Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Secret Daddies Club

Episode Date: November 6, 2023

We always knew the potential power of this podcast… but through a correspondence corner letter, we realise how potent it truly is! This week we hear from our first ever Daddy and as always, you’ve sent in some top notch secrets about spilling crumbs on the baby, and a close call in the hospital! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Acast.com Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do, and as we know, sharing is caring.

You don't even have to tell us who you are. Yeah, you can keep that to yourself, you can be anonymous. And those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the Secret Mum Club. Tell me, please, about your week. Do you know what? what i was just thinking then what did we actually do for the week but we've had a pretty quiet week i'm trying to still settle into life with after school clubs oh because colby did i tell you colby joined a football club well he's in like three football clubs isn't he i get confused about the structure so he's got a he's in a after school

football club yeah and then he's joined another little football club which is like the after school but it's nothing to do with school like the local league yeah like a local football club yeah so he's joined the school one as well he's got a school one yeah and then he's joined one away from school i know all right ronaldo and what was swimming as well i know and then gymnastics on the weekend for dotty i feel like i've just got no social life yeah it must take up so much time do you just constantly feel like you're in the car i constantly at the moment you know what i think it's making the pregnancy fly past as well because i just don't have time to stop and think and think about it yeah don't you just think it just goes so fast when you've got other kids anyway like this one for me is going

way faster than the first one do you think yeah because it's all you can focus on when you haven't got any children. Whereas like when you've got one already, like the days just fly by, don't they? But then I feel like the first one, I was working. So I just used to go to work and I used to be really busy. But then when I had Dottie, I was working part time, but I was at home. But you were busy with Colby. That's the thing.

I feel like that makes time go quicker. No, I felt like it dragged more because I sat around more at home yeah interesting maybe because i'm working and i've got a baby it's just going so fast and you know what i had a thought the other day actually and how annoying is maternity leave i mean mine's very annoying because i don't get paid that is annoying that's really but i just said you know when they you go on maternity leave a certain amount of time towards giving birth, what is it? Like some people take a month. Oh, before?

Before the baby. Oh, I wouldn't. Well, I personally wouldn't. I think people take maternity leave. Some people do. I think if you've got like a generous one, then like, why not? But I worked up until like a couple of days before I had the baby. Because somebody asked me if I was taking maternity leave um before

the baby came and i was like no i don't i don't really sat around waiting like but also from your job how would that work do you know what i mean it's not like you're going into an office every day i do you shouldn't undermine my job i'm a busy i'm a busy woman i've said this before it's like a proper job it's not a real it's not a real job. It's not a real job. It's not a real job. It's a pretend job. You're going to not post on social media. Of course you are. I guess maybe they meant maybe traveling up to here.

Ah. Yeah. I don't really know. Have you thought about? I'm not taking it. I would. I'd like to think that I'm going to go in. Well, with Colby, I had Colby.

I went to work till the Friday, had him on the Sunday, went back to work on the Tuesday. What do you mean by you went back to work on the Tuesday? I took my baby in the car seat to my dad's office and went to work. What? Because there was boys that needed paying and there was wages and invoicing. So two days later you went back to work? With a brand new baby, yeah. And you continued to work from then on?

Yeah, in the office for my dad. With the baby? Yeah, it was in the car seat and i used to feed him and he used to lie in there because i don't really do much do they in the first couple of weeks it just he was in the he was in his little carry cot on his pram so you didn't take any maternity leave no no i went straight back i feel like that's unusual maybe if you don't work in the family business yeah i'm just bringing my baby into work is that cool on the radio i'm gonna have to bring my baby here are you bringing the baby here well yeah i think i'm gonna have to yeah but it's gonna be like a proper mom but it's kind of fine here because it is a mom club it's like a proper crash yeah i can't do that on the radio we can take other

people's kids in no thank you okay emma's not down for that one sorry i was opening a crash then secret mom club yeah but no I went straight back to work. And then I had Dottie, went to work on the Friday, had her on the Saturday, went back to work on the Monday. Again, at your family business? Yeah, and then that was, Carl had been doing preschool for a week. So then he'd done preschool for a week.

We finished on the Friday, had her the next day. And then he went to preschool on the Monday and I went to my dad's office on the Monday. I mean, I feel like that's a bit. And then Tuesday I had to the next day and then he went to preschool on the monday and i went to my dad's office on the monday i feel like that's a bit and then tuesday to take the day off because we went bowling sorry dad i told him i was at home how did you feel incredible after that you were fine physically yeah physically and that's not me that's not me you know that sounds a little bit braggy doesn't i'm so sorry i didn't mean it like that but i think if you're feeling good just get up and move in yeah i didn't have a cesarean, so I had no reason to sit still. So I just got up and got moving.

