Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The School Spy

Episode Date: June 26, 2025

Soph and Emma burp-battle their way through the listener mailbag this week. The ladies have a spy on the inside of the school walls... and let’s just say, they’re bringing all the staffroom goss straight to the Secret Mum Club! Plus, after a letter from listener Katie, Soph and Emma open up about their own experiences with postpartum mood swings. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the Secret Mom Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And welcome to your Thursdays episode. Where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week. I get to squeeze your bits this week. Emma's got the belt, jeez. So bear with her. All of your comments, thoughts, questions and fun stories. To keep you going through the weekend. Shall we? Shall we jump in? I just spat on my tablet. I'm so sorry. I can't stop laughing about the fact that before this came up. So bear with her. All of your comments, thoughts, questions and fun stories. To keep you going through the weekend.

Shall we jump in? I just spat on my tablet. I can't stop laughing about the fact that before this came on we were having a belching competition. We've just been having a burping competition as to how much air can you suck in in belch. And then do a really big belch. And then we're pretty good at it, aren't we? We are. We are actually fantastic. Emma did say she wished she could take a fart in, take air in and fart. What made me laugh so much was that we were sat here forcing out belches and then I said, oh, I wish we could do that with farts.

And Sophie goes, oh no, I don't know about that. Like that's too much after everything we've just been doing. Now you've got standards. Now I've got standards. Like farting is a bit much. To be fair though, I actually do really love a fart. Get down with the Trump. Draw the line.

I don't know if I want to take air into my back passage. I'm okay with it coming out. I just don't know if I want to do it on demand. You're not orchestrating. It's got to be organic. Yeah, it's got to be straight organic. It's like queefing. Isn't it?

You can't make that happen. You can't force it. you can't force it. You can take it in. If you put your bum in the air, bum right up, foo foo in the air, you can suck it in. And force the queef? Yeah, force the queef. Can't use off here. See? We'll do that one next. Yeah.

It's time for another correspondence corner. You want for luck? So Emma, let's have the first one. I wonder if you could do it talking. You could, you can really bust them out. Sorry, I've got good suction in that. Mine are rare, Ever took so much air in it, I actually come right deep from inside. From the belly. It was like, rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr Please leave. Okay, this one is from Tim. I thought it said this one is TMI. We were adverse to any information,

but thank you Tim. Is there some TMI on here? No, there is not. All right, Tim is the dad in the club. You've got to talk about his wife's IVF journey. Says hello again, ladies. I was just sat at my desk, listening to your father's day special

and how nice you gave me another shout out. I think this will be Tim's third time on the podcast. Third time Tim? Not another one. Not another one. Honestly, our lovely Sophia has changed so much already. She's four months old and we had our first Father's Day with her older siblings, Adam, Becca and Abigail.

Oh. I had no doubts, but my wife Angela has taken to motherhood perfectly and we have both been given such a wonderful new lease of life. Our beautiful daughter is always smiling at us from the moment she wakes up. Thank you so much for continuing to think of us and keep up the fantastic work, Tim. Oh, Tim. Oh. And I wonder how the siblings are getting on with her.

I know. I bet it's so, do you know when you just look at things in or see and envision things, it just must be just such a magical, how wonderful just to like put yourself in that mindset of like imagining like what goes on in their house. Oh,, how wonderful, just to like put yourself in that mindset of like imagining like what goes on in their house. Oh, just how wonderful. The four of them, only one boy as well. I know.

Adam's surrounded by girls. That's my sister Zoe. She's got three girls, one boy. Yeah, yeah. Gosh, does he like it? No. Hates every bit of it. People always say to me,

oh, your poor dad's surrounded by girls. I'm like, he loves it. Tried to talk to him the other day about periods and he just went right red and went, Auntie, this is a bit much. He's 13, he's 14. And he was like, this is a bit much. Dude, you live in a house with fucking four women. You can't avoid it. You can't avoid the period. No one talks to me about it. I said, well, that's what auntie's here for. Giving you the P down. Pardon? Giving you the period low down. Tried to abbreviate, it didn't sound great. I'm not P-ing down anybody.

Fuck. This has taken a turn for the worst. Oh, well thank you, Tim. And we're very glad that Sophia Ella, she was almost named after us, Sophia Emma. Sophia Ella's getting on well. Do you think that was what it was from?

