Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Swimming Lesson Learning

Episode Date: September 29, 2026

Sophiena and Emma are both sharing the changes in after-school and weekend activities this week - from dropping dance class to big learnings at swimming lessons. Plus, one listener recalls a time she was left behind after school, and we hear from a mum whose son's interest in the body and medicine has made for some humiliating comments outside the house. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? And as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself, you can be anonymous.

And those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the... Secret Mum Club. We won't miss that fucking next week, will we? Oh, I'm sure the listeners won't miss it. either. Or maybe you will. Maybe. Maybe. Delayed awful sounding. Delayed offset muscle. What is it called doms? Delayed offset muscle. Delayed onset muscle soreness. Maybe that's what they'll think. They'll think, oh, just got a bit of domes today. The girls are back in the studio.

Domes sounds like, makes me think of like dominatrix. There's absolutely no dominatrix happening. BDSM. What does that stand for? Big, dirty, stinking, mum. Mama. Some people are into that. Okay, let's not kink shame. BDSM, big dirty, stinking. Stinking. Oh my God, I actually did say.

Yeah. Big dirty stinking. Mama. No, I think it's like bondage, dominatrix, submissive. Submissive. Massacism.

Oh, no, wait. Sado masochism is the last bit. I don't know what the first bit is. Charles Siri. Yeah. Ask him right now. Hey, Siri, what does BDSM stand for? The police are coming.

BDSM means bondage, discipline or domination, sadism and masochism as a type of sexual practice. We were pretty close. Leave the wee out of this. You were pretty close. I had no part of this. Bondage, discipline, sadism, masochism. Just reminds me of 50 shades of grey every time. Every time someone says bondage, I just think, oh, Christian grey.

Yeah, that's all you can think. of, isn't it? So what you can think of. My friends have been messaging me telling me to get into the fairy porn. So I think I'm going to start reading that. Fairy, fairy porn. You know everyone's into the fairy porn now? I don't know if the author's like it being called that as a genre. But it's a big deal now. It's like sexy fantasy books. Stefan's like, oh, now you're getting into fantasy. I've been reading it for years because I'm a proper nerd. And I'm like, well, I'm into it now because it's been made sexy. So Stefan's been reading fairy porn for a really long time. Not fairy porn. He's just into like the, you know, like Lord of the Rings type of shit.

The problem is, is I can't even watch a fantasy film. Me neither. But if there's a romance in it or if there's like sex in it, then I could get, I can get by. Get on board. Like Game of Thrones. There was a lot of sex in that. Being that you're an avid book reader, right, okay. I'm not avid.

I read about two books a year. Okay. Well, that is still more than me. I've read one book in my life. You make me feel so well read. And really, I'm not at all. Some of my friends read like a book a week. This is what I need to know.

I need to know something. because obviously I've been trying to be in my book era and I haven't happened that obviously at the moment but I try and take my book on the train when I come up to London and have time reading it. What is with it when there's a sexy scene in the book and you're trying to read like this really raunchy, sexy section

and you're on the train and you just feel like everyone's watching. I can't read the book. I've got to shut it because I think somebody's going to look over my shoulder and go, you silcy bitch. You dirty bitch. I think that's more subtle than watching like games of Thrones on your phone on the tube and people being like,

crikey, she's watching some steamy porn on the way to work. It's Game of Thrones porn? It's very sexual. Wow. I'm actually not even into it, but I've seen a lot of it vicariously through Stefan, and there's a lot of weird shit. Oh, okay. Didn't even know.

But I can't help but look when I'm on the train at what people are watching on their iPad or try and read their messages. Yeah. Read their texts. Also read. And some of them I read them, I think, oh, crumbs. I love seeing what people's WhatsApp group names are. That's my favourite hobby.

Are we out in our... Oh, isn't that one? That sounds fun. Can I come in? Are we out in ourselves? Are we going to be in real trouble for this? I just can't help myself. For voyeurism.

No, I think everyone does it. It's normal. Or when people are like working on a laptop and I think, bloody hell, look at them stats. Got no idea. Or I've seen like, when I commute to the podcast in London, there's a lot of business people. Yeah.

Because everyone's trying to get into London before like 9 o'clock, especially now I get on the earlier one. And the things, A, that people say in phone conversations, I'm like, that should be private and the whole carriage is listening. Yep. And B, the things people have up on their laptop screens, I'm like, surely this is classified information. Some people have like a shield, like a screen protector. Yeah, it's like a privacy screen. Yes, you can't see.

