Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Scalp Mould

Episode Date: November 25, 2025

Sophiena’s secret of the week has us all scratching our heads as she battles what might be scalp mould. Roxanne steps in to help a mum navigate dance-school drama, and we round things off with a classic sweary toddler secret. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Roxanne. And this podcast is a safe space for mum's everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? As we know, sharing is caring. And you don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself, be anonymous. And those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the Secret Mum Club. We had a wild conversation before this. It's been a wild time for you and me in life. Yes. Although we can't really update because we already update on everything, don't we? Yes. Also, like to just state that I am the worst person that keeping secrets and I still have kept everything as secret.

You're basically trying to not talk to me or see me so that you don't have to tell me anything. She also said to me, you haven't actually seen me at all for the last week. We haven't, we did the pod and then we haven't seen each other since, which is unusual. to plan your 40th birthday is to be really cherished. Oh gosh, you don't want to be my friend.

You're so dramatic. I'm trying to do so much for you. And do you know what? There is going to be a time on your birthday that you sit and you go, actually, Savina. Now I know why she was so busy. Sorry I was such a bitch, but I just really needed to know the plans.

Still asking Dottie. Again, she doesn't know. Do you know, I made a TikTok yesterday I was talking to everybody on the TikTok and I said, well, I can't say too much because Roxanne will be watching. Then you fucking rang me. And I said to the video and to our lovely friends watching my lovely video,

this is a sign from the universe. Shut the fuck up, Safina. She's watching. You're everywhere. You're like Big Brother. You just don't ever. I was just calling a check on your day. Yeah.

I didn't know you were. You can't know at what stage I'm doing something. I'm in the middle of it. Yeah. I'm in the depths of it. I'm in the depths of your birthday. I was just seeing how you was. That was all.

I know you were. Not spying on you from. I'm stressed. I'm stressed. No. No. No. I'm thinking you're just over there

Living your best life No, I'm not Well I am obviously Every day it's my best life But it's been a busy week But I'm finally there And I'm feeling great about it Good

But you have no fucking clue If you knew anything right now Look me in the eyes Tell me immediately Do you know or have an inkling of anything Well genuinely I don't have a clue about anything You wouldn't lie

Or even today, tomorrow vibes I don't know anything at all booked a surprise for Roxanne tomorrow and she hasn't a place. I mean, that's exciting in itself even before the birthday. I mean, that could be our secret this week. Do you want to know? We could share that as a secret of the week or so what we're doing tomorrow. Do you want to wait?

You're going to be really boring and say you want to wait. Yeah, because then it won't be a surprise, will it? But it will still be a surprise? Because we're doing it tomorrow. You don't have to wait a whole week. I feel like I'd better to wait. You can share that then they'll have to celebrate everyone next week. But I can share it though.

You can block your ears. Oh. I could block my ears. Do you want to show it with everybody? It's like presents, isn't it? We're not going to show it to our siblings. Yeah, but there's two sorts of sisters, isn't there? There's a sister that is happy to wait until Christmas Day.

We've got Rosie here and Rosie's the big sis. And then there's a sister that is under the bed in the wardrobe. Mad, are you big sister or a little sister? Oh, yes, I knew that. Are you a present looker outer? A present little outer. Sabrina wants to know. She's looking like December 1st, she's in mum's room.

She's looking under bed. She's in wardrobes. She's looking up harsh. I never tell you how disappointed. It was the time that I found dream phone. And I thought this is iconic. I've got dream phone. Remember the board game that everyone wanted?

So excited. She found it. Only to watch Roxanne open my present. Obviously it wasn't Safina's present. It was Roxanne. But it was on my list. It was my Argos book. And I cut it out of my own book and put it on my list.

And I said to Mum, you didn't mean to give that to me, did you? Do you look for presents, Maz? Yes, she does. Rosie, I bet you don't, do you? Oh gosh, I knew it. I knew it. May's his little one too. See?

She's my little one. Maybe it's just like in the genetic. Maybe. We need to know. I'd love to read sometimes about. Are you big sibling, little sibling? I know you're a present looker or not. I need to know if you're a big sibling, do you look?

Or if you're a little sibling, do you not look? Or vice versa. You want to know what you're getting before the day? Yeah. You want to like not be excited for that day. You want to have it and know what's coming? Yes. I don't want it.

You don't even deny, like, not even a little bit. No. Where is the fun in that? Like, just help me now. Tell me everything! I just can't wait. I can't even keep the things from my own children now. Oh, I know.

I know because you do it with my children. Saw this in the shop today. I loved it. I bought it for you. Christmas is in a month. Right, wait to give it to them in a month's son. Tobias has had the biggest growth spurt of his whole entire life. If you don't know, it's Roxanne's second baby.

He is literally growing at the rate of knots. Our little tiny blonde-haired boy that didn't grow for about 10 years. Sandals, it didn't grow. Honestly, for about 13 years. Yeah. He's literally grown in the last year so much. He had the biggest ankle swinging track suit buttons on the other day.

And I just said he can't go out in these. I can't let him go out. On the mum that you can wait for Christmas Day now. I picked you up a track suit the other day for Christmas. Do you want to just try it on? Because there's a 28 day policy. And by the time, I bought it early late in September. If you'd have told the shot, they might have said, we will let you wait.

Why don't we just try this on? And otherwise we might be out of the 28 days. And I can obviously take it back, get the bigger size, take it home and wrap it. Why is he wearing it now then? Because he looks so phenomenal in it. And I just thought, you know what? No more ankle swingers for you. You can wear that.

Yeah. And he did. I mean, he looks great. Yeah. He does look absolutely fly. He looks tremendous. He looks tremendous. That, I may also not be true.

I may have got him something else. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You've got two. Life's for living, I'm saying if I've got it and I can give it, then I'm going to. So that's just the way I roll. But Roxanne has to be like real sensible all the time, really sensible and do sensible shit. Definitely the older sister. Yeah.

