Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The School Debate

Episode Date: December 4, 2025

Soph and Emma help a listener weigh up the pros and cons of sending their little one to a tiny rural school (with a class dog!) versus a bigger local school with more resources. Plus, colostrum collection tips and a touching letter that reminds them just how lucky we are to lead the lives we do. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina and I'm Emma and welcome to your Thursday's episode where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week. I love that you wink me before I even get there. All your comments, thoughts, questions and fun stories. Keep you going through the weekend. Shall we jump on in? We need to announce something just really quickly before we get into our correspondence.

Connor. What is it? It's officially your last day. I know here. I'm leaving. Goodbye. This is the official announcement. This is,

see ya! Just letting you all know this will be my last show. Oh, I missed my last show in absolute today. Literally, I've come straight from there. We'd like to thank you for your service. Yeah.

You've been fantastic. Chris will really miss you. Willie. Because I don't listen to you on the radio. Does he listen? Yeah, he does. It was really surprises me when my friends message me and they like reference something

they've just heard on the radio. And I go, oh, people are actually listening. You forget. Chris messages me Like today's been messaging me Like oh Well this morning Before we listened in the car

He was like Oh I wonder if Emma's commuting today Wonder how she's gonna get on I was like It's actually weird Why are you asking me So invested I love it

So invested in your life And then he was like Nope She's on her last day today Yeah Yeah So he'll get me the low down I'm not a radio gal

No I know I had to tell Stefan to listen Because he wouldn't normally be listening And I was like You better you're bloody Get me on in the morning On the school run But the kids don't give a shit

Do they know that it's you in their car? Yeah, but they're not like, oh my God, mommy's voices on the radio. They'll just be like, per Spideon. Like, they don't care. Nursery rhymes. They really don't care. Ro, row, row your boat. I've tried to show them Stefan on TV before and I'm like, look, it's daddy.

And they're just like, yeah, we see them all the time. Yeah. Like, no, nothing new here. Big deal. We know his face. Yeah. I thought I might cry, but I didn't. But I was, I seriously am, you know, all jokes aside.

It is emotional because it's been a big part of my life. Yeah, it's been a long time. Yeah. And like, we've been through. everything together that team. Marriages, births, house moves, like the whole chabot. Spending time with your ex. Yeah.

Spending time with my ex, their exes. So no, yeah, it's a big day. It's nice to come here and have some comfort and normality. You know? Yeah. This is home now. It is. You're very welcome here.

This is my London home. Also, not forgetting to tune in to the big one. Yeah. Oh, have you got next week? Yeah. Tune in. Sisters surprises out. I'm going to share it.

I'm not going to, I'm going to tease you, tease you with a little bit of tantalising. Stay tuned. I can't wait to hear about that. I'm excited to tell you. I'm just thrilled you all made it without letting the cat. To be fair, I'm actually thrilled that I kept all 13 of us safe and well. Yeah. I don't know how I managed it.

Yeah, everyone made it back. It wasn't like home alone. No, no. We didn't leave anyone at home, nor did we leave anyone in Paris. So that is all you're getting. Good. Tune in to Tuesday. Talk it up as a win.

It's time for the. Correspondence. Connor That was lovely, wasn't that? Sexual. So, let's have our first one, Emma. What have you got? Okay, this is from Jessica and Baby Robert in Ireland.

Hello, Jessica and Baby Robert. It says hello again, lovely ladies. You were such a great help when I wrote in a few months ago about weaning my little man onto solids, so I thought I'd pass on a bit of my own wisdom to another mum who wrote in about colostrum collection. Yes! I heard you and Roxanne talking about this

and I was like chomping at the bit. I was listening to the podcast and I was like, I have to remember that I don't have a microphone now. But I want it to be like, girls, girls, I'm here. I've got a story to tell you about this. All right, so Jessica says, if you can do it, it's incredibly helpful in those early days. My son was tongue-tied and really struggled with breastfeeding at first. They're having syringes of colostrum really made a big difference.

Yeah. I collected it two ways, hand-expressing for about 10 minutes once a day. And wearing collection shells. What? I've never heard of this. They're little silicone cups that sit in your bra and gather any leaks. Definitely bring it to the hospital frozen. It defrosts quickly in warm water.

I hope this helps any moms who might need it. Oh, and then it won't be cold for the baby as well because it'll be warmed up. Yeah, and also I think because it's such small amounts. It's like one mill, is it? It's like a one mill in a syringe. So that's going to defrost in no time. It's not trying to defrost like a big lump of spag bowl, do you know what I mean? Or mince, mate, exactly.

