Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Speedy Delivery

Episode Date: April 25, 2024

The ladies are back into the swing of things, and they have loads of your messages and secrets to get through! So we're kicking it off with one mum's rapid childbirth, a listener having school troubles and a secret that will give you the willies. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Coo-coo-choo-coo-coo-coo-coo-coo-choo with a big baggy foo. That is us now. We've got big baggy vaginas. Well, only me. Yeah, speak for yourself. Hello. Hello. Hello. Hi. Hi.

This is The Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And welcome to your Thursday's episode. Where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week. All of your comments, thoughts, questions and fun stories to keep you going through the weekend. Shall we jump on in? To the correspondence. Connor!

Connor! Sorry, headphone users. Okay, you ready for number one get us with number one this is from anonymous it says hello soph and emma i was listening to the bongela baby episode i remember that from way back when and soph i can totally relate with you poor little dotty just know that you are not alone this happened to me when my daughter was in reception too. She befriended a little boy and they soon became the best of friends. I became very good friends with his mum too, which was lovely. But then things took a turn for the worst.

The boy started calling my daughter names and hitting her a lot. I ignored it at first, but then she came home from school saying that she looked fat in her outfit and hating herself. So that was it. I mean, I was not going to let this happen to my daughter. I thought I won't take this to school home from school saying that she looked fat in her outfit and hating herself so that was it i mean i was not going to let this happen to my daughter i thought i won't take this to school because i'm sure we can talk as adults as we were such good friends but she did not like what i had to say and kicked off about it majorly to the school so i know how you feel my daughter is over halfway

through year one now and it's still awkward when we see them on the school run best part is we're bloody neighbors sending you massive love from another southern mummy god bless you fucking hell the mum kicked i would be embarrassed if my child had called another child fat at the age of fucking five and was hitting her a lot and the mum had the fucking audacity right a southern mum are we names that's what i need to know yeah i'll go and have a lot. And the mum had the fucking audacity. Right, a southern mum. Are we names? That's what I need to know. Yeah. I'll go and have a little word at the school. Not that I want to be aggressive or anything,

but that, that is outright, that is horrendous. Is that not horrendous? Awful. What are you supposed to do in that situation? I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry you have to go through that. Even you, but your daughter as well how fucking horrible oh my god that's made me really mad how is Dot's getting on she's okay I'm hoping

it's just because of Renly she doesn't want to go back but we're still not having the best of time that she just doesn't want to go back we're still not really establishing a great friend um i do you know what generally do believe it's because she's everybody's sort of a similar age and they're all very little whereas dotty's a september she's a big one um and i wonder if she's just not finding her person you know yeah um so i'm hoping when they have a little bit of a shuffle around in the in the because we don't have fucking long do we fuck we literally don't have long what are we now we're april may june july they've literally got three months left and we break up for the school holidays july holidays and then she'll go back into year one so they'll have a shift up of all the children so So this is like a big window now to go back.

Sorry, I didn't mean to take any limelight off before we were talking about the bloody Nora. Are they shuffling up the classes now for this term or not until year one? They are shuffling. So we'll go back now. They'll shuffle them up for year one, but we've only got three weeks.

They break up and then they'll go back into, she'll go back into year one. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Won't she? So I'm hoping when she goes back and she has a shake up of the class she might find a little friend yeah from there but we're still she has like the teachers do say she's never on her own she's never lonely she plays with children

she's really polite she's really friendly don't want to blow my own trumpet she's pretty fucking great but to be fair if i was a five-year-old child i'd want to blow my own trumpet she's pretty fucking great but to be fair if i was a five-year-old child i'd want to be best friends with her like i think she's the funniest yeah fucker i know like she's hilarious like she does the most craziest shit she's got your back she's a solid friend like she will have your back yeah i mean she's she's your ride or die i'm applying for my daughter to have friends. I mean, I will. I'll rate her. I'll back her.

I will always be her biggest number one supporter. Yeah. Because she's great. So I'm hoping when they ever shift up. But yeah, teachers have said she's okay. She's never on her own. So she's just wearing a little bit of a mix of new baby. I don't want to go back.

