Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Rogue Wee

Episode Date: April 14, 2026

After the trials of toilet training a toddler, one mum asks if it’s even possible without getting peed on. Soph celebrates Eden turning 17 and passing her theory test, while Emma enjoys a wholesome family visit complete with sunshine and unexpected pub alpacas. Plus, a powerful listener message about how traumatic births can affect milk production. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wait, hold on. I need your attention because we have some huge news. It's big. Bigger than my bucket crutch. And that's big. Even bigger than Jojo's love for teenage mutant ninja turtles. Well, you've been asking for it, so we're going to be heading back on the stage for another secret mom club live show. There's going to be plenty of secrets. Perhaps a couple of party games.

And maybe a few surprise guests. So mark your calendar. because on the 20th of May, we'll be live at Bush Hall in London for one girly night only, so you better buckle up, bitches. Tickets are on sale right now, so head to our socials for more info and the link to buy tickets. We can't wait to see you there. Now, back to the episode. Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club.

I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. Welcome to this episode where I forgot my lines. It's the second time we've done it. Oh, no. This podcast is a safe space of all. moms everywhere. Save space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? And as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can give that to yourself,

you can be anonymous. And all those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the Secret Mum Club. Tell me about your week. Let me just say it was better than last week. Yes, good. Well, the only way was up, really, wasn't it? The only way was up, baby, but you and me now. Do you remember what that was? Yaz. What? It's by Yaz. No, not, do you remember what show it was on?

Oh, no, go on. The only way is Essex? Oh, yes. I thought it was going to be like a 90s throwback. I was thinking of like Lion and Kicking or something. Cat Dealey? No, that one was Emma Forbes and Jamie Feekston. Oh, gosh, sure she goes.

And then it was Cat Dealy on SMD with Alan Dick. You know, stop. Hey, hey, wait a minute, Mr Postman. Way, way, yeah, yeah, yeah. A master tell us for on a crucial time. crunch here. This is important shit, Mas. Keep this all in.

Keep this all in. Wonderful week. Yes. We've celebrated at Eden turning the big whopping 70. Wow. We were. Let me tell you, right, and I said this to my sister in the car this morning on the way here because this morning Eden was preparing for her theory test.

Oh yeah. Is she going to get a car? She got one? Honey's, I'm feeling all the emotions. I'm not okay. Let me tell you, everyone's so, oh, the older they get, the easier it gets. No. What are we taking at this age?

Because I'm not, it's not getting easy. It's actually fucking well hard. And they're not my children. They are my, well, I class them as mine. They basically are. Yeah, they're my sister's children. But it's fucking hard. Like we went to London.

We went, it was me, Roxanne, James and Chris, all the babies. And then Eden took her friend. So there was 12 of us in total went to London. We went to the Mundo Pixar. It was absolutely. You went to the Pixar where all the, like, Pixar stuff is massive. Yes.

Stop it. The Toy Story Room. It was absolutely phenomenal. Do you know what? And the one person who you would least expect, well not maybe least expect, but the one person who I could have cried all day. Mr. Enley? No. Every time we walked into a new room, Colby was absolutely blown away.

He was like, Mum, you go into the curtain and he'd go out, Mum, you're not ready for this one. He walked in. He was like, wow. Every single room. He's like the perfect age for it, I think. I would love that. Honestly. And we went in for the earlier slots.

I think we were in about 10.30. But when we come out at 12, my golly gosh, the cue was absolutely. Yeah, was massive. It looks epic though. So you basically can walk around like. So you basically are in like groups of people. So you first slot that goes in and then you get all the time in the rooms. And then by the time you're moving on, the next group has come in.

So you get time in the room. So it's like an interactive like exhibition kind of thing. Yeah. But you can see like a massive Lightning McQueen or massive mater. Elemental's there. Lucas there, Coco's there, Coco. There was Toy Story, Monsters In. Oh, yes, I saw The Big Sully.

Oh, Jojo would die. Yes, honestly, it was at. Up was there. The up one is really beautiful. Yeah, the first one you go into. So was that for Eden's birthday? That was for Eden's birthday. That's what she wanted to do.

But obviously, taking everybody up to London, for me anyway, is stressful to try and keep everybody safe. But I don't think at never a point in our life has, like Roxanne's are bigger than mine, but they've always been at age where they're like really little and they pretty much, it's been a really long time that they've all enjoyed the same stuff. But now that Roxanne seem to have like leveled up completely,

although Eden does love it and enjoys it, they all do, is a, it's a weird transition now that we're both stuck in because Roxanne is now living a very teenage life whereas obviously I've got Renner's who's too and Colbs and dots are you know nine and seven so I feel like my household is still very little Tobias is very much a typical

soon to be 15 year old lad like he is very much like don't do that man that's weird bruh no bruh what you're saying brough and they're like shoulder pat and you're like oh oh cry that's so good Is he taller than you now? Oh dear way taller than me never thought I'd see the day I feel like

I'm shrinking. My sister's even taller than me. We've always been comparison. Well, she's growing as well. No, I think I'm shrinking. She stayed the same height. I used to be five, five and a half. I'm now five five.

I've lost half somewhere. What's happening? Lost it on the train, I think. I don't know the fucking hell I've lost it. But it's a weird one. Like Tobias, the girls went to the doiler and I said to Tobias, do you mind taking Colby into the boys with you? Just keep an eye on him.