Although anything now, anything, you could get a toothbrush. You'd be like, you save that for Christmas morning now. Everything, right? Put it in the stock in. I bought Roxanne a tin of biscuits and she'll go, oh, we better for them away to Christmas. Shut up. Get the biscuits. Hello.

Put the kettle on open the biscuits. It's not a special day of you today. I'll get you another tin by Christmas. My neighbour. Everything. You can buy a pack of tiles for the bathroom and she'll go, oh, I'll wrap them up. Put them under the tree. Everything.

But I do love that. Oh, I love that about you. I do love that you like to save everything. You love to hate it. I don't save nothing. No. No. No.

But that is, that's just how I like to save. to live my life. I like to be a giver. I don't also like to receive gifts back, which is shocking. There was a time of my life. No, you're a giver. I'm a giver. You love to give. I just love to see. You're so excited, especially the children and like, what's all this? I got this for you? It brings me. I'm so excited. Open it now. So much joy. We're in the car or out in the shop and set. Get it. No, open it right now. I love it. That's my children, your children. Chris. James, I love it when I can get a gift to James. James, I find. James, I find. is really hard to buy for

and when you give a gift to James and his little face lights up you know you've hit the fucking jackpot with James because he's a hard one to buy for and when I can crack his on the heck I think, oh yes, it's like a challenge for you it is a challenge but I would say what's Richie Richie's more you, Richie or happily wait

Richie's so good at keeping secrets that he doesn't even tell his wife it does. Where was the big secret? Was someone pregnant? Well one was pregnant or something? Were we going to a wedding? I got engaged. Oh is that what it was? Is that what it was? But I don't think I've ever told anybody

that I've been engaged before. But poor Chris. Oh, okay. I'm not even sure Chris knows. No, he does know. I'm joking. Was that the one? Oh, yes, it was.

And Amy turned up at the gym, like, what the fuck is going on? And I was like, we all have to be there early. We all have to go to the gym, which was obviously really unusual because that's where it was. Amy didn't know. She was just stood there watching. Why are we all at the gym? And then Amy was like, this has come as, It has a bigger shock to you as that has me.

She was more spiced than you were. That's what it was. Yeah. And he said, because everyone had said it was a secret, I thought I was to tell nobody. You can tell your wife. Yeah. Your wife is okay.

But he won't even tell his wife. No, those. Richie won't even tell his wife a secret. It's wild. But if you try and give a gift to Richie, he'll go, oh, no. No, he's. I'll save it. Yeah.

And I'm like, oh, fucking open it. Or when you give him a gift and he puts it on the side. Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'll just have my tea or I'll wait for you to open yours. Open it now. Open it. And I just end up like, say I'm looking at you

and I've given you a gift you put out on the side. I'm like this. Like a puppy watching. Like Teddy waiting for a treat. Are you going to open that? And then I've got to go through the whole thing. I've got to go through the cup of tea from, oh, you want to go through to the lounge.

Do you want me to bring your gift? Don't do that much. No, no, we'll do it later. Just fucking open the gift. Please now. I can't. No one even got their shoes off before. Oh, give for me. Okay. I'm in the door. Good. Let's go. I'll shut the door and wait. Just give me a set. Yeah. But no, other than that, I'm having a great week. I'm having a really great week.

Good. Because I've returned to my socials, haven't I? You have come back with a bang. I feel like this time last week we were talking about you needed to dip your toe back in and... Now I've full hog gone in naked, straight up deep. You're in there. Wellie boot. Hello. What? In there? And I have, I've come back, and it's come back with such a nice response. I was just going to say, has it been nice. Yeah, has been nice.

I don't, Masey checks the comments and she'll just message me and say the comments. Today was a good day, so it was about it. The comments are looking really great. Good. Because see, the problem is, is I get really, and I spoke about this, and I put a video out on my social media, and I didn't know how to address it. And I didn't know if I wanted to address it or not address it, but I feel like I needed to talk about it because it was bothering me.

But I just, I'm so shit at articulating myself, aren't I? I know in my head. And sometimes you're finish because you know me so well to know where I'm at and like what I'm trying to say. But I didn't know what I wanted to say or how to say it. But I equally didn't, I didn't need to say anything. No. But I felt for me to be able to reset myself and go forward, I needed to put it out to be like, things have changed. You know, I started the platform when Colby was four and Dottie was two.

And now they're nine and seven. and we have a nearly two-year-old. So life is definitely different. And I never for one second regret having the children on social media, but now they're at an age where some days they want to do it and some days they're like, nah. And also we're fast embarking on Colby going to secondary school. And it honestly terrifies me that I don't want him to be the child at school

that is like people go to him, oh, your mum's. Oh, your mum does. There might be kids that are actually really cool. That's your mum's job. But there's also maybe a child that doesn't. doesn't enjoy that. And I don't want Colby to be penalised for that. So I feel like it's something, social media is something that's so massively spoken about, not only in my house, in your house too. And I would say, they're so much more aware of it because of my job. Like

if you say to Colby now, do you want to have TikTok? No, no, thank you. No, I don't, I don't want to have an account or no, I don't want Instagram. Like Colby has no interest in having any form of social media. You always have it, but Tobias doesn't post on his. Eden has a small business which that's what she posts on there. They're all private.

You can't see anything and they just do it to talk to their friends, which, you know, is wonderful. But we're so hot on the social media thing and I think just so much has changed. I was just going to say that. You've changed in like 10 years. Even in the last two years of since falling pregnant with Renner's I've changed so much.

And I think, and it's been nice. Because there's so many people that have messaged to, like, commented or messaged me privately and said, you said you weren't bringing back your old content, but the content you're doing is just like your old content. And when I say I've changed in the sense of, yes, I have changed as a person. I think we should all change and support ourselves and back ourselves because if we didn't change, then we're not learning. We're not learning.

