Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Red Velvet Brownie Incident

Episode Date: October 9, 2023

The news is officially out there, and we've had some amazing messages from you about Sophiena's pregnancy! You've also been in touch with some big secrets this week, with one mum Googling what to do with a baby when you need a number two, and another being told she has a certain stinky body part! As always Sophiena brings us her secret of the week, which requires listener discretion for all brownie lovers out there. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And the podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? And as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. Yeah, you can keep that to yourself, you can be anonymous.

And those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the... Secret Mum Club. How has your week been? I've had a great week. Have you? We're back after the announcement, aren't we? Oh, this is the first time.

I feel a bit naked, full exposed that everybody now knows. Your secret. And I don't need to hide it i can't believe how it went down that shit went down it went off it popped it popped right off people were popping party poppers i can't like poppers just must have been how was it for you i'm not gonna lie to you I was really really nervous were you I felt really scared and I guess it's just because your information is out to thousands 2.5 million millions yeah yeah well not that's you know that's the biggest one

I don't know how many viewers but if you add them all together it's definitely in the millions which is crazy that's an astronomical amount of people that know about my yeah bob baby on board oh my manager called called the baby bob today that's that's forever be yeah baby bob baby bob is on board so yeah no it's been a nice week yeah it's been a little bit surreal i think when it was announced was your phone just like yeah lit I couldn't I didn't I didn't even reply to my own mum and my sister I was like I can't I can't reply it's going too it's going too bad and I think because it took so you take so long don't you to take in yourself and process it when you find out that I'd come to terms with it but then telling everybody else it then went

really surreal again and it was like like finding out all over again yeah I had to like re-take it all re-take it all back in yeah but it's yeah it's been it's been really nice is it like actually quite a relief to have it out yes because you were struggling to like to hide it really filter my comments out on tiktok yeah there was one video I put out and Paul said when he was here last week off the podcast management podcast paul um said oh your video was risky yeah i saw a bump when you turned to the side and i was like don't say that i'm even sweating out the thought of it i just can't i just couldn't there was i was editing the videos to not have anything to the side yeah like you hadn't done outfit of the day for a while because that would have i couldn't eat so there was no cooking even when you turned around to the fridge for your milk i

thought oh she's playing with fire here i just couldn't do it so it's nice to be able to do all that stuff again and nice that i can't i couldn't cook i couldn't handle the smell of food i come in this morning downstairs and there's a little calf downstairs at the bottom of the studio isn't there come in then there was just this they're cooking some food and it was just this smell and instantly just started started reaching are you you're still feeling sick then yeah i wonder when that's gonna go i don't know for you i don't know oh that's rough it's a whole lot to it's a whole lot to take in it's a lot yeah, yeah. But it feels nice. Like I feel like I'm in a little bubble, I'm a cloud in a little world all by myself, like diddly.

It's so nice when you can finally tell people because that beginning bit's really hard. It's hard for normal people, let alone if you share your life on social media, it must be even harder. I think what's the funniest thing is, is obviously I've been really lucky that I've obviously had an influx of wonderful messages

that people have just been so insanely kind. And obviously I've obviously had an influx of wonderful messages yeah that people have just been so insanely kind and obviously I've seen people in like real life yeah come up to me uh that are very lovely but I've just found that there's been the odd one that's gone why would you do that why when you've got one of each well why would you get pregnant why would you get pregnant again sorry you've got one of each why are would you get pregnant why would you get pregnant again sorry you've got one of each why are you having another one i was like well it wasn't wasn't really planned i just kind of yeah i wasn't really looking for your permission actually didn't know how to ask me mum to be honest mum oh god i'm rude i know so it was like but i don't think it was meant to come

across rude it's just some people are just like oh if you got one of each why bother for any more and there was a lovely saying do you know what I keep crying all the time and even just thinking about it makes me cry hormones because there was this oh I can't remember it like word for word but there was like this post that was put out and somebody said about like um about are you bothered like like how many children you have or does it bother you that you keep having all these children and it was like well when I at my graves side i'm not going to have a boat or a massive house it's the people that are gathered around my grave yeah and they're my children the boat and a big house would be nice as well but also the children but the people around is more important yeah so important so

do you know it doesn't matter i think three is such a nice dynamic you're one of three i'm one of three stefan's one of three three's a magic number chris're one of three. I'm one of three. Stefan's one of three. Three's a magic number. Chris is one of two. He broke this like, let's just leave Chris out of this. Just you, me and Stefan. Questions are raised. Three's great.