But some people, I'm like, wow, your company's making big fingers. You're doing really well. Go on, Paul. Go on, Paul. CEO. CEO. I was sat next to the CEO of golf oil. on that I train like a couple of months ago. And I was like, you must be so rich. Wow. But people are

just very out there with like the info. They just think we're not looking. But we are. I'm always looking and I'm always listening. Yeah. So if I'm on your train, watch out. I do. It's really hard sometimes because I think this is probably where I watch too many crime documentaries, right? Because I always try and take in all the things around me because I think if ever anything bad was to happen, I want to make sure I've retained enough information that I can be like, oh, I saw that person, and they were talking to that person, the blue hoodie at 11 08am. You know, I fully turn into CSI when I'm walking through the train station. And I just think, I need to take in as much of this information in case there is ever a police

that's going to say, I need a witness on the train that knows all of this information. It's going to be me. It's going to be me. It's going to be my. Your brain must be exhausted, though. that not tiring? Yes. But, you know, I just retain a lot of shit in here. Can I remember non-uniform days at school? No. But do I remember what a stranger was wearing on the platform on the 12th of April, 2016? You bet. You better believe. It's packed in there. Yeah, packed in there. I know. Packed full to the brim. Same, same. Joseph accused me of having a small brain the other day

because I kept forgetting to do something. He's like, you've got a small brain because you can't remember it and I went no I said I haven't got a small brain do you know what it is I said mummies and daddies have so many tabs open in their brain they have to remember lots of things I said I've got to remember is your school uniform clean does it still fit you what we haven't for lunch what we haven't for dinner what activities have you got on today have I got the bread in for your lunch box have I got the bread in you know what all these things that are going through my mind he was just like right right now any who put the telly on you've got small brain you've got small brain Ouch. He goes to Stefan the other day.

Stefan was having a wee. I think Joseph went for a wee and then Stefan went for a wee. Joseph in the other room go, I don't know if Stefan will like me saying this, but he won't be listening. He's like, Daddy, why have you got such a massive wheelie? And then Stefan was like, Cockahoop coming back in. He was like, whey! Cocker hoop! Stefan, you're going to have to remove that.

Stefan is going to be absolutely furious. He'll be livid. As long as it doesn't make it to socials, it'll be all right. He won't be listening. Yeah, it's absolutely. absolutely thrilled. I was like, oh, big deal, four-year-old, you had a massive Willie, yeah, compared to his. Yeah, in comparison to his own Willie.

Yeah, it's huge. You always just going to look huge. Yeah. He's a real big ego boost. At least, you know, Dottie's just forever humbling Chris, you know, with his old pizza dick. Yeah. Keep it humble, I say. We like to. Keep them humble. They do. That's what they do, isn't it? You've got a small brain. Look, how's your weak, Bim? Nothing to report. Nothing, no, no, I have no big jelly to report this week other than, you know, we are very in the midst of secondary school look rounds.

Oh, did you go and look at the school? We have been to one. We do have another one. Well, actually, we've got another two this week and then we've got some next week. So they're all kind of spread out and we want to do a second view and some we've taken Colby, too, that we think he's not going to be interested in and see if we like. it and then if we like it then take him and see how he feels but it's a little bit of a tricky one because Colby's very adamant on one school and he isn't which is totally fine he isn't broadening his horizons outside of that he's very tunnel vision that's where my friends are going and like I've said is I don't I'm not really too bothered because I'm a firm believer if a child wants to learn

they'll learn regardless of where they are and I truly do believe that so as long as he's with his friends, he's comfortable, he's happy, he's confident, he's thriving. That's all that's important to me. But I just want to, again, nosy bitch, the curiosity has got the better of me. You know, I'm just out here looking at private schools like, hi, can I come around and look at this? It's like, I'm definitely not going to buy this and I can't afford it, but. But here I am. It's Saturday. It's raining and I'm going to, no, I don't do that. I don't. I don't do it every week. No, I don't. But I, yeah, I'm out just looking at schools that are one, we're never going to go to, but also the curiosity's got the better of me. What have you got to offer

my child, you know? So yeah, it's been just a bit of an emotional week with one Renley's preschool. And also I feel like I'm trying to balance like a scale. Like I feel like I'm down here with the toddler doing all toddler bits and growing him and showing him the world through tiny little footsteps and then I have one who has taken all the tiny footsteps that is in really big footsteps and now I'm trying to find shoes big enough for him to take the next journey into his life. So I feel like I got this little bit of juggling and poor Dottie, bless her heart, is just an absolute legend. She's just a straight up.

Cool as a cucumber. Nothing phases her. She is absolutely thriving in school. She's loving it. She is making friends. She's playing with lots of different people. She's eating so many different variations of food, which I just think is kudos to the school. The school are just making her absolutely thrive.

So I just said to her the other day, like I took her out and we went for a coffee on the weekend just in the morning, me and her. Because I just want to have some bit of time with her because I'm just so caught up in the boys as to there's such a big gap between Renley and Colby. And it's so vastly different. But both of theirs are so important. and they're so big in their lives right now, whereas she's in a big stage of her life, but she's very flat-leveled at the moment. And I just took her out for coffee,

and I just wanted to remind her that I'm so insanely proud of her for... She never grumbles, you know, she never fusses. She also, which I don't think I've actually spoken about it on my socials, she made the decision over the school holidays to not do dance anymore. Oh. And I don't know whether, again, I'm not going to push her. I feel like Dottie is very, very good at giving me a reason.