Obviously, the boys were done and come out, but the girls always has a cue. So as he come out, Colby was like leaning on the women's door. Because he wants to jump out and scare someone. somebody, Tobias was shit in his pants because he was like, what if somebody comes out that you don't know? And he said, don't do it. And then he was like, no, Cobbs don't like hang by the door. It's weird, man. Don't hang by the, don't hang by the girls' toilets. It's weird. And then Colby come out. Colby was hysterically crying. Tobias was why it's a ghost. And he's like, I've made him cry. I don't know how I've made him cry. I don't know what I said. It's made him cry. Cobby. It's like, hey, Colby, I'm going to call me a weird.

And you're like, what is in this parallel universe? I was like, no, it's just like Cobbs. It's just like T-Man's like, don't tell him. He was girls' toilets. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's trying to help you out, man. Yeah, he's trying to like, do you one. Do your solid. Do your solid, bro. And he was like, I just wanted to jump out on somebody.

But then Tobias was like, what if I jump out on somebody that I don't know? And Cobby was like, it would be really funny if I just scared a lady. And Tobias was like, no, man, would be funny. No, it wouldn't be funny. And you're like, oh, let's all just go and skip along a rainbow street. Everything's going to be okay, you know? And then Eden's tall and she's beautiful and she's a really young woman who's stunning blonde hair. She's got a beautiful figure.

terrified. I'm terrified of anyone looking at her. Don't keep your eyes away. She's 17. She's a minor. And I'm terrified. And then her friend was there as well. And I was like now I'm responsible for someone else. I mean, my sister was there, but I feel like we were both there. Like, fuck. Keep everybody's safe. It's when you've got other people's kids with you that it levels up. Then I've got the two-year-old thinking he's 17 and he can just rule the whole tube. And I was like, no, you can't get out of the buggy. He's got staying there. He was like the exorcist wanted to get out of the Pram. Oh my God. So it was, to be fair, it was a lot. Yeah, it's big deal. No one prepares you for how it's leveled up.

We're now planning for my baby to be driving. Yeah. So she got, she's getting a car. She is going to, she's going to start her driving lessons. Yeah. She's passed her theory test today, which is just wild. Already? She passed her theory.

So she was revising before she was 17 and then she was bam, ready to take it straight away. But turns 17 yesterday and literally took her theory. She's 17 for one day. She took her theory, passed it in 25 minutes. Yeah. Oh my God. So she's going to start doing her driving, which is, again, is crazy. I'm planning for a two-year-old and little ones and my sister's getting ready to put her.

And do you know what? That's a whole other level when they have their own independent, their own car, their own independence. They can go out and do whatever they want. I remember passing my test and having my first car and just being like, this is life. I've got it made. I can go out whenever I won. You can't stop me. You can't stop me.

I'm an adult. I'm not an adult, but I'll do whatever the first. I am, I'm 17. No, you're still very much. And that was 20 years ago. What I would like to me is the poor man that actually gave me my driving license because I think four times deep. Steve was it?

Yeah, Steve, he was fucking sick to death of me. He didn't want to see me anymore. Sick of talking to me. On my fourth test, he didn't even talk to me. I wonder if he's still at the Southampton Test Centre? He might do Eden's test. Oh, it's closed down. It's closed down.

But he, I think, how he let me drive on the road. Fucking, poor man. He must have just fuck off and just leave me alone. Don't come back here. But we were talking about it, weren't we? That was 20 years ago for us, which is nuts. And now Eden's doing it. Like, where does time go?

Because all I remember is that teeny, tiny little top that would dance around. And it's really hard. Like, I don't know if anybody else does it or thinks it. I really struggled to get, like, some days I sit in the kitchen and, like, Eden, I can hear her upstairs. And she's like, I'm just coming, auntie. And I'm like, yeah, don't rush. Like, if I've got to take her to work. She's working.

Like, if she asks for a lift to work. And I'm like, yeah, don't worry. As long as you're leaving yourself enough time, I'm just chilling with mum. And she's like, pound down the same. And for a split second, I think she's seven. And then she comes through the door and you're like, oh, wow. You're mostly an adult. You're not seven anymore.

And it's really hard. Like, your mind plays horrible games with you. Yeah. And it's scary when you've got younger ones as well because you're like, in the blink of an eye, that's going to be there. Yeah, I know. Terrifying. Absolutely terrifying.

But no, we've had a wonderful week celebrating her and all of her wonderfulness and all that she's achieving and passing her theory and seeing the world. Just slowing down The holidays are lovely to slow down But there's just That comes with this holiday It's a very big one Yeah

That's momentous And I'm putting my pants To the fact that Tobias is going to be 15 And Ember's going to be 13 And next year You're going to have an 18th Oh I'm not okay Colby's double digits in August

Yeah This is a big year for your family I feel sick I can't think about it too much I've always a major You know You know Geel over

Go into a big hole Somewhere And just hide Into hibernation But no, it's been a lovely week. How have your kids been with the clock change? Because obviously it's my favourite thing to talk about. It's fucking us up.

Do you want to know something really funny? Don't. Let's sleep better than ever. Don't tell me. I didn't realise until quarter to two that it was actually the clocks had changed. And I only knew that because I watched a TikTok. And then what was funny is I phoned Roxanne. I said, do you know the clocks are changed?

She went, yes, I did. But only like an hour ago. So then she texted me at 9 o'clock at night to say, James has only just realized now. He's like, oh, it's really light tonight. I don't even know how it came about. She was like, this is going to make you really laugh. James as only just realized the clocks have changed.

