Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The School Sweethearts

Episode Date: December 10, 2024

Soph has some HUGE news this week… let’s just say there’s romance in the air! We also hear a toddler’s hilarious mispronunciation and share a public safety announcement about the dangers of changing a nappy. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Miami Metro catches killers and they say it takes a village to race one. Anyone knows how powerful urges can be? It's me. Catch Dexter Morgan in a new serial killer origin story. Hunger inside of you. It needs a master. Featuring Patrick Gibson, Christian Slater, special guest star Sarah Michelle Geller, with Patrick Dempsey and Michael C. Hall as Dexter's inner voice. I wasn't born a killer. I was made. Dexter Original Sin, new series now streaming

exclusively on Paramount Plus, a mountain of entertainment. ["Secret Moms"] Hello, this is the Secret Mom Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for moms everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we?

We do, and as we know, sharing is caring. To change the dynamic of our. Have we forgotten the next line now? Maybe. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself, you can be anonymous.

And all those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the Secret Bum Club! can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the secret bomb club. Look, don't push it. We got one time out. I put you off. You did. You're singing put me off.

It's the Coca melon sharing song. Not on a bad word. Not on a bad word. Sharing is caring. It's fun for everyone. Try telling that to Joseph. Not everyone. You don't share a fucking thing. It's not fun for anybody. I don't really like sharing. I can't have to now. You try. As an adult, you do have to because it's like

socially acceptable, but you try teaching that to a toddler. No. He doesn't want to share anything. He doesn't want to. I don't blame him to be honest. No. Tell me about your week. Na na na na na na. It's been fucking mental. Yeah. a bit stressed. Right, debrief. There's a lot. I have not been sleeping. Teeth and baby. I've seen Wicked. Oh, finally.

I think I spent so much time looking for your sister in the whole of the show. You didn't watch the rest of it? I didn't actually watch the film. You didn't take it in? No, I was waiting for what point she was coming. Did you see any? Did she ever? People on stilts, but they were all men.

Yes. Bearded green man. No, I didn't see no bearded green man. He was green, but there was none with beards. Oh, on stilts with they were all men. Yes bearded green man. No I didn't see no bearded green man he was green but there was none with beards. Oh on stilts with a green beard. Do you see her? Sorry I ruined the whole film for you because it's like two and a half hours isn't it? She doesn't she's not in it until 10 past two hours and 10 minutes in. No. She's by the fountain. So you spent the whole. Have you not seen it? No. Spent the whole time looking for Haley. Oh did see a lad on there that I actually used to,

he's been on the telly and I, well, he used to come up on my TikTok FYP, but now he doesn't come up. Who is he? I don't know. I can't remember his name. I wanna say his name's Ashley or something. And he was dancing in it.

Ashley Bander? No, no. But anywho, was hyping him. Thought that was absolutely in cred for him. And then you were like, where's ever sister? Like he does actually know who the fuck I am, but you know. But good for him. hyping him, thought that was absolutely in cred for him. And then you were like, where's ever sister? He doesn't actually know who the fuck I am, but you know. But good for him. Good for him, honestly.

Did you actually pick up anything that was going on in the film? Yes, I don't... Not bothered. My friend said it's too long. I literally said to Zofia this morning, I wanted to really, really fucking love it. I kept watching everybody cry and I was like, I'm at one with my emotions. I know how to let them go. And I kind of got to the end of the film and I was like, I'm at one with my emotions, I know how to let them go. And I kind of got to the end of the film and I was like,

ah, I missed my cue to cry. There's nothing more disappointing. I don't know what it was that I didn't love. Shit myself when a fucking fly monkey flew into the window and the whole cinema screamed. It was wild. Oh, so you were in a cinema, you didn't get your private screening.

No, it went to the cinema. With everyone, with Roxanne. Yeah, with Roxanne, my mom, the girls, and my brother-in-law. Yeah. And yeah, I don't know. I don't know how I feel about it. I don't want to give those spoilers.

We've got the second part coming out, isn't it? I don't think I can do it. I don't think I can. Do it, it's another two and a half hours of my life. I loved the messaging. I loved that they bought a really lovely message across with Alphaba that she is okay to be different. And I really, I felt, I really felt that. Yeah. I felt that I thought that was so incredibly,

incredibly powerful, but it was that it was everything else. It was just all a bit. It was all a bit, I dunno. I don't know. I can't explain it. I'm so shit with words, but wasn't my number one. Stars out of five? Yeah, six, well out of five, maybe two, three. Oh, okay. I'd give it a six out of 10 if it was a. Yeah, okay. Sad.

I'll have to go and see it. I can't get to the cinema, but I'll see it when it's out on TV. I wouldn't go again, like, give me Greased Lightning. I'll watch it 10 times in a day. Oh, Greased Lightning. Or when it's out on telly. Give me Greased Lightning, I'll watch it 10 times in a day. Or Greased Lightning. Or even Hairspray. Yes.

And that's how much, because I love a musical. I thought I'm going to relish in this. Have you seen The Wicked Musical? No. Oh, you should go and see it. Yeah, you should go and see it. Maybe I need to go see that. Yeah, I've seen it a couple of times.

It's good. So yeah, I wasn't a hugest fan of the film, but you know, we move. We can't all love it. No, we can't all, hey, it wouldn't do for us all to be the same. Exactly. If we all drove red cars, the world would be a boring fucking place. And that's okay. Tell me about your sleep. I didn't sleep for four days.

Why? You normally sleep well. Brenly's been so bad. Oh no, really? We got two teeth though. Not gonna lie. I'm quite smug that it's, the tables have turned on the sleep because he was sleeping really good. And Sadie was sleeping really bad.

I wouldn't struggle because last night I got 12 hours. So I went down at 22 to seven. I got into bed at half seven. I was out till five this morning. No. It's only 12 hours. What's that 11? 10 hours. Yeah. 10 hours. Yeah.

