Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Teatime Titties

Episode Date: March 17, 2026

Soph is in full party-planning mode for Renley’s birthday, while Emma plays hostess with the mostess for the weekend. Both ladies find themselves dealing with parents’ evening mix-ups that leave them feeling very guilty. Plus, one mum writes in after her toddler’s unfortunate word pronunciation causes chaos in the supermarket. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wait, hold on. I need your attention because we have some huge news. It's big. Bigger than my bucket crutch. And that's big. Even bigger than Jojo's love for teenage mutant ninja turtles. Well, you've been asking for it, so we're going to be heading back on the stage for another secret mom club lunch show. There's going to be plenty of secrets. Perhaps a couple of party games.

And maybe a few surprise guests. So mark your calendars because on the 20th of May, we'll be live at Bush Hall in London for one girly night only. So you better buckle up, bitches. Tickets are on sale right now. So head to our socials for more info and the link to buy tickets. We can't wait to see you there. Now, back to the episode. Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club.

I'm Safina and I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for mum's everywhere. Safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? We do. And as we know, sharing. is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can get that to yourself. You can be anonymous. And all those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the

Secret Mom Club. Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. What the fuck is going on today? I have traveled the breadth of the world to be here today. Through the mill. What the fuck? How many trains have you been on? Oh, about five, six, just to get here. It was absolutely barbaric. I love the best thing was you were like, I'm going to be so late. And I was still here 25 minutes later than you. But in my head, I was late. Yeah, there is late for you.

Yeah. Because I like to be. But then that these, and people say, why do you always leave so? To give myself reason. Yeah. In case, I'm late. I've got myself enough leeway. Yeah.

And yeah, traveled the breaths of the world today. I did. It was fucking wild out there. I was, at one point, I thought it was floating through bank. I was like, someone needs to get me some air. because I'm fucking suffocating under here. It was just too much. You've done the whole south of the UK, I think.

Don't mind. I left the house at 6am and I didn't get to London until 10. Court past 10? 10. I knew you said 10pm. I also said that is a long time. That is a rough ride. I didn't get here until 10. Over four hours.

How do you feel? And I just kept watching the clock on the train track. This is me, but I'm like, because I know I'm aware, I'm quite, and it's so fine. Literally minute by minute. Like the train's like, slowly pulling into Paddington. I'm like, come on. I'm the first at the door.

I'm like, a pit bull. There me off. I've got to go. I'm always in such a rush. But you're always so early and so organised that this must be a shock. Because the drive to the train station is also heavy on the traffic. Same. So I have to not only, I have to not only a, what is that word?

A company? No, I have to account for. Yeah, account for. I have to take that into account. So not only do I have to one thing about that, I have to really track back as to, right, I need to shower, but I don't need to wash my hair. I've gained myself 20 minutes there.

But I need to be out of the house on this certain time because there is the potential for traffic. I'm not saying it's every week, but some weeks it's heavy on the traffic. And do you know what? You drive yourself, right? Drive myself. But more often I get a taxi.

So it just depends what way they go. And I have no control over it. I don't like getting in a taxi and being like, can you go this way, please? Because I'm like, you're the driver. You do what you think is best. How funny? When I get in a taxi,

in Southampton, they asked me which route I'd like to tell. Well, we basically have a toll bridge or out of town we have a toll bridge or we have the non-toll bridge road. So they always give me the option. They say which way was you're going to go. And I feel very in charge. Because if you go that way, you've got to pay your own toll. Yeah, you've got paid the 50p on to the fair. It was at one point. At one point, it was 10p, then went to 20p. 10p. What's the point? It's now £1.20. Do you have to give change?

No, now they take fucking contact letters. Did you use it to throw a change into a bucket? Yeah. Just chuck a little, chuck a little, I feel like my microphone's Your muff is getting lower and lower and lower. I mean, it's feeling my anger. I won't lie. It's really feeling. It's getting away from you.

It's like, shush. Hello. Sorry, we having muff issues at the moment. Oh, do you know what? I'm really obsessed with a woman at the moment on social media. I don't know if you've seen her because I think she's on Instagram. She tries her best to say clit in every scenario all day. She was like, she went into a fishing chip shop and she was like, oh, do you do clits in fish?

Do you do clits? Clitoris. Have you got any clit or us? And they're like chips. What? And they're like chips? And she's like, yeah, clits. Clits and chips.

Honestly, it's really making a real laugh. Fun fact. Me and Stefan went on holiday with his sister and his cousin and loads of people a few years ago. And loads of years ago, actually, like over 10 years ago. And we used to sing, head, shoulders, tits and clits. I don't know why. But now that I've got my own children, that's all I can think about. Every time head, shoulders, knees and toes comes around, I just want to go,

head, shoulders, tits and clits, tits and clits. Anywhosey Sorry, we digress about me muff What was I saying? Taxi drivers Yeah, so mine this morning I was like, mate, you've made an absolute error £1.20 to cross the toll bridge

And the toll bridge was only You only had to pay for the toll bridge To fund the repair or the bill It originally was that you funded the cost of building the bridge So it was a toll bridge And it was only meant to be temporarily Well, it's been 37 years of my whole entire life making it up.

And they're just hoiking the cost up. Well, let me tell you about the seven bridge to get into Wales. How'd you get to Wales? Used to be. I think it went over like five pounds at one point. Whoa. Both way. No, was it both ways?

No, only in but not out. Yeah, you had to pay to get in. But getting back into England was free. Oh, stunning. I used to say you had to pay for the privilege of getting into Wales. Yeah, I was going to say. We're paying for the privilege to be in this country. But it was the cost to build the bridge and everyone was like, what a piss take.

Anyway, now it's free. So yours might be scrapped. I don't think it will. No? It's only a fucking tiny little bridge. They got rid of all the toll boots going into Wales. So now it's like wacky races. It's just like...

Wow! That's wild that is. Eight lanes into two. Wow. No, no, no, no. Anyway, transport chat over. It's been a wild ride into the studio this morning. This is how I feel every week.

Because I can only get on a certain train and I always know I'm going to be late. And I hate the fact that you're always going to be here waiting for me because you're so early and so organised. We have to be because it stresses me out if I'm late. Mine's a race against time. Honestly, I'm like. right, I have to make this connection and this connection.

I have to run up this escalator and do this. And I know I'm always going to be late anyway. And then I get you sweating my tits off. And then we have to start as soon as you're. And then I just sit down and they go, right, go. Mike's on. Mike's live. Tell us about your week.

I'm like, check one, check one. Mike check one, two. Oh gosh. But no, I had a crazy, crazy week. Yeah. Because by the time you hear this, it would have actually been Rennelly's birthday. Yeah.

But at the moment, party prep. Yeah. We're off to Pepper Pig World. Yes. As everybody's coming to celebrate him, the best thing I can do. do is take a 17 year old, nearly 15 year old, 13 year old, 10 year old, 10, 7, how, I don't even know the ages of them anymore, children, a lot of them, ranging up to 17. Yeah, seven kids.

