Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Spiky Surprise

Episode Date: May 27, 2025

Things get prickly at the zoo as a mum has her lady parts loudly compared to a porcupine. Sophiena’s navigating Colby’s first sex ed class, Emma’s losing sleep (and her dinner routine), and there’s a genius calendar hack every mum needs to try. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Sophina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do. And as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself. You can be anonymous. And all those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the Secret Mom Club. We did it without looking for the first time in ages. We went straight in with the bucket as well. Finally nailed it. Finally.

We're professionals. Listen, I wouldn't say it's going to be every week. No. But you know, you just got to take the rough with the smooth. We're having a good week. We're having a great week. Yeah. Although I was having a great week until, listen, this is my opinion, be angry at me

if you wish, but I am a little slightly peeved. There's a lot of social media about how women should be dressing appropriately with the weather coming. Women are very angry at women for showing too much boob or a little bit too much bum cheek. And okay, I get it. We need to be respectful. Mainly, I always think I dress trying to dress it respectfully for the children. Do we need to be respectful? No, we don't. But that's me personally. Me personally, I think I dress the way I dress because I do worry about the children. I, you know, being around the children, going up on the school run, but I just think you do you boo boo. But I will say on the flip

side, I am a little bit fed up of seeing naked men. Why is it that England, we get a bit of sunshine and that's it. All the men are naked. I won't lie to you. It's a lot. And it's the fact that Dottie says, why has that man got his belly out? Yeah, good question. Not even Chris takes his top off. I don't even know why. Not even Chris. But I just, I don't know what it is. I know. And there's no like, it doesn't matter what you look like. I mean, good for you, you know, embrace your body.

Body positivity. But when we've got such a stigma against women having too much cleavage or too much bum cheek. I mean, I've started running again. Have you gone girl? I have, I've been three times. So I'm considering myself a runner. Marathon coming.

Again, yeah. I can only manage like four or five kilometers. I'm building my way up. Listen, that's a bloody lot. Do you not underestimate that? I know, but because it's been so hot, I've been running in these tiny little shorts. Have you seen the little shorts that are like,

floaty shorts, but they've got integrated. Oh, like inside? Yes. Like little cycling shorts. Every time I see them, I think Emma would look great in those. I can't stop buying like athleisure wear. That's my jam. That's my jam.

That's my jam. Like how many pairs of joggers do I need? Stefan's like, not another hoodie and jogger set. And I'm like, I wear them every day. I need them. And they also, when you wear them, do actually make you a professional runner. They do. I think I do think that with like when I buy proper running stuff, I genuinely think it makes me run.

Hello, you're saying bolt. Here I come. Yeah, it makes me run faster. It does. If I'm wearing like, if I'm dressed like an Olympic athlete, I run like an Olympic athlete. Maybe not. It's a whole mindset. It's channeling the universe. But yeah, I've been wearing these teeny little shorts that actually my sister gave me as a hand-me-down and she's a very, I want to say, naked person. She is quite a naked person. Very confident in her body.

She's wonderful. You know, stunning. But she gave me these tiny little Nike shorts and I get so much attention when I run in them. And that's not me bragging. I'm not saying I look great. It's just that people can't believe that they see a woman running around in a skinny pair of shorts. I think part of the problem might be when I wear them with a baggy vest, you can't see them. So it does it like I've got nothing on the bottom half. And that might be alarming people. But yeah, people like shout at me

out of their car windows and all sorts and like beat their horns. I'm not trying to flatter myself here. I genuinely think it's very inappropriate to harass someone who is running. Oh, massively. I'm just exercising outside and guess what? It's really fucking hot.

So I'm not wearing many clothes. No. I thought I'm gonna overheat. I've got no, listen, I don't want anyone to get me wrong. I'm all for us embracing our bodies. If you've got boobie and bum, you wanna be showing. I've got no problems with seeing it. But what I don't like is how much women get stick

for how much of their body that they're allowed to show because it is for a woman, it is, they're allowed to show because it is for a woman, it is you are allowed to do this and you're not allowed to do this. Otherwise people are going to judge you, but we're just freely letting just men walk around. I mean, that's just the double standards of society, isn't it? It's a tale as old as time. It's the same even with breastfeeding. It's like walking around Lidl and there's men with no tops on and I'm just like, imagine there was a lady to come in now here with her breasts out, I'd be like, you go girl.

But no, we're not allowed to do that. Because we're offending too many people. Even when you're feeding your child and you get your boob out in public, people, I mean, largely like people ignore it, but you definitely, I noticed like some funny looks and stuff because people just can't help but think, oh, you've got your boobs out in public.

Like it's not sexual, feeding my child. That is the problem though, isn't it? It is sexualizing, isn't it? That's it. Just it's so infuri No, that is the problem though. Isn't it? It is sexualizing. Isn't it? That's it. Just so it's so infuriating. I'm here bigging the women. I say you go boo boo. You go, you show your button boobs. Yeah. You want to show them. Yeah. But I just, I can't, I can't with like the shaming of women and then you just go out on the street and then you're like, put it away. I mean, look, or get it out if you want. Yeah, like get it out if you want. Just let women do the same.

Yes, just let women be women. Like why are we, and the amount of honking of horns, honking of horns and obviously I'm with a, I'm with child. I'm not. What? Apologies. I was losing my words, but obviously I've got a niece who is 16. She is beautiful, tall, long legs. You know, she's all developed. I always say

now she's a full, full grown woman. And I obviously know in my brain what a 16 year old girl looks like now, girl, woman, walking down the street. So when I see a van go past and they're honking, because obviously the girls are out. The children are out now because of the GCSE. So their hours are all over the place. So there's more young women on the street, more young men on the street because they're walking and seeing friends. And the amount of honking horns that I see,

and I just think they're fucking, they're 15, they're 16. What the fuck are you doing? It's disgusting. Okay, I won't lie, it does curl my tummy. It curls my toes. It makes me feel physically sick. And I'm just like, what are we doing? What are we like? It's mad how nothing's changed as well. And like, that was 20 years since we were that old. And I feel like it was the same thing.