It's because your phone, you don't have analog clocks, do you? So your phone will do it. But what about like your oven and stuff? The oven was the only one. So this is funny. So it wasn't, it didn't even dawn on me. The fact that I said to Colby, oh, we've got one hour, one hour of tablet time. So they, because we're at the school holidays, we're trying to just have a little bit more tablet time.

But it's actually daylight savings. So you've got none. I said, you can have your tablets for an hour. and that was at half eight and then I just was watching the TV drinking a cup of tea went into the kitchen I was like fucking out surely that tablet time is up

you've had it for fucking ages now looked at the clock I was like fuck it's been 15 minutes like what in the parallel universe it's just it's only been 15 minutes Kristen even twig and it wasn't until like the afternoon that I went fucking hell

it's because the clock's an hour and an hour was slow every time it's so fucking confusing My kids woke up at five past seven and I thought, bloody hell, I've had a lovely lion this morning. I was like, you've both done really well. That's not. Amazing. Because my phone was five past seven.

I was like, wow, you did so well. Went downstairs. I was like, six o'clock. Six o'clock. They woke up. I said, right, you can go back to bed for an hour. Get out of here. No, but nighttime is hard with Joseph.

He's been going to bed about nine o'clock because he's way too late for him. And he's shattered in the mornings. But he's like, it's not dark. And I'm like, it's still all the same time. day. Also, three days later, Stefan keeps going, well, he is really going to bed at eight. And I'm like, you've got to stop. You can't do that for the next six months. I say, bloody hell, it feels like one o'clock because it would have been. No, I said Stefan, from waking up on Sunday, we're on the new time. You can't keep going back and saying, well, really, they've done

all right. No, I do go back. It is this time. I'm like, it's not anymore, though. What are you talking about? It doesn't make any sense. It would be four o'clock, but actually, it's now five. You've got to keep doing it until October. When they go back again. Yeah. And then you spend ages going. but that is actually only four. No, mine are sleeping okay. Yeah, of course they are. Yeah.

What a bitch. Why, I, y'all. Oh, yeah, I, oh, you're the fucking bitch. But no, we're doing great. Good. How are you doing? Really good. My sister finally made it down for a visit.

Oh. Not the middle one. She's off on the other side of the world somewhere. We never really know where she is. No, but she's living. L-O-V-I-N. Every now and then I'll look on her Instagram story and be like, oh, okay. She's on the other side of the world.

She is on the other side. Having a lovely time. Oh, she's having the best. time. Yeah, no, she's having a great time on her cruise, but she's not on holiday. She's working. She works on cruise on. Yeah, like retired at 39, just living it up. Just goes on cruises. No, she's working. But Katie made it with her family, which was so nice because they've been, well, we've been one of them to come for ages. Obviously, we moved in November. They finally made it down. It's tricky with like, because we don't really have enough room for like a whole

family to stay and sleep over unless you kind of like, you have to kind of bodge the sleeping situation a little bit like someone would have to sleep in with the kid or whatever so yeah we could make it work but they were a bit like oh not sure but they wanted to come for the day but luckily she's got a mother-in-law who lives in Bristol so that's quite handy because they can stay there and then for them that's like it was about an hour and a half yeah so they just opened up for the day and back but what I was like so smug about was obviously the weather's been terrible since we moved in like it does rain a lot I know it's rained a lot everywhere but it does rain a lot more there and we've really noticed it moving from London and it's just been like a particularly bad winter.

They came up on a Saturday. It was honestly like the Friday and the Sunday was shit. Like howling, howling wind, rainy the Saturday that they visited. Corrine. I don't know who was answering my prayers. But it was like water will sunshine really warm. Like they couldn't have seen it at a better time. We didn't have a barbecue but we spent the whole day outside.

Oh. Which was, it's so lovely like where we live now. because to be outside, it's just like, that's the whole reason why we moved there. Like, it's just beautiful. So I was like, I cannot believe. I was like, don't tell them what it's normally like. I can't believe they're seeing it at it's absolute best. And the kids were just like out in the park all day.

And then we went straight from the park to the pub. We sat in the beer garden. They had some alpacas or llamas. I'm not sure out the back. Which the kids, which I didn't know were there. It's like the pub in my village. There's like some farmers just keeping his alpacas on the field. So the kids loved that.

The little one slept in their bus. for like an hour and let us have a drink in peace. Like it was honestly just the nicest day. Went back to a house, had some dinner and then they went home. Baffed all the kids together and then they went home. So that was so. That is lovely. So nice.

And when I tell you, my family are obsessed with weather. Like if it's rainy or cold, they'll be miserable. My dad will not stop going on about it. When I got married, I was so nervous it was going to be a rainy day because I was like, my dad will never get over it. He'll be like, can you believe it rained on your wedding day. I can't believe it. Can't believe it.

I'll be looking at the forecast going, oh my God, it's going to rain. It's going to rain. My whole day's ruined. Like they are obsessed. And then when it's nice, they're like, I think they've all got SAD, you know, seasonal effective disorder. So when it's sunny, they're just like full of the joys of spring. So I was like, oh my God.

And then the Sunday, it was like gross again. Did mom and dad come down too? No. No. No. But they are coming next week. Oh. Thank God.

And Stefan's away working quite a bit. So they're going to come and be really helpful with the kids, which will be nice. But typically when they're coming, the forecast looks terrible. So I was like, oh, Steve. Steve's going to be on top form. Go on Steve. I'll think of some jobs from them to do in the house. Keep him busy.

