Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Present Hunter

Episode Date: December 18, 2025

A listener shares a cautionary tale about snooping for presents, and why it pays to be very specific when asking for gifts. One mum’s heartfelt update after two years has Soph and Emma reflecting on their own postpartum days, and the ladies debate whether moving schools for just one year is really worth it. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sorry, Emma's just sniffing her armpit. Yeah. Because people can smell her. So now you're going to be the smelly person on the train. Yeah. Yeah. But at least I'm going back on a quiet train, not a packed one. Yes.

Still stinking, though. Hello, this is Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And welcome to your Thursday's episode. Where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week. Squeeze your bits, your cheeky one. All of your comments, sorts, questions and fun stories.

To keep you going through the weekend. And that is a bell. Elch in your face. Hope you enjoyed that. Hope that was really on an earphone. Wow. Sorry, I just scoffed a cookie and down some water and I really had a lot of her... And sniffed her armpit. And sniffed my hips. Because if you haven't listened back to the other episodes, Emma has her first commute in today and she couldn't handle smelly people.

I was saying some people on the train just didn't smell the freshest. But on the way back, that's going to be me because my pits are sweat-haired. She's sweat on. Okay. But anyhow who, better out than in. Shall we jump on in? Shall we? It's time for another.

Correspondence Culana! Ruby Wax! Dung, dun, dun, dun, da, dun, da, dun. Lisa Riley. Emma Jones. Would you go on the jungle? I'm really sad. I think if you got offered it, you'd have to,

because it's just such an amazing opportunity, but I think I'd absolutely hate it. Tom ate a spider. The spiders, I just... I think I could get past them being on me. I don't know that I could get past the flying. Flying to Australia and then jumping out of the aeroplane. Flying to Australia would be worse than having a spider on your face?

Yeah. Fuck. I'm not going to die with the spider on my head. You know. You're probably not going to die on an airplane either. You can never... Never say never. No, it's just one of those that I do want to risk.

I think I would. Yeah, I think I would. But I just don't know that I could do. I think I'd have like a bit of an imposter syndrome. Like, why am I here? Why am I here? You'd be there with like ruby wax. Well, I can't because she's already done that. Or like that caliber of celebrity.

Imagine, do you know what I said that would also be good is make Anton Deck do it. They did some trials a few years ago for like the 20th anniversary or something. Yeah, but they didn't do the whole jungle experience. No, no, no, no. I don't think you'd ever get them to do that. No. But they did do a thing where they had to like eat all the gross stuff. Remember that?

Yeah. Can't really if they actually did it. Drink a vagina. I love those guys. I don't know how I feel like. I think I could drink the vagina, but also the thought of actually blending a vagina. No. Or a bumhole.

They're eating a drinking trials. Or a ball bag. Not for me. Wow. Imagine putting that into a ninja and be like, I didn't even want a human one, let alone a kangaroo one. I don't,

I think you might go to prison if you blend a real vagina. Just saying. I don't think anyone should ever do that. That would be slightly crazy. But anyhow who, on that note, No, no blending of vaginas here. Emma's going to hit us with correspondence number one. Okay, this one says, hi girls.

Your chat with Roxanne about oldest versus youngest sibling habits had me cackling. Oh, did it? I used to be the youngest sibling, present hunter, until it all came crashing down when I was 14. My nana asked what I wanted for Christmas, and I'd been eyeing a pair of very snazzy converse. Oh. On Christmas Eve, feeling proud of myself for dodging midnight mass, I went on the present hunt. Yes. I found a wrapped shoebox with my name on it.

carefully opened it. Yes! Sorry, I wasn't opening wrapped gifts. I was just looking for... No, I have opened some. No. Yeah, I put the cellar tape back. My mum was a blesser art,

not the most patient of rappers. So sometimes the cellar tape had lifted and I could see. Oh my God. Okay. And inside were the most goping, glittery, flowery trainers you've ever seen. Oh. Rewind to earlier that summer,

my aunt, who dresses very alternative, had stayed with us wearing those exact trainers being polite, I told her they were nice. Oh, no. I slid the hideous trainers back into the wrapping and stuck the tape down. Christmas morning, I avoided the box for as long as possible before opening it with my best fake smile. My nana was thrilled she'd got me the shoes. I'd loved so much.

Oh, my God. This actually breaks my heart a little bit. This is actually so sad. Lesson learned, never go looking for presents and never compliment your weirdly dressed aunt. Louise. Louise, this is like giving me palpitations to read this out because I can't deal. with bad presents. Bad presents make me feel so awkward. Even good presents. Like opening good presents in front of people is awkward enough, but bad presents. You're such a Roxanne.