Oh no, okay So I'm jealous. I'm gonna sit back in my shit. Rub your face back in that. Until the next fucking two teeth come through and then it'd be fucked again. But they've popped, the bottom two. Yeah, so one had a massive abscess, like he's had previously,

but this one was really, really bad. And he's had bad ears. Yeah, that happens with teeth, doesn't it? Well, if you go on the internet, don't Google anything on the internet, because I should have died back in 1999. They tell you that it doesn't affect it. Your ears don't get bad when you're teething. Also, it then tells you that they do. Tells you babies don't get a temperature when they're teething. And then another one tells you that babies do get a

temperature when they're teething. So it's very, very conflicting. I think you just got to trust your judgment and do what you think is best. I did try and call the doctor's surgery. She made me feel like a bit of a pillock, spoke about this on my Instagram, because I phoned her and she was like, you do know this isn't a place where we clean ears? And I fucking know that.

It's not a fucking dog grooming service I'm after. Is that I need to see a doctor because his ears, it was weeping. And it was like, I could turn him and it was just, he wouldn't let me touch the back of his head. He wouldn't let me touch his ear. When I wanted to wipe it, every time I wiped it, he screamed. He was punching his head. And every time he let down, he wouldn't, he lies on that side. He either lies on his belly or he lies on that side. And he couldn't sleep on his side. So

he was just in so much pain. Did you go to the doctor? No, because she made me feel like a fucking nob, and just told me to keep cleaning it. If he goes off his food, goes off his drink and doesn't have any wet nappies, and if his temperature is sky high and roaring and Calpol isn't bringing it down,

then that's cause for concern and bring him in. All they care about with babies is wet nappies. I can't tell you the amount of times I've spoken to a doctor on a health history and they go, they still got wet nappies? Yeah, they're fine then. I just, no, he sat instrument, they go, they still got wet nappies. Yeah, they're fine then. I just know he sat in a puddle. That's why his nappies were. I don't get it.

I don't get it. Did he have a temperature? He did have a temperature, not not a sky high temperature, but the cow pole was very much managing the temperature, plus helping with the teeth. Yeah, I was very comfortable in myself knowing that he was great in himself. Just he wasn't sleeping, very agitated, but still very happy, just can't touch his ear or anything like that. So I basically, the call ended okay.

And I thought, and I just said to Chris, you know, worst case is I will just phone 111 and see if I can get a referral down to an out of hours GP if it persists. But luckily I stuck to my guns, kept cleaning it like I was cleaning in it and we're through it. I feel like most baby things, it's like I was cleaning in it and it was fine. We're through it.

I feel like most baby things, it's like give it a few days and a bit of cow pole and they're normally fine. I just, I don't, I don't, you know, and I'm very much about that. But then I also, I'm very much that if you're a first time mom, even if you have 10 children, if something is really, really concerning you, always contact about it, regardless of how stupid somebody makes you feel, because she definitely made me feel like a fucking knob. But you do know this isn't an ear cleaning service?

Yeah, it's a GP. Sorry, sorry, is this the NHS? GP services. Is this a general practice? Cause I've got a general query. And that sounds, I was just not in that. And I think the time I took the call, I was just not in a good place.

I'd had three days of no sleep. I was very fragile in my head. I'd slept honestly about five hours and three days. And I just think the call came at the wrong time. And I know the GPs are stretched. I know doctors practices are stretched. I know everybody's agitated, especially this time of the year.

I can't imagine it's the nicest job in the world or the easiest job in the world. I imagine it's up there with being fucking stressful, but it just fell on at the wrong time. Made me feel a little bit sad. But the ear is getting better, but had it have got worse, I would have gone back and pushed on the antibiotics. Tell me how you're taking a baby's temperature.

Cause Joseph got sent home with a fever from nursery last week, 38 degrees. And then I tried taking his temperature at home. There's no way, I can't get a thermometer under his tongue. So I'm on still, I try and put it in the armpit, but I don't know again, because he's a regular, I don't know if I'm getting an accurate reading. The other way it says you can do it is up the bum

and I'm not gonna do that. Yeah, I was gonna say there is a up the bum. No, I think that's uncomfortable for a baby too much. I just used to, when they were Joseph's age, I used to put it right in the pit of the armpit right in the middle. So it goes up and I used to say, Oh, can you count? And then we used to count together and then we'd have a sweetie at the end. Yeah. But yeah, I'm not under the tongue. I'm up the armpit. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. That's the easiest way. Cause I was getting readings of like 36 and I was like, is that, that seems too cold. But I looked it up and I think it's

like from 36 points, something is normal for a child. I was going to say 36 is very normal. Yeah. Yeah. I think I've only ever had one time and it was 39 something. Gosh. But then we had to go, we were in A&E with Colby. Oh yeah. It was 39. Yeah. They have this annoying role with them. I think it's the same at schools I was 39. They have this annoying rule with them, I think it's the same with schools and nurseries, they can't come in for 24 hours after they've had a temperature. Yeah, I don't think ours is temperature.

I think once you get to infant and thingy, they don't give a fuck, they're like, get them in. Get them in, yeah. Get them in our off-stead, we need our off-stead, honestly. Nursery, she was like, she was like, I don't think I'll see him the rest of the week. I was like, no, I can't look after my own child.

I'm finding it a lot at the moment. Are you? With Joseph and Sadie, they're not. Emma, you haven't told me this. He's grinding my gears. He is grinding, and Stefan as well. Stefan, I'm not patient, but Stefan is like one of the most patient people

and he spends a bit less time with them. So he doesn't get as like annoyed by stuff. Yes. But even he is like, he's just a bit of a nightmare at the moment. I don't know what it is. I think it might be because Sadie is demanding a bit more attention now because she's a bit bigger and she's doing more, she's interacting more.

