Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Soft Play Waterfall

Episode Date: October 22, 2024

Emma's back with exciting news about Joseff! The ladies catch up on everything that’s happened over the past month, and they read your lovely messages about conceiving in same-sex relationships. Plus, one mum shares her soft play waterfall nightmare! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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And this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do, and as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself, you can be anonymous. And all those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in The Secret Mum Club!

We're back, bitch! Oh, I'm so excited! I've never been so excited to see your face. I'm honestly so happy to be back. And your little freckles! I know, you were saying I actually managed to catch a little bit of a tan despite being in the shade 100% of the time with the children. Yes.

You don't get to sunbathe with kids. You're not so much glowy, you've just got loads of freckles that is giving you the most cutest little glow. I know. Like if you could see Emma's little nose. Oh, she's got a little sprinkling on the nose. Close up on that. Do you know who has got a banging tan?

I'm going to, you don't even need to tell me. He's going to be absolutely whapping out with a great glow, isn't he? Joseph. Jojo. I said even my child, he tans so well.

Whose child is he? Stefan tans quite well, to be fair. Oh, fucking Stefan. That's one good trait I did take from Stefan was that, I don't know about how Sadie's going to be. She did get a little bit of a glow, but Joseph. Did Sadie come out glowing? Sadie was glowing from day dark.

That girl was so olive and so... Do you think? Oh, gosh. I thought she was going to be a little bit pasty, but she did catch you think oh gosh i thought she was gonna be a little bit pasty but she did catch i mean she was in a lemon yellow and she could really pull it off oh god it's the blonde hair it's the blonde their both their hair went so blonde i bet it did yeah oh gosh oh so delicious don't you just wish well i was gonna say don't you just wish you could be on holiday all the time but not you you like being at home don't you yeah well i would love to be on holiday just maybe drive there not on an airplane no i just don't i just don't know if i'm about the airplane life yeah not for you not for me we did get some

comments on the plane because obviously you see a toddler people that follow me yeah so where's safina and why are you on holiday without her we thought you two did everything together um no because obviously you know when you walk on a plane with a toddler and a baby people go oh god the whole entire flight it's gonna be a nightmare a few people said to me at the end they were quite good weren't they oh stop it yeah is there any better feeling like i don't know not that you don't get it now and i'm not blowing our own trumpet like we traveled to london um the other day for i say the other day i always say the other day but obviously it's in the time that you've been away yeah we took dotty to monopoly go amazing we all went on

the train together and i kid you not every single person that got off of our carriage was so incredibly kind and was just like what wonderfully behaved children you have and they were so good and you know that you just get that warm fuzzy feeling in they were so good. And you know that, you just get that warm, fuzzy feeling in your tummy, don't you? And you know, I dread the whole flight situation. One, because I will shit my pants on an aeroplane. But two, as to how other people are going to be with your children.

Yeah, I mean, it's a nice compliment, but also I'm like, what did you, did you expect? Like, did you, it's just you assume. If they had been crying, like you would have hated me the whole journey. And that wouldn't have been my fault. Sometimes children just don't like the airplane. Oh, you never know what mood you're going to catch them in. Or, you know, when they're going to move with the mindset of people going, well, just don't take your children on holiday.

And it's like, well, no, because you want to show them the world. If you have an opportunity to show them the world, then why wouldn't you to show them show them the world then why wouldn't you well also if you don't like it get private jet yeah i don't i just i just don't get it like i every child has an entitlement to be on an airplane and i just don't understand when people are like oh wish there was no kids on this flight well i was a bit like that before i had kids to be fair yeah you were actually yeah if i saw a baby i'd be like big fat eye roll like oh this baby's gonna ruin my flight I'm never gonna sleep but now I'm like I should be able to take my kids for a ride now you're a hypocrite because you're angrier than me love my children will you yeah no they were they were pretty good

to be fair but how did Sadie take to it she was fine she's actually the little ones are easier aren't they because they don't want to like I don't know I haven't done it oh yeah they don't want to get up and walk around basically you can contain them you know and i could just i plan to like feed her on takeoff and land in and she slept and that all worked out quite well bit of a squish four of us in a three seat oh yes um and joseph has to have his own seat now because he's over two so you are paying full full whack but i tell you what we really took the piss on the luggage allowance because you get like you get free items with your children right you can take like oversized items like car seats and buggies and stuff so we just got those like big oversized bags and just put everything in those

yeah i think they're only supposed to weigh like five kilograms or something they were just like oh how much is in in those bags i was like just a just a car seat nothing to see here all our extra luggage was in there save the weight on the suitcase put it because they don't weigh those ones you just take them to oversized baggage and they just go on the plane so travel tip lots of people messaged me saying that actually so thank you but travel hack if you're traveling with kids on easy jet probably other airlines as well hide all your extra shit in there an easy jet if you're listening to this no one's doing that it's just a car seat in there okay okay it's just a car seat nothing to see here emma's like this

backtrack honestly we took so much shit it was a joke if you'd seen us at the airport you did go away for a fucking month well three and a half weeks it was a month but me and Stefan it was like a comedy sketch we were like double buggy two big suitcases four backpacks two oversized bags two car seats trolley it was wild that sounds wild yeah was it stressful the traveling is a bit stressful yeah the two travel days were quite stressful what makes it really nice going away for a longer period of time is that that kind of seems worth it do you know when you go for a week and it's like basically within six days you've got to do this journey all that effort twice yeah all that effort for just a week so it was nice that we had a bit longer because it really felt like we had a holiday in the middle you know yes so but what that's ruined me because I can only go on holiday

for like three weeks at a time now yeah I. I'll be doing the same next year, guys. Okay. Oh, absolutely not. We're going on a joint one next year. The podcast will be coming live from Cyprus. Well, well done, because you were holding it down while I was away. I did hold the fort for us. I see Chris coming for my job again. He did. Yep.

I don't want to say the views were astronomical, but. He did so well. He did do really well. He's such a natural. He did do really well. It's funny, because I don't think people see that side of chris yeah and i think people as well where you don't see like obviously we see you and you talk about stefan but to see someone actually in their relationship yeah like communicating i think sometimes although chris is in my videos or he's talking in the back of my stories i think sometimes no one sees your interaction yeah um so i got a lot of lovely

comments on on that it was really nice and i thought you had very good questions from the listeners we did i loved it i didn't know how to answer the fiance one fiance how does it feel to have an incredible fiance people are i think I think they're asking. Yeah. He was like, who are they talking about? Obviously, Chrissy. No, it was good. But also I've got huge news for you. What? Post holiday.

What? That you haven't told me all day. Sorry. I've only just, I just, I just remembered. She only just got off the plane. We have a potty trained child. Shut the fuck up. Hallelujah. No more nappies no more well apart from half the number of nappies oh my gosh he did it oh i tell you what it was it's been a journey

it's been a journey the first this is huge for jojo it is it's a really big step and we've been wanting to do it for so long so i'm really really proud of him. He's finally getting it. I'd say we're like four weeks in now and I think we've cracked it. Oh my God. What a little darling. Yeah, it was a hard one because like he was fed up with the nappy.

