Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The School Collection Calamity

Episode Date: October 8, 2026

Your stories of school pickups gone wrong keep on coming, and this week Soph and Emma are hearing from a listener whose dad sat diligently waiting for her after a school trip... outside her old school. Oops! Plus, the ladies discuss how to keep worry at bay for big milestones in your children's lives, and how to create an eomtionally open space to let boys know it's okay for them to cry too. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And welcome to your Thursday's episode. Where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week. We did have a tease because I got to squeeze your bits last week. Guess what, guys? Surprise.

We're back home. Actually, this though, isn't me or Emma, I would say. We're going to blame this one solely on Maz because our producer has currently gone to Japan on a honeymoon. Selfish. I mean, no, I'd actually think it was because I was so late to the rest of the rest of. record last week that we couldn't fit this one in. So we've had to jump on and do it from home. Sorry. I mean, it's a bit of both. But all of your comments, thoughts, questions and fun stories to keep you going through the weekend.

Shall we jump on in? It's time for another. That one actually sounded really great for me, but I'm going to say, you're going to say no. It felt good for me. No, I did just listen to an episode in the gym, of course, where we have to to listen to us. We had to sing high school musical and it was horrific. Sorry that we had to do that to you. Sorry.

We could have taken it in turns, couldn't we? We could have taken the line each, yeah. Yeah, we could have. But we didn't because it's fucking fun as fuck. Right. Do you want to take it away, honey? Okay, this comes from Pippa in Wiltshire.

Oh, hello Pippa. Sub bitches? Does she? Yeah. I thought Pippa in Wiltshire sounded so proper and then she just goes in with Sopi! Maybe that's what she doesn't want you to know.

Maybe she doesn't want you to do the judge a book by its cover. You go Pippa, you go Wiltshire and you think, oh, what a prim proper. I mean, she can still be and just be like, sub, be itchia. Yeah, it's actually beat arches. Beaches. There we go. That's given very bouchet, Pippa. And also, we should never judge.

We should never judge. Never judge a Pippa by their cover. Doesn't matter where you're from. I always think, do you know a lady called Lydia? Millen on social media. No. She's very, very, um, boogey. Like, she's real bougie and I'm obsessed with her.

She's not my demographic. Well, she could be. She does gardening and she does lovely stuff. She's got this really wonderful voice. And, like, what is, it's not an accent, is it? Like, um, she speaks like proper. Like the Queen's English. The Queen's, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. I'm obsessed with her, right? But when she swears, God, do I eat it up? She swears. It just, it just, it just. She'll go, oh, bollocks. And I'm like, oh, yes, go on. You know?

Just brings me a lot of joy. Oh, fuck. Yes. It's so much better in a posh, like a posh voice, isn't it? Well, it's just better when it's unexpected, isn't it? I think. Yeah. You know, it's nice little shock.

Right. But Pippa, we shouldn't, we shouldn't assume. I'm so sorry, my darling. Sorry, yeah. Your bitch. Stop bitch. She says, my youngest Charlie started sixth form this year. He went to a school where none of his friends went, so he didn't know anyone.

It's been a tough start and we've had tears. Yep, even at 16, they still cry to you when they need you. Oh, we talked it through and he decided to stay. He's since plucked up the courage to speak to some of the other young people in his classes and has started to make new friends. So this worry never goes away. I found this hard because my boys are so different. My oldest, keen, I could have sent off with the postman from being a toddler

and he would have never looked back. But Charlie has always been for his mum. It's so true what they say. No two children are ever the same and what works for one won't work for another. Once I accepted this and realized I'm not the only one winging it with each of them, I became a much happier mum. Keep winging it and know that we are all doing what we think is best for our babies. Lots of love, Pippa. Oh, Pippa.