It petrified me when I'm not, you know, not bigging myself up, but I'd get like an occasional honk of the horn on the way to school. And I used to be like, ill, I'm in my school uniform. Yeah, gross. Yeah, like so gross. So fucking weird. And it scares the fucking shit out of me, the horn. I'm walking down the road trying to get the baby to sleep. Oh, fuck yeah, you're fucking, definitely not honking at me. Yeah. I've just woken my baby up, so thanks.

And also you're honking at young women. Like what I just, I just can't. It's just one of those things, you know? It's up there for me. I'm quite a chill person. I don't let things bother me. I just, you know, stay in my own lane, do my own thing. But parking in a child and baby bay, van parking in a child and baby bay,

because I am obviously being that my mom is disabled. I am aware that disabled people use the mom and baby base. Got no issues, no issues with that. But when it's a full blown van that just pops out to get his quick meal deal and he's taking a mum and baby back. I had to complain about that at the gym the other day. I said, I've just seen two people leaving your gym.

I don't even like to complain. No babies in tow. And I can never get a fucking space. I am that person that does get hit with someone's trolley and I apologize to them. And I don't let things like this bother me because I just think you don't know what's going on in someone's life but you know when you're just like oh that is up there with being and dog poo, dog poo on the street. Those are my top three. It's really great my gears. If I could

do a fucking video of how many lumps of shit can we find on our walk today children and you know what the worst thing is that I saw the other day, a bag of dog shit next to the fucking bin. Oh no. Couldn't put the dog shit in the bin, no. But someone will go, oh, at least it was bagged. My mom always used to tell me it could make a child go blind. It's really bad dog poo.

Yeah. I don't know if I wouldn't be able to. She used to say, make sure you pick it up because the child could go blind. I don't know if that is true. Cat poo's really dangerous, isn't it? Cat poo's really dangerous for a newborn baby. Either way, there's just too much dog shit.

Everyone do better, all right? It's just too much dog shit on the stream. Yeah, it's gross. And it makes me sad because it's always the children that walk through or the pram goes through. Because you know when you're on a, well, when I'm trying to get Renly to sleep and I'm on a good stomp,

because I've been clocking up some mileage. You're not looking out for that? You're not looking out for the shit, no. I'm looking out for the naked men walking down the street. How's your week been apart from the naked men? All right. Yeah, again, we're going through some bits, aren't we? I've not been on my social media. There is a lot of going on on social media and I don't want to draw any attention to it, but it's just, it's a very, it's a hard place to be at the moment. Plus I've got been on my social media. There is a lot of going on on social media and I don't wanna draw any attention to it, but it's a hard place to be at the moment. Plus I've got my own stuff going on, which you know about.

Everybody in the room knows about, but obviously I can't share it with the room at the moment. Nothing serious, nothing scary, just life admin. It's all I can categorize it as at the moment is life admin. There's just little things that just aren't my, you know, like a Windows 98, all my windows are open and I just can't close any of them. I can't shut any of my windows down.

They're all just, they just keep buffering. Yeah, my tabs are open. Me and Stefan got into bed the other night and we were like, we were both getting up early in the morning because he was on a breakfast shift. I was on a breakfast shift. So alarms were set. I sound really miserable. That's really negative. I've come into

this podcast episode today, very angry. No, you're fine. This is a safe space. So we both had to get up early and I was like, I literally felt like you. I was like, I cannot close. I know like we're both so tired. Sadie's not sleeping at the moment. She's still like a newborn waking us up like three times a night and then waking up for the day at 5 a.m. They're texting each other I think. I think they are. They're in cahoots Sadie and Rena. I was going to say they're psychopathic. Should we fuck this shit up?

Irish twins? No. Siamese? Is that a cat? When can we eat someone's mind? Siamese? Is that Lady and the Tramp? Where has my brain gone?

I'm so tired I can't think. Too many fucking tabs are opening in my brain. What is Siamese? Psychic. Psychic is what I was trying to say. Anyway we're both fucked. We were like we need to go to sleep. We need to go to bed. We need to go to bed. We need to go to bed. We need to go to bed. We need to go to bed. I'm tired, I'm tired. Too many fucking tabs are opening in my brain. What it sign means.

Psychic, is what I was trying to say. We got there in the end. Anyway, we're both fucked. We were like, we need to go to sleep. We need to get an early night, laid there for so long in bed. And I was like, Stefan, this is how crazy I am. This is where my trail of thought has gone.

Your eyes were moving under your lids then. I could see them. We are thinking about moving house in literally like several months time. I was laying in bed thinking, when we move, will we take our bin store with us? And then I started going through all the permanent fixtures in the house. And I was like, what about the key safe?

Do we drill that off the wall and take it with us? Postbox? I articulated that to Stefan and he was like, you're mental. Why are you thinking about that now? He's like, the house isn't even on the market. And I was like, I know, this is an insight into my brain. Like when I go to sleep at night and I'm so tired, why can't my brain just switch off? I to sleep at night and I'm so tired,

why can't my brain just switch off? I'm thinking about things that I wouldn't even think about during the day. It's driving me crazy. I've got too much in my brain that I can't think. I just fall to sleep at the moment on the lounge floor. The hay fever's got me and I won't lie to you, it's upsetting me.

I cry about it on the daily, not out of choice because my eyes are fucking bleeding. Do you know what, it's raining now and I'm thrilled. I'm not, it's worse, the rain's worse with the hay fever. I'm not, it's worse. The rain's worse with the hay fever. I know when it gets colder I'm all right. It just sticks. But yeah, Ren is just the same.

And I keep just blaming the teeth. I keep saying teeth, but it's been teeth for a year and a half. I think it's me. I generally think it's me. I think because I'm in such a... You think it's rubbing off on him. I do.

