Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Trendy Fu Fu

Episode Date: September 25, 2023

We’re firmly back to school and the ladies share how Colby, Dottie and Joseff are getting on in their new surroundings… some more chaotic than others! Meanwhile, some of our incredible listeners have written in about the things their parents lied to them about, toddler tantrums in the middle of Primark, and a very attentive young one who is keeping up with hair grooming trends. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello hello it's me you're looking for this is the secret mom club i'm safina and i'm emma and this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere a safe space to share our secrets because we all have secrets don't we we do and as we know sharing is caring you don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself. You can be anonymous. And all the secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the Secret Mum Club. All right.

I've been dying to know. How's back to school been? Has it been all right? To be fair, it's actually been okay yeah colby cried on the first day which was absolutely gut-wrenching you weren't expecting that were you i think i was right in my heart i was i maybe wasn't expecting myself to cry well i'm does a bear shit in the woods i was expecting it i cried my eyes out yeah of course yeah of course um but other than that they the rest of the days ran in oh good ran in had the

time of his life and just is he's just living for it oh good and he's loving the routine he's loving being back they didn't have no p which he was a little bit annoyed about i think where all the children weren't they were settling all the children in no p all week no because it was a little bit hard they're still trying to familiarize themselves with each other's names and because he's gone up to middle school right juniors juniors so is that a whole new like new children new everything it wouldn't have been normally but this we've moved schools haven't we yeah so he's in a new school building with a new class everything new school new area new class new faces new teachers everything was brand spanking

okay so it was quite a big daunting change for him yeah huge huge and i think chris because when we were deciding about it i did talk about this on instagram and i talked about it quite a lot and our reasons for changing the children's schools were massively personal to us and i think anybody's reasons for it shouldn't be shared but the reason we did it it was kind of like i was like do we do it now at the start of junior school? And then because the schools that they're in, the primary and junior split is basically one school. So I was like, do I do it now? And Dottie's going to start school.

So she's going up to school to completely start. And then he's going to be in year three. So he'll be in a completely new junior school. Or do I wait to do it at secondary when I've got a pre-hormonal teenage boy who's not going to know anybody and I'm chucking him into a secondary school childhood trauma yeah better do it now I think so yeah I thought best to do it now and Chris doubted me a lot and I think he'd sit here happily with his hand on his heart and say he doubted every decision that I made and he was not

in any way shape or form a part of the process no he was adamant he was like no i think you're making a massive mistake and it caused a little bit of a i want to say a divide is it like a divide would that be the right word well what do you do when like obviously it's both of your decision it is both of our decisions but basically it was either we kept him where he was or he went to the new one and chris was like i don't want to have an opinion i would rather you just do what your heart is telling you to do but he was a bit like i don't think we're making the right choice he's like do what you want but i think you're fucking up yeah basically bless his heart yeah because it's scary i was scared but i kind of had to be the one because either one of us had to take the hat of

we're even gonna i was like i think we've got to show no fear yeah i'm going into this really confident and show no fear even though i was dying inside yeah yeah but we went for like the show around and stuff and chris was like oh you know i think it's good i think the school's good and then after like the first i think we got to wednesday and god bless chris's heart he was like you made the best decision ever oh and he's really happy good he really really loves the school so we've had no more tears he's got his little friend and he's making new friends like every day so every day he comes home he's like oh i made a new friend so cute so cute and dotsy's been doing her two hours yeah how's she getting on because obviously for her it was the first time ever first time ever yeah so she's done a couple of two hours yeah how's she getting on because obviously for her it was the first time ever first time ever yeah so she's done a couple of two hours she did sorry one day of two hours

so then next week we go in and we got a couple more days of two hours where she goes i think it's monday to thursday she does just two hours a day because they wean them in gently and then friday it's the big one it's doom day i don't think she's going to know what's there. She's going to go in there like, this is not what I... But when she goes for two hours, she likes it, right? Loves it.

So she'll be fine. Time of her life. Yeah. Absolutely adores it. Also, children have got no concept of time. So I don't think she'll know whether she's there for two hours or six hours. As we know from our bonus episode last week,

Joseph is fully aware of the time of how long you left him in nursery and if you didn't listen to friday's episode you need to go back and listen to it because and hear about what a terrible parent i am she wasn't a terrible parent she he doesn't know the time break her son's heart he doesn't know he doesn't know this specific time but christmas comes he'll know the bloody time and he'll be like oh it's dark outside and she's left me here again he doesn't know the time he just knows oh there's no other children left must be home time now and he's not like um it's one o'clock you normally

pick me up at 1 p.m where are you so she i don't think she'll know i don't know but she's there she's you know dot she's freaking mastermind this child i know but she'll be having a good time she'll be having fun and she'll be distracted i think like we've got to sit chris is your chris is on your side whereas i'm on the side that she's gonna shit a brick no i'm just glad that i'm not there to see the i think she's gonna you're just a worry i think she's gonna be fine yeah yeah i'd like to agree with you positive pma positive mental attitude i was about to say pdaD-A. What was P-D-A? Public displays of affection. We won't be showing that here. Not that. Not showing any of that.