To Pepper Pig World. Do they love it, even the older ones? Yeah. They just love how excited he gets. Yeah. So they, everyone is coming to celebrate him, which is going to be absolutely wonderful. And then I'm going to do a little tea party. Nice. I'm also trying at the moment to, my brother-in-law has a new job. I won't state where the new job is at, but he is opening a brand new showroom, because he's a car salesman. He's open a brand new showroom, but I can get a car for Renley that is the same as the showroom he's working in. And I really want to do like a boss baby of his, like celebrating, but him doing a handover of the toy car. Yes. So I'm trying very much to arrange that at the moment, which I just think is going to be absolutely. I'm glad you said toy car,

because I thought it was going to be like my super sweet 16. Do you remember that when they're like, here's a range rover? But two teen. Here's a Porsche. No. And they go, oh, I wanted it in white and it's black. You've got it in grey. No, I do want that though.

I want that whole experience. It just happened like a car. Because, you know, it's a wonderful job for James and I just think, gosh, this might not be around for his third birthday. We might not still be there. So there's lots of fun things that I'm trying to arrange. Also, it's very hard to get everybody together. Yeah.

Because trying to, one, negotiate a schedule with a 16, nearly 17-year-old and their college work, because she's working now, Eden. Oh, she got a job finally. She's fully got a job. She's got a job. She's got a college schedule. She's also got friend schedules. It's really hard to navigate around her.

Let alone five adults, my brother and my sister, their partners. Then around all the other children, Tobias, his girlfriend, because you've now got to start thinking about their partners. And Tobias has a girlfriend. So it's trying to see, do she want to come? Like, is that weird there? Is she your, I'm inviting her along? Does he want her to come?

He's 14. 15. He's going to be 15 in July. I don't know whether I should offer. I don't know whether I should put the olive branch out that she feels included. Am I doing it too soon? Is he going to be like, Auntie, we're not there? But they've been together nearly five months.

Oh, I know. I said this could be on the cards for marriage, you know? There is people that marry their at sweetheart. Oh my God. Do you remember bringing your like boyfriend around to like family events when you were like, oh, God, I did it. When I was like 14. No.

I never had one when I was, I didn't have my first boyfriend until I was 18. Oh, right. God bless him. That was Daryl. Fun fact, saw Daryl's mum in the park the other day. That was wild. Here we go on the exes again. I don't see mine.

Just bump into his mum at the park. I'm still bringing mine to family events. What did we call him? What was his fake name? George. Was it George? George. George.

My sister's getting married. Do you want to come to the wedding? Are you seeing this a lot? I feel like every year now there. I'm getting, navigating, readily growing. I'm obviously trying to deal with the hormone changes of Colby because he's 10 and things are changing with him and they're going through their own things with friends and school and their way through life to now I've up-leveled.

My auntie level has increased to try and navigate life round young adults because they are all young adults. Then what do I do when Eden's got a partner? Am I putting the olive branch out to all of them? Come along. It's crazy. Do I then want to invite Tobias' girlfriend down to Pepper Pig World? You know?

You know, I don't know where we're at. If I was a 14-year-old girl, I'd be like, yes, please. I'm confused and lost. But I thought they might be able to go off and do. Yeah, some rides on their own. Because Pepper Pig World is actually having, we've got new roller coasters being built in Pepper Pigweil. There's proper rides, isn't there? This isn't an ad for Pepper Pig World.

It should be. Should be. You talk about them all the time. They've got new rides opening down there. And then I realised it was May. They don't open until May. But I thought they can go off and do some big, big children. bit while Renner's is knee-deep and muddy puddles over in Pepper Pickworld and the

cues are thick. Yeah. So no, there's a lot going on. My little brain is trying to process. Oh. A hell a lot of jelly. Yeah. Like a hell a lot.

Yes. I feel bad. You've done so much and I've done nothing. I feel like I'm in the trenches. People are asking me what I want for Sadia and I'm like, I don't even know. But I feel like at the moment, you and your sister are so parallel with lives and you're the first to have the little ones. Yeah.

and they're still so little. Yeah. So I feel like it was really easy when me and Roxanne, I was going to say before Renley came, but not that I'm saying that because I regret Renley, but Roxanne, obviously, Rocks Everly was a month old when I fell pregnant with Colby. Yeah, so you were kind of on the same kind of part.

Yeah, so once Roxanne had done with her last, I then started mine. So the babies have always ranged, Eden being the eldest down to Dotty. So there's always been like a, well, there's a 10-year age gap between Dots and Eden. So it's kind of, or Dotson, I should say, Colby and Eden, but there's always been like a 10, 12 year age gap.

So when they were littler, it was so easy. But now you're going out. Like, I feel like I'm learning big shit. Yeah. Trying to stay down with the kids in the ghetto, but, but, you know? I don't know what's new, what's hit, what's cool. What's trendy. You're just still watching Pepper Pig.

And also as well, like when we were growing up, it wasn't ever something that, like, we never, like me and Roxanne Amrichi, never had girlfriends that we in. introduced to the family like yours at like 14 and we'd ever really, our parents didn't really ever like our friends. So they never came along for things. But I'm always like, I said to Eden and her best friend Olivia and I said to her the other day because Tobias has a girlfriend.

So I was like, well, I've asked Eden if she wants to bring Olivia down. Yeah. To celebrate Reni's birthday because Olivia adores Renley. And I was like, well, that's a big part of her life. Well, I've invited Olivia. I need to invite Tobias girlfriend. It's like plus months of weddings. You're like, do I do like a blanket thing?

Do I just keep going? Yeah, because then it just gets massive. Yeah. Do you want to bring your whole clothes down? Where do you stop? Yeah. So if you're asking me if I'm okay, no. I'm in the sticks.

I'm in the trenches. I don't know what to do. Do I invite them all for the tea party, but not to the pepper pig world? I'd say come to pepper pig world, but I don't want you all in my house. Yeah. You know? Yeah. And then can you just be like?

Could I pick one or the other? And I want to be the cool auntie, you know? Yeah. Yeah. Come round. I don't want to be. I am. Trash my hand.

I'm not going to be, I'm not going to lose, I'm not going to let that crown slip. No, I am the cool one. You are, you are cool, auntie. But I do get palpitations about a lot of people who've been in my house and like messing out. Well, I'm thinking, hopefully, because the weather in Southampton is not here today, but let me tell you, the weather in Southampton. I could, I could wear shorts and be comfortable. Yeah, you could just be in the garden. I went naked arms yesterday on the school run.

It was weird when I got on the train today, total opposite like scenario to what it normally is sunny in the west. Came into like, Redding, London. 7 a.m in Southampton was absolutely belting hot. Beautiful, yeah. Got into London and I was like, yeah. Where the fuck, have I? London smog. Yeah. So I'm planning garden tea party.

Yeah. And hoping that the weather holds out. Holds out for us. So then if they're all in the garden, yeah, more merrier, bring them all along. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Just don't get your shoes in my house. Don't do drugs or booze unless I'm involved.

What is that? Oh, are there any drugs in the house? Take them on now. There are. You better find them, give them to me. But no, it's been, it's been great. So by the time you actually hear this, it may not be so great. It may have all gone tits up.

Yeah. Well, next week. Next week we can update. Yeah, because it would have, it would have happened. But obviously, you all have to listen. Yeah. To next week's episode. Yeah.

Which will fully be the end of March. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. I know. We haven't planned anything. I'm just like you can go to Centiparts. I feel like it's really, yeah, but it's, we never did so much.

don't think when they were all a lot smaller. Is it just because he's like, he's the only small one now. So you're like, you want to make a fuss? Yeah. And it's not just me that wants to make a fuss. Like everybody wants to make a fuss of him because he is the baby. And he is our last baby in the family. And everybody is so obsessed with him.

