Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Soft Play Rescue

Episode Date: March 31, 2026

Soph's coming to terms with Renley starting preschool after Easter, and Emma admits she might officially be a Type B school mum after nearly missing an important preschool application deadline. Plus one mum's soft play nightmare ends in a full rescue mission. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wait, hold on. I need your attention because we have some huge news. It's big. Bigger than my bucket crutch. And that's big. Even bigger than Jojo's love for teenage mutant ninja turtles. Well, you've been asking for it, so we're going to be heading back on the stage for another secret mom club live show. There's going to be plenty of secrets. Perhaps a couple of party games.

And maybe a few surprise guests. So mark your calendars because on the 20th of May, we'll be live at Bush Hall in London for one girly night only. So you better buckle up, bitches. Tickets are on sale right now. So head to our socials for more info and the link to buy tickets. We can't wait to see you there. Now, back to the episode. Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club.

I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And welcome to your podcast. Okay. We smashed it last week. Come on. Sorry. This is a podcast for.

for moms everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. No, yours is this podcast is a safe space for moms everywhere. This podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? And as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are.

You can keep that to yourself, you can be anonymous. And all those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the secret mum club! Rosie just told me you're on a time crunch and I just absolutely fucked the intro. Yeah. You've already taken up time. Come on, let's go, go, go, go, go. Basically, I waffle too much all the fucking time.

We've got too much to say. Too much to say. It's been a big time in our lives. Huge. The children have turned two. All of our children. All of our children have turned two. Both our babies have turned two.

Chris's turned two. Yeah. Wipe his own ass. It's been a wild one, hasn't it? Or obviously now in the thick of the Easter holidays. Yeah. Which obviously we can't really talk about because we're not there yet. Yeah.

But like when this goes out. But when this goes out, we will be in the thick of the holidays. think of the holidays and I'm excited. Two weeks off. Oh, I'm just absolutely elated. My first one. My first proper one. Also, do you want to know something really scary about this? Is if you are watching me on my social media now, this is like, this is past Saphina to future Saphina.

Renly starts preschool on the 13th of April. So that's in like a couple of weeks. So when everybody returns back to school after having two weeks off, Renly will have his first day at preschool. Oh, so this really is like a big East. holidays for you. My foo-foo is falling out. I can't, I can't cope. Did you make it to the induction after you missed it? Well, again, because this is future us, I actually don't have an induction date yet. So I don't know, because there's not much time to get it in before we break up. So I don't know if we're just going to go in road. Straight in. Chuck him in. And he's never

been there before? Never. Wow. No. How do you think he's going to be? Great. I think he'll love it. Yeah. He's going to, he's going to absolutely adore it. He's going to have the best time. I don't even think he's going to wave goodbye to me. I think he's just going to be like, hon. See you later loser. I've got business to be doing. Have you tried his uniform on him? No, haven't tried his uniform on yet. I don't think my heart's ready for that. No. I'm going to do it throughout the Easter holidays. I'm going to get ready. You've only got two weeks. I know. Is it small class or a big class? So it's like a preschool. So all it is, it's just one room hours. So we don't have nursery rooms or designated rooms. It's just like in a hall space. Yeah. You know,

when it's like a big. So what, like 30 kids? No. No. No. I'd probably say more than 30. Wow. I would say a little bit more, but there's lots of, there's lots of key workers. So they all have their own key workers. And there's designated areas. There's also areas to play outside. Nice. It's just going to be really fun for him. And I think he needs that because he's really pining for the other two. Yeah. And I think having them home for two weeks as well, like we've just had the, we had our other holiday, didn't when we had a week off. Yeah, half term, yeah. Half term, sorry. I get confused with which one's called which. We had half term off. And then it's like Renny really struggles after that.

Yeah. Because it's like, God, I've gone again. I've got them for a whole week. Yeah. Because I feel like after this Easter holiday, it's happening for two weeks. Yeah. So we're going to do two and a half days a week. Nice.

Yeah. And will they give him a nap there? Or no children nap? We are currently not napping. Oh, really during the day. Yes. He's going straight through. We drop the dummy, drop the nap.

Wow. He's basically 35, three kids one job. A 30-year-old man. Mortgage. Gosh. He's an accountant. Yeah. I'm glad that you got rid of the dummy before school though.

That was good. Do you know what? It come at a really great time because I was wondering like one I would have really liked him to be a little bit more potty trained. But that's fine because they're they're change of nappies there anyway. Yeah. So I'm okay about that. But like to have the dummy. I just didn't want him to have it at preschool.

I want him chatting away to his little pals. Yeah. Laughing. Smiling. Not losing it and putting someone else's dummy in. That's always a risk. Yeah. And again, I think we've given it and now enough.

time for if that he does find one, I'm hoping that the, the memory's gone. Yeah. And I'm hoping that if he does pick up, he's going to roll. I mean, this is like two weeks away. You might update us and be like, he's back on the bibis. You never know. Again, this is future. But fingers crossed.

Pass Safina to future, Sophia. Yeah. To future Renli, you're not having that bloody dummy back. No, we've come too far now. No. We've come so far. I need to get Sadie off hers now. That's my next step.

I did my, speaking of schools, I did my school application for Sadie the other day. Not even for Joseph. I put it on Instagram and people thought it was for Joseph. No, this is done. This is for Sadie. Are you okay? I mean, it's a long way away. It's for her to start in the term after her third birthday.

