Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Third Birthday 🥂

Episode Date: March 5, 2026

It’s a big one… The Secret Mum Club turns THREE! There’s prosecco before midday, party cakes on the table, and a slightly chaotic trip down memory lane as the girls celebrate three years of oversharing, belly laughs and building the best mum community on the internet. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Wait, hold on. I need your attention because we have some huge news. It's big. Bigger than my bucket crutch. And that's big. Even bigger than Jojo's love for teenage mutant ninja turtles. Well, you've been asking for it, so we're going to be heading back on the stage for another secret mom club live show. There's going to be plenty of secrets. Perhaps a couple of party games.

And maybe a few surprise guests. So mark your calendar. because on the 20th of May, we'll be live at Bush Hall in London for one girly night only, so you better buckle up, bitches. Tickets are on sale right now. So head to our socials for more info and the link to buy tickets. We can't wait to see you there. Now, back to the episode.

Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina and I'm Emma. And welcome to your Thursday's episode. And it's a special one today because... It's so... It's a birthday anniversary. I don't know. What'd you call it?

I don't know. I'd say it's the podcast third birthday, but it's our third anniversary. But I actually feel like it's always more than that. Sorry, my phone charm's just ticking. Clink, cling, clink. A SMR for you there. It's like Gen Z with your phone charm. I would say it's more like for the children.

Oh. Dots loves it. Yeah, she loves it. And she walks around. She's like, hey guys. Sorry, we got carried away then. But no, third birthday. I can't believe it.

And look at this cute little set. up. I said it matches my kitchen. Yeah. Well, you can take that balloon home on the train. Thank you. So for Ren's birthday. It's not three. It's going to be. I was going to say, can I use it anywhere? No, mine are two and four. But that's in the middle for them. We could maybe turn it around and have it as a little M. Yeah. Me. Or a B. Or a B. Birthday. Birthday. Birthday. You could do a say D. D. Yeah. I get the S. The A and D. The I. Yeah. And use the E. Yeah. But yes, yes, very cute. We've got some cakes and prosceco.

A lovely little coop. Aren't they just divine? I love these. Do you want to pop it? Shall we? Are we doing it now? Do we want to pop? Oh, fuck me.

Good us a thumbs up. I've literally just woke up. I've just woken up. I've just woke in and now I'm popping a bottle of prosceco. And you're going to be high on the sugary cakes. I'm going to be high on the sugar. These are actually my favourite M&S cakes. They're lovely, aren't they?

The MNS tea party. Tea Party selection. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, fuck. MNS if you want to pop a cup. Pop a butter on your ass. Oh, don't.

Do you know. I get scared because one time I took this little thing. There's one time. It's one time. A bang it just shot out of the bottom. Oh, sometimes it does. It's very premature. Ready? Whoa!

That's going to sound lovely on that. That was lovely. What the hell. My ears. All crumbs. Shouldn't have done my own first. How rude of me. No, you're fine.

I would have done the same. I always think that when I'm like serving other people. I'm like, one for me. One for me. And here's the bottle. Do your own. Yeah. Do you want to know?

I was going to say, do you want it? No, I'm fine. I'm going to spill it. Do you want to bit more in there? Forget it. Oh, we've got to rim it. I'll rim you. There you go, cheers.

Up yours. All cramped. I know it's the third anniversary, but come on. That's a bit forward. I don't get out much, do I? Oh, that's delicious. Oh, that's delicious. That's delicious.

Cheers. Cheers, cheers, cheese, cheese, cheers. Cheers, cheers. There they go with their tea and their water. Pessants. His house just drinking them. M&S Prosecco. It's not just any prosceco, it's LMS, Proseco.

And we've got some Minnie Collins. Yes, we have. Oh. Yeah, I can't believe it. I'm proud of us. I'm proud of us. They never thought we'd make it. I never thought.

What do they say in a relationship? Seven-year-inch, isn't it? So we've got a while to go yet. Oh, fuck me. Yeah. We've not had the three-year-inch. In four years time, we might break up. Do you think we're still be carried in four years?