It may not be in the moment, but eventually it will come out and she'll give me a reason. I wondered if she was using dance as a distraction from school, because she was in the other school and it was making her unhappy. I wondered if she was using dance to fill her cup. Does that make sense? I try not to read in things too much, but here I am, four chapters deep and just reading into fucking everything. everything. So when we're in the school holidays, obviously we had a break from dance. And she just said, Mommy, I don't think I want to do it. And I was like, oh, that's okay. So we kind of didn't fuss about it. And her cousins are still going. That hasn't changed or anything. So you want to try a different class? Do you want to go to a class maybe that your cousin teaches? Maybe that'll be really fun for you. And she was like, I just don't think it's for me. And we've tried to encourage her to look at other

sport that I'd really love her to do something like netball or basketball where she's so tall. But she's just, she just is so happy just plodding along in her, in her own little world. And yeah, so I think because school is filling her cup, she's getting lots of interaction, lots of playtime, lots of fun. I think her cup is absolutely rimmed over that she gets home and she, yeah, doesn't, just doesn't want to do dance at the moment. So I just wanted to take her out the other day and just remind her, I try and do it as much as I can that I'm so insanely proud of her.

She makes all big decisions in her life. But she's very much at a middle ground at the moment with the boys. And she'd happen to go to football. Not having to, we give her the option. But she goes along to football to watch Colby and support him. She's come to the school show rounds. And she never grumbles. She never moans.

Oh, I don't want to do this. She's always so like, I really love her because she, well, I love her because she's mine. But I love that she is, like, when we're going around the school, she's like, Colby, look at this. This is really cool. Oh, don't it's. So cute and they like get excited for each other, isn't it? I get that with Sadie and Joseph now and it's just the sweetest thing.

And when they like, when they reciprocate that for each other, I'm like, oh my. And then they come home and they talk about it. And then she's like, oh, you can eat your lunch in this dinner hall and they're going through the menu. Oh, look at the food they've got on here, Kobe. You'll love the hot dinner's here. And then they come home and they talk about it. And I just think, oh, God, I'm just so proud of her. She's the hype queen for the whole family.

She literally hopes everybody up. So we're doing good. We are taking every day as it comes. I don't have long, though, to apply for Colby School. So I need to get my finger out of my ass, really, because we've got closing date is the 31st of October. Yeah, so it's like just, what, about a month by the time this goes out, just over a month?

Yeah, yeah. Oh, look. So I'm still trying to navigate through little Mr. Renly going to preschool. But it's okay. I'm a very, very, I was I say, it's just very still at the moment. Like we're trying to just settle everybody back in. I feel like it's not things you can just resolve so quickly. You have to sort of just go through the motions of them and feel all the feelings, you know.

Yeah, yeah. But a very, very quiet week for us. Oh, how about you? Take each day as it comes. I know, we know. Yeah, we're okay. I've made a bit of a fuck up this week. I got Joseph into his swimming lessons, which I've been dying to get them both back into,

because he was having lessons in London. And he was doing really well as someone who was like, not a water baby, very scared of the water, very wary of everything. And then we had like about eight months' worth of lessons in London. He had an amazing teacher. I was only like three boys in the class and the teacher. So he had this like brilliant tuition. And he came so far.

He got two of his badges. He was like swimming wits underwater with his face in the water, which I'd never thought I'd see him do, jumping in. getting his head under like he'd done amazingly. But we had to finish that in November when we moved. And we've only just got around to booking him back into swimming lessons. We thought, I will do it with the start of the new school term. But obviously, that's been nearly a year in November that he has been out of lessons.

So I was like, well, he's had all that experience already. I'll put him in the second beginners class, not the very bottom one, but beginners too. So I picked him up from school. We rushed over there, got in the pool. And immediately I was like, oh, it's very clear he's not on these other children's levels. there was like one teacher, six kids, and it was very like loose, I would say. It was kind of just like, right, all go, you've got your floats on, like all go swim now. And I was like, oh, he needs like way more one to one than that.

Like he's not just going to get in and swim. And these kids were like swimming front of all with their heads underwater. And I was like, oh, no, he's not going to do well here. And the teacher was really good. She kind of coached him through the half an hour and got him to do a little bit of swimming. and he was doing more than I thought he would do. Like he got straight off the steps and he started swimming like doggy paddle, but he was like nowhere near the others.

And then at the end she kind of got them to jump in and swim back to the wall with their heads underwater. And I was like, he's just not going to do this. And by the end, he did do it all, bless him. And she did well to get him through it. But he was kind of looking at me like, Mommy, I don't really want to do this. Yeah.

And she came up to me at the end and she was like, he's not ready for this class. And I was like, I didn't really know because he'd had an experience before. I didn't want to put him in like a baby class. and then him be like too advanced for it. Yes. But I just didn't appreciate how far he'd come, you know, gone backwards from when we finished lessons last winter. Yeah.

So I felt really bad because he was a bit like unhappy by the end of the lesson. And she, and I kind of also was like, I don't want to waste the other children's time or have them get less attention because Joseph needs so much more. And it was only half an hour, thankfully. So it was fine. But she was like, he's not ready for this class. And I was like, oh yeah, I thought he would be.

but I explained the situation. I said, I think he was doing this, but he's kind of just lost all his confidence and kind of gone in it. So she was like, well, he needs to come to the beginners one class. I was like, okay, that's fine. I'll switch him into that class. But they're only ever at four o'clock on a weekday. And I was like, that's going to be a nightmare.

