Secret Mum Club with Sophiena - The Twins' Room

Episode Date: July 11, 2024

There are many nightmare scenarios as a parent, and today's extra secret of the week involving twins, a locked room and plenty of poo is most definitely one of them. We also have a gender reveal and the ladies find out which Hogwarts houses they belong to. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

hello this is the secret mum club i'm safina and i'm emma and welcome to your thursday's episode where we get to squeeze in all the extra bits and bobs from the week all of your comments thoughts questions and fun stories to keep you going through the weekend shall we jump on in oh so if we have some serious business to attend to before we hit up the correspondence corner. You didn't give me any pre-warning. You just went straight in dry. Sorry. We have some serious business to attend

before we hit up the correspondence corner. After we mentioned the Hogwarts houses we'd be a part of, it kicked off. What, with everybody messaging in? Yeah, we've had people get in touch guessing which ones we'd be in. Jenny thinks... Musseltoff.

Jenny thinks she'd be a... Can you remember them? Musseltoff. Musseltoff. Is it a Musseltoff? No. Oh, Hufflepuff. Oh, yeah.

What's a Musseltoff? Musseltoff means cheers in Hebrew. Oh, okay. Let's check with Adam again. Adam? Yeah. Oh, okay. Jewish people say it for cheers.

You know the Back Eye Peace song? Fill up my cup. Muzzle tough. That's not what it says. Yeah, it is. Like cheers. Fill up my cup. Muzzle tough.

L'chaim. Oh yeah. I feel like I live under a rock. Okay, so it's not Muzzle Tough. Any whoosie. Hit me. Jenny's been in touch. She thinks you'd be Hufflepuff, which is what you thought you would be. Yes. And I would be a live under a rock. Okay, so it's not Muscle Top. Any whoosie. Hit me. Jenny's been in touch. She thinks you'd be Hufflepuff,

which is what you thought you would be. Yes. And I would be a Slytherin. Fuck you, Jenny. Sorry about her, Jenny. We don't know her that often. Slytherin's the horrible one. Is it?

Helen said we're both Gryffindors. I'm happier with that. I'd like to be Gryffindor. I think I'm a Hufflepuff. I think you're a Hufflepuff too. I think I'm a Hufflepuff. Yeah. Hufflepuff, I'll blow your house down.

Ew. I'll Hufflepuff. Or I'll're a Hufflepuff too. I think I'm a Hufflepuff. Yeah. Hufflepuff, I'll blow your house down. Ew. I'll Hufflepuff. Or I'll Muscle Toff you. Is it Muscle Toffing? Muscle Toff. Is it Muscle Toffing? I don't know if you can use it like that. Oh.

But let's just, yeah, okay. We'll move swiftly on. Yeah, let's leave the Muscle Toff. Yeah. And Charlie sent us a link

to the official house sorting quiz. Oh shit. Hello. Are we going to do it? So I thought we should end this once for all and get an official assessment. Oh my God, I excited all right i'll ask the same i don't know what is your what's your first question river or forest oh i got moon or stars oh are we reading ours out i'm gonna go for river forest scare me i'm gonna go stars okay oh is this have you got

the same one four goblets are placed before you. Which one would you choose to drink? No. What are you going to choose? Show me. It says the smooth, thick, richly purple drink that gives off a delicious smell of chocolate and plums. Oh, hello. Mysterious black liquid that gleams like ink

and gives off fumes that make you see strange visions. Oh, absolutely not. That's scary. The foaming, frothing silvery liquid that sparkles as though containing ground diamonds. Or the golden liquid so bright that it hurts the eye and which makes sunspots dance all around the room i think i'm gonna go for the diamonds oh oh i would have gone chocolate plums you do you though boo what does

your say if you could have any power which would you choose the power to read minds the power to change the past the power of invisibility the power to speak to animals the power of superhuman strength the power to change your appearance at will read minds would you yeah what would you do um i invisibility yeah that's a good one as well that's a good one i can watch people shit do you remember alex not that i enjoy that but you know is that what you would use it for i did just i'd just go in people's houses. You'd see people naked, wouldn't you? Do you remember the TV show, Alex Mack,

where she used to be able to go into a blob on the floor and she could get into all secret spaces and then she could reform again as a human? I always wished that was my superpower. No, I remember Bernard's Watch, though. Loved Bernard's Watch. I'd love to be able to stop time. He stopped time in an exam once

and used all the time up. Do you remember? Genius. That was genius. All right, my next one says, what are you most looking forward to learning at Hogwarts? Ooh, all about magical creatures

and how to befriend or care for them. Flying on a broomstick, apparition and disapparition, being able to materialize and dematerialize at will. This is why I'm not a... This is why we're not Potterheads. This is why we're not Potterheads.