All of that at the start and sup bitches and then she just fuss in with beautiful Charlie. It was beautifully written because she went from sup bitches and made me laugh to nearly making me cry. Cry. Your 16-year-old still going to come home and cry to you. Oh. It's too much, isn't it? What a lad as well. what a lad to just not be afraid of.

And I love that. I really love not only embracing our teenagers' emotions, but the boys. Like we always talk about the girls and the girls' emotion and it's, you know, it's deemed that it's okay for girls to cry. Fuck that shit. It's okay for anyone to cry.

We're all fucking human. We all bleed exactly the same. So why are we not supporting and embracing a man when they cry? Like, it just, I just don't get the narrative that, you know, men shouldn't cry you're too hard you shouldn't cry no fuck that fuck that and pipa's just created such a wonderful space for charlie to feel all that and you know um her eldest son as well i just i just think that's that's credit to her isn't it's yeah it's so fascinating as well how they can turn out so differently like i was literally

saying this to someone yesterday i was like joseph and sadie are such different children i think sadie would be like pipa's oldest like not you know not worried so confident like she'll go off, she'll get stuck in, get involved in anything. And Joseph is, like, so sensitive and so wary. And he's proven us, like, proven us wrong now, like going off and doing all these things, like starting a new school and settling in and making friends and stuff. But they just continue to surprise you, don't they? Every day.

Well, I say, Miss Colbs and Dart, like, they are just chalk and cheese. Like, they are so completely different. But what is so baffling is they are so completely different that they're also so alike. do you know what I mean by that? Like they do little things like I don't know how to like when they brush their teeth they brush their teeth

and they load their brush the same put their brush in the tub with the same hand and sometimes I am watching only their hands where they're brushing their teeth and I get so confused with which one's which and then I'm like that's so so weird but where obviously they're watching each other while they're brushing their teeth

they're doing the motion the same but then they go out into the big wide world and they couldn't be any further different. Like Colby is really sensitive. He's a real home bod. He loves routine, loves structure. He's really like out there with his food. Whereas Dotty couldn't give a shit about any routine.

She'll rock up late every single day. Doesn't give a fuck. She'll talk to whoever, wherever, whatever. She'll tell someone, I love you. I love your hair. I love your handbag. Love your shoes. And Colby just stands there like, why are you talking to a stranger?

Why are you talking to a stranger? talk to a stranger, you're getting trouble if you talk to, and you're like, we've got to, we've got to test our boundaries there, but yeah, I just love, but love that. And she's created such a safe space for them to just be who they want to be and feel every emotion. And look at him, he's fucking smashing it. He's gone out and he's met new friends. That's a hard time to start as well as sixth form, isn't it? Because they might already know each other and he's kind of just coming in as like the outsider. And it's an awkward age. It's an awkward time to be like, hello do you want to be my friend whereas like in reception they all just get stuck in like

yeah there's no groups they don't know it's a free-for-all but 16 is it's hard so it's brave of him to do that the older they get the harder it gets I think even trying to establish a relationship with new people at 13 sorry at 11 in secondary school like my concern was always I need to swap dotty school now because the last thing I want to do is try and do it in year 7 of secondary school because even that's hard. And I just think the older you get throughout life, it's so much harder to make friends. But this is such a wonderful thing

for him to be able to establish right now, isn't it? Yeah, definitely. Any child that's going out and establishing relationships on their own at this age just means they're going to fucking be great. And it'll be so much easier. Like if he does choose to go to university or whatever, like he will have those skills already.

He'll be like, you know, more confident, good at getting to know new people. I was like, help, I'm so shy. I don't know how to talk to people. I'm sorry. But he'll be great. Yes. Thank you, Pippa, so much.

And massive shout out to Charlie and your older son as well. That's just, they're just phenomenal, aren't they? Yeah. All right, we've got another message here. It says, hi, lovely ladies. Longtime listener, but this is the first time I've written in. Listening to Emma talk about not collecting Joseph reminded me of my lovely dad. This isn't going to go away, is it?