That takes fucking hours, done it. Yeah. Nothing more boring than wait for mince to defrost. And then you put it in the fridge, don't you? And all the blood just seeps out and you're like, fuck. Yeah, I don't want to eat that anymore. I'm done that. Yeah, I don't know whether I probably told you at the time, but they lost my, um,

I think you did tell you. So when you and Roxanne were talking about it and saying, like, take it to the hospital and give it to them. In future, I would keep it in my own cool bag and keep it with me. But I thought the best thing to do was to keep it fresh. I was like, can you put this in your fridge? Okay. And then I just never got it back. If you were to put it in like a little cool bag, keep that in your room, it's going to be okay in the cool bag? I mean, obviously it depends how long your birth is going to take. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. What if it's like 20 hours? It might be days. It might be hours. I mean, obviously you don't know. But I... Can you imagine, contract, it's like, it's been 24 hours. The coverage is going to go off. Yeah. Well, I obviously was having a plan to Zerian. So I kind of knew within a frame of about like 12 hours. Like it was going to be done.

So for me, I think having it in a cool bag with an ice pack, like would have been absolutely fine. Right. But yeah, she never got it, which I was devastated about because collecting it is like, it's a process. It's a process. And it's not hard work. Like mine did come quite easily, but I've still sat down and like done that.

And it's a feeling. of her having that and it's so, so, yeah, so good for them. Although having said that when I did give it to Joseph, he was such a greedy little boy that I used to be like, oh, I won't feed him milk this time, I'll just give him a quick bit of cholesterol because I wanted him to get the goodness in him. And I'd put that syringe in his mouth, it'd be gone like that. And then it'd be like, weh, eh, like it was never enough because he was just a hungry, hungry baby. But yeah, if you can do it, I think it's great.

It is a process, isn't it, when you're going in? because some people can have up to like a three-day labour, can't they? Yeah, I don't know what you can do. Well, I was having contractions for nine days with renters. Obviously not. I wasn't an active labour. Yeah, but what would you have done? Yeah, what would I have done?

But then I guess I was very lucky that Chris could have brought it up at the stages to which they were inducing us. But had I have naturally gone into labour, I don't know what you would do. No. I mean, I guess I was just unlucky, like in most hospitals, I'm sure it's fine. But it was just one of those things that... I can vouch for the princess and they were at. Absolutely phenomenal when I was in the gloucesterium.

No, to be fair with you, because obviously I was then expressing when I was in the hospital, because he was obviously down in the NICU, it was easy for me to sit upstairs, pump it, put the sticker on it, and then they put it in the fridge. And they were wonderful, like everything was all labelled in the fridge. So I do feel like I was very lucky, but then I don't know whether my experience was different because I was in the hospital for so long prior. I mean, they knew you by name, didn't they? Oh, it was pretty much a piece of the.

the furniture. Yeah, I knew all the staff. Yeah, exactly. I will say as well, like, not everyone will produce the same amount. So if you're listening to this and thinking, like, oh, I'm not really getting anything out. Like, it's not because there's nothing wrong or you're not failing or anything like that. It's just, as with anything, like some people produce more, some people comes in later. It's just, it depends on a person. And is it more when you have another? So the more babies you have, does it then come more naturally to come out? I don't know. Mine came in at like the same, around the same time. I think I started doing it at like 30. weeks

with both of them but the process was easier because I knew what I was doing so at first I was just like with Joseph I was just like squeezing my nipples thinking like

is anything going to come out? You feel and you feel weird don't you? Because you're sat there by yourself with no other babies because it's your first baby and you're like am I doing this?

Is this the right thing to do? And you're not supposed to do it too early because it can start labour stimulate labour yeah so yeah it's I watched some YouTube videos I was just about to say

I was watching YouTube with Renner's but I obviously I wasn't I wasn't interested with the other two so I never knew what I was doing but when I got them pumps on there and started sucking that stuff that was coming out like gold

Yeah gold dust Literally milk belt Liquid gold Oh well congratulations to Jessica And baby Robert And thank you That's wonderful advice Maybe we need to look into

Nipple Yeah the cups I mean I don't want them now I'm okay No but for any other people Yeah have a look up They're like the little silver cups You have when you've got sore nip

I imagine our women's search drive when we're about to give birth. The things we search when we're... Nipple cups. Nipple cups, for collecting milk. Yeah. Did you have the silver ones when you were feeding? What, nipple cups? After the baby was born.

