Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Turd Toss

Episode Date: July 1, 2025

This week, Soph and Emma both come clean with their latest secrets - and you guessed it… they’re both about poo. Emma’s also been experimenting with a new menstrual product, and the results might surprise you. Plus, the pair read a heartfelt letter from a mum unsure how to handle her child’s tricky friendship situation at school. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Hello, this is the Secret Mum Club. I'm Safina. And I'm Emma. And this podcast is a safe space for mums everywhere. A safe space to share our secrets. Because we all have secrets, don't we? And as we know, sharing is caring. You don't even have to tell us who you are. You can keep that to yourself, you can be anonymous. And all those secrets can be serious or silly. All secrets are welcome in the Secret mom club. I feel like I've just been catching up. I feel like three weeks off, not only off of work, off of life, three weeks out, you bitch has been busy. I've been busy washing pants.

Do you know what, how nice it actually feels to use the washing machine? Have you not been doing that? Emma, I've been fucking in my bed. Who's been doing the washing? Chrissie, well, lack of washing. No, it must have built up so much. He's shy, bless his heart. I've been ironing, I've been washing,

I've been a straight up laundry G. Can he do it? Because when I leave Stefan to it, it's honestly a shambles. Bless his heart, he does try, but he's been parenting three children, school runs on his own, he's been doing all the wash. Blessed as art, I take my hat off to him because he has really, really tried and really done a lot. So no, I've just been trying to catch up on that help with

getting the house back into some form of order because the poor man's stressed. He's like, I've tried it. I've tried it. I've been taking some slow walks. Yeah. Taking it easy. Cause I've been, I didn't realize how out of breath I've been. Yeah. I'm really out of breath. You think that's starting in the gym as well. It's probably isn't the time. Yes, I have been thinking about joining the gym.

Maybe fully recover before you do that. Yes, I need to, do you know what actually, I really want to join the gym because I want to do it for, like my, I don't want to say mental health, because I, you know, it's not like I've ever been diagnosed with anything, but for my mental. Your well being. Yes.

Wonderful, wonderful way to put it for my well being. Yeah. Yes. Because I feel like I just need something to, that's just for me. Yeah. You know? Yeah. It's a nice escape.

It is a nice escape. You don't like escaping your children as much as I do, but it is nice to get away and do something. I can't get over the fear of going to a gym. Why, what is it about gym that you don't like? One, I don't want to use the apparatus wrong. Yeah. And then I get in and I look like a fucking tit. I mean, I've done years of gym, you know?

You know how to, yeah. I've done years of gym, but I also, this sounds like I'm gonna be a real arrogant asshole. I just don't want anyone to talk to me in there. No, they won't. But how do you know? People in gyms are very self-absorbed. Sorry if you go to the gym and you are listening to this.

To all gym goers out there. Emma, really great. And I include myself in that. People are only bothered about what they're doing. They're only interested in their own workout. They're not going to be looking at you, talking to you, checking you out. I can't be the only one that feels like this though. Or thinks this. No, it is quite an intimidating space to walk into. It's very intimidating.

I would say have a personal trainer session and then have a couple. This is what I did. I had a few personal trainer sessions, two or three of them. How do you know who to pick? I literally just picked at random on the app. I was like, I'll pick that guy because he's free at the time that I want to do it. Okay. And then I got them.

Then they'll say like, what do you want to achieve? And I'm like, well, I want to do a bit more weights, but I don't really know what I'm doing with that. Cause the weight section is very intimidating to walk into. There's big burly men lifting big weights. And I'm like, I just want to do some five kg dumbbells. I just want to make you sweat. So then they show you and then you just-

I want to do a bit of leg bumping tums because this class is there. Exactly. And then you just take what they teach you and then you just go back and copy it. Okay. So just do that. And then you'll know what you're doing. I you just go back and copy it. Okay. So just do that. And then you'll know what you're doing.

I do tend to get really like channeled. Pigeon hold though. I'll be on like a one track thing. I'm like, okay, this is what they taught me. This is what I'm gonna do. And I find it hard to like- Do you branch out? I find it hard to deviate from that.

Just because I'm like, my time in there is quite limited as well. So I'll be like, I'll go in, I'll be like, quick bit of cardio, quick bit of weights, quick bit of stretching, I'm out. I did try and do, because you're at David Lloyd, are you? Yeah. Where there's the crash.

Yes. So I thought that'd be nice. Me and Chris can go put renters in a crash, gym together. You have to remortgage. Yeah. So that is, that one's off the cart. There are other places with crashes though, I think. Is there? The village, that one's off the cart. There are other places with creches though, I think. Is there?

But you know what? That one was expensive. I would say even Chris might be your best creche option because even the creche hours are limited. Well, I just thought it might be nice for us to be able to do it together. Together. And then I won't feel so bad

because he would like to go to the gym too. Yeah. Yeah. Would you not be cheaper than joining there? Put him only in nursery. That would be cheaper. I don't know. No. No, I can only in nursery. That would be cheaper. I don't know. No, can't do it.

That's an awful option. No. I don't want to put him in a nursery. It's an on-starter. I just wanted to just go like out of hours when he's asleep. Well, sometimes. All three of them are asleep. When Sadie and Joseph are at nursery,

and it's a sunny day, me and Stefan are chilling out by the outdoor pool, having the best time of our lives. Then we're like, oh, we can pick him them up from nursery now, brace yourselves for impact. At least we're relaxed. We've had a good afternoon, we've swum. At least we've had a few beers, but no, I'm joking. She's not joking, she's deadly serious.

She's pissed as a fart when she goes to pick them up. Hello, Ricky. So no, that's where I'm at. We've also had something really exciting happening this week. Colby has been completing his, well it's not this week, it's been for the last three weeks. Colby has been completing the curriculum of swimming at school.