Do you? It definitely upsets the apple cart. And the other two are bigger. So they have their time and they play and they don't require me as much as Renly does. He's very velcro. We are, the string gets a little bit tight. Oh, God, you've got to come back

because he just can't, he can't leave me. It's exhausting, isn't it? I know as much as people say, like, enjoy the cuddles. You've got shit to get done. Do you want to know how wild this week was and how exhausted I was? I woke up and I thought, fucking hell, what is that in my eye? I said to Chris, I need you to look in my eye. What's in my eye? And he went, that is Renly's finger. Fully under my eyelid. And I was just asleep with his finger in my eye. That's how close, like I think if he could climb back inside me, he would. He

had his finger fully in my eyelid. I said to Chris, I need you to pull it out. I need you to pull it out. Is he sleeping in your bed then? Touching my eye. The other, he wakes up at like 1.30 and I can't, I can't with dots in there. And if she gets a shit night's sleep, you're fucked. The whole family's fucked because she is a, she's a big personality in the home.

So I take the baby out of his room, put him into our bed. This is what we've had to do with Sadie. Finger in the eyelids. Finger in your eyeballs. This is the thing though, I can never get on top of it with her sleep because I'm the same. I don't want her to wake Joseph because the lesser of two evils is having Sadie awake,

not Joseph awake. And if they're both awake at the same time, you're fucked. So as soon as she cries, I'm in there, I'm picking her up straight away. We're co-sleeping, we're boobing in the bed, we're doing whatever it takes to shut her up and keep her quiet. But it's making her not be able to sleep independently because I can never get around to doing any sort of sleep training because we just don't have the capacity and I can't have a waking JoJo up. Do you know what I lie there and I just think

people say to this, you know, we're gonna miss this one day. I know, I know. I keep trying to tell myself that. My Instagram algorithm is all like, make the most of it, they won't be in your bed for long, enjoy the cuddles. I'm like, okay, but I need like, I need more than three hours sleep at a time,

it's killing me. She's doing awake at like 11 now. I secretly do love it though, I do love it, but it's the hay fever for me, it's not making it enjoyable because I can't breathe through my nose. I've got snot just trickling, just water just trickling out my nose.

My eyes are crusty as fuck. I've got a finger in there. I've got water running out of them. I'm trying to calm him down. He's screaming in my face. My ears are like throbbing. So I would say, again, it's me. I'm the problem.

I'm the problem, it's me, I'm the problem. I'm the problem, it's me. I think the baby's the problem. By this point with Joseph, we had it so sorted out and I'm just like, when are we gonna sort Sadie out? She is driving me crazy. Maybe we're just over, we're over complicating it. Maybe we just need to chill.

I might just get a floor bed and we'll just sleep in there. I might just get a crate of cocktails to be honest. Yeah, that too. Just to, you know. A margarita before bed would help. This is my thing though, this is my solace. Normally I'm like, okay, I'll get them to bed.

I'll go downstairs. I'll have like half an hour to myself, have a drink, have some dinner, watch some shit TV. I don't even get that now because she's taking so bloody long to settle and go to bed that I quickly, last night, I just ate my dinner out of the saucepan because I was so exhausted. Over the kitchen side. Literally, I got a piece of bread, I mopped it all up. I was like, boom, boom, boom, that's my got a piece of bread, I mopped it all up.

I was like, boom, boom, boom, that's my dinner done. Off to bed I go. It's depressing. Yeah. I need to get my life back. Wow, we were negative there, weren't we? Sorry, I just had to get that off my chest. It's good, it's a safe place.

She's driving me crazy. And Joseph's on hunger strike at the moment. So it's Sadie with her sleep, Joseph with his eating. I can't cope. Is Jojo okay? He's just tired, he's just stopped eating everything. For about the last week, he just won't put anything in his mouth. Is Jojo okay? He's just trying to stop eating everything. For about the last week, he just won't put anything in his mouth.

Is it just too hot? Mine go a bit, I was gonna say go a bit funny. They do go off their food because it's just too hot to eat. Do you know what's insulting is that a nursery, oh, he's got huge appetite, it's been eating everything. So it's just me, just my food, my cooking.

He won't eat anything that's not beans on toast. We're having bowls of cereals with ice cubes in them because they just want really icy. Not water. No, water ice cubes. But they just want really, really cold, really cold. They eat them too fast. For it to melt.

Yeah. Then they have just a little, then they put a straw in the bowl and they just have ice cold. Icy milk. Oh yes. Maybe I'll try that. Cause I can't get anything else down there.

Cause obviously ice cubes are very scary for children. Yeah. Yeah. When they get them all over. I started off being really strong and being like, you can't have beans on toast for every meal. Like we're having something different. We're doing this, we're doing that. This is what we've got.

I'm not making anything else. Then after three days, Stefan was like, I think I'm just giving. Just as long as he's eating something, he can have beans on toast 10 times a day. To be fair to Joseph, three meals a day, I'd have beans on toast 10 times a day. Yeah, to be fair to Joseph, three meals a day I'd have beans on toast and cheese. I would, I would as well.

That's my death row. I know. I'd have that before I go. Would you? Start making that dessert. Though I always think though far too much about this that if it was my death, imagine once they, I don't know what happens when they.

Well, it depends where you are, but yeah. Yeah. Before the injection. Imagine the farts. I can't. Imagine I'd been eating it for the whole month lead up. You'd stink. Yeah. Yeah.

The accumulated farts. You know, at the end of I'm a celebrity, if you're still in the final three, you get to pick like your final meal and they have a big feast in dinner on the last night. You'd actually get them to bring you beans on toast. Yeah. Legitimately. I'd go for three portions as well. Two slices. What about your drink? Beans on toast? Yeah, legitimately. And I'd go for three portions as well. Two slices.

What about your drink? Beans on toast? Oh, all drink. Cup of tea? No, no, probably cherry Pepsi. Oh, niche. Or a cherry eight. I love cherry. I'll be on the beer, son.

Would you? You'd go for, I'd be too scared though. I'd be fucked after one glass. Then I'll be voted out. Sorry, she had too many beans. Farted her way out of here. She was high on beans. Go and get any sense out of her. She's gone. So that's our week. That was pretty crazy, wasn't it? I know. It has been a bit of a mad one. I'm just, yeah, I need some sleep. We're getting there. We're doing great. We're all doing great.

By next week. We're all in this together. Yeah. Trying to muster up some energy. We're all stars and we're seasoned. Me and Stefan were like, wow, it can't get worse than the newborn trenches. And then we were like, no, we're really in the thick of it again the other day. We were like, this is a real life.

