Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Secret Swear Club

Episode Date: July 8, 2025

The ladies are throwing their names in the hat to join the Secret Swear Club after one listener reveals a genius (and slightly unhinged) new tradition to swerve their child's judgmental side-eye. Meanwhile, Dottie’s been yelling about itchy legs in the middle of Sainsbury’s, and one listener’s caught in a parenting pickle with their sister.  Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do. And as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can give that to yourself. You can be anonymous. And those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the secret mom club. Tell me about your wee. I feel like we need to give an update because we had a very, very special event to go to, didn't we? Last week.

Yeah. Which was last Thursday. We were talking about it, wasn't it? Yeah. We went last Tuesday. Sorry. We're talking about last Tuesday's episode, wasn't it? We went last Tuesday. We both went to the morning.

Yeah. Then we were in the studio, but I couldn't make the evening. So you went on behind the scenes. Took one for the team. You took one for the team. Had a late night for the team. On the both of us. And how insanely honored are we to just have got the nomi- Just to have the nomination was massive.

Honored to have been nominated. There were some very strong contenders in our category. We didn't win on the night. We didn't, but it went to a very wonderful podcast. Yes. Blue mom days. Yes. Stevenson, which is covers very important topics about perinatal. Yeah. Yeah. And raising awareness of the mental and physical health of mamas after giving birth. And babies. Which is, yeah. And the babies is so it's such an important topic. And yeah, we're just over the moon that we even got to that stage, weren't we? Yeah.

But no, shout out to a beautiful podcast, Blue Mom Days and everybody else in the category. Yes. We met some phenomenal people during the day. Yeah, we did. It was so interesting. And we got to a bit of schmoozing at the BBC. It was at the BBC theater, radio theater. But it was that we actually went to the day. Yeah, we did. It was so interesting. And we got to a bit schmoozing at the BBC. It was at the BBC theatre, radio theatre. It was that we actually went to the Apple headquarters, which were swish swish, weren't they? Yeah. There's me taking selfies. And then there was no pictures allowed. No pictures allowed. I felt very told off, very seen. There's me taking selfies. And the guy was like, oh, so lovely about it. It was like,

please don't take any photos. Even workers in the building are not allowed to take photos. We were like, oh, this is such a nice spot with an amazing view. Can we take a picture? The security guy was like, no. And we were like, oh, no. And I kind of laughed like, oh, it's joking. Yeah, we're only joking.

No, it was serious. They were serious. They were serious. It was wonderful though. Everyone was so wonderful in there, weren't they? So it was a great day. It was. And just feel so completely honored to, to have been nominated. Yeah, we can say we're a nominee. We definitely got seen.

We were. We were seen. I feel seen. I feel seen. It's giving. Apparently that's what the kids are saying these days. It's giving. It's giving. It's giving. Not just it's giving anything, just it's giving. Full stop. It's not giving anything. It's just giving. It's just giving. That's all you need to say. I'm giving. Yeah. We are giving. This is giving. But no, week's great. Yeah. I'm still sick. You're sick of my shit. Sick of your shit. I've been back to the doctors. I really am looking after myself. Good. I haven't booked with Samir yet. We're getting there. I feel like I need to do one thing at a time. Just need to clear the chest. I have been back

to the doctors and been sent for an x-ray on my chest. Yeah. Just for peace of mind. So I went and did that yesterday. I have been put on another course of antibiotics because whatever it is, it's sticking onto that. It's not clearing. So I'm going to just get this cleared up and then I'm going to book my, I'm going to book my smear. I am going to do it. Yeah. Yeah. I might even do it today. I had my results back. Did you? Everything's great. Negative. Yeah. Go you rockstar. Positive, but negative. Yeah. Positive result, but it's negative. Negative result, positive news. That's a wonderful way to put it.

But I know, and I know there's going to be so many people listening to this, extremely angry at me and I know the severity of this and I am going to do it. I promise you that. I just feel like I need to get one. I thought about you. Did you? Sorry to interrupt. Yesterday.

We're talking about my vagina and you thought about me. I did. I was reading the news yesterday and I thought about Safina's vagina just popped into my head. Oh, lovely little piley vagina. There's no piles in my vagina. They're going to start letting you do it at home. Would you do that? At home testing kit for your smear for people that just don't make their appointments. Yes. Would you do that?

Yes, I would. Well, there you go. Perfect for you. I think there's a lot of stuff around it for me. One, obviously, this is a very, um, again, comes with a little bit of a trigger warning. I don't want to upset anybody with this topic, but I've obviously been there before with very, a very negative experience, experience with this. Yep. Um, and I went through a lot from the ages of 23 up till probably 27, um, going through all of this and it didn't put me in the right head space. Obviously I'm very fortunate and very lucky to be somebody that has been able to have children. Um, bearing in mind, I was in a position that I was told I would never

have my own children. So there is a lot behind it. So it's not just that I don't want to do it. It's just, I kind of feel like I have to get myself in that head space. And you know, everything might just be great. Everything might just be fine. But it's just me getting to that point that I just need to get my head around it. Also, I have got a lot more piles hanging out my bum crack. So that's also- Are you a bit self-conscious about getting it done? I think so. And I know they're not even looking at that. No, they're so used to it. No, and I can tell you this.

I still feel that a little bit though, even when you, because also like it's so, I mean, it shouldn't be, but it does feel a bit undignified when you're like, obviously when you've had babies, like you're very used to like all this, you know, people having their hands inside your vagina. But it does feel weird.

It does feel weird when she's just like, lay on the bed and just spread your legs about. I'm just going to put in the speculum and now. And I feel like because people have seen my vagina and I have given birth to three children out of my vagina, that's not me fucking, not that I'm trying to rub it in or be braggie. Yeah, they have come out of my vagina. I feel way more protective of that.