But equally, as much as I want to include all Eden, Tobias, Ember, you know, because they are big. They don't need to come. And I've said to them, you don't need to spend time with him. I know you adore him and I know you love him. But you have your lives and you have one. and you have work and they've all got football and dance and everything everywhere. So I've kind of said to them like, it's chilled, like, don't worry.

But they're all like, no, what are the plans, what survive, what are we wearing? Yeah, they want to. Shall I buy a Pepper Pig t-shirt if we're going to Pepper Pig? I was like, is it too much for us all to have family matching? Eden's like, no, get us everything matching. So as much as I'm just like trying to be chill about it, they all want to be involved. That's nice. That's really nice.

So it's really lovely, but it's obviously. I want it. And as well, I'm somebody that not only is it about him because it's his birthday, I also equally always want to make it special for everybody else. Like I want to make sure that when I'm celebrating Eden's birthday, not only just she feel incredible, I want everybody else in the process. And that's the same with Roxanne. We both are exactly the same in that whoever's involved in the moment,

we want it to be special for everybody, you know? Yeah. Which is like last year we did 70Ps. Yes. Yeah. Yeah, that's why you're a good host. This year I feel like I'm coping out though with Pepper Pig World. But it'll cost me probably the same as what I was going to say.

And also just because it's on your doorstep, it doesn't mean it's not, like that's literally the thing he likes the most. Yeah. Do you know what I mean? Yes. If you liked something else, you'd go to something else. But it's like, why not? Yes. It's on your doorstep and he loves it.

I mean, to the point it's actually an obsession. It's a problem. Yeah. It could be a problem. We've kind of moved on from Pepper Pig and I'm a little bit sad about it. We're just water wall to all frozen at the moment. Oh, that's what? It's good, but I'm sick of it.

But then that means Paris for you. I know. You better look at Disneyland for Sadie. She's only got two weeks. I want to go to America, but that's a big one. That is a big one. And also, I'm a bit, not a bit funny about America. I'm a bit funny in, I want them to go to be able to remember it.

Yes. So I want them to be old enough to remember. But equally, going when they're little, terrifies me a little bit. I'm not doing a long haul fly with toddlers. Yeah, that's, I think that's what terrifies me. Listen, I haven't been on a plane in years. Yeah. And if I'm getting on one, it needs to be something that they're going to remember.

It needs to be worth while. Yeah, yeah. I think they were building the frozen bit last time we were at Disneyland, Paris. I thought it was March. I feel like it was going to... This March, is it? Because we were there last May. It basically wouldn't be worth going until that's done

because she is obsessed. I hope the obsession holds for when we go though. Because you know when you book something and you're like, I don't know if they're still going to be into it. No, we haven't booked to go. But she, everything at the moment, she doesn't even call it frozen. It's just Elsa Ana.

Everything. We get up, she sits in front of the telly. She's like, Elsa, Anna. Anna, Anna. Anna. I think she thinks Elsa is Anna and Anna is Elsa. She gets... Mine it every day.

Your Elsa, Anna. Mine is Peppa. George Tato. Yeah. He has a wild obsession with Mr. Potato. Yeah. And he'll shout all the way on the school run, Mr. Potato! Mr. Potato. But he doesn't say the words.

He just goes, It's a, hato. He's a, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, Mr. Potato. What does he say? Where the fun of vegetables never ends. That's that one. But he just minds it because he can't say all the words.

Like, also, he does, this is up. Have you heard, this is up? This is up. No. I think it's a Miss Rachel one, but he can't say all the words. words he just goes he huh he he he he ha he horn he he ho ho hi hi hi hi hi he ho on and you're he sings it at the top of his lungs on the school run but it's a very funny stage but yeah we're

pepper george tato yeah i miss pepper we've moved on from pepper and we've moved on from toy story which i'm really sad about and i want to bring toy story back around because toy story five is coming out Not an ad. Not an ad, not a spawn, but if you want to, I don't know, put us in the move, what am I asking for? Put us in the film? That's too late. That would be, I really wanted to do the exhibition. Oh.

That was in London, you know, when it was all big, so you walked in it and it was like you were a toy in Andy's room. Oh, no. Did you see that? No, but Jojo would have loved that. It was completely so. I mean, if you can't get tickets, so I've got no chance. Well, I was just general public, to be honest. You and me are exactly the same, man.

I'm not getting any special. I'm not getting any special treatment. But I'm missing it. I'm like, Jojo, do you want a much toy story? And he's like, no, everything. So what's Jojo into? Oh, it's all like superheroes and nights at the moment. We're still there?

Turtles, he's still doing turtles. I'm just really not into turtles at all. And he loves it. He's got like, he loves all the niche characters. And when he goes to bed at night, he's like, tell me a turtle story. And I'm like, I've really got nothing left. Nothing left to give. I'm overstimulated.

I can't just, I can't do it anymore. It's happening. It's just dry. It's dry. It's dry. Yeah, it's dry in there. Yeah. It's really dry up.

So I'm like, how about Woody and Buzz? We haven't seen those guys for a while. So I'm trying to like bring him back around. Does he have anything on his show? Because you're Yoto, not Tony, aren't you? Yeah, he has Toy Story on his Yoto. But at the moment we're doing... No turtles on Yoto.

There's no turtles. Yoto, if you're listening, he wants a turtles card, a sonic card and a Mario card. And I don't think they do any of those. Oh, Yoto. But it's got all the toy story ones. We've listened to them so much. At the moment we're doing five minute Marvel stories, which is quite good. I'm learning quite a lot listening to those as he goes off to sleep.

But I'm just really, I'm not, I'm sorry, I'm not either there. Are you a reader? Do you like to read a book? I do, but again, like he's, we're trying to bring books back because we haven't read to him for like a while. He'd rather us make him up a story. I think he gets bored of his books and he wants us to make up a story. But every bedtime, that's a big ass because I've got to have fresh imagination ready to go.

And by the end of the day, I'm like, basically I've got to set up a scenario where it's like, someone goes for a walk, this disaster happens. Someone dies. The bad is take over. Not death. He's a bit obsessed with death. the moment so I try not to say avoid death. We started off saying like, oh no, so-and-so has been defeated.

Okay. But now he knows the words. He'll be like, oh, no, they've been killed and they're dead. And we're like, oh, yeah. And he's like, and then what happens when you're dead? And I'm like, oh. This is the big conversation. Again, I'm dry up there, Joseph.

There's nothing I can give. It's a big conversation. Stefan thinks I'm too blunt because I do just say, I did just tell him the truth. And he's like, you can't, he's four. And I'm like, yeah, but he's old enough to understand. And he does keep asking questions. Like if he says like, when you're dead, do you never come back? I'm like, yeah.

I might have a panic attack. We can't talk about this too much. It's just not for me. It's just so terrifying. Like, how would you explain it? I don't want to, I don't want to bullshit him. Like, he's clever. He's old enough to understand.

Like, I don't, you know, like, I've got a 90-year-old granddad. He's great-granddad. And he's like, what's going to happen to Gigi? And I'm like, well, he will. Oh, Emma. Like, he's got to know. I know. I know.