Take his mind off. I said, next time you come, I promise I won't have as much for you to do. Because they always come for a week at a time. And bless them, we always work them. You always work. So, so hard. Yeah. Honestly, like, it'll leave and be like, my back hurts, my neck hurts.

Sometimes, your mum does find a job, though. She loves to find a job. I mean, do you know what? They'll be like, oh, be nice to. It's nice to come and help you out. We don't mind. But they'll literally find jobs. She'll find things.

She'll find jobs. And we say, mum, you love the cleaning. She's like, no, I don't. But she just does such a good. She can't sit still though, can she? She does such a good job of it. So they'll, they will be really helpful. Like, they'll always help me out with like the kids and the cooking and the cleaning and

bits of DIY that need doing. So, yeah. Which is wonderful. So I'm really looking forward to that. So, yeah. It's just so nice to be able to have people now and just like have a house where we can actually entertain. Entertain.

Yeah. So, yeah. No, it's been really lovely. I'm so happy for you. Yeah. Also, do you want to tell everybody what you've been doing? What? Working.

Working Nancy. Actually, it's working 11 till 7. What a way to make a living. Yeah, I've been doing some more of me old news reading shifts. Just keeping my hand in there. 11 till 7. Keeping my toe dip. Well, I can do it from home, which is so nice.

So, yeah, so that's what I've been doing. It's really nice, actually. You just come upon you without really trying for it. Well, I kind of, it's the company I used to work for. So I did kind of know them already and they kind of knew me. I just needed to get all set up from home and everything with all the equipment. But yeah, it's been, like, I'm grateful. to them having me back. Obviously it's like a mutually beneficial, you know,

relationship. But it's just so nice to be able to make that work with where we are now and like family life and stuff. It just, it's lots in really well. Ease the burden a little bit. Because you were worried about it. You were worried about just going down to having. Well, yeah, obviously, it was like cut like a massive chunk of the money that was coming into the house. So we really have had to like think about our finances like quite a lot. So yeah. So it's really nice. It's really nice to be able to do it. And also I said to Stefan, I did one yesterday in the day before. I was like, I actually just feel so much more like connected to what's going on in the world. Like when your stay at home mom, it's really easy to lose track of like the wider picture.

And I don't like not knowing what's going on. So feeling like a bit more up to speed with things and stuff actually makes me feel like I'm like a part of something again. So it's really nice to kind of just have that little bit of my life back and like that little bit of my identity. Yeah. But still making it work with the fam, you know. Yeah. So yeah. So it's been really nice. I'm so bloody happy for you.

Sounds like a wonderful bloody week. I'm excited for mum and dad coming down. Me too. I'll fill you in. Fill us in on that. Fill us in next week. Yeah, how it went down. So Emma and I really want to hear from you.

Yeah, we want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about, or just say, hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search Secret MumPod, or you can email us. Hello at Secret Mumpod.com. It's time for the... Correspondence.

Oh, what were you going to do? Don't know. You were doing a sexy whisper. Take it away, honey. Okay. Floor is yours. This one says, Hi, ladies.

I'm currently listening to the Dummy Ditch episode, where a listener wrote in about milk production after giving birth. I had quite a tricky labour. It lasted 48 hours and ended in foreseps and an apisiotomy. Oh, bless your heart. Then it says, in brackets, yay for my vaj. Yay for my fufu. I also lost a lot of blood and the whole experience was pretty traumatic,

which ended up affecting my milk production too. We were kept in the hospital for a week because we both had infections and sepsis. On day two, I was sat there with one of those mega hospital breast pumps sobbing because after 30 minutes I produced nothing. A midwife came in and explained that my body went into a trauma response after the birth, which can affect milk production and that although it wasn't the outcome I'd hoped for,

it was completely normal. What surprised me the most was that no one had ever explained that to me before giving birth, especially because in the days before labour, I'd been collecting colostrum like it was on tap, So I assumed I'd be producing buckets of milk afterwards. The most important thing is that a fed baby is best. As long as you're both safe, happy and healthy, it doesn't matter how you feed them.

Lots of love, Georgia from Fleet in Hampshire. Oh, God bless you, Georgia. That is obviously the other story that we had was very similar, wasn't it? Yes. But this is not, are they talking about, because I didn't do any, is it antinatal classes? Yeah. The classes before.

Yeah. You can go to all these classes before. But I don't know if anyone I did NCT and no one has ever told me about that. So I don't think anyone's talking about it. Because then it would not come as such a shock and be so damaging on you in that fragile state if that information was already accessible from the get-go. Yeah. So had they have been of, you know, there is a scenario that if this does happen,

there's a potability because there's a lot of women that depend on that. And yes, I do agree. A fed baby is a happy baby. But there's also a lot of people that want to experience that. And a lot of people that want to push and try for that. It's so hard to have that taken away from you. And then you feel like, oh, my body's let me down or I failed or I can't do something for my baby. And then that makes you spiral because you're already fragile as it is after giving birth.

Yeah, that's hard. Yeah, it's hard. Maybe they don't want to scare people. But like it sounds like this isn't that unique and experience. But I feel like there is a way of wording it that wouldn't come across as scary. Yeah. Just more of a preparation. Yeah.