But because she's March birthday, she can start April. So she'll be three, just three. That's preschool though, isn't it? Oh, God. I should leave shit my pants. And I'm like, hold on a minute. I'm not signing Renner's up until he four. No, she'll be starting in that September.

But she will be going to pre-school. That's the same as Renner's. So because he's just turned two, because we are not going for the government funding. we're going to pay to put him in now for a year. So he can start the April after the March that he turns. I don't know if it's different in Wales, but Sadie can start doing those five mornings a week that Joseph is now doing from three.

And obviously, if we'd moved sooner, we would have started Joseph. Because we'll get the government funding next March. From three, yeah. From three. Yeah. But the mornings at preschool are free anyway because it's like school. So you get three hours every morning. But yeah, I've applied for her.

They do it way ahead of time because really she's not going to be starting there until April 2027. Yes. But the deadline was like, the deadline's on Monday. It's probably a waiting list. Well, we applied really late for Joseph though because we moved into the area late and we were like, well, we haven't got a chance of getting him into our first choice. And we applied late and they were like, yeah, you're in. You're in. And there's only 24 people in his class.

Maybe it's because they know who you are. Maybe they were like, Emma Jones and Stefan Powell. Straight to the front of the queue. No, people are like, sorry. Who are you? But yeah, do you know what? It's a good job. I went to a play date with one of...

You're busting out the play dates for the minute. You are really balls deep in them. My calendar is lit. So I went to a play date with one of Drosis friends from school. And his mom is just on stuff. And she's got... Drugs? Oh, I was going to say.

I meant on top of stuff. I would like to be in. Hold on. Do I actually travel to Wales for the party? Who's doing drugs midday? Call me, I'll be there. No, sorry. She's on top of stuff

And she's also got a two-year-old daughter So she was like, oh, have you done the application for Sadian? I was like, sorry, what? Sorry. What application? Because it's a year away. I was like, I don't need to do it yet. She was like, that closes on 16th of March.

Oh, fuck. So by now I would have missed it. Thank God. So I text that guy. Thanks for let me know about that because I applied with a week left to go. I'm just not on top of like, I thought I was going to be joining the PTA and all sorts. And I just can't get my shit together. They say there's type A type.

be parents, don't they? Type A type B moms? I think I'm like A and a half. I think I'm a D. I've not got my shirt together. I've not got my shirt together. I wing it every day, most days. I don't think I'm very type B, but I thought I'd be more type A than I am. On the type A mom's like really organized though.

Well, yeah, I thought that was going to be me and I was like, I'm going to be on the PTA and all this. You were aiming to be a type A. I think I'm like between A and B because I am. Would you not go B.C? I don't think I'm that disorganized, but I just getting into like the school admin and the dates and I can't. It's fucking world book day and it's non-school uniform day and you've got to bring a pound in. I just can't keep on top of all that shit.

I'm not keeping on top of it. And now I'm going to have three in school. I can't. It's too much. It's too much. It took me four months to log into Google classroom. Yeah. And everyone was like, have you seen this notification?

I was like, I don't know the login. I don't have the login. That's quite type B actually. That is quite type B. I'm supposed to say I'm more type C. I don't admit, but maybe I'm type C. I'm not. I'm very chill.

I'm on top of things in the home, but the school admin is just another level. Yeah, the house I'm on top of. So maybe we are a blended blender. Some things I can keep on top of, but just like I can't keep my laundry bin empty and do the school admin as well. It's just too much. I think you're wrong. I rely on the other parents in the WhatsApp going. Has everyone seen this?

Yeah. Get a fancy dress costume. I'm like, oh, thanks. Thank God for you. I don't see that. I get those. I contribute nothing apart from who's got Joseph's jumper. I lost it again.

The ballache of the jumps. He won't need one soon. It'll be too hot. He doesn't wear it anyway. Oh, there you go. He's obsessed with being cold. He doesn't want to wear a coat or a jumper. Don't buy him.

And then the other day he lost his t-shirt. I was like, fuck it out. Colby said, don't buy me jumpers anymore, mom. I'm not wearing them anymore. I said, okay, what would you like? I'll just wear a hoodie. Okay, I don't think we can wear a hoodie. What would you like?

What's with kids? They don't get cold, do they? Dottie loves a cardigan. Like, she loves her cardigan so much. But Colby doesn't want a jumper sweatshirt. No. He wants a zippy fleece. Yeah.

And the other one is, it's died of death. We've had it from the day that he started school. So going into year six, he wants a fleece. Is it the arms are like up here now? Is it like, to be fair, it's actually lasted really well. Because you buy everything in the size up, that's why. You're smart. I also, fun fact, also have Dottie's junior school uniform.

I don't even know if she's got the place. Is it a new one? She's going into a different one? Yeah, because the colours changed. It's a nymph of junior split. So the colour of the uniform changes. So I already have hers. She hasn't got her place yet.

But by the time maybe this goes out, no, we won't. We still won't. I think we're getting emails on the 16th of April is in my head. I think ours was 17th of April. That'll be, maybe I've got something on 17. When I find out about Joseph's primary school. Yeah.

So I've ordered her school uniform. I only put one school on the list. Yeah, I did too. And then did I tell you they got in touch and they said, please put your three top preferences because if you don't get a place at your first one, I was like, well, I don't want to go to the other one. So I also, there's also a completely different school that I would like to send Renley to from year four.