Wow. Yeah. Which I'm hoping to do with this one, really. So straight back to work. Yeah, I'd like to think so. I want to, as much normality. I think it's so hard for me this time because I'm so stressed about, like, I'm not stressed. I don't really ever get stressed but i'm well that might

be tiny tiny way late um i'm more stressed about interrupting the baby's routines yeah because they're so big and because they have school and they've got busy lives like they've got busier lives than me yeah i'm a little bit stressed about upsetting their their routine we'll just take the newborn baby everywhere with you that they go people always say like the second and third baby really good at just fitting in with the routine you can't really have much control over it because you have to go out and do other stuff yeah you do you can't be at home for two hours while they nap in the cot can you no as much as i'd love to so what newborn naps for two hours in the car that's more my situation now with a 20 month old but

you know what i mean they just have to they just have to fit in with what you're doing i'd love to so yeah i've just been this week's been a bit of a bloody week i have started buying stuff for the baby but premo i know oh i haven't bought anything haven't you what have you been buying i bought some just some neutral clothing no i've done a little i've done some tiktoks on it i just bought some neutrals yes because as we know that you know we know that you know well we're still waiting i still want it to be doubly doubly doubly confirmed just in case um but i know that you know that we know that i know. That I know. That you know. Everybody knows. But actually nobody knows. Nobody knows. Nobody has a fucking clue. But you know.

Yes. Are you going to do a haul? I did do a haul on TikTok of my neutral bits. I bought some dummies and stuff. Oh yeah. Because I'm a dummy mummy. I think I'm going to be a dummy mummy again. I love them. Yeah.

Absolutely great. What I love about them though is the teething side. Yeah. Because they're just such a relief when the bev was a teething. Do you give it to them like from day one? Yeah. Because with Joseph, we waited like two or three weeks because I was going to try not to use one.

And then I was like, what am I doing? Fuck this. And something that really, really helped is when you pick the dummy that they like, it kind of then goes in unison with the bottle. So like the mam dummies yeah as soon as the moment it's in their mouth they're kind of getting used to the teat shape so as soon as you put that dummy in and then you go for the bottle it's very easy for them to get used to it

and familiarize themselves with the shape oh interesting something that i would say is if you're going for a certain type of bottle make sure you go with the dodo the dummies that match that yeah we've always had all the man ones yeah my fave to go with the bottle yeah bottle shapes which really helped me but yeah i'm a straight away dummy are you yeah i was just i this is the kind of thing that was keeping me up at night the other night i was thinking because we didn't do that with joseph can you literally just the moment they come out in hospital you can give them a dummy yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i don't see why not i don't see what i don't see why not so that's exciting so yeah it's just been a bit of a bloody week we've been shopping and buying bits and after school clubs and just trying to find a new routine

yeah obviously we've got the school holidays you're building up to half term yeah we are yeah we're getting ready for half term so it's all a little bit chaotic yeah and then colby's got a i've enrolled him into a um football academy oh kind of feeling a little bit bad about it i'm not gonna why because i feel like oh here's your school holidays now you're going to a football club for five days a week nine till three school hours school hours yes school you'll love that it's all football yes football that's i'm hoping that this is his first time. It's his first time. We don't know how he's going to take it.

How are you going to take it? Because normally you love the school holidays because you see them a lot. Yeah. But he's not going to be there. No. And I don't think I'm going to be okay. No. Don't tell my heart.

My achy, breaking heart. What are you doing with Dottie? Are you shipping her off to gymnastics camp? Oh, there isn't one. It's closed. No, she's going to be there the whole time. She's going to be there. I'm not going to, yeah, I'm not going'm not gonna lie it's gonna be a toughie but she's got she's got

like a little dance she's got one day of little dance with her cousins nice so i think it's just gonna be a case of yeah just chilling chilling out does she do after school clubs as well she doesn't really have a specific hobby no No. No, me neither. There's nothing that really takes her fancy. She tries to dance, but then I feel like she's... She tries. She wasn't cut out for that life. No? She wants to do ballet, but I'd say she's more cut out for street, you know?

Okay. She's a bit too gangster. Yeah. Not like dainty enough for a ballet. I feel like she's going to turn in to save the last dance of the girls at the end, like. Yeah. That's going to be dotty. Last Dance on the girls at the end, like. Yeah. That's going to be dotty. So a bit of dance, a bit of gym.

Just a bit of, yeah, just a bit of her chilling out because as well, this sounds like I'm favouring, I'm not, but she's gone into school, so it's all very new for her and she is shattered. Yeah, she needs a week off. She's turning into the, oh, she's a oh she's a devil oh really yeah we talk about that when we get to our secret because you're in for a treat this week but that's a lot of me this week yeah how about you um i had quite a momentous thing happen this week what did you do so we

visited my in-laws in wales for the weekend and then stefan was like I'm gonna keep Joseph down in Wales with me because I don't have work this week what and I did have work in London so I headed back to London on my own last Sunday night and I just had like four days without the baby it was so weird I kept thinking this would never happen to Safina she She wouldn't allow it. I know. When he first suggested it, I was like, no, absolutely not. Like,

why would I let you do that? And then actually. No. Take it. Because when else are you going to get that opportunity? No, I thought you would be like, you can never be away from him.

Right. Listen, it's different when it's tabbies. So you slagged me off. Well, maybe if you text me last week, I may have slagged you off. That's nice. Yeah, but it's nice because it's have slagged you. Yeah. That's nice.

