Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Preschool Wobble

Episode Date: September 22, 2026

Sophiena is back with a big update on Renley's preschool journey, and Emma's house is riddled with back-to-school bugs. Plus, one mum asks for advice on having a VBAC after two emergency C-sections, and another finds out what her six-year-old has discovered Google... 🙈 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, how are you? It's Evie here. Secret Mum Club will start in just a moment, but before we get into this episode, I want to tell you about my podcast that I think your kids are going to love. I help them deal with big feelings, whether that's calming down for bedtime, finding confidence for school, or helping them feel safe and ready for whatever comes next. Evie Asks is a podcast full of calming stories, kind affirmations and simple ways to help children make sense of their emotions. Search for Evie As to listen along or on YouTube to watch. Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina and I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Did I say it right?

Yeah. Oh my God. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. I had to look down then at the script like, did I? Did I just do that? Now I fucked it.

But anyhow, because we all have secrets, don't we? We do. And as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself. You can be anonymous. And all those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the Secret Mum Club.

God, I listened back to the ones we did the other day and they're so bad. The timing. It sounds all right to me when I'm here. But when I listen to it back, it's an absolute car crash. We're still at home. We're still at home. We're still at home. What's going on?

Oh, girlie, I'm having like the most stressful fucking time. I can confirm the next record will actually know because we're recording two today. But we are in the studio as of next week. Yes. So it'll be like two episodes you're here of us still at home. But we are returning back as of next week, which I think God. I can't wait. It feels like it's been forever.

Has been. And I was actually meant to be remote. next week again as well. Don't tell the bosses. But Stefan had some work cancelled. So that's worked out well for me. That has worked out well. And we're both back in back in next week. But I've just got a lot going on. Just feel like there's so much going on. I've had like, we just said then, if we got any weak catch up, my week, my week has got fuck all to do with you. What are you talking about my week? My week is consumed. with Renley.

Oh. It absolutely, I sent him in on Monday. I tell you what, it absolutely fucking broke me. Oh, I thought he was doing all right. He's gone backwards. It's just the whole, it's the whole dragging him off of me

and the whole, like we get, sometimes we can hand him over, sometimes he'll walk in, but like when he's being dragged off of me, but on Monday he walked in, but absolutely raking. his heart. He had his head down and his whole body was shuddering. There was no sound,

just tears pouring out of his eyes. He wouldn't even look at me and he was like, Mommy come in, mommy come in. And I was like, no, darling, I'm going to go home. And then I'm like, do I talk to him? Do I try and look at him? Do I say goodbye? In the end, I just had to walk off. It's so hard. I just can't. I just can't do it. Again, got to the road behind the back at school. I could still hear him crying. And then I spent all day, I built some furniture in his bedroom. I was trying to distract myself on, sorry, Tuesday, trying to distract myself from, no, sorry, Monday when I dropped him off. I went to IKEA and bought furniture to do in his bedroom. And I was like, oh, I'll just distract him. This will be a lovely treat for him thinking he's

going to know, oh, wow, she bought me new furniture. He's got no fucking clue. Wow, she built a chest of drawers today. In my defence is loving the furniture. So maybe he does know, but it's, it's, it's, it's pulling off of me, it's the crying. And it's, I think that it's breaking me the most is when I pick him up and he cries. Oh, does he? Absolutely. Like, I think I can manage to cry him while dropping him off, but when I pick him up and he just bursts into tears. Is that like the relief of seeing you? I think. Not crying because he wants to stay. Which then makes me then feel even worse, because then I'm like, he's held that in all day. And like the relief of seeing us like, thank, fuck your back. What the fuck. You've left me for

hours, you fucking bitch. You know, that's all I can think in my head. And I just, I just, I've played this horrible game with myself. And then yesterday, obviously Tuesday is his day at home. We had a lovely day yesterday. It was so nice. But then for the first time ever, hold on to your seat, Emma Jones. 10.30 last night we were still up.

He hadn't gone to sleep. And he normally goes to bed so early. He loves his bedtime. And he was like, please don't send me to peace school. don't send me, don't send me. And I was absolutely breaking his heart. I kept putting in his bed, I got him back out. I'm not a leaving, I'm not a leave, leaving the cock, cry, mum.

Never have been. I wasn't with the other two. So I was like, oh, come on. Because I always think there's a bad association. That's only me personally, a bad association. If you put them in their bed and they're crying, then every single night when they get in their bed and cry, it just becomes like a repetitive cycle.

So I've never done that with all three of them. So I kept getting him out and going back in. I kept lying with him. Chris lied with him and it just wasn't working. So in the end, I just left him on the sofa with us and let him just fall to sleep naturally on the sofa and then transferred him into bed. And then this morning he woke up and he just sat in his cot and normally he's standing up and you can hear him on the monitor like, morning mama, morning dadda, morning Bobby. And he's chatting away to himself. He just didn't say anything. He was just sat there. And I watched him on the monitor for like five minutes and he led down.

And I thought, oh, maybe he's still tired because he's at a late night. But this was like 7.30. So I was like, I'm just going to leave him to come around. And then he kind of sat up again. And he was walking up and down his car. But normally when he says morning, that's when he wants to, he knows when he wants to get out of bed. And I was like, oh, maybe it's just because of the late night.

And I walked in and he sat down and just burst into tears and said, no peace school, no peace. And I just said to Chris, I just don't know if I can do it. And I know, I know I should stick it out. and I know it will probably get better. Well, no, because I think, like, he did have that phase last week when we recorded that it had got a little bit easier and he settled really quickly. But this week it's got worse?