And I don't know whether to put myself on the way. waiting list for that school because it's right close to Colby's secondary school. So when Colby starts secondary school, Renly will start at infant school and they'll be really close together. And then all I've got is Dotty, who's got another three years left in, will she have another three, four, four, four, six. She'll have two more, five and six, weren't she? Yeah.

Three, four, five, six, four years. So she'll be at a different place. You have to do two different drop-offs. I'm going to have to do three. But also, I don't know yet at what point we're going to allow Colby to walk. That is a whole new minefield. This year, he's obviously double digits this year. He's turning 10.

And I'm thinking of like mobile phone. What are you thinking about a phone? I'm thinking about a phone, but not for the phone to go out of the house, just to have the phone at home so that he can text his cousins. And his friends are also all older than him. So they're already 10, but he's not 10 for another, God knows how many, six months. Yeah. Because he's August.

Whereas they were November and December, his friends. friends. So whether they've got phones, I don't know, I haven't really asked the parents, but I was like, he can text his friends and be safe with the phone at home for a good year before he then goes to secondary school. He'll be prepared with the phone. And then it's then I've got to decide whether or not we allow him to walk because it's quite a, it's quite a long walk. Is it? Yes, for the secondary school that he'd like to go to. Will he be walking with his friends?

Yes. So his best friend is going, wants to go to that school. Obviously, they've got to apply and whether they get a place. But that's the mum I'm liaising with because they live, we only live a road apart. Okay. So I'm liaising with her. Because I did say to her, what about in year six we walk them sort of halfway? Yeah.

Either I'll take them and walk them and you pick them up from halfway. Yeah. But we'll find a routine. So maybe towards the end of or mid-year-six, we'll start allowing them to walk. Yeah. And see how that goes. Yes. But it's a whole new.

game for me. Yeah. I'm trying to potty train one while also letting one out into the world. It's a lot. It's both ends of the spectrum. Oh, I can't. My art can't take it. I just want to fucking suck and both. No, stay in. Everyone fucking stay with me forever. And I'm still really much on the fence about the home school institute. I've done a lot of research. I haven't spent a lot of time. It's been a few weeks now that I have spent a lot of time researching it. Yeah. I'm in forums. I'm talking to people. I'm seeing. There's just a lot of perks. Are you thinking all three of Yeah. I don't know. You know, I'm still very much on the fence about it because I really love the social aspect of school. But at the moment, the cons of school are outweighing the pros. Yeah. Does that make sense? So at the moment, my pros are, there's fewer pros to the, like there's more that's telling me to not do it as in to not go to school and keep them home. Yeah, yeah. And actually there's more that I feel like it's going to benefit official. But I'm still doing a lot of research. I'm still looking at. into it because there's actually a lot about home educating that I didn't know about.

What does Chris think about it? Chris is, again, he's just so chill. He's like, you've got to do whatever you got to do. At the moment, we're in a really fortunate position that I work from home and I have a lot of stuff that's around home. Chris is back at work. He does a couple of days here and there back at work, but he's currently on a new venture with a friend that is starting up from the summer. So he'll be out of the house more. He's going back to what is full-time work, but obviously it's daytime hours.

So, yeah, so he's onto a new venture with his friend. The children are all going to be in school. So it is just going to be little old me. As of April, well, maybe Chris will be home until probably about July time. Yeah, and Renner won't be full-time, will he? No, he's only a couple of days a week. So there's a lot going on, a lot to process. But I'm not, I'm on the fence about homeschooling.

I'm not saying yes or no. I'm still doing a lot of research. into it. I think my thing for me is the only thing that I find harder to come to terms with is they don't have to have, you don't have to academically teach them at home. Oh really? There's no academic. What do you have to teach?

Just put Miss Rachel on. Literally, as long as you can evidence them having one day out a week, you can do bacon, you can do garden, you can go to museums, you can walk, you can read at home, you can do whatever you want. And then what about exams? Did they have to sit exams? No. Not until, I assume they have to do like GCSEs, but that's obviously way.

Don't have to do GCSEs. No, it's optional to them as to whether they want to enroll in school and do their GCSEs. And I do keep thinking to myself, if it doesn't work out our home, we can enroll into school. Yeah. There is always something to fall back on. But it's up to them. It's optional if they want to do their GCSEs or go into, but there's so many women that I've spoken to that have, you know, and their sons, I should say. but it's normally mum's reaching out to me or women in this position

that they went on to college and they've done college and they've enrolled in college, got what they needed and now they've got children out working. Or that was the process. They were homeschooled. They went to college. They got what they needed and they've gone out working. Yeah.

So it just seems so. And right now at the moment to me it just seems so why not? Yeah. Like it just seems like a no brainer. Yeah, it seems like a no brainer and I'm waiting for the, it's too good to be true. Yeah. You know?

Yeah. So yeah, that's where I'm at. Interesting. It's a hard one because once you've made, it's quite a big decision, is it? Once you've made the decision to take them out of school, but why not? Yeah. And I do feel lucky that I am in this position at the moment, but that's not, you know, who knows, who knows what could change.

Yeah, who knows what could change. Yeah. But there is all the option to be enrolled back. Yeah. But I'm doing a lot of research. Don't obviously say too much because I'm educating myself, honey's on home educating. But I do love it. Fascinate to hear if anybody's doing it, done it.

you were homeschooled. I'd love to know. Because I don't know, I don't really have any like first-hand experience of it. Do you? Not personally, but a lot of people have reached out to me, which I absolutely love. I don't know anyone that was homeschooled. But if you were homeschooled, you are homeschooling. Share it all.

