Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Sneaky Swear

Episode Date: October 6, 2026

Sophiena and Emma are talking secret swears after Joseph learnt a new trick on the school bus. Emma's had to face her spider fears in her new countryside lifestyle - and Soph shares her tips for making sure the phobia doesn't pass down to children. Plus, the ladies chat pregnancy test disappointment and toddler-inflicted haircuts. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. This podcast is a safe space for mum's everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do, and as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself, you can be anonymous. Those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the secret mum! I just fucking read the script without even to, out even having to look. Yes. I just motorboated your face. Straight in there I was.

Raw dogged it right in there. Raw dogged you. Every week. That was straight up. That was amazing considering we haven't been in for so long as well. Fucking it. It's a camera. Fucking it.

What a bloody pry. How the fuck are you? Sheila. Oh, I've had a lot on this week. Talk to me. My... We're also back together, sorry. Yeah, we're back together.

Girls are back together. It's because we've just done a mini episode. I was going to do the full story of my... Oh yeah. Do you want to tell everybody? It's really not right. Emma's had a really wild journey in. Also, I've just noticed that my polish on my nail has come off.

What? Really irrelevant. But they were brand new. And it looks like I've put my finger in bleach. They do... What is that? They do match your outfit. I think it's just my brownie from the small...

It's chocolate. Maybe you went back to the salon. It's either chocolate or egg. I don't know. What a weird state of life to be. That'd be really embarrassing if you complain to your nail technician. It's like that time when I went to the car garage and said, my clutch is sticking. And he was like, oh my God, let me take it in right now immediately.

Let me look. And he went, did you try and move your mats? No. It's your car mat stuck under your clutch. Thank you so much. Well, I'm testing you and you passed. Well done, my guy. Never used car mats ever again.

That was obviously, I was 19 at the time. Oh, okay. I thought this was recent. No. No. That's when I was in a lesson for you, isn't it? It was, yeah. I do stupid shit like that all the time.

But then when my clutch actually did go, because I was a bit of a clutch. I just put it down to the car mats until my clutch fell out the ass of my car and I was like Fred Flintstone It was a hole in the chassis The gearbox fell out Everything fell out

The clutch went, gearbox fell out Literally I was like Fred How are you doing? Made the Flintstones Hey, the rabbit family From the town of bedrock It's a place right down in history

What does it say? It's a place right out of history Yeah, a place right out of history. Yeah. I always wanted to be Pebbles. I, um, yeah, I looked that up on YouTube recently because me and Stefan were singing the theme tune and Joseph were like, what's that?

Can I see it? It is so fucking old. You can barely find it anywhere. And it looks, when we put it on telly, he was like, no. It looks like. It looks like from the Stone Age. Yeah. Yeah, when you literally watch it.

From the Stone Age. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's from like the 50s. Yeah. Wow.

Mad, isn't it's really shit. Really fucking shit. Great theme tune. Great thing too. One of the best. One of the best. Bring it back, I say. Fred and Wilma. Yeah. Wilma!

And Pebbles and Bam Bam. Yeah, Pebbles and Bam Bam. You see it or the... What was it called? Bat. I don't think it was a bat. Was it a mullet? No. It was like a...

You know. Club. Club. Club. Club. Yeah. Anyway, I'm here. Sorry.

We digress. Anyway, we made it to London today. For the first time in... So long. It really felt like a change in seasons when I got up this morning because last time we came in it was like light, summer, hot. Yeah. And this morning I was like, this is the depths of winter. It was dark.

Although it really is teasing us the Great British weather at the moment because in the mornings, the other morning I could see my breath. But lunchtime, I was fully naked. I know. I was in my pants and bra laying on the bed. Like, what the fuck is going on? I know. Joseph came home from school, absolutely sweating his tits off because I'd put him in like a jumper and trousers. I'm not complaining.

It was 22 degrees. Yeah. But why is 22 degrees? degrees feel like 40? It does because we're not like ready for it. You know what I mean? In the summer, 22 would have been fine. Nothing.

No big deal. No big deal. We're meant to be autumn. Yeah. It's meant to be autumn but it's, we're putting it back around for an Indian summer. Which I am here for but getting up in the mornings. Yeah, it was really cold. It was very misty and dark.

Fuggy. Fuggy. Fuggy. It felt like I was going out in a horror movie. It's a little bit creepy. I live in the countryside now. This is just a hedgehog. Just wildlife walking around.

You don't see them. It's when you see them. see me in the bush. Hello. You don't see them anymore. Also, talking of living in the country, I don't think I can live in my house anymore. I think I've got to move because three days,

had three massive spiders in three days. Stefan has been there to get them for me, but I said, if you're working away, I don't actually know what I'm going to do. I think we have to move out of the house. Do you know, Chris sent me some spiders that are in our shed when I tell you. Sent them to you.

Text me them. Oh, right. He was in the shed and decided to... Sent them in the boat. Not in the mail, no. He texts me a picture from the shed of the spiders. I had to delete them off of my phone this morning because I kept going through them on media

and it was stressing me out I don't need that in my life get it off why are you sending me pictures and these spiders they're in the shed that's where they can stay that's where they belong well as long as long as long as you're staying in the shed

mine are getting into the house and I said to Stefan I haven't been sleeping very well honestly because my recurring nightmare when I was a child was there were spiders running all over like my quilt and my room and stuff Emma it's making me out I actually I didn't realise how scared I was of them

I knew I didn't like them but being confronted with these three spiders over the last three days. It's really made me realize how much I hate them and I can't deal with them. And I think it's getting worse as I get older. And I try and be brave for the kids. Like one did appear when Stefan was at work

and I just put a glass over it and I left it there for the rest of the day because I was like I can't deal with that. But even going to get the glass over it and how fucking fast it moves with those long spindly legs, I'm like shitting. I'm really sorry if you're arachnophobic.