He's got, yeah, he's gone a little bit backwards. So you don't know, like, maybe this is just how he's going to be or maybe he is going to get used to it. You just, you don't know how long do you stick with it before you go. Actually, this is too much. It's wild that he remembers where he's going to be going. I know. Usually their, like, capacity to, like, know the routine. Like retain that information.

Yeah, information is very clever because their memories are so short. Like even Sadie, she cries a little bit going in still most days. But then they send me an update straight away and be like literally as soon as you're gone, she settles. She's happy. She's playing. She comes out so happy. She talks about her friends. I know she's got friends there.

She tells me their names. And she has a great time. But she does cry going in. But for me, it's such a short part of the day that it's almost worth the, you. stress of that when I hand her over crying. Did she cry, Sadie, when you pick her up? No, she comes out, like, she comes out really happy to see us, like chatting away. But I know she has a good time when she's there. But she, even though she dreads the drop off, she doesn't remember the routine, even though we're going in and doing that three times a week.

I can get her in the car, drive her there, absolutely fine, no problems. We pulled up outside today. She goes, there it is. And then it's not until the teacher or the nursery worker comes and I hand her over that she's a bit like, oh, mommy. And she kind of clings on to me. But yeah, for Renli to remember where he's going and for that to affect his sleep, like the night before is quite incredible. Like, you know, when people say, you know, he's two, he's never going to remember this. Like what you're saying, I feel crazy for thinking that he's retaining the information. He does know. Yeah. And that makes me think then am I crazy because I'm like, But he is remembering. He is remembering. Like yesterday he woke up, wasn't a preschool day. And he said, no, don't take my jammies off. I know go preschool. And I was like, come on. We got to get your pajamas off. And he was like, no, Nabi, I don't go preschool. And I literally was even just taking his pajamas off and Nappy off in the morning was stressing him out. And I was like, do you know what? Let's not fight it. And then I took my pajamas off. And I was like, oh, we're going to walk to the shop. Do you want to get dressed? And he was like, let's go.

I get my shoes. I was like, we need to get dressed, though. And he was like, no preschool though. And I was like, no. But I can't even get him out of Dottie's playground without him hysterically crying. Because he knows where he's going. Because he knows it. That's so clever that he knows that.

Because Joseph says things like that to me now, but he's four and a half. He knows the routine. He'll be like, oh, is that a wrap-around day-to-day? But that's amazing that Renly knows that. So did you decide to take him in today? Secret of the week. Okay. Okay, hold on to that one because I don't know what it is.

Okay. A little teaser for you there. Oh, Wrenly. And you know what? And I know there's so many people that I like, give it time. You know, they don't remember. But I also, there's also so much of my heart. It's like, oh, it's my last baby.

And me and Chris are both home. And I always live by that anything can change in a heartbeat, you know. Chris does occasional work here and there, and he helps out his friend. But you don't, I don't know what's ever going to happen. There might be a time when I fully don't want to do it anymore. And I go back to working nine to five or Chris goes back to full-time work. And I just think right now, why we're in this opportunity, as we have been for, you know, the last couple of years, few years of Chris being home, this could be our last, you know, our last bit together. so why not just hold on to that, you know?

And then I'm also then in the mindset of like, but if I don't do it now and I keep him home, am I then making it worse in a year's time? Yeah, I mean, yeah, it's hard, isn't it? Because you'll never know. You'll never know that. I suppose all you can think is like, if it's causing you so much stress and anguish now and him

and no one's happy, then it's not worth it. It's literally makes it. Dotty is so sad. Like, because when she's going into school, she's so happy going into school. Like, she runs in, but she's now getting upset because she's like, oh, I don't want him to cry when I'm going in,

is he sad that I'm going? And I'm like, oh, he's going to be okay. He's going to be okay. He's obviously in the playground sad because he knows the next drop off's him. And I don't want her then going into school and be like, oh, my brother's really sad. Being worried about him.

Yeah. Yeah. And it's a whole full-size. It's not just me that's stressed about it. Chris is, I would, I'd hold my hands up here and say, if anybody didn't believe me, but Chris is, Chris is way more stress than me. Chris is so much, Chris is like, let's just go pick him up. Let's go get him. Let's not do it. No, we're not going in. Let's not. Let's keep him home. Oh, okay. Let him just do an hour and then we'll go go and get him. And I'm like, no, come on, man. We've got to stick this out. You know, we're strong independent

parents. We can do it. Yeah, because you feel like you should. You're like, oh, we can't. It was like changing Dotty's school. You're like, oh, we can't just like give in at the first hurdle. But, you know, like I say, if it's causing everyone so much stress and worry, then is it worth it? I don't know. If he goes to school, if the first thing that he does away from you is school, will he be at the same school as Dotty? Yeah, he'll go to, he'll have Dotty at school. So that might even be easier for him to settle in, that they go to school together.

because you're thinking, oh, am I just kicking the can down the road? Like when he goes to reception, he's going to find that. That's what I'm... But plenty of children do do that. That's what I'm stressed about. But also, at the moment, we are paying for his place at the preschool. Yeah. So it feels so silly, doesn't it?

I'm paying to put him through this. Whereas obviously, when, you know, Colby, Renly and Sadie turned three, most children, you know, turn three, we get our government 15 hours funding, which is provided by the government. so then they can go to a preschool setting and it's paid for and funded by them. So then obviously that would be the next stage, isn't it? You put them into the preschool before they go to school. Obviously, there is the option not to use that government funding

and you don't have to put them into a preschool and you could go straight into school. I just feel like I'm playing a horrible game with myself. I could wait till next year when he gets the government funding and then try again. I wait completely until you are where he'll have Dottie at school with him. Yeah. Just don't know if I may build and, you know, what is it the term?