And I'm not doing it to scare him. I know, I know you're not. I couch it in like nice language. But I just say to Stefan, like you can't, you can't lie to him forever. No, no. So. It's a tough one. It's a really, it's a really hard topic.

Yeah. And I know all parents approach it differently. And that's fine. We don't want to scare them. But also, I want to be realistic. See, now I've only really started talking to Colby about it now. But I don't know that I would be able to say to Dottie. I think Dottie is a little bit more.

I would say funny, Dotty is a little bit more clued up on that and maybe is a little bit more understanding than Colby is even though she's a bit younger but I don't know if that's because she had like her spiritual encounter face

didn't she. She's very in touch. So I wonder she's just way more in tune with it but I feel sad because I don't like talking about it and I have a massive fear of it. I just find it really hard to talk about it. And it's like four is like an age where they just ask questions about everything

and they're starting to understand so much more. Like his little best friend, our best friends who we lived with in London, they're moving to California next month. Wow. And they came to stay with us at the weekend and they hadn't seen each other for months but like Joseph and their little boy

just like hid it off straight away, inseparable all weekend, like best best friends. Wow. But they're like brothers. They like fight and they play and whatever it's great and they've got a little girl's ladies age as well. So we're like super close to them. Why are they going?

What? She's American. Oh. Yes. So they're going to be closer to her mom and dad. And they're like, we never say never coming back. But obviously we used to live in London together. Now we live in Cardiff.

They're in London. So we went from seeing them probably every weekend to like we've only seen them once in the last like five months. Right. But again, Joseph's like, when am I going to go and play around, you know, so does those house. And when are we going to see them next? And I'm like, well, really, like they're moving very, very far away. So we're not going to see. We're probably holiday with them like once a year.

But it's going to be such a different relationship now. Yeah. kind of just have to explain to him like, yeah, we're not going to see him all the time. Because otherwise he'll just keep asking me. Yeah. And I don't want to be like, oh, maybe maybe next week. Yeah. Because it's not true.

No, no. So I just have to say to him like, well, it's going to be a while now. But when we do see them, it's going to be so cool. We're going to be on holiday. Yeah. Yeah. Agreed. Yeah.

Oh, well, that took a, that took a turn. I took a turn. But how's your week been, though? Yeah, good. So when they stayed with us, we did a big thing where we like hosted all of our friends at our house. Stunning. So we're like the host house now. stressful. You're doing a lot more hosting now. We are. And we were never a hosting house before. You're

hosted eras, honey. We didn't have the space. But now, I've actually found it a lot of pressure. I'm like, what's everyone going to eat? What are we going to cook? Like, but it was so nice. We had 10 adults and 10 children. And they're all the people that we went to uni with. Wow. A lot of them are still in Cardiff, which is really nice because they're pretty close now. Yes. We were like, oh, you know, so someone says coming over before they moved to America, let's do like a big farewell thing for them. So everyone came over to our house. 10 kids ranging from like seven to two, seven to nearly two. And again, like, they don't know each other like super well.

But you know when kids get them with our kids and they're just like... They get on like they've known them their whole lives. It was great. We didn't see them for like four hours. There's a lot we could take from children and making friends. I love that they just go straight in there. But Dottie's got no fear whatsoever to just say to somebody, I love what you're wearing today. I love that. And I just think, why as adults are we not just...

We don't do that. No. It's because we've learned like social, like, norms. and what we think is acceptable, but kids just certainly have that, like, barrier. And I kind of never want them to have that. I mean, you have to learn a bit of, like, how to behave in society, I suppose. But, like, it's so innocent and so lovely that. It's just really precious, isn't it?

Mostly Joseph bonds with other people over, like, poo and fart jokes. So the boys would just start my soul sister, really. Yeah, exactly. You're talking about poo, poo, poo bum, farts. How loud can you fart? Guess my fart. That's a really fun one. Yeah, smell my fart.

So, yeah, so that was really nice. And he's so good, like, and everyone, like, play with all these. toys and I mean the house was absolutely trashed but I'll take it for four hours of peace while I drank some Prosecco you know so it was really nice really nice to have one around and also we've known them all for like 20 years yeah and it's just such a moment where you look around the room and go we've come so far we've come so far like we've known each other for so long and now look us we're all around my house with our families like and our kids are all here like what yeah it's just mental it was really nice but yeah a little bit tinge with sadness

because obviously we were saying goodbye to our friends. But also we're like holidays in California. Hello. Yeah. Imagine going to stay with them. I hope it's going to be fab. It's going to be fab. It's going to be fabi loss.

I know. I can't wait. I love that so much. So Emma and I really want to hear from you. Yeah. We want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us.

Respond to what we've been talking about or just say hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search for Secret MumPod. Or you can email us. Hello at Secret MumPod. dot com. It's time. For the

Correspondence corner Right. You read it. Oh, I just got stuck to the chair. Sweaty? No, I think there's a logo on my back and my top and it just got stuck to the chair.

Maybe it is sweat. I don't know. I've run a marathon today. Yeah, you basically am. I basically traveled a marathon. Yeah. I wonder how many miles I actually, I don't think I'd be.

I think you didn't travel that many miles, but you just did it in like the longest possible way. I still can't go over it. I just concerned about getting back, to be honest with you. Imagine I've got to do that getting back. Oh gosh. It's okay. We're safe and we're well. That's the important thing. Right. Take it away, my honey. All right. This one says, howdy from Texas, Sophia and Emma. I'm a grandma, Lala, replying to the stepman with the teenage stepda. Wait, stop it. She's Lala. Lala. That is absolutely. Right. I don't take that away from her. Fuck me. I think I want to be a Lala when I'm older.

Yeah? I think that's better than grandma, isn't it? Ooh, la, la. What's my name? Sorry, sorry. She says, I'm replying to the stepmom with a teenage stepdaughter. Yes. She says, please don't give up. My brother has children with three different women. Two marriages didn't work out, which left the third wife helping with the other two children. Yes. When the kids were little, we saw them all the time. But as they grew up, the relationships between the parents became very hostile. They spoke badly about each other in front of the kids. It got. got so bad that on my brother's weekends, my husband and I would collect the children ourselves just for their sake. My sister-in-law became so upset at how she was treated by the kids

and their moms that she eventually gave up. The children stopped coming to my brother's house and he and his wife didn't fight for it. Because of that, we lost contact too. The kids thought we didn't love them, which couldn't have been further from the truth. Fast forward to now, they're all grown up with children of their own. They've experienced trauma over the years and we weren't included because they believed we didn't care. I reached out and now we have wonderful relationships with each of them, but they still carry resentment towards my brother and his wife because they feel they didn't fight for them. I'm trying to help them move forward, but it's slow. I'm so grateful my husband and I rebuilt those relationships. I only wish my brother

and sister-in-law had the same. So please don't give up. Keep telling them how much they mean to you and never speak badly about their mum, especially in the teenage years. They will defend her no matter what. Sending you all the love from Texas. Keep up the great work. I absolutely love the pod, Kathy, from Texas, USA. Oh, Kathy. That is beautiful, isn't it? That is so incredible, that's a really incredible story in the fact that that is so sad. It all turned out in the end. You can't even imagine, like, sometimes it, I don't know if anyone else can relate, but I always find like when I get through scenarios, I think, gosh, I don't know how I got

through that, but you, it always comes to a point where you look back at it, you know, but when you're in the depth of it, it's so hard. Yeah. When you get to the other side, like Kathy, she can now sit and sit in the position that she's in now and yes, there is trauma around it, but you think when you're in the depths of that, how is it ever going to be okay? And that is so hard, isn't it?