Sorry. Is it arachnophobic? Yeah. This should come with a trigger warning. But I said Stefan, I don't know if it's the same. bastard spider because it looks exactly the same. He's fault, fucking sleeves up, bitch threw me out the window, I'll fucking show up.

She left me in a glass for eight hours, I'll show her. But Stefan keeps throwing them out the front and I'm like, is he just coming back in? Is he coming back in? Do you want to know what I did once? And even talking about it actually really pains me. I picked up a massive spider once. Stop. I was dying inside.

I was petrified. By accident. So I held it and showed Colby and Dottier. Never again. But do you know what? It was the best thing I ever did. Colby just picks them up. How did you do that?

I don't know. Just one day I thought I need to fucking pull up my pants, pick it up and just show the babies that it's okay. Do you not crawl everywhere? But you know what now? People in the neighbourhood knocked the door and asked Colby to get the spiders and he just scoops. He's fine. He scoops them up and just takes them out. It's such an irrational fear. He and Dotty have no fear on them now whatsoever.

So that's what you need to do. Yeah, I'm trying to show the kids that I've got no fear, but I can't do it. Like I'm so scared of them. It's petrified. And now I can't relax. Maybe do it with a dead one. And then pretend it's longer. No, thank you.

Whoa. Mommy's got it. That would make me scared. That would make me too scared. And do you know what? Now I can't trust anything in my house because like the one that I found last night was just on the landing carpet and the light had been off and I turned the light on and it was there. So now I'm like, well, I can't fucking walk around in the dark because what if I tread on a spider? It crawls over my foot.

Emma, I don't think that's the worst one. It's the worst ones when you're in the best. Yes, and it crawls across. Yes, and it calls. Like, I check all the bedding before I get in, obviously. Every night I do it. Every night, right? But obviously, I want to have the windows open.

I'm actually getting lightheaded. This is quite, this is really awful, but it's actually been consuming my life. And I couldn't get to sleep last night. I'm so tired. At 1130, I rolled over and I said to Stefan, where do you think they're coming from? He's like, what? And I was like, the spiders. We haven't had the windows open that much because it's like been autumnal.

So I've had a couple of windows open, but I'm like, they can't be just coming out of the windows. I said, do you think they're. just in the walls of the house and they're just like coming out and he was like probably and I went don't tell me that so they're just here like living just waiting to come out and get us and he was like probably they're probably not climbing through the window I was like are you telling me we've got spiders in the walls of this house I can't he was like they're probably already in here I'm really stressed if you've made it this far in this episode let us know because this is this is wild and then he said do you know what you can do to help yourself relax and go to sleep I said what can I do he was like

tick on my back right okay that dickhead that doesn't It sounds like it's going to help, but I'll give it a go. Also, do you know, you can put conkers out? Well, because I said, what is the solution? Concours. Like, for flies in the summer, we had fly stickers. For ants, you have ant powder. Conkers.

Concours. In the corner of your windows. But don't do me. I put chestnuts. It wasn't until the delivery man came and was like, you've got the things down here. And I was like, yeah, to keep the spiders away. And you went, it's conkers. Those are chestnuts.

Right. Chestnuts roasties. Oh, my front door. So the spiders were still coming. him. Yeah. Right. But it's conkers. It has to be conquers and the conkers keep them away. And you can put them in the, every single window. Okay. And it keeps them away. If you want to just hang them from the lampshades. Okay. I'm going to, yeah, do that. What the hell is this? Oh, no. But it's, honestly, it's changing how I live my life. Like before I put my jacket on this

morning, I had to turn the sleeves inside out and check that there wasn't a spider lurking in there. I would say that's a real fear. I said to Seth and I feel like a prisoner in my own home. Yeah. I can't relax. Anyway, aside from that, this week, I meant to be in London working on the radio. They invited me back kindly to cover some shifts on the radio. And you fucked them up. No, I've had to cancel it because I was so looking forward to going. I only get to go. Like, I cover the girl who got my job when she goes on holiday now. You cover, you pick up. I cover her. So it's obviously not very often. It's only like a couple of times a year. Yeah. So I don't get to go that often. I don't think I've been since like May. And I was meant to be

there this week. And I was like, I'm going to have a week in London. I'd sort of my flat out. I'd made some social plans. I was like, it'll be nice to like get away, you know, earn some money, do my job again, which I love. And I was like so disappointed out to phone this week and be like, I'm so sorry, I've got to cancel it. Stefan's mom was meant to be looking after our children and she has broken her arm and she can't look after them anymore. I was like, what? What is our life? A selfish what? No, I'm kidding. I'm kidding. I can't even say it without laughing. No, look, honestly, I jest, she's fine. I wouldn't say it if she wasn't fine.

But obviously, terrible timing. She fell over while she was out dancing. She was genuinely... She was dancing. She wasn't even drunk. She's so ironic. She was like, I don't even drink. All my friends were pissed.

And she was like, an eye stacked it and broke my arm. She's in quite a lot of pain. Do you think she's done it on purpose? Yeah, she got to watch. Fuck that. Because it was a big ass. It was like five days of looking after the kids. Yeah.

Hold on. Where's Stephen Nick at? They're on holiday. Oh, fucking hell. Again. They're never home. Again, selfish. Listen, Steve, Nick, we need words because even you're not around no more.

You're not meant to be out living. I said I'm even willing to take Joseph out of school. I hope school aren't listening. Take him out of school for the week and take him down to my parents. Yeah. Actually, school's not compulsory until you're five, so we're good until February. I was going to take him down to Essex. Please don't take Emma's advice as gospel because you may get yourself a fine.

Check that with your local authority, but I'm pretty sure that's correct. Yeah, I was going to take him down to my parents, have them look after him. I was like, I will do like any. to make this work. Because I also do hate being someone to let people down and pull out and not be dependable. I hate doing that. So I was really dreading calling them. They were very good about it and I was like, maybe they'll have me back again. So hopefully they will. But yeah, couldn't go to London anymore. Stefan's away working. So he couldn't cancel his stuff. So just a whole nightmare really. She's going to be fine. But she, oh, thank goodness. She is going to be fine.