Making a rod for my own back. My own back. Yeah. I mean, it's impossible to know what to do, isn't it? It's a really hard one. But also, like, you don't mind having him at home and you feel like you have the capacity to do that. Whereas, like, I feel like if they, if Sadie didn't ever go to nursery and was at home

with me all the time, I would never get anything done. So for me, it's like it's worth it, the days that she's there. And also she gets so much out of it that it's like a note. Obviously, we're paying for it a lot. But it's a no-brainer for me. Whereas like if you can have him home all the time and that's what everyone would prefer, then why not? It's just hard, isn't it? Because I know, I'm in such a wonderful, wonderful position that me and Chris are both home.

And I know that's a really, really rare position to be in. And I know, like you say, you put Sadie in, not everybody has. an extra pair of hands at home. And because I do have Chris, having him home is no bother. The one thing for me is that I don't want him to miss out on anything. I don't want him missing out on the interaction with children his age or, you know, learning all of those things. I don't want to hinder him. But I equally know putting him in before he's three. Would I be wrong for saying it's a luxury? You know, putting a child into. nursery, you know, some people have no option. They have to do that because they have to return to

work and they have to provide for their family and people have no option and do do that or put them into a childminder. And I'm worried about that, the benefit before they're three, you know, what the children are getting before they turn three because I feel like us putting him in now, it's a luxury that we're able to do that. But for us, it isn't a necessity. Like we don't, I think that's my point is what I was trying to get out. It's not a necessity that we have to because we, you know, we are both home. Yeah. But it's when I tell you, it's consuming my whole week.

Well, I'm not surprised. It's a stressful thing and it's a big decision. Like, how long do you stick with it before you think actually? Like it's two weeks, am I just being a pussy? Like, man the fuck up. Get on with it. Yeah, but I think two weeks when you're traumatized every day is quite a lot. Yeah.

Also, I do think as well. If he wasn't crying when we picked him up, I think I would have a little bit more peace of mind. But the fact that he's crying when I pick him up and crying outside of the school hours, even days when he's not meant to be in, it just makes me so sad that it is consuming his whole mind at two years old. Yeah, exactly.

That's what I'm saying about Sadie. It's like a brief, you know, a brief couple of tears when I drop her off. But outside of that, she's like totally happy. But if it was like making her sad, home and she wasn't sleeping at night and it's impacting so much of his life. You know, how how worth it is it? I don't know. But suggestions in the comment section, that would be great. Thoughts, comments, questions. That's no, because I just don't know if I'm going a little stir.

And I think what's harder is what people are asking is how did I manage it when it was Colby and Dottie? Not one ounce of tear was ever shed. They never cried. But they had. They had familiar faces when they went to preschool. So Colby had... And were they younger? No, it all started exactly the same age. But Colby obviously had Everly, my youngest niece. They were in there together.

And then they left to go to school together. And then when Dottie started, she had all the friends of Colby and Everleys. She had their siblings. So all of their friends, the siblings that they would see in the playground and play while we were at drop-off, then became the friends of Dotty at preschool. So then it was a really, really familiar scenario, like a situation. And we obviously know all the workers outside of their preschool state. So whether he'd gone to the preschool that Colby and Dotty had gone to,

would the situation be different? I don't know. But obviously, we can't go to that preschool because it's just too far away. And the dynamic of school runs just doesn't work. But I don't know whether it's because of that. I don't know. but they never cried. Dotty would be like,

later, see ya. Get the fuck out of it. She'd asked me to go to preschool. Like Saturday, she'd be like, I'm going to preschool today. No. Not today. Sorry, you're with Mama all day.

And I think again, because of that is why I'm again, still so fucking divided. Yeah, how can they be so different? And the silly things, like even like at home now over the weekend and even up till this morning,

Chris can't do anything. So I've been trying to drop him off on my own with Chris waiting on the corner for me. And also Chris has tried dropping him off. And neither of us get a different outcome. We both get exactly the same outcome. But Renly, God, if I get them children mixed up one more time. Wow. Every time.

Every time. When I drop him off on my own, obviously the guilt is way, I just feel so heavy. But now when he's at home, Chris isn't allowed to do anything. I have to put the telly on. I changed the telly. Mommy play. Mommy change my nappy. Mommy get me a biscuit. Mommy do my dinner. Mommy carry.

Mommy take me to bed. Mommy bath. Everything is Mommy. He doesn't want Daddy doing nothing. And then I said to Chris last night, is it because he thinks I'm going to leave him? Is it because he thinks I'm going to. And then I think he can't be that smart. And then I'm like, hold up.

Maybe it is. You think he would be like, she's the one that drops me off every day, that bitch. I want to hang out with my dad. But now he's like, it's making him more attached to you. Yeah, because he's now thinking she's going to leave me. If I tell her now. I got soak her up.

Soke her up while she's here. Even worse, isn't it? I don't know. There's got me maybe some science in it. Maybe somebody knows like the attachment theory. I do believe it is, you know, I've been reading up on like separation anxiety and stuff. It makes sense.

I'm not diagnosing him. But, you know, when there's similar. And I just think he's just maybe struggling. Struggling a little. But that's my week. How has your week been? I think there's something in the attachment thing because, I mean, obviously there is. But Sadie has been ill.