Into the thick of it. Get your wellies on because you're in deep. Buckle up bitches. Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yeah, we want you to join us in the Secret Mom Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about,

or just say hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search Secret Mom Pod, or you can email us hello at secretmompod.com. It's time for the Correspondence Corner. It's time for the Correspondence Corner. So Emma, let's hear it. Okay, this one says, Hi Zafina and Emma. Hello.

I was listening to the episode about Colby's residential trip and I brought back memories from my own childhood. I was such a homesick child and when I was 11, I went on my first five day school residential. I cried all morning before getting on the bus and the teachers had to literally prize me off my mom at the school gates. She spent the whole week worrying about me. Meanwhile, I had a brilliant time.

A few tears at bedtime, just like Colby, but overall I absolutely loved it. I'm so glad he had a great time too. And speaking of homesickness, I'm a mom to an 18 month old baby girl. I've exclusively breastfed her since birth, so we've never really been apart. She's a total mommy's girl. But I'm writing this to an 18 month old baby girl. I've exclusively breastfed her since birth, so we've never really been apart. She's a total mommy's girl.

But I'm writing this from my friend's house after my first night away with the girls. Bubba's at home with my partner and it sounds like she's been a dream for him. I'm missing them like mad, but fingers crossed she's missing me just as much when we're reunited later today. Lots of love Laura in Essex.

Oh Laura, that is adorable. I've got goose pimples then because she's away with her. How wonderful is that? Well done for getting away. Yeah, well done. So I wonder whether baby took a bottle then? Maybe. From dad. She must have. What a little tree. Oh, that's adorable. Well done for breastfeeding her baby. Go you Laura. Exclusively. So nothing else. It's just been Laura and the baby. And the boobies.

That is no mean thing. That is incredible, isn't it? And go you for looking after yourself, treating yourself so you should. I bet that felt great. I bet it felt, I hope you've had the best time. It's almost tinged with a little bit of sadness, isn't it? When you go away, but it's important to do.

A few glasses of wine deep, you're anyone's. One sip of wine. I'm like, I've forgotten, have I got children? Jesus. Forgotten who they are. Oh, and the residential as well. Yes. So good. I think it is so good for them.

I think they should have gone later. She was a bit older, Colby's eight. Yes, eight. Eight's young. Eight's so young. Isn't it? So young. I wouldn't have wanted to go when I was eight. I think I did go when I was eight. Did you hate it?

Because I'm a baby like Colby, no. You loved it as well, yeah. At the time of my life. Dottie's gonna go gray, Renna's will be- Will she go when she's eight as well? Laura, yes. Well, she'll be older though, she'll be nine. Older in the year.

Because he's an Auguster, he's a baby, she's a big one. Do you think by Colby's year at school, that's evened itself out? Or is there still a big difference between the nine-year-olds and the eight-year-olds? No, I would say the boys have, I would say they've evened out now, yes, definitely. But it's very, very apparent in Dottie's

that she's the oldest. Because they're five and six. Yeah, yeah. But she'll be like, ladies! Oh, she won't care. I'm off to France for three months. Is that about you, fuckers? She'll be like, I'm going on a gap year, mum.

Renly, I don't know that Renly will go. Hard to tell, hard to tell. Yeah, hard to tell, because I was about to say it's hard to tell, because he, now if I try and give him to Chris. Not happening. He might still be sleeping in your bed with his finger in your eyeball.

He might be. Yeah, finger in the eye. And knowing us, because they're our last and our youngest, we'll probably cling onto it for a long time. I do, I do take it up. I've probably bought this on myself, but you know, I'm not angry about it. Yeah, I'm not mad about it.

No, I'm not mad about it. Just the sleepless nights with the hay fever, life admin. Yes, a lot. I'm overstimulating. Yeah, sure. Yeah, tapping out. This is my tap out. Wednesday is a tap out. Yeah. Tapping out, sisters. It's your day off. So you can get in touch with us on anything at all.

It can be serious or silly, and you can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we've probably heard it all before and remember, we're all in this together and we know that we are, we're all stars and we see that. Right, here's my secret of the week. Okay, I need everybody in the room, including you, to keep an open mind about this. I don't really know how to talk about it and I want to talk about it with as much respect and dignity that it deserves. I don't even know if that's the right words, but this is very new for me. So yeah, let's roll with it. Okay. I don't know what this is. So I am intrigued.

No, you don't, but man and Zoffia do know. Because I had to like preempt as to whether or not I could talk about it, but I do generally want some advice. So this week, Colby came home from school and said, Mom, I have seen a penis today. So I was like, Oh, okay. Oh, no, actually correction. He actually come home and said, Mom, I've done something and seen something and it's actually made me feel really sick. And I want to talk about it, but talking about it makes me feel really sick. And I was like, straight away, I was like, oh, don't worry about it. Like when you're ready to tell me, you can tell me. Like I don't want you to feel uncomfortable telling me. So we kind of just did our normal chat and he sort of potted off and he come back and he's like,

I think I want to talk about it. And he's like, I saw a penis and he was like, I'm really sorry to use that word, but that's the correct terminology. And I was like, no, it's fine. I was like, what is it? Cause he said that. And I was like, Oh, and he was like, Oh, we've been doing P H S E, which I think is our PSE was ours. PSE. I called it PSE. What did you call him? Sex ed class. Sex ed. Sexual education. Yeah. Obviously that's what sex ed is short for. I don't know why I had to literate on the whole word. But I don't remember it being PSC.

I just remember it being sex ed. Right. So he was like, we've been doing PHSE, which we're learning about our bodies changing. We're learning about penises changing and women's bodies periods. And he was like, it made me feel really, really sick, mum. And we had to write all this stuff down. I was like, oh, and I kind of was like, in my head, I was, you know, when you got to think on the spot,

like go on the spot, I was like, oh, I don't really know what to say. And do you know what? Again, if there's anyone from Colbury School is probably a me issue, but I, I didn't, I don't know if I've missed emails or I haven't read them, probably haven't read them because I'm shit at reading email. So I don't know if we've been preempted to do the conversation or if we haven't. But you didn't know they were doing it?