But I was like, I don't really have any other choice. So I swapped him into that class. It was the one that Sadie was in, but I had to cancel it because she was too young to go in the class. I was like, well, he can just take her place. That's fine. That's nice and easy. But these days are going to be.

a stress now because I have to go and pick him up from school at like 3.30, get over to the swimming pool, get him changed, get us in the pool. Some days I'm going to have Sadie with me as well, so I'll have to do something with her. I was just like, this is just going to be a nightmare, but hopefully worth it for, he just needs to build those skills back up. Yeah. So yeah, hopefully he'll be all right, but I felt really bad about that because I was like, I think I've done the wrong thing. And I don't want to put him off by it being like too difficult because now he's a bit like, I don't really want to go in the pool. Like, I can't, I can't keep up with the other kids.

But he's had a lot of change. He's had a lot of change. You've moved house. You've moved really far, you know, it was a big move. It's not a little move. He started school. There's been so much change in his life. So it's natural.

It's natural for these things to happen. And it will come back. It's just unfortunate about the time just makes the whole process of starting this again really stressful. Yeah, a little bit more stressful. But I'm like, you know, if I wasn't rushing around after school, I wouldn't fully be in my school mum era. School mum mode.

But he's loving all his other clubs. He's doing so well. He's doing gymnastics, doing rugby tots. And Sadie's like, Dotty, she just follows on behind. She's like, I want to go swimming. I want to go rugby tots. I want to get on the bus in the morning. And I'm like in another two years, babe.

It's just so hard because Dots just can't find, I guess it's like with her situation at school is, I'm starting to learn that. I think Dottie's, and I don't know if I would be wrong or right, for saying it, but I think she's a bit of a people-pleaser. So it's something I really want to work on is that the older that I'm getting, she kind of, she's very good at standing out, she's very good at knowing her own mind and doing what she wants to do. And if it's not something she wants to do, she will walk away, which is why I don't think she's a people-pleaser. But she will, if she's

playing with somebody and they don't want to play the way that she plays, she's really good at making compromises to make sure that everybody's happy. in this situation. And I think sometimes there's like she is so happy with routine and, you know, she comes home and she plays with the next door neighbor's children and she does those sort of things. But when I say to her, do you want to try something new? She's like, no, because I don't want it to affect Colby's football. And on Tuesday night, that's our night. And I'm like, yeah, but you don't have to do that because we've not got nothing else and that's, you know, a family night.

It can be your night and we'll change. it to you all night and she's like, no, I don't want to do that. I quite like a Tuesday fish taco night and I'm like, well, we can still do that. We can do it after like a after a class and I'm wondering if she, I don't want her to feel like, which I am reminding her and we're encouraging her to try new things. But I wonder if she's just like, oh, so chill that she's coming a bit of a, not, what's the right word? Not a people pleaser, but. Just like going along with it. I think that's, I mean, that was me. And I think it's actually, there's, like, it's quite comforting.

That's comfort in the fact that she's so happy just being with you guys. Like she doesn't need to do anything else. Like it's become a bit of a running joke in my family now that we're all adults that I was just like, like a pet. Just got like, because I was the youngest, just got dragged around to all the other clubs. I'd sit in the car and watch my older sister do horse riding. I'd take my other sister to dance every Saturday. I mean, my mom would go for a bakery day, which I loved while Hayley's dancing. We'd go to the bakery and have lunch.

And they did brownies. They did guides. I didn't do any of it. Didn't learn an instrument. Like nothing. And everyone was always like, do you want to do this? Do you want to start this club? Do you want to do that?

Rather than just going around in the car and taking your sisters everywhere. And I was like, no. I'm honestly happy to just be like along for the ride. And maybe Dottie's just like that. Yeah. And you don't know. Not that I think I'm not worried about it. I think it's a negative thing.

I don't want to come across like I'm bashing her. But I want her to have something. But I only want her to have it if she wants it. Yeah. And she's been through a big. change, like start your new school and stuff. Maybe she just actually can't be asked with it right now. She's just so like, like you said, she's just so, like she would rather, if I was to say to her,

do you want to start doing netball, she'd be like, no, I'd rather bake a cake with you every single Saturday. Can we not just bake? Can we not just go out for a sandwich? Can we go for a walk? Why don't we do a bike ride? And I'm like, yeah, we can do that. And we do.

We do all of those things. But I'm like, do you want to go to a club? She's like, no, no, I'm cool. I'd rather go. And like Tuesday, she came home from school. never asked to go, but she was like, I'm going to go to Colby's football training tonight. I was like, oh, are you? She was like, yeah, just think it'll be really nice. So she spent the whole time at Colby's football training, racing Chris on a, like a running track, you know, the red

running tracks. She felt asleep in the car on the way back. Chris was like, she's exhausted. There you go. She's like, she's having a time of her life. So now she's like, I'm going to go every Tuesday, aren't I? I'm like, honey, if you want to go every Tuesday, you go every Tuesday. Yeah, you go. That's her thing. Athletics. That's going to be it, maybe. She's just so like the easiest child in the world Like she never grumbles or moans I mean she's sassy and she wants her own way She'll fight tooth and nail

To get what she wants But she's also just like this just so easily pleased Yeah I mean they all are They all are Make the most of it Yeah I know But yeah I just don't want to push her into doing the dance If that's not what's making her happy

She just is happy Yeah. Happy living her best little life, bless her. I feel her. She's my spirit animal. She is. She very much is your spirit animal. Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yes, we want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about or just say, hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search for Secret Mumpod or you can email us hello at secret mumpod.com.