Well, everyone's been ill this week, to be honest. I feel like the back to school and back to nursery germs are biting us hard. Literally came in within four fucking days. Are you mad? Well, everyone already had a bit of a like underlying thing. in our house. Everyone's had a cough for like three, four weeks, which I should probably go to the doctors about. I've come off relatively unscathed. I mean, Stefan, always say this. When everyone gets ill, touch wood, I don't seem to go down as bad as everyone else. And I don't

whether that's just because I'm so used to being around the kids' germs that I've built up immunity. I think there's, I think that's true because I'm exactly the same. I don't know whether it's as well from maybe being pregnant or you just get this fucking badass immune system. Or we're just fucking hardcore, more hardcore, because Stefan, Stefan always tank. Chris is a pussy. He can't handle it for fucking shit. He gets diarrhea and the whole world is coming down on us. Sickness at DV in this house.

Fuck me. Oh, my God. My favorite thing to moan at Stefan about is he always says he's got a migraine. And I'm like, I'm like, you've got a headache. If you had a migraine, you'd be in a dark room, sensitive to light, maybe throwing up. like not able to function. I'm like, you are walking around, living your life, you have a headache. What might is, is when he goes, oh, I've got such a bad headache.

I don't know how much water I've drank today. So then when I say, bloody else, got real bad headache today goes, how much water you drank? You're not drunk enough? Right, okay. Just because you all, self-diagnosing yourself with not drinking enough fluids. Yeah. It's hard in it, because I want to be sympathetic.

I really do. I do. I get it. It's shit. It's hard to be. It is hard to be. Like everything. Like when the kids got a hand foot and mouth, oh, Stefan got it 10 times worse.

So when the kids got COVID, oh, Stefan got it a million times worse. He was bedbound. I'm just still soldiering on. When the children are real, I say to him, don't you fucking dare go near your dad? Don't you kiss him, hug him, even look at him. Because then we'll all be fucked. We're all going down on this tiny ship together. We're fucked.

But yeah, they've all been like, I can hear them at night. Like, oh, these hacking coughs. And but Sadie's been so clingy to me since she's been ill. And I was saying to, she's cuddling me on the sofa after a nap the other day. And I was saying to Stefan, God, it's a nightmare. I just can't, I just can't get up and get anything done. And I was having these lovely cuddles. And he was like, oh yeah, it looks like a real nightmare.

But yeah, she's, she's doing great. She's just, you know, still. Is she crying, you said. She's crying going into NASA. She does, she does cry going in, but it's very brief. It's only literally when the teacher, or whatever, her, you know, they're not teachers, but the nursery worker takes her off me. And there's like a moment of like, she'll try and like cling on to my neck. And I was saying to the, the woman that

picked her up this morning, I think that's got worse since Joseph started school because they used to go in together. Well, in the summer holidays, they were going in together. And I think she got used to being dropped off with him. And obviously now he goes to school. I think it's since she's been going in on her own that she doesn't like it. But like I say, she's, they send us updates and she's always totally fine when she's there. She's got lovely friends there. We see some of her friends out of nursery, like out and about. We have a club with one of them on a Friday morning, and she, I can tell they're like, she's got really good friends there and they have a good time. And, you know, she's, she's fine. Something in the air. Maybe she heard me saying about runners and she

fought. Yeah. I don't know what it is. And the illnesses are just like making everyone wake up so early. Like they've been getting up at like, I think it was half five this morning. It was like 20 past five the night before and I try and get them into into my bed, but Joseph into my bed this morning. I said, Stefan, what could be less relaxing? He gets in and I'm like, right, it's still really early. It's dark outside. Okay.

And I don't want him to be tired for his day at school. So I'm like, close your eyes and try and go back to sleep. Bless him, he's been coming through the last couple of mornings saying that he's pull-ups leaped through. Oh. So no closer to getting rid of the pull-up because literally he's absolutely like, soaking it every night. So I take it off.

And I'm like, do you need the toilet? No. Right, get into our bed. then I'm like trying to be like shh or relaxing he's like in my face I'm like okay shield me

use your hand okay use your hand and then we're all like pretending that we're asleep but really it's so so chaos it's so unrelaxing he's like yeah coughing in my face you know just like wriggling writhing around

talking I'm just like forget it right let's all get up we're all up we're all up now everybody's away And then he wakes, because he's coughing so loud, he wakes Sadie up. I'm just like, let's do breakfast, honey's. Okay, this is it now. It's all up really early. And it's like, it's their long day today that they're in wraparound as well. So I'm like, they're going to

come home at six o'clock and be absolutely exhausted. But Joseph's doing really well. Is he? He's loving school. He's loving going to all his clubs. He's like loving getting on the bus. The driver said to me the other day, he was like, him and his friends, I've like such a laugh on the bus. They were always chatting away and laughing. in and joking. And as soon as he gets on there, I used to go on, like last week I was going on and like putting his seatbelt on. But now he gets on either his friends helping with his seatbelt or the driver does it. And I can see him straight away. Like he doesn't even look at me and Stefan anymore. He's just like chatting away. So that's really nice to see. And then, yeah,

I had to pick him up for a club the other day because we had to be there earlier than the bus would drop him back. And when I picked him up, he was like, oh, I want to go back on the bus today. So I was like, that's a really nice. That's a really nice. That's a really nice. That's a really nice thing to know that like he is loving. And he comes off the bus in the afternoon. It's like so buzzing and so happy. So yeah, it's all, I mean, and not having to do a school run. I feel so smug.

So lovely. Isn't it unbelievable? Yeah. Yeah, it's nothing better when you get an inset day as well. And I just think this is iconic. This is what it feels like. And you get so accustomed to the life in the school holidays of not having to do school runs. And then you go back to them and you're like, what the fuck is this?

Yeah. Because if I had to get them like him and Sadie out of the house dressed and on time, which is what we used to have to do to be fair, it's just so, it starts your morning off on like such a stressful note. Whereas now, like it seems so like easy and chilled. And Joseph will like stand at the bottom of the drive waiting for the bus to come.