Like they do tell you that if you have, like when I have Group B Strep with Dotty and Renly, I had to have an antibiotic but when I was going through it and I was speaking to the midwife, she was like, we do need to test you for group B strep that if this happens then you'll need to have antibiotics but there isn't that it's not a guarantee for everybody but if it is this is the procedure that you follow

that would be the same scenario. If anything, well obviously group B strep is insanely important but that to somebody's mental health after giving birth is insanely important. So it's up there with being one of those ones that you, I think I would rather know. Yeah. And I don't think it's that uncommon. Like I was speaking to my friend the other day who had a baby last year and I had no idea

what she'd been through. But I was like, oh, how come your, because I knew she wanted to breastfeed. And I was like, oh, how come breastfeeding didn't work out for you this time? She said, oh, it turns out we were both in hospital. I had to go back into hospital after the baby was born. And actually, he was really unwell. So it ended up that she wasn't able to breastfeed. And it really similar to this actually, like couldn't pump enough milk.

So that kind of option was taken out of her hands And it's so hard to deal with When you've got your heart set on something And you feel like you can't do it Maybe if you were a little bit more prepared for that It would be a bit of an easier pill to swallow But I don't know why we aren't told This is literally the first I'm hearing of it

I know, me too The letter we had I know there's a lot of information I know at what point is too much You know at what point is too much information But I don't know I feel like that one's a big one Yeah.

Because it's huge. People want that experience to be able to breastfeed their baby. Yeah. And when that's taken from you at such, not only have you gone through, in some cases, a really traumatic birth to have such a substantial blood loss, to go, oh, by the way, your body's probably not going to produce any milk now. Yeah.

So you can't have that. Yeah. Right. Okay. Oh, it's so hard. Yeah. There's so many emotions tied up. Especially, like, if you're in the, like, I can compare it.

Like, in my situation, Redley was obviously in the NICU, so I'm up on the ward, completely alone by myself, terrified of what the fuck is going on downstairs. It's my baby okay. I've gone through all of this. He's covered up with tubes

and he's connected to monitors. And I would not in the right frame of mind from the get-go, but then to go, oh, by the way, because you've just been through all of this, you most probably won't produce any milk either. Yeah.

Oh, great. That's what it mean. Yeah. That's really fucking... Could you have breastfed him if you, wanted to or would that have been too difficult in the NICU? Because you were pumping, weren't you? Yeah, I was pumping because he was, they were feeding him for a feeding tube.

So that's the, I was expressing for him to be fed through a baby tube, through a feeding tube, but until his tube was out, obviously I couldn't, I couldn't breastfeed him until his tube was out. But if any, if I didn't express enough milk for him, then all they would do was top him up with formula, which was my, I'd given consent for that anyway. way. But I was lucky, I think, that I did produce a lot of milk. Considering I never breastfed either two, never expressed, never done anything with the other two. Boobie was not for me. And I kind of wanted to try it with Ren. I would think I was more inclined because he was in

the NICU. I was more inclined to be like, oh my gosh, I need to make him better. Everyone tells me that breast milk is the best. And I think just because you're in that, I was just in such a fragile state of mind that was like, oh, I'd just express. And I was lucky that, yeah, it was, it was all okay. But yeah, he was feeding tube. So I didn't, I didn't breastfeeding. But when I was able to try and have that moment to, and the doctors and nurses were wonderful to try and have that moment of breastfeeding him,

I just panicked because he was already covered in wires anyway. And it was so fragile. No, it scared me. Yeah. Yeah. But knowing I could give him breast milk, that for me, I was okay with that, you know. Yeah.

But it's just knowing that what's right for you. Yeah. but having that option taken away from you with, I really had a second option. Yeah. You know, I could have not breastfed or, you know, I could have had him on the boob

because they were willing to support me and help me do that. But I just... You chose not to. Yeah, it's really hard. And I think we should know more about it. We should share and talk more about this because it's huge jelly. Yeah.

Yeah. And it's never to scare. And this is what's hard, I think, about pregnancy and labour. I don't ever... I should say never... but previously have never talked about my labours because I don't, one, I don't want to scare anybody and two, everybody's journey is so different.

So me telling somebody what my experience was, to you may sound really scary to me, but that was my labour and it was perfect for me. I mean, I personally love to hear it all. Yeah, that's what I mean, but I think the person, if it was a first time mum, the last thing I want to go, oh, my gosh, how was your labours? I don't want to stand there and go, well, fucking hell, I had, he come out so fast, it bruised everywhere and ended up in the nick I don't want to say that I want to just be like it was perfect for me yeah it was beautiful I got to have chris and my sister there was a wonderful experience was there complications yes but they're in the they're in the best hands you know and I just think sometimes talking about those things is hard isn't it yes because I don't want to scare nobody you never know how people are going to take it no but I think knowledge is power yes couldn't agree more you know so you could get in touch with us on anything at all yeah can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous because between us we've probably heard heard it all before and remember,

we're all in this together and we know that we are, we're all stars and we see that. Beautiful. Are you ready for my secret of the week? I have touched base on this on my social, so it may not come as a shock to some people, but people that don't know that I've posted it

or haven't seen it, by the time you hear this, it should be 24 hours into Renley starting preschool. Yes. He is not. No. Why? We had a really sad email from his preschool.

Bear in mind, I've known the preschool since Eden went there and Eden was four. She's now 17. So I've known them all for a really, really, really long time. All Roxanne's four went there. My two went there. Now Ren Lee was meant to be going there. They have unfortunately had an issue with staff and because some of their newer staff are not being consistent.

And the ratio staffed to under three-year-olds to the two-year-olds because they take him from a minimum of two because the staff and for the two-year-olds they need more staff that are consistent. Yeah. They just can't guarantee that.

So they sent out and do you know what's harder is because I know the owner of the preschool and her daughter are incredibly well. Like I can just text them. I knew that didn't come with an easy decision.