Roxanne can't do. Oh God, when you have to like pretend to like something. And also the thought that like someone has gone to effort to buy you something that they think you're going to like just breaks my heart. I can't. It's too, too much thought has gone into it for someone to be like, I hate those. But the thing is, is Roxanne wouldn't buy them because she'd go, I think they're hideous therefore I'm not going to buy them for you but I've I was going to say been quite lucky not in that respect but I've I haven't had aunties and uncles growing up so I've only ever had my mum and my dad my grandparents died very early on so it's only ever been the five of us so I haven't had to fake it yeah yeah what about in the end of grandparents what have your

mum and dad brought you something you didn't like that never happened no no my mom only ever stuck to stuck to the list God this has given me PTSD from when I got the converse for Stefan and he took them back. First Christmas together. Oh, I think I remember you telling me that. Yeah, I think I've told the story before. Because he was like, actually, what he wore them is cool again now. But like at the time, it wasn't really cool.

He was wearing like the etneys, like skater shoes. Ooh. Yeah, but in like 2006. Okay. So I was like, I'm going to try and get him into some converse because everyone, he was wearing etneys and baggy jeans now in fashion. But then everyone was wearing like skinny jeans and converse. Right.

So I was like, I'm going to buy him some converse. I was wearing converse. I was like, I feel like it would make him more like indie, edgy, cool. And then on Christmas Day he was like, I don't like them. Oh. Have you got the receipt? I don't, no, I don't think I would, I don't think I'd say. Just keep, just like, yeah, yeah, I think I'd just wear them.

Yeah, I don't know. There's nothing offensive about Converse, like, no, that's what I mean, a Converse. They weren't flowery and glittery. No, I think Convess is just a converse. Yeah. But he was like, nah. Even if you wore them for like your walking shoes to the forest. Just wear your brand new converse to the new forest.

When no one's going to see them. Walking through pony poo. Yeah. Oh, God bless you. But at least you were prepared. You were prepared for your face. I'd rather be prepared. Yeah.

Open them and be like, what the fuck are they? I'd still carry on looking because I'd be like, my face can't hide it. I'd be like, oh, they're so nice. Oh, but the fact that they'd heard her say, they're nice and thought that they, her Nana probably thought, oh, she loved those shoes. And her aunties probably gone. Oh, she said she liked mine. Yeah, this is where I got them from.

And Nana was like, oh, I've got Louise a really good present. She's going to love it. Oh, she was really proud of herself. Oh, I can't. I'm actually really sad. It's heartbreaking. I'm so sad. I'd rather not get presents at all than have to say that's a bad present.

Okay. You know. At least I know. I keep your reference. Take the shoes back, Sophia. Yeah. Just don't buy anything. Here's a gift voucher.

All right. This one is from Jade. It says, Hello, lovely ladies. I've just listened to the episode where Safina talked about her low-key wedding ideas. Oh, kick me up.

My fiancé and I have been engaged for six years and are finally getting married on New Year's Eve. Wow. I always think that's such a nice wedding because no one knows what to do on New Year's Eve. And if you've got a wedding to go to... Hello.

Perfect. Hello. If I could have one every year, that would be great. Every New Year? Yes. Oh, someone else, you mean, not you. No, no, not me. Just marry a new man every year.

New Year, new me. new husband just go to our wedding every new year she says we have two beautiful boys four and one and want to start trying for baby number three in January so we've finally taken the plunge we're both massive introverts and hate the idea of a big wedding so we've booked gretna green for new year and we'll tie the knot while we're up there that is adorable oh how lovely just a registry office ceremony and a family meal afterwards simple and perfect for us it'll be just us our boys my parents my sister and brother-in-law and their little girl my partner has no family which is part of why we want to keep it small. I just wanted to share because it can feel out of

the norm and scary doing something different but this works for us. Thank you for sharing so many different stories and making us all feel normal no matter how different we are. Oh my gosh. I don't think I was prepared for that. That's actually beautiful, isn't it? It's so true, isn't it? It doesn't actually matter what anybody else is doing as long as you're doing what makes your heart happy and that you love. Fuck everyone else. There's a lot of pressure to do, like, the traditional thing, but 100% agreed. Go to Gretna Green, you wanted to go to Scotland. Oh, is it in Scotland, Great and Green?

