Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Screwball Scramble

Episode Date: May 1, 2025

It’s a messy one this week as we hear from one unlucky listener who ends up with poo-ey fingers for a week for no reason. Plus, the ladies share some friendly advice to one mum who has quite the conundrum with her daughter’s school teacher. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina and I'm Emma. And welcome to your Thursdays episode where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week. Squeeze all your bits. Oh, you gave me a wink. I knew it was coming. I was ready. All of your comments, thoughts, questions and fun stories to keep you going through the weekend. Shall we jump on in? It's time for another Correspondence Corner. I almost licked my muff by accident. Did you? I've got caught out by how long my tongue was.

Always forget. Or how close your muff is. Yeah. So either one. Is your tongue longer or is your muff close? That is the question. What you're going to say is your muff big? That is the question. What you're gonna say is your muff big? Yes, yes my muff is.

Yes to both. Ah! So we have the first one. All right, this says, hi ladies, longtime listener, first time emailer. I'm a mom of a 14 year old boy. So the return of the period, wha! Mine came back maybe two or three months

after my son was born, even though I breastfed him for 13 months. Oh no. That's quick isn't it? That is quick. It's been heavier ever since and over the years I've tried all kinds of period products including cups. I'm here to say the best thing hands down is a disc.

Have you had this? I thought you were going to say dick. That would stop it. Would it? Just don't. Plug it on up. Oh a disc no? A disc I've never heard of it. It's so easy, never leaks, brilliant for heavy periods, sustainable and you'll never caught Would it? Just don't. Plug it on up. Oh, a disc? No.

A disc? I've never heard of it. It's so easy, never leaks, brilliant for heavy periods, sustainable, and you'll never caught short as long as you have it with you. Mine's from helloperiod.com, but there are loads of different brands from Belinda. Belinda coming in with the knowledge. Right. We need to, we need to research what the disc is.

Yeah. My only thing right is I could do with, and I don't know if there is, you know, the, the cup? Yeah, the moon cup. I need to know how to insert it. Yeah. Is there videos? You need like a, yeah, you need a tutorial. Yeah, I do need a tutorial. Okay. But doing it with like a cartoon diagram. I imagine you probably- So is it like a femi, is it a femidom? It looks a bit like that, doesn't it? It's a circle. I don't know what it's made. Do they still make femidom? Is it a fennidom? Femidom. Femidom. This looks like you just kind of fold it and then you pop it up there and it forms like a barrier. Without being too TMI then. So when you pinch it to

pull it out, is that just filled with? I don't know then, because it's got to go somewhere. Hasn't it? That obviously I'm not asking for you to give me lots of details, Belinda. I do apologize. It looks a bit like a cup though, but just flatter. So yeah, I don't know where all the... Because you know the, is it a moon cup? Yeah. The ones that go in, they have a little funnel on them. Yeah. So does that mean it just slowly drips out? No, it doesn't. I think it doesn't come out, but the funnel hangs down like a tampon string so you can pull it out easily.

Right. I think. My worry is if I would get it stuck right up there. Yeah. That's what I'm scared of. And then what? You could get a tampon stuck up there, but then you don't use tampons.

No, I've never had one lost. No. Up. That used to be my fear when I first started using them. In the wilderness, yeah. But it would be quite hard to lose a tampon, I would think. I don't know. I don't know. Someone may tell us otherwise. You used to read horror stories about that in like Bliss magazine.

I'm pretty sure my mum has a tampon story. Oh really? I think she may have lost one. Gosh. I would like to do something sustainable going forward though because tampons and sanitary towels. I can't use tampons anyway. Not very good for the environment. But sanitary towels, yeah. I have to use a pad. I can't use tampons anyway. Not very good for the environment. But sanitary towels, yeah.

I have to use a pad. Yeah. I can't use anything else. Would you use like a cup or a disc or something? I don't know. I think it would be one of those, you know, I think I'd have to maybe stay at home and try it because I think it would, I don't know.

You don't know until you try these things, do you? I don't know if it's gonna make me feel a little bit, I was gonna say maybe worried that I would leak, but I guess you could just wear a pad. Just in case. While you're learning or getting used to using it. But yeah, that is really useful information. That is, I'm glad I know about that. I'm definitely going to look into it. Because you know, I said mine came back really, really heavy, literally for two days, then it was gone. But I told you that was what mine was like after having Renly.