Yeah, but it's nice because it's a nice time for Stefan. Yeah. It's different when you just don't collect him on time from his little preschool. Poor boy. No, I do think it's not fair for me to say no because I've done that loads. Because what if Stefan actually wants the time alone with you gone? That's the thing. What if you're pissing him off?

He wants me out of the picture. Yeah, he does. Yeah, he just wants to hang out with me. He just wants to hang out with Joseph. To be honest, I don't blame him. That's the thing. What if you're pissing him off? He wants me out of the picture. Yeah, he does. Yeah, he just wants to hang out with me. He just wants to hang out with Joseph. To be honest, I don't blame him. Don't blame him. But I've obviously done that loads because I'm with Joseph all the time.

So like I'm always back at my parents' house with him without Stefan. I'm at home with him a lot without Stefan. And Stefan hasn't had an opportunity before to have like a run of like a week, basically just with the baby and be back home with his parents as well so it was quite nice for them to all just have that bonding that time together but when i drove away on the

sunday oh please don't it was did you cry i didn't cry but i just i didn't want i didn't like the thought of him because obviously he's obsessed with me i didn't like the thought of him like asking for me and me not being there that's what was breaking my heart but actually turns out as soon as i was out the picture he didn't give me a second fucking thought. Couldn't give a shit. Yeah, couldn't give a shit. Apparently didn't even say mummy all week. It's only his favourite word.

But no, he was just distracted. He was having a lovely time playing with his cousins. But yeah, like driving back, I kept looking back into the rear view mirror and the car seat was empty. And I kept thinking, oh my God.

She's got the baby. Where's the baby? And then I got home and obviously there was like no baby in the cot. Like it was so quiet in the house. Like it was weird. Isn't the silence really loud? The silence is deafening.

So deafening. But I have to say after half an hour, I was loving it. If only you weren't pregnant, you could have had yourself a Prosecco. You could have had yourself a really wild time. I got used to it so quickly, honestly. And I thought this is what my life used to be like. I used to be able to go to bed when I want. No one was disturbing me.

I could watch loads of shit on TV. I ate out. I went for dinner with my friends. Wow, you really lived. Honestly, I packed a lot into those four days. It was a holiday. A great time. They came back on Thursday afternoon and and i was like my bubble was burst

sorry could you just go again a bit longer um but no that was and that was a first a first in 20 months that's huge it was really weird how exciting for you though yeah i really liked it i hope they do it more often i didn't know about this this wasn't on your instagram you didn't publicize this well i didn't on your Instagram. You didn't publicize this. Well, I didn't want to look like a bad mum. I thought people would judge. And do you know what's weird? He came back with loads of new words because he's learning like...

Because his big cousins are there. Yeah, and he's learning words so quickly at the moment. But he actually came back with manners, which made me think, I'm not teaching him the right thing. He came back saying like, please, sorry. When he drops a toy now,

he says, oh, sorry. He says, thank you, mommy. And thank you, daddy.

So, you know, it's actually you. You're the problem. I'm the problem. I'm the problem. It's me. Hi.

Hi. I don't think it's that. I think you're so fucking tired. Yeah. The thing is, is once you stop and you slow down and it's someone else in the mix yeah you then re-evaluate because you're like i know i've done the same this this week that i sit

there and i go fuck they don't have fun with me like i'm not fun but they're bored of us because they're with us all the time yeah and down there he was like cousins grandparents dad mom's fucked up countryside loving it yeah mom's out of the picture he went nuts he had a great time boys boys boys yeah lads lads lads lads on tour yeah so joseph we are relishing for you bud what an absolute dude emma and i really want to hear from you we want you to join us in the secret mum club you're all welcome you can share your secrets with us you can share your secrets with us respond to what we've been talking about or just say hello you can find us on tiktok and instagram just search secret mom pod or you can email us hello at secret mom pod.com it's a

correspondence corner time time this one is from anonymous who wrote to us about struggling to conceive a couple of months ago shit i remember i remember yeah do you remember this one is from anonymous who wrote to us about struggling to conceive a couple of months ago shit i remember i remember yeah i remember this one too well i've got an update ladies i messaged you about my partner and i approaching the scary one year mark of trying for a baby and seeing the fertility doctor to the facility oh you ladies had the best advice and guess what? No! Just after the podcast came out, I found out I was pregnant! Honestly, people keep saying you hang around with us too long enough. You'll be fertile. You'll be pregnant. You better watch out.

How strange. I'm now 12 weeks and due in May. I nearly cried to hear you ladies are all so pregnant. Oh, I'm so excited to be on this journey with you. It's all worked out perfectly and my very own Bob is looking healthy and happy lots of love oh my god this is the best news how amazing congratulations oh the power of the podcast the power of the penis i was thinking that as well the power of those sperms that as well yes oh my god i hope you had the most fun thank you so much for letting us know oh and 12 weeks so you've probably just had your 12 weeks oh i really really are praying for a lovely healthy pregnancy yeah all our babies

will be so close together oh my god march april may june july august i don't know anybody else that's it uh we've got another message here it says hi soph and emma when my daughter was around two my husband her and i all went to my in-laws house for christmas dinner most of my husband's relatives were there when we all went to sit at the dining table my daughter was nowhere to be seen my hubby and i searched everywhere whilst the whole family was eating after what felt like forever my hubby finally found her hidden behind the old clock, eating chocolate digestives with the dog.

