Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Pool Prodigy

Episode Date: July 28, 2026

Soph shares an unbelievable update that's left the whole family convinced they've got a little mermaid on their hands. Plus, the ladies answer your questions on surviving the evening routine, navigating the guilt of going back to work after maternity leave, and why no parent ever really has it all figured out.Emma Spring Bank Holiday Sale is live! Get up to 25% off plus extra 5% using the code SECRETSLEEP at Emma Sleep.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do. And as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can give that to yourself. You can be anonymous. And all those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the Secret Mom Club. Although I did refer to it as a secret mob club. And then we were like, secret lives of boring wives. Secret lives of boring wives. That's our spin-off. And then I was like, well, I'm not actually married. And then I said, you might as well be. And then I said, I've spoken to somebody at a church. Yeah. Well, most people at a church are vicar. So I should have just said the vicar. I spoke to the vicar.

Yeah. Do you know you can get married for £700? I didn't know it would be that much. I thought you could just get married in a church. I was expecting like, oh, 20 grand, do you go? No. The expensive things about a wedding are like feeding everyone, the dress. No one's coming.

Venue hire. I think actually like the paperwork of just like, getting married, I didn't think it was that much. Oh. Because we just did a registry office. You can just, and we've looked at a registry office. Listen, I don't know why we're on wedding talk because I'm not getting married. Chris doesn't want to marry you anymore.

I did mention it to him. I was like, look, I've seen a vicar and he was like, what? I'd like to do random shit in my life. I'd like to really keep people on their toes. You're very spontaneous. Very spontaneous. Yeah. So when I left, I spoke to my sister and I was like, I've just been to see a vicar at a church.

She was like, what the fuck? I was like, I was just seeing, you know, seeing if now's the time. So I put it to Chris and I was like, look at 700 pounds. She would get married. He was like, oh well. I'm not so sure anymore. I'm not so sure.

You crazy. Because it's been about three years since you got engaged, isn't it? It come up the other day. Come up on my... A three year anniversary of your engagement. Yeah. Three years.

You better go move on. It's not really going to change anything though, is it? And that's like you say, you basically are married anyway. But it just makes it a picture. Just would like the same name. Yeah. But I think we should go for a name

that is like Princess Consuelabendab, Just change it. Yeah. Change them all. Yeah. All of us. All of us just go for our own entity and just be banana hammock. Yes.

Yeah. I tried to get Stefan to do that because he wanted me to change my name to Powell. Of course he did. And I was like, why don't you change your name to Jones? Jones, yes. And then I was like, oh, our friends together called us the jowls. So I was like, why don't we just both to do that as a compromise? On jowls, what's on fish?

Jowls are like the bits on your, like when you get a saggy chin on your face, where you know you need to have like a facel. to lift it up. Oh, when people say, I was like, I want to get rid of my Jowers. Jowels.

Jowels. Sounds nice in Welsh though, Jowels. When he pronounces like everything so like over the top, he really enunciate so he'd say like,

where's my towel? I wouldn't say that. It's my towel. Yeah, because I'd be like, where's my ta? It's like three letters in it. Where's my tea?

Where's my ta? Look at my Jow. Yeah, Pau is a hard surname for me because I'd just pre- And he must pronounce it Powell. Yeah, he's like,

when he says his name, he'd be like, fan powell, like literally pronounces every letter in the word. But Essex, people speak a bit lazy. So before I learned to speak properly, I would just go on pow. Pow. Pow! Yeah.

But anyway, we decided against the jowls because. Oh, yeah. I would say Emma Jowel. I don't think Jowell is. It's not the one. No. I was with, my exes have some very peculiar surnames. Really?

Obviously, we can't give them out. But yeah, would have never gone with my name. It wouldn't have changed them. No. But you've married into a really nice one. Yes, I have. Lover. Yeah.

R-Y-D-E-R. Yeah, it's nice. So nice. Yeah. So nice. I think that would go really... Do you know what? I would have really liked to call one of the children, just straight rider. You know, like Cher?

Oh. You know, like Cher? Yeah. Just straight rider. Madonna. I've really loved. Or could have been Rider Rider. Rider.

I know someone called Colin Collins. Do you? Yeah. I feel like that used to happen a lot in the old days. People would be called like John Johns or Michael Michael. John Johnson. Matthews. Matthews.

Matthews. Yeah, John Johnson. John Johnson. Or David David. David Davis. That's pretty sick though, isn't it? John Johnson. My name's John Johnson. I think it's a bit. I'm half to use the Johnny. Do they call it a Johnny in America? I did ask that the other day on my life. Isn't a Johnny a condom? I thought a Johnny to us is a condom. I think a Johnny is the toilet in America. Is it? Yeah, because they see the Johnny's over there. Do they? The John. Not a Johnny. Okay. I did a Stefan. I overpronounce it.

Anyone want to use the Johnny. Do you want to use the Johnny? Do you want me? My journey? Oh gosh, no, don't. Also, I also say all the time something, I can't remember now what it is and in Scotland. Oh, Jobby. I was just going to say that. We say, I've got a couple of jobies to do today. That means poo. And our Scottish friends are, um, they laugh.

I love that as slang for a poo. Yeah. I found a massive joby down the toilet. Got my joby chopper. It was fucking one of years. Disgastin. Anywho, how the fuck are you? Anywho, sorry, we digress.