Just two days. Yeah. And then I had that bout of bleeding. You had loads. Yeah. And now I'm worried about when it's going to come back because I'm like, I'm not in any kind of regular patterns at any moment. And if I feel anything remotely in my pants, I'm like, oh, no. Or maybe someone can tell us if they've had it, had a similar experience. Yeah.

Because mine literally, ever since I started my first period is pretty much been to the day. 28 day cycle. Yeah. 28 day cycle comes on the same day every single month. That's wild. Isn't it? Ever since I was a little girl, it's always the eighth. Mine have always been all over the place. That's crazy. Isn't it? Your's more like a 30 day cycle then if it's every same day, every month. There or there about. Yeah. Our bodies are fantastic though, aren't they? Like it just baffles me how it just knows to come back that now I've said that out loud obviously you're it's shredding isn't it? It's building up and then shedding, shredding, shredding, shredding some important information down there.

Oh thanks Belinda. Oh thank you Belinda and if you have used any, anybody else, yeah, if you've used a cup or you're, you convert to a cup or a disc. Yeah. I'm so intrigued about the pants. Yeah, the period pants. I actually got some of those. I got given some by Tenor. Did you?

Yeah, but I never tried them out because at the time I wasn't having a period. Are they pants, pants or are they more like a, am I wrong to say like a nappy fabric? No, they are like... Disposable. They are, I don't know if they're disposable or you wash them, reusable because they're meant to be a more sustainable option, aren't they? But I think they are like pant material, but they're just absorbent. I'm intrigued. I might just have to do it. So thank you Belinda. All right. This one says, hi ladies. I just wanted to touch base about smear tests. I was exactly the same and was petrified. I put it off for so long, but deep down I knew

I had to do it for the sake of my health. I was diagnosed with stage three bowel cancer in 2022, which then spread to my liver in 2023. Thankfully, it was caught very early on. I had to get myself checked for other cancers too. I was so scared, but the staff could tell and reassured me every step of the way. They explained everything as it happened, which made me feel so much more at ease. I'm now in remission, having regular checkups, doing really well and getting back to my normal life with my five year old daughter." Katie from London. God bless you, Katie. This is just proof of how important it is.

And do you know what? You know, sometimes we, you mask things, don't you? I think I do being a mom and being busy and I'm not saying that's an excuse, but sometimes I'm just like, oh no, I've had this niggling pain in my neck. I'll just keep going and going. And you just forget about it, don't you? And then you get to the point where you're like, oh gosh, I had that really bad neck for a few weeks and forgot it even was hurting, you know. And I know that it's so important. It is. I mean, it's hard to even get to the doctor when you've got kids, but really you

must, you must make it a priority if you can. We promised each other that we were going to have booked our smear test by the time we came back in here. And we both haven't booked it yet. No, but I am. I am going to do it. We must do that. Yeah. I'm going to do it today. When we get home today. Yeah, I am generally going to do it because it's so important.

Poor Katie, her little girl must have been two when she had bowel cancer, gosh. So scary, isn't it? So glad everything's alright. You can't even imagine what you've been through. So God bless you. And it's so lovely to hear that you're in remission. God bless.

Lovely news. Thank you, Katie from London. All right, one last message here. It says, Hi, Sophie and Emma. I was just listening to Emma's A&E story on the big summer blowout episode and I wanted to tell you about something similar that happened to us. This was about me thinking Sadie had swallowed a battery. She says, my son once swallowed a metal marble from the screwball scramble game and I rushed to get him seen. The x-ray showed it very clearly and he thought it was hilarious that his tummy set off the metal detector. All we could do was wait for him to pass it, so I spent the next week inspecting every single poo in the potty with no luck. It wasn't until a

week later it dawned on me. Two days after the incident, he'd been with my mum and dad for the day. After asking them, it turned out they hadn't exactly wanted to get their hands dirty, so I spent a week inspecting his poo for no reason. Oh, because he might have already passed it when he was with Nanny and Granddad. And it was quite heavy so it would probably pass through. Right down the toilet. Oh no. Nanny and Granddad weren't looking for the marble in the poo. No, no. No, they weren't. We know it's out because we've been through metal detectors since. We still laugh about it to this

day and he brings it up every time we see a metal marble. Love the pod Lucy. Lucy. Gosh, that is terrifying. So they just said, oh, just let it pass out. I guess with the battery, they have to do something else because it can. Yeah, the batteries are very, very, It's the acids in the battery that's dangerous, isn't it?

