Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The School Runs

Episode Date: May 6, 2024

The ladies have loads to catch up on this week, from Sophiena's disappointing doctor's visit and unfortunate school run to Emma's breastfeeding journey. Plus there is a genius secret from one mum who is winning at life, and another one involving double trouble... with twins! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Acast.com Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we've all got secrets, haven't we? We do, and as we know, sharing is caring.

You don't have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself, you can be anonymous. And all those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the... Secret Mum Club! Secret Mum Club! Sadie doesn't want you to be anonymous she wants you to tell us

who she is who you are she wants to know who you are yeah she wants all the details literally all the juicy gas

you can be anonymous and Sadie was like meow now I'd rather know your names that's how she sounds like a witch i said this i literally spoke about this on instagram today i keep putting this voice on that if renly could talk he is yeah he is definitely a 45 year old cockney geezer from london who eats

he's pie and liquor he's basically danny dyer yeah all right mate fucking hell keep feeding me this fucking milk it burns me to fuck it's the worst London accent ever speaking of which how is he doing oh gosh what a week what a bloody week I'm not gonna lie to you it's hard and I and I speak about this all the time and I say to you don't I you having social media and having a platform, I do feel very compelled to, to watch what I'm saying. One, I'm shit with alliterating things anyway. And two, I, it's really hard when you talk about something and you give your opinion on it. It's okay if I'm talking to you and we're sharing our opinions because we're friends and it's a safe space for us to be able to do that. But when you

have an opinion or you put it out on social media, because there's so many people with different mindsets, different opinion, different, you know, everybody's completely different, aren't they? So I do worry sometimes when I talk about things that I don't ever want to seem like I feel like I'm entitled, like i'm speaking like i should have priority over everybody else i try and speak in the sense of just generalizing that someone hopefully someone can relate to so we've been to the doctors this week because renly is just really struggling with the shits so we've gone from severe constipation to we're literally shitting at night time so during the day we're filling about eight to ten nappies sometimes 12 nappies

and then in the evening when he goes to bed so between eight and two a.m he's shitting every 20 minutes half an hour. Oh, God. The boy's not sleeping. Obviously, he's colicky at night, which is fairly normal for babies to be colicky and a little bit unsettled. Plus, he's a preemie as well. So it's even more common.

That I can deal with. But just the absolute... And it's not even like his bum is just going... And it's done. it comes out in such brutal force that his whole body shudders every time and his little legs go straight and he's just in so much pain with it so i went to the doctors we got a little bit if you've seen on insta got a little bit fobbed off yeah a. A little bit. It's a difficult one. That's so frustrating. That's so frustrating when that happens.

I feel like you explained it really well, actually, to your point of saying that you're rubbish at articulating it. Not at all. I totally got what you meant. And I really felt your frustration when you were talking about it's horrible when you see a doctor like that because you're like, clearly something's wrong and I'm not happy. And I just feel like you're not really listening to me do you know as well somebody said this this morning to Maz is that somebody a lady messaged me and from her own personal

experience and from like people she'd somebody she'd spoken to she said that it's actually hereditary like a milk allergy so she said you being you may carry whatever it is that makes the babies intolerant to milk but you're not actually affected yourself also because it's girl to girl because the girls aren't affected me personally being a woman i'm not affected by the milk intolerance whereas dotty isn't affected but now both boys have had because it's a different in hormones so what I carry it and pass it on to her we we are not affected by it but because of the boys going through all of my body and all of getting all of my stuff um they they both could be affected by it and that made I mean it makes total sense to me that like

if one of your children is lactose intolerant then another one of them might be as well yeah i did say this because i actually thought that and that went through my head and then i felt like when i spoke to the doctor about it i felt a little bit stupid because then she was like well no two babies are the same and i was like oh yeah's, that's actually very true. Like, and then I felt really silly. I felt really silly for being like, maybe it's just my children. Maybe it's something that I'm doing that is maybe affecting them. Either way, I, we're just not any further. We're just not any further on. And I've had lots of lovely people that have sent me such wonderful advice. Um, and i feel very lucky to be in this position

that i get all of these people give me all of this advice but it's just one of those that you have you do have to keep on at the doctor i had to do the same with colby i know something just isn't right i don't think he's as severe as colby because he doesn't have the reflux but he's definitely it's just definitely not coping well with the milk and it takes four weeks for it to be established into his system so we did two weeks of breast milk because I was exclusively expressing four weeks now being on formula where his body's now established to the formula and he's six weeks old you know so I don't know I feel like it's going to take a lot for me to get heard but I feel like I'm in a position where I maybe might just buy the the hypoallergenic milk

that Colby was on and kind of just go back at them and be like look I've been doing it myself from home is there any way we can get it on prescription because it is insanely expensive it's a really expensive milk um but yeah he's he's okay in himself we're just a little bit uncomfortable but it also means that you're all not sleeping right because he's up doing so much in the night which is horrible for all of you we're trying to take it in turn so like last night was chris's night to be up with him so that we're both rather than us both being up and both of us not sleeping, we're trying to alternate the days. Yeah. I feel like that's the most logical thing to do.