This is not looking good, brough. It's not looking good, bray. She said I was 12 and I just started secondary school and I went to see a show in London. We were due to be collected from the school after the coach drop off at about 11pm. My dad was collecting me and all of the other children had parents waiting, but my dad was nowhere to be seen. This was in the early 90s, so mobiles weren't really around. I waited for ages with my teacher who eventually called home. Turns out my dad had forgotten I changed schools.

Oh, shit, shit, shit. I was sat outside my middle school wondering where I was. Oh, I got driven home by the teacher in the end, mortifying. This is neat. I'm absolutely mortified to have to sit in the car with your teacher. Oh, God. I don't think this is as bad as yours, Emma. He turned up, imagine him sat in the, he had gone to her school, sat in the car for God knows how long and waited.

What an absolute sweetheart. He just got the school wrong. Yeah, but he didn't forget her. He didn't forget to pick her up. No, okay, I'm worse. I'm worse. It's okay. It's fine.

I get it. I get it. But in those days, you couldn't just text him and be like, Dad, what school are you at? Remember, it's a different one now. He must have thought, oh, they're stuck in a bit of traffic. Yeah, he might have been there. He might have thought, oh, I'm smashing this.

I'm early. I'm going to see the coach come in. Weren't in the right place. That's the kind of thing that would happen to me. But in those days, right, so if they rang home and no one was at home, they would have actually... He would have actually be able to get a hold of him at all. No.

No. This is what blows my mind about not having well. mobile phones? And then what? And then does he just go home? And what did you do back in the day then? So what did you do in that scenario? Because there would have been no one at the school for you to ask because it wasn't the right school. Exactly. So he's just sitting there thinking, I don't know how I've got this so wrong. Would he have gone to a pay phone? No, because he wouldn't even even known to phone the right school. And how did he phone them? Because they weren't, they didn't have a mobile that he could phone them on. You've just got to trust the school's going to return your child. He's just like,

go home and just wait, well, hopefully she turns up. But I need to know how did you cope? Maybe we need to get Steve and Nick in. We need to know. What did they do? I would love to have them on. Because I've asked my mum and dad things like this in the past. Like, when you used to go meet up with people,

yeah, you just had to be where you said you were going to be there. Like, I think I've told this story on the podcast before. I said, I could have had a different dad. I could have not even been born because my mum was meant to go on a date with someone, but her bus was late and she couldn't get there. So he thought that she stood him up and just, went home and then they never ended up going out of each other because he was like, she stood me up.

But she could have texted him going, I am coming, but my bus is late. But she couldn't. So she went there and he'd left? Oh, fuck. And then what do you do? Do you then get home and have to phone them on a landline and say, sorry? Sorry, I did go there. And then they see you at school and they go, no, fuck you.

You stood me up on the weekend. You bitch? You bitch? She's like, oh, actually really did like you. Steve. Oh my life. Anyway, the letter says I'm 51 now with my own daughter and grandson, but I never let my dad forget his pick up blunder. Thanks for the laughs, ladies. You're both amazing. Lots of love Emma from High Wickham. Emma, what the hellie. I need to know more. Maybe we need to get your dad on, although he might not know that you've shared this story with us,

and it might be trauma for him. He might not have ever, ever got over it. But how strange? I just got to rely on a teacher to bring your child back. And when people say like, oh, it's better in my day. No, it fucking wasn't. This is shit. You can't just text your child and be like, where the hell are you? Yeah. It's a madness.

It is a madness. When you actually deep it, it's actually wild. Yeah. I mean, I'm glad to them all for getting through it, really. I, obviously, when I used to meet my friends, my parents used to say, come in when the streetlights come on. I never listened, obviously. I used to say, oh, sorry, I had sunglasses on.

I realised how dark it was. I did use pay phones though, did you? Yeah, I did reverse charge though. I never had any money. Reverse charge. Oh, my bus has been cancelled. Can you come pick me up from town? Yes.