We're not growing and we're not doing better for ourselves. So I think change for us is so great. but what I meant I think by change was that I can't do the old content that I used to do I can't do lunch boxes because the mornings are busy you know sometimes Colby's not too happy or Dotty's not too happy or everyone's super happy and you're so wrapped up in the chaos of your home aren't you

oh someone's working up late or yeah didn't wipe the table down or I've got Colby doesn't want to get out of bed or I've got no lunchboxes because they're both on a hot dinner yeah or yeah yeah so you're running around and you're doing so much that you get so wrapped up in your own beautiful chaos that you just get so distracted and I just think because I've been in that

it's really hard to change that so like some of the content that I'll put out will be my old content majority of it will be my old content but there's also... Maybe it just feels a bit different to you yeah and I think that's what a lot of people have said is to me is that it feels different but to the outside world

everybody just sees that it's the same which is lovely yeah but I think I needed to just address it for myself and it's been a lovely response back That's good. So I've been busy this week with cleaning because we had a busy week up here, didn't we? So I've been cleaning this week, trying to get on top of my washing, which has now become a series in the house. It's the bane of my own. Do we ever win?

No. No. Is there ever a gold medal? Two minutes, I think the other day. Two minutes. That thing was fucking empty for. And then bam. And then bam.

Chris bought washing down from upstairs. And he was like, why don't you just check upstairs? Why don't you just put your clothes downstairs? Can we just stop taking our clothes off? Why are we wearing clothes? Why are we not? Now you go, because that would be crazy. But no, I've had a busy week.

Planning your birthday. Still ongoing. I feel like it's a never-ending at the moment until we're actually there, which is fine. I'm loving it. But there's just a lot going on. It's busy. It's busy.

It's that run up to between now and Christmas, isn't it? I was just about to say, I think this bit from now to Christmas is so full on. We're trying to cram in, I'm trying to cram in work. I'm trying to cram in keeping on top of the housework. obviously coming up here to do the podcast having time for everybody there's also Even the school stuff starts

doesn't it You've got going for a choir thing And there's a play Colby's parents evening Colby's parents evening is next week Don't see you to us last week We've got children and need This week

We've got a dance show coming up Colby's got football and then they're having a Christmas party for football And then ice skating Dotty's getting back to her ice skating So it's all Lock in

And then you want to add the fun in You want to add in. Yeah, where is the fun? Where's the scene in your pajamas and having hot chocolate? Yeah, and enjoying the Christmas movies and putting up the Christmas decorations. So sometimes this time of the year is just a little bit stretchy. Crazy. But I feel like the content that I want to put out is content that I love to watch.

It's just normal women, moms, dads. Every day. Potting around the house. Yeah. Because I don't, and I think as well, I think I got into my head about it's, I don't live a big lavish lifestyle. No. And my platform is ginormous that I think people, I think people think that I would have a more exciting life. Because, you know, 2.7 million is so much and it's so incredible.

And I sometimes feel like I can't live up to. People that are out and they're going to loads of events and they're at premieres and things. But that's not to say that I don't get invited. It's just not me. and I think if I was doing those things I just wouldn't be being true to myself so you see people with the same amount of followers on my account

and they are going on cruises or trips around the world or safaris or they're working with huge ginormous brands and they're doing all these incredible things which I'm the first to support it and back it and think it's truly wonderful but I feel like I've got like a you know that thing of like imposter syndrome

where I just feel like it's... Why are they inviting me? Why am I being? an invite. And then I get into my head and like, I think they've got the wrong person. Say to Macy and Maddie all the time. I think they've got the wrong. Did they mean to invite me? Yeah, yeah. And it is hard, but that's my, my happy place is home. My happy place is home. Do my washing. That is the bane of my life. But I just, my comfort is home. And I think sometimes I wonder, I worry that people are expecting to see more, even though I know they're not.

Yeah. And they tell me they're not. And I think sometimes I just feel like it's, there and I'm just not doing the most, you know. Being exciting enough. But I'm just living my every day. Yeah, yeah, you do. You do feel like you're not being exciting enough because this opportunity is huge.

You know, there's people that would do anything to have this kind of opportunity and I'm so incredibly grateful for it and I sometimes worry that I'm taking it for granted because I'm not doing enough. Enough. Yeah. But I think I am doing okay

or doing enough. I think you are. Yeah, that's my week. How was your week? What did you do? I didn't see you Saturday. I had cancer Saturday as well. I'm really sorry about that. You hated me though for that split a second. No, I didn't. Don't be darned. She was cursing at me. No, I wasn't. They told me. They texted me. It was like, be scared of mum today.

No, they didn't. No, they didn't. I am, satire got stuck into doing some work. That's good. Because I've been putting off doing work. Get it done. Get it done. I don't want you do be texting me like, it's my sister's fault. She was hanging out at me. So now I'm behind on. I said, sorry. Roxanne's come round again.

For fuck sake. She just doesn't need... No, I'll take it. What happened with you? I feel like I've had a quiet week. Nothing, you want to tell me what you did Saturday? As in, we went to town without you because you didn't see us. Yeah.

It's not as fun. And then no one told me. Well, we just popped in. We went to town. We just hung out. No one's, no, we didn't not tell you. We just whipped in there quick at the end of the day. You went to Primark

We did go to Primark Without me Yeah And you There was some new stuff Yeah Yeah No one wanted to tell me

Even Everleasing Because they know How much you'd be like She goes I saw some really cool socks For you and she was really excited this morning To see me

She was like I saw some really cool socks I knew you'd love them And then for some reason We lost the socks I couldn't find them And then we tried Don't if they fell out of our basket

Or if the lady when I paid Didn't put When you know When they take the stuff I don't know if she didn't Put the socks back in And then I said to her Where were these socks from me?

she was like, looking around for like, anybody? Am I allowed to say? Am I going in here? Am I going to bring? I'm telling auntie. She was like, we went to Primark without you. Primark? And I was like, when did you go?