Yeah. Tim's not gonna admit that, is he? No, but we know Tim. We know Tim. We know, You don't need to say it. Yeah, we know. We are fully aware. Yeah. But we appreciate you. Big love to Angela as well. Yes. I'm glad she's settled in great and she's having the most incredible experience. Yeah. Well done to you all. Hope life is just so fucking wonderful. It bloody sounds it.

Do you remember those four months? Yeah. Old days. Yeah. God. She's so wonderful. But Tim, don. Do you remember those four months? Yeah. Old days. Yeah. God. So wonderful. But Kim, don't ever stop being a part of the mum slash dad club. Secret dad club. Because we cherish you, Kim. We love it.

Yes. All right. This one says, hello, you lovely ladies. I found out I was pregnant in July, 2024. I was already listening to your fabulous podcast, but went back to the start and followed your pregnancies whilst I was pregnant. Stop it now. Oh, in real time. That's adorable.

Your podcast has helped me so much. Little Rory was born four weeks early to the start and followed your pregnancies whilst I was pregnant. Stop it now, that's adorable. Your podcast has helped me so much. Little Rory was born four weeks early via emergency C-section on the 11th of March 2025, a year and two days after Renly and four weeks early just like him. He spent some time in the NICU as Renly did, but he's doing amazingly and is now three months old. I want to say thank you as your podcast has been such a comfort through my pregnancy and since giving birth. You guys are amazing. Your stories, your honesty and

laughs are supporting my motherhood journey. And I'm so grateful to have it during this amazing beautiful roller coaster. You guys rock. Keep being you. Lots of love. Harriet 30 and Rory three months. This is absolutely fucking adorable. Isn't it? Rory. Rory was on my baby name because obviously I, fun fact, never told anybody I wanted an R because there's obviously correlation to. You wanted an R and because of Colby's initials. Because Colby's initials. And you wanted an E, a name ending in an E sound. Yes, Rory. So my baby names were like Rory, Rudy, Renly. Yes, I remember you saying Rudy. Fun fact, if I was a boy I was going to be called

Rory. Oh, I love it. Yeah. I do love Rory. It's more interesting than Emma, isn't it? I love an saying Rudy. Fun fact, if I was a boy, I was gonna be called Rory. God, I love it. Yeah. I do love Rory. It's more interesting than Emma, isn't it? I love an R name. Yeah. Yes. Well, congratulations, Harriet. Thank you, Harriet.

And thank you. Yeah, massive congratulations. Oh God, yeah, you've really been. And what a little truth for Rory, bless his heart. Four weeks earlier, now he's three months old. Basically, literally the same as Rena's. Rena's come, well, just short of five weeks early. Yeah. And then he was in the NICU.

For a week? Nine days. Nine days. We were nine days in the NICU, nine days on the ward, yeah. It's a lot, isn't it? Yeah. But God bless you as well, Harriet. I hope that was all right for you, Harriet. Sounds like you're smashing it now, though. Thank you for your wonderful words and just being here.

It means the world to us both. He's no longer a newborn, that is, isn't it? Three months, 12 weeks. I know, can't say that though, you'll make her sad. I know, sorry. I know it goes so fast, but I remember that being like a, a real milestone. It was a milestone.

In a way it's a celebration, cause you're like, we made it out of the newborn phase, but also you're like, oh, it's going really fast. It's actually heart wrenching, Emma. Yeah. Yeah, sorry about that. Sorry, Harriet. All right, one last message here.

It says, hi ladies, just wanted to touch base with you on the PSHE lessons from the point of view I'm not wrenching Emma. Yeah. Yeah, sorry about that. Sorry Harriet. Sorry. All right, one last message here. It says, hi ladies, just wanted to touch base with you on the PSHE lessons from the point of view of a primary school teacher, as well as the parent of an eight year old. Oh, this is fantastic. So we're talking about Colby. Yes.

Weren't we having his PSHE lessons? Yes. I've always had a really open conversation policy with my own daughter and we've always tried to use the correct language in the household, leading to comments such as, mommy, where is my Jemima? When she was just two years old.

As a primary school teacher, we introduced the scientific language for body parts in year two and PSHE lessons are compulsory. What's year two? Seven? That is, the dotty's about to go into it. Six? Seven, it's between six and seven.