Unless you want me to snog your face. But anywho, that's pretty much. And then we had a little weekend party. Oh, yeah. So the week was absolutely tremendous. How could we forget? So they went back to school. And then we had a little party shindig for a dog.

It's birthday. Yes. She's finally five. Five. I'm just rounding up now. She's basically yeah you've been saying five when i first met you i think you said my kids are seven and five and that was months ago she's been five in my mind forever because once you get past like july once my birthday's over i'm basically like there's a you start your year from july don't you so you had a year on everyone's birthday from july because you've had just had birthday yeah I just had mine yeah yeah yeah so then basically I just round everyone up

yeah when it's getting closer it's like I'll round that up yeah yeah seven and five is like clean that's like easy to remember yeah and then we're gonna be eight and six it's as bad as the belly button god that gave me absolute fucking trauma that did people loved that but the finger in at the belly button yeah wow yeah that went down a storm anyway did you have a nice party the best yeah what did you do i basically just opened up the garden room that we've got at the bottom of the garden because it was nice we had a little spell of nice weather we did have a spell of lovely weather so we just had a little open up the back garden we put up the you would have loved it we put up the blow-up slide at the red end of the garden yeah which was the closest to the toilet then in the middle i had our little pop-up badminton

for the babies to play badminton along with the football goal so if they wanted to do football they could badminton they could then we had the climbing frame which had the nice little like slouchy chairs so they can just sit and swing on the chest and then i had like a little bit on the floor where they could chalk all over the floor oh lovely when you say i would have loved it you mean that's because i act like a five-year-old no because you it's your jam it's our jam you'd love it yeah i would have loved that yeah yeah i would have loved it as a child or love it even more now i i appreciate it more now yeah if i'm completely honest with you so yeah we had that and then my nieces and nephew came round nice my mom my dad my sister her husband popped in for a little bit and then my brother and his wife turned up lovely

so it was a family affair as most shenanigans go was it that week when it was like 32 degrees yeah and my boobs were sweating off and stupidly i, I put all of the food, because I went and bought the whole of Costco, because the sandwiches and wraps from Costco, mind-blowing. Bulk buy everything as well. Bulk buy everything. Love it. Tremendous.

Even got souche. Who knew? So I put it in the fridge at the house, but I had the party in the garden room. I went to sleep at 42,000 steps. I thought my legs were going to fall off. I was up and down and up and down and up and down. Like a bloody yo-yo I was.

But all the food got eaten. Everyone had a nice time. Yeah. Although it got dark and everyone got midget bit. One of my nieces was just covered. Head to toe midget bites. That's the thing now. When it's hot, you think it's still the height of summer but then it reminds you the bastards are back it's

still september when it gets dark at seven o'clock yeah and the evenings get chilly don't they yeah yeah the temperature drops so quickly i'm loving dark evenings because trying to put the baby to bed when it was like bright and sunny july worst it's and i feel like everyone can relate to this like may to august bastards nightmare so bad because he's like that was aggressive i'm so sorry about the middle of the day sorry about the bastards it was aggressive i'm so sorry it is it's the most annoying thing in the world yeah it's and also dotty doesn't have a blind in her room oh no so she knows she knows you're the middle of the day you can oh no so she knows she knows in the middle of the day you can't fool her she knows she knows oh god she knows she does know we've got a blackout blind

actually which is really good i would recommend yeah but mind i need a velexi one oh so i might have to get like a yeah yeah honestly worth its weight in gold probably sleeps like a dream because his is pitch black yeah all the time that's the thing doesn't know what time of day it is no hasn't a clue but yeah i feel your pain with that one yeah so i'm embracing it now i used to hate it when it started getting dark early now darker evenings i'm like oh fantastic i feel like you're an autumnal are you an autumnal no i like spring and summer normally but with a baby it's just the routine is much easier when it's like not bright at 10pm. Also with my own routine, because I go to bed early and get up early. There's nothing worse than trying to go to sleep when it's like bright, bright sunshine outside.

It's annoying, isn't it? It's really annoying. And you feel like you're a child trying to go to sleep really early. Whereas now I think my body clock's a bit more like this is normal. It's dark. You're going to sleep. I go to sleep really early anyway. Yeah, I know. Right, getting to bed early. You get earlier though don't you no you get up early you get up early out of choice i get up early for work hold on this is my job

don't undermine my job i have to get up at five o'clock it's my job and i won't have anybody tell me otherwise i should say sorry yes we both get up early for work we both get up early for work emma's is like an actual job i actually have to be somewhere that's like a real job i joke i joke but anywho enough of my week how was yours listen we had a report from nursery this week what i'm deleting him more nursery shenanigans um No, this one was about Joseph's behavior. When I picked him up the other day, the, what do you call them? Like a, not a teacher, are they? Like a nursery leader?

Worker? Nursery assistant? Some of them are key workers, aren't they? Like they'll be the child's key worker, but she's not designated to just Joseph. Anyway, she said, we had some issues during, barely one when he's 19 months like how much disruption can he really cause she said we had an incident at circle time today which is like when i think when they sit around and sing songs and she was like i can imagine in a circle yeah i imagine they sit in a circular formation and they all sing nursery rhymes. Yes.