She's in quite a lot of pain. She's got to have surgery. Oh my Christ. She really went ham on that. She really did it. And then she drove herself to A&E because there was no one else around. I know. And it's her right hand. It's a real, it's a real bad one. Listen, when I tell you, right, I have got love for any humans. All humans are welcome in this space and should be treated equally.

I know there's horrible people that don't. But everybody is equal, right? But there is that little element that women really do turn it up a notch. Oh, yeah. Because that is absolutely a powerhouse. I know. Drove herself two-way and a... If she got pulled over the party of the police,

I can't confirm we'll deny it if she would have been in trouble. I'm not sure about that. It is an automatic, so there's no gear stick to do. But that just for me blows my mind. I know. And for some reason, she didn't want to take the gas and air when they were manipulating the arm. So she didn't take the gas in air

because I think she thought it was like going to make her sick. So she did that without anything. I know. Super human. And now she's going to go and have surgery and have pins put in her arm. Awake. Probably. No anesthetic.

Probably. Raw dog that arm. Raw dog at it. I know, bless her. Keep us posted on how she's doing. I know, look, she's going to be fine. But really, I was like very selfish timing. Yeah.

Big bitch energy. No, we love her, dearly. I do love her. So, yeah, so that's my week. God, we're sending her all of the love and all the world. I was like, this is just classic me and Stefan, isn't it? Like, why have our lives got to be so manic? I don't think that is just you because I live a pretty, my sister says to me on the regular.

Like, how does this shit happen to you? Yousafina. In all honesty, I haven't got a fucking clue. What old shit happens to me on the reg? Yeah. Just to really, I think they think, do you know what? Let's really test this one. She could do with a good old testing.

Yeah. Really ramps up a notch. We just get ourselves into situations where we're like, oh, who's going to look after our children? Fool me, I would have gone down. I mean, it usually falls to me, to be honest. I'm like, do you know what? And I do feel, I do feel relieved now that I know that, because that's a mad week.

I'm like, at least I'm going to be there, just like making sure everything runs. Okay. smoothly. Yeah, because Stefan's away. But basically, if I'm not there, I'm the CEO of the house, it all falls to shit. Unless I'm there running business. It doesn't in mine actually. It's 50-50 at my house. If anything, I probably fuck shit up. Chris is probably the calm and I'm the storm. He's there. He's there quite a lot, isn't he? Yeah, he. Yeah, very lucky. Very, very lucky. So that's my week. How's yours? Oh, just, I just, I'm just going from, I'm jumping from one pad to another pad. I'm just in, I'm just now in a different kind of ship. Different pond.

I'm just, I'm just in a different ship pond. Yeah. So I've gone from the preschool pond. Yeah. Now I'm in the secondary pond. Oh yeah. And I'm viewing secondary schools and I just, I don't know how he's two. He's two years old. Colby is too. In my head, I can't get it out of my head. I'm having a mentee be. Daily, regular, what school are we seeing today? Oh, we're off to see this one. Problem is, is we peaked really high with the first one we Yeah, which is his first choice, right? We'll be his first choice. We peaked first time.

First school we went to see, first choice, loved it. Fell in love with it. Nothing else is coming close. Not even close. But you do need another. So I was speaking to a teacher and basically what happens is you have to put the three options. Oh, you have to? Well, for Colby's June, what one did I put?

No, for Dottie, sorry. I only put one choice for her. I didn't put three in when she was going to infant school and we got our first choice but they kept reminding you need to put more you need to put more. That's what happened to me with the primary yeah. So I put one, I wanted to put one choice in but now people are scaring me and saying that

if you only put one choice and you don't get that the people that have put three, if they don't get their first choice, they'll work through the line of their second or third choice but if I have nothing else, I go to the bottom of the bottom of the bottom of the bottom. And I just put you wherever that. And I could potentially scrape the barrel and be three hours away from home.

Yeah. I mean, you might as well put three options, but you're saying there's nothing else that you like. There's nothing else I like to put as a third option. And also, I just don't know if my heart's okay with this. I know. Like how am I putting my child into school who's going to be doing textiles, food tech, French, Spanish? What else was there? They've looked at all the options already, all the subjects.

So they do everything up until year eight, I believe. and then from year nine, they get to pick an option and do that for a year. But it's a try before you buy. So let's just say Colby takes food tech in year nine as an option. If it gets to the end of year nine, he can drop that and take DT, which is like woodwork and stuff like that. And then do that for his GCSE. That's such a good idea because when we were at school, you chose it for your options. And that was it, wasn't it?

But now you get a try before you buy. So you get one lesson that you can do for a year. And if you don't want to take it as GCSE, you then can change it. And you've got two years to work on your GCSE. Whereas he might carry it on. He really, really is. His high ones are French. He really, really wants to do French.

He really wants to do food tech. He really wants to do PE. And he really wants to do geography. That's like Colby's ultimate. He really loves history. To be fair, Colby is somebody. There is nothing that you can't give that boy, food, an activity, a job, anything in life. Colby is like, what I would say is like a multitasker.