Like he's so eager. Honestly, it's very, very cute. That is very cute. We had a bit of a fuck up the other day. It wasn't my fault. You didn't leave him again. They were like, I didn't leave him.

But the school called me. and they were like, Joseph didn't get on the bus today. And I was like, oh, how come he was supposed to get on it today? They were like, yeah, I think they just like got the travel preferences wrong. And they were like, it's really confusing this first week because everyone's chopping and changing. Like some parents are doing some days and some parents aren't. And then they're changing it at the last minute. And they're, you know, it's like, it seems like chaos to be fair to them.

I don't know how they arranged the whole thing. But they were like, yeah, so he's here. He's in the classroom with the teacher and he's perfectly happy. but would you be able to come and get him? And I was a bit like, oh, it's a bit annoying because I'd just been in the area picking up Sadie from nursery and I just got home and it was raining and had like no charge on the electric car. And I was like, I don't actually know if I'm going to make it.

But I was like, I'm going to have to. So I was like, right, Sadie, back in the car. We went back up to get him. And when he saw me cried. Because it was like that thing with Renley, it was like, oh, you did. She came. She did come and get me. Oh, my God.

She didn't just leave me, like the relief of seeing me. And they were like, oh, he's been fine. But I was a bit like, oh, I feel bad now because this is going to set him back. But no, it's been great. Oh, gosh. Isn't it? And it's so hard, isn't it? Because it's an easy mistake to have made, you know, like they said.

Yeah. It's hard. I can't imagine even for a second the guilt of the school and, you know, how much they've got a process. And I know that weighs heavy on their heart when they go home and they go, oh, you know, we missed one on the bus today. there's going to be a woman or a man that goes home that's been in that school setting and something hasn't gone right. I can't, I take my hat off to teachers because they must go home and struggle so hard to just shut off and just go, oh, you know, pupil A wasn't happy today and pupil D, they'd had a fight and what could I have done differently? It must just constantly just run through

their mind. Constant stress. And do you know who else I was thinking has got a huge responsibility are the nurseries that do wrap around? Because if they get their list wrong or they forget to pick up your child at the end of the day, that's massive. Like, if they get that wrong, that child is just left and it isn't where they're supposed to be and isn't where their parents think they are. And you just leave that in their hands. Like, that is a huge stress and a huge responsibility for them, that they have to get right.

Every single day, they have to know what child is coming with them, when they're going, when they're not going. It's a lot, isn't it? Huge, isn't it? So huge. It wouldn't be for me. I don't know if I'd have the heart. I'd just be fucking crying.

all the time. I take you all home with me. Come on and children. Then I'll lose my job because they were like, there's a woman from the school. That was inappropriate. That was. You took all their children home.

Yeah, we're homeschooling. We're all baking today. We're having a jolly old time. Here's my address. You can collect them all. Drop them back here tomorrow, you know? Yeah. I just would have like,

but then that's no different. You know, it's no different to leaving them at nursery. I just couldn't. How they stand there and just not ball out crying the ladies when I drop Renly off. I just, it blows my mind. They're so good at it, though. They're pros.

They are pros. They just look at me and I just think, oh, don't you cry? Because if you cry, I'm going to cry and then we're all fucked here. But yeah. They must be so used to it. They're like,

a non-child's crying. It's probably like white noise to them by this point. I know, I know. But bless. Oh, I hope he's okay. There we go, honey. That's our week. So Emma and I really want to hear from you.

Yes, we want you to join us in the Secret Mom Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about, or just say, Hello. Hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search for Secret MumPod, or you can email us.

Hello at Secret Mumpod.com. Welcome back. You know, we love to share a secret, hear a secret, just be all secretive in the Secretum Club. I have a secret if you haven't already guessed. Go on. I didn't send me. I didn't send me. I didn't send Renly in today. I knew you were going to say that. I didn't. I just couldn't do it. I couldn't do it. You know, I assess it on Friday. I just, I just couldn't, I just thought, what's the point in me taking him out? One, he's had a really

late night. Two, he's tired. Three, he's stressed. He was stressed about it even on the day that he wasn't there. So I just woke up today and I thought, you know what? I'm not doing it. I'm not going to, no, I'm not going to put, I'm not going to put him through it. I'm not going to put myself through it. It's just not worth it. It's not worth it at all. So yeah, we've, have we bailed on week two? Well, look, this is the first day you've missed, right?

First day we haven't gone in, yeah, that we've not. Or that I, you know, I've not picked him up early. He's stuck out all of his full days. We've given it a good try. I just, again, just don't know if I can do, do it. We've gone to, Chris has gone on the screen. run this morning because obviously Wednesdays is my day to be in London. So I have not been getting involved in the school run days on a Wednesday because that's Chris's day. And I don't want to

fuck with his routine. So he does his day with the babies because every other week I'm up in London with you. So he got them all dressed and ready and off they went. And he obviously noticed we don't have his rucksack. So he was like, oh, no rucksack. No rucksack as he was going to be out the door on his scooter. And I was like, no, no, rucksack. And he was like, okay. And he kind of went off. And then Chris said, again, dropped Dottie at school. He burst into tears. And Chris was like, oh, come on, let's go to the shop. We'll go and get ourselves a drink. We'll go to the shop. And he was just like, no, go home. I go home. Renny go home. Me go home. And Chris has said, yeah, he scooted, scooted all the way home.

So did you, did you, you didn't attempt to get him in there today. You just thought, you knew last night like he's not going to go in today. Just knew last night. I just said to him with him being up so late, I was just like, I just don't think I can do it. So I didn't. I made the last minute decision this morning to just keep him home. And he is so happy.