She said, we had an issue with Joseph. He kicked off earlier because Old MacDonald Had a Farm did not go on for long enough. He boycotted the rest of Circle Time. He would not sit down and participate in the other songs. She said he stood up screaming, E-I-E-I-O. Do more E-I-E-I-O. It's like when you're drunk and you're climbing up the DJ booth going,

play this song. They're like, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're like, no, it's Clayton. You're like, no, I'm our DJ. They're like, I haven't got that one. Play this song next. That's what he was doing, like a drunk toddler.

Oh. Screaming, E-I-E-I-O. I'm assuming they didn't give him his own way there. No more. Well, they said, look, she said, once I've run out, she said, I'll give the children all an opportunity to say an animal.

Once I've run out of animals on the farm, we move on to the next song. No, that wasn't all right for Joseph. Well, keep asking Joseph. He clearly had a lot of animals in the old mind bank that he wanted to. When I say he loves that song he's obsessed they won't be singing it again on joseph's day no i doubt they will she was like

we want to move on to sleeping bunnies now no joseph's not ready on my watch he didn't want to play sleeping bunnies he wanted to play eiei is he is he how has he been since that episode well i think that day has he been back that day he looked a bit traumatized when i picked him up i'm not gonna lie and then he said he has been back since but um did this happen before or after the episode of you leaving him till six this was a separate day this was a normal was it after or before i think it was before this was a normal day when i picked him up i feel like it was after and this was his way of saying i'm protest no one's gonna fuck with me again i don't want to be here anymore. Bitches, listen to me.

My mum left me here the other day. I'm not taking anyone's shit. I'm a full-time student now. It's my rules. It's my way or the highway. No, and then apparently what he started doing when he wants to go home is he, because he gets in his buggy,

they get him in his buggy before he comes home. He suddenly gets nude. He starts to shout, no, he starts shouting buggy at the door. He goes like, buggy, mummy, daddy. This definitely happened after you traumatized maybe it was that oh no so now he's just causing disruption that's all right when colby wanted to go home from preschool he used to take all his clothes off and stand at the door and make you protest he hasn't started doing that yet but he probably will yeah because he loves being naked takes after his dad yeah yeah mommy

oh pizza dick lest we forget crusty pizza dick old crusty yeah old moldy two-year-old crusty pizza crusty pizza dick anyway so let that be a warning to you so jace is traumatized yeah he's traumatized was there anything nice that happened then that week did you go out at the weekend we went to a really nice um god bless people that put on free events for children we went to a lovely soft play that was free. Lush. All morning, half nine to half 12.

You can drop in whenever you like. Perfect for nap time. His little friends were there, which is so cute now. Because he gets like a bit of recognition when he sees someone he knows now. And he's got a little baby friend who's my friend's little boy. Oh, lush. So he was there with his nanny. And so when he sees him, he gets...

What, his actual grandma or his nanny? No, his nanny nanny. Oh, he's got a nanny. Yeah, he's with his nanny. And so when he sees him, he gets... Wait, is that your grandma or his nanny? No, his nanny nanny. Oh, he's got a nanny. Yeah, he's got a nanny, yeah. Yeah, they do a nanny share with another little boy. Oh, nice. So Joseph knows both of them. So when he sees them somewhere, it's really cute.

And they kind of just follow each other around and just... Does he get all bashful? He's funny. Like, he's not a leader in those scenarios. I think I said before, like, he's quite wary and shy. When when i take him to somewhere new he hangs back a little bit yeah and because these boys go there all the time but it was our first time so he's really like he kind of does get a bit bashful yeah and he kind of follows them around he's like you're going in the ball pit now i'll go in the ball pit as well yeah oh he's like well they've gone on the bouncy castle oh

that's okay then i'll go on i'll give it a couple of weeks we stood at the top like everybody together now and then he went once again he's stood at the top like everybody together now and then he wants to go he's going buggy mummy buggy mummy everybody take the buggies I mean once he settles into a place he's an absolute terror

but he's wary at first so that was very cute so we did have a nice time there but yeah I live for Joseph honestly what a dude does what he wants Emma and I really want to hear from you we do we want you to join us in the secret mum club I live for Joseph, honestly. Honestly. What a dude. Does what he wants.

Emma and I really want to hear from you. We do. We want you to join us in the Secret Mum Club. You're all welcome. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about, or just say, Hello.

You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search Secret Mum Pod, or you can email us. It's hello at secretmumpod.com. We have some emails. These are our correspondence. Correspondence corner. I got it right. Cor secret mom pod.com we have some emails these are our correspondence correspondence corner i've got it right correspondence yeah i'm continuing to call it that uh this one says good day from down under and then it says in brackets australia we're sick but we're not that thick okay uh did i uh it says i've just listened to the episode

that talked about belly buttons oh Oh, here we go. And Safina, I'm with you. Belly buttons freak me out. I was gagging right alongside you the entire time. I can't touch mine or anyone else's. I can't watch anyone touch their own either. No. What?

When my now 15-month-old little girl lost her cord, I made my partner pick it up and clean her belly button because I just couldn't. That is gross when that happens, isn't it? It's the weirdest thing thing in the world it's so weird just no one prepares you for a dead bit of skin and it just drops off so black it's so black and smelly and the clip is just so big in ratio to the cord it's actually rank i kept our say i just keep first child and all that. I probably won't do it for any subsequent children. She says, you're not the only one with such an extreme response.