So I think hearing positive stories, and that's not taking anything away from the fact that the children are going to hold a lot of trauma as to what's been through. But it feels that Kathy has made such a wonderful turn on it and doing the best with the situation that she has, which I think will help give the children hope. Yeah.

You know? Yeah. It's so much easier to see things with the perspective of hindsight, But like you say, when you're in it, it's so hard to see, like, how will this ever be okay? But I hope, and I think we said this to the person that wrote in as well, it's really hard at the moment, but I think it will all heal with time. Yeah. And I think if you just give it time, this is proof that it can work out. Okay.

It's not going to be perfect. No. But it's going to. It's the best of a bad situation. It's going to work out as best as it can. Yeah. As long as you stay true to yourself, making sure that you don't give up hope and you still communicate. Again, the boundaries of, it's hard, isn't it?

When there is a broken family or a blended family, it is hard to stay, what is it? Like, what is it, like neutral and not to argue? Like we, as parents, me and Chris, we've always said, you know, if there was anything that ever happened or we did break up, I would never ever want the children to be affected by that. And even not that we ever really argue or there's sometimes there's topics which can't be discussed in front of the children. we have to wait. We choose, sorry, I should say, to wait until the children have gone to bed because it's just something I don't feel like should ever be exposed to them. But it is hard and it's easy for me to say because I'm not in that situation.

But somebody going through it, I can't imagine for a second how hard it is when you're feeling completely out of depth with the whole situation. Yeah. Just go, oh, you're done's a prick. Yeah. You know? Yeah, I think you need to have to go and like punch a pillow because you probably want to say so many things. Yeah.

I just think it's best to. And it's really hard. It's really hard to say, don't slag the, you know, your ex-husband off or the children's dad or vice versa. No matter how you, you might feel like you hate someone. A bit it's easy for us to say, isn't it?

And I imagine anybody listening. But you've got to be so careful what you say around little ears because they just pick everything up and they're just sponges, aren't they? And I think if anybody going through this, I don't want you to feel like it's easier said than done because that is very much this case is it is easier said than done. And we're sending you all a love if you are going through this. But I hope that there is some comfort and knowing that there is light on the other side.

Yes. Yeah. I think that's really hopeful message. Thank you, Kathy. That's really wonderful, isn't it? So you can get in touch with us on anything at all. Yeah, it can be serious or silly. And you can be totally anonymous.

Because between us, we've probably heard it all before. And remember where are we going with this one? We're all in this together. And we know that we are. We're all stars and we see that. Oh, fuck me. I run out of all. oxygen then. I thought I was going to pass out. That was quiet. That was. Wow. We totally,

I looked into your eyes. Yeah, it was intense. Your soul. I looked deep in there and thought, where's she going? Hard or soft? You went soft. Right. Are you ready? Yeah. For my secret of the week. I've had a lot going on. Yeah. Right. I went ham on my social media and I was loving it. But I've had some things, which isn't something, and I very much feel like a Facebook mum. No disrespect to any Facebook. or anybody that's on Facebook, grandparents, whatever. But I feel like one of those people, you know, when you used to put cryptic Facebook statuses up and you... DME, hon.

Dear me and I'll tell you everything that he's a bastard, you know? I feel like one of those at the moment. I've got a lot going on, which obviously you and me are aware of. There's a lot going on in my life that I can't really talk about. But I'm so balls deep in it. It's consuming my every being. And it's really fucking annoying me. So because of that, I missed, I don't know if I had to say it without crying.

I miss Renley's induction for preschool. Oh, no. What a wunker. That is hands down one of the most shittiest things in being a mum of three for 10 years that I've possibly. Is that like the worst you felt? It's what awful feeling. And do you know what? The only way I remembered was I put the deposit.

So I put in my calendar the last. date of when his deposit was due to receive his place because I don't know why. Normally I just pick everything up and I pay it straight away. But with moving house and everything that we've had going on in this year, I feel like I've had so many things going on. I just kept putting dates in my calendar and I put like the date of when the deposit was due, like the last date to hold his space, even though I paid it like a week after. I'd never removed that date out of my calendar. And I also put in there his start date. But what I missed in the midst of the letter was his actual induction date because I think the last date was in bold and then the start date was

in bold. Somewhere in the middle. I didn't comprehend like the induction date in the middle. So was he supposed to go in for like a taster day? Yeah, a whole day. For an hour. For an hour. For an hour.

So I was in a shop when I put the children up from school, they were like, oh, can we go into the shop? Blah, blah, blah. So I saw, oh yeah, we're popping then. I saw one. She isn't a part of the preschool anymore, but I still very much know her. So I kind of saw her at a glance. I think I was so in my head because I'd had a lot of calls and a lot of things to deal with on Monday.

And I sort of thought, oh, that's never, never bump into her. How strange. And I got home and I felt like the universe was just like telling you something. Yeah, hello. So I got home and like potted on with the rest of the evening, done dinner. It was beautiful. So we sat at the garden, had a picnic. It was until I got a shower, got into bed.

And I said to Chris, I've been on my phone all day taking calls. And I said to Chris, I haven't checked. Like, surely, Renly starts preschool. April, we're now in March. Surely there must have been an induction day or it must be coming up. Chris said, you've been on your phone all day. Just try and get some rest because it was a very long emotional day. So he was just like, put your phone down, just try and go to sleep. So I went to so you woke up at like 10 to 7, like a really long sleep. And I thought, I'm just going to check this email. I was like, Chris, his induction day was yesterday.

Shit. Shit. And I'd seen her. I'd seen one of the preschool teachers and something in the universe must have been telling me. And lo and behold, I did the school run in the morning, come home and I thought, I'm going to have to just ring the preschool and ask. And she phoned me. And she was like, I just want to make sure everything's okay, Sov, because I've known them for years. Like a friend that I went to school with, her auntie runs the preschool. So it's all very much. I've known them for years and years. So she rung me. She was like, Sova, I just want to make sure everything. it's okay you miss wrenny's induction i said don't i honestly don't know what to do with myself she was like don't panic did your heart just sing out of my ass out of my ass and then renners is just bound and around completely unaware of what i've done yeah completely unaware but that was probably hands down and as well i've been so in the last couple of weeks been so focused on trying to resolve the baby situations at school and that they've had a little bit of a tough journey so i've been so involved with them and then i was like just third child just

completely fuck i forgot about him and then you feel so guilty because you're just like he's not aware, but you're like, how could I forget about you? But she has very kindly offered me. Yeah, she's going to offer me another date. But we haven't got long. We haven't got long until he starts. You know when you're just like, fuck me. You feel so shit. I just kept hugging him all day and I just kept saying, I'm really sorry. He's like, what's wrong with you? He's literally none the wiser. Pepper? George? Yeah. Papa. Are you Tater? It's so weird. You should say that because just yesterday I forgot Joseph's parenting. You're going to make me feel better, aren't you? Not worse? It makes me feel like shit. But I forgot parents even.

I say parents' evening. It was meant to be in the middle of the day. Oh my God, I'm so relieved. But honestly, I had this anxiety in my chest like all day. It's like the same feeling. It's awful, knowing that I'd fucked it up. And again, he's none the wiser. He didn't know we were going in to speak to his teacher.