You're like, my vagina's done enough. She's done enough to walk a day off. Give the girl a break. She doesn't need any more visitors. And I feel like because it's all different and all not the same anymore, it does feel a little bit more invasive. Yeah. And I know there's going to be people sat here. I just, just get it over and done with. I will get there. They're very used to seeing women who have given birth. They're not going to be looking at your vagina and going, Christ, fuck me. That's impressive in your asshole. I don't want to be the topic of the coffee room. I'll be honest. Do you know how big her pub was wearing her ass? But at least if you are,

you'll never know about it. She's worried about her vagina. In fact, she should be worried about her bum hole. That's what they've been saying. Nevermind the smear. Let me see that. So I just need to get all this sorted with my chest and get the results back of that and definitely book in. Zofia made a great point this morning, the fact that I might be waiting about a month for the appointment, so it might just be good to get it. Get it booked in. But the problem is that I'm high priority.

Yes. So they do chase me. It'll be quick. Well, I want it booked in by the time I see you next week. Okay. Okay. I'm gonna make a promise to you. Okay. And if I break it, that means the whole show's off.

We cancel the podcast. That's a big one, isn't it? God, that's high stakes. So you better get it done. So if you. And if I break it, that means the whole show's off. We cancel the podcast. That's a big one. That's high stakes. So you better get it done. So if you don't see us next week. That's why. Didn't get around to booking out. But other than that, it's a great week.

We're having a lot, there's a lot going on. Obviously the approach of July is huge for us because we're getting ready for the big day. You said a month, I saw on your Instagram stories, a month until summer holidays. Yeah. They break up on. We break up on the 23rd of July.

Which is? Your birthday. I was waiting for a mention on your Instagram stories, didn't get one. Listen, you've got enough from me. Christ, how much more do you have? I'm sorry, I can't, I can't peek too soon. No.

You know, I can't peek too soon because I want people to give you the love that you deserve. I do like a month filled up. A month filled up. Okay. Should I just bring you a gift every week? We'll be starting yours from tomorrow No. You know, I can't peek too soon because I want people to give you the love that you deserve. Months filled up. Okay. Should I just bring you a gift every week? We'll be starting yours from tomorrow because it's 26th of June. So we break up on Emma's birthday. Every time I talk about it. Now, we actually break up on Emma's birthday.

If you don't know, that's the 23rd. Yeah. A big day for everyone and also the start of school holidays. Second day. Yes. It's a huge day. July is a massive month. It is. It's the birthday month for us both on the podcast. My niece and nephew's birthday. It's the start of the school holidays. And then a week after July, obviously it's Colby's birthday. Oh yeah.

So he's a week after mine. And then we're straight into the Colby, Dottie, back to school. July over September is a mad time for you. It's a wild time. Yeah, don't know what I was thinking. It was very- Didn't plan it well.

Did you plan it at all? No. I remember when I was younger being like, I'm gonna plan to have my kids in summer because I've always loved having a summer birthday. I loved a summer birthday. The thought that you could plan what month to have your baby.

I wonder if people have actually done that. Do you wanna know something crazy? I actually did this. You did? With a completely no illusion as to how you make a baby. So you did plan to have them at the time you had them. Yeah, I used to say to my mom, I would really love July baby like me, completely unaware as to how you make a baby. So you did plan to have them at the time you had them? Yeah, I used to say to my mum I'd really love a July baby like me, completely unaware as to how you make a baby.

I didn't know how babies actually came into the world. So there's me arrogantly like, I'm going to have one in July and then I'm going to have one at Christmas. My mum must have sat there and thought, what a dick. Yeah. You don't even know that nine months before you got to think about when you're ovulating, when you're on your period. That little tiny, teeny tiny little window. That teeny tiny little window of ovulation, which may I just add is barbaric. Yeah. Isn't it?

Yeah, it's insane. When you actually sit down and think about it as to how insane that tiny little window is as to also how much, if you have too much sex, you're depleting sperm apparently. Aren't you? I think it's just the more the merrier. The more the more sex. If you want to get pregnant just have more sex. Just have loads of sex.

Just have loads of sex. Horny bastards. Yeah, you increase your chances, but in a very specific window. That window, isn't it like 12 hours? Yeah, I think it, no 24 hours. Cause doesn't sperm live longer inside of you? I don't know.

I think sperm stays alive longer inside. We know the female ones stay alive longer, don't they, than the male ones? The sperms, yeah. Yeah, the little tadpoles. But yeah, I'd love to know if people have planned that out because you know, September is a more popular month for babies to be born. People do actually plan that so that their child is the oldest in the school year.

I didn't plan that. Yeah, and I'm not clever enough for that. No, but you've got it. You've got it by fluke. You've got one oldest, one youngest, one in the middle. You've done, you've got them all. Covered every, covered it. Nailed it. N got it. You got it by fluke. You've got one oldest, one youngest, one in the middle. You've done, you've got them all. Nailed it, mate. Nailed it.

Got piles in my bum, I'm showing for it. But no, it's a crazy time. We're on a crazy, we're also waiting on transition day. I don't know when we're getting a transition day. We were speaking about this one and then Emma doesn't know what a transition day is. Well, I haven't got kids, but you were saying they did do it when we were at school.

We can't remember it. I got to I got to sit with my new teachers for like a day before. Yeah, everybody moves up for one day. Everybody moves up. So if year six is go to year seven and they spend a day at their new school and then if they're starting school, children come in and share, spend one day in the school. I really don't remember that being a thing.

I do remember from year six to seven because it was a different school. I remember visiting the the school. I really don't remember that being a thing. I do remember it from year six to seven, because it was a different school. I remember visiting the secondary school, but I don't remember doing it from year to year in primary school. I'm pretty sure they do get, you're making me doubt myself.