I'm so glad you shared it because here I was thinking I was crazy or weird and the only one. No. Not alone. Not alone. P.S. Love, love, loved your pod. It's the highlight of my week as I drive my hour journey to work every morning from Elizabeth. Oh, Elizabeth. God bless you. No, you're not alone. I bet there are many more as well that think do you want to know something

even worse i couldn't actually listen to the episode you couldn't listen to it back so madison over didn't she and i was like i can't listen to it i'm surprised you were all right go with the episode if there's anything in there i'm going to be cancelled for i'll take the flack i just can't i can't listen to anything i just can't i can't do it again the baby. Put anything out, I just can't. I can't do it again. No, I couldn't. I just, and I've had nightmares about it. Have you? Real hot sweats of just fingering my belly button and watching people finger.

We can't talk about it. We can't. It's just, you're not alone. You're not alone. Just know that you're not alone. Just know that you're not alone. I just, it's just, I don't know. God bless that lady that had hers set in

resin but thank you elizabeth god bless yourself yeah thank you should we move on i've got another message here it says hi ladies listening to your episode about lying to your kids reminded me of a story my whole life i've always thought it was illegal to do two things that are definitely 100 legal my whole childhood i thought that if i turned the back lights on in the car the police My whole life, I've always thought it was illegal to do two things that are definitely 100% legal. My whole childhood, I thought that if I turned the back lights on in the car, the police would be called. Oh my God, me too. My parents would be pulled over and taken away from me to be put in jail. Yeah.

Did you ever think that? All the time. Why do parents tell their children that? I don't know, but I even say to my children now, don't put the back light on because we'll get arrested by the police officers. And I even know that it's not real. And I sit there and I'm like, shut shut up it was all about not distracting the driver yeah you can't have the light on because it's distracting towards the driver yeah but i now even do it and then i sit there and i'm like shut up yeah and i say to my mom and dad like why did you tell me that shit but you've traumatized me now i'm doing it to my own children. I can't believe how common this is.

Really common. I bet a lot of parents say that to their children. There's loads of things like this, though. I feel like there's loads of things like that. Like if you sit too close to the telly, you'll get square eyes. Yeah. That's another one, wasn't it?

And now I say it. Don't sit too close to the telly. I know. And the children come out and they go, are my eyes square? Still round. No, they're still round. And then you think, oh, fuck.

I know, I know. I'm going to do the same thing. I'm going to perpetuate these myths to my children as well. Just got to be done. She said, secondly, I've always thought you couldn't go on a plane with an ailment, e.g. a broken bone. I didn't know about this one. My parents told me and my sibling this,

so we would be careful before a holiday to not break any bones. I figured out this wasn't true when I was 13. I felt betrayed. That's a good one. Be careful before we go go on holiday you're not allowed to travel with a broken no why not what if it's in a cast you can't because of swelling you can't because it's we need a fact checker is this one true google this i feel like i don't think so i don't think you can travel with a broken bone because your body would your limbs swell up i don't think so i don't think you can travel with a broken bone because your body would your limbs swell up i don't know fuck i'm so gullible i don't know i've never heard that

one before i think that we're dan's gonna look into it for us i'm pretty sure any doctors dr ever in the house have you heard that sound trending on tiktok this is woman it's just this reenactment of this woman having this chat with this other woman i think it was like wife swap and she said something to her and she's like dr emma in the house no but everyone did used to sing to me dr jones the aqua song do you remember that yeah calling dr jones dr jones dr jones wake up now wake up now wake up now yeah all right we've fact-checked this google dr google says it's safe to fly with a broken bone if it's properly set and secured however it's best not to fly at

least 48 hours after the plaster cast has been applied so you were kind of right that was a healthy debate though wasn't it yeah hard to know though i generally thought you wouldn't be allowed to because when i'm on the plane, deep vein thrombosis. DVT. Yeah, you've got to keep moving, keep active. And I'd swell up like a puffer fish on the plane. I don't think a broken bone would have an effect on that bone. But what if your leg just swells up

and your bone's just like... You're kind of right, Dr. Soph, not immediately after you've had the cast applied. Dr. Emma, Dr. Emma, darling Dr. Jones. But after that, fine. I'd never heard of that one, but that's smart because if your kids do something before you've got a holiday booked you're not gonna be able to go no especially

24 48 hours yeah yeah that's a good one i actually really like that one ruby so ruby says i might not be your target audience i'm 15 stop it wow when i started listening to your podcast because your humor is just like my family's who i'm really close with but i only get to see every few years because we live on opposite sides of the world. Oh, listening to you guys makes me miss my family just that little bit less. Thank you, Ruby. Oh my God. 15.

That is adorable. Oh my God. Please don't listen to the swearing. Sorry about that, Ruby. I'm really, really sorry. I've got a bit of a motor. That is adorable. That must be one of our youngest listeners.