Yeah. I want to stay with you and my new baby brother. Aww. But it's okay. We're taking every day as it comes. Yeah. By the time you hear this, we're all leaving back. So I'll probably be crying about it for the next month.

By the time you hear this, you'll have set up your home school. Yeah. And they'll all be at home. All right. Well, we've got one last message here are you ready are you more importantly are you okay are you ready is sadie all right yeah she's just come off the boob just having a little she's having a little um she's trying to get some wind up so if you hear something that's her not me emma's blaming sadie okay she is constipated still

all right this one says hi ladies congratulations on the birth of your gorgeous bubbers i wanted to share my shocking birthing story with you yes yes this is what we be dying for okay it says i was overdue with my fourth and it was the day before needing to be induced my partner headed to work one last time i cleaned the whole house wow. Wow. Fair play. Organized family to pick up the children in the morning and got everything ready so it would be perfect for the baby coming home. Then bam, my waters went at 3pm. I rang the midwife to let her know and she told me to sort the kids, pack the overnight bag and then head over to the hospital. My dad and sister got to us at 3.15 and they instantly told me I wouldn't make the half hour drive to the hospital.

So he ends up calling an ambulance. I went to lay down on my freshly cleaned bed upstairs. Oh my God. And at 3.25, I gave birth to my baby. Fuck. Hold on a minute. Go back. Was that 10 minutes?

Right. Timeline recap. 3pm, the waters went. 3.15, the dad and sister arrive and phone an ambulance. She lays down on the bed. 10 minutes later at 3.25, she gives birth to the baby. Wow! Luckily, the ambulance arrived swiftly, but one of the paramedics was new to the job,

so he ended up passing out. Well, I think maybe choose a different career. Passing out because he'd never seen someone give birth but when they were conscious they were amazing and i couldn't have done it without them from a crazy mother with four kids oh my god it's passed out it's not a woman i don't want i don't want to be stereotypical and if you're a man listening please take a pinch of salt but it's just so funny that it's a man that's passed out oh wow that is phenomenal that's amazing that's almost as quick as yours well i don't i had the wow a bit of a build-up didn't i wasn't straight up in juice i had contractions for all that time but yeah the the bit of rocketing out of your foo-foo

bloody hell maybe it was cleaning the whole house that got you down. That's quite a vigorous activity to do, isn't it? When you're due the next day. Yeah. Did she say she was being induced? Oh, she was due to be induced the next day. Sorry, yeah. And then her waters went, bless you.

Bless you, Sadie. God bless you, my baby. She can't believe it either. I just can't get over that. I can't get over how, maybe you didn't realise you were having contractions. Yeah, that is wild.

So just straight up, water's gone and then the baby's just out. 25 minutes later. I hope you're all right because sometimes it's a bit of a shock when it happens that quickly, isn't it? Yeah, because the trauma. Why was trauma? Full on trauma. Because it was so quick. It was far too quick.

My foo-foo wasn't ready, honestly. Truly, truly was not ready. I don't think I'll ever recover from it. I don't think my foo-foo will ever... I don't think I'll recover from it, to be honest. I said, if I could have a fourth baby now and guarantee that my pregnancy would be okay, because this pregnancy was really hard.

And do you know what? I've had a lovely amount of messages of people asking and I haven't really spoke about it, so I might do a little Q&A my instagram i don't know but um lots of people have asked if everything's gone back the moment i gave birth all my symptoms went really there was no itching i could eat what i want my senses were back nothing was making me feel sick i wasn't in any pain like literally everything instantly like someone just turned the tap off or turn the switch off it was just gone vanished poof like I was

fucking mad if it was like I'd made it all up you gaslighting yourself yeah gaslight myself yeah um so yeah if I could guarantee that I could have a lovely pregnancy and have a cesarean. You'd have another one. I think I would. I think I'd have a fourth. Only because I like the idea of a whole, you know. And mirror your sister then as well. Four and four, wouldn't you? Would.