We digress. I'm getting a bit. I came in a hoodie today because I, well, we should probably talk about the morning we've had. I left my house at like 5.30 this morning and I was like, oh, I'm quite cold, but it's going to be boiling hot in London. So I've got this like skimpy little play suit on, but I threw a big hoodie over the top. So if you're watching, I wasn't planning on wearing this hoodie, which has got a bit of chocolate baby dribble on it. But I just thought it'd keep you warm on the train. But then I arrived in London and I was like, it's not actually that warm.

And also you're giving winter vibes. Again, I'm giving naked. I know. Well, I am very naked under this. And also I said, is this from M&S? Because Dotsy's got the denim shorts. Yeah. And she's got the little pistachio vest that came with it.

Did you see the pistachio vest? No, but they've got lovely stuff in there at the moment. So much lovely stuff. Lovely stuff in M&S kids, but I like it for my... Sorry. So this is an MNS kids play suit. It's lovely. And I was like, I got it in age 13 to 14.

And so I was like, you could have actually sized down. Hold on, no. I'm actually 12 to 13, but they didn't have it. Someone gave an equivalent to what it is for a women's... Oh, really? A woman's to the child size. Honestly, they are like, this is quite roomy. It's very good.

And it's 13 to 14. So, you know, this is a top tip if you want to exclude the VAT from your shopping. Shop in the kids section. That's why it's cheaper. No Vat on kids clothes. Stop it. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

And it's great having size four feet as well because you've got size four as well, right? No, six. Oh, shit. Well, useless for me. I've got big old, actually, I'm a five. Yeah, five you're outside the category. But as a four, I can shop in the kids section. Wow.

makes trainers cheaper as well. But harder to get because everybody, no, they're not. They're always in the bloody sale. Yeah. J.D. Juniors is where is that? M&S kids. JD Jr. I'm more of a four and a half, but I cram my feet in just to save the money.

I would, yeah. Get those bunions. Yeah. Go and get them bunions. Yeah. Save the 20 quid, I say. But anyway, so you have had a bit of mayor this morning. I was just moving around in my own little world this morning.

Just chatting away on my Instagram as I do in the mornings, little cap chop. And I get the, on my Instagram stories, I have the same people every day, the little dots at the top. So I update my stories and then with a cup of tea, I sit down and I go and catch up with everybody. And I thought, that's really fucking weird. Why is Emma's story? What is she doing? Like, why is she awake? Why is she posting?

Because that's obviously. I wouldn't normally be up at that time. No, because I'm so used to your routine. The people that you love to follow and you see every day, you kind of get used to people's routine. Yeah. So I said, oh, that's odd. And then I was watching it thinking. where that fucking how is she going before the podcast so early in the morning?

And then it went to the next story. Yeah, I'm up in London today recording the podcast. We're on an early session today. When I told you, I was like this. I'm sorry, what? So I quickly text you. And I was doing my story and I was like, updating everybody. I was like, I think I fucked up.

I think I fucked up. And then as I'm on my story, you text 9.30 kiss. I was like, no. I had to go through like a military operation. I actually can't believe how much. I've been hooked. I've been hooked on the content this morning. I cannot believe how much you have fit into your morning.

You've had an all-body shave. Yes. You managed to do it. When you started doing French plats, I thought, is she having an half? She'll crap. That would take me all day. You're like, I've got 11 minutes. I'm going to do two French plats.

And then he kept getting caught in my earring, so I was crashing out. Then my earring fell out on the floor. Then I just had to go for buns to try and get the hair out of the back of my new piercing. So I put my buns up, got myself dressed, chucked on a bit of skin. that was really aggressive on my face. I really aggressively applied the skincare. Got Chris put me ear in and got my shoes on, got to the train station, picked up a bottle of water. Did miss the first train that I ideally wanted to get. But I got on the next train, got a seat, which is an absolute winner winner. And I got here with, I think it was about

six minutes to spare. You got here just before me because I was so smug. I was commenting on Sof's video on the way here. I was like, I can't believe I'm going to be the early one for once because I'm always late. She's always early. I fucking open the door. You never guess it. It was already here. No, I was already here. It'd been here for six minutes. I know, I know. Honestly, I think it's an absolute, well done.

Thank you. I think it's a salute all women. It was an absolute feat. They just pull the shit together and just make it happen. I'm really impressed. I'm really impressed. To be honest with you, I don't know how I'd done it. I don't know how you did it. I forgot my key fob.

None of the children were awake. I hadn't done any lunchboxes. No dishwasher. Fuck all. How did you get to the station? I drove. Oh, you drove? Oh, you drove.

I drove, yeah. I drove myself to the train station. Yeah. Yeah. But it was. Just so we know, and I'm fully aware, it is 9.30 going forward every fortnight. Because we're going on to fortnightly. I didn't realise actually this was going to be a permanent change.

And I was like, I said to Stefan, oh, as a one-off, I got to get up for the podcast tomorrow at 5am. So I bet have an early night. So I had to go to sleep halfway through Spain, France. No. Which I wasn't best pleased about. And then Mas was like, yeah, it's going to be this going forward. I was like, I'm sorry. Every Wednesday I'm going to have to get up at every other Wednesday.

I'm going to have to get up at 5. I love that neither of us are fucking listening to Eddie. And I'll be telling you this for months. Paul Mattes has thrown all of these instructions out and neither one of us is listening. Well, when you said, I've got 1030 down, I started to doubt myself. I thought, have I got up at 5 o'clock? And then I went back through the WhatsApp. Then you sent me a screenshot to WhatsApp.