That is absolutely insane. What a sweetheart. Oh, love that. Thank you, Ruby. The last one says, Hey Soph and emma i absolutely adore your podcast thank you thank you i'm buzzing that we're gonna get a top-up dose on fridays i'm just a 16 year old what another teenager i'm just a 16 year old with a love of child care so although i don't have babies of my own i have lots to look after and dream of having my own one day this podcast has given me so much insight and knowledge to how i can better myself when looking after the little ones oh it's also given me another level of appreciation for what my mum and so many others sacrifice each

day to provide and protect us so just wanted to remind you all how fucking incredible you are and how grateful we are to you all my love anonymous oh my goodness that is too cute no i've just got something in my eye you're the crier here i only cry when you cry in empathy oh that is really sweet yeah also kind of terrifying that we are advising her on how to look after other people's children maybe don't yeah take what we say with a pinch of salt tiny pinch tiny pinch tiny pinch but i do i do agree like i have so much more appreciation for my mom oh my god so much after you have children you're just like i get it now yeah yeah and all them times and i feel like we all go through it because there's a time that you are maybe not on best terms with your mom

and dad you know they're the worst people in the whole entire world they didn't they didn't do anything wrong it's just the chemical imbalance in our brains yeah but you also then go through this horrible bit that when you have your first baby i don't know if you felt it the fucking guilt yeah the guilt and the shame and i was just like mom i'm so sorry yeah about everything i did you know i'm sorry i was such a bitch you did a fantastic job please please god don't let my child turn out like me every day i wake up and i say a mantra that dotty does not take after me my mom laughs now because she's like you're fucking in for it yeah i was gonna say you better watch it with her. Ha!

So you can get in touch with us on anything at all. Yeah, it can be serious or silly. You can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we probably heard it all before. And remember, we're all in this together. And we know that we are. We're all stars. And we see that. I did boobish in me

On the beat Each week we'll be sharing our secrets And yours In the Secret Mum Club So here's my secret of the week It comes with a trigger warning Oh Trigger warning

If there's tiny people, tiny people listening. Turn your radio down. Turn your radios down or off because we're about to talk about the tooth fairy. Oh. Has she been? No. Technically it's not actually anything about the tooth fairy. It's where the fuck are we hiding

these teeth where are you putting them because colby found his and i had to blame the dog yeah yeah because you've got to keep them yeah yeah i've kept them all like an absolute psychopath yeah i remember finding my old teeth in like my mum's drawer that's weird mom and being like that's like a serial killer move yeah but you can't just throw them away no i know your precious child's teeth along with they're sort of they should be in the box with the umbilical cord yeah never to be seen in that back back yeah but i am yeah i don't know what we do what where we're doing what we're doing with them where we're putting them because there was one in the drawer beside my bed and can't be coming he was like oh my god i found my tooth the tooth fairy didn't take it and i was like it's mabel's and he was like no no it's definitely mine it's even in the sandwich

bag that i put in for the tooth oh come on you could have done better than that come on pull your finger out what was what else was i meant to? What's the process in your house, then? So he puts it under his pillow. In a sandwich bag? Yeah, in a sandwich bag. Very hygienic. So that the tooth fairy can get under the pillow and pull it out easy. Well, I just used to put mine in.

Because otherwise it gets lost. That's a good point, yeah. Yeah. We don't want to lose it. So you take that and then they get some money. The tooth fairy brings the money. Yeah. How much money do they get?

Pops it under the pillow. The first one, five five pound and then it pretty much goes downhill from there five pounds it's very traumatic wait till you gotta go through it when the first tooth comes out it's a traumatic experience i think they should get money for having their teeth in because that's really traumatic when babies are teething i think that's worse than yeah when they actually grow in them but they don't really understand the concept of the pennies though, do they? Joseph is a tenner, mate. Well done for growing your wisdom. The parents should get money for going through TV. Yeah.

Because it's so traumatic. I think I used to get about 50p. Yeah, now Colby's lost eight now. So he's basically on 12p. He's going down. Yeah, we've gone 5.4, 3.50, 2.50, 1.50, 1.50p, 25p, 10p, 5. Bang. All your teeth are out. 2p, 1p. You get a faggot. three pound fifty two pound fifty one pound fifty one pound fifty p 25 p 10 p 5 bang bang all your teeth are out you get you get a flack no i um see yeah i don't i didn't know what to say in that moment well yeah what do you do i don't know and i need to know other people's

stories as to what they did because i feel like this was a difficult one yeah i felt really what did you say you said it's maybe i just said it's maybe and he went no no yeah but it's not and i went but it is and they went but it's not saying it and you want to know what's even worse the bag said colby oh what colby's tooth and also forget that my seven-year-old can read really good this is the problem when they get smart and i just didn't know what to do and i i wanted the ground to open up and just swallow me and guess what i did what he left the bedroom and i cried ah and i said i've ruined my child's life i've ruined i've ruined his life absolutely ruined his life i'm sure we get over it i don't think he will no he will he just thinks i'm full of shit more so than what he thought that's the thing now because he's gonna be like if you're willing to

lie about yeah what else what else you're gonna lie about i can't trust you now no can't trust my own mom exactly so yeah that's my oh yeah i don't know what you're supposed to do dotty hasn't lost any teeth yet no no although they're getting i feel like you notice when they're getting a bit to the they start to go really spacey so they're having this really feel like you notice when they're getting a bit to the, they start to go really spacey. Oh, do they? So they go through a phase of having this really lovely like set of teeth

and then the bigger they get, their teeth go really gappy. And then they start falling out. Because they're so diddy and then they start falling out. Yeah, because their mouths are growing. When does that normally happen then

when they're like six? I don't think Colby lost his until he was, I think he lost his first one when he was five. Right. No, maybe it was six.

