Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Secret Poop Club!

Episode Date: August 27, 2026

One listener’s toddler has learned a new naughty word… and is not afraid to use it! Plus, the ladies share their tips for making moving house less stressful and more exciting for little ones. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Sofina and Emma have another hilarious episode of Secret Mum Club lined up for you, but just before we get into it, have you watched the show yet? The summer holidays can be the Wild West for finding a moment to yourself. So when the kids have gone to bed, it's the perfect time to unpack the day, laugh about the latest things they've done to embarrass us, and catch up with the ladies who are going through the same thing. When you've got that bit of peace and quiet, grab a drink and search for Secret Mum Club on YouTube. Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club

I'm Safina And I'm Emma And welcome to your Thursday's episode Where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week Do your tweak of the week We'll squeeze your tits Squeeze your tits! That sounds a bit more aggressive than bits Squeeze your tits!

Oh yeah, that was aggressive There's not much to squeeze Emma is also squeezing her tits Shall I just There's not much there Anywho All of your comments, sorts, questions and fun stories To keep you going through the weekend

Show a Jambonion. It's time for another Corrie Cunner. It's time for another. Curresponders' cooler. Yeah. Cockney one. Cochney, you're a Cochney Gouser. Cockney gozer.

It's time for, should we do it in the other soon? Time for another. Curisbunders called her. You know, everyone was very worried about Joseph getting a Welsh accent. Not worried, but there was, it's been the talk of the town. He was in the bath the other day and he was like, this is dirty water. I said, don't worry. My son, you're still a Londoner.

Silly Londoner. Through and fru-in-frew-frum. Should we try and do it together? He's time for another. Oh, start from it. It's okay. It's time for another. Corresponders' Corner.

Nice. Bravo, brava. Jim Lee, sweet. Sign us up to his stendos. Stanley Dyer's still in it. I'll be in it if he's in it. My girl's not in there there. Is she?

She's not in there in the issue. Oh, she's gone? Is she? I don't actually know. I don't have never, I haven't watched it. quote me on that. No, me neither. What's the name of the chimney sweep in Mary Poppins? Apponaralinds. Is it say?

Dick. Yeah, what's his name in Mary Poppins? Humperfink. Humperfink. Dick Van Dyke. What's his name in Mary Poppins? Why don't you called? Bert. What do I want to call him? It's a jolly holiday with you, but.

It's a jolly holiday with Mary. You're thinking of Engelbert, Humperdink. Yeah, I know. Why don't want to say Dick humperdink all the time. Anywho. Humberdink. Dick, Humpadink. Maybe it's because it's dick hump Do do de Humpty

People see your Humpty We've had this before Because you've called him hump a dick Okay anywho We digress three minutes deep So Emma let's have our first one Okay this comes from Kalin Kalin

We already get some belters of names recently aren't we Yeah I'm gonna guess that that's an American name Are you? Do you think? Don't know I'd like to assume One should never

Assuming makes an ass out of you and me Yes it does Although I never really understood that for many years of my life. Well, it has, because where's the out in that? Stefan said the other day, assuming makes an ass out of you and me like I just did actually. And I was like, that's the wrong saying. You have to say to assume makes an ass out of you and me

because that literally spells an ass out of you and me literally spells assume. If you're saying assuming it doesn't work. Because there's no O-U-T and out at assume. So where are the... It makes an ass, ASS, out of you and... me, Emmy. That just makes no sense of my brain though because out needs to be in there for that analogy to work. Yeah, sure.

Yeah. All right. Well, anyway, you ready? Yep, moving on. 38 years on the planet and here we are. It's hi, beautiful ladies. Hello. You may remember me as the lady who hid 100 plus little ducks all around her grandparents' house.

Yes, and I took it from you that I also, well, I think it was after, wasn't it? You've done a little one as well, didn't you? We did ducks and chicks and chucks and dicks. Chucks and dicks. Thank God I got it around the right way. Chuck your dicks. To this day, my granddad is still completely oblivious and continues to find them because my nearly five-year-old is always rehiding them when he goes up. I've loved hearing everyone's favorite things their children pronounce wrong, so I had to share one of my favorite toddler sayings.

When my eldest was around 18 months to two years old, he didn't call me mummy. He had his own nickname for me because he always heard his dad calling me it. For a good six months, he called me. It's not bad. Oh, I thought it was going to be bitch. That's what the dad calls her. Yeah. Bick, yo bitch!

Yo bitch! Get it, bitch. Babe. Oh. We have this in my house as well. At nursery pickup, the staff member would open the door and out he'd run shouting, Babe is here. Oh, he probably just thought that was her name. That has got to be the cutest thing I've ever heard in my whole entire entire life.