He didn't want to have his nappy changed anymore. But he's also like not a very adaptable child. So I was kind of dreading starting it because I was like, he's just going to be like, no, I'm not doing it. And I read a book called Old Crap. Have you heard of that?

No. It's like the potty training book that everyone's like, you have to read this book so I I didn't read it all I just started reading it and I thought yeah I've got the basic principles let's go and one of the first things she says is like do a do a really hard start like no more nappies yes that's it okay you can't be like in and out of it no so the first day of holiday I just kind of went for it and I was like right wake up today we're taking a nappy off here we go we use the potty now and stephanie and stephanie had a bit of an argument because he was like um i don't feel i can go back on it now because you've like given joseph the message but he was like i was going to give us like a day or two to like

settle into our holiday no stephanie i kind of there's no time like now but i was like you know for me for him it's got to be like a change of scene a different location we're not having nappies anymore go go go we're going if we're two three days deep into this holiday he's already comfortable exactly he's sleeping yeah he's doing great yeah you put a take a take the change the situation and take the nappy away three days in no exactly so i was like no we've got to go cold turkey and stefan was a bit like because two days in i was like this is ruining my fucking holiday like it was hard and then i bet ste days in, I was like, this is ruining my fucking holiday. Like it was hard. And then I bet Stefan was in the background like. Yeah.

Stefan was like, well, you shouldn't have done it without consultation on day one. Consultation with who? Yeah. The dad. Yeah. I was like, this is my decision and my decision only. I run this house. No, I did.

I regret it a little bit because it was it just made everything a lot more difficult, a lot more stressful. Like you want to go to the beach. You've got to take five changes of clothes and a potty and also the amount of times I walked through a restaurant with a potty full of piss yeah to empty it in the toilet like we've got a carry potty now so you can actually close it but on holiday we weren't prepared so yeah there were elements of it that I was just like and I think Joseph was finding it too much so he wasn't enjoying other elements of the holiday because he was like so consumed with the potty training because it's a lot of change for them isn't it and then i felt bad because like sadie wasn't really getting the attention she deserved because it was like all focusing on the potty and i was just like what have i done i've ruined everyone's

holiday no it's it's really hard because i don't feel like any time is a good time no and as much as we go off of the lead of our babies and yes that's fine colby colby was very very easy to be honest dotty was easy because she followed suit of colby yeah so it was is hard because some of them take to it really well and some of them don't take to it really well but it's hard when you're in that moment it's like you're too far to go back yeah like you could have just put a nappy on him which nobody knows what the right answer is to do like you've you've got a great outcome now yeah and there's that was only the first week i know and you've got to enjoy the rest of the time you had together and looking back in hindsight it feels great now it's great now and it was i think i was putting too much expectation on him.

Just picking it up. Yeah. Cause I was like, he's clever, you know, and also I'm really impatient and I have to remember he's only two and a half. Like it takes time for him to learn a new thing. But I was like,

by like day four, I was like, why isn't he getting it? Why is he still working himself? And it was, I think it was just my expectation that kind of let me down. And after that it was okay but we went we stayed in a few different places and i think with each new change of location he kind of

regressed a bit because he was like oh i use the potty here as well okay and so he would still be like having accidents and stuff and i'd be like why what is happening the one good thing though which we didn't experience which i feel like all my friends have done is that he's never pooed himself and i feel like a lot of children it's really common for them not to poo themselves because of the motion of straining because we can just sometimes just dribble for boys it just dribbles out whereas the poo you've got your work at getting it out kind of work to push it out the good thing with joseph is you kind of always know when he's going because he's not very regular yeah so he has done every single poo on the potty but some of my friends like my baby doesn't like going for a poo on the potty so they'll like hide and do it like somewhere in the house and they'll like poo in their clothes

we've never had that thank god and i'm like i'd so much rather be cleaning up wee than poo we never i never had any poo did you not no poo accidents no no poo accidents with either and as grim as it does sound and this is probably going to sound so awful but i've always had an open door policy but the house is the house is open doors we don't close doors we're all very open with each other and i've always had the children in the bathroom with me and as gross as people may find that or think it is it really does get them used to being comfortable to just poo in front of people. Yeah. Because the poo thing is a big thing. Yeah. It's a massive thing.

So if I can give anybody any advice, I know it sounds grim, but to lock the door, the moment you shut the door on your child and lock the door, it then gives them not the comfort of being able to just poo. Yeah, because they're like, oh, this is something I should be hiding away. Because you'll quickly take away with the door open. You're not bothered. But most people tend to shut the door when they have a poo yeah but we've always just left the door open if we're having a poo obviously for me and chris like when i was home with colby on my own i would just have a poo with the door open

so he could come and go yeah i never made a big deal about it um and so forth with like chris but if we were both in the house together i'd be like like, oh, I need to go to the toilet. I'll shut the door if you occupy him. So he didn't actually know where I was. Yeah. While I was going to the loo. Yeah. But when we were there.

Yeah. I definitely do think it helps. Yeah. No, I was just going to say it's such a nice thing about him being so little is that he's got like no shame about pooing. So he'll sit down in the middle of a restaurant and drop a shit. Yeah. And I'm like, good for you, son. Yeah.

And you feel so satisfied when they go, don't you don't you the first one he saw in there though he did cry yes you did tell me though he didn't he's because he had that one in the bath didn't he yeah he didn't like the look of it yeah but he's getting more used to it now and he's taking more of an interest in like me and stefan going yes one of the other things the book says is like you say let them see you go to the toilet but ste Stefan's like, can a man not have any privacy? Because every time he goes to the toilet now, I go, Joseph, do you want to watch daddy? Daddy's going for a wee. Daddy's going for a poo.

Stefan's like, just back the fuck up. Like after four weeks together in the same room, he's like, can a man just go for a shit on his own? I'm like, Joseph, go and watch daddy. Come on, mom. I'm 25. Can we stop? I get it now. I can be on his own no i'm like joseph go and watch daddy come on mom i'm 25 can we stop i get it now i can build my own i don't need i don't need my dad's help i can imagine stuff as well he's quite a private guy as well he is very private he's quite prudish i would say i'm the open one chris is more prudish than me yes but now the children just walk in Chris is mid-wipe

and Colby's like alright Dan Chris always says do you want to give me a minute he's like no no no now's great for me Chris is like alright

and now the whole nation knows him as pizza dick he's got no privacy I feel like he's rolling with it though he is rolling with it he's owning it he's got no I said to him

did he have a complex over his willy? And he said no. I loved how chill he was about it. I just said if I got called old pizza foo-foo, I would have been paranoid. I'd offer surgery. Yeah. Yeah, I would go.