My girl. He politely told her to get up and she responded with... Oh God. It's another swearing one. Fuck's sake, I'm busy, daddy. The whole room went quiet. Everybody was staring at me like i was such a bad parent i tried my best not to swear in front of my kids so i was just as shocked as anyone else when i

heard her say that to this day the family still brings up this incident and it's been 10 years fuck lots of love hattie oh love it i wish i could not swear around the children but i just can't i just can't i swear so much i swear so much and I feel so fucking much swear so fucking much fuck I um I just feel like exposing them to it

just means that we're not gonna have yeah 13 year old kids at secondary school that are like they seem to have come out of it quite well adjusted though

because you were saying like even when Colby does say it now in frustration he kind of knows like he understands that it's not something he should be saying

all the time he was in the garden playing football yeah but he knows he understands the context okay so fucking right exactly oh he does this oh fucking nice one nice one and he's talking i can see him talking to himself did you just have bomb in the garden he's like yeah yeah sorry were you listening yeah yeah i can hear you the windows but he's still a little bit like feels like he's being caught out which is like he's still very aware yeah so he knows that he doesn't think bad yeah but he says it he does say it but he and if i said to him do you say that word outside of this house in his face okay dead seriously he's like no no and he probably doesn't never no no he would never dare and at school he is so um he's so structured and regimented at school

that he would never be no god if he ever got told off by the teacher in the right way in his life also hattie's daughter is like that's perfect vibes at christmas no one wants to sit around the table with the in-laws you want to be eating chocolate digestives with the dog yeah hiding and telling you all to fuck off and leave me alone fucking leave me to eat my chocolate it's christmas we got our eating pants yeah back the fuck off dad thank you hattie that was a lovely one this last one is from ellen she says hello ladies i just wanted to say how much i've loved your podcast thank you i honestly don't think i've laughed so much going back to children's teeth when we talk about children's teeth? We talk about them all the time. How weird it is.

The dogs. I blamed it on the dog. Oh, yeah. Tooth fairy. My mum always kept my teeth and my dad and I never really understood why. She always just used to say, it's because they are your baby teeth and I wanted to keep them. We used to wind her up about it, which was all in jest. My beautiful brave mum passed away in 2020 after a short battle with cancer and i miss her

every day however the baby teeth story made me think of her and i have a little laugh as when we were sorting her things we found my baby teeth my dad asked if i wanted them to which i said no but we both had a cheeky plan during my mum's service we went to say our final goodbyes oh please tell me you gave her the teeth knock my teeth into her pocket so they would always be with her oh my gosh we just prayed that no one from the chapel would check her as we didn't know what they would think if they found a little box of baby teeth keep up the fun and thank you both for helping me laugh and smile again oh my goodness god bless you what an incredibly brave woman you are ellen that's actually stunning it's like touched me yeah a bit i'm so sorry but what a wonderful it's like she'd always have her baby with her

oh please don't make you guys oh god she'll always have her baby with her and she'd kept them for all that time since the moment you lost and she's got a bit of you with her i know oh my gosh i feel bad now that i haven't got joseph's hair and you've and it's i've fucked it it's game over he will never have a first haircut again yep so there you go but ellen thank you so much for that yeah that was a lovely story that was a really really lovely message and i hope you're i really hope you're doing well and i hope you're finding the good things to um remember that your mum yeah and this is really lovely so thank you so much so you can get in touch with us on anything at all it can be serious or silly and you can be

totally anonymous and between us we've probably heard it all before and remember we're all in this together and we know that's my baby brain and it's fucked I need some help did you actually

forget yeah i could have completely forgot my cue i didn't know where we were going i was going to be like 21 seconds ago each week we'll be sharing our secrets and yours in the secret mom club so here's my secret secret of the week. Dottie's turned into the devil. It's actually the first time in my life that I've actually questioned my parenting. Oh, no. And I'm actually distraught by it. I haven't spoken about it.

I haven't wanted to talk about it. She hates me. No. She fully. We've had an absolute flip on the head. Flip reverse it. Oh, we're going to flip reverse it. But yeah, my daughter's turned into the devil dutty hates you yeah she hates what do you mean fully fully hates me so i we just we're just not getting along and it's the first time i never ever had this with colby it's a whole new experience

for me and i'm actually truly distraught by it what's she been doing that makes you think so if i ask her to clean her room um no thanks no thanks why don't you just do it the attitude literally and i just look at her like do you know you're talking i beg your fucking pardon if this was you and me right now and you said that to me i would have poked you in your woman business not in a nice way i just don't know what i'm doing wrong nothing i do wrong nothing i do right makes her happy she doesn't want to be cuddled by me she doesn't want to talk to me chris as well no chris she's fine with chris yeah chris is that ultimate best so it is personal it is personal yeah i asked her i said it's mommy done something to upset you and she was just like nah nah nah uh can you pick this up nah uh well maybe i'll

just do it in a minute and then she or she'll sit on the sofa and she's like yeah i can't really be bothered oh she's getting sassy is she learning from school do you think i i don't know i don't know whether it is school because she also from school she's loving school but she isn't getting a friend oh really so like we went to school we had a school thing with both of them we had one with colby it went really great he's flying smashing it um the teacher's wonderful we had that in the week and had his little catch-up went to dotty's and she was like, Dottie's very popular. Lots of the children want to play with her,

but she is very, very set on not wanting to do what she doesn't want to do. Oh. So she said the children want to play with her and she's just like,

no thanks. What does she do then? Just plays on her own? She just plays by herself. That's interesting. Very interesting. Because she's used to having a sibling at home.