If I left the room, he'd shout, hey, where Babe gone? And if someone referred to me as Mummy, he'd correct them. That's not, Mommy. That's Babe. Oh, my God, that's absolutely. It's incredibly, oh my gosh. It's so cute. It's so cute, isn't it? It took him a very long time to realize I was actually mummy. He'd even shout, babe at me in the supermarket, which got me some very questionable looks. Fast forward to now when he's nearly five. Thanks to Bluey, he now refers to me and his dad as dude. Not quite as cute when you tell him to do something and he responds, calm down, dude or what's up with these dudes?

I don't know, that's pretty cool. Guys, honestly, what's up with these dudes? Don't know what's up with these dudes. These parents are really killing my vibe. These dudes are really killing it back here for me Yo dude go faster Dude hit me up at McDonald Oh dude Yeah where's my dinner dude Thank you for being such amazing parents

And role models for the mum community Kaylin Oh god That's so cute That is very very cute Stefan calls me babe So Sadie's picked up on it a little bit She'd be like

Where we going today babe Come on babe Rennie does say honey Hey honey But mostly it's quiz Quiz Quizty Where a quiz he gone?

Where quissie go? Oh, Pobby, dottie, quessie. Why does he call him Chris? I don't know. You hide? You hide in? You hide for me, quissy? It's just the fucking cutest thing in the whole entire world.

At the moment, his new one is, oh, that's not good. That's not good. Anything. If Lightning McQueen crashes on the telly, that's not good. Mama wait, that's not good. And sometimes it says it really slow and, And then it'll be like, that's not good.

That's not good. That's really not good. And it just makes my heart so, so happy. Or if I do something, I go, oh, crap. He goes, Mama, they're not good. That's not good. That's not good. That's not good.

It's so cute. I just don't know. I just wish we could bottle it up. I know. So sad. I wish we were constantly recorded. And then you could put it just in little voice recordings to hear it back. Megan Markle actually said that once.

It was like a parenting tip. She was like, she was saying she records her like, like, bedtime conversations with her kids so she can always remember their little voices. That's really adorable. That's really, really cute. Thank you, Kaylin. Thank you, Caitlin.

That is honestly filled my heart with a lot of joy. Very cute. Dude is very cute. Yeah. Some of these dudes. Some of these dudes. Okay. On to the next one.

All right. One last message says, Hi, Sofen Emma. This is a get back in touch. So it's Jess in Manchester. And she says she comes with more thruple rumors. Because Patrick is moving in with us. So do you want to refresh your memory?

the old message is in the script. Jess had her partner's friend staying with them. And everyone kind of rumored that they were in a thruple. Yes. Now he's moving in with them to fuel the thruple rumors. She says, honestly, it works for bringing our village together. And from a financial standpoint, it makes sense too. He also comes with two cats.

So bonus. But that's not why I'm writing in. Oh, I thought that was the big news. Oh, I thought we were, that was going to be the big news. Patrick's moving in. moving in. And now we're going to get more thruple content. More thruple rumours.

More thruple. Actually, what's the five? Because he's got two cats. Or maybe she's writing to tell us they are in a thruple now. Ooh. Do you see? I've been given what they're asking for. Can't beat them.

Join them, I say. Give the people what they want. She says, we're due to move into our house as first time buyers. Of course the whole process has taken months and we've told our eight-year-old twin boys about it to help prepare them. We've taken them to see the house since we put in the offer and started getting them involved with designing their bedroom. Now our completion date is only 10 days away.

Shit. I was wondering if you have any recommendations for ways to celebrate moving in. We're a bit witchy, so we'll be doing the classic burning of sage to get rid of any bad vibes. But I know moving house is such a big thing during childhood. So I'd love to help them with the transition in any way we can. Lots of love, Jess from Manchester and soon to be one husband, one friend, three kids and four cats. This is absolutely stunning, I'm living for it. Best advice I can give is the treasure hunt. It was possibly the best thing I've ever done in the whole entire world. Obviously the children knew we were moving, but they didn't actually know when we were getting

the keys. So we done a treasure hunt all day, or even if you take the keys the day before, and then you do a treasure hunt, but the treasure hunt at the end is the house. And they obviously can go into the house. Yeah. That one was really, really exciting. I really loved that. Like if I move again, which I pray to God, I never do it ever again because it was shit.

It's so stressful. No, we're in this house for good. Yeah, it was really, really stressful. So it's a lot. So you also want to make the processes fun for the children, but for you. Yeah. Because there's a lot of pressure on it. And I think if you can make it fun and make it exciting,

give them something to talk about a memory to tell their, you know, their friends when they go back to school or where they're at school or just make it a really great memory. Yeah. I think. We, I don't know whether you would have the luxury of doing this, but we had the kids stay away for like the first night. and day so that we could get it.