Right. Are you ready? It's time for the... Correspondence corner I think that one was really bad I started about a minute before you A whole minute Right what have you got for us today Okay Melody has got back in touch Yes

Do you remember this? She homeschooled her four boys I believe Yeah Like an absolute machine Yes What's a boss She says hello again It's Melody from Alberta

Hello Melody I wanted to write back in and answer your questions, yes. Yes. We had so many questions, didn't we? So many questions. So thank you for getting back in touch. Okay, she says, I was just like your sister, Safina.

All I ever wanted to do since I was a little girl was get married and have kids. So even though I'm only a little older than the two of you, I'm nearly 41, my children are 18, 17, 15 and 13. What a girl. So how old was she when she had the first one then? Ninety-19. No. Wait, what? Ninety-nine.

23. 23, right? No. Yeah, 23 plus 18 is 41, right? Oh, she's a little before 41, she said actually. A little before 41. So yeah, maybe 22, 23 having the first. So literally she had, so Roxanne was 22 when she had Eden and Eden's 17.

Oh, they're really similar. Really similar. And Roxanne's got four and Melody's got four. Yeah. How old is Roxanne's youngest? Everly is 11 this year. So they are six. 17, 15, 14, 14, 13, 13, 11.

But they're going to be next birthday round. Yeah, 18, 16, 14, 12. So similar age gaps. Yeah, really similar. She says, my eldest has just graduated school. Oh. I was, in fact, happy that my children were done co-sleeping with me. As much as I enjoyed it, I was ready to be finished and actually get some good quality sleep again.

I'm sorry to disappoint, but my reason for not wanting to homeschool isn't very interesting. Yeah, because she was homeschooled herself. Yes. Because my mother homeschooled me and my four siblings for the majority of our schooling years, and I saw how much work it was and how she had never really had any time for herself. Oh. It just didn't look like something I wanted to do. I actually really enjoyed being homeschooled, though.

I'm a very motivated person, so I'd usually have all my schoolwork finished by lunchtime, whereas when you go to school, you have to sit in class all day and then come home and do homework. Yeah. My children all went back to school when they were in grades 5, 7, 10 and 11. Is that the same as year 5, 7, 10, 11? No, I don't know. I don't know. Two of them wanted to continue homeschooling and two wanted to go back to school.

We chose to send all four back so I could get a job and help pay for everything. I now work as an educational assistant at their school. Enjoy your babies. They grow up so fast, Melody. Melody. She's done it all. She's just the gift that keeps given, isn't she? And she's in their school.

So if they need her, she's right there. So she's like, you're right, the two that didn't want to go back, right, you're going back. but I'm going to work in the school. I gave you the option, but it's a 50-50 and you're going back. So, off you go. Your brothers win. But I'm working in your school. I'm going to be there.

I'll be there. I'll be there. I do wonder if Colby would enjoy me at his school. I do think that sometimes. I'm like one of Joseph's friends, dad is a teacher at their potential secondary school. And I'm like, oh, is that going to be? I would like to maybe be like a lunchtime assistant. Yeah.

I'd like to just go eat. I'd like to be a lunchtime assistant only because I couldn't teach children anything, basically, because I also didn't go to school myself, so I'd be a bad example for them. Hey, you know a lot. So it'd be the school of Safina. They'd learn some important shit. Listen, I'll take cookery. I would really love to teach cookery, not that I can cook.

Would work. Yeah, something hands on. But to be a lunchtime assistant, go in. Or I'd like to be, I always think of dinner ladies. You know, the film Dinner Ladies. Do you remember watching that when we were younger? Just being there giving them all their lunch And he was like, hey, my guys, what are you doing?

I won't make you eat vegetables today. Yeah, I've got you a sneaky stash under, no, Jacob. Yes. I bet she loves it, doesn't she? Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'm so glad we knew all that because we were very intrigued. So thank you for answering all of our questions.

I was ready to homeschool, to be honest with you. Has that put you off? Do you know what? It hasn't put me off. I still sit on the fence. But I think in my heart of heart, I really love the, that it's teaching them a lot of good things. School is teaching them resilience, you know, independence, confidence. It's teaching them about things that we wouldn't learn at home.

You know, Colby learns about things at school that are just phenomenal and he's learning French and he really loves French. And obviously, I could do all those things at home. I totally get that. But I just think having the interaction with his peers and the children around him and have, in lots of different variations of age of children, different religions. You know, there's so much out there for him to learn at school other than mass English and science. And I just think I love that dynamic so much for them.

And I'm just so happy that Dottie is so settled in her school. Yeah. But yeah, I think they'd get bored of me. I'd be like, listen, send me back. I can do it. It's good to have like a, you know, a break for a few hours, isn't it? Yeah. Good to have the school holidays.