Three's great. And when they're grown up, it's nice. I think that's nice to have like a big family to hang out with. A family of five. It's just nice. And I said about this on my Instagram is like, the baby is so lucky. Like it has so many amazing people.

Like my eldest cousin's 14 and it's like 14 all the way down to Dottie being the smallest. And it's just like the luckiest baby in the whole entire world. And I think that's what makes it so much more special is that it just has the most beautiful people to grow up with. And I'm so proud of all of them. So yeah. They must be so excited. it's so much more special is that it just has the most beautiful people to grow up with yeah and i'm so proud of all of them um so yeah they must be so excited it's an emotional time i just cry all the time you cried a lot anyway but this is this is another level this is on another level of

emotion i don't think we're going to get past it though i think we're stuck in this we're stuck in this little bubble forever but yeah this will happen when you even when the baby's born as well you I remember like when Joseph was born I could not stop crying I don't know what I mean it's hormones obviously but like I never normally cry but when he was born I was like something's happening to me what is what is my eyes this emotion my eyes are wet all the time. I could not stop. Like Stefan would ask me, like, do you want dinner? And I'd be like, ah. I don't know.

Like, it's just crazy. You're going to be even worse. I don't know. I don't really remember crying after the other two. It's too long ago. Maybe I went the opposite. I dried out. Dried up by the time.

By the time the children actually got here just dried up i actually kind of miss it because now i i can't cry because obviously i'm a cold i cried at your son on a bus fucking what is wrong with me i literally ever put a little post up on instagram of joseph just sat next to on the bus like a big boy in his little feet he is too much his little feet at the end of the day I know I know he's very independent as well he won't have any help and I cried I know I know ridiculous even I didn't cry a tear shed a tear oh but no it's been a lovely week yeah yes and um just thank you thank you for all the love thank you for all everyone that listened because we had some hefty hefty listens over here

the figures were astro through the roof astronomical yeah you know what we need to do uh you just have to keep getting pregnant oh yeah and then it'll be sorry we've got to wait six months nine months for the next one just keep popping them out and um we'll still be in a job so thank you thank you you are so welcome i'm glad i could be of service but no we had honestly we had a lovely outcome and so many kind messages so thank you to thank you to everybody but yeah how was your week we had a nice week yeah so joseph went on the bus yeah um we have we've had a good like he's had a very good week so we went to the science museum nice he's had a couple of nice little outings science museum if you live in london or anywhere the free museum really such an amazing free day out well you're meant to give

a donation i don't know if ours is free museums are normally free or are they just in london i don't know i don't actually my sister got married at the museum did she in Southampton no lie art gallery is that free same same did she pay for the art you're supposed to give a donation okay I did donate five pounds because I felt bad about using all the facilities for free but next time I will go back and and not pay anything but it's amazing they've got next visit I'm not paying a fucking penny and I will use your loo roll you've had your fiver all right and now i'll have my hours of free entertainment for my child that's the least i deserve that's you know it's amazing in there but i've never felt like a less prepared parent so we were there and there's this like there's loads of stuff for toddlers to do it's great it's like really sensory there's

like massive lego blocks like loved it joseph is the perfect age for it but he was playing with this little like water thing and it had all these little like plastic boats in it so he's just like pushing the boats along the water blah blah i didn't know that was going to be there so i put him in quite a heavy jumper for the day he was absolutely sopping oh and i just had to like roll his sleeves up and make the best of it and all the other parents are going to be obviously bring a change of clothes i was like obviously because that's what happens at the museum we just look like we've been for a rainstorm yeah i thought he's just gonna be looking at exhibits yeah you know but so did you go to the one with the escalator into the world and it's

the same science museum it has got big planets and stuff it's got like a big moon the one where you come in and you go up the massive ginormous escalator no i think you're thinking of the history museum. The one with the big dinosaur in the middle. We haven't done that one yet. Oh, so we haven't done the science. Science museum's good for little ones because it's really interactive. Oh, nice.