But then Maddie was texting me profusely apologising. She was like, oh, I'm really stressed watching your Instagram stories. I'm really sorry because it was me that told you Monday. It's 1030 to 1. It's not. It's 930 to 1 because it was on some calendar. It was just a whole honeies. it was a whole ordeal.

This is why she told us about 18 months ago, use the fucking time tree. Yeah, but actually Maz did say today that she doesn't use the time. Everyone uses it anymore. Only Maddie uses it and she got the wrong information.

So together we are really sucking at this. We made it. I was here at 929. We made it. But I did panic slightly when I was already on the train and you started getting toys out with Renley. I thought, does she?

Does she know? She's supposed to be at work today. I can't tell you. Like how I was? I was so relaxed. I thought fucking 10.30. Oh, you were showing us your new light switches. I thought, is she okay?

I mean, this is interesting content, but I think she needs to be on a train right now. Oh, God. I cannot tell you that absolutely food. Honestly, you pulled it out the bag, and I'm in awe, and you're looking great. God bless you. You're looking like an ice cream, and I love it.

I want to lick you. I was about to say, I want to lick you from your head to your toes, and I want to. move from the bed down to the floor. Would you move from the bed down to the floor? No, I'd rather be on the bed. I never really understood that.

I don't want to be led on the floor or doing it on the floor. That's hard. I want to move from the floor to the bed. Let's move to the to the bed. To the couch. That didn't rhyme though, did it? Also, don't really think I want anyone licking me all over. No.

Not from my head to my time. Are you watching Love Island? No. Oh my God. I had it on. I'm fully in the football era, Emma. Sorry, I know, I know, I know. So we should say,

It's England and Argentina tonight It is. It is. It is. It's obviously going to come out. But by the time you hear it We're going to know our face. We'll know that England

have crashed out. Should we just call it now? So if people are listening They'll go, Fuck. It's come. Home. It's come home.

It's come home. We have come. Do you think? I don't think so. I don't think so. Shut up. I know. I want to believe. It's going to be a two-nil win tonight.

Judy Doody is going to pull it out of the bag. I think it's going to be an Argentina-SPain final. Can you imagine we call it now, though, and it does actually win. And when people hear this, we've already announced that it's one. Yeah. Two nil to England.

Two nil to England. And then what, England's paying in the final? One nil to England. Do you think? Yeah. Yeah. I don't know.

Listen, no one's got no faith in our guys. No. Although I am slightly on tenter hooks that Jude's on a yellow. So if he gets a red card or another yellow or however it works, he's out of the final.

He can't play. Yeah. It's not a one-man team though. Did you see the clip? Hold on. Jude's carrying the whole team right now, Blessers. I actually, no,

when I tell you, having an absolute belter of a world car. I love his hair. We love his hair so much. Kane, God bless us up. He's giving it stacks. But I watch him and I think, oh gosh, that's like if I was to run around a pitch. Well, no, he does a little bit better than me.

But I just think, oh, is he going to retire from the England? I feel like he's done all right. But in the Norway game, I'm like, you're not bringing much. They've had DV. Have they? They're saying Declan Rice is now full back on recovery. He's fully ready. But he's got over shit.

Shits and dicks. Shicks. What? Shicks and diggles? Shits and dicks! No, they've all been shitting themselves. The Norway team will call it, yes. Oh, God.

Declan Rice has been really unwrought well with a virus. Oh, shit. Listen, I'm not hanging in the changing rooms with them. I'm just really invested in the whole. Yeah. It's not me though, is it. It's Colby. Colby is.

And I'm watching it because I want to be fully invested in it. I just really, really want it for the children. I know. How good would it be? I know. More than anything in the whole entire world. I really, really want it for them. So I've got faith.

I've got faith that we're going to, At least do you Argentina. No offence to any... Argentinians. Is that the right thing to say? Argentinians? Yeah. Yeah.

I think we could be Argentina. I don't think England will win in the final. I didn't... I don't think we would have won against France. My was more in favour for Spain. Yeah. Because what I did see... It's Le Mignon Mou, isn't it?

Is that the Spanish player? The really good one. Liminia Minal. Is it Lill? Liminia. I do think France were going to beat Spain. I had to go to bed when it was 1-0. It was...

I'm not going to lie, our games have been quite boring to watch. Literally, I would love to watch the paint dry in my utility room because that is giving me more action. But to watch our England games. But everybody else's games feel like they're fucking brutal. Yeah. But the France-Spanish game last night, what the folly? Just running up in the middle of the...

I know! He was driving me a little bit insane. These goalkeepers have been playing with fire this tournament. And everyone gets really stressed that I call Fingy... What's his name? Jordan Pickford. I call him Curtis Prichard because he's very delicate on the toes.

So I'm like, go Pritchard! Go for the save! And everyone's not really confused. Who's Pritchard? The goalie. And they're like, no, it's Pickford. Do you know? A.J. Pritchard, the dancer.

Curtis Pritchard, his brother. Yeah, it was in Love Island. Either one. Curtis was in thingy, but AJ was in strictly. Yeah. But either one, either one of the Pritcher brothers, they're very delicate on their toes. They're giving tango ballroom.