Still, no one here. No. Definitely went on Saturday. Yeah, she did say it at the weekend. But that's lovely for you though. It's just a flying. I feel like you don't ever take the opportunity to be. They want to go in the fancy shops, the oven outfits and look at all the 20,000.

Oh, they love these Les Melian. What are them? Le fronds Sorry I thought they were les They are the dance people are wearing them They're very cool and hit Do you know what right I saw a girl on the train back from London one day

Did you? She was wearing them Well yeah she must have been like college or university In Winchester And she was wearing them and I thought Oh They're the in thing What are they L-E-S

Les? I mean you can't say Les Franz No Oh is it a French it's obviously French brand Again I don't know No, I'm not cool enough. But they're in urban outfitting. This is what they're wearing.

Amber and Eden. They're not cheap trousers either. Just to be clear. No. They're on the Christmas list. I'm saving them bad boys. Yes. You're not getting them.

Teddy. They ate Edens, didn't they? Ted Edithy. And she cried for days. Well, that's because they're expensive trousers. Yeah. And they're her pride and joy. They love them.

And she bought, she saved all her money, didn't she, and bought herself another pair. Yeah. It's the sweetest thing in the whole entire entire work. That's how much they love them. Yes. And then when we're in town. Yes. So we went in

We had a swim party finished like three We whipped in Everly swim party Yes Yes We whipped into town Because Emma had a party

In my phone calendar For 730 So we're walking around I'm like It's fine We'll get back in time Then she I'm like What are you wearing to the party

She's like I don't know And then I think I said What time is it She said you've written 730 I was like And where's the invitation Invitations at home

I'm like go on the group chat Just check what time it is The group chat With their friends Because they're all talking. One of them was like, oh, don't forget to wear a cold clothes because we're going to have a bonfire or we're sitting outside to eat marshmallows or something.

Oh, because it was around, was it round, um, firework. Yes, it was, yeah. Yes. So it's like, 515, 520. And then the thing he pings up and she's like, uh, party starts at 5.30. Party starts at 5.20. So I'm like, um, so we're stood in town. Obviously, we live.

Fuck, of all people to happen to this happen to Ember. Well, she's no good at reacting, is she? The first thing, like, her face has gone white, she's just dropped, and she's just looked at me like, this is all your fault, make it better work. The world's going to end. The world's going to end right now. What, mommy needs to do it.

She is 12, though. She's just a bit of a panicker, isn't you a warrior? She is a massive warrior, yeah. She just looks at me immediately, like, you must make this better. So I'm like, I mean, you can be mad, can't you? Like, hello, this is your fault, it's your responsibility. You should have had the invitation on no what time is. What, as in Embers, should have said that to you?

No, I could tell her. Oh, you can't. Well, I didn't go. I was just like, first thing you need to do is just stay calm. We need to stay calm. Everybody's stay calm. Go, go, go, back to the car. So did you leave town immediately?

So we didn't. The other two wanted to carry in looking, but luckily the boys were already in town because of the... A few moments later. And we are back in the building because we literally just had to evacuate for a fire. Yes, we did. Well, not an actual fire in the building. There was a fire alarm. But it wasn't a test.

And it wasn't an evacuation process. We just literally had to go up about 45 flights of stairs. Yes, we did. Zofia took us down the stairs and then brought us back up the set. We had to follow people in the high vizers. Yep. Check ourselves in at the car park. I haven't been a part of an actual fire process.

Also, there was written on a window as to whether or not I should call them. I was really tempted to call the number. It said, call me. So I thought, should we call them? Mas said no. But we are back in the building. We are. Everyone is safe and sound.

Yes. And there wasn't a fire. No. Back to it. So, I was talking about Ember. A few moment later. You were talking about Ember in the West Key, so we were interrupted. So it was 520-ish.

The party was 5.30. We're in the centre of town. We obviously do not live near the centre of town. You told me the boys have now got to town. Oh, yes. Because they'd watch the football game. At the stadium. So they were just as close as we were.

The girls wanted to carry on. I think, to be fair, we didn't have the party present. That's why we were kind of in there. So I was like, Dad will come back. Dad will get you. He'll whip you home if you're going home. We'll go straight to the party. Whatever.

Just stay calm. Yeah. It's fine. And then I will go and buy the voucher for the present and then you can give it to her when you catch up. Yeah, it was fine. And that's what happened. Yeah. Right.

She went back home. She got, I think she had a swift change. Put her contacts in. Although that's essential, but it is when you're 12. And she went to party. So what time did she actually arrive at the party? I feel like between 6 and 6.15. she made it.

Oh, that's pretty good then. And it did run to 9.30. So there was still a good three hours of party. What were they doing? I think it was just a hangout one. I think it was just a vibey, teenage. No real set thing. Love that for them.

And how many was there? Oh, I don't know that. I feel like there probably wasn't much time to talk about it in the small 10 minute window of me calling Dad getting him over. True. Trying to get it to not panic. I would say you acted fast. I tried to.

In the timing of emergency. Like we just did to get out of this building. In a teenage world, it was an emergency. So that was my week. It's hard for you, isn't it, with the teenagers? Because you are literally just pick up, drop off, pick up, drop off, drop off, go back, pick up, drop back, forth. Kind of live in the car and you're just forever moving from one to the other. Trying to enjoy something.

Yeah. Also, I went to say to you the other day, we were talking about it, weren't me? The transition from the little ones to them going into teenage. it's a really what's the word like it's it happens so fast doesn't it

yeah they just one day want to be your friend and then the next day they're like oh don't talk to me don't get out of the car

when you drop me places yeah we're not friends anymore but you've done great with it I would say

you're all still open and really really close that's very kind of you'd say I don't know if they would agree but

you got try haven't you I mean I feel like they still want to see me sometimes and that's

a lot. Because even I say to you all the time, gosh, don't make the big ones come over and have to sit with me. Yeah. Like you have to come. Yeah. And it's nice the other day because James popped around, didn't he? Because obviously, we can't talk in front of you. So James is using the excuse of your birthday to come around when we all know why he's coming around. Just wants to see the baby. Doesn't want anything to do with me. I love being a working and videos of him and really hanging out. He was like, oh no, I better come around. I was like, oh no, we're up together on everything. We don't need. Oh, no. I could just go over anyway. I just go over anyway. I go over a few things with you.