And when I say not sleeping, it's more like it's just broken sleep. Like you'll get 20 minutes and then you might get an hour and then you might. But bear in mind, like we said in last week when i spoke to you he was going we were having really good stints through the night but it seems that we've hit week four we've got past the constipation but now it's just that we've had a week of this this pooing and i did think oh maybe i went to the doctor because i first of all was like maybe it's viral maybe it's a little bit under the weather we've not had our jabbies yet so i don't know whether he's maybe caught himself a little bit of a bug but she she didn't seem

concerned about that because he hasn't got a temperature or anything like that so I'm grateful that she took the time to see us but she wasn't prepared to get a referral bearing in mind it was 11 weeks when Colby was little to get a referral to the pediatrician. So we waited 11 weeks before we got a pediatrician. And I can only imagine now seven years on that that wait is even longer now, you know. And some people have messaged me to say you won't even get to see a pediatrician, maybe even before he's one, which is wild. And then the doctors were like, we don't prescribe the milk until we've done lots of tests um and then obviously people have messaged to say i don't think that's very true

so it's hard it's it's hard as to know it's hard to know what to do but i think we're just gonna we're gonna see how we're going see if we can maybe do some milk from our end see if we can make him comfortable um and just go from there really i think anything's worth a try isn't it yeah because you can't go on like he can't go on bless him pooing every 20 minutes in the night no one's getting any sleep he must be so uncomfortable he must have a sore little bum from changing his bum i was gonna say so many nappies his bum is so sore like so so sore bless his heart and i think it's hard because obviously when I was speaking to the doctor, she was like, oh, if you put him on a hypoallergenic milk,

then the reason they don't prescribe it apparently is because of the, it's harder to then introduce cow's milk back in. But I was like, but I introduced it back in with Colby. And also if you do little and often, like with regards to like yogurts and cheese and just having the milk on their cereal um that's that was a great way for us to introduce it back in when Colby was like a year old yeah but there's nothing there's no harm in trying because it's kind of one of those things that I'm in the mindset right now that if I don't try it I'm not gonna know and

I can't leave him to go any longer because he's in agony. But the worst thing was, is you know when you're little, right? And your mum says, you go to your mum, I can't, I'm so sick today. I can't, I literally cannot do anything today. I'm so sick. And she says, right, well, you can have no television today, but you can stay home from school and you're to sit in your bedroom. You're not doing anything.

You can read a book and that's it. And you'd be like, yes. And she'd be like, right, i booked you a doctor's appointment the fear used to literally i used to shit myself when she's like right we're going to see dr shaw that was my doctor he's retired now god bless him so we're like she was like we're going to see dr shaw and i was like oh my god so we used to get to the doctors and i used to see the doctor and he'd go yeah she's definitely sick we're gonna get some antibiotics. I wasn't sick. Oh, shit. I was.

I was just, should have been on the stage, really. But you, they, and now I'm a mum. I take Colby to the doctors and he runs around and I'm like, you're meant to be sick. I know. How am I meant to prove to the doctor that you're sick when you're running around? They mug you off, don't they?

And then he took Renly in there. He was absolutely fine. Literally lied like a pencil on the bed. Couldn't have been any more straighter if he tried his little legs were out his arms were out and he just led there

and he was like and she was like oh what a lovely content baby doesn't look uncomfortable at all I come out I was like thanks Renly

and Chris was like of all times we needed him to show his symptoms cheers pal the doctor needs to come and sit with you at midnight in your house and see what you're going through. I know I have been um I have been recording now I thought I should have really done that before but as of

like today like I've been recording him like last night in bed and stuff when he was drawing his little legs up and he's crying and I'm trying to record every time we're waking up and i've recorded him while i'm changing his nappy and things just so i've got that's a good idea just i've got some video evidence to take back to the doctor and you do it feels cruel like you're filming them while he's obviously in agony um and it is sad it's really sad but you i've got to go in with something and i've got to at least have some sort of paper trail yeah you know yeah yeah no it's um it's it's as to not look like a fucking crazy woman going yeah but what can you do you can't be like you can't take them in there and be like please perform now for the doctor so when i phoned up for the appointment you've listened to this

already but there's probably people that maybe not heard the instagram but either way i'll make it snappy so i basically called up for appointment. Tell me you're a millennial without telling me you're a millennial. So I called up on my mobile telephone. I called up and I said to her, I said to the girl and she basically was like, yeah, that's fine. This is your appointment. Put the phone down. She called me back. I was like, that's weird. Answered's weird answered the phone she's like oh the doctor stood right next to me she said you don't need to come in it's a bowel overflow okay bowel overflow for 24 48 hours not seven days like this is not a bowel overflow for seven days and I said about his skin and so forth I was like I didn't want to give you all the information on the phone I just would really like the doctor to see him so she was like

okay bear with me and she come back she was like fine the doctor said they'll see you so i was like oh brilliant so i got there and i basically went into the room and she didn't sit down yeah when you said that i was like what the hell was she just standing by the door the whole time yeah she stood by the door and then chris stood and i had the pram and i was kind of like you know when you do that i did the old um hold on i'm gonna reenact it for you i did the the old, can I sit? And she kind of still stood up. So I was like, so anybody else? Chris didn't sit down.

She didn't sit down. I was like, anyone else want to? Take a seat. Yeah, make yourself comfortable. So then I was talking and because they were both looking down on me, I kind of was like, yes. So what a mad way to like make you not feel comfortable do you know what i mean like so i kind of have a lot of time for you let's just

rush it through yeah get out and get on with my day and as much as if i felt that she was very very lovely and that i don't i just want to preference saying that she was so so lovely and i'm so incredibly grateful that we got an appointment and that quickly as well because it was an on the day appointment so I understand that so we went in and she kind of was like oh um I would like to weigh him so I was like oh perfect I put him down the bed he literally took a poo straight away she was like oh while we're here and you've taken a poo let's do a poo sample so I was like oh this is brilliantly brilliant so she took the poo sample um I cleaned him up put him on the scales and she was like oh this is his reading I was like oh this is brilliantly brilliant so she took the poo sample and I cleaned him up put him on the scales and she was like oh this is his reading I was like oh okay so he's only put a pound on in seven weeks she was like yeah yeah well at least he's you know he's gaining weight

we want to see him gaining weight and I was just a bit like he's bigger but he's not bigger if that makes sense or he's longer but he's weighs literally like he weighs a feather like he hardly weighs anything normally by now I should be getting a little bit of an arm workout i want to get that forearm pump you know yeah and he's not giving me he's not giving me no forearm pump yet so i said to her i was that's normal she was like yeah he's gaining weight so it's perfectly normal so i was like oh okay then and it was kind of like well we can't do you prescribed hypoallergenic milk they don't like gps don't like to prescribe it anymore it's a little bit more of a process of going through it to get the milk prescribed to you because we worry about taking it out of their milk and then reintroducing

it back in and it's just more of a more hard work for them so i was a bit like what do we do then she's like just wait for the results you're back in in two weeks time because you've got to have your six week checkup. So just, you know, no news is good news. And I kind of just stood there. So do I need to change his formula in the meantime? She was like, no, no, no. Also, you're like, I can't explain enough. Like another two weeks of like 20 nappies a day. Nobody's sleeping for longer than 20 minutes.

