Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Snip Sympathy

Episode Date: October 1, 2026

Soph and Emma are reading some of your secrets about the men in your lives - and the level of sympathy they've been hoping for post-vasectomies. Spoiler alert: the want more! Plus, a listener shares her hilarious method for making sure her son feels hugged by her all day, even at nursery. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And welcome to your Thursday's episode. Where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits of my. What a treat. What a treat. All of your comments, sorts, questions and fun stories. To keep you going through the weekend. Show a jump bonie. Sorry, just can't get over that I can see your face. I can touch you. It's a treat to be here in person after so long. And also, it's actually a fucking miracle that I am here in person. I was just... I was just... Emma has travelled the brettes of the world. I've had a morning. She's had a wild one. I've been everywhere. We're going to catch you up in Numb Tuesdays after anyway.

So if you want to know what the fuck happened to Emma Jones today, stay tuned. A lot's gone on. Lots's going on. It's time for another correspondence corner. There's nothing better than when I can actually be here saying it with you. They're waiting on camera to, is she going to go now? Is she so add-a-sing. It's nice to do it in real time, isn't it?

Yes. So Emma, what have you got for us today? All right. This says, hi, Sophia. And Nina and Emma, after you were chatting about the boys having vasectomies, oh, yeah, this was... Did I talk about Chris having a vasectomy? No, I talked about Stefan having a vasectomy. But when it said boys, I thought it meant like our children.

And I was like, we never said that. Sorry, yes. Stefan, okay. I had to write in. My husband had a vasectomy about a month ago now. And oh, my God, what a drama. Oh, because this was, do you remember the lady that had the vasectomy? She had her tubes tied.

And then they went through IVF and she had a baby. Yes. Yes. That was last week. Yes. Okay. She says the guy was in and out in 25 minutes yet he was acting like he'd had some kind of major surgery. The noises coming out of him every time he stood up, walked, sat down, any type of movement really, were ridiculous. Incomparable to the day we came home after my C-section, which was only four months ago. So that pain is still very fresh in my memory. He was looking at his poor stitches and filling with them probably every hour. And then lo and behold, they got infected. Now, I don't want to sound like I wasn't sympathetic. I did wait on. him hand and foot for those first few days, solely walked the dogs for much longer than I expected, and put in extra work entertaining our four-year-old, so he didn't exhaust his dad or accidentally kick him. I even bought him a snip present. But I feel like this is the epitome of why we women give birth. Men can't hack it. I hope this gave you a little giggle and I love you both. Becky. P.S. Anyone else got their whole family saying, not another one. Not another one. The original

lady was Margaret off the telly from Bristol. Yes. Was our mark. Let's credit the original creator. Yes. Let's credit the original creator. Yes. Because it didn't just come from us. No.

We are quoting Margaret. We are quoting. We are quoting. Margaret will quote you. Croating. What? Scrotum's on the brain. Scrutums on the brain.

Yeah. I mean, we were saying this about the colds last week as well with Stefan and Chris, isn't it? They just can't. I do feel bad though because, again, it's with anything in life, isn't it? That I don't ever wanted to do. discourage anybody else's pain. And because I can't have my willie chopped off, I can't...

I don't think that's what it is. No, I know it's not. But I don't know how painful it is. It might be really painful for them. And it's all relative, isn't it? Yeah. You know, it might be really painful for them because they haven't gone through, I don't know, pregnancy and labour.

Yes, cesareans. You know, vaginal birth. Yeah, they've got... A period even. Yeah, so I don't know. And I don't know what it's like to be kicked in the willy. No. Although I did say this morning, I'm fascinated that I've grown to, Willie.

and I don't even have a willie. No, I know, isn't that mad? It's wild. I would love to know the pain, like, equivalent to being kicked in the balls. Yeah. The way they react about that is very dramatic. It's given cesarean, major surgery. It is.

It's given pushing a baby out of your vagina. Yes, yes. But I don't ever want to discourage, you know. You don't invalidate someone's feeling. I don't. I know, but also grow a pair of fucking balls. But then can you imagine if they just turn around and said, Cessarian, fucking grow one, love.

And you fucking buck. Junkula, straight to the jugular. This is only four months after her cesarean as well. I know, I can't. I love that they basically immediately had a baby and then went. No more. Chop that Willie straight off. I'm not doing this thing.