They get a day with their new teacher, or like two hours. They do now. Yeah. But I can't remember doing it when we were younger. I did it when I was younger, yeah. Yeah, I did that. I don't know, if you were also born in 1988,

let us know. That's right. In England. Or in the 1980s. Yeah. Because it definitely happened with my sister and she's 85. If you were at school in the 90s then, was this a thing? Because I can't remember that. Yeah.

Maybe I've just erased the memories. I did say to ask Nick or Steve, but I don't think your mom or dad are going to remember. My mom will go, I can't remember that. She didn't even say if you knew any of your schoolwork. By the youngest child, they don't remember anything. They just go, oh, my dad that. She didn't even say any of your schoolwork. By the youngest child, they don't remember anything. They just go off. My dad doesn't even know our dates of birth. So no, I'm just, I'm just, I'm,

I would say I'm surviving right now, not thriving. Well, actually, no, it's a bit of both. I am thriving, I'm thriving, I'm ready for this holiday. Are you loving the weather? You look very tanned. Do you think? Yeah, do you know what? My kids are tanned and I'm like,

people go, oh, the kids have got a lovely tan. And I'm like, thanks, but also I feel like people go all the kids have got a lovely tan and I'm like Thanks, but also I feel like an irresponsible parent because kids shouldn't really be getting a tan. I'm lathering Renna's in tanned I'm lathering him in sun cream. I mean I'm on the factor 50, but they still catch it. Okay, they just get I don't know what you can do. Also, can you get Sadie to wear a sun hat? Fucking hats. I was just gonna say Fuck me, I can't. No. I'm so stressed and their blonde hair as well. Because their scalp's quite bald. The sun is getting directly on her head. I cannot keep that girl in the shade. I can't keep him in the shade nor can I keep a hat on his head. I've even tried wearing the hat. To be like, look, mommy looks cool. Look at me.

Got a little bear ears on it. He's like, yeah, no, mom. No, you look like a nob. You wear that hat. You look like a twat, I don't. Yeah. So who's winning here, mom? Yeah, they've got the measure of us. I've even got one with a little string, like a little fisherman's hat. Oh, God, you got this. No, she knows now to pull it off forwards.

Because she's worked out, the string. No, Renos does this. He like, oh. Forces his way out of it. Tries to force his neck. These kids. But he has got sunbathing down to a T. You say to him, oh, you're gonna get some sun.

He just, he sort of lies himself on the floor. Oh, does he? Just starfishes on the floor. Oh. Yeah, it's very cute. Really cute. So cute. Sadie's really into sleeping bunnies.

So she, that's a good way to get her to lay down because she's really busy. She's quite hectic. But if I wanted to lay down and chill out. Oh yeah, she's stomping on over the place. Oh, okay. But if I wanted to lay down and chill out, I just go, see the little bunnies sleeping. She just go, see the little bunny sleeping.

She's like, hits the deck straight away. Acts it out. We just go bang. Bang, bang. She doesn't even like the hop hop bit. She just stays laying down. Yeah, yeah, it's cute. See the little bunny sleeping.

I would just end the song. Yeah. Just like that. No, even when I go wake up now, wake up little bunny. She's like, oh, God bless. How is she sleeping? We haven't had an update on say, oh, she's not been good. She's not.

We had a call with a sleep consultant. Did I tell you? No, because she got so bad. Um, but basically they just confirm everything. I already know. It's kind of just the reassurance of somebody telling you like you're okay. You're doing it right. Um, she's, she's still, I think she's got so

used to having a feed in the middle of the night that she is still waking up for that. Although last two nights she slept through it, but it's just been a fluke, but she will still wake up to have the dummy put in maybe once. But I sense, I sense. How are we doing with the boob? Like probably one feed a day, which is all right. I'm happy with that. I know, but I feel sad for you because I know it's an emotional journey. No, it is. And it's such a lovely like bonding moment. And I like need her to need me.

Because once like she's done with that, I'm like, okay, well, you could, anyone could look after you now, you know? That's kind of a weird thing. And I probably won't have another baby. So it'll be the last. I love how you're teasing yourself. We're not having another baby.

Probably. No, I probably won't. Seriously. So it'd be like the end of a journey, but yeah, I think I'm all right with it. I think. Silence in the room. She actually slept great last night because I got her. It's been hot though, isn't it?

It's been really hot. I bought fans for both their rooms, which has been a game changer You went out on a panic buy didn't you? I was ahead of the curve because I thought these are gonna sell out We're having a two-week heatwave get straight down to Argos got two fans. Oh goose. So got no fans But they're they're great because obviously they're cool. But also the white noise really helps She's been sleeping a bit better with that. I also got a jab at her chicken box jab yesterday Did you and I think she was wiped out from that? I also got her jab, her chicken pox jab yesterday. Did you? And I think she was wiped out from that. So she slept pretty good.

You went with the chicken pox jab. I know a lot of people aren't going to agree with that, but I got it with Joseph and I think it was a really good decision. So I have been meaning to get it done with Sadie for ages actually. And finally yesterday I was like, I'm finally going to get it done. There is a divided opinion on this. Which is fine. Which is totally fine.

It's not an NHS vaccine. So you obviously don't have to get it done. It was just my choice to get it done. Well, I just. Because we both have a different opinion on this. Which is fine. It's not an NHS vaccine. So you obviously don't have to get it done. It was just my choice to get it done. Well, I just, I, we both have a different opinion on it. We both have a different opinion on it. And I found it really interesting that, so I followed just chill mama on Instagram, Rosie Davison, she's a sleep consultant. And she was posting that she finally got around to getting her three year old vaccinated the other day. And I was like, oh, that reminds me, I must go and get it done. So I booked to get it done the next day. But I was looking at the comments section on her video and it was really divided,

but also really strong opinions like both ends of the spectrum. Like people, yeah, people have just got strong thoughts about it and some people are like, why would you do this? It's not necessary. Send them to a chicken pox party, whatever. Some people are like, this is great. I had it done with my child. Had a really good experience, whatever. It's up to you.