No, so I didn't know it was coming. The school maybe have told me so I could talk to him about it, but I kind of, I'm angry at myself that I didn't know the information before he came to me to talk about it. What was it I'm angry at myself that I didn't know the information before he came to me to talk about it. What was it that made him feel sick?

So I don't think he liked the look. I don't know if I know I said to him, was it a real picture or was it like a drawing? And he was just like, Oh, it's just a picture. And he just said the talking of it didn't make me like how our bodies are going to change and what they're going to look like when we get bigger and talking about and he was blessed as heart. He was like, mom, I know about periods because you talked to me about periods. And then he was like, oh, I was able to talk about breastfeeding because you breastfed readily. But then he said, I did say that you didn't put him on your boob. You had a machine that sucked the milk out. And I was like, oh yeah, it's a breast pump. But I'm always really open with the children and we talk about that kind of, um, that kind

of thing. But he was like, Oh, since I came home, I've checked my body and my body's different. Can I show you? And you know, in your head and I just, I don't even want to get upset because it's just, it's like a whole, I don't know, like I started my period when I was nine. So it just comes as such a shock as to like, is it too early? Like should I have done more at this point now to talk to him about it? So he maybe wasn't as shocked about it or taken aback by it, but like his body is changing, like he's growing hair, like he's got a few little armpit hairs and other bits changing. And I was just, and he's growing hair, like he's got a few little armpit hairs and other bits changing and I just,

and he was just like, oh, I don't think I want more. Are you sad that it's like the passing of time is too much or that he wasn't like prepared enough? I just don't know that, I just don't, again, I just think I've been so consumed with like readily and maybe because I'm a girl, I expected to go through this with Dottie and I was kind of ready for her like to start a period early and he just was like, I don't

want my body to change. I was like, there isn't anything we could do like our bodies have to change and we have to go through these things. And he was like, I really don't want to willy like that. All right. Dad was like, oh, pizza dick. Pizza dick really gets a lot of hate. Pizza dick strikes again. And I just think, I don't know whether, I don't know if I'm the only one that was maybe a little bit naive because again, my sister's oldest is a girl.

So I guess I was, I was guessed prepared for when my eldest niece started going through it because I'm a girl, she's a girl. So we know what's to come. I guess you think of periods as the big change, but it's hard to over... It's easy to overlook maybe some of the other stuff, which obviously like boys' bodies do change a lot as well. And I think as well because girls are, again, please, it's such a hard topic to talk about and I don't really know how to approach it, but girls I always feel it's very visual, the change in a girl, because obviously their little chests go first, you know? And for girls, I always find like it's very a visual thing. You can see it happening before. Yeah.

And like Colby has been doing his bath time on his own because he's like, oh, I can do it. I can... because he's learned to wash his hair since the residential. We were doing that leading up to it. And he's now he's like, don't worry, I can do it. I, you know, I'm a big boy now. And then like his pajamas, I line all their pajamas up at bath time and I put them on the, I put them on the sofa and he, he'll take the pajamas and leave the room. And I kind of said to Chris, Oh, you know, maybe it doesn't because of the, maybe

because of the trip and stuff. He wants to be full like a big boy and get ready in his room. Or he goes into our room and just puts his pajamas on and then, yeah, I just, I just feel like it's just sprung up, been scum up nowhere. Because he feels so little. It does feel young for them to be doing it. But then I guess like it's good. You've got to get in there early because like you said, like you started your period when you were nine. So it does make sense for them to be doing it because if you left it later, the boys and girls who are changing might be like, oh, I'm not sure what's happening with my body. So it is good to get in there early,

but yeah, they do seem little to be learning about it. So little. But I just, I didn't, obviously he's year four going into year five, nothing against like the school or nothing, I just, they have to teach them. It's an educational thing that school have to teach them. So I just, I don't know if I've missed an email or I just was really, I just was so angry at myself

and I kind of feel like I've, in my head, I feel like I let the ball drop. Do you know what I was gonna say? I don't think you should question yourself for not doing enough because I feel like you couldn't be more open. Like you bring your children up in such an open environment, they can talk about anything, they're comfortable with talking about difficult topics. You talk about your period, all this stuff

like body image, all that. So I feel like you've done enough, but it's just, I think that it was like, felt sprung upon you. Yeah. And maybe you never would have been ready. Yeah. That's what Chris said. Chris said you can't beat yourself up about something because regardless of whether you had the conversation or not, the lesson is gonna feel, it's gonna sit uncomfortably for them, isn't it? It's always gonna be hard. And he's probably, I hope, you know, he's not the only child that is,

that did find it, come as a bit of a shock. I'm sure they were children that were less prepared than Colby in the class. You just feel like, I just missed the ball, like I just missed. And like, he was like, oh, I checked my body and I've got a little, cause obviously I'm aware that he's been using droidrin and we've done that. We talked about that, didn't we? On an episode was it end of last year? I think we talked about cause he was getting all these hormones

and changing and he wanted to have some droidrin. So I was fully aware of like his hormone changes and I'm aware that they go up and down, whereas girls are quite a gradual consistent, whereas boys are like a peak from my own experience anyway. So his hormones are a bit all over the place up and down. So we're obviously fully aware of the whole droidrin situation. But I wasn't expecting to come in and be like, look at my hairy pits. Yeah, I got two hairs. Do you know what? I think it's always different as well in a household where there are mixed gender siblings.

Because like, Stefan always tells me this, like he, he's got two older sisters. But he like, they were quite like private and quite like secretive. And then I come from a really open household. But I think because I had three, because we're three girls, there was no hiding anything.

You know, whenever anyone was on their period, you knew about it. We'd like walk around. Whenever Steve was on his period, you'd bloody know about it. Like my poor dad, honestly, he never had a choice. And people are like, that's a bit weird. And I'm like, it just wasn't weird though. Like we would walk out around.