We don't need it anymore. We're done here. My dad did that after me. Shop is closed. My mom was like, that is it? Do you know what? I think I'd feel more, actually, I think my dad did too after me and my brother. Because my dad went one first, two second, not fucking going for three.

Twins as well? Yeah, yeah. So I think he thought it was going to be triplets on the third. one so yeah after me or maybe he saw me heard me cry and thought fuck can't have another one of her yeah no she's fucking push me over the edge yeah because the other two are great quiet well educated you know and then there was me yeah kept the i kept the family alive really kept them on their toes they were having parenting too fun they were to add it too easy with my brother and my sister i really had to make them work for it you know yeah i was the spicy one i was a carolina ribba had to

For that one, right in the back of your throat, you know? Listen, I never brought the police to the door. That's all I'll say. I said, I never bought the police to the door. I just had a way with words and said, listen, I'm adopted. You can't. I live on the streets.

I actually might need to take that out. I don't want to say that. I didn't, never brought the police over. No, no, there is that. Exactly. Is ill at the moment. He's really slagging off, like how little sympathy I'm giving here. Oh.

So I don't know if I can say slacking. or slacking. What are you slacking at home as well? But I don't know if I can bear the vasectomy of recovery because it's going to be 10 times worse than that and I'm going to have to be sympathetic. But also it does kind of benefit me in a way

so I'll be like, thank you for going through that. Yeah. You know, because then you don't need any birth control. You still, listen, there'll be healthcare professionals here that says due to... Still wrap it up. Still wrap it up. Really?

Due to infections. Double dutch. Did that what people used to call it? Do the double dutch. If I just made that up? Wasn't that pill and condom together? What? Double Dutch.

Have I made that up? I was like, double something. Double love. Basically they used to say that sexual health people like don't just rely on one or the other. You can't just rely on one. No, if you're 99% accurate. You should also wear protection just in case. You never know, but I'm obviously celibate now.

Also, you don't know your partner's bringing home, you know? Oh my Christ, this is took a turn. This is took a turn. This is took a turn. Don't want to be catching anything? Becky, I appreciate you for doing all that you did because we just don't know how painful it is on the Well, no, we don't. But also four months post-sisection, my sympathy would be limited.

Okay, well. Okay. And that's why we're two different people. And this is why we work so great, Emma Jones. I'm here rooting for the boys. You're rooting for the girls. You're nice. I'm not.

Well, you said it. I don't have to. No, I joke. I'm kidding. Thank you. And I hope your partner is. I hope you're both doing fantastic. I hope you've recovered wonderful after your cesarian.

And I hope your husband's coped well after his willy removal. It's just a willy removal, isn't it? That's all it is. Yeah. You know, it's no big deal. Oh my God, also, I found out something else not to go off topic. Do you know what a chode is? Yeah.

Rosie's just absolutely gasped. Do you want to know where I found this out? You didn't Google it, did you? I fucking didn't, but I tell you who did. Not going to out her name because we've got to keep her private. She's a real human with children and alive. But I found out on the side of the football pitch on a Thursday evening, and stood next to my friend who's a paramedic,

don't know how we got onto the subject. And she was like, oh, yeah, well, the concern is is when a man's got a chode and you've got to get a catheter in, cannula, catheter. And I was like, what? Then she googled it. What the fuck? Have you not heard that before?

Never heard of a chode. But I don't know what, if that happens to a willet, what happens to your foo for who? What, like when you're having sex? I don't think you can have that. have sex with the chode. Well, maybe if it grows, you can. Oh, don't.

Don't Google it. Don't Google it. Whatever you do. It comes up with sensitive protection. Sensitive content. Do you want to see this content? Oh, gosh. I didn't know that happened to willies. Yeah.

I didn't know they just... I suppose they're all shapes and sizes. It's like boobs, isn't it? Yeah, but chode happens. It doesn't happen now, does it? I think it's just someone with a short fat Willie, you know. But when you get older, apparently your willie goes in. Shrinks back.

Yeah, shrinks. It's shrinks. Yeah, it comes inverted. Wow. Yeah. Yeah. Sorry to all the boys listening. Don't Google Chode because you may cry.

What happens to your way? And all the healthcare professionals that have to catheterise them. Yes. That must be really tricky. It's just something you don't think about, do you? Again, we're so grateful for a foo-foo. It's just there, isn't it? Yeah.