He's literally like bounds everybody out of the way to just get the baby. And then Eden turned up. Yeah, she did. Why is everyone at your house? She got the bus to my house. And they were just walking around. And then she loaded a video on her Instagram of her just walking him around out the front of the house holding his hand. And he was asking for our hand.

He did ask for her. And I know that's a moment between them that neither you and me, but we created them. But we are not living that moment. That's her moment to live with him. Him reaching out his tiny hand. Come, come, come, and he took her off. That's our babies and their buddies. Specialist between them.

Yeah, oh, no. So that is our week. Roxanne and I really want to hear from you. We want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about, or just say hello.

You can find us on TikTok and Instagram, Just search Secret Mum Pod or email us at hello at secretmumpod.com. It's time. Is it? For the... Correspondence, Conrader. Took you some time then, didn't it? I didn't know what was coming.

Is it? What's coming? Magic mics arrived in this... It's time is happening. Let's go. Stay calm. Right, let's hear the first one. Okay, this one says, hello ladies.

I've just listened to the most recent episode where a listener was struggling to make mum friends who share her morals. When I had my first baby in 2023, I felt exactly the same. But I joined the app Peanut, which is basically Tinder, but for mums. Oh. I ended up meeting one of my now best friends. Oh. Our babies were born just three weeks apart in the same hospital with almost identical and traumatic birth stories. I'm so glad I found her and that our babies can grow up.

together. Hopefully both of our little ones will love a new addition to the group soon as we're currently trying for baby number two. Love from Ash in Lancashire. That's adorable, isn't it? That is lovely. I really, really love that. You know, and nobody really talks about actually one, how hard it is to make friends later in life. Yes. Because I, well, I was saying both of us really didn't have friends at school. You left with two. But since you've grown older, they have, well, one's completely gone. And one, you see a. occasionally, don't you? But you wouldn't say you're close to them, but you're really close to the school mum friends who you've met through the girlies going to school, haven't you?

Whereas I didn't have any friends when I left school. And I would say I'm not really someone that has friends, but I do have friends. I know that. I have you, I have my wonderful friend Kate, who I get to see at football, and we've got lovely neighbours now. So I feel like I'm surrounded by wonderful people. But if I never went to football, I would have never met Kate. had we have never moved house, we wouldn't have our wonderful neighbours now. No. So no one really talks about how hard it is actually to make friends. As you're older.

Actually, it's really hard. And I think the older that we're getting, we're so sometimes stuck in our ways, that sometimes we're in a routine. We parent a certain way. We live a certain way. We have days where we do certain jobs and do certain things. You're wrapped up in your own world a bit, aren't you? So not only is it hard to let somebody else in if you're not in a relationship.

relationship to have a relationship with somebody, but it's equally as hard to then let a friend in, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah. And then it's really, it feels so much more deflating and sad when that friendship doesn't work out. Yeah. Because you devote and make time for that person to be in your life. Yeah. That when it doesn't work, because friendships don't work. No, they don't work. Because you've changed. You are changing. Yeah. You're not the same people. Sometimes you're parenting different and you don't necessarily like the lady says you don't agree on the same thing yeah so and that's because you don't think about that do you so yeah it is hard it's a lot to manage as much as having a relationship and making a relationship a marriage work because a better

friendship is like it's like it is a relationship isn't it it's no different to a friendship yeah you do it works both ways yeah and sometimes when it you put so much time into it and it doesn't work it's just as heartbreaking as you falling out of love with somebody or a relationship ending it's just as... And I think for that reason you can try and keep it going

because if it's a really long friendship... You sometimes then suck up, don't you? I just think, oh well I've got so much history with this person. I don't want to let this go even though I know that it's not working anymore and we're just not... Because you had a really hard decision. I don't know if you're happy to talk about it. Obviously not saying any names because it is private.

But you had that one. one thing, the one, that one friend who did some things that you didn't agree with. Yeah. It wasn't something that you would do. And you really struggled to still be her friend and let that thing happen, didn't you? Yeah. Let those things happen because it wasn't something you believed in. And that's, that was a really hard time for you to let go of that friendship.

Well, yeah. She kind of didn't want to be around me anymore. Not that I'd done or said anything. Again, I just think we've just grown apart. and she felt it easier to move on or not be around me. But I did. I was guilty, wasn't I? I kept saying to you, like, can I do more?

What should I do? How can I change this? What do I need? I don't want to let this go. She was doing. Yes. You didn't agree with you. You were having this horrible fault with yourself.

As to you wanted to be her friends. Do you speak up and say, like, I don't agree with what you're doing? But equally, I don't want to upset you. I don't want to lose you. But I kept telling you it was okay to let go. Yeah. Because you were fighting. And if it's making you sad and it's just not good for your head, then...

And I think, again, that's something else is that we, as adults, we sometimes just carry on doing things for the sake of doing them. I definitely would, wouldn't I? Because I'm the, I feel like I'm the baby sibling that I just will cut everyone off when it just doesn't work out right for me or it's toxic for me. I just cut it off and move on. I'll just sit there and overthink and then call you and be like, what is this?

What am I doing wrong? How can I change this? And you'll be like, I don't know why. You've already given it six months more than you needed to or more time and worry than you needed to. But it's nice, isn't it? It's lovely that there's things in place for people to meet friends. Yeah, massively.

Because now in this day and age, it's really hard to meet friends. And that's really love. People that agree with what you're on the same wavelength as well. It is nice. So it's carefree then, isn't it? You put all your hobbies in, in interest and you literally find. That's why school mum sometimes is, is a nice friendship, isn't it?