So she's taken up a bit more of my- Comes in peaks and troughs, doesn't it? It does, cause I was like, you know when she was newborn and he wasn't a fan of her, I was like, oh, when she gets a bit bigger and she can interact, you'll be more interested in if he can play with her. It's kind of gone the other way because she is taking up more of my attention, which means I can't always play with him.

And also she's getting attention for doing things that I think he thinks are really basic. Like I'm like, look at Sadie, she's learned to clap her hands. And he's probably thinking, I can clap my hands. I've been asked to do that for ages. Or when she babbles and talks, I interacted with her and I go, oh, she's talking or whatever. And he's like, oh, she's getting a load of attention for just going, blah, blah, blah. So he's now reverted to stopping talking and just making baby noises. Okay. Because he sees, oh, Sadie's getting attention for that. I think that's what I'm

going to do as well. Okay. But it's really frustrating because then he like just tries to be a baby and doesn't talk. Like my mum and dad came down for a couple of days last week and he's normally so excited to see nanny and granddad. He barely spoke for like two days. I think in like protest about Sadie. That's what I think it is anyway. I don't know, it'd be interesting to speak to like a child psychologist, but yeah, it's a weird one. And then he gets frustrated because I'm like, he'll cry or whatever. And I'm like, tell, tell mommy what you want. Like, what is it? What can I do? I'll have a meltdown about something. And I'm like, use your words. You've got loads. He's really good at talking.

I'm like, talk so beautifully. You've got loads of words that you can use. And then he doesn't because the more you tell him to do something, the more likely he is to do it. So bloody contrary. And then it just ends up in a huge total meltdown. I get stressed. He gets upset because I'm not listening to him, but I'm like, you need to tell me what you want. It's just, it's been so challenging. Oh, you hadn't told me that. Yeah, it's a tough spot.

And also I feel guilty because I'm really enjoying Sadie at the moment. I think Renly as well, they're at such a cute age. She's so happy every time I like pick her up or play with her, She doesn't answer back. She's just really cute and like squishable at the moment. I'm finding her so fun. Like she's playing little instruments and stuff. Like the days I have with her, I really love. And then I'm kind of like, oh, it's so much harder when you add Joseph into the mix. And I feel guilty that I'm not enjoying

him as much at the moment. He's just going for a really hard, hard time. I think that's really, really normal. Is it normal for a toddler? Yeah. He's just going for a really hard, hard time. I think that's really, really normal though Emma. Is it normal for a toddler? Yeah, I don't want you to beat yourself up about it because I feel like it's really, really normal. And I think at this age, Joseph is still going through so much and the things, and everyone always says about milestones and regressions

when they get older and people go, oh, my baby's nearly three, he's going through this milestone. And they're like, shut up with the fucking milestones. And although I am a believer of that, I am a believer that they are still very much growing. There's still so much that he's taken in. You've got to think, we've chucked so much into him

at the moment with regards to the season's changing. He's not only got a sister this year, he's going to go through Christmas. The weather's completely different. He's been ill. Everything's all out of sorts. We've gone into another big holiday. And it's so huge, I think, around Christmas time

because everywhere they go, they're overstimulated by lights. At school, they're doing nursery Christmas songs and it's more than what it normally is. They might be practicing. Is Joseph doing a Nativity? I think no, but they're doing like Christmassy songs and stuff, so it's like new stuff to learn. Yeah, new stuff to learn on.

I think it's just a fucking lot. Yeah, I think it is a lot. And you know what? I read a book last night to Dottie and I think you'll relate to me with this one is that she was like, oh, can we film? She's obsessed with, that sounds like I'm being mean about my daughter.

I'm not, but she is obsessed with filming herself. So she wants to film cooking. She wants to film her bath time. She wants to film playing with Renly story times, whatever it is, she wants to just film it. So I said last night, she was like, can we read a book to Renly? Can we read a book with Renly? Because Chris and Colby went to football, but she was like, can we put my phone up? And I put my phone up. I was like, yes, I popped up on the side and I watched the video back and I was like, can we put my phone up? And I put my phone up. And I was like, yes, I popped up on the side and I watched the video back and I was like, I can't, not that I wanted to share it with anybody

because it was an intimate moment, but I watched the video back and I was so angry at myself and so sad at myself because in the moment of the video, all I'm doing is paying attention to Renly because he was pulling the book and it's a school book, I didn't want him to rip it. He was pulling it down and he was climbing on me and he was hitting me on the face and he was pulling Dottie's hair.

And in that moment, I was so invested into him that she was talking to me. But because I was trying to read the story and hold the baby, I actually felt so bad because I hadn't interacted with her and I felt so awful that. And then I said to her this morning, I was like, Oh, I'm really sorry. You, we were reading last night and mommy, and she was like, it's okay, it's because Renly's a baby and he does need a little bit more of your time. Because she understands.

But I think taking it back to when Colby and Dottie were Joseph and Sadie, they struggled. They did struggle and I think it's just really, really normal to feel the way you feel. I don't think you've got anything to worry about. I think it's gone back to like that feeling like when she was newborn, I had a little bit of like, I actually read something about this.

It's like programmed in you to want to look after the newborn baby more, obviously, because you're trying to like protect them. And you can get irritated with the older child for like making things more difficult. And I have to remember, he is just a toddler and he's learning as well. But I think my expectations of him are too high.

I'm like, why can't you just like, he's clever. I'm like, you can just know what mommy's asking of you and make my life easier and listen. Obviously he's not gonna listen and behave all the time. He's two and a half years old. But I have this innate thing in me where, and then when he lashes listen and behave all the time, he's two and a half years old. But I have this like innate thing in me where like, and then when he lashes out and he like hits Sadie and stuff and hurts her, it makes me really annoyed.