I don't think there's, I think from what I gather from the topic is there's no, there's no fluidity in the middle. There's no, oh, well, if you don't want to, that's fine. You do. It's very extreme. It's very extreme. I've never really seen before, but I think there is a lot of, there is a lot around vaccinations in children and there is very strong opinions from either side. And I just don't know that we are, one, I personally don't think I'm educated enough to speak on the topic because I have my own opinions, which again, we're all entitled to

have them and what we all do. Not the person that ever wants to upset anybody. And I'm so supportive of everybody else. Like I'm so supportive of you having the jab. Like great for you. Would I have it done for my children? No. That's fine. That's your decision. Yeah. But the thing is, is that I also feel like I'm a hypocrite

because I do the NHS jab. You do the NHS vaccine. Yeah. Which loads of people do. Yeah. Because they're the ones that are recommended by the NHS. That's fine. They're not compulsory.

You don't have to have them done. But obviously the chickenpox vaccine, I didn't realize realize is actually coming in as part of the NHS program. I did hear this. I was going to say to you, I did hear that. I think it is next year because when we went for Renley's, she did actually say that soon it will be in with all the other ones. Yeah. Yeah. And it is a compulsory, not compulsory, but it is a recommended vaccine already in some other countries that you just get as a routine vaccination. But yeah, vaccinations, I mean, it's always going to like really divide people. And I don't know, I don't, I'm not here to upset anybody. And I just think you do what

suits you. Yeah. And whatever that decision is, we support you. Stand together, I say. She took it like an absolute champ. She did. She, it was a delayed, like with the usual ones, like a delayed scream when he put the thing in. And then I was like, Oh no, what are we going to do? And then she was literally fine. She cried for about 10 seconds and then she's like, blah, blah, blah, just chatting away. So yeah, I've got to take a second dose in eight weeks, but it's never fun getting them done, but she took it really well and she slept. So, you know, maybe that's the key.

Maybe how many more vaccines can we have? No, she's jabbed up. We shouldn't joke about that. You know, it's just be, be safe. She's all good. Be safe out there guys. So Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yeah, we want you to join us in the Secret Mom Club.

You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about, or just say hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram to search Secret Mom Pod or you can email us hello at secretmompod.com. Without further ado, welcome to the Correspondence Corner. Welcome to the correspondence corner. I can see there's a photo in here. I don't want to do it.

Right, so Emma, let's hear it. All right. We had an anonymous DM on Insta that says. Anonymous? Anonymous. Well, after this picture, you'll realize why. This brings a whole new meaning to poo knife. It's a fucking mashed potato masher

next to the fucking toilet. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm all for helping the poo go down the loo, but a potato masher. What? A potato masher next to the toilet brush as though that's something you're going to need to use down the toilet. You're going to ram your poo. You're going to mash your poo down the toilet.

I need to know where this toilet is. Where was that found? Are we at work? Are we at home? Are we in your friend's house where you've gone around for dinner? What are we, where are we? Yeah, I need more information.

Yeah. I wanna say this looks like a public loo. It does. So has somebody thought, pff. They obviously thought, we've had a problem in here before. We've had a problem. What we need is.

There's no tag on it, so it's not been bought. Does someone just carrying a mash around just in case, like when someone has a poo knife, they just carry it in their bag in case they need to chop that shit, literally. We're just walking around with mashers now, are we? We're gonna mash the hell out of that shit. Oh gosh, I don't know how I feel about that.

I need to know, right? So messy, so messy. We're opening the, We're opening and out. What have you used to get your poo down the toilet? Have you used a masher? I've used a normal sterling silver, whatever it's called. Knife. Coated, plated,

whatever it is. Knife. Yeah, I've used a knife to get the toilet. Like a butter knife or sharp knife? Just like a knife out the kitchen drawer. Obviously I've not washed it and put it back. I've disposed of said knife. Not recently, you'll be surprised as well.

Many moons ago, but I have used a knife to flush, to get the poo. Yeah, what household items have you used? Any item have you used to get that poo down that loo? Cause somebody has used a masher. Yeah. And left it there in case anybody else may struggle with the size of their poo.

It seems too wide to get down the bowl of the toilet. Do you know what I mean? Seems too wide. It's quite big. I don't know, could you use it in many angles? You could use it on the side. Use the handle. As a knife.

Use the handle. And get your fingers round the masher bit. Oh God. I just hope the handle wasn't used and then it's been put back and somebody's gone gone to grab the handle oh i think that about touching toilet brushes anyway think of the germs i don't touch your toilet brush i know i know you hate them they're disgusting i know but the germs on the handle someone's been wiping their ass and then they've reached for the toilet brush because there's no bog it's definitely got poo on it it's got poo particles you'll be getting pink eye oh disgusting disgusting you'll be getting pink eye. Oh, disgusting.

You'll be getting threadworm. What were we talking about earlier? Threadworm or sinkworm? Threadworm. Threadworm. We were talking about threadworm. There's a massive topic on threadworm and I've been sharing this with Emma today.

She seems mortified. I'm not at the age yet where my kids have had threadworm but it's really common, isn't it? And it's really contagious. Really contagious. Like highly contagious. So they touch their buns. But the problem is, is they don't have to take time

off of school to treat the children. So then it spreads to the other children. So then it just goes around the school and it can go round and go round and go round. If they've chewed a pen or it's under their fingernails or it's on a book, the class doesn't get fumigated. So you can go for a spout of threadworm for like eight weeks.