Anyway, it was fantastic. But he had to walk around soaking wet all day because I didn't know the rules of the science museum. Sorry. But now I know for next time. And if you're going to take your child, take spare clothes with you. Yeah. Great advice. He went on a farm trip with nursery first ever school trip it was so cute that is adorable don't make me cry i know you're gonna cry at this i thought he would love it because you know how much he loves animals yes e-i-e-i-o hello he's obsessed obsessed um

not even low-key he's just straight up e-i-e- just straight up more moo that's what he says now more moo oh um but yeah when i picked him up from nursery they were like thought he would love it he was the only one that was scared of the animals didn't like it i think he likes the idea of it he's like this with dogs he likes dogs from afar but when they get too close no doesn't like it back the fuck up sister yeah like i like you you're cute but don't fucking touch back up bruno got you um but yeah didn't he didn't like it and if they sent us so they update us with little pictures and stuff on the tapestry yeah um and i was like oh we're gonna get pictures from the farm today like this is gonna be so cute there's none of joseph no they are but the ones they sent through are so funny

he looks fuming it's like him with a cow in the background him with a goat in the background he's pissed off he's like can you share some of these yeah i will i'll share them with you but apparently he didn't like it oh i know joseph i know but his face doesn't give away how much of a good time he's having actually because he's got resting bitch face like me but actually i wonder if he's having a he's having a lovely time he's laughing on the inside but it doesn't translate across to the like the camera like here when you're with me like you're exactly the best time yeah you just don't want to show me that you're having the best i just look miserable i wouldn't say miserable but i know you're elated inside it's the story of my life

i used to get in trouble for that at school. Did you? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that was him. And he had to go in for a full day that day. Oh. Right. Till six. Right.

No. You tagged me. I tagged you on Instagram. Yeah, you bloody did. That day, I went to get him at quarter to five. No, quarter to six. He wasn't ready. He was still eating his dinner.

It's because you fucked him over the last time. Yeah. He just thought, yeah, I'll take your time. She won't be here until after six. him a late dinner yeah she's always late that one she was like he's still having his last mouthful of dinner i said what were all the rules from last time we'll come at quarter to six what is it is it quarter to six or is it six do i feel like a mug well you should just stand outside and wait well at least you're there and he can see you through the window i hope you're happy and then i hope he was like this he was crying inserting spoon no he was crying through the last mouthful of his dinner because

he'd heard me then so he wanted to see me so i hope you're happy yeah i messed it up i'm glad you wore your crocs as well that made me even exceptionally more happy god you should see me on nursery pickup it's an absolute can you give us no otd yeah yes thank you outfit of the day to nursery pickup i look like i should be doing the gardening i thought you looked horrendous it all else fails you're wearing crocs so what what else do you need you could go nude and no one would look at you because you're like oh she's wearing her crocs yeah she's cool wow mummy so trendy emma and i really want to hear from you. Yeah, we want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club.

You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about, or just say, hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search Secret Mum Pod or email us, hello at secretmumpod.com. Correspondence corner.

Correspondence corner. I wanted to get in before Emma, because Emma normally gets in before me. Yeah. And i wasn't having it this week all right so i'm taking the correspondence corner today i'm not reading them though because that's emma's job well they're all about guess what your big announcement bob i've had loads of messages about baby bob bob bob he's our man sam are you ready for this he's not a man I don't know his gender sorry we actually don't know we actually we MSF every scan so Sam says this is the best news

you got itchy legs and Chris used his old crusty pizza dick congratulations do you know poor Chris Chris is never gonna even says

fuck she done me over I'm never gonna live that down no pizza dick oh honestly this one's from An it says hello lovely ladies i'm so so so excited about your pregnancy announcement huge congratulations to you and the family my secret is that i'm pregnant too oh i'm only five weeks along but we're calling ours bean as well yeah baby baby bean i hated the thought of calling a baby It, so Bean made a super cute alternative. I started listening to your podcast before I was pregnant

and it's so much more special now that we're pregnancy pals too. Love hearing you ladies and laughing along with you. Oh, please. I will cry. Five weeks. She literally must have just found out. Yeah, big love to you and Baby Bean. Oh, Bean.