He takes on anything and he is like a chameleon. He will just mould himself. Jack and more trades. And it blows my mind. I don't know where he's got it from. I don't know whether it's a combination of me and Chris, where I'm quite heavily dyslexic. I am dyslexic. There's no heavily or non-heavily. I'm dyslexic. There's other things that I excel in. Like, I've really loved doing things hands on. Flatpack furniture, love building that, DIY. I'll put myself to anything, plumbing, building. I'll do anything and I'll, I think I do it to a great standard. Tell me to read a book, write a paper, read a novel, write a novel, write a biography on my life. Fuck that. I can't, I can't do it. So I don't know whether Colby has taken a lot of, whereas Chris is great at that, Chris is

great academically, whereas I'm great as hands on. I mean, he's greatest hands on. But together, I think we've just made a phenomenal human. So Colby, is literally just happy with any form of education. Yeah. Like he just is excited to do it. So would he be happy with any of the other schools or not? So we have been to see, I think we're on our fifth school now. Obviously, we're getting further out,

but making sure that it's either a bus ride or a journey that he can take on public transport or that we can drive him to and then making sure that we're around for Dottie and Renley as well. So everything is in a travelling distance, whether that be on a bike. foot or public transport, but we went to see one a couple of days ago and I couldn't get through the door. I just was like, I can't do this. I don't, it just was something in my belly and I had to kind of walk around because I thought, I said to Chris, I'm going to have to walk around, but I'm just not getting a good vibe. It just felt really doom and gloom. I just, I don't know how

to explain it. I'm just not getting a great vibe from the secondary school. But then again, And I don't know if our first one, just the bars so high on it. I'm crying a lot about it. I don't know if I'm mentally prepared. I don't know how he's going to cope. I'm going to cope. It just feels like a very surreal situation that I'm going through. And while I'm juggling that, I'm still juggling whether or not I keep readily in my preschool setting.

I've been dying to know. Has he been back in? He hasn't been back in. But that is because he's really unwell. He's got massive. He's had been waking up covered in poo. It's actually so incredibly sad. And weirdly, he's been asking for the preschool teacher

to change his bum in the morning. Like, he woke up the other day, covered in poo. And he said there, it's a preschool teacher's name. And he was like, she do it. Oh. I was like, no, no, no, she's not here. And I don't think she wants to clean up your poo. I had to put him in the bath and, like, wash him down.

Now he's got a horrendous cough and a temperature. So we're like a week, week and a half now of him being quite unwell. But I think we have come to a conclusion. At the moment, I'm paying where only is undefixtorough. three, I'm paying for him to be in preschool. And there's something in my brain that is just not clicking in that I am putting him through this torment, which is not only stressing him out, is stressing me out. I'm stressed. He also is having a mental breakdown, bless his heart, in Dottie's school playground, which then is, she's getting very stressed. And then I'm

stressed for the two of them. And because we're all stressed, Chris is then stressed, which is then making Colby panic. So it's like a domino effect. And I know. know everyone's saying stick it out, but it's not just readily stressed. I'm doing my best to hold it together for him, best believe I'm not crying in front of him and I'm staying very calm because a lot of people are saying, oh, don't show him that you're upset because you're stressing him out. I am staying very calm, but it's not just Renley and me. It's the whole family. And I'm paying to put him through this. And there's something in my brain that's just not clicking. Like, why am I going to pay to put us through this? Because as of March, he's three. And as of April,

we'll get our 15 hours government funding. So I think what we're going to do is we're going to give it another six months at home and try again from April. And I think a lot of people thought that I was going to not send him to preschool and then just go straight into school. But we're two years out yet. He'll still have like a year and a bit of preschool. He's going to have a year and a bit of preschool.

He'll be government funded. Again, don't know whether we just go for just straight mornings. Definitely going to do consecutive days because I don't think the, break in the middle is helping. So I'm either going to do end of week, start of week, or maybe do mornings every week, but we're going to start small and build up, whether we start on one day a week, one morning a week, then move it up to two mornings and so forth. But I definitely am going to just hold off for it for now.

Will that be a different setting or the same place? The same place. Okay. So we'll already be used to. Yeah. Because we really love the preschool. And I know it's nothing to do with the preschool. It is solely, because once we're gone, he's absolutely fine.

Yeah. So I know that he's safe. I know that he's looked after. I know that he's loved and I know that he's having the best time when he's there. I just, it's just leaving me and Chris. And we got, you know, Chris has got some more work coming up over Christmas. So he's going to be out of the house more. So our family dynamic shift is going to change.

Whereas Chris, you know, is going, we'll be out of the house more over the Christmas period because his friend's got a job and he's asked him to help out. So the dynamic over the Christmas time is going to change. So I think, yeah. think I'm just going to hold off, enjoy him for a little bit longer, because he still is only little, and he is only two. And again, Colby and Dotty done great with it, but no children are the same. So we're just going to hold on to that little scrumptious, bumpcious, a bit more and try again in April. Do you feel good about that? I feel really relieved, yeah. But the

problem is now is we're still going into Dotty's school, even though we're not taking him. Is that triggering him? But he'll get used to the new thing. Like, he'll know now that he will. Now that he doesn't go, that doesn't mean he's going on to preschool. No, but he's going to re, he, and what's so horrible is it saying? He will forget. Yeah. And then we'll try it again. Yeah.

And I think that's just going to be best for us. Yeah. Great. Yeah. Oh, good. There we go. I'm happy. I'm happy.

But that's all I'm at. I'm at with juggling. And then our little daughter is just absolutely thriving. She's just thriving. She's okay. She's great. Yeah. She's absolutely phenomenal.

To be fair, Colby's great. It's again me and my issues of, I just don't do well with change. Yeah. I do really awfully with change. The change in talk of secondary school, I'm trying to be, I'm not a regular mom,

I'm a cool mom. I'm trying to be a really cool mom and be like hip and down with it, you know, and then cry myself to sleep every night. Yeah, yeah. So that's going great for me. Yeah, well, you know, you've got a few months. Yes, I have.

God, I can't wait to see what happens in July. When he leaves you a six. That's going to be a wild one. I'm sad about it and I haven't even got a child in year six. I still am oblivious to that it's actually going to happen. Yeah, let's ignore that. Yeah, he's not actually. He's only just going up to preschool.

He's too. With Renli. So Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yes, we want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about or just say, Hello! You can find us on TikTok and Instagram just search for SecretMumPod,

or you can email us hello at secretmanpod.com. Welcome back to the secret mum club Just in case you forgot where you are You're live here on the radio It's not actually my secret this week Emma's Emma's gonna fill the baton Because I don't feel I feel like I've got loads in the bank But I just, I'm so consumed

My brain is actually frazzled And I just I'll be really honest with you Because you know Sharon is Karen And we're all honest here I have not been taking any notes of my life. You were doing a really good job of blagging it.