Depending on the school, they may teach different PSHE lessons every week. This can be on things from bullying to self-acceptance to sex education to community and diversity. It's a whole host of topics smushed into one lesson name. Generally speaking, schools won't send a warning email that children are about to learn about body parts. This is to prevent voluntary absence on that day. Of course.

Because these things are so important to learn about, which I know you fully understand. The idea of not pre-warning the children is that it makes it more normal and accepted rather than attaching stigma or a big build- up that makes them feel weird about it. We also teach topics like consent from as young as nursery age. That's good, isn't it? You don't need scary language to teach a child that no, it's a full sentence. I know this stuff doesn't always get shared with parents and understanding the world your kids are in is so important. Please feel free to ask me anything else. Happy to be your secret mom pod spy in schools. Lots of love and support.

Holly. Yes, Holly, you're hired. You're in the WhatsApp group. Get her added. Holly's in. You made the call. Oh, Holly, do you know what? Right, after reflecting back on this,

it was a very, it was very emotional. And I obviously did get very emotional in the episode because talking about it. But when you sit back and you reflect on it and actually listening to the episode back, I did go in that mindset of that one, we're not going to be notified because one, people can mask it, make excuses, not turn up, tell children to say this, do that. I get that. Children are so insanely influenced. And it's a very important topic. We have to discuss it. We have to talk about it. It's so serious yet so normal. And it is a very important topic. We have to discuss it, we have to talk about it. It's so serious,

yet so normal. And it is a topic that has to be covered. But I appreciate that so much. It is nice to hear it from the curriculum. Would that be the right from the opposite side? Yeah, from the school's perspective. Because as a mum, you do feel sometimes like you are a little bit crazy. And you know that your opinion is different to others, or everybody else has different opinions, but it's when you don't hear it from that side or hear maybe somebody that's not involved in my school, you know, a teacher at my school or a parent at my school, a helper at my school or something like that. It's nice to hear it from a completely different outsource. And I do love that, but it is scary. Like I didn't even know about like year two,

like Dottie being. Yeah, I didn't know that. And I didn't know about the consent thing. Like that sounds scary and like, oh, they're not gonna need to know about that until they're older. But I guess that is such an important thing to- I did know about the consent thing.

Yeah, to teach them when they're young, isn't it? Yes, no, I did know about that one, but it's hard. And I do get a lot of stick on line for the fact that I don't talk about things, I don't use the correct terminology. And as a parent, my children know the correct terminology, but sometimes Colby would say, I'm not really comfortable to say the word penis. And he refers to his body part as a willy, but he knows, he'll say, oh, the correct term is yes. And he knows and same as vagina, same as dotty. And I think we're at an age now where I can say to them, look, it's not called a foo foo. Technically it is a vagina and

like ready for when they go to school. The word you're supposed to use is vulva. I believe. I think it is vulva, but it's got our school. I think it's penis and vagina, which I have. Yeah. I have made sure that I'm using the correct terminology because I want to use the correct terminology with school. But it's just in our house as to what we refer it to. But we are a very open house and Colby does come home and see. So it gives the irony, pubes again and pubes again.

I'm like, oh, how was it? And he's like, yeah, it's all right. He's all right with it now. He's had other lessons since. He's had other lessons. Yeah, they do an amalgamation of things. Exactly like Holly has said, it's like lots of different things and the lesson just covers loads of different,

loads of different aspects. So I said to Colby, I feel like it's the most important lesson you'll be doing at school because I think it is. I think it's the one that teaches them the most realistic things with regards to feelings, how others should treat you, how you should treat others. It's something they're going to need for the rest of their lives.

Yeah, yes. It's hugely important. But he's just sort of come home. I know his PHSE, PSHE days now. And I try not to make a conscious effort, but on the days that he does have it, I'm like, oh, what lessons did you have today? And he comes home. If he wants to chat about it. Discussed with you. Yeah, yeah. You know, he does. And as long as he's open enough to be able to talk to me about it, I feel like I'm doing enough. Yeah.

Yeah. Good. But thank you, Holly. Yeah, thank you, Holly. Please be the spy. You've made the WhatsApp group chat cut. Yes. We need you.

I'd love more insider info. How does it work on the inside? Yeah. Yeah, let us know. What do you know? I feel like something goes down in the tea room. Yeah. Oh, in. What do you know? I feel like something goes down in the tea room. Yeah, oh in the staff room. Yeah.