Oh God. When you get it like every other, well I was gonna say every other, well, I was gonna say every week, the tablets are two weeks to cover you, but once your two weeks is up, you could get it again. Oh my God. And it's literal worms in your bum hole. Literal white worms in your bum hole. Yeah. Oh God. I've spent many a time getting the bum as well. It's worse at nighttime. So when the body's relaxed, it's really dark and it's really hot. They'll get an itchy bum because the worms are coming to the surface. But then it's a self

fulfilling thing. It's like a vicious circle because then you itch your bum and then you get it on your hands again. And then, Oh my God. Yeah. Highly contagious. Threadworm is a topic for maybe next week. Topic for another day. On the gender for next week. But it's, we've had it. It is horrible. But the problem is, is where children don't have to not go to school, they can still attend school. Parents then don't tell the school that they have it. So then there could be five children who then don't tell the school and then we're just multiplying and multiplying and multiplying. Before you know it, the whole city's wiped out with red worms in their bumhole. Shit. Literally.

They're white little worms. That makes me feel sick. It's a very hard topic to talk about. It makes me itch, I won't lie. But there's probably worms on that masher. So you can get in touch with us on anything at all. Literally anything. It can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous.

Because between us, we've probably heard it all before. Literally anything. It can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous. Because between us we've probably heard it all before and remember. We're all in this together and we know that we are, we're all stars and we see that. I feel like it gets way more every week doesn't it? That was heartfelt. I will open up a new... Right, are you ready for my secret of the week? This is a fucking funny one. So you know how hot it's been at the moment? Allergies are crazy, as you can tell from my eyes,

I've just been literally itching my eyes. We've been doing loads of bike riding. Everyone's hot, everyone's getting sweaty, everyone's really itchy, to which we were out the other day at the weekend and I said to the children, right, we'll go in the shop, We'll just get something. We can cool down in the shop. We get something to eat and we'll get on our bikes and get a bit of air con because Colby was really stressed. He's getting like itching between like his in the elbow creases, elbow creases,

the knee pits, the knee pits. Everyone's really itchy. So I was like, right, let's just get in the shop, get some stuff and we'll get home. So while he's going around the shop, he's like, mom, I'm really itching. I can't, I can't stop itching. And you know, when you're thinking in your head, we should not be talking about things itching because this leads to other things in the secret mom club world. Yep. The real ones will know. Okay.

The real ones will know. And when I say the real ones, she is about two foot three, age six with blonde curly hair. When I tell you that girl could recite the whole secret mum club podcast, I'm not even fucking joking. She knows all the vocabs. So she went, oh, it's like when you're with your friends

and you've all got itchy legs. Sorry? And she was just like, yeah, all your friends, they've all got itchy legs, haven't they? When you go to work and everyone's got itchy legs. Does she know what it means? No! She doesn't know. She's got no idea. She just finds it funny. She thinks it's like a funny thing. So obviously Chris is completely embarrassed, got his head in a loaf of Warburton's bread, scooting through the shelves of the bread aisle, chuckling away to himself,

while she's just shouting about itchy legs. Unbeknownst to, if anybody else in the shop listens to the podcast, I was going to say, because it's quite handy that it's like a code word, because no one really knows what it means. No one knows what it means, unless there was someone in that shop that knows what we know. And that's quite a high risk where you're from, because you are known.

Well, it's my area. You're known. It's people in the area that listen to podcasts and we do have a lot of Southampton listeners. Yes. And you know, when you're just like, fucking hell, this is not something. But in her little head, she just thinks we've all got itchy legs. So then it followed on from this whole cycle ride home is they were shouting on their bikes, my legs are so itchy.

Mommy's got itchy legs. Because obviously me and daddy had found it so funny. They thought they kept doing it. And we were laughing. Yeah. We were laughing. They just didn't stop. So now it hasn't stopped really.

We're just talking about itchy legs on the reg. Thanks Zoe. And then when the children are like. The originator of the itchy legs. Chris the other night was itching his leg on the sofa and he was like, gosh, I've got really itchy legs. And Dotty went, itchy legs. Chris said the other night, he was itching his leg on the sofa and he was like, gosh, I got really itchy legs and Dotty went, itchy legs, if you say. You know when you're just like, I don't know, I don't know how to get past. How's this going to stop?

She's got no idea. When I said to her, what do you think itchy legs is? She's like, literally just itchy legs. She said, it's a grown up secret. Oh. And I said, okay. Yes, let's keep it that way. Do you know what the grown up secret is?

She went, you've got really itchy legs. Yes. Yeah. Okay. It's not really a grown-up secret. Everyone's allowed to know about the itchy legs. And she was like, why do you and your friends keep it a secret? Because it's a grown-up itchy legs.

There's no way out of this. I don't know what to do. So if you saw us at the weekend and you do see my children shouting about itchy legs, just know in the knowledge that they have no idea. I know what it means. They've got no idea. They've got no idea what the fuck they're talking about. They think it's funny.

But to us and anybody else. Hilarious. Really hilarious. Always risky when you laugh at something they do and then they're like, oh. She found that funny. They thought that was funny. I'm gonna keep going.

Yeah, yeah. I'm gonna keep going. So now yeah. I'm gonna keep going. So now I don't know who was more embarrassed, me or Chris, to be honest. Well, he plowed through the Warburton's loaves on the shelves of Sainsbury's. And he just literally come out like. Did she just say that?

It's another one for the Dottie, the Dottie anecdotes. Dottie comes out with some crazy stuff. Strikes again. She does strike again, God bless her. But I do tell the truth. She may tell you otherwise. She might say, no, I never said that. Yeah. If you asked her now, did you say it?

She legs last week. She'll go, no, I didn't say that. I never. Never ever. So that's my secret. We're going to be getting into some of yours after this short break. We've got three secrets we're going to be discussing this week. So Emma, let's have secrets number one. All right. It says, hello, so for now, I've only just started listening recently, but my wife is a big fan and avid follower of you both. God bless you.