Yeah, it's just there hanging out. Yeah. We might get some length on the flaps, but we won't be inverting. It does change over time, though, I think. And like pre-and-post childbirths. Yeah, I know. A lot of things. happen when we get older, don't we?

Yeah. But found out about chode. We're all beautiful in our own way. We are. We're all fucking perfect as well, even chodes. Exactly. Okay, ready? Yes. We've got another one here.

It says, hold on to your granny pants. Oh, for another vasectomy story. Fuck me, we're getting them all in on the release. We have three children and after we had our son, Henry, we knew we weren't having any more. Just before Henry turned one, my husband went to the GP and got the referral sorted. He was hyped. He got the call to attend a pre-op appointment, and being the supportive wife I am,

I accompanied him. The surgeon talked everything through with us, the risks, aftercare, everything. Then he says to my husband, right, if you can just pop everything down to your knees, I'll check that all the tubes are in the right places. My husband moves towards the bed, leaves the curtain open, then bends down and starts making the biggest, longest drama of untying his trainers. I look at the doctor, he gives me a confused look. I look at the nurse.

She shakes her head. I continue watching my wonderful husband, he clearly doesn't have a single brain cell, as he painstakingly removes both trainers and then looks up at the doctor like a puppy who's just mastered the sick command. The doctor generally says, why did you take your shoes off? My husband says, huh? The nurse starts fighting for her life while trying to maintain a professional face and says, you don't need to take anything off, love, just under your belt and roll your jeans

down to your knees. Oh yeah, it took me ages to realise. He doesn't need to take your shoes up. He just needs to pull his trousers down. That's what I'm saying, it's drop everything to the knee. Yeah. Not from the knee up. Take everything off.

Yeah, not from the ankle up to the knee. Oh, yeah. The opposite way around. Oh, no. This is the kind of thing I would have done. Oh. The three of us watch in horror as he then puts his trainers back on at a snail's pace before proudly declaring, ready. Procedure day was just as amusing.

There was a conveyor belt of men, one hobbling out, one walking in, one waiting his turn. It was so odd. The vasectomy was definitely the best idea for our family and certainly the easiest. Just a warning, there is prescribed aftercare advice of daily release. Have you heard about this? No. So you have to like, I think you have to masturbate, like, several times to make sure that all the sperm has gone out. The life ones are out.

Yeah, out of the seamer. If I hadn't heard it from the doctor's mouth, I wouldn't have believed it. Keep strong mammas, Phoebe. Keep strong mammas! We had this, girlies! Stop it, so they're still live ones in the bank. Yeah, you've got to make sure it's all gone. You can't just be having sex straight away.

There might be still be some little swimmers in there. Honey, we're not having sex anyway, but... I know, but imagine the man's like, oh, I've got to go home, wank 20 times. Oh, God, one nightmare. It was so annoying Got to knock one out How annoying So if I'm gonna be like

Can't help with the kids as well I just need 10 minutes to go knock one out You know when people say What would you do as a boy for 24 hours I would be the worst Because I think Oh all right boys I'm just knocking one head

Yeah I'd be the worst with the slang That I'm really scared of having sons Because you know that's happening at some point Stop it What the fucking hell I don't I don't

I'm not Why you're throwing that in there At some point You're gonna wash the sheets And you're gonna see something Do you know what I don't know if I'm I can't even handle secondary school

I know let alone Not ready Oh just Is it awkward to talk about That's what I need to know Is it awkward I think you need to So it doesn't become like weird

Because I grew up in quite an open household And it made me like Die at the time But I'm glad now Yeah That I wasn't like protected from Or it just made me like more informed Whereas I don't know

He grew up in a household where I didn't really talk about anything And now I'm like That explains a lot We did just We didn't really talk about anything growing up. So I don't know if there was a topic that my brother would have had with my mum and dad about dreams. Like man to man.

Is it, do boys still have these dreams? Are they a real thing? I don't know. I used to only ever hear about it at school when the boys would be talking. Yeah. And I used to, I mean, at one time I got asked, do I like head? And I was like, yeah, I love it. That's so weird.

I was saying to Stefan the other day, I remember a girl coming in and talking about having given a BJ? Yeah, but I was talking about the brand of headbag. Oh, yeah, because you had a headbag. Because I went to an all-girl school, then moved secondary school in year eight, and everyone was like, yeah, do you like head? And I was like, yeah, I love it. Love it.

