Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The School Run's Back! 😭

Episode Date: September 1, 2026

The summer holidays are coming to an end, and the ladies are feeling VERY mixed about it! Soph and Emma chat about surviving the six weeks and getting back into school routines. Plus, they hear from a mum feeling taken for granted by her partner, and a toddler who has given a fox a VERY questionable name. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sofina and Emma have another hilarious episode of Secret Mum Club lined up for you, but just before we get into it, have you watched the show yet? The summer holidays can be the Wild West for finding a moment to yourself. So when the kids have gone to bed, it's the perfect time to unpack the day, laugh about the latest things they've done to embarrass us, and catch up with the ladies who are going through the same thing. When you've got that bit of peace and quiet, grab a drink and search for Secret Mum Club on YouTube. Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club.

Club. I am Safina and I am Emma. And this place is for all of you to come here in holy matrimony and share this podcast with us. We come together to celebrate the marriage of Safina Buntz

and Emma Jones. Well I need to beat my name out. Do you Saphina take Do you Saphina Caris Suzette? Take Emma. I literally have no Middle name. Beep, beep. I'm going to have to do my government name. Beep out my government name.

Beep, be, beep, beep. You've said it all on here before. I've never said my full government name, have I? You have. What's Sphina Carrey's at? Yeah.

Because we've talked about middle names. Yeah, we are. All right, anyway. Just not me surname. Um, anywho, we didn't finish the intro. This podcast is a safe space for all of us. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we?

We do, and as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can give that to yourself. You can be anonymous. And all those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the... Secret Mom Club! Oh.

Oh. Girlie-whirley, twirley-purleys. Listen up. This episode is coming out on the first of August, which means... September. What? Yep, first of September. First of August is away gone, mate.

We're recording it today on the 12th of August. I only said September. We're recording it now on the 12th of August. But when you hear it, it's going to be the first of September, which I will be an emotional fucking wreck because Renley most probably would have had his first settling in session at preschool. school. Colby is going back to school tomorrow and then Colby is returning. No, Dotty is going on the third. Colby's the second. Yes. I think the second is a national. A common. Dotty is just later. So Renly will go, then Colby will go, then Dotty will go. Which I will add

Colby is very furious that she not only broke up early, she's going back a day later. How are you going to get him into school a day earlier? He's going to be excited to see his friends. Yeah. But we are, when you're, you hear this, it's past us talking to our future selves. So just know that this week is going have been a lot in the fact that I've got to get school uniforms ready, bags ready, three bags and three lunchboxes. I've only got to do one and I'm also. Actually, no lunchboxes. I'm doing school, we're doing school dinners. Oh, go on, girly. They're free. They are free. Yeah. So I'm like, why not? Why the fuck? No. But as of tomorrow, we got through the six weeks holidays, well, unscathed, hopefully the next three weeks goes all right. Hopefully.

And we got a baby starting reception tomorrow. Oh my God. It's going to be a big day. I actually don't feel that we should do how you feel now about it and then recap. In July? No, in September when his first day actually happened. When it's been, yeah, yeah. And I feel actually so much more okay about it than I would have if he hadn't gone to preschool.

Okay. I think preschool really helped because it just, yeah, he loved it. also he's already been wearing the school uniform. It's already at the same building. Yeah. And it's literally over the way from the classroom where he was before. So you can see it from there. That's cute. So it's so comforting and reassuring for him to know. It's like nothing different. And if anything, like you say, I think he'll just be excited to go back and see his friends. But I have been playdating the shit out of this summer holidays. Oh, Gordon, girl. I have been, honestly, every day that I haven't had work or anything, I've had a playday in. I've had something to do to get them out of the house.

Emma Jones, are you okay? Every single day. We have summer holiday to the summer holidays. This is wonderful. My first proper summer holidays and I have to say, I think I was saying in the last episode, you smashed it. Or the last main episode, I actually haven't hated it. I think when you first start it off, it's like, seemed so overwhelming to be like,

oh my God, I've got these kids for six weeks. What am I going to do? Yeah. But actually, if you just take it. Day by day. A week at a time. And we've broken it up nicely as well. We had the first week.

Then I went to my mom and dads for nine. days, which was amazing. Weather was so good. Like both my sisters are there at the moment. Their cousins are there. So it felt like a real, like a real holiday to just like have everyone there. We were outside every day. The weather's been gorgeous.

The weather's been lovely. We were doing like so many activities. That was just stunning. But by the time we came back from that, it was August. Then we're going away next week to Stefan's parents caravan. So that'll be another week done. And then when we come back, we've got a week left. It's phenomenal.

So that's it. It actually feels like it. it's gone by like that. And now I see kind of your like side of it and where you were coming from because you've always loved the holidays and I've always like kind of dreaded it. But now I'm like, oh, this is going to be over and they're going to be gone. And actually, I've kind of loved it. And I think when you get into now the routine of them going into school, you really look forward to the holiday because that bit where they come home from school, they're tired, they're grouchy, they want feeding. Everything is very overwhelming when it gets the end of the day because they've had

a lot to do. And when it comes to the little breaks that they get in school, you, I, well, just me, maybe just me personally, but I really look forward to that because the, the moments after school is so quick and so done that you don't actually really get that time to reconnect with your child. So it's just taking, and like you said, the school holidays can be so daunting, but I even would take it day by day. Some days you just want to wake up and have a pajama day and that's okay. Yeah. Some days you want to wake up and fight the world. Yeah. Go out and fight that world, you know. But I just think there's also a lot of a pressure put on us and stigma in that it's the school holidays. Therefore, you must go abroad.