Like, are you hearing what I'm saying? I just, and I just kind of looked at her and like, cool, so no news is good news. When will we have the results? She was like, oh, they'll definitely be here by the time you come back in to the surgery. In two weeks. Yeah.

What do we do until then? Just carry on as normal? Yeah, and that's what, I was waiting for her to be like, we could do this, we could try this. I don't know what I expected and maybe I'm wrong for maybe thinking I expected something else.

I don't really know. And I kind of walked away and she was like, go out there and enjoy the sunshine today. Don't forget to be taking short naps during the day. Nap when the baby's napping.

I fucking hate that. Gave me like a punch on the arm on the way out. Like that. I fucking hate that. Gave me like a punch on the arm on the way out. It's just frustrating because I feel like you want, obviously when you go to the doctors, like you want answers. Like it's really disheartening when you come away with like no information.

And obviously there's not always something they can do, but it does sound like she was a bit dismissive. Oh, you know I don't want to say that because she was really lovely and I'm grateful for the time that people do take to see us I just maybe think I might get a second opinion I think yeah I think I'd like to do that I mean you know we've said it time and time again god bless our NHS but they are stretched and they are stretched and they're doing the best that they can and for that i am i am insanely grateful i just think in this circumstance for me personally i just would maybe like to i just feel like in my heart my heart i know like and that's what i think is more frustrating like and i did say to her and she was kind of a like bit of like you know it's

really normal for babies to cry and i was like this this isn't my yeah this isn't my first baby right and is it normal for them to be feeling like more than 12 nappies a day no and in my head i was just like i feel like you're just palming me off i feel like you're just trying to say to me like it's normal for baby i know but i know babies cry like i know that it just felt like you know i don't i'm not one to tell tales out of school it's just one of those things it's it is and and with anything like this it's just an unfortunate situation to be in isn't it it's hard um and i do i take my hat off to people that are first time babies and going through this and it being and i do want to talk about it i do want to talk about it raise awareness about it a bit like the neonatal we had such a wonderful response

didn't we from our episode about talking about the neonatal because it's these are the things that no one really ever talks about and no one talks about the struggles of this bit the struggles when things aren't going right and you want to be heard and you know there is something there don't you yeah and you just gotta stand your ground i'm doing it for the ones that need to just stand the ground and just know in your heart that something's not right yeah yeah i remember calling the health visitor when joseph was like six weeks and he got into that like cryy colicky phase he was really gassy had such trouble with his wind and I was just like obviously first time mum I just rang them and I was like my baby won't stop crying like please

help me and they were like yes this is fine it's normal it's nothing you can do I was like fantastic thank you and I think when it's not your first baby you know like it's just a phase and they'll get through it yeah it's your first baby, you know, like it's just a phase and they'll get through it. When it's your first baby, you're like, is my baby literally ever going to stop crying? Yeah. And it's and this is when I also said the other day about, you know, when you leave the hospital, they give you all this information about like shaky baby syndrome. Like is it syndrome? No, like shaky baby. It's not syndrome. It's a shaky baby. There's a terminology for it, but I don't know what it is. shaky baby it's not syndrome is it shaky baby there's a terminology for it but i don't know what it is but they give you so much information now about how like your mental health like how when the baby's crying things you should do when you're feeling overwhelmed um and how to leave the

room safely making sure the baby's safe and like you take the leaflets and you're like bloody hell i'd never shake my baby oh that's terrible And you take all that information home and take this as you will, because I feel like I'm not the only one that's been there. But there is that split second in your mind, especially with the first baby, when you are so sleep deprived, you're so shattered and you're just like, oh, what can I do? And I literally remember holding Colby one time and I didn't do anything. I just literally screamed at the top of my lungs he obviously cried I cried Chris was half like asleep woke up like what the hell's going on I was like he's been crying for hours and like Chris was like let me take the baby but as much

as you joke and you take that leaflet away and you're just like god I'd never do that to my baby you're you just don't think rationally when you're sleep deprived and you've got all of this going on and a crying baby and your body's not back to normal, you're emotional, your hormones are mental, you're fucking knackered. In that split moment, you're just like, oh my God. And then you feel bad, don't you? You'd sit there. I don't know if you felt it with Joseph. Yeah, just the frustration and then the guilt of the reaction of just like i would do anything to stop my baby crying right now yeah it's hard it was the it was literally and then it was the guilt after even now like it gives me such a lump in my throat because

i didn't have it with dotty and i haven't had it with renly but colby was just so poorly for so early on like literally instantly was so poorly. And even now just gives me such a lump in my throat because all I did was just wish away them baby moments. I wished away the newborn stage. I just wished him to be one. And then I wished him to be two and I wished him to be three. And then it wasn't till he got to probably about three. I had Dottie and I was just like, I want to go back and I want to do it all again.