Set up some beds and stuff, didn't you? Yeah, and just get it as like normal for them as possible. So like their rooms were ready for them to come back to their beds and all their bedding were in there and their toys and their teddies and they were, we actually bought them like a new toy to come back to to make it more exciting, like a present for moving into the new house. But that was really nice. So then when they turned up, they weren't like, oh my God, this looks horrible.

What is this empty shell? Where's my bedroom gone? It was like nice and normal and cozy and homely for them. So I think obviously mine are a little bit younger. but I think that really helped them. I just was thinking then, because we obviously got the keys at the end of the day, but if you were to maybe try and if you could do it the day before

and get the keys, and then the next day, if one of you can pop out, you could then set up a little, some air beds. And just to take the pressure off, obviously moving day is hard because I was lucky and that we didn't have to get out of ours straight away. So if it is the case that you have to do yours all in one day, you could do the treasure hunt being at the end.

if the boys are going somewhere else or if they're at school or whatever the situation may be. But then obviously you could do a set up, couldn't you, to make it really fun the first night, just get everything in the house, have the lounge, just pop a TV in there, airbeds, popcorn, duvet,

just buckle in for the night and just have the coolest sleepover, maybe get like a disco ball or some really cool lights that you can just plug in, have it all, because if they're witchy, you know, have it all gloomy. Yeah.

I was going to say watch a movie, but maybe you don't have a TV set up. That's what I mean. You just have to put it on the floor and plug it in. Crowding around a tiny phone. If it's one off the wall, just plug it in on the floor. But yeah, if anybody else has any suggestions. Yeah, let us know. Yes.

It's so exciting though. Yeah, it'll be great. Congrats on finding your first time. Yes, I know. I hope Patrick's excited too. Well, I was going to say that now that you're in a thruple, it's great because you can have... You've got two men to help you do all this. Two men to help you do stuff.

And also, well, not that women can't do. Obviously, you're a flat pack boss bitch. I know. I'm not. For me, in my house, that's a blue job. I also do like to play dams or sometimes. Oh, no. Oh, I can't do this.

My toe is broken. Just to, you know, just to give Chris a bit of masculinity back. Yeah, God bless us all. I've taken everything from him, bless him. Just to give him something back to make him feel real manly. Oh, no, there's jar. Won't open. I can't do it.

But with the three adults, you can have one person watching the kids and two of you cracking on with a job. So I think that would make you really productive. Just the best, the best scenario out of all. of this. I wish I had another adult woman living in my house that could help me, help me with things. Yeah, maybe not so much a man because the men can be. I've got enough men. I've got enough testosterone in there. You just don't know. Patrick might be a wonderful help around the house. Well, I think that's why they involved him in, well, not involved him in the first place. He was already their friend, but she was saying he stops in really well and looks after the kids and stuff.

It's a lovely dynamic. It's going to be a breeze moving in with you. And also, they're thinking about somebody else, which I just think is a very, very selfless, incredible thing to do. Rather than leaving Patrick out all on his own. Yeah. They've brought him into. to their family, which I don't see how anybody could look at that any other way, then we could leave a man in a flat on his own. This is just me assuming, or presuming. He could really struggle with his mental health, but the fact that you've taken him in and giving him a purpose and his cats. And his cats, yeah. What a nice thing to do. I just think it's so lovely. But we're wishing you all the luck and all the world, but please keep us updated. If you do what you do,

how it goes, keep us posted. I want to know about the big day. Give us all the gory details. And if you do have any information we can pass on to Jess To make it fun for moving day Let us bloody know We'll pass it on Also have like a nice takeaway and some wine Because I cried on the first night in our I cried for the first week

Yeah It was a lot You need everything you can You need everything you can And a village to move everybody Thank you so much for your messages If you have any comments, thoughts or funny stories Why not get in touch

You can email us hello at secretmumpod com and we're SecretMapod on TikTok and Instagram And next is time for one of you Oh, secrets. Welcome back. We love a secret on the secret mom club. You're all so good at sharing. And Emma, you've got a great one today, so take it away, honey.

All right, this comes from Kath. Go on Kath. She says, hi, Safina and Emma. Hello. My three-year-old cousin was wandering around upstairs while her mom was running at her bath. There was a baby gate on the stairs, so she was happily playing in her bedroom. Her mom came in, took one look, and asked, what are you doing? My little cousin turned around and calmly replied, taking a shit.

How'd she do? She was pooing on the floor. Her mum couldn't help laughing and had absolutely no idea what to do. Love for watching you both, Kath. She didn't even, she wasn't even on the bog. She was, but also wasn't even, she was proud. She was free-balling taking this shit.

Raw-dog in it. On the landing, raw-dog and that shit. Oh, God, I don't know if you can say that. Is that bad? Just laying out a turd. I love it when they have no concept of like what's acceptable. So she's like, what you do? What do you mean what I'm doing?

