm just like, I'll get round to that when my kids are. I taught myself to clean. Yeah. Yeah.

For me, it's not an essential thing. No. I'm like maybe I'll learn to do that when my kids aren't four and two and they need me constantly. I'll tell myself that. I'll get a garden. Maybe it's something that you do learn older, like later in life. Later in life, because you've got more time. But as far as I remember, my mum and dad have always done it.

So I think maybe they're just... Maybe they just love it. They just love it. Alan Titchmarsh. Yeah. Love a bit of... I'd love to be the person though that walks around and goes like they do. Lovely rhododendron grow in there.

They just know the names of plants. Such a flex. It is a flex. It is a flex. I'd be like, oh, really lovely leaf. Ocra there. That's a vegetable. Sabina. Oh, sorry. I'm so sorry. Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yeah, we want you to

join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about, or just say hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search for Secret Mumpod or you can email us hello at secretmanpod.com. Welcome back. We're doing things a little bit differently in this episode because basically we talk too fucking much and we've run out At time. I'm going to go straight into my secret this week because it's all about me always. You know, honey? Anywho, I'm joking, obviously. I spoke on the last episode, didn't I? Yeah. On the Tuesday, which one is it? I think we mentioned it on the Thursday one because we had some correspondence about. Dotty's schools application. And I did touch base on there. This isn't really a secret, but it is a secret. We're putting it into secret because I don't know how I feel about it.

Dotty has decided quite firmly. So you know we made the decision that Dotty was going to change schools. So she is an infant junior split the same as Colby. Colby's in the junior side. She's in the infant side. She has had her place for the junior position, the junior part of the school, sorry,

and didn't want to accept it. So we have then gone through the process of viewing other schools, putting in application, speak to the council, everything's there penned and ready to go. We can't do anything at the moment because the schools that we like first, second, third, don't have a place right now for her. So we can't do an in-year transfer to get her ready for year three.

We just have to sit on the waiting list because as it stands, there's nothing either side's nothing in year two and nothing ready for September. So I said to Dotty, we've told her every process of it, what we're doing, so forth. She came home from school and said, we basically had an, extended week on accepting the position for the place she got offered for, so Colby's school, we had an extended week on that to make a decision. So she came home from school and she said, I've had some thoughts. I said, okay, what's your thought? She said, I would really like to accept the place at Colby's school. I was like, okay, so we'll accept it for now then, but we'll stay

on the list for the other school, shall we? And she went, no, I'm not doing that. I've decided and I'm going to this school now. I don't want to move schools. Please don't make me move schools. And actually got really, really upset about it. So first of all, it was kind of like she was doing it. And not joking about it, but it was like her little way of being like funny. You know, a little joky demeanour.

And then she was literally like, no, I'm not changing schools. Where's that come from? I have no idea. And it's really hard. And like we said on our mini episode, the lady had already gone through it and experienced it and said that everything worked out fantastic for her. It's kind of like now, I don't want to force her into doing the move because we've respected her to make this decision to not want to go to that school.

But now it's like, what do I do? Do I have to be a parent and put my foot down and say, no, we are moving you? Or do I continue to allow her to be her strong, courageous, confident, outgoing little person? It's hard, isn't it? Because it's like, it seems like a total uterus. massive you turn. But then you're like, well, if we go with this, you might then go, actually, no. Do you know what she could change your mind again?

And this is what I've said to her. I've said, once we agree to this place and we decide to cut up. That's it. I can't then go back. And she's like, no, I'm 100% sure of this. Did you ask her, like, what's changed then? Like, has she made like a friend in the class? So I did ask her, I said to her, have you, has anything changed at school?

Because as you, if you're new here or if you've been here for a long time, Dotties struggled with friendships inside school. And we've tried to encourage her to play with other children. She kind of just falls back to the same children every time. So the junior school that Colby's at, which Dottie will be going to, I have expressed my concerns with the group of friends she's in and she's meant to be moving over into that school in that classroom if we could take a shift away and place her into another classroom

and see if the school will support us here and move her. But it's a hard one. I'm trying to cover every single base. but as it stands at the moment, we've requested she not be with the certain children over at the new school. She's come home the last two weeks and she's playing with so many different children, loads of different children. She's been making friendship bracelets. There's some children that have moved over. So one of them is in year one, but then there's twin sisters that are in Dotty's year, but the twin sisters are split. So she's been playing with all of them.

