Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Stinky Bus

Episode Date: February 26, 2026

We’re getting down with the trumpets as one mum is outed by her little one in the middle of a bus! There’s a lovely follow-up from a mum who shared her baby’s gender with us a while back, and not one… but TWO new admissions to the Secret Mum Club Gallery. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wait, hold on. I need your attention because we have some huge news. It's big. Bigger than my bucket crutch. And that's big. Even bigger than Jojo's love for teenage mutant ninja turtles. Well, you've been asking for it, so we're going to be heading back on the stage for another secret mom club live show. There's going to be plenty of secrets. Perhaps a couple of party games.

And maybe a few surprise guests. So mark your calendar. because on the 20th of May, we'll be live at Bush Hall in London for one girly night only, so you better buckle up, bitches. Tickets are on sale right now, so head to our socials for more info and the link to buy tickets. We can't wait to see you there. Now, back to the episode. Perfect.

Cupid tight in the... Like my pussy! It's not such a looser than a goose. I was going to say, like my pussy. You're tight, I'm loose. Hello, this is The Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina and I'm Emma. And welcome to your Thursday's episode.

Where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the... What is tickling you? What are you finding so funny? It's just a conversation that we had right before that. Don't pretend like you don't know. And mine's loose, all right? I just hope that you can go from talking about... We're to go from tight to loose.

Tight pussy's into official business with a straight face. Okay, now it's out. There you go. Is that then? Okay. One brief. Do you want to squeeze my bits? I'd love to.

Where we get to squeezing all the extra bits and bobs from the week. All of your comments, thoughts, questions and fun stories. Keep you going through the weekends. Show a jump on in! That did end very seriously then, didn't that? We've just gone from talking about tight... Noonies. It's just the change of tying in a millisecond.

It's like, there's a lot. We had no time. Everyone rushed in the room and said, we got to speed this up. Keep it tight! There's a lot expected of us here. And that's where it came from. We were like, keep it tight. We got to move on this.

So then I was like, let my pussy. And I said, like mine. No, it's not. I'm loose. Tate. Tate. Right. It's time for another.

Kyrusmonet's gotta. I feel like we've been in fucking hours. We have. It's a fourth one. And we've been on a rollercoaster of emotions today. I'm not okay. Emma's cried. I've cried.

Everyone's cried. It's a whole lot of everything today. So you've got a stitch. You're watching all of this back. Over the next two, three weeks, you're going to be like, what the fuck? Just know that it was all filmed in one day. Yeah, take that into account when you judge this performance. Right, should we have our first one?

All right, this one is from Colleen in the USA. Colleen. Oh, this rings a bell, actually. Yeah, she got in touch with us in September to share her baby's gender. Oh, yes. It says, hello again, ladies. I just wanted to write in with a follow-up from my secret gender reveal. Oh, my gosh, I'm sorry.

Two boys, our sweet little Madeleine Ray, made her entrance into the world on the 14th of January, weighing £7.2. This little surprise babe has brought so much love and joy to our family. Thankfully, I couldn't have asked for a better birth for my final baby. I was in labour for 10 hours, but only had to push for about three minutes. Wow. It took the doctor longer to get dressed than it did to deliver her. Oh my gosh. Here's a little secret from me that you'll enjoy.

In her whole two weeks of life, this tiny girl has pooped on me more than either of my boys has in five years. I'm a little concerned. Either I'm bad at nappy changes or she just has it out for me. Lots of love from Colleen. Oh, love her a picture. Oh, Colleen. Oh, what a beautiful little girl you are. I miss those new babies.

Look at a little butter nose. I can't even cope. We had a sneaky suspicion. It might be a girl. didn't we? Madeline Ray. Madeline Ray. And here she is.

Oh, Killeen. I think girls poop more though. Do you find that with Sadie? Yeah, but less whee's obviously because of the... It's down. Duda. I haven't been weed on by Sadie. I don't think ever, maybe once.

I was weed on all the time. Forever with Colby. I wouldn't even say Ren was actually that bad with... He's not that bad with Ween, but Colby weed on me. Yeah, hella bad. Those little tinkles. They get everywhere. But the poos...

I don't know. I don't know who's been worse. I think I had more poo throughs with Joseph because I was worse at nappy changes because it was my first baby. Got you. With Sadie, I've kept it pretty tight. Tight.

We're keeping everything tight. So she's pretty good. Doctsia just really, really love food. So she ate like a machine. Oh God. So she just pooped like a machine. It's when it squelches up the back, isn't it?

And you feel that warm spread and you think, Mm-hmm. It's when you're walking around a shop and you've actually didn't realize that they've taken a poo in the trolley and then you're just, and then they want to get out of the troll and then you've got to hold them and the poo is just wafting.

Yeah. Wafting past everybody. She walked past the aisle and you think, did they? They smote her shit. Or car seats, it's the worst. When they've been kicking off a bit in the car and you think, what's wrong with you? And you pick them up and you think, oh, shit everywhere.