Joseph's taken a lot of interest in privates now because obviously he's like seeing it all now. He'll be like, oh, he's coming out of my willy. And he's like, you know, showing a lot more interest. The other day he said, Daddy, can I see your willy? he's like you know showing a lot more interest the other day he said daddy can i see your willy in the middle of the cinema no son it's not appropriate on the bus off the train dad you want to get your willy out? Look what my willy does. Oh, gosh.

Honestly, it's come with a whole... It's been a rollercoaster of emotions. It's come with a whole new bucket of events. It's a whole new world. Oh, my God. A whole new world. I'll tell you something else we did do as well. Joseph got himself off his dummy, right?

Because he kept chewing the teats that they were broken. Yeah, the rubber. I was like, oh, my God, this is amazing. He's done it himself. So for a couple of weeks we were just like there's no dummies you've broken them all and and he just like went with it i was like this is amazing then when we were on holiday and everyone was having a breakdown over potty training stefan was like i packed some dummies as an emergency and stefan was like i think it's time to bring the dummy back and i was like we'd be crazy to reintroduce the dummy he's giving it up himself like what are you talking about how are you not divorced day two of potty training i was like get

that fucking dummy sterilized right now it's honestly it saved my holiday what the dummy yeah honestly it was we've i never thought i would leave you potty training but you bring it look look it's two steps forward one one step back. What the fuck? You progress in some areas, you regress in others. I needed to keep sane for my holiday. It was going to be ruined. At least he was quiet while he was taking a shit. I was like, if I'm going to make you piss and shit on a potty all of a sudden,

you can have your dummy back. You're crazy. I know. How much were you drinking? Look, okay. I'm'm like we'll cross that bridge when we come to it we'll get we'll get that off him later he's only having it for sleep still and he was blessing was so thrilled to have it back oh you know when you take the dummy away to start shitting himself i know i'll teach you you fucking bitch i'll never get it off him now i don't know

what i've done but honestly for those three weeks i needed it i needed it to stay sane oh god bless you because he was in an open bed for the first time as well it's a lot we've thrown a lot of change at the boy no dummy no nappies you're in an open bed like survival of the fittest joseph it was wild i mean this is what happens when you're two you get thrown into the deep end you really do he goes to me the other day i don't need a holiday for his holiday i need to go he goes to the other day. He needs a holiday for his holiday. I need to go. He goes to me the other day. I don't want to be three. I said, son, even more changes come in at three.

So you make the most of being two and a half. I don't want to be three. I don't want to be three. I'm so sick of this life. It's like two and a half is hard enough. What's three going to bring? I'm going to have to wear a three-piece suit. I'll be sending you out to work. Oh, oh my god mortgage advisor here we go poor lad oh it's honestly yeah in amongst all that couple of

sea swims lots of pool days it was lovely oh good that's the end That's the end. Clothes book. Ruined Joseph's life. It's going great now. Okay. I feel good about it now. I've been highs and lows.

Is he dry through the night? Is he? Fuck no. He still has a nappy on at night. And also on the plane on the way back, I was like, I'm not fucking doing this. So he did have a pull up on, on the plane.

But apart from that, he's potty trained. What the fuck? No wonder the lad's confused. I know. To be fair, on the plane. But apart from that, he's potty trained. What the fuck? Now what did the lads confuse? I know. To be fair, bless him, the day after we landed,

he pissed himself about 12 times because he was like, yes, I had a nappy on and I could just piss. And he was like, no, I was like,

I know it's really confusing. Now I'm fucking soaked and I stink. I'm also back in this country, it's fucking cold. I know, honestly. Where's my snacks on tap?

Where's my dad gone gone I need to see him have a shit I need to see his willy he's back at work son there'll be no more of that I feel like I need a holiday for your holiday it's quite hectic wasn't it

wow yeah on top of all that he hated the pool so it was a great choice of holiday he's probably sick of being wet yeah

but he's pissed himself all out yeah i just i just can't believe what i did i don't know why you did that to yourself it was the only time we could have done it like the rest of the time i was like look we're in a hot country we're here for three weeks stefan's actually present so it's you know even though it was a nightmare it's the only way we could have done it yeah and now i feel like we're reaping the rewards so go us even though he's got his dummy back like you work so hard to get off him i know but look we've gained a dummy we've lost the nappies i feel like you win some you lose some yeah he's not always gonna have a dummy you can't have it all i mean he'll take it out for his wedding photo. At least Sadie still hates her dummy.

So there's one. Does she? She doesn't really like it. No, she'll have it to go off to sleep. But yeah, she spits it out. She doesn't like it as much as Joseph does. How's Rennie going on? Yeah, we've got an upper size in our dummy.

What? There's different sizes? Yeah, you can get like naught newborn. Oh yeah, naught to six. Yeah, we probably need to do that. Because I feel like their mouths get bigger and the teeth get bigger. So it gets a yeah, naught to six. Yeah, we probably need to do that. Because I feel like the teeth gets, their mouths get bigger and the teeth gets bigger. So it gets a little bit lost in there. Yeah.

But he is, yeah, yeah, he loves his little dummy. Bless him. Aw. Yeah, he does love it. How have you been? Have you missed me? Huh. Do you know what?

It's weird. Feels like you've been gone a lifetime. Didn't it? Oh, I'm not going to lie. I felt it. I felt that you weren't here. The presence was real. It was full on. Although on although rendy the children have been in the studio yeah you had the whole family haven't you have everybody in how was that yeah i don't think we'll do it

again no it became the dotty show i can imagine it was very much all about little miss dot which is great it was full on you know i think think for what is a 15, 20 minute episode, I think there's about four hours worth of footage. Poor Maz has got to edit that down. It was a lot of screaming into the microphone, a lot of weeping and cheering. And they were back and forth to each other like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

You know, there was a lot of that. So very unprofessional. I know you just can't get the staff. You can't get the co-host these days, can you? But no, we've done quite a few things since you've been gone. Oh. Since you've been gone. I can breathe for the first time.

What tune? We went to Monopoly Go, OBS. Yes. Yep. We ice skated. I saw that with your mom with my mom she's a good ice skater is she she is a very good ice skater yeah she does she does it but my my mom has been my her brother was a professional ice hockey player oh my god i saw you say that on your instagram yeah cool and then my mom's been brought up around that all of her life i think i don't know because i don't speak to my mom's been brought up around that all of her life I think I don't

know because I don't speak to my mum's side of the family like we don't talk to our cousins and stuff like that but I believe they're all they do ice skating still because it's after their dad and then we my dad does ice skating my dad's insanely good but my dad used to take us when we were little as like his dad thing to do with us so you're pretty nifty as well yeah and i did roller hockey when i was younger so and did that with my dad um but i've always asked these two if they want to go dotty will tell you no i don't want the ice to crack and a polar bear to eat me oh and you're like no no it's just frozen water on the floor and then she's like well how can you skate on it so they've always said to me no no we're not ice skating we don't want to do it blah blah blah so i've never pushed them i'm not i'm not the pushy mum i'm not i'll just let them decide

it when they want to decide it um and it was my dad's birthday so we were like my sister was like oh why don't we go ice skating you all haven't done it so i said to them do you want to go ice skating they were like are our cousins going i was like yeah and they were like yeah let's go so they we all went together and unleashed a hidden talent. They're both incredible at skating. Are they? So they're starting their ice skating lessons. I've signed them up and they're off to, Dotsie loves it.