I know. I find myself doing that you know I'm like oh I just can't wait for her to like sleep a little bit longer through the night or can't wait for her to like have a bottle so I can have a bit of a break or like just wishing away the weeks or like even until she's like a bit older and Joseph can play with her and she becomes a bit more interesting and

then I'm like no what am I doing like I need to I need to make the most of this newborn bit because I'm not having another baby so I need to make the most of it I keep saying to her I said exactly the same that's what my mum said as well she ended up with yours truly so you never know but no I just I I do and it's something I really really regret now because I didn't yet didn't do it with Dottie and I haven't done it with Renly it's just something I just really regret is that I wished wished all them all them stages away and I don't think I really enjoyed I didn't enjoy the baby stage with Colby I found it really really hard really difficult um I was tired a lot uh and yeah I did a lot of things I think I brushed over

I brushed over a lot of things about me personally I kind of lost myself in being a first-time mum yeah but I was okay I was happy I was out seeing friends and I used to get out and enjoy the days and enjoy the sunshine enjoy our walks but I just wished it all away yeah like and now I sit back and I'm like and I put loads of that video didn't I my thingy of him and Dottie together having a hug. Yeah. And you'd give anything just to go back to that. I know.

Like anything in a heartbeat to just be like, oh, let me just relive that just for two minutes. I just want to soak up how little they were. I know. And the time is so short. It goes so quick. I'm going to fucking cry. So we need to fucking ask you.

We need an update on your lactation oh you want to ask me about the boobies please tell me about your ted airs do you know what before i cry i so i thought breastfeeding this time i was like i'm gonna have it nailed down i obviously breastfed joseph i had some issues breastfeeding him at the start and i was like i'm really gonna get ahead of it this time i'm gonna get help i'm not gonna let the same thing happen again my nipples were really damaged with him in the beginning but obviously by the end of six months of feeding him it was absolutely fine so that was kind of like the memory I had in my mind of like how easy and comfortable it was at the end

obviously you get handed a brand new newborn baby and they don't know how to breastfeed so I saw the same kind of things happening again and the damage to my nipples the same that I had with Joseph was coming back with Sadie and I was like right I'm gonna get ahead of it I'm gonna go and see the breastfeeding clinic yeah yeah I saw them there's a really amazing um like local free council one that runs in my area so I went to see them when she was really little they were like your latch looks really great fantastic you might just need to toughen up your nipples a bit so I was like okay carried on for a couple of weeks I was like it's not really getting better um and they had the clinic had gone off for two weeks for Easter so I ended up seeing a private lactation consultant which was expensive but it

was recommended to me by a friend and I was like do you know what at this point like I just want feeding to be comfortable I'm so determined to so determined to breastfeed like we probably will introduce a bottle soon but I just really really wanted to be able to do it and I wanted it to work but it just wasn't getting any better so I did see this amazing woman who came around the house and and helped me loads with it but basically I think my problem is it's like a two-man job so when she was here and she was helping me latch the baby on she was really shoving her head onto the boob like it's actually wild how aggressive you can be like yeah they bloody like they shove their head right in there and they get such a big mouthful of nipples yes and that's what you really need

but i'm finding it hard to do that when i'm on my own okay i think i need to just recruit someone maybe do you want me to come and help yeah because stefan's not often well he is here at the moment but like when he has to work and stuff um yeah if you could if you could move in and just help me just get that baby on the breast because i'll hold the boob yes well for you i'll cup it like in last week's episode if you could cup the breast and then i can just use both my hands to really shove her on there i feel like when i was in hospital they were telling me to have him obviously belly to belly so he was like completely flat to me yeah this is only what they told me in the hospital and then hand this hand went around the back of his neck yeah went

around this side of his neck so i had his head his leg was over one side leg under here so i had him like here and she was making me push my boob round to the front take the baby and literally ram and this hand had complete control of his head which held him on and he then took the whole nipple in his mouth and it was and it was like comfortable it was fine for you yeah because once he was then on this head kind of just sat there and then i released the boob because he had a good suction like when i tell you i boobed in hospital i boobed like we we had a great we had a great we had a great latch i'd like mastered the up but she said because my boob nipples go out and i was putting him to it i wasn't i needed to get the whole boob around the front right and then push

his head on but she was like don't worry about his like the woman obviously this is the the doctors in the neonatal clinic when i tell you like they were phenomenal like i literally cannot alliterate how phenomenal they were but she even said doesn't matter if his nose because i was like fuck he's gonna suffocate because his nose is completely in my smushed completely smushed in my boob and she was like literally he can breathe he can breathe absolutely fine but you they need the whole nipple in the mouth rather than just i was like oh they just need the little tippy bit yeah the little i don't know why i was like set i knew that i don't know why i was settling for that again this time around

but i think there's a lot of factors like when they're crying or it's the middle of the night or it's dark and you basically you settle for a shallower latch than you should and then it just becomes a vicious cycle because your nipples get damaged and then getting them latched on again is painful. And it just becomes this whole thing. So we're still a little bit, it's still a little bit tricky at the moment, but I think we're getting there. I've been back to the clinic.

They've really helped me out. They've given me some really good tips, but I don't know what it is. And also one of my boobs is more of a problem than the other. And I think it's the boob that I'm getting her on with my left hand it's because my left hand is weaker i'm not able to like shove her on as much you know of course so my right boob is a bit of a problem but um but we're getting there can you do that can you do hand one hand to bring your boob support your boob yeah do you know what it's interesting that you say that because i've almost been doing the opposite like i've been pointing my nipple up to try and get it

into the roof of her mouth but actually maybe i should be shoving it round a bit more to give her a bit more of a full mouthful full but yeah give her a bit more of the whole boob yeah so then she's getting like ah also the the lactation consultant did say to me like when you take your bra off your nipples are quite flat they're like quite flush so she was like to help to help her get an easier latch you need to tease your nipples out so when i'm feeding her in public i have to spend five minutes just giving myself a little little nipple tickle which looks you know inappropriate but i'm just trying to feed my child you're doing literally you're doing so great honestly I just I think we're going to introduce a bottle just so that Stefan yeah I think so that Stefan can