Yes. Give us all the goodies. We want to hear all the knowledge. Oh, God. And you could live anywhere. This is what I mean. So, so much freedom. And we bumped into one of Chris's mom, Chris's friend's mom down at Poulton's the other day.

And I was just talking to her and bless her heart, she listens to the podcast. And she was saying about the homeschooling situ. And she was like, If it was one thing I could change, I would wish I'd just homeschooled them and took him in a motor home and saw the world. Yeah. And I just think. And do you know what? You could miss those, you could take them away like outside of the school holidays and miss those price hikes.

Yeah. Take them away whenever you want. Yeah. You can just do whatever you want. Yeah. Which I just think is so freeing. How freeing. Yeah.

That's so free. And also it means. It's a bit like, oh, fuck, I've got this for the next 16 years. It feels really trapped. Yeah. And obviously, you stick into procedures of like sitting on the carpet. don't talk and less spoken to. That's the bit I can't get on board.

If you need the toilet, you can't go until your break time. If you're hungry, you can't just eat when you want to eat. And I understand it's good. I look at it as a positive and to me sometimes a negative. It's stable in them. It's good to have structure. It's good to have structure. It's good to have routine.

And I really do love that that's installing that into them. But I also struggle with if he needs a wee. Just let him have a wee. There are some parts of it that are. And I know that's probably naive because I'm not a teacher and I'm not in that. There's definitely some parts of it that seem like bullshit. And I think with my job as well, Being that I'm on social media, I could just carry on document in our whole life.

Yeah. And then that pays for the mortgage. Exactly. Yeah. It's all content. Honestly, honey. It's all content. I'm just so like, I feel like I'm having a bit of a midlife crisis.

You have an epiphany. An epiphany, midlife crisis, whatever you want to call it. I'm there. I'm somewhere. Shit. Like your friend. I'm on something. You know?

Wow. That's big. But very much enjoying the holidays. Yeah. Are you? It's not really a holiday for you, is it? Well, I still put him in nursery. Yeah.

So it's kind of the same, but I don't get Joseph's five mornings a week, which actually is quite freeing to not be on that like structure. On that structure, drop him up at 9, but it's actually quite nice to, you know, to bill it more more cash. Yeah. But when this goes out, we would have been to centre parks with them. I've already had a week off with them. So I might be sick to the back teeth of them because we took him out of school to do that for five

days. So I feel like that's all right when they're in preschool though, isn't it? I went, I finally made it to bloody parents evening. I was like, by the way, he's going to be off for a week. And she was like, I think that's fine in nursery. It's not like, it's not compulsory, is it? No. So I'm making the most of it while I can because next year, it's going to be balls deep in reception.

It'll be in the system. Yeah. Yeah. But parents evening was good. I felt like an absolute dickhead because I was like, sorry that I got that wrong. But she was like, you know what? Loads of other parents did it as well. And when we went there, there was a parent in there before us and a parent

waiting to go in after us. So I was like, at least I wasn't the only idiot. Yes. You know, they could have wrong. But it was good. She spent ages with us. It was meant to be 10 minutes. I think it ran over by about 20 minutes.

Oh. I was like, I've got loads to ask you. But she said he's doing fine. He's like, meeting all his whatever they're supposed. She was like, it's silly because they're like three and four. But she was like, I do have to like do these like assessments. And she was like, you know, doing fine with holding a pencil or whatever the stuff is that they have to mark them on. But you just used to get a bit stronger at holding like a pen or pencil.

Because, you know, when they first write, it's like so light on the page. You can barely see it. But he's getting there with, like, writing his name now. He can do, like, most of the letters. And it was just quite sweet to see that, and see that he's getting on. He's getting on. Because they do come, he does come home and say some stuff. And I'm like, a lot of it, I do think he kind of just makes it up.

Like he says, well, someone said wasn't very nice to me today. So I did raise that with the teacher. I was like, I think he's probably fine. But can I just, like, check this with you? And she was like, he's absolutely fine. He's got friends. He's gaining confidence. He stands up and speaks in front of the class in Welsh.

So it's like his language is coming along great. So yeah. God bless him. And he's had a big change. Yeah. So it's a big step. So hearing that is, it was nice. It was really, yeah.

It was really reassuring. So I'm glad we finally made it. Glad. What idiot. Oh, I can't wait to hear about Sunny Peas though. Yeah. Fill you in on that. I'm excited.

Yeah. I know it's wonderful. Obviously now you would have, by the time you hear this, Emma's gone, but the catch up will be to follow this one. I'm excited. It's looking like beer garden weather. So I'm It is big garden weather

It's divine out there What the hell is for now But you never know You never know That rain's always round the corner They were meant to be getting snow Last week Were we?

Yeah apparently I did Google it on the Met Office But that didn't say anything About snow Just said Rain Rain, rain Rain every day

That's what it says in Wales But we're gonna be in You're gonna be in Sennip Are you going Longleet as well? Yeah It's my stomping ground there But it's not I live nowhere near Long Leap

It's the one you would go to It's my closest Are you going to do the zoo? Have you done that yet? No, because I think we go too early in the season for it to be open. We checked this last year because we were going to go for Jojo's birthday. The drive-thru. The monkey drive-thru. A bit worried about my car though.