She just keeps coming home every day and she's like, oh, we had this person in, playing with us today and I played with this person today and it's all new names like it just has literally come out of nowhere overnight she's had like four party invitations in the last two weeks so it's just taken a few new children for her to mix with honey I have got no idea she's totally fine I'm so proud of her I'm so proud of her for reaching out and playing with other children lots of but she's playing lots with the boys at the moment like the boys are really on the agenda because we went through a phase where she when she started to school, it was all, she only had boyfriends. Then in year one, we moved over to girlfriends. Then at the

start of the year two, we tried with the girlfriends. That hasn't, hasn't worked out. So now we're back, she's back playing with the boys. And she's having the time of her life. She's loving it. She's just like, there's no drama, mum. It's great. Yeah. Just got to play with George and Bob and and Sam and Chris and this aren't the names of any of the children at our school, but I was trying to think on the spot. She's just having the time of her life. She's like, there's no drama. So easy. Yeah. I'll tell her mom, go to the toilet. guess what? No one follows me.

Yeah. And I'm like, girl, what a dream. Yeah, I love that. She's a play football. And when I tell them I don't want to play anymore, they're just so chill. They're fine. I'm like, she's leveled up again. I love that she's realized that at such a young age because I was always friends with the boys at school.

I was friends with the boys at school. Yeah. Yeah. We're not the girls girls, we're the boys' girls. I was only really friends with the boys because I just couldn't get on with girls. I liked all those things about the boys though. Like there was no drama. There was no beef.

It was just like. can't come out today. No one's going to hold it against you. You know, not play with you today. Cool. Fine. Like, no one's bothered. Probably why I became an electrician and I just worked on a building site with loads of men probably. Yeah. One of my bestest friends in the world is male. Yeah. I just, I just don't, I just can't. Not that I'm not a girl's girl because I'm girl code through and through. I'll protect the girls. If the men are going down, I'm staying with the girls, you know. I feel like we've got sisters. So we're still like,

we've got, still with that side of us. Yeah, I keep hitting my mouth. Sorry. But. I love that for her. But boys are just relaxed. It's just easy with boys, isn't it? But I think I had the best of both worlds because I got to be with Ritchie and Roxanne growing up. Yeah. So I could muck down with Ritchie in the garden

play a bit of football while he launched balls at me in gold. And then I could go indoors and have my makeup done by my sister. Yeah, perfect. So yeah. So that's it now? So you're just going to take the pace. I'm generally asking, I'm generally asking our friends as to what do? Do I have to be stern and say, no.

You've made your mind up. It seems mad now to be like, we've made a decision and we're going to stick with it because she's allowed to change your mind. But I equally don't want her to, this is going to sound like I'm being really fucking harsh and I don't mean it to be. I equally want her to understand the value of not walking away from something. So I don't want her to be able to make a flippant decision and it just be okay because mum and dad will make it okay.

Like I've said to her that this is a big decision. We've made this decision for you to move schools. But if you want to stay where you are, we cannot go back. Like there is no way back because I don't want her to be like, oh, I've decided I'm going to move again. And I go, oh, okay, well, we're still on the waiting list. You don't want her to just think she can just keep changing her mind and flip-blot-in. You know, and it probably seems really extreme, but like later down in life, things aren't easy. Relationships aren't easy. Friendships aren't easy. We need to work at friendships. We need to work at relationships. You need to

work in jobs and, you know, you need to earn money to buy things because everything just isn't free, you know, and we're trying to teach them life lessons, like big life lessons all the time. And I just don't know if I can just be like, oh, oh, that's all right. Yeah, just change your mind again. We'll make you work. Yeah. Because you've put a lot of work into the research as well. So you don't just want to be like, okay, well, all that was for nothing.

We'll just leave it then. You know what I mean, you kind of want to make them realize. So I need to know. I need to know what's the best, what's the advice? What am I doing? Where am I going? Who am I seeing? I mean, it's fucking annoying that you had to put all that.

work into the other looking at the other school. I mean, we're still on the waiting list. So I'm not going to pull out from everything right at this second. I've accepted the place for her to go to Colby's school and we're still on the waiting list. And the application I actually put in was for an in-year transfer. So the application still stands that if she's offered a place in year three, because we're staying on the waiting list, I'm leaving those positions open. Yeah. Because it's only going to work its way through the system to get to Dottie being offered a place. And then if we don't accept the place,

it will then just be offered to the next. Yeah. So I'm not, I feel, I hope I'm not denying someone else at place. Yeah, I was going to say, I'm not denying someone else a place. And I feel I'm not doing an issue wrong.