Oh, my gosh. Saying It is weird, isn't it? It's really hard, yeah, in saying them. And then people are like, oh, my gosh saying it is weird it's really hard yeah and saying them and then people are like oh my god you're twin yeah it's really hard to find a name that is and then if you call i think there was a girl i could be completely wrong but i'm pretty sure there was a lady on tiktok um and her and her boyfriend had a baby but the baby the bump they called cozy because or people used to say the baby's really cozy yeah tell me because i don't know whether he was late or whatnot but when he come out they actually called the baby cozy no and he's such a beautiful boy but she got

so much hate from people about the name that she'd chosen for him and i was just like it was such a special name because that's something they referred to as the baby being cozy. Also like. I love a different name. None of anybody else's business. Oh my God, we got to talk names. People, we do. And people have such strong unwarranted opinions about baby names. Like it only is down to the parents.

It doesn't matter. I feel like. Okay. Okay. This is a very passionate subject for Emma. She doesn't want to discuss no i'm joking we um we were saying sometimes family is a bit more yeah uh critical of the name well i feel like they just feel like they have a place to say whether they like it or they don't yes and that's

worrying because like my sister will say to me what names do you like and then she'll be like oh why would you have that and i'm like did you did you tell people and will you tell people about the name a name that you i think i'm happy to discuss names that i like yeah but we're not gonna have yes but i don't think yes i don't think we're gonna announce because we didn't because i just thought i don't want anyone else's i didn't announce well we weren't really decided but i didn't want anybody else's opinion no whereas once they're born and named it's like well that's it yeah because wasn't it someone changed the name of their baby someone's celebrity kylie jenner yeah didn't she have wolf and she had wolf i don't

know what she said that she's changed it to but she said on an episode of the kardashians like i never actually named him wolf i don't know where it came from but that's anyway that's not his name that's not his name his name that's not his name that's not his name but yeah no I didn't announce it with the other two no I kept it till the end yeah um but yeah this one scares me a little bit I'm not gonna lie also I've got to get it to match Colby Dottie it's hard now because I can't have because I really love the name Evangeline yeah it's there I've said it i like it i love evangeline colby i don't not that i'm not a fan of evie evie's quite i know a few evs yeah but you can't

have evangeline right you can't have a four syllable name people are gonna call me dotty evangeline yeah it's gonna have to be shortened colby dotty bob nice perfect perfect one syllable easy out of your uncle uh chris got in touch about our feeding the kids bonus episode actual our chris or another chris uh what could be your chris oh gosh don't know uh it says hi ladies have you ever thought about making a cookbook god it'd be all spag bowl though we spoke about spag bowl for about an hour didn't we feel like we'd be great on a cooking show though you could give suggestions like you did on Friday's bonus episode and tell us how to use the leftovers

to make other dishes. We are quite good at that, aren't we? We are good at that. Fuck, we could have a podcast for every day. Monday could be like our biggest one. Tuesday, cooking show. Wednesday, story time. Thursday, pregnancy announcements.

Because yeah, I don't know how many of those we could do. We could announce yours. We can announce all your pregnancy. And then Friday, we've got our... We've got our... Wow, we could have. There you go. We'll think about it.

Yes. The last one is from Jessica. She says, hello, you lovely ladies. Absolutely loving the pod. I've just listened to the old McDonald E-I-E-I-O story. And it reminded me of the time my four-year-old was in nursery. The whole class was singing nursery rhymes. And my child decided he didn't like the way they were singing so he stood up walked over to the door and stood there with his hands covering his ears

the teacher told me he said the whole class can't sing and he doesn't know any nursery rhymes instead he wanted to sing shotgun by george ezra Shotgun by George Ezra. He's like, this is immature. I want to sing George Ezra. Shotgun. Not Ashley Pymes. Kids love that song. I don't know what it is. I know.