just do a little bit more I can have a little bit of a break a little bit of a longer stretch of sleep and just give my nipples a bit of a break but you know what makes me really sad about this is that all my girlfriends who have breastfed who have spoken to this about have all had the same problems they're like oh yeah the beginning was really rough like first couple of weeks i was in so much pain trying to feed i'd be crying every time i was getting the baby latched on like the pain was unbelievable and i'm just like it shouldn't it shouldn't be like that i feel like there should be more support i know there is brilliant support out there but i think a lot of people don't know about it and i feel like that could be much better advertised because you shouldn't be going through this pain to feed your baby no

i i fully agree and i feel like again with the fact that we are not talking about like breastfeeding very much people are more inclined to just go with a bottle and a formula fed and then they're like oh we could try or you know when i was pregnant with colby i should say probably um they were just like breast is best you must go with the breast baby should only ever have breast that's great but there's also no talk of breast there's no talk of breast or how to support you on the breast or what we're going to do if there's classes before I don't know of any advertised classes of breastfeeding before you have the baby it's always i'll go to the breathing classes go to the labor classes um and again they're still not widely publicized you know no so why are we not

just talking about it more and making it more of a topic you know yeah it's hard and i and you do need support and it's really hard in those early days when you're like i was so emotional with it with joseph i was like i just want to be able to feed my baby and it's not working and you feel like you're like failing in some way because you're like i remember reading the ring in a breastfeeding helpline and they were like maybe your nipples just aren't suited to your baby and i was like how could that possibly be like obviously i'm made to feed my baby like this has to work so yeah i just feel like it's hard people need support there is and support is out there yeah there is support out there it is a little bit hard to find

though i'm just just being honest i personally think it's hard to find but also taking into consideration tongue tie and things like that because all three of mine have got a really high uh palate oh really so when i put renly's bottle in i have to put the teats to the top of his mouth for him or even the dummy to the top of his mouth for him to recognize that anything's in his mouth because as soon as i put it in his tongue goes like a well like ah and then it opens up and he goes and it just basically just sits in his mouth and he doesn't know it's in there so i have to move the bottle to the top of his mouth to like wiggle it around for him to then take it and you wouldn't necessarily know that unless someone had come and showed you yeah exactly but i obviously know because colby had it dotty had it and i was

like i just think and i said to the when the lady come around to do his checks i was like can you just check his palate because my other two had really high palates um can you just check his palate she was like oh yeah he has got a really high palate yeah interesting i've got a really high palate so i just said well maybe it's just a a me problem she's the me um it's me like me giving him bloody milk intolerances oh it's all your fault mom it's all your fault i mean i don't want to say well there's no one else that could give them the issue other than me. Or Chris. Well, he didn't birth them.

No, but he's 50% his genes. So I'd say throw some of the blame at him as well. Yeah, you pizza dick. Nice one, pizza dick. So Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yeah, we want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about

or just say hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search for Secret Mum Pod or you can email us. The address is hello at secretmumpod.com. From my end, that hello was so in sync. It was, would you be my girlfriend? I'd cheer to get. That wasn't in sync it was would you be my girlfriend i'd cheer you good that wasn't in sync was it

was just dustin dust dustin timberlake was it no was it in sync or was it just justin i think it was in sync was it but let's go it's the correspondence corner oh this one says sorry i was just having a sip of water you're welcome you're welcome just wanted to say thank you for sharing your birth stories so as heartbreaking as it must have been for you to share this i experienced a very similar birth for my little boy who's now six months old and healthy he did cry initially but then he started grunting instead of crying and was whisked to neonatal from being in the best feeling ever to suddenly having an empty room is still so terrifying. He was there for four days

and I'll never ever be able to remove that feeling. Your comment about feeling lonely despite being surrounded is the most true comment ever. I spent a lot of nights in neonatal because I didn't want to be alone. Somehow sitting in a room of machines, beeping and tiny babies was less lonely than a ward of mums.

Also, Emma, my daughter's labia was so swollen that when they lifted her up i couldn't tell what sex she was either so you're not alone thanks from naomi oh god oh did that one get you yeah oh god i just i just think and i said to you didn't i just it's not something i just not want to talk about ever again, but I equally don't want to talk about it because it's just so, it's really hard and it's really hard to listen. Like you just, you relive that moment, like in that split second. And you, like in that moment, I felt so alone, but there is so many ladies out there that have gone through that.

And we've all experienced that. And I just find that really, really wholesome. that and i just find that really really wholesome yeah i just find that that's lovely and i just think if anybody's anybody does experience it which i hope god forbid no one has to but if they do i hope if they've listened here they can find some comfort in that you know yeah yeah and you know we can both relate to na Naomi here because swollen labia. Hello. To be fair, mine's fucking swollen now. It's not going back.

I don't even know where my willy's at, to be honest. I'm to the point in, I'm into the point of recovery where my foo-foo just isn't going back. Happy six weeks for Jana. Oh, God. Really? Yeah. happy six weeks for janna oh god really yeah just like we were saying on thursday's episode to tune in to this week's because oh yeah no one talks about the recovery of actual like pushing the baby out rather than we talk about cesarean and cesarean so rightly say the recovery is immense um it's huge the surgery's fucking huge but the recovery after pushing them

out of your foo-foo oh i actually think it's worse we'll get into that in a minute we'll do we'll do because this is going to follow on from my secret of the week okay so stay tuned okay you don't want to miss it teaser all right we've got another email here but before that i think i'm gonna have to get the baby on the boob am i right am i right am i right come to mama come to mama let me get you on my titties we're back in action oh yeah we're on for another email now okay we've got another one here it says hey ladies a little while back you were talking about when children get things wrong one day my son came home from school and i asked what he'd had for dinner he looked at me looking a bit worried and said and said turd in the hole never have i laughed so hard he's now nearly 21 and we still call it turd in the hole lots of