You should have stuck with it. I blagged it pretty much for the last four years. No, I don't. I normally write notes on my phone and I log them down. I know. Look, I've only got notes because I've been on the train for six hours this morning. I was like, what else am I going to do? Then update the notes in my phone.

But a lot's been going on because it's a big period of transition. Yeah, it is. So I just, it's more of a maybe looking for a bit of advice actually. Oh, this is not like you. No, I know. Well, Jojo did something yesterday, which me and Stefan were a bit like, was that what we thought it was? And he was in a mood with Stefan because he had lashed out at Stefan and hit him that morning.

Which, like, isn't, it's not common, but, like, his moods after school have been, like, quite ferocious because he's just dealing with a lot and he's very tired and speaking to other parents. I think it's quite normal at this beginning stage. Like there's just a lot going on and he's just coming home from school. So knack, I don't think he can process like really normal things. Yes. It's like having a toddler again. Like going back to like giving him the wrong food on his plate or the wrong cutlery,

he will have a complete meltdown over something like that. And he lashed out at Stefan that morning. So Stefan was telling him off and he, Joseph was playing like a pairs game on my phone and he took it off him. And he was like, you can't play that if you're going to hit me. Yeah. So Joseph was in a mood with Stefan and he was like trying to blank him, trying to ignore him.

And Stefan was like, you've got to speak to me. You can't just like freeze me out, but let's talk about what happened this morning. And he was just like, you know, he really holds a grudge. I think he takes after his mother. I have no idea where he gets it from. When do you get it from? That Leo and ass holding grudges. Are you so stubborn?

Honestly, I don't know where it comes from. But Steph, I just couldn't get through to him. And he sat on his little chair eating his breakfast and was like this with his finger. If you can't see that, he was doing the old rubbing the bed. And wonder where it gets that. Rubbing the face. Rubbing the face with the old middle finger. He was definitely flipping the bird.

Yeah. So me and Stefan were like, what was that? And he was like, oh, nothing. Just itching my face. And I was like, four years old. He's flipping you off. He's being at school for two and a half weeks. He knows what you're doing.

He's been on the bus for two and a half weeks. Ledge. He is flipping us off. Yeah. I said to Stefan, that's definitely what we think it is. Yeah. And we like stifled a little smile. A little laugh.

I was like, I can't believe he's doing that already. He laughed at you. Me and Stefan laughed. Oh, you two laughed. I was going to say what Jojo laughed. He really knows what he's doing. We put up a United Front. We were like, what was that?

Stunning. But obviously to each other gave a knowing little... That's our boy. You go out there, boy! He's flipping us off. Yeah. It's flipping us off. What allege.

I can't believe it. Already. And I was like, okay, is he learning this at school? Is he learning this on the bus? Because there's older children on the bus. Okay. So I don't know what goes down. But he's having real good fun on the bus.

He's asking me like, am I coming back on the bus today? Because he wants to. So I'm like, maybe that's where he's learned it. I'm like, fuck me. If this is the behavior they're learning at school and we're two weeks in, I mean, where are we going to be by the end of term? Year three, year six. Yeah, in jail.

Excluded. I couldn't believe it. It's so, like, obviously so unlike. He would never have been exposed to anything like that before. And now I'm like, oh, this is what happens. When like outside influence starts coming. Absolutely. He did it.

And then when as soon as we said, what's that? He was like, oh, nothing and changed to like a full palm. So all his fingers were up. Okay. And I was like, that's suspicious. It wasn't pinching any food. You know. He just had his, he didn't have an empty hand.

Right. Okay. I'm pretty sure that's what it was. Just because when we questioned it, he changed it straight away. So obviously someone has told him this is a naughty thing to do. And also what makes me think he's learning about. things like that is in the back of the car the other day he was like do you know what's a really bad word that you're not allowed to say and I was I want to hear everything so I was like no go on tell

me he was like can I say it and I was like you can tell me anything and he was like beach I was like beach isn't a bad word and I like used it in a sentence and I was like you know I love going down to the beach when it's sunny and he was like no no no no no not like that and I think he was trying to say bitch but he was saying to me someone's obviously said to him like oh it sounds like this but maybe you can get away with saying beach and I was like oh can you use it in a sentence and he was like I don't know what that means so I like gave him an example and I said can you tell me how you would use it and he said no I don't know and I was like hmm okay and I was like where have you heard that on the bus and he's like yeah on the bus so I'm like hmm I think is he saying the bus

because you said the bus I don't know maybe I need to maybe not give him such like closed question but I was like that's interesting that those two things have happened how big are the Boys on the bus. It's from year's reception to six. So we're talking year reception is four up to Colby's age. To 11. To 11. Yeah.

But I'd say even from like seven or eight like kids are going to be talking about stuff like that, aren't they? 100%. Yeah. 100%. Yeah. So I'm like, is it something I should be worried about? Do I like clamp down on it? Like we didn't say the thing about the middle finger because I was like I don't want to affirm that is a bad thing.

To it. Exactly. We were just like, what's that? Okay. Oh, it's nothing. All right. Because if he's flipping you off and you're noticing it and you then bring attention to it, he's like, oh, well, I know that gets to her now, so I'll carry on doing that.

And he knows it's a bad thing. Whereas, like, I think now we've just planted the seed in his mind where he's like, oh, maybe I shouldn't. He's definitely in his bedroom, like. He's doing the thing behind the door, isn't it? Fuck you guys. I fucking hate you. Hate you. Hate you.

Hate is another word that's come into our vocabulary quite a lot. Yeah. It uses hate a lot. I say, none of the age word here. Because he's exposed to bigger boys. I think he's hearing it from. And I think it's a lot of children that have got older siblings. Of course.