I think it was six and i think we've lost four four eight one two three four the front ones go yeah four top fours we got our canines to go and all sorts yeah haven't we oh god what are you gonna do you're gonna have to get a safe or something and put it somewhere where they will never find it i just don't know what to do yeah it's a tough one i feel traumatized i don't know i blamed chris when he covered he was like are you okay i was like no you left the fucking tooth out was it him well i'm not the keeper of the teeth and he and then to top it all off and add insult to injury i said where are the other teeth and he goes i don't know where the teeth are well fucking mate. So now we've got this one lone tooth and I don't even know where the other fucking teeth are.

Do you know what Stefan did the other day? It's not related, but similar. We bought two more comforter teddies because Joseph has a comforter teddy that he loves, like a teddy on a blanket kind of thing. He loves it. Like will not sleep without it. Like he's so attached to it.

But when it needs to go in the wash and stuff, there's no teddy. No. So we bought two more teddies from eBay. Nice. Right. So we've swapped one in, but he can only ever see one at a time because and stuff, there's no teddy. No. So we bought two more teddies from eBay. Nice. Right. So we've swapped one in. But he can only ever see one at a time.

Because if he knows there's three teddies, he's going to be like, teddy's not special anymore. There's three of them. Yeah. Stefan left one on the floor the other day. Unpackaged it from eBay and just left it on the floor. So Joseph had a teddy in the hand,

teddy on the floor. He was like, really confused, looking at them both like, just kicked it on the sofa. I was like, nothing to see here. Stefan. Teddy is still the one and only special Teddy. Don't worry about it.

There's only one Teddy in the whole entire world. These husbands. These men. These men. God, I'm not even married to mine yet. I've got an easier escape. Don't do it. There's time for me to leave.

I'm trapped. And that's my secret of the week. So next, we'll be hearing some of yours on the secret mom club cut to the air break this is the secret mom club the same space for you to share your secrets we've got three secrets we're going to discuss from you this week emma here's with number one all right this one says hey ladies i love your podcast it makes me feel so much better thank you however i feel like the world's worst mum right now my son is six and his behavior is so bad i was in primark at the

weekend and he was being a bit naughty so he said he couldn't have the jumper he wanted so he screamed the shop down i've never been so embarrassed in my life he then proceeded to throw himself on the floor and go floppy so he couldn't pick him up what have i done wrong to have created such a monster from jemma oh no don't think that at all do you know what someone told me when the colby was starting junior schools that at the age between five six ish boys have a massive hormone development and they can go from being really emotional or really angry but they have a really unbalanced hormone i don't know what's the right terminology they basically go through a bit of a hormone growth

spurt spout yeah yeah and they're a little bit all over the place it's like a um you get that with babies sometimes when they have a developmental leak like a leak yeah yeah yeah and i somebody said to me about colby and colby has been funny the last i want to say maybe not so much since but in the school holidays colby was really testing there's things that he done in the school holidays and i was just like this is so out of character for him and there is times when i sat there and i'm like what have i done wrong in the school holidays for you to be acting this nuts um but there isn't anything we can do we have to stick to our guns and i me personally there has been situations where we've been in a shop and colby's done something and if he's he's had a treat i have told him no we're not doing it and he will kick off but i just i as much as i'm dying inside i just i i can't i can't let my and i'm that person that i'm so i'm so um once i've said i'm

doing something i'm so meticulous i'm like no yeah i'm not gonna go back there is no going back once i've said it and i put it out there i won't go back even if he's losing yeah i'll cry in the evening it'll break my heart i feel like the worst mom in the whole entire world and it will eat me up inside for weeks but in that moment i'm like no i'm not backing down what do you do if they're like i literally will just i just would stand still yeah i literally just stand still and watch them do people people yeah of course they do but the problem is is it's not helpful anybody looking at you and this is what i don't understand when people are in a shop and i'm the type of person if i'm going past and someone's having a hard time i'll just say to the mum are you okay like do you need anything are you okay nine times out of ten they're like no

you know how it is it's just i'm having a really shitty time but nobody needs for a whole army of people to just stand and stare at you but yet everybody does it even people that are mums or have had children they've got, they will just sit there. Or you get the ones that make the really stupid remarks like, God, someone's got to have a kid like that. I'm glad I haven't. Oh, no. Really, people say things like that?