Little silver cups you put on your nipples. No. They had those as well. What weird contraption. I did. I did go through the face of cabbage leaves of the colby. Did you? And I was wearing out...

And I honestly smelled like a stew for about six weeks. Frozen ones. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it was hot because it was, he was all in August baby. So I was wearing these cabbage leaves, the heat of my hormones all over the fucking place. And then you smell like rotting cabbage.

I smelled like, I didn't know whether it was a Sunday roast or a manure filled. It's a very weird sensation. I bypassed it on Dottie. I redoubt the pain. Yeah. Just put some cold flannels on them. Yeah. Yeah.

God, the things we go through. I know. I know. Right. Should you have another one? Yeah. Nick A is also written in about her colostrum experience. Says, ladies, with my first, I was induced.

So I took my colostrum filled syringes in a little. in a labelled bag with my NHS number. Go on, girl. The midwives kept them in the freezer. Three days and an emergency C-section later, they'd just defrost them when I needed them. One midwife even used a genius little trick. She lifted my boob and popped the frozen syringe underneath.

Under one, yes. To defrost with my body thing. Yes. I was going to say as well, that's funny you should say that because I'd literally just come to my mind then as she was saying that, is that's what they told me to do. Oh, did they? Yeah.

Or even to warm, because I had some syringes of milk, just to warm it naturally for renters before I was going downstairs. And then it's your body temperature. And it's at body temperature, so it's a perfect temperature for them. That's great advice. That's really clever. That is great advice. And it seems she's had a great experience.

Really good experience. Yeah. Yes. Thanks, Nikki. Okay. One last message here. It says, hello, Sife and Emma. I recently heard the message from the listener who felt unfulfilled at 30 because

they didn't have kids, marriage or a partner. I wanted to share my own experience. This was the lady with the wonderful career. Yes. She was doing a degree. Yeah. Yeah. But living with her parents.

friends were all getting married, having kids, that kind of thing. It says, I'm in my 40s now and I've often wrestled with the same feelings. I've had relationships, but for various reasons they haven't worked out. Of course, I'd love a relationship and a family, even though people tell me I'm getting too old. But today I can honestly say I've never been happier. Happiness isn't defined by what society says we should have. It's about finding contentment in your own journey. Thank you for creating such a wonderful community.

Lots of love, Fiona, living on the Orkney Islands. That actually made me a little bit emotional because that's so powerful. isn't it? I think we get so wrapped up in what society tells us we should be doing, like the moment you get married, a year later you're expected to be pregnant. And even in that scenario, that's not always the case. But I think there's so much in that we have to have the right partner and we have to have the perfect family and we have to go through these systems of life. Whereas that would have been back in our parents' day, you know, when our mum and dad's got married. That's what it was expected of them. But now we live in a generation where it's

actually power to us. Power to the individual. You can actually do what makes you happy. And also, like, that's with everything. Yes. So many things. That's whoever you want to be, whether you're, whatever journey, whoever you want to be with, whoever you want to be, the career you want to take, whether you want to earn loads

the money or no more. It's such a wonderful space for just being who the fuck we want to be. Whereas back then, like in the 80s, the things we're going through now, that would have been frowned upon. Yeah. And you can see like where people did like go through the. motions and be like, well, I should get married, have a baby. Where in a lot of cases, that turned out, that ended in disaster

because it wasn't what people actually wanted to do. Yeah, yeah. You know? But I love that, Fiona. Thank you so much. And I hope that makes others feel, you know, less alone. Yeah. Because it is scary.

But if you're, the priority is that you're happy and you're doing everything that you want to. And I know it's hard to watch other people and how they're going through their life. But the most important thing is you. Because I think there is a bit of like, well, herd mentality is a thing, isn't it? Like, you want to fall in line with. what everyone else is doing because it kind of makes you feel normal and it makes you feel part of something

but that might not actually be what you want that's what I'm saying you're toying with yourself then because you're not that's not actually or settling for the wrong person and then having children with the wrong person just because that's what was felt the done thing to do

when in fact if you are happy everything else will fall everything else will fall in line yeah go the girlies and the boys because there is boys here too yeah pick up our bad selves I say some of the boys a handful of boys but you do you because nobody does you

like better than you yeah yeah tell me you don't watch my TikToks with that I'm getting thank you ladies that's so lovely Orkney Islands as well where's that

Scotland? Yeah like far far away so wonderful I bet it's beautiful up there oh I really want to go to Scotland it's going to be on my 2026 it's been on mine and Stefan's list for ages but Fiona I don't know if you can get back in touch

with a bit of travel advice but the journey is putting us off because it is so far away. Can you get a train? I feel like we can get a train. We should do passports, please. We should ask them, shouldn't we? We need another collab.