I feel like it goes down in there. We always tried to get a sneak peek in the staff room when you were younger, didn't you? Because you were never allowed in there. The door would close. If you walked past the door and you'd be like, oh! Or they were just drinking coffee and trying to shit. Or photocopying something. Gossiping about the kids.

Yeah. That little bitch today. That's the Fina. I was. I was the talk of the staff room. But thank you Holly so much. God bless you. Thank you so much for your messages. If you have any comments, thoughts or funny stories, why not get in touch? The email is hello at secretmumpod.com or with Secret Mumpod on TikTok and Instagram. Next is time for one of your, your, your stories. Your stories, your secrets.

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Carrying a baguette home from the shop? Yes, that's on par with walking downhill. That's mortifying. I get like that when I have to wave my arm out for a bus to stop. Oh, see it's not just you. We're Sam and Tatum and this is the podcast. Where we film a save space just to laugh it all off. Whether it's a story about one of us two.

Like when one of us paid for a dating app. Hey, not on the promo. I never said who. Or a tale from your life that you want to share with the group. New episodes drop every Thursday, come if you want. Listen to Embarrassing for No Reason, wherever you get your podcasts. Welcome back.

We love a secret on the Secret Mum Club. And you're all so good at sharing. So Emma, take it away. All right, this comes from Katie. Hello, Katie. She says, hello, lovely ladies. Love the pod. I've been listening since becoming pregnant with our first child, Jude. Oh, another stunning name.

And your honesty and your listeners has honestly been a saving grace through the carnage that is motherhood. Jude is only three weeks younger than Renly. So I felt like I've been on this wild ride right alongside you. Hang on, so if he's three weeks younger than Renly, isn't it Sadie? Isn't it the same birthday as Sadie? There's two weeks between them, isn't there?

Sorry, she's always got to make it about that. Excuse me, Katie, but you're actually closer to Sadie's birthday than Renly's. Stick with me, Katie, okay? I'll keep you safe amongst this crazy. She says, thank you so much for that. I'm writing in for a bit of advice or maybe just some reassurance that I'm not alone. Since having Jude I totally accepted that my hormones would be all over the place but lately I've been feeling so unbalanced I'm either just super emotional or

just one hell of a moody bitch. And unfortunately I tend to take it all out on my husband, sometimes valid let's be honest, but still Jude is over one now And I'm wondering should I still feel this crazy does it ever go back to normal? Thank you so much for making me feel comfortable enough to send this much love Katie. Oh, Katie Katie my love You are going to be this crazy forever Sofina would know I would know all right to be honest with you. I don't even call it crazy. I just find it the new normal. I would probably say this and I have said it on the podcast, Renly is the hardest one I found to go back to being myself again. Do I know myself again?

And I don't always mean like going back to myself as to the person I was because I feel like we change every day. Throwing another baby into the mix, you're going to massively change. But going back to where I feel myself and how comfortable I feel in my skin. So that's not me necessarily meaning I want to go back to the person that I was. It's just me feeling like Safina. And I think Renly has been the hardest one. And I would say I'm exactly where Katie is, which is why I've been thinking about going to the gym, because I feel like I'm exactly where Katie is, which is why I've been thinking about going to the gym because I feel like I need to do some things that gives me some nice, happy hormone boosts.

Mendoffins. Yeah, something for me, make me feel good in myself. But I would 100% agree with you here in saying this is, I would say one, it's normal. Yeah. Very, very normal. Just Renly has been the longest one that I've taken to go back to. And still now I don't really feel myself.

I would say this is the hardest one I found. This one is I'm way more emotional. I'm way more, I would say less patient, but not that I'm getting angry, just that I don't, I'm like, oh, I'll just do it in a minute. No, I'll do it in a minute. I'll read you that in a minute.

Everything's like in a minute. And I was never like that before. And I feel like I'm like, oh, I'll do it in a minute. No, I'll do it in a minute. I'll read you that in a minute. Or I'll do everything's like in a minute. And I was never like that before. And I feel like I'm just rushing. Like I don't have enough time for everybody. And I feel like I need to slow down. I need to take some time for myself after being sick. I need to look after myself. But also looking after yourself means

you're gonna be the best version for everybody else. And that's not me saying that everyone should go to the gym, but I definitely think- There might be something else that you can do. Yeah, taking yourself for a walk around the block or having a bath or doing something that you really, really love to encourage the new version of you back,

because you're never gonna get the old version of yourself back, but you will get a new version that makes you feel more you. Yeah. I mean, we know that having a baby literally changes your DNA. Everything like literally changes your DNA. Everything.