I got her some little figure skates. Oh my gosh. She's going to be like, do you know Angelina Ballerina on the ice? Did you ever go on holiday to America and they would have like an ice skating rink in the middle of the mall and they would have these, I it when I was younger they'd have like girls on there doing these amazing like twists and stuff and they'd have the lovely like glittery leotards and I wanted to be them that could be Dottie yeah I've got Alex Murphy I'm very good friends with Alex Murphy who was dancing on ice yeah yeah she's a very good friend of mine and watching her skate obviously on the telly

phenomenal amazing so i've been showing dotty like her some of her skating on um on the old youtube and she's like yeah that's gonna be me oh amazing maybe i'll just hire alex and just like look can you just teach her to skate but she does it she does it great so we're off to our first lessons of that that's exciting we're just sending little things here and there yeah it's been a whole it's been a whole month i'm not gonna lie i feel like i haven't stopped yeah i feel like my feet have not touched the ground but no otherwise everything's been tremendous yeah yeah rendy's fully sitting showed you a picture earlier didn't i yeah i can't believe it sadie is i swear by this age joseph was sitting up she's nowhere near near. You have always said though, she's quite relaxed, isn't she?

You have always said like she's quite, where Rini used to be quite rigid, didn't he? He wanted to sit up all the time. Where Sadie's just chill, isn't she? She is chill. She's very relaxed. My friend who's got a baby the same age, I was like, gosh, she's sitting up already.

Like Sadie's nowhere near sitting up. And she was like, yeah, but my baby's still not rolling and Sadie's been rolling for ages. So they just do what they want these babies. Exactly. Sadie rolled quick. She rolled quick. But no sitting up. So they just do what they want these babies. Exactly. Sadie rolled quick. She rolled quick. But no sitting up.

Can't wait for her to sit up on her own. So I don't have to hold her all the time. We still have to put some aids around him. Yeah. But to be fair, though, he'll look up at the television. I don't think even Colby did it this early. Like he's been doing it now for a good, probably since she left. So three, four weeks.

Wow. He's been sitting up, which is smart. And he rolls. Rolls back. Yeah. Front back, back front. Yeah. And just rolls around in his vomit. probably since she left for so three four weeks he's been sitting up which is my i don't any roles rolls back yeah front back back yeah and just rolls around in his vomit because since you've been away he's been sick he's been really poorly which has brought his reflux back i know poor renners poor renners he's seeing it and he's not having any food at the moment because we've um you're off the weaning journey we are not eating at the moment yeah under pediatrician because the reflux back we've actually had to put him on to medication which i wasn't against it i

just would have preferred him not to yeah and do it the natural way but do you know what you tried everything else though haven't you we have literally tried everything else yeah and this is what i said to the pediatrician and the doctor is that we have tried everything yeah so we've been uh we've been on the um amoprazole i want to say it's a metrazole i metrazole i think we've been on that now for two weeks is that making a difference slightly yeah but the she has told us to give it a month okay so we're just again on a little bit of a journey with that but no food at the moment the boy's just on his milky mamose well i should have started weaning sadie and i just can't be bothered i haven't a little bit though obviously i'm okay with purees but i just don't i'm just

not the finger food gal no the baby led weaning no it freaks me out no we never did that i don't even know how i got from puree to eating a sandwich with the other two no i don't remember how you forget because your gap is even bigger than mine but like even with joseph i'm like right what did i start him on and when? And when did he start eating like solids? And when did he start drinking water? And when did he start having- How does he know to chew?

Yeah. And not swallow the whole thing? Yeah. Yeah. Well, Sadie's just sitting on milk because I'm being so lazy. I just can't be, I can't be asked to start the pureeing. To be honest, you've had a lot going on with Joseph. Like don't chuck that into the mix as well.

No. That's why I keep putting it off. Every day I think, oh, potato today and then every day i think nah there's too much other stuff going on fuck that just give her the boobs yeah it's easy when it's on tap isn't it literally literally literally turn them on on tap so emma and i really want to hear from you we do we. We want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about, or just say hello.

You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search Secret Mum Pod, or you can email us hello at secretmumpod.com. Right, are you ready? Yeah. It's time. Oh my God, I didn't tell you I met Scarlett Johansson. What?

Sorry. Pause that. You have to come to the next episode. Apologies. It's time. If I just drop that bombshell. I have to. I'm going to have to just leave it there.

I know. Oh my God. Wild, isn't it? Okay. It's time for another Correspondence Corner. Right, take it away. So we've had loads of messages. Have we?

About conceiving a baby within a same-sex relationship. I was talking about this today. Weren't we? It was after we heard from Jess and Danielle about their journey. Emma? This one says, hi Soph and Emma. I'm writing in to let Jess and Danielle know they're not alone. As someone in lesbian marriage,

I've done a lot of research on same-sex family planning. For female-female relationships, the most affordable way to conceive is by purchasing donor sperm from a sperm bank, which costs anywhere from $1,000 to $4,000 here in the US. Wow. Yeah, it's a lot, isn't it? That is a lot. It gets sent to your house and you can inseminate yourself or your partner at home with a kit that costs about $50. Wow.

The sperm sample comes in a cryo tank and it must be used within hours of receiving it. So timing ovulation can be tricky. I have friends who have used this method successfully and they have a little boy. Stop it. Oh my God, amazing. My wife and I hope to start our motherhood journey in two years. We're not sure what route we'll take yet, but I just wanted to let Jess know she's not alone. Best, Kayla. Oh my gosh. Amazing. Okay, now this baffles me. sure what route we'll take yet but i just wanted to let jess know she's not alone best kayla oh my

gosh amazing okay now this baffles me can we leave the sperm in the tank until i'm ovulating it's got to be used within hours so how what if you get your sample your sperm and you're not ovulating well you'd probably have to time your delivery for a bloody for your ovulation window isn't it that's a lot to think about because even when you're trying to conceive within a heterosexual relationship you you get like a 12 hour window very small window and this is what i didn't realize this when i'm probably very naive out in myself here but i thought when you fall pregnant i didn't know anything about ovulation i never learned it at school or anything like that so i didn't know anything about ovulation i will say it's very poor how little you learn about this at school because unless you educate

yourself it might be different now but when we were at school we didn't oh damn none of this so it wasn't until we thought about having a baby or like when i spoke to my sister my sister was like explaining the process to me and she was like well you your egg gets released and then the sperm has to obviously swim to the egg and then the egg the sperm if it comes out can die because once it's released to air it will die and then it's got to swim all the way to the egg and the sperm is only alive at the egg for a certain amount of time the eggs only alive and i was like fucking hell you basically only get 12 hours yeah 12 hours so that that eggy's gonna sit there for the sperm to swim to it yeah it's wild that some

people just get pregnant like accidentally isn't it because the conditions have to be like so perfect i was gonna say accidental obviously renly was accidental but isn't that fascinating yeah one thousand to four thousand pounds that's a lot of money for someone's sperm isn't it yeah that is wild when you think about it like it's just sperm it's just tadpoles i Like it's just sperm. It's just tadpoles. I mean, it's just sperm, but then also like it could be a human. Do you not find it really baffling when you look at that egg and then that tadpole? That makes your baby. And think of all the people in the world all started from that and like all the different combinations.