It really is at the top of Scotland, isn't it? Wow. Fryke, it's near Norway. Wow, it's leaving a little bit off of Scotland too. It's an island. Yes. Sorry. Clues in the name.

Hang on, it's surrounded by the sea. What, the North Sea? Oh, I really, it's going to be on my next year. I bet that's stunning. I'm going to go. And I hope I get snowed in. Do you? So anyone listening from Scotland are Fiona, let me know where I can go.

Maybe I'll just tour Scotland. Toring as in... I'd love to do a camper van trip. Yes. Oh my gosh. Should we take the podcast? Should we go on a tour? Yeah.

SMC on the road. Plus all our families. SMC and all the children. Maybe not Stefan though because he's really busy. Yeah, no. He won't. He's actually busy on that day. So busy that day.

He won't be able to make it. So thank you for your messages. If you have any comments, thoughts or funny story. Why not get in touch? You can email us hello at secret mumpod.com or with Secret MumPod on TikTok and Instagram. Next is time for one of your secrets. Welcome back.

We love a secret on the Secret Mum Club. And you are all so good at sharing. What have you got for us today, Emma? Okay, this comes from Sarah in North Norfolk. Hello, Sarah. North Norfolk. That's a mouthful, isn't it? North Norfolk.

North Norfolk. Yeah. Partridge is from. Is he? I don't know if I know Alan Partridge is. You do. Do I? Yeah, the like comedy character.

Steve Coogan. You know? He's like, uh-huh. I don't know if I know Alan Partridge. You do. Okay. Okay. Okay.

All right, it says, hi ladies. My son starts school next September. I always assumed we'd choose the closest school. It's a five-minute walk. I went there. My mum went there. And it all seemed straightforward. But we visited other schools just in case.

And now I've fallen in love with a rural village school 3.5 miles away. It's tiny. Only 10 pupils in next year's reception. Oh, with mixed age classes, loads of outdoor space, a huge covered sandpit and nature trail, child-led topics. They even have a school dog. Stop it. Oh my gosh. I'm moving. I'm moving to North Norfolk. We're all going to North Norfolk. The headteacher completely sold it to me. We're in the catchment, but my dilemma is the drive. It should be 10 to 15 minutes each way, but it's a narrow back road with limited passing places. There's before and after school care which helps, but it's a seven-year commitment to drive it. every day. There's no public transport and taxes here are unreliable so a car breakdown could be a real problem. The local school is much bigger, two reception classes of up to 30 and people say larger schools have more funding and resources, but the smaller school feels more personal and child-centred. I did worry about mixed classes, but they group by ability not age and say it works brilliantly. Yes. I'm so torn. What would you do? I would make the commitment. I would do it, I think I would do it because I think you'll regret it. I think you're regret it. I think

you regret it and I think as well because the other school is so close to you if that school doesn't work out you can always do an in-year transfer or transfer when what would be the infant to junior split which is what we obviously did with Colby yes but that was two different schools wasn't it it was two different schools but for me that felt like the next stage up so year one two and sorry year R one and two felt like a little bit more babyish where year three then gets a little bit more serious. So if you were ever feeling any doubt, yes, I know it's three years.

But there is the option to transfer. And I think if your heart is telling you the rural school, I think you have to give it a try. Sounds absolutely beautiful. I've actually, my friend had her children in the exact same setting, a little bit up the line from us, her two children in the same classroom, which I don't know if the setting was ability or so forth.

I quite like the idea of ability. but then I also do worry about it cutting off, making a divide. That would be my only concern is how the divide would feel because the school is obviously tiny so I don't know that you would notice a change but obviously you wouldn't want your child

to go into the school and be like, you're in the higher ability but this class is the lower ability. Do you know what I mean? So that would be my only thing is I really love the diversity in both children's classrooms Like, as I've spoken before,

Dottie has a really, really wonderful friend who is nonverbal in his classroom. Are they more in a school of like, but there's 30 children in a class? Yeah. And Dottie really loves him and their abilities, learning abilities are completely different.