Shit everywhere. Or if you're in the car and you've got to get back home to change the bum and you've got to sit, like head out the window like a dog. I'm drugging on this shit. I miss the smell of the early poos, though. Oh, I miss the sweet poos. Yeah. Like compared to when they eat food.

Oh, I love it. I love the smell of baby poo. Your little yellow ones. Oh, so delicious and sweet. You could almost eat it. You could. It's like a cooler. People used to think I was mad when I said that.

It's so sweet and delicious. Custody. I don't imagine it would taste very nice. It does smell like custard. That is an absolute nail on the head. Yeah. Oh, God. She's beautiful.

She is beautiful. Congratulations. And I hope you're doing well. She's doing well. And I hope the boys are settling to love with. Yeah, with a cissy. Wonder what they think. Oh, goodness me.

Oh. Well done, Mama. Well done, Mama. All right. And we've had some more artwork. Have we? For the secret mum club gallery. Cue the music.

Hello, beauties. Hello. My daughter Ellie, who is eight, said, Mum, can we send my two drawings to Dotty's mum? She drew these at school. We previously sent in her drawing of the mermaid. Oh, that's already on the wall. Yep, behind you there.

Oh, yes. She's very excited to see these ones too. I work from home and listen to the pod as I start my day. Thank you for always making us tired mummas feel seen and not alone. Love always, Jen and Ellie from Long Island, New York. Oh my God, you wait till I tell Dottie, Dottie's going to be gassed. She got sent artwork from New York. She's not going to bloody believe it.

She is not going to bloody believe it. I mean, I'll come to New York, Jen and Ellie, if your house are. That's the natural next step. I might have to drive, but... Are we doing one each? Do you want to do them both? She did say to Dottie's mum, so... Dottie's mum, she's got it going on.

She's all I won and I waited for so long. Ready? Dottie, can't you see? You're just not the girl for me. So we've got... Oh! A snowman. With an incredible shadow.

And what have you got on the other side? I'm supposed to say, that is an incredible shadow, Ellie. Show me, show me, show me. It's an American bear. Oh, proud bear. Oh my gosh, that's absolutely... Oh my God, look, it's nose. Oh!

Absolutely love it so much. Proudly with three American flags as well. God, that is beautiful. Does that look like the snowman's got a giant ball sack or is that just me? Right, Emma's got to take it too far. Don't listen to her, Ellie. She's going to listen to her, Ellie. She's going to listen to her, because her mum works from home. She listened to my home.

Ellie, I'm sorry about. No, Ellie, they are fantastic. They are fantastic drawings. It looks like he's melted halfway. I think it's the shadow of, like the light. Yeah, I know, but he looks like he's like a, he's melting. Have you ever seen Jack Frost? Yeah.

Incredibly sad film. Yeah. Yeah. That gave me trauma for life that did. No, that's really... That is beautiful, really beautiful. Very artistic. Thank you so, so much.

It's like the winter light is fading on one side. And snowflakes. I know. Gosh, I love them. I'm claiming the bear. Thank you, Ellie. Do you want the bear and then I can see the bear? Yeah?

Yeah. And I'll take the Snowman on your side. To be fair, I've got some pretty epics on my wall. We've got three pieces by Ellie up now. Ellie, you live? Should start charging us, Ellie. Right. Ellie's now employed by the Secret Mum Pod.

Official artist. Thank you so much for your messages. If you have any comments, thoughts or funny stories, why not get in touch? You can email us hello at secret mumpod.com or with Secret MumPod on TikTok and Instagram. Next, it's time for one of your secret. Back. We love a secret on the Secret Mum Club. And you're all so good at sharing. What are you laughing at now?

She's on one today. I read ahead. Oh gosh. You shouldn't read ahead. That's the news reader in you, isn't it? I can't help it. I know. What have you got for us then, Emma?

Okay, this is from Hannah. Hello, Hannah. It says, hi ladies, before I start, I just want to say you make my mornings at work ten times better. Thank you. Thank you. Let's get into this. I was out with my son one day. We normally go everywhere in the car, but this time we took the bus because he really enjoys it.

Anyway, he went to the back of the bus and kept shouting down to me asking random questions. Then he went quiet, about five minutes passed and suddenly he shouted, Mama, Mama! I called back. What's the matter? And he shouted down the bus. I've had a poo. No worse. Oh, God. You need to stop doing massive farts at home. They smell. I instantly felt my face going. I was standing in the buggy area with my baby. And the whole bus just looked at me and started laughing. This is like a bad dream, isn't it? I didn't know what to say, so I just laughed along. Don't wait until you get home.

I don't know what he's talking about. For you. Have you heard about the Young Offenders Institute? I just laughed along but was very glad to get off shortly after. He now calls me farty pants. Oh. I think he knew exactly what he was doing. We do love a fart in our house, so I won't like you.

It's when Chris tries to say, oh, mum farts more than me. I know I don't fart more than him. And then Dottie backs him up. She's like, yeah, you do, mum. Yeah, I'd say you do. your farts are really loud. We had that question in Mr. and Mrs. ages ago, who farts more, Safina and Chris, I was like, obviously, safe.