Because you're all living there. Yeah, you are. Every day. Yeah. You're on the chat. Like, don't forget, it's bring a pound to school day because, you know. Non-uniform day. Again, it's Harvest Festival.

We haven't bought a tin in. So everyone is thinking of each other. Everyone's just like, don't worry if you're having a bad day. We've got this. We're in this together. Just be taking them steps and living together. Yeah. I love that so much.

Thanks, Ash, for sharing that. I love when there's a positive story like based on these apps because you see them on the telly, don't you? And then you think, do they actually? Yeah, no. And it's really nice to hear. Yeah. Hear that.

So you can get in touch with us on anything at all. Can be serious or silly. You can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we've probably heard it all before. And remember, we're all in this together and we know. Sing up. And we see that. Are you telling me you don't do.

I do know it. Svelo, we've watched it 7,000 times. You were looking at sing it. I think I was going to go for the dance. Right. We're all in this. I'm going to mine where you go. We're all in this together and we know that we are.

We're all stars and we see that. Is that okay? Thanks. Right, here's my secret of the week. I've got scalp mold. Okay. Straight up in there. Okay.

Not going to gloss around this. I've been talking about my hair journey. Yeah. Okay. So I've been talking about it on my social media and I feel like I can't not talk about it anymore because it is, it's an issue. It's getting you down a little bit. So my hair has been thinning and falling out.

I've been through blood tests, which may I add lots of people. Well, we kind of thought it was after any postpartum losing hair because it has been mainly since then. Since I've had Renly. So through the pregnancy, my hair was great. Yes. After having Renly, my hair started to fall out.

Yeah. Go a bit dull, which was the postpartum hair loss. Yes. So I do think that was normal. But we have continued to lose my hair. And lots of people have asked me about updates on my blood tests. I'm still going through lots of tests with regards to iron levels, thyroid, blood test. I've had fasting blood tests, non-fasting blood tests. I'm going through a whole lot of things

and they're unsure at the moment what is going on, but they have said something is going on. So we're just looking down all avenues. I have signed myself up to a gym because I feel like if I can look after my mind, that's going to look after everything else. So I'm looking after. I'm eating well to make sure I'm getting all the good vitamins from food and all of that. But we have done some digging because my hair is actually falling out quite drastically. And I get a scab. You'll probably notice through this video because this is on YouTube if you didn't know. You can go watch that.

I constantly itch my head, not because I've got knits or anything like that, been checked, had that all checked. But I get a really flaky scalp and it's really itchy and really dry. But it also did get a scab here on my little. little crowny bit and I pick it off all the time and it weeps, it itches it burns, it hurts. So I thought the best thing for me to do is just not do

anything with my hair. Don't blow dry it, don't straighten it. Well, you're trying to, no heat. No heat. Just leave it. That would be the best thing for you. When in fact in turn I think I've actually made it 10 times fucking worse. We think so. Because I can leave my hair in a claw clip for three days wet

and when I take it down in three days it's still wet. I don't know how that doesn't annoy you. It would It does. It inches my head. But I obviously just think, oh, bung it up in a claw clip. It'll be totally fine because, you know, I'm doing good bits for my hair when, in fact, you wouldn't leave a ball of clothing damp, wet, soaking wet in a ball and then just put it on in four days' time and go, this smells delicious. Because in fact, it smells like an accumulated fart packet. Yeah.

And you're not going to put it on because you will stink for the whole entire day, which you will gag at your own self. That's what I've done with my hair. Well, I mean, just be clear, it's not that, it's not that bad. I don't think my head smells. It's not smell. Horrible. Does it? I don't think, have you got close enough to sniff it?

No. I think this bit might sniff. No, it doesn't. So we're going to go through some tests. I'm going to do some dermological testing on my scalp. Yeah. But I've spoken to some professionals sent over some pictures and this is what we've advised. So I'm going to go on a little hair journey.

I'm going to take you along with me to grow it, booge it. But, yeah, my secret of the week is I have scalp. I have scalp mould on my head. Didn't even know it was a thing. Also, wouldn't recommend you Google in it. Mine's not as bad as Google, but Google is a little bit terrifying.

Is it? Yeah, slightly. Is it moldy? I don't know why I Google things. Yeah, but it's not like mould as in like fairy green mould, like you get in the house or like condensation mould. It's like a more of a, you know, when I was little when I used to get sunburn on my head

and I used to get those big scabs and like white bumps. It's a bit like, that but very aggressive very very aggressive okay so we're going to go down and we get the right treatment to to sort my head out but i didn't know also didn't know if it is it actually a real thing that your straighteners because there was divided in my comment section when i was talking about this as to old straighteners apparently don't have like the protective plates on them somebody was like it might be worth you treating yourself to some new straighteners because some straightness is so old that...

To be fair, newer technology now and things are fresh and that's a myth. Not that I'm undermining anybody in my comments, but it's very divided. There's lots of people saying mine are so old and my hair's wonderful and I think don't, if it's not broke, don't fix it. But other people are saying go with a bit of a modern pair. That's not a bad idea. So you're looking for some... So I'm trying to really not be overstimulated by my hair, which I am.

Yeah, well, because you've not had it down then, have you? So it's on your face, it's touching you, it's on your ears, it's a lot. Also, a lot of people did recommend me washing my hair twice a week because some days I can go, a good two weeks, we're not washing my hair. So I've bought myself a little stimulating brush. Nice. I've ordered some oils. Nice.

And I have also, I am going to wash it. Well, don't you? I've got to wash it. I've ordered some hair stuff from Amazon. So what you're saying is, Safina's coming back. She's, she's... You're not ready for the bad bitch that's about to return to your screens. She's revamping.

Fresh hair. Who's this? Because you're worth it? I may be a bodybuilder next week. I don't want to say anything. One week in the gym? Yeah. New hair.

I could be on the, um, get me on a stage, bodybuilder. You're okay. And I might have really, I might be the bodybuilder, Rapunzel. That would be my stage. Because your hair's grown so much. Yeah. Okay. So just watch the space.