Yeah. But she tells the children she says um one of the little little boys asked if she could he could come to our house for a play date and she was like i've got a brother and i've got cousins i don't really need any more friends oh yeah that's gonna put the other children off isn't it but they all are so obsessed with playing with her and she's just like and i think she's finding it a little bit overwhelming that all of them are wanting not all them, that's what makes my daughter sound like she's the most popular. I can't help it, I'm so popular.

Lots of the children want to play with her, but she's just not wanting to play with them. So I don't know if it's just an unbalance of school, the tiredness of school. That's probably coming in as well, because has it got worse as the term's gone along? Yeah. I'd say this last week with the lead up to the end of the holidays coming yeah

it's it's stressful i'm not gonna lie to you it's in the car she doesn't want to get herself dressed she don't want to brush her teeth she don't want to put her shoes on what does she want to do i don't actually know i don't know she wants to just do yeah what she she wants to do so i'm trying to think now what's the kind of thing does she do like just watch her ipad and stuff like that she wants to yeah but she doesn't want to play in her bedroom anymore unless you play with her oh and she'll cry and cry and cry and cry and cry until you go into her bedroom and play with her she doesn't want anything for dinner and she'll scream at me because she wants a cake before dinner oh no and we've never had cakes before dinner no we're not having no cakes before that's dinner she does at school no no she won't be allowed to because they have well they open

their lunchbox don't they maybe she is eating our cake before lunch that's a good point maybe we'll take the cake sweetness out of the lunchbox but yeah everything is a little bit of a struggle she refuses to eat dinner she's refusing baths bath time's her favorite time she doesn't like it anymore without sleeping she's not been great is she no but she's been okay i'd say sleeping's pretty normal but everything has had an absolute flip flip of the it's really hard when you can't put your finger on it as well because yeah joseph goes through moods like that where i'm just like not his favorite person he'll love his food one minute next minute he'll be screaming in is so much more understandable i think he's a toddler yeah and he also can't express to me how he feels so that's how he says like i don't want to do this he has a complete meltdown but it's hard when you think like you go from being their

favorite person to like they don't even want to look at you no you're like what am i bickering between each other as well because the colby is quite a calm, collected individual. He likes just, he's very much routine. He likes his structure. He likes his plan. He likes his dinner at a certain time, bath. You know, that's Colby's little life. I feel like that's a typical man.

And she's unsettling the house a little bit, which is making Colby very stressed. What does he think about it all? He just cries because he's like, she's screaming really loud. And then he gets really overwhelmed and emotional. And yeah, they're bickering between each other. i got on the train to go to london last week because i had an event and i just sat on the train and cried because i was just like i don't know what i've done wrong you don't need this especially when

you're pregnant i think the hormones aren't helping i think i'm a little bit oversensitive yeah but yeah i don't know if anybody can relate to a five-year-old having a personality transplant. She literally has woken up the devil. Oh, she's a devil. She's a bad little bitch. She's a rebel. She's rebel. So yeah.

What's Chris like at disciplining them? He's the soft one. Is he any good? No, because you obviously were taking the piss out of him last week. For his diss. The way he tells them off. Yeah, we can't we just don't talk about that so he can't do it no he's the soft one he's the nice one which is why

i think she's taking this is what happens though right i think i was a bit like this with my mum and dad i would play them off against one another because my mum was with me all the time i thought she was the strict boring one and if i was annoyed or upset or anything i would take it out on her even though she was the one doing all the work every goddamn day yeah and then my dad i would be all sweetness and light because i'd be like well you haven't been around to tell me off so you're my best friend now yeah my mom probably thought same as you you bitch you little bitch i'll do everything for you yeah how grateful in hell so that's just i think the mind of a fucking nightmare of a child but the the the dynamics between a girl and a boy.

So different. I mean, I never want to like point out the differences because I'm like some... Astronomical. In some ways, like boys and girls should be able to be totally the same. But do you actually think this is like a, this personality thing? Oh, one million percent it's a boy-girl thing. 100 million.

Yeah. Also, I don't think it helps that it's one and two. Colby's the first, she's the second. Yeah. I definitely think it helps that it's one in two colby's the first she's the second yeah i definitely think it's a girl thing though yeah i definitely think she is wow he's hoping have another boy then my mum finds it absolutely yeah my mum finds it absolutely hilarious does she yeah she finds it funny because she's just like well you know you can go and live with grammy then i say to her all the time but she. But she thinks it's then I'm rewarding her. No.