But it was something that I really wanted to do. I felt like he needs it. We've been, me and step and I've been looking forward to it. We made notes of what we want to talk to them about. I was like, this is going to be really good. We were both at home all day, because Tuesday's our day to do stuff. And the kids All day

catching up on some unwanted All day I'm exhausted No more like Go to the gym Watch telly Clean the house So I was like We were literally

I was so annoyed for myself I was like We were literally free all day And I thought about Going into the school So I was like Oh we're going to have to like travel up there travel back

This is how long it's going to take And then I was like oh no hang on Looked at the calendar invite And it had a teams link on it For a team's meeting So I was like oh it's on teams And we were like Oh that probably makes it easier

for the parents to like to attend rather than having to travel in. Cool makes sense. So at half-past three we log on to teams for our 10 hours slot and it's like someone will let you in soon. Okay great. 10 minutes later I'm like oh they're probably running behind like speaking to the other parents but I'm like let's just drop them an email just in case. So email the teacher I'm like we're waiting on teams just to make sure we've got the right slot. She emails back she's like it's a face-to-face meeting at school. I'm like and because I booked it And Stefan's like, I can't believe you've done this. And I was like, we both looked at the email and we're like, oh, there's a team's link in it.

I was like, how would you have read that differently? Like it's so not clear. And then I felt better because a couple of the other mums on the group were like, is this, I'm waiting on teams. Is this a team's meeting? I was like, I mean, I still felt awful, but I was at least, at least it's not fucking only me. And someone was like, oh, I did the same thing last year. But Stefan was like, why wouldn't you double check? Like, why didn't you ask at the school?

I was like, I just like, it just. Yeah, you just assumed. It just doesn't look clear. And I was like, oh, teams make sense. Yeah. It's easier for everyone. Like, so then we were just sat on teams for like 10 minutes. And I was like, the fucking annoying thing is that.

We've been, we've just been sitting here all day. All day. Like ready to, ready to team it up. Ready to team it up. And the teacher's like, no. Well, at least you were there. You were actually there in the day. You just didn't go face to face.

You were on teams. I miss the whole fucking thing. The whole fucking thing. And it's like, say, we can rearrange it. Like, we've rearranged it. Yeah. We've rearranged it. can rearrange yours and the children are none the wiser but I just felt the guilt I didn't eat yesterday

because I just felt physically sick I felt so awful what is that? I just felt like a heaviness in my like heart all day I was like what how could I fuck this up and the most annoying thing is we literally could have been there we spoke about going oh face to face anyway so annoying is so annoying but I just can't I can't deal with the guilt the guilt is too much there's a lot to remember though and there's a lot on And I couldn't even stop talking about it. And Chris was like, it's okay. So you're human. We were the opposite.

Me and Stefan just didn't talk to each other all afternoon. You're human. We all make mistakes. Oh, right. Is this like your... You also had access to the same email. Is this like your responsibility? Or would Chris own it as well?

He did own it. Chris is always so good that he just tries to make me feel better. And he's like, look, we're both in the wrong. We both had access to it. And we both, it slipped both of us. And bless his heart. And I feel like, oh, he doesn't have to do that. I just feel like sometimes I feel like it's a responsibility of mine to keep track of that.

And I don't know why. Well, that's the thing. Because I booked the parents' evening meetings. So Stefan's like, well, you, seven's the opposite. It's like, you fucking booked it. Why didn't you check? But we were the opposite of you. We were just coexisting in the house all afternoon, just like going about our business

and like not really talking to each other because we were both so fucking annoyed. I was annoyed. But I feel you. It's a horrible. It's a horrible feeling. It is horrible. Even now it's still broken me. I've still, even I've got to turn up to an induction now

where there's no other children there on their induction because they've all had theirs so he's just going to go in on his Todd with his non-pals because they might be leaving in September so he's only going to be, you know, he's not going to meet his odd. The other new kids. Oh, just, I just can't. I was meant to pick up his little school uniform

and his backpack and his jumper and top and oh, I just, I can't, it's too much. I know. I feel you. But it's okay. I feel you. It's going to be. We're going to be like you as well.

We know the teacher and I'm like, does that make it better or worse? I feel like I start as a mean to go on, you know. I'm really sorry. I was shit when Dotty and Colby came here. And I'm still going to be shit now. And I'm still going to continue to be shit. You know, I'm not leveling up now. I'm a bit like, well, we know the teacher.

So I'm sure she knows we're like responsible parents really. And then the other half of me is like, we know her. How embarrassing. She's like, you're all fucking useless. That's what Chris said to me, Chris was like, they do know you. Yeah, that's even worse. Yeah. I wish I was a stranger.

Yeah. So they wouldn't go, oh, God, she hasn't changed in the last seven years of Colby and Dottie being here. Oh, it's the worse. It's fine. But that's our secrets this week. Both of us. That was a double load that was. At least we're both in this.

We're all in this together. We're all in this together. We really are. Yes, we are. And we're going to get into some of your secrets after this short break. We've got three secrets from you this week that we're going to be discussing. Did I get it right? I think so.

We've got three secrets from you we're going to be discussing this week. Yes. Did I say it right first time? Yeah. So we've got three secrets. I'm just going for a hat trick now. We've got three secrets from you this week. We're going to be discussing.

Discussing this week, it says. Oh, fuck. You can't have it all. Jesus Christ, Emma. Right now it's your turn. Take it away. Read it, read it straight to camera without looking down. The whole thing.

The whole thing. Don't take your eyes. Hi, Sophia and Emma. I'm bitters here. I'm a mum and my partner travels for work. Lately I've realised I'm stuck in an anxiety loop around it. When he's away, I feel. anxious and on edge, but now that anxiety has started creeping in even when he's home,

I wake up thinking, will he have to leave again early? And it instantly affects my mood and how present I am. Between juggling the kids and daily life, my head feels constantly full. I'm always bracing myself for solo parenting again. Instead of enjoying our family time when he's home, I feel tense and distracted and then guilty for feeling that way. Logically, I know worrying doesn't help, but I can't switch it off. I just wondered if either of you or other moms have experience this and how you stop anxiety about what's coming next from stealing the good moments now. I'd really love to know I'm not the only one. Thank you for the pod. It genuinely makes motherhood feel less lonely, love anonymous. God bless you. And this is basically my life.

I was going to say, I'm always waiting for when Stefan has to next guy. Yeah. And I feel like it's maybe not so much for me now because I do have Chris at home a lot more. But I definitely back when, maybe probably more so when I had Colby. Yeah. But also then I had Colby and Dotty so close together. Again, I can only say it now because I'm on the other side. You still are very much in it because Stefan works away a lot and your home a lot more now. I don't think that ever goes away. No. And I think for me it was a it was an age thing. So it wasn't until Colby started preschool and then it was just me and Dot and then the load seemed to shifted because it was just me and her and I didn't feel the pressure of both of them.

Not that they were hard work, but regardless if your children are easy or not, it's still easy when you've only got one. But it's not that. It's still children are a lot. You know, when you're trying to get on with housework and you want to keep the house up. And I always felt like,

I want to make sure Chris comes home to a clean house and I want to make sure that I'm enjoying time with the children. But sometimes there would be times where Chris would work away. And I kind of lived for the weekends. And then the weekends came and I just sat and dread because I was like, oh, I can't enjoy this because it's just going to start again on Monday. But it definitely became a point of time for me. I don't think there was anything that I did that I could live in the moment.