You must have two holidays, three days out, do all of these fantastic things when actually it's just a real time for you to sit down and reconnect with your child. I have loved the slower pace of it. Like I honestly have. I love slowing down. I've really leaned into that and like not having to be anywhere and be out in the morning at a certain time. The pressure of just like, oh, you must get out. Yeah. I can't tell whether it's like it's that.

or whether it's just like they're getting a bit older so they're getting slightly easier maybe they're a bit more self-sufficient or whether it's our first summer living in Wales and whether it's just that is kind of a little bit easier as well like it's just a bit of a slower pace of life we're not rushing around on public transport we're not in this tiny house which feels really oppressive

it's like we've got space we're so lucky and like seeing where we live in this weather I'm like oh my God we're so fortunate that we live here and we've had such an amazing first summer I don't want to be the person that leaves London then just like shit's all. all over London because I do still love London. I think it's like one of my favourite cities in the world, but not living there with two small children. I think it's a fact, it's all of those

things factored in, but not doing this where we were before. It just feels a little bit easier. Just feels London always. I love having the option of coming into London. It's so easy for me on the train. It's like an hour and ten minutes just to pop on the train and you get the hustle and bustle of city life. But then to go back home. So nice. For me up here, it's just a rush. everything is for most of the day. Like you couldn't, we're not, we've stayed up here and we stayed in hotels. You still see people going around all hours of the morning. Yeah.

It's like New York, it just no one to. Never sleeps. Never sleeps. I know. And people love that, though. People do love that. Yeah. But it just, I prefer a little bit of a quieter.

Pice, yeah. But I am shitting myself about how we're going to get back into a routine because it's been loosey-goosey over the summer holidays. Some nights stress if it's not been asleep before 10 o'clock. Yeah. I think that's all of us, I think that's a collective. I feel like, I feel like, When I speak to people, they are all like fucking out.

The sleepings all over the place. There's very rarely anybody ever says, oh, we've stuck to the routine. But it's hard. And again, I think if you put too much pressure on them. No. And it's been nice to just enjoy that, to be honest. Like normally I'm so militant about like we have to be in the bath by 6.30 and we have to be down by 7.30. He's not going to go to sleep at that time.

No. But I'm just hoping I can get him. I'm hoping that he'll be so tired after a school day that he'll fall asleep more easily. That's how I was going to say you have got to go back to school. so it'll be more draining for him. Yeah. I'm hoping to be tired out. But getting him out of the house by 8 o'clock in the morning.

I know. Oh my God. He woke up at 9 a.m. the other day. What a lad. And I had to wake him and he was so tired. What's a lad. He's turned into a teenager. He's loving it though, isn't he?

He's loving life. Yeah, he's loving it. And what's been so lovely to see is on these play days because I've thought like he might forget about people or not want to play with them anymore. But it's been amazing. Like he'll get back with somebody he hasn't seen for like three weeks. And they're just like...

I think that's what we take for granted with children, isn't it? is how you and me now are probably stressed as to how to get them back into a routine and are they going to get up for school and are they going to be okay when they get there? But children just pick up where they left off. They sometimes wonder, maybe not so much mine now that they're bigger, but being Jojo's age that he's at now, there is like no time. He doesn't have no concept of time. They've got no concept.

He doesn't know he hasn't seen his friends for three weeks or six weeks. No. He'll just go back to school and pick up exactly where he left off. I think when they get older and there's emotional, factors into it and they understand feelings and they understand bullying or pain or unkind words or a feeling that makes them angry or something a teacher says that makes them feel cross and they're trying to deal with all of these emotions. Once they get bigger and start establishing that, I think that's when school becomes either an unsafe place that you feel in your emotion to be

or continues to be a safe place, you know. So I think once they get bigger and they understand, it's like anything. It's like when children have to learn the dangerous. of a road because they don't have that element of danger. They don't know danger, do they? No. And it's the same thing with school. Yeah, there's like so blissfully unaware. And it's even like, there's a few people that he said like, oh, I don't really play

with so and so anymore. But then when we've seen them, they play happening with them. They've been absolutely fine. Yeah. So again, that's why I don't believe a word he says. I feel like we'll be emotional wreck though on the episode after this one. Yeah. Just so, you know, when we come back and we record this.

Well, you're going to have like an empty nest, kind of. Because how often is rently at preschool? Three days of weeks. week. Three whole days? Three whole days. Four days, yeah. You're going to feel like, shit.

What are you going to do with your time? You've got to paint the rest of your house. I'm going to paint the rest of me. I've got my project in the loft to start. Yeah. You've got Operation Loft. Yeah. Maybe leopard prints and more.