It's a fun experience. Yeah. Anyhow, can't say the monkeys won't steal your aerial because they probably will. Yeah. So Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yeah, we want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us.

Respond to what we've been talking about or just say, Hello. We can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search for Secret. Mopod or you can email us hello at secretmumopod.com. It's time for the... Correspondence, Connor! I miss the beginning.

Cut! You went our respondent. What's it? Our respondent's car. Okay, I'm going to take it away. This one says, hey, a gorgeous mummers. What? Hello, honey.

I'm catching up on episodes after moving house, so I'm a few months behind. I just listened to the episode about the mum who was checking her son's friends' Instagram accounts to see where he was up to. Yes, you remember that one. Yeah, this was a while back. This one actually made me really, really sad for your kids growing up. Yeah. Yeah.

I went through exactly the same thing when my children were in their early teens. They refused to add me on social media. So obviously I had no choice, but to keep an eye on them through their friends accounts, who all adored me. Oh. It was a ridiculously stressful time. But it passed and now they're back to being my best friends. Oh. I will say, you girls are doing the right thing.

My husband and I always made sure our home was open, comfortable and a safe space, not just for our kids, but for all their friends too. They could always come to us for advice, help, or just someone to listen without judgment. Not all children have that kind of support at home. So we became the designated driver house and the party house, always fully supervised by a very tired mum. But I wouldn't change a thing. That's what I want to be, do you? I want to be that mum. She says their friends now call us mum and dad, which means the world.

Oh, there really is no greater gift than being a mum. You're all doing an amazing job. And I wish a platform like this existed when I was a young mum. Keep doing what you're doing. All my love. Annie from New York. Annie! I wasn't expecting that to be.

American one. You're in new. Concrete jungle where dreams are made. This sounds like an absolute dream. Yes. This is, I want to grow up and be Annie. This is what we all want. I want to be.

I want to be, Annie, when I grow up. We want to be the designated house. Oh, yes, I do want to be the designated house. Not so much about the driving, because I want to have a couple of vinos on Friday night. I want a glass of vina. Right, everybody's drinking, okay, because none of us are going anywhere. But I'm 12. Yay.

Oh, we go. No, I would never do that just so you know. But I, do you know what? It was actually so lovely because when Renli's birthday party a couple of weeks ago, I actually said to Tobias and I didn't make a big deal about it, but I was like, oh, if you'd like your girlfriend to come, she's more than welcome to come along. And I wanted to give him the option as to what he wanted to do.

And he's like, oh, that's really kind of you, auntie, but it's a family thing. And I was like, I know, but this is a massive part of your life and we're family and we'll welcome her with open arms. He was like, it's actually really cool. Did he want her to come? It wasn't that he didn't want her to come, but I think he just wanted to, I don't know, he just wanted the moment to be what it was.

And I just think he was a little bit more aware of the family situation. And obviously she would be meeting all of us. Obviously she's met Roxanne and James. And I have popped my head in and I've met her, but I don't want to just be not the cool auntie, you know. I'm always the fucking cool one. Like they have me on social media. Tobias comments on my TikToks.

Of course. And I'm just like, fuck, I've really made it. Yeah. I'm cool. Yeah. They think I'm sick. What do they know? But I, yeah, they don't know half of it yet.

But I also outstretched the invitation to Eden and her best friend because she's got a really, really, really, really bestest friend in the world, Olivia. And they go to college together and so forth. And I said, do you want to bring? I've asked Tobias if he wants to bring his girlfriend. Do you want to bring Olivia? And I just thought, I just put it out because, you know, they, I class them as grownups. They're like little adults.

Yeah. I want to treat them like that. And she was like, are you sure? because Olivia would really love to see Renner's and I was like, of course. And she came and do you know what? They're both 17. They had party hats on.

Renner's was dragging them up and down the hallway. They were eating birthday cake, chocolate sandwiches and they just muscled in and I thought, do you know what? I really loved that. And I hope that there's one day when they're like, can you cut, like I've picked them up.

I picked the girls up, Eden or Fomey. I'm like, oh, do you mind picking me and Olivia are up from town? I'm like, yeah, of course. I'd never ever want it to be a problem. Regardless if it's my children, my children's friends,

my nieces and my nephew, anybody or help anybody. But it's lovely when they just come over and they just chill and they sit with renters. Yeah, I love that. It's a really, it makes me feel really like rewarded, you know, like that is such a, that I've created a comfortable space for them to be. Yeah. I really love that. What more does you want?

Annie, you're a dream. Thanks so much. I love that so, so much. Can we come to your house in New York? Yeah, I was going to say, you will take us in as well, will you? I'll call you mum. I want to come to the party house. Yeah.

Hey, Mom. Hey, Mom. I'll travel to New York. I would get on a plane. You would for that. Yeah, if I could go meet Annie. Yeah, I'll go on a plane. I'm coming to the party.

So you can get in touch with us on anything at all. Yeah, it can be serious or silly. And you can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we've probably heard it all before. And remember, we're all in this together. And we know that we are. We're all stars and we see that. Oh, wow.

You went eye contact. I did. Last week, you went balls deep on the camera. I thought, fuck it, I'm taking my moment. This is my moment to shine. Right, secret of the week is not me. Oh yeah. I feel like we're alternating secrets of the week.