Secrets about the castle, transfiguration, turning one object into another object. I just go for the easiest read. Hexes and jinxes. Every area of magic I can, obviously. Select.

I just learn about the castle. That's the easiest one. Mine would be what... Oh, how would you like to be known in history? The great legend. The great. The great... Oh, the great Oz.

The wise. The bold. The good. Nah. The great. I'm going with the great, oh, the great Oz, the wise, the bold, the good, the great. I'm going with the great, obviously. The great. Select. Mine says, which roads tempt you most? The twisting, leaf-strewn path through the woods, the wide, sunny, grassy lane, the narrow, dark, lantern-lit alley, cobbled street lined with ancient buildings.

They're all giving very murder vibes. I like them all. I'm watching a lot of crime at the moment crime tv um you like them all yeah in different ways i'm gonna go for the wide sunny grassy lane i would go for the wide sunny grassy lane yeah i've got this one now the brightest you'll be seen yeah exactly if i get murdered it'll be seen yeah how would you like to be known to history i've got that one now which you just had the great the wise the bold the good obviously the great oh I would have gone the wise for you. Emma the great. Emma the great.

Safina the great. Which of the following do you find most difficult to deal with? Loneliness, boredom, hunger, being ignored, cold. Cold. Mine's hunger. Yeah, do you get hangry? Yeah. Yeah.

Four goblets are placed before you. Which would you choose to drink? So we've got the Richie Plum Chocolate Balls. You wanted to choose that one, didn't you? Yeah, I did want that one. I like the sound of the plum chocolate balls. That sounds like a nice red wine, doesn't it? Yeah, yeah.

I've got Heads or Tails next. Heads or Tails? Ah! Three, two, one. Tails never fails. The sorting hat is making its decision. Oh, shit. I'm nervous.

Okay, press continue. Ready? I don't know why I'm so excited. No! I'm a Gryffindor. I'm a Hufflepuff. We've had a personality swap. Oh, my God.

You're a Hufflepuff. I'm a Hufflepuff. Oh, it's because you've got that nice little road that wasn't murderous. Because I picked the Green Lane, do you think? Yeah. Probably know that some of the Gryffindor's most renowned members include Albus Dumbledore and Harry Potter. Harry Potter.

He's a Gryffindor. I feel clever now. I'm not going to lie. Yeah, you're smart. But did you know that the sword of the Gryffindor was made a thousand years ago by goblins or the head of the house. Minerva. McGlogolol.

Wow. McGlogolol. McGonagall. Hit me with your Hufflepuff. You probably know that some of Hufflepuff's most renowned members include Nymphadora Tonks

and Cedric Diggory. Oh, she sounds nice, Tonks. I'm not going to lie, it's still not for me. I feel like we need to do the TikTok filter that you literally stand in front of me and it decides which way. Sorting hat. Yeah, we'll do that. If not for me I feel like we need to do the TikTok filter that you literally stand in front of me

and it decides yeah we'll do that if it tells me I'm a Gryffindor then I officially will never be watching this I can't believe it Harry is quite clever

isn't he what are your three traits it says above Gryffindor mine says dedication patience and loyalty courage and bravery oh come on it's the murderous streak

that's quite good isn't it welcome to Gryffindor. I don't think I'm happy with that. You got the best one. Do you think? Yeah. Well, if you don't want it, I'll swap. Yeah, I'll take a Hufflepuff.

All right. That Tonks girl sounds nice. She sounds friendly, doesn't she? Nymphadora? Yeah, Nymphadora. That's a lovely name, isn't it? It's an unusual name. Well, there you go, guys.

I hope that cleared up anybody's questions as to what house we'd be in. Yeah. I'm a Gryff. Ind. Yeah. I'm a Griff. Indoor. And I'm a Hufflepuffer. Not a Musseltoff. I'll Hufflepuff. I'll Hufflepuff.

I'll blow you away. I thought we would have been the same as well. Did you? Yeah. I thought we would have been the other way around. Who's, what would Stefan be? Gryffindor. And you said Chris will be a Hufflepuff.

Yeah. We need to swap husbands. Should we get them to do the quiz? Yeah. And see what they... I'll share yours. Stay tuned. I'll share mine if you share yours.

Yeah. Share the results. We'll reveal the results next week. Imagine he doesn't fall into a Gryffindor. If he's not what I thought he was. Yeah. Been misled. Oh, life.

Well, there you go. So, should we hit up the... I'm glad we've cleared that up. I'm glad we've cleared that up. That has been played on my 90s. And everybody else's quite clearly. Yeah. It's time for another...