I'll be riding shotgun underneath the hot sun. Colby loves it though. Yeah, kids love it. Colby's this green green grass oh yeah green green i don't know it's about george ezra the kids love it he's got good taste the kids just love george you're a little boy so you can get in touch with us on anything at all yeah it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous because between us we've probably heard it all before and remember we're all in this together and we know that we are we're

all stars and we see that each week we'll be sharing our secrets and yours in the secret mum club and here's my secret of the week secret of the week go right i've got a terrible terrible issue at the moment with mucking words fuddled okay i can't get my words out i can't say them correctly i can't get them in the right order baby brain and i'm getting very stressed about it and i'm like pausing and and i just had a situation this week there was a situation at school and i didn't know how to handle it my pregnancy brain thought in that instant it it was okay to do it. The teacher received it very well. So Colby has been loving school hot dinners.

Yeah. And Dottie, just to throw that one into the mix. But we'll get there maybe on next week's episode. Yeah. But he has been having his hot dinners. He's got a little crew that he sits with for his hot dinners. Yeah. So one day there was a red velvet

brownie he loved it and well it's not his favorite but he gets it because it's my favorite oh and he come home and he's like mum i had the most delicious brownie today you never guessed what it was obviously i knew but i played along and i was like i don't know triple chocolate and he was like red velvet right so this was the i was already mouthwatering everything so the next day he run out of school and he was like you never guessed what they had mum and i was like they didn't have the red velvet again he went yes they did but just before this colby came out of the gate very emotional very tearful watery eyed see again with the

mucking words fuddled i can't get my story out because my brain is working 100 miles an hour so he come rushing out of the gate watery eyes and he said you'll never guess what they had today and i was like oh did they have the brownie he was like yeah he was like something happened though and i don't want to talk about it till we get to the car. I was like, someone hurt you? And he was like, I don't want to talk about it, mum. I was like, right, tell me because I need to know now. If somebody's hurt you, upset you, been unkind, been mean, tell me right now because the teacher stood there. And he was like, I'm not telling you.

I'm not telling you until we get to the car. And I was like, all right, let's go to the car then. So I did a quick stomp to the car because I thought the quicker we get to the car, the quicker I can find out and get back to the teacher. So I got back to the car and he was like, I'm really sad. A child fingered my brownie. And I was like, pardon? He was like, his fingers.

He just jabbed them into my brownie. And I was like, okay. And in my mind, in my pregnancy mind, I was like, was like this is bad like this is disgusting why are we touching each other's yeah food why was he using the word i don't know because i tell them to stop fingering their food in the sense of like when they're playing with their food at home poking it around yeah yeah and he said i did tell the teacher that he fingered my food and you know when you're i've just sat there like there's a whole lot of finger in here and i don't think the teachers are going to grasp and i went to and i just instantly left him at the car with chris ran down to the teacher and i was like look i don't

want to talk about it because i don't know if it's the right thing to talk about or whether i should be talking about it or i should let you know but colby's cake got fingered today they don't understand fingered our food in our house you know and she was like I beg your pardon I was like his food a child took his fingers and I was like the actions are and you know what I need the visuals I was I was bright I was bright red and I was just like right okay I don't know how best to explain this but a child has put his fingers into my son's brownie today and she was just like that isn't good and i was like no it isn't good she was trying not to laugh me i looked as red as the brownie i was beetroot red honestly i was purple in the face red tomato i don't know what color shade i was going but i was going all the colors of the rainbow and i was just like is this

something i need to tell you about like we pay for our hot dinners now. They're not free. And he couldn't eat it, obviously, after that. No, he didn't eat it. So I said to him, because I did initially go, did you eat the cake? And he was like, well, no, because I don't know if he washed his hands. And I was like, oh, thank God. Yeah.

He's learnt something from me, God bless his heart. But I was like, no, you did the right thing not to eat it. And I was like, did you tell anybody? He was like, yeah, straight away. I told the dinner lady at George Fingered my heart but i was like no you did the right thing not to eat it and i was like did you tell anybody you was like yeah straight away i told the dinner lady george fingered my cake i was like right okay we maybe you'd have to just say put touched it put their fingers in my food it's just that word doesn't sound right in any other context no does it no and i don't know why i don't know why i ever used it yeah but once you were there and it was just like oh

shouldn't really be using this word so that was that's an embarrassing thing for me really we used to have a teacher um at uni who when he was like selecting groups for activities he used to go it was Cornish so he used to go right and for this one I'm fingering you you and you to pick like three people for a group and And obviously we're all like 21, finding it absolutely hilarious. Like don't use that word in any other scenario. No, fingering is not a good. No.