Don't sound so surprised. This is my long-term plan. Do you know? I'm 65. Actually, the retirement age. Oh, well, you'll have to be changed to the secret grandmas club. Yeah, exactly. We'll have our own grandchildren by then.

And the kids can come in and host. Oh, God, imagine. Divine, wouldn't it? I don't know if, how old will we be in four years? Do you know, also, we're... 42. Fucking hell. Do you know that we're 38 this year, aren't we?

Yeah. Stop adding it up, though. Like, it's not for another five months. We're nearly 40 Do you know It's nearly March though It's March on Sunday So you'll tell him not to add it up

Honey and it's coming quicker than you do You always round it up I know I'm sorry I know don't do that One of us has got a round up So we're nearly 40 Yeah Is Chris nearly 40?

Chris is 40 next year And Stefan is 40 next year Yeah the boys are 40 next year And then we're 40 2027 Oh my God No 20 28 28 28

The boys are 27 Yeah We're 28. I wish I was born on like a zero, a round number, because I always find it really hard to work out our age with the eight. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. I just add the two.

I add the two and then I go from there. So I work it back. Add two. So I do the 90 and add it all and then deducting it. Yes. That's smart. I'm glad I've learned that. 38 years in.

Or I just do it from 90 and then just add or take away too. What do you mean? Oh yeah. Yeah. This is going to make. All right. Does this make sense? We've had one sip.

We're fucked. It's got right to my head. If you make it to the main episode. I feel like I feel a bit like I'm not really here. Do you not? I literally just ran in, sat straight down, had a brief encounter with my husband in reception. Because she hasn't seen him for three days. I'm like, did that even just happen?

And now I'm getting on the juice. It's quite nice, really. He's taking me out of my reality. Every week it takes us out of our reality, doesn't it? Oh my gosh. Anyway, can you believe we're three? Can you believe we're three? The Secret Mum Club is three.

What's some of your first? Fave standout moments, do you think? Oh, I just feel like there's so many. So many. There's so many. And you know what? This season, actually, we've had, is it this season? Or the, well, last season.

Since the start of the year? Yeah. No, no. Like, so when does our season start and finish? It started at the start of the year, season four. It would be now, wouldn't it? So it started here. So the end of season three.

Yeah. We had a lot in season three of what I found to be like more community. Is that a weird thing to say? Like year one, it was really fresh and people were sending their stories, but we never had that, like we had the community, but it was never like solid girl gang. Like, we feel like coming into season four, like this is so solid. Yeah. And we've had some really, really special moments, haven't we? Yeah, I think some of the stories we get now particularly are so lovely. And it really feels like, it just feels like a proper family. Yeah, it does. Yeah, and like loads of different.

I just love hearing like everyone's different experiences and stories and I just feel like that's such a... I also really love the variety of parenting. Yeah. No one here is judging anybody. We're all just doing our best. We're just doing it. And whether it's something that you would do, regardless of what it is, we're all just here

celebrating each other, which is what we've always wanted. I think it's such like a unique platform as well. Like the things that people let us in on are amazing. Like things that people don't even tell their friends or they're, their family face to face because this is a bit of an anonymous kind of like we do have the space for anonymous yeah people tell us like their fertility journeys their pregnancy announcements their gender reveals like things that like we are the first to know which is wild isn't it what an amazing position to be in i just love it i love it so much the baby photos we've had so many babies we've had so

many photos we've had a sophina born we have we've had a sophina that's pretty up there with me one of the most iconic things to ever happen to me is a baby in flow rider is called sophina yeah What an icon. That's wild, isn't it? That is absolutely, when you really sit down. I sometimes wake up at the middle of the night and it just comes to my head and I just think, wow. I've got baby Safina's up to right now. Yeah, what is she doing in Flowrider?

Probably having a wail of a time. Yeah. Because it's daytime. Yeah. And right now it's 2 a.m. Go to sleep. Yeah. But that's incredible.

That is amazing. Yeah. I wonder if there's any more. And then we had our own babies as well, of course. Season two, probably. Was that? Yeah. Season two.

Yeah. Yeah. are coming up to, no, aren't. And just like bringing them into work. That was nuts. Yeah. And the bigger ones getting big. JoJo Brenners.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Coldly dolls. All of our children. All of them together. They're growing. I know.