It must have been hard for them as well. I just know it's absolutely broken their heart. So is it just Renley or are there other children as well? No, I think it's the two-year-old collective. They can't take at the pool. So the whole two-year-old intake for April can't start. Yeah.

Which obviously I'm in a really lucky position, but I know there's a lot of parents, you know, going to the preschool that would be, have been dependent on that. And that's just, it makes me really sad because I know them so well that that was probably a really, really, well, is a really hard decision to make or have to do. Yeah.

So as it stands, Renly isn't starting preschool at the moment. But we're in a bit of a predicament because obviously we are putting him into preschool at two. Because I know there is, some people on my socials have got confused with me saying, preschool and not nursery, but he isn't going to a nursery. It is a preschool setting.

There's some preschools that just take children from two and above. Yeah. So it is a preschool setting. And you like, you pay for it like a private nursery. Yes. So I was going to pay for him up until he got his government funding, which is obviously obligatory for everybody to receive. But he, they've offered him to start his place from September.

But what I said to Chris is by the time he goes September, we're right close to Christmas. By the time we get through Christmas, he'll then turn three in March and then the new school year will start from April holidays and then it'll be free for him anyway and then he'll be free so you're just gonna wait till then I feel like it's a sign maybe it's because I was still on the fence do we send him don't we send him were you yeah

because we were saying like a couple of weeks ago that we think he's gonna do really well I think he is gonna flourish but also where he is my last baby I'm like oh do I just just that extra take it as a sign to keep him at home for longer because September we're basically the years out It's another five months, isn't it? Yeah. From April to September.

And then by the time I get to six weeks' holidays anyway. That's what I mean. By the time I get to September, then it's Dotsie's birthday. Then we've only got like eight weeks, ten weeks till Christmas or how it knows. It's not like eight weeks to Christmas, nine weeks. Then we'll be off then. And then how quickly is April come round now? Oh, I mean, it'll obviously go by like in the blink of an eye.

So now I'm just like, oh, do I just soak up the time? Yeah. Maybe it's a universe sign to you for him to not go. And then also like the other things that happened, like you didn't, you know, you missed the induction. Hey, do you mention it again. Miss the induction. Hadn't tried the uniform one. You know, maybe it was all leading to this moment.

Maybe it was all a sign, honey. It was all leading to this. Oh, so he's going to be at home with you for a bit longer. He is going to be at home with us for a bit longer. Which is fine because like James has got a new job and he has a Tuesday off and now the weather's getting nicer. Yeah. It's the easiest time to have them at home, isn't it? Yeah.

Because would he have gone there in the school holidays anyway? No. It would have stopped in July. It's exactly the same as a school. Okay. So every time the school breaks up, the preschool breaks up. So actually, it would have only been three months then. That's what it means.

I feel like you can manage that. I think it's not even about managing. I only was putting him in because I thought it will do in the world of it. He'll like it. Because he's missing the other two at home. But obviously now we're going into the nicer weather. Yeah. And he's got, you know, Uncle Jamies wants to have a day with him.

Then he'll have a day with Roxanne. And he'll go out and he'll socialise and he'll do all his bits. Yeah. And I just think maybe it's a sign from the universe. And you could still send. him in September if you wanted to. I can, yes. I can.

You know? I feel like I'm going to get to September and go, oh, I'm not quite ready. Just another couple. Because he could start, this one's been homeschooled actually. It's actually not going in at all. He's never leaving. He's never leaving home. You could start him in January though, because there's three intakes, isn't there?

It's September, January and April. Yeah, he doesn't qualify for the... Oh no, he would see. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, he could. The earliest one would obviously be September. Yeah.

So you've got some opportunities to think about it. I have. See when it rolls around, you're going to be like. Yes, it will. I've got everything ready. His little lunchbox is well, he's the whole shebang. It's okay. It's a sign.

Yeah. Someone's telling me. Yeah. Back off, honey. Enjoy him just a little bit longer. Yeah. Well, I feel like it's, you know, that's a good outcome. I know.

Isn't it? It's a win-win. I know. And it wasn't our decision. Someone made it a lot easier for me. Yeah, exactly. Decision for me. Now you don't have to go through the heartache of sending him in.

You're like, oh no. Oh, no. I can't send you on. Sorry. He hasn't got a clue though, you know. No, he won't know any different, will he? No. So he'll be fine.

Yeah. Oh, there we go. That's my secret this week. I did want to see him in a little uniform. Oh, no. So adorable. Can't code. Just put him in it anyway.

Yeah, fuck it. Going out in the garden. Put your preschool uniform on. Yeah. We'll get into some of yours after this short break. We've got three secrets from you this week that we're going to be discussing, so Emma. Take it away, honey.

All right. Hi, ladies. Hey, honey. I wanted to ask for some advice about something that sounds simple but is driving me mad. My three-year-old daughter refuses to get dressed every day. Getting dressed to leave the house can take hours. Sometimes we just don't go out at all because she simply will not put clothes on. She only wants to wear a nightie or a dress 24-7.

I've tried bribery saying if she gets dressed, we can go to the park, but it's always a firm no. She'd genuinely rather stay indoors than wear clothes. What's even more frustrating is that when my husband is home at weekends and we have plans, She gets dressed absolutely fine. I've tried giving her choices of outfits, choices of shoes, everything, but I'm still banging my head against the wall. And our dread days when we have appointments or timed plans because I'm so anxious about getting out for house on time.