And you both like, no, it's Chris. It is Chris. Chris does fart more. He does fart more. Yours is just more public. Yeah. Because it's on the internet. Because it's on the internet.

I got away with an absolute cracker yesterday. I was holding Joseph on the floor. And I did a huge fart. Like, it literally went on for so long. It came out really loud. And I, like, mockingly, as I always do, went, Joseph. And Stefan literally was like,

Joseph, that was so loud. And I was just went with there. I was like, yeah. God. He was like, that wasn't me. I was like, yeah, right. Yeah, I think you need. You still explain it, is you right? No. And Stefan won't listen to this, so he won't know. But I thought, I can't have him thinking I'm that disgusting. Do you have a part in front of him? No, I do. We don't have many barriers in our relationship. But that particular one, I thought I'd be happy to blame this on someone else. Oh, gosh, I can just imagine being on the bus.

And I know where, I know, like, the layout of the bus as well, because I have to stand where, the buggy part at the bottom and then the stairs go up and to the back of the bus. There's a lot of people between those two. Yeah. But I didn't know if he was on the ground level at the back of the bus or if he was up the stairs at the back. So she could still see him. But there was a good few people that could hear what we were saying. Yeah.

Yeah. God, I love that farty pants. You stink. You need to stop being fat. I say own them farty pants. Go for it. You shouldn't let rip. Farts are funny. Should let rip on the bus.

Yeah. And what? And what? Listen to this one. Listen to this. Can you wear it up there? Too good to me. Lish you can't smell it!

I would not honestly fallout joined in. I really would have. I take no shame in it. I'm just like, Prop. It's never not funny. Dotty's Farts

absolutely wreak. Do you know what? She's just to be sat on the chair. You can't say that about it. She's in a nightie, right? She wears a nightie because that's her favourite thing to wear. But she's obviously nighty

and we like to air everything out, you know, so obviously she's doing her little bit, oh, I've got a nightie on, you know, I'm a lady. And she would just go And then, do you know what she should learn now That if she goes right onto the side of her hip If she farts now

It ripples between her bum cheeks And she says, listen to this one And it's like, blah, la la la through her bum cheeks. We're a real farty house. Dotty farts the most out of everybody And her farts stink. She can clear a whole room.

I shit you not. I think I hold that accolades. It's wild. I just didn't know anybody could fart one that much. And it's everywhere. Every two seconds she'll be eating her cereal and she's like, just pumped. Sorry, she's fired.

Let out another far. She'll go up the stairs and go, up the stairs. I feel like I want to do a compilation. What is it when they do like a mashup? A mashup of Dotsie's farce's. Sorry, farted. Farted again.

Do they ever get to a point where they're embarrassed about it or do they just let it? No. Colby's still letting it go. Um, Colby doesn't really fart that much, I don't think. Well, never fart, never said, I think it's the fact that Dottie addresses the fart. Yeah. No one else in the house addresses it. We just,

off we go. Yeah. Dotty addresses every single pump. Every single fart, every single noise that comes out of her butt cheeks, she'll address it. She announces it. The other day she farted and it went forward.

And she was like, oh, that's weird. Come out my foo. I was like, oh God. You're at the dinner table like, fuck, shut up, shut up. No, no, don't talk about that. She literally sat on the chair and was like, oh, God, that'd come out my fooo.

Oh, God. That is a weird sensation. It is weird when it bubbles up through your bits. It's a really weird. The first time it happened, it takes you back. Yeah. Takes you back a back a few pegs,

doesn't it? You're literally like, what the fuck? What is that? It was the fact that she was at the dungeon. First ever quefe. My gosh. Come out of my foofo,

I think it's just coming from the back forward because she was sat angled funny and it just must have just gone. The pressure. Couldn't escape the back so just went out the front. Fucking hell. Oh God.

It's just never not funny, is it? It's never not funny. You must notice it with Friendly though. Like my kids aren't at an age where they know it's a thing or it's funny or it's in a very It is farce. So they're just pumping along.

No, no. Renly stops. Stop and cocks his leg because Dottie does it so much. He'll be in the bath. I might even have a video. Probably because he's in the bath. But he literally's like, row, row, row your boat gently down the street. And he's like, ha-ha-ha-ro-l-l-l-l-l-a-l-l-l-a-l-l-l-he.

And just carries on. He'll stop and the dead of, he even holds the wall sometimes and really gets going on that. Get some purchase. I say to Dottie, she's like, oh, it's new disgusting. He's learned it all from you. That's all from you, honey. But yeah, he loves it. He loves a fart in the bath because he likes the bubbles on his balls.

Yeah. Yeah. He loves it. Literally, I feel like he saves them up for bathtub. It's a right orchestra in there when they're both Dottie and Renner's in the bath and it's like, it sounds like a fucking jacuzzi upstairs. I love it. Well, thank you farty pants.

Thank you, farty pants. We appreciate you. And are you a farty pants? Then let us know. Email us. Hello at secret mumpod.com or with Secret Mumpod on TikTok and Instagram. And we'll be back first thing on Tuesday. We'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode.

See you next week, farty pants. We'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club!