He come through the door and he was like, I did it. And I was like, yay, you did it. And he was like, I went to school. And I was like, yes, you did. You did it. And he was like, I did it. I was just like, do you know what? Made the best decision.

He's so fucking happy. So, so happy. So just going to assess it Friday. Yeah. The preschool have literally just called me. So I imagine they'll catch up with Chris and know what to do going forward. Whether we change it to mornings, whether we do consecutive days. Is it consecutive when they run and arrive?

Yeah, because maybe he's getting like out of the routine. And the next day he's like, oh, not this again. Yeah. So I don't know whether to do like. Maybe try one morning a week and then progress it to two mornings a week. Yeah. And then to a full day. You know, I don't know whether to just take it right back to the drawing board and just

give it a few days, let it just settle down and then try again. And maybe I said to her, maybe it might be worth me staying with him. So if we're doing a morning, maybe I can go in with him and stay and then try and creep out just to make the transition a little bit more smoother. but the preschool are incredible, so I have no doubts that they'll have lots of options for us that we can try. Yeah. But right now, we're not fully given up. It might be a different story on the next episode, to be honest with you. Yeah, I love it. It's changing every week and I'm, you know, I'm here for it. You're keeping us on our toes. I know. I never know what you're going to say

next. Is he there? Is he not? Has he settled? Has he not? Who knows? It's like a game show, isn't it? It's a game show. Place you're a bed head. Yeah. Keep us guessing. Was his full day, like eight till six? or whatever, because I do think that's a long time, isn't it? This full day is 845 to 3. So school hours. Yeah. School hours. Okay, fine.

Because I do think like the times, basically I put Joseph in 8 till 6 when Sadie was born, which I did feel a bit bad about. And so he started doing, when he was like two and a bit, started doing three full days. And I was like, that does seem like a lot. It's like a 10 hour day. Yeah. And I don't know if they've got any concept of time, but that just feels like. a long time for them to be away. And then like now, Sadie only does one long day a week.

And I don't drop her off till like nine. So it's like nine till usually pick them up a bit before six. And I'm like, God, that's a long time for them to be there. That's like, that's longer than most people's work day. Yeah. Like that is a lot to get used to. So maybe you'd cope better with just, you know, a few hours in the morning. Maybe. Just a half day. And I did say Wednesday is obviously going to be the best day because then obviously I'm at, I'm in London anyway. and Chris can get on with, you know, doing bits in the house or whether he's, you know, going out to work or whatever he's doing.

Wednesday is obviously in middle of the week as well, so we don't have to panic after the weekend to get him in. And then obviously the lead up to the weekend, no one's going to have a stressful weekend. So it might just be that it might just go in, maybe do one morning a week in the preschool. Don't know.

We'll figure it out. But yeah. You'll figure it out. And I'm sure before he, like before, because what he's, he would be eligible for like the free preschool in April, right, after he turns three? Yeah, so it's the April after the March that they turn three, yeah.

Yeah, same for Sadie. So, you know, you've got you've got time. Yes. And even if you take him out completely, you know, it's only until April that he might be start in preschool anyway. Yeah, it's what I said to Chris, I wonder if it's worth just taking him out completely now. Obviously, we're paid up for the month, you know, would never expect that back because

that's taken the whole place that could have gone to somebody else. So I would never, you know, want that back from the preschool. So I just, I don't know whether I said to Chris, if it's worth just fully taking him out and try again in April and just do mornings in April and do a slow progression in. Maybe it was just too much, too quick, too fast, what we're having the school holidays and all of that jazz, you know, maybe it was just a bit ambitious for us. Yeah. Yeah. But we'll keep your posted, honies. Yeah. Well, yeah, like I say, stay tuned. Stay tuned. For next week's update.

Place your bets as to where we are next week. I've taken all three out and I'm homeschooling. And we've moved to America, in a camper fan. Okay. I wouldn't be surprised. Honestly, I wouldn't have been having passed you. I know. So you.

So on brand. So on trend for me. But that's my secret this week. And after the break, we'll be getting into some of yours. We've got three secrets from you this week. We're going to be discussing, Samma Jones. Take it away, honey. Okay.

This says, hello wonderful mammas. I've just listened to the episode where Emma missed meeting Joseph at the bus stop after school, and it reminded me of an epic fail I had when my eldest was at preschool. For context, I'd just changed my shift pattern at work, so it was the first week I was working night shifts and then having to pick up my daughter from preschool at 3pm. I'd set my alarms for around 2pm to make sure I was up in time. However, at about 4 o'clock, I woke up to my daughter and her dad walking into the bedroom. I was completely disoriented, and then it suddenly hit me. Her dad had been at work, around 20 minutes away from the preschool and they tried to phone me at 315 but my phone was on vibrate and I hadn't woke it up.