So we've had a talk. We've discussed the cake. The teacher was going to speak to the child. And we've also discussed that fingering is not to be used anymore. Any other situation. Just not anymore in our house. Yeah, we're just not not to be used anymore any other situation just not anymore just not at all yeah we're just not gonna use that anymore no and as well i asked the children and did a video and said to my children would you like to do a taste testy

you know when you just think oh i would not like to taste it so now they're just like oh should we do another taste testy oh no now they're gonna become a thing and now the problem is is with the child as well i do find it's so hard to explain why we can't use that word you know yeah now it's like oh well that's it you can't he's not a good word darling test is all right i feel like because that's just like a bit of anatomy that you can explain but you can't explain fingering no child he was like i did tell her and it was just his little heart when he was just like i did tell her that you figured my cake and i was like you did it and he was like was like should i have not have told her and i was like that's the thing yeah you can't say don't use that word but that's one of those things and i feel like that's it's a hard it's

hard to talk about we literally spoke about this before we recorded this because i was like i don't know if i can say this or if it's inappropriate but it's happened and these things do happen and it's just unfortunately finger it's just an unfortunate word but either way we've had no more episodes of finger and food yeah no one's done that anymore and he can he's he's eating his brownie yeah and he's over the moon yeah I agree so I think the best outcome of all of this is that we discussed it and it hopefully won't arise it won't happen again no and let's cancel the word fingering yeah that's a bad one we're not using that in our house it's bad okay so that's my secret and next we're going to be hearing some of yours on the Secret Mum Club.

This is the Secret Mum Club where we talk about fingering. Amongst other things. Amongst many other things. So this is a safe place. Safe place? Safe place. Safe place. other things amongst many other things so this is a safe place space place space place so this is a safe space for you to share your secrets with us and we've got three secrets today and

emma's gonna kick us off with number one it says hi soph and emma once my partner went back to work after his paternity leave i found myself wondering what to do with our newborn when i needed a poo Good question. Good question. I googled it. I googled it and the consensus was it was okay to go with her in my arms. Fast forward and my seven-month-old already knows the drill. She eagerly anticipates watching the toilet flush once I've stood up. I've still not told my partner or any of my friends because I think they'd find it weird. But what else can I do? Chloe. Chloe, that is not weird at all all what else are you supposed to do with your

baby when you go to the toilet i mean a bit weird that it's become like a favorite part of her day but she watches her now her mom's poo go down the toilet she looks forward to the flush yeah that is adorable i just used to put the babies in in the bouncer yeah in front of you in the toilet. Yeah, or just outside. Because my bathroom's only Diddy. So I used to just leave them outside the door. Yeah, put the... Sometimes though, when you're in a scenario where you can't put the baby down.

Do you know what I've done? Gone to the toilet with the baby on the breast. Because sometimes you're stuck in a situation where you're like, I'm going to piss myself, but I can't get this baby off. So you have to shimmy to the toilet. I think I only laughed. Sorry, apologies. I wasn't laughing because it's just one of those things that you find yourself in.

Like we've done crazy things. But I've never found myself holding the baby when I pooed. No way. I've done it so many times. Have you? Yeah. Sometimes they just won't be put down and if you're gonna go to be fair i am the i'm the worst even now the constipation

i'm the worst pooer in well maybe that's it if you're not very regular i just used to wait till chris got home yeah to poo i can't wait for anything i think once you've got to go you've got to go you've got to go but i love that though i love now i like his little ritual and she watches the poo it's a little like thing that you do together a little bonding moment yeah it's quite nice isn't it don't tell your partner either he doesn't need to know no no she'll be your little thing yeah she might remember that can you imagine 40 yeah still watching me flush my shirt she still insists on coming in with me every time I need a poo. That's quite nice though.

I feel like that's like a bond. I've done it many a time. And especially, I've spoken about this on the podcast before, but when you're out and you can't get the buggy in the loo, you've got to take them with you. I don't ever poo or wee outside my house. No one in your family does, but I think that's unusual. Chrissy does, but just not. Chrissy's making up for everyone else.