Oh, they do school swimming? Yes, they fucking do. Do they get badges? I don't know. I don't know. Because by the time this episode comes out, he would have finished. I'll be able to update you on that. But we are, this is our last week. So we've done two weeks. We're in week three. But by the time you hear this, we would have finished. I'll be able to update you on that. But we are, this is our last week. So we've done two weeks, we're in week three, but by the time you hear this, we will have had some badgers

that will be able to update you. So they are moving up, like they got three stages. I think there's like a baby pool, middle pool, big bit of the pool. There's like groups, I don't know what, he's in the second from top group. But from the lad that would not swim, to then who taught himself to swim. Now he's

in the pool just backstroke in front stroke in. He's just having a really great time. He's just having the best. And do you know what? I'm so fucking proud of him because the first week when we were doing the lead up to this, he's like, I don't think I can do it. Mom, I'm going to sink. I'm going to drown. So that's something that's going to happen to me. I was like, there's lifeguards. Like don't panic. They're also starting you in the baby pool and you'll lead up into the bigger pool. And he got, he did get himself a little bit stressed and then he's doing it and he's been counting down like the day till he next swims.

Oh, he loves it. So this week, he, this week's been the hardest week because where it's week three, he's like, oh, I can't go Monday. Oh God, I think I'm going to be ill on Monday. Oh, I think I'm going to be ill on Friday. Because then it's now the two days this week that he doesn't swim. So his whole life has been consumed around the swimming, but he is nailing it. And they've walked every day. So the first week they did three days, second week was four days. That's quite intense. So can you imagine being eight and every day you leave to go swimming. Oh, they leave the school.

They leave the school and walk to the leisure center and then come back. Either they go home then or they have one last lesson and then go home. Can you imagine the excitement? The excitement. But what's really exciting is I went to that school when I was Colby's age. Oh, did you? Yeah, I went to that school, but we had the swimmer pool on site. Yeah, we did too.

So people used to come to use our pool and we'd be like, yeah, you haven't got your pool. Yeah, we gotta use our pool. It's our pool, bitches. Yeah. What happened to the pool now? They knocked it down. I don't know what happened.

Hopefully nothing bad, but now they walked to the leisure center. That must be like, you know when you get like last day of term vibes, when you can't do any lessons, you get to watch a video. A video any lessons you get to watch a video. A video. You do get to watch a video, don't you?

Yeah, but how old am I? Like a film. They're not doing it on VHS anymore, are they? Yeah, they are. They are. They're still wheeling out that old VHS. No. It's on the old projector.

On the smart board now, isn't it? Whatever they call it. But what a vibe, honestly. And it's coming towards the end of term. So that's like some- I can't figure out if we're four weeks or five weeks. It's the final countdown. Do do do do do.

This is going out July. So it's gonna be in a few weeks. Oh, we'll have less than, we break up on the 23rd of July. Your birthday. Big day. Big summer blow out. Big summer blow out.

Big summer blow out. That's Tuesday. Then we'll be together. Why are they breaking up on a Tuesday? I don't know. Just break up on the Friday before. What's the point? Take them off on a Monday and Tuesday. Yeah, they're sick. Their attendance is wonderful. To be fair, their attendance is fantastic. I've really worked on the attendance. You know, we've been on a journey with the attendance of the children. Well, because you kept getting told off.

Yeah, I'm really fucking... Do you know what though? What I'm annoyed is the fact that the attendance was doing shit. I kept getting calls and letters about it. Now they're doing great. Where's my praise? Yeah. Look, I'm really bringing it in. I'm honing that in.

If you're sick, I'm sending them to school and I'm saying, look, they're sick, but I want you to know that I'm trying. I'm bringing them in, even though they're sick. They've had CalPOL. I can bring more CalPOL in if they need it, but if they're sick, really sick, sick, sick, then obviously I've tried so you can't put it down. So I've already tried, we're up in the 90s.

Yeah. It's the classic, isn't it? You'll always need a bad review, but not a good one. No, TripAdvisor, you'll always look for the bad. Now I've got no recognition. I mean, I don't need it because that would be, that's the standard procedure that I meant to just get my children. Yeah, they're like, you're literally just doing the bare minimum that everyone else is doing. You're just doing the bare minimum, Savina. You got to take your hits where you can get them. But no, I'm feeling great.

Good. I'm really on the up. I'm glad you're on the mend. I am. It's not been the same without you. To be fair, life hasn't been the same. It's been very quiet. I don't know if I'm ready to give up the podcast yet. I think we'll go for another series.

We need it. It's like therapy. It is therapy, isn't it? It's like our weekly offload. It's the same space. Where you can share your secrets. It's the only place I get to vent. About Stefan. Where else am I going to slag off my husband? Or your children.

Oh, my children. Exactly. But before we get into how your week's been, Emma's actually been keeping a secret from us all. Yeah. Because you are packing something in your vagina. And I don't mean a dick. I'm packing heat. She's packing heat.

I've got a gun. No, we think that means that you've got a gun. I haven't got a gun. She's not packing any firearms on me. No firearms. I've got a moon cup. Every time I say that, I want to go, mooncup.com. I haven't got a gun. She's not packing any. No firearms on me. No firearms. I've got Moon Cup. Every time I say that I want to go, Moon Cup.com.