I'm going to have to start painting the community's houses. Yeah. Roll up, roll up. What do you want? It's going to be like DIY. I might start my project of the garden. Yeah. Where I dig the whole garden out and like do it real like fancy.

Yeah. Garden makeover. Yeah. Groundforce. So there'll be lots for me. to do, you know. Keep yourself busy. But it's just, it's a weird one.

Like, obviously, when we spoke about Renli in last week's episode, it was his first trip out with my sister. And like, me and Chris were just on our own. And it was... Hello, what do we talk about now? I'm Safina. I'm addicted to Adidas and bronze and olives. What's your name?

Do you come here often? It was really hard. Yeah, it's weird. Not that we never really have anything to talk about, but our comments. conversations either involve the children, so you're waiting for like their answers back and you, there's always a big conversation between the whole family because the children put their input in or we're talking to them or it's something that they've seen or they're asking about something in the past. It was kind of like, oh, this is going to be us. Yeah. You and me. Just the two of us.

It's weird as well because like Reni hasn't even gone to nursery, right? Like he has spent a lot of time with the both of us. With you. Full on. And with the family. He's never really been away. No. So that's going to be, I mean, I think he's going to. Oh, I think he's going to absolutely love it. Yeah. I think there's going to be absolutely no doubt that he is going to have the best time of his life. Yeah. But for you, it's going to be an adjustment. I just think, I find in this one the hardest, I think, probably have said that with each child, to be honest with you. You know, he's your, he's my last baby. Yeah. And that's a really, really tough one. Yeah. It's really tough. Yeah. Because I'm not even, I've got it all to go through with Sadie. Yeah. Yeah. So it's like maybe

when it comes around to her, I'll feel a little bit little bit more emotional. about it because it'll be the last time I'll be doing it all. So we could be an emotional wreck. Yeah. If you're tuned into my socials, brace yourself. Yeah. Put your head between your legs and kiss your furry butt goodbye because I'm going to be crying like a fucking whale. I just, I don't know.

I just, I don't even know how to feel. I can't even think about it. I can't believe at this point now we're recording this with, we're halfway through. Yeah. Halfway. I know. I just feel sad about leaving summer behind as well. Like it's been so, so far.

it's been such an amazing summer. And I'll always caveat the weather chat with like we did last episode with I know it's terrible. The ground is scorched. Climate change is real and it's bad. Scary. But this summer has just been. So fantastic. It's just enabled us to do such amazing things.

And like where we live now, like we can just be down at the seafront in like 10 minutes. So we're spending like so much time. And Sadie, oh my God, you, I can't show anyone the photos because they're. They're actually like X-rated. But you had to see her on the beach the other day. Like she is just such a beach bum, like outdoor baby. She gets down there. She's like, wants to rip her clothes off.

She's like rolling in the sand, running in the sea. Joseph can barely get him to take his trainers off. He does warm up to it by the end. But she's just like loving life. Free spirit. And like seeing them so happy. They're just like they're loving it. Oh.

And it's so nice. I mean, Sadie, fuck, there wasn't an area of that there wasn't covered. in sand. Every time I rinsed off in the sea, she would come straight out and lay on the sand. I was fine, I lose in battle. When she came home, did a wee on the toilet,

there was sand in her wee. Stunning. Maybe she ate it on her cheese sandwich. She was putting it in her mouth. Like, I was like, are you, my child? This is actually my worst nightmare to be so covered in sand. Yeah. When you get home and it's in your foo-foo.

And that, and you wipe the two-willip roll, don't you on there? And you're like, fath. It's an exfoliate. Yeah, an exfoliate. Right, and clitoris. Oh, God. It's like rubbing sandpaper.

on your fanny. Fuck, it's so bad, isn't it? And do you know what? It's so annoying when you're a parent, you really have to let go of your own comfort. So like, I don't really like being covered in wet sand. Who does?

But I'm like, I need to make sure them off. I need to make sure they're all right. So I'm like, do you know what? I'll walk off the beach with sand in my fucking crack and between my toes because I've got all this shit to carry.

And your flip-flops rubbing. My crocs are giving me a fucking blister because I've got so much sand in my shoe. But you're like, you've got to make sure they're all right. You've got to make sure. make sure they're okay. You got to suck up your own problems, bitch. Honestly, I'll get myself an ice cream. They eat the whole thing. I'm like, sure, I was really looking forward to that.

But no, you go on, you have another lick. You get your tongue all over that right up in there. Eat my, you want my flake. Yeah. I didn't want it anyway. Do you want it? Do you know what I do with mine is shove my flake into my cone? And I push it all the way through my ice cream. Because they eat the ice cream, but no one ever wants the cone. So they hand me back the cones and I have all the flakes. Oh, yeah. It's like making your own little like chocolatey bit at the bottom of the cornetto. Unagi. Unagi.

That's genius. Thank you. You get all the flakes? They just like all the ice cream bit. And they go, oh, where's my flake? I go, oh, man, run out. Oh, no. Oh, no, no.

And I take them off the ice cream out and I shove all their flakes in to babies, give them theirs. And then they go, oh, I don't want anymore. There's normally a little tiny layer of ice cream so they can't see it. Yeah, get them in my hatch. Down the hatch. Down the edge. Up your ass. But yeah, it's been good. But we're just getting through, honies.