It changes your DNA. So you might never go back to whatever your normal is. That's what I'm saying. You might just be a different person now. You may be a different person. But if you're not happy with the person that you are or that you think you are. Do things that would make you the best version

of your new self. Do things that might help, that might make you happy. We don't know what the childcare situation is in Katie's relationship, but maybe if you feel like you do the lion's share of the childcare, maybe you can have a break from the baby for a while, or yeah, like you say, go to the gym, take yourself out with your friends,

go for a walk, have a bath, go for dinner. But do something that makes you happy. Do something that used to make you happy before you had a baby. Or if there's like a hobby, if you would like to do like a bath, go for dinner. But do something that makes you happy. Do something that used to make you happy before you had a baby. Or if there's like a hobby, if you would like to do like a hobby or something like that. I think communication with your husband as well is massive. Talk it out always.

Yeah, always talk it out. Like if you think, I've been a bit of a bitch to him today. Like I'm sure he would appreciate a chat just about how you're feeling. And if you feel like you are still struggling with your hormones and you're feel a bit unbalanced. I've always been really honest with Chris

because I just don't want that moment of when I lash out for him to be like, bloody hell, where's this come from? He can just be like, oh, okay, she's not okay. It's hard even like coming around to my periods and things like that. I'm definitely a lot more agitated. Everything's a bit more heightened. Yeah, everything is a little bit more heightened.

I'm definitely more agitated, definitely more rushy. But I don't know whether now sometimes I maybe put it down to like, it's three children and I'm trying to divide myself between all three of them. I mean, it definitely is. I'm rushing rather than slowing down. It does change everything. Having a baby changes, going from one to two

changes things massively. Going from two to three changes things massively. You do literally just have less time and everything's a bit more, you know, you get a bit frustrated. I get frustrated more quickly. Yeah, I have less patience. I don't know what your beef is with your husband, Katie,

but most of mine and Stefan's clashes will be over stuff that he's doing in the house. The fucking bins. The fucking bins. The laundry, the cleaning, just stuff like that. Stuff I feel like I see that he doesn't, for example. And I think you can solve a lot of that with communication rather than letting resentment build up.

And that's what makes you, I think you feel like you come across like a bitch or naggy, but like if you can just say, oh, I really appreciate it if, I don't know, when you see the laundry bin is full, maybe put a wash load on, Stefan. See mine is more I'm angry at myself. I get so angry at myself.

Like if I haven't done something or I've missed something and then I put all the children to bed and then I cry. And then Chris is, it's not that really Chris for me. It's just like I get angry at myself or cross and frustrated at myself. Like I have, I've got to rush the babies because I need to get on with dinner. Or I now need to tidy the garden and put stuff away.

And then I'm getting frustrated at myself. Do you know what I mean? But I would say this is how you're feeling is all very, very normal. stuff away and then I'm getting frustrated at myself. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I would say this is how you're feeling is all very, very normal. Normal, yeah. Yeah. You just got to find what makes you happy.

Yeah. The best new version of you. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, you might not, this might just be. Your new normal. Your new normal. If you aren't happy with yourself, you have to do things that make you

happy. Yeah. Yes. Agreed. But thank you Katie so much. Keep us posted if there's anything else we can help with. Yeah or if anyone else is a similar experience, similar situation. Yeah most definitely then do let us know and we'll pass it on to Katie. Do you have any advice for Katie? Then let us know. Yeah, you can email us hello at secretmumpod.com or with Secret Mumpod on TikTok and Instagram. Don't forget to hit that follow button

wherever you're listening to. Follow, you have to hit it. Follow to be notified. It's our new favorite F word. It's our new favorite follow. Follow, word. And we'll be back first thing on Tuesday. And we'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Monk Club. Looking for your perfect place to call home?

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I get like that when I have to wave my arm out for a bus to stop. Oh, see it's not just you. We're Sam and Tate Hub and this is the podcast where we film a save space just to laugh it all off. Whether it's a story about one of us two. Like when one of us paid for a dating app. Hey, not on the promo. Oh, I've heard of who? Or a tale from your life that you want to share with the group.

New episodes drop every Thursday, come if you want. Listen to Embarrassing for No Reason wherever you get your podcasts.