Why are you in town? You said you were at Sheila's house. Me and Sheila, we got a bus to tell. What I haven't also told you is that I'm pissed. Because I stole my sister's idea and I've been raving it up. I've been in the park with a white lightning and a blunt. with a box of 10 sovereign black and a bag of 20

bag of 2020 what the fuck a bottle of 2020 what the fuck I didn't have a bag of nothing kids don't do drugs okay don't do drugs it's not cool no one thinks drugs are cool okay anywho this took a turn so thank you for your lovely messages

if you have any comments thoughts or funny stories just like me then why not get in touch you can email us hello at secret mumpod or with Secret MumPod on TikTok and Instagram. And next, I've just shared a secret. So we're going to listen to one of yours. Welcome back.

We love a secret on the Secret Mum Club. And you're all so good at sharing. So Emma, what have you got for me today? Okay, this comes from Anonymous. It says, hi, Sophie and Emma. I'm hoping you can help me because I'm currently having a full-blown crisis about going back to work. My daughter is turning one in a few weeks, which means my maternity leave is coming to an end.

And I'm going back to work as a team. teacher. She'll be at nursery three days a week and with her grandparents for two, which I know is a lovely situation, so why do I feel like I'm abandoning her on a desert island? She's basically been with me every day since she was born, apart from the odd day here and there. So I'm absolutely terrified about that first nursery drop-off. I'm already imagining her crying as I leave, and then I'll spend the entire day convinced she's still crying and asking, where's mummy while I'm sat at work, sobbing into my lunch. I'm also scared of her missing me as much as I'll miss her. The annoying thing is, I know nursery will be brilliant for her.

She absolutely thrives around other children. We were at the football field yesterday, and she was playing with two older children laughing and interacting with them, and I could literally see her little social skills developing in front of me. It made me realise how much she's going to love nursery. So I know, rationally, that this is a really positive thing for her. But emotionally, I am not okay. I feel like I'm wasting the last few weeks of my maternity leave

because instead of enjoying them, I'm constantly thinking about going back to work and leaving her. How do I stop worrying about the nursery drop-off and actually enjoy these last few weeks with her. I love the podcast and would be so grateful for any advice from one very anxious mum. Truth is, me personally, there's multiple things I've done to try and stop it and I can't. And I only go from one worry to another worry. I've spent the last week worrying about what to do about Renly's preschool, sorry,

and also applying for Colby's secondary school. And it's just the worries are equal. The worries are the same. But I've just gone from one worry to another worry. And personally, I don't think they go away. I mean, we can do things to distract ourselves. But sometimes until you're in it and it is happening, it's not, my only advice would be it's not worth worrying about.

I've spent so much worrying about leading up to things. And then when push comes to shove, it either goes one way or the other. But I think sometimes if I just waited until it actually happened or waited till that first day, then I'll deal with it then. And in some scenarios, I've been able to do that. And others I haven't been able to do that. But I think it's easy for us to say, don't worry about it. Just wait until she starts nursery. But then that's the cliche, you know, that's the cliche.

It's easier than done, isn't it? Yeah. And I think it's really, really natural to worry about the unknown. Because you don't know yet what to expect or how it's going to happen, whether she's going to love it, whether she's going to hate it. It's really hard then to find rationale in your head. So as much as I want to sit here and say, don't worry about it, I say, feel the feelings. Sok her up. If you're having days where you're slowing down, you're sitting at home more, you're watching the telly a little bit longer.

you're having later nights to bed and you're doing things that are really out of what would be your normal, let's say. I say, feel them feels. Soak it all in because regardless of whether you're out every day or you're not or you feel like you're wasting your time, you're probably over-emphasising which she is actually getting more of your time. So without knowing it, I think subconsciously, we give them so much more of us than what we realize, but then we go to bed and we go, I didn't do anything today because I've basically just hugged all day because I've been sad. So I just think, feel all the feelings, feel the emotions that you're feeling, you'll find a way to rationale. You've got a few weeks to find some normal.