And I'm like, no, you know not to do that, but he does it. I know why he does it because it gets a reaction and that's what they want, isn't it? Toddlers just want attention. But I have like, I have this thing in me to be like, she's smaller, she needs me to protect her. Like, no, no, no, don't do that, don't do that, gentle, da, da, da.

And I just feel like I'm telling him off like a thousand times a day. And I think I just need to remember that he's still only little and he just needs to learn. But it's really hard to be patient 24 seven and do gentle parenting and all that all the time when you're like, A, you're gonna hurt the baby, B, I've got a million and one other things on my mind.

You need to sit in your car seat, it's not safe. You need to take your shoes off, da, da, da. You need to take your coat off when other things on my mind. You need to sit in your car seat. It's not safe. You need to take your shoes off. You need to take your coat off when we get in the house. You need to get in the bath now. It's bedtime. Like you can't, it's hard to be patient and gentle all of the time when you've got a lot of other stuff going on. Yeah. I think I just need to remember that he's only little.

But he has, he's really... And you need to go gentle on yourself as well and think about yourself. Do you involve him in doing shit? Shit. God. Shitty nappies. I didn't even mean to say that. Do you involve him in doing stuff? I tried to, but again, like I read about that before I had Sadie and it was like, you know,

ask them to help, ask them to get the nappies. He's funny. Like sometimes he doesn't respond that well to that stuff. I think maybe I could try and do it more. But like I was saying about him being contrary, he's funny, like when I give him positive praise and positive feedback and I say, that was really good. That really helped mommy. Well done, thank you for doing that. Or like really good listening.

He says like, no, I don't wanna be good. I wanna be bad. I know, I'm like, Stefan, are we raising the cycle? He just says things to get a reaction from us. And I'm like, that's not what you're supposed to say. We went to meet Santa the other day and he showed Joseph that he was on the nice list that he'd written down.

He said, I don't want to be on the nice list. I want to be on the naughty list. I've got no advice. This is what I'm dealing with. What am I supposed to do? I don't know. I'm out of my depth with this one. I know somebody help us.

No, he's, and I feel bad because then I get moments in between that are like so sweet and funny and he's still so caring. And do you know what, when it's just me and him one on one and there's no Sadie, he's absolutely fine. So it's definitely her that's the problem. The issue with that is I can't get rid of my second child. So she's here to stay and he needs to get used to it. But yeah, when it's just me and him, oh, he's lovely. And then, you know, when she, he's like, put Sadie down, put Sadie over there, let daddy hold Sadie. Like he just doesn't, he just doesn't want her around

at the moment. You're doing, I think you're doing everything that you can. I think you're doing a really, really good job. And I think you need to go gentle on yourself. Everybody's experience in this whole situation is so completely different. And there is people that are gonna be able to relate to, to your situation. If that is you, get in touch and make me feel better. It's so odd because you go to me, is it your two like this? No, and you know what I said to

Stefan, no one else seems to be having the same experience. I don't know though. I don't know. I generally do believe that I landed really lucky and I know people are going to be like, you wanker. How dare you fucking say that. I did land really lucky and I know people are going to be like you wanker how dare you fucking say that I did land really lucky. That's your story like that's great for you. Like that's really good. It's hard when it's not great for you. I say it to Stefan sisters and they're like yeah our kids didn't really didn't really have this.

I also wonder if also my sister's four helped. Yeah because you had those cousins around. Colby grew up with all of them four and they were all so much bigger and he instantly had to share. Like I saw my sister every day when I had Colby from the moment I brought him home, I had him, he had all of his cousins every day. So he is always had technically in his head has had to share from day one. And they're basically siblings if you're seeing them every day. They are literally so incredibly close. So I think, I don't know whether he felt like he wasn't really the first born.

He felt like he was maybe the fifth. And then he was like modeling good behavior because he was copying like kids that were older. And then he was their baby. So when he had Dottie, I think he then was like implemented what they treated him like. To which he continued to treat her like that.

But obviously I don't know whether that maybe is, is what made our situation different. I don't know. You don't know or you'll never know. But I think that's, that is lovely. I think it's really nice to have family around because we obviously don't really have anyone who's like, he can't really model anyone else's behavior.

Like he pays for his cousins when he sees them, but that's once every couple of months. He's the top of the tribe, you know. He's gonna be, he's leading the way for everybody, you know? You'll get there. He's still an incredibly, incredibly wonderful little boy. And you're doing an incredible job. Thank you so much.

He just was born to be the only child. Yeah, yeah. He's giving real only child energy. It will come, the time will, and you, and I said to you it will come, and there is peaks. You've had really, really good patches. We had a good patch and now we're in a bit of a trough. But I'm sure we'll come out the other side.

We can't have it great all the time. There we go, we move. Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yeah, we want you to join us in the Secret Mom Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about, or just say, hello.

Oh, sorry. I was a bit delayed there. Hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search for Secret Mumpod or you can email us hello at secretmumpod.com. This episode is brought to you by VoucherCodes.co.uk, the UK's most trusted voucher and discount code site and app. There's nothing better than saving a bit of money when you shop.

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This time for the Correspondence Cutter! Do you know, some daysalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalalallalalalalalallalalalallalalalallalalalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalallalall No, I'm out of breath. You can't do it. It's like when people say, can you lick your elbow? You can't. It's impossible. You know when you try and hold your breath going through a tunnel, I can't do it when you're driving. What, the Euro style? Four hours later. Right, Emma, hit us with number one.

All right. This one says, hello, Sophie and Emma. Hello. I was just listening to the car park panic episode. Oh yeah. Yeah. Where you were talking about accidentally forgetting Col listening to the car park panic episode. Oh yeah. Yeah. Where you were talking about accidentally forgetting Colby

in a car park. And it reminded me of a story my parents told me about my older brother. Back in the seventies, my mom and dad were first time parents living in Edinburgh. They walked to the corner shop with him and his pram. No issues while in the shop, but as they left, they were busy organizing their bags.