Thank you so very much. We're a big family, four kids already, three boys and one girl. Whoa. And we've just found out we're expecting our fifth. I'm a big family, four kids already, three boys and one girl. Whoa! And we've just found out we're expecting our fifth! Yay! I'm over the moon but my wife is feeling a bit unsure about this next chapter. Our youngest is only nine months old and due to some health issues she had to stop breastfeeding during this pregnancy. Oh, that's been tough on her emotionally and physically and it's added to her anxiety

about having another baby so soon. I wanted to ask if you had any advice on how I can support her through this journey? How can I help boost her confidence and excitement as we prepare for our growing family? Thanks a bunch. John, father of five, American flag. Wow. John. Big up your bad self, John.

We love this. I love it when the daddy message is in. Yeah, daddy. Daddy. Oh my gosh, my heart is so broken. It's such a weird one because it's happy news. So happy. It's come with a lot of sadness as well. Happy that you're having another baby, ended your breastfeeding journey prematurely with your little one because they were only nine months.

Yes. Which is really sad. So sad, which is what I was just saying to you. And it's hard to, from being somebody that isn't a breastfeeding mummy, I didn't breastfeed, sorry, I just did express it. So being somebody that hasn't had that connection, I think it's hard to put yourself in the shoes of understanding your emotional attachment, that side of it. But if you think about anything that was taken away from, like if you no longer, like I get really sad now that Rennie doesn't wake up in the night to ask for a bottle. So you're missing.

And I think sometimes I think we take away from the fact that even though it's not the same thing, it's the same emotion. So to try and relate to it, I always think of like when you stop, they stop wearing nappies or they stop the night time. It's just another milestone. Yeah, it's another milestone. So from that respect, that's all I can put it down to is that's how sad. And her hormones are going to be crazy.

Because baby is only little, nine months. And your hormones when you finish breastfeeding are crazy anyway, but then to combine that in with another pregnancy, which is going to be sending your hormones wild, she's probably, you know, could be really struggling to deal with that. So I feel you. I also want to just say I didn't, I got so, so overexcited that I didn't say congratulations. Yes. This is so, so freaking huge. Five kids.

That's phenomenal. I'd love five. You'd love it, wouldn't you? I would, I would. Oh my gosh. Massive congratulations to you all, but it's just, it's a hard one, isn't it? Yeah, I think just, you know, be there for her.

Yeah. Open communication, ask her how she's feeling, all the stuff I'm sure you already know. Sure you already do. I feel like, listen, mum's are, it's not your first rodeo. When you go in and you've had your first pregnancy and however many you have after that, you go in and it does become that it's not your first rodeo and you go in and you're like, oh, we're at it again. You know the process, you know all of that. But I do feel like we also do take for granted how much it's not dad's first rodeo. I feel like when a dad goes through this process,

watching Chris with each single pregnancy of mine was phenomenal. The third one, he was so, when it come around to obviously falling pregnant with Renly, he was so phenomenal. He just took everything on board, like housework, cooking, not that he doesn't do those things anyway, but normally he'll go, I can cook if you want me to,

but he knows that I enjoy cooking or he'll say, rather than asking, he would just go on and do it. And he'd be like, if you wanna go to the hospital, go to the hospital. If you want me to get childcare, he'd sort childcare if he needed my sister to sit with them or do the school runs with the other two to come with me. So I think as well, we also don't take into consideration

how when dad goes through the process of pregnancies, how phenomenal they're getting at the process. I would say that I have no doubt that, John, you're doing the most incredible job. Yeah, I mean, the fact that you've written in and you're considering how your wife is feeling, I think shows that you're an attentive partner. Shows you're so attentive and you're so,

you're tuned in more than I think you maybe realize. an attentive partner. You're so attentive and you're so, you're tuned in more than I think you maybe realize. Yeah. And I just think keep talking to her, keep, you know, I was gonna say reassuring her. I'm sure, like you say, practical help as well, because they've got full other kids to look after, one of which is a baby.

It's a busy house, isn't it? It's a busy household. It takes an army. It takes an army to raise children and raise a family. And I just think you're from the fact that you have messaged in and you've brought it to the fam, to we're all family here, brought it to the table and talk about it. I think you're doing the most fantastic job. And I think your wife is incredibly lucky to have you the same as which she is incredibly lucky to have you are to have her, you know? And I just think keep talking to each other,

keep communicating, keep supporting each other and enjoy this next adventure. This is so exciting. It's so easy to be like, just enjoy it. You know, like it's not gonna, it's probably not gonna happen again. Or maybe it will happen again, but this particular pregnancy won't happen again

and your kids being these ages won't happen again. So yeah, it's easy to say like, just try and soak it in, it's probably going to be hard. It's going to be hard. Being pregnant when you've got other kids, let alone when you've got four other kids. And a nine month old baby. And a nine month old baby is hard. Definitely.

So yeah, just try and take it easy. Yeah. Be there. Such a blessing, isn't it? Gosh, five kids though. My friend was telling me the other day about their friend had two kids got pregnant to have a third triplets. So he ended up with five.

I would love it. I would love it. Do you know what? There's a trend going around on social media that says, Oh, my children are really close in age. The amount that I've seen where they've had two sets of twins, first children are twins and then second ones are twins. That would be me, that would be me.

I'll go for the even number. We'll have twins on the next one. Yeah, no. I would love it, but that is, that's- I'm terrified of going for a third and having twins, let alone triplets. Going from two to four or two to five, that is crazy. Be incredible though, can you imagine?

I'd struggle with that. That's why I can't. I think we'd all struggle. I think it's a lot. I think it is hard. It's hard having one singular baby. Like that is a lot. I think multiple. Yeah. Multiple. Yeah. Multiple. Yeah. Multiple. Yeah. My friend had triplets for her first pregnancy. She posted about it on social media and she's really open about how difficult it is. I can imagine the amount of guilt because you feel even when you want to go for a bath,

so say you have one baby and you want to go for a bath, you feel guilty for taking that 20 minutes, half an hour to sit in the bath, but you need that and you feel like you're dividing your time. But imagine having two back brand new babies or three or four. I've been watching on TikTok as well, the quintuplets. Yes. That's phenomenal. There's like a community. That's wild. Of women that come together and they talk about their quintuplets. You need a village. The quads. It's quads four.