I'm taking a shit. Yeah. Why are you asking me what I'm doing? Give me some privacy. Yeah. Can a girl not have a shit in peace and quiet? For fuck sake. Piss off and leave me alone, will you?

I'm like... And also actually, while you are in, you've interrupted my shit, want to wipe my ass. Can you wipe my ass too? That would be... Wait, how old is she three? Yeah, so, you know... She's sassy age.

She's possibly maybe being toilet trained for a while as well, but she was just like... Possibly the greatest legend who have ever walks to this planet. She does what she wants. She does what she wants. She's cousin does what she wants I'm having a real issue with Joseph using the travel potty at the moment Because obviously we're potty training Sadie

So we always have the travel potty with us And so he now knows he's got that to fall back on And he's using it as a bit of a crutch Like normally where we're... So it's basically lying again I don't actually need a wee but I want a wee It's gone backwards because he knows he can use it So like even if we're out somewhere where there are public toilets

So we're in a park the other day Toilets literally there he's like, I really need to go to the toilet. I'm like, well, come on then, let's go to the toilet. And he'll be like, no, I'm busting. I really can't hold it. I'm like, okay, fine, the toilets are just there. This is the boy who's normally like, I can hold my wee for so long.

Like, he's got such a big bladder. He's got camel bladder, like, Stefan. Like, he would be able to hold it. He's like, no, I'm busted. I need to go right now. So he keeps just doing, and also he doesn't really like doing a wild way outside. So he keeps just doing a wee in the travel potty. And then the other day, he was like, I really need a poo.

And I was like, well, I'm not voluntarily carrying a, smelly shit round in the travel potty. I was like, come on, let's go to the public toilets. He's like, no, I really need to go right now. And he's just got no qualms about literally sitting down in the middle of the park and just laying one out on the travel potty. Taking a shirt. I'm like, you're nearly five.

I don't think we can keep doing this. And then I have to carry a stinky poo round in the travel potty with me. And then Sadie goes, I need the toilet now. And I'm like, well, sorry, but your brother's already laid one out in the posse. So you're going to have to go on top of that poo that's already in there. I'm surrounded by shit at the moment. The other day I had to empty out a shit from the travel potty, which Stefan had left in there, by the way.

Stefan had a shit on there. What the fuck is going on? Stefan had a wild poo. On the travel potty. Even Stefan's doing it. He's third and safe. Oh, Stefan. No, he'd left one of the kids' poos in there.

But it hadn't cleaned it out. So by the time I opened it, it's fucking stank. Then, immediately after Joseph was like, I need a poo now on the toilet. And then immediately after that, Sadie's like, I need a poo on the house potty. In the space of about five minutes, I cleaned up three poos. Wow.

So I really feel this. I feel this secret in my heart. I felt it in my fucking saliva glands. I swear I just felt it. Wow. I'm surrounded. By poo. By shit.

Christ. It's a lot. If you don't like poo, this pod's not for you. It's not the one for you. It's not the one. I'm in a really pooy situation. Honestly. You love a bit of poo though.

I don't mind it. And to be honest, now when Sadie does do a poo on the potty, I'm actually thrilled and, like, relieved. Why, are you not just emptying the poo from the travel potty? I just used to empty the poo in a poo bag. Oh, no. Like a dog poo bag. And then I put it in the dog poop in.

Oh, that's a good shout. It'd be a little bit messy, maybe. What? Because there's normally a poo and a wee. No, because then if there's wee in, it just helps slide the poo into the bag. Slop it in. I should try that. I normally just carry it around with me until I find a toilet.

No, I always poo bag it. Or you just pick it up with the baby wipe and put the baby wipe. It's a runny. Well, there's nothing you can do. You can just scoop as much as you can on the baby wipe. Cover your hand. Scoop the travel potty and put it into a poo bag. I think I need to start walking around with latex gloves because that would be a lot.

When I've used the travel potty, I just hook it out and put it in a poo bag and then put it in the dog poop in. That's clever. Thank you. I'm just, I'm constantly, if you see me with my travel potty, I'm not walking a man in a shit. I'm constantly walking around with a shit in there. How often are the babies having runny poos? No, not often. That's what I mean.

It would normally be fine. And if there's a little bit of win there just helps it along its way. Just slop it out. Yeah. Honestly. If you see me travelling around with my travel potty, you best believe there's a turd in there. Wow.

There's a turd in there. Well, thank you, Kath. Thanks, Kath. That's iconic. Has your little one done a shit in the bedroom? Then let us know. You can email us. Hello at secret mumpod.com.

Always secret mum pod on TikTok. We'll be back. First thing on Tuesday. We'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Shit Club Secret Shit Club!