And the journey that Jojo's been on. Oh, honestly you don't. It's been so much, hasn't it? Yeah. Yeah. We've had loads. Our moms have been in. Our moms have been in.

Gosh. There's just so much. Yeah. I don't think there's anything I could specifically say. because I just love it all so much. Yeah. Like it's like parenting. Yeah.

Like I know the days are hard and some days are long and when you're in the nitty gritty of it. I've cried many at hours. But there hasn't been one moment that I haven't loved it. Yeah. Even though I've probably gone, oh God, I'm really hating motherhood right now. Like truly deep down in my heart. Yeah. I love it.

It's like when you look back on it, it's all good. It's all love. Yeah. And that's how I feel about the pod. Yeah. Love it. Well, well, we actually do have a little bit. montage to play. Do we? Yeah. Do we get to see the montage? Or you just,

oh, you're going to show it. Oh, is it going to be emotional? Will I cry? Probably. Tell us what's going on, so. I can't mean, I don't think I can say the words. Right. Okay, in three, come on, two, one. I'm pregnant. Land! So tell us, what is your exciting news? I'm having a baby. been a bit quiet recently. Well, in case you haven't heard, there's been some exciting news.

We had a baby. Here. Oh my gosh. I was shook. Shucketh to the chorus. Shucketh. When I saw those labia staring me in the face, in theater. I couldn't believe it.

We're all in this together. And we know that we are. We're all stars. And we see that in dirty. Stinking baby Go on Reddy, dirty stinking big dirty stinking baby 21 seconds

T-t-t-tut 21 seconds I'm a lyrical G I'm a lyrical seat In the Gateway To my daughter 21 seconds are In trouble

You want to move with a double This is a bit of jose if this is Won't you take me to Fuck a cow Me and my partner were engaging in sexual activity As you do

All of a sudden We hear laughter My then eight-year-old son was standing in our bedroom Just laughing his head off Oh my partner in a panic says, I was just scratching mummy's legs. Turned out to be a mini Minecraft sword, absolutely slathered in Vaseline.

Oh, fuck, I knew, I knew. Listen, I'll take it on the lips, but don't be passing them from the back end of that car, forward to me, smothered in Vaseline. Oh, no. I can't do it. I have what I think is a condition where I have giant poos. Is there a condition about giant poos? Is this email from you? Oh, God.

I now carry around a poo knife. Like a pen knife, but a poo knife. Oh my gosh. You didn't tell the ones were pregnant. I was just saying we look like a fucking swede. We look so wide. They look like a wide length. I've got a mum up the school at the moment.

She's due the 8th of March. So when she first told me that she was pregnant up up the school, she was like, oh, I'm due the 8th of March. I was like, oh my God, it's the day before Renner's. But she looks honestly like a goddess. How are you doing two weeks? You look so delicious. I literally called it to her face delicious.

Delicious. I said I could literally eat you up. I could. You look delicious. Chef's kiss. The one with the pregnancy allowance was making us laugh because when you announced it on the podcast, we all also knew that I was pregnant.

I was like, I'm not going to announce it yet. So you were like, I'm pregnant. And I should have just been like, me too. It was like weeks later, I was like, I'm having a baby. Surprise. But it was so nice that we both got our own moments. Yes.

I didn't want to be like, I didn't want to rain on your parade, you know. I don't want to rain on your parade. When the babies were so little, oh my God, I remember doing those episodes from home. Yeah. And being like still in such like the newborn throws and being like, oh my God, I need to get downstairs, get some makeup on, get Sadie dressed. Like get the home set up done. Like that was mad. Just put a muzzle over the fact that I got vomited all down my shoulder.

Yeah. And me trying to like discreetly breastfeed when I was still like getting to grips with it. it would be like, could you just turn the cameras off a minute while I expose my full breasts? And then by the end of it, you were like, tennis! Yeah, by the end of it, I was in here with William Hanson being like, look at my nips. He was like, that was a really fun time that was. Oh my gosh, we've been pretty so much, haven't we? Little Renner's last year doing the big day, he's thinking baby dance.