I've got loads of it. Give it all the time. But I remember people talking about stuff like that when we were like 13 or 14, and I was like, I don't know anything. Like so innocent. And I'm glad now that I was. But like, these girls were doing bits. At 13.

It's terrifying. Yes. I just don't know if I can do it. it. What if I'm not prepared for this? What if I can't do it? I know. And I don't want them to hear it from somebody else. Nor do I want them to be in my predicament when I was at school and the boys just thought I was BJ Safe who just fucking whacking out head in the bush on the playground, you know? Is that what you were called? Well, when I was like, oh yeah, I give head and they'd be like, oh yeah, ramming my head in their crutch. I'd be like, what the fuck? Don't touch my head. I'm in the

bag. I've really love head bag. Like the brand head head. Not fucking giving it. That people were obsessed. The coach that used to pick us up, the company was called BJS. And everyone would be like, wheyes! It's the BJ's bus. They're doing blow jobs on the bus. Yeah. No one's giving blowjobs on the bus. I'm really gross. I just don't know if I'm prepared for that. I know. Do you know what? I don't think I've even spoken about it with my sister like, I mention. Can you even? No. Well, me and my sister can talk about it, but I don't want to be saying to my nephew, oh, it's been dodgy dream.

Yeah. Oh, no. No, I've got teenage nieces and nephews now and I'm just like, avoid, avoid. Never said, but then is it something you really, are we really that open that we're talking about that? Because obviously you want to have respect for your child, don't you? Nor would I want my sister to feel telling me things that are so personal to any of the children, you know? But equally, I want to be there. that if something happens, that I'm a safe place for them to talk to.

I have no heirs or graces. Like I'll tell my nephew, like, oh, fuck, my period, you know. My nephew's very, we're a very open family. I've made us open. No one else had a choice. You forced it upon them. I forced poo periods, piss, the lot. I forced it on my family.

Because we didn't have that growing up. And I never want them to ever feel like anything is only, to them. Like I don't want them to ever feel worried that this is only happening to them and they live in a place where they can't talk about it and they're worried and they're stressed because that's a scary state to be in. So I've opened it to the house. But with regards to like, like my nephew has a girlfriend. I think you've just got to like no, let them know that you're an open, safe space. And if they want to come. Yeah, I'm sure they know that. I'm sure they know. And if they want to come to you with stuff, they will. Yeah. But you can't pry.

No. You need them to have like their own. life. Yeah. You know, it'd be good to hear from parents of teenagers. I would read, do you know what? I was about to say, I would really love to know if we're talking about it, how we're talking about it. How we're doing the birds and the bees?

When are we doing it? Yeah. Wow. Get ready. I've actually, I'm having slight heart palpitations. Yeah. Gone a little bit tight chest. Scary that is.

Phoebe, we appreciate you, honey. God bless you. What a dream these women are to put up with Willie removals. And the men, of course. Well done to them. Of course, we salute the men. Yeah. Yeah.

We wouldn't be able to have the babies that we have without them. That's true. So they play a big part. They do. Yeah. Not so big. They don't actually have to give birth. That one is, but I'm grateful that the sperm has given me my beautiful babies.

Yeah. Because they look like their daddy and they're absolutely stunning. You know? So for that, I feel like your job was massive and you delivered. Not you personally, Chris. obviously, because you didn't inseminate me. That would be weird. Just here.

Why do your babies look like Emma Jones? She, actually. Even my children don't look like me. That would be weird. I know. Two look like Chris and one looks like my sister. I don't know where I went wrong. My children don't look like anyone.

Yes, they do. They don't look like me or Stefan, I don't think. Are you mad? Yeah, I can't see it at all. But is that because that's your children? Maybe. Would you say my children look like me? Yeah.

You're being polite. No, they do. Colby looks just like Chris. Renly now looks just like Chris and Dofty looks like my sister. I think they're a real combo. Oh. Yeah. You humor in me. No. Make me feel good. I can see it more in other people's children though. You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah.

So thank you so much for your messages. If you have any comments, thoughts or funny stories, why not get in touch? You can email us hello at secret mumpod.com or with Secret mumpod on TikTok and Instagram. And next it's time for one of your secrets. It's not mine or Emma's yours. Welcome back. We love a secret on the secret mum club. And you're all so good at sharing. So what have you got for us today, Emma Jones? Okay, this comes from Amy.