The holidays are very, very slow for the both of us. We're both just enjoying every second, aren't we? Soaking it all up. And we hope you're enjoying yours. I know I keep saying it. But I think because mine is just, mine is at the moment wonderful. Yes. I just really hope that other people,

because I know it's a really stressful time for others. Yeah. It can be really, really hard time. And if you're working or if you and your partner are working. And it's okay to also not be enjoying it. And to not be loving it. Yeah. Because the juggle, if you've got like two parents working full time maybe.

Yeah. It is really hard. And it's really intense. Yeah. So I just want you to know it as well just to clarify that if you aren't enjoying it, that's also fine. It's absolutely fine and completely normal. People cannot wait for their children to go back. And that again, too, is so fine. It just is different stages.

It's different waves. And we all look at the situation differently because everyone's situation is differently. But we see you, we hear you. we still adore you and welcome you in with open arms. There is no judgment here, whether you love it or hate it. Still an obsession. Love me, I hate me, that is the question. Love me, I hate it.

And that's on top. No, it's lady suffering. If you love me, then thank you. If you hate me, then fuck you. Yeah, lady sovereign. Remember her? Yeah. But yes, we adore you all.

Everyone is welcome in the secret. Mom Club. Pooh club. The secret shit club. So Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yes, we want you to join us in the Secret Man Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us,

respond to what we've been talking about, or just say, hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram to search for Secret ManPod, or you can email us hello at secretmanpod.com. It's time for the Corresponders Corner. Yes, I out did you. I don't think that's ever happened before. I've been really working on my lung capacity.

My lung capacity. Shouting in the school holiday. Children! That's what I've been doing My lung capacity is shit Mine is shit But did you get an itchy ear then When the ringing started ringing

No, just hurt my chest Oh you were itching your ear though Oh was I Sometimes when you shout so loud And you make your ears itch And you're like theirs Ah It's like when someone talks to you

In like a really loud club Or a bar or something Yeah I have to hold my Ear drum To hear them To be able to hear them Is that normal

I'm quite hard I don't know I don't know The last time I was in a nightclub And when I did go to the nightclub I didn't talk to no one I was just fucking steamo Snogging Chris on the dance floor.

That last time you went when you met Chris? No, I've been after that. Jesus Christ. I said that like I was in the club all the time. I haven't been to a club since having Colby though. To 10 years. And also then I was pregnant for a year before that, so 11 years. It's a weird experience now.

I don't think I've really, we did much clubbing. No, probably about 11 years. I haven't been clubbing. I don't miss it. I will. I don't miss it at all. God, no. But even in any loud environment, I'm quite hard of hearing.

so I have to do, I have to hold my ear. Let me know if that's normal. Have you had that checked? I've had a hearing check. Yeah, and I am hard of hearing in my right ear. Did they not give you any aids? No, I don't qualify for a hearing aid, but I do register where I like,

I find it hard to hear at high frequencies in my right ear. Weirdly, well, mum's got the same thing. So now we're like, is that genetic? That's great. So you basically, when I scream and shout at you, you can't hear me. Just zone out. Or just really hurt.

Yeah. You zone out anyway. Can't hear anything. What do you say? Can I not hear you? or am I ignoring you? It's like Joseph. You are talking to me. Yeah, Joseph's like, I can hear you. I'm just not listening.

Oh, great. Stunning. Thanks for that. Cool. Anywho, it's time for you to drop the correspondence. Okay, this is from a mum of two in Warrington. Oh, hello, mum of two in Warrington. It says, hello, beautiful ladies. I've just been listening to the pelvic power episode

and hearing Emma talk about Joseph and nighttime pull-ups, it reminded me of my son. It was around April before he was due to start in reception in September. I decided I didn't want him wearing nappies when he started school, so I brought a waterproof mattress protector and decided to just give it a go. He'd shown no signs of being dry up to that point and was waking up with soaking wet nappies every morning. But on the first morning of no nappies, he woke up with a completely dry bed and took himself straight to the toilet for a huge wee. I think he'd actually

just been doing his morning wee and his nappy rather than getting up to use the toilet. So it might be worth trying, Joseph, without his pull-up and seeing how he gets on. Big hugs, mum of two in Warrington, that is music to my ears. That is actually amazing. Really good because imagine he just fills his nappy and knows, I'm just going to lie her for another 10 minutes. Well, someone I said it to the other day, I was like, I really want to try and get him out of pull-ups like this school year, definitely.

Like, I feel like he's too old to still be wearing them. And when I speak to other, the mums of the boys in his class, I haven't come across anyone yet that is still wearing a pull-up at night. And she was like, do you think he's not just doing it because he knows he's got the comfort of it there? She was like, if you take it away, you might actually be fine. Because he's generally got really good bladder control during the day. And I was like, maybe I should just try it.

So it's amazing timing that you've written this in because I think... Give it a well. Give it a well. You can get some really great waterproof. Are they really waterproof? Yeah, really water. Truly, truly, true waterproof. No, I wouldn't go through to the mattress.