You're still a very open family. Walk around naked. Not like explicitly, like I'm not in the kitchen cooking my dinner naked, but like if you needed to pop out of the bathroom and get a towel, for example, you wouldn't be like, ooh, ooh, ooh, like trying to cover up. You know what I mean? If you're really open. Whereas like Stefan never really like did any of that stuff. And I think I don't know what it was like with you because obviously you had a twin brother

as well. Is it very much the same as how Stefan's was ours. It was all very private. I don't really ever remember having a conversation with my mom about any of this. I never know. I just remember the first time I started my period and I never spoke, no, I just remember the first time I started my period and I was like, oh, I'm bleeding. And my mom just gave me a sanitary towel and said, stick this in your pants and you got to keep changing it

otherwise you're gonna leak through. But I don't ever remember, I don't know that my mom is comfortable, even now I don't think my mom is comfortable having those conversations with us. So it was kind of, we never really spoke about it. We went to school, we learned it at school and- That was it.

And that's why schools have got to do it, right? Because like some parents aren't having those conversations. Like my parents were always really open, which at the time I found so cringe. But now I'm grateful that they were, because they weren't conversations that were happening in Stefan's household. I felt like it made me more prepared for like what was to come.

Which again, I think ours is very similar to Stefan's, is that we weren't really prepared. I feel like in your house with your little family, you have been really open. We're so open. Yeah, we're really open. And I don't think you could have done more. And isn't it funny because even though my sister, I would say has, they have an open household, but my sister, I would say is maybe a little bit more reserved. So when I walk in, I'm like, guys, brace yourself. I'm blading today.

My nephew's like, oh God. Oh, come on, it's just a period. We've all got it. Get over it. You know? But then I don't know whether that's the, that's how confident you are in talking about it. You know?

I've got no idea like how I'm going to be with my children in my family. Like, do you like just put it all out there at the risk of making them feel uncomfortable, but then maybe you're better preparing them or do you wanna like hold a bit back because you don't wanna gross them out or like scare them. Because I'm kind of like one of those parents

that equally as well, I was bullied for some awful shit at school. And looking back now, it's laughable, isn't it? It's laughable some of the stuff you get picked on about, but like now I want to have, I want to have these conversations before the children go to school and have these conversations about certain topics.

So they're not deemed or picked on about it. I want to have those conversations because I want it to come from a safe place. But it's hard to know where to draw the line, isn't it? Like you want them to be like informed and not embarrassed in front of their peers when stuff comes But it's hard to know where to draw the line, isn't it? You want them to be informed and not embarrassed in front of their peers when stuff comes up and they don't know how to talk about it. But also you don't wanna give them too much information

and weird them out. Yeah. It's a really hard one. And it's hard because I don't think you're prepared for it. When the time comes with Joseph, you're just gonna be like, what? And him being a boy as well, with both our oldest being a boy. I don't know how I'm going to deal with that. I just assumed. Yeah. It was a girl was

fully prepared for Dottie to go through all this. Chris and Colby talk about like manly things. Chris again is really, really open. Yeah. It's really open. And he talks. We have no, we have no, I was gonna say no filter, but if there was a topic to come up, we address it. We don no, I was gonna say no filter, but if there was a topic to come up, we address it, we don't scoot over it, we don't say, oh, no, that's not this or that's not that. Obviously, the things that are special, i.e. the tooth fairy, Father Christmas, those things, I think are, we keep those bits very special, but things that are serious topics,

we don't just really open about it. Yeah, we don't cross. And you can tell that about by the things they come to you about. Like they have conversations with you that I would never have had with my mom and dad, which I think, you know, shows that you're doing a good job. I would have never gone to my mom

about what Colby has come to me about, yeah. So it's actually great that like, even though he says it made him feel uncomfortable, he is comfortable enough to raise that with you, which I think is really great. Yeah. You're doing good. Just don't know if anyone else has gone through it and if I'm normal for feeling shitty.

Yeah. It'd be interesting to know. And like when did people's PSHE start? Yeah, as well. I don't remember doing it that young. I think we had nothing until secondary school. So we were like 12. I don't know as well. Is the I think we had nothing until secondary school. So we were like 12. I don't know as well. Are they, is the lesson every week?

Is it every fortnight? Do they just do it? You better stop reading your email so you know when it's coming. I know. I did try going back to see if it was in there. I said to Chris, you need to go through the emails because this is really bad.

Is it one of those like school WhatsApp things where no one actually reads the messages because there's so many boring things on there. You're just like, oh. There's a lot. And I think that because there's two schools and they're two different schools. So I get a lot from Dottie's and a lot from Colby.

It's a lot to stay on top of. Yeah. You know, they've got to. And some of them are just like, someone's lost a shoe. And you're like, I don't care. You know? Just when I'm looking for me jumper, there's no way.

We sent an email out three months ago. Yeah. I'm sorry. But no, I just, I don't. And it's hard because I just feel, I feel bad for him because I just, you don't want him to feel uncomfortable. Yeah. I don't want him to feel uncomfortable in his body. And then as well, I worry like, what is he sat thinking? And like, his body is changing as he's getting, as he's growing bigger. And it's just so,

I'm that sucker. And it's just like, oh fuck, is he like, all right? Is he all right? Is he like his mind? Is he okay? Is he worried or is he scared? And I just fucking, I'm a wet weekend. I know, but he's come to you about it. Which I think is, that's a good thing. I would like to say it's making me feel better, but I don't, I think it's all really normal, but it doesn't make it any easier. No, no, but that is my, it's not really a secret, but it's more of a, well, it is a secret because I've let it eat me up. Yeah. For the last one. It's eating me up inside. It's eating me up inside. And it would be good to hear from other parents though. Yeah, it would be good. Who are going through the same thing. Yes. Yeah. It'd be good to know other people's, um, how they dealt with it or how they

handled it and how it maybe played out like how their boys are now. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Yeah. I'd love to know. Yeah, me too. Thanks. That's my secret. And we'll get into some of yours after this short break. We got three secrets for you. We're going to be discussing this week. So Emma, take it away with number one. All right. It says, hi ladies. I have a secret that I don't even feel guilty about anymore. And honestly, I think it makes me a genius. If this is from anonymous, I'm going to be furious. No, it's not.