Moon Cup in my J.J. I will say I think Moon Cup is a brand name. Do you know what also got very exciting? The fact that Emma Dalvojt, Dalvojt. She Dalvojt this information in the lavatories of the Apple headquarters. Earlier. The Apple headquarters. She Dalvojt. Why do I keep

saying Dalvoj? Dalvoj? What is it? Divalj? Divalj? Divalj. Divalj. Divalj. I divalj this information. And a woman come out and went, I have one. A woman we don't know came out of the other cubicle and she I went oh I finally got a moon cup. And then I said to her tell me if you ever got it stuck and she said there was this one time. Well, no, not stuck. She said it was hard to get it out. All right, technical. She'd done a little bit of a jumpy jump

and then she got it out. And I said, fuck me, I need a mug up mine. Just take a mug out of the cupboard and round. Well, I think it'd be really good for you because you don't use tampons. And this would mean that you don't have to use a pad. And you said the only way it can leak is if it overflows. And then I said to her,

oh, did you empty your cup? Like I thought I was being clever earlier. I was like, did you empty your cup? She was like, no, I don't empty it for 12 hours. 12 hours you can have it in. It holds 12 hours of blood. It's changed my life, honestly. I started using it when I was on holiday.

Everyone can feel free pads in 10 minutes. Exactly, this is what I'm saying to you. It could change your life. You don't have to carry loads of shit around with you. You literally have this one thing. It can take up to, I'm doing like a thing of my hands, the size of a jug. It's like that. Like maybe four centimeters. Surely I'm going to feel that in an hour. No, you won't. Honestly, it takes a surprising amount of liquid. It can hold up to the capacity of four super tampons. I don't know how much that is. But quite a surprising amount of liquid. It can hold up to the capacity of four super tampons.

I don't know how much that is. I don't know how much that is. But quite a lot. Every time. I love that that was just. Silence. Four super tampons. Tumbleweed.

No idea. Every time I've taken it out, it's only been like half full or less. It's not been like overflowing. I feel like I need to, can I watch you do it? Well, why don't you try it? I'm not gonna lend you my one. You can't actually sterilize it.

I could lend you my one. I've got a sterilizer at home. Yeah, like a bottle one. But try it. Where did you get yours from? So I was gonna say, I think Moon Cup is actually a brand name. Brand. I haven't got a Moon Cup.

I just got one called, it's either Noah or Knoah. It's K-N-O-A-H. K-N-O-A-H. Like Noah, with a silent K maybe. Or not, Kanoah. Or Kanoah. But it's really, honestly, it's changed my life. Did you go for a color?

It's changed my life. Can you get like, bead in on it or some gems? It comes in burgundy. You can't get it for jazz all day, I don't think. Burgundy? It'd be uncomfortable getting it in and out. Yeah, which is good, because some of them are white, and obviously, blood is red.

Yeah, that's not good staining. So this one's good, because it's not gonna stain. So you didn't pick your color, that was just the color. It's the color it comes out. A few people messaged in saying get a menstrual disc instead of a menstrual cup, do you remember that? And I did look, I researched it for ages. Like a Femidom.

Femidom, I was gonna get the disc, but I couldn't work out. It looked very hard to get it up there and get it kind of secured in place. So I thought I'm gonna start with a cup. How tight is the suction on this? The suction is, I wasn't really sure. You got really excited then, it's big?

It's good, it's so good. I wasn't sure how it was going to work, but literally it goes up there and there are no leaks. It's so clean and tidy. You will get it out. It's got a little string you can pull to get it out. There's no tampon string to worry about because it's like all... Do you feel it? Tucked up inside. If it's in right, you can't feel it. It's honestly, I can't speak highly enough of it.

In other vagina related news, I had my smear test. Fuck! Finally! Well done. You still haven't booked yours. Pull your finger out of your vagina and get it done. Pull your cup out and empty it. I am going to book my smear. And to be fair, when I went to the doctor's when I was actually really, really unwell,

I did say to the lady about it and she was just like, just do it. Get it booked before you leave the surgery. And I thought, yes, yes, I'm going to. Went to reception. I didn't book it. It's okay. I am going to do it. Come on.

I'm going to buy it. It's just, and again, it's what we spoke about in that episode last week where I said, if I don't know, if I don't do it, then I don't know. And what you don't know can't hurt you. But also, knowledge is power. I know. And I know I'm fucking with something. And you're not finding out about it. And I'm fucking with something so serious. And I know this. In my head, I know this and I'm so angry at myself. You can't be more angry or more cross than me because I know the severity of this and

how insanely fucking important it is and how dangerous it is to leave it so long. I know that but it's just, I'm doing it. I'm going to do it. For me it was literally the practicalities of getting it done. Being able to phone up and book which takes fucking ages to phone the doctors, finding a time when I could go, because even finding time to go for a smear test with small kids is like almost nigh on impossible. But I was like, I'm just gonna do it.

And I did it. And I actually tied it in with me and Joseph had a little double date to the doctors. I went for my smear, he went for his jabs. Stunning. Smashing it out last week, honestly. You're a woman on a mission. Getting all my life admin done.

That was awful though, the three year jabs. He was so aware of what was going on. He started crying on it out last week, honestly. You're a woman on a mission. Getting all my life admin done. That was awful though. The three year jabs, he was so aware of what was going on. He started crying on the way there going, mommy. He was like, no. He said, am I going to, cause he came with me to Sadie's one year ones and he went, am I going to the place where Sadie went to? And I was like, yeah. Cause I can't lie to him.

I was like, yeah. It's really going to fuck her up as well. You're going to get stabbed in the arm. I can't lie. You know what's going to happen. He was devastated. He took it quite bad. Did he? Yeah. He was devastated.

He took it quite bad. Did he? Yeah. God bless him. Is he over it now? Do you know what? Literally got over it straight away. He screamed when she put it in.

And then I gave him a biscuit and he was literally fine. Oh. I mean, it's so dramatic. The boy needs to be on a stage. What a ledge. Takes after his dad. So Emma and I really want to hear from you. We want you to join us in the Secret Mom Club.