Yeah. So you have to be. So he's, um, Pitchford. pitchfork Jordan pitchfork there's been a lot of anti-English sentiment in my house which my mum's quite concerned about

because she is English but Stefan has really poisoned Joseph's mind against England so now you know we were all supporting different teams in the World Cup he was supporting USA because his friends just moved there but they obviously got knocked out so he's being quite upset

about USA getting knocked out so he was like who can I support now I said well France might go all the way do you want to support France yeah I support France this is Stefan this is Joseph Oh, okay.

Sevant was the point. Scotland, they're long gone. Oh, they were. Yeah. They were longer. Yeah. And then did he move on to Norway? Because a lot of Scottish people were supporting Norway.

Well, Sadie was supporting Norway in our house because it's, I think, where Frozen is set. Okay. Where Elsa and Anna are from. So she was supporting Norway. So when it was in England, Norway, it was very tense between me and Sadie. Gosh. But other than football, what's going on? Well, I know your...

You've had mum and dad down. My mum and dad have been down. Stunning. It's just been so nice to show them like whales in the sun. Yeah. because it basically rained the first time they visited. That doesn't happen very often. No, first two times they visited, they were like, what is this?

Oh. No, actually, last time they visited, we had some nice weather. But I feel like it's been, it's been a good stretch. Like, they were last here in May. Yeah. And I feel like May, June, July. We've had a really good run. It's been pretty solid.

Like, we're not going on a foreign holiday this year. And yesterday, Stefan was like, if the summer is like this, I won't feel too much like I'm missing out. Like you needed the trip away. Yeah. Yeah. Because you know, when it's bleak at home, you're like, I just want a week of sun. Yeah.

But actually, I already feel. all right about it because I'm like we just had we've had such as I'll look at the weather forecast I'm like oh my god this is like unheard of it's going to be a run of like 10 sunny days it's wonderful isn't I mean it has been a little bit too hot my mum's not coping so well in the heat so she was like I've come to cardiff for a little bit of respite from the heat and it was actually hotter in cardiff than it was in London sorry mum the first day they got there was 33 oh gosh she couldn't sleep nothing I was like I've got two fans but they're for the kids so my mum and dad was sweating away at the spare bedroom

Sorry. But they had a nice time. We did loads of like touristy things, took them down to Barry Island. They loved it. Barri Island gets a bit of a bad rap, you know, because it's got like an amusement park and like arcades and stuff. Gavin and Stacey, some people think, some people think it's a bit tacky. Oh no. Give me all the tack, I say. Stunning there. See my utility room. Hello. Massive sandy beach, went for an ice cream. Kids went on some rides. Joseph shit himself and cried. Sadie went on one, didn't want to get off. Oh, no, he didn't actually shit himself. No, just panicked. He just got really scared.

Yeah, yeah. But that's the tale of the oldest child versus the youngest child. Couldn't get Sadie off it. Joseph, they actually had to stop the roller coaster after one loop instead of two because the man was like, does he want to come off? We can hear him the whole way around.

Yeah, screaming. My dad was, that was a short ride for the price because he's always like, I can't believe how much things cost. I said, no, it was meant to be two rounds. But Joseph's terrible. He went on and on and on about going on it. And then when we got on it,

he was like head down, crying in my lap. And to be fair, the guy was like, do you want me to stop the ride? I was like, yeah, let's get him off. But then they had an ice cream and it was all fine. But yeah, we did loads of lovely things and I think they really saw, you know, whales at its best. I think they were like, we totally get it now.

Like, we get why you have moved 250 miles away from us. Yeah. Because it's just, it's so beautiful. It's so beautiful in this weather. Yeah. And we could just get outside and do loads of things. And yeah, it was just really lovely to have them. It's been nice.

They looked really, really well as well. I saw some pictures on your Instagram. Well, because they keep going on a fucking holiday. They look really great. They've just come back from Italy. Soon they're going to Spain for three weeks. We should live through them really. I am.

They're enjoying their retirement and why not? And why not? You know, to be fair to them. God love it. But they're like, when are we going to see you next? Because we need to fit it in between our, you know, 10 holidays of the year. And why not? They're having the greatest time, aren't they?

No, they've worked their whole lives for this. But don't spend all my inheritance, yeah. Save us. Save a snitch. And then it's got to go three ways. It's got to go three ways. And I've got big mortgage to pay off. So just bear that in mind.

Okay, Stephen, next that's all from us today, folks. So Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yes, you want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about, or just say, hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search for Secret MumPod, or you can email us hello at secretmanpod.com. Right, are you ready for my Secret of call with if I am?

I don't even know if I don't know if I'm allowed to say it. Really? I'd hope no one judges me. Is that that's a that's not a good line to start with is it Please no one judge me No offence but no offence I'm going to try and explain it the best that I can And I don't want anyone to be panicked or alarmed

Everyone was safe I was in there with them Okay Oh god okay let's get into it Okay right right Yes we're living We've got our swimming pool up We're now on a hose pipe ban

So you are yes We are on a fucking hose pipe back So you best believe I am taking care of the water That is in my swim and pool. I'm chlorine. I've got a hoover brush. I've got water shocking things that you put in overnight and you have to shock the water so it can go back clear. Like, I'm really looking after the pool. Wow, yeah. And if I'm looking after it, you best believe I'm in it. I'm in it as much as I possibly

can be. Also, the children, either me or Chris are in the pool with them because they're not allowed in the pool on their own. Colby and Dotty can go in there if one of us is stood or sat next to the pool. We sit next to the pool if the bigger ones are in. But Renly, if Renly's in the pool, me or Chris is in there with him. And the other day they were doing a whirlwind. Do you remember the... World pool? World pool.