Yes. You get all the dickish remarks. But you just got to shut out. You have got to zone out. And I just stand there and I'm just like, are you finished? Yeah. And then there'll be a situation where colby will be having a meltdown so i'll just stand there let him have his cry and then i just say you finished and he's like yeah i just you know and

then we talk about it i do talk about it and i talk about it there and then it's fresh in our mind we're talking about it right here right now i don't care if i'm in the middle of a shop i will talk about it right here right now and then he'll be like there's loads of people looking at us though and you're trying to talk to me about this i know but you've just cried at me oblivious to anybody else looking at me while you're screaming and crying at me yeah but now i'm trying to talk to you about a situation and you're very aware that people so i said you know you've got to understand that we're both in this together like you're being the way you are and how you feel yeah but mommy also has feelings as well yeah and i think sometimes what you you just got

to deal with the matter in hand yeah um but i personally don't think i think it's very normal for boys at this age yeah to be going through a little bit of a i think that was very deep wasn't it i got very serious about it it's hard though like i feel like we haven't really had it yet but i think definitely with like toddler approaching it's probably but again i also do think it's acceptable people find it more acceptable when it's a toddler yeah it's probably but again i also do think it's acceptable people find it more acceptable when it's a toddler yeah it's people are more forgiving and like oh little than if it's a five or six year old yeah not when it's a you know an older child people are just like oh he's really bad yeah and they're frowned upon but no they've still got feelings and emotions and they've

still got hormones and testosterone and sometimes they can't because i know with toddlers it's where it's it's like frustration that they can't express what they want they can't like handle their emotions they're not trying to be naughty they're not trying to piss you off it's just because they actually don't know how to like cope with the feeling it's like too much so i guess it's like a similar thing when they're a bit older right yeah they still they've got all this they've got all these testosterone or hormones going through their little bodies and they don't know how to process it. When I'm on my period, I'm fucking flabbergasted some days as to whether I'm having a shit or haircut.

I've got no idea whether I'm coming or going or what I'm doing. And sometimes you just need to just sit, don't you? And go, do you know what? Just let the day roll out because it's fucked. My period is... And they're tiny people. They're exactly the same as us. And it's new things, isn't it?

It's new feelings and new emotions that they are learning to process all the time yeah isn't it so talk about it you would say i'll handle the situation there and then yeah one let him feel his emotions because i truly think me personally i can only ever speak on my own experience i let them feel their emotions i don't one try and make them feel embarrassed even though i maybe am embarrassed i don't want them to feel embarrassed because we're equally again in the same situation and i just literally just let them cry yeah yeah if you're having this moment have this moment yeah you done no okay let's let's carry on but we can't move forward until we've talked about it yeah so until you're ready to talk about it we're just going to stand here yeah and they they do soon

and sometimes i think you can't fight fire with fire and as much as you're embarrassed and you're ready to talk about it, we're just going to stand here. Yeah. And they do. And sometimes I think you can't fight fire with fire. And as much as you're embarrassed and you're angry, which we've all been there and we've all done it, the moment you're angry and you're trying to get him up off the floor and he does his arms. Yeah, yeah. We've all been there.

You just got to ride it out. It's stressful. It's really stressful. So I think sometimes it's good to just stand there, take a deep breath, assess the situation, and handle it there and then to make sure you're dealing with it with the best level head, you know? Yeah.

But it's probably not anything that you're doing, Gemma. You're not doing anything wrong. It's completely normal. Don't blame yourself. Never blame yourself. No, it's completely normal. All right. Secret number two.

Yeah, let's roll into secret number two. This one says, hello, all the way from Australia. I'm so obsessed with your podcast. The episodes can't come out quick enough oh thank you i had my baby in october last year and i've been struggling with postnatal depression finally i'm feeling better after almost a year but i'm now struggling with returning to work and having to put my child in daycare on top of all this it feels like my partner and i are on two separate teams rather than working together as a unit honestly at the end of the day I have no energy left to be a loving and attentive partner after spending the day with the baby and all the other mental load items I have

that day it feels very lonely and everyone else seems to be smashing life with their relationship and having a baby is this normal from anonymous yes yeah it is it is completely normal it's a lot of pressure I saw a meme the other day that was like um basically moms are expected to like deal with this mental load like do everything for the kids be a loving and attentive partner like still remember to work out drink enough water have a great sex life i was just like yeah like that all that stuff is like too much oh do you know what i watched the other day i watched the the new barbie film Oh, yeah. And there's a clip in the Barbie film that basically just says how we are meant to be pretty for men, but not too pretty that we attract other people.

But also we have to not do it so that other women, because we're a part of the sisterhood. And there was just this one quote or one speech that just really, and I just broke down crying as soon as I heard it. And I'm not really one of those. I always say that i'm not educated enough to understand certain things like i watch very things that are very simple for my mind that because i don't like i don't vote yeah i don't feel like i'm educated enough to vote therefore i don't give an uneducated vote because i don't think it's fair for me to do that you know so i always look at and that thing it just it just struck me but i just think there is so much pressure put on women yeah but also there's not enough talk about it so that women just feel like we just have to put on a front

and get on with it yeah and i just i feel like there's never enough talk about it and yeah and the moment you do talk about it people are like oh well she's weak yeah she can't it's a really hard thing to admit that you're struggling with as well i think and especially if you don't feel like you and your partner on the same page because that's obviously normally the person that you would talk to because they're closest to you and they're going through the same thing or a similar thing the experience i think is different for mums and dads but i would say try and talk to your what the first thing yeah the first thing you need to do is you need to talk and i would be really really honest with him yeah really honest with how you're feeling yeah your emotions put everything out on the on the table and and that's i think would be