love Claire I love it when family like catchphrases come from like just carry on yeah I feel like generations now that would just be turd in the hole yeah always what we have for dinner turd in the hole they do look a bit like turds as well they do that's absolutely phenomenal that's from when Dottie called her friend a slut yeah instead of a slug she was saying she was sluggish but we she got so sluttish oh that is adorable though i wonder if at 21 he's like can you shut up about it now yeah come on it's toad in the hole stop being ridiculous it was this one time at band camp don't worry i think dotty calls it something like bum hole bum in the hole bum every time i say do you want toad in the hole she's like

i don't want to eat no bum hole we're not eating bum hole there's certain things now you're just like do you know that yorkshire pudding with the sausage in it yeah yeah we're having that we're obsessed with bums and vaginas aren't they i don't know i just think it's dotty she's obsessed with bums and vaginas isn't she yeah so you can get in touch with us on anything at all yeah it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous because between us we've probably heard it all before and remember we're all in this together and we know that we are we're all stars and we see that we sound like we've been out on the piss

oh my god what is it with like not being in the same room just suddenly means that we're tone deaf yeah and I just I can't

I just I just feel like we're two drunk mums on a night out like we're out and there's the girls yeah

woo Oh, nice to get with you. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Céline Dion. My dream? To be an international star. Could it happen again? Could Céline Dion happen again? I'm Thomas Leblanc, and Céline Understood is a four-part series from CBC Podcasts and CBC News, where I piece together the surprising circumstances that helped manufacture Celine Dion, the pop icon. Celine Understood.

Available wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts. Everywhere. Acast.com So each week we'll be sharing our secrets and yours in the Secret Mum Club. Here is my secret of the week. It's not to do with any of my children, apart from my daughter spent the week smearing her face and her dad's face and fufu cream i mean i saw that oh my god i didn't tell you did i somebody messaged me on instagram about this as well and was like don't forget to tell school what she's been put

on her face so at school they had slap cheek oh um it's like a viral yeah yeah um so we went to school monday and we got wind burnt so the sun was out but it was so windy my face was burnt dotty's was burnt so she's had a little bit of a red face so she went to school tuesday come home and she said oh um my teacher asked me why my face is so red and i was like oh i did wonder that should we put some should we put some cream on it she goes what cream so i went oh just grab the fufu wonder that. Should we put some cream on it? She goes, what cream? So I went, oh, just grab the foo-foo cream. That'll work. Just put the foo-foo cream on your face. So the next day, the teacher come out and she was just like, oh, I said to her in the morning,

I was like, oh, Dottie's had some cream on her face because we got a little bit windburned. And she was like, oh, that's good because we were worried she might have slap cheek because it's going around the school at the moment. I was like, no, don't worry. So then the teacher grabs me at the end of the day and was just like oh you said you put some cream on her face she did enlighten us in the classroom that she put her fufu cream on her face i said oh sorry it's pseudo creme we put pseudo creme on her face but we call it fufu cream in our house and she was like oh okay it makes good today makes perfect sense so in the midst of all of this week it's been a wild week we've been back to school

we've been walking right only running late today wasn't we so i decided that i was going to run on ahead with colby to get him in because he's in 15 minutes before Dottie right and we were running so late so I thought you know six weeks out I've walked all week I'm getting my steps in everything's going great I can definitely run I not only had a leakage from the front oh no but i had a leak from the back oh oh no i know i i not only peed a little bit but i also pooped this is the vaginal birth recovery we've been talking about it's no joke this is it's it's not for the faint-hearted no i'm not gonna lie to you and you know what was even worse not only did i pee myself and shed a little bit of poop i also don't think my organs are fully back where they should be oh no were they jiggling around inside you oh

that i cannot tell you the sensation when i was running it was absolutely fine but when i stopped outside dotty's classroom the excruciating pain i thought i was gonna faint i thought i was gonna pass out i was like not only am i gonna pass out and people are gonna be stood around me in close proximity i stink of piss and shit now that is of my own not my child i don't know where my organs are gonna go back and that i'm gonna pass out so then i had to walk home to add insult to injury chris went oh what have you what have you what's happened to your back your back is soaking wet that is the sweat that is sweat from running that's just filled the whole back of my sweater it's not only was i had a wet triangle on my back i was light-headed faint

my organs thought were going to fall out of my gaping bum hole that had already just leaked shit out of it and you pissed yourself and i pissed and shit myself shit in hell what a school run what a fucking secret of the week so if you saw me today at the school mind your business yeah i've changed i actually just come back and had to just sit in the bath but i pulled my jumper up and just sat in the bath and bathed my bum and my fufu because i was like i can't sit in the front room now when I've pissed and shit I could change my pants and leggings so I just sat in the bath and just let the water just rinse the water over myself but I've been doing my pelvics as well so it's merely disappointing really that my vagina just gave way do you know what it's soon though it is soon I think they say you can exercise again six weeks after a vaginal birth and it's 12 weeks after a cesarean isn't it but

that seems very soon for me i think give yourself a bit of a break i'm six weeks out now and my vagina is not ready it's not ready nor your organs nor your bowels maybe it's six weeks maybe you should add three weeks for every child you have so six weeks for the first nine weeks for the second 12 weeks for the third or maybe just don't fucking exercise for a whole year and just really let your foo-foo go back because fuck me fuck that it was so painful i honestly couldn't i just stood there and chris was like are you okay and i was like dude i'm i'm like i'm not okay like this feeling is something i've never felt before i'm not in a good way i can't fight like, I can't fight this feeling anymore. I shit myself.