Oh, wow. Yeah. Because people, it's like famous for, people used to go there to get married young, because I think the law was different. So you could, like, you could run away from home and get married at 16 if you wanted to. Wow. That's what it's famous for. Obviously, you'd be.

I'm well past that now. Well, yeah. Well past. Well past it. Way. I still can't believe that I'm a mum. I still can't believe. that I'm actually responsible for three, for three humans.

It still blows my mind. I know. Still blows my mind that I'm actually a responsible, meant to be a responsible adult. That meant being very huge capital letters, et cetera, explanation mark. Is this year going to be the year of the wedding? Not that you become a responsible adult.

What, 2025? I've only got three weeks left. 2026. Um, I don't know. I feel like I like to live life on the edge. Yeah. You'll just like randomly be like, you'll come back and be like,

oh, it's Paris and got married. or something like that. Yeah. Yeah. I know what you like. Well, my diary is open. Oh, okay. Same.

You'll probably be like because of the commute. All right. One last message from Leanna, who got in touch with us back in 2020. Leanna is, well, 2023 is a long time ago. So I refresh her memory. Yeah. She was the lady from Australia. Yes.

Who had just worked so hardly to help and support her post-natal depression. She was doing phenomenal, but then moved on to her next struggle, wasn't it? because she was returning to work and putting her little one into daycare and she was sharing her story with us that she was feeling a little bit lost in this process of all of this. A bit lonely, not at one with her partner.

No. Well, Leanna has been back in touch. Oh, wow. She says, hello again. I wanted to let you both know how much your advice meant to me. It's been two years since I first wrote in and I'm better than ever.

Oh my gosh. Our relationship is really strong now and I'm currently 30 weeks pregnant with my second baby boy. Oh my goodness. That's huge. It's been a rough pregnancy and I'm terrified of postpartum this time around. Given my experience last time, do you have any tips that might make the postpartum period a little kinder? I really don't want to fall back into P&D again.

I'm also worried about how I'll split my love and attention between two babies. I can't imagine loving another as much as I love my son now. Love you too, Leanna. Oh, Leanna. Honestly. Firstly, massive congratulations. Not only on the pregnancy, sorry, of your second baby, but the journey. Yeah.

You should, sitting back and looking at this journey that you've been on is so insanely massive. Yeah. And I just think, I'd absolutely commend you because that is wonderful. But I also do want to say that I feel like this could be every mother writing this, that it's gone through what you have been through. And I think as well, when you're in the midst of pregnancy with the, be your first baby, you just think, oh, well, postnatal depression isn't going to happen to me. You know, I've never suffered with my mental health.

And I think sometimes we go into it with a little bit of maybe a, one, a narrow mind. Would you say that without, you know, I don't want to say the wrong thing? But I think it's perfectly normal to sit here and, one, be worried to have it the first time round. But two, if you have been through it. Yeah. to then be strongly focusing on not having it again. It must be terrifying to know that that could happen to you again. It doesn't mean it's going to.

No. Just because you had it the first time around, it doesn't mean you're going to suffer with it again. Yes. And I think keeping an open mind about that. And also, you know exactly what you did the first time around. And again, it could be completely different. You could struggle in ways that were different to the first time around.

And I think being that you've been there and you've faced. so many challenges, I think to give yourself some credit, you'll have a different perspective, a different mindset on it. So I think to give yourself some credit and a pat on the back is that your whole process of going into this is going to be different to the first time around. And I know you've had your struggles through the pregnancy, but again, no two pregnancies are the same. So what you face through this pregnancy, you may not have faced in your first pregnancy. So I think, again, looking it from that perspective also will hopefully give you a little bit of hope that it that it will be different this time round.

But I think keeping an open mind, keep talking, keep doing everything you've done before, be open and honest with your partner, talk about your feelings. But again, and I always say this. I'm not great with speaking about things or having, saying the right thing. But I feel being that we've been there and we've both had two children, and it's easy for me to sit here and say it because I also haven't gone through postnatal depression and any three pregnancies. But you're going into this time being your second baby and there's so many more distractions in the sense of you're going to be not only watching

your husband with your firstborn, you're both collectively going to be watching your babies meet each other for the first time. And there's so many different memories and things and experiences you're going to go through that you never did with your first baby because now you're going to be navigating two babies, them having a relationship, then meeting each other, how your first is going to get on with the baby, how your baby is going to fall utterly in love

with their big sibling. I feel like there's so much more to look forward to and be excited about. It's just so different. You can never predict how it's going to go. And in terms of people have said to me before about not loving a second or a third baby as much as the one to worry you've got.