Okay. They're fantastic. I think give it a well. Yeah. What's the harm? You've got nothing to lose, really. No. As long as you're protecting the mattress, everything's washable.

Just one pissy shoot. Yeah. I do think as well, it's, it's. his morning we is the thing that's making it seem really heavy because he gets up, we maybe don't take it off immediately. So he's kind of got that comfort of like he can just do it and his napi. And obviously that morning we is a big one. Big one.

But yeah, I was kind of disheartened by it because I was like, oh, he's not even showing any signs of like waking up with a dry nappy. Like it is wet. But she makes a good point. Maybe that's just his morning wee. Well, thank you, Mum of Tour and Warren. Thanks so much. We appreciate you.

That's a real eye opener. God bless you. So you can get in touch with that. us on anything at all. Yes, it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we've probably heard it all before and remember,

we're all in this together and we know that we are, we're all stars and we see that. Do you remember we used to have to sing that on every app? Yeah, and now it surprises me when it's coming. I just have to put my mug down. Oh, did you? You weren't even prepared.

We weren't ready. You weren't prepared. Roy, we got three secrets from you this week that we're going to be discussing. So Emma, you want to take it away with number one, honey? Yes, this is from an Anonymous listener. Oh, hello anonymous.

And it says, hi, ladies. Hello. I wanted to write in for a bit of advice and reassurance, really. I'm 25 and my partner and I have been trying for our first baby for nearly a year. I know that's not very long in the grand scheme of things, but I have a history of large cysts on my ovaries and undiagnosed abdominal pain. So I'm quite anxious that I won't be able to fall pregnant. I've had blood tests that came back normal and my partner has had pregnancies in the past. So on paper, there doesn't seem to be anything stopping us from getting pregnant.

It just, it's just really disheartening when it feels like everyone else is falling pregnant. so quickly. I'm hoping someone has a similar story with a positive outcome that might help keep my spirits up and give me some hope that it will happen eventually. Lots of love anonymous. This one is a tough one, isn't it? Because it is, again, please correct me if I'm wrong. I feel like the doctors won't see you unless you say that you've been trying for a year. At least a year. Which I told a little fibby about to get tests earlier at my doctors when we were trying for Joseph because I felt disheartened after six months. Right. So I... Well, you tried to conceive JoJo, though, didn't you?

Yeah. And how long did it take you in? So we were about six months in when I got pregnant. And I think very shortly before that I'd said to the doctor, because I was getting disheartened even after that amount of time. So I was like, there's no harm in doing it. So I had gone in and had a blood test. And I think for the woman, it's two blood tests.

It's like one and then something happens and you have another one to measure. Yes. And I had had the one blood test. I was halfway through and then I got pregnant. So never went back for my second one. Right. But I would say Anonymous is at the point now where you could ask for some help from the GP. Yes.

But she has obviously been to the GP who have done blood test. She says I've had blood tests that came back normal. And my partner's had pregnancy in the past. That doesn't necessarily mean that he wouldn't need to get his sperm checks now. Yes. Because I would like to know if he has. So my partner has had pregnancies in the past. Yeah.

Is she presumably with someone else? Yeah. So whether the pregnancies went through. or whether they've fallen pregnant and if they weren't full term or so forth. But even if he was able to get someone pregnant previously, things can change as you get older. The quality of the sperm can decline. So I'd say there's no harm in getting your partner checked as well. Yes, I was going to say, even though his previous partner has fallen pregnant,

there's nothing to say that anything has changed. That's what I was going on, as to how old the children are. If the children went full term and they had the children, how old their children are. because if his eldest is 10. That's what I mean? A lot of change in that time. A lot change. So I would definitely go to the doctors and search both avenues for the both of you.

Again, obviously 12 months of trying for a baby is going to be disheartening for anybody, isn't it? And I think what's worse is it's watching everybody else around you just makes you even more. And as hard as it is, you have to try and keep your spirits high. And I know that's really rich of me to say because I have three children and I've always fallen pregnant without trying. So that is, that's easy for me to say. But I would definitely go down the avenue of speaking to a doctor, getting advice for the both of you. Yeah. And then take it from there. Yeah.

It's that thing, isn't it? When we've just spoken about this loads before, but when people start to go down the route of IVF and they feel the pressure is taken off. And while they're going through the route of IVF, they fall pregnant and they conceive naturally. Yeah. So it's a funny mind game, isn't it? Yeah. And because you want it so badly. Yeah.

And you feel like it's, because you're so consumed by it, you feel like it's all you can see. Like you'll go on social media and be like, oh, someone else is pregnant. Someone else has had a baby. You feel like you see pregnant women everywhere probably and think, oh my God, I just want to be pregnant. Like it's like frequency illusion. It's like when you buy a car, isn't it? Yeah. And then you'll see it everywhere.

See it everywhere. Once you see it, you can't stop seeing it. And I know it might seem like everyone else is falling pregnant really easily. Yeah. But you don't necessarily know other people's journey to getting pregnant either. They may have tried for a long time. They may have had trouble conceiving. Exactly.