But personally, I think until you're living it and it's your every day, it's really hard to give advice. Yeah, it's one of those things, isn't it? I think it's like such a universal experience that like we can't take the worry away. from you and I think you're right like just feel it it's so normal who wouldn't feel anxious going back to work and putting their child in nursery for the first time like they're these are really big things they're really big things for you to get used to it's a really big thing for her to get used to one thing I would say is like I think sometimes we catastrophes and we worry more and it's worse for us than it is for them and as brutal as it sounds like it probably will be hard

going in the first couple of times but actually once she's in there she will probably be fine and probably won't think about you much all day. I dropped Sadie off this morning and she was crying and I leave thinking, oh God, you know, it really plays on my mind. But they, she's on to the next thing then. Good to hear the nursery worker saying to her, do you want to go and play with the dollies? And she's like, yeah, do you want to go see your friends? Yeah. She'll get in there. She'll be on to the next thing. She'll be having a wail of a time until she gets picked up and, and then you'll be back together at the end of the day and it'll be worth it. And obviously, you have to go back to work. you know, a lot of people don't have a choice.

So it's one of those things that I think you'll both just get used to and it will be hard at the start. But I think, you know, it's just... It's finding your new... It'll get easier over time. Yeah. It's finding the new normal, isn't it? And I think you're so right in that it's 100%.

It's 100%... Well, I say actually, no, I'll give myself some credit. 95% of it is me because readily is too little to understand. Obviously, we've gone through our whole preschool decision at the moment. And I know the majority of it is me because he hasn't got that element in his head to worry about the things I'm worrying about. He just knows that mommy and daddy aren't there. And to him, that's his whole life.

But I also do think that it's really good to have time away from the children. I think we can get so consumed and wrapped up in being a mum that I don't know sometimes if we even notice how consumed we are with the children until you go out. and you see a friend for a coffee or you go back into work. And sometimes you don't realize how much of that bit of going back to work you actually needed or in other respects don't actually need. So I think being that she's going into nursery and you're going back to work, you've got a distraction.

Hopefully having some adult conversation and some time for you is going to be fantastic for you. But also it's filling up your cup to be the best version of yourself for your little girl. And I think that's really, really important. I think, again, there's so much talk about us as mums. We have to fill our cup up by going to have our hair done, our nails done, or go into a spa or doing something really lovely and lavish. When, in fact, we can get other ways to fill our cup up by maybe just going to do the food shop and it's not stressful or going to work and you've had a whole conversation with adults all day or, you know, something like that that's not, it's not flash. It's not beautifying ourselves. but it's filling our cup up, which then makes you, one, feel incredible about yourself,

but two, go home and be the best version of yourself for your daughter. But also, the space between you gives you so much more stabling of your relationship. And I think sometimes we take that for granted. So it means that you going to work means you're going to both miss each other. And it's going to be so wonderful when you get the time after school and after work or at the weekends, you savour that time up and just feels a little bit more special, doesn't it? Yeah. And she's lucky she's going to have a couple of days with her grandparents as well, which is lovely.

Yeah. So I think try not to worry about it. I'm giving you advice as to try and look at the positives from it as to what you can take leading up to it now, you know, what bits you can think about that can be positive. Not everybody has the luxury to stay at home. But I just think, feel all your feels. soak it all up and keep us posted. Let us know how she's settling into nursery, how you're settling back into work. Keep us posting on how she's doing. We'd love to hear about it.

And again, if anybody does have any advice that we can pass on to our anonymous, anonymous mum are looking for some advice. That would be absolutely appreciated always. And if you've got a secret you want to share, we want to hear it. You can email us hello at secretmanpod.com or with Secretmanpod on TikTok, and Instagram. And we'll be back first thing on Tuesday. We'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mom Club.