Yeah, really dangerous. I mean, not to diminish your experience, but a marble's just gonna plop right through. But yeah, but either way, them swallowing anything is terrifying. Terrifying, terrifying. Even when they're eating food, I'm thinking. But even like pennies, not that it's happened to me, but I've watched like, you

know, when you watch like A&E and things like that, like children that have swallowed like a five P piece and you can just see the whole Queen's head like in their tummy. Yeah, in the x-ray. Yeah, passing through. So scary, isn't it? Yeah. Awful. I luckily haven't been in that situation. They just put everything in their mouths. Don't they? It's like a go to thing. I can't even imagine how you, you know, you and Lucy were feeling or anyone that's gone through it. Like how you're feeling in that moment. I know. I'm terrified. Top tip they actually gave me on 111 was if you do think your child

swallowed a battery, give them a couple of teaspoons of honey straight away because it slows down whatever is released from the battery. Oh, that's good information. Holy moly. Yeah, so there you go. Hopefully your children don't swallow batteries in the first place, but if they do, now you know. Yeah, terrifying. It stresses me out. The stress of that day. I keep marking the anniversary to Stefan going, God, it was two Fridays ago. And he's like, when are you going to stop? When are you going to stop counting back the days? We torment ourselves reliving it though,

don't we? I know. I think that's worse in the actual moment is when you relive. That's me with the car crashes. I just see the couple of weeks after, even now, I relive it and then I feel like I'm more sad reliving it than what I was. Totally. Even things that haven't happened, that have nearly happened, like near misses with Sadie, I keep replaying over and over in my mind, like I torment myself. At the moment we have the back door open a lot,

because it's been really nice and warm. She can scurry around the kitchen, she gets to the back door, and if she gets too close to the edge, she'll fall over and smack her head on the patio. Oh my gosh. And that has nearly happened so many times, because she just is so quick and I'll be doing

something. She'll scurry across the kitchen. Next thing I know, I'll be like, Oh no, she's near the back door. And the amount of times I've played it in my head, like God, if she tripped and fell, she'd have a bad head injury. But I feel like that's such a normal thing to do, isn't it? Like we're all doing. Yeah.

Are we all doing that? I think so. Okay. Yeah. Because I do a lot. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, we're all in this together. We are all in this together. So thank you, Lucy. And I'm glad they just passed through the poop. Yeah. Thank goodness. Your mom and dad need to be on the poo inspection. Lucy

have pooey fingers for a week for no reason. Oh, God love her art. Thank you so much for your messages. If you have any comments, thoughts or funny stories, why not get in touch? You can email us hello at secretmumpod.com or with Secret Mumpod on TikTok and Instagram. Next is time for one of your, your secrets. Actuaries are truly global. Wherever there's risk to manage, they use their math skills to solve real world problems. The Society of Actuaries has the designation for any destination. Welcome back. We love a secret on the Secret Mom Club.

And you're all so good at sharing. So Emma, what have you got today? This one comes from Anonymous. It says, Dear Sophie and Emma, I find myself in quite the conundrum with my daughter's school teacher. It started last week when I picked up my daughter aged six from school. She and her friends are at the age where they question everything and I hate to crush that spirit, but it's exactly that way of thinking that's landed me and some other parents in a bit of trouble. My daughter's teacher is lovely and I've heard nothing but good things. However, I

recently learned she has a particular fondness for a certain soft drink. That's not the problem though. The problem is how I found out. Imagine you pick up your daughter, admire her new artwork and ask about her day. On the drive home she casually says, Oh, and Miss Smith has a coke addiction. I had to do a double take. She was so casual about it. Miss Smith has a coke addiction. She always has some on her desk. I see it all the time and she never lets us have any. If you're going to have a coke problem at least share. At least share it with the team. Yeah. Goodness. Apparently it was a topic of conversation on the playground.

Before long, messages and emails were flying between parents. Word reached the school and shamefully, I was one of the ones who raised concerns. Eventually, the school sent a letter explaining the misunderstanding. Miss Smith does not snort white powder in front of the class. She just has a can of Diet Coke on her desk most days. Somehow it spiraled into a full-blown rumour about addiction. She's still teaching and rightly so, she's done nothing wrong. But now, parents evening is coming up and I'm mortified.

I don't even know if she knows who complained. How can I handle it without making things even more awkward? Oh, this is a real conundrum. Is it a conundrum? Yeah, hopefully she doesn't know that you were one of the snitches. Snitches get snitches. Snitches before bitches. Oh my goodness.