What came first, the chicken or the egg? The sperm or the egg. Sperm or the egg. What I find fascinating is even within like siblings, same sperm, same man's sperm, same woman's egg. Like me and my sisters. Two different people. I don't think we look anything alike. Well, other people think we do, but I can't see it.

You do look alike. But it's just interesting, like all the different like variations, isn't it? Sperm, that's the egg. Sperm, two babies. Yeah. What? And they look exactly the same yeah wow crazy mind-blowing isn't it honestly join us next week for a sex ed for more biology lessons i'm i'm just fascinated

but that's really kind of kayla to send that isn't it yes because i know there's a lot of people that are it's just so hard isn't it you could just do with a friend just going i'll have it for free give you some i wonder if anyone's ever done that like off the books like inseminated their friend friend's sperm interesting interesting there's just a lot more to think about isn't there we'd have to sign a waiver though wouldn't you because you wouldn't if you if you didn't want them in your baby's life you'd have to sign like a waiver vice versa he might say oh don't come at me in 18 years time yeah because i don't you know in the nicest way possible i did see that on married at first sight actually maths your favorite there was a guy on there who um such a shit program donated his sperm to his friends who are in a lesbian relationship yes and he was the

i guess the biological father of their baby yeah and he was like in their life growing up and like was friends with them and stuff so yeah he got to see them growing up yeah that is mind-boggling isn't that we've also had an anonymous message about this it says hi sophie and emma my fiancee and i are unable to naturally conceive she is female and i am a transgender man there are various criteria for nhs funding for iui IVF in the UK, depending on where you live. Same-sex couples and transgender individuals can fall under these criteria. Long story short, we received a list of available donors, egg or sperm, from the NHS to choose from. Yes, the donors can write about themselves and a letter to the unborn child but all identifying details remain anonymous once a child born from

iui or ivf turns 18 they can access limited information about the donor if they wish we've been lucky enough to receive funding for six rounds of iui and if that doesn't work two rounds of ivf wow that's amazing we're currently undergoing our second round of iui after the first was unsuccessful obviously everyone's experience is different but this is ours i i don't want to be ignorant what's the difference then between an iui and ivf so ivf you have to take all the injections for your body to release the hormones to have the baby well and with ivf the the um baby is made outside of the bodies isn't it and then inserted into the womb whereas the iui iui is basically insemination okay it's just the the nicer way yeah the correct terminology we just googled it it's

intrauterine insemination so that's that's what our previous previous caller was talking about as well it was insemination so yeah so they get six rounds of that so they have got that through we've been lucky they've got that through the nhs That is so, so freaking wonderful, isn't it? The fact that they are living there however they want to live, be who they want to be and not have any discrimination to become a family. Yeah. Like how insanely wonderful is that? Amazing.

Because I know it's a bit of a postcode lottery, isn't it, IVF? Like some places where you live, you might only get, I think most places you get one go of IVF. So the fact that they've got... Even if their IUI doesn't work, they've got two rounds of IVF as well if they wanted. So I wonder if they are going to the hospital then to have the insemination. Yeah, I don't know.

They're not doing it at home. I know Kayla was saying that you can do it at home. But I wonder if the anonymous couple are uk yeah kayla's in the america yeah i would imagine that it's a probably a procedure you have at the hospital isn't it but that's amazing i hope it works i really hope it works for you so they've had one lot and it's not yeah the first one was unsuccessful hopefully your second one we're crossing everything for you sending all the baby love your way oh god bless you oh my, please get back in touch and let us know if you get pregnant. Please let us know how your journey goes.

I know obviously you want to stay anonymous, but we would love to. We would love to know. Yeah. And imagine if they share, you know, even positively and even if it isn't working out, it's still nice to share, isn't it? Yeah. As in, because if there is other people that are going through it. Yeah.

I think it's really helpful to know. To helpful. Yeah. And to, you know, not feel alone and for people that are going through it. Yeah, I think it's really helpful to know. To helpful, yeah. And to, you know, not feel alone and for people to feel that with you. Yeah. Wow. Thank you. Thank you so much.

And one more message here says, Hi Soph and Emma, I'm in a same-sex relationship with my wife of 11 years and we're lucky to have a little fella of our own who is now six. Oh God, I love that. I carried him in my belly and my brother-in-law was our donor how incredibly lovely is that wow she says we didn't use any doctors or fancy methods just a specimen cup and a medical syringe so this is the insemination yes after about three months at home not in hospital at home yes after about three months we fell pregnant it worked out perfectly

because my wife didn't want to be pregnant but wanted a baby and i wanted the experience ideal love that genetically he's part of both of us how that is so insanely beautiful i know and not to have to occur like i feel like like obviously the story before and kayla saying about paying for it yeah it just seems so sad that you have to pay for the privilege. I know. Of having. Thousands of pounds as well. Yeah. Having your baby.

This says, we're so blessed and forever grateful for the opportunity we were given. I know not everyone has the same chances, but it's just some food for thought. Love, Jen from sunny Australia. Oh, God bless you, Jen. God bless you. How wonderful. And as well, how lovely if you you obviously we don't know the situation of her wife's brother as to if he is has children of his own yeah but he's going to be there fully

watching them grow up yeah watching their little boy always in their life always in their life he might not want children you know and how phenomenal to be able to give that gift but even just to give that gift to somebody else yeah honestly like i've donated my eggs i've donated eggs that i had i had frozen but to give them to i donated mine with no um you want to be anonymous yeah i've had stayed anonymous for mine it's not something i talk about because you know it's not i don't need any gratification for it all i want is for somebody to be able to have knowing that you could have given someone that chance of having a baby. Oh, so lovely, isn't it? It's amazing.

I feel like it's harder though to give our egg than it is to give the sperm. Oh God, yeah. Can't really just reach up and get it out. Otherwise I would. I'd be just donating my eggs out. Take them. If you had them, that's for everyone. Yeah.

Like sweeties. Take them. Take the eggs. I don't need them anymore. But that's really beautiful yeah they're lovely stories today I love them

yeah thank you for those and that's far enough from our previous isn't it yeah I love a I love a comeback message I do love a comeback a revisit I love a come

I was gonna say gosh so you can get in touch with us on anything at all yeah it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous because between us

we've probably heard it all before and remember we're all in this together Yeah, it can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we've probably heard it all before. And remember, we're all in this together and we know that we are. We're all stars and we see that. I've missed that so much. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. here's a show that we recommend halloween horrors about this spooky season with these hair-raising podcasts the magnus protocol catch you next time dearie no you won't after dark and with that the curtain falls on the story of anne boleyn the red room exploring irish ghost stories and haunted irish history listen to these acar shows wherever you get your podcasts.