I think it's really natural. but honestly like you don't know that your heart can stretch that much but it will yeah like you've got nothing to worry about you there's enough room in that heart for everyone yeah and it'll just grow and grow and i think once you get past in your head the birth of your first baby to then go into the second when i fell pregnant with renley it was never a concern for me because i feel like the more but once you go past that first beer yeah and they meet each other you then are just like gosh i can't wait for them to meet their new sibling and you're you just feel like your heart can just keep growing and growing and growing to love love more babies you know so I just I think that's a normal reaction

to feel yeah um and I can pretty much put every every penny on it that they're gonna your your heart is going to just be bursting it's going to be great there will be there are hard moments yeah with having to of course you feel very torn and you will go through the motions of feeling very torn guilty I'm guilty, yeah. The mum guilt will be leveled up. If it wasn't already there, it's going to be up at 10,000 notches. The guilt will be hard. But then you'll have a moment where you'll see them together and be like, look what you've given them.

Yeah. Look what you've given each other. You've given them each other, yeah. So I feel like it's going to be a whole new journey for you. And I feel like sitting here and giving you advice, I feel personally, is wrong for me to do. But I just feel like sit back. enjoy it as much as you can, relax, and feel every feel that you're going to feel. You're going to feel the mum guilt.

You're going to feel the being torn. You're going to feel the separation. You're going to feel like they don't want to hug you as much. But I promise you, it all comes back together in completely different ways. Like your firstborn may feel a little bit. You'll feel like they're not as close to you as they were. But then that comes up. Yeah.

The bungee, I feel like the chord goes out. Yeah. But then it comes back 10 times faster. and it's a completely different relationship. And I think sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves to have this ideal perfect picture. And I think sometimes it just needs to, we just need to relax in ourselves

and let it be where it'll be. Yeah. Yeah. You should be very proud of yourself. You should be really, really proud of yourself. And I'm so incredibly grateful, even that you're here, still two years on, even three years on.

She's going to happily go in season four and just be absolutely smashing it. Yeah, Anna's with us for season four. Thank you. And thank you for letting us be a part of this journey with you and keeping us updated. I honestly, I feel really honoured. So nice.

I love a catch-up. Yeah. Me too. Especially two years. I know. That's wild, is it? So thank you for your messages. If you have any comments, thoughts or funny stories,

why not get in touch? You can email us hello at secretmumpod.com or with SecretMumpod on TikTok and Instagram. And next is time for one of your secrets. Welcome back. We love a Secret on the Secret Mum Club. And you are all so good at sharing. So Emma, what have you got today? Okay, this comes from Jodie. Hello Jodie. Hello, Lovelies. Hello. I got in touch about my big move to Wales next year, along with the 16th birthday prom, wedding and adoption. Do you remember this? Yeah, yeah. I do. When we move, my son will be in year six. I'm debating whether to homeschool him for his final year. He's very ahead for his age and would cope easily. My middle daughter will be going into year eight. and my eldest will be in college. I just don't know if it's worth putting my son into a new school just for one year.

Any advice would be appreciated from a day one listener, Jodie in Birmingham, soon to be Wales. Oh, Jody. God bless you. My home girl. Huh? You're going to be nabes. Yeah, I wonder where she's moving to. Oh, yeah.

Don't tell us exactly where. It's quite massive Wales, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But maybe DM me and we can be friends. What? What?

Oh, yeah, I don't know. What do you think? I mean, homeschooling personally, not me. You can only give your own opinion. So now this is going through you, what would you say to yourself? I mean, what would you do? I don't think I would ever homeschool just because I think I couldn't do as good a job as a teacher who is qualified. 100% agree.

So personally, it wouldn't be for me. But I have seen a trend recently on my Instagram of people, the other end of the school age, not sending their children to school at four because they are summer babies. So their parents... They would have been Colby. Yes. So their parents aren't happy to send them to school from basically four when other children are going in who are already five. They're like, my child just doesn't seem ready for school.

They're still really little. They keep them off for a year. Homeschool them for a year. And then they send them, start them in reception when they've just turned five. Got you. Which I completely understand. I think there's some, a lot of children. Like I probably wasn't ready to go to school when I did because we were really young in the year as well.

So I was only four and I absolutely hated it. And I think if I'd had another year, I would have had a totally different first experience with school. So I really get that. And I also get where Jodie's coming from. Is there any point in starting in a new school for a year? I think the social aspect, because also you don't know if any of those children he makes friends with are going to go to the secondary. I was just going to say, I think it would be really good to get him in with a group of people before they start secondary. Otherwise, having a year out for year six and then start in secondary. And in a holy place. Yes, exactly. It could be really overwhelming.