Bringing that into the reception class. Yeah. The reason Dotty was struggling so much in our old school is because of the older siblings, the girls in her class were the youngest siblings of like either secondary schoolers or outside of secondary school. Yeah. And that is that is the worry. And this is what I always say to Colby. And this is something I say to him is you're always going to be the big brother and you're always going to have a responsibility to, well, both of them, all three of them will have a responsibility. But what I say to Colby is you just got to remember that the children around you, you're an influence on them. So it's how you present you. And I don't tell him how to present himself. How you choose to present yourself, you've got to deal with whether the reaction from that, whether you want to go out and be naughty. And there's younger children looking at. up to you and something bad happens to them, that's a responsibility you've got to live with

and a burden for the rest of your life. If you want to go out and be a kind person and show the younger generation, how it is to be kind and help and, you know, be well behaved, again, that's your responsibility. I've given you all the tools that you need in life. There's probably, there might be people that say, oh, you should continue. But I've given them all the tools, the good, the bad, the ugly, everything in between and put him, you know, taking it. You know, take him. You know, him to the water, how he wants to carry himself in school and how he wants to behave. That's the responsibilities now on you. And he'll say sometimes if there's children, because there's lots of children and

our close that play, Colby is very aware of other people around him. And if somebody's doing something bad, he'll go, can you not do that? Because my baby brother will watch you and I don't want him hurting himself. So in the back of my head, I'm like, okay, I am doing something, right, you know. And he's very much someone that does come and say, Dotty said a bad word, you know, because she said, crap bags.

Dotty called me a crap bag. And I'm like, okay, yeah, well, fight it out amongst yourselves, you know. But he, well, they both are. They both come down and say, Colby said a swear word. Yeah. He said, eat your poop.

I'm like, that's not a swear word. Colby said fuck. And then he's like, no, he didn't. I come down and said, duck. I'm like, did you? And then you could see the little smigger on his face. And he's like, Well, I wanted to say it, but I know it's a bad word.

So I said duck instead. Duck and leave me alone. And I'm like, okay, well, that's still the intention to say the bad word. But yeah, it's hard, isn't it? It's really hard. And I don't want to deep it too much. But also I'm like, I am a little bit sad that like, this is school now. And it's like he's been so innocent up until this point.

And now like they get corrupted by these outside influences. And you're like, can you please just say like sweet and naive forever. I don't want you to know these things. And you can't. There is nothing you can do. I know. I know. I know.

go through the face. I think if you, I would watch and notice if it gets more intense to then have a conversation with him, but keep it very much that, or this only me personally, I wouldn't say, oh, have you heard it from the bus? I would be saying, where have you heard of, yeah, and wait for him, because he's going to tell you, oh, I'm not sure, I don't know. Because you will eventually get to that. Yeah. Yeah. Because Colby sometimes did it when he was younger and he would slip up and say, oh, well, you never guess what Simon did today. He stuck his middle finger up at the teacher by rubbing it on his cheek. And then I go, right. That's where you go right. So that's, you pick that up from Simon then, have you? In my head, you know. And it does

come back around. Yeah. But I, it's hard as well. I always think if they're doing it in the comfort of their own home, but not at school. Yeah. I'm sure it's just such a normal thing as well. Like obviously these things are going to happen. I find them hilarious, if I'm honest, but, you know, Not every parent does. It was a little bit funny, but I also was a bit like, I don't really want you doing that. So yeah, that's my secret of the week. Oh, it's a toughy one.

I know. That is a tough one. It feels like a real turning point. It's the next. So can't that. Maybe it's Stefan doing it to you when you're cooking behind your back. Me and Stefan actually do, do stuff like that. So maybe it's you.

Maybe it's you. You're doing this while you're cooking behind the children's back. Yeah, because you can't swear in front of the kids. So you're like, oh, I've got an itchy chin. God, this is so itchy. What did you just see? Oh, nothing. I don't know what you're talking about.

Oh, still getting some of yours after this short break. We've got three secrets from you this week that we're going to be discussing, Emma. Take it away, honey. Okay, hey, Sophan Emma. I've been listening to the podcast since the very beginning, and I'm writing in because I'd really love some advice. Oh, yes. My little boy is 14 months old and started going to a childminder at the beginning of September,

as I've now gone back to working full time. But he's just so unsettled there, and I honestly don't know what to do. When I drop him off, he seems absolutely fine. He happily walks in himself, starts playing and doesn't seem bothered by me leaving. But once I'm at work and check in, I'm told that he's really upset. He doesn't want to play, screams, doesn't want the other children near him and often won't eat or drink. Twice now I've had to collect him early because he's been so upset.

And the thing that breaks my heart is that as soon as he's back with me, he's completely himself again, laughing, smiling and happy. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do. Do I persevere with the childminder and hope he eventually settles? do I consider moving him to an actual nursery? But then I worry that there would be even more children, more noise and more adults, and that he might be even more unsettled.

I'm a first time mum and I just want him to be happy. I'd really appreciate any advice or reassurance for you both and hopefully it might help another mum who's going through something similar to. Sending all my love, Alicia, from Warrington. Oh, Alicia, do you know what? I'm going to pass the bat on because I've been given a lot of advice recently because I'm obviously in my preschool predicament

and I have been passed on lots of advice and it would be wrong for me to gatekeeper and you're, you know, if you are on TikTok and you've seen the videos, you're welcome to scroll through there as well because there is a lot of advice on there and I've been a little sponge and I've taken it in. But the consensus that I've got from things

is one, always follow your gut and follow your heart. That's the biggest thing I will say in this. But also, people have said to try a different setting for Renli. If we decide in April to put him back and it doesn't work out, to move him because a lot of people said that they either put their child in a nursery, didn't work out, put them in the childminder and they flourished. And a lot I've said put their child in childminder, didn't work out, put them in nursery and again they flourished. So it might be