Chrissy's holding the whole family's toiletry issues to to himself he goes five times i don't ever go anywhere every time you leave the house yeah i i just think when you've got a girl you've got to go and if you've got a baby with you then so be it you you do what you gotta do what you gotta do you go go you glen coko you go go i love that though i know an absolute talent though yeah i used to be able to peel an egg with one hand wow holding the baby yeah because i come absolute talent though yeah I used to be able to peel an egg with one hand wow while holding the baby yeah because I couldn't put it down

so I used to be able to peel a boiled egg with one hand wow wiping and like getting your trousers back up is a skill as well when you're holding a baby I can imagine like

the shuffle of like trying to get the little shimmy yeah and squat down yeah shake your booty in yeah it's hard work yeah

that's good work actually that's talent it is talent love that yeah i love that oh well thank you for that clone yeah appreciate you girl and you carry on i bet you've got legs of steel yeah the quads wow and an arm of steel as well yeah imagine trying to strain out a poo and hold a baby at the same time for nom she'll be able to stand up soon so you'll be it'll get a little bit easier she's seven months so yes probably when she's one she'll be standing in front of you

watching you poo instead. Yeah. Something to look forward to. Give you a hand with the loo roll. Not wiping, obviously. Just hand you. Sorry. I really am.

Thank you so much. Sorry. We're delving deep today. On the topic of number two, hit us off with number two, Emma. All right. Hi, both. Myself and my husband got married in 2022

and have openly said since the start of our relationship that we only want one child however we routinely get comments about how cruel we are for only wanting one child what they don't know is that i grew up on the bread line and i know we probably won't be able to afford more than one child i hate having to explain myself every time we're only 25 and 29 and are constantly getting asked when we're having kids which is bad enough amy it makes me really fucking sad god that's so common though i've heard of loads of people having that problem it's really really common yeah and it's just no there's just no it doesn't warrant an explanation you don't have to tell anyone and as well it's such a hard topic because you may struggle to conceive another baby like i don't understand where people get off of like i've done

it there's been situations don't get me wrong where i've gone oh do you want another one or have you thought about like if like someone that's a friend who's close he's close to me yeah not a stranger but not to just be constantly going on about it or to say to somebody like it's like me repeatedly saying to my brother all the time like they haven't decided whether they want a child or not they don't have one at the moment and it's not something that they're actively wanting a to try for a baby but if i can't keep going to my brother oh you're gonna have another baby are you gonna have a baby yet yeah you're gonna have a baby yet yeah it'd be like again still no we're not we're not trying the questions are relentless like especially when you get married like amy says

oh my god people are like on to the next thing when you're gonna have a baby when you're gonna have a baby then you have one baby and people are like when you have another baby it's like christ and people are slagging you off for having three babies people are criticizing amy for only wanting one like people are never happy amy hasn't had a baby no but they only want one baby but whatever you decide to do people will never be happy no one is ever going to be happy you could have 10 babies and then you'll be judged yeah people say it's too much it's not enough my sister's got four children all she constantly gets with did you not have a tv license could you not afford a tv are they all got the same dad but you don't even need to who gives a shit if they've all got a TV license? Could you not afford a TV? Are they all got the same dad?

Like you don't even need to, who gives a shit if they've all got a different dad? Yeah, it's none of anyone's business. Honestly, the questions are wild and it just blows my mind. I just would never go to somebody, oh, you've got four children. Oh, they've all got the same dad.

Who gives a flying, it's none of my fucking business. I just, I would never, it would never, I just can't ever fathom it in my head people really feel like they have a right to comment on this stuff it's just not fair none of your fucking business none you you do you and if you feel like sometimes you need to be a little bit brass brash brash is it brash you'd be starting brash yeah you say actually i know people friends of mine that have chosen to only have one child because it's more friendly on the planet it's actually quite a um

trendy i keep saying the word trendy after that the muff story from two months ago the daughter's actually quite trendy thing to do to not have a big bigger impact on the planet only having one child and financially like you say it's gonna people just don't yeah but there's also there's lots of things to take into consideration you you may not enjoy pregnancy you may not enjoy the labor you may who gives a fuck you just want your reasons yeah your reasons aren't important to anyone else other than you and your husband so i say go you and you haven't got anything to feel bad about guilty about and you stick stick to your ground yeah you know stick to your word that's how