Do you remember a whirlpool? Yeah. So they were doing a whirlpool, right? And we was having a really lovely time and I was carrying Remmerang. And then they stopped and they were playing with their toys. And all of a sudden, Renley just dunked his head in the water, just stood next to me, put his whole face in the water, right? When I tell you, this boy loves water, you could squirt him full pelt in the face

with a hose and he would find it the most hilarious thing in the way. He pulls buckets over water over his head. Like the other two would have never done that. Coby was quite terrified of the water. Dottie, not so much. But now she's a little bit more like, oh, don't get in. Don't get in my eyes, like a real, like proper girl. And Renly just loves it.

Pours water all over his head face. Ill down his cup of tea all over his face. He loves it. So he just puts his face in the water. And then Dottie panicked and was like, Mom, really's under the water. I was like, mum's in the pool. It's like totally fine. Don't panic.

And he was getting further and further in. So he's getting further. in that his shoulders were under. And then at one point he was like bent over in the pool like this. So his body was completely under the water but his legs were touching. Does that make sense?

Then he started going down to his knees. So he was on his knees in the pool. His head's under this whole time. He's fully submerged. How did he breathe underwater for so long? So obviously only like second intervals. Oh, he kept like going up and down and up and down. He was like, he kept wiping his case and going,

look at me! Look at me! And at the moment he's really obsessed with shouting. England. So he just goes, England. When he has a wee, goes, England. And World Cup. It's all he says. That's his whole vocab. So he's shouting all of this stuff. And he kept going down to his knees and Dottie was

getting quite agitated. And I was like, you have to stay calm because otherwise we're not, we're not going to make him calm. Then he sat on the bottom of the pole, like went down right to his bum and come back up, stood back up. I was said to Chris, I was like, Chris, Gowardt, but I didn't want to scare Renley. I couldn't believe what was happening. I shit you not, right? So the swimming pool is like this. around swimming pool. It's not an oblongy one. So like this section,

like a corner of the swimming pool, don't know how to explain it. He swam like a dolphin under the water. Like his arms by his side, kicking his legs. He fully swam. Me, Colby and Dotty just stood there. He didn't go like far from me.

I would say like the length of my arm. Yeah. He went so I could literally jump over and grab him. But he just stood up on the opposite side of the pool and he was like, I'm over here now Mama Mama

I was like Did that even just Oh I said to Chris Did you see what he just did And Chris was like no I was like oh do it again for Daddy Obviously No

He didn't do it again But me cops and dots We just stood in the pool And disbelieving She was swimming Doddy was like Bloody hell mum He's a better swim in than me

So I feel like I need to take him Swimming lessons I can't believe he's never Had a swimming lesson In his life Never had a swimming lesson I know a lot of people do say to do swimming early.

Some babies love it, some babies hate it. I feel like he would love it. Colby and Dotty never really liked swimming. No. They now both swim. It's an important life lesson. But obviously I just, I guess maybe I've been silly because I've been busy

and life's busy. It's hard. Yeah, it's hard. But now I'm like, fuck me. I could have an Olympic gold medal on my hand. You need to get him in a training camp stat. But he fully just sits. I don't know how he's not, like he's not panicked,

he's not scared. He just literally goes from standing up, squats down and sits on his bum at the bottom of the pool and then he just stands back up again and he's, hingaloon! Fully naked in the pool as well. Oh, I love that. Fully naked.

Yeah, we've had a lot of naked Sadie in the pool is very cute. Oh, it's just the most adorable thing. Obviously, we're potty training, aren't we? So he's just spending his life. Just naked, yeah. We're in the pool probably. But it was the most baffling thing. So he's basically swung a width?

Well, not quite a width. Not quite. Like a segment of the pool. Yeah, like a segment of the pool. But how did he know, how did he know, How do you know to like lie horizontal? I didn't even know he had like, he's a little stocky lad like he loves his food. And I thought, I said to Chris, how did he not just sink?

How did he know to get his body horizontal? And get his legs? Kick his legs. I don't know whether he's watching the bigger two because they're swimming around the pool. Yeah, maybe. Haven't got a clue. He's a merman. But honestly, I was like, maybe he's a mermaid.

Half man, half fish. Half man. Half fish. What the hell he? So yeah, I don't want to alarm anybody. everybody was really safe and he's having the best time. I just need to know if it's a normal... I don't think so.

Is it just a normal reaction? Yeah, but people do videos, don't they? When I need to calm down. My voice is really high. I need to fucking relax. A bit of frantic morning. You know when people chuck their babies in the pool? Yeah.

They do that in swimming lessons just to get them to like, they do respond. This is what I mean. So can that happen it to? Do they just instinctively know? Maybe. He wasn't like, he wasn't breaststroking or... He wasn't doing the... Butterfly.

It wasn't, yeah, on the top of the pool. He was fully under the water. He still swam. Maybe it is just that. But then how? What I don't understand. I kept saying this to Chris. I need to just chill out.

I don't know how he got to the other side, how he knew to just stand up. He didn't grab the side. He didn't do anything. He just let his legs drop and he stood up. Yeah. At this point, I'm starting to think it was, did I dream this?