You're all welcome. You can't join us unless you follow us, okay? So follow, then join. Okay. You can share your secrets with us, respond to what we've been talking about. Follow and say hello. You can find us on TikTok and Instagram. Just search for Secret Mom Pod or you can email us

hello at secretmomod.com. Do you know what I find embarrassing for no reason? Carrying a baguette home from the shop. Yes, that's on par with walking downhill. That's mortifying. I get like that when I have to wave my arm out for a bus to stop. Oh, see, it's not just you. We're Sam and Tatum and this is the podcast.

Where we film a safe space just to laugh it all off. Whether it's a story about one of us two. Like when one of us paid for a dating app. Hey, not on the promo. Oh, episode who? Or a tale from your life that you want to share with the group. New episodes drop every Thursday, come if you want. Listen to Embarrassing for No Reason wherever you get your podcasts.

Listen to Embarrassing for No Reason wherever you get your podcasts. It's time for the Correspondence Corner. So Emma, let's have it. Let's hear it. Let's do it. You'll never guess what. What? We've got a message from Itchy Legs Zoe. Hey ladies, I've got some exciting news I just couldn't wait to share. Oh my God.

Remember when you met my son and his fiance at the live show? I was about to say, hold on, we need to back the fuck, back the fuck up. Zoe is our OG. She's the original. She is the OG. Itchy Legs.

Itchy Legs. And Zoe, her son and her son's partner. And her partner. And her partner, I was getting there, Emma, fuck me, came to watch our live show. Yes, last year. We had the pleasure, pleasure? The pleasure.

It was a pleasure. Such a pleasure. We had the pleasure of meeting Zoe, her partner and her son, who actually calls it itchy legs to this day. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And his partner. So now we've recapped. Hit us. So they're getting married in July.

Yes. Which is amazing enough. So phenomenal. But hit me. Zoe says, Oh, I'm going to be a nanny. Yay! Baby number one is due this December.

They had itchy legs. She says, I can't wait. Go team itchy legs. Go team itchy legs. Yay! Oh, I can't believe they've been havingchy legs. Go team itchy legs. Yay. Oh, I can't believe they've been having itchy legs. I wonder how Zoe feels about that. I love how they just-

No, I love how you not even covered the fact that your son's having itchy legs. The family is so open about it. So open about the itchy legs. We asked him at the live show, like, are you embarrassed about your mom being so open about this? And he was like, no. He was so cool. So chill, wasn't he?

Oh, congratulations. Oh, wonderful news. Nanny Zoe is coming in to a whole new level. She's leveling up, leveling up life. Isn't she? A wedding and a baby. A wedding and a baby. All in one year. Nanny Zoe is leveling up life. What a time to be alive. What a time to be alive. Congratulations Zoe. Thank you, come massive congratulations to the both of them.

Yes, and to you. Wishing them a very healthy, happy pregnancy. Keep us posted nanny Zoe. Yes. We're so excited. We love a baby update. We love that everyone's having itchy legs. Bar me. Go team itchy legs.

Go team itchy legs. All right, we had another message from Bethan in Scotland who got in touch during the bum-bam episode. The bum-bam. She's the one. Oh yeah, whose little one saw a TikTok with testicles in jelly. Oh my God, you remember this?

I'm so bathed by this. And we were like, what is that? What is testicles in the jelly? And then she started practicing her phonics with ta-ta-ta-testicles. Well, she's back on. She says, hi ladies, so glad you found my story as funny as our family did.

I actually have the video for you to watch. My cousin tracked down the exact one. And yep, it's weird. She sent us a link. So we're gonna do a live reaction of watching this. We're not gonna watch it right now, but we're gonna watch it at the end of this episode and we will post a live reaction video on our social media,

Instagram, TikTok, make sure you follow it. Follow the pod while we're at it. We're all on a day of follow, but we are gonna do a live reaction to it. All right, yeah. Not to lie. I'm nervous. Nervous, excited. Okay. Are you? Keeping... Scared. Scared. Keep an eye out on our socials for that. It'll be coming soon. And if there's anything that you think we need to see on socials, send it over. You can DM us anytime. So you can get in touch with us on anything at all. Yeah. It can be serious or silly and you can be totally anonymous. Because between us, we've probably heard it all before and remember, we're all in this

together and we know that we are, we're all stars and we see that. Bravo. Bravo. Bravo. Here's my secret of the week. It's the secret of the week. Do you know what, right? I've actually got to the point in my life where I think I'm going to sign Renly up for a scholarship in America to be a part of a really cool Rounders team. Oh, baseball. Yeah. Is it baseball? Or Rounders? Sorry, baseball. No, Rounders is like what you play school.

I want him on a little baseball team, like in America, all little whites with a little cap. Oh, yeah. With a little jersey, the stripy jersey. Oh, yeah. Yes. So where I'm going with this is he is a baller. The boy can throw a mean ass ball. Can he? So good. Not only can he kick it, he can throw it,

he can hit it with a rack, he's incredible. Can he kick it? Yes he can. On the downside of this, the weather has been stunning. Yeah. We've been either naked or we've been in a nappy. I actually, to the point where I will throw this out there because I haven't shared it with you

because it's been a long time. I've got a potty. Oh yeah, you did tell me that, that you were gonna start, have you started putting them on it? We're gonna start, no, I've got it out this week because the weather is glorious this week. We're gonna try and do the potty. And we're gonna try the pee-pee on the potty.