I'm watching. Once it happens, it's over for you. You're not going to know. Bitches. Damn. She's coming. We all know this is not going to. Happy. New Year, New Year. We can't do New Year, New Year. We can't do New Year, New Me. It's not, it's just rolling. We don't ever do New Year New Year, do we. We just keep on rolling. We're never going to say goodbye to the old year because all we are. It's growing. Oh, we're allowed to do Christmas, but we're not allowed to New Year. There's rules with you and your Christmas celebrations all the time. We don't do new years. We don't do. Also, we just do fireworks at 8 o'clock on the telly from last year.

Yeah, we do. We do. Put it on YouTube. And done. Right, it's midnight. Let's go. Happy New Year. In fact, it's actually. That's for you mainly, so you can go to bed. 100%. Because you don't want to have children. No, I don't. So there we go. That is my secret of this week. So watch this space and we'll see you after this short break.

We've got three secrets from you we're going to be discussing this week. Soxan, let's take it away with number one, please. Hello, Sophie and Roxanne. I'm about to be a first-time mum after a long time of trying to conceive and I have a bit of a personal question. Did either of you do clostrum collection or perineal massage? So I did the clostrum with Renley collection. You did. But I did it right at the very end. Yes, when you're in the hospital? Yeah, I did it just before I went into the hospital. And then they were very wonderful in the hospital because I was in there 10 days before having him that I was doing

a collection in there and they were very supportive and that we were dating everything. And then I also was doing it when I had renters in, again, in the hospital because I was in there for another nine days. But I found the whole collecting the clostrum at home really overwhelming. Like I'd see people doing it because you never did it with all four. No. I used to, you know, have you seen ladies collecting it? And then they put it like in the little syringe and put them all in the freezer, all of those. But I found that really overwhelming because you have to date it all.

It's probably, if someone explained it to me, it was probably really simple. But I think when I watch people, I used to be like, Chuck, yeah, I can't do that. What if I got the wrong day or how do we then give it to the baby? But you then take it out and put it into your hospital bag and take it to the hospital with you. But yes, I did that. So then again, how long is it in your bag for,

are you allowed it? Like, do you need to take it out and put it in a fridge? But I think if you don't get to the hospital. If you get to the hospital and you're in labour, I guess you can take it for you. You can take it and put it in the fridge. But again, if someone can share some advice on that, That would be really helpful because I'd really love to share that because I never, I never understood it.

But yeah, like you, I was a bit like, well, what do I do when I get to the hospital and is it frozen? Do I need to defrost it? Because I don't always give birth immediately, do you? No. But again, I don't know what the process is when you get to the hospital. So that would be good to know. But perineal massage. Are you doing that beforehand?

So Perryneal, we've just been, Rose just confirmed, Perry Neal is the massaging where you massage yourself so that you limit tearing. Yes. So did you tear when you gave birth in any way? Do you remember if I teared? I feel like you have, I feel like you've been stitched up. Both boys. There we go. Both boys teared.

Which would both ones I was in on. Both second degree tears. Yeah. Yeah. Both of them. Dotty didn't tear. And I have had, I have as well. You got cut with Eden for the four steps to go in.

Definitely was Tobias as well. But I got cut with Colby and then tour with Colby. and then I Dotty was fine and then Renley just came out too fast and I tore pretty bad with So I've never heard of that but it would be interesting to...

I've heard of it but I would love to again would love to know if anybody... If I could have researched that to do that for that reason then I think I would have done it I feel like it's not a bad thing to do I think it would be lovely to pass on as well if somebody has done it or knows of anybody that's done it or does it sound like it's a big thing

to be able to do yourself if it would prevent and make things a little bit easier. Yeah. I feel like it would be a good thing to. But the perineal is where you massage yourself and I guess you could ask your partner to do it. I don't know how it works in that dynamic and I'm assuming that it's something you do for yourself. But yeah, it'd be interesting to know.

Again, I didn't really, I didn't really know about it. I knew of it but I didn't know what it was called. Yes. So I've heard it, but I've heard of it, but I didn't know. I think it's come up in like a movie once. hasn't seen in a movie but yeah I've never I never I never did it maybe if I did it I wouldn't have ripped torn front to back and had had stitches but I've healed great with both of mine again sometimes it's really hard to talk about your labour and what happened to your body because I

don't want to ever scaremonger anybody because Jess is probably quite I think you know Jess is a first time mum and my my fear is to never scaremonger anybody I felt absolutely no pain with Terran with either of mine that's just me personally I felt absolutely zero pain and I healed really wonderfully after both them. Renlees was a little bit longer and I did have a little bit of an infection but once I got antibiotics I was absolutely fine

so I don't want, you know, I'm very conscious that I don't want to scare longer anybody because my labours were, you know, in the grand scheme of things were great but yeah, if anybody has any advice we can share on to Dress, Jess. We would like to know. Yeah, we'd like to also know.

That would be wonderful. Thank you. And good luck with everything, Jess. Yes. Perfect for you. Definitely. Enjoy that first baby. First baby pregnancy. It's wonderful. Okay, let's have secret number two. Okay. Hey girls. My daughter is four and has been dancing for two years. Since starting dance, she has received Star of the Week twice, which is great. But her friends are receiving this award way more frequently. Don't get me wrong. I love that for them. But in reality, it's demoralising my daughter. Am I right to raise it with the dance school? I don't want to come across as that mum. Please help, Beth. I feel like you're the best one to answer this.

Well, we both are. We're both there. It's not different to at school and having Star of the Week at school. Yeah, I think what's hard is you go through... Dance football. Like, are you getting the trophy, you know, your man of the match? Yeah, I was going to say it's basically man of the match, isn't it? Yeah.