At least the other two were there, so you know it was real. Because otherwise you would have been like, did that actually happen? It was honestly. They can verify it for you. And it's really lovely as well, because I don't think I ever give them enough credit in that I always say, it's funny, Colby knows, well, probably doesn't remember, but he knows life

without Dottie. Like there was a time when it was just him. Dotty doesn't know life without Colby and now obviously Renley, but she only ever knew her and Colby. But now having the bigger two that watch him doing things and the praise they give him, like where he's potty training at the moment, he'll go like three times in a row. You'll go, or Wooey's come in and he'll sit down, he'll do a celebration. And then he'll go again, because he is loving that they're celebrating him. And every single time he sits on the potty,

they go absolutely wild when he's done. And even the other day, I felt really awful because Renner's, so he's having a poo over the potty. So he's mastered a poo, but he'll just stand over the potty and let the gravity, but he's getting it in the potty. We just need to get the motion like you said about sitting down on the potty. But the other day, I felt really bad because I'd wiped his bum and I come back into the kitchen and Colby was wiping like his inside of his legs and I was like oh no mum I don't think you got it all off so he asked me to wipe the poo off and Colby was just wiping the poo off his legs oh and I just thought isn't that just like that's so sweet so disgusting isn't it but he did it and he was like oh I didn't want to disturb you mum because

you're painting so I just thought I'd wipe it for you I just thought oh god that's just the cutest thing It's so cute. In the whole entire world. He could just be like, oh, no. He did it. My army, he shit himself again. That's normally what I get. But he was wiping.

Oh, bless him. There you go. That's my secret. I think I've raised a mermaid. Well, game in swimming lessons. I'm going to have the next, what's the name of an Olympic? I was going to say Greg Rutherford.

He's not, is he? No, Daly. Tom Daly. Oh, he's a diver. Who's the British swimmer that did quite well, the last Olympics? Does anyone know who I'm thinking of? Who?

Yes. He could be the next Adam Pety. Come on, Renner. This is the next, Adam Peece. You got this, my guy. Right, we're going to get into some of yours after this short break. We've got three secrets from you this week. We're going to be discussing to Emma, taking away.

Hello. Okay, this comes from Selena from Canada. If I remember, rightly, this is a get back in touch. Stop it. Selina from Canada. I do remember, but then you don't want to just assume it's the same one. Could be two. Could be another one.

Hi, Sophia and Emma. It's Selena, the mum whose daughter is a night owl. Yes. She's back. She's back. So much for sharing your tips on helping my daughter get to bed earlier. I almost cried listening to you both validate how exhausted and stressed I've been feeling. Oh, I've got a follow-up question for you.

Hit us. What do your evening routines look like once the kids get home from school or nursery? Chaos. Do you feed them dinner straight away? Do they get outside to play or have some playtime before bed? When do you start winding them down and watch your bedtime routine? And how on earth do you fit in making your own dinner, eating it and cleaning up afterwards? I'm starting to wonder if I'm part of the problem because maybe I'm trying to squeeze too much into the evening and accidentally pushing bedtime back.

Lots of love, Selena. Honey, you are far too hard on yourself. Yeah. You are far too hard on yourself. You are doing incredible, literally incredible. Yeah. It's hard. And I think what's hard is that social media portrays such a glamorous life of everyone's got their shit together.

We don't. And I try my best to have as much of my normal life in my content as physically possible. Yeah. But I think the hardest thing for me is that no two evenings are the same. Yeah. Because we have some nights where we have after-school clubs. So like a Tuesday and a Thursday look way different to a Monday, Wednesday and a Friday. And then a Friday looks way different to a Monday because Friday's just...

Chill time. We go fucking wild on a Friday. But I tend to, and this is only something I've done, I would say recently, I would say probably since I've weaned Renley and I try and stick to it, is I have dinner ready for when the children get home from school. So they tend to eat at 4 o'clock. I try my best for all of us to sit down at 4 o'clock and eat because otherwise the later in the evening it gets, as Selena said, is if I do the babies dinner when they're home from school, when I'm missing out on playing,

so I'd rather just, even if I batch cook, that's another thing because I know I'm very privileged that I'm at home so I can cook during the day so the meal's ready. But batch cooking, just to save on your time, if you can spend a Sunday cooking a big spaghetti bolognese or some pasta dishes or anything like that, that makes your life so much easier. Also, if the babies have a hot dinner at school,

I tend to do a cold dinner at home. Yeah. But also, we're in the heat of the summer at the moment for us. So everything is a picky tea. So we just have crusty bread. We have olives, cold meats, everything like that, coldslaw, pasta salads, potato salads. We've got all of that.

So it just stays in the fridge. So basically, when they get home from school, everyone has a wash up while they're playing. I just set all the food up. Everyone sits and eats. Then we have playtime. But also what I really love and I love about dinner and I know we should sit down is when we're eating in the garden

it's just more of a picky. So you could be playing football. Chris and Colbs will be doing keepy-uppies where me and dots are eating and then they go off and play and then they come back and she's got a baby at the table. And I just think there's so much pressure put on children at a young age to you must sit down, you must eat your dinner. Yeah.

And then you can go and play. Well, I just get stressed about how much they eat. Yes. Because I don't want them to be hungry. No. So do you find that yours are full up? enough when you do that. So they have, they tend to eat quite a lot when they come home from school because that's when they're most hungry. But I'm more than happy for them to have a snack at like seven,

eight o'clock. Yeah. The bigger two. Obviously, Wrens goes down anywhere from five to seven o'clock. Yeah. Sometimes he goes down at five 30s. We've all had dinner together. But they, when I put the food out, they'll just graze. They can graze up until bedtime. Yeah. But when it gets obviously colder and they have a dinner, then you can see how much you're putting out. I tend to do dinner early and then they'll just say, can I have a couple of biscuits or can I have a packet of crisps? And then I tend to do a snack. Yes. I think that's easier as they get older.