I must have also turned off my alarms and just gone straight back to sleep. Thankfully, they'd obviously managed to get a hold of her dad pretty quickly and he'd had to leave work to go and collect her. My daughter was completely unfaced by the whole debacle and her dad just laughed but I felt horrendously guilty and ended up crying on the phone to my mum afterwards. The next day I apologised profusely to the preschool and explained what had happened. They just said it wasn't a problem and that they'd only been worried something had happen because it had never happened before. I think part of being a mum is making these little

mistakes, learning from them and hopefully being able to laugh about them later. Needless to say, after that, I set about five alarms and always had my phone on loud. Keep being amazing, Ellie from Hampshire. Oh, Ellie. God, the fear, the fear of the missed alarm, as somebody who worked breakfast shifts for many years, this sends chills through me. Because me and Stefan have both had that on an early shift where you've just been so tired. You'll set like, five or six alarms and you're so knackard, you just turn them all off. Yeah. Next thing you know, you're getting a phone call from someone and it's like 10 minutes

after you should have been at work. Hello? Where are you? Did you know you're on shift today? God, the feeling of like your heart jumping out of your chest. It's also when you wake up in the morning, right, on a normal morning you wake up, yeah, you're a little bit discombobulated and you're trying to work things out. But nothing, when you're meant to be up and be somewhere at a time and you check that time

and you're fucking two hours late, nothing. is more fucking confusing or you're all over the place, aren't you? Like Bambi or not, it's like, Bambi on ice. Like, what the fuck out of my meant to function? The panic. And Ellie's right. It changes how you live your life from that moment on. Like Stefan now sets alarms on his laptop and his phone because he's been so scarred by that. We missed a flight once when I was younger with me and my family. And now we're the family, like my mom and dad, my dad is the guy that gets to the airport like four hours before the flight because it takes that thing to be like, I'm not going to let that happen again. Yeah. Okay. Now I'm going to change my

ways and I'm going to go, it's like me with Joseph, I'm going to go too far the other way now. I'm going to be standing outside from 3.30. With a picnic. Yeah. Yeah. If that bus is early, if that bus is late, I'm going to be there. I'll be there. Oh, it's good to know.

We know, we're not. We're all human and these things happen and it's just one of those things, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, we're all in this together. We are all in this together. Thank you, Ellie. And I hope you do laugh about it now because otherwise. we will cry for the rest of our lives.

I'm glad her daughter was just like, what? Yeah, like on phase like, the fuck are you doing? Wake up. Why are you in bed in the middle of the day? Kids get so confused about that. Sadie goes to me, I had like joggers and a jumper on the other day. I was wearing real clothes and Sadie keeping me so humble. It was like, why are you going out in your pajamas?

Because I can, honey. Because I can and I will and it's none of your business. Bless her heart. Thanks, Ellie. So much. Right. Let's move on to number two. Okay, this says, hey beautiful ladies. I wanted to write in for some advice. I have two amazing children, a five-year-old boy and a two-year-old girl, and we know we definitely want more. Both of my previous births were emergency C-sections, and I'd love to hear from other mummers who have had more than one C-section and then got on to have a V-back. V-back is? When you have a vaginal birth after a cesarean birth. Yes. Yes. So having my C-sections really affected my mental health, and I felt like my body had failed me, which I know isn't true, but I just can't shake that feeling. I'm not even sure whether they allow you to have a V back after two previous C-sections, but I would really love to try for a vaginal birth and have that

experience. I'd love to hear any advice or even just other women's experiences if they've been through something similar. Keep up the pod. I love it so much from Amy. Oh, this is a lovely one. This is really lovely. And I feel like there's going to be a lot of women that can give us lots of advice on this. Yes. Isn't it mad? Like when I was, when I had Colby, obviously my first, I swore I'd never push a baby out of my vagina ever again. I was like, I can't do that again. With Dotty, obviously, I'd got induced again. I also had Group B strep. So I had to be on an antibiotic drip while I was being induced in the bed with Dotty. So it kind of wasn't really an option for me to have a cesarean. And then when I had Friendly, I was on the cusp. I was like,

oh, I would like to maybe have a cesarian over vaginal. But again, he came prematurely. And because he was premature, even though I'd had the steroids, again, I may be wrong and I don't want to give false information, but I'm pretty sure a baby born prematurely, they want you to try and give birth vaginally to make their lungs and everything strong, to make them strong. So they do encourage you rather than having a cesarean prematurely, as long as the baby is safe, heart rate's good. And you're well. They try to push you. Push, what's the right word? Encourage you? Yeah, to have a vaginal birth. So it wasn't really, again, with Renli wasn't really an option. I got induced and had him early. Again, was very, very quick. You know, it was start to finish 11 minutes. So it was so,

it was so fast. But I now, it's really hard because again, I can't talk on the option of a cesarean. Emma's two cesareans. I am three vaginales. And you've always talked so positively about yours, which I think is so lovely to hear. And there's a lot of people that do talk about it so positively. But I've only ever found it being talked about in such a wonderful way when it's an arranged planned caesarian. Obviously, being an emergency cesarean, I can imagine is absolutely terrifying and it's so incredibly scary. It's hard for Amy because she's had two previous emergency C-sections, which makes it seem like for a second one, she probably did try and go for a vaginal birth and something didn't work out. Yeah. She had to have the emergency again.

So having to have two emergency scenarios. And then I imagine you'd be scared going into your third wanting a V-back because you're like, well, the emergency scenario could happen again. Whereas like because I'd had one emergency section, I was quite sure that I wanted an elective cesare in the next time. Sorry, that's it elective. but and I did like I do I think I've spoken about this on the podcast before like I do kind of mourn the fact that I've never had that experience of like a vaginal birth and if it was like one that went really smoothly and I could like have everything I wanted and you know birth in the pool and do hypno birthing and all the stuff I wanted with my first birth I think oh my god I'm

kind of envious of women that get that experience because I'm like I know that would be so amazing but the risk of it not being that made me think oh I just want to to be under control and just have the elective section and just know what's going to happen. But having had two previous emergency ones, I imagine it would be hard to go into the V-back feeling confident that you were going to get what you wanted. Yes, because if they've both been emergency, I would think, if it was me personally, I think I would be worried that trying for a V-back would then land me back in an emergency cesarean realm. So I don't know whether I would go for the elective-sacist.

to know that it would be more of a calmer and beautiful process, knowing that I'm fully in control. But that's, you know, I can only talk on something that, you know, outside because I've never experienced it. I've never had a cesarean. I don't, you know, I can't imagine for a second how hard it is to recover from a cesarean or how scary, scary it is. So I wouldn't, you know, I can only say it, you know, what's the, what's the word like as a, like, hypothetically. Yeah. Yeah, hypothetically. Because I, you know, I'm never going to experience a cesarean. But I, it is hard. It's a hard one to fall into.