Shit. And do you know what? It took me the whole walk home to tell Chris that I'd actually shit myself. Was he there? I ran on my own. Oh.

So, I, I had like wet patches on my leggings. I said to Chris, God, my bloody leggings are wet. And I said,

I think it's just the sweat that's accumulated in my crotch. Not that I pissed myself. And then I got to the top of the road and I said, I it's just the sweat that's accumulated in my crotch not that I pissed myself and then I got to the top of the road I said I've got a confession I've peeped a little bit like when I was running I just couldn't hold everything like it was a lot to hold not only was I running and everything was just jiggling around my organs were like slapping I was trying to hold my feet while hiding my ass while trying to get while trying to get colby to school on time as well as wearing his rucksack well that'll learn you to never be late again

so yeah that's the lesson never are you still still wearing a pad oh no no but i wish at this point you know when you finally don't have to wear a pad no more because i actually wore a pad for a really long time i wore a pad for four weeks yeah friendly whereas the other two i didn't wear one that long but the only time i wanted to have a pad on was today was today so there you go i got a bit sorry go on i was just gonna say i got a bit caught short on a pad the other day because they the midwife was like i didn't bleed for that long after my cesarean so i just stopped no stopped wearing pads during the day and uh she was like well even if you think you've stopped bleeding she's like still wear one for a bit because she was like it can just like come out of the blue and I was like well no I

think I'm fine literally two weeks of no bleeding the other day I was playing with Joseph and I was like oh no something's yeah something's definitely just something's happening something is like in bridesmaids where she starts shitting herself I crouched down to play with him and i was like it's happening it's something's happening luckily we were at home and i could just go and change my trousers and my knickers but you just never know when it's gonna strike so wasn't wasn't poo though that was blood it was blood yeah oh i think i don't i would have rather blood i would have rather blood not my piss and shit. Full on shit.

And then did you have to drop Dottie off as well before you could go home? I stood outside her school fully aware that I'd pissed and shit. And then today, all the children wanted to come over and talk to me. So not only was I faint lightheaded, my organs were fucking fucked. I was covered in piss and shit, stinking, sweating down my back. And Dottie was like, mom, look at all my friends. I was like, ah.

And then this other little girl was showing me her almonds. And I was talking to her about her almonds. And I was like, oh, my God, this is too much. I don't care about your nuts. I've just shit myself. I've got to get home and sit in the bath. I kind of hung on and waited for Chris to say, what are you doing? I was like, oh, I'm just making sure Dottie's gone in the classroom. In fact, I on and waited for Chris was like, what are you doing? I was like,

oh, I'm just making sure Dottie's gone in the classroom. In fact, I was just waiting for all the parents to leave so I didn't have to walk through a massive sea of humans stinking of piss and shit.

So I was like, I'm just waiting to see if Dottie's gone in. I was like, bye, Danny. Bye. What's that you're saying? She wasn't even in the room.

She was hanging her fucking coat on the peg. I was just randomly talking to all the children like, hi, kids. Oh, God. It was a fucking nightmare coat on the peg. I was just randomly talking to all the children. Like, hi, kids. Oh, God. It was a fucking nightmare. And then we walked home all that way.

And I got home and you got to the top of the road. And I said to Chris, I shit myself today. Actually, he was like, what? I was like, just shit myself on my run. I ran into school. I pissed and shit myself. And he was like, are you OK? And I was like, thanks okay and i was like thanks

for asking no no i'm not okay i love chris i feel like by this point he's just like not even shocked by anything so that's that's normal isn't it that i feel like that yeah that is i feel like it's just normal for safina to be honest regardless baby or no baby i think he just thinks oh that's the fucking weirdo that i live with yeah oh god bless you so that's my secret this week so next we'll be hearing some of yours emma taking away with number one this says hiya ladies i thought i'd share one of my mum's secrets which i hope you'll like when i'm due to do a big food shop i make sure i do it when my husband is home so he can watch the kids whilst I spend a couple of hours shopping. We're a family of seven.

So there's lots of food to get. I love doing that now. Like going to the supermarket used to be a job, but now I'm like, oh, I'll do the food shopping. Bloody couple of hours piece, isn't it? Yeah. Bliss. She says what he doesn't know is that I order it online

for click and collect leave home an hour and a half before the collection time take a travel mug of tea and a book and sit in the car park oh my god perfect way to have some downtime whilst your husband juggles the kids at home from k k you bloody genius fucking hell we need to channel our nk k for president what the fucking hell k why have i never thought of this why have i never thought of this i always don't like the thought of people fondling my vegetables but i will take someone fondling my veg for an hour what the fuck an hour and a half's peace we all need to be a bit more k everyone be more k be more K B B more K that's genius though I love love that for you love that

kudos to K we're gonna give K a round of applause I'm gonna do it for both of us because Sadie's I can't clap because I'm holding a baby but I'm right there with you I'm right there with your sister well I don't think anything is going to top that this week so we're just going to roll into number two all right this one says hi ladies last week my hubby was away for the week so my daughters and i went to stay with my mum while he was gone my oldest three years old is still sleeping in a crib at home until we get her big girl bedroom ready and then she'll go straight into a full bed but at my mum's house she has a toddler bed the entire week she did not go to sleep oh before 2 30 a.m she kept getting out and running around the house i don't know if

it was because of her dad being away, the change of scenery, the ability to get in and out of bed herself or a combination of everything rolled into one big clusterfuck. Our last night there was a doozy. She did not fall asleep until 4.30am. I have a seven month old as well so I got little to no sleep the entire week. After fighting to put her back in bed for the 100th time that night, she screamed in my face, you're a fucking arsehole. I didn't even scold her.

I just left the room and closed the door. I didn't know whether to burst out laughing or burst out crying. Needless to say, I'm exhausted and I need a vacation. I hope you ladies got more sleep than me this week. Much love, Brooke from Ontario Canada oh I think I wouldn't shout about now you're the fucking asshole fucking not sleeping going to fucking sleep I know I I am right there with you Brooke and I actually think that would have made me cry.