Pee-pee on the potty. Until we get there though, Yeah. And we're going to try the pee pee on the potty. Yeah. Pee pee on the potty. Until we get there though, we are in nappy or free rein in, you know? And Renly decided the other day to not only pull his nappy off, but he threw me a long ball, which I thought this is fucking adorable. Threw it down the garden. I ran. Picked it up to throw that launch right back. Only to realize he'd launched a lump of shit at me. A whole turd out of his nappy. Launched it. I picked up the turd. Fully was going to long ball it back. To which I realized it was his poo. No one was around. Everything happened in slow motion. Redley just stood at the end of the deck in like, what's the

problem? I just threw you a ball, pick it up and throw it back to me, bitch. No, I'm not. He got it out of his nappy. Yeah, he took his nappy down. Obviously saw there was a big brown ball in there so he just picked it up and lob it. All I'm grateful for is that he didn't eat it. Yeah. Must have been a fairly hard poo to travel so well. He does. He does a good hard poo. Yeah. Loves a good hard poo. But that is never have I had poo thrown at me. Savage. What did you do with it after that? I just left it in the garden. Did you? Foxes ate it overnight. I almost not touched it. I've already touched it once.

I'm not touching it. It's in the gravel. No one goes on there. Just stay on the deck and everyone's safe. If you find a lump of shit down the road. It's Renly's. It's Renly's, yeah. He's probably launched it down the road, to be honest. 10 houses deep. So there we go. That's my secret of the week.

My son is throwing shit at me. Well, this resonates because I too have had shit in my hand this week. Shut up. I've literally got photographic evidence. What the fucking chances are we both got double poop? You've got a picture of the poop. I've got shit in my hand this week. Shut up. I've literally got photographic evidence. What the fucking chances are we both got double poo? You've got a picture of the poo. I've got photographic evidence.

I sent the picture to Stefan because he was on a stag do. Nice. And I just wanted him to know how things were going. Hold on, Stefan's on a stag do and you've sent him a picture of a poo in your hand. Yeah. Right. And let me tell you how it happened. Okay.

I'm trying to give Sadie a bit of nappy free time just because. It's sun's out. It's good for the skin to breathe. Sun's out, bum's out. Yeah, and I don't feel like she should be cooped up in a nappy the whole time. No, I agree. And actually, she's pretty good at not weeing.

Weeing, same as Renas. When I have her nappy off. Not like Joseph at all. As soon as I got his nappy off, he'd wee all over the carpet. There's fresh air on that willy though. But she's better. I don't know whether it's because she's a girl or she's severely dehydrated or what. I don't know.

But she had her nappy off indoors and I was like, oh, I'm just gonna let her have a bit of nappy free time before I get her dressed for the day and put a fresh nappy on. But her poos have been a little bit hard. Oh, same as Renna's, fuck me, it must be a change in the sun. Yeah, I was gonna say,

it must be something in the water. And I could tell that she was gonna- She's coming. We were inside and she was just like standing up, just playing in the living room. And I was like, she's stopped playing and she's got a little bit of a, she's coming. We were inside and she was just like standing up, just playing in the living room. And I was like, she's stopped playing and she's got a little bit of a, she's concentrating. She's got a concentrated look on her face.

And my reactions were like, oh, cha! Put my hand underneath her bum. She literally plopped out like two stones into my hand. And then I was just like, now I've just got a lot of shit in my hand. So what am I gonna do? What am I gonna do with this? I'm gonna take a picture of this

and send it to my husband. And send it to Stefan, hundreds of miles away on a stag do. About 7.30 in the morning, morning! He's like, what the fuck is that? I was like, it's a poo in my hand. He was like, Sadie's? No, it's mine. I just thought I'd show you that I shit in my hand today.

What an achievement. I thought you'd like to know that I've pooed this morning. I know you like to stay abreast of my bowel movements. I mean, there's sexting and then there's really sexting. You've had a dick pics. Well, let me tell you. Poo pics. Romance is not dead.

And then I just plopped it down the toilet and got on with my day. Wash my hands. I was going to say anti antibacterial. Thank goodness. Det-hold my hands. Wow. And on with my day. But I've shown that photo to a few people and they've really been taken aback by the lengths that parents will go to, to save their carpets. Yeah. I thought that's not going on. I'm not getting that out of the rock. Or you got to just compromise. No balls around the house. Lump of shit. I mean, what? Yeah, make do. It make do. Yeah. Just suck it up and get on with it. It's a ball. Pick it up. Well, just touch me. Yeah.

Something touched me. So there we go. So we really are all in this together. We really are. We're all going through the same shit. Literally. So that's my secret and Emma's. So it's a double, double dip. Two for the price of one. Two for the price of Bogoff. We'll get into some of yours after this short break.

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Do you know what I find embarrassing for no reason? Carrying a baguette home from the shop? Yes, that's on par with walking downhill. That's mortifying. Gaming Ontario. We've got three secrets we're going to be discussing this week. So Emma, let's have secret number one, please. All right. This says, hi both. I wanted to reach out for some advice on twins. This is one for you. I was gonna say, I don't know if I can give any advice. We don't have twins, but you are a twin. Yes, I knew that.

Let me read. Might I remind you. I've got five year old twin boys and they're constantly fighting, but also won't leave each other alone or play separately. Can anyone else with twins relate? Any tips to help? Thank you, Beth.

Oh yeah, I can't give any advice on that, Beth. So they're constantly fighting, obviously bad. But we're calling out our twin mummers first. So all our twin mummers, holler at your girls. But also she's saying they won't leave each other alone or play separately. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? It's like the love hate relationship, isn't it? They don't want to be together, but they can't be without each other. They don't want to play, but they need to be together. That's a whole thing in itself. Well, were you and Richie like that when you were younger? No.