ACAST helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com This is Secret Mum Club, the safe space for us to share our secrets here is my secret of the week this is sad oh no it's something very new for me um we have our little miss dot who's in school who stumbled across uh another little friend obviously if you've been here for a while you know she's struggling to have like her people at school she stumbled across another little friend that has been very influential to her

thought process shall we say um and i think dotty's suffering with a little bit of anxiety i don't know if she's struggling a little bit with health anxiety or she's very much i never went through this with colby but she is very much in the the the question era like what if i was to stick my head outside of this train what would happen to me yeah and i'm like oh your your head would squash okay well would i would i die and i'm like oh well yeah but i don't i don't want to try it let's like not do you know what i mean let's not try what happens if i squish my eye what happens if someone pulls my arm really hard will my arm come out of the socket and what will it be just dangling down here but it like really really plays something a lot of like morbid thoughts very yeah i don't know is that what her

friends talking to her about at school so when i say to her why are you asking me or i say to her why why are you asking this has someone said something to you is it something you're concerned about have you seen it on the telly? And she just says, oh, the friend at school says, if I do this, if I hold my breath long enough, I will die.

Die. It's really scary. I wonder why her friend's having those thoughts. I don't know. I have no idea. But we had to, we've been called into school, not called into school,

like you need to come into school, we need to discuss your child. Dottie was having, she was saying her breathing felt funny. So we had been called into school because not called into school like you need to come in school we need to discuss your child dotty was having she was saying her breathing felt funny so we had to go into school and check that she was okay having a bit of a panic attack yeah like a bit of an anxiety attack a panic attack i've never experienced it i've had panic attacks before but i've never had i suffer with ptsd so i suffer i have these fears but it's not something i ever talk about in front of the children come from you no and i try not to talk about things like i don't want to get on an airplane because i'm scared of bad things i never ever talk about things that i'm generally scared of yeah i always try and encourage the children to find their own emotion with the feeling of

going on an airplane trying ice skating for the first time trying a different food for the first time i want to encourage them to experience it and to make their own minds up i'm generally petrified of spiders have i ever been petrified in front of those children no i haven't because now when the spider comes in the size of my fucking hand copy just picks it up he's like where do you want me to put it mom i'm like oh just put it out the front door my bum hole is like this but he has no fear like my neighbor calls him round my neighbor will text me so i've got a spider can you walk while be around he'll just go and get pick up so i kid you not spiders that are bigger than his hand and he just picks them up and puts them in the toilet

but i just feel like it's your that's for them to figure out on their own like they don't want to try something because they have a fear over it ice skating like we spoke about yeah I just said there's no point me forcing you to do it when they say yes let's do it if they love it great if they don't that's for them to make their own mind up so I don't I don't tend to talk about things like that or things that bother me because that's not fair to put that onto them yeah so we're just a little bit confused as to where it's come from I feel like I was a bit like that like i and i still have it's like intrusive thoughts isn't it i'm still the kind of person that's like if i'm driving over a bridge i'm like what if i just drive off the bridge yeah but i don't know if that's because i think about that and i see people talk about that i don't know

whether that is just a normal thought maybe it's just a natural instinct to like have morbid it's morbid curiosity isn't it like that's normal like oh god what if my and i always think like driving along the motorway i think god what my tire exploded yeah but like they're inside thoughts i never say those out loud and i don't want to say them out loud because i think god if i put them into the fucking universe yeah someone's gonna be fucking listening yeah yeah so it's i don't know i don't really know where it's come from nothing's changed at home um but we also have like foods she's she had a you know when you eat popcorn and you get like the little

shelly bit yeah and sometimes it gets caught down your throat yeah oh do that yeah try and get it out because it's stuck down the side of your throat she got one of those one night so i was like right let's drink lots of water keep wiggling your tongue it will eventually come out she panicked herself so much she didn't eat for two days i literally could not get her to eat anything she drank she drank loads drank milk and i was giving her milk and milkshakes i was trying to give her lollipops to see if that would she had a sore throat and now that she's now just so insanely scared of choking so she's we're back and this sounds really horrible and generally i don't know what i meant to do about it i have to feed her her dinner because she doesn't want to take too much and then she's not gonna choke on it oh yeah well but is she sleeping all right

or they keep the thoughts keeping her up at night as well no she's sleeping okay like everything else is fine she seems she i wouldn't say she's her happy little self but i think things are playing on her mind and i tried to see if anything's changed at home if we've doing anything different at home like we've sat down and had lots of conversations like is it are you is there anything at home that's making you sad are you scared of anything are you worried about anything how do you feel i've tried having time with her on my own and then having time in with Renly to see maybe if it's Renly being here and she's maybe rejecting him none of that I've had the three of them they're playing lovely and getting along fine there's no rejection no anger um so yeah I might have a bit of a loss I'm generally intrigued if anybody's gone through it as to know and if your

if your child does have these like thoughts, what age should that start? Because maybe she's just at an age where like it happens. And I don't know whether because it hasn't happened with Colby. Yeah. If it's a girl thing. Yeah. Do you know what I mean?

No, she's just an overthinker. And Colby just wasn't. Yeah, I think she is a little bit of an overthinker. But she's such a free spirited person. Yeah, it doesn't seem very on brand. No, it's not very on brand. Which is why it's come as such a shock. Because she's such a free spirited person like she doesn't seem very on brand no it's not very on brand which is why it's come as such a shock because she's so she's so free like she is so free in her mind as to talk about which i love because i feel like she's so open to talk about this like i don't

want her to sit with her own thoughts in her bedroom at six years old and be like god what if i squish my eye really hard yeah or try it god forbid do you know what i mean so she's she's being very open and honest to talk to us and say yeah i'm a little bit frightened or this is scaring me i don't know why i'm thinking about this and it's also we're trying to encourage lee like trying to encourage her to to talk about it but also trying to make it really positive as to like no that doesn't happen yeah those things don't happen like you're okay they don't but also don't stick your head out the train window yeah because it will be bad i just say to it would

be bad because i don't equally want to lie like when where the baby's come from i don't want to say oh the bird in the sky drops them down in the bedcloth for you because i don't i don't want to i don't want to not be honest and i say to you if you how fast is the wall moving she says really fast so do you think if you ran into that wall now that you would walk away from that and be okay and she says no you'll be hurt so are we going to run into the wall or are we going to try and put our arm out of the train window yeah no we're not going because that would really hurt exactly so we just don't yeah do it where it's hard obviously joseph's a lot younger but he is at the question asking stage as well and it's hard like you want to like give them enough information so just don't need to do it where it's hard obviously joseph's a lot younger but he is at the question asking stage as well and it's hard like you want to like give them enough information so