Yes. But she might just decide. And then she might do a week in year three at Colby School and so, do you know what, this isn't for me? And we can still carry on. Or if the position is offered and we ask her there and then in the moment, do you want to stay or should I go now?

I kind of feel like it's the best thing because she doesn't have to like settle into a new school and you're where you know it and Colby's already there and if you can like make this one work then that seems like the best option. But I equally feel like I'm not that I've said anything but I'm worried that she's settling. Right. Do you know what I mean? That's where I'm at. But she knows that you listened to her.

You did all the research about the other schools and I think she knows that you took it seriously. You weren't just like, no, you just got to shut up and get on with it. Do you know what I mean? She knows about like all the extra work that went into it. And maybe it took her thinking she was going to leave to be like, actually, I want to stay here, do you know what I mean? Yeah.

You don't know what you got till it's nearly gone. This is a tough one. Yeah, it is hard. But it's playing way heavy. When I tell you, there's a lot of things in life going on. And I just, it's so overwhelming. And I think, I was saying this to my sister in the week is that I just, I don't know how to explain it.

Like when you have a baby, in that moment, the world seems really, really big, really heavy and you've got so much to do and you want the best and you're learning because it's new to you. And then they get to like five and you think, gosh, they've gone to school. Take me back to when they were newborn and it was really easy. I just cuddled them on the sofa. And it's like it's the progression for me that I've really, I really, really struggle with letting go of the previous space. The previous. Yeah. Like I'm living in the moment, but I've really struggled to let go of the previous.

And it just seems like the bigger that they're getting, I feel really, I'm scared every day. I'm really scared every day. I'm really scared that Colby's going into year six and it's his last year in junior school. And I don't know what to expect to him for secondary school. You want to support them and make sure that they're making right decisions when it's so heavy on my heart as to, I know the school isn't going to work for her. And I feel like I have my opinion on, as her mom as to what I think is best. but I equally don't want to take that respect away from her because she's big enough to understand it.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah, it's a really hard one. So they're getting bigger and they're growing and I'm struggling to stay up there, you know. I'm struggling with like the next stage of, like we're talking about mobile phones for Colby and it's fucking, it's wild out here. Yeah, I'm not looking forward to that.

And then I go and talk to my sister and I've then got to put on like auntie head to be able to deal with, to be able to process like Eden's 17. 17, Tobias is. 15, Embers 13. It's fucking, obviously, I never compare Evely and somebody to pick up on this because Evely and Colby, there's only 10 months between them. They're both 10. Well, Colby will be in August, but they're the same age to me. So it feels like them two are doing

everything together and it doesn't seem so big. But when you're trying to deal with like supporting Roxanne and the big things, like no one prepares you for all this big shit. Yeah. And I'm terrified. Yeah. I think there's just a lot at the moment. I've got a lot on with like the transition of Dottie's school. That's a big decision as well, though, because you don't want to, like, you can't be just like flip-flopping back and forth once you've made your decision. That's kind of it. That's it, that's what I mean.

You've got to stick with it. But anyhow, I've talked about myself enough. I'm so bloody, sorry. There's a lot going on. That's my secret. And if you have any secrets of your own, why not get in touch? It can be serious or silly, and you can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we've probably heard it all before.

And remember, we're all in this together, and we know that we are. We're all stars. And we see that. I love a click. Me too. Trying to teach Dotty to click. I know. I'm trying to teach Joseph and he's just like, when do they get it?

I don't know. I see to and lick their fingers and their fingers are so wet. There's saliva going everywhere. It's wild. No, no. We've got three, three secrets from you this week that we're going to be, I don't know what's with my teeth today. Oh, talk dirty to me.