the first place that i would personally start yeah because that is the most important yeah we're a team in this together yeah um with regards to other people looking like they've got their shit together it's not true they don't no no one's got their fucking shit together that's what it looks like very well yeah that's what it looks like on social media unfortunate thing with social media and if you follow me on instagram i have a washing pile the size of i have more washing to do than i actually have in my wardrobe clean oh yeah all the time yeah that's how i live my life but it's hard i feel like and the moment because i put myself on social media to normalize a normal life you get you get slandered for it yeah so i completely understand

where people are coming from and the fact that one they don't want to share it and two they want to make everything look perfect they want to make everything look perfect that's what people want that's what they think people want to see but it's bullshit yeah it's not yeah it's not true i think as well struggling um with the idea of putting your child in daycare like that is a massive that's huge that is huge i think a lot of people struggle with that the first time they go it is really hard please cry because it's it is the most saddest thing you're ever going to put yourself through to my only advice would be is if your first day in nursery if you cannot work and be at home to do things for yourself yeah so you go to nursery you can come back you can have a bath you can watch something nice on telly make yourself a really yummy lunch or order something

in but really focus about you on that day yeah i think that's really really important they normally have like a settling in day or something as well so they'll do like you know a half day or whatever yeah but it's good that you're feeling better yeah and with the return to work it might help mightn't it like we were saying earlier in the sense of getting a bit of yourself back i think there's actually so much positive that comes out of going back to work going back to work for you and going to nursery for the baby as well they will develop so much at nursery they'll learn skills that you'll be so surprised by like they develop so quickly being around other children like they are not as worried about it as you are i'll guarantee so i always

think it's a spider situation the spider's always more scared than you are yeah and i always think we're more scared than the babies yeah and i always think we're more scared than the babies yeah like these tiny people are so resilient and they adapt to it and i think it's great for them i think it's great for them to meet new people yeah and be out and be with their own kind yeah these other tiny people because they get so when i don't know if joseph's the same but when like we start going out and the babies would see someone as small as them they'd be like yeah where did you come from joseph says to other babies now baby i'll be like hi baby and i'm like you are still a baby as well but he like thinks he's not

um but yeah you're doing really it'll be fine and yeah just just talk and communicate and be open that's the best thing you could do yeah talking is key yeah yeah air it out i say yeah hopefully you'll feel a lot better after that yeah i really hope really hope you do. But please do, if you're okay with letting us know. It doesn't have to be something we talk about here, but we'd obviously love to just know that you're doing okay. Yeah. Yeah. Thanks, Anonymous.

Thank you. We have the last secret here. Yes. It says, hi, Safina and Emma. I absolutely love listening to you both, and I think it's amazing the way you normalise some taboo subjects. I wanted to share this wee secret with you. In July, my husband and I took our two girls aged seven and five to Legoland for a few days. During our visit, we went to the Splash Zone at the hotel swimming pool. After our swim,

my husband and I decided to divide and conquer, each taking one of the girls into a changing room to get dried off and dressed. Sensible. My youngest daughter was with me. Once she was dried, she asked, mummy, is your hair wet? Feeling a bit exasperated after the drama of trying to put dry clothes back onto a damp child, I said, of course my hair is wet, darling. We've just been in the swimming pool. She replied, no, mummy, not that hair. The hair on your front bum. Why that saying? The hair on your front bum. Why that saying? Not sure what to say.

I just decided to tell her the truth. Mummy doesn't have any hair there, sweetheart. Since we were going on holiday, I decided to invest in a little holiday prep in case Mummy and Daddy decided to have some itchy leg time. She immediately replied, let me see Mummy, with a little inquisitive look on her face. So naturally I turned to face her. Wow her wow mummy she said in amazement and definitely not using her inside voice

you look trendy We are talking about her boob. We're talking about her boob. Her bald beaver. Yeah. She turned round to shower and her daughter couldn't drag me. To everyone in the changing room as well. Well, you honestly could have scraped me off the changing room floor. I could hear the family next door trying very hard to muffle their laughter.

Needless to say, we waited until the changing rooms had emptied before we surfaced. Love from Stacey! Stacey! That is absolutely like... I'm going to use that going forward. Oh, fucking hell! Every time I have a wax. I can't believe how attentive she is to know that you've got a hairy foo-foo.

Normally. Normally that your front bum is so hairy. Yeah. And then she's asked to see it. Wow, mummy. It looks trendy. Every time I get a wax now, I'm going to be like, don't I look trendy? Don't let me trendy sharing my trendy

with you now when i'm fully dressed or in my pajamas i'll be like look how trendy yeah you don't know what trendy kind i am yeah so trendy down there oh my goodness five years old how does she even know that word five and seven five and seven five and seven yeah i wonder if she rounded up iconic thank you for sharing that that was brilliant thank you for sharing your secrets this week everyone is welcome at the secret club if you want to share your secrets with us you can the email is hello at secret mom pod.com or we're secret mom pod on tiktok and instagram has your little one commented on the state of your pubic hair or have you been dealing with a floppy toddler in primark like jemma let us know there really

is nothing too outrageous and if you haven't already check out our friday bonus episode and we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club.