He was in here doing it again the other day. He was dancing. Small wheels on the bus now, though. Yeah. Small wheels on the bus. We really get down with that jam. He's like proper choreo now, isn't he? Yeah.

He does it. The way you don't love it. Yeah. It's a TikTok star. I said he's ready to go to street dance, I think, with the girls. Yeah. I'm going to throw him in. Or ballet.

Be little Billy Elliot. Yeah. That would be divine. You'd love them. Oh, what a week. What a week. What a, three years. What a life.

It's felt like a week. It's been three years. Isn't it matter? It does feel like a week. It does. It's gone quick, but I also feel like we've packed loads in. So much. Yeah.

And we've got another live show. Coming up. Coming up. Get your tickets. Bush Hall. That wasn't even meant to be a plug. It just meant that we're now on. Just slipped in so naturally.

Just going to take another sip of me, Praseco. Well, shall we cheers? Do you want to choose again? Yeah. Okay, honey. Cheers to us. Cheers. And...

Oh, you've got something else to tell me? No, you have. Have I? Wait there, guys. Years to the next three years. Is that what I meant to say? Oh, okay. If you want to.

Cheers to the next... Cheers to the next seven years. Or 40? And then we're, no, cheers the next four years And then we're at the seven year it, we're done. Yeah. We both survived our relationship so past seven. Yeah, that's true.

How long is yours? 11 this May. Yeah. Right, five days after, five days before the live show. Oh. Have we unavoid? Have we anniversary? When's yours?

Yours is like 25 years. December will be, we're closing it on the 20 year mark. Wow. December will be 19 years, I think. You could have done less time in the old. Yeah, what do they say? It's a life sentence. Yeah.

Anyway, cheers to us. Cheers to us. And here's to many more years together. You and me. Yeah. Unless you leave me for someone else then. I'd never. I would never.

I would never. I wouldn't dare. Listen, I'll hold you to this. Every clip where you said you're never going to leave. If you do ever leave, best believe I'll get mad to make a montage. Yeah. Cut that. You said you would never.

You said you'd never leave. Well, that's all for today, folks. we have waffled on far too. There was supposed to be a correspondence corner, but we've just talked right over it. It's all about us. We've talked too much and it was only meant to be a mini episode. So like we said, thanks for being.

Very self-indulgent. Normal business resumes. Thanks for being here. We've appreciated you because without all of you, we wouldn't have been able to do this for three years. And should we thank our team as well, like an awards ceremony? Because I feel like we'd also be nothing without them. We did say this.

morning Rosie, didn't we? We did say this. We'd be nothing without our producer, Maz. We've got Rosie. We've got Rodrigo in the office today, but we've got Zofia, haven't we? We've got all the editing team. We've got a massive, huge team behind us. And without all of them. We'd be nothing. We would be, generally would be nothing without the whole audio always team. So it's a massive shout out to our team to everybody listening, to the whole family. We absolutely adore you. Yes. God, why am I going to cry anyhow? Let's, that's all folks. Don't forget to grab your tickets for the live show.

You can see me crying real time because I cry all the fucking time. Maybe you'll see, that's more of a plug, maybe you'll see me cry. Maybe. Because your tears are ten a penny, but mine.

Tim Man over there. They're rare. Like gold dust. You've got squeeze. So if you want to catch this in person, tickets on sale now. Yeah. 20th of May.

Bushall. In London. London. See you there. See you there. I saw some people saying in the comments that they were worried about coming on their own because they didn't have anyone to come with them.

So I would just like to say, if you are thinking of coming, but you're scared of coming on your own, do not be scared. Do not be scared. It's a family. It's a family. We're there for you. You'll make friends. Everyone's lovely.

We promise. We're all in this together. Yeah. We're rolling this together. Premature. She can't help it. We don't even supposed to sing it on this episode. Oh yeah.

Sorry. Apologies for that. Anywho, onto your next line because you're read. Sorry. You can email us hello at secret mumpod.com or with Secret Mumpod on TikTok and Instagram. And we'll be back first thing on Tuesday. We'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode. And we'll see you next next.

time on the secret mom club.