About 10 minutes down the road, they both stopped and thought, pretty sure we've forgotten something. It was my brother. Shit. My dad ran back as fast as he could, and he was still asleep in his pram outside the shop, completely unaware that he'd been abandoned for 10 minutes. Love the podcast.

You from Bonnie Scotland. Oh, my God. I'll tell you how much that has just made. That's just healed my heart so much like you wouldn't believe. I made you feel better. You just wouldn't be able to do that in this day and age. In the 70s, that's just healed my heart so much. Like you wouldn't believe that. That made you feel better. You just wouldn't be able to do that in this day and age. In the seventies that was to be fair. Honestly, they'd be on eBay, wouldn't they?

Straight away, instantly. So when someone robs a van and they take tools, you see them on eBay 10 minutes later, your baby would be on Facebook marketplace. Yeah. Oh my God, that's terrifying. Honestly, 10 minutes is a long time for a baby to be on their own outside a shop. But I thought like in the 70s, maybe this is ignorance, but going like further back, I thought people did just like leave their prams outside shops and stuff.

I thought it was when everyone had their doors open, they just walked in and out of the doors. Outside village shops and no one took them. That's what I mean. So it's definitely safer back then. Well, yeah, was it? Or did we not just know about that? Maybe there wasn't as much, yeah, maybe as much, I don't know. I don't know. Maybe there was no social media back then though, was there?

But there were still kidnappers. Of course, there were still crimes and things like that. Are they as many as now? I think maybe because if you lived in like a community and maybe everyone knew, oh, that's so and so's baby outside the shop. She leaves her at the shop all the time. Whereas now, like everyone's anonymous.

They'd just be like, there's a random baby. I'm gonna steal it. Call the police. God, that sends fear into my heart. Leaving your baby somewhere. I think about it all the time. Cause you know when you leave like a supermarket or something, you're like, you've got to get the bags,

the buggy, you've got two kids, someone's crying. You've got to get them a snack. You get into the car and you think, I could have easily forgotten a child. I could have easily forgotten anything. Yeah. Cause I leave items everywhere all the time you think I could have easily forgotten a child. I could have easily forgotten anything, yeah. Cause I leave items everywhere all the time, but I haven't yet left a child.

I done it once, never did it again. Touch wood. Well, thank you, Kirsty. Honestly, that has tickled me today. That is a good one. I hope he's okay now, your brother. Yeah, has he got over the trauma? 30 years, 50 years later.

Wow. God, you know when people say the seventies, I think that was 30 years ago. Always do it. Yeah. Cause you think it's the year 2000 all the time. I saw my friend at the school run the other day and I was like, oh, it's been 20 years since we left school. And she went, what are you talking about? It's not even been 10 years. Oh. We left school in 2004. Oh yeah. It's now 20. 24. She was like, fuck. Yeah. My school had a 20 year reunion this year. No, we didn't. You didn't.

Oh, we didn't even have a 10 year. No, fuck it. One year, no, fuck that shit. Didn't your school burn down anyway, or they knocked it down. They knocked it down with my art in there. Your artwork's still in there, the shoe. God, never forget, lest we forget the shoe.

I did ask my mom if she's got a picture of it, but she can find it. All right, we've got another email here. It says, hi ladies, I had to share this video. Hello of my gorgeous nephew showing me his monster trucks. It reminded me of that boy's note of a lovely follower. Oh yeah. Who sent one in about the gray clock. The gay clock. The gay cock. The gay cocks. The gay clock. The gay cock. Okay, play video. What's this? My cock! No, my size. What is it?

My cock. Monster cock or my cock? My cock. Either way. What is it? My cock. I think in the first one he says monster cock. I don't think he did. I think in the first one he says

monster cock. I don't think he did. I think he said my cock. He said my cock. What is it? My cock. Oh, adorable though. How cute. That is so good. That is so sweet. This says, as you can tell, he's not quite there with the pronunciation yet. I think he's doing bloody great, if I'm honest. Yeah, not too bad. I hope this makes you laugh as much as it did me. Love Demi brackets, Dee Dee. Oh, God bless her. That was so good, wasn't it? Thank you, Dee Dee. What with the gay cock. Gay cock, my cock, even monster cock. I just love the mispronunciation. I know, and there's nothing funnier than a kid doing it because it's so innocent.

That is so innocent. They've got no idea. I've been to clay, but it brings us so much joy. So much joy, I know. So you can get in touch with us on anything at all. Yeah, it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we've probably heard it all before. And remember, we're all in this together and we know that we are, we're all stars and we see that. Right. Hey, I didn't

give it any intro then we're going into my secret of the week. Oh yeah. We're rolling into my secret of the week. Straight Eddie. Balls deep. I don't really know if this is a secret, maybe a discussion. Okay discussion that I need to put out. Colby has a girlfriend. Ah! Ah! That's a huge secret! Massive secret.

Oh my God. I know, I don't know how I feel about it. Okay, okay. Obviously, right, should we go back? Back to the beginning, yeah. Let's wind it back, let's wind it back. Right, he came in from school one day and said to me, Mom, I've got something I need to tell you.