We've got three secrets from you this week. We're going to be discussing. So, Emma, take it away with number one. Okay, this says, hi, Sophie and Emma. I'm a first time mum to an 18-month-old little boy. who is my whole world. I'm also really lucky to have a big family and a lovely group of friends around me. That said, my husband and I were the first in our friendship group to have a baby. While my friends were genuinely lovely and as supportive as they could be, they never fully understood what becoming

parents was like. Because of that, I often felt quite isolated. Sometimes I'd accidentally get left out of plans because people assumed I wouldn't want to come or things just weren't very accommodating for a baby, not through malice, just through lack of understanding. Now over the last few months, those same friends have either had babies or are currently pregnant. Of course, I'm absolutely over the moon for them, but I can't help feeling a little jealous that they're all going through it together. They talk about the struggles of motherhood and how hard things can be, and sometimes it feels like everyone forgets that I went through all of that on my own. I feel guilty even saying that because for the most part, they really were wonderful and they absolutely

adore my little boy. I also know that until you become a mum yourself, you can never fully understand it. I don't want to feel this resentment, but I can't seem to help it. Any advice would be really appreciated. Thanks. anonymous. Oh, I think that's a really normal feeling. I was like to say, I think it's really, really normal. But there's, again, with these ones, it's, it's really hard because I feel it doesn't matter what anybody says to us.

It's in that moment. You've just got to ride the wave of it. There was one, like a friendship that I had with somebody and it was kind of a bit like that and it was kind of like, well, I've been there, done that because she'd already had her children. And then I was, I just had Colby and it was kind of like been there, done that. And I feel if you, if you sit down and speak to them, I feel like it works both ways because I fear that with their new babies or the ones that are pregnant, maybe don't want to ask you because they don't want to seem like they don't know what they're doing. Yeah.

Or they don't want to be scared. Or they don't want to be scared. And for you to be like, yeah, this bit's really shit. Yes. Do I mean? They don't want to hear it. So I think as much as I know how you feel and what you're going through, I equally think it is on their. their side as well.

Do you know what I mean? Yeah. But there was ones when I was and she'd just be like, oh gosh, I've already done that. Yeah, this bit was really sure. Or she maybe didn't have the time to talk to me about things or when I was asking for help just didn't really care. But that's on me. That's how I'm perceiving it.

I couldn't do anything other than that just wasn't what she wanted to do. She didn't want to talk about her experiences with her babies. It was kind of just our friendship was what it was. And it kind of, she just wasn't that way. Some friends just don't want to talk about that bit, do they? So you have certain friends who have certain bits that they like to talk about. Some love to talk, some love to listen. And it's hard sometimes, isn't it?

But I personally think you need to have a chat with the girlies. Yeah. Get everything off of your chest. They're mummies. They'll get it. And it's okay to say that you feel shit. Yeah. I feel sad that I'm not going through this all with you.

Like I missed having this around me when I had my baby. I think that's fine to say that. I truly believe honesty is the best policy. because I fear there may be a barrier in that you're feeling the way you're feeling, but they're equally feeling the way that they're feeling. Neither one is right, and your one is wrong. Everybody's equal. But I think if you spoke about it, all of you,

it might be a very emotional conversation, to be honest. But I think the best thing is to err out and talk about it because I think that would make you feel a lot better. Yeah. But how you are feeling is very normal. Yeah, I think so. And I hate to say that. Do you hate to say that?

Well, I just think, like, it's no one's fault. Like if you say it to them, they're not, I don't think they're going to be like annoyed with you. It's just the timing of life. Like they happen to not have babies at the same time as you. And obviously, everyone would love to have that group of girls around them going through their pregnancies and their newborn phase together. Obviously, you would want that. Yeah. But that's just not the way it worked out for you.

And it's also harder now because you're at a totally different stage. Like when they're all in the coffee shop having their lovely newborns that they can hold and feed and they don't go anywhere, you're running around the coffee shop chasing a toddler and not having a nice time and not being part of the conversation. So you're in a totally different space. And then it will swing back round again. It'll come back around. Because if you decide to have any more babies, you're then in that process again because then they're going to have the toddlers

and you'll have the newborn, you know, and it does go in wait. It just goes in phases. It's just finding your new normal. Also, you only knew your friends for your friends. You didn't know them as mums. Yeah. So I feel like a lot of things we miss as women

is how we grow with each other. Yeah. So we grow up and how we have this friendship and we know each other as two people, but then we have to relearn each other at mums. And I think that's, again, is something I had to do massively with Roxanne. We grew up as sisters. The older we got, we became friends.