You were fine to be apart and play separately? Yeah, just fuck off and leave me alone. No, I'm joking. I'm kidding. No, for a really long time. So me and Richie were in a class, we were at school. So I don't know how they do it in schools now or what age it is that they do it. So apologies that I don't really know.

But me and Richie were in school all the way through primary. I want to say maybe junior, so probably from year three above, me and Richie were separated. But in primary school, which is year R through two, year two, I was in the same class as Richie, but Richie never spoke. I just answered on Richie's behalf. So I used to sit next to Richie and say, Richie needs the toilet. Richie can't go on his own. So he would tell you and you tell the teacher.

Yeah, or I just make up an excuse and say, I've got to take Richie to the toilet because he needs a toilet. But they wouldn't go, Richie, do you need the toilet? She'd go, okay then. So I'd take Rich to the toilet, stand outside. I didn't, I was just walking around the school, but I thought, fuck me, I'll get to do this with

him. Like he doesn't talk. Were there moments where you were like- We got separated in the classroom. Yeah. But were there moments where you like played together loads? Like were you close? Did you play closely together? Oh, we were really close, but I feel like I was the, I was dicked dastardly in the home. So I had my older sister and I had my twin brother. So if I wasn't ripping my sister's Barbie's heads off,

like full on, I used to rip their whole head off of their body. I'd be outbowing Richie off of the car to take his car. I wasn't the nicest of childs. I won't lie, I was the big, bolder bully in the house. So you were fighting, but you weren't really, there weren't really moments where you let pain together. But Richie was so timid. Yeah.

I don't know if that's the right word. Richie was so shy and so quiet and so, so easy going. And I was the big, loud, broad, brass, bold one in the room. What did your parents do? Did they try and keep you apart or were you just left to your own devices? No, just left to our own devices. Richie played anything that I wanted to play.

Poor lad never had much choice. I won't lie to you. My sister was so sweet. I'm not painting myself up to be really great here, but people change. It's the truth, yeah. People can change. I was a hard work baby.

I was really, really hard work. And then my sister was so sweet as well. And she'd be like, oh, Safina. Like you watch family videos about, oh Safina, you've taken the head off my Barbie again. And I used to stand in the corner with a bottle in my mouth, like, yeah, I'm going to do it again. I'll do it again when you walk away. I ripped all their clothes off them. She used to sit for hours plaiting their hair. It's actually really sad.

Yeah, savage. But you know, I'm not that person no more. I was five. You're not ripping Barbie's heads off now. No. You're over it. I do. We've got it. No, I don't. No. But I guess what Beth is saying is that she wants them to be able to play separately. Yes. As well as together.

I would, the only thing I would say with that one, which is extremely difficult, is to have, and I did it with maybe Dottie and Colby, but yes, there is an age gap because they're not twins. So that undeniable connection that they are going to have is going to be the hardest thing. But when I obviously had Colby and Dottie and they got to an age where they were playing, but I also wanted them to have time away from each other for when she goes to preschool, blah, blah, blah. I used to take them out, find out things about them as to what they enjoyed doing or have time with them individually.

I know the boys are always going to be together, but it's maybe finding things that the boys enjoy doing separately. So if one enjoys coloring, maybe have a really cool coloring station set up, and then you can alternate between the two if one loves playing with cars or so forth. But again, I'm not a twin mum, so it's really hard to give advice on that or to know what the best thing is to do. Yeah, it's a hard one, isn't it? Because I guess like five-year-old boys,

they're going to have a lot of the same interest. They're always gonna wanna be doing the same thing. And I feel like five-year-old boys are naturally at school fighting anyway, when they're scrapping and they're testing the boundaries of each other. But you've got two in one house, so I can understand that.

Yeah, it must be hard. And frustrating if you can't find a solution, you know? But if our twin mamas can message in, let us know. Sorry Beth, that wasn't very good advice. And I went off on a tangent talking about myself, Beth, so I do apologize. No, I love that. Real insight into what you're like.

I'm not like it anymore, I promise I'm a really good person now. I'm a changed woman. I'm a changed woman. Yeah, hopefully we can get back to you with some advice from people in the know. Love that. Thank you, Beth, so much. And stay, stick with it.

You're doing incredible. Yeah. So let's roll in to number two, please. All right, this one says, Hey, Sophie and Emma, I need advice about my stepdaughter and her friendships at school. She's eight and has always struggled to find her feet with friends.

We thought she'd finally found her people, but she had a falling out recently. Some silly name calling like loser and poo head. She apologized the next day and things seemed fine, but then she came home in tears. Her friend said she wasn't allowed to play with her anymore because her dad would get angry. I tried to reassure her saying maybe her friend had misunderstood, but now the friend won't play with her unless her dad's not around. My stepdaughter is heartbroken, she even said she had to play

on her own at lunch. I've mentioned it to the teacher but I haven't had any feedback yet. I also don't know if the, but I haven't had any feedback yet. I also don't know if the parent knows what's going on. It's upsetting because we used to get on with that parent and I'd never tell my child not to play with someone unless they were unsafe. My stepdaughter is playing with her again now, but she's still scared of her friend's dad.

She won't even walk past him at pickup. I just need to know if I handle this okay. Lots of love, Anonymous. All right, this one is a toughy one because I do have an eight year old and I have been through a situation where we have had friends that have been unkind to Colby and we did find ourselves in a situation where I had spoken about this not so long ago on the pod that Colby had fallen into a situation where a child had called him some really, really unkind names and Colby came home very upset, uh, and then found a week later, Colby was then playing with this

child. We then had a child that pushed Colby over and hit him in the back of the head to which we then found a following week later. So in the space of three weeks, Colby had now started playing with the two boys. Um, Colby's attitude at school really, really changed. He came home very upset. He came home very angry. He came home a completely different child every single day while playing with these children. So we kept saying to him, who are you playing with today? He'd mentioned the same two boys and I'd be like, okay, how is everything with them? And he's like, yeah, it's fine. I really miss playing with the other children and so forth. And it continued.