Have you experienced this? I feel like it's her way of controlling the situation, but I'm running out of ideas. Please help, lots of love, Laura from Kent, indoors with a naked three-year-old, of course. We've been through it, have you? Yeah. Joseph's was two, not three.

Dotties was exactly this age. It was, oh my God. I think what made it harder for me is we come out of lockdown. So she spent the whole time in lockdown in a nappy. And then when I had to get a dress, I will be brutally honest with you. I just embraced what she wanted to wear. I think most days she went out wearing a dress wellies and fairy wings.

Yeah. And her dad's sunglasses. And I thought if that's how you want to rock it out, I might even have a picture that I'll be able to insert here of Dotty in her attire. And it was most days. She went to the park wearing that. And I think sometimes if you are able to let go, And I know that's really hard because if you've got somewhere special to be

or you want them to look wonderful, I really cherish the moment where we can look back on that and go, that was your choice. And we let you embrace that. And I think that's really empowering at their age to have that moment. Yes. And I think if you can embrace that and just be like, what dress are we going to go for?

Maybe find some more casual dresses. If she likes the 90 style, see if you can get some 90s that are more like, you can get like Disney one. that have got the tutu over the top of the 90. And I say rocker. Just roll with it. At least she will wear something.

She will. Like if she wants to wear a dress, like okay, fine, it's cold outside. You can wear your dress, but you've still got to wear a coat. Because it's really cold outside. Yes. So it's making a compromise. So she has something. But we need to put it on.

I find that like giving them too many choices is overwhelming. Because we had this exact. It's just totally normal, I will say. And it's just them trying to assert control and be independent. And Joseph really kicked his into gear when Sadie was born. and he was like the one thing I can have control over is what I wear in the morning. And Stefan, I mean, thank God this wasn't me because I was going to work. But Stefan used to do nursery drop and get them ready every morning.

And it was such a struggle for like a year. Because Joseph would be like, no, I'm not putting that on. I'm not getting dressed. We'll give them all these options of outfits. I don't want any of those. Like it was a nightmare. And I think it is hard. Like you say, when you've got something you want them to wear or you need to be somewhere

or what they're wearing isn't appropriate for the weather, you're like, oh my God, to put the fucking jumper on. Like it can be so frustrating. I get it. And you've got somewhere to be and you're up against the clock. It is so annoying. But I think you've just got to lean into it

and be like, wear what you want to wear. We've got somewhere to be. Let's go. And they will grow out of it. And do you know what as well? Dotty would refuse a coat because no one could see her pretty dress to the point where I'd be like, cool,

okay, don't wear a coat then. It would be trenchal downpour rain. She would be shivering. And then she'd say to me, please might have a coat. Yeah. Yeah, you can have a coat. We still get that from Joseph now.

You never wants to wear a coat or a jumper. And I'm like, it's really cold outside, you're going to get sick. And then I just get to the point where I'm like, okay. And then he's so fucking stubborn. Eventually he'll come to me and go, I'm really cold. I put my jumper on. I go, yeah. I don't know.

Some people, everyone's got a different opinion in this. And, you know, I would love to hear other people's. And if you've been through this, how you've handled it. But I always was just in the mindset of, you know, a happy child as a happy mom. And I just used to think, what's the point in stressing not only myself out, but I'm going to stress her out and make our day even more difficult. People may go, oh, that's a bit lazy. I just, I thought, do you know what?

I'm just going to let my babies be. Yeah. Because they're not going to be in this forever now. She sits in her bedroom and she does her own hair. She doesn't want to do. Some days her hair is crazy, but that's what makes her happy. And there's going to be one day that she sits there and she has the most beautiful hair because I've just allowed her hours and hours of playing.

Like that lady said, her daughter's now a hairdresser. Because Doncy just wants to do her own hair. And I just think if they can be a little bit of it, be a little bit independent, who will we two to hold them back? Yeah. But I think try and embrace it, Mama. Yeah. It's hard to let go though, isn't it?

It's really hard. Sometimes you just want them to put on the bloody clothes. Yes. I get it. Or just accidentally trip them up so they fall in a puddle and go, oh no, better put on this outfit I brought for you. We do all the things you're not supposed to do now. Like, you can have a bit longer of this YouTube video.

If you just put this jumper on that I want you to wear. You want a lolly? 6 a. Yeah. Yeah. You want chocolate for breakfast? Absolutely. I've said.

McDonald. Free times today. We'll go free times. Breakfast, lunch, dinner. I'll do whatever. Do whatever. Yeah, you do what you got to do. You have to do what you've got to do, Laura, for an easy life, I say, my darling.

But anybody does have any advice, then please do let us know. Okay, let's have number two. Hello, Sophan Emma. When my husband and I met, we were already parents. My daughter, Ila, was four and my younger daughter, Julia, was 11 months old. My husband had two boys, Owen, who was four, and Finn, who was 28 months. From the start, we wanted to bring everyone together as one family. Before we built our forever home, Ila and Owen shared a room and quickly became inseparable.

Later we had our youngest Hadley, who's now five. She and Julia formed their own little bond too. But Finn sometimes seems to feel a bit left out. The older two are very close and the younger girls often play together doing things he's not interested in. It's hard to see because he's such a lovely boy and you can tell he just wants to feel included. Is there anything you can recommend we do to help him? Sending lots of love, is he? That's a tough one.

Yeah. What beautiful blended family. Five kids. I was just about to say what a beautiful blended family. Very similar, I think, to mine because I've got... The seven, including Roxanne's, you have, Colby will either play with Ember or play with Everly, but the three of them don't play together. So when Colby's with Ember, Dotty's with Everly, but then Renner's is just the floater around.