I'll take one, you take one. You're letting me in a little bit. I am, just a tiny bit. Don't take the piss. Don't take the piss. Don't give me too much, power. You've got your picture on the fucking door. And now I'm letting you, and now I'm choking.

I'm kidding, guys. But yeah, secret of the week this week is our girl. Well, it's not so much a secret. It's more of like... Oh, discussion? Kind of, yeah, a discussion and maybe asking for a little bit of advice. Oh. Because I think this is really common, but Joseph, my son is four.

And I think that's a really common age where they start asking a lot about death. Is it? Or is my child just a weirdo? No, he's not a weirdo. They start wanting to know what happens. Like they start asking questions. What happens later in life? So he said to me the other day, he said a few times before, like, when he's playing

like superheroes or whatever, he'll be like, and then they died or they were killed. And we've tried to use the language defeated when he's playing games. Nice. But he's caught onto that. I think maybe he's heard other children at school saying like killed or dead or died. So he'll be like, they're dead. I killed them. What's happened to that one?

He's died. He's died. And I'm a bit like, oh, okay, he started using those words. Okay. Don't know if you fully knows what they mean. I was going to say, does he understand what they mean? Well, he hasn't like very luckily lost anyone close to him. We've never had to have the real conversation of like about death.

Okay. My parents' dog died a couple of years ago. So he did, I think I spoke about that on the podcast. He did kind of know that she was gone. Okay. And wouldn't be coming back. Yes. But also there was another dog on the scene, my sister's dog.

So it kind of softened the blow. To him, there was always a dog at my mum and dad's house. But he did something, like, we didn't really explain it to him. I kind of just said, oh, you know, Bella's not going to be at nanny and granddad's house anymore. but he did come out of it later on and be like, said to someone, Bella's died. So I was like, oh, okay, he's picked up on that language. Did you tell him? No, we never used that language, but he must have just picked up on it from somewhere.

They actually met a dog walker out in the park with the same type of dog. And my mum and dad were saying, oh, they were with Joseph. And they were like, oh, we used to have that kind of dog. And Joseph went, yeah, she's dead. And they were like, okay, yeah, we didn't know he knew that. But he, so he does ask a few questions about what happens when we die. and are we going to die and when do we die? And obviously I'm like, there's nothing you need to worry about yet.

Like it's a very, very long way away. But I also don't want to lie to him. I'm like, we do die eventually when we're very, very, very old. And the other day he said to me, because he always wants to know what's happening tomorrow. He'd be like, what's happening tomorrow? I'm like, well, it's a school day and then it's a nursery day. And then mommy and daddy are going to pick you up or you're going to be with Sadie at nursery or whatever.

So he always goes, what's happening tomorrow? So he's like, and then the next day. And then he goes to me, and what happens at the end of days? Oh my gosh I was like Like when you Like the end of the world Like when you're dead

Oh whatever I just don't what you're saying He's not an idiot Like he's obviously very very clever Very clever But it just was so like philosophical He was like When's the end of days

He's such your child Yeah I was like Well And I've got I've still got my granddad Who they call Gigi And he's about to turn 90.

Oh no. In fact, he will have just turned 90. So I say to Joseph, oh, you, this is like, in hundreds of years, you don't need to worry about this. But he knows 90's really old. He's like, and what about Gigi? What's going to happen to Gigi? And I'm like, well, he is quite old.

And then he's like, and then he'll die. And I'm like, yeah, I guess. Oh, God. I don't know. What are we saying to our four-year-olds about death? I don't know that I've, I don't know that I've. Your case not ask this question? No, I don't think we dealt with it this young.

Dotty must have asked you. Dotty has always been at one with death. She's not bothered at all. But I think Dotty's situation was different because she went through her speaking to spirits and seeing other life. She's in touch with the other side. I don't think it was ever a question. It's like she just always got it. Colby was my first, so he didn't really ever ask.

And then Dotty was speaking to Grandma Dorothy. and David and Paul and she would talk to all of these people that had passed. Yeah, they were all past. They were all past. She'd come out of her bedroom. Like, oh, Grandma Dorothy and Granddad are shouting again.

So I just shut the door and don't listen to them. And it was something that I had to come to terms with and somebody that is, I've got a massive, massive fear of not being here. It's literally, it makes me feel physically sick. I can't think about it. I can't really talk about it very comfortably because I have such an awful fear of it. And I think because I'm maybe scared of it,

I don't know that the conversation ever arose with Colby. But when it came to Dottie, it was just kind of like, yep, she's just up in heaven. She comes a couple of times a week, but she's no trouble. I don't mind. She sits there sometimes when I'm sleeping. It was never her a dead or a live situation. So now she will say and talk about it, like when she says,

oh, you know, you can only get to heaven if you sadly pass away. And I go and I sit there and I'm like, yeah, yeah. And then she'll ask the odd question. But she's like seven, eight. She'll be, well, she's seven. She'll be eight in September. So I feel like she's a lot older. And I would say only now she's talking about it.

Unfortunately, we've lost someone quite close to us recently. So now I only feel like they're going through it. But I feel like they're really big to explain that too. Like Colby, Colby is a bit like me in the fact that he'd rather not talk about it because then he's not scared, whereas Dottie will, be the one to ask lots of questions. But I don't think we had it as young as four. Yeah, I don't know.