I love the school holiday Is it? Yeah, I love him Chuck, you just had the best fucking time No, honestly I'm actually converted now I am I'm looking forward to next year That didn't take us long either honey One six weeks holidays and I was thin

That was it You're fully fledged part of the squad Sold I'll take 14 of them Please for the next foreseeable years So you can get in touch with us On anything at all Yeah, it can be serious or silly And you can be totally anonymous

Because between us We've probably heard it all before And remember we're all in this together and we know that we are we're all stars and we see that oh my God I nearly pulled you on me

I nearly pulled you on me nearly ended up on top of you on your bed you would have fully fell straight into my crutch in my bed wow gosh that was that was horrific the worst one we've ever done we might even be sacked if you never hear an episode after this one

we fully got sacked. Maz might cut that out. She might cut it and just go, do you know what? She might even go on herself and just go, it was so fucking shit. I've removed the whole day. Yeah, I've blocked it up with this lovely music. Do-de-da-da-da-do. Right, we've got three secrets from you this week.

We're going to be discussing. So Emma, take it away, honey. Okay, this says, hi, Sophie and Emma. I've written in a few times, but I always seem to find something new to share. When I was a child, my mum and auntie had an agreement. to split the school run, so one would do pickup and the other would do drop off. My mum was in charge of pickup and would collect me, my brothers and my two cousins from school every day. One day, she collected my brothers and my cousins and drove away.

I'd taken a few extra minutes to leave school that day, and I actually saw my mum driving off. It started raining really heavily, and I remember being absolutely drenched. Luckily, a family friend who lived behind my old primary school saw me and took me in. She called my mum, who came rushing back. I don't remember exactly how long the whole thing took, but it felt like forever. my mum has a really terrible memory well like she can't remember she's got a daughter I know it wasn't intentional and we can laugh about it now

thanks for all the laughs Mariah oh Mariah God bless your heart that's so the kind of thing my mum would have done she would have had so much going on we were always like always late always hectic she totally would have I mean I always got lost I've said this before I was the third child the youngest

there weren't enough hands to hold mine and I was always getting lost So this is the kind of thing my mom would have done. Or she would have forgotten pick up and I would have thought, oh my God, she's not, she's never coming to get me. She's never coming home. She's never coming home. This is it forever.

This is it for me. I might as well pitch up a tent and camp out because I'm going to live like Tarzan in the jungle. Tarzan and Jane. It's mad how kids catastrophes like, Joseph will do this quite a lot now. He'll be like, would you really, like, would you really not come back and get me? And I'm like, oh my God, do you know, like no one would ever leave their child somewhere. Like if anything happens, I'll always come back to get you. you're never, I'm never going to leave you, but he'll say things like quite a lot now.

He'll be like, what if you don't come and get me? What if, what if this happens? Or what if you just forget me? I'm like, I'm not going to forget you. Never going to forget you. Never ever going to forget you. You're stuck with me. It's so heartbreaking though, isn't it?

Because you just think that's big feelings that, isn't it? Big feelings and big thoughts in their, in their little minds. Yeah. Oh, gosh. If they could just like, no for certain. Like, don't worry. We're not, we're not going to leave you. Never ever.

No. Oh, Mariah. I'm glad you can look and laugh about it now. Yes. Although it was very traumatic at the time, I imagine. It's a good story now. Yeah, it's great. Terrifying at the time.

Is it not kids as well? She's like, it seems like my car's full. I'm just going to head out. Yeah. Looks like I've got everybody. How did her siblings or her cousins not go, oh, where's Mariah? Yeah. Actually, fuck, yeah.

Can't go without her. Dotty, nothing would get past her. She'd be like, uh, you forgot Colby. Where is he? Oh shit, fuck. Thank God you. Dotty does it all the time and I say, God, thank God you're here, Doc,

because I would have forgotten that. And she's just like, well, you know, or I would have said something to her like three weeks ago, a month ago. Oh, remember, and the next time we go to town, Dot, I need to get this. We'll go in town and she'll go, oh, don't forget you needed to get that. I'm like, how the fuck have you remembered that all of that time? Unreal. They're just geniuses, aren't they?

They just take everything in, like little sponges. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's because we've got so much going on. I guess they can like remember these small details because they like fixate on things. And for them in their mind, that becomes quite big. Whereas for us, it's just like a passing comment. And then we're like on to the next thing. We're trying to remember so much. And then they're like, oh, you know about this thing? Oh, yeah, thanks. Thanks for reminding me. I would have totally forgot for the rest of my life. I appreciate. Oh, Mariah, we love you dearly. God bless you. Thank you for sharing that with us. Let's move on to number two. Okay, it says hi, lovely ladies. I was listening to your The School Run is Back episode about the inequalities between the main caregiver and the partner who goes to work and it really hit home. My partner is a self-employed tradesman and I know he works hard with all the extra challenges that come with being self-employed. But I also work full-time from home and I'm the default parent to our six-year-old daughter. She goes to our little village school which has no wraparound care. So I do drop off before work, pick up during my late lunch break, juggle childcare until I finish at 5pm and cover holidays and sick days, etc. I've found myself increasingly resenting my partner. I've taken on longer hours to help with the rising cost of living, and despite him earning roughly twice what I do, I still contribute over 40% towards the bills.