No, I know. It's not meant to be a fun place but my mum makes it so fun for her and then I can't go, right, you could go to Grammy's house then because- She's like,

yeah, great. Yeah. She's like, woo! See you later. For a week? Yeah. No.

No, you can't. I can't offer to go to my sister's because my sister's got the fun four children. And she's like, yeah, I'll go hang out with my best days.

How is that boring that you could dump her on? No one one everyone's a fucking riot in my house everyone's a fucking riot yeah just not me i'm not the riot she just doesn't want to hang out with you no that is really sad it's really sad because you've gone from being like so close so close and it's such a hard it's such a hard dynamic in the house at the moment and i'm struggling with it a little bit yeah i'm not surprised but you know i don't know whether it's me i'm just super sensitive anyway because of bump no but that does sound hard for a cold-hearted person like me you that does you'd find out do you want her no thank you are you sure i've got enough troubles in my own child

she's great she can she doesn't want to clean anymore she doesn't want to tidy up no you've got to be clean and tidy if you live in my house. Them the rules. She's not so clean and tidy. But yeah, that was my secret of the week. Tough week. So if anybody's having a tough week, tough time. Yeah, if anyone can make you feel better.

Please do. Let us know. Please do let me know. But I'm here and I'm okay. Yeah, you've made it. Just by the skin of my teeth. So that's my secret. So next, we're going to be hearing some of yours on the Secret Mum Club.

ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Céline Dion. My dream? To be an international star. Could it happen again? Could Céline Dion happen again? I'm Thomas Leblanc, and Céline Understood is a four-part series from CBC Podcasts and CBC News, where I piece together the surprising circumstances that helped manufacture Celine Dion, the pop icon. Celine Understood. Available wherever you get your podcasts.

ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com This is The Secret Mom Club, the safe space for you to share your secrets. And we've got three secrets from you we're going to discuss this week. So Emma, hit us with number one. Hey friends, I'm emailing all the way from Tennessee in the US. I've really enjoyed your podcast and it never fails to make me laugh. Thank you very much.

Thank you. I seem to find myself carrying my child while eating and accidentally dropping food on his head quite regularly. Same. I just pick it up and eat it as if nothing has happened. Yeah. I've also accidentally spit on his head while brushing my teeth. God, he really is with you all the time. Please tell me I'm not the only one.

No. Thank you again for making my days better. Parenting is hard and we need each other. Hannah O from Tennessee. Yay! Thank you, Hannah. Do you want to know something funny? I thought a bird shit on Colby once.

No! It wasn't. It was my toothpaste. It dribbled down the back of his head. It dribbled down the back of his head. I was going around

and said to my mum can you believe a bird shit on Colby today? Mum was like bloody lucky that is. Yeah. Bird shit.

Just my spit. Yeah. I'd spit on him. I don't know if I've had the toothpaste. I have definitely dropped a lot of food on the baby's head.

Or when your boobies are so swollen and you're feeding the baby and you're trying to eat with one hand and you find shit in your boobs. Yeah, when you go to bed. My boobs have never been that big. I've never had a cleavage. But I did a lot of, when he was little, wrapping him in the sling. So you'll be like cooking, eating, doing whatever. Obviously shit's getting dropped on their head all the time.

As long as it's not piping hot, I think it's absolutely fine. Oh yeah, not like straight off the hob. Yeah, would be dangerous yeah no would you are you i meant to say to you then are you going to try boobying with baby yeah this time you are going to try it because that's the other thing as well i thought you were going to say when your boobs are really full of milk and you go to get them on the boob sometimes you is it so when you when you don't do the boobs so when you are you go through the bit where you need to just let it all dry up dry up yeah they go so big are you wait i'm going to send you the pictures did you have to spurt some down the sink no i didn't you can't touch them because the moment

you touch them or milk them it you basically start one yeah i'll send you a picture i've got pictures of both of mine and my boobs i look like pamela i look like pamela and yeah i would say that's the only time i've had i mean big boobs for me probably still like a b cup but mine were mine were easily a g rock really they were huge rock solid and sometimes you jet the baby in like the eyeball with your nipple because your milk is like so ready to come out like overnight when it's built up it's's like, wow. It's like a pressure washer. But yeah, I used to find loads of food in my boobs. And I used to be like, oh, fuck my boobs. I've grown a new mole since I've had Colby. And then I'd be like, no, no.

Eat that out of there. I eat chocolate. I eat anything that like basically the baby spits out as well, which is like disgusting. But I can't be bothered. A, I don't like waste. And B, I can't be bothered to clean it up afterwards. And Stefan will watch me feed the baby.

And he's like, you're fucking gross. Because he'll like just dribble out a bit of Weetabix and I'll just eat it. Do you not just put it back in his mouth? I think I'm going to be sick. That's disgusting. Yeah. I used to eat like a half a chewed of,

half chewed like alphabet potato. Yeah. Sometimes I suck like the remains out of the pouches. They're just anything really. That's basically what my diet consists of. So yeah, you're not weird. Hannah, I am. Not the baby back.

Tried my own breast milk as well, did you? No, I didn't touch my titties. Nothing came out at all? No, I didn't want to touch them. It is quite nice. I did it. It's quite sweet. Hunky dunky.