the setting because to me, him going in happy means that he is doing okay with leaving you. So that's all great signs. But it just might be that the setting isn't great for him. I wonder what the set up is, like how many. Children, what age they are. Is it in a house as well or is it in a building in a preschool setting? Yeah. And the house, a lot of ladies have message me to say that where they had a childminder and it was in their home, it was making them feel like they weren't like because they

wanted to be in their house, why they were in someone else's house. It wasn't enough like separation. And then when they went to a preschool or a nursery setting, it was actually a different building didn't feel like a house and feel too confusing that they were just in someone else's house. So I found that was really great advice because at the moment, I don't think I'm in any place to say that our setting is right or wrong for Renly. Because I know that he is sad leaving me and Chris, and also when we pick him up, he's crying like he's relieved that we're back because it's a long distance that we're not together. So I can rationalise the crying going in

and the crying coming out and I get that. But the fact that when he's in there, he's having a blast and he's having the best time, reassures me that the setting is okay. Yeah. It's just... Leaving you. It's just struggling to leave us. It's quite unusual this way around. Like normally they'll be sad to leave you, but happy once they're in there.

Not okay to leave you, but then sad once they're there. Yeah. So which would indicate to me it might be worth looking. Yeah. Somewhere else. I'm not saying that's going to be the right thing to do. But it just might be that this setting isn't working out for him. Yeah.

But then if it happens somewhere else, I guess it's hard because like Alicia's gone back to working for the time. So presumably it's not an option for her to take him out completely. So you're just going to have to find somewhere. But then also he's okay at home. Yeah. Which it would indicate, again, another reason that he's obviously back at home. He's in the comfort of his own home. The safety of you. And all of that is really familiar. So that is a natural thing that he's okay when he gets back home. But it's worth a shot. Yeah. I feel like if you have the flexibility to do that and try that is worth a try. Yeah. Because if you, if you're going in means that he's doing so great. It just might be there's something there. And I feel like

children as well know before we know. Oh yeah. They have such a good like sense. Intuition. Yeah. I was like that when I was younger. They were just like adults and teachers that I just didn't vibe it. That's what I mean. Children just pick up. I was absolutely fine with. Yeah. Children just pick up on that straight away. I just knew the teachers that were real. Don't. She was going to go in with the big one then. Bitches. You weren't going to do bitches. You were going to do. I was going to say No, my reception teacher was a real one though. Was a real one. Absolutely.

See you next Tuesday. And my parents now, 35 years later, are like, yeah, no, we knew she was a bitch, but we didn't really have much choice. So maybe he just knows. Yeah, you get the vibe. But Alicia, if anybody does have any advice for Alicia, because you've all been so fantastic, we've given me loads. Please can you share it with us so we can pass it on? And again, not just to help Alicia, help me, help everybody going through this. because everybody's situation is different,

but with all the help and advice to pass on is so gratefully received and appreciated because it is very difficult when you're going through it and reaching out sometimes. Like I have, I've reached out on my platform to know what the right thing to do. And do you know what? There's no right or wrong.

You just have to figure out and work out what's best for you. Yeah. And it might just be a little bit of shopping around for the best place. Yeah. And they, you know, viewing them and going into them, you get a vibe straight away, don't you?

Yeah. So. Like she says a bigger nursery of more children and stuff might be more overwhelming, but that's... It might be overwhelming, but that might not be bad thing. Yeah, but equally more might be better. Yeah. Yeah.

Like Sadie, they were a really small child minder in London, my kids, and then they've gone into like a big traditional nursery setting in Now We've moved. And Sadie absolutely loves it. Yeah. Because there's loads of kids her own age. Yeah. She's like, she's having the time of her life there. Yeah.

So that might be it, you know. Yeah. But yes, please do let us know. And we appreciate you, Alicia, and hope that you're doing great and settling back into work. Wonderful. Okay. Okay. Hi, Sophie and Emma.

I love you girls and the pod and I'm hoping you or fellow listeners could offer me some advice. My partner and I've been together for five years and I'm a step-mom to his daughter who I love like my own. We have a wonderful relationship. We both know we want more children and have decided to wait for another year or so before trying. Now here is my dilemma. My period was late this month and we started considering taking a pregnancy test and thinking about how we would feel if it was positive. My period did eventually arrive and I couldn't help but feel disappointed and a little upset. I know realistically that it was the outcome we wanted, but I didn't think I would feel the way I do.

Have either of you had this experience or can you offer any advice on this feeling? Thank you for being like two besties I catch up with every week, Amy from Wiltshire. Oh, Amy. I think it's really natural. Yeah, it is. Once you start convincing yourself that it could be, it's inevitable that you feel a little disappointed when it's not. Yes. And it works both ways.

You know, there's people that don't want children and then they face the positive pregnancy test. And the feeling is exactly the same, just the opposite way around. So I don't want to discredit that. And I don't want to be that, you know, it's always positive, a positive, or wanting the positive outcome because there is the opposite side of it. And I just think that moment you take the pregnancy test, regardless of where you want to be at or the outcome that you receive, it's a really hard one to. to, for me, taking a pregnancy test. Even now, if I was to have to take a pregnancy test, I even know that that instant sick feeling in your tummy,

like when I took a pregnancy test with Rennie, I was in denial because we weren't trying for a baby. We had the two babies, like, we were just like, what? You know, we're not planning for any more babies. But in my head, I was like, my period's late. And I was like, I really don't want this to be negative. I really don't want it to be negative. And that moment you're waiting for it.

And then it come back positive. And then I burst into tears because I was like, fuck, we're pregnant. What if this is a big mistake? Like, what if this? And it just, there's so much in that moment based on that little stick of piss that you just don't know what you want. You don't know what you want. You're trying. You've gone through 15, 18 years of life while you're waiting for that stick to load.

Like what happens if I am pregnant 18 years? Fast forward. Here we go in 30 seconds. It's gone through my brain. What if it's negative? Hold on. will I want another one? What if I start trying and then I can't conceive?