But honestly, the money isn't the main issue. It's the inequality in our partnership. His hobby is fishing, and he insists on going every other weekend from Friday to Sunday lunchtime. He'll often take the Friday off work and head off in the early hours. Add a couple of two-hour gym sessions a week around bedtime, plus unpredictable working hours and I'm exhausted. When I say the balance isn't fair,

I'm told, you can go and do stuff too. I never stop you. And you knew I always went fishing. But that misses the point. I could match his freedom. But if I took every other weekend away, spent hours at the gym and made plans whenever I wanted, what would actually be left for our family? And more importantly, our daughter. I don't want him to give up his hobbies. I just want us to have an equal amount of freedom and responsibility. Rather than me being the default parent who makes his freedom possible. I'm honestly getting to the point of wondering whether I should end the relationship. My friends think I'm being taken advantage of, but I really don't want to break up our family for our daughter. So what do I do? Can this be fixed or am I kidding myself thinking things will change? Help, Hannah. Hannah, that's, this is really tough. It's really sad, but it's really not fair. I don't think that's a fair situation. I feel bad because I do feel bad on, you know, I know you've written in and you've asked for our advice, but it does feel, it feels awful to give you advice because in this situation, we don't know what's right or wrong.

and it feels hard making an assumption on your relationship based on obviously what you've told us. From what you have told us, if it was me in that situation, there would either have to be some form of compromise or I would walk away. Because it just doesn't seem fair. And I imagine you are talking to him about it. I imagine you're going through and you're having conversations. Obviously, you have mentioned here that he's replied back. with I'm not stopping you, you can have your own freedom. It always feels like to me when that answer comes back,

I know you're not stopping me, but we have no time. And it's sometimes hard to see if the other person has checked out when you're in the relationship together. And no one wants a broken family, but also trying to hold on to a family dynamic that isn't working, that can equally just be as damaging to, you, your daughter, you know, everybody involved in the situation.

Yeah, it's really hard. It's really hard when there's kids involved because like you're saying, no one wants to end the relationship. No one wants their child's parents to break up. And it feels like the stakes are so high here. But I kind of feel like you've already, you already know, you already know what's happening. Like your friends who know more about the situation than we can from your email.

have told you what they think is happening. And I think they're probably right. And if they know you really well and they know your situation, then they're probably giving you good advice. But it just seems like this is such a classic situation. And this is kind of to the extreme. But it's the same as the other email we had that resonated with Hannah. Like it's people think like, oh, I work all the time. I deserve to have my hobbies. Like I'm not being selfish. But Hannah's right. What if she pulled back and did all the same things? Everything at home would fall apart. no one would be there for the daughter. No one would be there for the school pickup and the drop-off.

You have a hobby that involves you going away for two nights every other weekend and two-hour gym sessions. Like if Hannah was doing the same thing, everything at home would fall apart. It's just not possible. And if you're raising it with him and he can't see that you are making everything work, then I think, and he's not willing to change or compromise, then I think you kind of know. Maybe it's worth trialing.

the time you know i don't it's hard to know i don't want to give the wrong advice but maybe take some time out to do something even if you're going for a coffee with a girlfriend or you're going to go have dinner at one of your friend's house or you're having a meal out or you're going to work for a walk for a couple of hours or just use the time not to get into an activity but more as like an example so that you are so he can see the other side of it so he can see from the other side yeah so he can see actually, oh, she's gone out now. And then it only takes them like a couple of weeks to be like, oh, well, I haven't seen you this week. Well, I'm, you know, we're both having the same amount of time away from the house. And then if they, if he is noticing, then there's something definitely

there to work towards and be like, look, this is, you know, I'm not saying playing at his own game. What I'm saying is take some time for you to reflect. It's hard because as moms, we don't want to step away from our children, do we? So it is hard. If somebody was to say to me, just go for dinner with your friends and go to the gym and and I'm not like, no, I'll stay with the children. It's okay. There's such a double standard with that, though, because like, it's annoying when people

come back and be like, oh, well, no one's stopping you from doing your thing. Yeah, but guess what? In my free time, like, I actually do want to see. I actually want to spend time with you. I do actually want to see my partner and my child and hang out as a family. Is that not what you want as well? You're happy to either be away from the home or at work. where's your, where, where's family time in your priorities then?

Yeah, that's what I think my mind is at. My mind is at that he has checked out from the family section, only based on your email, the family interaction. That's the bit he's checked out of, which is making him seem very selfish. I know that's not a nice word to say, but from what you've said in your email and how you've explained it, would indicate to me that he's only thinking about himself

in this situation. Like, you know, I gave up things when I had, you know, the babies and Chris has given up a lot of things. And although we both could go out, we actually weirdly quite enjoy each other's company, even though we work together, live together, spend every waking. We're always together, shop together. We do everything together. But, you know, there is the, and I always say to him, well, why don't you go out with the boys? And he's like, nah, I've got to get a shower, got to shave my beard. I've got to find something to wear. I'm just going to sit. I'm in my pajamas.

And I think, I do feel bad because then I'm like, just go out. Like, go out. And he's like, I've got all my life to go out when the children are grown up and they're out doing their own things. I've got all my life then. And I'm like, oh, you know, sometimes it's hard for me to get him out. But there has to be some form of balance and at least trying. And I think if he's not trying for the two of you, to me in my heart would say that he has checked out. You can't just carry on your like your normal life, like pre-kids when you have children.