And equally, what always comes down, it for me is, one, the priority is that the baby is safe. And two, you're safe. And sometimes I think the stress impacts the labour, doesn't it? When it's your first one and you don't know what to expect, you don't know what a contraction feels like. There is so much going through your body. you instantly just go into fight or flight, don't you? Just go into panic.

Like you think this can't surely be how much pain women to go through. And we do. Some people cope with it really great because everyone's pain threshold is so different. But I just don't know if I would want to put that panic through me, you know. But then having said that, she says she feels really strongly about trying a vaginal birth. There's nothing to say that you can't have one this time round. And it would be good to hear specifically from people that have made. We had two C-sections and then a V-back.

Or even just one emergency C-section. Yeah. Or not just, but an emergency C-section and then had a V-back and how if it was positive or even if it didn't go through, if you try for the V-back, but it did them fall into the realms of an emergency C-section, that would be good to hear as well, wouldn't it? Yeah, just so that Amy knows all the possibilities that. But also, Amy is fully aware that if she's gone in for vaginal birth,

and it's fallen to an emergency, she's fully knows what to expect. Yeah, but I imagine it could be quite, like, if that's not what you planned the last two times, I can imagine it'd be quite a healing experience to have the vaginal birth that you want next time. Yeah. So yeah, it'd be good to hear from people.

Yes. Experience that. Sorry, Amy. I can't give you any more, any more advice on that. I kind of wish I'd had a cesarian with Renli only because, I just found, me personally, I just found labour very, very stressful. Did you not think, oh, I've had too vaginally, I might as well just like stay on that path rather than like having the major surgery?

No, I think with what was the swayer for me with was because of Renley and I had my waters go and I also had so many problems with my liver and the placenta. And I think because I had so many health complications while I was pregnant with Renley, I think I terrified myself. into vaginal labour and I was just like I just want him to arrive safe and sound and I just want him to be here as safe as possible also a massive trigger warning I don't you know this is a this is a sensitive part that I'm going to say I had in labour with dottie placenta abruption right at the very end and that could have been catastrophic if it was 24 hours later and I think because I'd had that while in labour with her, I was then, that's all I could think about, because I was having problems with my placenta. I just had gone into like panic mode and I was like, I don't, I can't

go through that again. I'd had blood transfusions with Dotty. I'd had to have operations to remove the remaining, you know, bits out of me. I just didn't want that with Renly. I just thought, do you know what? If I do a cesarean, again, my naivity, that is me being naive, I was like, I'll just do the cesarian. Yes, saying that. very blaze, but it's massive surgery and I'm not discrediting it. I just kind of was like, oh, maybe that's a better option for me to go down. But then we fell into the realms of obviously him being premature and it just wasn't, the safest option was for him to come vaginally. But yeah, it's a tough one, isn't it? It is, yeah. And only you know what you want to

go for. But hearing from other people would be great. So let us know. We'd love to hear from you. Right, let's have our last one. Okay, this says hi, Safina and Emma. I have a little secret that still makes me laugh. My eldest was about six at the time and we'd recently had his baby sister. He was absolutely fascinated by breastfeeding and had been asking me lots of questions about where the milk comes from, how babies drink it, etc. A few days later, I was using the iPad only to discover that my six-year-old had apparently been Googling boobies. How does he know?

I had to explain that whilst I understood his curiosity, perhaps Google wasn't the best place to be investigating that particular question from Livy. Oh God, do you think he saw what came up? Can you imagine? Can you imagine in that moment just being like, what? Why is there boobs? Why is their boobs? I don't know to me actively go to Chris.

Like, why have you been searching boobs on the iPad? You, Beth. Oh, no, I wonder what he saw. Oh, I don't. I dread to think, but how sweet though, because he wants to know more about it. Yeah. Oh, how's my little sister getting fed? I just want to know.

I said she's boobies. Yours don't look like this. They don't know like mums. Why don't your boobs look like this? Sadie's still very obsessed with my boobs. And I'm really trying to get to not touch them now because I'm like, this is getting beyond. Like, it's too far. Like she is obsessed.

she would have her hand on my boobs at all times if she could. So I was saying to the other day, no, no, no, these are mummy's boobies. I said, you've got your own ones. She goes, I've got small boobies. I was like, I've got small boobies too. It's all right. But Renly's never, well, I say Renly's never been breastfed. Obviously, I was exclusively pump him.

But he loves a hand down the top. Like when he's getting tired, he just puts his hand down my pyjama top. I don't know whether it must be, it must be really warm in there. and he just must think, oh, this is really cozy in here. I've heard from lots of people saying it happens to them, but I'm really, I'm so over my nipples being tweaked now. I'm like, please, leave me a lot. Yeah, it doesn't tweak my nipples.

I don't think he knows what they are. I think he just loves to shove it. Sometimes he'll stroke him and he goes, oh, boobies. It's a whole new realm, isn't it? It is. It really is. Yeah. But thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club.

If you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secret mumpod.com and we're Secret Mumpod on TikTok and Instagram. Anyone else struggling with the nursery drop-off? Or have you found an awkward Google search? Then let us know. There really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mom Club.

That sounded in time to me.