And then we had to relearn each other as mums. And I had to learn Roxanne as mum before she learnt me as mum. And we had a lot of time where we clashed when I became a mum to Colby and she was mum to four. It was kind of, there was a clash, but it's communication and talking about it. And I think it definitely, definitely does help. Yeah. And they might find you useful for a bit of advice. Yes, exactly. Knowing that you've been through it all.

Yes. But yeah, I think it's totally... But if anybody does have any advice we can share on, that would be absolutely wonderful if you've been through anything similar or experience that. It's always great to share on some advice. Yeah. Okay. Let's have number two. All right. This one says, hi, Sophen, Emma. I'm religiously listened to your podcast every week. So I thought I'd come to you for some advice. My husband has been offered an amazing job opportunity in Auckland, the biggest. city here in New Zealand. It's a huge opportunity for us because his previous job involved a lot of travelling, whereas this new role doesn't. With a one-year-old and an almost five-year-old, the past year has honestly felt like solo parenting at times. The difficult part is that my mum currently comes over every week and stays the night. She's incredibly close to my girls and is absolutely devastated about us moving, as visiting will now involve either a flight or an eight-hour drive. I feel so guilty and I know my eldest is going to struggle with the change too. I'm also

really going to miss all of my mum friends and I'm worried about having to start all over again somewhere new. It feels like I'm losing my village. Any help or advice would be so appreciated. Love, Beth from Waira Rapper. Wow. Waira Rapper. I wouldn't leave just for the name. Waira Rapper, New Zealand. Yeah, Auckland doesn't sound as cool, is it?

Wire Rapper. That's hard. Yeah. I mean... Do they have to move? I think for the job. He couldn't commute. It's eight hours.

or a flight. But if you stay there for a week and come back, I mean, she's solely parenting because of his job at the moment anyway. Yeah, could he take the job, stay down there during the week and then travel back? That's quite a lot though, isn't it? A lot on here. Then you've got to think about like renting an extra place. Yeah.

Yeah. It's a hard one. You're basically you choose between do you want to keep close to your mum friends and your mom or do you want to be around your husband all the time? Yeah. And I think probably you've got to choose your family unit and go with your husband is all the time. Maybe she's reaching out for the answer because she doesn't want to make the decision. It's impossible, isn't it?

Either way, you're going to be losing something. Yes. And this is the problem about, like, you know, like the distances in like places like Australia or New Zealand and America. Like, we might just be like, like, I felt like, oh, I've moved really far away. Four hours down the road. It's not the end of the world. Like, I could drive to my mom and dads if I wanted to.

But the distances in these countries are so massive. So vast. Like eight hours or a flight, you're not going to be doing that every week. There's some states in America you can't drive to, isn't there? They're so far away. You have to fly. Well, you'd be driving for days. Yeah, I know.

Which is mad, isn't it? Yeah. We can drive from here to Scotland in nine hours. Yeah, you can pretty much get anywhere. Anywhere. Anywhere in the UK. But yeah, it's an impossible decision. I mean, no doubt you'd make new mum friends where you go to.

Of course. It's obviously never going to be exactly the same. You can FaceTime Mum. Mum can come on stay for longer periods of time. Yeah. I think it's weighing up the pros and cons, isn't it? mom can obviously come and visit and stay for long periods of time. Yeah.

Your daughters can obviously have face times with her and call her, which I think will be lovely. You could arrange like dinner dates, like have one day or the week where they sit and have dinner together. Yeah. They do baking on Zoom. Like we did that in lockdown when we were, we could only video call. We'd phone my sister and like bake a cake. Yeah. And we'd get all our baking ingredients on your one delivery a day.

Yeah. You know? And bake a cake over Zoom and they can have like little things. They can still have a relationship. Yeah. My mom was really worried about that with us moving away. She was like, they're going to forget about who I am. But that's the great thing about technology.

We face time. That is the beauty of it. So they know she is. It's just arranging something like one day a week. That would be your time when you would see each other. Yeah. That you do something over a Zoom call that you've got a couple of hours. You bake together, decorate together and just have, you know, crochet, learn something together.