And I don't know if like, you know, it's not all men, blah, blah, blah. But like a lot of men seem to think that. Like you can just, oh, you always knew I went fishing. Yeah. Fucking great. Maybe before we had a child that he was taking care of and like who wants to spend time with her dad. Like you can't, life's not the same after you have kids. And like look how much generally again, I'm speaking, look how much moms have to compromise and change those things when they are the primary.

caregiver and they have children. She's also not earning as much money as him, probably half the amount that he's earning, and nearly paying 50% towards. So it's nearly half split, just under. She's also taking more hours. So she's potentially working more hours than he's working. I don't know. I don't know. It's a really hard situation. It's a really hard one. It's rubbish for you, Hannah, but I think I think you kind of know what you're telling us. I also do think your friends will always give you the honest, most honest advice. So just take some time for you. Make sure you surround yourself with really great people,

your friends, family, loved ones that are looking after you and make sure you keep talking to people. And it's okay to walk away. I think sometimes that's the hardest thing. And actually staying together sometimes can do more damage. And it's okay to walk away. It could, you know, in certain circumstances, are very freeing.

but you will find your way and you'll make it work because you have done for so long now. I'm doing it all. You're doing the most. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't want you to ever doubt yourself and doubt what you're doing. And your daughter is the most incredible mum and you're doing the best for the both of you. So just look after yourselves. And if you're not communicating with him regularly, obviously I will always say communication is key. Just keep talking to him and talking about how you're feeling. Make sure you're talking. about how you're feeling and just put everything, all your cards on the table. Once you've dealt your whole hand, it's then up to him to make the next move, isn't it? And I think you can take a lot

from that, I think. Yeah, definitely. Thank you, Hannah. But sending you all of our love. Right, let's have our last secret. Okay, hi, Safina and Emma. My three and a half year old son has recently become interested in the body and how things work. Seeing as I work in healthcare, I thought I'd encourage that interest and I bought him a book all about the body and how it works. This has led to a lot of interesting questions, but most embarrassingly, quite a lot of comments too. One in particular happened on a recent camping trip. Whilst we were having our morning toilet trip, I let out a little fart. Thinking I'd got away with it, I relaxed. Only for my son to turn around to say at the top of his voice, Mummy, your bum knows it can go poo. Well done. Oh! I then had to walk out of the cubicle,

red-faced into a toilet block full of people getting ready for the day. Another one, less public, but still involving the body, happened recently. My son ran out of the the toilet shouting, Mommy, Mommy, it's small. I don't want it to be small. I want it to be big. Very confused. I asked, what do you mean? My Willie, it's small. I want it to be big. Let's just say, I'm very glad that one happened at home and not in public. Thank you for keeping us all entertained each week from Anonymous in the UK. Oh, gosh, that's adorable, isn't it? I mean, we're totally in this era at the moment. And I actually got Joseph a book out of the library because he keeps asking me like how the body works. So I got him a book out of the

library last week, which is brilliant. It's called Why Don't Our eyeballs fall out? And he's That's actually great. I could read that. Honestly, I've learned so much and he thinks it's great and now he wants like every book in the series. But it's answered a lot of questions for him. But it's got loads of stuff in there like, why does our poo smell? Why is our blood red? Like all, you know, all the things that you need to know. And it's coming, he's coming out with some absolute. Isn't our blood blue? It's only because of the air that makes it red. No, it's red because it's got, let me see if I've learned this, right? Oh, okay.

The red blood cells and iron in the blood make it red, I believe. But interestingly, in the book, I did learn that octopuses have blue blood. Insects have yellow blood. And there's a type of worm that has purple blood. I thought our blood was blue. That's why our veins are blue. And then once it reaches, once it is out in the oxygen, the oxygen makes it red. No, I think it's red inside you as well.

Oh. Listen, I'll send you the book. Oh, it must be red because it comes out of the... Listen. this took a turn. Because it comes out when you give blood, don't you? That doesn't touch the air. It just goes into the syringe.

Yeah. Or when, yeah, when you have a blood test. Yeah. Anywho, so, yeah,

we're fully in the fart, bum, poo, we... I will say, I'm up there with learning new things is my favourite thing in the whole entire world. Like,

living life through their eyes to me is fascinating. And don't you realize, like, when you start reading, like, you know, the books like,

you know, learn about the dinosaurs or whatever. you realise how little you know. Yeah. I do that most days, Emma. Most days, I read packaging on the back of food and I think, well, every day is the school day. Didn't even know that.

Didn't even know. Didn't even know you could do that. Didn't know, I've been baking and I didn't know that I could add baking powder to make muffins even more fluffy. So if you're using self-raising flour, you can add baking powder, which makes them even bigger. Only learnt that. Now we're eating muffins for the rest of our lives. Fluffy muffins. Fluffy muffins. Get the old muffins.

It's science. It's all science. I know. I just find it all so fascinating. So weird, isn't it? But every day is a school day. Yeah, no, it really is. And thank you, Anonymous, because we really are all in the same boat, aren't we? We're all in this together. Just doing our bloody best. Yeah. So thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club.

If you'd like to share your secrets with us, you can. Mail is hello at secret mumpod.com or with SecretMumPod on TikTok and Instagram. Anyone else actually know what BDM, BDSM? BDMNS? BDSM. BDSM actually. Did you actually know what it stands for? Or is your little one getting a bit too into understanding the human body? In all honestly, honestly, please let us know. I really want to know. There is nothing, really nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode.

And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club.