There would be peaks where I have an hour where, oh, yeah, I'm really in this. But I think with me it was just time. It was about that they started then going to preschool. And that eased my stress a little bit. Yeah. It is hard. I think you've just got. got to remind yourself like to not get stuck in that like anxiety loop as she describes it.

But that's so much easier. But it's so much easier said than done. And I'm exactly the same. Like I kind of find myself like living for the moments when he gets back because it is just easier. It's easier when you've got two parents there. It's nice to all be spending time together as a family. But I think the more you do it, the more you kind of get used to it.

And actually I think the anticipation of it is often worse than actually doing it. Yeah. Like I'll be like, oh, it's got to go away again, or it's a longer time that he's away this week. Like a couple of weeks ago, he was away for the whole week rather than just for like a couple of days. And I'm like, oh my God, this seems like insurmountable. Like how am I going to do it? And then actually when I'm in it, just going through the motions, I'm like, actually this is easy.

And it does depend on the day. It's definitely the unknown, isn't it? It is. It's the unknown. If you just take each moment as it comes, like sometimes I'm like, I've got to do five bedtimes on my own. Oh my God. But if you just take it bedtime by bedtime.

Yeah. And also I think trying to relinquish a bit of control. Like I am a bit of a control freak, but I've actually found a lot of freedom in not working anymore. I think when I look back, well, this is work, but like not doing my radio job, when I look back about solo parenting, doing bedtimes and then knowing I had to get up at 5 o'clock morning and go to work and then have to do it all again tomorrow. And then when I came home from work at lunchtime, I'd have to look after the kids all day and I know I'd be really tired. I don't know what your situation is, how many kids you've got, whether you work. But I think there's so much freedom in like relinquents. pushing a bit of control and just being like the day is going to be what it will be.

Yeah. Like you can't control many things. Like I've learned to relax a bit on like eating. You should really stress me out. I'm like now if they don't have a good dinner, fine. Have a sandwich and they were getting really. Yeah, exactly. They were getting really antsy the other day and it was a rainy evening.

I felt like I hadn't been out with them for hours and everyone was just bouncing off the walls. I was like, let's drive to McDonald's and get a McFlurry for dessert. And that just like, it sounds bad when you're counting down the hours. But that killed an hour and a half in the evening. And they were really happy to go out for ice cream. And I'm not saying that's something you can do every day, but just breaking up the routine with these little treats, some days are easy than others.

Like some days you have days where you're like, I'm smashing this. I feel like I could do this on my own forever. Stefan comes home and I'm like, actually, I don't need you. Like I'm doing really well. And then obviously some days are really hard. And I'm like, God, I wish I had another parent here. Like everyone wants me all the time.

I feel really overstimulated. I feel really overwhelmed. It does just depend on the day. But I think letting go of control can be really helpful. Like meal times will be what they will be. bedtime will be what it will be, screen time will be what it will be. Like sometimes I'll lean on that. Like everyone's in a bad mood.

Okay, fine. Just sit down and watch a couple of episodes of your favourite show. Sure. Yeah. It's also as well when they're in bed is making that time for you. For yourself. Rather than spending time of making the house immaculate, if you're having a quick tidy up,

mine used to be I used to have the children in bed, but then I'd have half an hour, an hour to myself before Chris came home and like having a bath or a shower or something like that. But my advice is to just, like you say, is take every day as it comes. And not to think about it is, oh, my God, they're away for five days. And different things like if there's multiple children and you've got one younger one and they go to bed and you decide that you're going to have 20 minutes coloring with your bigger one, you know, or if there's one child and you want to maybe do a little bit of a later bedtime. Because sometimes for me it was company. It's like when Chris was working away, when I put the children to bed, I actually found I really lost myself and I panicked.

more and I used to have like little treats like I would keep him up longer with me or sometimes he'd fall to sleep on the sofa with me or dot would they both fall to the sleep sleep on the sofa and we'd end up just having that little bit more extra time so it's just breaking it down yeah and try not to find the load of it being a block that they're away for five days yeah yeah but as we'll always say if anybody can give any advice yeah and share your experiences but I feel like it's not something you can take away. Me personally, it wasn't something I was able to stop or just to stop being anxious and stop stressing about it.

I just had to navigate ways in which I didn't let it consume me. And that was just change, like you, like in the summertime, we'd be out in the garden later or we'd have a picnic dinner. I'd let the housework go. I really would. I wouldn't bother about stressing that I hadn't hoovered. I'd just be like, well, I'll hoovered tomorrow when they're at preschool or something like that. Chris is back or whatever.

Yeah. I think you've just got to make it manageable. And if you really feel like you can't get out of it, how you're feeling is very, very normal. I think everyone feels like and you wait for that moment where you hear the key back in the door and you're like, oh, thank God they're home. And it's really hard.

You just have to as much as you can. You just have to manage it. Yeah, live in the time that you do have together and try not to worry about it. Or try and change the mindset and think about, oh, you know, they're going to be away. So we might be able to have another cheeky late night. Yeah. And make it exciting because once it's exciting for the children, they keep talking about it.

And then you're like, oh, yes. Forgot about our little happy meal or our McDonald's dinner, you know? Yeah. Something like that's just trying to reframe it. Yes. Because you can't live about always like dreading the next thing that's happening. But I know that's so much easier said than done. Talk to your partner about it as well if you haven't already.

Yeah, that's a good thing. Make sure you're talking about it too. So that they're aware as well as to how you're feeling. Yeah. Yeah. And what's like, Stefan, what's the earliest train you can get home? You better fucking hurry up. But share the load.

I definitely think it's worth talking about it. And again, we'd love to share any advice. If anybody's experiencing it or gone through it, we love sharing that on and love to hear from you. Yes. Yes. Okay. On to secret number two. Okay. Hi, Sophie and Emma. Longtime listener from day one. First time writer.

Ooh! I'm a first time mum to my wonderful 11-month-old son, Arlo, and I'm due to go back to work in a few weeks. My request for flexible working was declined, so I'll be returning to a 9 to 5.30 office job five days a week. The thought of leaving my little boy at nursery for that long is honestly breaking my heart. I know so many moms face this, but I'm really struggling.

The closer it gets, the more upset I feel. It's starting to affect my mental health and overshadow the end of my maternity leave. Before having Arlo, I thought a year off would feel long and I'd be ready to go back. I've always loved my job, but I couldn't have been more wrong. Do you have any advice on making the return smoother? I want to be strong for Arlo

and not let my distress rub off on him or make it harder for him. Love the pod, Anonymous. Such a hard one, isn't it? That year goes so fast. doesn't that that first year. Yeah. That flies past.

It's a hard one because again, it's based on everyone's personal circumstance. Like I tried to, when I was pregnant with Colby and had Colby, and same with Dottie. I actually worked for my dad's family business. So I went back two days after having Colby and Colby come to work with me.