Quads, yeah. And then quints. Five. Five, yeah. Wow. Sextuplets. Sex six, yes. How, I wonder who's had like the most children ever in one go. I don't know.

Crazy. Find it phenomenal though, I won't lie. Yeah. Anyway, sorry, John. I love it. Sorry, John, we got, yeah. That was a tangent, but we went on. Best of luck with it.

And good luck to your wife. Congratulations. Good luck to you. Not that you need good luck, but. They know what they're doing. Yeah, I hope the process is just wonderful for you all. Okay, should we have secret number two? Yes.

It says, hello ladies. Hello. My sister and I had our first babies around the same time, which has been really special. Adorable. But I'm starting to worry about her parenting. There are a few things she's doing that I don't really agree with.

I've tried to bring it up gently, like, oh, so-and-so does this, what do you think? But her responses haven't reassured me. We talk all the time and I think about it constantly. I don't want her to think I'm judging her or acting like I know better, especially since we're both first time moms, even if I'm a bit older. What do you do when someone you love deeply is parenting differently

and you're genuinely worried about them and their little one? Thanks ladies, you bring me so much relief and an actual laugh every week. Anonymous. Xoxo. Oh, God bless you. This is an awkward one, isn't it? This is really awkward. I, to be honest with you, I would, I'd have to outright say it. Yeah. There's been times, you know what, right, that me and Roxanne, so Roxanne is my older sister, if you don't know, she has, she had all of her four children

before I had mine and between her youngest and my eldest is 10 months. So as her youngest was born a month later, I felt pregnant with Colby. Yeah. So she'd done it all before and I felt like she was the, well I do still, I've got so much admiration for her. I thought, you know, she's the guru of parenting. Like she knows best. And then when I had my children, and this is nothing against my sister, there were things my sister done that I just didn't want to do. And there'll be things that my sister will do with her children. Even now, as two, two individual women who

are sisters, we do things completely different. And I do think honesty is the best policy because there has been times and Roxanne would say, I would do this. Yeah, but it's not your baby. And as much as I would make a joke about it, we also were, we had to respect each other as women and stand up to each other and just say, it might be cool that you're doing that, but it's not what I want to do. And I think sometimes I'm the type of person, obviously I can't speak for everybody else. I need the bluntness. I'm going to be blunt and I need you to be blunt back. And if I'm not happy with it, that's not what I'm doing. Oh, well, fuck off then. I won't help you. Cool. Yeah, don't. That's the kind of bluntness that

me and my sister will have. But there's never any blurred lines. Yeah. I think that can work for some people. And I think I'm a bit like that as well. But I think not in that- Something would struggle with that. And I also think it's different that way round a little bit. Like if someone was saying to me like, oh, I do this with my baby. I can be like, okay, well, I'm not going to follow that advice because this is my kid. I think it's different that way round a little bit. Like if someone was saying to me like, oh, I do this with my baby, I can be like, okay, well, I'm not gonna follow that advice because this is my kid. I think it's harder to be like,

I don't actually agree with the way you're doing that. That's harder to say, I think, isn't it? And you don't, it could lead to like, you could fall out with your sister, like for good. Like the stakes are high. That's quite a hard thing to bring up. I think tactfully, there is a way of bringing it up, which is best suits you.

And I would have the conversation and just say, look, I want to have this conversation and this is no way in any way to come over to hurt you or upset you. But there is a few things that I'm concerned about. Because I think especially like, if it's just like- She might give you an explanation or she might say why she does that.

But I think because the key thing that anonymous says is, she's worried about the baby. And I think there are like parenting decisions that you make that are different to other people all the time. Like our friends who had their kids at the same time, they chose to sleep train in a way that I wouldn't do with my kids.

And I'm like, that's fine, that's up to you. We're gonna do this. Me and my sister had our youngest children exactly at the same time, five weeks apart. So Sadie and Luca have grown up pretty much at the same time. And if she was doing something that I didn't necessarily agree with, I'd be like, cool, like that's up to you. But if she was doing something I didn't agree with that I thought put him at risk, as difficult as it is, I think you would have to say, we need to have a conversation.

But also she might not know how the severity or the danger in what it is that she's doing. So I think also again, having that conversation, she may also not be aware of that. I didn't know that you can give babies under 12 months honey. And it wasn't until I gave it one day. And then a lady said to me while I was out in public, you do know he can't have honey. And I felt mortified. And I just would took on what this lady had said. And I was like, oh my gosh, thank you so much. And I went home and I cried and I said to Chris, I didn't know that. Like, why did I not know that?

I don't know these things. And I was angry at myself and didn't know what to do. Obviously I took him to the doctors, but I was grateful in that moment of that, the lady telling me. But a lot of people probably wouldn't have said anything because they'd be like, oh, I don't want to be seen to be interfering.

We were out just the other day at the pool. It's not always going to be received great. No, but a baby was in a bassinet crying like, and the dad was like sorting loads of stuff out and like seemed distracted. Like wasn't really paying attention, but they'd stack loads of stuff up on the bassinet to kind of like carry it around. You know, like how you would do with your shopping or whatever. But I think something had fallen onto the baby and they were crying and I could hear them and I was saying to Stefan like, I think something's actually falling on the baby,

but like the dad hasn't noticed. And I want to Stefan like, I think something's actually falling on the baby but like the dad hasn't noticed. And I wanna be like, I think he just thought, oh the baby's woken up, I'll leave him to like resettle himself for a bit. And I said to Stefan like, I don't know if that dad's noticed but I think something that he was carrying on the bassinet has fallen on the baby.