Sometimes Colby will go off and play with Teaman, which means Dotty then plays with Ember, Everly or then play with Renli. So it's where their ages are all so different and they're all trying to interlink. Yeah. There is always one. Because then if Everly is with Colby, because they're playing, Dottie's kicking about with T-Man in the Garden or Eden, then you've got Ember who's on her own.

Do you know what I mean? So it always seems like there's one. And it's hard. We, I don't think I've ever been proactively worried, like to be like, you must go in and you must include them and you must play. You can't force them, can you? No, no. But equally I know that feeling of you don't want them to be sat on.

on their own. You don't want them to be lonely. But I feel like there's peaks in our life where it's been harder than others, where everybody, like for three, what was it, three years of their life, Colby and Everly fucking hated each other from two to four fucking hated each other. It wasn't until they turned five because there's only 10 months between them. They hate, and now they're inseparable. You look at them and you're watching playing.

You just think there was a time in my life where me and Roxanne used to cry for hours because they fucking ripped lumps out of each other, hated each other, couldn't stand each other, pissed each other off, left right and centre. And then obviously went to like preschool and stuff together and then they bonded a little bit better. But I, this a tough one for me. Yeah.

Because I'm always like, what will be will be. Yeah. They'll play, it'll get included. But it goes in a little bit of a roller coaster. I think it does go in ways. Through the ages. We have a similar thing because Joseph's like, obviously we've got Sadie who's two,

Joseph's four, and then he's got a girl cousin who's set. a boy cousin who's eight and then a boy cousin who's 11. So it's like sometimes the eight-year-old and 11 will play together on their PlayStation. So then Joseph will play with the girl cousin. But then sometimes like Joseph wants to go with the big boys and the girl cousin gets left out because she doesn't want to play what they're playing. And it's kind of just like sometimes I'm like Joseph, you're a bit of a user.

Because he just goes with whoever's doing like what he wants to do. But it all kind of works itself out in the end. But I think cousins is slightly different to siblings because obviously these guys are together all the time and they live together. So it's maybe a bit more. Because Hadley's now five she's saying, isn't she? They're all sort of five and up. Yeah, it's maybe a bit more apparent when they're siblings.

But yeah, I think it's a hard one. Maybe anyone who's experienced that can get in touch because obviously we don't have lived experience. No. My dynamics is different because they just both want to play with Renley. Yeah. So Renly just uses the two of them. You'll play with Colby in the garden and then come in and do colouring with Dottie.

And there's always one because there are three. There's always one that's out unless they're all in the garden playing together. Yeah. But yeah, it is a tough one. But anybody that does have any advice, it would be so wonderful if we can share that on to Izzy. Yeah. Because it is hard when you're in the depths of it.

And you just think, oh, just think, oh, distinctly. I know, you just think I don't want this to be left out. Yeah, I know. You do, you do. But we're sending you all of our love, Izzy. Thank you so much. And hopefully we can get some nice advice to share over to you. Stay tuned.

Right, let's have our last secret. All right, this one says, hello, lovely ladies. I need help toilet training, my little boy. He's turning two in April and he started asking to use the toilet because he wants to copy his big sister. Last week he actually did start weeing while sitting on the loo. However, it didn't go in the toilet bowl.

It shot straight out all over me. He thought this was the funniest thing he'd ever seen. I, however, did not enjoy getting peed on. So please tell me, how do I toilet train him without getting peed on? Emma, Melbourne, Australia. We're going big toilet then, are we? Straight onto the big toilet.

Got to get that inner lining of the seat. You know, the littler seat. Yeah, otherwise they've got to be deep in that pan. But even then, if their legs are too close together and that Willie's pointing up right. That's coming straight out that toilet bog on you. We've had a lot of accidents like that. And I think this is why girls are easier than boys

because they can go anywhere. Yeah. They're wild. Even now, Dresive will be like, oh, my Willie wasn't pointing down. Yeah, sorry, need to push. And I always used to have to make sure with Kobe that I pushed his Willie down

while he was sat on the toilet holding on for dear life. He used to have to push his Willie down so that it went down. Otherwise, just go through that, didn't it? Just fly through the way. Yeah. Or just straight out the pan. You just got to do a little boob. Or you start doing a stand-up wee from the start.

But he is under two, so he's... That's going to be hard. If you get the little steps, you could do the amount of times, Renley just faceplants the toilet water. And he's like, oh, where is? And he tries to get... No.

But at least then it's like gravity's pulling it down a little bit. Is it? No. We're still not on stand-up ways. No. I wish I'd done it with Joseph sooner because he now won't do one. No.

He'll only do a sit-down, which is the problem when we're out. Only thing you could do is put a potty in the toilet, but obviously I'm not potty. I'm not potty. Not pro potty. But they do have the little step seats. I don't know if they have them in Australia.

She did. Yeah. Yeah. Which have the built in little liner of the seats. Yeah. It makes the gap of the toilet smaller. And it's little stairs up to it. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you just got to make sure that Willie is down. Poke that Willie right down. Tinkle is down. Yeah. Even if you have to hold it. Cobby used to hold my arm and I just pushes Willie down.

That always feels a bit weird, doesn't it? Yeah. Yeah. We're all doing it. Yeah. We're all doing it. But thank you so much for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club.

If you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secret mumpod.com or with Secret MumPod on TikTok and Instagram. Have you been drenched in we? Or is your toddler obsessed with being naked? Then let us know. There really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club.