But I know it probably seems like that's all you can see right now. And that is hard. Yes. But just try not to get to. But again, we do know this topic is a very sensitive one. And we don't want to take it lightly, which we would never do. And I know there's a lot of women out there who can relate to this. So I would really love to hear anybody's experiences or anything that they have gone through

because this would be really, really lovely, not just to send to anonymous. but other moms that are also in the same situation. Because a lot of moms will feel very lost with this happening and not want to talk to anybody. Yes. And it's kind of that thing. A lot of moms will just or a lot of women will just forget about it. And I just won't tell anybody it will just happen one day. And a lot of people can get really upset in that circumstance.

So it would be good to hear anybody's experiences, anybody's advice. Yes. And we can share it to all the mamas and the dads. Anyone that's been trying for a long time and had a positive outcome. It would be really nice to hear. Yeah. Okay. Let's have secret number two.

Okay, this comes from Rosie. Hello, Rosie. It says, hello, lovely ladies. I've written in before about the funny side of my relationship. I was the pelvic power lady who snapped a speculum. Do you remember that? Yeah. Buss the speculum right up in a vaj.

There's been a lot going on recently and I'm looking for some advice. For the last month or so, my partner has been taking on extra work in the evening so we can pay off our wedding. This isn't a problem, but I won't lie. Being a solo parent during the summer holidays to two children, one 10 months and seven, three dogs and the housework is really hard. I've started to resent my partner for the things he gets to have at work that I don't. He gets adult conversation, he can pee in peace, he can drink a hot coffee if he wants,

and by the end of the day, I'm absolutely shattered. This week in particular, I cancelled my exercise class so that he could work in the evening. I was gutted, but I thought, we're doing this for our wedding. It's a sacrifice we're both making. Then I found out that he'd actually worked his hours around his hobby this week. I was so bloody angry and upset. Why is it okay for me to sacrifice my hobbies, but he can somehow fit his work around his. We did have a chat about it, but he said, oh, sorry, I didn't even think.

And honestly, hearing that made me feel even worse, because it confirmed that I hadn't been thought about at all. He even said, I can't just spend my time working and sleeping, and I snapped back, what, and I should. I just feel totally bogged down, taken for granted, and like what I want doesn't matter. I'm hoping I'm not sounding like a total cow. I'm just sick of the double standard. So is it unreasonable for me to ask him not to go to his hobby this week because I gave

up mine. Those hours could be spent working, which means we'll have more time together as a family at the weekend. I honestly don't know how to handle it other than breaking down into a puddle of tears. Love the pod, Rosie. God bless you. I would say it's either all or nothing. So you either both do your hobbies or no one does them. Yeah. Because it's, I, and this is not me having a bash at men because that's not what I ever stand for at all. I feel like it's everybody's struggles are different, whether you're going out to work or whether you're home with children. I don't think anybody should ever have an opinion on the opposites. Yeah, because you haven't lived it. Yeah, because you're not living it. But I obviously see this

from both point of views. I understand where she's coming from when she says that she feels sad that he said, I just didn't think. Chris says that a lot. He's like, oh, fuck, I just didn't put two and two together and I didn't think about it. And it's like, okay, in my head, that just gives me, though, that little bit of element of reassurance in my head to be like, this is why I need to remind him. This is why I need to remind him because men just don't have that function. That doesn't give me reassurance. That makes me really annoyed. I'd be like, oh, you didn't

consider me. Oh, great, that makes me feel brilliant. Thank you. Yeah, that's what I mean. That's where we're both completely different. Whereas in my head, Chris does it. And I'm just like, okay, well, is there any negotiating we can do? Like, if you're going to do yours, then I would really like to do mine, because I've lost out on mine this week, and

I cancelled mine. There is, for me, there's a little bit more satisfaction in actually going, when he says me, oh, I didn't think. Well, cool, okay, but you didn't think, which meant I cancelled my class so you could work, because I'm doing all this for the wedding. I would like then to break the points down and then he goes the following week, do you know what? I'm going to go to work, but I'm not going to work this night. I'm not doing my hobby, but you do yours. Yeah. And for me, that reward, yeah, that is way more satisfying for me than feeling pissed off by him not

thinking of me. Yeah. I get more satisfaction out of him going, in a way, feeling guilty and going And fuck, okay, I didn't think of you. And that's really shitty on me. Yeah. But men just don't have that function in their brain. I think it's hard. My sister could give you my whole fucking working life, whereas Chris doesn't know the last time he had a poo.

You know? My sister lives the ins and outs of a duck's bum hole. Whereas Chris is like, do ducks even have bumholes? Do you know what I mean? Yeah, but that's annoying to me. I'm like, you should think about it. And it's hard. I just think it's communication, isn't it?

It's communication. But I think it's so normal for like resentment to be. on both sides. 100%. But I do think if you are the primary stay-at-home caregiver, which tends to be the woman. It does tend to be the woman. And that's what it's like in mine and Stefan's situation now.

Like previously, we've both worked full-time jobs and juggled at home. And actually, that felt a bit fairer because we were kind of both doing the same thing. Whereas now I'm pretty much stay-at-home mom. And he's the only person earning. And I see the stresses from both sides. That's what I think I'm trying to say. Yeah. I do see it, but I also think that...