Like a few people have said that to me like, oh yeah, my child's asked me the question as well. And I don't want to say, I don't think it's a bad thing. No, I don't. No, I don't. And I don't really want to like lie or like sugarcoat it too much because it will happen and he will need to know about it. And then you've kind of got to go back on yourself to explain that. And he's the kind of kid that will be like, well, you tell me this.

And I'll be like, that was a lie. So I don't want to scare him, but also like I want to be honest with him. So I'm kind of just saying like, yeah, that is a thing that will happen. But it's a very, very long way away and you don't need to worry about it yet. But yeah, he just. Sometimes dots will cry about it and she'll be like, I don't want to be in the world without you. And then that breaks me. Oh, truly.

God, when he asks if like me, what if me and Stefan aren't here anymore? No, I'm not ready for that. It's a really hard one. It's up there will probably be one of the hardest things I, because I don't like it. I don't like the thought of it. I don't like not being the thought of not being here. So it's a real deep one for me. But yeah, if anybody has any advice, if they can give.

Yeah, I want to know what other people have said to their, to their children. Yeah. When they ask about the end of days. Yeah. I'd love to hear it. So anyway, that's my kind of secret. Secret slash discussion. Yeah.

I'm opening it up. I'm throwing it out there. I love that. And we'll go into some of yours after this short break. We've got three secrets from you this week that we're going to be discussing. We've got three secrets from you this week that we are going to be discussing. Emma, take it away. Hello, ladies.

My girlfriend and I are both in our 20s and we're expecting our very first baby together. A little girl due around September or October. We both love listening to the podcast and wondered if you had any advice for us. I'd love to know the best ways to bond with the baby during pregnancy. Things like talking to the bump, singing to the baby, rubbing her belly or giving the bump kisses. Are those good ways to connect with the baby while she's still in the womb? Josh! Oh, Josh, God, I just love that you've written in.

God, bless your heart. This is so really adorable. And it's so, do you know what? It's actually really beautiful to hear the man's perspective, like from his side as to how to bond. I think this is the first email we've had about this from a man. This is really, really beautiful. Because I think sometimes it's just, oh, you have to go to work. And then the mum has the baby in their tummy.

And they're growing the baby. So you get what you think is like the automatic relationship with the baby. don't you, which I, you know, I've been very lucky with all three of my pregnancies. I've always felt that connection and instantly, but not everybody gets that. But I was also very conscious that Chris had to bond with the baby. Yeah. But we did singing. We did talking.

We did reading books. Yeah. We did, yeah, rubbing the belly. I was a little bit of a weird sensory. Yeah. Sometimes you don't want to be touched. So maybe just, you know, make sure your girlfriend does like that. Yeah.

The best place that Chris found that, well, only most recent Renley moved the most, is in the bath. I think because of the water and the echoing of the sounds, he really liked it when Chris was like in the bathroom. He'd go mad in the bath when Chris was like in the bathroom or the children were talking to me in the bathroom. He'd go crazy. But yeah, I was a little bit funny, especially not so much Colby and Dotty, but with Renner's, I couldn't, I was real tapped out on the feeling. Yeah. Don't touch the belly. Don't even look at it because you'll make it.

me. Yeah. I was really, it was like that whiteboard, scratches down on whiteboard. Sometimes. I think especially when you're late on. Yeah. And you feel massive and you're just like, oh God, please don't touch me. But I think it's so lovely that you're thinking about this, Josh.

And it obviously means that you're very in tune with your partner, which is lovely. I think, I think the talking is that if they hear your voice, low, it really does make a difference, I think. So I think that's probably the main thing. And then obviously when baby comes, I highly recommend skin on skin. Oh, yeah. Whip your top off straight away. Take that baby. Get that baby on there.

Yeah. Whip it on there. Oh, God, it's delicious. It's delicious. But this is so incredibly thoughtful. And we absolutely adore that you've messaged in. So thank you so much. Thanks, Josh.

And good luck with the rest of the pregnancy. You're doing everything. I don't, anyone got any tips as to what more Josh can do. Yeah. Because I think he's absolutely bloody smashing it. I'm so excited for them. I'm really excited for them. They're like, only like three months pregnant probably as well.

Yeah, really early on. Love that. Congratulations. Congratulations. Okay, let's have secret number two. All right, this one says, hi, Safina and Emma. I absolutely love listening to you both. I'm a mum of three, a 16-year-old daughter, a 10-year-old daughter and a six-year-old son. Last year, we had the shock of our lives when my husband was diagnosed with a brain tumour. He's had surgery and he's had surgery, and he's currently on oral chemotherapy until June. We haven't shared the full details with the children because we didn't want to worry them too much. They know he had surgery, but we've avoided using words like tumor or cancer. After such a heavy year, my eldest is now extremely. extremely anxious, especially about her health, she'll get something small like a sniffle and worry that she's seriously ill. I've spoken to the GP and they suggested looking at support through school counselling, which I'm currently arranging. I just feel she's so young to be carrying these huge worries and I'm not sure how best to reassure her. I think it's all come from

how suddenly everything happened with her dad. We went to A&E and came home being told he needed brain surgery. Does anyone have any advice for helping a teenager with health anxiety? Love you ladies. Keep up the amazing work, Danielle. Oh, Danielle. Gosh, what? First of all, my thoughts with you all. What stress is been through. Really difficult time. This is actually so incredibly hard. And do you know what?