And I think that's why the baby's crying. But I didn't say anything because I was like, I don't wanna be interfering. Or for him to be like, yeah I know, I've seen it. Or like, you know, I just like, was scared of the me, that sits well in my head then is the fact that I've told you, you're saying that it's okay, you've seen it or you know, and then but I feel better then because I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing if you hadn't said something, I know and I did that classic British thing of being like, oh, I don't want to be seen

to interfere and eventually he did see and he rectified it, but it took longer than I would have liked and I was like, we were trying to have. And eventually he did see and he rectified it, but it took longer than I would have liked. And I was like, we were trying to have our lunch and I was like, Stefan, I think like, and he's the same. He'd be like, oh, you know, don't, you don't want to be interfering to someone else. And I think that's when it's the member of your family

that you have to raise it with and be like, potentially, like if I say it to a stranger and they get pissed off, fine, I'm never going to see you again. That's cool. But if you have to bring something up with a family member and the sister's going to be maybe really upset about it, it's hard to know how that's gonna go down.

Do you know what I mean? No, I get that. I totally get that. And I think going in with the diplomatic mindset of, look, this is in no way, shape or form. I don't wanna fall out about this. I don't wanna upset you. I don't wanna hurt your feelings. But it's something that is bothering me.

And you may not know or you may know and you may be happy with it, but I just feel like I need to get off my chest because it is worrying me. And I think going down that route, but I think not bringing it up is going to make... It's worse. Yeah. I think it's going to make...

And I think every time you see each other, it's either one, going to make you not want to see her or spend time with her or two, you're just going to be stressed the whole time. So I think bringing it up in an environment that you can just lay out on the table and just say, look, this is not in any way to hurt you or go with that approach first before you deliver the message.

Yeah, I think you're right. I think you've got to have the conversation. It's gonna be hard, but just try and do it in a sensitive way, I suppose. If it was me personally, I would. I've had many of conversations, even now there'll be things that me and my sister have talked about and say, you know, and we're not that they're the same age because there's 10 months between them, but between Colby and Evelyn, my youngest niece,

between the two of them, because they are so similar in age and they're in the same school year at school, there'll be things that they're doing. And I'll go to Roxanne and go, I'm not doing that. No, if you want to do that. And she's always fine about it. You've never like, have you ever fallen out over it? When the children were little, when I first had Colby, we went, we really, really butted heads because Roxanne had had four children.

And I personally felt like, oh, she knows what she's doing. And then what she did with her children, I didn't do with Colby. And she'd be like, well, why haven't you done that? Cause it worked with mine. And I used to get really angry and go, yeah, but my children, my baby is not your baby. No children are all the same. So we did butt heads and we did, it was a lot, it took us some time to find a mutual ground, but now we can joke

about it and go, do you know what, no, fucking leave me alone. She'll go, okay, just telling you. But there'll be times when she tells me things I go, actually, it's really fucking great. How did you know that or what you know? And I just think that the first interaction and the first little bit is going to be the hardest. Yeah. I do think you need to talk about it. So same with if it was you and me, I know we're not sisters, but I would have to tell

you and vice versa. I'd want you to tell me regardless of how upset, you know, it made me my, the safety of the baby is the most important thing. I think you're right. You must post it and again, if anybody else has been in this situation, please do let us know so that we can pass it on and share other people's experiences. Yeah, that'd be good. Right, shall we have our last secret?

Yeah, this one says, Hi, Sophie and Emma. Absolutely love the podcast. I started listening at a time when I really wasn't enjoying being a mom, but your positivity helped me get through it. Oh, thank God. And now I feel like I'm really in my element. I'm a sweary mom, like you, Sophie. Yes. Fuck yeah. We love a fucking sweary mom.

I try to sense myself around the kids, but my seven-year-old is a top tier eavesdropper. Anytime I slip up, I get a dramatic, mommy, watch your mouth, or mommy language. My 11-year-old is partial to the odd curse too. So we've now started a secret swear club. We go into a separate room and whisper naughty words to each other. Oh my God. This is hilarious. Is it okay that we're being judged by a seven year old? Lots of love live. This is phenomenal. Hold on. I want to be a part of the swear club. Secret swear club. Secret swear club. Little WhatsApp. Fuck you.

Fuck you, you fucking bitch. You fucking bitch. I don't know what I was trying to think of. Swear words. I don't really use many of them anymore. Bastard. I really like swearing at school. There's a really good one.

Fuck. Fuck's the best one. It's the most versatile. I know. I think the C one is the best one. C-Bomb. A lot of people don't take that too well. I love it. I think it can bring so much. Even when you're happy and use that one, it's just, it's so... Yeah, it works in so many ways, but it really makes people angry. It makes people angry. Or it does tickle me when people just bust it out and I'm like, come on, you're my people. It's a special one, because you don't hear it very often.

Yeah, so you know, hey, we're on the same page. Yes. Oh, I love that for you, Liz. Yes, it's okay to be judged. Yeah. I feel like we're being judged every day. I'm judged by mine all the time. Are you?

Yeah, yeah, I love it. Mummy, language. Also, fun fact, Dottie never said language. She used to say lasagna. So she used to go, oh, you're lasagna. It's so fun. I've got videos of Dottie saying that. I'll have to try and fix it.

Stop using bad lasagna. You're bad lasagna. And I was like, why should I piss out my lasagna? Obviously her language wasn't like the baby voice. Oh, I love it when they use the wrong word for something. You've got really bad lasagna. I was like, I don't even make lasagna. Maybe she just hated your cooking.

Ha ha ha ha. We'll fucking love that for you Liv. Thank you, we fucking love that Liv. And yes, we're all fucking being judged together in the secret fucking mum club. Ha ha ha ha. But thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the secret mum club.

If you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secretmumpod.com and we're Secret Mum Pod on TikTok and Instagram. And make sure you've hit that follow button wherever you're listening. Are you a poo masher? Or have you heard a child say they've got itchy legs in public? Us? No, there really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode.

And we'll see you next time on the... Secret Mum Club!