Imagine those sending that around the school. Bless the teacher's heart. Oh, that poor teacher. And she's just sat there with them and gone, oh, it's just a can of Diet Coke. Yeah. And then- Do you remember that really awkward, cringy- I think in my head, I think I would have known. Yeah.

Because I think if I said to Dottie, oh, what's coke? But she knows. She knows it. Because I love a diet coke. So I think I don't think she would have questioned it. She would have gone, you know, the same drink that you have at home. Yeah. But it's hard. It is hard when you and if she'd asked her, but bear in mind, our little girls are the same age. Yeah. The same. What would you have done? I don't know, because we're, we are all different, aren't we? And I think because I think Dottie

would have elaborated on it a little bit more, let's just use for argument's sake that she didn't definitely would have gone to the office. Like who's not in code ground here? Are there any drugs in the house? If there are, you better give them to me immediately. I know primary school teaching is hard, but really, Miss Smith, you cannot be doing cocaine at your desk. I think you would raise concerns, wouldn't you? But seriously, you wouldn't think that primary school teachers doing cocaine in the middle of the day at school.

I would think, I think you've misunderstood. Yeah, maybe. It's hard, but then it's hard with, I mean, you got to get there yet, haven't you? Yeah, I suppose. You've got all these- You've got this to come. Yeah. You never know. This is a wild time of your life, honestly. I won't lie. I would say even like going back

to Colby at six, it wasn't this wild. I don't know whether it's Dottie. I don't know whether it's because she's a girl. It's a very, very... Different experience, is it? Such a very different, such a very different experience. That girl does... You got to wait for the secret. We've got a phenomenal secret to be getting in our Tuesday episode, but she is, she's on another, but I think as well, which doesn't help. And again, I don't know whether it's a girl thing, but they like come together and they, they just have such wild, beautiful, incredible imagination. And you come out and you just think, wow, that, incredible imagination.

And you come out and you just think, wow, that was a lot. If that was me and my friends, like 30, 36 years old, we would be put somewhere and told to just chill. Yeah. You would not be safe. Chill out. I think you've got to approach the, go to school,

hold your head high and just say, look, anybody would have been concerned. Yeah. And I think if sometimes it's hitting it head on, own it. Yeah. Own it. Because I just think, no, I don't think they're going to know. Cause I think it has to stay. She might just secretly be thinking you snuck it. I think like back, like us going back, I think as the school giving us information, they have to stay professional and they don't want to say which teacher or so forth has said it. And I think that's reciprocated. I think they would have kept the parents anonymous.

I do think so too. And even if not, you can keep your head held high knowing that you were sticking out for the best interests of your daughter. You were just looking out for your child. Yes, exactly. And we know that she wasn't going to be doing any drugs. No. But I just think when you're living that every day. Yeah. And she spiraled, don't they? When the other teachers are saying it and the other kids are

saying it, you're thinking, oh. The way you're feeling is totally normal way to feel about the situation, to be honest. I wouldn't worry. And I just think if she does bring it up, which I don't know that she will, I think you just say, I'm sorry. You know, I think she'll laugh it off. Even if you were to talk about it. I hope she's finding the funny side of it. The teacher, I can imagine it was a bit of a... Yeah, Miss Smith, can you come to the office immediately? We need to talk to you.

Bless her. She must have been like, shit. Oh yeah, I've just been having a diet coke break. I know. Can you imagine? Gosh, she must have been so stressed. Bless her heart. This reminds me of the clip of, do you remember when Rishi Sunak was prime minister? Dishi Bishi. And he did like a, went to visit a primary school and a clip went viral of him saying,

I just am addicted to Coke, which I love Coke. It was like I have loads every day. And everyone was like, well, now you're not our prime minister anymore. But anywho, I hope it goes well. Please do keep us posted and let us know. And I don't think, I think it was all very, I think everybody in this situation, everyone's feelings were valid. Yours as a parent, your daughter's, obviously the teacher. But yeah, just, I hope there's a time that we sit back and laugh. The teachers is back and laughs. Because that is, I would certainly. I think it's quite funny. I think it's quite funny. I'm sorry. Just style it out. Yeah, I think own it. And I think you'll be, I think you'd be great. Yeah. And I think

she'll be as well concerned that she wouldn't want you to think that of her. Exactly. You know, I think it works both ways. Yeah. Yeah. Thank you very much. Have you had any awkward parents evenings? Let us know. Email us hello at secretmumpod.com or we're Secret Mum Pod on TikTok and Instagram. And we'll be back first thing on Tuesday. We'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the... Secret Mum Club! Bye!