I always feel with this situation that it's really difficult to, not to talk about, but I feel like there is nothing, nothing in the world that anybody can say that is going to take this pain away. And sometimes you feel a little bit, it feels bad to talk. But I don't mean bad as in we shouldn't talk about. it, but it feels like I feel really wrong to try and empathise or try and understand. And I feel really, really wrong in doing that. So obviously I can only pass on, you know, our sorries and well wishes.

And I hope that everything goes well and we will think of you. But yes, if anybody, because this is a big one that I feel like. Yeah, we're probably not qualified to speak on. Yeah. It'd be good to hear from people. And I'm really grateful. And that's the reason I love the podcast is that we have the, we have the platform to be able to, to, for you to write in, to share this with us and to reach out for advice. And I really love that the platform does that. And I would really love for somebody to be able to, if you've been through it, you're going through it, you've experienced it, that you can share some, some support over to Danielle. Yeah. Because that would be, is it Daniela, sorry. Danielle.

No, yeah, Daniel. Because I feel like that would be... Yeah. It's really scary. I can't imagine for one second how much she's already got going on in her mind, not only trying to keep positive for her husband, keeping herself together and the three children to keep their lives as normal as possible. There's a lot to take in, isn't there?

Yeah. Yeah, it's a lot. And I think, like, it's just, like, logically, obviously her brain is like, my dad was fine and then he got ill so like the same thing could happen to me so it totally makes sense yeah I wanted to say I feel like that is exactly how I go into

situations you know I always think gosh that's happened to them what if that just happens to me yeah and I think that isn't a human reaction but obviously she needs some help and support and to be able to manage that because 16 is

it's an incredibly important year for her with everything she's got going on at school, GTSs and everything, it would be wonderful to get her some support and some advice. Yeah, I think counselling is a good first step. And then also just like you talking to her and keep the communication really open with her. Like is she old enough to hear like kind of the full story? Would she appreciate if they fully opened up to her? Would that be too much? I don't know. Like you say, it'd be good to hear from people that have been through something similar. Yeah, I think as well speaking to whether it be a school counselor or outside of

school to just speak to somebody that's completely outside of the family. Yeah. Well, what would be a stranger? Because sometimes I feel like, when I was younger and I used to see a counsellor, I used to find that speaking to somebody that wasn't related to my family, I could get a lot out. Yeah. And I could say a lot of things.

Someone who's neutral. I could cry with, be angry with, be happy with, laugh with. I think somebody that's, yeah, neutral is a wonderful way to put it, that doesn't have any involvement with the family might make. it a little bit easier for her to open up. Yeah. But yeah, if anybody has any advice, that would be incredible. Yeah.

And I'm so incredibly sorry, you're all going through this and sending you all of our love. Right, let's have our last secret today. Okay, this one says, hi, Safina and Emma. I have a slightly embarrassing mum secret that still makes me cringe. I took my toddler to soft play last week, and like all toddlers, she decided she absolutely was not leaving one of the tunnels. After five minutes of calling her name and crawling around trying to reach her, I thought I'd just squeeze in and grab her.

Big mistake. I managed to get in, but then realised couldn't get back out. Oh no. So there I was, completely stuck halfway through a tiny foam tunnel, with my legs sticking out one end and my arms out the other. Oh no. While a queue of toddlers started crawling over me. Like I was part of the equipment.

Eventually, a very kind member of staff had to pull me out by my ankles. while a group of parents watched Safe to say we made a very quick exit Lots of love anonymous Oh no Oh no Do you know there was one time in soft play God I always feel like this always happens

There's one time in softway I was going through one of the plastic tubes And another child behind me Just straight finger right in my bumhole Of my leggings Some worse Leggings as well There's like hardly a barrier there

I had leggings but I was crawling through And just straight finger in the bumhole And I was like Fuck, pile. Shut and I only had Colby and I was like, fuck, I've got piles, hemorrhoids, everything in my ass and he just shoved his finger

and he had to find the parent and say I'm really sorry I was going for the tunnel. I've just been assaulted by your child. Oh no. I kind of sat there at the end of the tunnel like do you want to go past? I was kind of trying to look back

I couldn't look back because I was too big trying to look back like are you fucking alright back there. Gosh, it's nothing worth. I said to Colby we've got to get out of this soft low you've got to get out. Boy just shoved his finger in my bum. Oh, gosh.

Oh, how mortifying. God bless you anonymous. This is countrying up such a brilliant image. Thank you so much. And you can never go back there now. You're going to have to find another soft play. I would have just styled it out, I think. I would have gone, whey.

Just running around. Everyone could be here. She had to leave, though. She had to get out somehow. I know, but if the parents were watched me, I would have been like, yeah, I'm out. Yeah. Okay, I'm going now.

Okay, now I'm going and never to return. I'd say you gave the staff a good laugh. Oh, gosh. I hope it's something. On CCTV. I bet they're watching it back on a loop. They keep it for monitoring your training purposes. Help and safety.

If you can get hold of the footage, I'd really love to see it. Send it in. Hello at secret mumclub.com. Yeah. Oh gosh. What a week. Thank you. So thank you for sharing your secrets this week.

Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. If you'd like to share your secrets for this you can, the email is hello at secretmumpod.com or with Secret Mumpod.com or with Secret Mum Pod on TikTok and Instagram. Have you... Have you had to be rescued from Soft Play? Or maybe you've got stories of being the fun parents. Then let us know there really is nothing too outrageous.

Keep an eye out for our Thursday episodes. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club!