So it got to the point where Colby was so angry, like he was drained of talking about these friends and these boys. And he's just like, mum, do you know what? I just really don't want to play with them anymore. And I said, we had noticed that you weren't yourself, but we kind of just left you to your own devices. You know, you're always welcome to talk to us. If they're being unkind, you know,

I can go to school and speak about the situation, but I need you to tell me. So I've left it in your court and he's like, mom, I just don't want to. And I said to him, you have to be polite and just say, there's other friends I would really like to play with. I'm not the parent that's gonna say you stay away from them. I'm the one that's encouraging him to be honest.

I'm just not really enjoying the playing at the moment. I'm going to go and play with other friends. So when I'm looking at this situation, because I'm very much, I feel like I'm in the thick of it. And also I have Dottie who hasn't found her people and she's finding herself in a situation where she doesn't have. So I've got the female aspect, but she's a little bit younger, but I've also got the eight year old child aspect. So Dottie is struggling to find her people and just like, um, anonymous, anonymous. I'm in a situation where I'm hoping she's going to find her people, but I am worried about her. I'm worried about her not finding the click with her friends, but I am generally being a woman and knowing how hard I found school. I'm really concerned for this situation because I do feel like it's a little bit tougher.

Obviously there has been some phrases that have been said. If it was me personally and Dotty had said them to another child, yes, you're well within your right to get her to apologize. I would have made Dotty apologize. Do you think that warrants the other child though being like, well, my dad said, we don't know whether the dad knows that she's saying that or not, but would a parent say, oh, you shouldn't play with that child anymore if they're calling you names? No,

it's hard because I also do feel like at this age, are they lying? I don't know. And again, it's a really hard one as a parent. Like, do I believe that Colby and Dottie lie? Absolutely not. They've got no way in what name to do it because we've always been and are an honest family. Probably not the same with all eight year olds though. No, and I'm not saying they are. Because anonymous says in here, we don't know whether the other child is just saying, my dad says you can't play with me anymore or whether her dad has actually said that.

Of course. And I completely understand not every child is the same. I completely, completely get that. But I just don't understand how the situation has arisen with the name calling. And then we now have the dad that's saying, I don't. I don't want you to play with them. Yeah, it's a really, really tough one.

And the fact that your daughter's terrified to walk past him. Even in the playground. I personally believe that you've handled the situation incredible. I think you've done great. I think you've done the right thing to go to apologize. Yes, because obviously the name calling isn't right. And being that we're all moms will understand that it's really hard when your child does go through being called a name or calling another child a name. It's a really tough one to deal with, but it's a real hard one.

Yeah. They're all going to do things like the name calling. Like I know Joseph's a lot younger, but he's really in his era of calling people poopy head at the moment. And I'm like, I know he's really young, but if he did that and he was a little bit older, okay, they're going to do silly things like that. But she's apologized for it. I think if the friend's dad has said, I don't want you to play with that girl anymore, it's a little bit extreme. Anonymous did say that they were quite close to the parent. She knows them. So is there any way of speaking to the mum of the daughter to say, look, this has happened.

I understand that we've gone through a bit of name calling, which we have apologized for. Lay your heart on the line a little bit and just say, look, I just want to understand the situation. I don't know, maybe am I not getting it or am I not understanding? And I think if you approach it in an endearing way and be really honest, if that's what you've had before and you've been able to talk before to say,

look, I don't really know what's happened. Because then you can gauge your vibe. If they're shutting you down instantly and they're walking away, they don't want her around your daughter. And that's a hard one to swallow because if they're not giving you an explanation for that, that's really, really tough.

And then you know that your child's got no friends to play with at school, which is sad. Yeah, it's a whole mix of emotions and she's completely right to reach out and get some advice because you know I've been there and I've been in situations where I can't approach the parent and I've had Dottie come home and tell me that she's eating lunch on her own or she's playing by herself. It's fucking hard. It's the hardest thing in the whole entire world and I don't think any way any way is the right way or the wrong way but I feel like if you were to approach the parent

the wrong way, but I feel like if you were to approach the parent, if it was me and a child was saying, oh, I thought if I came home and said, so and so doesn't want me to play with them anymore. I'd be like, okay, let's try and encourage her to play with other friends. If she came home and told me that she is scared of someone else's dad, and she's terrified to walk past them and she's trembling in the playground to walk past them, that is a grown up to a child that completely changes the whole dynamic and I would be approaching the parent. Whether that be right or wrong or whether other people would do that, that's entirely up to you.

But I personally would, I would speak to the parent. Because if the school aren't coming back, it's quick enough with a resolution. Just go straight to the parent. I would speak to the parent. And then you'll have a bit more clarity on the situation as well. Like the dad might go, oh no, I never said that.

You know, my daughter just made it up. Or, oh no, I did say that. And then you can talk about it. Because of so and so or because of this, you know, and you can say. And then it gives you a way to explain to your daughter if you wanted to or you wanted to have an explanation. It's a shame really that school haven't called a meeting or I don't know whether you can

request from school a meeting with the parent and have it in the school facility where there's somebody to speak. Yeah, be a mediator. Yeah, be a mediator. If you could speak to school and see if they'll provide that because I think that might also really help because it is, again, I'm not saying it's the most serious thing in the world, but when a child is scared of somebody else's dad, that's not a very...