Hello, Amy. She says, hi, Sophie and Emma. I'm writing in after listening to the episode where the mum said she was struggling with separation at nursery. Yes. It's a funny story, but it really did help my son. When my son first started nursery, he had really bad separation anxiety. One day, I told him that I would give his teacher a hug

so that whenever he was sad, he could go to her and she could give him my hug. Oh my God, don't. I can't fucking hell. I'm already on the verge. I'm ready to go. Oh, little did I know that his teacher took that very literally. For weeks afterwards, there was this slightly awkward exchange where... Oh, gosh.

Did he just keep... Where I'd have to hug his teacher before my son... Before my son went into school. It was very awkward, but it seemed to work. Oh, Amy, the things we do, she must have been dying of embarrassment, but she's like, this is really helping him. So, do you must have? mind if I give you...

Do you mind if I give you another hug? Teacher's like, why are you so obsessed with me? Imagine if he said, can you give my mum's hug back? So you had to do it on pickup as well. Yeah, but he's giving the teacher a hug and now she's got to hug the mom. He wanted me to give... It's like a mean girl's but she goes, he wanted me to give you this and squeezes her against the fake boobs.

What if he says, sorry, Mrs. So-and-so, could you just give the hug back to my mommy so that she can give them to me when I'm at home. Oh, my gosh, I can't. Oh, that's such good idea, though. Rends wouldn't understand that right now for me to do that. No, that's quite complicated. Yeah. He'd be like, you're not my mum.

Why are you hugging me all the time? Don't touch me, you're not my mom. My mom said don't hug, don't touch me. Don't touch me. Leave it. Oh, that's very cute. Amy, that is really cute. I'm not really a hugger, so I'd find that incredibly, incredibly.

Do you know what makes me laugh. At one point in my life, I need you and my sister to hug. Is she not hugger? We sound so similar. The thing about not being out to open the birthday presents as well. She rocks out sometimes when people... When people...

She doesn't leave her arms down? No. She doesn't her arms by a side and like leans her head. And I'm like, I just fucking die inside. I'm like, Roxanne, arms back. Or sometimes she'll just be like, oh, oh God, that's enough. That's enough. Do you know what's really awkward when you go to the full hug but someone does a side hug?

Yes. And then you've just got like an arm, a spare arm. So it's like, it's not, you don't go, the faces don't go opposites. You then go cheek on cheek and you're like, oh, this is weird, is it? This is weird, is it. This is weird. We're touching. Yeah. Fill my medicube on your face.

We're really great. And some of my skincare. No, it's an odd one, isn't it? It is awkward. But I respect that it's like anything to get your children through the day, isn't it? Yeah. And she did it for him. She did it.

Yeah. And it worked. And she, that's what I said. Like, when I was enrolling Renly, I was like, are we kissing the teachers? Like, yeah. I'm a kisser. A hug, a little French kiss. Yeah.

Oh, really? No, I mean a snog. I meant on two cheeks. Got French kiss. Oh, how. No, I thought you meant on each side. I meant two. French kiss is also another name for a snog.

I wouldn't be snogging as each of a teachers. It's French tongues. French tongues. Oh, Rosie's on it. Rosie's. Oh, I thought we'd been French kissing. Yeah. French kissing is tongues.

Snogging as tongues. Yeah, don't snog the teachers. Yeah. Unless they consent. And then it's fine. I've been French kissing all the teachers tongue down the throat Bit of tonsile hockey

Oh god that's another horrible term isn't it That's a great one I really love Do you not like that one It's just so like Evasive of your mouth Aggressive? Yeah it is aggressive Yeah

Be aggressive How far has your tongue got to be down someone's throat To get their tonsils Christ Oh I don't think we're actually touching tonsil Oh right I think it's just a term Because that's a lot of tongue It's a lot of tongue down the throat

I've got really long time I've also got coffee tongue I think I could make it How long's mine Can you touch your nose No you can I can really annoys me I get like cramp in my tongue

The kids think it's really Impressive I think it's impressive Yeah they love it But Stefan No I'm kidding So have you been hugging or kissing Any of your teachers

And how long is your tongue Then do let us know Please let us know Video photographic evidence, please. Email that in to Secret MumPod. Yeah, measuring. Tape measure next to your tongue, please. You can email us, hello at secret mumpod.com or with Secret MumPod on TikTok and Instagram.

And we'll be back first thing on Tuesday. We'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club. Oh, that is so... Feels so nice to be inside. It feels so good. to be in sync.