Because I'm always worried about them having like a sugar spike before bed and then they get hyper and it takes them ages to go down. But Joseph must be going through a growth spurt at the moment because he's always like, I'm hungry. I'm constantly, we feed him like wheaterbigs in the bath because I'm like, you need to have a bath because it's getting late. But also I don't want him to go to bed hungry. So he often goes up to the bath with some kind of snack.

Yes. But I think it depends how your day looks. Like if it's like a school day and they finish like three or half three, you can come home, do an early dinner. You can fit a bit more in. But if it's like a nursery situation, like with my kids, on their nursery days, we don't get home from picking them up until maybe 10 past six. And I find those evenings, last night was a perfect example.

I find those evenings quite stressful because I would normally have them go up to the bath at like 6.30. But 20 minutes for them with us when they get home is not enough. They haven't seen us all day. They want to see us. We want to see them. And I feel like the whole thing is rushed. They're reluctant to go upstairs.

They don't want to get in the bath. They don't want to get into bed. They just want to hang out with us. But then I'm like, the evening's getting pushed further and further and further back. So I do think it's helpful to kind of reduce your expectations on those days. Also, watch your nursery set up. Are they getting fed at nursery? Like mine have a hot meal at lunchtime and a tea at nursery.

Yes. So they normally are hungry when they come in. So they normally come in, have something to eat. And then I try and get them up to the bath as soon as I can. because if you, mine is still at the age kind of way you miss the window where they're tired, it can go way over and then they get overtired and then they don't want to go to sleep. Yes. So like last night, tried to start bedtime at like 6.30.

I don't think they were both asleep until quarter to nine, nine o'clock. I mean, and Stefan were like in and out of their bedrooms, trying to watch the bloody football, missed the whole of the first half, basically, because they kept coming downstairs. And it's just, that's just like how it goes on some nights. I think it's just a lot to fit in. They want to hang out with you. They want to spend time with you. So I think if you can just reduce it down to like they come in, they have a snack.

You have a bit of playtime together or you watch a bit of, mine watch, watched a bit of telly to wind down and then you take them upstairs. But don't try and fit too much in. And then when it comes to eating for myself, I've got no answers for you there because I always just push that to the bottom of the list. And then if I've been organized enough to cook something before, I'll just heat it up once they've gone down. Yeah.

But then I can end up eating at like 8.30. You don't eat with the babies. No, because they've had their tea at nursery. Got you. So I'll either have to eat before they come home at like five. Or I have to wait until they've gone to bed, which could be like half eight. Ideally, I'd be eating my dinner at like 6.30. But that's right in the middle of when I've got to be doing everything.

Yeah, bathroom. So being organised does help and having something ready, having like a healthy meal that you can come down to is nice. But I'm not great at that. So more often than not, I come downstairs and I'm just like, well, I can't be fucked to cook anything now. I'll just have like something crap. Or chucking something in the slow cooker for it to just bubbling away all day. Yeah. But it's hard at the moment.

It's hard because it's to try and put a hot meal. and mine don't want a hot meal. No. They don't want to sit down and have a hot meal. I just think there is a lot of expectation to have the perfect evening every single night. And it's never the same. It's physically impossible. And I think you just have to do what is best for you.

And if the kitchen is dirty when you're going to bed, something's got to give because I'm sure as hell, I'm sure as hell that you would rather have time with the children than cleaning, then cleaning up the kitchen. but go easy on yourself. Yeah. You're doing incredible. You find your routine, don't you? But then once you find a good routine, it then changes. Something changes.

Yeah. And I just think my motto is always, as long as everyone is happy, everyone is eating, we're all together. We're all safe. We're all well. That's all that's important to me. Yeah. The fun and the play for me is way more important than the clean. That's what they really want, isn't it?

Yeah. I do think as well, things always take way longer than you think. Yeah. So starting early does help take the stress out of it for me. Like sometimes I think, 4.30 is way too early for their dinner. But then when I do dinner at 4.30, I'm like, oh my God, the evening feels so much more chill. Because I'm not like rushing around.

That's something I found doing the dinner early is way more relaxing. Also, Dottie gets really, really tired. And sometimes she can take it up to a good hour, hour and a half to eat her dinner. Yeah. And then she gets bored. And then she's like, oh, my dinner's gone cold. So I have to get her right in her prime. And as soon as she comes home from school, she's really hungry.

She's still full of beans. Eat your dinner. She wuffs it down. And then she's like, now can I go play? And I'm like, oh, brilliant. And then she'll have a snack. But otherwise, if I'm doing her dinner anywhere between 6 and 7 o'clock, I'm sitting at the dining table to a good, you know, half eight.

And then they're thinking, I'm not going to bed. Yes. And it does disturb the evening. So I always think, eat early and the rest will follow suit. Yeah. Yeah. Nice. Thank you, Selena.

Okay, let's have secret number two. Okay, this says, hi, ladies. I've been listening ever since I found out I was pregnant last year. You kept me company on dog walks and in the car. and now my five-month-old daughter Willow Ivy loves listening to the podcast too. She either chats away to you both in the car or falls asleep while you're on.