When a child says that, I cannot tell you the absolute shit particles that fly out of my ass because I'm trying so hard not to shit my pants. The fear is too much. So I was like, all right, okay. And he was like, I don't really know how to say it. And I was like, oh God, it was. And I was like, okay. And he was like, um, it's been about three weeks. I don't know why I'm laughing. It's been about three weeks now. And I said, okay. And I could feel my hands were getting clammy. I was sweating. I was like, palms are sweaty. Knees weak, arms are heavy. There's vomit on the sweater already. Mom's spaghetti. She's nervous. But on a service, she looks calm and

ready to drop bombs. But it keeps on forgetting what he wrote down. The whole crowd wrote so loud. He opens his mouth but the words won't come out he's choking now everybody's choking now the clocks run out times are over now step back to any who sorry fucking eminently we've got to have that karaoke night we've got to do it he goes it's been about three weeks And I was like, okay, how, how, how do you feel about it? And he goes, I was actually really nervous to tell you mom. And then my heart literally sunk and I was like, Oh, why were you nervous to tell me? And he was like, I just didn't know how you were going to take it. And I didn't know if it was something I was allowed

to tell you. So we kind of had to break it down a little bit and I was like, do you ever feel nervous to tell mommy and daddy anything? And he was like, no, I feel really safe. I feel really like I can tell you everything and I don't ever feel worried to tell you anything. He said, I don't know why on this one, mum, I just didn't feel ready to tell you. And I was like, okay, then that's fine. As long as you're as long as you're happy and you're not hurting anybody or doing anything to upset anybody. And he was like, yeah, I don't really know how I don't really know how it happened. And I was like, okay. And he's like, she just asked me and I thought, I've got nothing. He's right. So we've been going on now for a good couple of weeks.

Oh, what's the name? Oh, is it? Yeah, I was gonna say, yeah, I don't think so. So we've been going on now for a good couple of weeks. What's her name? Oh, is it? Yeah, I was gonna say, I don't think so. But I did a really bad thing and I felt really, really awful. So Chris, obviously I'm very aware that Chris is home. We've been talking about this on my socials, to help home to help.

So he does the school runs a lot of the time. So this one morning, Colby was like, can you do the school run? I was like, yeah. And I was like, oh, I'm gonna try and find out who his girlfriend is. So we got into the playground. It started filling up and I went to Colby was like, can you do the school run? I was like, yeah. And I was like, oh, I'm going to try and find out who his girlfriend is. So we got into the playground. It started filling up and I went to Colby. Oh, Colby, who's your girlfriend? He just looked at me like this. He's like, don't do this mom. No, that's all corn pointer out.

I want to see who she is. He was like, please. And we'll just wouldn't look at me. He's like, please don't do this, mom. Please don't do this. And I was like, oh, you're the embarrassing mom now. And I was like, oh my God, I'm really sad. And I felt really bad because I felt like I put him under so much pressure. Did you say it loud enough for other people to hear? Only like the one mum friend that I talked to every morning. And I was like, Oh, I'm so sorry. I said, that was really wrong of mummy to do that and make you feel uncomfortable. I'm really, really sorry. And he was like, okay, you're not gonna, you're not gonna ask anybody who

she is. I was like, No, I'm not. I'm really, really sorry. I shouldn't have done that. I feel really, really awful. And I kept apologizing to him. I got in the car and I was crying, right? Got to the car, was crying my fucking eyes out. My battery fob went in my key, my key for the car. I couldn't turn the fucking car alarm off. I was out of the car like, oh, mom, don't attract any more attention to yourself. Okay. No, no, no. I'll be super subtle getting out. Don't worry about me. Woo, woo, woo, woo. I was so fucking angry at myself

that one, I'd made him feel uncomfortable. And two, my fucking car alarm was going off. I had no battery in my car alarm. So I was trying to phone my brother-in-law and sort all that shit out. It's gonna be like, can daddy do the school run again? And the whole day I was so stressed that he'd felt really upset by what I'd done.

So he come home and I said to him, dude, I'm really, really sorry for what I did. And he was like, oh, it's totally fine. I forgot about it. I was like, I've just been stressed all day about it. Oh, don't worry about it. But I was like, I shouldn't have done it. And I said, it was wrong for mommy to do that.

And he was just like, it's fine. So we moved on from there. And we talk about it and he says, oh, I say to him, how's your day been today? Who did you play with? And he's like, same people. Who did you have lunch with? Same people, like he says.

And then he says, oh, she's okay today. And it starts like, he's coming home and talking about her. Yeah, so he said, I was going to get her a Christmas present, but I think I'm going to get her a Christmas card. And then yesterday, she gave me a cake. She made some cakes and she was like, I bought you in one of my cakes.

He was like, she gave me a cake and he said, it was delicious. He said, I did say thank you, but I don't think she heard me because I had the whole cake in my mouth. That's my boy. Oh, that's an excellent gift. He's gonna have to get her a little something now then. So he did say yesterday, he was like,

do you think I could get her a little present? I was like, absolutely, of course we can. Oh, this is so cute. But I just, I don't know, you know. How do you feel about it? First girlfriend? It is first girlfriend. Do you know what, right?

I know my mom's always said to us growing up, never have a girlfriend or a boyfriend at a young age. Don't waste your life. And she's, but I don't really know. Like, I feel like it's very new. But it's cute. Like, weren't you doing that when you were? No, I never had, no, I didn't have a boyfriend until I was like 17, 18.

No, but you say like boyfriend, but like. No, I didn't have one at school. Even just like in the playground. I used to push the boys over. No, oh, they were scared of you. Yeah. I had a couple of boyfriends. To be fair, I was really angry at infant school though.

Were you? Junior school because I needed help and I wasn't getting any help. So my best thing to do to get attention was- Be angry. Be angry. Yeah. I mean, you say boyfriend and girlfriend.

Like I had a couple of like primary school boyfriends and it's just really sweet and innocent. And you just like, you probably just ignore each other but you say you've got a boyfriend. But he says they sit in the classroom together and they talk to each other. I know. And I was like, yes.

But you know, like, I feel like this is such a massive, I know he's only eight, they're eight. I get that. But like, it's a whole new chapter of like growing up. It is a milestone. I was like, do we get her a Christmas present? Shall I invite her mum around for dinner? And Colby was like, no.