they don't do something stupid but also don't want to scare them like if i say like oh don't be careful the road there's cars he'd be like oh why can't i go in the road i'm like well if you get hit by a car it will really hurt yeah or like when we got on the plane they gave us the life jacket for the children and he's like what's that for mummy yeah and i'm like well really it's you know if we crash on water then but obviously he's two and a half so i'm like you don't need to worry about these things but i also need to give him enough information that he's not going to do something silly like run out into the road yeah it's a hard one isn't it it is a hard one and i feel like she's at such an age now where she like not not understands but she's not she's not two and she's not three and

it's kind of like i'm a little bit taken back as to like nothing at home has changed so i'm hoping with like getting her her own little activity her own little hobby and having things that are just for her rather than she just gets muddled in with the boys all the time i'm hoping it's just a phase yeah and we are going to go through it but i can assure you she's back eating we're back eating and She just gets muddled in with the boys all the time. I'm hoping it's just a phase. Yeah. And we are going to go through it. But I can assure you she's back eating. We're back eating. But some meals, like she knows she can eat like her fish fingers

or she can eat her chicken nuggets because it's very paced. She can take the biggest bite that she wants. Yeah. That she's comfortable with. But like things like pasta and stuff, shepherd's pie, I've kind of got to take it and and feed it to if it's with a fork basically yeah yeah because i feel like she doesn't know how much she can put in her mouth yeah because i say put it on the spoon and then take how much you want off of the spoon yeah but then you know i feel like it's too much i don't want to freak her out yeah but yeah so that is

a week yeah it's a little bit i am not gonna lie i'm not going to bed willy-nilly like i'm happy i'm losing sleep over it yeah and i'm already losing sleep yeah i feel like i'm at the point where i don't actually sleep anymore you don't need i just shut my eyes occasionally here and never actually resting i never i don't feel like i ever go to sleep yeah like it's aging me i never thought i needed botox but i think i need it now oh man i can't wait to get botox again team botox my baby's still waking me up every three hours oh gosh so yeah there we go so if anybody can give me some advice um i would really appreciate it or if your little one has experienced it if so what age yeah is it a normal sounds like a normal just curiosity thing especially if she's heard it

from someone at school i hope so so that is my secret of the week so let's get into some of yours we've got three we're going to be discussing this week so emma let's have number one all right it says hi ladies i thought i'd share my bleak awakening to life with two babies on day one at home from the hospital my four-year-old son was thrilled when we brought his baby sister home in June and everything seemed like a dream. But I quickly realized that life with two kids wasn't easy. On that first day, my husband left to drive my mother-in-law home and I desperately needed a wee. Not trusting my son alone with the baby, I ended up peeing with my newborn in her Moses basket on one side and my son plus his dino toys on the other while trying to

hide my postnatal nappy three months on my son still adores his sister and thankfully they now let me have a private pee oh from alex alex alex you're not alone you're not you are not alone just last night actually i went for a wee with sadie on the boobie did you it happens quite a lot because like i feel like if you slept through the night you wouldn't need to get up for a wee with sadie on the boobie did you it happens quite a lot because like i feel like if you slept through the night you wouldn't need to get up for a wee but as soon as she wakes me my body's like you're awake now you need a wee but she's already on the boob and once i've got it in my head i'm like i can't i can't possibly sit here and not wee yeah that's me with food when i wake up and i'm hungry you gotta go i can't i just can't go past it yeah i feel like i'm gonna pass out if i don't eat something you gotta go and raid the fridge.

Yeah, two o'clock in the morning. Like them pregnancy hungers. Yeah, we've all been there. We've all been there. We have all been there. I'm glad you're getting on a bit better now. And I love that they love each other so much. It is hard. It doesn't matter how many children you have.

It is a tough, the most rewarding. And as much as everybody says it, everyone says it, don't they? It's the hardest job, but the most rewarding job. It truly is. You'll never get a job like it. No. But it's not for the faint heart. Oh, it's not.

It's full on. No. It's intense. And having two little ones, like I'm the same. I can't trust Joseph really to be left on his own. He loves Sadie, but he like just doesn't know his own boundaries. No. So he'll try and like be loving, but he'll like squash her head or whatever.

Smush her. So even still now, I'm like, oh, I need to go and put the washing out, but I can't really leave you two. So I get bugger all done. I know.

I know. Right. We're going to roll into number two. Okay. When you're ready. This one says, hi ladies, I need some advice.

I gave birth in June to a beautiful baby girl via C-section. I'm really struggling not to resent my partner because I feel like he's not supporting me. He already has two kids with his ex and I can't help but feel like he's comparing me to her, thinking she handled motherhood better than me. I'm overwhelmed with pressure to manage everything, housework, the baby, being a step-parent, our relationship and even trying to look after myself. I hate to admit it, but I can't remember the last time I had a bath it's making me hate him i've tried talking to him but he always says if you're finding it hard go back to work and i'll look after her which doesn't help at all what can i

do to communicate better and get a little more support just so i can have a guilt-free bath lots of love anonymous oh this makes me really sad this makes me really really sad and angry that's really dickish yeah that's really really dickish just go back to work and i'll look after her yeah just go back to work that's not the right answer that isn't the right answer i i'm sorry for you anonymous i am really sorry for you i don't feel like i'm going to be the best woman for advice on this one has it made you angry it does it does make me really really angry it's and as much as we as much as we sit there and we say women do this and men can't do this and there's a reason that women do this and men don't do this.

I just I don't understand the mentality of men that cannot comprehend or appreciate a woman for what the fucking hell we're going through. You go through nine months of your body growing a human, nine months in, nine months out, the likelihood of your body being anywhere hormonally back to where it was nine months after giving birth. I'm still not where I was. I'm still not hormonally where I was seven months after giving birth. Like, I just don't understand how men can't fathom it. Like, it's such a selfish way to live your life. Like, you've got two children already with your previous partner.

You have no right to one, judge two women on how they fucking parent. Sorry, this is making me really, really angry. You can never judge two women. At the end of the day, both women are phenomenal. Any woman that carries a baby, fosters a baby, adopts a baby,

parents a baby, births a baby, doesn't matter any way, adopts a baby, parents a baby. Births a baby. Births a baby. Doesn't matter any way, shape or form how you become a parent. You're still a fucking parent. Yeah. And you can't judge two people. You can't do that.