No one is better or lesser than the other. They just learn completely differently and they've found such a wonderful, wonderful friendship. And I think that would be my only, my only thing that I would worry about. But I think with regards to travel and if that's where your heart is at,

Oh, so you go for it. I mean, I'm speaking for someone who now has a five mile, five or six mile school run. Because I'm a country girl now. I thought you were going to say, whoa, going straight in. I've always been one of those. But now I live in the countryside and we have to do that every morning. And we've only done it for like three weeks. But it's totally manageable.

I was like, this is going to be a nightmare. As someone who used to walk five minutes to nursery and walk back. Yeah. And have public transport to rely on and all that stuff. now we have to get in the car we have to drive through country lanes most of the roads are like they get better I feel like that time in the morning though is so lovely

yeah it's actually fine and I like spending the time with Joseph on the way there and on the way back because we have like a proper chat that's what I mean yeah which is really nice but having said that it sounds like Sarah is even more remote than we are because like if there was an emergency and we couldn't get in there or whatever like we would be able to

we'd be able to get a taxi or you know so it is maybe a bit more of a decision but I've always always loved the idea of tiny class sizes. I feel like they were just so well in a school like that. We've got quite a few schools around us. So we've got one literally a two-minute walk from our house, but it just didn't feel right. There was just something about it that just didn't feel right.

So we're now, you know, a 25-minute drive from school. Are you? Yeah, yeah. Obviously 25 minutes, because we're in a bit of traffic as well. So sometimes we can walk, but it's a 20-25-minute walk. Well, I think that's quite a long school. It is quite a long school run, but I feel like you have to follow your heart and what is good for your heart.

We do also have a rural school, which is the same distance, but are the opposite ways. And that one is only 30 children per year group. So, and I think it's more like 15 in a class. It's like two classes, yeah. And I looked at that one and we in Dernard, but I just didn't have the right feeling. And I truly believe you have to make the decision based on heart and gut. And if you're, if you're, everything is telling you, I feel like it's worth it. The worst case scenario is if it doesn't work out, you can move.

I mean, I can see why people don't want to, they don't want to move their mid school year. I can understand that. And that's what exactly why we've done what we've done. Because we wanted to start them in a school and have them there until the very end. I think starting a new school is really difficult. Even us, like Joseph's gone into preschool in November where everyone else started in September. And he's struggling to make friends a little bit because they've all kind of already formed their bonds already. and he's like a little bit on the outside.

So I can see why once you start them somewhere, you want to stick with it. But I think if it's the school that you really loved, then I don't think the journey will be an inconvenience. I think it will be worth it. Yeah. And again, speaking from somebody that has done an in-year transfer, only with Colby, not with Dottie,

because it was before she started school, it actually went a... Was it fine? Because they're so little and they're so resilient and they pick up friends so easily. I definitely overcomplicate the situation. So we very, very, much had a positive transfer in school and you're only going to go to more children and more

accessible to other children for them to make friends with so you're not going to go from a big school down to a tiny school and limiting like them having a really tight bond in the small school so i think if you're in your you're you're gauging that off the off the back i think if you were then to it wasn't working out or it wasn't what you were expecting you're only going to go up then aren't you? Yeah. But I say, you go, go. I think go for it.

It sounds like a wonderful school. I'm ready to sign up, if I'm honest. Yeah, we're all moving to North Africa. We're all moving to North North Africa. Maybe we're creating like a little, I was going to say, you could have walked, but I think because it's country lanes. Yeah. She can't walk.

No. No. And public transport is a no, no, no. It's not the one. No. But no, I think that sounds, I think that sounds lovely. But please keep us posted. Yeah, I'd love to know.

I'd really love to know. I think it depends on the child as well. Like some children will do fine in a class of 30, but I think for some children, a class of just 10 would be really nice. I think Jojo would love that. Yeah. You know?

Yeah. Well, thank you so much. Yeah, good luck. We're here supporting you from the back. You go, girl. You got this. And keep us posted. And I want to know more about the dog as well.

Obviously how your little one does in school too. But most importantly, the school dog. Do you get to take him home? Send us a photo. Do you think you get to take the dog home? Yeah, like a school teddy bear. Like someone has to look after him for a week. Oh, doggie! Can you imagine?

Such a lovely dog. Such a lovely dog you are. How did you choose your best call for your little ones? Let us know. Email us hello at secret mumpod.com or with Secret Mumpod on TikTok and Instagram. And we'll be back first thing on Tuesday. We'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club.

Thank you.