Okay. I've started putting fake appointments in our shared family calendar, just to give myself an hour of peace. Lisa, I'm already fully in love with you right now. Things like a dentist consultation or work lunch with Sandra. I don't even know a Sandra. They're just things no one questions

and don't require the kids or my husband to tag along. The first time I did it, I sat in the car outside Tesco with a coffee and a cinnamon swirl. Oh my God, that's my favorite cinnamon swirl. Just scrolling on my phone in blissful silence. Now I do it once a month. It's my version of annual leave.

Highly recommended to every mom out there. Just make sure you don't accidentally double book yourself. Learned that one the hard way from Lisa in Cambridge. Lisa, you're a fucking genius. Lisa, you are a fucking legend. That is so clever. That's iconic. No more asking Stefan for permission to go out.

And you don't even have to pop off and do a food shop because you can just go, sorry, another dentist consultation. That's it. You're not popping out to do things for the household because you're doing those things anyway. Mine would probably get to like two a week and then Chris would be like, are you cheating on me? Oh no, I'd have to confess. This is iconic. This is amazing. I can't believe I've never thought of this before. It's so simple. So simple, but so effective. So simple, but so effective. So effective.

Lisa, you win today's gold star. Honestly. You are a standout legend. You get a golden cup. That's what Joseph started saying in every game we play. You get a golden cup. Gold cup for you, Lisa. That is amazing.

Legend. I hope you soak the moments up. I don't know. Because you know, that's all it takes. It's like a little hour in the car, outside Tesco with a baked good. Oh, that would make me so happy. Cinnamon swirl as well.

Cinnamon swirl, top, top choice. Elite. 10 10. Highly recommend. I'm going to try it now. Yeah, me too for sure. Or they'll come back and go, how was the dentist? Yeah, your teeth don't look any whiter.

Oh, they couldn't do it today. Got to go back. Yeah, got to go back next week. They want to do a follow up appointment. So I'll be out again next Wednesday at 11. Because Stefan puts so much importance on the family calendar as well. It's like all his work stuff. I feel like you could phrase some random into yours though. Do you know what? Because I don't really use it. I'm blowing a balloon in Tesco's car park out of my backside. Stefan, I'm like, oh,

she's at Tesco. I don't really use it. The family calendar, which really grinds Stefan's gears. Because he's like, unless it's in the family calendar, it isn't in. Or he'd be like, I had that thing first. So if you have a clash, my thing always has to take a back seat. So fuck you, Stefan. I'm going to start putting going to Tesco and having a croissant in every Thursday. Stefan listen. No, no, he doesn't listen. He'll never know. He'll never know. I'll get him. I'll get him back. I don't know why I winked at you. I need to think of something that takes four hours like golf though. Yeah. I know as well. Wish I could do golf. I'm so shit at it. I always lose all my balls and I got

you meant to collect your balls back. Yeah. You're meant to get them. Yeah. Yeah. But sometimes you do lose them. Yeah. I could go for a whole bucket. I didn't realize you meant to go back and collect them. This was about 10 years ago. Not on the range. The range? No, no, don't just walk out at the range and get them. You get, you get killed. No, on the actual course. Yeah, God. On the course.

Imagine me. Excuse me. Just ducking. Wait. Don't mind me. Everyone stop. Yeah, no, but on the course you're supposed to. It also can't be something traceable. Like I can't be like, I'm going to get my hair balayaged for four hours because I'll come back and they'll be like, you look exactly the same. I'm going to get my nails done.

Yeah. Yeah. It has to be untraceable. Yeah, exactly. Agreed. Yeah. Thank you, Lisa. We appreciate you.

Absolutely genius. Okay. Should we have secret number two? Yeah. This one says, hello guys, I'm currently 20 weeks pregnant with my second baby, a little boy. Oh, congratulations. We're so excited. We both have children from previous relationships, so this will mean we have two girls

and two boys between us. The only thing I'm struggling with is other people's attitudes. I expected a few comments, but this time around it just feels really personal. It's my second pregnancy, so I started showing quite quickly, and I'm usually a size 14 or 16 so

I've got a bit more curve to me. I've had people touch my belly without asking, call me fatty. WHAT? Say things like, woah you're massive and the worst one is when people talk through me to my partner about the baby like I'm not even there. At first I laughed it off, when someone said I look fat I replied, well I'm growing a baby, what's your excuse? But it's been getting me down and my partner actually had to step in and tell some of his friends to stop talking about my body

in such a disrespectful way. What the fuck? This is mental. It just got me thinking, why do people feel the need to comment so much on pregnant women? We're at our most vulnerable. I already feel rough.

I'm hormonal and my body doesn't even feel like it belongs to me. And it's mainly other women making the comments, which baffles me. Shouldn't we be sticking together? I wondered if you had any advice. I just don't have the strength to brush it all off anymore. I would straight up.

From Rosie in Bath. Rosie, just turn around and go fuck off. Yeah. Fuck you, fuck off. So rude. Fucking leave me alone. Oh, sorry, pregnancy hormones making me angry. No, this is just straight up me telling you to fuck off. So fucking rude.

It's so unbelievable. I think we spoke a little bit about this last week, didn't we? How, because someone wrote in about people touching their bum. Yes. So we spoke a little bit about this last week. When you are pregnant, people feel a sudden entitlement to comment on and touch your body in a way that they never would if you weren't pregnant. It's not OK to say, people said to me, loads, because both my bumps were big.

Whoa, you're huge. You sure it's not twins? All that stuff like. Or when somebody went to me, loads, because both my bumps were big. Whoa, you're huge. You're sure it's not twins? All that stuff like. Or when somebody went to me, fucking hell, you're way fatter in real life. I don't know why people. Do you know, I think people who comment on stuff like that aren't happy in their own lives. I truly, truly believe that it is, unfortunately, it comes from a place of jealousy.

And I will always stand by that is that somebody, the only way to relieve their own sadness and hatred for themselves is to hurt somebody else. And what a way to do it when you're pregnant and you're feeling at your lowest, you're most vulnerable. I would just, it's hard. Cause I generally would tell them to fuck off. It's hard though, because some people don't feel comfortable with that level of confrontation. And if they're like your husband's friends, for example, you're not going to want to piss them off.