And I felt very fortunate and very lucky that I was able to do that. But it was a lot of stress. And regardless of it being family or, but you know, being family, it didn't help my situation. It was very, and I feel like because I went back to work after having Colby, and I did exactly the same with Dottie, I went back two days after having her, and she just came to the office with me because then Colby had gone to preschool. So it was like,

I had one go out and another one come in after having Dottie. It just was too much for me. And I had to have a chat with Chris. And we had to make the sacrifice. And unfortunately, we took a reduction in pay, which made things a lot tied to. for us and it wasn't the easiest journey of having one income. But that was something that we discussed about. And he said, you know, Chris, we had an honest conversation as to what do you want? And I was like, well, I'd rather have more time with the children and not really have as much money. Yeah.

But I definitely think it's something you have to be able to talk about and be able to achieve between your family setting. Yeah. And it meant that I was able to then stay home. until Dotty was four. No, actually she wasn't. She must have been about two, nearly three. And then I got myself an evening job at Tesco. So Chris would then come home.

So I managed to get to, yeah, about Dotty being three, two-ish, three-ish. And then I, Chris would come in from work and then I'd go out to work. But I had a lot of time at home with the children, but that came at a price of us. Yeah. Of having to take a massive pay cut and not doing as much as we wanted to. We had to look into doing more things that were,

free or less cost but it meant that I was home with the children yeah but that was a personal sacrifice it's a hard one isn't it and especially because like you love she loves her job like you know and it's hard because you're like you kind of want the best of both worlds it's like you want to go back to work and have that life but you also I can understand why you wouldn't want to put your child into and that's a lot to go back five days a week 9 to 530 I think the kids are so adaptable that actually they kind of just do it and they get used to it and it becomes their their new normal it's just It's harder for us. And I think no matter how much you think before you have kids, like, oh, I'm going to be ready

to go back to work. I'm going to love it. I've always loved my job. Having a baby literally changes your brain. And it changes everything. And suddenly you're like, oh, no, I do want to be with them more. So I don't know whether you can look at reducing your hours or something like that. Well, they've rejected it, haven't they?

It's flexible working, but could you go part time? Yeah. Would that still fall under the barrier or flexible working? I don't know. I mean, it's literally changing your job. Yeah. It's a big ask, isn't it? It is a big ask.

But it's definitely something I would say. have a conversation with your partner and just explain where you're at because I always believe honesty is the best policy and had I not have spoken to Chris about it I would have maybe carried on doing something but not being happy but then penalised myself but it's definitely a conversation that you is worth having with your partner to see where you're at and you know we weighed up a lot you know I stuck it out until dotty was uh well working for my dad I stuck out. Dotty, I think she was about a couple of months old and then I decided it was, it was just too much because I'd done a whole, you know, two years of working for my dad

with Colby. So you have to definitely weigh up. And maybe try it for a bit and see how you feel, see how you feel just having the evenings, the mornings, the mornings, the evenings and the weekends and if that doesn't feel like enough, then, you know, it's something that you probably need to look at as a family. Yeah, 100%. And it seems daunting. And I think because you have had this new bundle of joy and everything in your brain has completely changed and your family dynamic has changed. Your relationship with your partner has changed. Everything's changed. And then you've now got to go back to a world that isn't now you because that you've changed so much in that 11 months. And all you know is being with them all the time. And suddenly you're like, how am I going to do this?

But people do it. And to try and step back into that role where actually, in fact, you're a completely different person now. It may just be how you fit back into that and finding a way if it does fit and it's okay if it doesn't but i think it's daunting to know where that is going to lie with you so sometimes i think as much as it's scary now even if you try it and it may you might find a new normal within your job or how it works out or you might also realize that it isn't for you but i think it's just the scary bit now is waiting the worst bit is the first bit yeah yeah like going back and and if you you might and if you do go back and love it like that's also fine A lot of people do put their children in nursery full-time.

Yeah. That might also be fine for you. So just see how it is. It's just this bit is scary because it's just the unknown at the moment. Yeah. And settling them in and stuff. That's always the hardest bit. But yeah, it would be fine.

Wonderful. Sending you all the love and all the world. And hope Arlo's doing well, 11 months. I know. I love the name Arlo as well. Oh, thank you as well, ladies. Right, let's have our last secret. Okay, hello ladies.

I absolutely love the pod. Thank you. I have three-year-old twin boys. They were both non-verbal until about six months ago. One twin speech has now come on leaves and bounds, but he does mispronounce a few words. Blanket becomes wanket. Chips are tits and chippies are titties.

We always correct him, but we do have a little chuckle. One day I was in Sainspris with my dad and the boys. They were sitting in the trolley and twin one dropped his blanket. He started shouting, Mommy wanket, mommy wanket. I loudly replied, it's blanket. while my dad walked off leaving me red-faced in an aisle full of older people. Cheers, Dad.

Then we got to the freezer section and I foolishly asked what they wanted for dinner. Twin One proudly shouted that he wanted titties. An older man nearby burst out laughing while I quickly clarified, oh, chips, yes, we'll have chips. I've never been so embarrassed. But now I actually love going out with him. It's just him being him. We're currently going through speech therapy and ASD and ADHD assessments.

But as long as my boys are happy and safe, who cares how they pronounce things. Who cares? Keep doing what you're doing. Love Tash in Essex. Oh, Tash. Twin one. Twin one. He's my kind of guy. He's my kind of guy.

Isn't it funny? And it's really hard as to like when people say things like, oh gosh, well my son wasn't doing that at this age. He was actually saying the 35 English language. He could read the dictionary back to front and you're just like, oh, fucking out. Okay. And it's so hard as to, first time, mum, even now, Like Renly, being a third time, Mum, Dottie and Colby spoke really, really quickly and

had no, Colby had the odd word mispronounceation, but Dottie never really did. She was quite, from the get go, was talking very clear, very solid and she said a lot really fast. Renly is just going to start preschool and he, I don't think there's anything. We've got Pobb, which is Colb, we've got Dot Dot, which has Got Gaggy is Daddy. so his mispronunciation is so with every single word that he says is mispronouncing everything and it's hard because you're like oh gosh he should be speaking and I just think do you know what no fuck it because all I'm concerned with is he's going to go to preschool he's a little bit delayed with his speech

and someone's going to judge you and that's what I think really fucking irritates me but I love it I love the mispronunciation stage I love that bit because once they start pronouncing everything correctly and they start saying it right, it's actually like, oh, fuck. I know. And then you miss it. Then you miss it. And I just think there's so much judgment and so much going on in the world that people have just got so much negativity to say about whether a child is or something. How can you not find that funny?

It's so endearing. Honestly, so endearing. It just feels your heart was so much joy. And they're like so little still. Yeah. I love it. Don't, I hope it doesn't end, Tash, to be honest. If I heard that in Sainsbury, it would make my death. I don't know how people will be comfortable with an 18 year old shout and one with it.

But, you know, I'd go with it. But no, I love it so much. And I hope you don't get any negativity because it can be a wild one, especially when your mum are of twins too. Yeah, gosh. But thank you. Sending you strength, Tash. Sending you all the love and all the world.

But thank you, ladies. That was a wonderful, wonderful secrets this week, wasn't it? Yeah, a real array, wasn't it? Real array, yes. So thank you for sharing your secrets this week. Everyone is welcome in the Secret Mum Club. And if you'd like to share your secrets with us you can, the email is hello at secret mumpod.com or with SecretMumPod on TikTok and Instagram.

Do you have a hankering for clits and gyms? Or are you having titties for dinner? Let us know. There really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episodes. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club!