Yeah, and it is a hard one. I personally haven't ever brought it up. But then I'm also somebody that doesn't feel like when we speak to the children, And Dotty comes home and she's like, oh, so-and-so got a head teacher's award. And then, oh, you never guess. Dottie really loves to talk about it on a Friday who got it. And she is everyone's biggest hype queen. She is so happy and elated for everybody that gets in.

She's like, it's okay, because when my time will come, I'll get it. And if I don't get it, that's okay, because it doesn't make me feel any different. And I think because we talk about it so much with Colby's football, and I kind of, we talk about it because I don't want them to ever have that feeling of they're not worthy. Yeah, they're not worthy enough. So it's always something we've, and like when Colby started doing football, I was like, oh, they do man in the match. You may get it, you may not.

But that's okay if you don't because it doesn't make you any less of a really, you know, special player on the team. And it makes you just as equal as everybody else. But it's just a fun thing that they like to do. And sometimes it really helps the boys or the girls that are not so confident and it really helps boost their confidence. And I just say to Colby or Dotty, I'm like, oh, maybe it's just because you're really, really good.

You know, they can't, they can't shout about it because you're doing really great. Like, it's like a silent message. That might be wrong, but that's just my way of not having... Oh, I think you're relaxed about it. Children feeling disappointed. I think I'm, because I'm competitive. But I was back to say, you're on the other one.

Your Roxanne is insanely competitive. I, don't know, mine are more important than anybody else. No. But I feel like I would, if she's aware, I'm definitely aware that my child has not had it. And that would make me feel sad. I think it's because I never got it You were head girl

I was never even a prefect You had all the special roles at school I never had anything I never wore special badges at school I never got anything special I never got to have my Head Teachers Award I would watch Richie on the stage

And I think because that was And again that sounds like I'm being really dramatic And like trauma dumping But I think because that was never my life I know how wonderful I am Do you know what I mean? And I know that those little things don't mean anything in the grand scheme of life. Whereas you were, you were a head girl.

You were, you had all, you know, prefect in year nine. I was only deputy head girl, just to be clear. I'm not over it, but. She's the deputy of girl. But anyway, you were my head girl. Ritchie was a prefect, you know. So that was, that's cool. So you're saying you wouldn't say anything.

I personally don't, but I do tell the children that it's not important. turn. I would mention to the dance teacher. I feel like it's an equal thing. I just feel like as a teacher, it's not hard for them maybe to just keep a little list about who's had it or just be a little bit aware. Mindful. Yeah, because she would also be four. So she's potentially even not in year art. She's gone a long time as well. She is in year ar. Yeah. She's really, really diddy at school. So in the dance group, something you're going to remember a little bit is that other people are getting it. I feel like it wouldn't hurt just have a little mention. There you go. That's two different. Two sisters, one household, not together now, although I wish we were.

Two very different marks on it. Whatever you think you have to follow your heart and I think if you're asking. And if it's making you a little bit sad, then it doesn't hurt. You're not going in and being mean to her. You're just saying. Not saying she's better than anybody else. You would just like the little bit of recognition because she's aware of it. And it's coming from a place of love. Yeah. And I think if you're feeling it and asking means you kind of do want to say something. Yeah, I would. And I feel like you can bring it up really easily. Yeah.

In a nice way. But no, you go you, Beth. Go your little dancing princess. God, I love that. Right, should we have our last one? Yes, okay. Hello, girls. Just writing in with yet another toddler swearing secret.

Yes, these are my favorite. I recently went away to Poland with my partner, Josh, and our toddler. As we were getting off the plane, our three-year-old shouted, for fuck's sake, Josh. I don't know what's compelled him to say that But my partner must have been annoying me A few days later I spilt food down my white top While I was sorting lunch

And said, fucking hell To which my toddler replied Fucking hell, that's right, mummy Note to self, stop swearing in front of my three-year-old Clarice I actually love that though It's nothing brings me more joy than children swearing I think sometimes as well

And I know there's so much There's more important things in the world Than whether you're using a swear word around your child And I know it's not for everybody and some people are really, really against it. But I feel like there's no shade on either. If you don't like it, you don't like it. But if you do it, it doesn't really matter.

Like, it's not, you know, it's not hurting anybody. It's not really hurting anybody. It's not really hurting anybody. And I feel like you swearing at home is a different type of swearing to what's out in the big life world. Yeah, massively. You're like, oh, fuck, you know? Yeah. And they're like little parrots, aren't they?

Yeah. And they do it in the same, like, voice, don't they? And they use it in the context that you use it. You walk into the door, they say, oh, fuck, they walk into the car door. Oh, fuck. Or you come out of somewhere, stub your toe or drop something. They repeat the same motion with the word that you used, you know. Josh was obviously doing something, but he'd done and said, fuck you, mummy.

You know, he'd used a different name. So he'd gone with, fuck you, Josh. Yeah. But I love that so much. I love it. Maybe we're bad, though. Maybe we're bad because we love it. There's not many things in the day, though, that can make you laugh.

you've had fuck all sleep and then they just come out and they're like fuck and you're like okay this is worth it yeah this is this is worth the one hour sleep that I got last night this is worth you eating bisk off and being angry at me because I won't let you lick the inside of the freezer true story that was today when he was angry at me 10 to 3 this morning because I wouldn't allow him to lick inside the freezer and he wanted a bisk off and licking inside the freezer do you think if he did turn around he said fuck off I'm looking the freezer you're doing that if he turned around I said, fuck off, I'm looking at the free side. I'd be like, okay, too shy, my guy, you do that.

Defross that, baby! It just brings me an insane amount of joy. Yeah. But thank you, Clarice, so much. And please, I don't, please don't stop swearing around him. Because it will just, it will just never get old, this. It's not going to hurt anybody. No, I don't think so.

So thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. If you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. Email hello at secretmumpod.com or we're SecretMumPod on TikTok and Instagram. Are you a present-finding cheesy younger sister? Or are you a patient, chalky, older sister? Let us know there really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode.

And we'll see you next time on their Secret Mum Club! Thank you.