Mama needs a break from the babies, the house and the dog. And I just think the role at home tends to not be valued as much as the role of going out to work because it doesn't make money. And I think that's not the only important thing. But when you're looking towards something like a wedding to pay for, the financial contribution that a husband is making by going to work is really important. Like Stefan earns 90% of the money for our household now. But you also need to realise that the person at home, even though they're not bringing money into... to the bank. You can only go out to work and do what you do because someone's holding it all together at home. So that needs to be just as valued. You don't have a salary coming in, but you should.

And I think that is the harder work day to day, hour, to hour, minutes a minute, like having no break, having children, you're constantly answerable to, thinking about the next meal, the next snack, who needs the toilet, have they got clean clothes to wear, have they got clothes that fit them, what are we going to do today? How am I going to keep them entertained? How am I going to fit their naps in? going to work, I know it depends on your job, but going to work for me is like not as difficult as that. And yet it's like the lesser valued role in the relationship, which I just think is shit. Like society needs to change that. Just find it so hard because when talking about that and people say, oh, what's your job?

And you go, oh, I'm a stay at home. Mum. They're like, well, that's not a job because you chose to have children. And it's just such a, I don't know, I don't want to say a backward approach. I just find it, I find it really hard. I feel like both in this scenario, if we're talking about Rosie and her partner, soon to be husband, both are valid. I do think the element of going out to work and leaving the family and not having children talking to your day, the housework, all of the pressures and all of that. I understand.

I feel like that element is easier. But also, I can only, again, talk of my behalf of Chris. Chris actually really struggles to leave the house and leave everybody at high. And I do think that is hard as well because you miss out on a lot. Yeah, he spent, obviously, we've been very lucky that he's been able to stay home with me. But when Chris had to go out to work, when we were pregnant with Colby, our financial situation was awful. We didn't have it easy at the start of our relationship. We had it really tough.

And Chris lost out on a lot and he would get upset. He'd go out at 4 o'clock in the morning. Some days, 10, 11 o'clock at night, wouldn't come home. And he'd miss Colby's bedtime, bath time, dinner time, lunchtime, everything, everything. thing, school nativities, he would miss out on parents' evening. There was very minimal things that Chris was able to make to. And then when the weekend come around and I'd be like, oh, can we get this done in the weekend?

He was absolutely zapped. Some days he worked Saturday. Some days he'd even took on a Sunday. So from that respect of going out to work, that is hard. It is hard to go out and leave everybody. And I can imagine he's working a lot of hours, being that she said he's taking a night job that's worked around his hobby. so he's either picked a bit of a shift up, gone out and done his hobby, and then come back and finished.

So I get that and I do completely believe that both sides are so valid. But I just think there needs to be, as always, is communication. Yeah, it just feels a bit sneaky that he... That's what I was about to say to you. That's what I don't like is. It doesn't feel honest. That doesn't feel honest. That feels a little bit sneaky.

Like he's... Very in mind, Rosie would have told him, I've cancelled my hobby so you can work tonight. And he's gone, oh, brilliant. And then he's gone and done his anyway. She's cancelled her hobby. Yeah. And it's almost the like, oh, well, I'm out at work so she doesn't really know what I'm up to anyway. Like that feels is a little. That feels a bit dishonest. Yes. But I think like, it's like Stefan, it feels like he spends all his time either working or then he comes home and looks after kids. And I'm like, well, yeah, hello, I've been looking after kids the whole time. But I can see why in his position he's like, well, I don't have any fun or leisure time. Like, when are I going to fit my hobby in? He likes playing golf. That takes a long time. He's like, when am I going to be able to do that? And I'm like, be lovely for you to do that. I don't want you to have no fun. I'm not trying to hate on you, make your life. shit and boring and tiring. But also, when do I get to go and do my thing?

Like, it's like you say, it needs to be fair on both sides. You can't go and sneak off and play golf if I'm not going to be allowed to go to the gym or go out with my friends or go for lunch. I don't really go anywhere rather than the shops. So if I get an hour in Tesco, I'm does. I'm off my tits. Be fair, it's quite fun with the children. Not so fun when they play hide and seek in the middle of testes.

But, you know, it's hard. I do believe it's communication. I would have been really upset and said, I had to say something. I think you're totally valid in how you felt. So it just makes you feel. feel like you haven't been considered and you're not important. 100% agree. And I totally get that. Yeah, totally get that. But communication, talk. And make sure you don't cancel your time out because you also deserve time. Yeah. And it's okay to want

time away from your house. Yeah. And it's the same with anything is that as long as you're telling him. I think there's a lot of pressure as well. When you're the stay at home parent, it's like, what do you need a break for? You're just sat at home all day. Or you're not going out to work and earning money. So I need more of a break than you. Like, no. It needs to be fair. It needs to be fair. It does need to be fair. But Rosie, we adore you, my darling.

Keep us posted. Keep us up to date. And make sure you talk because you are so valid in this. And I would be an emotional wreck, to be honest with you. Yeah. God bless your heart. Right. Let's have our last secret.