Correspondence Corner! That's how we talk to our babies at the moment. They love it. They love it. So Emma, let's have the first one. All right. Loads of you have been in touch to tell us what you call bum trumpets in your house.

This was after we had the fall out word. The blow off. Fucking hell. The blow off. The fucks. The fucks, the farts, the fucking and the car. The blow off will be forever the best. And then we finished you, didn't it?

Blow off. God, I pissed my pants, truly. All right. Hannah said the word we use for farts is pop. I've heard that one before, yeah. But the only problem is, is there certain places which if you pop off, it means they want you to go and... You're leaving. Oh, yeah.

Dying. Yeah. Could be confusing. She says, we always say, are you popping? Have you done a pop? Mummy, the dog has done a stinky pop. Oh, that's cute. Yeah.

Or pop pop, sometimes I say. Pop pop. Have you done a pop pop? Have you done a pop pop? Yeah. That's quite cute, that one. That is very cute. Sammy from Norfolk messaged, we were just chilling at home with the neighbors

when my little boy came running up shouting mommy mommy i've had a tickly bum oh that one's cute took me a while to realize what he was on about but from this day farts will forever be called tickly bum in our house oh that's adorable i love it i like that one i like that one amy said my twin boys refer to a fart as a bum bum. They say it with a smile and it just seems so cute. That is really cute. Do you like that one, Sadie?

Do you like that one, Sadie? I've done a bum bum. She's turned around. Yeah, she's shimmying around. This is what I mean. She's on the move. Anne in Alberta, Canada calls them toots.

Her 30-year-old son still says, oops, I just tooted. Oh, they do that on Zootropolis. Toot toot. Toot toot. But it's not a fart. It's a toot toot. The little animal's called toot toot.

But I really like it. So we say toot toot. Toot toot. Like beep beep. Beep beep. Ha ha. My... Sound like a sex toy.

Bobby Anna's message to say, my dad calls farts. I don't like this one about a body burp oh i don't know a body burp did you just do a body burp maybe i'll try a few out on my stories on instagram but there's something about the word body body yeah it reminds me a bit like bitty yeah bitty bitty body that is what joseph called it when he tried to explain it to me though i've just done a burp out of his bum. Yeah. Body burp. Body burp.

Yeah. We've also heard back from Georgie in Manchester who wrote in about her elective C-section. Remember this? Yes. And not knowing the gender of her second baby. Yes. We said, let us know.

She said, hi, ladies. I wanted to give you an update. As you know, we already have a little boy, but we didn't mind what number two was. Oh. I went into the theatre absolutely shitting bricks. The nerves had hit me and I'd never had an operation before. We had the curtain down as my husband wanted to watch the surgery.

Me and Stefan were the other way around. I wanted it down. He wanted it up. Guess who won? You. Yeah, of course. The next minute, they're putting the baby out. My husband said, gosh, haven't they got loads of hair?

I looked down to see what we've had. What do you think? Oh, I'm going to say a girl. A little girl. Yay! I burst into tears, as did my husband. We're both just so happy we have one of each. I had a gut feeling, girl, from the start.

I love this name. We named her Olive. Oh, that's a beautiful name. And my son, Rudy, absolutely adores her. Oh, and her son's called Rudy. Yeah. Rudy was one of ours, wasn't he? Rudy and Olive.

Yeah. Oh, I love Rudy and Olive. Oh, I love that, Georgie. Oh, congratulations, Georgie. Congratulations, Georgie. Sorry, I got very confused with all my words. I got so overexcited. Were you excited?

But still now I can't get it out oh congratulations I hope it went well that's so exciting so exciting welcome to girl club haven't they got loads of hair

it's a girl that's exactly how ours went me and Stefan were like it was actually your pubes it's a fanny

yeah haven't they got loads of hair oh no that's just that's your fanny that's just Emma's massive bush thank you so much for your messages if you have any Haven't they got loads of... Oh, no, that's just... That's your fanny. That's just Emma's massive bush.

Thank you so much for your messages. If you have any comments, thoughts or funny stories, why not get in touch? You can email us hello at secretmumpod.com or with Secret Mumpod on TikTok and Instagram. Next is time for one of your secrets. welcome back we love a secret on the secret mum club yeah and you're all so good at sharing so what have you got for us today emma okay this one comes from anonymous from new zealand anonymous is never a good sign i'm learning this'm like, we're a year deep into this now and I'm knowing that Anonymous means

we're about to get fucked up. It says, hi Sophie and Emma. I have a secret to share. My ex-husband is one of twin boys. When they were little, they shared a bedroom and their cribs were on opposite sides of the room. One Sunday afternoon, just before their first birthday, they went down for their nap.