With regards to wanting to talk to him. Truly. I don't know what to say because it sounds like you have you have asked him about it every avenue you've asked him about it and his response was rude rude really rude i feel like it's um i feel like it's very very selfish i'm sorry i feel like i can't give you this is not giving you any help or any advice at all but i don't want you to feel like you're wrong for feeling this way yeah this is a really really natural way and really common to be feeling this way yeah i would not be tolerating someone that wants me to compare me to their ex-partner or feel like he's comparing me to his ex-partner on how i parent yeah not only you stacked out

with not recovering from a c-section having a brand new baby also recovering from the fact that you've just grown a human for nine months yeah keeping the house while also attending to his other children that are from a previous relationship like fucking hell mate give her a fucking break how can the man not see that like she needs to help oh you know the best thing to do just go back to work oh yeah because it's exactly what i need yeah to throw all this fucking shit i'll go back to work you know what you should i would say go leave the house for a day say oh i'm off to work for the day yeah or just leave him with everything don't even you don't even need to uh go back to work just leave the house that's what i mean just say i'm going back to say yeah go out treat yourself and leave him with fucking everything don't cook dinner don't clean

leave him a fucking list of the things that you want done and see how he feels yeah see how he gets see how he gets on honestly because i just think it is it's tough love and i think sometimes there's been occasions where i've had to do it with chris and said you know what mate you fucking do it because i'm going for a drive yeah there's times when i've had to for my own safety for the baby's safety for chris's safety especially with colby i had to remove myself from the house whether that was 10 minutes around the block or whether that was out for an hour for a coffee with my sister i physically had to for my safety the baby's safety remove myself from the house yeah and chris would

literally phone me like i can't fucking do it can you come back when he was like wouldn't stop crying and stuff like that like and i just say to him now like even now i feel bad leaving with three children down the line and i feel bad leaving i feel bad leaving chris at home but he's living my reality every day it feels like such a such a mum's burden isn't it like i'm here without sadie today and it's the you feel guilty i feel so guilty every time fucking being here i'm like stefan's at home looking after his child and i'm at work like we do this role reversal the other way around all the time and he's only got one child there today i'm often there with two he has looked after two children on his own but like i've never gone out to work all day and left him with the two kids and if i do i feel bad and i'm like he does that

all the time and yet they're just the roles we've agreed like i don't resent it but like if a man can't see if you can't remember the last time you had a bath and he can't notice that and notice that you need a bit of break and a bit of respite and a fucking shower it's a him problem what's wrong with him it's not a you problem at all it's a him problem and also you agreed to have a baby the pair of you together two people to have a baby gosh i feel like i'm shouting at you i'm not shouting at you i'm just very passionate for you i stand we stand side by side he is an equal parent and it makes me so sad that all of this shit tends to fall on the woman you just assumed that that's that's you had the baby i well i think we

were both there on the night yeah i think we were both there in the making yeah so 50 50 yeah it's like silly things like now i feel guilty the fact that i'm here haven't seen the children i left the house this morning at five to six i haven't seen the children i've seen the children to get them ready and they dropped me to the train station i've not hugged renly today i've given them all a kiss but i've not hugged him i've not hugged dotty or colby i'm not there for breakfast i'm not there for lunch i'm not there for dinner i'm not cleaning i left chris a list of things that need to come out of the tumble dryer and go into the tumble dryer and i feel bad sat here leaving him with our three children and the housework and the school runs while i'm here

yeah and i feel bad yeah you just can't help it, can you? You'll always feel bad. Your feelings are so insanely valid. So valid. I feel like you've obviously already approached it with him. His answer was the wrong answer. The only thing you can do is go back and say, maybe I feel like you didn't take me seriously

the last time we had this conversation. You're going to have to. You either got to go in with the approach of, we need to have a chat about this because your response was wrong yeah that's i don't want to go back to work yeah we decided mutually to have this baby together and we're having the baby we've had the baby we're here we're living it but i need some help yeah yeah so you either sort your fucking shit out or i'll take it i'll go elsewhere yeah and or you've got to give him the the the other scenario

is that's fine i'm going out for the day the show on the other foot yeah take yourself away for a night go spend your as much as you will feel fucking awful for it go book yourself into a nice spa hotel and have a night away and just leave it for him if he thinks he can do it if he's as brass as day and it's like just go back to work and leave it all for me then call you do it then yeah yeah that might be the right i can guarantee you within two hours he'll be calling you back and you're begging you to come home yeah if we knew you we'd come and hold the baby i would come and i'd fucking give you a bath myself massage your toes oh thank you for writing thank you for i really appreciate you i know you stayed anonymous

but to be really honest and even to be so candid in your message and to and to yeah to talk about it and want to talk about it because there's a lot of people that don't yeah and there's probably a lot of people sadly going through similar things so yeah right should we take the last one yeah this one says hiya ladies my four-year-old son Lance had a birthday party at one of those soft play places. While making small talk with the other mums, I suddenly hear,

Mum! He was up in the climbing frame and he needed a wee. I told him to come down, but, you know where this is going, but midway down, he stopped,

stared into space and suddenly, he started peeing. It's dripping through all the holes like a rain shower. Oh, shit. What, down like the mesh? Through the mesh.

He turned to me and said, I don't need a wee now. The embarrassment. Of course, I didn't bring a spare pair of clothes. Who'd have thought you'd need one for a four-year-old at a two-hour party? Hope this gave you a chuckle. Definitely needed a large glass of wine after that.

Frankie from Somerset. Oh, my God. Can you imagine? Imagine if there was children in their life. Here to rain in in Softly. Phone party. Can you believe I've just been in there and I've had a shower, Mum? What?

Yeah. You wouldn't be able to say anything to the... I would pick him up and run. Yeah. And I'd never return. No, but that really makes me... That makes me fearful of fucking germs at Softplay. So I don't go to them.

How many people? No offence to our Frankie here. How many people have weed and pooed? I've seen a full on turd floating in the ball pit of a Softplay. Never,

no, I don't go to them. I can't handle it. I can't handle it. It's too much. We spend a lot of time at Softplay. It's not a Softplay,

it's a slip and slide sometimes yes it's like a wet and wild in there amount of poo and wee snot and boogers I took Joseph the other day

to a soft plate with his carry potty because obviously we're in the early days of potty training so he needs to still have it quite nearby and we brought him one

obviously that looks like a cow of course so it's like a closed lid it's perfectly sanitary but I wanted to have it like nearby just in case he had

a last minute dash but because it looks like a cow all the other children kept picking it up and like moving it around and playing with it and i was like oh excuse me yeah that's yeah that's actually a potty uh parents your children are playing with my son's potty that needs to be there's poo in there and there, he did just lay out a massive turd. Okay. So if that lid comes open, that shit is your problem. Okay. Don't say I didn't warn you.

Stop touching my cow. You should do it. So it's got a sensor on it. So it moves every time you. Yeah. Oh, that's awful. Filthy Frankie.

I would laugh if it wasn't me. I don't know why my voice went so high there. Yeah, really. I'm fine. Fine. And if it was me, I'd cut and run. I would run out of there. And not tell anyone.

Like a bat out of hell. I wouldn't return. Well, thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. And if you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secretmumpod.com or we're secretmumpod on TikTok and Instagram. Have you witnessed a pee waterfall at the soft play? Or do you have advice for any of our secrets today?

Then let us know. There really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club. Club! ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Halloween horror is about. This spooky

season with these hair-raising podcasts. The Magnus Protocol. Catch you next time, dearie. No, you won't. After Dark. And with that, the curtain falls on the story of Anne Boleyn. The Red Room. Exploring Irish ghost stories and haunted Irish history.

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