Well, thank you for all the way from tennessee yeah wow we're all weirdos across the world yeah across the pond we've got another weirdo here nothing changes fucking soggy wee to pick out somebody else's mouth not just somebody else's my child i wouldn't do it was a good one we're all rolling into number two that's a good turn that's a good turn this one says hello ladies congratulations to you both thank you thank you i am a dad and have a question for you both my wife and i i think i don't know why i'm so shocked then i'm so sorry that was that was on camera i know but it's unusual to get a male yeah it's actually very exciting my wife and i are thinking about child number two we currently have a one-year-old daughter she has been the best and we both love being parents so much during the conversation we both asked if we wanted a girl

or a boy we feel awful but we both said how much we'd really want another girl as we just seem to suit it it would be amazing to have a boy and be blessed with one of each but we both just want another girl and we're worried we'll get gender disappointment we honestly feel awful and we hope we're not the only ones who feel like this thank you from anonymous i think it's really common to just be like i want another one of what i've got because that's what i know i think and i think even to the moment that you give birth so if it is let's just use you as an example that they not you are did he say anonymous oh anonymous our dad our dad not our dad that's weird I'm so sorry um the daddy oh who's the daddy who's the daddy um I think even if it is does come out to be a little boy that

you were having i think even to the moment that you actually give birth i think it's i just i don't think it settles in i think until they're here and you are bonding with them i think it's completely different but i think because you've got one of what you have it's only natural for you to feel that way and i think everybody feels i think that's really common although loads of people say to me though now oh wouldn't it be nice to have another girl and then you'll have one of each because for some reason people seem to think like one of each is like completing the set and i'm like when people say that i'm like i don't you've got a whole hand in poker yeah i don't really mind like whether it's a girl or a boy it doesn't bother me at all but i hate to be that cliched person but i do just think you won't be disappointed i do i don't think no matter what

you get you'll just be like we've got this other baby which is amazing and a miracle and we love them just the same i don't think you'll be did you ever have the feeling of what if i don't love the baby like when you were pregnant i never did but i know that is really common i felt it yeah i was like what if i don't love the baby when the baby comes because again there's so much pressure to be like people talk about this moment where the baby comes into your arms and it's just amazing and emotional and you love them at first sight and you cry that is a myth that is a myth like i love you're knackered yeah you're knackered you're so tired you need time to process your emotions like i did love your asshole is falling out i didn't cry straight away i was just like processing what just happened

i cried because i saw chris holding him and chris was crying and that made me really sad because i think the moment the dad gets the baby is so much different to us actually giving birth so when you're you're going through the birth and everything like that and you've carried them for nine months your head is literally up your arsehole you don't know whether you're coming or going what the hell you're going through but this the dad it's like the first time first time feeling them yeah feeling their wriggling feeling their kicking hearing their cry yeah everything is so first for dad yeah the moment they take him it's such an overwhelming feeling for them and that made me instantly cry yeah i don't think stefan felt that and then she was literally like right we need to take the stitches out and redo them i was like oh they're great

they're like now the placenta needs to come out you're like i'm not another one can you give us another push is there another baby yeah it's like isn't it yeah fuck i shit myself both times even i knew it was coming as well can you just give another push right is there another baby yeah it's like isn't it yeah fuck i shit myself both times even i knew it was coming as well can you just give another push sophie what yeah baby's out baby's out what am i pushing your placenta pardon but yeah i hate to be patronizing but i actually i think you'll be okay you'll be fine yeah and you know 50 you might get another girl yes so 50 50 50 50 50 and i think the how you feel though is completely natural oh yeah yeah yeah i'm thinking now like it'd be easier for me to have a boy because you've got boy stuff i've done it once

already i've got all the stuff like yeah i just feel like i could be a boy mom yeah but i also your feelings are completely valid but i think also what what is the same with you is that you are one of three girls yeah so for you it doesn't make any odds because you don't have a different gendered sibling yeah um whereas for me i had my brother yeah she got two for the price of one you might have twins one of each wow that would be phenomenal please let us know if you do i was scared of going for another one having twins or even even if people go for a third and then they end up with four children whoa that could have been me yeah yeah that's a lot that's a lot but there's definitely one in there yeah yeah yeah yeah did

you know as well i don't think this is enough to like impact the gender but depending on where you fall pregnant in your cycle depends on whether it's more likely to be a girl or a boy so is it yeah if you get i thought it was depending on the sperm it is because it's the heat of them if they're hot or cold spam but if and also the faster sperm that don't live as long produce boys and the sperm that take longer to get to the egg but they have more longevity that produces a girl i thought it was the other way around i thought the slow ones were the boys because they're slow to get there the fast ones are the girls no because they're the warmer ones fast but don't live as long are the boys because they're all like but then they're dead and the girls are like slow and steady wins the race sensible so maybe you

could um try and maybe google some things like don't wear tight pants yeah don't sit on a heated car seat tight pants is a girl isn't it heated car seats a girl so the warmer the spam you want to keep them cold though do you google some science yeah and let us know if anybody is a scientist and knows anything about this please do let us know if you're a biologist get in touch but thank you so much i love that and thank you for being our first daddy thank you for listening why do i keep saying daddy daddy but we're rolling to number three now all right this one says hi soph and emma my story happened when my daughter was around three years old. We woke up in the night to her really crying in pain,

clutching her tummy and sweating profusely. Oh, no. We called 111 and were told her symptoms could be appendicitis. In a panic, we rushed her to the emergency room where we were met by a doctor who examined her and agreed it was appendicitis. We were told she needed surgery immediately. Fuck.