As much as you want to say, fuck you, it's none of your business. Some people will find that hard. No, I would tell them to fuck off. I think you could politely say like, there were things you have already said. Yeah, I'm growing a human. What do you want me to do?

I love that though, when she was like, yeah, I'm pretty sure it's good. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. It doesn't matter what shape or size you come in. Your body is what the fuck ever we are as humans, the most beautiful people in the world, especially when we're growing another life.

Like back the fuck off and leave her the fucking hell alone. I'll come down there. You're sure you're in a bath? We'll fucking come and sort them out. I would just, you know, you got to hold your head high. You're in that second trimester. It's your glow trimester. You just got to hold your head high and just know that it's a them problem. It's not a you problem. And I just, you just got to shine through all of this because it is all on them. Yeah, fuck them. Fuck them.

You're doing an amazing thing. You are doing so incredible and you're so beautiful. You're halfway now and a little boy. How exciting. I know. They must've just found out as well if she's 20 weeks that they're having a boy. Oh yes.

Is it 16 weeks at the hospital? Well 20. Oh yes, yes, sorry. Yes, got it forgotten already. So amazing, I know. It felt like a lifetime ago. It goes fast, doesn't it? Honestly, I'm so sorry you've had to experience this.

Truly from another woman, two women, two mommas, I'm so sorry you've had to go through this because this is just utter, it's actually disgusting, isn't it? It's sad how common it is though. It is really sad how common it is. Really, like people need to mind their own. Back, slap their hands off your belly, It's actually disgusting, isn't it? It's sad how common it is though. It is really sad how common it is. People need to mind their own.

Slap their hands off your belly, back the fuck off of my belly. Yeah. And fuck off with your comments. Yeah. But Rosie, you do you, you're doing incredible. You're doing amazing and it's a them fucking problem. Believe me, it's fucking them problem.

Let's aggressively go into number three. All right. The last one. Hi ladies. Hello. I wanted to share a secret from when my daughter embarrassed me on a whole new level. We were at the zoo for her fourth birthday and made a quick toilet stop. She came into the cubicle with me and while I was mid-we, she loudly said, why is your

mini hairy? Looks like a spiky hedgehog. I froze. No words. I just shook my head, hoping that was the end of it. But no, she kept going. Does everyone have spiky hedgehogs? I quietly replied, no darling, not everyone. I quickly cleaned up, washed my hands and escaped, trying to ignore all the people who'd very much

heard what she said in her best outdoor voice. But that wasn't the end. Later in the day, we reached the porcupine enclosure. My daughter took one look and again, in her very loud voice, shouted, that looks like the spiky hedgehog you have under your knickers, mummy. I could feel my face burning as I turned bright red. I actually tried to defend myself to a group of strangers and told them I had hedgehog print pants on. I thought she was going to be like, look, it's hard to get to the salon these days. Listen, that bush is bushy.

I'm busy. I've been busy. All right. Yeah. The bush is bushy. I'm busy. I've been busy. All right? The bush is bushy. No, she just went straight with hedgehog pants. Yeah, I had hedgehog print pants on and she was just very excited about them. I then grabbed her hand and made the fastest exit of my life, outed by a four year old love cat in the Midlands.

Cat, if I was to try and do that, Dottie would go, no, you don't. You've got that piece of cheese string up your bum. She calls my pants cheese string. You've got that piece of cheese string up your bum. She calls my pants cheese string. You've got that piece of cheese string up your bum. You don't even have hedgehogs on your pants. And I'd be like, yeah. Yeah. Cheese string. Which is great when she's like, Oh, can I have a cheese string? Cause I'm like, do you want the actual cheese string? But no, that is hilarious. Yeah. Dty would, she'd double down on that. Yeah, she'd double, she'd travel quadruple down on that.

She'd be like, get him out now, show him. Yeah, show them. Show them. If you're not embarrassed of your hedgehog, get him out. Yeah. Okay. God, I'm dreading the kids noticing stuff like that because I am... It's the funniest, hands down, if you can embrace it, it's the funniest era of your whole entire life when they go in and they're, wow, your foo foo's so hairy and you're like, yes, yes it is. I just embrace it. What are you going to do?

Yeah, I know, I know, I'm all to blame. It's when the other day when Chris got out of the shower and dots ran in the front room and was like, never guess what dad's done, chopped all his pubes off. I was like, chopped them off. Chris was like, oh, this is great. All my pubes are gone. There's just no secrets anymore. Like she's probably shouting that around the playground at school.

I just don't know. You just got to embrace them moments. They honestly are what you were gonna live for for the childhood memories. Four-year-olds are just the cutest. Like Joseph's getting a little bit there at the moment, but it's like they're like getting inquisitive and noticing things, but then there's also no filter.

Like they will just come out with whatever they want. And it is a wild ride. It's a funny one at the moment as well, because Renly's got a little, he eats so much food. He's a right stocky little lad. He's real chunky. And dogs get really offended with me calling them chunky. Cause I'm like, oh, hello little chubby puppies, you little chunky boy.

Oh, look at those chunky leggy. She gets really angry. She gets quite upset. She's like, stop calling them chunky. It's not chunky. It's perfect. And I'm like, oh, no, I mean, it is perfect. She was like, how would you feel if I said you've got a chubby belly? OK, but I'm not 14 months old.

I do. I do. And then she's like, no, you don't. I was like, no, I'm sorry. It's not a good choice of words to be using. But we don't talk about our body. I don't never in front of the children talk about my body negatively. But it's funny when it comes to a baby, like you are like, oh, you little, like, you know, shark.

Yeah, because it's cute. Yeah. But for them, they're like. She's like, what are you saying? That's really, that's damaging words. You tell us not to use those words. They're bad words. And I'm like, oh, well, Karma's come to bite me on the ass. Can't argue with that. Can't argue with that sister. Well, thank you, Kat, so much. Iconic.

So thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. Yeah. If you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. The email is hello at secretmumpod.com or with Secret Mum Pod on TikTok and Instagram. Have your little ones outed you? Or do you also fashion the hedgehog look? Let us know there really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode and we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club.