Because as someone who's being rejected by their toddler at the moment, that shit hurts. I'm sorry. I don't mean to laugh, but I feel like, what would I do if Dottie shouted in my face? You're a fucking asshole. Would I laugh or would I cry? You're a fucking... It actually says, because she's from Canada, you're a fucking asshole. Oh, God. How does she know how does she know savage i hope you called her an asshole for the duration of her not 230 fuck she must be shattered

4 30 on the day you're leaving oh my crumbs oh 230 4 30 and this is what i'm really worried about putting joseph into it because when joseph moves out of his nursery because sadie has to go in there he's gonna have to go into a big boy bed and i'm bloody terrified of this joseph is gonna absolutely rule the roost honestly he's gonna be getting if he gets up like oh i just i don't know how how do you cope how do people cope i was again people cope? I was, again, I feel like I was really lucky with Colby. Colby just used to take himself to bed 6.30 every night. He had a little, he had a little teepee bed and it's basically like a wooden frame teepee and it had a mattress on the

floor. Most genius thing. And he used to literally take himself to bed. I've got a video. I'll have to share the video on my, on my socials but he used to take himself to bed he used to grab his dodos grab his bum buns grab his muzzy i used to go in he used to put his head on his pillow he used to pull his little duvet up 6 30 without a doubt every night he used to put himself to bed oh stop it dotty on the other hand that fucking kid used to jump out of that car if she didn't jump out of it once she jumped out of it a million times she was just literally i always say that she was like the action man out of toy story she used to just climb out and get out of the car all the time she was do you know what we're having a bit of a struggle

at the moment because joseph stopped going one of his mini rebellions since the baby came along is stopping going in his sleeping bag so now he's got a quilt but it just means that he's like mobile in the cot so we put him down he used to just go straight to sleep in his little sleeping bag now he's mobile so we watch him on the monitor and he'll spend like an hour an hour and a half just moving around his car he can't actually climb over because he's big fat lump but he does try and get his like leg up the bar and i just see him now i just think, if he stops sleeping through the night, I'm good. I don't know what I'm going to combust. Like, I don't know what I'm going to do.

And I can just see it happening. He's still like, thank God at the moment, he's still all right. But if that, if anything happens to his sleep, I don't know what I'm going to do. No, it is hard. It is so hard. But we obviously. And if he calls me a fucking arsehole, I don't know what I'm going to do either.

Fucking arsehole. You fucking arsehole. Oh, Brooke. I feel like that's just made my day. Like, why are all my people in Canada and America and all around the world, like, why are my people so far away? We need to congregate.

We need our own island community where we can just all be together and just have all this crazy fucking shit happen to all of us oh crumbs right we better get on with the last secret this week okay it says hello ladies i have a story to tell you strap yourselves in and buckle up this is a wild week, this is. I have twin four-year-old girls. Yes, it's tough, but they are my little angels. Or are they? I work in the same preschool

that they attend, which can sometimes come with consequences. Yes. One day, my fiance came back from football practice drenched and muddy.

He comes right up to me, hugs me from behind, completely ruining my pyjamas. I tell him, you're gross, go and have a shower, please. So he walks off while saying, those pyjamas are coming off later and your cheeks are getting clapped. As he turns around, both girls are stood right behind him trying to show him their new

princess dresses. It seemed they didn't hear what he said or understood what it meant. The next day at work, we had Ofsted doing their inspections. During playtime, I spotted twin one with a little boy holding hands and playing mummies and daddies with a dolly. She then stands up on the roleplay kitchen and screams at the top of her voice the name of the boy. I want you to clap my cheeks. I have never wanted the fire bell to go off so much in my life. I told her off.

She was put in time out and I thought that was the end of it. Twin two then comes out of the toilets and is now playing with Duplo and shouts at me from across the room. Mummy, when is daddy clapping your cheeks again? My face went bright red and I just got up and took a second outside to laugh to myself. I ended up having an hour long meeting after work with my manager. I've never been so embarrassed in all my life. Lots of love from Anonymous. Fuck!

Why do you always... Why do you always have to be anonymous? I know you work in a school so it's best to stay anonymous. Oh my fucking God. That is beyond phenomenal. Oh my God. The things they pick up on, like just an off the cuff comment

and they both, they both took it in and repeated it the next day. And both of them repeated it the next day. It wasn't even that it was one twin. It was both twins repeated it the next day. Oh my God. I'm also,

kudos to these, the raunchiness. Like I don't know how how i would i don't know how i'd be if chris was like your pajamas are coming up later and i'm slapping your cheeks i'd be like fucking dirty bug i know they're not yeah i'd be like what does that mean i also would have the exact same response to having a muddy hug in my pajamas no thank you get to tesco's and get me some new pajamas because if you're gonna ruin them with your life yes honestly get away from me i am living i am absolutely living so thank you for sharing your secrets this week everyone is welcome in the secret

if you want to share your secrets with us you can the email is hello at secret mom pod.com or with secret mom podod on TikTok and Instagram. Are you being asked about... Are you being asked about clapping cheeks? Or have you found the perfect way to get some peace and quiet? Let us know. There really is nothing too outrageous. And keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the...

Secret Mumpod! you next time on the secret Acast powers the world's best podcast here's a show that we recommend Here's a show that we recommend. Celine Dion. My dream, to be an international star. Could it happen again? Could Celine Dion happen again? I'm Thomas LeBlanc, and Celine Understood is a four-part series from CBC Podcasts and CBC News, where I piece together the surprising circumstances that helped manufacture Celine Dion, the pop icon. Celine Understood. Available wherever you get your podcasts.

ACAST helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com.