He gave us some medicine to help with the pain and we were sent to wait in the pediatric A&E waiting room while the surgeon prepped. We were petrified. Within 10 minutes of waiting, my daughter, through sobs, told me she needed to go to the toilets. I took her in and waited.

What I can only describe as the equivalent of a nuclear explosion proceeded to to erupt from her bum. Yeah, but she says, proceeded to erupt from my tiny little three-year-old's arse. The noises, smells and strains echoed around the very packed children's A&E. I had no idea that much poo could come out of such a tiny little girl. After what felt like an eternity. The poo stopped.

Stuck in that little bathroom with her, we cleaned up. And she proudly pulled up her knickers and PJs and announced cheerfully, my tummy ache is gone now, I can go back to bed. I had to let the doctors know that the surgeon was no longer needed

and that the swollen appendix they felt was her large intestine of shit. Was just in fact a huge shit. The doctor re-examined her and confirmed she was completely fine. To this day, we cannot get over the fact that she nearly had emergency surgery over a giant shit. Can you imagine if they cut her open though to remove her appendix like fuck me i she needs a shit yeah would they have given her a colonial they might

have just taken it out for no reason i can't believe she got misdiagnosed through the large intestine to get to the appendix though imagine me like all the shit in there imagine throwing her up and bringing her back out and said oh oh, we just emptied her large intestine. She just needed a big poo. Crumbs. The surgeon would have had a shock. Wow. This says, we now keep a bottle of lactulose in the medicine cabinet. Bless you from Felicity.

Felicity, God bless you. That is absolutely iconic shit. I just don't understand how they would have gone past her large intestine to get to the appendix. Without poo spraying everywhere without poo can you imagine just pure oh one big cut open put your shot or shot it out of her bum hole like a like a you know when you push those things and it squirts out yeah so satisfying when they finally go though imagine the relief the relief the relief you know joseph's been really constipated and people have recommended lactulose to us actually.

Have they? But we have had some luck with cutting gluten out of his diet. Stop it. But the other day I got him out of the bath and he said poo poo. Oh. He shat in my hand through the towel.

So Felicity, I kind of know how you feel. So there is you mocking me about catching a poo in my hand. I thought of you because I was like, it's happened to me now there we go sophina there's going to be so many things that you experience now in your life i've had my cherry pop thank you and it i took your i took your catch and poo virginity yeah and i felt feels incredible yeah and i didn't even know it felt weird it felt warm you don't know what to do do you and you literally sit there and that split second you're like i'm never telling anybody this yeah but i've literally got a shit i've got a whole

poop yeah another human in my hand it's such a surreal experience it's like you're having an out-of-body experience and you just look at that turd yeah and then you question like where should i wash this yeah because it's going to go down the plug hole yeah the bath or the sink yeah well i was holding joseph in a towel oh with the poo so he did you put him back in the bath uh did he have it squished on him or was it quite a solid no it was just in my hand through the towel quite quite solid oh no so thank god stefan was there because i was just like can you please take this pooey baby away from me while i deal with this shitty towel but if i was on my own i don't know what i would have done you So you weren't even,

it wasn't even off cloth. No, it wasn't fully in my palm. I was protected by a towel. Technically, it's only just gone in. Technically, it's only just gone around the rim. Yeah. You've not been fully impacted with the... No, I'm waiting for that one. Yeah.

Yeah, waiting for that one to come. So please FaceTime me when that happens. I will. I want to have you holding the poop in your bare hand. Okay. Yeah. Let me just empty the pot I will. I want to have you holding the poop in your bare hand. Okay. Yeah. Let me just empty the potty out.

Only bare hands count. At least Felicity, your daughter was going in the toilet. God bless her, at the hospital as well. To be fair to her. And she didn't need to have surgery. Yeah. What an absolute week we've had. Love that for her.

Thank you for all the secrets this week. Everyone is welcome at the Secret Mum Club. Yeah, if you want to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secretmumpod.com or we're secret mom pod on tiktok and instagram have you ever mistaken a nuclear number two for appendicitis or do you accidentally drop crumbs on your baby's head let us know there really is nothing too outrageous and if you haven't already check out our friday bonus episode and we'll see you next week on the Secret Mum Club. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts.

Here's a show that we recommend. Céline Dion. My dream? To be an international star. Could it happen again? Could Céline Dion happen again? I'm Thomas Leblanc, and Céline Understood is a four-part series from CBC Podcasts and CBC News, where I piececed together the surprising circumstances that helped manufacture Celine Dion, the pop icon. Celine Understood. Available wherever you get your podcasts.

Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.