The children can do that with her. So I think there's that. And obviously, when the time is that you do see her in person, is so much more special and she might be able to stay for a longer longer amount of time. Obviously, mum friends, you can stay in contact with them but it does become hard with friendships

when you are so far away. You'd have to work at meeting new people but you've just got to weigh it up like is the new job. If it's like an offer he can't refuse then I feel like it's going to be hard to turn it down. Yeah. But it's a hard one.

If the option isn't there for him to, I was going to say commute but do you know what I mean? Like live away for some of the weeks? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yes. Oh, but anybody can share some, share some advice for Beth.

Yeah. If you've been through this going through it. Yeah. I feel like I've been saying that a lot. Sorry, but these are hard ones. Yeah. These are hard ones to answer because I wouldn't know what to do. I think I'd move with Chris.

You'd go with Chris. Yeah. But it'd be hard for me to decide between Roxanne and the children and Chris. Yeah. It'd be really, really fucking hard. I think if Stefan got this, like, amazing job offer and I had to move away. I see my sister as weeks about. sister every day. Yeah. Every day. I know I. Because my mom was sad about us, my dad, but

my mom was sad about us moving away, but we never lived like, we weren't around the corner. Do you know what I mean? We weren't like popping in daily. We didn't have this, this set up where she was there every week. So that's, that's obviously a hard thing to, to give up. Is it saying that? I said that quite quickly. Obviously, I'd have to go with Chris because I feel like he is the father to our babies. Yeah. And your fiancee. I'd have to make. that choice but it'd be really fucking hard to leave them, you know? Yeah.

Oh, Beth, we're thinking of you, honey. God bless you. I know. Right, let's have our last secret. Okay, hey, Safina and Emma. I'm currently binge listening to episodes from the beginning during my commute to and from work and you both always put me in the best mood.

After hearing the pizza dick story, I knew I had to share this secret. I'm a mum to two amazing little girls, an eight-year-old and a super cheeky sassy two-year-old. My husband and I have always had an open-door policy with the girls during the day, meaning they can come into our room whenever they want without knocking, except, of course, during the occasional itchy legs session,

but they're very much encouraged to enjoy some screen time. At Christmas, we toilet trained our toddler and she absolutely smashed it. She got the hang of it within 24 hours. Wow. Our two-year-old is now obsessed with looking into the toilet afterwards to proudly announce what she's done before flushing, especially if it's a poo, because I like to sing her a little celebratory song after a successful toilet trip.

One morning, while we were all getting ready, my husband had just stepped out of the shower and was drying himself off with a towel. Our toddler walked into the room, looked at her dad and suddenly shouted, Oh no, Daddy! Oh no, look! You've done a poo! We both looked at each other completely confused. No, sweetie, I haven't, my husband replied.

Yes, you have, she insisted, now sounding genuinely concerned. You need to go to the toilet. You've done a poo. Look, it's a poo. At this point, she was pointing directly at my husband's Willie. My husband was absolutely mortified and quickly pulled on his boxes while I was trying not to cry laughing. Now every time. she walks in while we're getting ready. She asks him whether he's done a poo in his knickers and reminds him he should do it in

the toilet so mommy can sing him a song too. It still gives me the giggles every single time, Anonymous. She thought his penis was a poo. Oh, gosh. It's so hard, isn't it? Willys are, I will say this, willies are aggressive. They are. They are aggressive.

They do look a bit turd-like. They do look a bit like. poo. They're just very aggressive to look at, aren't they? Yeah. I don't want to stare directly at Chris's Willie. So let alone Dot when she, or Colby, when they walk in. I know, or two-year-old. Oh, gosh. God bless her. God bless her. Oh, that is, Mom can sing you a song. Can you imagine? Sing a song for the poo? Yeah, I love the way she's, she's incentivising him. Daddy, do it in the toilet so mum can sing you a song too. Come on. Come on. If that was me and Stefan, I'd go, come on then, Stefan. Sing me a song. Sing me a song. I've just shit on the live.

He would die. He hates toilet humour. He would like, don't tell me about when you're doing a poo. It's disgusting. I love toilet humour. Yeah. Toilet hummer? Who doesn't?

Who doesn't love a poo story? Well, thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome on the Secret Mum Club. If you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secret mumpod.com or with Secret Mumpod on TikTok and Instagram. Have you seen a turd-like, Willie? Or are you in your gardening era? Let us know there really is nothing too outrageous.

Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club.