You're gonna have to buy a hat. I didn't know what to do. And then I thought I shouldn't know what to do. And then I thought I shouldn't really be taking it. And I was kind of trying to make a joke out of it. And Colby is very, very serious. He doesn't like a joke to be on him. He's happy to take the piss out of other people

and make the joke on them. But when it comes to him, that boy is not down for jokes. He's not the joke in time. So I was like, oh God, I stepped too far on this one. But I just didn't know. How to play it. Yeah, I feel like it's, I feel like I don't, I stepped too far on this one. But I just didn't know. How to play it. Yeah, I feel like it's, I feel like I don't want to be wrong for asking.

So I'm always like, oh, how is she today? Yeah. And he was like, yeah, yeah, she was good. She was helping me do this or we done this today. And he's like, oh, she was with her friends for lunch. But I just, you know, I don't really know what's the right, like, is there an etiquette? Is there a right or wrong thing?

It's like they're just really good friends. Yes, yes. But I think it's very, he's very aware that it's a girl friend. Yeah. So I think because he doesn't really play with the girls at school, he normally is the lads lads lads. Yeah. Like he's now aware that she is a girl friend. Different. Yeah. Yeah. And then it's different.

Yeah. But I just don't know what we're supposed to do. Is there an etiquette around this? We should have asked William. Yeah. He could have maybe given us some advice on that. Yeah. You've got Jordan's brew today.

Right, can we talk about this? It's been a while we're deep in this episode. Sorry, but. Well, first of all, I saw a picture of my mug in Jordan North's hand and he'd been making brews for people using my face. And in fact, in the process of all of this, Jordan has lost my mug. Emma's mug. I think he took it home. My secret mum club mug with my name on it has gone missing. So we got Jordan's brew. Jordan North. We're going to take his G&Diva's drink. I'm drinking

out your cup. Which by the way is fucking massive. He must have the bladder the size of a fucking what's that place in Canada? Niagara Falls? Yeah. This is a big old bladder. It's huge isn't it? I'd be pissing like a racehorse.

Gin and Dubonnet in there. Yeah I reckon so. I don't think there's any, is there anything in there now? No it's empty at the minute. I just wanted to say Jordan's brew. I'm onto you. Yeah so maybe we should have asked William for a bit of that.

So yeah, that's my secret of the week. Oh God, that's a big one. I feel like it's huge, but it's an open discussion. Yeah. How are we dealing with this? If your eight year old's got a girlfriend or a boyfriend. Also, I know who she is.

I did ask one of the other moms, if they knew who she was. Yeah, well you've got to know. And do you want to know what's even more awkward as I asked one of the moms and I was like, oh, do you know who so and so is? And she went, yeah. It's his ex. And I went, Oh, well, it's my son's car. Oh, it was her son's ex, her son's ex. And I was like, Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry. Oh gosh. They're

getting about these eight year olds, aren't they? I just found out who she is. And I don't know why I needed to know that information. You do need to know that as a mom. You need to know that information. I don't know, it doesn't make any difference as to what or who she is. No, but- It's kind of just nice to-

You wanna know? Yeah, nice to know. Yeah. Oh, well, there we go. That's a huge milestone. That is huge. So it's open for discussion, debate, what we do and what we say,

and are we buying a Christmas gift? Should we be talking about it? Should we bring it up? Should we not talk about it? Yeah, what it up? Should we not talk about it? Yeah, what do you do? What do you do? I think I'm doing everything okay. Yeah, it sounds like you are. Sounds like you are. Play it cool. I'm trying to play it cool, but I'm not playing it cool. When I was like, Oh, tell me who she is then. And he was like, don't do this. You've learned your lesson now. Don't do this. Be chill. And then I felt so embarrassed. I felt like a right dick. I honestly never felt so dicky in my whole entire life. Got

to the car and I was like sobbing a little tear. It's hard when you realise you're the embarrassing parent now. I am that embarrassing parent. Do you know what's awkward as well? When I got to the car and I was on the phone to Chris as well, crying while telling him what had happened in the playground. And I said, is this even my car? And this one walked past. I said, it is, it is my car. I just don't know why my car alarm is going off. You know, you say things in the flip of the way. Is this even my car? Car jacking going on in the primary school car park. So that's my secret and we'll get into some of yours after this very short break.

Miami Metro catches killers and they say it takes a village to race one. Anyone knows how powerful urges can be? It's me. Catch Dexter Morgan in a new serial killer origin story. Hunger inside of you. It needs a master. Featuring Patrick Gibson, Christian Slater, special guest star Sarah Michelle Geller with Right, we're back after the break. entertainment. Right we're back after the break. We've got three secrets from you we're going to be discussing

this week. So Emma, hit us with number one please. Girlie, girlie. Hi, Safina and Emma. Hello. I'm not a parent. Oh. But I do have two nephews. Love this. Like Soph, I'm the fun uncle.

Uncle? Fuck! It's an uncle! Yes! A fun call. Fun call! Yeah! The fun uncle. Uncle? Fuck! It's an uncle! Yes! Fun uncle! Fun uncle! Yeah! I teach them all the fun stuff we did as kids and play funny songs in the car which has got me into trouble a few times. Always. My secret is this. I took my sister, mum and the boys out to a fancy restaurant. Brackets. Toby Carvery. Ha ha ha ha! The boys were busy colouring in when I turned around and saw Carl, the oldest, had started colouring in his face. My mum and sister weren't impressed but fun uncle burst out laughing.

My sister told me to grab a wipe but all my mum had in her bag were femme fresh wipes. She handed them to Carl who shouted across the table, I'm not using Jina wipes! Ha ha ha! Ah! them to Carl who shouted across the table, I'm not using Jina wipes. I love Jina as a abbreviation for vagina, do you? I'm not using those Jina wipes. I'm not using those Jina wipes. I couldn't stop laughing and luckily neither could my mum and sister. Love the pod and thank you for getting me through long drives for work. I'm cabin crew.