you feel and that's what you want and that's all that matters you do people can be so unkind can't they i think some people like think they mean well but actually you're not it's just annoying and it's like i was saying i've probably said this a million times but i don't know what i've said or what i haven't said on this podcast with my brain at the moment but when people say about um just fucking forgot what i was even gonna say what was i gonna fucking say oh when you fall pregnant and people just feel the need to tell you how really bad labor is oh yeah labor isn't bad it's just your labor how you do your labor and how you perceive it yourself or how it feels to you is completely fucking different to everybody else.

But everybody feels like because you're pregnant now. Oh, fuck. You've got to give birth. Do you know what it feels like when you're not fucking ready? Oh, shut up. Or when you have a bump, like I had a massive bump. Your bump's massive. Oh, you're massive.

Are you sure it's not twins? Oh, God, you're huge. You're going to struggle's massive. With Joseph. Oh, you're massive. Are you sure it's not twins? Oh God, you're huge. You're going to struggle to get that one out. Yeah. Oh, crumbs. RIP to your vagina. All right, thank you. So that was number two.

Kick it off. Number three. The last secret. It says, hi ladies. Back when my daughter was five, she took gymnastics classes. I would sit and wait with my son, who was at the time and watch his sister practice one day we barely made it to practice after i'd done my workout so i hadn't showered yet my son got tired while watching his sister and decided to lay his head down on my lap oh god i feel like i know what's coming after a minute he sat up and loudly said, Mummy, your penis stinks.

Your penis stinks. I was mortified and said, What? I don't have a penis. Then I... Then I picked him up and walked past all the other parents to go and sit in the car and wait for his sister to get done. Amanda. It's the fact that you said, I don't have a penis.

I would have been like, no, it doesn't stink. That's the least of your worries. Yeah. You want to say, what, you think I stink? I don't have a penis and even if i did it wouldn't smell i didn't have a penis i have a vagina and it doesn't smell yeah oh fuck that is so funny that is absolutely your penis stinks i had actually the same i was gonna say not the same episode but but I went to gymnastics with Dottie Saturday, because that's her gymnastics club. Had an absolute nightmare. I had a wet patch in my trousers.

And Chris was like, have you wet yourself? And I was like, I beg your pardon? And he was like, you seem to have a wet patch. I was like, what's it? I don't know what it was, but yeah. Did you ever do this the sniff test how'd you sniff

well I took my trousers off and sniffed the crotch oh and I was like it didn't even smell of anything I thought I was gonna say I thought it was gonna smell of wee

but it didn't smell of wee I was about to say you're very flexible if you can sniff your own crotch you went to the toilet, took your trousers off. Yeah. Yeah.

Not in the waiting room. Yeah. Sorry. Again, pregnancy. Just whip them off there and then sniff the crotch. No, I went into gym,

went into Dotsie's little gym, not in the class because her gym, we're not allowed to watch. No, I don't. I think that's common. You're not allowed to be in with the kids. Yeah.

So I went to the toilet and did a sniff test on my trousers, but I may have had a smelly penis too. Just sweat probably, not wee. You've got camel bladder. You'd never wet yourself. I don't. I don't know. It was a lot for sweat.

It was a lot. But we had smelly penises together. Penis. The word is so funny to me. And at least no one can come at us this week for not teaching our children the correct word. Biological terms. Because Amanda... She's doing it right.

Go on, Amanda. That's all we can say right now is that you are cracking it. Yeah. Two years old and he's already saying penis. Yeah. No one's going to hate on us today. He's got the right word. He just needs to learn vagina now.

Thanks for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. If you want to share your secrets this week everyone is welcome in the secret mom club if you want to share your secrets with us you can the email is hello at secret mom pod.com or we're secret mom pod on tiktok and instagram have you ever been told you have a stinky penis or have you ever wondered where to put your newborn whilst going for a number two let us know there really is nothing too outrageous and if you're enjoying the podcast why not check out our brand new youtube channel we'll see you next time on the secret mom club