Okay. This is from Francesca. Hey, Francesca. This is, hey gals. Hey, gals. Hey, gals. I previously wrote in asking for help surviving the first trimester with a wild toddler. It's a wild one.

Yeah, well, I'm pleased to report that I survived with the help of poor patrol and ice lollies. My gorgeous baby girl, Alexandra, arrived in July, and she's worth every hard day I spent stuck on the sofa. Your advice to just roll with it and do whatever you need to survive the harder days really helped me through that first trimester. I'm now using the same advice as I navigate this new era of being a mum to a toddler and a newborn. It's definitely hard, but I'm loving every second. On another note, I thought you'd enjoy this recent episode of Seby embarrassing me with bad words because I know how much you love it when a child swears or says something they shouldn't. You know us too well.

We were at a maze where we had to find some, find and name different animals dotted around. We started off strong with Spike the hedgehog, but things went downhill when I asked him what he wanted to call the fox. I suggested Foxy. Seby, clear as anything, announced that he wanted to call the fox. Big dick. I thought he was going to go fucky or fuck or coming to go. Foxy. Big Dick?

Big Dick. This is Big Dick Fox. What the hellie? So we called the fox Big Dick and wrote it on the sheet. The best animal name wins a prize. So here's hoping we win. Thanks again for everything. Francesca.

But hey, if anybody says anything to say, obviously, it's Big Richard. Yeah. Big Richard the Fox. You're the one with a dirty mind. Big Red Richard, the Red Fox. Gosh, yeah, you're the one that just read that wrong. Filthy bastard. God, he's two.

For God's so. Yeah, let him just be with big dick. Big Dick Fox. Big Dick Fox. Oh God, Francesca, firstly, congratulations. Oh, I know. Just last month. Just last month.

Oh, so fresh. You have to take them newborn trenches. Same with every trimester through pregnancy. Just take every day as it comes. As much as you can rest, rest. But then that first year in newborn life, it's a wild one, isn't it? It's a wild one. Especially when you've got a toddler, is that?

Especially when you've got a toddler. but just take every day as it comes, soak it up. Yeah. And I hope your little dude is enjoying Big Brotherhood. Seby and Alexandra. Oh, Seby. Sadie's got a new one at the moment when we're on the trampoline. We play someone has to like roll around in the middle

and someone, everyone else jumps around the outside until you splat and it's called Crack the Egg. Yeah. So when we jump around, we're like, crack the egg, crack the egg. But Sadie sounds like she's saying, fuck the egg, fuck the egg. I'll try to get on camera. Oh. It's great. So now I'll be like, do you want to play fuck the egg?

That's like the one behind the mask, isn't it? Take it off. Take it off. Your houses crack the egg. Oh, fuck the egg. Fuck the egg. Fuck the egg. Oh, thank you, Francesca.

I hope you're loving every minute and I hope you're doing well. Yes. Yes. There's a bit of a flurry of babies at the moment. Such a furry of babies being born. Three of my friends have babies recently. It normally happens, doesn't it? You normally, when they're two, try for another baby, don't you?

Usually, a two years is like a very common. It's a very common age. Yeah. That's what you tend to see. Yeah. Not from me, though. No. Emma Jones.

Oh, no. Not from me. What, now say this is two and a half. I was waiting for you to finish up, but you didn't. I was like, something you want to tell me? God, no. No, we've made that decision, haven't we? Drawn a line under that.

Do you think? Solidified. Yeah. Oh, wow. I think we need to start looking at vasectomies. That's a different topic for a different episode. That's a different topic for another day. Stay tuned for a double vasectomy.

But get in touch with your vasectomy story. because I would love to hear. Yes, I would love vasectomy stories. Yeah. I'll tell you who's always made me laugh. Wasn't it? Jordan Banjo. Oh, what did he do?

When he had one done and she recorded him coming out. No, it just when people have them, it's watching them after they've had their vasectomies. Oh, because it's like a bit painful. Yeah. Yeah. But thank you for sharing your secrets this weekend. Also, women are like, do you know what I went through to have a baby

and you're moaning about having a little snip in your willy? Yep. Over it. Chop your balls off. Everyone is welcome. Vesectomies and vaginas. Or Foofus and Willis. Big Dicks, actually.

Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. If you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secretmanpod.com and we're SecretMampod on TikTok and Instagram. Give us your best V stories. And I don't mean vagina. Vesctomies. Tell us everything. I want to know it from the women's side and the man's side.

Yes. I want to know funny, sorry, secrets, how it went, what went down. Yeah. Was it success? Was it? Did it fail? Fuck. Please, please, it has to be someone in the world that's had a failed, failed vasectomy.

Or did you reverse it to have babies later on? Did you reverse it? Flipper down and reverse it. It's your flippa-p-p-rein-get on your vasectomy. If you got a big, let me start it. I find out how hard I got to work. Yeah. Is your blip-a-bri-euvrestectomy?

Break it down. God, that really took a turn, that ad. Oh, my fellow. That ad took a turn. That ep took a turn. Okay. Or do you have... Feels weird to go back now.

Do you have any hobbies? Let us know. There really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mumble! Oh, no, we're off. Yes.