But then I said as well, what if my sister's got three girls and a boy? I might have three boys and a girl. Yeah. But I don't think, I don't, I don't generally don't think my body could go through that. No, and you never know. You never know how your pregnancy and your birth are going to be there's no guarantees are there no there isn't any guarantees and i think as well i think it was just too stressful for colby especially but for colby and dots to be honest i'll be brutally honest i don't think dotty had a fucking clue what was going on she was completely like yes

she was she was just like i'm having a great time while you're in hospital i'm sleeping in the bedroom dad dad's playing with me all the time we're playing toys we're playing barbies like i'm happy for you not to come home because you take dad away from me that's what she's this was like you always take dad away from me and dad wants to sit and watch a film with you and he's my friend as well and you don't ever share dad you're sat on the phone like bawling your eyes out and there's colby like please i just need you to come back i can't cope doctor's like no please don't come back yeah no we're fine actually without you we're fine yeah i said to her do you want to go up the hospital and see me she was like no not really it's a bit of a waste of time we've got to go in the car and we've got to then go in

the hospital i'd rather just stay at home and you're like i've been humbled by a five-year-old she is a savage also do you know what's got to happen if you want to have another baby you've got to have sex yeah no no i think that's the only thing that puts me off it's off the table no offense to a pizza dick pizza dick and delicious balls i'm not so down for that no thank you i'll pass on that one but thank you for all of your messages yeah keep them coming if you have any comments thoughts or funny stories why not get in touch you can email us hello at secretmumpod.com or with secret on tiktok and instagram next it's time for one of your secrets.

Welcome back. We love a secret here on The Secret Mum Club. You are all so good at sharing. What have you got for us today, Emma? All right, this one comes from Nicole. It says, good good morning lovely ladies after listening to your willy chat what I needed to share my secret what willy chat we speak about willies all the time I need to back the fuck up I need to share there's no willy chat to be had we need to go in with a different name for the willy because ain't no one seeing no dick

yeah after listening to your willy chat okay't no one seeing no dick yeah after listening to your willy chat okay i needed to share my secret with you both as a first-time mum to a boy and also having the only boy in the family i was definitely not aware that they can get erections ah yes this one i'm back in the room with this one anyway nearly three years in my little boy is fully aware he has a willy and he is obsessed with making me aware every time his willy is big. His words, not mine. Lol. When changing in for bed, my son looked sad and said, Mummy, my willy's not big.

Me trying to avoid the awkwardness and ignore him, he then turns to me to say oh no mummy make my willy big not knowing what to do i quickly got him changed and told him he can never say that again what would you do in this situation love you both nicole oh no nicole die i would die curl up in a ball and die i think i'd do the same as you. I think I'd just... Ignore it. Ignore it. Move on. Then what? Like, if there was a fly on the wall,

how fucking mad you would seem. Like, my daughter literally shouted in a restaurant how delicious her dad's balls are. Like, and you've just got your son asking for you to make his willy big. Like, it's... This is the shit that nobody talks about. Like, if in a real world, if you would hear, somebody would shit that nobody talks about like if in a real world if you would hear somebody would see that out and about you'd feel so scared wouldn't you be like what the fuck i

don't want people thinking but it's so so normal like it's so normal and i think i just do the same as you i'll be like oh no mommy can't be doing that that's because he doesn't he doesn't understand like the context that he said that in it like makes perfect sense sense but obviously you can't say to him hugely inappropriate so inappropriate but only we know that i think i'd do the same as you i'd just be like oh no no come on let's let's go play with some cars yeah distraction i don't distraction yeah i think i'd just go for distraction. But it's just so normal. So funny, though. I'd love these stories, though, don't you? Because it's just something you'll never forget.

I know. And a great one to tell him when he's older. So great. He will die. He'll die when he's 18 and you tell him that. Oh, crumbs. Oh, dear. Do let us know if you've got any advice for Nicole or if it's 18 and you tell him that oh dear do let us know if you've got any advice for nicole or if it's happened to you or if you've got any stories on this topic any willy chat let us know

the email is hello at secretmanpod.com or search secretmanpod on tiktok and instagram no dick pics but we'll we'll see you back here first thing on monday morning and we'll have more of your messages on our next thursday episode and we'll see you next time on the secret