No way. If you've got tips for flying with kids, let me know. Don't do it. Keep being amazing moms from Ben the Fun Uncle. Oh, Ben the Fun Uncle. We salute you, Ben. Oh, I wish Ben was my uncle. He sounds great, doesn't he? Do you know what? I have a friend called, well, I say friend, use that loosely. Ben, who's a cabin crew. And it's a fun uncle. That I went to school with. Is he a fun uncle? This could be him. I feel like he'd say more.

I wonder if Ben has seen Secret Mom Club episodes on his flights. He's got to be BA though, hasn't he? BA or Aer Lingus. BA or Aer Lingus, yes. Oh, I love that. I love that so much. I wonder how old Carl, I want to know how old Carl is.

18? Yes. Yes. Still coloring his face at the Toby Carvery. I definitely thought Ben was gonna draw on his face. Yeah, I did too, to match him. Yeah, yeah. Instead we just walked out with the gina wipes.

Thank you, Ben. I do love the word gina. What an amazing uncle. I told you about my friend who started showering with her little boy who's Joseph's age. Yes. And he says, mom, is that your Jina? Is that your Jina?

Is that your Jina? I love your Jina. Okay, let's have secret number two. All right, hi ladies. I run a day home and one of the children who had just turned one took her first steps while in my care. I wanted to save that moment for her mom. So whenever I saw her pull up,

I'd pick the little one up to hide the fact that she was walking. After weeks of pretending, the dad asked me quietly, has she started walking here? He said he'd noticed at home, but didn't want to upset the mom. Oh, because she kept missing it. We came up with a plan to make the moment special.

The next day, both parents came to pick her up and we encouraged her to walk and she did. Oh! The mom was overwhelmed with joy thinking she saw the first steps. It was a magical moment that I'll always treasure. Louise, originally from Rochdale, England, but now in Calgary, Canada. Oh my God, Louise, that is so sweet.

Oh, I love that. So sweet. I've had these things with parents before where like the dad has witnessed something and rather than saying, oh, she walked today or he did this today, they've waited, pretended and then recreated it for the mum. Do you think that's the right thing to do? Yeah. I don't think there's a right or wrong way. I just think it's very, very thoughtful. Very,

very sweet. Oh my gosh. And the fact that the dad had asked her as well. Yeah, he was in on it. Yeah. That's cute. That is really sweet. You're gonna cry. I'm trying not to. I'm not crying, but that did get me. That was, made me have a little, little warmness.

Slight little warmth in my heart. It's gone again. It's gone now. It's gone. It flashed in for a sec now, it's that. Oh, and I love that she was from Roche by now she lives in Canada. I keep seeing TikToks that telling me that I need to move to Canada. I'm ready to go. Are you? Yeah. British Columbia is meant to be stunning. Go whale watching

there. I am. I've done Toronto. Have you? I've been to Canada. Have you? Yeah. Oh wow. I've done it. It's beautiful. Obviously there's other places of Canada. It's huge. It's huge. And just as stunning, I think all around. Yeah. And I want to go. Wow, from Rochdale to Calgary, quite the leap. Yes. And that was a lovely story.

So thank you very much. It was a beautiful story and you did so well in that moment to make it very, very special. Takes a special kind of person, I think, to be able to do something like that. She's in the right job. She is in the right job. Right, let's have our last secret.

Hi lovelies, here's a secret on your favourite topic. Poo talk. Yay! After my baby's vaccinations, he struggled to poo, so I did bicycle legs to help him while singing You Are My Sunshine. Aww. You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. Good tempo that.

You make me happy when stars are grey. And bows. You'll never know how much I love you he finally released the most powerful shot wait for this straight into my mouth Oh, I already felt that in the back of my throat. Did you weigh yourself a bit? I sure. Wait for it straight into my mouth. Right in the kisser. You weren't expecting that, were you? Oh, God.

Redleys farted in my face so many times when I go down to like wipe and I get right in there to see if it's out and you just like... Oh fuck, it was in my eye! Not in my mouth. And they stink, don't they? Oh my god, in the mouth. She sharted. Straight into my mouth. I cleaned him up first.

Wow. What a good mum. What the shit in her mouth! Yeah! Stop it! I cleaned him up first. That is typical mum putting everyone else before you even when you've got shit in your mouth. He shotted.

But then I had to clean myself. As if that wasn't bad enough, I then slipped on my, I then slipped on my two year old's potty training accident in the bathroom. Mum life. I ended up covered in poo and had three days of the shits after. Oh no.

Oh no, cause she'd eaten shit. Yeah, it literally made her ill. Oh, I hope this makes you laugh, not gag. Love Leah. Oh, Leah, you really went through it. You were covered in shit. You ate shit, covered in piss, covered in poop, and then you were shitting your own self. Leah, that was a bad day at the office.

Yeah, bad few days of mummified. That just sums things up some days though, doesn't it? You're like, nothing's going right. Nothing's going right. That's been me for the last three days. I would say for the last three years. Yeah, last eight years. Yeah. Nothing ever goes right. That is hilarious. Yeah, I love that. How funny is that? Crumbs, I don't know how I'd recover from that. Well, she didn't. She did. She was ill for three days. Yeah. Hopefully she's got over it now though. Hopefully she's all right now. Fucking Nora. Gosh Leah. Bloody. What a day. Thank you for sharing your secrets

this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. And if you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secretmumpod.com or with secret mum pod on TikTok and Instagram. Have you ever had a shot straight into the mouth? Or have you been left with nothing but ginawipes? Let us know. There really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Christmas crafts Thursday episode. It's food this week. I will see you next time on the... Secret Mug Club! MUSIC of the year with Disney's Mufasa the Lion King. It's time I tell you a story. A story?

About Mufasa and the prince who would come to be known as Scar. So glad I brought some crickets. Bring your whole family. Come on Mufasa, let's get in some trouble. On December 20th, a kingdom of adventure awaits. We can do this. We're busy, let's hustle. Disney's Mufasa the Lion King in theaters and IMAX December 20th.