Or just when they're sad at school and they're lonely and... Yeah, it's horrible. Everything involved in this just makes the situation really, really tough. I would, if you, you know, the options I would say is to try speak to the parents. If you're unable or don't feel comfortable to do that, ask the school if they can support you and arrange a meeting because of the things that have been happening and kind of go from there. Yeah. But I do apologize, you're going through this. It's a real tough one. And I don't think there's any words. I don't think there's any words or anything that I can give. I don't know if there's anything that can make it better, you know.

Yeah. It's good to hear from you though, because you've been through similar. So I think that's good advice. Yeah. Yes. Thanks, Anonymous. Thank you so much. And we're wishing you all the best and we will be thinking of you. So please do keep us updated. And again, as we always say, if anybody has any advice or has experienced it, to drop it in so that we can share it on. Yeah.

Right, let's have the last secret. Alright, hi Sophie and Emma. So, I need to confess something I've never said out loud. Oh, I'm excited. I've officially eaten more Ella's kitchen pouches than my actual baby. Oh my gosh. Emma and you are on the same page. Yeah, on the same page.

It started out as a one-time taste test. I just wanted to see what I was feeding her, right? But now I'm fully snacking on them. The mangoes, mangoes, mangoes one, divine. Stunning. I know about that one. I've started keeping one in my handbag for emergencies. Okay, I've never gone this far.

Wow. AKA, when I've forgotten to eat lunch. My partner caught me the other day, hiding behind the fridge door, squeezing one into my mouth like it was some kind of guilty Capri Sun. This is for NOM. I don't even know who I am anymore. Please tell me I'm not the only one from Rache. Rache, I've never done it, but now I want to. I feel like I need to get a mango, mango, mango and squirt this shit in my mouth. Tell you what though, a very expensive way of snacking, Rache. So expensive, Rache. Very expensive. They are an expensive addiction. They are. Honestly,

they're good though. I know exactly what you mean. Mangos, mangos, mangos. I've never sucked one. I've never, ever sucked one in my life. A pouch. Never. A pouch, you mean? Anything. Don't suck nothing.

But nothing in there. Yeah, no, they're good. They're good. I mean, probably, I will say, I mean, I'm as guilty as anyone of not looking after myself and feeding myself the proper nutrition. It's real fruit though. Because I'm a busy mom. I mean mean if it's good for the babies, then it's good for you. Not the best thing. You could be feeding yourself.

Oh God. Do you not see that story about baby pouches? No. Yeah. They're not great nutrition. I mean, I give them to my kids and I think that's fine. But then it was just squashed fruit in there. The fruit ones are quite high in sugar. I think.

Yeah, but real fruit is naturally high in sugar. So high in sugar. A banana bloody norah. I mean, I think it's not like the only thing you're feeding them. Or the only thing you're eating. Or the only thing you're eating. But you know, is it everything's within moderation. In moderation. Yeah, sure. But maybe not to rep pate for lunch. Yeah. I would say eat a real mango. I put a bit on the like Weetabix and things like that to sweeten it up. It's a little bit bitter or something like that. But I'm not going to lie, Rach, I'm going to go home and suck on one of them. I'm a sucker for a suckies. Have you had suckies? Who are you

sucking? The yogurt pouches. They come in like raspberry, apricot, banana, yoghurt. They're really nice. What? And The yogurt pouches, they come in like raspberry, apricot, banana. Why am I not sucking any of the children's yogurts? They're really nice. What? And they always leave a little bit in the bottom. So I'll just do a little, before I put it in the bin.

I've had a fruit, a petit fulloub in a tube. Oh yes. Phenom, phenom, divine, 10 out of 10, highly recommend. Fulloub in a tube, I used to have those in my lunchbox. Yeah. You can frost them now and they defrost by the time you get to lunchtime. Oh, what a nice poll. Yes, yes. Yeah. But yes. You can freeze them now and they defrost by the time you get to lunchtime. Oh, nice poll.

Yes, yes. Yes. Rach, um. You're not the only one. Listen, no one's judging you, Rach, but I, I'm not personally doing it myself. I'm not judging you, but I am just worried about your glucose levels. Okay. So.

I want to do it now, Rachel. Maybe before you have a mangoes, mangoes, mangoes, have a sandwich in there. Have a sandwich, sandwich, sandwich. Have a sandwich, sandwich, sandwich. And some crisps. Lettuce, lettuce, lettuce. Cucumbers, slice, slice, slice. A bit of salad, salad, salad and then get your mangoes have a sandwich in there. Have a sandwich sandwich sandwich sandwich sandwich and some crisp lettuce lettuce cucumber slice slice salad salad and then get your mangoes. Hey we're not judging Rach, it's a safe place here. Yeah no I'm totally with you. We're totally with you. I've got the diet for one year old. Are you too much?

So thank you for sharing your secrets this week everyone is welcome in the Secret Mom Club. If you'd like to share your secrets with us you can, the email is hello at secretmompod.com or with Secret Mom Pod on TikTok and Instagram. And make sure you're following us wherever you listen. Are you a poo catcher or a thrower? Or are you a fiend for the pouches? Then let us know. There really is nothing too outrageous. Keep an eye out for our Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the...

Secret Mom Club! Do you know what I find embarrassing for no reason? Carrying a baguette home from the shop? Yes, that's on par with walking downhill. That's mortifying. I get like that when I have to wave my arm out for a bus to stop. Oh, see, it's not just you. We're Sam and Tatum and this is the podcast

where we film a save space just to laugh it all off. Whether it's a story about one of us two... Like when one of us paid for a dating app... Hey, not on the promo. Oh, I've never said who. Or a tale from your life that you want to share with the group. New episodes drop every Thursday, come if you want. Listen to Embarrassing for No Reason wherever you get your podcasts.