After about 90 minutes, his parents went to check on them. Well, dot, dot, dot. She heard them playing and talking to each other in their secret twin language but couldn't open the door they tried to unscrew the door handle but it didn't work their dad went outside to look through the windows to be confronted with the two boys spreading shit across the room all over the cribs linen themselves. Somehow they moved their cribs and one crib got stuck under the door handle. Oh, it's just the stuff of nightmares. He had to break a window to get inside the shit-covered room and it took him four

hours to clean. My ex-mother-in-law says she can still smell the poo when she goes into that room. Oh my Christ! How old are they now? Well, old enough to be a husband. Wow. So an adult and they were one at the time.

I can't even imagine. Twin boys. No thank you. And they're just smearing shit everywhere. Oh God. What a sight through the window. And what are the chances that the cock got caught under the door handle and he can't get in? I know.

That's a whole lot. That's a whole lot to process. Isn't it? and he can't get in. I know. That's a whole lot. That's a whole lot to process, isn't it? I've got to smash this window to release my shitty twins.

You've got to smash the window safely with babies inside. You've also got to touch twins that are covered in shit. Move a cot that's covered in shit. Clean a room that's covered in shit. Jesus Christ. Without woman,

that's like a triple whammy of things, isn't it? I can't even imagine what I would do. The smearing shit all over the room. I think I would pretend that I was asleep. Yeah. Or I would just pretend I never saw anything. Yeah. I'll deal with that in the morning.

Leave them in there. No, I wouldn't leave them in there. No, no, no. But jeez. The shit smearing is my worst nightmare. Once that... Sadie's fuming about this. Once that's in there, there's no going back. I don't think you ever get that smell of if shit out no it's even it's sick

sometimes yeah it's sick i think six actually worse disgusting disgusting do you know twins as well like i get loads of like baby stuff obviously on my instagram because my algorithms are spot on and i see like videos of like on monitors of like what twins get up to in their bedrooms is wild wild they can't be trusted

they can't be trusted me and Richie were actually quite good what were you like? we were good yeah we had the same bed though we were in one crib

were you? until you were how old? last week 36 we were in the same yeah we were in the same Moses basket we were in the same moses basket and then the same car and i don't think we moved out until maybe i don't know i have to ask my mom i don't know how long we were in the same room for i know that we were but we weren't no i was too scared of my mom what to do anything growing up yeah but even when you were one you wouldn't have known that

no would you i don't know i think i knew at one that she was quite scary you were quite well-behaved children yeah we were yeah yeah but one-year-olds don't know that they're doing something no bad bad do they no they don't smearing their shit all over the room and that one-year-olds are on food i don't even think dotty knows sometimes that she's doing shit bad shit does she smear a shit all over the room i'm so glad i've never had that have you never had a baby that's done that dotsy done it once but it was only a small bit on the wall she pulled out of her nappy but i think the smell of it made she's actually ever since she was a baby she's actually quite poo phobic yeah she doesn't want to talk about poo look at poo be near poo smell poo doesn't want to be brought to any attention that she's going for a poo are you sure she's your child i know if i

say to her are you going for a poo she's like no no no did you go for a poo no i didn't going for a poo. Are you sure she's your child? I know. If I say to her, are you going for a poo? She's like, no. No? No. Did you go for a poo? No, I didn't go for a poo. No? No? Like, did you wipe your butt?

I didn't go for a poo! Go in there, skidders all down the toilet and you're like, right, okay, well you did. Nothing to see here. Nothing to see here. That's my worst nightmare though because they do sit

in a pooey nappy sometimes. Yeah. And if they start, like Joseph started, I think he's like getting ready for toilet training because he started resisting having a nappy on a little bit. I'm just like, please, whatever you do, just don't take a shitty nappy off in the middle of the night

because I will vomit and die. Does he wake up now with a shitty nappy? No, it's very rare to poo during the night. Unless he's ill. Or sometimes if you put him down for like his lunchtime nap and he's just had lunch and he hasn't had a poo if you put him down for like his lunchtime nap and he's just had lunch and he hasn't had a poo before you put him down

sometimes he'll poo and it will stop him going to sleep for his nap and you're like why is he not going to sleep because normally he's really good

ah got a massive shit in his nappy and it's hard as well isn't it yeah it's full on yeah

it's a full on big it's disgusting disgusting have you experienced the smell of a poo smeared room? Let us know. The email is hello at secretmumpod.com or we're secretmumpod on TikTok and Instagram.

And we'll be back first thing on Monday. And we'll have more of your messages on our next Thursday episode. And we'll see you next time on the Secret Mum Club.