Hey. That is absolutely adorable, isn't there. She's like boring. We're white noise. Oh, I was going to say, more well, you went with the boring and I went comforting. Comforting aunties. Our soothing voice over the radio, that's 100 words.

Sorry, take you back. Sorry. I'm due to go back to work in October and I'm already feeling really anxious about leaving her. The funny thing is I actually work at the same nursery she'll be going to, but I'm still finding it so hard to let her go. Have either of you got any advice on dealing with the guilt and anxiety of going back to work? Love Amber.

No. I feel shit every time. I've got nothing. I feel shit coming to London every week. Do you? Yeah, I do. Even though they're at school and they've got no idea. Renly's going to preschool September and I'm, I don't know how I'm going to do it.

I generally don't know how I'm going to do it. My heart feels like broken. I don't know how I'm putting my third baby into preschool. for three full days a week. Yeah. I just don't think there's anything that makes it better. No. No.

And whatever you do, you'll feel. And I think it's the anticipation now. It's the unknown right now as you've had this gorgeous pregnancy, this beautiful baby. You've got this wonderful relationship with her. And you've had five solid months with her. And now it's like that's being taken away. Yeah. But it's just because it's unknown unto how your new adventure is going to turn out.

Like this is your next adventure now And she's going off to nursery And you're going back to work And you might find a lot of peace In having adults to talk to And you'll find your new normal It's just the change that's hard It's the change

You haven't seen how it's going to work I think that's can be really stressful Yes But you're going to, I assume she's going to see her Yeah Nurseries tend to be different rooms Don't they? Well they might not be working directly together

Yes But you'll be I mean you'll be closer than most parents will be When their kids go to nursery You'll be interested For a window Yeah spy on her Yeah, see how she's doing.

But yeah, I justify it by telling myself that they're getting a lot out of it. They do. When they first go, it is obviously hard. You're like, oh my God, I'm just handing over my precious baby to like a stranger, basically. But they get so much out of it. And I think once they settle in and once you see they start doing things that you're like, oh my God, they probably never would have learned that at home. Yeah. They do these activities or they go on these trips and you see their language develop and their interactions with other children develop.

And you're just like, me personally, I'm like, yeah. it's given them so much. Like, Sadie loves it. Like, she's thriving at nursery. So I just think, and then I get to come and do this, which I like to do as well. So, you know, it will be. Always think, when they go off to nursery and like preschool, it's like we get the fun bit. So they go and do all the important stuff and all the learning and that.

And then when they come home to you, that's like your time. That's fun time. And that time is really, really precious. So I think it's just the unknown. Yeah. I think you're going to be fine. I think you're going to be fine. But as always, we do ask anybody if they do have any advice that we can share on to Amber

to ease her worries because it is a very daunting time. Yeah. But yeah, we're sending you all the love and we hope Willow is doing incredible. Such a beautiful name, Willow Ivy. Willow Ivy. Not to panic you, but the mum guilt never gets better. I'm sorry. Actually, I would say it gets worse.

I think it does get worse. The worries get worse. I can tell you that. Does it get older? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, terrifying. So right, let's have our last secret.

Okay, hi, Safina and Emma. I've been listening since the very beginning. I'm a little behind on episodes at the moment because, well, life with a toddler has taken over. I recently listened to the episode where you were talking about dyslexia and some of the challenges that can come with it. My beautiful mum has dyslexia and before I go any further, I just want to say she's one of the smartest and most business-minded people I know. She built her own business from the ground up and has been incredibly successful. That said, sometimes we have to laugh when the dyslexia takes over. I've attached a photo of my mum

looking so proud of the sign she'd made for her shop's end of season sale and let's just say it didn't quite say what she thought it did. Oh, this is going to be... Thank you for always making me laugh.

I feel like I'm going to read it right. Lots of love Eva from Suffolk. Eva. Oh, God, love her. It's so incredible. Does that read right to you? I wouldn't question it. I'd be like, oh my God, they've got a sale.

They've got an end of season sale. Perfect. It says S-A-E-E. It doesn't even say seal. But actually when you say that out loud, how would you say that? Sale. Yeah. I mean, it does the job.

Yeah. I used to tend to write sail as in the boat sale. S-A-I-L. And lots, always, always, the amount of cards that I've written. Lots of love. I do Lost of Love. L-O-S-T. Yeah, Lost of Love.

And everyone used to go, Lost you love. Lost of Love. I've lost my love for you, Safina. What a way to sign up LOL It's when someone dies and someone goes LOL

Doesn't mean what you think it means Don't me laugh out loud they mean Lots of love Yeah I just don't think you would ever say that though Would you? Lots of love I'd never go LOL

I think it's a bit of More of an older person That's brought me An insane amount of joy either And I hope you're I hope you're keeping well In the trenches of toddler life. And actually, I hope your mum's sale went very well. Yes. How did a sale go?

No. Gosh, I hope you let her put that sign up. Did everyone know there was a sale? If it was me as well, I'd be like, fucking put it up because people are then come in and go, what's this in the window? It's a talking point. Got a sale? Yeah. Come on him. I've got a sale, but I've also got dyslexia. It's a conversation starter. Yes, it is. Icebreaker. That is really cute. Thank you, Eva. So thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. And if you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secretmanpod.com and we're SecretMampod on TikTok and Instagram. Have you frantically realized you? Hold on. Get a grip. Have you frantically realized that you needed

to be in work an hour earlier? Or do you have your nightly routine down to a tea? Then let us know there really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club!