But now I've told myself that I want that other baby. So now you've gone through so much in that whole stick loading that I think any response or any feeling or any outcome from that moment is completely rational. Yeah. And I think as well, because you've talked about it with your partner, because you've got such a wonderful relationship with your stepchild, I just think there's so much in you that your heart's big enough to love and you want another baby. And you know you want to have kids to get that.

I mean, why not likes to start trying now? That's what I mean. And I was going to say, if my advice would be, if that's where you want to be, obviously making sure you're safe and you're financially able. And if it did happen. And it's what you both want. You're ready for it. Then there is no harm in trying because we don't know how long it takes, do we? We don't know any of that.

And I, if it's in your mind that you want a baby, regardless of whether you try today or you try in a year's time, getting a negative test is. always going to feel really crappy. Yeah. Yeah. But if you like spoke to your partner about this and you were like, oh, I was kind of hoping that was positive. Yes. Like, do you actually just want to start trying a bit sooner than we said?

Communication is key. Yeah. It could take you a year to. If there's a reason why you're waiting for it, like you want to be a bit more financially stable or something like that, then obviously, you know, that's up to you guys. But I just think if you were both a bit like, oh, then why not go through it now? Communication is key if you ask me, honey. Yeah.

As long as you're talking to your partner and. And we don't know how long conception takes. It can take a really, I'm really gassy today. I've had two coffees and I'm full of wind from my mouth, not my butt. If you're both on the same page, because it could take a really long time to fall pregnant. Yeah. Or it could be next month and you have to make sure you're both okay with that. Also, I don't want to be the people that tell you to try for a baby and you're not, it's not the right time.

No. So, again, this is our opinion. But if it's absolute dog's bullocks, don't listen. If it's shy, don't, you know, don't take our baby. advice and then I'm now scared. I'm backtracking. I mean, I'm panicking. You have to be right. I maintain if you both want a baby now, just go for it. If you both do. Yeah, if you both do. And the time is right. But I think that what I think my point is is that whatever the outcome, however you feel, whatever feeling is completely rational. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. I really love

pissing on a pregnancy stick. Sometimes I think, oh, should I get one and just wee on it? But then I think, Imagine it comes back positive. I haven't had sex in three years, so it'll be a miracle. Virgin Mary. We're sending you all of our love, Amy. And again, any advice at all? Let us know and what passed it on. Okay.

Right, last secret. All right, hello ladies. Hello, honey. I have two beautiful girls. My eldest Grace is nearly six and my youngest Emily is two. Picture the scene. Grace has beautiful long princess hair as she calls it. She's grown her fringe out.

Emily has lush, thick, wavy hair and a full block fringe. Grace was doing a bit of crafting. Cissors on the table. You know where this is going. Oh, fuck. Mommy was cleaning the kitchen. It was very quiet. Is Emily cutting Gracie's fringe? That she's just spent growing out. We all know quiet with children is never a good sign. I walked into the garden to find Grace. Fuck. Hacking chunks of hair out of Emily's fringe. It looked awful. Oh, Donna, Emily already had a fringe. Grace has growing her fringe out, right? So the older child is cutting the younger child's fringe in, but it's already in. She said she was only chopping. it so Emily could see and now

she sure can see. I had no option but to leave it. It was beyond salvageable right in the middle of the fringe. It was cut way up over her eyebrows. Please tell we we were got photographic evidence of this. Have we? Yeah. Oh Emily darling, oh look how beautiful she is. I think she can... Do you know what? I think she can put it off.

To be honest. Emily, you're pulling it off honey. Yeah. Look at those beautiful eyes. It's given East London Hipster. Wow, how eyelashes. I mean we get the more beautiful we can see in those gorgeous eyes. Yeah. Wow. She is actually the most beautiful little, little, listen, get Grace into beauty.

I think she's, I think she's on to something there. Also, what is with Sadie does this as well? Stickers on her face. I don't know. Not anywhere else, but just love sticking them on her face. Redley actually really hates stickers. Does it? Yeah.

Someone offers him a sticker. But I don't know if he's associating it with preschool. In the time that we're there, he's taken on a lot. Yeah. We did four, we did two weeks. Four days and now he hates it. Yeah, now he fucking hates it. He's like, no thanks.

No, school. No thanks. You take. And also his speaking is coming on loads at the moment. It's really cracking me up with some of the stuff he comes out with. But I think she looks beautiful. You think she's rocking it. Let me finish it.

She says there. Sorry. There I was hoping I'd disguised it well enough. But lo and behold, at the nursery drop off, the teacher spotted it straight away. And I was greeted with, oh, Emily, nice hair. Grace was devastated, but I told her everyone's done it. I did it myself. My mum walked in on my brother chopping away at my hair.

Oh, to be young again, much love always Leanne. My mum caught me shaving my brother's face. No. I never did the hair chopping thing. We were seven. He had no beard, obviously. I just took a chunk of skin out of his hair. With a razor?

Yeah, my dad's razor. Jesus Christ. I don't know what I was thinking. I looped him up. He had shaving foam on. Just didn't understand when the shaving foam went red. That is so dangerous. And then I carried on and Richard was like, burning.

Was he bleeding? I took a whole chunk of. A brand new razor I took out of the packet. No. A bit. Yeah, she started shaving his face. Jesus. I know. Safina.

Sorry. Pretty much what my mom said. Savannah! Savannah! Oh, Emily, you look beautiful. Yes. What a beautiful little lady. Oh, it's going to take a longer scrub it out now, though.

I think a micro-fringer's in. Yeah. She looks divine. Yeah, cut the rest of it to match. Yeah. Why not? No, actually don't, because Leanne will be sad about that. Oh, God, lover. Take a bit from the back and just comb it forward.

Yeah. Cover that. Oh. Thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome the Secret Mum Club. If you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secret mumpod.com and we're Secret Mumpod on TikTok and Instagram. Have you ever donned a brand new unwanted haircut?

Or shaved a sibling? Like I shaved my brother. Not his pubes, obviously his face. That's weird. Let us know there really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episodes. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club!