I think personally, if I was, it was me making the decision, I would enroll them in the school because I feel like it's going to break him in. It's going to keep him. And as well, I think if the other two ones in college, one's in secondary school already, I think having the same across the board. The consistency. Rather than just having one at home. Yeah.

So he's going to have his routine. And also there may be a friend that he makes at school, even if it's only one friend, he might have 10 friends, that go to secondary school with him. And at least then he'll know someone. Yeah. But even that, still, it's going to be instilling in him if he's going to a school that's not and there is nobody from that school that can go there

if it's a different village or so forth. I do still think it's great for him to have that confidence in building a friendship, building a relationship in a completely new place and a completely new school. Because obviously we know, as growing up, secondary school is fucked. It's a riot.

It's a riot secondary school. It's crazy. It's going to be hard. So I just think having that little bit of being in June, your school to then go to secondary school. Yeah. Get some... I would personally, I would do the same thing.

Me too. I think you're going to have a hard transition probably wherever you start him in year six or year seven. I definitely think the transition into year seven with having a year out of school is going to be way harder. But then again, starting secondary school, there's lots of new children coming together from all different schools rather than going into a school where everyone's already so established by year six. They've known each other for seven years. But then having that interaction, going from Birmingham to Wales, having no. interaction with, obviously you might meet children or go to the park and meet children. But just having that whole year out, I just feel like it's such a, such a huge year.

And speaking for somebody that has got a year five going to be year six, so he must be the same age. Colby and her youngest must be similar age. So if I was to now say, I'm going to keep Colby out for a whole year. And then start in year seven. Yeah. It'd be too much of a shock to the system, wouldn't it? I think so. Because this is a big year. The boys are going through massive hormone changes right now, huge hormone changes. And I just think it would be more detrimental than good in my eyes. Yeah. Me personally. Yeah. Yeah. I think we're on the same page. I would do that. I mean, obviously, you got to do you. You have to do you. Do what suits you. You have to. And again, block out the outside noise. It doesn't matter what we think or what our thought

process would be. You have to do what's right for you. And we're fully support you. But that just would be my approach in it. I think I'd want him to try. and make friends, or even understand establishing and relationships, because, you know, whether it's a Welsh-speaking school or so forth, how the dynamic will be different, but obviously the way of life from Birmingham to Wales is completely different. So I think dipping his toe in to meet in children, I think will be, I think personally would be really great. Yeah. But there's nothing to say that if you try it and you don't like it, you can't. You can always enroll him later, I suppose. Or take him out. But when you miss the, the,

start of the year, maybe you have left choice about where you put them, because they'll just have to go where they're space. Yeah, I wouldn't be able to. And then in year six, you've got be thinking, what secondary catchment am I in? But she's got one in secondary. So I wonder if he'll be going to the same school as his sibling. I don't know that accounts for like, it doesn't necessarily mean you're going to get your child into somewhere, though, just because their sibling goes there. I think it used to, but a mad process. God, I just didn't know. Did justice primary school application? I literally just had to like tick a box. Did you wing it? It was, but I was like, this is too easy. Oh, I feel like

I haven't done, made a good case, you know. Yeah. You can give the paragraph under each school as to which. Did you, are you one of three? Do you get to pick three schools? I only put one. Did you? Yeah.

And you did plead your case. That's the only one I want. There was no like, put any supporting arguments here. It was basically just like which one do you want? But what if they, you can't get in there? And they make you go to one. You haven't put one as a second option. Didn't put one as a second option because I don't want any of the others.

I was too scared. What if they pick us? What if they picked my school for me? I was like, I'm going to have to put a second. Did you always get top choice? Have I? Yes, I've always got top choice. Yeah.

Well, that must be such a nerve-wracking day. Colby's year was really, really quiet when I applied for his school. So that year that he was born was a really, really quiet year. And then Dotty's also wasn't really an overcrowded year. Well, good luck, Jody. Yes, good luck. Keep us posted. We're loving this journey for you.

And I want to know everything. Tell me all the gory details. Yeah. Don't tell me too much, though, because... Let me know whether we're going to be neighbours. Yes. Have you homescored your little ones? Then let us know.

You can email us hello at secret mumpod.com or we're Secret Mumpod on TikTok and Instagram. And we'll be back first thing on Tuesday. And we'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club.